Reconstruction
by Mnemosyne's Elegy
Summary: Sequel to "Demon of Redemption". Zeref is gone, but things are still in shambles. Gray is stuck trying to rebuild his life and navigate a world that no longer wants him, and his friends have their hands full just trying to convince him that he still belongs. It will take everyone to reconstruct a broken life, but it's Gray who needs to decide who he is and learn how to live again.
1. After-Acceptance (1)

**Note: This is the sequel to "Demon of Redemption". If you haven't read that, you're going to be very confused ;)**

 **So, I originally intended this to be a halfhearted series of loosely connected one-shots. What actually happened is that I came up with an overarching main plot thread and a lot of minor plots, and now it's turning into a huge project and legitimate sequel. I'm dividing it into four main segments, each of which has a slightly different focus. For example, the first segment (which I expect to be the longest) covers a lot of the aftermath and up to the reconciliation with the guild, while Lyon becomes a major player in the second. Honestly, this just covers _a lot_ , and it's going to be long. **

**You know how I said it was supposed to be a collection of one-shots? Well, it still kind of is. It's written in the format of one- and two-shots that link together. Some read a bit more like chapters in how they connect, while some are more like standalones but are still positioned along the timeline. Why did I do it that way, aside from being too lazy to write a full chaptered sequel? I get different POVs :D I'd guesstimate that half of these are in Gray's POV, and the others are divided up between other characters. It was interesting to see how different characters perceived things. In the end, this is kind of a hybrid between a multichapter and one-shot collection. I was a little wary of it at first, but it's actually working out surprisingly well.**

 **And now we start with Natsu. He just wouldn't be Natsu if he didn't ruin the emotional moment XD**

* * *

 _ **Start Segment 1**_

* * *

 **After-Acceptance (1)**

* * *

Given everything that had happened over the past several days, Natsu was not surprised that Gray had a strong reaction upon seeing what had happened to his Book. Still, he hadn't expected his friend to start _bawling_.

Okay, maybe 'bawling' was a strong word. It was really more like a couple tears and damp eyes, but that was still a lot more than Gray would usually show. And honestly, it made Natsu nervous after everything Gray had said and done lately. He'd already been a mess.

"Are you alright?" Natsu took a hesitant step forward to peer at his friend more closely. "Why are you crying?"

Then he yelped as Erza jammed her elbow into his side.

" _Natsu!_ " she hissed in his ear. "It's _emotional_."

Natsu scowled at her as he rubbed his tender side, wincing at all the aches and pains it kicked up. "Well, I know _that_. But–"

"I am not," Gray grumbled, a glower gracing his features as he attempted to scrub at his face as surreptitiously as possible.

"Uh, yeah, you are."

"Am not," Gray insisted. Well, at least their arguments hadn't become any less childish despite everything else that had changed. "Tears are silly human things. I have no need of them."

"You cried on Galuna."

"Did not."

"You did, actually," Lucy interrupted. "While Natsu was asleep."

"Did not."

"Wait, while I was asleep? I meant after Deliora fell…ah…never mind…" Natsu winced and trailed off. He'd always had a mouth big enough to stick both feet in at once, and he seemed to do it on a regular basis.

Gray leveled a flat look at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Natsu opened his mouth to retort, but then shut it again. No point digging himself into a deeper hole.

"Or after the Games," Erza said. "In the carriage."

A bitter grimace twisted Gray's lips before he half turned away, muttering something about 'damn annoying humans'. Apparently deciding to cut his losses, he returned his attention to the Book in his hands. His fingers traced over the covers and absently ran across the edges of the thick sheaf of papers bound between them.

Natsu was familiar with all that now, having held on to the Book the whole time he was panicking trying to save Gray and through the ensuing conversation. He could practically still feel the worn leather under his fingertips, pitted and scarred with age and abuse. It was unclear how much of the damage was natural, but some of it looked purposeful. Just thinking about it made Natsu wince in sympathy. He still remembered the intense pain when Zeref had damaged his own Book.

Then again, he wasn't sure if some of the damage to Gray's had been caused by Gray himself, after his binding had been severed. It still disturbed Natsu to think that his friend had been actively looking for ways to kill himself.

Gray's hands ghosted over the surface of the Book purposefully, crystalline frost shimmering in their wake as he sealed everything in a layer of ice.

"What are you doing?" Happy asked.

"Taking precautions," Gray grunted as he reached out to hook his fingers into the shadow flared out behind him, teasing it apart. The Book disappeared into the inky maw, and the shadow settled back down again, for all intents and purposes looking like any normal human shadow once more.

Natsu wasn't sure he'd ever get used to seeing Gray do stuff like that. Gray was supposed to use ice, not shadows. Although seeing him manipulate _fire_ had been even more disconcerting.

"How did you do that?" Natsu asked curiously, eyeing the deceptively ordinary shadow at Gray's feet. "You pulled it out of there before, too."

"Mhm." Gray shrugged, his expression affecting boredom even though his dark eyes were still raging with unidentifiable emotion. "It's basically like Erza's requip storage space, except simpler and using curses rather than magic. Useful for storing objects I need to keep but don't want nosy humans seeing."

"Interesting," Erza murmured. "What else do you keep in there?"

"Just my Book, really. I don't have many important objects to keep around."

Natsu opened his mouth, but was quickly distracted by the whispering behind him. A handful of people—both from Fairy Tail and other guilds—had stumbled upon the gathering sometime between Gray's intended final stand and his recovery, but Natsu hadn't paid them much mind. He had been more preoccupied with desperately searching for a way to keep Gray alive and then get him to wake up again.

But now that things were settling down, he couldn't help but pick up on some of the fearful and discontented grumblings.

"Fairy Tail has really gone off the deep end this time. They're going to get us all killed."

"He's pretty scary…"

"What are we supposed to do with a _demon_?"

"I don't know… Is this really a good idea? It seems kind of dangerous…"

"I mean, he's not rampaging around right now, but…"

"Should we find some anti-magic cuffs or something to be safe? Or see if we can find someone from the Council to sort this out?"

Gray's lips tightened and he dropped his gaze to the ground. It was unclear whether he was hurt by the words themselves or was unhappy that his worries about the other guilds turning on Fairy Tail were already proving correct, but either way, Natsu wasn't happy about it. After everything they had been through, everything Gray had been through, the last thing they needed was people making things worse. And although Natsu understood why people weren't entirely sure what to make of Gray, _no one_ got to talk about his best friend like that.

Natsu rounded on the malcontents, eyes blazing and mouth opening as he prepared to chew them out. Erza, discerning his intentions, put a restraining hand on his arm and gave the objects of his ire a hard look of her own.

"Just because Zeref is dead doesn't mean that everything is over," she said coolly, her eyes gleaming with tightly-controlled anger as they swept over the small gathering of mages. "I believe that the Spriggans have been taken out by now, but there are still foot soldiers all over the place. Why don't you go make yourselves useful and clean up the remnants of the mess? Once you've done that, I'm sure there are plenty of injured mages who could use some help, and then maybe you can get a little rest before we have to get to work rebuilding the city."

It was impossible not to be intimidated by Erza when she started handing out cold, no-nonsense orders like that. Several people nodded or offered muttered agreement, before hurriedly backing up and disappearing into the maze of ruined streets. A few others, whose instincts of self-preservation were not quite as developed, hesitated a moment too long.

" _Go!_ " Erza growled, eyes flashing angrily.

The stragglers practically tripped over each other in their haste to get away. As they hurried off, Erza shook her head and turned back to the others, dropping her hand from Natsu's arm.

Gray had watched the proceedings with a face so expressionless that it would be easy to assume he hadn't even heard the murmurings. Except that Natsu knew he had. His face was a little _too_ expressionless, everything tightly controlled. It wasn't _entirely_ alien since Gray had mastered that flat, unreadable look a long time ago and employed it to great effect ever since when the situation called for it, but something about it reminded Natsu of how much his friend had suddenly changed.

Well, maybe it was even more disconcerting to not know whether or not it was a real change. Had Gray really been like this all along but hidden it? Or was it something he was affecting because he was still trying to distance himself from everyone else? Or, perhaps, he had spent the past days trying to merge the two sides of his personality together as best he could?

Natsu couldn't believe that everything from before had been a lie, but he also had the feeling that the changes in Gray were just as real. Some of those changes might have come about from all the drama and heartache of the past few days, but, having been Awakened and gaining a slightly different perspective because of it, Natsu suspected that Gray had a lot of conflicting impulses and worldviews to try fitting together into a single coherent personality. It might be a long time before he figured it out, and Natsu wasn't sure if he would ever really be the same. That was kind of sad because Natsu missed the old Gray, but he would still stand by his friend no matter how things ended up.

"Have you come up with your cover story yet?" Gray asked, turning to Mavis as the last of the stragglers disappeared from view.

"Cover story?" she asked with a frown. "What cover story?"

Gray rolled his eyes and backed up a step or two so that he could lean against the crumbling remnants of what had once been the wall of a building. He was still keeping up that cool, unreadable façade, but the way he carried himself screamed of exhaustion and pain.

"Your story for how I got out of prison and why I helped you instead of killing everyone. I told you to come up with one, remember?"

Mavis clicked her tongue impatiently and shook her head. "Yes, yes, I remember. But honestly, what's so bad about the truth? You killed Zeref and didn't hurt anyone else. It will be hard for everyone to overlook that."

"If you say so. But to be safe, decide what kind of deal you made with me to keep me from turning on you. It'll help appease the Council a little."

"Wait," Lyon interrupted, his eyes narrowing, "I thought there _was_ a deal? You told me that you made a deal with Fairy Tail."

Natsu gave him a wary look. Lyon might have started coming around eventually to offer Gray something that he probably needed, but it was hard to forget that he carried a lot of hate and could become a threat. Natsu could sort of sympathize, but his priority was still Gray.

"Oh?" Gray tilted his head to study Lyon. "I guess I did, didn't I? I needed you to stop attacking me and get back to the real fight." He raised an eyebrow at Mavis and added, "See? Best create a bargain."

Mavis shook her head. "I think the truth will work well enough. Anyway, isn't it better for them to know that you did all this of your own free will and not because you were forced into it?"

"You'd think, but no," Gray disagreed. "It's a measure of extra security for everyone else, in the same way that letting them think their anti-magic cuffs and jails would contain me was a way for them to feel like they were in control. It's a false sense of security and illusory control, but it means that they don't fear me the same way they would if they knew the truth. They want reassurance that I _can't_ turn around and kill them, which is where this bargain would come in. Otherwise, they're going to want to find a way to lock me up or put bindings on me to get that guarantee."

Natsu frowned, not having considered that before. It seemed more cut and dry to him—someone who had done so much to help them without getting anything out of it or being forced into it must be on their side and therefore a friend. Why need reassurance or guarantees when Gray had already proven himself to be an ally? If he'd gone all this time without killing anyone despite everything they'd done to him, had even nearly killed himself to help them, then obviously he wasn't going to turn around and randomly attack someone now.

"Wait," Lyon said, "what do you mean that anti-magic cuffs don't hold you?"

Everyone ignored him.

"But that would still be lying," Natsu reasoned. "Why not just tell them the truth and make them deal with it? You could've killed everyone any time you wanted to, but didn't. Why would you start now?"

"Because I'm a demon, and demons can't be trusted," Gray said dryly. "You might be silly enough to think otherwise, but most people are not. It doesn't matter what 'proof' you offer them. They want an absolute guarantee that I can't turn on them."

"People are dumb," Natsu muttered.

"I see your point," Mavis said with a thoughtful frown. "At the same time, it doesn't feel right to deliberately turn you into a villain or untrustworthy character when you've proven to be anything but. We don't need you to be our scapegoat. I still think it would be enough to capitalize on how you killed Zeref."

Gray huffed impatiently and shook his head. "I made sure my magical signature covered over everything in the jail, so it's really obvious that I broke out by myself and not so obvious that anyone else was ever down there. At the very least, don't tell anyone that my idiot team came after me. And if…" He trailed off and frowned at a point on the ground. "Actually… You know what, maybe you're right. If we tell mostly the truth… Hm, let me tell the story, though."

His eyes had taken on that coldly calculating cast again, and Natsu could practically see the plan forming in his mind. It was half reassuring and half worrisome. Gray had proven himself capable of formulating intricate and successful plans, but those plans hadn't always been to his benefit. Natsu hoped that this plan wasn't going to be one of those self-destructive ones.

"Oh?" Mavis asked. "And what–?"

"Let me think it through," Gray interrupted, drumming pale fingers against his leg. "I think I might know how to spin it to tell enough of the truth but not get myself thrown in prison for eternity. Just trust me to handle it, yeah?"

There were a few rather reluctant nods. Natsu just shrugged it off. He wasn't one for planning anyway, and Gray seemed to have a better idea of how to handle the situation than he did.

"Will it be a problem that there were bystanders for part of this?" Lucy asked. She threw a glance back over her shoulder, at where their unwanted company had disappeared shortly before.

"…Maybe."

Erza smiled grimly. "I can hunt them down and make sure they don't talk."

Natsu shivered. Some people were about to be very traumatized.

"Or if we found Mest-san, we could ask him to wipe any sensitive information from their memories," Wendy suggested in a small voice.

"That…is actually brilliant," Gray said. "As long as we remember who they are and can find them again."

"Don't worry," Erza said with that huntress's smile. "I can find them."

Poor suckers.

"Actually," Natsu said, "why don't we just wipe everyone's memories of the whole demon thing? Problem solved."

He thought it was a very convenient solution, but Gray gave him a withering look. "Really? Do you have any idea of the scope of what you're proposing? Aside from having to rewrite huge chunks of memory, it would be a pain to figure out what to fill all the gaps with and we'd have to come up with new explanations for _everything_. And I'm pretty sure half the continent knows about the 'whole demon thing' by now. No, it would be a huge mess. The less we have to tamper with people's minds, the better.

"It would work best if we just made anyone who was here after Zeref's death conveniently forget they were here at all. It'll be alright if they saw the fight, but it would be best if they didn't know any potentially incriminating information that came to light after."

"Whatever," Natsu muttered.

"We'll take care of it," Wendy said.

Gray smiled tiredly. "Thanks."

"And now," Porlyusica interrupted, her voice dripping with venom, "go get some rest before you overexert yourself and I have to waste more time and resources tending to you while I should be helping other wounded mages."

Natsu thought Gray would protest since he hated being ordered around or directed to rest, but the ice mage just nodded his agreement. Come to think of it, it was actually pretty amazing that he was still standing at all. Even ignoring all the injuries from his earlier fights and from Natsu himself, Gray had taken serious damage while defeating Zeref. And given the horrible state his body had been in afterwards… Natsu shook his head to banish the memories of blood and death and mangled limbs.

His gaze was drawn to a point behind Gray almost of its own accord. He wasn't sure that Gray had actually noticed the shallow crater several yards away, marred with scorch marks and death and blackened ice. Zeref's body was still there. Natsu couldn't see it from here, but he well remembered the barely recognizable mess of charred skin and broken limbs and dribbling blood. Gray hadn't looked much better, but Wendy and Porlyusica were truly miracle workers.

Natsu tore his gaze away, not really wanting to think about Zeref. It was still hard to figure out what to make of the black mage. He had been evil and had done truly horrific things, but he had also apparently been family. Natsu wondered what it might have been like if things had been different.

"What about the guild?" Makarov was saying, and Natsu realized that he had been zoning out.

"I saw it not too long ago and it was still standing," Cana offered. "Well, there's definitely a lot of damage, but most of the basic structure is intact."

"Then maybe that will work, at least for now. It'll be good to keep the injured close to home instead of sending them out into the city while Alvarez's soldiers are still running around."

"And make sure the dragon slayer goes along and stays down too," Porlyusica grumbled.

Natsu's head snapped up. "But–"

"After all the work I put into fixing you up, you _will_ rest instead of undoing it all," she snapped.

Natsu shrank back a little. She was still scary as hell. And yet…

"But there are still bad guys running around and–"

"And you will leave less injured mages to finish taking care of that."

Okay, so Natsu had taken a lot of damage from Acnologia and Gray, and Porlyusica had spent some time bandaging up all his wounds after she'd managed to get Gray to a mostly stable condition. And sure, Natsu was exhausted and his body ached all over. But sitting out of a fight? How was he supposed to sleep off injuries while everyone else was having fun beating up bad guys?

"We'll make sure they both get some rest," Erza said. "Lucy, Happy, and I will take them back to the guild."

"But–"

Erza grabbed Natsu's arm and pulled him around so that they weren't facing the others. Natsu squawked in surprise, but she just gave him a solemn look and leaned in, lowering her voice.

"You're injured," she said quietly. "More than that, Gray is even _more_ injured. Lucy and I will need to help with the cleanup process, but Gray can't right now. He can barely stand, much less fight, and with how much magic he used, I doubt he could even defend himself properly. If someone stumbles on him, he has no way to keep himself safe. Even aside from the last of the Alvarez soldiers, anyone from the guilds who runs across him might be a threat. If you won't sit this out because of your own injuries, then do it for his. He shouldn't be alone right now."

Natsu had the feeling that Erza was playing this up to convince him to get some rest, but it was hard to deny that she was also right. Gray was in no shape to be fighting, and with how much hostility everyone had shown toward him…

"Fine," Natsu grumbled.

A faint smile ghosted over Erza's face. "Thank you."

She turned back, and Natsu followed her lead. Gray was sauntering toward them—well, as much as he _could_ saunter, given that he also had a very pronounced limp—with an unreadable expression on his face. Erza stepped forward to carefully wrap an arm around him and help him along. Although Gray's eyes flashed with irritation, he just grimaced and reluctantly leaned against her for support. Well, that was a pretty clear sign that he was reaching his limits.

"Hey, has anyone seen the Book of E.N.D.?" Mavis asked suddenly.

Natsu frowned and spun in a slow circle as he searched the ground, swaying slightly as his injuries flared up again. He thought he might have noticed the Book while he had been grabbing Gray's, but at that point he had been so panicked and in so much of a rush that he hadn't been paying much attention to anything else. Whatever the case, it wasn't there now.

There was a chorus of negative responses as everyone looked around but failed to find the missing artifact. That was weird. Where could it have disappeared to?

"Have you seen it?" he asked Gray.

"I've been out of commission," the ice mage said with a shrug, before pointing over at a spot on the ground. "I tossed it somewhere over there."

"Well, it's not there now."

"I'd noticed."

"Will that be a problem?" Mavis asked. "I'd think it would be better not to have something like that go missing."

Gray shrugged again. "Natsu isn't bound to it anymore. For all intents and purposes, it's just an old book. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

Mavis didn't seem entirely satisfied, but had no choice but to let it go when several minutes of searching failed to turn up the missing Book. Erza eventually announced that she and the team were leaving, presumably because Gray looked like he might collapse at any second. Although Natsu was a little disconcerted by his Book going missing, he didn't protest. Gray could desperately use some rest. And so could Natsu himself, even though he'd rather die than admit it.

He was even exhausted enough that he only put up token protests when Lucy gave him much the same treatment Erza was giving Gray. He'd tolerate Lucy and Happy's fussing for now, if only because he was too tired to put up much of a fight.

The team moved slowly, since every step was a struggle for the boys. The devastation they passed through was not an encouraging sight. Some parts of the city were relatively less damaged than others, but some were just smoking ruins and rubble. Thankfully the legions of Alvarez soldiers seemed to have been reduced somewhat, and the team did its best to avoid the remnants of the army.

Natsu also didn't fail to notice how Erza had positioned Gray in such a way that he was to the inside of the group, and how she was careful to conceal him with her body as best she could if they stumbled across any other mages. Gray didn't comment, but Natsu thought it kind of sucked that they had to be so worried about someone turning on him at any moment.

"Get back!" Erza hissed, dragging Gray down behind some rubble and motioning for the others to do the same.

Natsu was all for joining in on the fight they had just stumbled upon, but Lucy yanked him down and gave him a disapproving look. He huffed in irritation, while Happy watched with no little amusement. Erza and Gray took advantage of the cover to crawl along the base of the ruined wall until they could slip around a corner and the group of warring mages and soldiers disappeared from view. Natsu reluctantly followed, if only because Lucy kept a tight grip on his arm. She was no fun.

"Not fair," he grumbled as they started down the next street over to avoid the fight. "There are still all these bad guys I could be fighting right now, but _nooo_. How come everyone else gets to have all the fun?"

Erza shot him a hard look, Lucy sighed, and Happy snickered, but it was Gray who spoke.

"Calm yourself, flame brain," he said, eyes glittering with amusement and lips curved into a faint smirk. "I already did a number on you."

"Hey!" Natsu scowled at him. "I did worse to you, so there!"

He felt bad as soon as the words left his mouth. Suddenly all he could see were the bandages wrapped over half of his friend and the ugly burns stretched across his skin. Natsu hadn't done all of that damage—Gray had been in other fights before, not to mention his stunt with Zeref—but he had done quite a bit of it. The memories from his time Awake were a bit hazy, but he could still remember the feeling of bone crunching, the smell of singed skin, Gray's cries of pain and the hopeless grief in his eyes. That didn't really seem like anything to brag about.

But Gray just flashed him a sly grin. "I did even worse to myself, so I win either way."

Natsu winced. He didn't really think that was anything to brag about either. He might have said so, too, if Happy hadn't interrupted.

"Are you going back to normal, then?" the Exceed asked, giving Gray a hopeful look.

"Normal?"

"You know, how you sometimes get all weird, but now you're acting more like yourself again. Teasing Natsu and everything. So you'll go back to normal?"

The smile slid off Gray's face, and the humor in his eyes withdrew until it was something old and dark that looked back at them again. "Unlikely," he said expressionlessly, his lips tightening as he stumbled and had to lean on Erza more heavily. "I fear that is no longer practical, nor feasible. It is to be expected that such dramatic upheaval will necessitate assimilation and certain behavioral and psychological modifications."

"English?" Happy asked, his face scrunching up into a frown.

"Things change," Gray said flatly. "People change. I have just changed more than the rest of you."

The girls exchanged looks and Happy opened his mouth, but Natsu hurried to forestall them.

"And now you're back to talking like a dictionary," he said with a huff. "Awesome."

Gray eyed him for a moment, before a sly smile tugged at the corners of his lips again and the flatness in his eyes retreated a little. Although, given the fact that he also darted a quick glance at Happy, his sudden return to good cheer might have been mostly for the benefit of the others.

"You think _I_ sound like a dictionary?" Gray asked, grinning. "You should have heard Invel." Throwing his arms out dramatically and almost dislodging Erza in the process, he adopted a mocking tone as he recited, "'Your paltry chill is naught before my winter.'"

He started snickering as he readjusted his position and limped along by Erza's side. Natsu blinked at him, trying to work through that.

"The hell is that even supposed to mean?" he asked finally.

"That he wasn't impressed with my molding. You should have seen his face when I broke out the devil slayer stuff. Priceless." Gray's overly smug expression faded and he sobered, a frown stealing over his face. "Speaking of him, someone should really go restrain him and the other Spriggans before they wander off and start making more trouble. He's just unconscious since I decided not to kill him at the last second, so he'll wake up eventually."

Lucy shot him a look. "What do you mean, you decided not to kill him at the last second?"

"I almost did," Gray said with a shrug, his eyes suddenly flat and cold again.

"Why?" Happy asked, eyes wide.

"Why not?" Gray asked coldly. It was moments like this when he looked the least human, when he could speak with so little emotion and his eyes glittered with that inhuman darkness.

"That's horrible," Lucy breathed. "You know better than that. You're better than that, Gray."

He met her eyes with a dead, unwavering stare. "Am I?"

"Didn't you say that you started losing control after Invel tried to bind you or something?" Erza asked, clearly unimpressed by Gray's sudden personality shift. Natsu decided that he was going to call them demon-y mood swings from now on. "That that's what started the Awakening process? That's why, right?"

"Mm." Gray fixed his eyes on the debris littering the ground, picking his way around it as the team peered around the corner to make sure they weren't about to walk into another fight. "Yes, well. I nearly killed him. And Juvia. And everyone else."

"But that's not really your fault," Erza said gently, letting her breath out in a soft sigh. "I know how hard you were fighting to keep yourself together. You can only do so much, Gray. You did what you could, and, in the end, you won."

Something unreadable flashed in Gray's eyes before he turned his face away. He didn't respond, just struggled on silently, his posture stiff and unyielding. Natsu sighed, realizing that he was shutting down on them again.

"Where even are we?" he asked, before anyone could start pestering Gray again. Natsu might not be that observant, but he knew when Gray was done talking. "Everything kind of looks the same when it's all equally wrecked."

Magnolia, once bright and full of life, looked more like a post-apocalyptic warzone than anything else. Here and there a building or two still stood, battered and bruised, but most hadn't survived the mages' war. Natsu was suddenly glad that they'd had time to evacuate the civilians even though Eileen had shown up earlier than expected. It would have been a bloodbath.

"We're getting there," Lucy grumbled, shaking her head. "If you actually paid attention, then you might be able to tell…"

Natsu opened his mouth to defend himself, but then Happy hissed out a warning and the team ducked into a nearby alley as heavy footsteps began approaching at a fast pace. The dragon slayer caught a glimpse of half a dozen men in Alvarez colors turning the corner and running down the street in their direction, but then the shadows of the alleyway flared up into a mass that swathed the entrance.

"Hey, wha–?"

Gray's hand shot out and clamped over Natsu's mouth.

"Hush," the ice mage growled in a low voice. "Just because they can't see us doesn't mean they can't hear us."

Natsu briefly considered biting his friend's hand, but Gray pulled it away as if he could hear the dragon slayer's thoughts. Natsu settled for giving him a glare, but waited in silence with the rest of the team until the footsteps retreated and Gray released the shadows again.

"How do you even have any magic left?" Happy asked.

"I don't," Gray rasped. "Probably not a great idea to be using my curses while I'm running on empty, either, but I don't really feel like getting drawn into a fight right now."

"Well, stop that," Erza said with a scowl. "You're supposed to be resting."

"Hard to rest when I'm being dragged all over the ci…ty…" Gray trailed off, his voice taking on a funny inflection, and pulled away from Erza to sway and lean against the wall of the alley. He hung his head and closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lucy asked, finally finding something other than Natsu's injuries to fuss over.

"Mm…yeah… Give me…a second," Gray mumbled, his words slurred slightly.

No matter what the others asked, he refused to respond to them for a full minute before he finally opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. He swayed again and Erza quickly wrapped an arm around him, adding a quick apology when she brushed against one injury or another and he hissed in pain.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"You gonna faint?" Natsu asked bluntly. "'Cause I, for one, don't feel like hauling you all the way back to the guild."

" _Natsu!_ " Lucy hissed, elbowing him painfully.

"Ow," he complained.

Gray sighed. "I'm fine, just lightheaded."

"Why?"

"From the exsanguination, I'd expect." Gray shrugged and took an unsteady step forward, Erza helping him along as she kept a watchful eye on him.

"Huh?" Natsu asked as the team slipped out of the alley and resumed their trek. "What is ex…sang…something-something?"

"Exsanguination." Gray looked over, amusement flickering in his eyes, and suddenly his demon-y mood swing seemed to have reverted back again. "Noun. The action or process of draining or losing blood. Severe blood loss."

Natsu pulled a face. "Geez, now you even sound like you're reciting dictionary definitions on top of using fancy words. What, do you read dictionaries for fun?"

"You'd be surprised," Gray said, the corners of his lips quirking upward. "I was very dedicated to learning your language. I suspect that I know it far better than you do, and I've only been speaking it for half as long."

Natsu's face scrunched up as he stared at his friend in bewilderment. Gray had always been something of an enigma, but he had become about a thousand times more incomprehensible over the past few days.

"You know," the dragon slayer said finally, "I think I actually preferred it back when you couldn't talk."

" _Natsu!_ " Erza and Lucy said in unison, giving him nearly identical looks of horrified outrage. Even Happy had the nerve to look affronted.

Natsu just scowled. Okay, so maybe he shouldn't make fun of Gray's mutilated speech when he'd first woken up. It had actually been pretty heart-stoppingly terrifying for a few minutes, if only because they hadn't known what was wrong with him. But still.

Then Natsu winced and darted a look at Gray, suddenly worried that he had managed to initiate another demon-y mood swing. Thankfully, Gray's eyes were still shining with amusement.

"But then who would put you in your place?" he asked, grinning.

Natsu rolled his eyes, but Erza shushed him as they snuck around another group of dueling mages. He was finally getting an idea of where they were. The buildings in this part of the city had weathered the war much better than in the sector they had just been walking through. They had certainly sustained damage, but many more of them were still standing. It would be a pain to repair them all, but it was better than nothing.

The team fell into an uneasy silence as they picked their way through the debris-strewn streets and kept an eye out for enemies or any other potential threats. Gray's good humor had melted away into what seemed to be a haze of exhaustion and pain. His face was set in hard lines and his eyes had a faraway look, giving the impression that he wasn't paying much attention anymore. Even Natsu found himself starting to zone out as his injuries and weariness began catching up with him in earnest.

Thankfully the rest of their journey was short and uneventful, and the next thing he knew, Lucy was pulling him into the guild hall. It was a little worse for wear, half the roof of the main room torn off and plenty of splintered wood to spare, but it was still standing. And honestly, considering how many times it had been destroyed before and how much damage it could take just from Natsu and Gray's fights, it wasn't even really that bad.

They made their way to the backroom, which turned out to be intact.

"You can stay here and get some sleep," Erza said, looking around in satisfaction.

"Although it doesn't look very comfortable…" Lucy said doubtfully.

Gray shrugged and pulled away from Erza to stagger a few paces and sink to the ground with his back pressed against the wall. "I've spent the last God knows how many days stuck in a cell, so this is practically five-star accommodations. And flame brain over there could fall asleep in five seconds flat no matter how uncomfortable the conditions were. I think we'll manage."

The others exchanged looks but nodded.

"We're going to help with the cleanup, but we'll be hanging around the guild," Erza said. "Shout if you need us. We won't go far. Happy will wait right outside to keep an eye out for anyone coming."

"And don't leave," Lucy added, giving Gray an anxious look. "We meant it that we'd figure things out."

"I can barely move," Gray grumbled, a scowl stealing over his face. "I couldn't run off even if I wanted to."

"Well… Just make sure to get some rest. You guys have been through a lot."

Happy and the girls finally left, although there were many backward glances on the way out. Natsu sighed and stretched out, even though the floor was hard and uncomfortable. He was tired enough that he'd undoubtedly fall asleep anyway.

Apparently Gray could too, given that he had spent a few moments looking for the position that would least aggravate his injuries and then settled down, half curled up in what looked like a rather awkward position to Natsu. Natsu watched him silently for all of two seconds before he couldn't contain himself anymore.

"Are you sure it's not a problem that my Book is missing?"

"Yes," Gray mumbled, not opening his eyes. "You aren't bound to it anymore."

"But you weren't bound to your Book when you started Awakening…"

That startled Gray's eyes open. He furrowed his brow, eyes going glassy as he thought it through. An edge of uncertainty hung about him for a few seconds, but then he seemed to shrug it off.

"It took something pretty drastic to initiate an Awakening in me," he said. "Invel's binding was incredibly strong. Ninety-nine percent of magics wouldn't be strong enough for that. And anyway, you're different. I'd think it would be even harder to catalyze an Awakening in you now that you're double-bound to your body again. I'm not sure it's even possible, honestly. I was pretty thorough about severing you from all the demonic stuff. You don't have the same disadvantages I do."

"But–"

"Don't worry about the Book, flame brain."

Natsu was silent for a long moment before saying, "I really hope you're right. It was really horrible, being out of control and two seconds away from killing anyone and everyone. I can't imagine having been Awake for as long as you."

Gray sighed, picking up on Natsu's sympathy. "When you were Awake, did it bother you that you were tearing Acnologia apart and might kill anyone who crossed your path?"

"Well, no…"

"Then why would it have bothered me?" Gray asked coldly, his eyes going flat again.

Natsu winced. It might not have bothered him _while_ he was Awake, but it had definitely bothered him once he'd snapped out of it. He had a feeling that it would haunt him for a long time.

 _Even if it didn't bother you then, it's so, so obvious that it bothers you now…_

"But–"

"Go to sleep," Gray interrupted, closing his eyes and tilting his head away.

Natsu gnawed on the inside of his cheek, knowing he should leave this alone but finding himself unable to. Usually he would have no problem ignoring mushy emotional things, but after getting a glimpse into the horror that was Gray's life, he found it impossible to pretend that it had never happened.

"It was really…scary," he said into the silence, even though the admission made some part of him wither and die in shame. "Knowing that I could have killed anyone."

Gray sighed wearily, apparently resigning himself to assuaging Natsu's fears before being able to get some much needed sleep. "On the bright side, the only one you actually killed was Acnologia. It could have been a lot worse."

That wasn't reassuring. It was true that Acnologia was a real threat and killing him might have been the only way to get rid of him for good, but… Yes, Natsu felt a vicious satisfaction at getting revenge on Igneel's murderer, but it was still disturbing to realize that he had killed someone simply because he _had_ to. That wasn't something to be treated lightly.

"Yeah, but what if Lucy had run over?" he asked. "Or if I had killed _you_? Or if you hadn't been able to stop me?"

"Natsu, you didn't have a choice, not really." Gray pillowed his head on his arm and let his gaze drift to the ceiling. "It would have been horrible, I'm not saying that it wouldn't be, but it wouldn't really be your fault, either. If you want to blame anyone, blame Zeref. He fucked up a lot of people's lives."

"I know." Natsu tried to bore a hole into Gray's skull with the intensity of his gaze. "So why do you still blame yourself for everything? Because I've experienced an Awakening, and I know that you had no choice. How can it be your fault if you had no say in the matter?"

Gray jerked in surprise, his gaze snapping to meet Natsu's. For a second there was something raw and vulnerable in his eyes, but then his face rearranged itself into hard, unyielding lines.

"Go the hell to sleep already," he growled, flipping over so that he wasn't facing Natsu anymore.

Natsu stared at his friend's back, absently noting that his attempts at comfort hadn't gone very well. Gray had always been a stubborn idiot.

"Gray…"

"For the love of– What _now_?"

"Are you _sure_ that I can't Awaken again? Because I really don't want to."

"Is this about the Book again? It's not an issue, flame brain. Relax."

"It's just… I don't want… I, uh…"

Despite himself, Gray rolled back over with a wince, apparently hearing something in Natsu's voice. Maybe that edge of fear or pain or uncertainty. Because even if this Awakening business had only lasted a few minutes for Natsu, it had entirely changed everything, flipped the world upside down. To have his free will taken away in the blink of an eye, lose his ability to reason and make decisions, have no choice or conscience about things he would normally never do… It had truly shaken him, and he couldn't believe how nonchalant Gray could act about the whole thing even though it obviously bothered him too.

Natsu felt a new kind of kinship with his friend now that they had shared such a horrible experience and gained an intimate understanding about it. And a new kind of respect, too, if only because Natsu had no idea how Gray was strong enough to keep his sanity intact. Or even because of how long the ice mage had staved off his own Awakening. Natsu had been able to fight his off for a few seconds when Gray had gotten through to him, but that had been almost impossibly difficult and he doubted he would have been able to hold on much longer. He had no idea how Gray had managed to hold out for so long.

"I'm sorry that it even happened in the first place," Gray said. "I was supposed to get your Book before Zeref had the chance to open it." Natsu opened his mouth to protest that it wasn't Gray's fault, but found that he couldn't form the words when he was caught in the ice mage's gaze. Gray's eyes were so fierce and determined, yet almost gentle at the same time. "Natsu, I will not let that happen again. You are safe now. From that, at least. While you are under my protection, I will do everything in my power to prevent it. You will not Awaken again."

Natsu swallowed hard. Maybe he shouldn't find that as reassuring as he did, if only because he wasn't entirely sure that Gray could really follow through on that promise. But it was comforting anyway, and made him feel…safe. Because he believed that Gray meant every word he said. Although Natsu would usually rail against the idea of being protected by his rival, this felt different. Warmer.

"But who will protect you?" he whispered before he thought better of it.

The genuine warmth on Gray's face disappeared as his expression closed off. "Go to sleep."

"We're still here if you need us, too. Me and the rest of the guild. We don't want anything to happen to you either. Because that's horrible and you don't deserve it and we'll fight for you too."

There was a long, heavy pause.

"…Go to sleep, squinty eyes."

One corner of Natsu's mouth twitched upward. The return of the nicknames was surely a good thing. Maybe Gray had gotten the message, even if he wouldn't acknowledge it. But there was one last thing…

"Gray?"

"If I could move, I would strangle you right now."

Natsu choked back a laugh at Gray's grumpiness, but quickly sobered again. "Thank you."

For a long moment, nothing moved and silence hung heavy over the room. Then Gray opened his eyes and studied Natsu. Natsu thought he'd probably just brush this off like he'd done earlier, but then he sighed.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "And thank you too, flame brain."

Natsu drew in a breath, but Gray scowled and flipped back over.

" _Go to sleep_."

Natsu smiled and stayed silent, listening until Gray's breathing evened out and he was sure his friend was asleep. Rolling onto his back, he wriggled about to look for a less uncomfortable position on the floor, and then settled down to stare up at the ceiling blankly until his drowsiness finally started overtaking him in earnest.

"You're welcome," he whispered around a yawn. "And goodness knows I wish you could see what we see when we look at you, you lovable idiot."

* * *

 **Note: He's just that annoying person who won't shut up when all you want to do is sleep XD I was originally going to tack on the next part to this, but I decided to leave it on this nice note and turn it into a two-shot, hence the parenthetical number. It happens sometimes lol**

 **emmahoshi: Lol yeah, it's mostly a lot of work because I'm also writing parts of it out of order, and the way Gray, especially, thinks changes over time. That's the hardest part to keep straight X) Ha ha, you gotta appreciate that books are finally getting the attention they deserve! ...Albeit negative attention, but we'll take what we can get. Omg, USB shadow XD Well, Erza can be a bit more practical and levelheaded, and definitely more so than Natsu lol You probably won't be thrilled with Lyon for a while X) But he'll come around. The Book will come up again within the next few chapters :3 And yeah, the way Gray looks at the guild vs other humans vs anyone perceived as a threat is different, and his thinking can be a bit callous and black and white at times. We'll work on that lol**


	2. After-Rejection (2)

**.**

 **After-Rejection (2)**

* * *

Natsu woke with a gasp, the scent of burning skin lingering in his nostrils and the taste of blood in his mouth. He sat up abruptly and scanned the area, trying to figure out what had happened. Taking a deep breath, he blinked back the images of burning destruction and death—it had just been a nightmare, he hadn't actually killed anyone or been Awake—and forced himself to calm down.

This was…the backroom of the guild. Right, he remembered the girls bringing him and Gray back here to rest. His gaze automatically jumped to where Gray had been sleeping, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that his friend was still there. Not that he was entirely expecting Gray to run off when he was so injured, but… Well, the ice mage had made it clear that he wasn't sure he wanted to stay here when his presence would cause so many problems.

Natsu crawled forward a few paces to get a better look at his friend, wincing as he pulled at his injuries. He just had to double-check… Well, Gray was breathing, his chest rising and falling slightly with each breath, so he was alive, at least. He looked a lot more peaceful, a lot less demon-y and a lot more Gray, when he was asleep and his face was relaxed instead of set in unyielding lines. At some point he had rolled onto his back—which, if you asked Natsu, would have been the most comfortable position to start with, given the broken ribs—so Natsu had a very clear view of all the damage.

The burns scattered over his chest and disappearing under the bandages were particularly horrifying, not only because Gray was an ice mage and should never be burned like that, but because those were things that Natsu had done. Most of the actual wounds were covered by the bandages, although large crimson splotches were bleeding through the gauze now, but Gray's chest and arms were a mess of pale skin and dried blood and grime. It was a reminder that he _should_ be dead.

Natsu had the sudden urge to shake Gray awake, so strong that he had to sit on his hands to resist temptation. Because Gray was _probably_ just sleeping, but Natsu needed to make sure. What Gray didn't seem to understand was that his miraculous resurrection hadn't been as simple as being rebound to his Book and then waking up a little disoriented a few minutes later.

No, it hadn't been that simple. Even aside from Natsu having no idea what he was doing and fighting for a one in a million shot that he had only a half-second to get right, the entire process had left them with a Gray half a step away from death's door anyway. Not even counting all his previous injuries, Gray had nearly torn himself apart killing Zeref, and Zeref had used more than a little of his own magic on Gray.

And once Gray was bound to his Book again, he was no longer immortal. Having sustained more than enough damage to kill any human, he had nearly succumbed just as soon as they had thought they'd saved him. That Wendy had shown up shortly before his final stand was what he owed his life to, at that point. She had used a massive amount of magic trying to undo the internal injuries he had garnered from his devil slayer magic and the damage from that final fight with Zeref. She had spent a long time panicking over him, but thankfully Porlyusica had shown up several minutes later to help tend some of the injuries Wendy didn't have enough magic to heal. And given that Gray had stopped breathing more than once before he woke up, it had been a stroke of luck that the healers were there to resuscitate and stabilize him.

Natsu didn't know how long they had waited, unsure if Gray would ever wake up or would stay in his coma-like, near-death state forever, but it had felt like an eternity.

So even though Gray was technically breathing now, that didn't mean he would actually wake up. He _probably_ hadn't slipped back into a coma, _probably_ wasn't hovering just between life and death, _probably_ was just asleep, but Natsu had too many memories of a time when it had been different.

Sliding his hand out from under his leg, Natsu reached out hesitantly, his hand hovering just above Gray's shoulder. He could wake Gray up, and maybe everything would be okay and his friend would wake up normal like the old Gray instead of a demon.

But that was a fantasy, and Natsu knew better. Nothing was going to magically undo the past days, and they were just going to have to learn to accept that Gray was different. It would be a different pair of eyes that looked back at Natsu if he shook Gray awake now. And that was okay, but Natsu wanted to preserve the illusion a little longer.

But still, he really needed to make sure that Gray _would_ wake up. Old Gray, new Gray, whichever. As long as it was _Gray_.

At the same time, Gray really needed his sleep right now. He had clearly been exhausted and worn out and emotionally drained, and he was plenty injured. So was Natsu, and he almost wanted to curl up and go back to sleep too, but he needed to know what was going on now that he was awake. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep or what had happened during that time, and he suddenly realized that it might be important to figure that out as soon as possible, given that they might still technically be embroiled in a war. Maybe there were still bad guys to fight!

Pulling some of his focus away from Gray, he became aware of the soft murmuring of voices from the other room. Oh, maybe the guild had regrouped. That was good. Natsu gave his sleeping friend one last look and pulled himself to his feet unsteadily, hissing softly in pain as he started for the door.

One of the voices sharpened, rising angrily, and was followed by a chorus of other tense voices. Natsu's heart sank as he realized what must be going on. If the guild had regrouped, then they were probably discussing Gray. He darted another glance at the ice mage, but then took a deep breath and opened the door a crack, slipping into the main portion of the guild hall and shutting the door quietly behind him.

The guild seemed to be more or less intact, although no one had escaped the war unscathed. At least everyone seemed to have had their wounds treated, even though it looked like they'd gotten some pretty nasty ones. Everyone looked exhausted and in pain.

And angry.

"But he's still dangerous," Gajeel was saying, his voice practically a growl. He leaned against the far wall heavily, his arms crossed over his chest as he scowled at Levy.

"He's not trying to hurt anyone, though," Levy retorted. The exhaustion on her face was outshone only by her righteous indignation. Bracing her hands on her hips, she drew herself up to her full—if unimpressive—height to glower right back.

"He's still a threat."

"He's our _friend_ ," Natsu interrupted, glaring daggers at Gajeel as he began limping over to where Lucy, Erza, and Happy were sitting at one of the tables that hadn't been splintered in the fighting.

The rest of the team looked worse for wear and furious to boot, but turned their attention to Natsu. Lucy jumped up to grab his arm and help him the last few steps to take a seat with them, and Happy immediately hopped over to settle by his side.

"How are you feeling?" the Exceed asked anxiously.

"I'm fine," Natsu said, keeping his gaze locked on Gajeel. "What did I miss?"

"You were out for a long time," Lucy replied. "Hours and hours. The Alvarez foot soldiers didn't put up much of a fight once they realized Zeref was dead, and the Knights finally showed up to put everyone in cuffs and find cells for them. All the surviving Spriggans have already been locked up, and the Knights are dealing with the rest of the soldiers."

"And here?" Natsu swept his gaze across the room to take in all the hostile faces.

"And here we've spent the past hour debating what to do about Gray," Erza growled. Her frustration and hostility bled through loud and clear in her voice. " _Some_ people are having a hard time accepting that he's still one of us and will be treated accordingly."

"That's because he _isn't_ one of us anymore, is he?" Charle asked acerbically. "Not really."

"Of course he is," Natsu snapped, switching his glare to her. "He's been one of us for years. Longer than _you_."

"Charle," Wendy added quietly, "Gray-san is still part of the guild."

"Oh, really? I seem to recall that the Council put an end to that."

"But he belongs with us," Happy mumbled. His ears flattened and he looked away from Charle's irritated glare.

"He still wears its mark on his heart," Mavis agreed. A frown stole over her face as she swung her legs back and forth idly. "I told him that he would always be part of the guild and that he'd have a place here if he chose to accept it."

"No offense, but is that really your place?" Nab asked, shifting uncomfortably from where he'd taken a seat near the currently defunct job board. "You might be the First, but Makarov-san is the leader of Fairy Tail right now."

Mavis grimaced, but it was Cana who spoke up scornfully, saying, "You're so indecisive that you haven't even been able to pick out a damn job for years. No offense, but does your opinion really count for much?"

"Cana!" Makarov gave her a hard look from where he was perched on the counter beside Mavis. "Every guild member's opinion counts. But," he added, turning to Nab, "the First deserves your respect. I have stood by her decision in this and made Gray much the same offer."

"And the Master's orders are to be respected and followed," Erza said coldly.

Natsu looked around at the sea of conflicted faces and quickly came to the conclusion that this wouldn't be solved as simply as Erza thought it should be. Several people still looked rather indecisive, but most seemed to have drawn clear lines in the sand already.

And it wasn't _fair_ , because Gray had been one of them for so long and done so much for them. He didn't deserve this, and it made Natsu angry to see how quickly everyone had turned on him.

Makarov gave Erza a quelling look, gentle but firm. "Be that as it may, the guild still has the right to discuss the issue and disagree."

"But–"

"Erza."

Erza subsided and slumped back in her seat, but her eyes still burned with indignant rage.

"And yet," Natsu said darkly, "everyone seems to have forgotten everything the ice block has done for us over the past decade. He's fought our battles and saved our lives and been loyal to the bitter end. And you're going to turn on him now, after all that?"

Gajeel snorted. "You're his damn team. You're willing to follow along behind him blindly because you were so close that you can't see all the things we see. You might be too blindly loyal to doubt him, but some of us still see the problems."

Natsu opened his mouth, the words stoking his rage to new heights, but he was beaten to the punch.

"Except that we _did_ doubt him," Erza said quietly, dropping her gaze to stare blankly at the tabletop.

Natsu deflated, the fire draining out of him. Beside him, Lucy flinched and averted her gaze as well, her hands bunching in her skirt. Even Happy shifted uncomfortably, suddenly subdued.

Natsu and the rest of the team had never given up on Gray completely and abandoned hope, but they _had_ let the doubt creep in. Gray had put on a good show after his revelation, and it had been hard not to have doubts about not only his loyalty, but about who he was as a person. So although they had put up token resistance and fought against any more drastic measures, they had let Gray be put on trial and jailed and tortured. Even worse, they had set aside a decade's worth of friendship just like that, when they had always thought that they'd be loyal to each other to the very end.

But they had doubted and, although it might be understandable why they had done so, it had been unfair to Gray, who had still stayed loyal to them despite everything.

"It's not just blind faith," Erza continued, her voice low. "We had a hard time accepting this at first too. We doubted, and we stood back and watched him lose everything. But he still fought for us anyway, and that has to count for something."

"And anyway," Lucy mumbled, "he's still Gray. He might act a little different sometimes, but he's still the same person he's always been. It shines through if you look."

There was a long pause as everyone digested the team's reaction and sudden melancholy.

Then Gajeel sighed harshly. "Look, I'm not saying that he's a monster and we should lynch him. All I'm saying is that he does still pose a potential threat to the guild, and I'm not convinced that the risk is worth it."

"Of course it's not," Bisca said, leaning against Alzack and scowling. "Regardless of anything else, the problem is that he's a demon and he's dangerous."

"I'm apparently a demon too," Natsu snapped back. "Gonna kick me out of the guild too?"

Lucy stiffened and surreptitiously slid her hand over to rest on his arm, a silent warning. Natsu suspected that her sudden worry had to do with the fear that the rest of the guild actually _might_ take his words to heart and turn on him too, but he was too angry to care.

Sure enough, everyone was exchanging looks again, indecision and uneasiness written all over their faces.

"But you're still pretty much the same," Wakaba said finally. "Gray…is not. You saw what he was like, afterward."

"Have you even seen him since the trial?" Erza demanded.

"Well, no, but has that changed anything? Is he suddenly back to normal?"

The team hesitated, exchanging helpless looks. The truth was that Gray _wasn't_ back to normal, and might not ever be. Somehow, Natsu didn't think that Gray would go back to playing his old role so easily.

"And anyway," Macao added, "you aren't exactly a demon anymore, are you? I don't claim to understand all of what I've been hearing, but I was under the impression that your ties to your demonic side were broken and you are, for all intents and purposes, human. Besides, you didn't even know about all that. Gray knew all along what he was, and he hid it from us."

"Maybe he hid it because he was worried about this happening," Mira said, her eyes flashing. "Because he finally started feeling like he'd found a place to fit in and people to call friends, and he was afraid of losing it all. Demon or not, it's not a nice feeling for everyone to turn on you because you or your powers seem too 'dark'. I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

Natsu could barely wait for Mira to finish her speech before bursting out, "The only reason my tie to my Book was broken is because _Gray_ broke it. Gray is the one who stopped me and brought me back when I lost myself." He lowered his voice and looked away. "He nearly killed himself making sure that I didn't end up like him."

There was a long pause as everyone picked up on Natsu's mood, and Lucy slipped her hand into one of his. He didn't complain.

"He also killed Zeref," Loke added, giving Natsu and Lucy a sidelong look. "It's hard to overlook that."

"He also admitted to killing thousands of people," Macao said, lips tightening. "It's hard to overlook that too."

Romeo scowled at his father. "Would you just listen to Natsu-nii?"

"It's also not really his fault," Natsu snarled. "I was Awake, so I know that he didn't have a choice. He couldn't _not_ have killed those people."

"And you don't see how that might be concerning?" Bisca demanded. "I have a child to care for and worry about. Asuka is my priority, and I don't want to put her in the path of a potentially dangerous demon."

"But he doesn't _want_ to hurt anyone, not really. He isn't going to target Asuka or any of us. He didn't have a _choice_ before."

"Is that really reassuring, though?" Alzack asked quietly. He draped one arm around Bisca's shoulders and rubbed wearily at his face with his other hand. "I don't think that he would intentionally hurt us, but if something goes wrong? He's still a demon and, from what I understand, there's still the possibility of him losing control. Even without all this Awakening business, he snapped while fighting Eileen and almost killed her. If he has a bad day and snaps again, can you guarantee that he won't hurt anyone next time?"

Natsu opened his mouth but hesitated. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't give a one hundred percent guarantee on that. He wasn't bound to his Book anymore and probably couldn't Awaken again, but Gray was bound to his again and _could_. The chances were low since Gray seemed to have put his Book under careful guard, but if something went wrong and it was somehow opened… Even aside from that, Natsu had gotten a taste of demonic instincts, and he knew that Gray was much more in tune with his. It would be more of a struggle for control with Gray.

"Just because he doesn't want to hurt someone doesn't mean that he won't," Elfman added solemnly, ignoring Mira and Lisanna's sharp looks. "Gray is a man, but it's easy to fall into a trap and lose control when you're playing with beasts. People could die that way." He gave Lisanna a sidelong look.

"Gray-sama will not hurt anyone!" Juvia cried, her hands balling into fists at her sides as she glared daggers at anyone who dared disagree with her.

"You sure you're not just saying that because you're in love with a demon?" Gajeel asked scornfully.

"Gajeel!" Levy hissed with a gasp, her eyes widening in indignation.

Juvia held her head high and squared her shoulders, even though her lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears. "Juvia will fight for Gray-sama, even if Gajeel-kun will not."

Natsu watched Juvia and Levy glaring at Gajeel, and Gajeel scowling right back. Then he let his gaze drift across the room, taking in all the other antagonistic groups: Wendy and Happy against Charle, Macao against Romeo, Mira and Lisanna against Elfman. Nearly everyone was glaring at someone else—friend against friend, lover against lover, dragon slayer against Exceed, father against son, brother against sister, family against family.

Natsu understood now, what Gray had been afraid of. He hadn't only feared the guild tearing itself apart, but all the strong relationships that were suddenly strained and cracking. And Natsu felt terrible, because this wasn't the guild he knew.

"Look, all I'm saying is that we might as well turn him in to the Council," Gajeel said. "They're going to want him, and they'll throw a fit if we resist."

"Ooh, still a Council's boy, are you?" Cana asked derisively, her eyes shining with unrestrained scorn and contempt. "Just 'cause you worked with them for a while. You already forget how useless they are? They've been against us from the start, and there's no point trying to please them. Run on back to the Council if that's how you feel."

Gajeel growled low in his throat, eyes narrowing. "Are you questioning my loyalty to the guild?"

"Are you questioning Gray's?"

"I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to try avoiding the Council's wrath," Pantherlily interrupted, darting an uncertain glance at Gajeel. Uneasiness hung in the air about him, as if he wasn't entirely sure where he stood on the issue but was choosing to stick with Gajeel out of loyalty. "They can cause us a lot of trouble if we don't cooperate."

Mira snorted. "When is the Council ever _not_ causing trouble? They'll give us grief no matter what we do, just like they always have."

"And anyway," Lisanna added, "don't you think that there are some things that are worth going up against the Council for?"

"Sure," Charle said, "but is this one of them? I don't see why we can't just give him to the Council and–"

"Because they tortured him!" Lucy yelled, jumping to her feet and slamming her fists into the table hard enough that Natsu started in surprise. "They tortured him, okay? You didn't see him, after. They were trying to kill him even though they couldn't. If he wasn't immortal, then they would have killed him a hundred times over. And what was worse was how he acted like it wasn't a big deal, like he _deserved_ it, or at least like it didn't matter since they couldn't actually kill him. He acted like it was _okay_ , and… _Fuck_."

Natsu's eyes widened. Lucy had to be really upset, to talk like that. And sure enough, her fury had begun melting into something pained and sad, and her eyes were welling with tears. Natsu stood and pulled her into an awkward hug, before sitting back down and taking her with him. She didn't resist, just buried her face in his chest and fisted her hands in his shirt. He winced as he felt her tears against his skin.

No one spoke for a long time, expressions conflicted and ranging from horrified to sad to uncertain.

"We already said that the Council wasn't an option," Erza said quietly after a long moment. "This is nonnegotiable. I will not allow _any_ member of this guild to be turned over to be tortured, Gray least of all. He has already been through enough. And now that his immortality is gone, the Council would execute him. By sending him to the Council, we would be condemning him to death."

There was another long silence, the conflicted expressions only deepening. Not everyone wanted Gray to be allowed back into the guild, but Natsu doubted that any of them truly wanted him dead.

"But he killed Zeref, so maybe that would give us some bargaining power?" Gajeel suggested finally. "If we could work out a deal with the Council to make sure they didn't–"

"You know that wouldn't work," Levy said, although she sounded more tired and sad than angry now. "The Council isn't all bad, but you and I have the experience to know that actually negotiating a deal and getting them to stick to it would be next to impossible, and a huge bureaucratic nightmare."

Jet and Droy offered their halfhearted agreement, Gajeel grimaced but nodded, and Natsu felt a surge of hope. Maybe everyone was finally coming around.

"Could he just leave, then?" Alzack asked. "If we can't give him to the Council but he can't stay either… I don't know, maybe it would be for the best. Magnolia might not be safe for him anymore. Word will spread, and not everyone will be happy about a loose demon running around."

"You can't just _exile_ him," Natsu protested furiously.

"It would be for his safety, too."

"But if we just stood by him, then–"

"You think that would change people's minds?" Charle asked. "You can't even get the entire guild to agree to accept him back. The entire city? There's no way. We at least don't want him dead, because we knew him before this. Not everyone has that familiarity, and they'll look at him and think 'demon'. That's it. To the general population, demons are evil and dangerous and need to be contained or eliminated. People will be frightened if he's just running free."

"Maybe I could try finding some kind of binding or enchantment?" Levy suggested uncertainly, looking to Freed for help. "If we could find a spell that would somehow restrict him enough that people didn't find him as frightening…"

"Levy!" Lucy gasped, scandalized.

She pulled away from Natsu to give her friend a hurt look. Levy winced and shrugged apologetically, dropping her gaze.

"Sorry, Lu-chan. I'm just looking for a compromise."

Freed cleared his throat. "It might be possible to find a combination of runes that could help us, but I'd have to do some research into bindings and we'd need to decide what would work."

"Or we could just send him away and be done with it," Macao muttered.

"He hasn't done anything to specifically hurt the guild," Laxus said, finally speaking up as he surveyed the gathering with flat, unreadable eyes. "I did more to deserve exile than he did, and I was still welcomed back eventually. I might be on the fence about what to actually do with him, but in the end we are a guild and we follow our master's orders."

Freed nodded enthusiastically, while Evergreen and Bickslow exchanged uncertain glances and provided more lackluster gestures of agreement.

"And even aside from that, Gray-san very much gave up his life for this guild," Wendy said quietly. "It's a miracle that we brought him back."

"He intended to kill himself in order to take out Zeref," Erza agreed, her eyes narrowing as she stared down at the table sightlessly. "That was his plan."

"And even afterwards, we had to convince him that it was a good thing we saved him," Lucy mumbled. "He thought it would have been better to let him die, like that would have solved all our problems."

"Wouldn't it have?" Charle asked. Everyone stared at her in horror, but she just frowned and shrugged. Her spitefulness faded a little as she added, "Maybe you should have let him do things his way, because he sounded like he knew what he was talking about."

"Listen here, you mangy little rat–" Cana started indignantly.

"Gray's a good kid," Gildarts interrupted, putting a restraining hand on his daughter's arm. "Let's not be too hasty about turning on him."

"Easy for you to say!" Bisca hissed. "But I have a child to worry about and–"

"And I don't?" Gildarts demanded, eyes flashing dangerously.

Bisca hesitated, trying to figure out how to work herself out of the corner she had backed herself into without conceding the point.

"I'm not a child!" Cana complained.

Everyone ignored her.

Bisca's eyes hardened again. "He's a threat. And you know what, if we're already having so much dissension just over this, then how would we even still have a guild left if we let him back in?"

Everyone stared at her in stunned silence, and Natsu gaped like a fish. Sure, there was some fighting, but could the guild actually be destroyed over this one thing? He hadn't realized things were reaching that point.

"I guess it's a good thing that I'm not joining your guild again, then, isn't it?" a new voice said into the silence.

Natsu startled and whipped around, his eyes searching the hall. A thick clump of shadows on the other side of the room dissolved, melting back into more normal positions. Gray was sitting cross-legged on top of one of the unharmed tables in the corner, where the shadows were already naturally thicker and darker. Natsu had the feeling that this shadow concealment thing could quickly become an annoyance, seeing as Gray seemed to becoming adept at using it to sneak around.

"You're awake!" Natsu said stupidly.

Gray stared back with dark, fathomless eyes, so old yet expressionless and entirely unreadable. "So I am."

"How long have you been there?"

"A while." He shrugged carelessly. "You aren't nearly as quiet as you think you are. And in any case, it would be difficult to sleep with all the fuss going on out here."

Natsu flushed, realizing that he must've woken Gray up while leaving. "Sorry."

Glancing around, he noticed a whole host of guilty, uncertain faces. No one was glad to have been caught talking about Gray behind his back, and a few of the dissenters looked as nervous as if they expected him to turn on them now.

"How are you feeling?" Lucy asked anxiously.

"Fine," Gray said flatly.

Erza had bigger concerns. "What do you mean, you aren't coming back? We already had this conversation and–"

"Did I ever actually agree?" he interrupted in a monotone. "I don't think I did. I have business to take care of before that would even become a viable option. I'll be hanging around the guild until that's wrapped up since it's more convenient, but I'll stay out of your way."

Unfolding his legs, he slid off the table to stand on his feet. His lips tightened slightly in pain, but he started for the doors without giving anyone another glance, his limp pronounced. Erza stood up hurriedly and rushed to his side, but he waved her off.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are," she said skeptically. "Don't think I've forgotten how injured you are."

Gray shrugged, his face set in a grimace. "It's not going to kill me."

Erza scowled. "That's not the point. You need to stop with that already."

"The fact is that–" Gray broke off, his already pale face going sheet-white as he swayed and staggered a half-step to the side.

Erza grabbed him as he sagged into her. "You aren't going to pass out, are you?" she asked anxiously.

He took a few deep breaths before mumbling, "No."

Straightening himself up again, he scowled at Erza's arm around him. Still, he didn't protest, just started limping for the door again with Erza following along beside him.

Natsu stood to follow after, racking his brain for the word he was looking for. "Exsanguination?" he asked slowly, the word unfamiliar on his tongue.

Gray glanced back and flashed him a grin, for a moment looking painfully like his old self. "Well, look at that. You _can_ learn."

"Hey!"

"What business?" Erza asked, clearly eager to get back to the more important issue at hand.

Gray's face immediately closed off again, his eyes going flat and cold. "Don't you worry about that."

"But–"

"Child, I am well able to handle my own affairs."

Natsu winced, and he could practically feel Lucy and Happy flinch from beside him. Erza also grimaced, clearly aware of the demon-y mood swing taking place. Natsu wondered if Gray's coldness was so pronounced because of everything he had overheard.

"And when you've finished," Makarov said into the stillness, "the offer to rejoin the guild still stands."

"We will see," Gray said noncommittally, not even glancing over as he approached the doors to the street beyond.

"Gray-san!" Wendy jumped up and hurried over, fumbling in her pocket to pull out a small bag. "Porlyusica-san is still treating injured mages, but she left some supplies and poultices for you. Your wounds are serious, and you should treat them again soon. I can heal your ribs and your burns and some of the other injuries later, but I'm still out of magic for now."

Gray stared at her, dark eyes conflicted. Natsu thought he might just snap out something else cold and demon-y, but after a moment he nodded.

"Thanks," he said tonelessly.

Lucy took the bag from Wendy, and Gray didn't protest.

"Don't be too angry with them," Wendy said, lowering her voice and darting a glance back at Charle and the others. "They'll come around and we'll work things out."

Gray tilted his head and gave her an appraising look. "I am not angry." His gaze traveled across the room to rest on Levy, and he added, "But as much as I appreciate the attempts at compromise, there will be no more bindings. I would rather die."

The other guild members were exchanging looks again, but Gray just shrugged and slipped out the door, clearly done with the conversation. Natsu followed, sharing a helpless look with Lucy and Happy as they started down the darkening street. He didn't know what to make of the situation, and no one else seemed to either. Gray had overheard some pretty terrible things and, angry or not, he must have some kind of reaction to them. But his mood was completely unreadable, and Natsu didn't know what to do about it.

"You don't really mean that, do you?" Happy asked cautiously, fluttering along by Gray's side in the semi-darkness falling over the city. "Not that we're going to let them put any bindings on you, but…"

"I have had enough of bindings," Gray said coolly, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground as he hobbled along with Erza's help. "Too many things have laid claim on me. I cannot live without them, as evidenced by my Book, but I am as free of Zeref as I will ever be. I will not go back in any capacity. Sometimes to die free—or as free as it is possible to be—is preferable to living a slave."

Lucy tightened her grip on Natsu's arm. The dragon slayer grimaced. He had to admit that he almost partly understood, but still, he wasn't sure he could see how death would be preferable. Accepting death seemed too much like giving up. At least if Gray was still alive, they could look for a way to free him again. But yes, Natsu could understand why Gray didn't want anything else controlling him.

Clearing his throat, Natsu asked, "Where are we going?"

As much as he'd like to shake some sense into his friend, he felt it prudent not to push Gray too far when he was like this. Besides, he was a big fan of letting Gray work out his own issues. And as cold as that sounded, Gray seemed to be a big fan of it too.

"Well, _I'm_ going to see if my apartment is still standing," Gray said, giving the others a sidelong look. "Damned if I know what _you're_ doing."

"We're going to see if your apartment is still standing, obviously," Erza said.

Gray blinked at her, and then one corner of his mouth twitched upwards into the barest hint of a half-smile. "Snarky little brat," he said, although he sounded almost fond underneath all that demon-y flatness.

"That's rich, coming from you," she replied with a shrug.

"Hm."

"So, about this business of yours–"

"Erza."

Erza hesitated and then sighed heavily. "Look, we won't pressure you too much right now, but when you've finished with this mysterious business of yours, at least think about rejoining the guild. We can still find a way to work things out. Just think about it."

"I'll think about it."

"I know…" Erza sighed again. "I know that you feel like we've put bindings on you and you don't want any bindings, but… We're still here for you if you change your mind, okay?" She looked away. "We don't want you to leave."

Natsu had no idea what Erza was talking about, but Gray obviously knew. After a moment, the ice mage's eyes cleared and he paused, grasping Erza's chin gently and tipping her face upward.

"Erza," he said seriously, staring into her eyes unblinkingly, "those are bindings that I chose for myself. They are not the same."

Releasing her, he went back to scanning the streets as he started forward again. Erza stared at him wide-eyed, but followed his lead obediently.

"So then–"

"I reserve the right to terminate them at any time," Gray said coolly, his gaze travelling along the rows of buildings. "I will think about what you ask, but I make no promises at this time."

Erza winced, and Natsu didn't need to know all the details to know that wasn't a good sign. This clearly had something to do with Gray choosing to stay with the guild, and maybe with the team. But pushing him too much would only make him shut down again, and Natsu obviously wasn't the only one to have picked up on that pattern since no one else pressed the issue either.

"Okay," Erza said, subdued, and they all lapsed into silence.

They were still in a recognizable part of town, where the damage wasn't extensive enough to have leveled the entire area. There was plenty of damage to be seen—although the shadows of the coming night were starting to soften and cloak some of it—but it could be a lot worse. The other silver lining was that the place was no longer crawling with mages and enemies. Presumably because the mages were off reconvening with their guilds and recuperating, and because the enemies were locked up.

"Oh good," Gray said finally, although his voice still lacked any recognizable emotion. "Looks like it wasn't completely wrecked."

Then he immediately grimaced as he tried to limp up the front steps to his apartment. Natsu wasn't a huge fan of steps right now either, to be honest. His injuries didn't make it easy to go up them, and he leaned on Lucy more heavily.

"Looks like I'd better repair the damage to the roof, though," Gray muttered to himself as he let Erza help him up the steps and worked the door open. "What's-her-face upstairs is going to pitch a fit if her stuff gets wet next time it rains."

Natsu coughed to hide a laugh. Somehow it seemed funny to hear Gray talk about such mundane things after everything that had happened. Either Gray didn't hear Natsu's aborted laughter or didn't care to address it, because he just shrugged Erza off and limped for his bedroom. The rest of the team followed cautiously and hesitated in the doorway to watch him.

Digging through some drawers, Gray pulled out fresh clothes and then turned to raise an eyebrow at Lucy. "Wanna throw me whatever it is Wendy gave you? I'm going to clean up and redress wounds and all that. You guys can raid the kitchen if you're hungry."

Lucy hesitated but obediently tossed the bag to Gray, who caught it easily and then disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door without another word. The team stared at the closed door until the sound of running water started up, then looked at each other again.

"Well," Natsu said finally, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving."

"Really?" Lucy asked with a sigh, but she followed him into the kitchen and the others trailed behind forlornly.

Natsu began digging through the pantry in search of anything edible, while the others gathered around the table.

"Do you think he'll really leave?" Lucy asked quietly.

Natsu's hands stilled, but then he shook his head sharply and got back to work. "Of course not."

"I don't know," Erza said with a sigh. "I think he would rather stay with us, but if he thinks it would benefit us if he left…"

"And I'm not sure he knows how to interact with the guild anymore," Happy added solemnly, apparently more observant than Natsu and the others gave him credit for. "All his personality shifts… It's like he doesn't know who he's supposed to be, and I think he keeps going with that scary, cold side because it's easier. Or because it hurts less. I don't know."

Natsu let out a breath and started jamming whatever food he could find into his mouth so that he had an excuse not to offer an opinion on anything.

"Will the guild come around?" Lucy asked.

Erza shrugged. "I think that the Master's orders would be respected in the end, but that doesn't mean there wouldn't be a lot of dissatisfaction and infighting. I don't doubt that some people will lobby against this until the bitter end. But maybe we could work something out…come up with some sort of compromise."

"Although, Gray overheard them," Lucy cautioned. "He might say he's not mad, but how much will he tolerate? The more they reject him, the less likely he is to agree to come back."

"And there's still whatever 'business' he's talking about," Happy added.

"I have no idea what that might be," Erza said with a harsh sigh.

"And he's not going to tell us," Lucy mumbled. "He's never been that forthcoming with information, but he seems determined to keep most everything to himself now."

"I don't entirely blame him for that, but I do wish he wouldn't insist on going everything alone."

The water turned off, and everyone automatically looked toward the bathroom. They lapsed back into moody silence, not keen on being overheard once again. That was perfectly fine with Natsu, who didn't like serious discussions at the best of times. He wasn't in the mood to keep dwelling on this.

They waited in tense silence for a few minutes, until Natsu heard a sudden slew of muffled curses.

"Ice block?" he called before he thought better of it. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," came the disgruntled reply.

Then something crashed in the bathroom, followed by another round of mumbled cursing that was loud enough for the others to hear this time.

Jumping up, Lucy hurried over to the bathroom door. "Are you sure you're okay? What happened?"

"Nothing," Gray grumbled.

"But–"

"Open the damn door if you don't believe me."

Lucy hesitated and then pushed the door open. Natsu and the others drifted over as well, peering into the room.

"Can you grab that for me?" Gray asked without looking at them, waving his hand in the direction of a roll of bandages that had fallen to the ground.

Natsu's automatic retort was for Gray to stop being lazy and do it himself, but then he remembered that he'd broken all of his friend's ribs. Oops. Lucy snatched up the bandages and handed them to Gray, who took them in the hand that wasn't pressing a towel to his chest.

"Thanks." He pulled the towel away and scowled down at the red blotches bleeding through the fabric. "Ruined another one."

Natsu bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from commenting on the state of Gray's body. The grime and ash had all been removed, but the ice mage's wounds were raw and bleeding again, crimson streaks dribbling down his chest as he dabbed at them with the towel and worked at the roll of bandages with his other hand. It was really an impressive collection of wounds, in terms of both severity and number.

"Let me help you," Lucy said, reaching for the gauze.

"I can handle myself," Gray snapped. "I've been taking care of my own injuries for years."

Natsu wondered if that was a veiled reference to all the times Gray had tried to kill himself and been stuck cleaning up the injuries left by the attempts. That wasn't a very reassuring thought.

Lucy drew back, her gaze dropping to the ground and her eyes filling with tears. Gray paused, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Then, sighing harshly, he turned toward her.

"Although it's a pain to bandage things up and keep pressure on them at the same time," he grumbled, offering her the roll of bandages. "And it would be a pain to have to wrap my ribs."

Lucy blinked at him blankly for a second and then smiled hesitantly. He looked away, and she got to work.

"If anyone else wants to clean up, there are extra towels in the closet," Gray said tonelessly. "Don't worry about ruining them. I keep a ton since I go through them so quickly. And as much as I'd like to kick you out, night is falling and I'm sure you're exhausted. I'll set extra accommodations and you can stay here for tonight."

Natsu decided it must be good that Gray wasn't just kicking them out so that he could be alone. It had to be a good sign.

When Lucy had finished with Gray, Natsu took the next turn in the bathroom. He removed dirty bandages, scrubbed off grime and dirt, and then got Lucy to help him redress some of his injuries with the leftover supplies from Porlyusica.

When he relinquished the bathroom so that the girls could take their turns, Gray had already dragged out a spare mattress from the closet—or had convinced someone else to drag it out for him—and left it in the living room with a comfy nest of blankets.

"You and Happy can have the couch," Gray said, not looking up from whatever he was fiddling with on the desk.

Natsu scowled, thinking the mattress looked more comfortable. Then he decided that getting that low to the floor would be a pain with all his injuries. Who needed a lousy mattress, anyway?

"Fine," he grumbled.

Gray sighed and lifted his head to look out the window at the darkened street beyond. He stood still for a moment, then turned away and headed for the bedroom.

"Make sure you guys turn off the lights when you go to bed."

"Yeah… Goodnight, Gray."

"'Night."

Slipping into the bedroom, Gray closed the door halfway and turned out the light. Natsu stared after him, but he was too exhausted to really want to work on detangling the huge mess they'd found themselves in.

Everyone else was obviously fatigued from their long days of fighting as well, because it wasn't long before they'd turned the lights out and settled down to sleep. Happy was asleep almost instantly, a comforting warmth pressed against Natsu's side. The girls dropped off quickly too, leaving Natsu staring sightlessly into the darkness.

He was still exhausted, but he'd also spent hours sleeping. He had no doubt that he'd fall asleep soon enough, but not just yet.

A slight sound from the other room caught his attention, and he twisted about awkwardly, craning his neck as far as he could to get a glimpse through the half-closed door. A shadow slid silently across the gap. If he squinted, Natsu could just barely make out Gray's shadowy form glide over to the window on the other side of the bedroom. Although he was in a remarkably good position to see through the gap, it still took Natsu a second to realize that there must be some kind of window seat there.

Gray sat silently, stretching his body out lengthwise parallel to the window and drawing his knees up loosely to loop an arm around them. Natsu couldn't see his face since it was turned away toward the window, but the distant melancholy was palpable, a downhearted and withdrawn exile.

Natsu almost wanted to do something about it, but Gray was remote and unapproachable now, and would most certainly not respond well to company. And in any case, Natsu had no idea what to say or do.

Instead, he just watched silently until he finally fell asleep, wondering how long everyone could reject Gray before he rejected them too.

* * *

 **Note: I tried to come up with real reasons for guild members to either accept or reject Gray, based on relationships/loyalty, personality, and/or past events. It was a little more challenging for some of the side characters, but somewhere I have a Word document that lists every single member of the guild along with their stance on the issue, how strongly they feel about it, and the reasons behind it lol I ended up not needing it as much as I thought I would, but it was good to have the background setup, I think.**

 **emmahoshi: Yeah, Gray's pretty adamant about Natsu not being the same as him, and he has a habit of saying things about demons that he only applies to himself and not Natsu. Which is understandable, given that the situations _are_ very different, but I think shows more about how Gray thinks about himself vs. his friends. Ah, well, the bindings with the team is something that was referenced in "DoR", so I just tied it in here because it seemed to fit with the theme. And yeah, Gray will waver back and forth as things go from good to bad to back again. Yep, there's a reason I chose to end the original story where I did, before all this mess got addressed lol Ah, I don't think we're going to meet what's-her-face upstairs, but Gray's landlady will make a reappearance. What can I say? I needed a landlord briefly, and the landlady from "Stay" has basically become my headcanon whenever that pops up lol**


	3. (Re) And the Shadows Reached

**Note: Okay, a few things. First of all, I've gotten my first fanart! FairyAlchemist400 surprised me with a really cool picture of one of my favorite scenes from "DoR", and I'm super excited about it. I was going to post this part tomorrow, but now I'm going to post it tonight so that I can share the link with you guys, and I'm going to also post it on chapter 3 of "DoR" so that it's with the relevant scene. You can find it here: fairyalchemist400 . deviantart [dotcom] /art/Demon-of-Redemption-Fanart-695064962 (obviously, remove the spaces and brackets, and turn that dot into...well, a dot XD).**

 **In less good news, I've just recently started a new internship and suddenly have a lot less time for writing/editing/posting. I have a nice cushion for this story so I won't be running out of chapters to post for a long time, but just a heads up that writing is going to be slowing down and so posting may eventually start slowing as well.**

 **And about this particular piece... Well, it's sort of an "abstract rewrite" (hence [Re]) of ch 7 of "DoR" from Lyon's POV, because at the time I was interested in his take since he didn't really say much and his silence spoke volumes. In the beginning, I intended to rewrite a couple scenes from different POVs and have a few short pieces from before "DoR" (e.g., Galuna, the river, possibly Avatar), but plans changed and I don't think I'll be doing that now. But this one little thing was already written, and I didn't have the heart to take it out even though it's gonna look weird on its own lol**

* * *

 **[Re] And the Shadows Reached**

* * *

 _"You shouldn't have bothered. Don't expect me to thank you."_

Now _there_ was a sentiment Lyon could get behind. His hands clenched into fists as he narrowed his eyes at Zeref. This was the man who had created the demon that had killed Ur and Gray. Lyon's gaze slid to the demon in question as he faced off against the black mage. His voice was unbearably bitter, and it annoyed Lyon. _He_ was the one who had the right to wish that the demon had never been created. For a moment, he let himself imagine a world where the demon had never existed to ruin everything.

 _"I am the beginning."_

In a way, he was Lyon's beginning too. Or _a_ beginning. It had been an entirely different life before the demon, a life that had been taken and crushed to dust before Lyon's very eyes. It was a life that he missed sorely, where Ur and Gray had been alive and the three of them had been a dysfunctional little family. For all their problems, they had loved each other. And then _he_ had come through and wrecked everything, and then dared to wear Gray's face and pretend to be him. The world had burned and then begun anew, and then had done the same again days before when the truth came to light. Lyon was tired of endings and new beginnings. They hurt, and every beginning was worse, more painful, than the last.

 _"I've tried most everything, but I suspect you'll be unsurprised to hear that nothing worked."_

How was it fair that the being that had ended so many lives got paid back by getting to live forever? How was it fair that he could stand here when Ur and Gray and all the rest could not? How was it fair that Lyon couldn't even avenge them by killing the damn demon that had ruined everything? How was it fair that the demon got to live?

 _"I eventually found something to live for… For now."_

How was it fair?

 _"I am not human. I am a demon. I will always be a demon. But I am no longer_ your _demon."_

How could Lyon have ever been fooled? The eyes looking out from Gray's face were so old yet ageless, burning yet ice cold, shining with unreadable emotion yet dark enough to swallow the stars. They were not human eyes. It was a human face, Gray's face, but the monster lurking inside the skin was anything but human. Lyon wondered if it had always been that obvious and he'd somehow missed it, or if the demon was just no longer trying to hide his true nature. But Lyon _should_ have realized, surely, that this was not his brother. Right? He was such a gullible fool, easily swayed by exterior appearances instead of seeing through to what was buried underneath. But Lyon saw now, what he had missed for all these years. He wasn't going to be fooled anymore, would remember that this creature was not his brother, was not human, was not to be trusted.

 _"…I don't know. I don't know if I'm capable of love."_

What a laughable idea, a demon that loved. No, Lyon had seen Deliora in its full glory, and just because he looked human now didn't mean that he was. Lyon was _not_ going to be fooled by the demon's pretty words and sad eyes. It was impossible for a demon to love. It was impossible for a creature made of death and darkness to even understand what love was.

 _"But when they laugh, I laugh with them. When they cry, I want to dry their tears._

It was impossible for a demon to even understand what love was.

 _"When I see their faces, I want to smile. When someone hurts them, I want to hunt down whoever is responsible and set things right."_

It was impossible for a demon to love.

 _"When they are victorious, I celebrate with them. When they face tragedy and misfortune, my heart breaks for them. When they are threatened, I would do anything to protect them."_

It was impossible.

 _"They are the ones I would live for, and the ones I would die for."_

Impossible.

 _"What makes you think that it doesn't apply to you too?"_

Lyon hated the demon, he really, really did. He didn't understand how Fairy Tail could just accept everything so easily, could overlook everything the demon had done and everything he was. The demon-loving guild might be okay with loving and being loved by a demon, but Lyon was not.

 _"What does it matter? Everything I've gained, you'll take away in the end."_

And it was just as well. Everything the demon had was _stolen_. He had stolen Ur's life and Gray's body, and everything later had built off of that. Everything the demon had was built on a lie, built on something that had never— _never_ —belonged to him. And God, it would be satisfying to see it all torn away. Lyon so desperately wanted to see all those stolen smiles and unearned life and unwarranted friendship taken away, because the demon didn't deserve any of it.

 _"I don't need your pity."_

And he'd get none. None from Lyon, at least. Nor any love or compassion or companionship or forgiveness.

 _"Do you trust me?"_

No. _No, no, no._ Lyon had, once, and he was never going back. He wasn't going to be stupid enough to trust a demon again, not even if Fairy Tail was.

 _"I'm fine."_

He wasn't, and Lyon took vindictive satisfaction in that knowledge. It was good to see the demon brought to his knees, lifeblood seeping into the hard ground. Maybe he couldn't die, but it was satisfying to see him _hurt_. Because he deserved to hurt, and it would still never be enough to make up for what he had done. And when Lyon had helped him earlier, had held him up until the coughs had stopped and the blood was only a pool on the ground and a dribble down his chin, it wasn't because of any sappy, sentimental reason. He still hated the demon, knew that he deserved this. And maybe he couldn't quite explain what made his heart clench up in a funny way when he watched the demon tear himself apart, but he knew that it didn't change anything.

 _"I don't have a soul. You didn't create me with one."_

Creatures without souls were damned, weren't they? That was good. An inability to die wouldn't be enough to save a soulless demon from an eternity of damnation, right? It wasn't as good as death, but it would have to be enough. Thinking about this for anyone else might be sad, maybe even heart-wrenching, but not where this demon was concerned. It didn't make Lyon's heart hurt at all. Not at all.

 _"But some things are worth breaking for."_

Lyon stared at the demon, stunned. He had…found a way to overcome the immortality and die, while killing Zeref to boot? It was actually a frighteningly brilliant solution, even if Lyon didn't quite understand it. But the demon might be able to _die_ now. Lyon felt his heart flutter in hope, forcibly pulling it up from where it had so suddenly sunk into the pit of his stomach. This was good. Lyon wanted to see the demon die, wanted to see him _break_. It was something he'd been robbed of when the whole immortality thing had come to light, and now it was being handed back to him on a silver platter. He wouldn't be satisfied until the demon was broken into a million pieces too small and jagged to be put back together.

 _"I told you that you wouldn't like the plan."_

Actually, Lyon liked the plan a lot. He really did. He _did_.

 _"If it works, it will be the perfect solution."_

It would be, really. The hated demon would be dead, Zeref would be gone, and the danger would be past. It would be more satisfying if Lyon could kill the demon himself, but this would have to do. It wouldn't set everything right, wouldn't mend the stolen lives and Lyon's broken heart, but it was something.

 _"Sometimes when a knot is too gnarled to untangle, it's easiest to just cut it out entirely."_

Lyon wished he could just cut his goddamn heart out of his chest so easily. He didn't understand the tangled knot of hate and love, pain and fear, grief and desperation. He wanted it to go away. The hate was all he needed, and maybe getting rid of the demon would help unsnarl this whole mess.

 _"I'm tired of fighting myself. I'm really, really tired."_

Lyon wished he didn't understand that sentiment so well.

 _"You can call it selfish, but the truth is that I don't have a place in your world anymore."_

Well, of course not. The demon had _never_ had a place, not really. It had all been a lie. He didn't deserve his place in Fairy Tail. His place in the world was stolen from Gray and Ur—he had taken their place and he had no right to. He didn't have a place in Lyon's heart. And if he'd had one once, it was only because he'd pretended to be someone he wasn't, so it didn't count. It didn't count. He had _no right_ to go meddling with Lyon's heart. No right at all. Lyon had carefully cut out any remaining feelings for the demon, and now his heart was closed. It really, really was.

 _"No, I_ am _sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, I guess."_

The demon had _no right_ to look at Lyon like that, to look at him with such sad, wistful eyes. No right to pretend that he was sorry for what he had done. Lyon didn't want him to be sorry. He knew he wasn't sorry. A demon couldn't be sorry. God, why did he have to keep meddling with Lyon's heart?

 _"I'm a demon. Hearts and souls and choices and worth and all those other uniquely human things don't work the same way for me as they do for you."_

Good, he was admitting it. And if he didn't have any of those things, it meant that he wasn't human, wasn't sorry, wasn't capable of love, wasn't able to be saved, wasn't _worthy_ of being saved. It meant that Lyon was right to hate him. It meant that Lyon owed him nothing, had no reason to harbor anything other than hate. There was no need for all those other messy emotions.

 _"Ah, our time is up."_

Good. Lyon wanted this to be over with already. Time to tie up loose ends, cut out the tangled knot, get rid of all the confusing and messy emotions. Once the demon was dead, it would all be over. Lyon could move on and remember how to be happy again, put all of this out of his mind and try to forget that the demon had ever existed at all.

 _"Goodbye."_

The demon was ignoring the pleas of his guild now, instead staring into the depths of the malevolent shadow hovering before him and twining about him. It was strange, because to Lyon it looked like he was repulsed, sad, scared. Good. He should be. And now Fairy Tail would see it too, what really lurked underneath the demon's humanlike exterior. They would see the truth.

 _"As a demon, I belonged to you. As a human, I belonged to them. But in the end, I guess sometimes you just can't outrun yourself forever."_

The demon dropped the necklace to the ground, and Lyon's eyes followed its descent before snapping back up. The demon was reaching out to the shadow looming over him. For an instant, the fear and pain was clear to see in his eyes before he closed them and turned his head to the side, as if he couldn't bear to see what he was about to do. And he reached for the shadows and the shadows reached back, and this should be everything that Lyon had ever wanted.

 _"If I could love, then I would love you."_

"Don't do it, you idiot," Lyon whispered, finally finding his voice.

But the demon reached for the shadows and the shadows reached back, and it was nothing that Lyon had ever wanted.

* * *

 **Note: I recall that I originally placed this here to provide some explanation for Lyon's behavior since we won't see his POV for a little while. Poor thing is one big mess of conflicting emotions.**

 **The next piece involves Gray's mysterious business and clears up another mystery as well :3**

 **emmahoshi: I have to get up at 6 every morning and don't get back until at least like 7:15 or 8 because I have to take the bus :( Three buses, including the metro and train :( I hate getting up early X) Aha! So maybe this was a good chapter to keep after all lol You are exactly right :3 Eh, it's actually going to be a big piece of the _second_ part of the story, although it'll be interspersed with other things as well. Mind you, you still might want to throttle Lyon for a while, because he can be rather a jerk (even if understandably so lol). Glad this has gotten us more on the same page XD**


	4. If at First You Don't Succeed--- (1)

**.**

 **If at First You Don't Succeed… (1)**

* * *

He was starting to tire of waiting. He had expected it to maybe take a few days or so—Zeref and his Spriggans had made quite a mess, and there was a lot of business to wrap up there—but it had been nearly two weeks now. It was making him antsy.

When He could, He found ways to keep himself busy: helping repair some of the damage to the guild, shadowing a friend to help out with their tasks, fixing the roof of his apartment building. Now that Wendy had healed all his major injuries, He was plenty able to participate in some of the physical labor required in rebuilding a city.

Of course, that was tempered by the fact that He was also trying to stay out of everyone's way at the same time. He was careful about venturing out into the city proper where He could run across anyone. Parts of several guilds had stuck around to help rebuild some of Magnolia's infrastructure, and many of those mages would know him on sight. Knights were crawling all over the place as well, and even though not all the grunts would recognize him, there were some who would. And someone who _did_ recognize him might be all too willing to point him out. Since He didn't fancy getting an impromptu lynching, He had become adept at sticking to the shadows and using his curses to help cloak himself. He had learned to move like a ghost: silent and unseen.

He employed his new stealth skills at the guild too. There was still a lot of simmering tension and hostility there, and He tried to keep his head down and avoid the people who were especially scared of him or wanted him gone. The wary looks and snide comments would follow him wherever He went, but as long as He kept to himself and worked on projects that He didn't have to come into contact with anyone else to complete, they mostly left him alone. For now.

To be fair, there were also people who would go out of their way to try making him feel welcome, but it didn't always have the desired effect—especially when someone flinched away or threw him a nervous look before they could stop themselves. Mostly, He stuck with his old team. Or, more accurately, they stuck with him. It was hard to avoid them when He was at the guild, because it was like they were afraid to leave him alone.

If He could avoid the guild entirely, then He would, but for now He still had to hang around.

He spent a good deal of time lurking around his apartment too. Partly because the atmosphere at the guild sometimes got suffocating, and partly because the bravest citizens had already begun creeping back into the city to survey the damage to their homes and He knew that his time here might be limited. He very much doubted that people would be happy to know that there was a demon living downstairs, and fully expected to be asked to leave eventually. There were still other hurdles to overcome before that problem would ever be on his radar, but He'd organized and packed some of his things anyway.

And occasionally, when He was exhausted from working on repairs and finally tired of his old team's constant attempts to include him, He would hide away in a dark corner somewhere and pull out his Book. It was like He couldn't help himself. He should really just leave it alone, but it itched at him something fierce.

He'd dig through the other contents of his shadow until He found it, and then run his hands over the icy coating and frown down at the letters scrawled across the cover. He never melted the ice—that was a failsafe to keep the Book from opening, and He wasn't taking any chances—but sometimes He wanted to, so that He could trace over those letters.

 _'Gray'_

Why? He didn't understand what it meant. But He wanted to. It wasn't his name, not really, but it had to mean _something_. He wanted to believe that it was a sign of something, but He didn't know what that something might be and was too afraid to draw any conclusions from it.

But eventually looking at his one-time name would start up an aching in his chest for days long gone, and then He'd put the Book away and come back to reality. No point getting nostalgic or maudlin now. Best to keep himself busy and not think too hard about how things had changed.

When He wasn't doing any of that, He was mostly listening to his friends talk. And talk. And talk. They had always been big talkers, and sometimes it was nice to just sit back and listen, let them distract him.

They were talking about Natsu's amazing destructive abilities when the waiting game finally drew to a close.

"I don't know, I think that Natsu has still destroyed more buildings," Happy was saying.

"Than an entire army?" Lucy asked skeptically.

"You didn't grow up with him," Erza said, rolling her eyes. "He was destroying things for years before you ever met him."

"There's a reason the Council doesn't like him," Happy added.

Natsu just grinned, unconcerned. "Usually I'm not _trying_ to destroy things. It just kind of happens."

He considered pointing out that He had destroyed far more than Natsu could ever dream of, but He doubted his friends would appreciate the reminder.

"Okay, sure," Lucy said, "but as much as the Spriggans and Acnologia and Zeref and–?"

The doors to the guild slammed open with a loud bang, and every pair of eyes in the room turned to look. A stream of Knights filed inside, spreading out along the wall around the doorway, and the one in charge stepped forward, his eyes searching the room. Oh good, He even recognized that one, with his gawky frame and sandy hair and venomous green eyes. The one who had been in charge of him last time He'd been imprisoned. Vicious to a fault, and responsible for many failed execution attempts and later, more successful, torture. Fantastic. He'd dubbed this man the Would-Be Executioner for a reason.

"What–?" Makarov started.

"I was starting to wonder what was taking you so long," He interrupted smoothly, standing up and abandoning the table his friends were gathered around in favor of sauntering toward the door. "I was expecting you days ago."

"Gray," Erza said, the bench scraping across the floor with a painful grating sound as she stood up hurriedly, "what are you–?"

"Oh, you _are_ here," the Executioner said. His lip curled in distaste as his startlingly green eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Of course," He said with a shrug, weaving through the suddenly statue-like Fairy Tail mages and ignoring their piercing stares. "I had to stay somewhere you would find me, didn't I? You lot are so incompetent that I wouldn't trust you to find me anywhere else."

"Wait, what?" Natsu asked. "You aren't supposed to be going with the Council."

The Executioner's eyes narrowed even further. "Interesting. I would have expected you to run."

He chuckled dryly. "And be chased across half the continent? I think not. That would be such a drag."

"Well, since you _are_ here… I have an arrest warrant for the demon Deliora, of the Books of Zeref."

"The one and only."

"Will you come willingly, or shall we do this the hard way?"

"I'm coming, aren't I?" He drawled, strolling along in no particular hurry. He knew that He'd be cuffed as soon as He got anywhere near the Knights, and He might still need his hands for one last thing, depending on how things went.

"No!" Lucy said, her voice rising. "You can't take him. The Council has no business here."

"Back down, Miss Heartfilia," the Executioner said coldly, and the Knights around the perimeter edged forward a little in anticipation, zeroing in on the resistance. "The demon is an escaped criminal under the Council's jurisdiction, and he is a threat."

"Oh, he's not a threat," Cana said with a sneer. "Let him be."

"Actually," Gajeel muttered, "why not let the Council take the problem off our hands?"

"Besides, he's the one who killed Zeref," Erza said, ignoring the dragon slayer. "You'd be dead if it wasn't for him."

The Executioner's lips tightened, but he appeared more furious than surprised. Interesting. Knowing how much information had spread and how far would be critical now, and it seemed that at least parts of his encounter with Zeref had already gotten around. That could be good or bad, depending on which parts those were.

"Harboring a demon and escaped criminal is not a good thing to admit to," the Executioner cautioned, giving the assembled mages a disgusted look.

"'Harboring' is a strong word," He said lightly. His smile was mocking as He finally came to a stop several feet away. "It's more like I insisted on sticking around until my business with you was taken care of. I didn't trust you to be able to find me anywhere else, remember?"

The Executioner eyed him warily across the gap, his body tense. "Hm. Are you quite sure it isn't just because they're a demon-loving guild who invited you back with open arms? Because going against the Council's direct orders and welcoming a criminal into the guild is grounds for an official reprimand."

He smiled humorlessly. "I am no longer a member of their guild."

"Oh?"

Shrugging, He pulled up his shirt to display the unmarked stretch of skin across his chest. "Do you really think they'd be foolish enough to happily invite a criminal demon back into the fold? They might still offer some support out of a surviving sentimental attachment, but they would not go that far. Surely they would realize that initiating me back into the guild after the Council explicitly exiled me would be grounds for not only an official reprimand, but for the possible revoking of the guild's legal charter."

Or, they _should_ have realized that. He still couldn't quite believe that some of them seemed to think they could invite a convicted criminal back into the guild without repercussions. No, He couldn't even think about rejoining the guild until this mess was resolved. If it could be resolved.

Someone made a strangled choking sound behind him, but He ignored it.

"You won't find their mark anywhere on me," He said.

The Executioner almost looked disappointed, before shrugging and pulling a pair of anti-magic cuffs from his pocket. "You will need to be cuffed."

"No!" Erza said. "You can't–"

Half turning, He raised an eyebrow and gave her and the others a cool look. His voice still had that mocking lilt when He spoke, but there was a hard edge underneath.

"Surely they would realize that I'm perfectly able to manage my own affairs." Although his words were nominally addressed to the Knight, He directed a meaningful look at the Fairy Tail mages. "I'm sure they haven't already forgotten that I said I had an idea of how to handle the Council."

The Executioner snorted. "You won't be handling the Council. The Council will be handling _you_."

Erza opened and closed her mouth a few times, eyes conflicted, and then directed a helpless look at Makarov and Mavis. Mavis studied the demon's face and let her gaze slide back to Erza and the rest of the team, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. Erza's hands clenched into fists by her sides, but she ground her teeth together and kept her mouth shut.

Oh good, maybe they were finally learning to trust him and his plans. He'd already produced several ingenious—if He did say so himself—plans lately, so it would be nice if everyone would just let him put these newest ones into action without making a fuss.

"They're welcome to try," He said, turning back to the Knights.

The ones on the outskirts were edging forward a little, weapons pointed at him. The Executioner looked no less apprehensive, although his burning hatred did a fair job of covering it up. Snapping the cuffs open, he stepped forward.

"And while we're here," he said, "we've also received a tip that the demon E.N.D. is involved with Fairy Tail."

Behind him all movement ceased instantly, the hall going completely silent and still. Smiling slyly, He rocked back a half-step instead of submitting to the cuffs.

"Yes, that would be me," He said.

The Executioner paused, a most interesting expression flashing across his face—some odd mixture of shock and disbelief. And He could practically feel all the flabbergasted expressions behind him with their stunned, confused eyes boring into his back.

" _What?_ " Natsu demanded. "But I–"

"Under most circumstances," He said smoothly, throwing a sharp look over his shoulder, "it would be unwise to trust a demon. But maybe it would be in the guild's best interests to figure out when that might actually be to its benefit."

Natsu's expression scrunched up into something pained and altogether unreadable. But He didn't have time to worry about the guild right now, so He hoped they'd get the message and keep their big mouths shut. He needed his full focus on the Council's henchman now, because He needed to play this just right.

"You can't be," the Executioner protested. "You already admitted to being the demon Deliora."

"Yes," He agreed with a sharp-toothed smile. "Both. E.N.D. is just an old name. E.N.D., Deliora, Gray…" He shrugged. "I shed names and identities like a snake sheds its skin."

"But–"

"How much do you _actually_ know about E.N.D.?" He asked, his tone patronizing even though his gaze was sharp. Most people didn't know much aside from a vague legend if they knew anything at all, and that was what He was counting on.

"It's a fire demon," the Executioner replied, although uncertainty was creeping into his voice. "And it's supposed to be the strongest of the demons, the one that would be strong enough to kill Zeref."

"Indeed. And if you ask around, I'm sure you'd be able to find someone who witnessed my fight against Zeref and saw me use fire." Glancing back, He arched an eyebrow at his white-faced ex-team. "Isn't that right?"

"Well, yes," Natsu said, "but–"

"And I killed Zeref," He continued, turning back. A mocking lilt crept back into his voice as He added, "I seem to match both of your criteria, don't I?"

The Executioner's mouth opened, closed, opened again. He looked rather like a fish. "But– You can't possibly– That's impossible…"

"Still not convinced?"

Reaching out, He pulled his shadow up and reached inside, his hand disappearing into the inky mass. His fingers slid across his ice-bound Book, briefly tangled in a metal chain, and then finally brushed against worn leather. Ah, there it was. Fingers wrapping around the spine, He pulled the Book out and tossed it at the Knight, who reflexively snatched it out of the air.

Letting his shadow settle back, He slouched a little and watched with barely-concealed amusement as the Executioner gaped at the Book's cover.

"Kind of hard to deny that, isn't it?" He asked dryly. "Does that satisfy you? I assume you'll want to keep it as evidence, but I'll want it back afterward."

After all, although Natsu's Book was somewhat obsolete at this point and He doubted anyone could do much with it, it didn't hurt to be cautious. He wouldn't hand it over at all, except that the best 'proof' He could produce as to his newly-assumed identity was the Book with both 'E.N.D.' and 'Deliora' scrawled across the front. Since the Knights and Council knew next to nothing about bindings, they'd have no alternate interpretation.

" _Shit_ , Gray," Natsu breathed, fear creeping into his voice. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You said that you didn't know where that was!" Happy added accusingly.

"No, I didn't," He drawled, not looking back.

Not his fault that they were so bad at detecting half-truths and misleading statements. But those were things He had become exceedingly good at, and He hadn't been lying when He'd said that He could probably spin things around to tell the Council most of the truth. He was just going to use bits and pieces of the truth to weave a total bullshit story.

Half-truths were just easier to use than lies, because they were easier to keep straight and were closer to reality. In a way, He was—or had been—E.N.D. Or He had been bound to E.N.D.'s Book, in any case, which amounted to much the same thing in a vaguely symbolic way. And if claiming that would keep Natsu out of the crossfire, then so be it.

"You had it this whole time?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

Of course He had. It hadn't been much of a challenge to conceal the Book in shadow and then pick it up while everyone was distracted. He wouldn't have needed to bother with the subterfuge at all, if his friends wouldn't have insisted on putting up a fight about all this.

"You told the Council that you didn't have your Book," the Executioner said, finally finding his voice again. His stunned disbelief faded just enough that he could give the demon a reproving look. "Lying to the Council is a serious offense."

"I _didn't_ have this then," He said truthfully. "I got this from Zeref."

Okay, so maybe He had lied to the Council about his Book, but He hadn't lied to them about _this_ Book. Not his fault that the Executioner didn't realize He was answering the wrong questions.

The Executioner's eyes hardened, and he handed the Book to one of his subordinates. "Turn around," he said coldly, knuckles white as he gripped the anti-magic cuffs.

He shrugged and obeyed, obediently putting his hands behind his back. He no longer had any reason to resist.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia wailed, trying to rush forward before she was stopped by Gajeel's iron grip. "Gray-sama, no!"

The cuffs snapped shut and his magic was cut off instantly, leaving a void inside him that resonated with the echoes of a power now lost. The Executioner gripped the demon's arm tightly enough to leave bruises and twisted it at an awkward angle, deliberately meant to be painful.

Leaning forward so that his breath tickled the demon's ear, he growled, "You seem to be a lot more talkative now, so maybe you'll give me some nice screams this time. Did you think last time was bad? I am going to make your life a living hell. By the time I'm through with you, you'll wish that you could die."

"Yeah, I missed you too, sunshine," He said with a breathy chuckle, fighting back an instinctive wince as the Knight's grip tightened even further.

Since He was stuck facing the rest of the guild now, He saw the exact moment the realization hit Natsu. The dragon slayer's eyes widened almost comically, and his expression twisted in horror.

"But now you _can–_ "

Erza moved like lightning, slamming a hand over Natsu's mouth. What an idiot. The Council knowing about his new mortality could work in either direction, but for now it was probably best to keep it on the down-low. He didn't doubt that an execution order would be handed down the second the Council realized He could die. On the other hand, they would likely attempt to kill him anyway, and they could actually manage that now. But in general, He firmly believed that knowledge was power and so preferred to keep his cards hidden until He chose to reveal them.

"What was that?" the Executioner demanded.

"I've seen more frightening butterflies," He said mockingly, instantly distracting his captor again. "I have endured far worse than you and your toys, human child. You will have to try harder."

The Knights' torture chamber didn't hold a candle to what He'd already put himself through while looking for a way to die, much less to what He had suffered at the hands of his devil slayer magic and Natsu and Zeref. Compared to that, the Knights were laughable.

The Executioner yanked the demon roughly, sending him stumbling back a half-step. Grunting as his arm was nearly dislocated, He quickly smoothed out his wince into a more neutral expression again.

"Don't encourage him," Erza warned nervously, but He just smiled.

"No more torture!" Lucy burst out, some of her fear melting into anger. "You can't–"

"Don't you worry," He interrupted. "You might recall that it's tricky to keep me caged, so presumably if things got too bad…" The others exchanged glances, but didn't look much happier. Still, the reminder that He could easily slip out of the cuffs and make his escape through the shadows should be enough to convince them to let him go. "And anyway," He added with a sly grin, "sunshine over here would have to seriously step up his game if he wanted to make a real impression."

The Executioner made a low growling sound in the back of his throat. When he spoke, his voice was equal parts hate and fury, every word dripping with venom. "I think you'll change your tune soon enough. You'll be singing for me by the end. You will never go free—I will have you for a very, very long time. I am going to break you, demon. I am going to make you beg and scream, and I will still show you no mercy."

A low chuckle rumbled through said demon's chest. "Ooh, someone's awfully violent. Anyone would think that you had a personal vendetta against demons." A thought hit him out of the blue, and his heart sank. Narrowing glassy eyes at the floor, He said, "Or against me in particular. Which of your loved ones did I kill, then?"

There was a long pause, and then the Executioner spun him about roughly. The man's eyes were blazing with pain and anger as he glared at the demon.

"My mother," he spat out. "And my brother. In Brago."

"Ah…" He said, his voice a sigh. "Brago."

The cities He'd rampaged through had all blended together in his mind since there were so many and He'd been Awake and therefore had no real brain capacity to note, but Brago stood out from the others. It had been his end and his beginning, and He still had Gray's very vivid memories of it.

Later, once He'd finally become more sympathetic to humans, He had gone back and done some research. He had gone through records and tracked his own path of destruction, found the names of the cities He'd destroyed, even skimmed over lists of the missing and dead. None of it had the same emotional impact as Gray's hometown or Brago, but it did serve as a reminder of the scope and magnitude of his sin.

"Do you remember them?" the Knight asked through gritted teeth. "Do you remember killing them?"

Studying the human silently, He took in the expression and body language. After a moment more of hesitation, He made his choice.

"Of course not," He said dismissively, giving the Executioner a sharp-toothed smile. "Why would I? I've destroyed dozens of cities, murdered thousands of people, and left thousands more alive and heartbroken. You are not so special."

Fury and pain flared in the Executioner's eyes. "You're a monster and–"

Letting his eyes drift to the stirring shadows, He reluctantly let them in, with their whispers of _'kill, destroy'_.

"What's one or two less filthy humans?" He interrupted, eyes cold and smile cruel.

Someone inhaled sharply behind him, but then the Knight's fist connected with his nose, sending him staggering back a half-step. The blinding pain and blood dribbling down let him know that his nose was probably broken, but He kept the inhuman smile firmly in place as He stared down the furious human.

"I see you haven't learned to hit any harder, since last we met," He taunted with a wry chuckle. "Let me explain something to you, human. I couldn't care less about you or your family. You are insects to me. In the grand scheme of things, you and your silly family are entirely worthless."

"Gray!" Erza said, horrified. "Stop. He might be a jerk, but–"

The Executioner lunged forward, crashing into the demon and slamming him into the wall behind him, the other Knights hurriedly dodging out of the way. Clamping his mouth shut to stop any small sound of pain that might escape, He turned his face away and rode out the attack, the blows raining down on him.

After several long moments his assailant was pulled away, and He looked back over to see a couple of other Knights restraining their superior and trying to calm him down. The entire hall was awash with an indistinct roar of noise, Knights and mages on their feet and shouting, but He had to shake his head to clear it and wait for the ringing in his ears to recede before He could make any of it out.

The Executioner was still spitting out curses, struggling against his men. Poor bastard had walked right into a nightmare. The guild itself seemed to be of two minds, partly condemning the demon for his cruelty and partly yelling for the Executioner to stop attacking.

"Leave Gray-sama alone!"

"What the fuck is wrong with him? That's really fucking messed up."

"Stay the hell away from him!"

"This is exactly why we shouldn't keep him around. He's a demon and he thinks like one."

"You can't just attack someone who can't fight back!"

"He totally deserved that. Just give him to the Council."

"But we can't–"

"Why is he–?"

"He needs–"

"He can't just–"

"God, you're loud," He muttered, wishing He could rub at his temples now that He could feel a headache forming. Sadly, his hands were still bound behind his back, making that impossible.

The Executioner twisted out of his Knights' grasp, and they backed up a few paces, eyeing him uncertainly.

"As much as he deserves that," one said, "it's our job to bring him in. It's a breach of code to physically abuse someone in custody if they aren't actively resisting arrest or posing a serious threat to our safety."

"Wait until we get him back to headquarters," the other advised. "We have freer rein there, and our jurisdiction extends further."

The Executioner growled in displeasure, panting heavily as he glared at the demon, but didn't move to attack again. "I will find a way to kill you, if it's the last thing I do," he snarled, every word heavy with promise.

"I quiver in anticipation," He quipped sardonically, pushing himself away from the wall awkwardly so that He could stand upright again. He swayed slightly for a second, before the dizziness passed and He pushed aside all the aches and pains pervading his body.

"Gray, stop," Lucy said, her eyes wide with horror and fear. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but you're only making things worse for yourself. Don't antagonize him."

"The more you act like this, the harder it will be to get you pardoned," Mavis added, giving him a warning look.

Yes, He knew that. Under other circumstances, He wouldn't have taken things so far. But He had killed this man's family and so owed him something. As much as He didn't honestly like the Executioner as a person, He was willing to play along and hamper his own chances in the process. He didn't particularly care about the Executioner himself, but He would pay his dues. No more, no less.

"You think he will be pardoned?" the Executioner asked with a harsh laugh, a sneer twisting his features. "He will never be pardoned. He will rot in prison until we find a way to kill him."

Lucy turned to appeal to Makarov and Mavis, saying, "We can't let them take him now. That one has a grudge, and they're going to torture and kill– _try_ to kill him."

The two guild leaders exchanged a look, and the rest of the guild broke into mutterings both for and against the proposal.

"Aiding and abetting a criminal is a serious offense," the Executioner snarled. "Interfering with official business of the Knights and the Council is another, and freeing a convicted criminal is a third. I'd suggest you rethink that. I brought plenty of backup to take the demon into custody, and you will not find it so easy to get away with interfering."

Erza scowled. "But if we let you take him, then–"

"Relax," He interrupted lightly. "I'm assuming there's going to be another trial, and the Knights' hands will be tied until then. Technically there are codes limiting how much harm they can do to someone awaiting trial, even if they've been previously convicted of something or other. They might normally overlook those protocols when it comes to something like me, but knowing how vocal you are and how much of a fuss you kick up about everything, they wouldn't dare. The serious torture is for after the trial. And in any case, if things get _that_ bad, then I think you know that I have backup measures to rely on. I will go with the Knights and submit to the Council's shenanigans, as per usual."

"But–" Natsu started.

"I already told you that I had business to take care of. The Council has to be dealt with, whether you like it or not."

"He's right," Makarov said, waving off the team's protests. "We can't ignore the Council or start an all-out war with them…at least not as anything but a last resort. We'll ensure that he gets a fair trial, and we have plenty of good evidence to offer as to why he should be released. We can work with that. For now, that's all we can do. If it doesn't work, then we can discuss what to do next."

"It'll be fine," He said, sounding more confident than He was.

He had thought out everything in great detail up to this point, but the trial itself was a nebulous blank in his mind. It was unlikely to go well, and it would be a real juggling act to get anything even remotely resembling a favorable outcome. For now, He was ignoring that. If things really got _that_ bad, then He could stage a jailbreak. It might be a little trickier this time if the Knights were taking him back to headquarters and a higher security prison, but He didn't doubt that He could find a way to escape if He really wanted to.

Of course, then He'd probably have to stay off the grid and leave the guild behind, which would suck for both him and the people who still cared about him. But the other option was for Fairy Tail to start a war with the Council, which was not an acceptable alternative.

"Nothing will be fine for _you_ ," the Executioner growled, snorting derisively as he grabbed the demon's arm and began manhandling him out the door. "But you and I will have lots of fun together."

Chuckling humorlessly, He said, "I am not afraid of you, human. But underneath all that hate, I can taste _your_ fear."

"I'm not scared of you!"

"Oh, you very much are. It's smart of you, honestly. It would be more foolish not to fear me."

He earned only a rough twist of the arm for his troubles, which pulled another sardonic smile out of him. The Executioner, apparently having reached his limit and no longer willing to verbally engage, shoved the demon outside. Before the doors closed, He heard a couple people shouting encouragement after him, promising that they'd find a way to fix this. Well, good for them if they could manage it. Then again, this would probably just cause another rift in the guild. It looked like He was going to tear it apart no matter what He did.

He was thrust into the back of a magicked transport carriage, with half a dozen wary Knights for company. The Executioner went to a different vehicle, which was just as well. They could probably both use a break from each other.

The rest of the Knights were more easily cowed, nervous and jittery as they stole fearful glances at their charge. He could only imagine how terrified they'd be if they realized that He could easily take them down without even taking the anti-magic cuffs off, or how easy it would be for him to slip the cuffs entirely and regain access to his magic as well. No, they were right to fear him.

But they at least left him alone, stiff and silent as they guarded over him. As the carriage started up and began jostling over the cobblestones, He sighed and crossed his legs underneath him, leaning his head back against the wall and letting his eyes drift shut. Aside from the vague awareness of several sets of wary eyes watching him and the constant reminders of his newly-acquired bruises that were only exacerbated by the bouncing carriage, He let his mind go blank.

He was exhausted, and tired of putting on a show and strategizing. He had picked up something like meditation over the years, back when He'd been struggling to contain all his demonic wrath and fury, and it still came in handy whenever He needed to calm down or get a break from the outside world. It might not be much, but it at least helped him pass the time and not stress over what was coming.

Because He had been lost in his own head, He wasn't entirely sure how long the carriage ride lasted. He had the impression that it had been fairly long. Or, at least, He was calmer and more ready to handle the Knights by the time the carriage finally stopped and He was shoved outside and marched into a sprawling complex to be locked in a cell. This was obviously a more highly-funded and secure facility, with state-of-the-art equipment and magic. Which, perhaps, wasn't really a surprise, given that it was the high security prison attached to the Council's headquarters.

It almost made him nostalgic for the small, dingy cell He'd had before. At least that had been dark and cozy, in an uncomfortable way. This was painfully bright, with every corner of his cell on display for the Knights guarding it and patrolling the area. He felt more exposed, and He didn't much like it.

Retreating to one of the far corners, He settled himself down awkwardly and worked on clearing his mind again. There was nothing better to do anyway, and He could use some equanimity right now.

It was quite some time later when the Executioner came back and let himself into the cell, locking the door again behind him.

"Well," he said, a cruel smile playing on his lips, "are you ready to get started?"

Opening his eyes, He studied the human dispassionately. "What were their names?" He asked evenly.

"What?" The Executioner's smile faltered, his brows drawing together in confusion. "Whose names?"

"Your family."

Fury and pain flashed over the Knight's face. "Why the hell would I tell you that?"

"You wanted me to remember, didn't you?" He asked with a shrug. "You want to throw it in my face, because you want them to mean something."

The Executioner stared, face scrunched up into a pained, unreadable expression. "Clara," He said finally, his voice tight. "And Nikolas."

"Hm." He filed the names away, keeping his flat, unwavering gaze on the human in front of him the whole time.

There was a long pause before the Executioner shook his head sharply. "You really are much more talkative than last time."

"I wouldn't count on that lasting," He said with a wry smile. He had spoken exactly zero words to this man before the incident at the guild, and now that He no longer had anything else to say, He doubted He would speak any more.

"Oh, I hope it does, although I'm less interested in your words and more interested in hearing you scream. Although I'll take begging too."

But when the Executioner advanced, He just kept a thin smile on his face and his lips clamped firmly shut, a silent and inhuman demon once more.

* * *

 **Note: Well, I had to take care of the E.N.D. problem without getting Natsu caught up in the same drama as Gray, so why not? lol** **And although I spent a while debating back and forth about how Gray would think of himself after the ending of "DoR", I have a hard time seeing him accept the name thing until he starts coming to terms with stuff.**

 **emmahoshi: LOL, the dot is just a placeholder. The navigation bar messes up the alignment of the first line. It's not an issue if that line is left-aligned, but if I don't have a beginning A/N, I put a dot so that the dot's alignment is messed up rather than the title's. Erm, no, don't you remember in ch 7 of "DoR" when he bound himself to Natsu's Book and the name changed on its own? Yep, Gray was pretty callous here. He has reasons, but his behavior can keep you on edge. And yes, it gets complicated when you take into consideration all the other victims :P Well, Gray is more on the fence atm. He's not entirely sure he wants to die nor entirely sure he wants to live, not entirely convinced that he ought to stay with the guild but not entirely sure that he can let them go, etc. Those are all things that he needs to work out. (EDIT: Okay, so what happened in ch 7 is that when Gray bound himself to Natsu's Book, "E.N.D." was _crossed out_ and replaced with "Deliora", not erased [similar to how "Deliora" was later replaced with "Gray" on Gray's Book]. So both names are present, and neither just disappeared when that binding was broken [nothing like that happened to Gray's Book back when his binding was originally broken by iced shell—these are direct consequences of the rebindings, not the broken bindings]. And no, Gray is no longer bound to Natsu's Book at all, only his own. Does that actually make sense? XD)**


	5. ---Try, Try Again (2)

**Note: Get it? Because he's going on trial and they're trying him again? I know, it's a truly terrible piece of wordplay XD This was supposed to be short and mostly glossed-over bullshit, but that obviously didn't happen. It's mostly Two's fault. She threw a wrench in everything.**

* * *

 **…Try, Try Again (2)**

* * *

The highlight of his stay with the Knights came just before the trial, when they decided to give him a new shirt to hide all the new bruises and cuts He had collected over the past days. They were making him presentable to ward off any complaints the guild might lodge, and that was fine with him.

But He _did_ manage to draw some amusement from it. Partly He was amused by the Knights' transparent attempts to cover up their misdeeds, but mostly it was the process itself that was entertaining. They had managed to sloppily wrap his wounds without too much trouble, but when the time came to actually put the shirt on, they immediately ran into problems. Namely, his hands were still bound behind his back, and no one wanted to take the cuffs off.

If it wouldn't have made his bruised ribs ache, He might have laughed at the Knights' attempts to somehow wrestle him into a shirt while his hands were bound together. As it was, his smirk only seemed to frustrate them more. The cuffs would have to come off, which was something He could have told them from the beginning. Unless they were going to somehow magic the shirt onto him, they were going to have to unbind his hands.

It was both gratifying and tiresome to see how absolutely terrified his captors were of this prospect. They had over a dozen weapons pointed at him before they removed the cuffs, even allowing that they thought the cell itself would be nullifying his powers.

But He kept his peace, just watching in amusement as they wrestled him into the shirt and tugged the long sleeves all the way down. If nothing else, He at least got the chance to stretch his arms a little before the cuffs went back on about five seconds later. They had been chafing at his wrists, and kept his arms stretched in an uncomfortable position. He missed the days when his jailers had cuffed his hands in front of him; at least He'd had more mobility that way.

"Stop grinning already," the Executioner snarled.

The smirk widened further, resulting in an elbow to the ribs. The smile didn't falter, and the instinctive wince was quickly suppressed.

"That's really creepy," one of the other Knights muttered to someone beside him.

He glanced over, and the man flinched. Honestly, there was no right way. The Knights were disconcerted if He stayed aloof and withdrawn, watching them expressionlessly. They were creeped out or aggravated if He showed disdain or put on a mocking smile. Those were about the only two options He was willing to give them, so it looked like they were out of luck. Then again, maybe it was the silence that unnerved them the most. They didn't seem able to understand how He could just watch them silently when they taunted him or ripped through his skin. He wasn't planning on changing that for them.

And, to be honest, unnerving them was rather entertaining, and the only enjoyment He got out of this whole experience. After everything they'd put him through, He didn't feel that bad about scaring them a little.

The Executioner made a sound of irritated frustration in the back of his throat and gave up trying to control the demon's expression, although he did take great pains to jostle his prisoner as much as humanly possible.

"Don't you worry," he said with a cold smile, shoving the demon forward roughly, "this is just a formality. You'll be back with us soon enough, and that's when the _real_ fun will start."

Oh, He didn't doubt it. The Knights had been showing great restraint so far, presumably because they didn't want Fairy Tail to kick up too much of a fuss. Once He had been convicted again and his sentence was passed down, the real torture would begin. Or, it would begin if He didn't slip his cuffs and escape.

He'd had plenty of time to think about how the trial would go and what He would say, but He still didn't foresee a positive outcome. It would take a real miracle to overcome the Council's desire to keep him locked up for life or executed.

The Knights dragged him through the corridors of the prison and out to a nearby building. He was honestly getting tired of this whole charade, but there was nothing for it now. Limping along the hallway toward the judicial chamber, He eyed his surroundings with the interest of the eternally bored. If nothing else, it was more impressive than the previous makeshift courtroom. Everything seemed so official and pretentious.

Two of the Knights hurried ahead to open the heavy double doors, and the Executioner pushed the demon inside. Ah, and there was the Council in its natural habitat: imperious, haughty, and totally devoid of common sense and good judgment. They were arranged in a shallow semi-circle at the far end of the room, sitting in high-backed chairs behind the imposing desk. The leader was positioned in the arbiter's position in the very middle, looking down his nose at everyone and everything. What had He called him, again? Incompetent Council Member Number One? No, no, 'useless'. Useless Council Member Number One.

He was much more interested in the spectators. As He was led down the aisle, He let his gaze roam over the assembled faces. Most all of Fairy Tail was present, even if it was divided into different camps depending on what they wanted to do with him. A good portion of Sabertooth was here as well, along with a few scattered members of other guilds. Even Lyon was sitting with a handful of Lamia Scale mages, and He didn't know what to make of that. Lyon was a wildcard, but He supposed it would make sense that he'd want to see how the proceedings went.

"Gray, are you okay?" Erza demanded, jumping to her feet and trampling over Natsu and Lucy to lean over the railing at the end of the row and peer at the demon anxiously.

"Did they hurt you?" Lucy added, shooting a nasty look at the Executioner.

Sort of half shrugging and half nodding, He offered them a wan smile. And was promptly prodded in the back with far more force than necessary. His lips tightened in exasperation, but then He smoothed out his annoyance and glanced back to give the Executioner a toothy grin. In return He received another jab, which was not entirely unexpected.

"Stop that," Lucy snapped. Her glower deepened. "He's still walking, even. It's not like he's being uncooperative."

The Executioner gave her a disgusted look and muttered something uncomplimentary about demon-lovers, jabbing his charge in the back again for good measure. Rolling his eyes, He threw his friends a lopsided smile and turned away, tuning out the chatter of Fairy Tail and the other guilds.

As they reached the front of the room, the Executioner shoved the demon down into a solitary, hard-backed wooden chair sitting in the middle of the floor directly in front of One's steely gaze. Although He supposed this was meant to make him feel small and alone, exposed to the Council without his allies about him, He just settled down and leaned back, making himself as comfortable as possible while his hands were jammed uncomfortably between his back and the chair. No point getting thrown off by mind games before they'd even started.

"And here we are again," said One sourly, looking thoroughly disgruntled even though they'd barely started. Dragging his eyes away from the demon to look at the Executioner as he retreated several paces, he asked, "Has he been cooperative?"

"Yes," the Knight admitted reluctantly. "Although he stopped talking again. He hasn't spoken a word since just after we brought him in."

"Well, he wasn't talking before, either," One said shortly. "He still started up again for his trial." Switching his gaze back to the demon, he asked, "Are you going to cooperate?"

A low, faintly amused chuckle rumbled through his chest, and He cleared his throat, wincing at the painful dryness. "Why wouldn't I cooperate with the Council?" He rasped, his voice scratchy from lack of use. "I live to cater to the every whim of our wise and aged benefactors."

He wished He could get some water, if only because there had been a distinct dearth of it in prison. Given that the Knights thought He couldn't die, any kind of sustenance had been in short supply.

The Councilman's weathered face hardened. "And here I'd almost forgotten what a sarcastic miscreant you were."

"I wish I could also say that I'd forgotten what an incompetent killjoy you were, but that would be a lie and I wouldn't dare lie to our wise and aged benefactors."

Closing his eyes, One pinched the bridge of his nose and took a couple deep breaths. It was very satisfying.

"You know how he is," said the brown-haired Councilwoman sitting beside One. "It's better to just ignore the barbs."

She threw the demon a wary, calculating look, and He grinned back. Finally, someone with some common sense on the Council.

"Except for you, dear," He said lightly. "You're a bit less aged. I guess you missed the memo, since you seem to be a couple decades shy of the desired age bracket."

The woman actually coughed out a surprised laugh, although she quickly smothered it behind her hand and darted a look at One. And here He had thought the Council was totally devoid of anyone with a sense of humor. He decided to dub her Slightly Less Useless Council Member Number Two.

"Ha ha," One said dryly, dropping his hand. "You're a real charmer."

He gave an exaggerated gasp. "Did you just use sarcasm? Uh-oh, looks like I might be rubbing off on you."

A pained look flitted across the Councilman's face, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. There was honestly no one easier to annoy than him, aside from possibly the Executioner.

"Maybe we should get started," Two said in a conciliatory tone.

"Right." One took another breath and dropped his hands again. "Demon, do you–?"

"Did the Knights hurt him?" Lucy demanded.

"Miss Heartfilia, I'd thank you not to interrupt court proceedings."

"But–"

"If you'd just check that there was no wrongful torture, we wouldn't need to interrupt the court proceedings," Makarov said mildly, and He could practically feel the Master giving Lucy and the other guild members a hard look. He bet they'd gotten a lecture about interrupting before they'd even shown up today.

Sighing harshly, One turned back to the demon. "How has your stay in jail gone?"

"I'd give it a solid three stars," He said brightly. "I might have even considered giving it a fourth, but the room service was subpar and the staff could have been friendlier."

There was a long pause.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" One mumbled finally, looking longingly towards the exit.

When he didn't continue, Two gave him a look and turned back to the demon with a shrug. "Fairy Tail has lodged a formal complaint in regards to unlawful torture that you might have endured," she said evenly. "Given that you were under an order of execution before, it is difficult to substantiate 'unlawful' torture. However, eyewitness accounts and the formal report of your arrest state that you were compliant, and the Knights have just testified that you've been cooperative during your stay here.

"In that case, torture before the trial would be unwarranted, especially seeing as there have also been accusations of your last trial being unfair. In light of a mistrial, your previous sentence is now void. If you were subjected to any unnecessary corporal punishment, then you're welcome to file a complaint."

His face crinkled into a puzzled frown. "Wait, mistrial?"

"Indeed. Fairy Tail has been very vocal in its opinion that your first trial was 'rigged' because the Council never had any intention of giving you a fair hearing. Their lobbying eventually led to a formal ruling of a mistrial, so your previous conviction and sentence have been overturned."

Good grief, his friends must have been busy making nuisances of themselves while He was locked up. He was amazed that the Council had actually decided to go along with this, given that they rarely had any qualms about bending the rules to suit their own purposes. Although, given that a fair number of Council members were shooting Fairy Tail nasty looks, He had the feeling that not everyone had been on board with this.

"Huh," He said, straight-faced, "I wonder why they'd think that."

"They made fair points," Two agreed placidly. She was much better than One at handling snarky brats. "And raised concerns about extenuating circumstances regarding a lack of free will in connection to the murders you admitted to. But I'm sure we can talk about that when we get there. First, we are obliged to ask if you feel that you have been mistreated by the Knights."

He shrugged. "They treated me about as well as I deserve, I guess. I've no reason to complain."

"Right. The other order of business on this issue is that Fairy Tail has filed a motion to have you removed from the custody of the Knights currently in charge of you, on the grounds that the commanding officer has a personal grudge and has already shown excessive violence toward you."

"But–" the Executioner protested.

"Ah, don't worry," He interrupted with a chuckle. "He's been a perfect ray of sunshine."

The Executioner spit out a curse. "You're the most infuriating monster I've ever–"

"Whoa, whoa, I prefer 'raging beast'. Or even 'the most powerful and witty and amazing of raging beasts', if you prefer."

"I'm going to–"

"Officer," Two interrupted, "you are not helping your case. Nor have you been asked to speak. You are interrupting a formal court proceeding. Please restrain yourself."

There was a strained pause, before a scuffing sound announced that the Executioner was reluctantly retreating a few paces from where he'd advanced.

"I think I've been growing on him lately," He said optimistically. "Like a particularly nasty fungus."

Two gave him a funny look, but it was One who finally found his voice again. "What in the world is _that_ supposed to mean?" he asked in exasperation.

"You don't like that one? Pity. It means that we've been getting along just _swimmingly_. Like a shark and a particularly tasty guppy."

"…In what way would you be a guppy? Is this an indirect way of claiming that you were tortured?"

"Well, no." He arched an eyebrow. "I would be the shark, actually."

One stared back. "…What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It's a truly terrible piece of wordplay. I wouldn't read too much into it."

"But then why would you _say_ it?"

"Because it annoys you, and your expression is priceless."

There was another long pause, before One propped his elbows on the desk and buried his face in his hands. Poor fool was clearly not up to this task.

Two cleared her throat and gave the wilted Councilman a sidelong look. "For the sake of erring on the side of caution and getting Fairy Tail off our case, we will arrange a new guard. Do you have any questions before we begin the trial?"

"I do, actually."

"Yes?"

"Why aren't _you_ in charge of the Council? You're so much better at it than he is."

She blinked at him in bafflement, confusion and amusement warring with the underlying tenseness and wariness. "You're a very interesting demon."

"Why, thank you. I aim to please our wise and aged benefactors, even the less aged of them."

One cleared his throat pointedly, straightening up to direct a glower at the demon and an unamused look at Two. "Seeing as I _am_ in charge, let's get started."

"Finally," He said, leaning back in the chair and trying to work his arms into a more comfortable position. "You've been particularly slow today."

Wisely deciding to refrain from commenting, One took a deep breath and forged on. "Right. Let's start with the old charges. You admit to being the demon Deliora of the Books of Zeref?"

"Yes."

"And you still admit to killing thousands of people including one Gray Fullbuster, whose body you stole?"

"'Stole' is a strong word. More like 'unwillingly took possession of'."

One gave him a flat look. "So stole, then."

"Sure," He said, shrugging. "Close enough."

"Unless this goes back to the free will claim that Fairy Tail is making?" Two suggested. One shot her a nasty look.

He shrugged again, weariness settling over him. "Does it matter? Yes, I killed a fair number of humans and took possession of one's body. No one's denying that."

"But did you have a choice?"

"Child," He said with a sigh, "'choice' has no meaning for demons. There is no such thing. It is not so much that I did not have a choice, but that there was no choice to be made."

"Isn't that the same thing?" One asked.

"No, it is not. Saying I had no choice implies that there was another option that I was incapable of choosing. There was not. I was created for a purpose, bound to a master, and unleashed on the world with a programmed need to destroy and not a mind of my own to make me capable of _choice_. So no, I didn't have a choice. But yes, I did all those things."

He could tell that his eyes must have gone distant and 'demon-y' again, because One flinched and Two shifted uncomfortably. Some other Council members were leaning in to whisper to each other, but He ignored them. As far as He could tell, they were really just here to be an extra audience.

"So…that's an extenuating circumstance, isn't it?" Two asked uncertainly. "Sentences are generally lighter in cases where people are forced to do things against their will."

"But he killed–!" the Executioner started.

"Officer, you are interrupting again. If you continue to do so, you will be asked to leave."

"See, but now you're implying that I had a will," He said tiredly. "I wasn't capable of anything that advanced. You're trying to apply human logic to me. You'd be better off conceptualizing me as an animal, minus the instinct of self-preservation and half the brain."

"To give you a fair hearing and sentencing, we'd really need to understand–"

"It doesn't matter," One interrupted, jotting down a note on the pad in front of him. "Nuances aside, he's claiming he had no choice. Extenuating circumstances, but offset by the fact that he _mass murdered_ thousands of people. Let's move on to the current charges."

A displeased frown spread across Two's face, but she kept her mouth shut. He wasn't sure why she seemed to care so much about getting to the bottom of things. Maybe she was just inherently curious or especially dedicated to making sure justice was done. Or maybe she wanted to make sure things were done right this time around so that Fairy Tail would get off the Council's case.

"Oh, goody," He said. "About time."

This was where things would get tricky, and cobbling together a plausible story would be a challenge.

"There's still the matter of your jailbreak. Do you admit to breaking out of prison?"

"Would be kind of hard not to, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm clearly not there anymore…"

One took a deep, fortifying breath. "And did you have help?"

"You mean, did Fairy Tail break me out? No. I did that all on my own, thanks."

"But–"

"I'm sure you had Knights crawling all over that place, trying to figure out how I did it. So, did they sense any magical signature other than mine?"

"Well, no, but–"

"If Fairy Tail had broken me out, then they would have needed magic, no? So if there's no magical signature…"

"Fine," One grumbled in disappointment, noting something else on the page. Aw, he so badly wanted to implicate Fairy Tail. "Well, how did you get out, then?"

"It's not like that was a very high-security prison."

"But you were in anti-magic cuffs."

"Indeed."

"…So how did you get out of them?"

"I had a lot of time on my hands after the Knights up and left."

One sighed in frustration. "Yes, but _how_?"

He shrugged. "They didn't contain me the way they should have."

"In other words, you don't know how you did it," One grumbled. "Possibly an equipment malfunction." He looked down and tried to hide his sly smile. Malfunction indeed. "Escaping from jail while a convicted criminal is also a serious charge."

One pulled out a sheaf of papers. "But for now, let's talk about what happened after your escape. I've received a number of depositions and eyewitness accounts. They're somewhat fragmented and frustratingly vague about some of the details, but they're a good place to start."

Oh hell, He should have thought of this. The Council was hardly going to trust him to tell the truth, so they'd want testimony from witnesses. And Fairy Tail would have pushed for it even if the Council didn't, as it was the best way for them to corroborate his story. Except that He really hoped they were going to corroborate the story He was going to tell.

One scowled as he flipped through the papers. "Although no one seems to know what you were doing when you first got out."

Good, the team had at least been smart enough not to place themselves at the jail. Maybe there was still some hope.

"Of course not," He drawled. "No one broke me out, remember? Why would they know what I was doing?"

He'd found that the easiest trick in the book for lying through omission and half-truths was to rephrase statements and questions into ones that could be answered truthfully.

"We have no paper trail until you ran into your old team. In their infinite wisdom, they decided that you would actually help them and not kill anyone, so they did not attempt to restrain you. Instead, Miss Marvel healed your wounds and you parted ways."

"Sounds about right," He said, giving One a skeptical look.

He knew the Council was incompetent, but this was taking it to a whole new level. What, they were just going to read him the statements and ask if He agreed? That would make things much easier, since He wouldn't have to worry about contradicting what everyone else had said.

…But really?

"So…?"

"So what?"

One sighed impatiently. "So what were you doing between the time you broke out of jail and when you ran into your former guildmates?"

The Councilman put the slightest emphasis on 'former', and He resisted the urge to scowl. No need to rub it in.

"Not much, really. There honestly wasn't much time between those events…" And they were in the wrong order, but One hadn't asked that, had he? "I was still deciding what to do."

One's gaze sharpened with interest. "As in, deciding whether to kill everyone?"

"As in, deciding whether to stick around or slip away while you were distracted."

"…Of course," One muttered, sounding disappointed. "Well, according to Mr. Bastia's deposition, your next appearance was when you showed up to interrupt his fight with…" His eyebrows rose fractionally as he skimmed over the page. "'A nasty piece of magic wearing the face of Ur'. He also claims to have stabbed you, before you 'sauntered away like a damn fool'. Mr. Bastia's statement is very…colorful."

He half turned his head and darted a puzzled look at Lyon, who was sitting impassively with his arms crossed over his chest. Lyon had written a statement too? Wildcard indeed. That would be the most dangerous one, given that He had no idea what he might have said.

"Demon?" One asked impatiently. "Is this ringing a bell?"

"Hm? Sure. I'm very good at sauntering. It's all in the attitude, you know."

One closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

"Well, you've certainly got the attitude down," Two muttered, shaking her head in some odd mixture of amusement and wary annoyance. He gave her a wide grin, and she eyed him guardedly.

"Moving on," One grumbled, shuffling through the massive stack of papers again. "You did another disappearing act, so would you like to tell us what you were doing during that time?"

He shrugged. "Generally making a nuisance of myself, I guess. I stayed out of everyone's way and took out some of the Alvarez grunts."

"And spoke to Miss Alberona?"

"Yes."

"Miss Alberona says that you were looking for Mr. Dragneel."

"…Yes." He narrowed his eyes, mind already searching for an explanation to the question He knew was coming. It wasn't like He could say that He'd been looking for Natsu because he was E.N.D.

"Why?"

"He's part of my old team," He said carefully. "I expected to find the rest of them with him, and they were the ones who knew I was free. It made sense to meet up with them again."

It was a flimsy argument that would be easy to poke holes into, but One just sighed and jotted down another note. It was lucky that it wasn't someone else—someone more _competent_ —conducting this interrogation.

"After a conversation that no one bothered to divulge the details of, a Spriggan going by the name Invel is reported to have attacked. Miss Heartfilia, Mr. Dragneel, and…Mr. Happy–"

One broke off as He started snickering.

"Mr. Happy," He repeated, smirking.

"Miss Heartfilia, Mr. Dragneel, and _Mr. Happy_ report being…carried off by a…giant."

"Brandish," Lucy supplied helpfully. "She's one of the Spriggans and–"

"Miss Heartfilia, you're interrupting."

"Are you sure you don't want to ask _Mr. Happy's_ opinion?" He asked cheerfully.

"Stop making fun of me!" Happy complained.

"I dunno, it's pretty funny," Natsu said.

"Nat _su_ …"

A fearsome glower adorned One's face as he snapped, "If Fairy Tail cannot hold their tongues, they will be asked to leave."

Silence immediately fell over the gathered mages, although He kept his sly grin in place, not cowed in the slightest.

"Right," One grumbled. "Miss Lockser's deposition outlines being…'bound to Gray-sama by Invel's magic and forced to fight to the death, except that Juvia couldn't bear to kill Gray-sama and–' Good grief, do any of you talk like normal people? These are the most ridiculous depositions I've read in my entire life."

He coughed out a laugh. "It's a very unique guild."

"And not in a good way. Miss Lockser seems to be confused about how exactly you escaped this binding, but reports that you broke it and 'went all strange and frightening, more like a demon than like the Gray-sama Juvia knows and lov–' Oh God. It keeps getting worse. This reads like a horrible romance."

"Sounds like Miss Lockser, alright," He said with a solemn nod, dark eyes glittering with amusement.

"Miss Lockser's questionable taste in love interests aside, she states that you attacked Mr. Invel. When pressed, she admitted that she thought you would kill him. Mr. Invel was… _persuaded_ …to give a statement from his cell, and although it mostly consisted of incoherent rambling, he seems to concur with Miss Lockser's testimony. He maintains that it was impossible for you to break his spell, yet you somehow did so. The main point of _five pages_ of rambling seems to be that you frightened him half to death and nearly killed him. His descriptions seem to boil down to something along the lines of you being 'a fearsome beast with eyes like crimson coals and teeth as sharp as knives, murderous intent shrouding him like a fog, a frightful Mephistopheles, demon of–' Bloody hell, it goes on for pages and I'd need a dictionary to decipher it all."

"And that sounds like Invel," He agreed with a chuckle.

"Well, the point is that you nearly killed Miss Lockser and Mr. Invel. But…you didn't?"

"Seeing as you're reading Miss Lockser and Mr. Invel's _colorful_ depositions, I suppose that I didn't."

One gave him another nasty look. "Care to explain how you broke the spell?"

Sighing, He leaned back in the chair. "My binding to Zeref is– _was_ stronger than the one Invel placed on me. Invel's was interfering with Zeref's, and upset the balance. It managed to catalyze the Awakening process and… Well, an Awakening is–"

"Miss Scarlet thought it fitting to provide us with a detailed _essay_ of everything she knows about Awakenings," One said sourly, shooting Erza a dark look. "You needn't repeat it."

"Just as well. I allowed the Awakening to proceed so that Zeref's binding would override Invel's. It was the only way to not kill Juvia, but…yes, I lost control for a few seconds."

"Why didn't you kill them, then?"

"Because I…remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"Why I didn't really want to do that."

"And that would be because…?"

His laugh sounded something like a sigh. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Demon, answer the question."

"No thanks."

One opened his mouth again, but it was Two who leaned forward with a piercing look and asked, "Why?"

He studied her and then sighed. "I am not the same demon I once was. I have a mind, and can determine who I wish to be and who I wish to protect. I stopped with wanton destruction and murder years ago, because I _wanted_ to stop. Believe me or not, but I don't spend all my time dreaming up new and interesting ways to kill humans."

Her gaze somehow sharpened even further. "And who is it that you wish to protect?" He gave her a flat look, and she said, "Your guild."

"My old guild. And, marginally, anyone who is not in direct opposition to them. You will have noticed that I was with them for over a decade without killing any of them. In any case, the Awakening was incomplete and I pulled myself back."

"Wait, how come you'll answer when _she_ asks?" One demanded.

"Because I respect her more than I respect you," He said with a shrug.

"Maybe we should continue on?" Two asked lightly, glancing between him and One.

One scowled but complied. "Miss Lockser asserts that you took her to Mr. Bastia, which he corroborates, and said you were going after Zeref, before running off _again_. Your activities are next noted by Miss Scarlet and a number of other witnesses, who say that you took out a large battalion of Alvarez soldiers. Miss Scarlet then gives a description of coming with you to find Zeref, there's some vague mention of Mr. Dragneel somehow defeating Acnologia, and–"

"You mean _Mr_. Acnologia?" He interrupted.

The scowl He got in return was totally worth it.

"And then we have several different accounts of your fight with Zeref, including chunks of speech and other detail that make you out to be a sympathetic hero."

He frowned. "Of speech?"

"'Me dying isn't a problem. It's the perfect solution.' 'I'm sorry for a lot of things, but this is best for everyone.' 'The guild has always been my heart and I love you.'"

" _What?_ " He demanded, finally losing his composure as his eyes bugged out of his head. "They said _that_?"

"They said that you said that."

"Seriously?" He turned and glowered at his sheepish teammates. "Why the hell would you say that?"

Erza sat up straight and gave him a hard look. "Because you did say those things."

"That I _loved_ you? No, I didn't say that."

"Oh, Gray," Erza said, her eyes softening, "you most certainly did."

He growled deep in the back of his throat. "I don't see why you felt it fitting to recount sanitized versions of our conversation to the _Council_ ," He said through gritted teeth.

"Look," Lucy said, holding her hands up in a conciliatory gesture, "I know that was kind of private, but they need to know that you aren't as bad as they think you are."

"But you seriously–?"

" _Ahem_ ," One said pointedly. "The accused and the audience should not be conversing."

He turned back around with a scowl. He wasn't _sulking_ , just… Okay, He was kind of sulking.

"Are you saying that these claims are false?" One asked.

His grimace deepened. "They aren't _false_ , just overly positive approximations of what I actually said."

"So false," One said, suddenly cheering up.

"Mr. Bastia recounted some similar statements," Two said mildly. "And given that he has little reason to provide an overly rosy picture of the defendant, his claims give good support for the ones made by Fairy Tail."

"Even _Lyon_ got in on this?" He demanded, eyes widening again. "What the fuck is going on with you people?"

"Language," One snarled, his mood souring as Two shot him down.

"I'll say whatever I damn well please, thanks."

Two gave him a look. "This is still a courtroom, and we would appreciate it if you would use appropriate language."

He stared at her, then sighed and deflated. "Fine, fine, sorry."

One's eyes widened in outrage. "Seriously? Why do you listen to _her_?"

"She's less incompetent than you. And she's also more polite. Goodness knows there's a shortage of _that_ around here."

Two was giving him one of those unreadable, ambivalent looks again, but asked, "Shall we proceed?"

One took a moment to rein in his temper, although his voice was still tight with anger when he spoke again. "We want to know why you went to Zeref."

"Because I had no choice," He grumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because he was my master. He owned me, and I obeyed because I was created to obey. A demon is created with a _purpose_. Instincts drive us to that purpose; we are drawn to it like magnets. Destruction is only a secondary purpose. My primary purpose is to kill Zeref, so I went and killed Zeref like a good little demon. He had a gravitational pull of his own, that one. It would be impossible for a demon to resist."

One's eyes narrowed. "And why would Zeref create demons to kill him?"

Sighing heavily, He leaned back and closed his eyes. "Child, when you are cursed to live forever, you are always looking for a way to die."

There was a long pause before One said, "Miss Scarlet mentioned that you wanted her to come with you to 'stop him from losing himself, and to remind him not to kill Zeref'. So, were you looking to kill Zeref or not?"

There was the first major slipup, and He was surprised it was Erza who had made it.

"I needed to kill him," He said carefully, "but I couldn't kill him right away. The closer I got to Zeref, the more overwhelming my instincts became. Which, if you recall, means that I'd lose my ability to think rationally. It would be silly to go up against the most powerful mage in existence without a brain, wouldn't it?"

"There are many reports that you _did_ kill Zeref," One grumbled, clearly displeased at not having caught him in a contradiction. "And apparently these go along with this E.N.D. nonsense." Shifting the stack of papers aside, he pulled out Natsu's Book and tapped his finger on the cover. "You claim that you are E.N.D.?"

"That's what I'm claiming," He agreed.

"And yet you are still Deliora?"

"Correct."

"So…both?"

"Now this is just getting redundant."

One shot him a dark look. "The arrest report details your claim, but I still find it ludicrous."

"Although there are several depositions confirming that he was seen using fire magic," Two remarked neutrally. "And not all of them were from Fairy Tail."

"Many of them weren't on scene and only saw events from a distance. That opens them up to error."

"Perhaps, but there are many of them. And the claim that he killed Zeref is firmly substantiated. It's a strange turn of events, certainly, but it would be improper to ignore what evidence we have."

"Fine," One growled, turning back to the demon, "but then explain why you only killed Zeref now, if you were driven to kill him before and were powerful enough to do so. Why didn't you kill him a long time ago?"

He remained silent, marshalling his thoughts.

"Because I am defective," He said finally, his voice flat. "I am powerful, but I did not have the cognitive ability or drive to use that power. Upon realizing this, Zeref used me as a template to make the later demons. They were not as powerful, and they failed. He eventually gave up and set me loose on the world instead. It was not until I got trapped in a human body and began developing a mind of my own that I became capable of unlocking my power."

"So why were you never seen using fire up until that point?"

"I locked away most of my power while pretending to be human, remember?"

One grunted in displeasure. "And how did you defeat Zeref? No one seems to know. The only thing everyone agrees on is that you were supposed to die along with him, despite the fact that you're immortal. There are also claims that you were somehow saved by Mr. Dragneel, but not even Mr. Dragneel himself seems to understand how."

"Through a complete accident," He grumbled. "He shouldn't have been able to do it. As for Zeref, the power of E.N.D. was meant to kill him, remember?"

"But you're immortal, as we would know since the Knights spent a good deal of time attempting to execute you. Why would you need saving at all if you couldn't die?"

He shrugged. "I was bound to Zeref. At that point, I was immortal with the caveat that I'd die if Zeref died, because his death would bleed through the binding and affect me. Anything that killed him would have to be powerful enough to kill an immortal."

"Hm. And how did Mr. Dragneel save you, then?"

"He bound me," He said, narrowing his eyes at the ground. "He bound me to himself, and to the guild."

"A magic binding?"

"There was a magic binding," He agreed. It wasn't what He was referencing, but He figured that the binding to his Book should count.

"And what does this binding do?"

He was silent for a long moment, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"A demon cannot live without a binding and a purpose," He said finally, bleakly. "It's what we are created for. My binding to Zeref was broken, my purpose fulfilled and voided. But I am bound to the guild. Zeref was my master, but now it is the guild that owns me." He sighed, the truth of his words searing him. "They own me. My purpose is to protect and serve them."

This was nothing new, to be fair. He had given himself a new purpose long ago, to replace the ones He had been created with. But now that his binding to Zeref was gone and his original purpose nullified, his bond to the guild and his need to protect it were all that remained.

"So… You obey them?"

He half shrugged, still staring fixedly at the floor. "I play by their rules. I cannot intentionally kill humans, because I am bound to the guild and they do not wish me to. I cannot even intentionally harm humans except under certain conditions, such as self-defense or during sanctioned fights. Even then, it's a minimum-force policy." He laughed hollowly. "You should congratulate them on managing to domesticate a demon."

Like He had told Erza, not all bindings were made of magic. The guild had placed bindings on him long ago, and He played by their rules because He had bound himself to them. That was a binding of its own, although a different type than what the Council was thinking.

"So… You're saying that there's now a magic binding on you that prevents you from killing or harming humans?"

"There is a binding that prevents me from killing or harming humans," He agreed, conveniently leaving out the part about magic.

One was silent for a long moment before continuing. "Fairy Tail's argument is that you should be released because your other trial was unfair, because you show no intent to harm anyone, and because you killed Zeref. They contend that killing Zeref in some way makes up for your previous murders. However, even with that, it would be impossible to set a demon loose."

"Mhm." This was nothing that He hadn't expected from the get-go.

"But he saved you!" Lucy burst out. "Killing Zeref saved a lot of lives."

"He doesn't deserve this kind of treatment when he didn't do anything wrong," Mira said. Her voice was cold and hard. "Stop looking at him like a demon and treat him like a person. No one deserves to be dehumanized like that. He has done nothing but try to protect us, all of us, this whole time."

"And he can't kill anyone because of the binding, so he's not a threat if you release him," Natsu added, apparently deciding to milk this binding claim for all it was worth.

"It's just not safe," One snapped. "And unless this binding can be verified… Right now, we're taking a demon's word on all of this."

"The guild would take responsibility for him," Makarov said. "We'll monitor him to make sure he doesn't go rogue and assume responsibility for his actions."

"It's not enough. You're too close to him to make good guardians. You already trust him too much."

"I will vouch for him as well," Lyon said.

He started in surprise and twisted around. Lyon had stood up, and was grasping the railing separating the spectators from the courtroom floor so tightly that his knuckles were white. His face was hard and unreadable, and He could do nothing but stare in disbelief.

"He killed my master and my brother," Lyon continued, his eyes narrowing. "I have no love for demons. If I thought he could do that again, I would fight tooth and nail to keep him behind bars." Closing his eyes, he said, "I don't believe he will hurt anyone else, and I'm confident enough of that to voluntarily take responsibility for his actions."

He gaped at Lyon, mind reeling and heart doing funny flips in his chest. Whatever He had been expecting from Lyon's presence here today, it had not been this.

Opening his eyes, Lyon noticed the demon's scrutiny and scowled. "I still hate you."

"I'd be more worried if you didn't," He said slowly.

"Wow," Natsu said in the loudest possible whisper. "Sure wasn't expecting that."

The saddest thing was that he obviously thought he was being quiet. Idiot.

One cleared his throat and looked back down at the papers in his hands. "Your recommendation has been noted, Mr. Bastia. But as it stands, releasing the demon still poses a significant threat to the well-being of the general population."

"But the binding–" Erza started.

"Is something that we only have the demon's word for."

"Actually, we might have a solution," said Sting.

He frowned, having no idea what involvement Sabertooth had in any of this. Unless maybe Fairy Tail had a hand in it? Glancing over at his own guild, He noticed Mavis hiding a smile.

"What is it?" One asked reluctantly, and He doubted Sting would have been given the time of day if he wasn't a guild master.

"We have a memory mage," Sting said, giving the demon a cool, unfriendly look. "Rufus could look through the demon's memories and see if he's telling the truth about this binding. We have no connection to Fairy Tail, nor are we particularly dedicated to setting a demon loose on the streets. This would be an entirely impartial gesture. If he is telling the truth, then he is telling the truth. If he is not, then we will know."

Just what did Mavis think she was doing? Staring at Sting warily, He took in the cold eyes and knew that this would, in fact, be an impartial gesture. Sabertooth wasn't necessarily an ally, but Fairy Tail must have somehow convinced them to give him a shot. If what they found in his mind was unsatisfactory, they would throw him back to the Council without another thought.

And given that He had spent the entire trial weaving an intricate story of carefully worded half-truths, Sabertooth would just as easily send his entire explanation crashing down.

"I don't think–" One started.

Two murmured something in his ear, and he turned toward the rest of the Council with a scowl. A few other Councilmen had something to add in low voices, and then One spun back to face the courtroom again.

"Right," he grumbled. "The Council believes Sabertooth's claim of impartiality. Mr. Lore's magic is also well-verified. You may perform your test."

Rufus stood up from where he was seated amongst his guildmates and began picking his way down to the front of the room. This was bad.

"Wait," He said, "don't–"

"It's hard to trust a demon on blind faith," Rufus said mildly, although his gaze was sharp.

This must be a ploy to get Sabertooth's backing. Darting a glance at his guildmates, He saw Mavis nod slightly. She must have told Sabertooth at least some of the truth so that they wouldn't be surprised at what they found in his head and give it away to the Council.

But still, He couldn't think of anything worse than to have someone dig through his mind and examine his memories.

"No," He said in a voice smaller than He wanted it to be, eyeing Rufus like he was a venomous snake.

"No?" One smiled, and it wasn't pleasant. "Don't want him seeing through your lies?"

"Would _you_ want someone digging through your memories?"

"Gray," Erza said, "just let him. There's no other way."

He shook his head. "I'd rather–"

He gasped, eyes widening as He felt something prodding at his mind. Behind his mask, Rufus's eyes narrowed in concentration. What, He didn't even get a choice?

…When had He ever?

"Don't…" He trailed off, eyes going out of focus.

It was odd to feel Rufus examining his memories of the trial. And his mind was dragged along for the ride, the memories overlaid on top of reality as if He was reliving them again.

He was giving his half-truths, figuring out how not to incriminate the guild, playing along with a battle He didn't expect to win.

Rufus kept going: working backward, darting from memory to memory, sometimes lingering longer on certain ones.

"Stop…"

The Knights were playing their games, He was surrendering himself to them, He was assuming E.N.D.'s identity to protect Natsu. He was waiting for the Knights, listening to the guild argue about his future, furtively slipping the Book of E.N.D. into his shadow. He was staring at the cover of his Book in shock, trying to explain to the guild why they needed to let him go, waking up disoriented and lost in an alien world.

And then Rufus moved on to before He had killed Zeref, and suddenly the memories were not only disorienting but so real that He could feel them, the courtroom wavering and nearly disappearing under the onslaught.

He had to Awaken, He _had_ to, because sometimes you needed to become a monster to kill a monster. Couldn't they see that this was the only way? Did He love them? He wanted to love them.

The binding, the binding, He had to fix Natsu and bind himself to the Book. And _oh_ , it hurt, the fire searing through his veins and the ice shredding his insides and the shadows eating away at his mind and his entire body aching and bleeding. But He had to–had to–

He had to save Natsu, reverse his Awakening. His ribs splintered and He cried out in pain, but it hurt worse knowing that He had failed, that He hadn't gotten Natsu's Book in time and now He was going to lose his friend.

He had to go—Zeref was calling him so strongly. God, why was there so much blood?

Kill the humans and go to Zeref. But no, not that, He wasn't Awake. Not yet.

He needed to find Natsu to make sure he didn't Awaken, needed to help Lyon against this thing that wasn't Ur, needed to finally tell Natsu the truth about E.N.D.

He would let the Knights try to kill him, tolerate the pain until it was time to fight. He would submit to the Council instead of escaping.

It hurt explaining the truth, realizing that his friends—former friends?—would finally see him for what He was. And He needed to play demon for them, push them away so that they didn't get caught up in the fallout. He was going to kill the bitch, rip her heart out for daring to challenge him and attack his guild. The shadows were everywhere and his seal was snapping, but…

But Gray knew that if he let the seal snap, nothing would ever be the same. He would lose everything…but was that really worse than watching his friends die? It seemed so hopeless, and Gray could feel the shadows breaking down the barrier he had constructed to hold them back so long ago. The seal was already weak because–

Gray couldn't do this, he couldn't stand playing along with Avatar's games and dabbling in the things he had worked so hard to escape. But he could have, Before. If he let the seal weaken a little–

The guild was gone, and what was left now? Gray had no one else. The guild had disbanded and Natsu had left because while they were fighting Tartaros–

It shouldn't be possible for Gray's father to be here. He had Gray's memories of killing the man. And now, with Silver claiming to be _Deliora_ and _him_ pretending to be his long-dead son, he had never felt less like Gray.

Oh God, it was Ultear. What had she _done_? She couldn't know. So instead of stopping the carriage, he pressed himself against the window and tried to convince himself that he wasn't crying.

The dragonlings were everywhere and it _hurt_ …

…how could they have just lost seven years?...Zeref was _here_?...Shit, he had thought Ultear was dead…It would be a lot of fun with Loke, and maybe Gray could edge out Natsu this year…

…figures, there was a whole damn world full of flying cats…

…he would get Erza out of this damn Tower if it was the last thing he did…

...no, they wouldn't just hand Lucy over. Gray would fight for her…

…it was so stupid of him to listen to Natsu now, but Gray so badly wanted to accept that offer of friendship…Maybe iced shell would be the closest he could get to death…Oh God, that was _Lyon_. _Gray's_ Lyon. And this could ruin everything…Someone was going to realize…

…huh, a team with Erza, Natsu, Happy, and Lucy. Who would've thought it?...

…Gray was going to kill that fire-breathing idiot…

…beheading was a bust. Gray didn't know why he still bothered trying…

…ow, did Erza really have to get so violent? He and Natsu were just messing around…

…he absolutely should not care about some little human girl crying by the river, but…

…he could just kill them all, but maybe it would be useful to take advantage of their contacts and resources…One day he'd find a way to undo that damn spell…

…stupid humans. He was going to rip their heads off in three seconds if they didn't back off. He had no patience for such insignificant creatures…

…this wasn't possible, wasn't possible, what was this? He didn't understand, didn't understand…

…and Ur was going to die, sacrifice herself to seal the same demon that had killed his parents, and it was Gray's fault because he was the one who had–

With a sudden jolt, He half jerked out of the overwhelming stream of memories, writhing in the chair and tossing his head fitfully.

"St-stop…"

Those weren't his memories—they were Gray's. And if Rufus was at Gray's memories and still going backward, then next would be–

Deliora's roar sliced through the air, and the humans screeched and ran like insects. The world would burn. It was all blood and ash and screaming. Kill, destroy, kill, dest–

Something snapped and He slumped over like a puppet with its strings cut, his eyes wide and glassy. Rufus was reeling away and falling to his knees, people were shouting, but there was still a whole burning world overlaid on top of the courtroom. He could taste the ash, hear the screaming, feel the heat of the fire, smell the tang of blood heavy in the air.

"What did you do?" the Executioner demanded, grabbing the demon and shaking him violently.

He flopped over lifelessly, staring at the carnage that wasn't really there. He couldn't breathe. The Knight's rough shaking knocked the air out of his lungs, and his broken nose threatened to suffocate him until He pulled in a deep breath through his mouth and gasped.

"Stop!" Rufus snapped, pulling himself back to his feet unsteadily and hurrying over. "He didn't do anything." Shoving the Executioner away, he bent over to look the demon in the eyes. "Hey, are you okay?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, He tore his eyes away from the ghostly destruction and forced them to focus on the human. When He opened his mouth, only a strange, garbled sound emerged, his words getting mixed up and falling over each other.

He snapped his mouth shut. He didn't want to be making strange noises like that in front of the Council.

"Is he alright?" Two asked, leaning forward. "What's wrong with him?"

"What the hell did you do to him?" Erza demanded.

"He's in shock," Rufus said. "It's my fault. You have to understand that I dragged him through his memories and he was reliving them. Usually I'd guide him back to the present in a gradual transition, but I panicked and pulled out abruptly. He's going to be extremely disoriented." Sighing, he pressed his hands to his eyes. "I left him in a really bad place, and we'll be lucky if mangled speech is the worst of the damage."

Oh, He knew what Rufus meant by that. Luckily for them, He wasn't quite so far gone as to go all crazy psycho demon on them.

"Can you fix it?" Lucy asked worriedly.

"Sometimes it helps if I go back into their minds and try to unstick them from the memory I left them in. If I can get him and walk him back out–"

His head snapped up and He shook it sharply, unconsciously shrinking back into the chair. No way did He want anyone going into his mind again.

Rufus broke off and stared at him. "Well, it looks like he at least understands us. That's good. I was worried he wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't he?" One asked with a frown.

"Not understanding…messed-up talking…" Anger flared to life in Natsu's voice as he said, "You took him back to when he was Awake? What the hell made you think he wanted to relive _that_?"

"I didn't realize…" Rufus trailed off and shook his head. Turning back to the demon, he asked, "Are you alright? You can shake your head or nod if you can't talk."

He scowled. No way was He going to resort to gestures like He was a child who didn't know how to speak.

"I'm…fine…" He said slowly, his tongue feeling thick and heavy in his mouth.

Stringing the words together and getting them out was a struggle, but it wasn't as bad as after He'd been Awakened again. If He could just calm down, figure out how to breathe again and tamp down the toxic cocktail of emotion, then maybe He could fix this. If only everything wasn't so confusing, with memory bleeding into reality.

"Oh good. Aside from being disoriented, are you thinking rationally?"

"Think…fine…" He mumbled, drawing the words out and selecting them carefully in the hopes of not making a total fool of himself. "Just need…sort…um, sort…um, I need…" Groaning in exasperation, He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. "Go away."

"Sorry, sorry, I know it's frustrating." When He didn't respond, the sound of Rufus's footsteps started up as he retreated. "He'll be fine," he told everyone else. "Just give him some time to sort things out and bring himself back to the present. He seems lucid enough to understand what we're saying."

God, why was it so hard to breathe? It was suffocating in here. He took a series of deep breaths through his mouth, trying to calm his racing heart and pull himself back to reality. Reality where there were no ghostly bodies staring at him with their dead eyes, no high-pitched screams cut off abruptly, no blood and ash coating his mouth and nostrils.

"Right," One said unsympathetically. "So what–?"

"He appears to be bleeding," Two interrupted. "Was he already injured when he was arrested?"

Warm liquid was trickling down his side, escaping from the messy bandages and seeping through his shirt. He must have aggravated some of his injuries while thrashing around.

"No," Rufus said, his voice suddenly cold, "that would be from the Knights."

His eyes flew open, and He directed a nasty look at the memory mage.

"He said that the Knights didn't torture him," Two said uncertainly, looking between Rufus and the demon.

"No, that's not what he said. He said that the Knights treated him as well as he deserved."

He scowled, his glare turning even more venomous. Someone was being awfully nosy.

"Oh, Gray," Erza said with a sigh, "don't do this to yourself."

"That's entirely unacceptable," Lucy added angrily. "You said he wouldn't be tortured. How _dare_ you sit there and say he's too dangerous to be released when you've been torturing him this whole time?"

"Does it really matter?" One asked impatiently.

"Does it…? I'm going to–"

"Miss Heartfilia, please restrain yourself," Two interrupted. She gave Lucy a sympathetic but firm look, before turning to the Executioner and asking, "And what do you have to say about this?"

"He's a demon," the Knight said, the sneer evident in his voice. "What does it matter what we do to him?"

Natsu let out a sound that sounded almost like a growl. "You're going to regret that–"

"Mr. Dragneel," Two said. "Please." Then, to the Executioner, she added, "You were given specific instructions on how to handle the defendant's confinement, given the complaints we received from Fairy Tail. Your blatant disregard of normal guidelines would be bad enough if you hadn't also received extra warnings. This behavior isn't acceptable. An official inquiry may be made into this."

God, they were so loud. He wished they'd stop stalling and cut to the chase already. He wasn't in the mood to play along with the Council's games anymore, and it was too hard to focus on all their bickering right now.

"Why should normal guidelines apply to him at all?" the Executioner asked sourly. "He's not even human."

"Be that as it may–"

"Can we move on?" One interrupted. "This is such a minor issue that it doesn't deserve our attention."

"But–"

"Mr. Lore, would you mind giving us your assessment of the question you were _actually_ asked to answer?"

There was a tense moment of silence but then Two backed down, her lips pursed and eyes smoldering. The guild also reluctantly held its silence, and there were a few seconds of blessed quiet as Rufus studied the demon with slightly narrowed eyes.

"He's telling the truth," Rufus said finally, and He could only stare in disbelief. "There's a very strong bond between him and Fairy Tail. He can't kill anyone like this. And even if that bond didn't exist, I still find it highly unlikely that he would intentionally harm an innocent. And he was also right about not being in control while he was…Awake. He's no more of a threat than you make him out to be."

What in the world would possess Rufus to lie to the Council in order to support a demon he had no connection to? That was a ridiculous risk to take.

Rufus looked to the spectators and nodded slightly. Sting and Rogue exchanged looks, and then Sting sighed.

"In that case, Sabertooth will also vouch for the demon and offer support for his release."

They were all insane, they had to be.

An uproar greeted Sting's pronouncement, and He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Some of the memory-induced panic was starting to fade, but it was leaving a bone-numbing weariness and melancholy in its place. The ghosts were suffocating him, and He didn't have the energy to take an interest in the heated debate. He had enough on his plate just trying to breathe and organize his mind so that He could speak up again if He needed to.

It was hard to miss the ugly divisiveness, though. Fairy Tail was mostly supporting him aside from a few holdouts brave enough to speak out, while Sabertooth seemed divided down the middle. Most other guilds and the Council were quite clearly arguing against his release, with Two trying to stand as the lone voice of reason in a vain attempt to mediate the conflict.

Every time He tuned back into the conversation for a moment or two, they seemed to be yelling back and forth about something new. He should be released because He'd killed Zeref…but He should stay imprisoned because He'd admitted to murdering thousands. The binding meant it was safe to let him go…but there was always the risk that He could find a way out of it. The general population could suck it up and deal with it since He wasn't going to hurt them…but they'd be frightened and it wasn't fair to put them in danger. He hadn't had a choice Before…but He'd done it anyway. He wasn't the same demon He'd been…but He was still a demon.

Listening to the discussion was exhausting, and He felt himself slipping further and further into his own mind to sort through the pain and grief and guilt that had begun eating away at him again He'd rather forget. He just wanted everyone to settle on a solution already, and honestly cared less about what that solution actually was.

"There's also the matter of his unfair treatment at the hands of the Council and Knights," Two was saying evenly.

Sighing, He went back to trying to ignore everyone. He was so tired of going around in circles.

"You know," One said sharply, "you've been awfully sympathetic to the demon this whole time. I don't know why you came into this wanting to set him free, but you might reconsider whether it's really wise to be a demon-lover."

He snapped back to the present, not because of anything One said, but because the sudden shift in the atmosphere was palpable. He opened his eyes just in time to see Two's calm façade crack, fury and pain sweeping over her face.

"He killed my daughter!" she yelled back, and silence instantly fell over the room. And his heart sank. "We didn't even live in Isvan, but we went up to visit my husband's family and she–she–

"Do you think this is easy for me?" She laughed bitterly. "I am no demon-lover. I did not come in wanting to set him free. But I want to understand what happened to my baby and why. Maybe you don't care whether he had a choice or why he acts the way he does, but I want to _understand_. I want to understand why my child is dead.

"And you know what? He was right, before, when he said that we the Council are failing in our duties. And Fairy Tail is right that there is nothing fair going on here. In his first trial I sat back and did nothing, because I wanted him to pay. And that was wrong, because my personal feelings shouldn't interfere with my work. Things will be done right this time around. I don't necessarily want him set free, I don't honestly know _what_ I want done with him, but that decision will be a fair one, made by looking at all the evidence.

"I read through all the depositions, I had a hand in interviewing both his supporters and detractors, and I have listened to everything he has said today. I am looking for the demon who killed my daughter, and I am finding something else entirely. You can't ignore everything that doesn't corroborate your own opinions. If I thought my personal feelings would interfere with my ability to pass fair judgment again, I would have removed myself from this case.

"My child is dead. What is _your_ excuse for not doing your job?"

The room was frozen. One's mouth opened, but nothing came out. Two continued to glower at him, her body trembling slightly as anger and pain warred in her eyes.

"What was her name?" He asked finally, his raspy voice slicing through the silence.

Two turned but He stayed resolutely still, his own gaze unwavering. She stared at him, the ambivalence He'd noted earlier now even more pronounced as she waged an internal war with herself.

"Emilia," she said after a long moment, her voice wavering.

"Pretty name."

"She was a pretty girl."

"I'm sure."

He almost asked for her name too, but He didn't have the courage for it. A name had meaning, it was important, and it forged a more intimate closeness than He was sure He wanted to have. He would keep the names of the fallen as penance, but He was wary of forging such a bond with the living. That was more potential heartache than He had the heart to take on.

"And just what are you doing with all these names?" the Executioner demanded, stepping up and grabbing the demon's arm tightly, fingers digging painfully into the wound he had to know was there.

He stared back expressionlessly. "Wouldn't you like to know? Let go."

The Knight's grip only tightened.

"Officer," Two snapped, "you are interfering again. I sympathize with your situation, but your behavior is unacceptable. Release him and step back."

The Executioner hesitated, torn between following orders and taking some small measure of revenge. His nails pulled at the edges of the wound, and a large blotch of red began spreading down the shirt's sleeve.

"Let me explain something to you," He said tonelessly. "I found the weak point in those anti-magic cuffs long before you ran off. While you were ripping through my skin, I could have very easily ripped your head off. You were at my mercy, and I chose not to kill you."

"I don't believe you," the Executioner snarled.

"I don't particularly care whether you do or not," He said, his voice perfectly flat as He bored into the man with dead eyes. "The point stands. I have been very tolerant of you, human. I have played by your rules, but my patience is wearing thin. I am no longer in the mood to play your games. This is no longer about you. You have no right to interfere in a game that is not your own. I suggest you let go."

The Executioner flinched back at whatever he saw in the demon's eyes, and let go almost reflexively. Not sparing him another glance, He turned his attention back to Two.

"What is it that you want to know of me?"

She hesitated, torn with indecision, but then blurted out, "Are you sorry?"

Tilting his head slightly, He regarded her with unreadable eyes. "Do you want me to be?"

"What…? What does that mean?"

"It means that I owe you something, child. That I have taken something unbearably precious from you. Quite honestly, I have no means of repaying that debt even if I wished to. But what I will give you is a choice." He nodded toward the Executioner, although his intense gaze never strayed from Two's face. "He does not want me to be sorry, so for him I will not be sorry. Would you like me to be sorry so that you can let go, or would you like to hate me so that you can hold on?"

She stared at him, her mouth working soundlessly. "I…I want…" A choking sound escaped her throat, and she pressed her hand over her mouth as if to stifle it. "I want to let go," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Then for you, I am sorry."

She searched his face with heartbroken eyes, looking for answers. Then the tears clouding her eyes broke loose and she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Pursing his lips, He let his gaze drift away.

"Don't listen to him," the Executioner growled. "You should have heard what he said about _my_ family. Don't be fooled. He's not sorry."

"He _is_!" Two cried, her voice breaking. "He is."

"He is," Rufus said quietly, and He gave the Sabertooth mage another dark look.

"But–" the Executioner started.

"Let him go," Two mumbled into her hands. "Just…let him go."

The demon's gaze snapped back to her, his lips quirking into a frown. She was much harder to decipher than the Executioner, and He didn't understand what was going through her head.

"You can't just _let him go_ ," the Executioner protested.

"I'm sympathetic to you," One added, "but it's not safe to–"

Two dropped her hands to give One a flat look, her emotions back on a tight leash once more. "My personal feelings aside, I've weighed the evidence and considered the different outcomes. We can't deny that he killed Zeref and saved many lives. That already puts us in a tough position, especially considering that he didn't have a choice about the murders he committed. He's gone years and years without any major problems, and has a clean track record aside from this. He was subjected to an unfair trial and unjustified torture, which the Council is already taking heat for. Whatever we do will cause dissension, but let's face it, Fairy Tail has already been causing enough problems and will continue to do so. We've received verified evidence that he's under a binding that will prevent him from harming innocents."

"But everyone will freak out and–"

"Sure, they'll be worried at first, but eventually things will settle down. But do you know what isn't going to settle down? Fairy Tail."

"We aren't going to let one guild make our decisions for us. And there would still be plenty of guilds and civilians unhappy with his release."

Two shook her head in exasperation. "I'm not saying that we're just giving in, but look at it from a practical standpoint. Fairy Tail has been a thorn in the Council's side from the beginning, but it's not really for all their destruction and rule-bending. It's because they're possibly _the_ strongest guild, and they have a lot of leverage because they've been responsible for taking care of so many 'unbeatable' threats. That means we have to try to keep them in their place, because they have a good deal of power and we're at a disadvantage.

"Fairy Tail has once again saved the day—because even if… _Gray_ …is not technically part of their guild anymore, he is still strongly affiliated with them—which gives them even more leverage. They've already forced us into declaring a mistrial and admitting to the injustices going on. Everything is still in shambles from Zeref's army, and right now the Council needs all the support it can get as we coordinate reconstruction processes. At this time, we cannot afford to go to war with Fairy Tail."

"But–"

"What do you think would happen if we refused to release him?"

One was silent for a long moment, but then sighed and rubbed at his eyes wearily. "A war with Fairy Tail."

Another Councilman cleared his throat and said, "Although there will be a significant group that doesn't want a demon released and a core group very strongly against keeping him imprisoned, most citizens actually seem to fall somewhere in the middle. He has a good reputation, and has helped many people who are unwilling to turn on him completely. They might not ignore the things he's done, but he's done nothing to warrant imprisonment in years. And now that Fairy Tail has been spreading it around that he had no choice about those killings, our case for keeping him is becoming flimsier."

He frowned and studied the Council curiously. This was not at all how He had expected this trial to go.

"It's a bad situation all around," another Councilman muttered. "We'll have people showing up on our doorstep with pitchforks no matter what. Damned if we do, damned if we don't."

"You're right," Two said. "I think our best option might be to issue an official order of absolvement."

His face scrunched up in confusion. Why the hell would she want to do _that_?

"Solve what?" Natsu asked, sounding totally lost.

Instead of reprimanding the dragon slayer for speaking out of turn, Two gave him and the rest of the guild a long look. "Absolvement," she repeated. "Amnesty. It means that we declare him free of guilt for any crimes he committed before acquiring a human body, in light of evidence that he didn't do those things of his own free will. It's an acknowledgement that he had no choice, and would prevent us from prosecuting him for those crimes."

"You can't just–!" the Executioner started hotly.

"Actually," said one of the Council members thoughtfully, "that might be smart. We'd tie our own hands. We can justify giving the order because of his lack of choiceful action and our own mishandling of the situation. Once that's in place, we've legally bound ourselves to not prosecute him for the absolved acts, so even if there are complaints… Well, we'd still be able to prosecute him for any crimes after that time, so it's not like we couldn't take action if he does something after we release him."

"I don't know…" One wavered, indecisiveness written across his face.

"Why don't we call it probation?" Two suggested. "Fairy Tail and Sabertooth, along with Mr. Bastia, have vouched for him and are responsible for his behavior. Fairy Tail will keep him in line because they want him in our good graces, and the others because they're now responsible for him and their reputations are staked on it. And the Council can keep tabs on him in case the binding fails."

Everyone held their breath as One chewed on his lip absently.

"If he kills anyone, it will be on your head," he said finally, giving Two a hard look.

She hesitated for a split second before nodding. "So be it."

One sighed heavily and scribbled something on his notepad. "The order will be issued. The demon is absolved of all crimes before the time when he acquired a human body and developed a mind of his own. But," he added, giving the demon a cold glare, "we will be watching you very carefully. Any misstep and you will be back here again."

Nodding slowly, He tried to keep the stunned disbelief off his face.

One scowled and switched his gaze to the Executioner. "Release him."

"No," the Knight snapped. "You can't do this. You can't just–"

"Officer," Two interrupted, "there will already be an inquiry into your actions in the near future, and you might find yourself suspended from active duty. Think very carefully before you make things worse for yourself. Defying a direct order will not help your case."

There was a long pause, punctuated only by the low buzz among the spectators, but then the Executioner unlocked the cuffs in something resembling painful slow motion. He tensed, eyes narrowing. Then the cuffs fell away and his magic came flooding back.

He was up and moving instantly, spinning around and slamming into the Executioner's chest with enough force to push him all the way back to the wall. Shouting started up, but He had eyes only for the human He grasped. The Executioner's eyes were wide and frightened, and He thought He could see a terrified child lurking there.

Leaning forward, He spoke directly into the human's ear in a voice so low that even he'd have to strain to hear it. "Child, you have the right to hold on to your grudges. But however satisfying revenge would be, it would ultimately solve nothing. It will not bring your family back, and it will not make you mourn them any less. One day, you will have to let go. You should not be living for me, child."

He stepped back, staring at the stunned Knight with flat, unreadable eyes. The other Knights were rushing forward, ready to restrain him, but his attention was unwavering.

"Stop!" The Executioner waved off his men, who paused uncertainly. "What do you mean that–?"

But that was all He would say on the subject, and instead summoned up another roguish grin, the snarky demon once more. "And for future reference, if you're trying to kill someone, the heart is over _here_ ," He said mockingly, tapping his chest over his heart.

The Executioner just stared back, his mouth working soundlessly as confusion and hate and fear raged in his eyes. Shrugging, He turned away and strolled through the ranks of hovering Knights.

"May I have the Book?" He asked, pausing a short way from the Council's desk.

One looked between him and the Executioner uncertainly, and then scowled. "No. We'll keep this."

His smile turned icy. "Afraid you'll have to hand it over."

He still didn't think that there was any possibility of Natsu Awakening, but He wouldn't take a chance on that.

"Why would you even want it?" One asked. "You keep saying that you aren't bound to it and it's useless to you."

"It has…sentimental value."

"Just give it to him," Two said with a sigh. "What are we going to do with it?"

"No," One said stubbornly. "We're already releasing him. He can let us keep this."

Rolling his eyes, He glanced down at the shadow by his feet. "Sweetheart, fetch."

As if it had been waiting just for that, it stretched out eagerly, sliding across the floor and up the desk. One and the rest of the Council jerked back, and someone emitted a decidedly unmanly squeak. The shadow enveloped the Book before retreating once more, although it wound about the demon in its eagerness.

"Good girl."

 _Kill?_ it whispered hopefully into his mind, twining about him. _Destroy?_

"Mm, I hear you," He mumbled, twisting his face away from the dark caress. "Back down."

It writhed in displeasure, but resentfully settled back at his feet. He eyed it warily before giving the flabbergasted Council a cheeky grin that He wasn't really feeling.

"It's always a pleasure doing business with our wise and aged benefactors," He said with a mocking bow. His eyes turned more serious as they locked with Two's, and He gave her a slight nod. "Even the less aged of them."

After a moment she nodded back, her eyes a whirlwind of emotion that was impossible to decipher.

"Wait, you can't just–" One tried.

But He was already turning away, sauntering down the aisle without a backward glance. The smile immediately fell off his face. He stared ahead blankly and forced himself to keep up the leisurely pace even though it was suffocating in here and He needed to escape right now. He was vaguely aware that the room was in an uproar again and his friends were rushing over, but the air was too heavy and the memories too thick, and He ignored them.

But He paused in the doorway and finally turned back as a thought occurred to him, pasting on another half-smile for the Council's benefit. "And you needn't worry about making an official inquiry into his behavior. I took something from him first, so we'll just call it even."

He slipped out of the room. Once in the hallway, He dropped the leisurely act and picked up the pace.

"Are you okay?" Erza asked, rushing out of the room behind him and hurrying to his side.

He nodded and waved a dismissive hand, his gaze still fixed on the doors to the outside. Covering the last few paces, He burst out into the sunlight and fell to his knees, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead into the rough stone of the building's wall as He fought to get himself under control again. Everything was so _much_ , too close to the surface.

"Gray! What's wrong?"

"Are you okay?"

"What's going on?"

"I'm fine," He mumbled, his voice raspy. "Although it would be great if I could _breathe_."

He prodded at his nose with shaky fingers, wincing at the pain. It was swollen, but at least it didn't seem too bent out of shape. He could probably fix it before the bone set at an awkward angle.

Wendy crouched beside him and reached out. "Here, let me–"

"No," He said, leaning away.

"But Gray-san–"

"Let him have his victory. He's already going to be bitter enough that I was set free."

There was a long pause, and then a new voice spoke up. "I have to admit that I was skeptical at first, but it looks like I was wrong."

He scowled, his hands clenching into fists. He hated how they trembled and He couldn't make them stop.

"Did you really have to go back that far?" He growled, glaring at the ground.

"Sorry, but yes," Rufus said with a sigh. "I had to see it all to feel confident enough to commit the guild to your aid. Although I do apologize for pulling out so abruptly. If you can calm down, the effects will wear off and you won't be as disoriented. It might help if you sleep it off."

He turned to sit with his back against the wall so that He could scowl directly at Rufus. Sting and Rogue were there as well, looking a bit more ambivalent, and even Lyon had shown up at some point, along with about half of Fairy Tail. Oh joy.

"Sleep it off, he says." His lips twitched disdainfully.

Rufus winced. "You're right. With all your problems with dreams, it's probably better that you don't go to sleep right away."

He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes and shook his head. "It doesn't matter," He said tiredly, the fire draining out of him. The memories would haunt him one way or another, dreams or not.

"You have my condolences," Rufus said after a moment, clearing his throat awkwardly.

He dropped his hands and frowned in confusion. "Whatever for?"

"Everything. I respect how much you have endured, and how hard you have worked to make reparations. You have come a long way, and it would have broken a lesser man."

He stared uncomprehendingly, then bared his suddenly-pointed teeth in a feral snarl. "Don't patronize me, human," He hissed, eyes flashing. "I want none of your misguided pity. In fact, I seem to recall having told you to stay the hell away from my mind."

"Wait, what kind of things?" Lucy asked.

Rufus glanced over but said, "They are not my memories to share. They remain confidential."

"Oh really?" He asked bitterly. "Because you had no problem spouting bullshit to the Council."

Rufus just sighed. "If you aren't willing to say what's needed to be said to defend yourself, then someone has to."

"You might try being a bit more polite," Sting said coolly. "Rufus seems to have become quite enamored of you and whatever he saw in your mind, and that's the only reason Sabertooth is going to agree to Fairy Tail's request and support you."

"Don't worry about it," Rufus said, waving a dismissive hand. "He's especially snappish because he's still shaken up from the memory shock, not really because he's ungrateful, per se. You wouldn't be in a good mood either. Look, he's still shaking."

"I am not," He said indignantly, lying through his teeth as He folded his arms to hide his trembling hands.

The Sabertooth mages exchanged glances, and then Rogue sighed harshly. "Well, Rufus wouldn't be so adamant about this without good reason, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Just don't make us regret it."

He looked away, his nostrils flaring. "Sorry I snapped at you," He muttered.

"It's alright," Rufus said. "I know it isn't really me you're angry at or afraid of. You're going to have to face yourself eventually, and I wish you the best of luck."

He looked up sharply and watched as the Sabertooth mages headed off, Rufus glancing back once to give him an unsettlingly sympathetic and knowing look.

Huffing to himself, He carefully pushed himself to his feet. His ginger movements and pained expression immediately caught Wendy's attention.

"Please just let me heal your injuries."

He waved her off again. "I riled him up. I pretty much deserved it."

Erza gave him a hard look. "I want to rip his arms off, but yes, you were unnecessarily cruel to him."

"I gave him exactly what he wanted," He said with a bitter smile.

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked.

"He isn't so hard to read. He doesn't want me to be sorry—he wants someone to blame, someone to hate." He shrugged. "I gave him that. It's probably better for his sanity, anyway. Otherwise he might end up like him."

He nodded toward Lyon, who had been a silent observer this whole time. Now he started in surprise, and too many emotions to read flickered over his face.

"What…? What do you mean?"

He shrugged again. "You're stuck halfway in between, when it would be easier to pick one side or the other. I don't suppose you've decided yet?"

"Decided what?" Lyon asked hoarsely.

"Whether you want me to be sorry or you want to hate me."

"I already hate you," Lyon retorted automatically. "Anyway, that doesn't seem very genuine, does it? You shouldn't be deciding whether or not you're sorry based on what other people think."

He clicked his tongue impatiently. "My personal feelings are unaffected by the choices you or anyone else make. What changes is how I present myself to you. I can play either role. Do you want me to play human or demon?"

"…Both. Neither. I don't know." Lyon buried his face in his hands.

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually," He said neutrally, studying him with melancholy eyes.

Lyon looked at him for a long moment, then turned and walked away without another word. He stared after him, but then started down the path in the opposite direction. The gathered mages exchanged looks and followed.

Mira crept over and touched his arm gently. "You shouldn't keep trying to convince them, convince _us_ , that you're just a demon. Believe me, that's…not something that goes over well. We'll figure this out, but just be yourself instead of playing games with them."

He stared at her. "The difference, Mira, is that you _aren't_ a demon," He said softly. "I _am_ , and it is all the world will ever see when it looks at me. I see no need to fight an impossible war."

Mira's eyes clouded over. "That's not what _we_ see."

"Maybe you should."

She bit her lip and looked away, and everyone shifted around uncomfortably. He was sure it would be a long time before they figured out how to handle him again.

"I'm quite impressed with your ability to weave together a story like that," Mavis said finally, breaking through the awkward silence. "You'd make a good tactician yourself."

Cana snorted. "I'm not sure anyone has ever lied to the Council that much in one sitting."

"I was very truthful," He disagreed. "Just… _selectively_ truthful."

"You know I want to strangle you for that E.N.D. bullshit," Natsu growled. "What the hell were you thinking–?"

"Hush," He snapped, giving his friend a warning look. "Do you know how many hoops I had to jump through to get that to work? Don't mess it up now. And anyway, it was sort of true in a very convoluted and symbolic way."

Natsu groaned. "You're such an idiot. Don't…don't do that for me again."

He shrugged and scuffed his foot on the ground. "I'm going down either way. No point dragging you with me."

His mood forced an awkward silence over the group, before Lucy finally worked up the nerve to try lightening the atmosphere.

"Do you realize what we just did?" she asked cheerfully. "We totally just outfoxed the Council."

Erza smiled. "That's definitely a victory. Looks like all our hard work paid off after all."

"And now we can party!" Natsu said, instantly distracted at the prospect of a celebration.

And then suddenly everyone was cheerful, or at least pretending to be. They had won a victory against the Council, and He stayed quiet and let them celebrate it.

But his smile was wan, and his eyes empty. Even aside from the memories pressing down and the added weight of more victims to his soulless self, He knew that this was just the beginning. The Council had only been the first hurdle, and He still had to face the rest of the world.

* * *

 **Note: God, I love snark. Anyway, most of this was made up on the spot as I was writing, including Two. Somehow it turned into this hot mess lol But I like her, so no regrets. Or, _few_ regrets XD**

 **emmahoshi: Sorry lol It would've been up sooner, but I spent days editing it. I now have this great mental image of the Knights arguing over who has to give up his shirt XD Yeah, I had fun with it. Snark is my life XD No, the slavery image was definitely how Gray meant his statements to be interpreted, and he partly sees it that way himself. They're beautiful bonds, but in demon thinking they also share some common elements with what he had with Zeref: a master, a binding, and a purpose.** **Granted, much _nicer_ bindings and masters and purposes, but with Gray's mindset still being that demons are tools and basically slaves that are bound to a master and created for a purpose, he's a bit more cynical of certain things, even though he definitely loves the guild. ****Yeah, Lyon's behavior is a bit erratic, but it'll be getting worse from here lol My mom gives me that "my daughter is insane" look all the time, especially when I start laughing at whatever I'm reading X)**


	6. No

**Note: I'd like to give a quick thanks to all the guest reviewers. And to answer someone's question, Gray was always going to be released. I wasn't entirely sure how the details would work out and I wasn't sure of doing a full pardon until I was already halfway through writing the chapter, but he was always going to get off somehow. The alternatives were to have him kept in custody—in which case he'd have to escape on his own and then wouldn't be able to stay with the guild without risking bringing the Council's wrath down on them—or to have FT start a war with the Council. Both of those would have created more of a plot snarl than I was willing to tackle, and would have interfered with my plans.**

* * *

 **No**

* * *

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" Erza asked, flabbergasted.

"I mean no," Gray said, resolutely staring out the carriage window.

"But–but–"

"But you _have_ to rejoin the guild!" Happy cried.

Even Natsu looked up despite his motion sickness, mumbling something entirely incoherent.

"Shut up, flame brain." Gray leaned his forehead against the glass. "That's stupid."

Erza had no idea how Gray had apparently understood that, and she was a little afraid to ask what Natsu's words had actually been.

"But the Council let you go!" Lucy protested. Her hands balled into fists in her lap. "They set you free and exonerated you. Now you can come back."

"No," Gray said again, his voice flat. "It would divide the guild."

Natsu made another undignified, rather disgusting sound.

"It doesn't _matter_ if they'd get over it," Gray said impatiently. "You can't just force them to do what you want." He tilted his head downward, and Erza could see his eyes narrowing in his reflection in the window. "They have already done a great deal for me. It is unfair to ask more of them, and I will not force them to do something which they are so strongly opposed to."

"Is that the real reason?" Erza asked quietly.

The corners of Gray's lips quirked upward into an unamused smile. "It is one of the reasons."

Erza bit her lip, disturbed by how serious he was. They had won such a great victory only a few short minutes before, trapping the Council into releasing Gray. Everything should have been fixed now, but maybe Erza should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"You said that after you took care of your business with the Council, you would–"

"Think about it," he finished for her. "I thought about it."

"You said that you'd stick around until you finished with that," Lucy said, her mouth twisting into a sickened expression. "You aren't going to leave now, are you?"

Gray finally turned his head and studied Lucy. He was silent for a long moment before he looked away again.

"Not if you don't want me to," he said softly.

"Of course we don't want you to!"

"If you're staying anyway," Happy said, "then you might as well rejoin–"

"I can't!" Gray interrupted, pressing his forehead to the window as his nails dug into his palms. "I can't."

"Gray–"

He looked back and plastered what Erza supposed was meant to be a reassuring half-smile on his face, although it looked strained. "Look, you somehow managed to pull enough strings to convince the Council to let me go. That's still a victory, isn't it? For today, can't that be enough? We can worry about the rest later."

Erza exchanged a look with Lucy and Happy. Neither of them looked thrilled either, but they all realized that continuing to push Gray would get them exactly nowhere. He was stubborn enough at the best of times, and it was impossible to make him budge when he got like this.

And with how rattled he'd been after Rufus dug through his memories and that Councilwoman had revealed the truth about her daughter's death, Erza was hesitant to push him too far and make it worse. This might be a conversation that they needed to save for another time. Even though Gray was fighting to keep himself under control, Erza could tell that his emotions were stretched thin.

"We'll discuss this again later," Erza said. "This isn't something we can just ignore, but… We'll talk later."

"Thank you," Gray said quietly. He smiled wanly. "You guys really went to a lot of trouble to get me out, so…thank you."

"Of course." Lucy stared back at him with earnest eyes. "We were always going to get you out, one way or another."

He dropped his gaze, twisting his hands together in his lap. Then Natsu made another incoherent gagging sound, and Gray immediately scowled.

"You're such an asshole," he growled.

"How do you even understand him?" Lucy asked, shaking her head.

"His brain is so small that there are only so many things he can actually say… Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, ash for brains. Get over yourself."

"But what is he _saying_?" she demanded, looking back and forth between Gray and Natsu.

"Nothing worth knowing," Gray grumbled. Natsu mumbled something else, and the ice mage's eyes turned more serious as he went back to staring out the window. "You can't even stand up without puking, idiot. You couldn't hit me if you wanted to. And it won't change anything. What's done is done. Don't you dare interfere with this now. The last thing we need is for the Council to get on your case if they find out. I'll keep your Book. Don't worry about it."

The dragon slayer emitted another unidentifiable sound, and Gray was silent for a long moment.

"Will someone just knock him out already?" he asked finally, his voice low.

"Lucy can do it!" Happy said loudly.

"What?" she cried. "No thanks."

Natsu made a sound of protest and tried to wriggle away from the others, but he could do little more than squirm and there was only so much space inside the carriage. Erza leaned forward from where she was seated beside Gray, and smacked her fist into Natsu's solar plexus. The dragon slayer's eyes rolled back, but Erza was still focused on Gray, watching the reflection of his solemn eyes in the window.

"You guys might as well get some sleep," he said. "I'm sure you're worn out, and it's a long ride back to Magnolia."

Erza was inclined to think that he just didn't want to talk and would rather see everyone asleep so that he didn't have to keep up whatever façade he was currently maintaining. Lucy was similarly unimpressed, her gaze traveling over Gray's body and lingering on the red stains bleeding through his shirt.

"When we get back to Magnolia, will you let Wendy look over your injuries?" she asked.

"No."

"But she can heal–"

"I already said no. No healing magic. They'll heal on their own, and I'm plenty capable of taking care of my own injuries, thanks."

"But–"

"Lucy," Erza interrupted, giving the other woman a firm look, "let's leave it alone for now."

Lucy opened her mouth to protest, but caught Erza's gaze and reluctantly subsided. Gray had made his position very clear, and he wasn't likely to change his mind so easily. These were all problems that would have to be worked out later, when he and the rest of the team were in a better state of mind.

Silence enveloped the carriage then, broken only by Natsu's occasional restless groaning. Everyone who still retained consciousness seemed to be lost in their own thoughts, Gray most especially. Erza spent her time going back over the trial and picking it apart, and brainstorming ways to get the rest of the guild to accept Gray back without stirring up a fuss. By the time Lucy and Happy eventually drifted off, lulled to sleep by the rocking of the carriage, she was no closer to finding any kind of solution.

Sighing, she let her gaze rest contemplatively on Gray again. He was still awake, but had been silent and unmoving this whole time. She got the impression that he was lost in his own world, and she doubted it was a happy place to be.

She cleared her throat pointedly and got no response, so repeated the gesture more loudly. This time Gray pulled himself out of his musings and turned away from the window to raise a questioning eyebrow at her.

"May I take a look at your injuries?" she asked.

Annoyance flashed over Gray's face. "No."

"That seems to be your new favorite word," Erza said with a sigh.

"Well, it could be worse."

"How so?"

A hint of wicked mischief sparked to life in Gray's eyes. "My new word of choice could be something along the lines of 'fu–'"

" _O-_ kay," Erza interrupted, shooting him a look that actually made him snicker. "Point taken. But I still want to see."

"Leave it alone," Gray said with a sigh, sobering again.

"Oh, relax. I'm not going to freak out like Lucy."

"Yeah, she seems to get really worked up about this stuff," Gray remarked, his gaze settling on the napping blonde.

Erza sighed. "She hates the thought that you were tortured and, even more than that, the fact that you seem to think you deserve it. Not that we don't _all_ hate it, but… I guess we've all latched on to different things, and that's hers. Like how Happy is more fixated on your sudden personality shifts and wants you to go back to 'normal', or at least find a new normal now. And how Natsu is especially preoccupied with anything to do with Awakening, and now your claiming of E.N.D.'s identity."

Gray was quiet for a long moment before returning his gaze to Erza and asking, "And you?"

"And I'm more concerned with your persistent refusal to rejoin the guild and your insistence that getting rid of you would be the best option." Her lips tightened. "And this thought of yours that we either can't or shouldn't recognize you anymore, along with your constant attempts to make it true by pushing us away."

After another pause, Gray sighed. "Yes, I'd noticed all that, actually."

"Good." Erza gave him a flat look. "Maybe you aren't _completely_ hopeless, then. Now let me see."

Gray hesitated, but then sighed again. "I really need to ice some things over, anyway. The Knights did a sloppy job, and I'm sick of feeling blood seeping out everywhere."

Which didn't sound very reassuring, but Erza kept her mouth shut. She sensed that she was winning him over—or at least wearing him down—but the moment he thought she started getting too freaked out, he would put an end to this whole thing.

Gray darted a look at Lucy and the others, double-checking that they were well and truly asleep, and then pulled his shirt over his head. He prodded at some of the cuts and bandages, and Erza bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying anything. Very little of his skin was visible around the bandages wound about him in messy, haphazard carelessness. The once-white gauze was stained red in many places, and Erza had the sudden desire to strangle someone.

"Relax," Gray grunted, not even looking up as he began unraveling a string of bandages. "It's honestly not that bad. They were going to wait for the good stuff until after the trial."

"Looks pretty bad to me," Erza replied, keeping her voice carefully neutral in a bid to stop her horror and anger from seeping through.

"I've had worse." Gray smiled grimly. "Nothing the Knights do can hurt as much as having your own magic tear you apart from the inside out. Anyway, I don't suppose you have any kind of bag or something that you wouldn't mind ruining? I don't want to just dump this shit out the window."

Erza winced, memories flashing through her mind: Gray coughing up lungful after lungful of blood, Gray's entire body trembling with strain and pain, Gray facing off against Zeref when he could barely even stand, Gray taking on more pain and responsibility than was imaginable to sacrifice himself and save the guild. Swallowing hard, she pushed those memories aside. This wasn't the time, and she needed to stay level-headed.

She obediently reached down to the bag at her feet and began rummaging through it, looking for anything that could be used as a disposable container. Finding a plastic bag filled with food and snacks, she dumped out the contents and handed it to Gray.

"Here."

"Thanks."

Erza watched in silence for a few minutes as he unwound bandages, did his best to soak up any welling blood with whatever gauze wasn't already saturated, and iced over the uncovered wounds. Some of the gashes looked fairly deep, but she had to admit that most of them were just shallow flesh wounds. But there were a lot of them, and it pissed her off.

"Sorry I messed up in my deposition," she said finally, trying to take her mind off of things.

Gray shrugged and continued methodically redressing his injuries. "It's fine. That was a lot of stories to try coordinating, and it worked out in the end." A small smile graced his features as he added, "But did you _see_ the look that Councilman gave you when he talked about your 'essay' on Awakening?"

Despite herself, Erza felt a satisfied half-smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Priceless. Honestly, he deserved to be annoyed a little."

"Oh, certainly. I was doing a mighty fine job of that, I think."

"That you were," she said with a chuckle. "You were in fine form. Although I wanted to shake you more than once and tell you to cut it out and not jeopardize your chances of getting off."

"I never expected to get off, so I wasn't too concerned about that." Gray's lips tightened momentarily and Erza winced, but then he smirked. "But oh man, his face when he was reading off of those depositions. Just listening to him read through Juvia's statements made this all worth it."

Erza couldn't help but laugh softly. "That was possibly the highlight of the entire ordeal."

"Although I wish she'd give up on this whole lovey-dovey business already," Gray added with a sigh as he dropped a bloody wad of bandages into the bag and brushed ice over another gash. "I was hoping that this whole demon thing would snap her out of it, but… I do think that she's more uncertain now, so hopefully she'll grow out of it soon, even if she's still having a hard time letting go right now."

"Because you don't love her or because you don't think that a demon deserves to be loved?" Erza asked shrewdly.

"Both," Gray said with a thin smile. "She's nice enough, but I have no interest in pursuing any kind of romantic entanglements. And before you start nagging at me about giving her answers and whatnot, I'll have you know that I've tried explaining the concept of 'no' to her in many different ways ever since she first started with this. She would honestly be better off if she could just move on."

"Fair enough, but I'd have to disagree that you don't _deserve_ love," Erza said mildly. "I'm afraid you won't be able to scare us off so easily."

Gray hummed noncommittally and pulled his shirt back on. "I hear you."

Erza knew that was just another way of acknowledging what was said without agreeing or offering an opinion, another way to get her off his case, but she let it go. She suspected that sentiments like these were not so easy to accept just based on a few words and someone's say-so. They were things that Gray would have to come to accept gradually, on his own terms. Erza was confident that he'd get there eventually, though, because she and his other friends would definitely work on pounding all these important points through his damnably thick skull.

Gray stared down at his bloodied hands with a faint scowl, and Erza leaned down to dig through her bag.

"Wait," she said as he made to wipe his hands on his shirt. He paused, and she located a water bottle and twisted the cap off. "Here."

Gray held his hands over the trash bag, and Erza carefully poured water over them, watching the liquid dribble through his fingers until it ran clear again instead of red.

"Thanks," Gray said, drying his hands on his pants and tying a knot in the bag before kicking it under the bench.

"Make sure you dress those properly when we get back."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

Erza handed him the water bottle. "Here, I noticed your voice has been scratchy. Did they even give you water? Or food? You're so thin, but I'm not sure how much of it is just that you haven't regained weight after last time…"

"Thanks." Gray accepted the water and took a few small sips. "My throat is killing me. Well, they still think I can't die, remember? Like I said, the room service was rather subpar."

"Damn it, Gray," Erza growled, her mouth twisting into a scowl. "You and your damn half-truths. I bet if I went back over everything you said during the trial, I'd find a virtual gold mine of information that you very carefully glossed over."

In fact, Erza had the sudden desire to find out if anyone had made a word-for-word transcript of the court proceedings, because she very much wanted to pour over it with a fine-tooth comb. It was actually a little frightening how good Gray was at manipulating his words to be technically truthful while strongly implying things that weren't true, and he was disturbingly good at hiding things in plain sight.

Grumbling to herself, Erza began rifling through her things again, in search of food this time. Sadly, that had all been scattered when she'd commandeered its bag for Gray.

"You would," Gray agreed mildly, still nursing his water. "But honestly, relax. They brought me water and food occasionally… Not sure if it was because they wanted to at least touch on protocol, or if it was because I still look human and some of them were uncomfortable with the thought of starving a person. They were kind of sneaky about it, so my guess is that the Executioner wasn't in on that part of the plan."

"The Executioner?" Erza paused her search to stare at Gray. What else was he hiding?

Gray grimaced and waved a dismissive hand. "Don't mind me. I don't know anyone's names and don't particularly care to, so some of our friends from the Knights and Council have picked up interesting nicknames. Technically it's the _Would-Be_ Executioner, seeing as he was having zero luck at the time. You know, Mr. Sunshine. The one whose family I killed. He's been the one in charge of me."

Erza's lips tightened. She had not formed a favorable impression of that man. But she also had to admit that he had good reason to be angry and bitter, and having Gray rile him up during the arrest wouldn't have helped matters. Still, torture was going too far, and Gray's intentions had been good, if horribly misguided.

"What did you say to him after the trial?" she asked.

"Just some things I think he needed to hear." Gray's gaze drifted back to the window again. "For all the good it will do him. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

Which didn't answer Erza's question, but she highly doubted that she would be getting any more out of Gray on that subject.

"It's good that you've been trying to help them," she said carefully, her mind flitting past memories of the 'Executioner' and the Councilwoman and Lyon, "but just realize that you can't help everyone."

"I know," Gray said, stony-faced.

"I didn't–" Erza sighed and rubbed a hand across her face. "It's just that not everyone wants to be helped, and they won't all take what you offer them, even if they should. I just don't want you to keep beating yourself up over it if things don't work out. You're doing your best."

Gray hummed noncommittally, and Erza let it go. Pulling a sandwich out of her bag, she handed it to him. He gave it a funny look but accepted it.

"I have more snacks and things in here somewhere," Erza mumbled, turning back to her bag, "but I dumped them all out, so they're mixed in with everything else now…"

"It's fine, thanks." Gray ripped the sandwich in two and handed one of the halves back to her.

"No, I'm not–"

"If I eat too much right now, I'll be sick," Gray said flatly.

"But you have to be starving…"

"I am, but I also don't have an appetite, if that makes sense. I'll eat more later."

Erza reluctantly took the proffered sandwich and nibbled at it as she watched Gray take a halfhearted bite or two of his half, his eyes unfocused again. She got the feeling that this might have to do with that Councilwoman, or maybe with whatever Rufus had dug up in his mind. Depending on what Gray's mind was stuck on, she could see why he might not feel like eating.

"How long was I in there, anyway?" he asked finally, still prodding unenthusiastically at his meal.

"Don't you know?"

"Not really. I picked up on their shift patterns pretty quickly so I guess I could've kept track, but I wasn't really counting. And it's not like I was going to _ask_ them."

"Guess it would be kind of hard to do that when you apparently stopped talking entirely," Erza said, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied his face.

"Got it in one," he said dryly, taking another sip of water and tapping the bottle absently against the window in a quiet, rhythmic pattern. "Don't know if they actually would have told me, anyway."

"Why did you stop talking? They said you did it before, too, the first time you were locked up."

"Yeah. I didn't really have anything to say."

"But–"

"I don't always feel like talking, Erza," Gray said tiredly. There was something almost pointed about the statement underneath his weariness.

Erza got the message: he was tiring of the conversation. Or, at the very least, was done with the topic at hand. He hadn't always been much of a talker to start with, she supposed.

"Almost three weeks," she said instead.

He glanced over and his eyebrows rose fractionally. "Oh? Only three? You guys got an awful lot done in such a short time."

"Not sure I'd call that _short_ …"

"In terms of cutting through the bureaucratic red tape and forcing the Council's hand and working your way through all the legal channels? I'm actually kind of impressed."

Erza nodded, conceding the point. "We pretty much attacked on all fronts. I think we basically clogged up all those legal channels… The Council had its hands full. And we did our best to get a lot of people involved, since the guild only carries so much weight on its own. We called in a lot of favors."

Gray frowned at his half-eaten sandwich. "Did you get Lyon involved?"

"No." Erza couldn't say that she entirely understood what was going through Lyon's head, and she wasn't the only one who had been surprised by his involvement in the trial. "He's been so unpredictable that we weren't going to risk trying to enlist his support in case he turned on you. And anyway, we thought it better not to go to him because…well… This hasn't been easy on him, and we didn't want to make anything worse. Everything he did, he did on his own."

Gray hummed noncommittally, and was silent for a long moment before saying, "Good. Don't involve him in any of this if you can help it."

"You still love him a lot, don't you?" Erza said gently, her eyes softening.

"Gray loved him," he said after a short pause, his voice expressionless.

"You can't hide behind that excuse forever." Erza eyed him disapprovingly. "Whatever all this stuff with the other Gray is… Let's be honest, you built a strong relationship with Lyon, and that was definitely _you_. I'm not stupid, you know. I see how you look at him." When Gray grimaced and opened his mouth, she quickly added, "And if you try feeding me any more of this 'I'm a demon and demons can't actually love' bullshit, I will strangle you, injuries or not."

A melancholy half-smile flitted over Gray's face, and he turned back to the window. "Yes," he said quietly.

It took a second before Erza realized he was answering her original question. She almost smiled, but then remembered the less happy implications. Those two had bickered like crazy and driven each other up the wall, but it had been such a _strong_ friendship. It made her heart hurt to see such a strong bond broken, and to see how much it had hurt both of them.

"He'll come around," she reassured him. "You guys will work things out, and it'll all be fine."

"That's entirely up to him," Gray said tonelessly. "I don't anticipate a horribly positive outcome."

Erza opened her mouth, but was distracted as Lucy shifted in her sleep and mumbled something under her breath. Both conscious mages watched the blonde until she sighed and fell into a more peaceful slumber once more.

Erza decided to abandon the topic of Lyon for now, fairly certain that it was included in the things Gray 'didn't always feel like talking' about. And given his pinched features and the haunted, weary cast to his eyes, she doubted this was a good time to press the issue.

"We _did_ involve Sabertooth and Rufus, though," she said.

"I noticed. Mavis looked much too pleased with herself."

"Sorry about Rufus, but he _did_ play a big role in getting you released."

"I know," Gray said as he rubbed at his face wearily.

Erza kept her sharp, unwavering gaze focused on him. "What did he mean about your problems with dreams?"

Gray scowled and leaned his head against the window. "He meant that he went digging through parts of my mind that he had no right to go digging through."

"Gray…"

"Everyone has dreams, Erza."

Erza hummed noncommittally. "So, you aren't planning on sleeping any time soon, then, I take it?"

"Honestly? No."

"You look exhausted."

"I _am_ exhausted." Gray sighed heavily, and a more world-weary sound Erza had never heard.

Ripping off a thin strip of gnawed-on bread, he handed the other half of his half-sandwich to Erza without even looking at her. She hesitated but then took it. Watching him struggle with it had been painful, even though she really thought he should eat something.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

"No. It's something for me to work through on my own. But I appreciate the sentiment."

"I just wish…" She sighed and shook her head.

"You already do enough, Erza," Gray said gently. In the reflection of the window, she saw one corner of his mouth quirk into a sad, tired half-smile. "It's alright."

But Erza could almost see the death and destruction reflected in the reflection of his eyes, a mirror into a mirror of a dark corner of his mind and memory. Although she couldn't truly fault Rufus, she wished there had been another way. She didn't entirely understand whatever it was that Gray had relived or what was still haunting him, and she knew he wouldn't tell her if she asked, but she could see enough of it in his eyes that it made her want to hug him. Not that he'd probably take such a gesture well, not even now when his weariness was seeping through and he'd mostly dropped his demon-like façade, but she wanted to.

"Why don't you get some rest?" Gray suggested quietly. "It's a long ride back to Magnolia."

"That's alright. I don't mind staying up."

He raised his gaze and their eyes met in the window. Erza might not be able to magic away the memories or nightmares, but she could at least offer her company.

"I'm afraid I'd be terrible company," he said. "I don't honestly have enough energy to keep up a conversation for much longer. You'd be better off getting some sleep."

"Don't be silly. Friends are always the best company. And it's alright if you don't always feel like talking."

Gray let out a tired laugh. "Okay."

They lapsed into silence then, with Erza not daring to interrupt his reverie. She was content to be silent support, if that was what he needed. He'd never ask for it, of course, but despite the show he'd been putting on, she could see the emotional strain and exhaustion starting to bleed through. He could use a friend.

And Erza would be that friend.

Except that as her mind wandered in the silence, the rocking of the carriage began lulling her to sleep. She fought against it for a long time, but then the carriage hit a bump and she half woke, curled against Gray with her head resting on his shoulder, and realized that she must have drifted off. She immediately felt horrible

When she yawned widely and began to sit up, Gray pulled his gaze from the window and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her back.

"Go back to sleep, Erza," he said softly.

"Not supposed to," she mumbled, her mind still groggy.

"It's okay, you're exhausted. Go back to sleep."

Erza realized blearily that he was keeping his voice deliberately soothing to lull her back to sleep. "But–"

"Shhh, it's okay."

Despite herself, Erza felt her eyes closing again. Then the thought hit her out of nowhere that she was pressed up against all those myriad injuries while wearing _armor_ , and she sat bolt upright.

"Erza–"

"Your injuries–"

"It's okay." Gray pulled her back again, a tired smile ghosting over his face. "Stay."

Erza was going to protest, but paused as she took in the sad, pained expression lingering in his eyes. He wasn't trying as hard to hide it now, possibly because he knew she was still half asleep and doubted that she'd remember this in any detail when she fully woke up. But it occurred to her, in some corner of her mind not entirely made fuzzy by sleep, that maybe part of the reason he didn't want her to go was because he was deriving comfort from this too. Because he was otherwise alone, with everyone else asleep while he was unable to get the rest he needed, and couldn't ask for comfort anyway. Maybe this was the closest he could get.

Erza summoned up just enough energy to dispel her breastplate, and then slumped into Gray's side again. It was so hard to keep her eyes open, and she hovered somewhere between sleep and wakefulness for a few minutes before becoming aware of the sound.

"What are you humming?" she mumbled, eyes still closed.

The sound stopped, and then she heard Gray sigh.

"It's an old Isvan lullaby," he said.

"The other Gray?"

"…Gray's mother. This was his favorite."

"It's pretty," she sighed, shifting and pressing herself closer.

"I think so too."

Erza cracked her eyes open as Gray shifted. He positioned his shoulders catty-corner between the window and back of the seat, and stretched out a little to soften the angle of his torso. Gently repositioning Erza so that she was resting more comfortably on his chest, he draped one arm over her and stroked her hair soothingly with his other hand.

Erza's eyes fluttered shut, and she didn't even mind the faint chill of ice seeping through Gray's shirt against her cheek. She felt warm and safe here, but also a little like a teddy bear, like this was as much for helping Gray with his loneliness as it was for her.

"Promise you'll come back to the guild," she mumbled.

The humming stopped, and she absently thought that she'd never even realized he had started it up again. She missed it. It was soothing. Which, she supposed, was the point.

"I can't promise you that," Gray said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Erza managed to force her eyes open, and waited for them to adjust a little. Gray looked so _tired_ and _sad_ and _lonely_ , and she knew that he'd never allow himself to look so vulnerable if he thought she'd remember this.

"Remember the river?" she asked.

"Of course."

Erza paused as a yawn overtook her. "You aren't as alone as you think you are," she mumbled.

Gray was silent for what could have been an eternity. "I know," he said finally. "Go to sleep."

He rested his head against the window, and his gaze drifted away to stare at something that Erza couldn't see. He started humming again, the sound low and soothing as it rumbled through his chest, and the hand in Erza's hair resumed its gentle motion. One of Erza's hands rose of its own accord and slid up Gray's chest to rest just in front of her face and over his heart, curling reflexively as the vibrations from his humming and the steady beat of his heart whispered through her fingertips.

Erza's eyes slipped shut as she was lulled back to sleep, but not even that could erase the image of Gray lost in the memory of a ruined world, humming a haunting requiem for a long-dead child and a thousand other nameless souls.

* * *

 **Note: Yeah, I don't really know what else to say about this one. I needed to show Gray refusing to rejoin the guild, and everything else was created as filler. But hey, some of it is kinda important. On another note, a friend of mine recently told me that sometimes I start humming quietly during small talk and that's when he knows that he's losing me. I mean, I know I'm pretty bad about zoning out, but I didn't realize I still hum so much when I do it X) I used to do it a lot more when I was younger, but apparently it's making a comeback XD**

 **emmahoshi: Lol, yeah, not anything nice. And "Mr. Happy" seems to have grown pretty popular XD Sure, you have a point about the distinction between the two Grays, although, quite honestly, Gray and Lyon are mostly the ones who make it. The others didn't even know the other Gray, so this Gray is basically the only one. They make the distinction of an "other" Gray because Gray himself makes the distinction of the "other" Gray being "The" Gray, which is even worse. So many questions lol They'll be popping up eventually. And _everyone_ is part of the reconstruction lol The team, especially, has to help Gray work through things and rebuild.**


	7. Ultear

**Note: I just couldn't imagine Gray not speaking to Ultear at least once, so might as well get it out of the way early XD** **Starting at this point, the story starts going into more of a connected one-shot type feel rather than the more chapter-y feel of the earlier parts. But we're still following a main timeline, and everything still links together :3**

 **EndarkenedSanity: I have nothing against guest users, I just find it difficult to respond to them because I never know if they're seeing the replies and I can't just PM them :3 Gray and Erza are just too cute, honestly. And glad the filler isn't too bad :) I try to tie it all into the main plot or elaborate on important things I wouldn't have otherwise, just to keep it relevant. And I love background noise. I like to listen to instrumental music when I write, too lol**

* * *

 **Ultear**

* * *

Ultear ambled up to her doorstep with a sigh. As nice as it was to get some sun and stretch her legs, her arthritic joints always complained, and it didn't help that her cottage was all the way on the outskirts of Crocus. She really had enjoyed her stroll, but she was ready to rest her aching legs already, maybe curl up with a good book and a cup of tea while she recuperated.

She started up the pair of wooden steps by her door, careful to avoid the rotted-through spot on the top one. At some point, she'd really have to get that fixed. It had been months now.

But she paused, her foot hovering above the step, and frowned down. The board was fresh and new, with no sign of termite damage or dry rot. She tested it with her foot, and it felt firm and steady.

Maybe one of her neighbors had fixed it for her? Still, that was a bit odd. But she was no closer to discerning the answer after a few minutes of puzzled staring, so she shook her head and stepped onto the front stoop, her gnarled fingers fumbling in her pocket for her key. She'd ask around later.

Inside, the light was on. Ultear paused again, the only motion the slow swinging of the door as it shut behind her with a faint creak. Had she really left the light on? Good grief, maybe her mind was starting to go the same way as her body. That was a frightening thought. She'd gradually grown accustomed to the elderly body she'd found herself in, but losing her mind when she still _felt_ so young would be hard.

Or, perhaps, her house was haunted. She'd lived here for over a year and never seen any sign of ghostly activity, but maybe it was just slow to warm up. That might be a preferable explanation to dementia, except that Ultear didn't believe in ghosts.

Until she spotted the one sitting in her armchair.

Gray—should she even call him that?—was sprawled lengthwise across one of her living room chairs facing the door, one leg folded underneath him and the other dangling idly over the arm in a relaxed fashion even though it was tapping a slow beat against the side of the chair. Ultear searched his face for any clue as to why he was here and whether he was a threat. His expression was carefully neutral, but he was assessing her silently with those eyes of his, perhaps waiting to see her reaction. If Ultear really looked, she thought she could see hints of the boy she'd known as Gray lurking there, but there was also a dark, ageless quality that she didn't think had been there before. Something a little less human, perhaps.

"Ah, Ultear, there you are," he said smoothly, his expression unchanging.

"You…" Ultear shook her head.

She might be somewhat isolated out here, but news of Fairy Tail's demon had spread far. Although she hardly knew all the details and was fairly certain that many of the ones she _had_ heard were simply untrue, she knew enough to be wary.

The earthshattering revelation had rattled her out of the complacency she'd fallen into since the failure of Last Ages and left her reeling. It wasn't exactly her business anymore, not when she'd left that world behind, but it had still intruded upon her new life because she had to wonder. She had no idea what to make of any of it. She honestly didn't even know where to begin reconciling the boy she'd seen on Galuna and fought on Tenrou and met around the Grand Magic Games with the demon that had killed so many, her mother included. Something fundamentally didn't fit there.

Ultear's initial stab of fear faded back into a more subdued wariness. She was really too old for it to be worth her while to fear death. Anyway, Gray—or the demon, or whatever she was supposed to think of him as—hadn't shown any sign of aggression yet, and he'd had plenty of opportunities to kill her since Tenrou if he'd really wanted to. She would give him the benefit of the doubt.

"How did you find me?" she asked finally, hobbling over to sit in a cozy chair across from him.

She hadn't exactly gone to great lengths to hide any trace of her existence, but she also hadn't broadcasted her presence, and had deliberately kept a low profile. Finding one person in a city as big as Crocus was like looking for a needle in a haystack, especially if the person in question was someone like Ultear.

Her guest waved a dismissive hand, his unwavering gaze still fixed on her face. "I've known where you were for a long time." Ultear's eyebrow climbed upward of its own accord, and he added, "I tracked you down shortly after the debacle with the dragons, and have checked up on you every few months or so since then. I must say, this is a much nicer place than your last one. You've been here for a while, so I assume you're settling in for the long haul?"

"Yes," Ultear said slowly, tilting her head to study the intruder quizzically.

She didn't know what to make of that admission. Everything about this man was a giant question mark now. And he wasn't helping matters, because he seemed to be keeping up that air very deliberately.

She had a thousand questions on the tip of her tongue, and decided to leave the question of the demon's surveillance for another time.

"What are you doing here?"

"I owe you answers," he said with a shrug. "With all the fuss that was kicked up, I can't imagine that you haven't heard something or other about me. You have questions, and I'm here to answer them."

Somehow, that didn't really clear up Ultear's confusion. But since he was here, she might as well get answers to some of the questions that had been circling around in her mind for the past few weeks.

"So…you're actually…?"

"Deliora? Yes."

"This whole time?"

"Yes."

"Then you…?"

"Killed your mother? Yes."

"And you were never actually…?"

"Gray? No."

His voice stayed perfectly flat and disinterested, and no flicker of emotion touched his face. He just continued staring at Ultear with those unnerving eyes, and she would have given almost anything to know what was going through his head.

"How?" she asked.

Her guest was silent for so long that she thought she might have to elaborate on her question, but then his gaze drifted away and he began weaving a tale of Books and bindings, souls and strings. He explained the mechanics of his transference to Gray's body with clinical detachment, so expressionless that Ultear wondered how he could be so callous.

Then it occurred to her that she had misjudged. He was being very careful to give only the bare facts, not make himself or his situation seem sympathetic, not influence Ultear's opinion one way or the other. He was leaving Ultear to draw her own conclusions and make her own judgments, and it made her study him more closely as he talked.

When he'd finished, she settled back in her chair and considered his words silently for a long time.

"So," she said finally, "you didn't choose this."

"No."

That made him seem less like a body snatcher who had dreamed up an elaborate scheme to steal a life and possibly set in motion other nefarious plans. It made him seem a little more human. Ultear wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not.

She had the feeling that pursuing anything along those lines would continue to raise questions about who he was and what she should feel about him, and she decided to change the subject. She wasn't sure if she was ready for that just yet.

"I heard that you killed Zeref."

If he was surprised by the sudden shift, he didn't show it. "Yes."

"How? That would have to be quite an impressive feat."

"He had the Book of E.N.D.," Gray-not-Gray said, lips tightening and eyes darkening. "I managed to bind myself to it, which gave me access to the residual power in the Book. E.N.D. was created to be strong enough to kill Zeref, and I took advantage of that. I also found a problem with his soul not being properly bound to his body, and by fixing that I might have actually solved the immortality issue."

Ultear didn't understand exactly how that would work, even given the prior explanation about Books and bindings. But she also got the feeling that certain things were being deliberately glossed over, which might be part of the problem.

"Is that where your claim of being E.N.D. comes from?" she asked conversationally.

He hesitated but then nodded, watching her with wary eyes. "…Yes."

Ultear nodded to herself. "I found that claim rather odd. Not that I'm any sort of expert on demons, but I _was_ part of a dark guild and did plenty of research on Zeref. Deliora and E.N.D. couldn't possibly be one and the same."

"You always were a clever one," said the demon, an almost amused smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Still, it's almost true. In a symbolic sort of way."

"What happened to the _real_ E.N.D., then?"

His expression closed off again, and his gaze drifted away. "That's not my secret to tell."

"You're protecting someone," Ultear observed. That would also explain why he was claiming an identity that was not his own and leaving pieces out of his story.

"I said that I'd answer your questions, but that only extends to questions whose answers don't have the potential to jeopardize anyone but me." He looked back to study her with a sharp gaze. "You may ask something else."

Ultear backed off. There was no point antagonizing him, and in any case, she understood the need to protect. Maybe it was good that he could still feel it too. Admitting to a less selfish motive made him seem more like the Gray she had known.

"So, what's this I hear about a binding?" she asked instead of pressing the point. "What kind of binding would make the Council confident enough to release you?"

The demon hesitated, but then sighed and shrugged. "Binding myself to E.N.D.'s Book should have also had the side effect of killing me when I killed Zeref, since whatever I did to him would bounce back through the link. What actually happened is that I somehow got bound back to my original Book. That's the magic binding that I intimated would stop me from killing anyone.

"The real binding that will prevent that is my bond with Fairy Tail. While I have such strong connections to them and select others, I am unlikely to do anything to jeopardize that. I have no intention of running around killing innocents, but the Council isn't likely to believe that unless they think there's a legitimate magic binding preventing me from doing so. Through some clever wording, I may have deliberately misled them into believing that there was a magic binding stopping me from killing, when the truth is that the magic binding does nothing of the sort and it's a different kind of binding entirely that accomplishes that purpose."

Ultear digested that, thinking that it sounded like a very _Gray_ line of logic. Which, she supposed, it _was_ , given that this was still the same person she'd known as Gray.

"So, you could technically kill people if you wanted to?"

"Yes."

Ultear should probably be more disturbed by that than she was. He'd picked up a new, ruthless edge since she'd seen him last, but she still had a hard time envisioning him going on a killing spree. It might be silly to assume that all the demon had been hammered out of him over the years, and yet...

"Wait," she said, her mind jumping back to his earlier explanation of bindings, "isn't the reason you're immortal that you weren't bound to your Book anymore? So if you're bound to it again now, couldn't you die?"

"Correct."

"Why do I get the feeling that the Council doesn't know this?"

"Because they don't. They never technically asked if I was still immortal, they just assumed. If they knew, I don't doubt they would have pushed an order of execution through the system as fast as humanly possible."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ultear asked. "This seems like dangerous information to be spreading around."

These were the type of secrets that should be taken to the grave. Giving them out like this had the potential of putting the demon in serious danger.

"I told you that I'd answer your questions. What you choose to do with this information is entirely up to you." The demon paused, a faint frown creeping across his face as his brow crinkled in thought. "Although it might be better if you don't take it to the Council. It has the potential to get a lot of people in trouble, aside from me."

Oh, Ultear could imagine. With how hard Fairy Tail had fought to get him released, they must have stood behind this bogus story and pack of half-truths. If that came to light, they could be facing legal troubles of their own.

"I'm not going to go to the Council," Ultear said mildly.

He searched her face and said, "Thanks. My idiot friends have already gotten on the Council's bad side, and they don't need that made worse."

"I wouldn't want to make things worse for them. Or for you, actually, which is what the bigger problem would be, I think."

"I don't really care about that," he said dismissively.

"No," she said with a smile that was half fond and half sad, "I don't suppose you would."

One thing that hadn't changed since she last saw him was his tendency to take care of everyone else even at the expense of himself, apparently. It was a quality that was both frustrating and endearing.

"I can handle the Council," he said, looking away.

"Hm. Speaking of the Council, I heard they pardoned you."

"…Yes." He gave Ultear a guarded look, searching out her reaction. "If it makes you feel any better, it's less because they think I'm not guilty than because they were trying to get out of a corner they backed themselves into. It's less a statement on my guilt and responsibility than a means to create a political and legal loophole."

"How so?"

"By creating a reason why I shouldn't be responsible for crimes committed Before, they were able to give me amnesty for them. That ties the Council's hands so that they can't prosecute me for those crimes no matter how insistently anyone pesters them. They can just point at the order of amnesty and shrug, say that there's nothing they can do. The Council found itself in a tough spot trying to placate both Fairy Tail and the people who'd much rather see me imprisoned for eternity."

"That certainly sounds like Council reasoning," Ultear remarked, shaking her head in amused exasperation. The Council mindset hadn't changed much since her own days serving as a member. "They're always looking out for themselves first."

"Something like that."

"I've also heard that the grounds for pardoning you had something to do with you lacking free will and choice."

"…Something like that."

"Is that true?"

"…More or less."

"I want to know if it's another one of your clever half-truths or not," Ultear said, leaning back in her chair and studying her guest carefully. "I would very much like a real explanation."

He was silent for a long time, his gaze unfocused, and she wondered if this was a question that he wouldn't answer. Which was too bad, because it was the one Ultear really wanted an answer to. The one that would very much affect her perception of his role in her mother's death and the deaths of thousands of others. She just hoped she got the answer she wanted.

The demon's sigh was so soft as to be nearly imperceptible. Propping an elbow on the arm of the chair and resting his head against his hand, he stared at a point just to Ultear's left and began talking. The explanation of instincts and Awakenings and demons' choices or lack thereof was delivered in the same clinical, detached way as everything else. Maybe even more so.

Ultear listened in horrified fascination. The bare-bones descriptions and lack of anything resembling emotion should be enough to make the tale seem less sad, but somehow they weren't. Nothing about the demon's words or tone painted him in a sympathetic light, nor did he offer any excuses or rationalizations. In fact, she got the feeling that he was deliberately wording things to be as unsympathetic as possible.

But even he couldn't change the essence of the words. Ultear tried to wrap her head around the idea of not having a mind, not being able to make choices, not being able to even think about anything other than some predetermined purpose. She wondered what it felt like to be owned by someone so completely, to not have any value outside of fulfilling a purpose that someone else had set for you. It sounded awful, honestly.

It was startling to realize that he might actually be less guilty than Ultear, even though he had, objectively, done worse things. Ultear's own life of crime might have been born of heartache and misunderstanding, but she had still _chosen_ to do all of those things. It was a disconcerting realization that he _hadn't_ , not really.

Ultear stayed quiet for a long time after he'd finished his story before saying, "You're like Jellal, then."

"…What?" He frowned in confusion, finally meeting her gaze again. "How so?"

"You were a pawn that someone else was manipulating," she replied, tapping a gnarled finger absently on the arm of her chair. "You did horrible things because of someone else."

His utterly flabbergasted expression was entirely at odds with the cool, indifferent façade he'd been keeping up this whole visit. "I am nothing like Jellal," he snapped, scowling.

"True, you might have even had _less_ of a choice than Jellal," Ultear mused.

"Don't be naïve. I can assure you that I killed humans after assuming control of Gray's body too, and at that point I was choosing my own actions."

"Was this back when you were still developing a conscience and were more demon than human?"

"I've always been more demon than human. You know, since I _am_ a demon."

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

"Does it matter? It changes nothing."

"I think it does. I'm not saying it isn't bad, but you weren't the same person back then that you are now. And I daresay you weren't well equipped to _not_ act like a demon. That's still not entirely free choice, I don't think."

He just shook his head and grumbled, "This is not how I expected this conversation to go. Look, in the end, I killed a lot of people. I'll take responsibility for that. I don't need to hide behind excuses."

Ultear eyed him sadly. "You have Jellal's guilt complex, too."

"I have no such thing. Do you really think that demons are created to feel such trivial human things as guilt?"

"No, but you seem to feel a lot of things that you weren't created to feel." Ultear gave him a sad smile. "Fairy Tail is your Crime Sorcière, isn't it?"

"What…? Of course not."

"Sure it is. It's your way to make a difference and do your penance."

He scowled again. "I'm not doing penance."

"Oh? Then why are you here? Why would you 'owe' me answers, then?"

He stared at her, his eyes raging with emotions she couldn't decipher, and then looked away. "If you don't want answers, then you're welcome to say so and we can conclude our chat."

Ultear sighed, realizing that he was being deliberately obtuse. Stupid boy actually reminded her of herself, sometime between when she'd been a homicidal maniac and had obtained some kind of peace and closure after the failure of Last Ages.

"You know, I have a hard time thinking of you as Deliora," she said, instead of pressing a point he had no intention of conceding.

"It's an old name," he said with a shrug, relaxing marginally. "It's no longer as relevant as it once was. You needn't use it if you don't want to. I don't."

"So…Gray, then?"

"That's an old name too, also not as relevant as it was. And it was only a borrowed name, not really mine. Some of the others call me that, but it's really up to you."

"What should I call you, then?"

"I don't particularly care," he said flatly, looking over to meet her gaze with cool, unreadable eyes again. "Deliora, Gray, demon, nothing, anything else you wish. Take your pick."

"But what do _you_ want to be called?"

"I don't care," he repeated.

"Then what do you call yourself?" Ultear asked, looking for a different way to approach the question.

"Honestly? Nothing."

"Nothing?" she asked slowly, not understanding.

He shrugged. "I don't find having a name to actually be necessary, so I don't bother with one anymore. So you're welcome to call me whatever you wish."

Ultear stared at him until he shifted uncomfortably. How could someone lack something as fundamental as a _name_? She could understand why he wouldn't want to go by Deliora, could even see why he might be reluctant to go back to Gray if he felt like it was a name he had no right to, but…

"But don't you think you should have one?" she asked carefully. "I think it would be good for you to pick one."

"I've found that I don't need one." His lips quirked downward into a faint frown. "Besides, names are important. You define your name, and in return it defines you. The people who call me Deliora have a very different view of me than those who call me Gray. Calling myself Deliora would be different from calling myself Gray or choosing an entirely new name. It would say something about me and who I am, and I haven't quite decided what I want that something to be yet. I haven't decided who I want to be, so I don't want to commit to a name until I know."

Ultear wished that didn't make as much sense as it did. She hoped he found himself soon.

"Gray, then," she decided.

"Whatever you want," Gray said again, sighing.

"Now that we've gotten that settled…" Ultear leaned forward, wincing as her back and joints protested, and fixed Gray with a steady look. Uncertainty flashed in his eyes, making him look lost and unsure for the briefest of seconds. "Gray, you gave me a lot of answers, and I've drawn my own conclusions. I think that you didn't truly have a choice over the things you did back then, that you regret them, and that you've done your best to make up for them. And even if my mother…" She sighed and shook her head. "Well, I don't think I really want to blame you for that. And you've done a great deal for me, too. So I'm going to let this go and forgive you for what you did to my mother."

She drew in a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly, feeling a tension that she hadn't entirely noticed drain away. It felt good to forgive. If this had all blown up before she'd found her peace after Last Ages, this conversation would have played out much differently. Even once she'd left Grimoire Heart, she still would have had a much harder time accepting this. But she'd spent a while learning how to come to terms with things, how to let go of pain and heartache and anger, how to forgive both herself and the world, and it had changed her mindset.

Still, it was good that Gray had come. Without that, she still probably wouldn't have found real closure. But hearing his side of the story had painted things in a different light, and Ultear found it easier to forgive him now that he was once again human to her.

Instead of looking pleased or relieved or grateful, Gray grimaced. "I didn't come here to ask for forgiveness."

"I know you didn't. You've been very careful to be as unsympathetic as possible."

"You're allowed to be angry."

"I know." Ultear smiled, her face wrinkling even further, and settled back in her chair. "But I've found that life is far too short for hate. Hate is a funny thing—it hurts you just as much, or more than, the person you hate. It's much more satisfying to be able to forgive, and it heals you just as much as the person you're forgiving."

A melancholy smile ghosted over Gray's face, giving his eyes more of a sad, weary cast. "You always were a clever one. Yes, you're right. It's why I'm so worried about Lyon."

"He's not taking this well?"

"Of course not. He loved both Ur and Gray, and just found out that the demon who killed them has spent the last several years masquerading around with the face of the boy he thought of as a brother. No, he's not taking it well."

"What does he call you, then?" Ultear asked shrewdly.

"As far as I can tell, he goes to great lengths to avoid calling me anything at all." Gray shrugged, his gaze wandering away. "When he must, it's usually 'demon'."

"And what does that say about him?"

"It says that he's confused. He can't quite bring himself to equate me with the demon that haunts his nightmares, but he also can't see me as who I pretended to be. He can't quite let go of the person who he thought was his friend, but he also can't forget that person was a demon all along. Everything about his behavior has been erratic and inconsistent, his emotions even more so. He will be working through this for a long time, I think."

Ultear didn't really know that much about Lyon, all things considered. She did know that he had changed a lot from the angry, obsessive boy she'd met on Galuna when she'd been disguised as Zalty, and she knew that much of that change had stemmed from Gray's intervention. In much the same way, she realized ruefully, that much of her own change from villain to 'good guy' had resulted from Gray's intervention.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know you two were close. I expect it must be difficult not to be able to help him through this in the same way that you worked so hard to help him with everything else."

Gray pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at the floor. "Well, it's what I promised to do, isn't it?"

"What?" Ultear asked, instantly confused again. "I don't understand."

"I promised her I'd look after him. On Galuna." Gray shrugged, and the only sign of his agitation was the increased tempo of the rhythm his dangling foot tapped out against the side of the chair. "She'd been trying to protect Gray and ultimately failed, and it seemed fitting to pick up for her where she left off, with the one that was left."

"You–"

"And then you later, of course. Gray and Lyon were never meant to be your replacement, but they _were_ her family too. Somewhere in between students and sons, maybe. But if the promise was for one of them, it seemed fitting to extend it to the real child, the one she lost. I thought you were dead, since that's what Gray knew. But then you weren't, so…"

Ultear stared at him. "You… That's why you've been checking up on me?"

He shrugged, a shifty look entering his eyes. "Something like that."

Ultear had the feeling there was more to that, something he wasn't telling her, but she was distracted by what he _had_ said. It was…sweet, in a way. As far as self-imposed penances went, it was a thoughtful one. Of course, Gray had a tendency to look after most _everyone_ , but Ultear thought she could feel the difference.

"Well, you certainly did beat some sense into me on Tenrou," she said, smiling faintly. "Although I'm afraid I didn't make any goal of protection easy on you…"

He glanced over, his eyes darkening. "Well, I ultimately did a horrible job of it, anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter."

Ultear opened her mouth to ask him what he meant, but then closed it again. Her arthritic joints seemed to step up their aching of their own accord, reminding her of what Gray would be seeing, and she looked away.

"You can't protect everyone from themselves, Gray. I chose this."

"That doesn't actually make it any better," Gray muttered under his breath. Raising his voice, he added, "Care to explain what exactly you did with that damned time magic of yours?"

Ultear eyed him, once again getting the feeling that she was missing something, but then shrugged. "I tried using a spell called Last Ages. It's meant to rewind time, at the cost of taking the caster's own 'time'. I was trying to go back to before the Eclipse Gate was opened, but the spell failed, did nothing. One minute, I guess. But you all worked things out in the end."

Gray hummed noncommittally, his eyes blank as he stared at the floor, and he didn't seem at all surprised.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" asked Ultear.

"…Maybe."

"And what might that be?"

Gray was silent for so long that Ultear almost interrupted his reverie, but she restrained herself. There was something conflicted about his expression, as if he was deciding whether or not to answer her question. After a long pause, he shifted onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, resting his arms across his stomach as that foot went back to its incessant swinging again.

"Your spell _did_ do something," he said finally.

"Oh?" Ultear asked politely, although her first response was skepticism. As far as she could tell, it would be difficult for a single minute to make a significant difference in anything.

"It might've saved the world, actually."

Now Ultear _knew_ he was being melodramatic. If he sensed her skeptical disbelief, he showed no sign of it.

"We were fighting dragonlings at the time," Gray said after another pause. "Me and some of the others. Shit happened and I got tagged by half a dozen dragonlings. Would've killed me if I wasn't, you know, immortal. Anyway, everyone thought I was dead, and I'd already lost consciousness. Takes a long time to heal from injuries that bad, so I probably would've been out of commission until after they buried me. And miracles or not… I've been able to play off some injuries that should have killed me over the years, but I don't think there was really a way around that one. I probably would have just left and started over somewhere else."

Even though he stayed matter-of-fact and emotionless, his speech definitely had the feel of rambling, like he wasn't sure he really wanted to tell Ultear this and it was making him antsy.

"Oh," Ultear said, trying to wrap her head around that. "I didn't–"

"I mean, maybe I wouldn't have left entirely," Gray continued as if he hadn't heard her. "I would've had a hard time leaving them entirely, but I wouldn't really have been around. So my seal wouldn't have weakened while I was with Avatar, because I never would have been there. It wouldn't have snapped against Eileen, because I probably wouldn't have been there either. Maybe I would've come back when I realized what was going on, but it would have been a lot different. Might not have come up with my plan for taking care of E.N.D. and Zeref. Maybe the others would have figured things out on their own, but it's hard to say what would have happened. So if nothing else, you sort of indirectly helped with all that."

He was silent for a moment before adding, "I was going to stop the carriage, but what was I supposed to say? 'Hey, thanks for saving me, except that I wasn't actually going to die because I'm immortal. And by the way, I'm also the demon that killed your mother. I hope you're proud of yourself.' Yeah, that seemed like a fun conversation."

"So you checked up on me secretly instead?" Ultear asked, still digesting that.

"Mm. Well, someone had to make sure you were doing alright, and since you didn't bother telling Meredy and Jellal what happened…"

Ultear heard the mild reproach there, but decided to ignore it. Meredy and Jellal were still something of a sore spot for her, even though she'd come more to terms with her decision to leave them behind. She still missed them, but she had her own reasons for neglecting to tell them the truth. Sometimes she wondered whether she had made the right decision, but it seemed too late to fix it now.

And anyway, she highly doubted that her failure to let Meredy and Jellal in on her fate was the only reason Gray had been keeping an eye on her.

"I'm glad that it made a difference, then," she said, and she meant it. She'd come to accept her failure, but it did feel good to realize that it hadn't all been for nothing. It hadn't accomplished what she'd set out to do, but it had still had an impact. "It's good that it helped someone after all."

"Hm."

"And I don't regret that it was you," she said gently. "You've helped me a lot in the past too, you know. I'm not sorry that I helped you."

"But I am," Gray said softly, his voice little more than a sigh. Narrowing his eyes at the ceiling, he said, "I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with your entire family. You all are so sacrificial. You and Ur, and even Lyon has pulled a stunt once or twice. It's getting ridiculous now."

"And you," said Ultear with a small smile.

He actually glanced over now, one eyebrow arching in question. "I what?"

"You pull sacrificial stunts all the time, Gray."

His mouth immediately twisted into a grimace. "Don't lump me in with you lot."

"Whyever not?"

"In case you've forgotten, I'm not actually Gray," he said, giving her a disbelieving look.

"I don't know, I think you might belong more than you think you do."

Whatever was going on with Lyon and this whole secret identity thing, Gray had certainly wormed his way into Lyon and Ultear's lives. At least with Lyon, he had been something like family. And even with Ultear, he'd still had that connection to her and her mother that had made him something close enough. Things had changed, but it was hard to ignore all of that completely.

"You…" Gray shook his head, his mouth set in a displeased line. "In any case, I couldn't die, so it wasn't meant to be sacrificial."

"There are more kinds of sacrifice than just life," Ultear said mildly, and Gray looked away. "And I do believe I recall you saying that you intended to die while killing Zeref."

"That's not the same."

"It's not the same because there's a legitimate reason why it's different, or because it's _you_ doing the sacrificing?"

Gray studied the ceiling silently, and Ultear sighed. He wouldn't want to hear it, but she had been in his place before. Their situations were not the same, obviously, but she had an understanding of how guilt and penance and shame worked. And whether Gray would admit to how much they affected him, Ultear didn't doubt that they did.

"Is there anything else you'd like to ask me before I go?" Gray asked.

A younger and snarkier Ultear would have pointed back to her previous question and demanded an answer, but older and wiser Ultear let it go. She very well knew the answer, whether Gray spelled it out in words or not.

Instead, she considered her other options. There were a lot of things she could ask, but she was having a hard time picking any single one out of the mass swirling about in her head. Then a thought occurred to her, and although it wouldn't give her one of the big, important answers, she wanted to know nonetheless.

"Did you fix the step outside?"

Gray looked over, startled by the non sequitur, and then a wide grin split his face. It lifted the coldness and unapproachability away, and Ultear suddenly saw the same boy that she had known before all this hiding underneath.

"Noticed that, did you?" Gray's eyes sparkled with mirth. "Yes, I did. It looked mighty unsafe, so I fixed it up while I was waiting for you. Believe it or not, I'm actually something of a handyman. My landlady is pretty old herself, and I've fixed an awful lot of things over the years to help her out."

Actually, maybe this _had_ been one of the big, important answers, Ultear reflected as she studied the charming smile tugging at the corners of Gray's lips and the amused gleam in his eyes. It had given her a glimpse of who he still was beneath that demon-like exterior, and she was glad to see that the old Gray was still alive under there.

"That's sweet," Ultear said with a smile. "I've been meaning to get that fixed for a while now."

"Not a problem."

"Although I _am_ a little surprised that you've managed to keep your shirt on this whole time…"

Gray's smile faded and his gaze drifted back to the ceiling. "I'm kicking the habit."

"You…are?" Ultear frowned, puzzled. "Why?"

"It's Gray's old habit that I kept around for sentimental reasons. But now that I'm working on making the others understand that I'm not really Gray, it has to go."

Ultear had a hard time putting her finger on what exactly seemed so sad about that, but… Even though it seemed like a simple, unimportant thing, it somehow bore a weight of finality and hopelessness. It was just…sad.

But before she could think of a response, a sharp knocking came at her front door.

"Whoever could that be?" she wondered aloud. It seemed like today was a day for unexpected guests.

"Ah, they're fast," Gray said.

Ultear gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"You might want to answer that." Gray gave her a small, tired smile, and his eyes softened. "It might be important."

Ultear wondered if she was missing something again, but nodded slowly and rose with a wince. "I'll be right back."

She hobbled to the door, silently cursing her stiff joints. Opening the door, she froze.

Meredy and Jellal were standing on her doorstep, peering uncertainly at the piece of paper in Jellal's hands. They looked up as the door opened, and the three of them stared at each other in varying stages of shock.

Then Meredy's eyes filled with tears and she lunged forward, crushing Ultear in as tight a hug as she could muster. "U-Ul! You _are_ alive!"

"You…" Ultear patted her back awkwardly, still at a loss. "How did you find me?"

"Did he bother you?" Jellal asked tightly. He stepped to the side to peer around her into the house, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "He didn't do anything, did he?"

"Did he…? He who?"

"The demon," Jellal said, still looking around as if he expected a dangerous beast to jump out at any second. He waved the hand with the paper absently. "He sent us a letter with your address. We came as fast as we could, but you seem alright. He didn't do anything to you, then?"

"No, he was just…here…" Ultear trailed off as she turned and spotted the empty armchair.

Gray was gone.

"He was here?" Jellal demanded. "Did he–?"

"We just talked," Ultear assured him, still frowning at where Gray should have been. "He gave me some answers and helped me figure some things out. It's good that he came."

"Don't leave again," Meredy said, sniffling, apparently unconcerned with what Jellal found so worrisome. "I didn't even know what happened or if you were okay and… I just…"

Ultear's heart melted. She really had missed them, and her love for Meredy, especially, had not waned in the slightest. Maybe Gray had the right idea and this was what she needed, even if she hadn't worked up the courage to do it herself. It looked like it was her turn to field incessant questions now, and she wasn't sure that she minded.

She turned back to wrap Meredy in a tight hug, but not before giving the empty chair one last lingering look, wishing that Gray hadn't left before giving her the chance to thank him.

* * *

 **Note: Not really my favorite part, but I still love Ultear lol It had to happen at some point.**

 **emmahoshi: I think Ultear has as much of a "right" to blame Gray as anyone else. I don't see her getting as worked up about it as Lyon (especially since she's so mellow after Last Ages), but she definitely has the right to resent him just as much, even if she was estranged from her mother until fairly recently. The naming conventions will, in fact, change throughout the course of the narrative :3 Yeah, the stripping habit was never my favorite, and I tone it down in all my stories anyway. It was definitely for fanservice, although I partially forgave it for the connection to Ur. I think Gray's been one of the better characters throughout the series (definitely better than the official MCs, who I thought were the most static and least interesting of the main four on the team), but the fanservice gag did get taken too far, and Juvia did her best to cheapen his character. Tbh, Mashima takes all his running gags too far and cheapens them in the end, and all the characters are guilty of it :/ [EDIT: No, you're right. It's very easy to turn blame around or provide justifications for characters (and people) that we like. Can make it a pain to write the characters who _don't_ like them, but I'm always up for a challenge lol It's a messy situation. And honestly, I think Natsu's canon characterization is even worse than Lucy's. He's pretty two-dimensional most of the time and spent most of the series as the OPed MC who stuck his fingers in everything even if it shouldn't have concerned him, and he's dense/oblivious enough to whack him over the head with a sledgehammer and not make a dent. This seems to be a pretty prototypical sketch of a lot of manga/anime MCs, and is probably why I usually prefer side characters. Erza had the OPed thing going on as well ("Oh, she's Erza!"), but she was a more interesting character aside from that. Gray was more human, his backstory made more sense than anyone else's, and I'm biased because I like him.]**


	8. The Executioner

**Note: I debated whether to put this in or not, but it was a good way to tease out parts of Gray's personality that it's harder to get him to direct at the guild, and I think it also acts as a fairly good substitute for how a conversation with Lyon might have went (in that Gray would never actually act exactly like this toward Lyon, obviously, but there are a lot of commonalities in the situations). Also, this side of demon Gray is fun to touch on sometimes X)**

 **I've been getting a little behind in PMing and reviewing and whatnot, but hopefully I'll get around to some of it before our dear friend Hurricane Harvey comes by to knock out my power and flood me out lol And if any of you are also stuck in Harvey's path, stay safe!**

* * *

 **The Executioner**

* * *

When the Executioner walked into the guild hall, He was immediately on guard.

"What does the Council want with me _now_?" He asked, turning just far enough that He was facing the door and could eye the Knight warily. "I don't honestly think I've done anything to warrant their renewed attention as of yet."

There hadn't even been time for his injuries from his last encounter with the Knights to completely heal, and He'd done little to catch anyone's eye over the past couple weeks. He'd felt it prudent to keep a low profile. Then again, this was the first time He'd seen the Executioner in civilian garb rather than in uniform, so maybe something else was going on here.

Sure enough, the Knight scowled right back and said, "I'm not here in my official capacity as a representative of the Council. This isn't Council business."

"Then you're welcome to leave," Lucy said coldly, and He'd never seen a nastier look from her. Out of everyone, she seemed to be taking this whole torture thing the most seriously.

"Are they doing an inquiry after all?" He asked, waving Lucy off as He studied his visitor's informal attire.

"No. Apparently they decided it wasn't necessary since you told them not to bother." The Executioner's mouth twisted bitterly, and the words seemed to be pulled out of him rather painfully. Clearly, he was not pleased to owe his escape to the demon he hated so much. "But I'm under orders not to have any contact with you, so if anyone asks, I was never here."

He shrugged. "They won't hear it from me."

"They'll hear it from _me_ ," Lucy muttered darkly.

"They won't be hearing it from anyone." He gave Lucy and the rest of the team a flat look, before returning his attention to the Executioner. "Would you like to take this outside?"

"Yes."

"Actually, I think you'd best stay in here," said Erza.

"Honestly," He said, rolling his eyes. "I'm fairly confident in my ability to take care of myself."

"So am I. I'm less confident in you _choosing_ to take care of yourself. Especially where this man is concerned."

He shook his head in exasperation and rose to his feet. "Relax. It'll be fine."

Erza grabbed his arm in a viselike grip, and He winced. Pulling him back down with enough force to make him stumble, she gave him a hard look until He submitted and settled back on the bench.

"You can talk in here," she said.

"Fine, fine, as long as you don't interfere. Now let go." As Erza gave him one last look and released his arm, He turned back to the Executioner. Although He was wary of having any sort of conversation here, it wasn't worth it to antagonize Erza and the others. "Why are you here?"

There was a long pause.

"I want to know what you meant," the Knight said.

He tensed slightly, sensing dangerous ground. "About what?" He asked, even though He had a good idea of where this was going.

"After the trial." The Executioner scowled at the demon and hovered in the doorway, sounding as if each word was painful to pronounce. "I want to know what you meant."

Maybe if he'd just use a little critical thinking, he could figure it out. But then again, maybe He was being too harsh. More likely, the human was finding it difficult to comprehend because it wasn't something he'd expect a demon to say. If he had a hard time reconciling the words with the demon who had killed his family, then who was He to blame him?

Or maybe he really was just kind of slow.

Sliding off the bench, He hopped backwards and up onto the table in a crouch, the wooden surface shuddering under the impact of his boots. He settled himself into a more comfortable position, almost amused as He watched the Executioner start in surprise. To be fair, He'd taken everyone else by surprise too. He just wasn't interested in them right now.

"Let me tell you a story, child," He said, leaning forward a little and boring into the hapless human with his intense gaze.

The Executioner looked rattled, uneasy, and it was just as well. It was better to keep him off balance and unsettled.

"Wh-what–?"

"Once upon a time," He interrupted, letting his voice fall into a storytelling cadence even though his eyes remained sharp, "there lived a boy. He was a happy child. He enjoyed laughing and playing with his friends, and he had a family that loved him very much. His mother would sing him lullabies on cold winter nights, and set him down in front of the fire with hot chocolate when he came in from playing in the snow. He followed his father around like an adoring puppy, hanging off his every word and wanting to be just like him when he grew up."

Despite himself, the Executioner seemed drawn in. Drifting forward a half-step, he kept curious, hungry eyes on the demon, enthralled by the tale.

"And then one day, a demon came crashing through and destroyed everything." His voice took on a flat edge. The Executioner flinched, but continued to look on with horrified fascination. "The city burned, the buildings crumbled to rubble, and the people… Oh, the people, they screamed and screamed and screamed, until their cries were silenced one by one. Everything tasted of ash and blood. There was blood everywhere, great swathes of crimson. And the boy, he watched as his mother and father were torn apart in front of his very eyes.

"A building fell and trapped him, and washed the horrible image away. But then he woke and found that his entire world was _gone_ , destroyed in a blaze of fire and blood and death. Everything he had ever known and loved, wrested away all at once."

The Executioner opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Even if he wanted to say something, he was ensnared, tangled up in the web of the tale and unable to work himself free.

"A woman and a boy happened to wander by," He continued. "They freed him and took him in. She was a powerful mage, the other boy her apprentice. And _our_ boy, he decided that he would learn as well. He would learn all there was to know of magic, so that one day he could hunt down that damned demon and kill it the same way it had slaughtered his family. And so he stayed, and he learned.

"But he was not the same. He forgot how to laugh, how to smile, how to feel anything like happiness. The anger and grief and bitterness and hate crept in, and they consumed him. He was obsessed with that demon, and he had nothing else left to live for. So when he heard it was back, destroying more lives, he resolved to go after it. It didn't matter that he knew he might not be strong enough. The world was only big enough for one of them, and he'd get his revenge or die trying."

He leaned forward, building to the climax, and the room was silent as everyone held their breath. The Executioner seemed to lean in a little as well, sensing the rising tension.

"He wasn't strong enough, obviously. He was only a child with a rudimentary knowledge of magic, and the demon was old and powerful. And it might have killed him, but suddenly his teacher and fellow apprentice arrived. He had abandoned them because he had no room in his heart for anything but the demon, but they followed him because they loved him. He wasn't strong enough, but his teacher had great power and she would protect him."

He stopped, and a heavy silence hung over the room.

"And then…?" asked the Executioner, his eyes shining with horrified fascination and his voice hardly louder than a breath.

"And then the demon killed them," He said flatly, abandoning the storytelling cadence as He leaned back and snapped the tension, picking idly at his fingernails in a bored fashion.

There was another long pause.

"…That's it?" the Executioner asked in disbelief.

"That's it."

"You–you–" The Executioner's incredulity morphed to outrage, his face twisting into a scowl. "Are you threatening me?"

"What?" He clicked his tongue impatiently. "You humans aren't the brightest bunch, are you? Honestly, _I'm_ supposed to be the brainless one. No, child, I am not threatening you. I do not have to. You are already terrified enough."

The Executioner's glower deepened. "I'm not scared of you!"

"Oh really? Then why are you hovering in the doorway, ready to bolt at any second? If you are not afraid, come in." He gave the human a sharp-toothed smile and crooned, "'Will you walk into my parlor?' said the Spider to the Fly."

The Executioner automatically flinched back and edged toward the door. The fear in his eyes became more prominent, warring with the uncertain anger.

"That's what I thought," He said with a shrug.

The Executioner immediately stopped, the scowl returning. As if to prove a point, he took a hesitant step forward, then another and another, until he was standing halfway between the demon and the door. An expression of stubborn defiance spread over his face.

"I'm not scared," he repeated. "But you can't just threaten–"

"I am not threatening you," He said, rolling his eyes. "It is a…cautionary tale. There is a lesson there, if you care to look. But if you are not willing to see it, I cannot force you to do so."

"You're trying to _teach_ me?" the human scoffed. "Just call it what it is. You're threat–"

"You asked me what I meant. I am telling you. Gray wanted his revenge. He wanted it more than anything. He let it crowd out everything else, until all he lived for was _me_. He breathed for me, child. His thoughts were for me, he had room in his heart only for me.

"Do you know what would have happened if he killed me all those years ago? He would be empty, void, with nothing left to live for. His family would still be dead, his home would still be gone, his bitterness and grief would remain. Sure, he would have felt vindicated, but would he be satisfied? I think not. Perhaps he would have eventually found something else to live for, learned to look to the future instead of always living in the past."

Sliding off the table, He kept his gaze on the Executioner and began stalking around him in a half-circle, every bit the predator hunting its prey. The human stiffened, his breath catching in his throat, and shifted uncomfortably as he watched the demon.

"But that's not what happened, is it?" He asked, gliding like a predatory shadow. "He let me consume him. If he had let me go, he would have lived. He would have still grieved, but Ur and Lyon loved him. He loved them too, in his own way, but he didn't have enough room in his heart to let them in, not when he was so obsessed with me. He couldn't let go of the past, and it's too bad. He could have recovered and made his new family and found a way to move on and live. But he didn't. Do you know what his quest for revenge got him?"

Now He struck, darting forward and grabbing the Executioner, who let out a startled cry. Staring into the human's frightened eyes with old, fathomless eyes of his own, He pressed his nails into his captive's chest.

"I wormed my way into his skin," He said, his voice all the more chilling for its smoothness and for the gleam in his dark eyes. He pressed his nails deeper, and felt the rapidly beating heart under the skin. "I ate out his heart, hollowed out his insides, crawled into his body."

The Executioner made a strangled sound in the back of his throat, eyes so wide that they looked as if they might pop out at any moment. Keeping one hand latched tightly on the human's arm, He slipped around behind him.

"And now the demon he hated so much lives in his skin," He breathed into the man's ear, his voice almost a hiss. "Can you imagine? Can you? Can you feel me eating holes into your heart? Can you feel me sticking my fingers into your brain and warping your thoughts? Can you feel me consuming you from the inside out?"

He released the trembling human and strolled back around in front of him. His eyes and voice were flat once more, and He was less a hunting predator than an old, tired demon.

"Of course you can." Sighing, He fixed the white-faced human with another look. "I'm going to tell you a hard truth: I am no longer doing anything to you. _You_ are using me to destroy yourself. You are the one who can't let go, to the point where you live for me. You have let your obsession consume you. You have let it crowd out everything else in your heart. You have let it change you, in much the same way that Gray let it change him. He killed himself slowly, and he ultimately died for it. You are doing yourself a disservice, child. Hate me if you wish, but if you cannot live for yourself, then why are you living at all?"

Nothing moved, the silence so heavy that it was suffocating. He met the Executioner's gaze steadily, watching it change from terrified to confused to furious, or some combination thereof.

"How _dare_ you?" the Knight choked out finally, his hands clenching into fists. "How dare you just–?"

"You asked me what I meant," He interrupted coolly. "I gave you exactly what you asked for, child."

"You–you–" The Executioner seemed at a loss for words, mouth working in stupefied anger, but then he rallied. "You have a lot of nerve to threaten me. And would you stop calling me a child?"

He shrugged. "I am old. Most humans are like children to me…in one way or another."

"Yes, well, you can't just–"

"Do you know what I see when I look in the mirror?" He asked, his eyes sharpening again and entrapping the Executioner's entire focus. Gliding forward a step or two, He bored into the human with his flat gaze. "I see the eyes of a demon, and the face of a child long dead."

The Executioner opened his mouth, but no sound came out. But although he stepped back automatically, He wasn't willing to let him go so easily.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" He asked. "I see the face of a bitter, hateful man, and the eyes of a frightened, grieving child."

"You–I–"

"When you look at me, you choose to see the demon. When I look at you, I choose to see the child. I suppose they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul." He smiled thinly. "If you _have_ a soul, anyway. I don't much like you. I think you're kind of an asshole, actually. We haven't exactly had many great experiences with each other, although I'd be willing to assume that you aren't as horrible to everyone else. I tolerate you because I choose to look past the worst of you and see the child instead."

There was a long beat of stunned silence before the Executioner rallied, chest puffing out in indignation again. "I am no longer that child."

"Oh? You still have one foot in the past. Part of you is still frozen as a child."

"I'm not–"

"When you think of Nikolas, do you think of him as the man he would be today, or the child he was when he died?"

The Executioner's mouth gaped in stunned disbelief, and then he whispered, "How dare you?"

He shrugged and hopped back up onto the table, leaving one foot balancing on the edge and the other dangling idly. "Tell me something about them."

"Tell you…what?"

"Clara. Nikolas. Tell me something."

"Why the hell would I do that?" the Knight demanded, eyes flashing with pained fury and hands clenching into fists.

He clicked his tongue impatiently and reached for his shadow, teasing it up and reaching inside. His searching hand glided across scarred leather and then found the paper-bound booklet. Pulling it out and releasing his shadow to settle back, He stared down at the paper cover for a moment, his lips tightening.

"Do you know why I don't remember them?" He asked.

Returning his gaze to the Executioner, He tossed the book. The human flinched in surprise, but his hands darted up to grab the object. After hesitating for a few seconds, staring down as if the paper might come alive and bite him, he cautiously began thumbing through the pages.

Eyes widening, he asked, "What is this?"

"What do you think it is?" He asked, his voice dry but world-weary. "Several years ago, I went back to Isvan and looked through the records. Pain in the neck since my memories are fuzzy at best, but I reconstructed my route by following the paper trail you humans left. Spent a while combing through archives in a dozen different cities. Three guesses as to what that is."

"Names," the Executioner said faintly, eyes glued to the pages as he slowly flipped through them.

"Mhm. Those are the lists of the missing and the dead, from every archive I looked through. Some of those people might still be alive, if they were counted among the missing and then found later. Most of them are dead. Many more won't be there at all, because they were never found and there is no one left to remember them. Thirty-nine pages. Maybe your family is there. Maybe not. But do you really expect me to remember one or two humans among thousands? They are specks in an ocean."

The list's sheer scale was a sobering testament to the damage He had wrought on the world, but the names themselves meant little. It was hard to feel empathy for inked letters that had no meaning other than a hollow link to a long-dead person He knew nothing about.

Sometimes, He felt nothing when He looked at them. They were just a collection of dead humans. Callous as it might be, most of his limited capacity for caring about humans on a deep level was reserved for the guild. In the grand scheme of things, what was one insignificant human?

But then He'd remember that one insignificant human could become significant indeed, if the right conditions were met. Gray was significant. So were his parents and Ur. Lyon. Natsu and Erza and Lucy and Happy. The rest of the guild. They had started off as insignificant, but they had gained meaning until they were highly important. He had grown to know them, to understand them, and had learned to care.

He didn't have that type of special connection to the names in that book. Occasionally, He would pick a name at random and imagine, create a life and a death out of ink in a bid to evoke the sympathy He should feel. It worked, but it was sympathy for someone who had never existed. The real victims remained nothing but a name. The only way to forge a connection would be to know something _real_ about them.

"What?" The Executioner looked up, surprise melting into anger once more. "How dare you talk about them like they're so unimportant? You–"

"Last page."

"…What?"

"Last page."

The Executioner stared at the demon, anger and confusion warring in his eyes, but then complied with the directive. Opening to the last page, he skimmed it and his eyes widened. His hands tightened on the sheaf of papers, and he made a strangled choking sound.

The last page was for the names He collected on his own, not through yellowing records in dusty archives. He had written those names himself, in his own neat script. It started with Gray, who held the position of chief importance. Then everyone Gray had known who was dead, starting with the boy's family. Then Ur. Even Zeref, off in his own column. And then the newest additions that had been inked in just days before: Clara, Nikolas, Emilia.

"You…"

"There is your family."

"You…" The Executioner tore his eyes away from the page. "What do you do with these?"

He opened his mouth, the easy answer springing to his tongue, but then paused. His mouth slowly closed and his brow furrowed in thought, a puzzled frown pulling at the corners of his lips.

It was a reminder, yes. It had been the product of a quest to retrace his steps and understand the magnitude of what He had done. But had He truly needed a list of names as a reminder? He thought not. He felt its weight whether He held the physical manifestation or not.

Was it supposed to help him sympathize with the victims? Perhaps make sure that they were remembered in some way? Maybe, but it had only ever half succeeded at that purpose. Had it been a penance of sorts? Perhaps, but it brought him no solace and changed nothing in the grand scheme of things.

So what did He do with those names? Perhaps the real answer to that was something far simpler.

"I keep them," He said slowly, rolling the words around on his tongue and tasting them as He tried to ascertain their truthfulness. He nodded thoughtfully. They felt right.

"You keep…?" The Executioner shook his head, not understanding. "Why?"

"Because someone ought to, and maybe that someone ought to be me. You and the others all get so caught up in your own personal tragedies that you have a hard time comprehending the bigger picture, and there are many of the fallen who have no one left to remember them. I have a hard time comprehending all your personal tragedies, but am much more aware of the bigger picture. So, then, tell me something."

"Something like…what?"

He shrugged. "The one most important thing about them, what defines their memories for you. Something to make them more…human. Something more than a name. Something to remember them by. Give me one thing, and I will carry your tragedy with you."

He leaned forward a little, wrapping an arm around his bent knee, and studied the human with curious, hungry eyes. The Executioner clearly had no idea what to make of either the request or the explanation behind it. There was a long silence as he looked at the demon and then down at his family's names and then back at the demon again. Clearing his throat, he dropped his gaze back to the page, his eyes idly tracing the inked letters.

"My mother sang," he said finally, and his voice had a faraway quality to it. "She used to sing all the time: while she worked, while she cooked, while she tucked us in at night. She had a beautiful voice and it used to be what always colored my memories of her, but I can't…hear it anymore. I don't remember…"

The man shook his head, and He had the fleeting thought that He was glad to have at least preserved the repertoire of lullabies Gray's mother had known, even if her voice wasn't as clear as it had once been.

"And Nikolas was…a jerk." A wistful smile flitted across the Executioner's face for the briefest of half-seconds, and He eyed him with interest. This was the first smile He'd seen out of him, even if it was fleeting and melancholy. "Always teasing me and taking my things and trying to get me into trouble. But if anything happened, he was the first one to do something about it. One time he punched a guy twice his size for daring to call me one name or another. Idiot. But I guess that's how brothers are."

He nodded. He had played at being Lyon's brother for a while, and this sounded familiar. Losing a relationship like that would hurt. He would know.

"And now one thing about yourself," He said.

"Huh?" The Executioner looked up, startled. "What do you mean?"

"You are a victim too, are you not? One thing, if you please, child. I don't want your entire life story."

It was impossible to decipher the warring emotions on the Executioner's face. He waited patiently, not entirely sure how far He would get before the ornery human shut down again.

"My father is a craftsman," he said finally. "Woodworker. Highly prized in Isvan, since there isn't a lot of wood to go around. I used to want to be just like him when I grew up, but after… We moved around a lot, eventually left Isvan and settled around these parts. I saw the Knights and immediately knew that I wanted to join them. I mean, here were people who could _do_ something. They hadn't stopped…you…but they did good in other ways, catching criminals and everything. I thought it would be a good way to make a difference, even change things so that next time a demon came crashing through, maybe we could _do_ something about it."

He stayed silent for a moment, bouncing his foot idly against the bench. "Let me ask you something. Do you feel as if you've made that difference? That you found whatever purpose you were looking for?"

"I… Yes. The Council and Knights aren't perfect, but for all you guilds always mock us, we save a lot of lives and bring a lot of people justice. It's not perfect, but it does make a difference."

"And over the past weeks," He said, choosing his words carefully, "when you've been so obsessed with me and trying to kill me to the exclusion of everything else, do you still feel as if you've been making that difference in other people's lives? Do you still feel like you're doing what you set out to do, or have you lost that purpose now that I've become your priority?"

The Executioner took an aborted step backward, eyes widening. His mouth opened, but no sound came out.

"Food for thought," He said. Glancing down at the shadow draped over the table and bench and floor, He added, "Fetch, dear."

His shadow stirred in interest, peeling away from its natural position to glide across the floor. The Executioner's breath hitched and his face went white as he watched the blackness sweep toward him. The man stepped back, but the shadow easily caught up and peeled itself up off the ground, coalescing in a monstrous, inky mass.

"Behave!" He snarled, his eyes flashing as He saw what form it was taking.

It writhed in displeasure, whispering _kill, destroy_ into his head. He growled deep in the back of his throat. Sometimes it felt like trying to tame and rein in a beast that He had only ninety-five percent control over, and every once in a while the shadows liked to engage in a minor act of rebellion.

His shadow's resentment was almost palpable, but it resolved itself back into a human shape, a shadowy figure that stood before the Executioner and held out a hand. The Executioner stared back with eyes as big as saucers, but slowly, cautiously, proffered the bound list of names. His hand trembled and he held onto only the very corner of the sheaf, as if afraid to get his hand bitten off.

The shadow snatched the pages, its movements lightning fast, and the Executioner jerked his hand back and jumped backward. Almost too fast to see, it pulled the book into itself until the white of the paper was swallowed by the inky blackness, then collapsed to the floor and slithered back to coil at the demon's feet.

Wriggling a bit closer to the edge of the table, He poked at the shadow dubiously with his toe, eyeing it until He was certain that its games were over. Satisfied, He slid off the table to stand on the floor again.

"Ah, you'll have to forgive her," He told the white-faced Executioner. "She can be a bit of a handful sometimes."

"Sh-she?" the Executioner stammered, eyes fixed on the shadow. "What–?"

"Don't worry. I'm in control." _As long as I don't Awaken again._ He sat back down on the bench, turning away from the man by the door. "Now, I'm sure you can show yourself out."

"Are you…dismissing me?"

"Well, you aren't even supposed to be here at all, are you? Best not push your luck."

He drummed his fingers idly on the tabletop as He waited for the Knight to leave, only half aware that He was nominally looking at Natsu's scrunched-up face. He'd nearly forgotten that there was an audience. Amazing how totally absorbed He could become in something, how totally focused on one person to the point where everything else faded to the background. Perhaps He had some of the same obsessive qualities that He so despaired of in the Executioner.

There was no sound of footsteps retreating, no slamming of the door. He remained silent, willing the fool to leave. He had almost gotten annoyed enough to speak again by the time the human cleared his throat.

"I hate you," the Executioner said, but his words had no inflection. "You are a monster and a murderer. If I could kill you, I would."

"I don't particularly care what you think about me," He said, his voice a steady drawl as He tapped his fingers in a bored fashion.

There was another long pause.

"Tell me one thing. About yourself."

He half turned, mouth quirking into a frown, and eyed the human warily. "Have I not already told you a great deal?"

The Executioner scowled. "One thing to make you seem more…human."

He blinked in surprise, recognizing the words, then clicked his tongue in exasperation and turned away, his eyes boring sightlessly into the tabletop once more. "I am not human, and will not pretend to be so any longer."

"And I am not a child, but you will insist on seeing me as one anyway. I want something from you. I gave you something about my family and myself."

His eyes narrowed, tracing over the woodgrain, and He was silent for a long moment before saying, "Zeref was my demon, in much the same way that I am yours. I killed him, and do you know what it magically fixed? Nothing. It changed nothing. Think on that, child."

"And you're still trying to teach me lessons," the Executioner grumbled.

"Go. You have overstayed your welcome."

After an eternity of silence, the floorboards creaked under heavy boots. The door opened, and then closed with a thud that rang out loudly in the dead silence of the hall.

A hand hesitantly touched his arm, and He was startled out of his thoughts. He glanced over to see Lucy watching him with big, pained eyes.

"Gray," she said, "are you–?"

He grinned and pushed aside the Executioner's visit to a corner of his mind that He could explore and pick over at a later date, when He was alone. "So, what was it you were saying about Natsu wrecking your apartment?" He asked lightly.

She blinked at him blankly and then frowned. "Gray, you really–"

"I was actually really interested in that story."

She stared at him until reaching the conclusion that He had no intention of discussing anything that had just happened, and then sighed heavily. Sliding closer on the bench, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. He stiffened automatically, his entire body tensing in discomfort.

"I don't think you're a monster," she mumbled.

He stayed stiff and silent, but then bent his head and whispered her name into her ear. She looked up, her eyes solemn, apparently expecting something serious or emotional from him.

"You're going to make Natsu jealous."

An uncomprehending frown spread across Lucy's face, but then she suddenly flushed and jerked away, her bemusement morphing into an irritated scowl. "You're such a _jerk_!"

He laughed, watching her in amusement. And because He _was_ a jerk, He had spoken just loudly enough for a particularly nosy feline to hear.

"She lllllikes him!" Happy crowed, nudging Natsu gleefully.

The dragon slayer looked entirely unperturbed, but Lucy's flush deepened and she yelled, "Shut up, you stupid cat! You guys all suck."

Her indignation only fueled the demon's laughter. Lucy turned away with a loud _hmpf_ , fuming and embarrassed.

Snaking out an arm underneath the view of the tabletop, He snagged her around the waist and pulled her back. She started in surprise, studying him uncertainly. He offered her an almost apologetic half-smile, and after a moment, a sheepish smile spread across her face. She leaned against him, snuggling back into his side. He knew she was still looking for some way to comfort him since that was just what she did, but He kept his arm wrapped snugly about her waist. Sometimes, He knew, it was his friends who really needed that comfort.

"She lllllikes him!" Happy purred, bouncing in delight as he grinned at Lucy and the demon.

"Stupid cat," Lucy mumbled, although she didn't move.

"Of course she does," Natsu said, giving Happy an odd look.

The Exceed immediately ceased bouncing, his eyes widening in shock. "Wait, what?"

"That's what friends are," Natsu explained, shaking his head. "I honestly don't get why you do that thing. I mean, of course we all like each other."

Everyone gaped at him in stunned silence.

"That… That's really what you think he means?" Erza asked faintly.

"Um, yeah? What else would he mean?"

"You… He's been saying this forever, and you've always thought he just meant liking as in friends?"

"Yes?" Natsu said, although uncertainty tinged his voice now as he looked around at the ring of disbelieving faces.

He cracked up. "Oh man, I knew you were totally oblivious, but this takes the cake."

"Oh my gosh," Lucy mumbled, burying her face in his shirt.

"He means 'like' as in you guys _like_ -like each other," Erza explained, trying not to laugh.

"Yes?" Natsu asked again, no comprehension touching his face.

"Let me try it this way, then." Happy grinned suddenly. "She llllloves him!"

"Shut up!" Lucy screeched.

Natsu's eyes widened comically. "Ewww…"

He burst out laughing again, unable to contain himself at the absolutely horrified look on Natsu's face.

"Gross, gross, they don't actually _love_ -love each other, do they?"

"Of course we don't!"

"And speaking of cake, did you know that my bakery _still_ hasn't been rebuilt yet? It could be weeks before I can get my cake again!"

"Who cares about your stupid cake? Did _you_ know that they _love_ -loved each other?"

"We don't!"

"She llllloves them! You should really just pick one guy, Lucy. It's not really respectable to have two."

"I'm going to strangle you, you flea-ridden pest!"

"Fleas? I don't have fleas! How dare you?"

"If you have fleas, you're not going to get to sleep in the bed until they're gone…"

"But I don't!"

"Did you call my cake stupid? Natsu, I will end you!"

He watched the team bicker through half-lidded eyes, his mirth fading into a more reserved half-smile that eventually threatened to flicker out of existence altogether as his mind wandered back to the Executioner. An asshole he might be, but he was that way because of the demon. And now He'd gone seeking out an emotional connection with the Executioner and his family. Creating ties beyond an unlikable tormentor and a couple of bare-bones names made those people come alive, gave him a taste of their tragedy. One more thing for him to keep and carry.

"Gray?" Lucy asked, looking up at him.

He wondered if He had missed some important conversational cue, or if the others had just noticed that He'd become more quiet and withdrawn. Right. He was supposed to be living in the here and now, not focused on someone else's life. But it was hard, sometimes, to let go of his penance and remember that there were still people here that He was supposed to be living for.

 _"He loved them too, in his own way, but he didn't have enough room in his heart to let them in, not when he was so obsessed with me. He couldn't let go of the past, and it's too bad. He could have recovered and made his new family and found a way to move on and live."_

Ah, well, the Executioner and his family would haunt the demon another time. Maybe, just for a moment, He could listen to his own advice and focus firmly on the present.

He tightened his arm around Lucy and grinned. "You guys are all idiots. Goodness knows why I tolerate you."

 _But I think I_ like _-like you all anyway._

* * *

 **Note: I think of something stupid that cracks me up, and I have no self-control—I have to write it into something. #NoRegrets**

 **emmahoshi: That's because I always write out replies before I approve your reviews lol Yes, Gray is still hanging around the guild to an extent. This is partly because half the guild is pressuring him to, partly because he has a hard time leaving, and partly because they're technically responsible for him now and are obligated to keep an eye on him for the Council. But he spends a lot less time there now and runs off on his own a lot. Basically, he stays out of anyone's way who doesn't want him around, and in exchange, they tolerate his presence. I actually wrote this before "Living Legend", and it was that line that inspired me to write it XD Ha, we shall have to fight anyone who insults cake! Oh, wow, you can even tell when I add new stuff despite how much crap is already on my profile? Color me impressed lol Your spoiler is that it involves non-consensual mind-altering drugs X) [EDIT: Yeah, it's gotten pretty long because I've been bogged down with "DoR" and "Recon" for nearly nine months now and haven't had time to write any of the other stories X) Maybe at some point I'll go through and do some pruning, cut the ones I'm least likely to write. I still have more that I haven't added to the list because it's so long lol You know, there's something that says "hide bio" right under an author's username. If you click it, it'll hide the whole bio. It's what I do XD Lol, I answer reviews pretty quickly, it's answering PMs and reviewing other people's stories that I sometimes fall behind on. And LOL, Harvey has barely touched us yet. The worst is yet to come XD]**


	9. Prove Me Wrong

**Note: I've been pretty stressed and not feeling up to writing, so I'm just going to edit and post early instead. You're welcome. It looks like my development will hopefully just squeak by without flooding, but a lot of the areas around me, as well as Houston proper, are devastated. We got more rain in like three days than we usually get in a year, and it's not over. Some places will be flooded for months, and it's already being called historic and unprecedented as the worst rainstorm in the contiguous U.S. ever. We can hear the rescue boats and helicopters nearly all the time, the shelters are overflowing, and a lot of people have lost everything. My family and I are alright, but the people around here could really use all the prayers and well-wishes you can spare. I'm trying to stay on top of things, but it's been a huge mess with a lot of sleepless nights. Y'all stay safe.**

 **The guest reviews were really nice last chapter. And in response to one: I never thought about the shadow being related to Mavis as Gray's "familiar", but that's kind of funny, even if it's going to have an entirely different meaning; the other story was actually inspired by the line last chapter instead of the other way around, but yes, I do often link back to other stories and all of my pieces are deeply interwoven that way; and yes, Happy was called flea-ridden in "Adoration" (although by Natsu), and I included it in that story after including it last chapter. And thanks to all of you lol**

* * *

 **Prove Me Wrong**

* * *

Lyon was brooding at a table jammed in the darkest corner of the guild hall when Sherry came bursting into the building in a panic. This was nothing new—the brooding, not the bursting. He hadn't yet recovered from the blindside and betrayal of the demon, and now had to mourn the real Gray on top of it. He'd spent enough time sitting off on his own and discouraging outside interference that his guild was starting to make tentative overtures in an attempt to pull him out of his brooding. But Lyon wasn't finished moping yet and his friends were still wary of pushing him too far, so his quasi-isolation persisted.

Despite how lost in thought he was, it was difficult not to notice Sherry rushing over with her wide eyes and white face.

"Are you alright?" he asked. It occurred to him that this was the first time he'd really asked after one of his friends or thought about anyone other than himself in weeks. He kind of felt like a jerk.

"It's Gra–the demon." Sherry corrected herself at the last second.

Everyone was very careful not to call the demon 'Gray' around Lyon after he'd thrown an epic tantrum a few weeks back. In hindsight it had only made them worry more about his mental state, but at the time he'd reached a breaking point, and it still served the purpose of convincing them not to call the demon by his dead brother's name.

"What about him?" Lyon asked sharply, his eyes narrowing.

Beside him, Yuka stiffened, a dark expression clouding his face, and Toby cowered instinctively. Lyon caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced over, momentarily surprised that they were there. He'd been so lost in his own world that he hadn't even really noticed them.

"He's here," Sherry said. She bit her lip and darted a glance back at the front door of the guild. "Outside."

"Why?" Yuka growled.

"He's welcome to leave," Lyon said coolly.

"Yes, but…" Sherry shook her head and twisted her hands together, her expression conflicted. "I don't know, but he's waiting."

"For what?"

"For you, I think."

Lyon's nostrils flared. "Someone is welcome to go tell him to leave."

"It's just…" Sherry sighed harshly. "I think it might be better if you just confronted him."

"Are you crazy?" Toby interrupted, his voice grating at Lyon's ears as its already annoying tone rose in pitch. "That's totally dangerous!"

"Why would I possibly want to talk to him?" Lyon stared Sherry down with flat, cold eyes.

"Well, it's not doing you any good _not_ talking to him either, is it?" she asked. Wrapping her arms around herself, she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I know this has been really hard for you, but…maybe you need some closure. Something to snap you out of…this. It's not like I'm asking you to make friends. None of us really want that. But you've been obsessing over him so much lately that I think it would help _you_ to face him and get out whatever you've been thinking."

Lyon stared at her. He wanted no such thing. He'd rather not deal with the demon at all, honestly. It was too confusing and painful, and he wanted no part in it.

"Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away eventually," he said after a long pause.

Sherry pursed her lips, and disappointment radiated from her. "Maybe, but he also didn't look like he planned on leaving any time soon."

Lyon looked down and narrowed his eyes. He drummed his fingers restlessly on the tabletop. He stood up.

"Let's get this over with," he grumbled as he started for the door.

"Don't go!" Toby wailed. "You're going to die, and then who's going to help me find my socks when they go missing?"

"I'll be fine."

"Well, it was nice knowing you," Yuka muttered. The bench scraped against the floor as he stood up. "Guess you'll need some backup."

Lyon said nothing and kept his eyes fixed on the door, but inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment as his team followed him outside. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out and looked around for the demon.

It didn't take much searching. The demon was leaning against the wall casually, one foot braced against the brick and arms crossed loosely over his chest. He looked up as Lyon and the others paused, his dark eyes unreadable. He said nothing, and Lyon's eyes narrowed.

"Why are you here?"

The demon shrugged. "Because I promised to be."

"Because you…?" Lyon shook his head and scowled. "Explain yourself, demon."

Said demon sighed harshly. "After you fought the thing that looked like Ur, remember? I told you that if you survived, we could have a rematch and you could try finding a way to kill me. I would've come sooner, but I've been rather busy lately and it seemed wise to give myself some time to heal before you got your hands on me again."

What on earth…? Lyon gaped at his foe silently. He remembered that comment said in passing, a scant consolation for being unable to kill the demon while the war still raged, but he hadn't expected anything to actually come of it.

And he was instantly wary, because what kind of person would just waltz up to someone who hated them and ask, 'hey, you want to try killing me?' It sounded like a trap.

"Don't do it," Yuka advised from behind him. "It's a trap."

So, definitely a trap, then.

"Why should I want _anything_ to do with you?" Lyon asked coldly, still focused on the loathsome creature leaning against the wall.

"It's totally up to you," said the demon with another shrug. "Doesn't really matter to me. You defeated fake-Ur and passed up the chance to kill me once, so maybe that's enough for you. But I'll at least give you the opportunity to change your mind."

Lyon stiffened. Was the demon suggesting that he didn't _want_ this? That he wasn't committed to the destruction of the beast that had killed his mentor and friend? How _dare_ he?

Even though his friends couldn't see his face while they were arranged behind him, his sudden fight must have been visible in his posture.

"Bad idea," Toby said anxiously. "Bad idea."

"What do you really think you can do?" Yuka added. "He's immortal, remember? The only one who could get killed in a fight is you."

The demon's gaze slid past Lyon to study the other Lamia Scale mages, before he looked back at Lyon and raised one eyebrow fractionally.

Lyon scowled. Even he wasn't quite sure why he hadn't told anyone about the demon's loss of immortality. He should have. He should have told everyone and gathered up a lynching party. He couldn't explain why he hadn't done it. He couldn't explain why he'd vouched for the demon during the trial or why he'd basically given the vile creature his blessing after Zeref's defeat.

He couldn't explain it, but he still hated the demon and wanted him dead, and the bastard had no right to suggest otherwise.

"Don't get the wrong idea," he growled. "I still very much hate you. Do you really think I don't want you dead?"

The demon shrugged _again_. "Your guess is as good as mine. To be honest, I don't understand you much more than you understand me, now. But no one is questioning that you hate me. I don't believe that I've ever suggested otherwise."

"If I could kill you, I would," Lyon said vehemently.

The demon arched an eyebrow. Lyon couldn't really read his expression, not now that he'd become an otherworldly, inhuman enigma, but something about it rubbed him the wrong way. Whether it was actually skeptical and disdainful or Lyon was just imagining it because that was what he expected to see, it had the same effect. How dare anyone, much less the _demon_ , question Lyon's motives and feelings? Lyon was already conflicted and confused enough without adding anyone else's doubt into the mix.

It made him furious, actually. The demon didn't think he'd do it? Well, Lyon would show him.

Almost before he consciously made the decision to attack, Lyon's hands were already moving. A squadron of ice eagles burst forth to rocket toward the demon, who tracked them with his eyes. His body tensed in anticipation as he braced himself, but he didn't move and took a direct hit from the icy creatures with little more than a wince and tightening of the lips.

Lyon's team was in an uproar behind him, either trying to encourage him or reason with him or jump-start his sense of self-preservation, but the blood was pounding in his ears so loudly that he couldn't have made out their words even if he wanted to. And, to be honest, he didn't want to. Right now he only cared about one thing, and it was standing in front of him.

The ice tiger was charging even before the eagles struck. The demon pushed himself away from the wall and swayed slightly to avoid the brunt of the attack, but he offered no real resistance. The tiger took a chunk out of his arm, and a spray of crimson droplets misted in the air. Lyon had seen him take attacks many times before, so it shouldn't be as jarring as it was to be reminded that he still bled red like a human, but it seemed wrong anyway.

Lyon swept a hand through the air and the tiger attacked again, again, again. The demon kept his wary gaze on the creature and twisted away to minimize the damage of the attacks, but he neither truly defended nor counterattacked.

"Why won't you fight back?" Lyon burst out in frustration.

"This is a…continuation of…our earlier confrontation, if you recall." The demon hissed in pain as the tiger raked its claws down his side. "You were the only one fighting then, too. I never… _ow, shit_ …never fought you."

"Well, why not?" Lyon's glower deepened. "Why won't you _fight_?"

The demon slid around the tiger's outstretched claws and threw him a scrutinizing look. "Do you really want me to?"

"Of course! You really think it would be as satisfying to rip you apart if you just fucking _stand there_?"

Lyon had wanted to beat Deliora for a long time, and even if this demon wasn't quite…

Well, defeating that piece of magic with Ur's powers had been almost like surpassing Ur, but it wasn't as satisfying as it should have been. And he had since begun to question whether he really _needed_ to surpass her in that way. She had been a great and powerful mage, and although Lyon still wanted to be as strong as she had been one day, he wasn't sure that she could be surpassed or even if he _wanted_ her to be. She had always been larger than life, and he rather thought that he secretly wanted it to stay that way, no matter what he said or told himself. The thing about heroes was that you always wanted to be able to look up to them.

Defeating the demon was no longer about surpassing Ur. It was really just about revenge. Revenge and pain and heartache and an aching need to do _something_ , because the current situation was untenable and hurt too much. Lyon hated messy edges and gray areas. He wanted things to fucking make sense again, and it was easier to hate than to love.

"If you say so," the demon said, his voice and face carefully expressionless.

He dodged out of the way of another attack and lifted his hands, and a sudden burst of fury and pain flared to life in Lyon's chest.

"Don't you _dare_ use their magic!"

The demon glanced at him, then dropped his hands and stepped back. The wavering shadow tagging along at the tiger's feet darkened and solidified, flaring up and punching through the beast. The ice shattered into a million powdered shards that hung in the air like a fine, crystal mist for a moment, casting the area in glittering light before vanishing.

Lyon froze and stared at the demon, and the demon stared silently back.

"Lyon," Yuka said, "maybe–"

Lyon ignored him. His hands flew through practiced gestures, creating more ice creatures. None of them got anywhere near the demon before having shadows wrap around them or crush them or pulverize them.

Lyon wanted to scream in frustration. The demon still wasn't counterattacking, but his defense was too damn strong. Nothing Lyon did was getting through, and he _hated_ it.

Realizing that his strategy wasn't working, Lyon lunged forward himself, ignoring the shouts of his teammates. He created a jagged, wickedly sharp shard of ice to act as a knife. The demon watched, but offered no resistance when Lyon slammed him into the wall and held the ice to his throat.

Lyon's entire body was trembling, and he hated how the hand holding the knife wavered so dangerously. But still, the demon only stared back with dark, dark eyes. Lyon still couldn't get a read on him, and it wasn't _fair_.

"If you don't fight back, I swear to God I'll kill you," Lyon hissed. The demon said nothing, only stared with those impossible eyes of his. "What? You think I can't do it?" Lyon demanded, furious.

"I think that you can do it," the demon said slowly, choosing his words with care but still not looking nervous or afraid or anything that Lyon wanted him to be feeling. "But I don't think that you will."

Lyon let out a breathy, incredulous laugh. "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

"Because you already held my life in your hands once, and you handed it back to me." The demon reached back blindly, his hand melting into the shadow he cast on the wall before Lyon had the chance to ask what the hell he was talking about. He pulled out his Book and thrust it at Lyon's chest. Lyon automatically released him to take it before he realized what he was doing. "But you're welcome to prove me wrong."

Lyon stepped back and looked down at the object in his hands. There was still a protective layer of ice encasing it, but he could break through that easily if he tried. It was so _clear_ , and he found himself staring down at _'Gray'_ , tracing the letters with his eyes.

It was so wrong. It had been such a blindside, having that thrown in his face. He had been left reeling, too stunned to put an end to it like he undoubtedly should have. He should have just destroyed this then, instead of giving the demon a second chance.

And he could do it now. He could break open that seal and plunge ice right through that damning word and watch the demon die.

He could– He could–

Why couldn't he?

Lyon threw the Book down in disgust and turned away, hating himself for being unable to finish the job. He only paused when he heard the muffled hiss of pain from behind him. Turning back, he caught the demon smoothing out a wince.

His eyes dropped back to the Book on the ground. That was right, hurting the Book would hurt the demon. Even if he couldn't make himself _destroy_ it, he could at least _damage_ it a little. He should really do _something_.

He met the demon's expressionless eyes again and felt that ugly mix of hatred and pain well up once more. The demon had taken _everything_. Lyon missed Ur. He missed the Gray who was an angry, grieving, difficult boy who had nonetheless wormed his way into Lyon's heart.

He missed the Gray who had snapped him out of it on Galuna and rebuilt a relationship with him and helped him begin the process of mending his heart. The Gray who teased and fought and joked with Lyon, but had been unfailingly loyal. The Gray who had given Lyon his little brother back.

…The Gray who had never really been Gray at all.

The demon had taken Lyon's master and both of his brothers, and that was something he couldn't forgive.

What maybe hurt the most was that with those unreadable eyes and that carefully impassive attitude, Lyon couldn't tell if any of the almost-Gray he had known still existed at all. And as much as he wanted it to, he also wanted to believe that it didn't, because he didn't know how to handle any of this if it did.

He bent over and picked up the Book, let himself be mesmerized by that taunting name printed across the cover for a moment more, and then stepped back toward the demon. He shoved the Book roughly into the demon's chest, and the creature accepted it silently.

"Leave," Lyon said hoarsely, his voice wavering and raw. "Leave and don't come back."

"As you wish." The demon remained impassive, but for a split second Lyon thought he might have detected a hint of weariness or pain or sadness or _something_. Or maybe he was just reading too much into it, looking for something that wasn't there. "After I finish here."

"What?"

"You aren't actually the only one I came here for." The demon's gaze slid off to the side and fixed on a point behind Lyon. Lyon turned to see that he was looking at Sherry, Toby, and Yuka, who were watching the encounter with white faces and frightened eyes. "I give all of them choices, not just you."

Lyon bit down on the inside of his cheek. It wasn't that he'd forgotten his friends had also suffered from Deliora's wrath—it would be hard to when that was why they had come together in the first place and cooked up the ill-conceived Galuna scheme—but he'd been so wrapped up in himself and his own pain that he hadn't spared more than a passing thought for how they were coping with the situation. It was selfish of him, and he'd need to do better.

And part of that meant he couldn't interfere here. They had their own grudges and heartaches to sort out, and he had no right to prevent them from doing so.

He returned his gaze to the demon and backed up slowly. Toby grabbed onto his arm and hid behind him, peering over his shoulder at the demon.

"No good," Toby babbled. "We don't want any trouble. Better to go."

"I don't know," Yuka said coldly, more furious than intimidated. "Kind of hard to pass up an opportunity when it presents itself."

But still, no one moved. They were like a group of statues, all staring at each other but unable to move, paralyzed by the uncertainty of the situation.

Then Sherry cleared her throat and stepped forward. "You hurt us," she said simply. The demon stared back, his expression unchanging. "You ruined our lives. But you also helped us." She dropped her gaze to the ground and wrapped her arms around herself. "Maybe, in a way, you saved our lives too."

"What in the world are you blathering on about?" Yuka growled.

The demon's eyes narrowed. He said nothing.

"We spent years trying to resurrect and kill you so that we could have our revenge," Sherry said quietly. "It took over our lives and we started to forget what was important. We were foolish, and even nearly killed the villagers living on the island. That was wrong of us. Because I believed in love, but what kind of love was that? Maybe I didn't understand back then.

"I'm not saying that what you did was okay. I'm not saying that I don't blame you. I'm not even saying that I forgive you, really. But…you did help us set our lives on the right track afterwards and find better things to work toward, and I think that should count for something. We tried getting revenge once, and it only hurt us in the end. I want to think that we learned from that. I don't know that I can love you after everything, but my kind of love doesn't leave room for hate or killing anymore, and I stand by that as a way of life."

Lyon gawked at her. He could understand Toby's fear and Yuka's anger. Those were natural reactions. But Sherry… Compared to the others' reactions and Lyon's own erratic handling of the situation, Sherry's approach was the most…mature. How could she even say such things when Lyon and the others were still struggling so much? He could see it in her eyes that she was still conflicted and unsure, but she was _trying_ , and she'd come much closer to coming to terms with things than Lyon had.

He thought back to Galuna and the years of preparation leading up to it. The girl he had known then would never have been able to even think such things. She had still held too much bitterness and grief and hate. He had, of course, known that she'd changed and matured since then, but this was a startling display of it. He wondered how she had grown so much, and why he hadn't.

"You sure grew up," said the demon, a melancholy smile flitting over his face for the briefest of seconds.

"I guess it's a good thing that you set me on the right track, then, isn't it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I only gave you a nudge in the right direction. You did all the hard work yourself. Still, this is your opportunity for…anything. I don't intend to come back any time soon."

Yuka shifted impatiently, his mouth set in a grim line, but he stayed quiet. Sherry had effectively taken control of the situation. She was silent for a long moment, but then met the demon's gaze squarely and raised her chin.

"I loved my family," she said. "I loved them a lot. You taught me something about love, and now I'm going to teach you. Let me tell you about them, and maybe you'll understand what you've taken and why you should care—why they're worthy of love."

The demon leaned back against the wall, a sad, weary smile ghosting over his face. "Ah, you really know how to stick it to me. Go ahead."

Sherry took a deep breath, and Lyon turned away. He went back into the guild, leaving Sherry and the others to tell their stories. He didn't want to see it.

He didn't want to see if the demon's façade cracked, didn't want to see if he would show any sign of being human, didn't want to see if he would express any kind of sadness or regret. Lyon didn't want to see it. He wasn't on board with Sherry's whole love thing. He wanted to hate, to believe the demon was a monster with no redeeming qualities.

He wasn't ready to risk seeing anything that might prove him wrong.

* * *

 **Note: And this sets up why we won't be seeing Lyon for a while...until the point where he starts sticking his fingers into everything lol**

 **emmahoshi: Yeah, Lyon was there during the final fight with Zeref and then afterwards, so he would have known that Gray's immortality was gone. I don't think even Lyon himself knows what he would do lol Poor guy is a total mess. What, you don't remember the very first chapter of "DoR" where I gave (most of) the explanation for Galuna? XD Deliora's connection was severed from both his Book and body, and he got snagged in Gray's body. That left his body empty, so it was, in fact, the original Deliora's body in the ice. It still fell apart like in canon, but because there was nothing attached to it anymore and it decayed accordingly over the years. Gray was just going to try iced shell because he figured it was the closest he could get to death since he was immortal and iced shell doesn't technically kill the caster. In other words, there was no danger from Deliora on Galuna here lol Freaked everyone out for nothing XD Well, only Sherry is really going to be mature about this lol Everyone else is going to be screwed up for a while. I guess you'll have to wait and see :3 But yeah, they're gonna be avoiding each other for a while.**


	10. Eviction--Job Hunting (1)

**.**

 **Eviction/Job Hunting (1)**

* * *

When He returned to his apartment one evening and found his landlady sitting outside his door in a rocking chair that she'd obviously dragged out there for that purpose, He knew his time was up. He closed the door of the building quietly behind him and ghosted down the short hallway until He was standing across from the elderly woman. She was just as He remembered—her hands busy with her knitting, her demeanor calm, that ever-present green shawl wrapped snugly about her shoulders. Leaning back against the wall and bracing one foot against it, He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and cleared his throat.

The landlady looked up from her knitting, the needles stilling in her gnarled hands and their soft clicking fading to silence. She studied him thoughtfully, her normally kind eyes no more wary than they usually were.

"Hello, Gray," she said, her face crinkling further as she offered him a small smile. "It's been a while."

"It has," He replied. He hadn't seen her since the evacuation of Magnolia, and there had been enough going on that He hadn't run into her after the war even though she must have moved back into the city days ago. As such, He wasn't entirely sure where He stood with her, and eyed her guardedly. "I've been busy, I'm afraid."

"I've heard. You always were the 'run off and save the world' type, and I'm sure you've been busy settling back in, even after all that business with the Council. Have you quite recovered? You don't look too injured."

And she was asking after his health. Right.

"I'm fine, thanks." He sighed and let his gaze wander down the hall. "How is your family? They make it out alright?"

"Yes, everyone who was still in the city made it out with the evacuation." She clicked her tongue quietly as she added, "Most of them have moved back now, but Sally refuses to bring her children back until things settle down more." She shook her head in gentle disapproval, and He wondered if her daughter was so wary of coming back because the city was still a mess after Zeref's armies or because her mother was housing a demon. "But Nat came by to check for damage on the building, and he said that the roof had been repaired recently. Since you're our resident handyman, I assume you fixed it?"

"I did."

"Well, thank you. It saved Nat's back, anyway. The poor dear was so pleased not to have to spend his day doing repairs."

He hummed noncommittally. He had very little involvement with her children and grandchildren other than the stories she told, and although He was glad to have spared them some hassle, He wished she would just cut to the chase.

"You don't seem as nervous as you should," He remarked neutrally.

"I'm eighty-three, dear," she said with a chuckle, turning her gaze back to her knitting as the needles began clacking together quietly again. "Some people become more fearful as they age, others more fearless. Between you and me, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash at the Grim Reaper himself anymore. In any case, I reason that you have had many opportunities to do me harm over the past years we've known each other, and you've always been a perfect angel."

He coughed out a laugh despite himself. "An angel," He repeated, shaking his head fondly.

She shrugged. "I've lived for a long time, and I like to think that I've become a good judge of character. And you've lived here for long enough that I'd like to think I've gotten a good read on you. I've heard a great deal about you over the past few weeks, but I still remember the boy who always took time out of his day to drop by and listen to me ramble about my grandchildren, who always did favors for me around this place so that I didn't have to hire outside help, who always stopped by to make sure I was alright if he hadn't seen me in a while. You've always been a joy to have around, dear."

"Ah, you've always seen the best in everyone, Obaa–" He paused, hesitated uncertainly, but then shrugged. After all these years, He couldn't honestly envision calling her anything else. "Obaa-san. It will get you in trouble one day."

"I'd invite the Grim Reaper in for cookies if he showed up on my doorstep," she said with another shrug, and his lips quirked upward. "Well, am I wrong, then? _Should_ I be afraid?"

"Of me? Not particularly."

"I didn't think so." Her smile faded and her hands stilled again. She suddenly looked older, the wrinkles on her face deepening. "But I'm afraid not everyone shares my view."

And here it was. It looked like the small talk was over now.

"Don't I know it." He gave her a wan smile. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kick up a fuss. I've already begun making preparations to move out."

"You…what?" She frowned, caught off guard.

"You're here to evict me. I was honestly expecting you days ago. I might have moved out already if I hadn't been so busy taking care of other business."

The landlady frowned and looked back down at the mess of blue yarn in her lap, although she didn't start up her knitting again. "This isn't something I particularly want to do," she said. "But I've been receiving pressure from the other tenants and from the neighbors, and…"

"It's alright," He said with a tired smile. "You can't expect everyone to want to live next door to a demon."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I understand."

"Do you have alternative arrangements set up yet? I'm having a difficult time seeing how you're going to find another place."

"Don't you worry about that," He said smoothly, keeping his gaze steady. "I have plans."

Not terribly good plans since she was right and no one would particularly want him living anywhere near them, but good enough plans.

His landlady— _former_ landlady, He supposed—sighed again. "Well, I wish you luck with that. I'm not planning on renting your flat out again, so you're welcome to come back once all the fuss starts dying down."

"You're…what?" He frowned and shook his head. "You needn't bother."

"Well, it would already be more challenging than usual to rent out because there seems to be a rumor going around that it's cursed or some such nonsense." She honest to God rolled her eyes, which was an expression He had never seen from her before. "Or perhaps they just think that you'll be bitter and vengeful, and anyone who dares live in your old place is asking to get themselves eaten. And in any case, I am not happy that they are all forcing my hand. I will hold your apartment for you. You're welcome to leave some of your things here instead of having to move them all around."

"But–"

"Don't worry about the rent."

"But–"

"Goodness knows you've provided a great deal of outside service over the years, the roof being only the latest addition to that list. If you must insist on some kind of compensation, we can say that your past labor is payment enough."

He stared at her silently, his mouth twisting into a funny expression. In a world where most everyone suddenly hated him and He had lost so much in one fell swoop, this was an unexpectedly kind gesture. It was definitely more than He had anticipated, and it made his heart clench painfully.

"I think that's the most times you've ever interrupted me," He said, clearing his throat and averting his gaze. "What happened to that punctilious politeness of yours?"

She chuckled. "Perhaps I just don't feel like listening to your protests. I do believe that things will eventually begin settling down, and I'd like to see you back here when they do."

He stayed silent for a long moment as He resolutely studied the floor, then cleared his throat again and said, "Thank you."

"Of course, dear. And there's no rush. If you need some time to follow through on your arrangements, you're welcome to stay here until you get them finalized."

"I'll be gone first thing in the morning. Better to get it over with quickly so that you don't have to keep dealing with the hassle."

"I don't mind dealing with a little hassle."

"Ah, but I'd rather you didn't have to."

His landlady sighed and smiled, then gathered up her knitting and made to rise. He stepped forward almost automatically, offering her his arm and helping her up.

"Thank you, dear."

"No problem." He helped her down the hall to her apartment, dragging her chair behind him.

"You should drop by to chat again sometime," she said as He replaced her chair in its normal position and drifted back to the doorway.

"I'm afraid that it might be better if I stay away." He gave her a tired half-smile. "It would be better if you weren't seen with me."

She sighed and rubbed at her face wearily. "You're right, I suppose. We might have to wait until you move back."

"Sure." Pasting on a crooked grin, He added, "But if you ever need me for anything, I'll be hanging around the guild."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said with a fond smile. "Good luck, Gray. Take care of yourself, you hear?"

"Thank you, I will. You take care of yourself too, Obaa-san. Make those lazy kids of yours stop by every once in a while to help you out."

She laughed as He shut the door behind him and retreated to his apartment. Slipping inside, He flipped on the light and looked around with a heavy sigh. It felt different looking at it now, now that He knew this was the last time He would be here in a long time. He was usually busy enough that He didn't spend too much time here, but now He realized that He would truly miss it.

Well, He supposed his landlady was actually going to let him keep it. That would be helpful, since He wouldn't be able to keep track of all his belongings. He'd anticipated having to get rid of most of them, but now He could store them here and take only the most important with him.

But still… He would no longer have this space, or any space of his own, for a long time. He leaned back against the door and let his gaze roam over the living room with its couch and armchair and desk, everything arranged tidily; the kitchen with the dishes stacked neatly in the cabinets and the fridge that was always too big for what He put in it; the bedroom with the neatly-made bed and closet full of clothes He would no longer shed.

He would miss its quirks too, all those little things that had proved to be minor irritations over the years: the oven that took much too long to pre-heat, the lamp that always seemed to flicker no matter how religiously He checked the wiring, the sharp edge of the bedpost that He banged some part of his body into at least once a month, the chipped tile in the kitchen by the sink. All those little imperfections had made this place home as much as his neatly-arranged belongings and personal effects.

It was strange, He reflected, the things you would miss most about a place. You never really realized until it was time to let them go.

He really ought to pack, He supposed. He did intend to leave first thing in the morning. But then again, He wouldn't be taking much with him, and the thought of gathering up his belongings seemed too final, an acknowledgement that He was really leaving and no longer had a place here. Maybe He'd just go to sleep and worry about that in the morning, because right now it seemed like it would take too much energy.

His eye caught on the brownish-yellow water stain marring the otherwise pristine white of the wall, left over from when the building had experienced a minor plumbing disturbance. He had really meant to paint that over after they'd gotten the problem sorted out, but something had always come up and He'd never gotten around to it. That suddenly seemed like a failure on his part, like He hadn't taken care of what He had while He had it.

Actually, He thought He still had some old paint around here somewhere. A few minutes of digging through the closet turned up a half-empty can of white paint and a stiff-bristled brush. So instead of packing his things, He spent the next half hour carefully painting over the stain, brushing white over it and watching it disappear bit by bit.

This was still his home, if only for tonight, and He would take care of it while He had it. Tomorrow He would pack and move and leave, but for tonight this was his.

When He'd finished, He stood back and stared at the still-glistening patch of white for a long time, his eyes unfocused. Then He slowly walked away, turned off the light, and went to sleep.

* * *

All things considered, being homeless wasn't really as bad as He'd anticipated. He certainly missed his flat, of course, and life would be much more convenient if He had somewhere to go back to at the end of the day, but He'd managed to make things work.

He had left almost all of his belongings in the apartment, and taken only the essentials with him. The guild's storeroom was messy and cluttered enough that He could easily find places to tuck his things away for storage where no one would stumble across them. And since He didn't feel like explaining himself or listening to his friends fuss and rage over something so trivial, He kept the issue quiet.

He hadn't bothered looking for alternative housing since He didn't doubt that all He'd get for his troubles was a pack of angry and frightened landlords shooing him away, but finding places to sleep at night wasn't too tricky. Sometimes He stayed in the guild, silently creeping back in after everyone had left to spend the night on the storeroom floor. As long as He made sure to get up before everyone started trickling in for the day, it was like He'd never been there at all. He was careful not to be caught there since He technically wasn't part of the guild anymore and half of the guild would just as soon see him run off, but He figured that He wasn't really hurting anything by staying. Sure, He wasn't paying rent or for the use of the amenities, but He figured that He could make up for that later.

When He didn't feel like staying at the guild overnight, He could usually find a secluded corner or copse of trees to bed down in. He just had to be careful to pick places where no one would stumble upon him, because although not everyone would recognize his face, He was still public enemy number one in the city right now. No need to invite an impromptu lynching. But there were lots of nice places out in the park and in the trees along the river, and He found that He sometimes preferred sleeping out in the grass under the stars to bunkering down in the guild's overcrowded backroom. It was sort of like camping, and He had decided to stay optimistic and look at this as a sort of adventure.

So honestly, it wasn't the eviction that was a real problem. Job hunting, on the other hand, was a bigger issue.

"Ice magic?" asked the chief of the small mountain village. The short man's mouth twisted into some combination of anger and fear as he narrowed his eyes. "You're Fairy Tail's pet demon?"

 _Busted again_.

"I'm the demon, yes," He said, resisting the urge to sigh.

The village men were starting to inch forward, closing around him in a half-circle as if preparing to chase him out, while the women and children backed up. They were all watching him with wary eyes, and everyone who had a weapon was pointing it at him.

"Begone," the chief growled, his body tensing as if he was expecting an attack.

Now He really did sigh. "I'm honestly not here to eat your children. Do you want help with your wyvern problem or not?"

He didn't know why He bothered when He already knew that the opportunity was lost. The lack of a guild mark wasn't the real obstacle to getting jobs done—Makarov and Fairy Tail looked the other way and let him take jobs even though He didn't technically have the authority to do so anymore, and most clients didn't bother asking to see a guild mark since they just wanted a mage to solve their problems as quickly as possible and weren't too picky about who was helping them. But although He was just a faceless boogeyman to most of Fiore, putting ice magic and Fairy Tail together was sure to raise suspicions. He always tried to keep his magic out of view and sidestep any questions about it, but sometimes there was just no easy way around it.

"We'll have a different mage help us," said the chief, his hostility palpable. "A _human_ mage."

Fair enough. Shrugging, He backed out of the village and worked his way down the narrow trail through the rust-colored stone of the mountainside. There was no need to push things further and cause a scene, not when these people had at least resisted the urge to try lynching him. Which was more than He could say about some of the other people He'd run into lately.

He could feel wary, unfriendly eyes boring into his back all the way down the trail until He'd reached the bottom of the mountain and slipped out of view, and He waited for the villagers tailing him to turn back before He headed for a different trail nearby and started back up. He really ought to just leave it alone, but wyverns were nasty business and an unwary villager or unsuspecting child could easily fall prey to one if it was living nearby.

Of course, since He hadn't received the full briefing from the villagers, He was working on incomplete information. He knew that there was a wyvern living in a cave somewhere around the village, and that was about it. But wyverns were large beasts with no love of stealth, and it shouldn't be too difficult to search around and find some signs of this one's passing.

He began combing the mountainside, keen eyes scanning the crags and reddish rock for any disturbances. Nothing immediately jumped out at him, so He trudged and climbed wearily as He searched. If nothing else, it gave him time to mentally berate himself for another lost opportunity.

It wasn't that He was short on cash, and this wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it was still an annoyance. Since He liked to be well-prepared and was more of a planner than his friends gave him credit for, He'd built up a nest egg over the years for emergencies…and because He'd anticipated possibly having to go on the run someday if his identity was ever discovered. And since He wasn't currently paying rent or for many other expenses aside from food and a handful of other necessities, He wasn't exactly in trouble yet. But He did intend to give both his landlady and the guild some form of compensation for his apartment and living expenses someday, and that would be hard to do if He kept doing all his jobs for free.

His lips twitched upward into a predatory grin as He spotted a set of claw marks raked across a rocky overhang. "Got you now," He crooned, his eyes glimmering with satisfaction.

He had little trouble following the trail of claw marks, disturbed stone, flattened vegetation, and animal bones, and soon found himself standing just outside the gaping maw of a cave dug into the mountainside. He peered inside, squinting against the blackness and seeing absolutely nothing through the shadows, and considered his options. It would be a horrible idea to go inside. For one, He wouldn't be able to see anything, and for two, it would give the wyvern a home-field advantage.

Time to lure out the overgrown lizard. He backed away from the mouth of the cave and settled into a defensive stance before clapping his hands and making an unattractive sound meant to mimic the cry of a wounded animal.

"Come on," He mumbled, bouncing on his heels as He eyed the cave. "Don't make me try to make that godawful noise again."

Maybe He could take up animal-sound mimicry as a new hobby in his spare time. Who knew when it might come in handy?

He was just about to give in and simulate an easy meal one more time, but then something scraped loudly against stone. A green-scaled wyvern burst out of the cave, its emerald wings flaring wide to blot out the sun for the briefest of seconds. It lunged for the demon and He jumped back, hands already in motion as He molded ice lances to strike right at the creature's beady little eyes. It let out a shrill screech as the ice connected, and He charged forward, an icy sword springing to his hand.

These beasts were wiry and clever, but He'd caught this one off guard and meant to take full advantage of its momentary surprise. He managed to dodge the gleaming claws that raked through the air just by his face and the spike-tipped tail that lashed out at his legs, and brought his sword down on the wyvern's slender neck, cutting deeply into the flesh and scraping against bone.

A mortal wound, but an injured animal was still a dangerous one. And He'd rather put the wyvern out of its misery—He had no love of slow and agonizing deaths. Ducking out of the way of the beast's snapping jaws, He plunged the sword into its chest.

Something slammed into him from behind, sharp points digging into his back and ripping gashes into his skin, and He pitched forward with a pained yelp. The intense pressure on his back disappeared and He quickly rolled out of the way, hissing in pain as rocks and grit scraped against his open wounds. Powerful, clawed legs slammed into the ground where He had just been, and He bit out a curse as He lunged to the side.

He had been told that there was _one_ wyvern, not two.

The blue-scaled newcomer screeched, the earsplitting sound echoing off the surrounding rock, and dove for the demon. He hurriedly threw up a shield and scrambled back, out of reach of the dying wyvern and the newest threat. The ice shattered, and He barely had time to form a coherent thought before the second wyvern hurtled through the flying shards and raked its claws down his chest. Crying out in pain, He slammed a wall of ice into the creature and sent it flying back.

His gaze dropped to the shadow curled at his feet, and He growled, "Aren't you dying to kill something? Make yourself useful for once."

As if it had been waiting for his command—unlikely, given how ornery and prone to throwing tantrums it could be—the shadow launched itself across the ground and wrapped around the blue wyvern, biting into its wings and dragging them down as it slashed viciously at scale and membrane. Staggering back to his feet, He summoned his curses and hooked into the wyverns' own shadows, tangling the beasts in them.

After that, the ice made short work of them. He stood still for a long moment, staring at the pools of blood congealing around the once-proud beasts' bright scales and listening to the dying echoes of their cries ringing in his ears, and then turned away. Pulling his shirt off and hissing in pain as the fabric stuck to his raw wounds, He covered his injuries with ice and then used the shirt as a makeshift bandage over top.

 _Two_ blasted wyverns. This was what He got for doing some stupid human ingrates a favor. He ought to go hunt down those villagers and pay them back for withholding vital information. Dark fury flared to life in his chest, and He ground his teeth together. Worthless little human insects should know better than to challenge him. He would show them why they were foolish to cross him, remind them why they should be afraid.

His shadow writhed in excitement. _Kill, kill, kill._

Grimacing, He took a deep breath and tried to tamp down the instinctive rage. These bursts of primal anger and hate had always surfaced from time to time, but they'd become far more frequent and harder to ignore after his seal had snapped and He'd Awakened again. This would always be a part of him, but He certainly hoped that it would settle back down and He'd become better at controlling it again over time. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing to calm himself and let the rage die down.

 _Let's kill them all_ , his shadow whispered hopefully.

"No," He mumbled. His shadow hissed in displeasure, resentment radiating from it. He sighed and said, "Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I make a terrible demon now, and you make a terrible human. No wonder we can't get along."

Opening his eyes, He gave his shadow a hard look until it reluctantly settled back to its normal position and fell still, and then started back down the mountain. He moved slowly, his wounds burning beneath the ice and his exhaustion hanging over him like a cloud, but managed to hobble down the trail with only a few stumbles and missteps.

He got a few odd looks and concerned enquiries as He hobbled back to the nearest town and purchased a train ticket, but He just waved them off with a wan smile and found a seat away from everyone else. Resting his head against the window, He stared out sightlessly and willed the train to go faster as He tried to ignore his throbbing wounds. He was suddenly grateful that this town wasn't very far from Magnolia.

Still, the ordeal seemed to go on forever, a hazy blur of exhaustion and aching pain. And when He finally stumbled off the train and paused outside the station to frown out at the busy street, He quickly realized that his problems weren't over. Normally, He would go back to his apartment, dress his wounds properly, and sleep it all off. That obviously wasn't an option anymore, and He had no choice but to go to the guild and have his friends fuss over him. Joy.

Noticing the nasty, mistrustful looks He was getting from the civilians savvy enough to recognize his face, He worked his way through the crowd to find a shady pathway along the edges of buildings where He could pull the shadows more tightly about himself and conceal himself from a good portion of the glares. He missed the days when He could walk freely through the city instead of always skulking in the shadows.

He slipped into the guild with a sigh and looked around for his old team.

"Geez, what happened to _you_?" Gajeel asked, noticing him leaning heavily against the doorway with crimson blood seeping through the ragged remains of his shirt. The dragon slayer gave the demon a wary look, but apparently he'd seen fit to temporarily set aside a little of his usual unfriendliness.

"Wyverns," He grunted, starting for the team's table.

"Gray!" Lucy yelped. She jumped to her feet and rushed over to him. "Are you alright? Hey, Wendy! Come here, will you?"

"I'm fine," He grumbled.

Natsu eyed him critically. "You got yourself torn up by a measly wyvern?"

He scowled. "Would've been nice if the villagers had bothered telling me there was a second one lurking around. It would've been harder for it to sneak up behind me that way."

Erza clicked her tongue in disapproval as she looked over his injuries and let her eyes linger a moment too long on the bare stretch of skin where his guild mark should be. It made him wish that He was still wearing a shirt.

"Wyverns aren't a joke," she said. "You should've taken us with you."

Someone was clearly still miffed that He had been avoiding team jobs lately.

"It was only supposed to be _one_ ," He said mutinously as Wendy hurried over and began carefully unwrapping his makeshift bandages.

He melted his ice and grudgingly allowed Wendy to heal the gashes with her magic, all the while ignoring Charle's hostile glare burning into him. Once his injuries had faded away, any temporary reprieve from the guild seemed to fade with them. He could feel all the wary, unfriendly looks that half the guild was giving him, could see the disdainful curl to Gajeel's lip and Bisca's death glare as she ushered Asuka away from the area, but He chose to ignore them in favor of thanking Wendy.

"No problem," she said. "You should be more careful, Gray-san. You can die now, you know."

"I'm aware," He grumbled, not willing to admit that sometimes He did seem to forget that for short stretches of time and overestimate how durable He really was now.

"That looked really painful," Lucy said with a sigh. "I sure hope you got paid really well for that."

"Oh yeah."

If nothing else, He'd gotten paid with plenty of aggravation.

"And enough with you running off on solo jobs all the time and getting yourself hurt," Erza said, giving him a hard look. "It's time to start coming with us again."

He fought back his instinctive wince. Part of the reason He'd been ducking out of team jobs was what had just happened back at the village. It was one thing to get run out of towns and do jobs without payment if He was on his own, but He didn't want to bring all that extra hassle onto the team. Nor did He particularly want to deal with his friends' outrage when it happened.

"I don't know," He hedged. "I'm still exhausted from fighting the magical multiplying wyverns."

Erza was not amused. "If you need a day or two to rest, then fine. But soon. You can't avoid us forever."

Try as He might, He couldn't come up with a decent pretext for refusal. Unfortunately, Erza was right. His excuses were already running thin, and He wouldn't be able to put off the team forever.

"Yeah," He mumbled, dropping his gaze.

"Good."

"Do you want to go home and rest?" Happy asked.

He forced a smile. "Nah, I think I'll just hang out here for a while."

After all, it wasn't like He had anywhere to go back to.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: The eviction was originally supposed to be more brutal, but the landlady from "Stay" is now my headcanon whenever I need a landlord for Gray, and I couldn't see her doing it :3 Aw, I wish you the best of luck. Knowing something is temporary can indeed make you form superficial relationships and treat things as if it's just a holding cell until the next part of your life starts, but remember that you can still make the most of it and even short-lived things have the potential to be meaningful :) Plastic surgery XD Yeah, there is actually going to be a team job. Can't put Erza off forever lol As for why Gray hasn't just left...the guild. It's always about the guild with him. Almost everything he does can be traced back to Lyon or the guild. As long as he's turned protecting them into a new purpose and he has nothing else and some of them are so adamant that he stay, he'll have a hard time breaking ties completely.**


	11. Living Memorial--Job Hunting (2)

**.**

 **Living Memorial/Job Hunting (2)**

* * *

Erza was on a mission. Namely, she was going to break down Gray's resistance to going on team jobs. She wasn't one hundred percent sure why he was so insistent about avoiding them, but he'd been weaseling out of them ever since…well, ever since they'd discovered he was a demon, honestly. But with everything else that had been going on, it had really only become an issue over the past few weeks.

She was starting to lose patience with his avoidance tactics and growing list of solo jobs, but she was also wary of pushing him too far. He had been rather distant and withdrawn lately, and she had no desire to alienate him further. So she had given him some space and was waiting for the perfect time to swoop in and make her move.

It was just as well that she did, because she waited long enough that the answer to the mystery came waltzing right into the guild hall a couple days after Gray had come in with nasty injuries from a wyvern attack.

Erza had been nominally listening to the boys and Lucy bicker back and forth as they sat around one of the guild's tables and tried to ignore the herd of elephants in the room—most of which had something to do with Gray—but had already begun losing interest. So when the newcomer walked into the guild, she was the first of the team to spot him.

He was short and wiry, with black hair, green eyes, and the air of someone who _did not_ want to be there. Wariness and hostility warred in his eyes as he hesitated just inside the doorway and looked around uncertainly. Mira, being the responsible one where guests were concerned, immediately noticed him and swept over, her long skirts swishing about her ankles.

"Hello!" she said brightly, giving him a wide smile. "Can I help you?"

The stranger looked her up and down and then scowled. "Where is the demon?"

Gray immediately stilled next to Erza, breaking off mid-sentence. The requip mage glanced over to see that he had finally taken notice of the newcomer. He seemed to have picked up a sixth sense for whenever the word 'demon' was uttered anywhere in his general vicinity, and it always caught his attention. Not that she could blame him.

The rest of the team also noticed his shifting attention, and they tensed. Erza gnawed at her bottom lip as well, her fingers tapping absently against the hilt of her sword. Gray was more than capable of taking care of himself, but Erza and the team had become much more protective of him lately and were fed up with all the harassment he received.

"O-oh," Mira stammered, suddenly looking flustered and uncertain. "I, um–"

"Here," Gray interrupted, standing up and sauntering toward the door. His posture was relaxed, but his dark eyes were sharp and wary. He gave Mira a small, tight smile and added, "I'll handle this."

She frowned and edged in front of him almost protectively, giving the intruder a hard look. The public's treatment of Gray put her more on edge than just about anyone else. Maybe even more than the team, if only because she had been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment before. Erza wondered, sometimes, if it brought up bad memories.

Gray just waved Mira back—although Erza noted that his fingers brushed reassuringly against her arm in a brief motion—and turned his attention to the man in the doorway.

The stranger gave Gray an unfriendly look and rocked back a half-step, looking half a second away from either fleeing or fighting. "You are the one who killed the wyverns?"

A puzzled look flitted over Gray's face, but then understanding lit his eyes and he let his breath out in a frustrated sigh. "Yes. Are you really that unhappy about it? Just accept the favor and go. I'm not interested in getting mixed up in any more trouble with you."

"The chief says that you are to be compensated for your trouble, even though you disobeyed the request to leave," the man growled. He pulled a pouch out of his pocket and thrust it at Gray. His eyes flashed with thinly-veiled hostility, but Gray just blinked at him in bewilderment, his face scrunching up in a nonplussed expression. "Now we owe you nothing. Stay away from our village."

He turned and stormed out of the guild, leaving a flabbergasted Gray staring after him.

"Uh…" Gray blinked down at the little bag in his hand, then shrugged and slipped it into his pocket. "Okay, then."

"What was that about?" Erza demanded as Gray slipped around Mira and returned to the team's table. "Shouldn't you have been paid for that job days ago?"

He shrugged and picked up his glass, frowning down at it vacantly as he swirled the water inside and the ice clinked against the sides. "Well, I didn't _officially_ take the job, so it was more like a favor."

"You didn't… _officially_ take the job?" Happy repeated with a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I was _going_ to take the job, but then stuff happened and they got free pest extermination instead. Or, it would have been free, if not for this."

Erza eyed Gray suspiciously. He definitely had a shifty look to his eyes, and she was going to get to the bottom of whatever he was dancing around.

" _What_ stuff happened?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

He waved a hand airily. "Nothing much," he hedged.

Erza wasn't having it. "I'm tired of you beating around the bush and glossing things over. What happened on your job?"

Gray hesitated, chewing on his lip, but eventually seemed to decide that it wasn't worth his life to antagonize her. "They figured out who I was," he grumbled.

"So?" Lucy asked.

"So they told me to leave and they'd get someone else to help them."

"And you just did what they asked?" Natsu asked in disbelief.

Gray gave the dragon slayer a dirty look. "Obviously not. Wyverns are nasty business, so I circled back to take care of them before I left."

"He means that he wants to know why you let them get away with treating you like that," Erza snapped, crossing her arms. "You've a right to do guild work, and you should have put your foot down and held your ground. You had a valid right to handle that."

"In case you've forgotten, I'm not technically a guild mage anymore, so my right to do guild work is actually on shaky ground," Gray said with a shrug, and Erza winced. No, she hadn't exactly forgotten that Gray still refused to rejoin the guild despite all their best pleading and wheedling and harassing, but she had never really considered the implication that it would interfere with his ability to take jobs. "Makarov and Mavis might look the other way, but I don't see the need to stir up a fuss when I'm technically overstepping my bounds to start with. And anyway, not everyone is going to want a demon hanging around. These people were less… _aggressively_ hostile than some, so I did them a favor and moved on."

He seemed to find something very interesting about his water judging by how hard he was staring at it, shifting uncomfortably and wilting under the team's intense scrutiny. Maybe Erza should have expected this. In light of how wary and hostile a good portion of the population was toward Gray now, it shouldn't be a surprise that he would have trouble in this arena too. But it was still eye-opening nonetheless, and Erza found herself more outraged and caught off guard than she probably should.

"Wait, 'than some'?" Lucy repeated. She leaned forward to study Gray's face. "How often does this happen?"

Gray shrugged, but he was fidgeting. "Occasionally."

"Gray…"

"Look, I can get away with a lot because most people don't recognize me on sight. It's just that if I ever get cornered into revealing that I use ice magic, people can usually put two and two together and figure out that I'm Fairy Tail's pet demon."

"You aren't our pet," Lucy said disapprovingly.

"Well, he's not our pet _demon_ ," Natsu said with a grin. "He's our pet trained circus bear, remember?"

Gray actually coughed out a laugh, but Erza wasn't willing to be distracted. Another thought had just struck her, and it wasn't at all amusing.

"Is this why you've been avoiding team jobs?" she asked.

Gray's laughter immediately cut off. He sighed and went back to staring intently at his water as he swirled it around in the glass. "That's the big reason."

"Right." Erza's eyes hardened with determination, and her mouth flattened into a thin line. "Time for us to take a team job."

"Erza…" Gray sighed harshly and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "It's really not worth the hassle."

"Of course it is," she said briskly as she stood up. "We're still a team. That hasn't changed. And anyway, people are going to have to get used to it, and to you. No point avoiding the problem forever."

"No, seriously, it won't be pretty if they figure out who I am. It'll be a huge fuss, and there's no need for you guys to get caught up in it."

"Sure there is," Lucy replied, standing and following Erza to the request board. "We're a team. We face things together."

Erza kept half an ear open for any more protests, but busied herself looking over the requests tacked to the board. After a few moments, Gray silently joined the girls, Natsu and Happy following behind. He didn't seem entirely thrilled about this development, but he was also keeping his mouth shut instead of continuing to complain. It was good enough for now.

"Alright, how about this one?" Erza yanked her chosen page off the board and read over it. "Hargeon has a pirate problem they want help taking care of. Seems simple enough."

Simple or not, Gray immediately winced. "Uh, maybe not that one."

"Why not?" Happy asked.

"Scared of some pirates?" Natsu jibed.

"No, but they know me in Hargeon, and the mayor won't be glad to see me again," Gray muttered, crossing his arms and looking away.

"It'll be fine," Erza said dismissively.

"I mean, they had one of the strongest reactions I've gotten so far…"

"We can handle it."

"Could we not just pick a different job? I don't really feel like trying to avoid another lynching."

"Lynching?" Lucy asked, alarmed.

Gray rolled his eyes. "Believe it or not, not everyone likes demons. Hargeon's mayor is hardly the first to have tried, but he's the one I'm most confident will recognize me on sight again."

"But they're trying to _lynch_ you?"

"More or less." Gray shrugged. "They haven't caught me yet."

Erza stared at him in stunned silence, but then white-hot fury flared to life in her chest. _No one_ got away with trying to harm or kill one of her guildmates like that.

"Whoa, calm down, Erza," Gray said quickly, eyeing her in sudden alarm. "It's really not a big deal and–"

" _Not a big deal?_ " She stared him down with smoldering eyes, and he shrank back.

She opened her mouth to chew him out, but forced herself to stop. He already seemed smaller than usual, discomfort with the team's reaction and stress at the situation wearing him down. If she looked at his eyes closely, she could see hints of the stress and weariness and hurt that had been eating away at him for some time now.

And although she was frustrated with him, she was more frustrated at the situation. She understood why people were suspicious and frightened and hostile, but it drove her crazy because this was _Gray_. They didn't know him like she did, and she just wanted to show them the good in him and win back his place in the world.

And to do that, she couldn't just let things like this slide. Gray's avoidance of conflict was one thing, and not an entirely unworthy goal, but it could only go so far. Every time he gave in, he'd lose more ground. If he wanted to be accepted—and she knew that deep down he did, even if he refused to admit it—then he'd have to learn when it was best not to antagonize people and when he needed to put his foot down and stand up for himself. Team jobs were a must, so this was one of those times where he needed to build up his confidence in how to handle situations like these.

Erza tamped down her burning indignation and rage into something cold and tightly controlled. "We'll take this job," she said, and no one dared argue when there was so much steel in her voice. "Don't you worry, we'll work it out. No one gets away with stuff like this, and we won't be pushed around so easily."

"What could possibly go wrong?" Gray muttered under his breath.

"They'll just have to deal with it, and they won't be touching you."

"That's not actually what I'm worried–"

"Gray-sama!"

Gray jumped about a foot in the air and spun around as Juvia grabbed him from behind. Spitting out a string of curses, he quickly shook her off.

"Geez, don't sneak up on me like that," he growled, his entire body tensed up.

"Juvia is…sorry?" The water mage's expression was equally divided between uncertain apology and startled confusion.

"Sorry," Gray grumbled. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "It would just be better if you didn't do that."

"Ooh, scared you, did she?" Natsu teased with a laugh.

Gray gave him an unamused glare. "Not exactly. But given that I'm public enemy number one around here, people sneaking up behind me are generally bad news and I treat them as a threat. Luckily I know better than to stab first and ask questions later, but you're still much more likely to get yourself hurt if you manage to catch me by surprise."

Erza stared at him. She had certainly noticed that he was extra vigilant and hyperalert these days, it was hard to miss all the hostile attention he received from people who recognized him, but could it really be _that_ bad?

"Don't they all still think you're immortal?" she asked. "Why would anyone try to attack you?"

"Yes, most people do think that, if they're well-informed," Gray said shortly. "And most are too frightened to actually try anything anyway. But occasionally someone will throw caution to the wind and take a shot if they have a big enough grudge or are otherwise feeling particularly hateful or lucky."

Erza's face darkened. "Unacceptable."

"Relax, Erza. People are scared and angry. They haven't caught me yet, and I'm careful. Anyway, it's not like it happens that frequently."

As far as Erza was concerned, that didn't actually make it better.

"Juvia does not like this either!" Juvia said indignantly, her hands balling into little fists by her sides and her eyes flashing angrily. "She will protect Gray-sama."

For a second Erza thought Gray was actually going to laugh at that assertion, but he managed to swallow his mirth.

"That's alright," he said. "I'm plenty able to take care of myself."

"But Juvia could come with–"

"I've been avoiding going on jobs with my team for a while," Gray interrupted, looking away. "I think it would be best if we stuck to the original team for now."

Erza wondered if he was suddenly changing his tune because he genuinely felt bad about avoiding the team or if he was using it as an excuse to avoid Juvia. Whatever the case, it had the desired effect. Gray quietly slipped through the spectators and out of the guild, looking at no one. Erza and the rest of the team followed, and they walked to the train station in uncomfortable silence until Lucy and Natsu started up some slightly stilted banter. Happy began chiming in, but Gray stayed silent and Erza kept an eye on him.

He was back to his 'shadow-walking', as she liked to call it. He had become a master at sticking to shadows and using his curses to subtly cloak himself. This usually involved him walking to the side along buildings and enhancing the natural darkness to cast himself in shadow. He was hardly invisible, but he was definitely easy to miss at first glance since the eye naturally skimmed right over him, and it obscured his features.

Erza had no doubt as to why he did that, given the looks he got when he ran out of shadow and had to walk in plain view until he reached the next patch of darkness. She had known about them, of course, but now that she was really paying attention, she noticed exactly how prevalent they were. Not everyone would recognize Gray on sight, but a significant minority either knew him from past experience around the city or put two and two together when they noticed Gray's behavior and the presence of the other Fairy Tail mages. The looks they gave him ranged from wary to fearful to unfriendly to downright hateful, but he just continued to saunter along and look straight ahead as if he didn't notice them.

He definitely noticed them.

The team reached the station, bought their tickets, and boarded the train. Lucy and Natsu slid into the seats on one side with Happy hopping up beside them, but when Erza went to sit facing them, Gray cleared his throat awkwardly. Erza looked over and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Sorry, but would you mind if I squeezed past you?" he asked, averting his gaze.

Natsu rolled his eyes. "You don't _always_ have to have the window seat."

Erza's gaze slid past Gray to see a fair number of nervous, hostile faces turned their way. Some of the passengers were watching him and whispering to each other, no doubt spreading the news of his presence.

"Oh," she said quietly. She stepped back and waved him in. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," he mumbled. He slipped in past her and stared out the window moodily.

Erza sat down, partly blocking him from the gawkers' view, and eyed him. She wasn't entirely sure if her purpose was supposed to be shielding him from the brunt of their hostility or giving the passengers some small, misplaced sense of security. Knowing Gray, he was probably counting on the latter, whereas Erza was more concerned with the former.

The rest of the team exchanged looks and then worked on starting up a conversation again. Erza wasn't sure if Gray was actually paying attention or not—it was sometimes hard to tell with him, since he seemed more lost in his mind than usual lately but also always knew more than anyone expected him to—but he stayed quiet. She thought about trying to coax him into conversing, but it wasn't a very long ride to Hargeon and she could tell that he was tense in anticipation.

Even reaching their destination didn't tempt Gray into speaking—he just followed the others off the train and ghosted along beside them in the shadows as they headed for the mayor's mansion. His tenseness and reticent but clearly unhappy mood were putting the others on edge too, and everyone was a bundle of nerves by the time a butler let them into the mayor's residence and showed them to the office.

The mayor was a short, squat, balding man sitting behind a monstrous mahogany desk that made him look even smaller than he was. When the butler announced the team, the mayor looked up from his papers and stood, rounding the desk to greet the mages.

"Oh good, thank you for coming," he said in a reedy, high-pitched voice. "We're grateful for–" He broke off and took a step back as he noticed Gray lurking behind Natsu. "What are _you_ doing here?" he demanded. "I thought I told you to stay away."

"Believe it or not, I was actually willing to take you up on that," Gray muttered under his breath.

"Gray is part of our team," Erza said firmly. She drew herself up to her full height and stared down the mayor with steely eyes, although she tried to keep her hostility in check. "He'll be helping us apprehend the pirates that are bothering you."

"He will not," said the mayor, his eyes glittering coldly. "His kind are not welcome here."

"Given that he's a Fairy Tail mage, we _are_ his kind."

Beside her, Gray let out his breath in a hiss and whispered, "Don't _do_ that, Erza."

"Whyever not?" she asked, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on her victim. "It's true."

"You're just going to make things worse. Don't drag the guild–"

"Fairy Tail has fallen far," the mayor interrupted, shooting Gray a nasty look before returning his attention to Erza. "And it might still be a great guild, but all this nonsense with the demon is weakening its standing and ruining its reputation. You don't want to be considered his kind, girl."

Erza's eye twitched. _Girl? I'll show you 'girl'._

"Oh boy," Happy muttered. "He's done it now."

"Well," she said, smiling sweetly even though her eyes were steel, "would you like me to show you how powerful Fairy Tail still is?"

Five minutes later Erza marched out of the room with a cold, satisfied smile, past the wide-eyed butler and out into the street beyond the mansion. Time to go pirate hunting.

"Did you _see_ the look on his face?" Natsu crowed, eyes sparkling as he bounced along between Erza and Lucy. "Ha! That was awesome."

"But did you really have to go _that_ far?" Lucy asked anxiously. "He was still the mayor."

"He called Erza _'girl'_ ," Happy said, as if that explained everything.

"He was entirely insufferable," Erza agreed, striding briskly down the street toward the docks. "Honestly, Gray's 'kind'? Please."

Oh, she'd given him the tongue-lashing of his life, and one ill-conceived comment about the fate Gray was going to be subjected to if he didn't leave at once had almost lost him his head, if the others hadn't stopped her from doing anything too _permanent_. The old bat might be a little roughed up and possibly traumatized for life, but he'd live.

Erza automatically glanced over at where Gray was silently shadow-walking off to their right. His feelings on the encounter weren't entirely clear, but when he broke from the shadows, he gave Erza a small, tired smile. Whether or not he was pleased with her interference, he at least wasn't going to put up a fuss.

They made it down to the docks without any trouble, and strolled down to the very end where a ship flying a pirate flag was sitting. Erza wasn't entirely sure if they were overconfident pirates or just _incompetent_ pirates, but at least they weren't hard to find. Everyone in Hargeon knew where they were.

Actually, maybe the pirates were less overconfident or incompetent than lazy. From what she'd heard, they'd raided a few ships but mostly just sat in the docks and demanded bribes from shipowners and captains as a way of preempting actual attacks. Since the victims were frightened enough to comply, it was actually a neat little scheme the pirates had set up.

"Hello!" Erza called, stopping in front of the ship and tapping her foot on the wooden dock. "I'd like to speak to your captain."

"Why?" Natsu asked. He grinned and bounced on his heels as he eyed the ship with a hungry expression. "Can't we just beat them up?"

Erza rolled her eyes. "If diplomacy doesn't work, then we'll beat them up."

" _Diplomacy_ ," Natsu muttered scornfully, glowering at the dock as he scuffed a foot moodily against the wooden slats.

Erza ignored him, which was probably better for his health, anyway. After a long moment of relative silence—relative because Natsu was still mumbling mutinously under his breath while Happy encouraged him to shut up before he attracted Erza's wrath—a tall man with unruly brown hair appeared on deck and looked over the side.

"Ah, landlubbers! Are you here to pay tribute?"

Erza stared at him. "Do we _look_ like we're here to pay tribute?"

The man blinked at the sword hanging by her side, took in the other mages arrayed behind her, and frowned. "Oh, bother."

"We're Fairy Tail mages," she said coolly. "We were hired by the mayor to send you on your way. We would like to negotiate with your captain or, failing that, we will happily rough you up and _then_ send you on your way."

"Less negotiating, more roughing," Natsu muttered. Erza ignored him.

"Fairy Tail mages?" the pirate asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Oh dear. That's not…" He trailed off and frowned at Erza, but then his entire face lit up. "Erza-sama! Pardon me for not recognizing you at once! I'll go fetch the captain immediately!"

He rushed off, disappearing belowdecks and leaving a gaggle of confused mages staring after him.

"Uh… Do you know a lot of pirates, Erza?" Lucy asked finally, her face scrunching up in bewilderment.

Erza shook her head helplessly. "I have no idea."

"You're a pirate?" Natsu demanded. His eyes lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. "Awesome!"

"I'm not a pirate, idiot."

The pirate from before burst back onto the deck, followed by a short, round man with a graying beard and hooked hand who trotted as quickly as his little legs could carry him. The rest of the pirate crew poured out behind them, spreading out across the deck, and Erza and the rest of the team were instantly on guard.

"Erza-sama!"

"Good to see you again, sir!"

"Do you need more help, sir?"

"We're at your service!"

Erza stared at them, slack-jawed. "Do I, um, know you?"

The captain cleared his throat, his gaze darting about nervously. "You commandeered our ship to get to the cursed island. We are, of course, still at your service, sir."

"Cursed…?"

Behind her, Gray let out a breath. "Galuna," he said shortly.

" _Oh_." Erza's eyes widened in understanding. Yes, she remembered the pirate ship she'd taken to hunt down the troublemakers on Galuna, and if she thought about it hard enough, she could even recognize some of the pirates.

She glanced back at Gray, wondering what he thought of this newest development, but he'd apparently decided there was no imminent threat and had set off down the dock, walking in a leisurely fashion that suggested he was just waiting for her to wrap up her business so that they could go. She wasn't sure what to make of that. Gray's feelings could be hard to decipher at the best of times—and had been hard enough to read even _before_ the whole demon thing—but anything surrounding his old life was especially cloaked in mystery. He'd dropped hints that Galuna had been difficult for him, and Erza didn't doubt that. She wondered if this was dredging up bad memories.

Erza caught Lucy's eye and raised an eyebrow. The blonde nodded immediately and hurried after Gray.

Satisfied, Erza turned back to the pirates. On the bright side—or bad side, as far as Natsu was concerned—there was no need for fighting. The pirates still retained their fearful respect and awe of Erza, and were more than willing to do whatever she asked of them. But then they wanted to swap stories and throw a feast in her honor—which she politely declined, despite Natsu's protests of "but Erza, free food!"—which took a few minutes to clear up. Minutes that took longer than necessary since Natsu and Happy had stayed behind to make nuisances of themselves. Natsu was like an overexcited child with a thousand incessant questions—"Just think, Erza! How cool would it be to be a _pirate_?"—and Happy, as always, was a relentless instigator.

After about half an hour of chatting and negotiating, the pirates unmoored their ship and set sail, waving enthusiastic goodbyes to Erza and expressing wishes to meet with her again sometime in the future. Good riddance. Not that Erza didn't _like_ the pirates. She was fond enough of them, after a fashion, but their exuberance was tiring.

Taking a moment to whack Natsu upside the head for his annoying behavior, Erza turned and spotted Gray and Lucy standing at the end of the dock, speaking in hushed voices as they looked out over the water. She walked over, her boots clumping heavily against the wooden walkway, and her two friends turned at her approach. Gray still had that tired, solemn air about him, but he offered her a wan smile. Lucy was chewing at the inside of her cheek and had a thoughtful frown on her face, but nodded to Erza in a gesture meant to convey that Gray was fine.

"Well, the pirates have left," Erza told them. "Let's go see our friend the mayor again and collect our payment so that we can go."

"Sounds like fun," Gray muttered, following Erza back down the pier.

He didn't bother with his shadow-walking technique on the way back to the mayor's mansion, possibly because it was just after high noon now and the shadows were at their weakest with little shade to be found. A fair smattering of people gave him wary looks, but he ignored them and Erza didn't pay them too much mind. She was mentally preparing herself not to strangle the insufferable mayor in the upcoming encounter.

The butler was even more nervous and fidgety this time around, continually sneaking looks at Gray out of the corner of his eye as he led them back to the office. If he hadn't realized who the ice mage was before, the earlier confrontation must have given it away.

The mayor immediately stiffened when Erza and the others piled into his office. He still looked a bit disheveled from earlier, and his eyes darted about nervously. Erza found it very satisfying.

"The pirates are gone," she said. "We'll collect our payment and be on our way."

The mayor hesitated, but then opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a heavy bag. He shoved it at Erza and then jerked his hand back as if she would bite him. "There. Four shares of the reward."

Erza gave him a puzzled look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I was generous and counted the cat," he grunted. "The demon's share was excluded since he was asked to leave and refused, and therefore had no part in this affair."

Erza stared at him for a long minute and then drew herself up to her full height, rage flashing in her eyes.

"It's fine," Gray said quickly. "It's not like I really did anything, anyway."

"That's not the _point_ ," Erza snapped. "You're still part of the team, and the team completed the job. And anyway, he can't just cut out part of the agreed-upon reward for no good reason."

"People reduce our rewards for destroying stuff all the time," Gray pointed out, still trying to placate her.

"We didn't destroy anything."

"Look, I don't have a problem with it. It's not the first time I've done jobs for free lately."

Erza gave him a hard look, wondering how many of these free jobs he'd done before they'd caught him out today, but then shrugged and turned back to the mayor. "You will give us the agreed-upon amount."

"I will do no such thing."

"Oh?" She smiled, and it wasn't pleasant. "Would you like me to give you another demonstration of how powerful Fairy Tail still is?"

Whatever shred of bravado the mayor had reclaimed fled instantly, and soon the team was walking out of the building with their full reward.

"He had guts, though," Natsu said as they headed down the street. "I mean, most people would've been too scared to even try that after what you did to him last time."

"Guts, yes," Erza said coolly. "Brains, not so much."

"Like Natsu!" Happy said.

"Hey!"

Erza found herself smiling at that, until Lucy interrupted the banter.

"What are they doing?" the blonde asked.

Erza frowned over at her and followed her eyes. Lucy was watching the people who were giving Gray fearful, unfriendly looks as they passed. Some of them were making an odd gesture with their hands, curling their fingers into a crescent shape as they eyed him.

"It's an old gesture," Gray said without even looking over. "Meant to ward off evil."

"Why would they do that?" Natsu asked, puzzled. "What are they warding off?"

"Me, idiot," Gray grunted.

"But you aren't evil," Happy protested.

"Well, they don't know that. Some people do it in Magnolia too, but not as much. The old tradition is more powerful here."

"How rude," said Erza, glowering at a gesturing man as he walked past. Although perhaps even more disturbing was how normal this seemed to be to Gray.

"They have good reason to be wary of me," Gray said flatly. "But mostly they're scared and looking for any little way to protect themselves, however misguided. Leave them alone."

The team lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Gray was so matter-of-fact about it, but Erza couldn't imagine that it didn't bother him on some level. She could grudgingly admit that she understood why people were nervous and would jump to the immediate assumption that a demon must be evil, but that didn't make her feel any better about it.

"Does it ever bother you how everyone is so afraid of you now?" Natsu blurted out.

Erza wanted to strangle him for being so oblivious as to throw out a sensitive question like that, but Gray just shrugged.

"If it did, do you think I would tell you?" he asked dryly.

Natsu sighed. "I guess not."

"Well, not really. It's easier if you understand why they feel that way, and I do. Gray feared me as much as he hated me, so I fear myself. I inherited his fear."

His voice was neutral and his face expressionless, but Erza searched them anyway. He made it sound like it should be so _obvious_ , but she didn't understand how that would even work. What would it be like to be afraid of yourself because a child whose emotions you inherited had feared you? It was hard for Erza to wrap her head around the logistics of that. It seemed like such a foreign, strange idea.

Then the rest of his words registered, and her heart sank.

"And his hate?" she asked quietly.

Gray smiled thinly. "And his hate. And his love, more or less. His sorrow and terror and pain. His wishes and dreams and nightmares. His joy and grief, happiness and despair. I am the keeper of them all. His memories. I inherited the memories of people no longer remembered by anyone else. I am their keeper as well. I keep the lives and deaths of thousands, even if I do not know them as intimately. Their lives have been subsumed by mine. I am a living memorial."

Erza's breath caught in her throat. Despite the simplicity and straightforwardness with which Gray laid it all out, the magnitude and implications were breathtaking. She wondered what it was like to feel the emotions and keep the memories of someone long dead, until they were mixed up with your own and you didn't know where they ended and you began.

Her mind flitted back to the encounter with the Knight Gray had once mentioned calling the Executioner. Those lists of the missing and the dead that he kept, the lives and deaths and names of thousands that he carried as his burden. What a heavy weight to carry on your heart.

Everyone else was equally shocked into silence, but Gray shrugged and continued on nonchalantly before anyone could come up with something to say.

"Anyway, sometimes I enjoy it."

"You…enjoy it?" Lucy asked slowly, her voice rasping slightly with emotion and incomprehension.

"Sure." Gray smiled suddenly, and it was a cruel, vicious twist of the lips. A strange, disturbing sort of dark glee lit his eyes as he glanced over at a passing woman and gave her a sharp-toothed grin. Her eyes widened in fear and she hurried on, almost running.

"They _should_ be afraid," Gray said with a chilling chuckle. The withered shadow at his feet stirred despite the noonday sun, writhing and twining about his legs as if in anticipation. "Do you have any idea how quickly I could tear this city apart? How easy it would be to send all the silly human buildings crashing down and paint it all red? And I would enjoy it, too."

Erza stopped right in the middle of the street to stare at Gray in horror, and she wasn't the only one. The team ogled him, taken completely off guard by the sudden personality shift. The vicious satisfaction and anticipation glowing in eyes that suddenly seemed so _black_ and ancient and alien made Erza's heart twist in instinctive fear, something primal that reacted to the presence of a predator. She could still see glimpses of the Gray she knew under the surface, but at the same time he was so…demonic.

"You–you–"

Gray sighed heavily, the dark energy fading away as exhaustion settled over him again. "But the child inside me is horrified by such things." The shadow had climbed all the way up his body, curling about his face, and he shook it off tiredly. "Enough. Yes, love, I hate you too," Gray said with a thin smile, stepping forward again and leaving the shadow to settle unhappily at his feet. "Back down, dearest. I'm not in the mood for your games."

Erza stared at the shadowy mass until it fell still again, her body tense as she watched it suspiciously. She still didn't even know what it actually _was_ , since Gray was always frustratingly vague about it whenever anyone asked. That made her nervous, especially when combined with Gray's odd way of addressing it as if it was a sentient thing, with some strange mixture of mockery and wary animosity. And since it always seemed most active when Gray was letting his more demonic nature seep through, Erza was doubly wary of it.

"Gray…"

"I already told you, Erza," he said with a sigh. "They are both me, whether you like it or not." He paused for a split second to study his reflection mirrored in a shop window, before turning away and walking on. "I am forever a demon, and forever a child."

Yes, he had said that and Erza had accepted it, but thinking about it… Maybe she had never truly understood what it meant for him to be both demon and human. She had said that she accepted it—and she _did_ , because this was Gray and she still loved him—but that glimpse of his demonic side that she had just seen… That was real, it was something she hadn't _truly_ expected from him, and it had rattled her.

He had said it before, but now, for the first time, Erza really believed him.

* * *

 **Note: Every story can be improved with the addition of pirates.**

 **emmahoshi: Lol yeah, but where would the villager know to go except for the guild? So it's more realistic that it happened in front of everyone X) Yeah, true on the stereotypes and biases. Erza and the others have a more optimistic view of basically just _making_ people accept Gray, while Gray has a more pessimistic view of that never really happening. But you're right and it's going to be more of a time thing, where people aren't going to just magically accept things but maybe will eventually get used to it when Gray's on his best behavior. Yeah, third-person talking is always super annoying, and only really acceptable for little kids. And Juvia's just annoying to start with. The jab at her was totally necessary. There was like one little Gruvia scene in the last chapter, but it was so ridiculous that I laughed and it's super easy to ignore. It's like, barely even shipping at all, honestly. And yeah, I did take the pirates from the manga/anime, all the way back from the Galuna arc :3 Yup, I think it's more realistic that Gray has a dark side here, and there's a lot of tension when that starts rising to the surface. There might be some close calls :X And yeah, Gray has most definitely not moved on x.x**


	12. Sobering Up

**Note: Huh, this is actually the third piece I wrote for this story, after the two "Afters". I wrote a lot of stuff out of order in the beginning, depending on what I felt like writing at the time. And at the time, I just needed this to happen lol Been a while since I've really seen this one X)**

 **Andie: No, I think you make sense lol I take your point. I've really only seriously hinted at Grayza twice, although I don't mind including all sorts of moments for different "pairings" that could be interpreted either way, even if I prefer friendship. Except for Gruvia, which I can't stand XD I might hint at or make snarky comments about a few common pairings here, but it's never the focus. And there's zero romance for demon Gray. He's just not the type, even less than canon Gray, and I almost always prefer friendship. I'm not big on romance myself. And yes, making Gray so alert and startling him into admitting to some of the things he has to deal with was definitely a calculated move on my part ;) Gray lashing out is a little trickier because of his worldview and view of himself, but there are some more subtle moments or comments where you can definitely see his discomfort with the guild. As for crying... Would it be my writing if I didn't break Gray down eventually? XD Poor guy will have to end up in tears eventually. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)**

* * *

 **Sobering Up**

* * *

It was late by the time He escaped. He had spent the past few hours helping Levy find book after book among the rows and stacks of dusty tomes in the guild's library. She had tried explaining what project she was using them for, but it had sounded dreadfully boring so He had mostly tuned her out. On the bright side, Gajeel hadn't insisted on standing on the sidelines to glare at him menacingly the whole time just in case He got it into his head to make a meal of Levy. Maybe they were finally making some progress on that front.

"Thanks again," Levy said brightly, peeking around the stack of books in her arms. "You were a big help."

"You _sure_ you don't want some help getting those home?" He asked, eyeing the pile skeptically. Levy could barely see over it, and He was having a hard time imagining her getting all those books back to her place without dropping them.

She laughed and readjusted her grip awkwardly. "You've already done enough. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm stronger than I look."

"I know you are, but I really wouldn't mind…"

"Don't worry. It's already late, and you should be getting home soon too."

Well, technically He'd be spending the night here or out in the park somewhere, but it wasn't like He was going to _tell_ her that. He frowned and made to protest again, but then his eye caught on a scowling Gajeel lurking on the other side of the room in prime position to watch the door to the library and anyone who came through it. So, maybe not as much progress as He had thought. But still, baby steps.

"Hey, Gajeel!" He called. "Make yourself useful and help Levy carry some of these books."

The dragon slayer eyed the demon warily, but stalked over to help a suddenly blushing Levy with her books. Waving goodnight, He reflected that He'd feel rather like a matchmaker if those two hadn't already finally gotten together. It was about time. He wasn't one for mushy romance, but those two had been mooning over each other for so long that it was sickening. He was just glad that they seemed to be working out whatever issues had cropped up as a result of taking opposite sides in the debate about what to do with their resident demon. Witnessing one vicious lovers' spat had been more than enough for him.

Turning away, He glanced at the clock and grimaced. Yeah, it was definitely late enough to get some sleep, and He was tired out from book hunting. It looked like most people had already gone home for the night, but there were still a few hanging around. He started for where Natsu and Happy were chatting with Lucy, but paused as He noticed Cana at the bar.

He had kept an eye on Cana over the years, even once He'd gotten dragged into his current team and had spent less and less time with her. She had a knack for getting into trouble, especially when she was drunk. Well, she was most always in some state of drunkenness, but occasionally she would get _really_ drunk.

She was _really_ drunk right now. He could tell just from the way she was slumped over the bar, hand wrapped tightly around a tankard. He had enough experience to be able to take a pretty good guess at Cana's general level of drunkenness just from her posture and speech, and right now everything about her posture was screaming 'wasted'.

Sighing, He headed over and sat down on the stool beside her, wondering what had made her drink herself into a stupor this time. Cana made drunkenness into a sport, but she usually only got completely wasted when something was bothering her.

"What's up, Cana?"

The drunken girl lifted her head from the counter and blinked at him blearily. Then she jerked backward suddenly, knocking over the empty tankard in her haste. He wasn't sure He'd ever seen her move so fast when she was this drunk before, and quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back upright as she unbalanced and nearly toppled over.

"Let go," she slurred, attempting to tug out of his grasp.

"Sorry, sorry." Releasing her, He held his hands up in a placating gesture and eyed her curiously, wondering what the reaction was for. "It's late, Cana. I'm going to take you home."

"No."

"No?" He sighed. "You sure get ornery when you're wasted. The booze will still be here tomorrow when you wake up, you know. Right now it's late and you are _drunk_ -drunk. Let me take you home, and then you can drink to your heart's content tomorrow."

He stood and reached out, but Cana shrank back again, watching him with wary, hostile eyes.

"Cana?" He asked uncertainly.

"Not going with you," she said with a scowl.

"Why are you being so difficult tonight? I've taken you home dozens and dozens of times. What's so different now?"

"Now you're a demon."

He froze, his breath catching in his throat, and stared back with wide eyes. _Oh_. Then He cleared his throat and rallied, pushing aside the instinctive hurt. He could worry about that later.

"I'm not going to hurt you," He said thickly, looking away. "I just want to make sure you get home safely."

"Don't want to go with you," Cana snapped. "Go away. Leave me alone."

"You're scared of me," He said quietly, the words not quite a question.

"Am not!" she protested. "Not scared. Just…uh… Bad idea to trust a demon. Yeah. Would be stupid. Might be drunk, but not stupid."

No, not stupid at all. He withdrew a few paces, lips tightening. It seemed that tonight Cana was an honest drunk. He should have been expecting this, really. Maybe He had wanted to believe differently, but He should have known better. It stung anyway.

"Right." He cleared his throat and studiously avoided Cana's eyes so that He didn't have to see the fear and mistrust. "I'll just…find someone else to take you."

He looked for Mira automatically, but she was talking and laughing with Laxus at the other end of the bar. Darting another glance at Cana, He turned away and headed for where Natsu and the others had been sitting. Lucy was gone now, but Natsu and Happy were still there.

"Hey, flame brain," He said dully. "Take Cana home, will you?"

Natsu looked up and frowned. "Why can't she take herself home?"

"She's drunk."

"She's always drunk."

"She's so drunk that I don't trust her to get home on her own. It's not safe for her to be wandering around the city at night like this."

Natsu looked over at the bar and tilted his head as he studied Cana curiously, as if he was trying to determine whether she was really _that_ drunk. "Why don't _you_ take her back, then?" he griped finally. "I want to go home."

 _Because she's scared and doesn't trust me._

"Because I can't do that right now," He said neutrally.

"Why do _I_ have to do it?" Natsu whined, trying to get out of anything that could be even remotely construed as work, as per usual.

"Most people have already gone home."

"Yeah, and I want to be going home too. Why can't–?"

"Natsu," He said, his voice taking on a brittle edge. "If I could take her home, then I would. I can't right now. Please make sure she gets home safely."

Something must have bled into his voice, because Natsu ceased his complaining almost instantly and searched his face with a frown. Not wanting to get trapped into explaining himself, He schooled his expression back to neutrality.

"Fine, fine," Natsu said. "You okay?"

"Of course." Turning to Happy, He added, "Make sure he sticks to that, will you?"

Happy nodded, eyeing him curiously. "Okay."

"Hey!" Natsu protested, his cautious worry immediately replaced by righteous indignation. "I don't need to be watched by a cat!"

"I'm not a cat!" Happy wailed. "I'm an Exceed!"

At another time, He would have found the bickering amusing. But now He just shrugged and nodded.

"Thanks," He said, heading for the door. "Goodnight."

There was a brief pause before Natsu and Happy chorused their goodnights in return, sounding vaguely puzzled.

Slipping out the door and into the night, He jammed his hands into his pockets and ambled down the street aimlessly. He breathed in the chill night air deeply, relishing the frigid burn in his lungs, and made his way to the canal. Hopping up onto the raised edge, He watched the water absently as He walked. It was late enough that the boats and their owners had all turned in for the night already, but He didn't much feel like finding a place to bed down anymore, even though that had been his original plan.

Maybe it was about time that someone had finally slipped up, and maybe it shouldn't be surprising that it was Cana when she got drunk. He wasn't stupid. Even the people who cared about him and supported him still had an underlying edge of fear and mistrust lingering about them. He had made sure of it.

He had deliberately cultivated that, at least in some capacity. In the beginning, it had been a distancing tactic when He was trying to convince them to abandon him to the Council. And every time He went cold and 'demon-y', in Natsu's words, He was reminding them of what He was, whether that was his real intention or not. Even aside from that, He knew it was impossible for anyone to forget that He was a demon.

He could see it in their eyes sometimes, that they knew. He wasn't sure they were really aware of it, but even his closest friends sometimes looked at him strangely or gave off little cues that He had grown attuned to. It was in the way that Happy occasionally asked if He would ever go back to 'normal', the way Lucy sometimes subconsciously edged away a half-step, the way Erza sometimes got antsy if He got too close, the way that Natsu sometimes gave him wary looks. The way that Cana became brutally honest when she was drunk.

He wondered, sometimes, if they realized how afraid of him they were.

They cared for him too, He didn't doubt that. They had stood by him no matter how hard He had tried to push them away, they loved him even if maybe they shouldn't, and He thought their unconscious wariness and fear might be fading slightly over time. But still.

He didn't blame them and He wasn't surprised, not when He had helped promote that fear himself and understood very well why it was there. But He had become so very good at noticing every little flinch and wince and sidelong look, and they stung. Sometimes it was tiring to be around the others, even the ones who didn't actively hate him or want him gone. Because some part of them feared him, and it hurt.

Still, maybe it was better to hear it all laid out like Cana had just done. At least that way it didn't feel like some big secret that only He noticed. She would have never said those things if she was sober, and He didn't doubt that her support of him had been genuine enough. But she was one of the humans He had known the longest, so maybe that was why this stung so much.

At the same time, there was still that little part of him that lurked in the darkest corners of his mind and liked the fear. The humans _should_ fear him. He could rain death and destruction down on them whenever He so desired, and He would like it—at least partly. The fear tasted good as much as it hurt. Some part of him liked it.

Some part of him liked it, and, as He stared out over the dark waters, He wondered if maybe Cana and the others were right to fear him.

* * *

Natsu frowned after Gray as he disappeared out into the night, the door slamming behind him. Now, Natsu wasn't all that observant or anything, but he had the feeling that something was up with Gray. Something in the way his friend had spoken, something in his eyes.

But maybe he was just imagining it.

"What's wrong with Gray, do you think?" Happy asked.

Or maybe not.

"Not just me, then?"

"No. He was acting a little funny."

Natsu furrowed his brow and tried to come up with a reason for Gray being weird, but there were just too many to narrow it down to only one. He wasn't stupid. He knew that things had been rough for Gray, especially with the air of thinly-veiled hostility hanging over the guild. Anything could have set the ice mage off, or maybe it was just another kind of demon-y mood swing or something.

Natsu sighed and shrugged it off. "Well, I have no clue, but let's get Cana home so that we can go sleep. I'm tired."

"Aye sir!"

Natsu made a beeline for Cana, wanting to get this over with so that he could go home already. Why couldn't Gray have just done this? Natsu sure didn't want to. It wasn't that he was _lazy_ , just…conserving energy.

"Hey, Cana, let's go," he said grumpily, stopping next to the brunette and rapping his knuckles on the bar next to her head.

Cana started in surprise, jerking her head up and looking wildly around the room. "Is he gone?"

"Uh…" Natsu threw a helpless look at Happy, but the Exceed just shrugged. Awesome. Now they were going to have to deal with illogical drunken shenanigans. "Who?"

"You know, the demon."

Natsu froze and blinked at her slowly, uncomprehendingly. "Gray?" he suggested, hoping she would say no.

"Yeah, yeah." She flapped a hand in what Natsu supposed would be a dismissive gesture if she wasn't so drunk that her every movement was strangely unsteady. She continued to look around suspiciously as she added, "I told him to go away."

"Oh," Happy said quietly.

Natsu closed his eyes. "Why would you do that?"

"He says it's 'cause I'm scared, but I'm no-ot," she slurred, drawing out her words strangely. "Just know better than to trust a demon. Not stupid enough for that."

"Did you tell him that?" asked Happy, his ears flattening.

"Yeah, think so. Didn't want to go with him."

There was a long pause as Natsu exchanged a look with Happy and saw the same dawning knowledge reflected in the feline's eyes. Well. This explained a lot.

He wouldn't have expected this from Cana of everyone, not when she had ended up being such a staunch supporter of her childhood friend, but he supposed that she was drunk. People said stupid things when they were drunk. But honestly, couldn't she have kept her mouth shut?

Natsu's heart sank as he thought back to that odd, dull look in Gray's eyes. Gray already dealt with enough people hating him, without his own friends throwing in their two cents.

"Well, let's get you home," Natsu said, subdued.

"Where _is_ home?" Happy asked, tail still drooping.

Now there was a good question. He had never been to Cana's place before, and honestly had no idea where it was.

"What's your address?" he asked her.

"Uh… It's, uh…" She turned, swaying unsteadily, and pointed at the far wall. "It's that way. Or…that way. No, maybe…"

Natsu and Happy watched in bemusement as she pointed out half a dozen different directions.

"…Right." Natsu rubbed at his face tiredly and wondered why he had to deal with this. "Gray couldn't have been bothered to at least give us the address?"

"I think he was kind of distracted," Happy mumbled.

Natsu winced, not appreciating the reminder. "Well, we need to find out where her apartment is somehow."

"We could ask Mira," Happy suggested. "Mira knows everything."

Whether or not that was an exaggeration, Mira _did_ make it her business to stick her nose into everyone else's business. Perhaps a product of long days spent waiting on tables and at the bar, listening in on everyone's conversations in the process to spice up the tedium. She seemed to know everything from who went on what job to who had forgotten to brush their teeth that morning—and no, it wasn't _always_ Natsu…just mostly—and with how often Cana got drunk at the bar, surely Mira would have an idea of where she lived.

"Good idea," Natsu said, heading over to interrupt Mira's chat with Laxus and hopefully not get fried in the process.

Thankfully Mira lived up to her reputation, and within a few minutes Natsu was heading out of the guild with the address in one hand and his other arm wrapped awkwardly around Cana, Happy trailing along beside them. Cana was rambling incoherently about stars and grasshoppers, which, as far as Natsu was concerned, had nothing at all in common. Since the drunken girl wasn't making any sense anyway, Natsu and Happy stayed quiet as they helped her stumble back to her apartment.

Then they stopped, and Cana fell silent suddenly, as if waiting. Natsu stared at her for a long moment before finally caving.

"Do you have your key?" he asked with a sigh, quickly tiring of staring at the door.

"Huh?" She blinked at him blankly and then turned back to the door, tilting her head curiously. "Hey, look at that. Home!"

Natsu raised an eyebrow at Happy, but the Exceed just shook his head in bemused exasperation. Apparently Gray had made a good call in deciding that Cana was too drunk to get herself home safely.

"Yes," Happy said patiently. "Do you have your key?"

"Uh… Ma-aybe…"

Natsu resisted the urge to groan as Cana fumbled in her pocket. And then in her other pocket. And then in Natsu's pocket.

"It's hardly going to be in _my_ pocket, is it?" he griped, batting her hand away as best he could.

"Why not?"

Natsu stared at her in disbelief, and then threw Happy a pleading look. Sighing, the Exceed rummaged through Cana's pockets and quickly located the elusive key. He opened the door, and Natsu half dragged, half carried Cana over to her bed. Then the good Samaritans hurriedly left. The entire process took place in about ten seconds, because Cana was being weird as hell and Natsu wanted to escape _right now_.

Shuddering, he pulled the door closed behind them and started for home. He was ready to push this whole incident out of his mind and get some sleep. Things had gotten so much more stressful since everything with Gray, and it showed no sign of letting up any time soon.

Natsu wasn't a huge fan of stress, and he was tired of worrying. Maybe that was selfish, but he was so ready for a break from…everything. He missed the old days, where every problem could be solved with friendship and Gray was normal Gray and the guild had stuck together as one big family.

"Do you think we should go find Gray?" Happy asked, peering around at the darkened streets anxiously as if he expected Gray to be lurking behind every corner. It wouldn't be that simple—if Gray didn't want to be found, then they were unlikely to stumble across him by accident.

"No. Let's go home."

"But–"

"Do you really think he wants company right now?"

"…I guess not." Happy sighed heavily. "It's just that he already has to deal with so many people hating him, and it must hurt to have someone who doesn't even hate him say that, even if she was drunk."

Natsu grimaced. As much as he and the others got exhausted from dealing with everything, at least they weren't actively hated and shunned. Yes, he thought that Gray was hurt. At the same time, there was only so much that Natsu and the others could do.

"I know," he said tiredly. "But I think that all we can really do is be there for the ice princess now. Things will settle down eventually. He doesn't seem to want to acknowledge what happened with Cana anyway, so all that's left to do is stick by him when he needs us."

Happy was silent for a long moment before saying, "Wow, did you actually just say something smart for once? That's impressive, given how much you suck at emotional stuff."

"Hey," Natsu protested halfheartedly.

But since neither was really in the mood for joking, they lapsed into silence and headed home. It looked like Natsu would just have to worry a little longer.

* * *

Cana woke up with the hangover of the century. Damn, she must have gotten totally trashed last night. She was in her own bed so she must have gotten home somehow, although she had no memory of it. All she really wanted to do was curl up and go back to sleep until the nausea and pounding headache went away, but she reluctantly dragged herself to her feet and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready.

Ugh, she hoped she hadn't done anything too embarrassing last night. All she really remembered was getting upset over the fact that Gildarts was leaving again— _again!_ …and while the guild was still in shambles, too—and drinking herself into a stupor. Her father could be ridiculously smothering and clingy at times, but she'd miss the old geezer. He could be gone for months, or even years. And with their fight against August still fresh in mind and everything shaken up from Zeref's army and Gray's troublemaking, Cana was convinced that this was poor timing.

Well, screw the old man. She didn't need him anyway.

Cana headed for the guild, only half aware that she was mumbling uncomplimentary epithets under her breath. Pushing her way into the building, she made a beeline for the bar, only to draw up short when Happy flew over.

"You're up pretty early," the Exceed commented, giving her an appraising look. "With how wasted you were last night, I wasn't expecting to see you before noon."

Cana scowled. "How would you know how wasted I was?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Happy asked, rolling his eyes. "It's not like it's a big secret."

"He means that we took you home last night," Natsu said, his voice perfectly neutral as he followed his Exceed over and studied Cana with solemn eyes.

She wondered if she had made a fool out of herself, because they were giving her weird looks.

"Really?" She shrugged it off. She'd embarrassed herself so many times over the years that she doubted this time could really be any worse. "That's weird. Usually it's Gray who takes me home."

It was a little embarrassing to consider how many times Gray had found her drunk and dragged her home in the past—or would be, if Cana still found stuff like that embarrassing. Even once Gray had moved on to a new team and spent less time with her, he had still always made a point of keeping an eye on her and taking her to her apartment if she hit a certain level of drunkenness.

"Well, he was going to," Natsu said tonelessly, "but apparently you told him that you wouldn't go with him because it was stupid to trust a demon. He asked us to take you instead."

Cana stared at him blankly. "What?"

"Well, that's what you told us you said," Happy added. "You were pretty drunk. But Gray was acting weird, so it's probably true."

"…You're joking, right?"

"No."

"Why would I say that?"

An unpleasant feeling that had nothing to do with the nauseousness of a hangover curled in Cana's stomach. She wished Natsu and Happy had just told her that she'd done something horrifically embarrassing.

Natsu shrugged. "You were drunk."

Happy cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly, averting his gaze. "I just thought you should know, in case he starts acting funny around you. And so that maybe you're more careful in the future. I wasn't sure if you'd remember, since you were so out of it."

"Um…thanks?"

Natsu shrugged again, his face tired and grim—an expression that Cana would not normally associate with someone always so carefree and happy-go-lucky.

"It is what it is," he said neutrally. "Just try not to do it again, yeah? He already has enough problems. And I don't think you really meant it, so there's no point stirring up trouble where there shouldn't be any."

Cana nodded absently as Natsu and Happy exchanged looks and drifted off. Well, _damn_. She sat down heavily at the nearest table and dropped her aching head into her hands, trying to sort through all her hazy recollections. Nothing was really coming together, but she didn't doubt that Natsu and Happy were telling the truth.

But why would she _do_ that? Cana trusted Gray with her life, she really did. Sure, he seemed a little different and more unreadably mysterious now, but that didn't erase a decade of friendship. She'd had her doubts in the beginning, but he was still so very _Gray_. And demon or not, he had been a loyal friend for a long time.

Damn, how was she supposed to fix this? With how half the world had been giving Gray a hard time lately, she had wanted to be one of the few people who stuck by him to the end. She didn't want to put herself in the group of turncoats, and playing the demon card had been the lowest of the low.

She had screwed up and kicked Gray when he was already down, and she felt terrible about it.

Something was set on the table next to her with a soft clink, and she quickly pulled her head out of her hands. A glass of water was sitting in front of her. Swallowing hard, she turned her head and let her gaze slowly travel up to Gray's face.

"For your hangover," the ice mage said, giving her a crooked grin. He was cheerful and smiling as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but there was also uncertainty lingering in his eyes, as if he wasn't sure how the gesture would be taken. "You were totally wasted last night."

Cana hated herself for putting that doubt and insecurity in his eyes, even though he was doing a good job of hiding it underneath his smile and teasing words. She should apologize and tell him that she hadn't meant anything she had said, that they had just been stupid drunken ramblings.

But she also knew what he was doing. He was offering her an olive branch, a gesture of truce. He was acting so normal because he was giving her the opportunity to either not know what had happened or to pretend like she didn't. Either he thought she had been so drunk that she wouldn't remember her words, or he was saying that it was okay she'd said them and they should let bygones be bygones.

He was giving her a way out.

And because she was a coward, Cana took it.

"Yeah," she said, clearing her throat and trying to give him a smile that felt all wrong on her face. "Thanks."

She picked up the glass and began sipping at the water, but it only made her feel more nauseous because she felt horrible about what she had just done. She was kicking herself already. She should have just apologized instead of being selfish and taking the easy way out.

 _I didn't mean it_ , she wanted to say. _You're my oldest friend, and I'd trust you with my life._

But although her mouth opened, no words came out. She burned with shame, finding it difficult to meet Gray's pseudo-cheerful eyes.

"Make sure you stay hydrated," Gray said, chuckling as he turned to walk away. "I bet you've got one killer hangover."

Cana swirled the water around absently in the glass, watching him go. Yes, this was shaping up to be one of her all-time worst hangovers, and she'd never felt worse.

.

Given how poorly her last drunken binge had gone, it might have been wiser to refrain from getting wasted again. But Cana's self-control had never been strong where liquor was concerned, and she felt horrible enough to turn to alcohol again.

Gildarts was gone, the guild was a mess, and she still hadn't apologized to Gray. It was probably the lack of closure that made her focus so much on her screw-up with Gray. Because she _knew_ she should apologize and not let him think that she didn't trust him, but her throat always seemed to close up. And it was almost worse how he acted so normal, as if she had never said anything at all. He still teased her and laughed with her…as long as he wasn't in one of his broody, demon-y moods.

To be fair, those were still pretty frequent, promoted in part, she suspected, by the continued coldness of half the guild. Every time someone made a snide comment or threw Gray a dark look, Cana felt bad. Apparently she had done that too. And with everyone else still turning their backs on him, surely it would mean a lot not to have one of his friends throw in her lot with that crowd?

And although he still acted pretty normal around Cana, there were enough subtle differences to make her heart hurt. There was still a hint of cautious uncertainty in his eyes sometimes, and he was careful not to get too close, always staying a step or two farther away from her than he normally would. He had withdrawn a bit, as if he was worried about making her uncomfortable.

Well, he was making her uncomfortable, alright. Or, perhaps more accurately, she was making herself uncomfortable. The differences in Gray's behavior were slight enough that she wouldn't have noticed them if she wasn't specifically looking, which was probably what he was counting on. Cana had implied that she didn't remember what she'd said that night—to be fair, she _didn't_ , but it was hard to justify playing ignorant after Natsu and Happy had made a point of telling her—so Gray was almost certainly assuming that she wouldn't notice what he was doing.

It was a mess.

"Mira-a!" she slurred, scowling down into her empty tankard and banging it on the counter in a most irritating fashion. "Need more beer!"

Mira looked over with a frown and shook her head slightly. "I don't think you really need any more to drink, Cana."

"Sure I do. Come o-on."

Mira hesitated, indecision written across her face. Cana wished she'd hurry it up already.

"Don't worry about it, Mira," said someone from beside her. "I'll make sure she gets home."

Looking intensely relieved, Mira nodded and drifted back down the counter toward Laxus and the rest of his team. "Thanks, Gray."

Cana turned, swaying and almost toppling over, and scowled at Gray. She was having a hard time focusing on his face, but she was pretty sure that she was glaring at his eyes rather than at his nose. Probably.

"Let me just find someone to take you home, alright?" he said, turning away.

No, no, that was wrong because…because… Cana was drawing a blank because her mind was so fuzzy, but she was sure that it was Gray who was supposed to be taking her home. It had always been him before, hadn't it? It was practically his job at this point. And anyway, hadn't she been feeling bad because of something she'd said or something like that?

Lurching forward, she latched onto Gray's arm and then leaned into him as she lost her balance.

"Cana…" He sighed and tried to shake her off. "Let go. I need to find someone to take you home."

"No."

"No? Cana, please. You don't need anything else to drink right now."

"You take me."

Gray blinked down at her uncomprehendingly, a puzzled frown stealing over his face. "We already had this conversation, Cana. It's okay. I'll just find someone else."

"No," Cana mumbled, tightening her grip. "S'posed to be you. Always you."

He was giving her a funny look, and she couldn't figure out why for the life of her. Why would he be so surprised? He'd been doing this for years, so there was no reason to try skipping out now.

"Not anymore, remember?" he said gently, trying to pry her fingers off of him. "I'm a demon now."

"So?"

What did that have to do with anything?

"So you're scared of me," Gray said, sighing again.

"Am not!" Cana said indignantly.

He groaned. "Not this again."

"Not scary," she mumbled, dropping her head against his chest as the world spun disconcertingly. "Like bi-ig teddy bear."

There was a beat of silence, before Gray choked out a strangled laugh. "Teddy bear? Demon teddy bear. Right. Cana, you don't feel safe with me, so I'm going to find someone else to get you home."

"What?" Cana sputtered. "'Course feel safe. You a-always make sure I get home safe. Want you."

"Cana–"

"Want you."

Gray was silent for a long moment. Cana looked up at him, propping her chin against his chest. His dark eyes were conflicted, but then he sighed and nodded.

"I'll take you, if you want. But you're going to have to let go so that I can support you."

Cana eyed him suspiciously, but obediently released her death grip on his arm. She swayed a little, unmoored, but Gray slid an arm firmly around her waist. Yes, this felt right, natural. She wrapped an arm around him as well, suddenly feeling a lot more steady and secure. The two of them had danced this dance so many times over the years that they practically molded together now.

And Cana didn't understand what Gray was babbling about, because obviously she felt safest when his arm was around her and he was acting as her guardian while he led her home.

Sometimes they would talk on the way, half-coherent ramblings that she sometimes remembered when she sobered up and sometimes needed Gray to remind her of, but tonight they walked in silence. Gray was quiet and lost in thought, but he was still always one step ahead of Cana—he seemed to know when she would stumble a half-step before she did, to know which way to adjust his grip to accommodate her unsteady staggering, to know exactly how to guide her around every potential obstacle in their way.

They had done this many, many times before, and it showed.

Gray helped Cana up the steps to her apartment. He didn't even bother asking her if she had her key—he'd given up on that a long time ago, quickly tiring of all her fumbling. A spark of magic was all it took to mold ice into the lock and turn it like any temporary key.

Then they were inside, stumbling to the bed. Cana fell onto it with a sigh of relief, glad to be off her feet. Walking was always such a challenge when she got this wasted.

"Goodnight," Gray said quietly, leaning over to grab the blanket and tuck it in snugly about her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Cana frowned up at him blearily. This part was normal, so why did it feel wrong? He always left, so why did she want him to stay? Maybe it was because she was supposed to be making something up to him, had to give him some kind of gesture to erase all the hurt.

Or maybe she just didn't want to be alone. It was hard to tell when her mind was so hazy.

Her hand shot up and wrapped around Gray's wrist as he was withdrawing. "Stay."

Giving her a bewildered look, he began peeling her fingers off. "Honestly, what's gotten into you tonight?"

"Stay," she insisted.

"Cana, let go. You need to get some sleep."

"Need teddy be-ear."

Gray paused to give her the most flabbergasted expression she'd seen in all her life, and she took advantage of his confusion to grab onto his arm and yank him down as hard as she could. He unbalanced, eyes widening as he yelped in surprise and was pulled down halfway onto the bed.

Cana gave him a cheeky grin. "C'mon, teddy."

Gray opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Shaking his head, he worked on extricating himself from Cana's grip and straightening himself back out.

"You're being really strange, Cana," he said. "Let go."

He pulled back, but since Cana only tightened her grip, she was dragged along with him and he had to stop again, bent over at an awkward angle as he tried to figure out how to untangle himself. Cana let go of his arm with one hand so that she could slide an arm around him in something resembling a hug.

Burying her face in his chest, she whispered, "Don't go."

The silence seemed to last for an eternity, but then Gray finally sighed, the sound heavy in the stillness. Wriggling forward awkwardly so that he could push Cana away from the edge of the bed, he swung his legs up to stretch out along the very edge.

"What's wrong, Cana?" he asked quietly, stroking her hair in a soothing fashion. "Getting wasted again and acting so oddly… What's bothering you so much?"

Releasing her death grip on his arm, Cana snuggled into him and relaxed with a contented sigh. "No-othing."

"I don't believe that."

"Makes me sa-ad when he leaves," she mumbled into his chest.

"Gildarts?" Gray offered after a moment.

"Mm. So cli-ingy and anno-oying, but… Love him anywa-ay."

"He loves you too," Gray said gently. "He's a wanderer at heart, but he'll always come back because he can't bear to leave you forever."

"And you?"

"And me what?"

"You love me too?"

There was a long pause, but then Gray let his breath out in a shuddering sigh and dropped his head to rest against Cana's. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, I love you too."

"Mm." Cana smiled and snuggled closer, her hands retreating near her face so that she could fist them loosely in Gray's shirt, even as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. "Love you too. Trust you. Not sca-ary. Make me feel safe."

The silence was deafening, until Gray swallowed thickly. "Okay," he murmured, his voice wavering slightly for a split second before he steadied it again. "Okay. Go to sleep, Cana."

Cana sighed softly, relaxing further. Yes, sleep sounded good. She was dreadfully tired, and she finally felt that she could sleep now that she had made up for something or said something or done something—whatever it was that she was supposed to have taken care of. And since she felt safe in Gray's arms, she smiled to herself and drifted off to sleep.

When she woke the next morning, Gray was gone. Cana sat up and yawned, wincing at the pounding in her head. Bloody hangover. She remembered more of last night than she'd remembered of her previous binge, and had the feeling that she'd managed to finally make things up to Gray. Maybe.

Or maybe it was all just a product of her drunken daze, because she also vaguely recalled trapping Gray here and refusing to let him leave. But he wasn't here, so maybe she had imagined the whole thing. That was too bad.

Sighing, she reluctantly dragged herself out of bed. She was about to head for the bathroom, when something caught her eye. There was a glass of water sitting on the nightstand by the bed, and a note tucked halfway underneath:

 _For your hangover. It would be nice to see you in the guild before noon._

Cana smiled.

* * *

 **Note: Lol drunk people. Huh, I wonder what a drunk demon Gray would be like.**

 _ **I wonder.**_

 **:X**

 **emmahoshi: Lol, people contradict themselves all the time. We are walking contradictions, and we can hold a lot of seemingly incompatible views. And yeah, I couldn't see Cana saying that unless she was totally wasted. There's probably an underlying kernel of truth there, which is why I included Gray's musings at the end of his part, but that doesn't mean she doesn't still love him. I think it would have been weirder for Natsu to try talking to Gray, tbh. He tries to avoid emotional stuff, and they don't have the type of relationship where they run to comfort each other every time things start going downhill. I mean, it'll happen in the future because sometimes they just need that, but doing it every time would totally change the dynamic of their friendship. Yeah, I have a hard time saying certain things too X) Lol, yeah, you think Gray will take some time to get over this? Gonna take longer to really get over the guild's betrayal lol (EDIT: Lol, I was just using "betrayal" as a filler word for half the guild turning on him because I didn't come up with a better one off the top of my head. Just because Gray doesn't usually comment negatively on the guild turning on him doesn't mean that it doesn't affect him x.x)**


	13. Musings of (Former) Immortals

**Note: At first Mavis was a huge stumbling block for me. What was I supposed to _do_ with her? I trashed the immortality, but I didn't have a good way to kill her off, nor did I have any idea of what to do with her once she was hanging around afterwards. So I was just going to kind of ignore her, tbh. _However_ , I eventually came up with a plan for her, so now there's going to be a loose plot thread with Gray and Mavis that pops up from time to time :3**

 **...This is actually how this story is going to operate, tbh. There's one main overarching plot thread, the four sub-plot lines for the four segments, and then a variety of other themes and baby plots that pop up for a time, disappear, and come up again until I resolve them. So...yeah, there are just a lot of little plots lol No wonder it got so long.**

* * *

 **Musings of (Former) Immortals**

* * *

Mavis was watching Gray again. She seemed to find herself doing that a lot lately. Part of it might be that he had become a natural focal point of most everyone, but a big part of it was just that she felt like she had something in common with him. They both had a connection to Zeref, both had suffered from immortality, both still struggled with control and the guilt of the things they had done, both were something of outsiders. They were hardly the same, but it was hard not to sympathize when Mavis saw so much of herself in him.

She was sitting with Makarov again today because she was still too unsure of her position to do much else, lending half an ear to his conversation with Laxus. But although she truly did have an interest in Yury's son, she still found herself surreptitiously watching Gray and listening to his conversation with his friends. So she noticed right away when it started veering into uncomfortable waters, even if Gray didn't seem perturbed yet.

"I'm telling you, anything with the cold would be the worst way to go," Natsu said, his nose wrinkling in distaste. "Heat is way better."

"But burning?" Lucy asked skeptically. "That has to be super painful. I think something quick and painless would be better. Like, in your sleep or something."

"But if it's in your sleep, you don't even get the chance to fight back!"

"You can't fight a heart attack, idiot."

"Actually," Happy interrupted, "fish deprivation would be the worst way to go."

Everyone stared at him.

"Fish deprivation?" Lucy repeated slowly, her brows scrunching together. "You mean starvation?"

"That too. But honestly, could you imagine not being able to find any fish anywhere?" The Exceed shuddered and fluffed his fur out.

There was another long pause as his team stared at him in disbelief, but then Natsu cracked up and even Lucy smiled. Mavis shook her head slightly, although a fond half-smile tugged at her lips. It was just joking right now, one of those 'what-if' games that wasn't uncommon for people to play and debate from time to time.

Still, it had ulterior meaning for Mavis and, she suspected, Gray. But so far Gray seemed unconcerned, just observing the conversation with a thoughtful frown.

"What about you, Erza?" Lucy asked. "What do you think the worst way to die is?"

"Drowning," Erza said immediately.

"Really? Huh. That never seemed too bad to me, at least not in comparison to other things."

"I don't like the idea of not being able to breathe, and there's something horribly hopeless and helpless about it."

"Fair enough. What about you, Gray?"

Gray propped an elbow on the table and rested his head against his fist as he frowned down and seemed to seriously consider the question. "I think burning is the worst. It hurts worse than almost anything. It's also really messy with some horrible effects on your body, and the best you can hope for is to get knocked out by smoke inhalation because burning isn't always a fast death.

"To be fair, cold isn't always that great either, and it can be even more drawn out. But once your body starts shutting down, you start fading out anyway and it's not quite as bad. Drowning isn't as peaceful as people seem to think it is. Your body will fight against it no matter what, and it can actually be pretty violent. Starvation is one of the longest ways to go. Dehydration's effects are worse, but at least you'll die sooner. I mean, if you _can_ die. Stabbing or cutting in the right place would kill a normal human pretty quickly, but it'll make a huge mess.

"But yeah, I'll say that burning is definitely the worst, at least for me. Aside from something like the devil slayer magic that would rip you apart from the inside out. I think that might actually be worse. Your best bet is either something quick and relatively painless or getting lucky enough to die in your sleep."

Mavis held back her sigh as Gray's team gaped at him in horror. What had they really expected, bringing up a topic like that? Sometimes people didn't seem to realize the implications of what they were saying until they were saying it.

"You…you haven't actually tried all of those things before…have you?" Lucy asked finally, her eyes wide.

Gray looked up from his scrutiny of the table, finally seeming to realize the tough spot he'd put himself in. His expression closed off and he shrugged. He said nothing, but watched his friends with wary, unfriendly eyes.

"But Gray," Erza said, wincing, "you–"

"You asked me a question," he said shortly. "I answered it. I don't see what the big deal is."

Erza sighed heavily. "You know we don't like this idea that you were… Well, maybe we really should have talked about this sooner."

Gray's eyes narrowed to slits. "No thanks."

"Look, you–"

Forgetting about Makarov and Laxus entirely, Mavis stood up abruptly and glided over to the other table. She paused behind Gray and dropped a small hand to rest on his arm.

"May I borrow Gray for a moment?" she asked, giving Erza and the others a bright smile.

They stared back, uncertain, but didn't have the nerve to deny a direct request.

"Of course," Erza mumbled, although she gave Gray a look that said they weren't finished by a long shot.

Gray twisted around and gave Mavis a long look before nodding and rising. He followed her out of the guild hall, and they walked down the street in silence. Mavis drew a few odd looks because her bare feet were conspicuous on busy city streets, but the looks Gray got were far more venomous. Still, he didn't bother gravitating to the shadows like she had often seen him do when he was looking to avoid unwanted attention.

They had made it halfway down the street before Gray said, "Thanks."

"Of course," Mavis said with a sigh. "But you do know that they'll want to talk about it eventually."

"Of course they will, but I'll do my best to avoid that conversation. Sometimes I forget why these things get them so worked up when they aren't a big deal to me. They don't understand that it's easier to have a cavalier attitude toward life and death when you can't actually die. You know."

"I know. But they worry about you."

"Yeah." They fell into silence for a few more seconds before Gray asked, "How have you been holding up, anyway?"

"Me?" Mavis frowned up at him. Wasn't _he_ the one having a hard time coping? "Fine. Why?"

He shrugged. "You were close to Zeref at one point, and now he's dead."

Mavis's breath caught in her throat. His words stirred up an intense whirlwind of emotion in her chest, and she had to wait for the sudden pain to ease before the indignant anger seeped in to take its place.

"He was the enemy," she said harshly, glaring at Gray. "He hurt and killed a lot of people, threatened my guild. He was a threat that had to be eliminated."

"Yes, but you loved him too, didn't you?"

"I–"

"It's okay." Gray's eyes softened in sympathy. "You're allowed to feel both. Love and hate are not so very different, nor are they mutually exclusive."

Mavis opened her mouth and stared at him silently, almost running straight into an oncoming pedestrian because she was so distracted. Yes, she was better able to understand such contradictory emotions than most anyone else, based on her curse alone. But somehow it still felt wrong to admit to loving someone who had nearly destroyed the world.

"Yeah," she mumbled. She turned the corner and dropped her gaze to the ground. "Maybe it's part of our curse that we _have_ to be contradictory, have to have different sides on extreme and opposite ends of the spectrum. He did horrible things, became a horrible person, but… part of me still loves him, and I want to believe that some of what I fell in love with still existed inside him, at the end."

"Probably so," Gray said with a sigh. "Humans are such messy, illogical, contradictory creatures. They have a hard time being all good or all bad, all love or all hate."

"And what about you?"

"I'm not human."

"I know. I'm not even going to argue with you about that today, because I know you're stubborn and need to figure that out for yourself. I meant that you had a connection to Zeref too."

Gray stopped right in the middle of the street, his entire body tensing. Mavis noticed his shadow twitch and squirm as if agitated, and eyed it curiously. That was a strange thing, and she had some theories about what it was, based on the information she'd gained from observing it over the past weeks. She was still waiting for the right time to look into confirming her suspicions, because she highly doubted that Gray would willingly discuss it with her.

Whatever the case, Gray didn't seem to notice. He was too busy glowering at Mavis, eyes narrowed and lips tight.

"There is no love lost between me and Zeref," he said coolly as he began stalking down the street again. He exuded the aura of a predator now, something tight and angry and cold. Even people who didn't know who he was seemed to sense it, giving him wary looks and a wide berth. "I was only ever his toy, his tool, his experiment. And I hate him for a lot of things."

Mavis hurried along by his side, her shorter legs fighting to keep up with his long strides. Gnawing at her lip, she considered how to best handle the situation. She sensed that same sort of angry defensiveness that she'd had when he had asked _her_ about Zeref, but pressing the point would likely shut down communication altogether. She couldn't say that she was surprised that he might not want to talk about whatever he felt for Zeref.

"I was talking to your team a while back," she said instead. Gray gave her a wary, sidelong look, but didn't make a move to shut her up. "They mentioned some of the things that you and Zeref discussed at the end there. They said that you were the first demon?"

Gray's expression had closed off again, but at the end he smiled faintly, one corner of his mouth just barely twitching upward. Mavis met his gaze squarely, refusing to show any sign of discomfort. She was nothing if not a tactician, and she knew that knowing _what_ to say was only half the battle. It was also important to know _how_ to say it. Aside from the people who harbored a hatred for Gray and used 'demon' as a bitter substitute for a name, most people tiptoed around the idea and became uncomfortable even bringing it up. Gray didn't want to be coddled, and Mavis would show no hesitation or uneasiness now.

"Correct," Gray said. "I was the original prototype."

"They also mentioned something about experiments? They weren't sure what exactly that meant, and they seem to be nervous about actually asking you."

Gray raised an eyebrow. "So you're going to ask for them?"

"No. I'm going to ask because _I_ want to know. If they work up the nerve to ask, then more power to them."

"Hm."

Mavis winced as she scraped her toe on a rough cobblestone, but quickly pushed the discomfort aside to watch her companion intently. She had a good idea of why he hated Zeref, but she'd rather gather all the information she could.

"Yes," Gray said finally. He shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched slightly as he sauntered along, some of the earlier tension gone. "I was the first failure, and he wanted to know my strengths and weaknesses so that he could fix them in later models. He tested my limits, pushed me as far as I could go. How injured would I have to be before I was unable to follow my instincts' call? What could be done to coax out the power I refused to use? Which types of magics and wounds could I endure best and worst? Yada, yada. Trying to make a more powerful version of me, really.

"And afterward, he'd test out his later models on me. Oh, he had many failures, took more than one wrong turn along the way." He smiled thinly. "I was a killer of demons before I was ever a killer of men."

Despite her resolutions, Mavis faltered, her steps slowing for a half second before she fell back in beside Gray and schooled her expression back to neutrality. "So, torture, then?"

Gray shrugged carelessly, his expression more bored than anything. "Experiments. Don't look so shocked. Whatever good side of Zeref you saw, I was never privy to. And I've no need of sympathy. I was Awake at the time, so the memories are hazy at best and pain was immaterial. And although I consider it to be poor taste to turn your monsters on their kin, the truth is that I didn't care then and I don't particularly care now. The world would be better off with a few less demons."

Mavis threw him a sharp look at the last comment, but he seemed so unconcerned and relaxed that she wasn't sure if he'd meant anything by it. Even to Mavis and her superior powers of observation, Gray was still something of an enigma. What she _did_ know was that he wasn't interested in her regret or apologies.

"I see why you hate him so much," she said instead, her voice carefully neutral.

Maybe this was the other big reason that she felt a connection to Gray and a need to make sure he made it through this. He was the creation of her former lover and had suffered greatly at his hands. Perhaps Mavis felt a tiny bit responsible for that, or at least wanted to try undoing some of the damage her lover had done. She was protective of her entire guild and felt a responsibility to them, but Gray's connection to Zeref possibly made her feel even more protective, in the same way that Makarov's connection to Yury made her more protective of him.

"Among other reasons," Gray said. A frown stole over his face and he sighed. "Fine, maybe you're right. I have a connection to Zeref, whether I like it or not. I don't love him and I never have. I certainly hate him. But I also have an innate need to please him. What he did to me is irrelevant, because that was what he wished to do and I am bound to please him. Maybe part of me is always looking for that approval, to know that I did something to satisfy him instead of always failing him. I hate it because I owe him nothing and I shouldn't care about what he thought at all, but my more primal side craves it regardless."

Mavis thought she could understand that. It was like how a child might always feel the need to, on some level, please an abusive parent, although she doubted Gray would appreciate the comparison.

"I'm sure it's hardwired into you," she said. "Sometimes we all secretly crave approval from people we shouldn't need it from."

"Sure, but I didn't have much of a choice about giving him what he wanted. I got out from under his thumb for a while, but… In the end, even killing him was just doing what I was meant to do. I say that I didn't do it because I was supposed to, but… Let's be honest, the only time I did something useful, it was still just something I was forced to do."

Mavis would have to be a complete fool to have missed Gray's struggle over the idea of free will and innate instinct, and she was no fool. She could understand the bitterness there. It wasn't really the same as her own problems, but having to watch her curse kill the people she cared about and not being able to control it or choose a different path had left a mark on her too. She had done what she could to minimize the damage, but she couldn't choose how her curse reacted, couldn't even choose to die. It wasn't exactly the same, but that edge of underlying hopelessness and frustration was mirrored in Gray's own struggles.

"I don't think so," Mavis said evenly. "I think you made that choice."

"Hm."

"Your instincts were telling you to kill Zeref, right?"

"Yes."

"But if you'd given in to them, you would have just attacked him blindly without worrying about looking for a strategic way to actually kill him, right?"

"…Yes."

Mavis bit back a small smile. That air of wary hesitation let her know that Gray had figured out where she was going with this, and that she was making her point. Mavis wouldn't be the acknowledged queen of tacticians if she couldn't put together and support a damn good argument when the need arose.

"So," she said reasonably, "even if you were driven to try killing him because of your demonic side, you were _able_ to kill him because you could think it through and come up with a plan. That's a choice. If you'd only been following your instincts, then you would have failed. So maybe it's really both. And maybe that's not so surprising, because I think that you're very much a mixture of both demon and human."

Gray didn't respond and Mavis watched him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. No matter how brilliant her arguments were, they wouldn't do any good if someone's skull was too thick for them to get through.

The pair walked an entire street in silence, deftly weaving their way through the hustle and bustle of the crowd. Gray had narrowed his eyes at the ground, and seemed to have completely tuned out the other pedestrians.

"Maybe," he said finally. He sounded perfectly noncommittal, but Mavis felt a small prick of triumph anyway. She rather thought that he would at least consider her perspective, even if he couldn't entirely agree with it yet. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What's happening with your curse? You haven't seemed to have any problems with it since you regained your body, but it seems hard to believe that it disappeared entirely, and I doubt anything I did about your immortality affected that part of things."

Ah, the patented 'quickly change the subject of the conversation to avoid talking about unpleasant things' technique. Mavis might not usually respond favorably to such a basic approach, but the question made her sober even further.

"You're right." She kicked moodily at a rock, which she immediately regretted when it bit into her bare toes. "It's still around. I don't think it's quite as strong as before, but I'm not sure if it's actually weaker after I was stuck in stasis or if I've just gotten better at managing it."

Gray gave her a sympathetic look. "Still fighting for control, then?"

"Yes."

"You've done a good job of not slipping up."

"It's only been a few weeks. I still have plenty of time. And it only takes losing control once to ruin everything."

"Don't I know it," Gray muttered, and Mavis nodded in agreement. Control issues were well-documented between the two of them. "How do you manage it, then? It can't be easy."

Mavis's mouth flattened into a thin line as she turned another corner and started back in the general direction of the guild. "It's a balancing act. The easiest way is to keep a distance, think of everyone as pawns instead of people."

Gray nodded knowingly. "Humans with short lives. They burn bright and fast, and flicker and die before long. How important can one life really be in the grand scheme of things if it's so short and insignificant? And even more so if you have experience with immortality and can see the end of time stretching out before you, the tiny lives of humans representing only specks along the way."

"Yes, although it's easier said than done to maintain that attitude."

"Don't I know it," Gray said again, his lips twitching upward wryly. "I at least have the fallback option that humans are insignificant little insects that aren't worth my time or attention. But you can only maintain such an attitude for so long."

Mavis studied him curiously out of the corner of her eye. She—and everyone else, of course—had quickly learned that Gray's moods could swiftly swing to the cold, unfeeling end of the spectrum at times. Mavis didn't doubt that part of it had to do with the difficulty of navigating a hostile world and conflicting sides of his personality, but this made her wonder if there was something else.

"I see. Yes, well, that can be difficult sometimes. Mostly I try to strike a balance. I can love, as long as I hate too. It's a curse of contradictions. The things I love will die, so I have to counteract that by also finding ways to hate, to hold on to bitterness and resentment and jealousy. I like to keep that side hidden because I'm not proud of it, but…it has to be there or people will start dying. As much as I sympathize with you and feel like we have much in common, I also have to hate you for killing Zeref."

The words sparked that familiar flicker of resentment in her heart again as she regarded the man who had killed her lover, but then she pushed it back and bit her lip. She gave Gray another sidelong look, suddenly regretting that she had spoken so frankly.

But Gray just nodded and looked perfectly unsurprised, his blank expression unchanging. Mavis wondered if he had suspected as much. Even if he hadn't known about the curse, he had correctly identified that part of Mavis still loved Zeref. Perhaps it had occurred to him, then, that there would be mixed feelings about him as well.

"Of course," he said. "In any case, I do much the same."

"Oh?" Mavis arched an eyebrow, her remorse forgotten. "I'd think that for you, it would be easier to keep control by playing up the love and minimizing the hate, no?"

He smiled thinly. "A demon's love, such that it is, is very obsessive. The more purpose and value I assign to something, the easier it becomes for me to lose control if it is threatened. Any such threat must be annihilated immediately, and threatening situations make me less stable if I'm not careful. Hanging on to petty resentments and keeping a safe distance might help minimize emotional disturbances, but I've also found them a useful way to maintain some level of control, as long as I don't go too far."

The guild hall finally came into view, but Mavis was watching Gray. It was sad to know that he faced many of the struggles that she also faced on a daily basis, although it also brought her a selfish degree of comfort and an accompanying flash of vindictive satisfaction to balance it out. Being a walking contradiction was tiring, draining, and Mavis was both horrified and relieved to have a companion on that road.

"But also, thank you," she said quietly, stopping in front of the guild and letting the heat of the cobblestones seep into the soles of her feet. Gray paused as well and gave her a questioning look. "For killing Zeref. It had to be done. And also for breaking our immortality."

"Of course." He frowned at the ground. "No problem."

"Hm. I'm scared too, you know. Of losing control. On the days where I feel myself wavering, I run and disappear. Sometimes I think about not coming back. But this is my guild, and I want to make this work. I believe that it can work. I believe that we can _both_ make it work. It will be hard, but we can do this, Gray."

Gray looked up at her, and his dark eyes were tired and resigned. "I sure hope so."

"It's a fight you have to fight yourself, but it's okay to rely on your loved ones to help you through." Mavis tilted her head. "Speaking of which, I hear that your team is planning to go to the festival tonight. Will you be joining them?"

Gray's brow wrinkled in thought, but then he shook his head. "I don't think so. Not tonight." A satisfied, darkly excited gleam shone in his eyes as he said, "Tonight I feel like dying."

"You _what_?" sputtered a voice from behind them.

Mavis and Gray whipped around to see the team in question standing half in the doorway, their eyes wide and horrified. Gray immediately winced.

"Not like that," he said quickly.

"Then like _what_?" Erza demanded. "All this talk of death and killing yourself… It's unacceptable. We're going to need to talk."

"I'm not trying to kill myself," Gray grumbled. He turned to Mavis to appeal for help. "You know. Sometimes the only way to feel alive is to be reminded that you can die."

Mavis held back a sigh, her own instinctive horror fading. Yes, she understood. She didn't engage in such destructive activities as Gray to get that feeling, but after being unable to die for so long, sometimes it was nice to be reminded that she _could_.

"I know." On a hunch, she reached out and grasped his hand, pushing up his sleeve before he had the chance to stop her. Sure enough, there were layers of faded scars crisscrossing his skin, subtle enough not to be obvious at first glance. "But make sure you take care of yourself."

Gray yanked his hand away and quickly pulled his sleeve back down, his expression wary and defensive. His mood didn't improve any when a chorus of horrified gasps and sharp intakes of breath came from his teammates.

"Gray," Lucy said, "you don't really–"

"Relax," he growled. "They're old."

Maybe so, but Mavis wouldn't be surprised if he had picked up old habits in light of recent events. Because those scars weren't the scars of someone who was trying to die but couldn't.

"But you used to strip all the time," Happy squeaked. "How did we not notice _that_?"

Gray half turned away, his nostrils flaring. "People see what they expect to see. And none of them are very pronounced anymore. I used to keep a variety of healing charms around to undo some of the damage and scars of my activities. In any case, I won't be available tonight, sorry."

He stepped away, ignoring the protests of his friends, and made to leave. Mavis wasn't sure she could—or _should_ —stop him.

"Just be careful, Gray," she said.

"Of course. I don't feel like dealing with anything messy tonight." He glanced back to give her a feral grin, anticipation gleaming in his eyes. There was a lightness to his step now, and Mavis could practically see the energy radiating from him as he prepared for the heady feeling of mortality. "I just want the feeling."

He turned away and began weaving his way through the crowd.

"Hey!" Natsu called, starting forward.

Mavis's arm shot out to block his way, although her eyes stayed glued to Gray's retreating form. "Let him go."

"Let him _go_?" Natsu repeated indignantly, turning to her in disbelief. "But he said–"

"I know." Mavis dropped her arm and pressed her lips together as Gray disappeared around the corner. "This is his way of coping, even if it's not a healthy one. I think that once the novelty of mortality wears off and all the drama around the guild begins settling down, he won't need it as much. You can give him your support and help him through, but I'd think that by now you've begun figuring out when confronting a problem directly will work and when it won't. For now, let him go. And when he's ready to come back, that's when you do your best to hold on."

The group stood in silence, with only the sea of indistinct voices and footsteps of passersby to fill the air. Mavis didn't look at the others, but she could sense all their raging emotions. She didn't know how to explain something like this to them. It was unthinkable to most people, but she and Gray weren't most people.

"I just want him to be okay," Lucy said in a small voice.

"I know. I know. He will be, eventually."

A thought occurred to Mavis, and she grimaced as something clicked into place. Something said long ago in a jail cell came to mind: _"To be honest, that's what saved your guild and your world: all that hate he made me turn on myself."_ And with all the talk of instincts and fighting to keep control, Mavis felt like she finally understood where Gray was coming from.

"He was made to destroy," she said with a soft sigh, weary sadness settling over her heart. "It's hardwired into him. As long as his instincts are needling him, he has to do it. His default is to destroy everything, but in order to control that, he turned it inward. He has to be destroying something—and if he isn't destroying the world, then he's destroying himself instead."

She turned back toward the horrified faces of Gray's team as Lucy made a strangled choking sound.

"How morbid," Erza said faintly, looking thoroughly unsettled.

"He has an innate need for destruction and for purpose. He turned the destruction inward, and turned you and your protection into his new purpose to give himself something better to focus on." Mavis brushed past the other mages and headed into the guild, only pausing for a moment to add, "He fights against his nature by throwing himself into protecting you from the world, so perhaps it's up to you to help protect him from himself."

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Lol, mostly I have a hard time focusing on any character but my favorite X) Everything else just seems boring. I'm not a huge fan of the Mavis/Zeref romance either, tbh. What I'm working with here is mixed feelings instead, because I can see why she might have fallen for him in the first place (before he went all psycho in front of her and she saw his dark side, because he acted like some precious little cinnamon roll when he wasn't rampaging *rolls eyes*) and could grudgingly see why it wouldn't be easy to just stamp out those feelings later, but I also can't see her not having serious issues with what he did and who he became. So now it's more of a past romance with some lingering feelings but a lot of resentment and guilt, which is why she got so defensive when Gray said some part of her still loved him. She's not as naive here as in canon lol I actually do like Mavis, although there are some things about her canon self that bug me. She'll pop up from time to time until I wrap up her plot, but more of a side thing. I've got bigger things to focus on. And whether or not she has the right to stop the others from going after Gray, she knows better than they what he's feeling and how he's likely to react (at least in regards to this particular issue), and the truth is that going after him right then would have been a bad idea X) Okay, so the four parts: (1) setting up new norms/taking care of issues to resuming a "normal" life, and reconciling with the guild; (2) dealing with issues related to the past, especially what's technically the other Gray's past and how our Gray deals with it, and reconciling with Lyon; (3) improvement arc, where characters work out the kinks in their relationships and Gray gradually gets better; and (4) everything goes to hell and Gray loses all his improvement, and how he slowly recovers from that point to reach a satisfying conclusion.**


	14. Control--Strength

**Note: In response to a guest, I do have something later with Gray, Jellal, and Meredy, although it's a small part of something else and not for a while.**

 **Okay, this next part isn't directed at anyone in particular, just my rantings on some comments I've been noticing lately on this story and a few others. Guys, I _do not_ do demands. I consider and sometimes take requests (although I'm more likely to actually do them if you said something relevant about the story as well), I'm interested in hearing what you liked and what you'd like to see and even what you're not sold on, but I have no patience for people telling me to write XYZ or update faster or write longer/shorter pieces. I don't play those games. I don't demand anything from you and I'm not one of those authors who hold their stories ransom for reviews, because I think that's bullshit and readers don't owe me anything. But neither do I owe readers anything. I'm glad y'all enjoy reading what I post and I definitely appreciate your reviews, but I'm not obligated to post any more than you're obligated to review. Just...consider how you're saying things. There's a _big_ difference between politely asking/requesting and rudely demanding.**

 **I've already sort of lost interest in posting this. Like, I'm still happily writing and editing it, but posting has become a tedious chore for whatever reason (idk, you'd think that would be the fun, easy part, right?). I've been considering taking a break from posting, but even though this isn't a really popular story, I know that there are a few people still following it. I'd rather not cut out on y'all, especially since I have so much of this ready to post. I'm trying to keep it on track, but if I disappear for a little while... Idk what to tell you. Having people demand crap makes posting seem like even more of a chore, tbh.**

 **Most of y'all are great, and I really do appreciate the support. I'm just feeling grumpy atm :3**

* * *

 **Control/Strength**

* * *

A loud crash echoed through the hallways of the manor, and Lucy's head automatically swiveled toward the sound. She sighed and shook her head.

"Well, the fire-breathing idiot is still in fine form, I see," Gray remarked from beside her, more amused than exasperated. And despite Lucy's own annoyance, she was glad of his good humor. It was good to see him in a better mood.

"Honestly, what is he _doing_? They're just bandits…"

"You know how he always has to overdo everything. Alternatively, it's possible that some of these bandits have magic, which could explain why he's off destroying everything."

Lucy eyed Gray in alarm as he opened a door, peered around cautiously, shook his head at her, and continued down the dimly-lit hallway.

"You think they have _magic_?" she asked as she hurried after him.

"How should I know?" He checked another room, shook his head again, and moved on. "But it's always a possibility. Just because someone's not in a guild doesn't mean that they can't have magic. It might explain why these guys have been such a pain to catch."

Lucy grimaced, not liking that idea. This was supposed to be an _easy_ job. Not that it had really been difficult so far…more like annoying. Their poor client had been kicked out of his own mansion by a group of bandits who apparently intended to use it as a home base for a while until they ransacked the place and disappeared into the night. They'd managed to cow the entire surrounding town, too.

But as far as mage-work went, these guys were small fry. It was just a pain because this place was _huge_ , and they were searching for a couple dozen men in a messy labyrinth of hallways and rooms. They'd already found most of their targets, but there were still a few on the loose.

"Maybe it just means that they're all on Natsu and Erza's side," Lucy said hopefully.

"Where's the fun in that?" Gray asked with a chuckle. "It would be so boring if those guys got all the action."

"I don't know," Lucy muttered as she peeked into an empty room behind Gray, "I don't mind avoiding the action."

"Oh, please. You know you like it more than you let on."

Like hell she would admit that. "Don't you think we should be quiet in case we're about to stumble on someone?"

Gray chuckled again and scanned another room. "You're the boss, Luce."

And, indeed, he stayed quiet after shooting her one more amused look. Lucy still had the feeling that he was laughing at her on the inside, but she chose to ignore that. They searched the rooms lining the hallway in relative silence, only their muffled footsteps lingering in the air.

Tiring of just following behind Gray, Lucy decided to relieve her nervous boredom by taking over door-opening duty on the left side of the hall. Gray raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. They worked their way down the hallway much more quickly this way, but Lucy was starting to wonder why they weren't finding anyone when they could still occasionally hear Natsu destroying things on the other side of the building. They really had gotten the quiet side. Lucy wasn't complaining about that, but she _was_ starting to lose patience. Who needed a house with this many rooms, anyway? Her own childhood mansion pushed firmly out of mind, she could shake her head at the eccentricities of the rich without feeling like a hypocrite.

She was so distracted by her own thoughts, and so used to seeing only empty rooms when she opened doors, that she almost missed the bandit entirely. She was already half turning away before she caught a slight movement out of the corner of her eye and turned back to see the sandy-haired man crouching in the back of the room as he shoved valuables into the sack beside him. Honestly, his comrades were being hunted down by mages and his first thought was to grab all the valuables before he made his escape? What a charmer.

Damn it, she had clearly chosen the wrong side of the hallway.

"Hey, you!" she said loudly. "You–"

He looked up at the sound of her voice, eyes widening as he jumped to his feet and threw a wave of… _something_ …at her. There was a muffled curse from behind her, and a wall of ice sprang up just ahead of her to block whatever magic was coming her way. Lucy started to breathe a sigh of relief, but then the ice shattered and almost seemed to vaporize into nothing. What the hell? Gray's ice was damnably strong—what was powerful enough to pulverize it so completely?

Gray grabbed her from behind and pulled her to the side, out of the way of whatever had decimated his magic.

"Awesome," he muttered, releasing her when they were safely tucked behind the side of a large, overwrought armoire.

"What was _that_?" Lucy asked in disbelief.

Gray clicked his tongue in annoyance and peeked around the side of their temporary shield. "He's a dispeller. Some kind of nullification magic. Dispellers are always such a pain to deal with, but at least his offense probably sucks. Nullification magic is usually much better at destroying enemy magic than actually attacking enemies."

"I'll take care of him," Lucy said with a huff.

"Let me do it."

"Why?" she asked indignantly, drawing herself up to her full height and glaring at him. "I can handle it."

"I know you can. But dispellers are bad news, and I might have an edge here. I doubt he can dispel my curses. And he seems like a pain. His magic probably isn't any good for offensive maneuvers, but he has good reflexes. He threw it at you when you came in because he knows there are mages hunting down his crew and was expecting you to attack with magic right away. And since his magic isn't good for attacks, he probably has tricks up his sleeve. You didn't want any action anyway, right?"

The underlying message Lucy was getting from this was that Gray didn't think she could handle this guy. "I can do it," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I'm not worried about his magic. I have my spirits."

"Well, yeah, but–"

A door flew open with a bang from back out in the hallway, and they turned to see three more bandits appear in the doorway.

"Hell," Gray growled. He jumped out from behind their makeshift shield, his hands already moving as he turned on the newcomers. "You know what, go for it. I'll take care of these guys."

Well, Lucy would show him. She was strong and independent and could take care of herself. Leaving Gray to handle the other bandits, she stepped out and took a few more steps into the room to avoid the sudden melee in the doorway.

Instead of taking advantage of the Fairy Tail mages' distraction to make a getaway, the first bandit was _still_ shoveling valuables into his sack, albeit at a much more frantic rate. Honestly.

"You, there!" she said loudly, pulling out her ring of keys and giving her target a disapproving look. "Stop at once."

He looked up, spotted her, and cursed under his breath. Before he had the chance to do anything, Lucy whipped out Aries's key and opened the gate. Gray thought this guy's reflexes were fast, huh? Well, hers were fast too. So there.

"Aries, take this guy out, will you?"

"I-I'll do my best," the spirit stuttered nervously. "Wool bomb!"

One moment pink wool was exploding across the room, and the next it was shimmering and vaporizing. Aries's eyes widened and she stepped back, one hand rising to hover uncertainly near her mouth.

"I-I'm sorry! Wool–" She gasped as her form seemed to waver. "W-what–?"

Lucy gaped in disbelief as Aries shimmered out of view and disappeared. Okay, so her magic being dispelled wasn't that surprising, but Aries herself…?

"Nice try," said the bandit, starting toward Lucy with confident steps and a humorless smile. "I'd heard they sent mages after us, but I was expecting a _little_ more of a challenge."

"You…" Lucy grabbed another key. "Taurus!"

The portal started opening, but then the bandit raised his hand and it disappeared from view again.

"You mages are such a pain," he said. "But you can't do anything to me, so why don't you be a good girl and run off home?"

Lucy stepped back, her mind racing. She couldn't summon her spirits because he could dispel her magic. But…what about Loke?

"Loke? This would be a great time for you to show up and make yourself useful…"

Hopefully he was paying attention, but he always seemed to know when she was in trouble, and everything with Aries and Taurus had probably caught his attention. And since he was the only one of her spirits who could materialize without her needing to open a gate…

"Did my lady call?"

Lucy half turned, breathing a sigh of relief as she spotted Loke next to her. "Thank goodness. Can you–?"

"Don't be silly," the bandit interrupted, rolling his eyes and raising his hands.

Loke's form flickered, and his eyes widened behind his glasses. "What the hell–?"

He disappeared, leaving Lucy to gape at the empty space where he had just been.

"Your spirits can only come here through magic portals, and their presence here is maintained by magic," the bandit said, his voice bored. "Whether you summon them or not, there's still magic involved. If I nullify that, they can't stay here."

Lucy belatedly realized why Gray hadn't been reassured when she'd said that she could still use her spirits. They were as useless against a dispeller as any other kind of magic was.

There was a cry of pain behind her and a loud crash, reminding her of the other fight that was raging here. Hopefully Gray was having more luck than she was.

"Hey, Gray?" she asked, her voice rising slightly in pitch as she began to back up.

The dispeller smiled thinly and began walking toward her again. "I gave you your chance to leave, girlie. You attacked me instead. I guess I'll have to kill you now."

Why, oh why had she stopped carrying her whip? For all her talk about how she fought alongside her spirits… It had just seemed unnecessary when she always had her spirits to protect her and could now use star dress magic. She hadn't tried the latter because of the whole nullification thing, but hadn't counted on it taking away her ability to call on her spirits too. With both options effectively taken off the table, her whip would have come in real handy. Had she perhaps become too reliant on her magic?

She suddenly saw the sense in how the rest of the team stayed in peak physical condition in addition to training their magic. It was a secondary line of defense that she didn't really have, and now, without her magic, she was practically defenseless.

"Gray?"

But Gray was evidently busy with his own fight, and the dispeller lunged forward suddenly, whipping out a knife. Lucy backpedaled desperately. What was it that Gray had said about dispellers needing tricks up their sleeve since their magic wasn't any good for offense? Of course this guy had weapons on him, and Lucy again fervently wished that she still had her whip.

Well, she did have _one_ physical line of defense…

"Lucy kick!"

Her foot connected with her assailant's face, and he stumbled back with a string of curses. But her reprieve was short lived as he lunged at her again, shoving her to the ground. She cried out and struggled, but physical strength had never been her strong suit, and this man was _strong_. He planted a knee on her chest and pinned her wrists above her head with one hand.

"Sorry about this, girlie," he said, although he didn't sound terribly apologetic.

Lucy stared up at the knife, mesmerized by the glint of iron and the razor-sharp point. She couldn't breathe. And then it was coming down, and she was screaming and squeezing her eyes shut as she turned her head away and struggled to free herself.

Something slammed into her attacker, and his weight disappeared from her chest. She opened her eyes just in time to see Gray shove the bandit away. Oh, thank goodness.

But something was wrong.

Gray was moving like lightning as he viciously attacked the dispeller and threw him like a ragdoll before pouncing again. It was almost too fast and vicious to be entirely human, and reminded Lucy of those heart-stopping moments when Gray had given in to the shadows in order to defeat Zeref. She hadn't been able to get a good look at what happened then either, since it had all happened so fast and was shrouded in shadow curses and black magic, but the savagery of motion was the same.

His shadow had come to life again, twisting about like a monstrous beast as it darted for the hapless bandit, and it seemed like all the shadows in the room were bending toward Gray and reaching for his victim. And although it was hard to get a good look at Gray when the shadows swirled about him so thickly, she caught a glimpse of his face and recoiled. His mouth was twisted in fury, and his eyes blazed black with a demonic wrath that he rarely let Lucy and the others see.

He had definitely snapped.

The bandit cried out in pain as Gray slammed him into the wall and grabbed him around the throat. The flurry of attacks was almost too fast to see and whatever the curses were doing to the man must be horrific judging by the garbled sounds of pain he was making, but Gray wasn't finished. He pulled the bandit away and shoved him hard so that he stumbled and collapsed to the ground. The ice mage lunged again.

"Gray!" Lucy cried, scrambling to her feet as she finally found her voice. "Gray, stop! He's finished!"

Gray wasn't stopping. Pouncing on the disabled bandit, he held him down roughly and raised a hand. Something about the position and finality, about the dangerous mix of shadow and darkened ice curling about his fist, told Lucy that this was going to be a death blow.

"Gray!" she screamed.

No, no, this wasn't happening. Not only would someone die, but Gray would be left dealing with the repercussions—not only with the renewed hostility of the Council and guild, but with his own guilt. Lucy could already see it, how horribly earthshattering this would be.

She lurched forward, but there was nothing she could do. Gray's fist was coming down, and Lucy could only watch in panicked horror.

At the last second, his fist flinched to the side and slammed into the floor next to the bandit's face, sending ice and shadow flying. Gray remained motionless, hunched over the dispeller with his head bowed and his fist firmly connected to the crater in the floor. Lucy hardly dared breathe, afraid that one wrong move would set him off again. Heart in her throat, she cautiously tried to get a glimpse of his face. But his hair was in the way and his face was cloaked in shadow, and it was impossible to tell.

Then she caught sight of his other hand, which had released the dispeller and was clenched tightly into a trembling fist, the knuckles white. Her heart sank.

The bandit was white-faced and shaking, staring up at Gray with wide, frightened eyes. He hardly dared to move, but when Gray stayed absolutely still for much too long, he finally asked, "W-what _a-are_ you?"

Gray growled deep in the back of his throat, a low, primal sound that made Lucy's hair stand on end. She didn't know how it was even possible for him to _make_ that sound.

He stood suddenly and pulled the bandit up with him, spinning him about and slamming him back into the wall face first. The dispeller made a strangled choking sound, but Gray just hooked into his shadow and pulled it up to twine about his wrists tightly. Then he shoved the man away, where he fell to the floor in a heap.

Gray himself stayed standing, only lowering his head to rest his forehead against the wall. His entire body was tense, but he was so still that it almost looked like he wasn't alive at all.

Lucy swallowed hard and took a hesitant step forward. "Gray?"

Footsteps echoed from behind her, and she turned to see Erza, Natsu, and Happy burst into the room, stepping over the three unconscious bandits strewn across the floor. Their eyes darted about every which way as they took in the scene.

"What happened?" Erza demanded. "We heard you screaming."

"I, um… We…" Lucy shook her head helplessly and darted a glance at Gray.

"Is he alright?" Happy asked.

"Um… I don't…know…"

Gray growled again, making Lucy and the others startle. He turned slightly to fix cold eyes on his shadow, which Lucy suddenly noticed was still writhing about and had begun creeping toward the prone dispeller. It hesitated and then grudgingly retreated to lurk around Gray's feet, although it still kept twitching like it was alive.

That thing freaked Lucy out. Gray was always so wishy-washy about what it actually was and what it could do, but it almost seemed alive sometimes and he tended to alternate between disdainful wariness and distaste when dealing with it, which was not reassuring. And it always seemed especially active when his more demonic side started peeking through, which Lucy also took to be a bad sign.

"Gray?" Erza asked as he finally moved. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Gray was silent for another long moment, but then finally turned to face them all the way. His eyes still shone with cold fury and had an inhuman quality to them, and the way he held himself exuded predatory grace. Lucy swallowed hard and rocked back a half-step.

"I lost control," Gray said tersely, his voice a gravelly growl that held no warmth. He started forward, his strides clipped as he pushed past the mages in the doorway. "I'll be back later."

Lucy and the others stared after him as he took off down the hall and disappeared around the corner, the shadows reaching after him as he went. A heavy silence hung over the room for a long time, but then Natsu turned back to Lucy.

"What the _hell_ was that?" he asked.

Lucy dropped her gaze to the floor as the others looked to her for an explanation of what had just happened. "I, um… Well, he was taking care of, um, those three over there, and I was supposed to be…" She gestured vaguely to the battered bandit halfway across the room. "But he had nullification magic and was forcing all my gates closed, so I, um…I couldn't do anything. He got me pinned down and was going to… But then Gray came out of nowhere and started slamming him around and… Yeah, he, um…he lost control."

She wrapped her arms around herself, her voice lowering as she added, "I thought he was going to kill him, but he stopped himself at the last second."

No one said anything for a painful minute.

"Is he alright?" Happy asked finally. "Should we go after him?"

"I don't think so. I think he needs to calm down and get himself back under control. He, um, he still looked like he was pretty…out of it."

"But he's not even Awake," Natsu said, looking thoroughly disconcerted.

Erza let out a harsh breath. "Isn't this what he's always telling us? That he's still as much demon as human? I don't think he has to be Awake for that. I wonder if he's been having more trouble since he Awakened against Zeref… He never gave himself away with stuff like this before, but lately he sometimes has lapses or dark things bleed through for a moment. I think he must struggle with it sometimes, but it sounds like his control slipped a lot more than it usually does. It's probably best to leave him alone until he gets himself sorted out."

"He won't be happy when he does, either," Natsu said, subdued. "It might not have been an Awakening, but losing control like that is frightening and it feels like a failure. Just… Let's try not to say anything insensitive. He'll already feel bad about it."

Lucy thought it ironic that Natsu was the one lecturing them on emotional repercussions, but then remembered that he'd been Awake too and had been shaken by the experience, although he never talked about it. It made her heart hurt for both him and Gray, and she had the sinking feeling that he was right.

She felt a sudden stab of guilt. Gray had lost control because she had taken on a fight she couldn't handle, had been weak, had almost gotten herself killed. She hadn't felt this weak and useless in a long time, and because of that, Gray…

Lucy stayed quiet as the team minus Gray finished cleaning up, stewing in her own guilt and worry. Everyone else seemed tense and subdued as well, but Erza, always the responsible one, kept them moving.

It took a while to round up all the beaten bandits, turn them over to the Knights, and collect their reward, but by the time they made it back to the guild, Gray was still nowhere to be seen. When other guild members asked why they seemed so glum, no one wanted to be the one to explain. Some people were still wary enough of Gray already, without hearing that he'd lost control for a few minutes and taking it as confirmation that they shouldn't trust him.

So the team made vague excuses and settled down to wait. Natsu eventually managed to start up a halfhearted conversation to take their mind off things, but his eyes rarely left the door and Lucy couldn't even bring herself to add more than the occasional comment here and there.

Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and went to sit outside, claiming a bench and staring out at the passersby morosely.

"Lucy."

She turned her head to stare blankly at Loke. He was perched on the bench next to her, eyes solemn and mouth pressed in a firm line.

"Hi," she said without any conviction.

Loke sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't do anything."

Lucy wasn't sure how much he knew about what had happened after he'd been dispelled—he always seemed to know more than he should, but she could never tell what he'd know and what he wouldn't—but she understood. He felt like he'd failed her. And since she had, in a way, failed Gray, she understood the feeling.

"It's not your fault," she mumbled, returning her gaze to her feet. "I couldn't do anything either. I was totally useless and Gray had to save me, but because I let myself get caught, he… He wouldn't have lost control like that if I hadn't messed up."

Loke was silent for a moment, entirely inscrutable, but then sighed again. "You're not useless, Lucy. Sometimes things go wrong, and sometimes there are fights that you just aren't suited to win. You can't do everything alone.

"I think…I think that the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. He might have lost control, but it was because he cared about you and panicked when he saw how much trouble you were in. So it's hard to fault him, and I'm grateful that he protected you when I couldn't. But it isn't your fault either. Things got out of hand, that's all. You did what you could. You _both_ did what you could. Sometimes that just has to be enough. Playing the blame game isn't going to get you—or him—anywhere. You both did what you had to."

Lucy's lips trembled, and she sniffled as she rubbed at the tears welling in her eyes. Loke wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned against his shoulder gratefully.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "I–I–"

"It's okay, Lucy. It's okay."

She nodded slightly and they both lapsed into silence once more, just relying on each other for support and company. And maybe having an understanding friend sit with her so that she wasn't alone was exactly what she needed right now. They sat there for a long time, until Loke regretfully informed her that he would need to return to the Celestial Spirit World.

But by then Lucy had at least calmed down a lot. She still felt bad about the whole situation, but Loke's words and mere presence had been soothing, and now she felt better able to handle the world. She returned to sit with the team again, brimming with quiet determination. She would find a way to make up for this by trying to give Gray what Loke had given her.

It was hours before Gray returned.

When he finally slipped inside the guild, his posture was still tense and he wasn't quite looking at anyone. Weaving his way through the other guild members, he made his way across the hall and sat down beside Erza. The halfhearted conversation immediately ceased as everyone stared at him anxiously.

"Sorry about that," Gray muttered, staring studiously at the tabletop.

Erza waved off the apology. "Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"Are you _sure_?" Natsu's lips quirked downward into a frown as he eyed his friend.

" _Yes_." Gray said more forcefully. His lips tightened. "I'm fine."

"But–"

"I _said_ , I'm _fine_!" he snarled, looking up and baring pointed teeth at the dragon slayer.

Natsu's eyes widened slightly and he flinched back, and he wasn't the only one. The burning wrath in Gray's eyes was enough to make everyone lean back instinctively, and his outburst even caught the attention of a few other guild members.

He glowered at them for a moment longer, but then dropped his head into his hands. "Sorry. Maybe I'm not ready after all. Excuse me."

He stood up and walked away with clipped strides, his shadow cavorting unnaturally on the ground at his feet. He disappeared into the backroom and shut the door behind him, leaving everyone staring after him.

Mira cleared her throat awkwardly in the resulting silence. "Um… Should someone go see if he's alright?"

"Leave him be," Natsu advised. He turned away from the door, and his face was somber.

"But…" Cana shook her head helplessly. "What _happened_?"

The team exchanged furtive, uncertain looks. No one wanted to say that Gray's control had lapsed and he'd nearly killed someone.

"He's had a rough day," Erza said.

"Doesn't mean he needs to be an asshole," Gajeel grunted, unimpressed.

"Screw off," Natsu snapped back.

Lucy took a deep breath and stood. "I'll go."

"It's probably better to leave him alone for now," Natsu cautioned, giving her a puzzled frown.

"I'll be careful."

"But–"

"He wouldn't be in this position if he hadn't needed to protect me." She set her mouth in a grim line and headed for the backroom. "I owe him this much."

"You don't–"

But Lucy wasn't listening. She had already decided that she needed to do something, even if she wasn't quite sure what that something would be yet. She marched to the other end of the hall with grim determination, and then slipped inside the backroom and quietly shut the door behind her.

Her bravado immediately vanished as she spotted Gray sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back pressed against the opposite wall, his eyes closed. All of Lucy's nervousness returned full force and she shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to do. After a few seconds of awkward hesitation, she approached cautiously and settled herself on the floor beside him, drawing her knees to her chest and locking her arms around them.

Gray didn't so much as twitch or acknowledge her. Lucy opened her mouth, but no words came out and she closed it again. Of course he didn't want to be disturbed—what had she been thinking? But perhaps she could just sit with him as a show of solidarity, like Loke had sat with her.

She lasted for a few minutes. Her nervousness warred with her growing boredom, but even the sound of her breathing in the otherwise silent room was enough to put her on edge. Still, she was doing well enough until she noticed Gray's shadow creeping toward her, one formless, black tendril reaching out. Her breath caught in her throat and she leaned away, her heart pounding. She darted a glance at Gray, debating whether she should ask for help.

"Behave," Gray said without opening his eyes, his voice husky and low as it shattered the silence that had hung over the room for the past several minutes.

The shadow hesitated, but then retreated reluctantly to rest in a more natural position again. Lucy stared at it and then at Gray, who still looked like he was lost in his own silence, working to get himself under control bit by bit.

"Did you want something, Lucy?" he asked finally.

"I, um… I wanted to…apologize."

He opened his eyes to give Lucy a quizzical look, and she almost cried in relief when she didn't see any of his earlier wrath there.

"Apologize?" he asked. "Whatever for?"

Lucy dropped her gaze and hugged her knees tighter. "You were right and I should have listened to you. I wasn't strong enough and you wouldn't have lost control if you hadn't had to protect me, and I'm sorry."

There was a long, heavy pause, somehow saturated with Gray's disbelief.

"Is that what you think I meant?" He sighed heavily. "I wasn't trying to tell you that you were weak or couldn't handle it. You're plenty strong, Lucy. You just caught a bad break here and were at a disadvantage. It's just… Sometimes I worry about you because you don't have the same hard edge that the rest of us do."

"What…? What do you mean?"

"I… It's hard to explain. It's like how Erza is so monstrously powerful, all sharp edges and hard armor. And how Natsu just smashes through everything and is too stubborn and stupid to die. And even I'm ridiculously durable, and I have a ruthless edge when I need it."

Lucy nodded slowly, although she was still confused. She understood what Gray meant about the others' strengths, but she wasn't sure where that left her.

"I'm not saying you aren't strong," Gray added. "It's just that the rest of us wear our strength on the outside, and you wear yours on the inside."

"I…don't understand."

Gray gave her a wan smile. "It's your heart, Luce. Not that the others don't have big hearts, but you're different because that's where you put your strength instead of channeling it into a hard outside edge. You draw a lot of your strength from others, but you also lend it to everyone else. It's like with your spirits and your friends. You're good at inspiring people and bringing out the best in them, and you have so much faith and hope and love that it's blinding sometimes. That's its own kind of strength. I think you're very strong, Lucy, just in a slightly different way than the rest of us."

Lucy swallowed hard, not sure what to say to that. "I…"

"It wasn't that I thought you were too weak or couldn't hold your own," Gray continued as if he hadn't heard her, his gaze glassy. "It's just that every fight comes with a risk. One unlucky shot can do serious damage no matter how strong you are. It's something we accept as mages, but that doesn't mean I like taking the risk if I don't have to. I'd just rather not open you up to the opportunity to get hurt, that's all. I didn't mean to make you feel weak."

Lucy bit her lip and her heart clenched up in a funny way. Gray's words wormed their way into her mind and settled over her heart, and she found herself believing them before she even realized it.

"Thank you," she mumbled. "And, um, thank you for rescuing me, even if you had to…"

She trailed off, the sudden lightness disappearing from her heart again as she remembered why she was here. Maybe she was strong, but today she hadn't been strong _enough_.

"Always." Gray gave her a wan smile. "It's not your fault, Luce. I didn't lose control _because_ of you; I lost control _for_ you."

Lucy opened her mouth to protest that that was the same thing, but restrained herself. She could pick up on the subtle distinction he was making, and it made her have to gnaw at the inside of her cheek and drop her gaze. Before she could think up a response, Gray was already continuing on.

"You guys aren't going to want to hear this, but…" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Demons' thinking—however much that is—is very black and white. We have a purpose to fulfill. Anything on the pursuit of accomplishing that is good, anything obstructing or threatening it is unworthy of attention at best and worthy of annihilation at worst. We'll do anything to achieve that purpose, and anything to get rid of obstacles. I'm not as bad because I've spent a long time living like a human and picking up human thought patterns, but sometimes my thinking _is_ still that black and white, especially in the heat of the moment.

"When I decided that I didn't like the purpose I was created with, I tried to make a new one to replace it. And…that's the guild. I turned protecting you into a purpose, and now that I actually fulfilled my main purpose of killing Zeref, this one has a new place of prominence. I'm the most likely to lose control when you're in danger. It's what happened today, and what happened with Eileen when she came so close to killing Erza and everyone else."

He let out a harsh breath and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "It's not your fault, Lucy. This is my problem. I've started slipping up more since I messed with the seal while with Avatar, and after Awakening… I just need to work some things out and find ways to keep myself under control."

That…explained a lot. Sometimes Gray's mindset was hard to discern when he was always so taciturn and withdrawn now, but this all made sense. He had always been so focused on protecting everyone else, and although this stark black-and-white thing was strange to a human mind, Lucy thought she could understand at least a little.

It was also sad, and she could practically feel the hidden frustration roiling just underneath Gray's more collected façade. Natsu had been right: Gray was frustrated and unhappy with his own limits

The first thing that came to mind was Loke's earlier words, and, apologizing silently, Lucy commandeered them.

"You know," she said quietly, "maybe the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. I know that losing control is a big deal and not a good thing, but I think it matters _why_ you lose control. It's not because you're just going crazy and deciding you want to destroy everything. It's because you're trying to save your friends, and I think that matters. And in the end, you're still yourself. You're yourself and you're a good person and you have a really big heart even though you try to hide it, and I think that matters."

Lucy watched Gray anxiously as he stared at the floor with narrowed eyes. She so desperately wanted to get through to him, but his expression didn't change.

"Maybe," he said noncommittally. Then he sighed and added, "Sorry I scared you."

Lucy wanted to protest that she hadn't been scared of him, but…she had been. During those moments when he'd lost control, she had been frightened. She knew that she was justified in that, that it was probably wise to be afraid when Gray wasn't really himself, but she still felt a flicker of shame at having feared him.

"I wasn't only scared _of_ you," she said, deciding to make a subtle distinction of her own. "I was also scared _for_ you. Because I knew that you'd have to wake up and deal with the consequences, and I was afraid you'd kill him and then hate yourself for it. And also because I realize that having your control slip really rattles you, and… I didn't want that for you."

She scooted over to lean against Gray and slip her hand into one of his. "I know it's scary and horrible, and I'm sorry. But we understand, and you don't have to do it alone. We still love you anyway, and we'll stand by you while you figure this out."

Gray stayed silent for a long moment, but he didn't push Lucy away or remove his hand from her grasp. "Alright," he said finally, his voice quiet. "Thank you."

"Yeah." Lucy looked up to give him a sad smile. "Sorry I disturbed you. If you need some more time to collect yourself, go ahead. Take a break from saving us and take some time to save yourself."

Gray stared at her, but then his lips curled into a small smile and he nodded. Leaning his head back against the wall, his eyes drifted shut and his breathing slowly evened out into a deeper, steadier rhythm.

Lucy stayed curled against his side, offering her silent support. Sometimes it was enough to just be there, and if her strength was her heart, she knew how to use it. Their conversation had given her a lot to think about, but she found herself lulled into a peaceful, thoughtless calm by Gray's serenity.

She wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there before the door opened slowly and Erza cautiously poked her head inside. Lucy automatically jerked away from Gray and pulled her hand out of his, and her sudden movement caught his attention. He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at Erza.

The requip mage smiled sheepishly and opened the door wider, to reveal Natsu and Happy hovering uncertainly behind her. "Sorry," she said. "We didn't want to disturb you, but you've been in here for a while and we wanted to make sure you guys were alright."

"I'm fine," Lucy said when Erza gave her a questioning look.

"Me too," Gray said with a sigh.

"Are you…ready to come out and join us?" Happy asked, twisting his paws together anxiously.

Gray dropped his gaze to the shadow at his feet. "I don't know, are we ready to behave now?" The shadow didn't move, and after a moment of sharp-eyed surveillance, he nodded. "Good answer."

He stood and then reached down a hand to Lucy. She accepted it and he pulled her to her feet, offering her a fleeting smile before he turned back to the others.

"So, did I miss anything interesting?" he asked with a mostly genuine grin. "Tell me you didn't have too much fun after I left…"

He headed out of the room, already drawing the others into more normal chatter. Lucy hesitated a little longer, watching him. There was still an air of tension and unhappiness underneath his sudden good cheer, there were still hints of something dark lurking in his eyes, but he was still Gray and his human side was shining through loud and clear. Lucy smiled to herself and started forward, her head held high and her strides confident.

Because Gray was back in control, and Lucy, she was strong.

* * *

 **Note: And next chapter, Gray's unsatisfactory living situation is finally brought to light :3**

 **emmahoshi: Yeah, Lucy isn't a terribly strong character in canon, in more ways than one. The whole "I bring everyone together and am the inspiration of my people" role that both Lucy and Natsu tend to fill turns into a schtick real easily, and you have to have a really strong and well-developed character to pull it off. Considering that Lucy and Natsu are the weakest of the leads in literary terms... Well, they can do part of it, but it gets away from them. And the reason there are so many "badass Lucy" fanfics is because Mashima made her pretty weak in canon X) And yeah, I was disappointed in how weak most of the female charries were in FT, even though there were so many of them. Well, Lucy _isn't_ that strong of a fighter in canon, so she was a logical choice for this. Although I did try to spin it around and put her in a better light after.**


	15. Relocation

**Note: Amazing how many people crawl out of the woodwork as soon as you say that you're thinking about taking a break :P But I do appreciate the support. I really am trying to keep posting on track; I have a big backlog of chapters to post. And to clarify, if you're asking about/preemptively apologizing for offending me, then you probably have nothing to worry about. I'm pretty chill about 99% of things. Seriously, you don't have to worry about offending me lol It's really just the difference between "I think it would be cool if you wrote something with XYZ"/"Hey, I was wondering if you had something with XYZ later in the story?" and "Write XYZ"/"This is cool but you should write XYZ". Requests, questions, and comments are totally cool. Telling me what to do or what I should/shouldn't do is not, and this is never a problem for 99% of you because y'all are pretty polite. If you're that worried, then you aren't part of the problem lol (And I'm pretty good at telling when it's just poor wording or you're a non-native speaker vs. when you see me as your personal writing machine lol)**

 **Andie: Nope, I've got no problems with you :) I generally enjoy your comments because you tend to pick up on things that I like but few other people mention lol There's not going to be a direct confrontation with Gajeel, as such. He's basically the spokesperson/representative of the faction of the guild against Gray, and that plot is mostly carried out through a series of comments and gestures embedded in the main storyline that show the changing attitudes. For example, there's a comment in the "Eviction" chapter that suggests he's not really 100% against Gray, and there's another in this chapter. More interesting, I think, are some of the comments Gray's going to start letting slip. This baby plot thread is going to pop up on occasion for a long time lol Thanks for R &Ring, and I appreciate the support :)**

 **Emiko, EndarkenedSanity, and various unnamed guests: Y'all are sweet :) I know I'm not always great at responding to guest reviews unless you ask a question, but I do appreciate all your comments. Not sure what _I_ think is really that interesting, but I'll try not to bore you too much XD And it's okay that I'm not "famous"; I'm happy where I am :3 You guys are great :)**

 **(And to the guest who asked about when Mavis lost her immortality, you can find that scene in chapter 8 of "DoR".)**

* * *

 **Relocation**

* * *

He let himself into Lucy's apartment through the window, after casting a furtive glance up and down the street to make sure that no one saw him. After all, it wouldn't do to have people giving Lucy sidelong looks for inviting a demon into her home. It was already bad enough that the guild was taking flak for putting up with him.

He spotted Lucy still buried beneath a mound of blankets in her bed, her breathing deep and even, and shook his head.

"Someone's sleeping in. Rise and shine, Lucy! Time to get up."

The mound of blankets stirred, and Lucy cracked her eyes open to give him a sleepy, uncomprehending look. "Wha…?" Then her eyes widened and she sat bolt upright. "Gray! What are you _doing_ here? You can't just sneak in people's windows while they're sleeping!"

"You keep saying it annoys you, but if you really dislike it so much then why don't you start locking your windows?"

Lucy gaped at him, her mouth working soundlessly. "You–you– _Ugh_. Why are you here?"

"It's getting late. Erza sent me to fetch you because she wants the team to go on a job today."

She glanced at the clock and groaned. "Man, I really slept in." Yawning widely, she slid out of bed and stretched. She was wearing pajamas decorated with fuzzy little teddy bears, and He resisted the urge to comment with great difficulty. Uninterested in the pajamas, or perhaps just forgetting that she was wearing them, Lucy focused on the demon suddenly and her eyes narrowed. "Team job? You're coming with us, right?"

"I'm not sure I really have much of a choice," He grumbled, looking away.

He still did his best to skip out on team jobs when possible, but He could only do that so much. The team had reluctantly accepted a tacit half-and-half agreement, where He'd accompany them on about half of their jobs and go solo the rest of the time.

It wasn't even that He didn't want to go on team jobs, exactly. He _did_ miss the days when He'd gone with them every time. But now it was a hassle because if people recognized him, the team had to deal with the fallout too. And people were more likely to recognize him if He was with the team, because it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. It was easier to fly under the radar when He was by himself.

Lucy gave him a hard look and pressed her mouth into a thin line as she marched over. Stopping in front of him, she scowled and slapped him across the face.

"Ow!" He yelped in surprise, recoiling and giving her a wary look. "What the hell was that for?"

"Didn't I tell you that I wanted to slap you again? Back after you pulled your sacrificial thing against Zeref and then had the nerve to tell us that you should have died?" Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at him. "I've been dying to do that for weeks. Luckily for you, I was nice enough to wait until you weren't injured anymore."

"Right," He grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I hope it was satisfying."

"It was, thanks." She sighed and deflated. "I'm just so tired of you always doing stuff like this, and I want to find a way to snap you out of it."

"Stuff like what?"

"Stuff like avoiding the guild. You never come anymore."

"What? I'm at the guild all the time." It wasn't like He really had anywhere else to go.

Lucy gave him a pointed look. "Sure, but you're always coming late or leaving early or sneaking out for hours sometime during the middle. And you keep running off on solo jobs to get away, and you're so unenthusiastic about team jobs that it feels like you don't even want to be around us anymore."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek and took a sudden interest in the floor. It was true that He'd picked up a bad habit of sneaking out when being around the guild became too much. He still cared about them, but sometimes it was just too much to deal with the wary, sidelong looks and muttered comments from people He would have once trusted with his life and who had once trusted him. Things weren't as bad as they had been in the beginning, some of the people who had initially been against his return had started coming around, but there were still holdouts and there were just some days that He tired of being under the pressure of their disapproval.

"Sorry," He mumbled. "Sometimes I just need a break. And it's not that I don't want to be with the team, it's just… Sometimes it's easier to go alone and avoid some of the hassle."

"I know," Lucy said with a sigh. "I get that it's been hard. I just…wish you'd stop trying to push us away. And that you'd stop going so cold and distant so often. It sucks when you go back to playing the villain like you did with Avatar. It makes me want to slap you again."

"I'm not–"

"Yes, yes, I get that it's part of you too. And that's okay. But you're doing it on purpose to distance yourself from us, not because that's how you always feel. I wish that you didn't."

He shrugged and hummed noncommittally. What Natsu had dubbed his 'demon-y mood swings' were, in fact, partly because He'd been rather unstable lately. But yes, Lucy was right and had picked up on the fact that some of it was a deliberate attempt to keep everyone at arm's length. Honestly, it was easier not to get too close, because that only made things hurt more. Not everyone was ready for him to revert back to being 'Gray' even if He wanted to, and He wasn't sure He could be that person again if He tried.

"You know…" Lucy hesitated but then forged on. "We're still here, and we'll stand by you. You can still trust us."

"I know." He smiled wanly and gave his shadow a sidelong look. "I trust you more than I trust myself."

"Then let us help. You don't have to keep pushing us away and avoiding us. We love you, okay? You're still our friend. We'll work things out with the guild and everything. Things will be okay."

He said nothing, and Lucy shuffled her feet uncomfortably, an uncertain look spreading across her face.

"Lucy," He said finally. She leaned forward slightly, hope creeping into her eyes. He smiled at her brightly. "I like your pajamas. They're very cute."

Lucy's expression showed nothing but flabbergasted incomprehension, but then she looked down and flushed as she noticed her pajamas. "You jerk!" Huffing, she stomped over to her dresser and pulled some clothes out before heading for the bathroom. "I'll come to the guild once I get dressed."

When the door shut behind her, He let the smile slide off his face and heaved a sigh. His friends meant well, but He still wasn't in any state of mind to feel good about accepting their support.

He could feel the sudden shift in the air, and turned with a frown to see Loke shimmer into existence next to the glimmering keys laid out on the nightstand.

"Loke," He said neutrally.

"Gray." The spirit eyed the demon, his eyes unreadable behind his glasses. "It's been a while."

"Yep. What do you want?"

Loke clicked his tongue. "Is that any way to talk to one of your oldest friends?"

"Maybe not, but I'll save the kitty jokes for after you give me your spiel about not hurting Lucy."

Loke chuckled, some of the severe lines melting off of his face. "You know me too well. I don't think you'd really hurt her, but I'm a spirit through and through, and she's my top priority."

"I know." He was actually a little surprised that Loke hadn't taken him aside a long time ago, given how thoroughly He'd riled the spirit up during their post-Zeref chat. "I won't willingly hurt her."

"That sounds like a carefully worded statement."

"I don't mean to dissemble. But I don't like making promises that I'm not sure I can keep." He looked away, nostrils flaring in self-directed irritation. "If I lose control…anything could happen. But I won't _intentionally_ hurt her or the others."

"Ah, I meant to thank you for that," Loke said with a sigh. "That's actually why I'm here, not to interrogate you. You did protect her when I couldn't against that dispeller, and you have my gratitude. Although I'm sorry it led to you losing control."

"No problem," He muttered. He wasn't happy to have the incident brought up again. It itched at him something fierce, to know that He'd lost control again.

"For what it's worth…I think that the 'why' matters as much as the 'what'. Even though you lost control, it was because you cared about her and were protecting her. I'm not saying it isn't horrible, but you had a good reason for it."

He raised an eyebrow as recognition sparked at the words. "Funny, Lucy said much the same thing to me…"

"Did she?" Loke coughed out a laugh. "I said it to her first."

"Yeah, I was starting to get that impression. Busted."

"Still, I think it's probably good that you heard it."

"Yeah." He sighed. "I get it, thanks."

Loke eyed him up and down thoughtfully. "I still can't believe I never noticed that something was up with you."

"You had your own problems, and I was good at hiding things," He said with a shrug. "I always knew you were different, but I didn't really know what it was. Didn't figure out you were a spirit until the end. As for me, the biggest danger was Bickslow, honestly."

"Bickslow? Ah, he figured out something was up with me too, with that whole 'I see souls' thing."

"Yeah. Good luck explaining why you don't _have_ a soul." He leaned back against an empty patch of wall and grimaced. "I got lucky because Laxus and the Raijinshuu didn't usually hang around the guild as much. I was never a very big concern for Bickslow, but I know he tried to sound me out a couple times to see if he could figure out what was wrong with me. Not sure if he thought his magic wasn't working properly, or just that something really horrible happened to mess me up so he didn't feel comfortable asking point-blank."

Loke was silent for a long moment before asking, "What does it mean for you? That you don't have a soul?"

He shrugged. "I don't really know. It means that I'm missing something to make me human, whole. Other than that…depends on what you think souls can do, I guess. It makes my existence tenuous because I'm unnatural and only have a hollow facsimile to substitute for what should be an essential part of existence. And anything you believe about an afterlife is probably out. Conveniently, my existence is tied to a body that isn't mine and a sheaf of paper, neither of which would survive death."

"That's…kind of sad."

"Is it?" He smiled faintly and leaned his head back against the wall, letting his eyes drift shut. "I think it sounds restful, honestly. Living is a lot of work. It seems rather convenient to just…disappear. And I have enough to make me not belong here that a lack of a soul is really the least concern in that department."

"…What a horrible way to look at things."

"Is it? I don't think that accepting the way things are is such a bad thing, honestly. Sometimes it's better than trying to fight what you can't change."

"As long as you know what's worth fighting for, too."

"Of course."

"You do realize," Loke said carefully, "that you would hurt Lucy and the others by dying."

"I'm aware."

"And you promised me that you wouldn't hurt her willingly."

The demon's lips tightened. "Indeed."

"Whatever all that bullshit was after Zeref's death, you'd better rethink it."

He groaned and opened his eyes. "I get it. I'm doing the best I can." Not willing to pursue the topic, He added, "Speaking of the others, you should take some time to visit with Cana soon."

Loke was clearly unimpressed by the segue, but dropped the subject. "Oh?"

"I think she's been missing us. I do what I can, but I've been…different, I guess. Now that you're always gone or hanging out with Lucy and I'm always gone or with the team, I think she misses what the three of us used to have."

"You're right," Loke said with a sigh. "I haven't been good about keeping up with her. I'll–"

The door to the bathroom opened, and they both turned to watch Lucy enter the room. She paused, her gaze bouncing between him and Loke.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked.

"Nah," He said with a lazy smile that quickly turned into a sly grin. "Ah, too bad. I preferred the pajamas. Cute little teddy bears, fuzzy little–"

He slid back with a laugh as Lucy tried to whack him.

"Whatever," she huffed.

"Well, I'll be going, then," Loke said, a faint smile tugging at his lips as he watched the interaction. "See you guys later."

He disappeared, leaving the other two mages to head for the door.

"So, what were you and Loke talking about?" Lucy asked as she locked the door behind them and they started for the guild.

He shrugged. "Nothing much. But let's hurry up before Erza kills us. And before she gets impatient enough to pick a job without waiting for my input on which places it's better not to go."

Lucy gave him a look, easily picking up on the evasion, but obediently dropped the subject.

Erza was already browsing the job board when they arrived, and He made a beeline for her. He wasn't really in the mood for another confrontation of Hargeon-like proportions today, so He wanted a say in where they went.

"Not that one," He grunted, glancing over her shoulder.

She gave him a look, but tacked the request back to the board. On the bright side, she and the others had become less insistent on dragging him to all the places that hated him the most to make a point. They were getting a little better at letting him pick his battles.

"Good morning, Lucy," Erza said. "About time you got up."

"Yeah, yeah," Lucy muttered, joining them as Natsu and Happy bounded over to get in on the action.

"How about this one?" the dragon slayer asked cheerfully.

He looked over and pursed his lips. "No."

"But–"

"No."

"You know that we could handle it, if it came down to it," Erza said.

"Yes, well, I don't really feel like dealing with a huge fuss right now. We don't have to go into it looking for a fight."

That was enough to quell protests, even if not everyone was necessarily thrilled. But by the time He'd worked his way through half the job board, everyone was getting impatient again.

"Can't you just pick one already?" Natsu grumbled.

"In case you've forgotten, the entire world hates me," He said distractedly as He debated the pros and cons of the two jobs that looked like they might have the highest likelihood of success without provoking a major confrontation. He had the feeling that the guild had to deal with some fallout from the public even if He wasn't around, just for being the demon-loving guild, and the last thing they needed was for his presence to stir up even more trouble. "It's not that easy to find somewhere I can go where I won't be recognized if you guys are with me, and everything goes downhill after that."

Erza sighed, her impatience fading. "The entire world doesn't hate you."

"Hm."

" _We_ don't hate you."

"Good to know. If we're being technical, there are _maybe_ a dozen people in the entire world that don't hate me."

"Gray…"

He looked up at the tone in Erza's voice, took in his friends' expressions, and sighed. "It's not really that big of a deal."

"But–"

His eye caught on the door of the guild as it opened to reveal his landlady, and He was instantly distracted from the conversation. "Here."

He shoved one of the requests at Erza and hurriedly tacked the other back to the board, then started for the door. His landlady wouldn't be here without good reason, and his heart tensed uncomfortably. Had she still gotten flak for housing him even though He'd left?

"Obaa-san, what happened? Are you alright?"

He sidestepped Gajeel to stop in front of his landlady and look her up and down worriedly. She relaxed slightly when she saw him, but there was still a tense, unhappy cast to her face.

"I'm fine, dear."

"Then what's wrong?"

She sighed, a frown creasing her face. "Last night, someone broke into your apartment. It looks like they wrecked the place and left some pretty awful graffiti."

He stared at her for a long moment, then relaxed and let out a small chuckle. "Oh, is that all? You actually had me worried."

It wasn't that He wasn't annoyed, exactly. He still had a connection to the place that had once been his, and it was also a pain that someone had gone by and ruined his hard work after He'd even repainted the stains and everything. It was a violation, and showed an extreme lack of respect.

But at the same time, it was just a place, was just stuff. It could all be fixed up and replaced later, if need be. And in hindsight, He shouldn't be surprised that something like this had happened eventually.

In any case, it was far less problematic than what He had been afraid might have happened when He saw his landlady walk in.

"All?" she repeated. Her normally mild features were heavy with disapproval, although He wasn't sure how much was directed at him and how much at the mysterious vandals. "They made a huge mess, and I'm afraid some of your things are unsalvageable."

"Don't worry, I had the foresight to remove anything really valuable," He said, waving a dismissive hand. "Everything there is replaceable, and I can fix any damage to the building itself later. For now, don't try fixing or cleaning anything. It will just give people more reason to do it again, and regard you with suspicion. When nothing is fixed, they'll eventually realize that I'm not living there anymore."

She did not look pleased. "The graffiti, at least, has to go," she said, and He'd never seen a more thoroughly disgusted look from her in his entire life. "I don't want that kind of defamation on my building."

He just laughed. "What could it possibly say that's so bad? 'Beware demon'? 'Get out, demon, we don't want you here'? 'Demon, watch your back because we're going to hunt you down and kill you'? Please. I think I can handle myself, and I doubt our saboteur friends were clever enough to come up with anything so original that I haven't heard it before. Don't worry about it."

"I don't like it," his landlady grumbled.

"It'll be okay. When they figure out that they won't get at me from there, they'll give it up. I'm not worried about it. Now, if anyone starts messing with _you_ , then let me know and I'll come take care of it."

"You're much too pragmatic."

"I try."

"Speaking of pragmatism, how are your new arrangements working out?"

"Arrangements?"

She gave him a searching look. "Your new living arrangements."

Oh, right. He could tell that she was half genuinely interested and concerned about how He'd been doing, and half fishing to get a read on what his arrangements actually _were_ , since He'd been deliberately vague before.

"Just fine, thanks," He said with as much enthusiasm as He could muster, getting himself only a suspicious look for his troubles. She'd known him for long enough that she could often tell when He was faking things. Or maybe He'd been _too_ enthusiastic. "Don't worry about it. As nice as it is to see you again, I think it best you go before you're spotted hanging around here. You don't need any more trouble. I'd walk you back, but…"

"It's quite alright, dear," she said with a sigh. "We'll catch up later."

He nodded absently and looked around, skipping from face to face until his eyes landed on Juvia. "Juvia, would you mind…?"

Her entire face lit up. "Juvia would be honored to help Gray-sama!" she cried, rushing over.

It probably wasn't good taste for him to take advantage of her crush to get her to help him out, but He'd make it up to her later.

"Thanks," He said, before turning back to his landlady. "Take care of yourself, Obaa-san. Let me know if anyone starts giving you trouble."

"Of course," she replied. "I hope to see you back again once things settle down, dear. Stay safe, now."

"I will."

He watched in bemused amusement as Juvia latched onto his landlady's arm and practically pranced out the door, already talking her ear off with excited chatter. Ah, Juvia. Always so eager to please.

"That was your landlady?" Erza asked.

He turned and looked around at his audience before focusing in on Erza. "Yeah."

"And you–?"

"And you call her 'Obaa-san'?" Makarov interrupted.

He frowned over at the Master in confusion as the little man's wrinkled face scrunched up into an odd expression. "Yes?"

"But you won't call me 'Jii-chan' anymore?"

Oh boy.

"Look, it's just a habit that's hard to kick. I've known her for a long time, and I can't imagine calling her anything else. She'd hate it if I changed it now."

"But you won't call me 'Jii-chan' anymore?" the old man repeated. His lip wobbled dangerously as his eyes filled with tears, and He stared back in alarm.

It was obviously calculated—He'd known Makarov long enough to be able to see through the fake tears gag—but that didn't neutralize the effect. He hated seeing people cry, and now He was stuck backpedaling, trying to stop the impending guilt trip.

"No, no, I, um–" He broke off and his eyes widened as Makarov sniffled loudly and started bawling in an exaggerated fashion. "Stop, don't do this. I know you're faking. I'm not going to–not going to– _Oh, alright!_ Jii-chan it is. Happy?"

Makarov beamed, the tears ceasing instantly as he began bouncing up and down on his heels. "About time. I was starting to think you'd never give in. Now call me 'Jii-chan' again."

"No," He grumbled, giving him a dark look.

"You aren't going to break an old man's heart, are you?" Makarov sniffled again, his eyes widening and filling with tears.

"Stop that. How do you even cry on command like that, anyway? You can't just– Oh, fine. Stop your fake crying, Jii-chan."

Makarov grinned. Beside him, Mira laughed, her eyes twinkling as she watched the exchange. Those two were troublemakers, especially in the fake tears category. Sometimes He wondered if Makarov had picked up that underhanded technique from Mira, who had discovered He had a weakness to it long ago and employed it incessantly ever since.

"Fake crying aside," Erza interrupted impatiently, "what is this about you not living in your apartment anymore?"

He turned back to her with a guarded expression, not sure He liked where this was going. "Not everyone wants to live right next to a demon. People were pressuring her to evict me. I don't know why you're so surprised—it was something I was expecting from day one. Anyway, she was a lot nicer about it than I thought she'd be. She's even keeping my apartment for me in case I decide to move back once things settle down."

He wondered if all these things seemed so obvious to him because they _were_ that obvious, or because He'd spent so much time over the years obsessing over what would happen if He was discovered and playing scenario after scenario in his head. Maybe it was the latter, or perhaps his friends were just naïve. To him, it had never seemed surprising that He'd have to move out and away from civilians. But judging by the outraged looks on his friends' faces, He suspected that such an idea had not occurred to them.

"You…" Erza shook her head. "How long ago did this happen?"

"A few weeks."

"And you never told us?"

"No?"

"Well, why not?" Lucy asked, bracing her hands on her hips.

"Because it's not really a big deal, and I knew you'd make a fuss about it," He grumbled.

"But where have you been staying, then?" Cana asked with a frown. She temporarily abandoned her booze to look him up and down, and He sincerely wished that the whole guild hadn't gotten front row seats to the encounter. It was bad enough that his team was getting in on it.

"I've been around," He said, waving a hand airily and trying not to sound too evasive.

"Around _where_?" Gajeel asked suspiciously.

He gave the dragon slayer a puzzled look. "What do _you_ care?"

It was less unfriendly or hostile than a genuinely curious question. Gajeel was firmly part of the faction that didn't want the demon hanging around the guild, and although he wasn't quite as hostile or vocal as he'd been in the beginning, he still made his position on the issue very clear.

"It was just a question," Gajeel muttered, looking away.

"Where have you been staying?" Erza demanded.

"Well, just around–"

"Real answer. Stop being evasive."

Sometimes it sucked that Erza could see through his bullshit so easily. Even worse that she wasn't afraid to call him on it.

"Here and there," He muttered. He crossed his arms and scowled. "Sometimes I stay here, but if I don't feel like it then I can find places out in the park and whatnot. It's kind of like camping, honestly."

Lucy's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "You've been homeless for weeks and never said anything?"

"Whoa, whoa, I prefer 'flexible sleeping arrangements'."

"Unacceptable," Erza said coldly, steel glinting in her eyes. "I can't believe you had the nerve to hide this."

"Seriously, it's not a big deal. See, this is why I didn't tell you. It's honestly way better than I thought it would be."

"Unacceptable," she repeated. "We'll have to come up with alternative arrangements."

"Why? I think it's going just fine, actually."

"Gray…" Mira's expression had softened to something sadder. "That's not okay. You can't keep letting everyone treat you like this. It's not okay that you're letting them kick you out of your own home and treat you like–like–"

"Like a demon?" He suggested dryly.

Her lips thinned, and He regretted pushing this particular issue back in her face.

She just shook her head and didn't press the point. "You need somewhere to stay."

"I _have_ somewhere to stay," He grumbled mutinously. "I have _lots_ of places to stay."

"You could stay with me," Lucy suggested.

"And you don't see why that would have the same problem attached? There's a reason I didn't go looking for another place. People will definitely notice if I move in with you, and then they'll be up in arms all over again. Do you _want_ to be evicted?"

Lucy stared, her mouth slightly open. No, apparently she _hadn't_ considered that. He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently, waiting for everyone to see the impossibility of the situation and drop it already.

He should have known better.

"You can stay with Natsu," Erza decided.

"Wait, what?" Natsu asked, flabbergasted.

"Of course!" Happy said.

"Why would I want to do that?" He asked acerbically. "We'd just as likely kill each other. Anyway, like I said, it'll cause issues."

"But Natsu and Happy don't rent from a landlord," Erza pointed out. "And they live out away from everyone. You wouldn't be in as close proximity to civilians, and there would be no one to kick Natsu and Happy out. It's the perfect solution."

He was actually impressed that she had come up with such a good plan on the spot. Except for the fact that He wasn't sure He wanted to live with Natsu and Happy. Accepting charity didn't sit well with him, and especially not from his rival. And anyway, it wasn't like Natsu would be a fan of the plan, and He didn't want to be more of a burden than He already was.

He turned away halfway, narrowing his eyes at the ground. "I'm doing just fine on my own."

"But we'd be happy to have you!" Happy said quickly.

"Speak for yourself," Natsu grumbled, although there was no heat in his voice.

"You have to stay with someone," Erza said firmly. "This is nonnegotiable, and I will thrash you within an inch of your life if you don't decide quickly. And you might want to accept the offer before Juvia gets back and insists that you stay with _her_."

"I couldn't stay with her even if I wanted to," He said, rolling his eyes. "She lives in the girls' dorm, remember?"

She smiled thinly. "Do you really think that would stop her from insisting? She's going to kick up a fuss either way, you know."

He winced because He did, in fact, know. Juvia would undoubtedly be horrified when she realized what was going on, and even if He'd never agree to stay with her, He didn't doubt that she'd pester him mercilessly. Well, here was a conundrum. If He insisted on going his own way, He'd make the team unhappy again, earn Erza's wrath, and get Juvia on his case. If He accepted the offer, He'd be stuck living with Natsu, forfeit his independence, and become even more of a liability.

"Just come with us," Happy pleaded, fluttering over and studying the demon with wide, earnest eyes. "It'll be fun and everything."

"But–"

"Oh, come on, popsicle," Natsu grumbled. "Erza's gonna harass us both until we agree to it, so we might as well get it over with."

He blinked at the dragon slayer uncertainly, not sure what to make of that. Natsu was very pointedly looking at the ground. Despite his words and tone, he didn't seem as horrified by the idea as He'd expect.

"I, uh…"

"Do you have things to bring over?" Happy asked.

"Uh, I guess? I keep some stuff in the back."

"Okay, then," Erza said briskly. "Here's the plan. Gray, take whatever things you have, and Natsu and Happy will help you get settled in. Then you guys can come back and we'll go on our job. And on the way, we are going to have a _talk_."

Oof, that sounded bad. It obviously wasn't going to be a _fun_ talk.

He chewed on his lip for a few seconds more, but couldn't see an easy way out of this dilemma. "Fine," He mumbled. He turned away and started for the backroom, very pointedly not looking at anyone even though He could feel several sets of eyes on him and they itched at him something terrible. "You guys coming?"

The sound of footsteps signaled that Natsu was following, and He slipped out of the guild's main room. Retrieving his bag from where He'd hidden it behind a pile of junk, He jerked his head toward the back door. Natsu and Happy followed him out in silence, and they all started for the dragon slayer's house.

Of course, silence rarely lasted long when Natsu and Happy were around.

"Is that really all you've been living on?" Happy asked, eyeing the bag slung over the demon's shoulder as they walked down the street.

He shrugged. "It's not like I need much. I only bothered with practical things. I don't have a lot of investment in items. I'm not that sentimental."

"Except for your necklace," Happy said. "Which you haven't been wearing lately…"

The demon's fingers twitched automatically, but He stopped himself from reaching for the pendant that wasn't there anymore. No, He hadn't worn it since He'd removed it before Awakening, although it was safely tucked away in his shadow. He had been hoping its absence wouldn't be as noticeable now that He almost always had a shirt on, but it looked like He'd have to deal with nosy questions anyway.

"I broke the chain when I took it off last time," He reminded the Exceed, keeping his voice carefully neutral. "I haven't gotten around to replacing it yet."

"But–"

"If you're going to be staying, then we'll need to lay some ground rules," Natsu interrupted. "I know you keep your place freakishly neat, but don't go around cleaning my stuff. I'll never be able to find anything again."

"How do you find things _now_?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

He had no idea how He was going to survive living in such a pig sty. Natsu's place was notoriously messy, and once something was lost there, it was best to abandon all hope of ever finding it again.

"We don't," Happy said.

Natsu scowled at the Exceed. "Sure we do. Some of it. Sometimes we know, like, the general area it might be in, at least."

He snorted derisively. "Right."

Natsu's glare switched to the demon. "No physical fighting inside, because I don't want my house destroyed." Then he paused, his face falling as he muttered, "Not that we really fight anymore."

He chose to ignore that, even though it made his heart twist uncomfortably. Even when He wasn't avoiding the team and guild, He still shied away from the normal fights He and Natsu used to have. He missed them, but there was always a part of him that was afraid He was going to lose control, and losing control last time Lucy almost got killed had only made him worry about it more. And aside from that, He thought it best not to involve himself in too many physical confrontations when so many people still regarded him with suspicion and were afraid He would hurt them. No need to engage in high-profile violence, no matter how well-intended.

He had intimated to the others that the latter reason was why the fights had to stop, even if they hadn't actually come out and talked about it. The former reason was actually more important to him.

Natsu sighed and headed up the walk. Twisting the key in the lock, he pushed the door open and flipped the light on.

"Home sweet home." Pausing, he frowned down at the key in his hand. "Guess we'll have to make you a key."

"I use molding magic," He said. "I can get in easily without a key. Or, you know, by making my own."

Natsu stared at him for a second, but then shook his head. "Right. I guess so. Anyway, you can have the couch." The dragon slayer gestured over the mounds of junk toward the faded green sofa buried under _more_ junk. "Although it's uncomfortable as hell. Maybe we'll see if we can find a spare mattress or something later, if you'll be staying for a while."

"It's fine," He said.

He eyed the clutter in distaste, but thought it rude to comment when He was already imposing. Stifling a sigh, He carefully worked his way through the mess to drop his bag by the couch.

"Also," Natsu said, "it would be great if you could at least make yourself tolerable instead of being so damn annoying all the time."

"Whatever," He grumbled as He retreated back to the door and stepped outside. Natsu and Happy exited as well, but paused on the stoop. "I'll try."

Happy's wings shimmered into existence and he hung in the air in front of the demon, watching him with sad eyes. "What Natsu is trying to say is that we're happy to have you here, and it's really not a problem that you're staying."

"Hm."

"No, that's not– I–I–" Natsu groaned and dropped his face into his hands with a tired sigh. "What I'm trying to say is that you should have felt like you were able to come here when you had nowhere else to go, and that this can be your home, as long as you want it to be."

He stared at Natsu, his chest tightening uncomfortably. It was hard to believe that the dragon slayer would actually come out and say that even if he thought it, so he must be more concerned than he was letting on.

And it was…nice. Sometimes it was nice to have a reminder that his friends still kept a place for him even when it felt like the whole world shunned him. It was probably better than He deserved, but it made his heart do funny flips anyway.

Clearing his throat, He dropped his gaze to the ground and turned to start down the path. "We should get back before Erza gets impatient."

"Yeah."

Natsu and Happy fell into step beside him, all of them studiously avoiding looking at each other. They were already halfway back to the guild before He cleared his throat again.

"Thanks," He mumbled, letting his gaze travel along a crack in the pavement.

There was a short pause before Natsu said, "Of course." The small, melancholy smile was evident in his voice. "Home is about people, anyway. Maybe having you around more will make it feel more like home."

"You're so sappy…"

"Hey!"

"…but thanks."

He finally looked up as they reached the guild. Natsu and Happy were watching him, and donned almost identical smiles when they noticed his scrutiny. After a second, He let one side of his mouth curve into a small, tired half-smile in return.

"Anything for you," said Happy, perching on his shoulder.

"Of course," Natsu said, before grinning brightly. "Now let's grab the team and get going! Is it a good job? I really want to beat stuff up!"

As Natsu charged into the guild and He followed behind with the comforting weight of Happy on his shoulder, He wondered if maybe the real reason He hadn't found the whole 'homelessness' thing so bad was because, on some level, He had known that He came back home every time He rejoined his friends.

* * *

 **Note: I needed something sappy to make up for all the angst lol Also, it always cracked me up when Mira started crying and Gray freaked out in canon, and I thought that the connection to Makarov's fake tears gag must be made XD**

 **(And FYI, we only have a few more parts before we hit the second segment :D I'm super excited for it!)**

 **emmahoshi: I can usually tell if someone isn't a native speaker, and I always keep in mind that even if they are, it can be hard to read tone online. And if it's someone who has commented on a more regular basis, I pick up on their patterns of speech and mannerisms pretty quickly so I'm forgiving of slips because I know it's not intended to be rude. But there are some comments that are just rude, and that's what I'm annoyed at. Like I said, 99% of y'all don't have to worry because I can tell you mean well :3 Ha, I feel honored to have a permanent bookmark. Lol, Erza was about to be all over those "flexible sleeping arrangements", Makarov just interrupted her XD Idk how Natsu could afford a house, honestly XD And tbh, Natsu was pretty on board with having Gray come over, he's just too proud to have come out and said it at first ('cause this is Natsu). There are lots of hints of it X) Whether or not they think they'll get along, I think Gray and Natsu would be pretty on board with having the other stay over if something serious like this happened.**


	16. Necklace

**Note: Creative title is creative. I was in a pragmatic phase.**

 **Andie: Makarov is just a goofball, and you're not entirely wrong about Gajeel :X I like to think that the guild would start coming around gradually, especially when they see all the crap Gray is going through. Just takes some time. Good call on the cleanliness issue X) And ta-da, enjoy the fruition of that idea! XD And yeah, Gray has to get exposed in front of the guild or no one would ever find anything out since he's so secretive -_- Lol, no, I meant it. It's nice to have someone pick up on the subtleties, even when they don't entirely realize that they're doing it X)**

* * *

 **Necklace**

* * *

"Where's Gray?" Lucy asked when she noticed Natsu and Happy clump into the guild without their boarder following behind.

Natsu shrugged, his lips tightening. "Says he doesn't feel like coming to the guild today."

"Again?" Lucy's disappointment was palpable.

"Yep."

Natsu—and the others, he suspected—had been hoping that having Gray move in would encourage him to start keeping normal hours at the guild again instead of disappearing for hours at a time. And it had, to an extent, but not nearly as much as everyone had been hoping.

Pressing Gray too much usually got flat stares, heavy silences, and thin-lipped disapproval. And if Natsu or Happy continued even past that point, Gray was liable to disappear for an hour or two, and one time had even failed to return to the house at night. Asking him what he did during these absences was like talking to a brick wall.

Still, Gray was good enough company as long as Natsu and Happy didn't pester him about things he didn't want to do or talk about, and he _had_ generally been more amenable to coming to and leaving the guild with them. His outright refusal to come at all today, without even any halfhearted excuses about not feeling well, probably had a more direct cause, though.

"Huh," said Erza pointedly, directing a look at Bisca as she fed Asuka at the next table over, "let me guess and say that yesterday's incident has something to do with why he didn't feel like coming…"

Bisca winced and looked down, but didn't respond.

"I don't doubt it," Natsu said with a sigh.

Gray had stayed at the guild for a long time the day before, and everyone was just starting to congratulate themselves on getting him to stay for a full day when things had gone wrong. Asuka had run over to play with 'Gray-nii' while Bisca and Alzack were distracted, and refused to leave him alone despite his best efforts to send her back off to her parents before they noticed what was going on. If Bisca had tried indoctrinating Asuka then it clearly hadn't taken, because the poor kid still just wanted to play with the ice mage and didn't understand why he wouldn't go anywhere near her when he'd often taken time out of his day to entertain her before all this.

Once Bisca had spotted her daughter dancing around the demon, all hell had broken loose. She had made it clear from the start that she wanted Gray nowhere near Asuka, and had been so outraged by his failure to follow her rules—and, possibly, frightened at what she perceived to be a danger to her child—that an intense shouting match had ensued. Well, it was less of a 'match', taking into consideration that only one person had been yelling. And that had been Bisca.

She'd been in no mood to listen to everyone telling her that Gray hadn't been _trying_ to go near Asuka, and a lot of ugly words had been thrown around. Followed by a slap that could be heard throughout the whole guild and a near strangling, after which point Gray had disappeared into the shadows and slipped away, only returning to Natsu's house deep into the night.

Bisca had held firm in her convictions even after everyone chewed her out and explained what had _really_ happened, but she was looking a little more sheepish now. Maybe now that she'd calmed down, she realized that she'd made a mistake.

Or maybe not. It was hard to tell with the people who still harbored hostility toward Gray. One moment they'd act horrified by some injustice he endured—such as being cheated out of jobs and kicked out of his apartment—and the next they'd be making snide comments or giving him dark looks. Natsu really didn't know what to make of them when their attitudes seemed to shift so frequently.

"Still, I wish he would come more," Lucy said sadly. "I know that it's hard for him sometimes, but it would be nice if he'd come like he used to."

"Maybe he doesn't come as often because he doesn't feel welcome here anymore," Erza said, giving Bisca another pointed glare.

Bisca again chose not to respond to the obvious barb, but ducked her head.

"But it's not right leaving him alone all day again," Happy mumbled. "Even if he doesn't want to come to the guild, can't the team do something together?"

Natsu was not optimistic. "Depends on how much he wants to be alone."

"Where on the scale of asociality is he today, do you think?" Lucy asked.

"Asocial enough that he doesn't want to come to the guild, but social enough that he eventually came home last night and implied that he was staying there today instead of running off to wherever it is he runs off to when he…runs off."

"You sure have a way with words," Happy muttered.

"Hey!"

"But yeah, just about. He hasn't been super talkative, though."

"But more of just being quiet and withdrawn than actually going into a full-blown demon-y mood swing."

"Pinning down his moods is quickly becoming an art form," Lucy said, shaking her head.

Natsu could agree with that. He didn't think that he or the team had ever spent so much time and effort trying to decipher Gray's moods before, but they'd been doing an awful lot of it lately.

"We could take a job," Erza suggested.

"Yeah, but he only agrees to go on maybe half of those," Lucy said. She pulled a face and added, "Hopefully he'll become more receptive to them later, but maybe it's not a great idea to force our agenda today."

"And if he didn't want to come to the guild, it's because he's not in the mood to deal with drama," Happy added. "And at least one out of three jobs ends in drama if he comes…which is probably why he tries to avoid them…"

Erza sighed. "Why does it have to be so difficult? What else could we do as a team? And where could we go?"

There was a long silence as everyone tried to think of something to do that Gray would agree to, and somewhere to go that wouldn't involve him attracting hateful attention.

"Huh," Lucy said finally. "No wonder he never wants to go anywhere anymore. It's really hard to think of somewhere he could go where people wouldn't harass him."

"The forest," Gajeel grunted.

Natsu turned to the other dragon slayer, his face scrunching into a puzzled frown. "What?"

"It's away from people," Gajeel said shortly. "You go out there and you don't have to worry about anyone bothering you."

Natsu stared, still caught off guard by Gajeel's sudden interest in the conversation. Perhaps he was actually starting to come around to the idea of Gray staying?

Happy was the first to overcome his surprise. "But what would we do in the forest? It's not like we can just say, 'Hey, come on out to the forest with us 'cause there's no one to bother you there.'"

"Camping," Gajeel grumbled, glaring at the table and ignoring Levy's hopeful smile.

Lucy's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ew. Why would you want to camp outside? Anyway, he'd be totally suspicious of that."

"Or a picnic," Bisca suggested. Everyone stared at her, but she stayed resolutely looking away.

"Make sure you bring lots of booze, then," Cana said brightly, waving her tankard around.

Erza rolled her eyes. "Gray doesn't drink."

"Gray doesn't _usually_ drink," Cana corrected. "Fine, he's not much of a drinker, but it's never too late to start!"

"Uh, yeah…"

"Make sure you don't just bring fish," Charle said with a disdainful sniff as she stuck her nose in the air.

Natsu blinked at her in confusion and then let his gaze drift over the assembled guild mages. Could it be possible that they were becoming more accepting of Gray? If they could keep it up, then maybe Gray could rejoin the guild soon!

Natsu almost said as much, but restrained himself. For one, this was still a rather tentative, tenuous conclusion to draw. And two, they still needed to take care of the problem at hand before they could move on to the underlying issue.

"Fish!" Happy almost shouted. He began bouncing up and down, his eyes shining with excitement. "That's it! We can go fishing!"

Lucy groaned. "Fishing? Really?"

"No," Natsu said slowly, his brow creasing in thought, "that's actually a good idea. Gray has come on fishing trips with us several times before, so it wouldn't seem too odd to invite him on another one. And anyway, he's as much of a sucker for kitty eyes as he is for tears. If Happy gives him kitty eyes and asks nicely, Gray won't be able to say no."

"I can do it!" Happy said confidently. "When all else fails, guilt trip!"

"That might actually work," Erza said.

"It totally would!" A small frown spread over Happy's face as he added, "And while we're out, maybe we can figure out what's up with his necklace."

"What do you mean?" Mira asked, rounding the bar to sit at the end of the team's table and watch them curiously.

"He hasn't been wearing it lately," Natsu said tersely, his mood souring. He didn't know what was up with that, but he didn't have a good feeling about it.

"You're right…" She frowned thoughtfully. "It's not as obvious since he doesn't strip anymore, but I noticed that it was missing once or twice."

"Come to think of it, have you seen him with it since everything with Zeref?" Lucy asked.

"Nope." Happy let out his breath in a huff. "When I mentioned it, he said that he never got around to getting a replacement chain after he broke it, but I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason. He's been busy and avoiding people, but with how important that thing is to him, I can't imagine he wouldn't have fixed the problem right away unless he had a reason not to."

One corner of Natsu's mouth twitched upward. Happy could actually be a smart cat when he wanted to be…although only for a few seconds at a time, since he had a hard time thinking for too long about anything besides fish and the next teasing comment.

"True," Erza agreed. "Although it makes you wonder _why_ it's so important… Well, why don't we pick up a new chain for him? We can give it to him when we go fishing."

And Erza was good at digging up information, if not with stealth than by force. Hiding things from her was hard, because she had no qualms about beating people up until they gave in and told her what she wanted to know. Natsu hoped she could resist her more violent urges today.

"Sounds like a plan," Lucy said. Then she grimaced and grumbled, "But it would be nicer if we didn't have to go mess around with fish in the middle of a forest. Ugh."

"You're such a girl sometimes," Happy said, sniffing disdainfully in a very good impression of Charle.

"Excuse me?" Lucy demanded. She braced her hands on her hips and glowered at him.

"What was that?" Erza's voice was dangerously quiet, and her eyes narrowed as she stared down Happy. "What's wrong with being a girl?"

A panicked look flitted over Happy's face as he realized his misstep. "No, no, nothing is wrong with it!"

"Oh really? Then why would you say something like that?"

"I–I–" Happy looked to Natsu for help, but the dragon slayer just grinned and shrugged. The silly cat had brought this on himself.

"We should probably get going," Lucy interrupted, trying to put a stop to the brewing confrontation. "We still need to make preparations before we can drag Gray out of isolation."

It was hard to argue with that, so Erza reluctantly subsided.

"Good luck!" Mira called as the team filed out of the guild.

"Thanks," Natsu muttered. "We'll need it."

"Thanks for helping us brainstorm," Lucy added, waving goodbye to the remaining guild members.

Feeling generous since people were actually being nice for once, Natsu waved goodbye as well.

The team set off down the street, planning and bickering. Getting a new chain for Gray's necklace was their first objective, and Lucy, who apparently _was_ a girl and therefore knew about these things, led them to a jeweler. Natsu was _not_ a girl and knew nothing about these things, so he was content to sit back and let Erza and Lucy argue over the selection of silver chains for sale as they tried to decide which one was the closest to the original. Happy, who was also not a girl but was an infamous troublemaker, threw himself right into the melee with an assortment of entirely pointless and facetious comments, and almost got himself strangled for his trouble.

Natsu honestly didn't see what the big deal was. As far as he was concerned, they might as well just grab whatever and go. After all, Gray was also not a girl, and Natsu wasn't sure he'd care that much about the details either. Or maybe he _would_ care, if only because he could be a bit picky and detail-oriented sometimes. If the necklace was really that important, then maybe the details mattered.

Still, Natsu didn't really care.

As such, he was intensely relieved when Lucy and Erza finally— _finally!_ —reached a consensus. He was even more relieved when they decided to put themselves in charge of gathering up food and packing lunches for the trip, leaving Natsu and Happy to get together fishing supplies and inform Gray of their plan.

Natsu would actually prefer it if someone _else_ got to argue with Gray over their plans, but, unfortunately, he and Happy were the logical choices for the task. And anyway, he couldn't say that he wasn't glad to get a short break from the girls. Listening to them bicker over jewelry for an hour had made him want to claw his eyes out, and it was probably better to get Happy out of their sights before he finally made one snarky comment too many and got himself skewered.

"Prepare yourself," Natsu muttered as he pushed open the door to his house.

"It won't be _that_ bad," Happy said, rolling his eyes and fluttering inside behind Natsu.

"You say that now, but–" Natsu broke off and groaned as he noticed that his living room was conspicuously clear of clutter. "You've _got_ to be kidding me. I _told_ him not to clean my stuff…"

Happy just cackled. "I win! I _told_ you he wouldn't last a week and a half!"

Damn it, Natsu hated losing bets. He'd been hoping, with the hope of the naïvely optimistic, that Gray would at least hold off for a few weeks. Then again, he should have known this day was coming sooner rather than later. He'd noticed that a few things at a time had begun surreptitiously finding new homes while he and Happy weren't looking, but he had chosen to turn a blind eye as long as Gray was sneaky about it.

"Whatever," he grumbled.

"Hey, we can actually see the floor for once!"

"Shut up." Natsu looked around for the neat freak responsible, but didn't spot him. "Gray?" he called.

"Kitchen," came the response.

"I sure hope he's just eating and not clean– Geez." Natsu huffed and crossed his arms as he stuck his head into the kitchen and was faced with a horrifying reality of clean counters, sparkling appliances, and swept floors. "I thought I told you not to clean my house. I leave you alone for a couple hours and _this_ is what I come back to…?"

Gray snorted. He was balancing on a chair and stretching as far as he could reach to wipe a cloth along the tops of the upper cabinets. Natsu had never even once considered that wiping off the tops of cabinets was something that should be done. Who _did_ that? The amount of dust and dirt and dead bugs up there must be staggering.

"I was bored," Gray said. He pulled a face as he examined the rag and saw the sheets of gray fluff sticking to it. Bending to rinse it in the sink, he wrung it back out and returned to his task. "Anyway, you should be grateful. Very few people get free housekeeping."

"I don't _want_ free housekeeping. How am I ever going to find anything again? This is horrible!"

"Actually, I think it's kind of nice," Happy said brightly. "It's nice to actually have dishes to eat on again. _Clean_ dishes."

"Who needs dishes?" Natsu muttered mutinously.

He and Happy had survived just fine without dishes for months before Gray ever showed up. Washing dishes was something of a biannual affair in their household, something that had worked just fine until Gray heard about it. The look of utter horror and revulsion on his face had been quite interesting, although it would be more amusing if it hadn't directly preceded a new routine whereby Gray washed the dishes after every meal.

To save face, Natsu couldn't _admit_ that it was nice to be able to eat on clean dishes again. It was convenient, and had the added bonus of making someone else do the work that he and Happy weren't willing to do. But it wasn't like he could _say_ that, and Gray's devotion to the task made Natsu feel like a lazy slob. Well, he _was_ a lazy slob and was quite proud of that, but it wasn't nice to make him _feel_ like one.

"Sorry, but that's nonnegotiable," Gray said. "I'm not a savage anymore, and I eat on dishes, thanks."

"Yeah, you're just a slob," Happy told Natsu. The smug grin was annoying as hell. Stupid furball.

"You live here too," Natsu grumbled right back. "You aren't any better than I am."

"Whate-ever. It'll be nice to actually be able to find things for once."

"I won't be able to find _anything_!"

"You don't find anything now, either…"

"I went ahead and organized your cabinets too," Gray said.

"Oh great," Natsu groaned. "I'll never be able to find anything ever again…"

"Well, at least you won't have to dig past piles of random junk to find your dishes anymore." Gray paused his cleaning to look down at the dragon slayer with a faintly disgusted look. "I found all sorts of weird crap that should never be in a kitchen. Including five socks, none of which matched. Why the hell do you have so many socks, anyway? You practically live in sandals, no socks necessary."

Natsu stared back. "…That's actually a good question."

"It's so that he can hide them in the cabinets and then complain when he can't find them," Happy said, snickering.

"Is not!" Natsu protested. "I don't deliberately hide them. It just kind of…happens."

"Uh-huh…" Gray shook his head and rinsed the rag again before returning his attention to the top of the cabinets. "Whatever you say. Anyway, while I was at it I also fixed your cabinet. The one where the door was hanging off one hinge."

"Oh really?" Natsu brightened considerably and went to investigate. He opened the door of the cabinet next to the sink, and grinned when it swung smoothly.

He'd actually been considering just ripping that thing off so that he didn't have to deal with the hassle of wrestling with it every time he wanted to make bacon and needed a pan. Of course, that was before he'd decided that he might as well just never wash the pan, because why bother washing it if you were just going to use it for the same exact thing the next day anyway?

"Awesome! That's been broken for years, and it's totally annoying."

Gray threw him an unimpressed look. "It took maybe five minutes. It wasn't hard."

"Gray's so much better at stuff than you!" Happy practically sang as he hopped about gleefully and ignored Natsu's venomous look.

"Shut up, you mangy furball."

"Hey!"

Natsu pointedly ignored his feline friend. He could handle the teasing about being a slob and not being able to find things, but saying that Gray could do something better than him was unacceptable. Happy had a lot of nerve.

"Be nice to the cat," Gray said with a chuckle, moving the chair over to the next stretch of cabinets and climbing back on. "He's right."

"I'm not a cat," Happy grumbled under his breath. "I'm an _Exceed_."

"So, an _unnatural_ cat, then," Natsu said.

"Hey!"

Natsu turned his attention back to Gray, still smarting from Happy's betrayal. "Since when did you become such a handyman, anyway?"

"Since a long time ago?" Gray shrugged and didn't even look over. Apparently he was more interested in cleaning than in Natsu, which seemed kind of rude. "I was always fixing things around my apartment and the building for my landlady. Made it easier on her since she didn't have to hire anyone or try to get her kids to help her out."

Natsu filed that information away for later examination. Every once in a while Gray would just casually mention something that no one had ever known about, and the team had been scrambling to collect all those pieces and fit them together, whether they were about his life as a demon or as a human. And Natsu had a vested interest in all this apartment business, given that recent snafu.

He shook his head. "Why do you always have to fix things and keep everything so freakishly neat, anyway?"

"I don't know," Gray said absently, still only half paying attention to Natsu. "It was good practice."

"Practice? Practice for what?"

Gray paused, the rag stilling in his hand, and stayed silent for a long moment as he stared ahead blankly. "For putting things back together, instead of tearing them apart."

 _Oh._

Natsu didn't know what to say to that. It had never really occurred to him that Gray's persistent attention to detail and cleanliness and precision was so at odds with what he perceived to be his default setting of destruction, nor that it was _intentional_. That actually seemed like a very _Gray_ line of reasoning, but it was also kind of…sad? Or at least disconcerting to think about his motives and feelings regarding the issue.

"Uh…"

"Plus, I just like things to stay neat," Gray added in a lighter tone as he unfroze. "I'm not a slob like you."

Natsu still didn't know what he could say. "Do you, um–?"

"By the way," Happy interrupted, "we're going fishing today!"

Natsu hesitated, but then let out a breath and nodded. Happy could be a smart cat every once in a while. Gray obviously didn't want to talk about this in any more detail, so time to change the subject.

"Oh?" Gray asked politely. "Have fun."

"The whole team is coming."

"Have fun."

"The _whole_ team is coming…"

Gray grimaced, but at least decided to stop playing dumb. "It's the middle of the day, and I don't feel like going out and dealing with people."

"We're going out to the part of the river that runs through the forest," Natsu said. "There won't be people."

"Oh? Have fun with that."

"You're coming too… The girls are already on their way over, and they'll be disappointed if you refuse."

"I don't know," Gray hedged, his body radiating a slight tension as he searched for a way out.

"You should hang out with the team. You never get out anymore."

"I'm out all the time. I go to the guild quite frequently."

"And then sneak out. Come on, you could use some sun instead of lurking indoors and in shadows all day. You're starting to look awfully pasty."

Gray finally abandoned his halfhearted cleaning to give Natsu a look of scornful disbelief. "Pasty? Out of all the words you could have chosen, you picked 'pasty'?"

Natsu scowled. "Shut up. What _else_ would I pick?"

"Pale, pallid, wan, ashen, sallow. Anything other than _pasty_."

Happy nudged Natsu and snickered. The dragon slayer was unamused.

"Guess I should have known better than to bring up vocabulary with the walking dictionary," he grumbled.

"I told you that Gray is better than you at things," Happy chortled. Before Natsu could strangle him, he quickly pressed on. "But anyway, you should really come, Gray. It would be fun to have the whole team hanging out together."

"You can have fun without me," Gray said shortly. He had abandoned the tops of the cabinets, and was now studiously scrubbing the counters even though they seemed all sparkly clean to Natsu.

"Oh, don't be like that," Happy said with a sigh.

"I mean, my vote would be to not have to hang out with you, but the girls are being pretty insistent about it," Natsu added. "Their first idea was to go on a job, and if you refuse to come fishing… Well, they might just go back to that."

Gray winced. "Great…"

"Please?" Happy went in for the kill, widening his eyes in an exaggerated fashion and flattening his ears as he gave Gray the most pathetic, pleading look he could muster. "I want fish, and it would be so much more fun if you came."

"Don't do that," Gray mumbled. He shifted uncomfortably, indecision written across his face. Happy's eyes somehow widened even further. "Oh, alright. But stop doing that."

"Yay!" Happy cheered, bouncing up and down in celebration and ignoring Gray's scowl.

"Awesome," Natsu said. "No backing out. Happy and I will go get fishing stuff together, and the girls should be here soon."

Leaving Gray to sulk in the kitchen, the triumphant duo traipsed off to the closet happily to search for fishing supplies. Luckily—or perhaps unluckily, as the case may be—Gray hadn't gotten around to organizing the closet yet. And despite Natsu's insistence that he could find things in his house just fine, it took quite a bit of digging and frustration before he unearthed fishing poles and tackle boxes and all of that.

By the time he and Happy had gathered the necessary equipment, Gray was already at the door talking to the girls.

"What in the world is that?" the ice mage was asking as he eyed the monstrously large basket on Erza's arm dubiously.

"Food," she said proudly.

"How much food do you really think we need for a daytrip?"

"Don't get her started," Lucy murmured, rubbing at her eyes wearily. The poor thing looked exhausted and browbeaten, and judging from the excitement and pride radiating from her companion, Erza seemed to have found one of her 'projects' again. Sometimes it was hard to tell what she'd get so ridiculously excited and determined about.

"Well, there has to be something for everyone," Erza reasoned. "And anyway, Natsu is a bottomless pit."

"Hey," Natsu protested halfheartedly, even though she was right.

Erza looked back at him and Happy and smiled. "Good job."

Natsu nodded back almost imperceptibly. But next time, someone _else_ got to argue with Gray.

"Let's go!" Happy said impatiently. "I want fish!"

Despite a few rolled eyes, the others complied. They wound their way through the city streets, and Gray even walked with them until a passerby commented on him a little too loudly and he melted back into the shadows. He still occasionally contributed to the conversation, but didn't abandon the shadows until the team had broken free of the city and started into the forest.

He seemed to relax more once they were away from people, content to walk with the group normally. Sometimes Natsu didn't even realize how tensed up Gray always was until he saw his friend escape to a more comfortable environment and finally relax. That unease and stress seemed to have become an integral part of him these days, and it was too bad.

Natsu was enjoying the more relaxed atmosphere so much that he almost forgot about the other ulterior motive for this trip. Of course, Erza hadn't. She waited to strike until the team had found a suitable fishing spot by the river and begun setting up.

"Before we start," she said, interrupting the casual chatter, "we have something to give you."

Gray gave her a baffled look. "What?"

Natsu immediately abandoned the conversation and went quiet. Let Erza deal with this.

"Here." Erza dug the chain out of her pocket and held it out to Gray, who eyed it warily. "We noticed that you haven't been wearing your necklace lately, and Happy mentioned that the chain was broken and you hadn't gotten it fixed yet. So we got you a new one."

Gray…did not look pleased. Still, apparently seeing no graceful way to decline, he took the chain reluctantly. "…Thanks…"

"You're welcome. By the way, what's the story behind that? I think we all kind of assumed that it had some sort of significance in connection to your past, but since you aren't the original Gray… Why is it important?"

Wow, Erza was brave. Or foolhardy. Not even Natsu would dare be so frank about these things under most circumstances, and he wasn't exactly known for his verbal filter.

"It's not," Gray grunted.

His hand slid into the shadow coalescing behind him, disappearing into the inky blackness momentarily before reemerging with the necklace's pendant and original chain. He began working the pendant off the broken chain and onto the new one with practiced motions, but that tension and wariness was back again.

"It's obviously important," Erza disagreed.

"Um, maybe we shouldn't–" Lucy started nervously, her eyes darting between Gray and Erza.

"It's just a necklace," Gray said tersely.

"Come on," Erza said with a sigh. "We just want to understand you better, and that's hard to do when you're always hiding things."

His lips tightened and he looked away. "There's not some sentimental, feel-good story behind it, if that's what you're looking for."

"I'm just looking for the _real_ story."

There was a long, heavy silence, and Natsu started considering whether it might be wise to pull a Happy and derail the conversation with a ridiculous non sequitur.

"It's not even mine," Gray said finally, narrowing his eyes at the ground.

"Oh?" Erza pressed.

He sighed harshly. "As much as you like to think the best of me, I'm still a demon and I was even worse back then. I killed plenty of people in the beginning, even after iced shell, which is something the Council failed to take into consideration with this amnesty order of theirs. They might eventually figure it out and start messing with me again since that's not technically covered by their pardon. I don't know.

"I took this from the last person I killed back then."

It probably shouldn't be surprising to hear that. Natsu probably should have expected that Gray had done bad things even after getting stuck in a human body and developing a consciousness. It made sense, really. Gray had never made a secret of the fact that it had taken him a long time to get to the very human point he was at now.

But despite everything, Natsu—and the others, he suspected—tended to forget that. They could dismiss everything from while Gray was Awake before iced shell because he hadn't had any control over it, and they usually left it there, without much consideration for what came right after.

"Why…?" Lucy cleared her throat and tried again. "Why, um, did you take it?"

"It represented a…turning point, I guess." Gray shrugged and played with the necklace absently as he stared down at it with sightless eyes. "At first I stopped with all that as part of my bid to blend in and not attract attention to myself. And then Gray's conscience started winning, and I eventually started developing my own sense of self which came to include a ban on killing. It's a reminder, really."

"A reminder of what?" Erza asked gently, her determination melting into something sadder. "To not kill?"

Gray shrugged one shoulder. "To not go back. No more killing or darkness or curses or destruction or disdain for humans or reveling in fear. To be more…human."

"Then why…? Why did you stop wearing it?"

"I threw it away. I abandoned all those ideals when I allowed myself to Awaken again."

Something finally clicked in Natsu's brain. Gray had broken the chain and dropped the necklace just before Awakening and killing Zeref, and hadn't worn it since. He had given in to his demonic side, once again become the monster he so feared, and before doing so, he had removed from his person the symbol of the humanity he had fought so hard to win. He had managed to dehumanize himself. He had gone against his ideals and lost the fight to stay human, and he hadn't picked up his symbolic humanity again afterward because he had given it up and no longer deserved it.

What a screwed up way to look at things.

"But you–" Natsu started belligerently, before being cut off.

"I guess I should really start wearing it again, though," Gray mused, sliding the chain between his fingers. "If only because I've been having so many problems with control lately. I suppose I shouldn't take any more chances after last time."

Natsu wasn't sure what 'last time' Gray was referring to at first, until Lucy winced. Right, that whole business with the dispeller Gray had almost killed. Of course he'd still be worried about that.

"I think…" Lucy swallowed and gnawed at her lip. "I think that you should wear it again, but not because it's a reminder to keep control. It was a turning point too, right? I think it should be a reminder of how far you've come, not how far you could fall. It's not a symbol of who you don't want to be anymore, but of who you are now. And you should be proud of it."

…This was why Natsu let the girls handle the emotional stuff.

Everyone held their breath as they waited to see Gray's reaction, anxiously searching his face as he stared down blankly at the silver chain and pendant coiled in his palm. He said nothing for a long time and his expression was entirely indecipherable, but no one dared press him any further until they were certain that he wouldn't shut down on them.

"Okay," he said finally. The team breathed a huge sigh of relief, and a small smile graced Natsu's face as Gray slipped the necklace back around his neck again. It was back where it belonged. "Now, let's go fishing."

* * *

 **Note: We're geeetting there. To the reconciliation with the guild, anyway. After two more parts. But it'll come.**

 **And the sock gag is totally headcanon, after "Stay".**

 **emmahoshi: You've caught on to my nefarious scheme lol I think the issue with the guild is similar to the issue with Lyon: they've known Gray for a long time and he's been part of the family, but now they got this demon curveball thrown at them. So they still don't entirely know what to make of him, and it manifests itself in sometimes contradictory behavior. I hate horror movies. I refuse to watch them at all X) Who could not clean that mess? x.x It couldn't be allowed to stand lol Idk, Natsu is pretty much always shown in sandals in canon. Yeah, I have several backstories behind the accessory that shall not be named, and I switch between them for different verses. I just decided to come up with an explanation that was purely demon-Gray's rather than the original Gray's that he adapted. He needs something of just his own X) Of course he would've done bad things after iced shell lol I can't imagine that he would've had a total change of heart the second he got stuck in the other Gray's body, and I think I've said many times that it took him a long time to get to a place where he was so accepting of humans. And I did mention that he'd done things no child should have been capable of before joining FT, which is one of the reasons he locked his curses away (although this was technically a nod to Ice Trail and how OPed Gray was there). There was a gap of time between iced shell and joining FT, and even after Gray joined FT, there was still a period of time where he was very demon-like. I kind of built in this idea from the beginning, even if I didn't bring up the details until now :P LOL enjoy your cake!**


	17. Nighttime Awakening (1)

**Andie: Lol, the cleaning situation just couldn't stand. And yeah, I like to make up angsty reasons for everything X) Some of those headcanons stay pretty consistent for most verses, while others change depending on the verse lol Ha, I actually don't like canon Natsu that much, believe it or not. He's funny, but tends to start annoying me after a while. I try to give him some of the depth Mashima hints at but fails to really give him in canon, and I've grown to like him a lot better through my headcanons. Yeah, you have to kind of understand Bisca and at the same time want to shake her. That little plot will pop up from time to time as well. (And seriously, people being shouted at is so uncomfortable x.x) Lol, thanks for R &Ring. Have a nice day :)**

* * *

 **Nighttime Awakening (1)**

* * *

He walked down the hall briskly, his footsteps echoing off the tile. Everything from the tile to the walls was an untarnished white, so white that it made his eyes hurt. It felt like a hospital, if hospitals were a single long corridor that stretched on for as far as the eye could see. Doors lined the hall, alternating between the left and right sides so that there was a blank stretch of wall across from each one. They all looked the same, wooden and rectangular with brass knobs.

There were so many of them, and He had to go through each one until He found what He was looking for. He pushed one open and peered inside. Empty. Leaving the door standing open to mark that He'd already checked the room, He moved to the next, crossing over to the right side of the hall to open that door. There was a jet black horse inside, munching lazily on the hay scattered about its hooves. He blinked at it in bemusement, thinking that this was an odd place to stable a horse.

Shrugging, He left the door open and strode purposefully on to the next. An armory, with razor-sharp swords and gleaming armor adorning the walls. Not what He was looking for.

He made for the next door but paused, staring at the pool of crimson liquid seeping out from beneath it and dribbling down the painfully white tile. A bloody handprint stood in sharp contrast to the white of the wall it was painted on. He turned and looked back down the hall, at the line of tightly-closed wooden doors. Funny, He'd thought that He had left them open.

He stepped over the bloody mess and opened the door. The room inside was empty, the walls and floor sparkling white. He stood there for a moment, staring at it, then moved to the next door. An atrium, with curling vines and dainty blossoms. Also not what He was looking for.

He glanced back down the hall again, at the rows of closed doors and the spotless white floor and walls. No point going back. He had to go on.

He stepped over to the next door and paused. It was already open. He drifted over to the doorway, his eyes scanning the brightly-lit room. There was a large wooden table piled high with food, and the Council sat around it, eating and talking in low voices. There was One at the end, as pompous as ever, nose up in the air. There were half a dozen other Council members He didn't know and didn't care to know, and Two and the Executioner sitting closest to the door.

"Won't you join us?" Two asked, looking up at him with expressionless eyes as she pushed her hair behind her ear.

"I can't," He said. "I'm searching."

"It's across the hall," said the Executioner, his voice devoid of emotion as he nodded at a point behind the demon.

Turning, He spotted the heavy iron door directly across the hall. Funny, He could have sworn that there had only been blank stone wall there before.

"Thank…you…" He turned back and trailed off, tilting his head as He studied the group of skeletons quizzically.

Two's brown hair curled about her gleaming white skull, cast in shadow by the dim torchlight. His eyes traced along the cobweb strung between her shoulder and the plate of moldy food on the table, then snapped back to meet her eyeless gaze.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"You killed us, didn't you?" she said, and He watched in fascination as her jaw moved, the teeth grinning out at him.

"No, you're still alive," He disagreed, letting his eyes drift around the room and the other skeletal diners.

"What about my daughter?" Two asked.

He looked back, noticing for the first time the child standing by the woman's side. She was small enough to be maybe five or six years old, her little white bones peeking out from beneath her tattered floral dress. Wispy brown hair clung to her skull, and she stared at him with empty black eye sockets.

"Oh," He said.

"She's a pretty girl, isn't she?" asked Two.

"She is."

"Won't you join us?"

"Maybe later," He said, backing up a few paces. "I have to search."

"Then go," said the Executioner.

Nodding, He turned and crossed the hall, his footsteps echoing dully against the flagstones. He squinted at the door, trying to make out its features in the dim light. Yes, He thought this was it. But He glanced back once more, past the dingy gray stone, back to the dining room.

"Come on, Gray!" Lucy said brightly, waving at him. "What are you waiting for?"

"I can't," He said, studying the cheerful faces of his team. "I have to find it."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Erza, her red hair vivid against the backdrop of dull gray walls.

"I have to."

"Of course you don't," Natsu said. "Come fight me instead. It'll be fun."

"I have to go."

There was a long pause.

"That's too bad," Happy said finally.

"Goodbye," Natsu added, and there was a heavy note of finality in his voice.

"I'll come back later," He said.

"No," Lyon said from where he was leaning against the wall, "I don't think you will."

He stared at them all for a moment and then turned away. "Goodbye, then."

This door didn't open as easily as the others, heavy and stiff, but He managed to push it inward and step into the room. A small child with raven-dark hair stood inside, and turned around to face the demon as He entered.

"Gray," He said in surprise.

The child didn't speak, just stared back with dark, accusing eyes. Behind the demon, the door slammed shut.

He jumped and looked back. Stepping over, He tugged at the handle hesitantly. It didn't budge. He frowned and turned back to Gray. The child's dark eyes were pure black now, shadow bleeding into what should have been the whites and dribbling down the pale skin of his cheeks. The blackness spread out, pooling on the floor and pulling the shadows from the corners of the room. The dim light flickered.

"No," He breathed, backing up until He was pressed against the door. He jiggled the handle desperately, but it didn't open.

"What's the matter?" the shadow whispered as Gray dissolved into a mass of inky blackness that spread toward the demon. "Aren't you the darkness?"

He slammed back into the door, but it didn't so much as shudder. It was so black, oh God, it was so black. The shadow lunged for him, grabbing on to his leg and crawling up his body, twining about him. He tried to shake it off and back away, but it didn't retreat and He soon found himself pressed into a corner with nowhere to go.

A strangled sound worked its way out of his throat, and the lights flickered and died. He could feel the shadows wrapping around him, tightening until his ribs creaked, and He couldn't escape no matter how frantically He struggled. And then there was something oily and cold forcing his mouth open and sliding down his throat, filling him up with darkness.

He thrashed wildly and tried to scream, but He couldn't breathe. His eyes rolled back and the shadow settled heavily inside him, seeping into his bones. _No, no, no._

He was struggling so desperately, fighting against the tight bonds wrapping around him, and an agonized wailing filled his ears. He couldn't breathe, couldn't…

The lights flickered on, but He continued to flail about, gasping and wailing as He struggled to free himself.

"Gray!"

"Gray, calm down!"

"Hey, Gray, are you alright?"

There was a ring of worried faces peering down at him, something touching his shoulder, but He was too busy trying to escape to care. He jerked again and managed to wriggle out of the suffocating embrace of the blanket tangled about him. He immediately rolled away from it and reached up to see why He still couldn't breathe. Clamping a hand over his mouth, the horrible screaming stopped. He bit down on his fingers hard, his teeth cutting into his skin and grinding against bone.

But it wasn't enough, because it was still _inside him_. He had to get it out, get it out now.

"Get what out? Gray, you aren't making any sense."

He rolled onto his hands and knees and dry heaved, the oily, slimy feeling that coated his insides making his stomach roil. There was something inside him that He _did not want_. But with a sudden flash of insight, He realized that He didn't want to throw up all over the carpet and clamped his hand over his mouth again. Thank goodness He hadn't had an appetite at dinner, because if his stomach wasn't empty then its contents would be everywhere.

Something touched his arm and He jerked back, rolling to the side until He was sitting again, and stared at Erza with wide, wary eyes.

"Gray, hey, it's okay," she said, trying to keep her voice soothing even though her face was sheet-white.

Right, Erza. Glancing around, He noted Lucy standing by the door in her pajamas, her frightened eyes much too big for her face. Even Natsu looked freaked out, crouched by the nest of abandoned blankets next to Happy, whose fur was all fluffed out.

The room itself was unfamiliar, and his mind supplied 'hotel'. Right, they were on a job. And considering that Erza and Lucy had been sleeping in the next room over, his caterwauling must have been loud enough to wake them up. With his luck, He'd managed to wake up the whole damn building.

"Well," He said, his voice raspy against his raw throat, "fuck."

And that was about all there was to say about that.

His eyes darted around the room, searching for any shadows that might be moving in unnatural ways. He gave his own shadow a wary look too, realizing that this would be a perfectly horrid time for it to start acting up again, but it stayed motionless.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked anxiously, her hand tightening on the doorframe until her knuckles turned white.

"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry I woke you up."

He scowled down at his hand, hating how it was still trembling so violently. His entire body was still tense and shaky, a nauseous feeling still curled in his stomach, but it was the stupid hand that was pissing him off. He slammed it ruthlessly into the leg of the bed behind him, eliciting a chorus of yelps from his friends.

"Stop that!" Erza said, grabbing his arm. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to make it stop," He said impatiently, shaking her off. "Sometimes it helps."

Well, it was still trembling, but maybe not as violently as before. The teeth marks in his fingers marked areas of throbbing pain and the back of his hand was already stinging and reddened, and He found that the pain grounded him a little. The details of the nightmare were already starting to slip away, leaving him with flashes of grinning skulls and writhing shadows and the feeling of something dark and foreign invading his body. Still frightening enough, and his pounding heart hadn't slowed in the slightest.

Erza pulled her sleeve over her hand and rubbed at his face carefully, and He jerked back.

"You were crying," she said sadly.

He stared at her blankly and then hesitantly reached up to his face. His fingers came away wet, and He stared at his glistening fingertips for a long moment before scowling.

"You've got to be kidding me," He muttered, scrubbing impatiently at his face. "Look, I'm sorry I woke you up. You can go back to sleep."

"Do you want to talk–?"

"No, not really."

Lucy swallowed. "I know that you mentioned that sometimes you have nightmares of, um, you know, killing…us…?"

"Nah, those are normal," He said dismissively, his eyes still searching the shadowy corners of the room. "This was just really weird. Although…I guess it's probably a metaphor for Awakening."

Actually, come to think of it, it was a glaringly obvious metaphor for Awakening. He was actually a little disappointed in his subconscious for coming up with such a blatant cop-out. Somehow, that didn't make it any less frightening.

The others were exchanging looks, and He wondered if He'd said something He shouldn't have. It was hard to focus when He was so jittery.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Happy asked.

"Sure. Dreams are dreams are dreams."

Erza leaned over to pull him into a hug and He stiffened, awkwardly patting her on the back. It actually did feel good to be pressed up against a warm, living body that wasn't currently a clammy, trembling wreck. He allowed himself a few seconds of her comfort before gently disentangling himself and standing, pulling Erza up with him.

"You should go back to bed," He said with what was supposed to be a reassuring smile. Something moved in his peripheral vision and He whipped around, his heart jumping into his throat as He noticed his shadow stirring on the floor. "Not now," He growled. "I'm not in the mood for your games."

The shadow twitched again and fell still, but He continued to stare at it unblinkingly, his body tensing in anticipation. He had to keep an eye on it, make sure that it wasn't going to slither over and pry open his jaws and crawl inside him.

 _Of course not. I'm already inside you._

He bit down on the inside of his cheek and finally tore his gaze away, not deigning to respond. Talking to his shadow always unnerved his friends, and although He usually considered that a necessary evil, He thought it was probably better not to worry them more when He was trying to convince them to leave.

"Gray," Erza said carefully, "do you–?"

"I'm fine," He interrupted, summoning up a wan smile as He bent over to pick the blanket up off the ground and then busy himself spreading it back over his bed. "You guys should go get some sleep."

"But–"

"We still have a job to do tomorrow, don't we? It would be less than ideal to be running around with an entire sleep-deprived team."

He thought they might be about to protest, but He just crawled onto his bed and sat down cross-legged with his back pressed against the wall. He watched them until they exchanged looks again and the girls slowly retreated back to the doorway.

"You know that you can always come to us if you need to," Lucy said, still watching him. "You can even wake us up or whatever."

"Of course," He said, even though He knew that was an offer He'd never take her or the others up on.

"Should I turn out the light?" Erza asked.

Honestly, the feeling of darkness pressing in all around him wasn't very appealing, but He wasn't a child afraid of the dark. And anyway, He was sharing a room with Natsu and Happy, and they'd need the lights off to sleep.

"Sure."

Erza hesitated but then flipped the switch, plunging the room back into shadow. "If you need us…"

"Then I know where you are. Relax, I'm not even alone in here."

"Alright," Erza said with a sigh. "Goodnight."

"'Night."

The door closed softly and He let his eyes drift shut, drawing in a deep breath and holding it as He tried to relax into more of a meditative state. Anything to distract himself from the shadows all around and the flashes of nightmare playing in his mind. His heart was still pounding, but He was starting to calm down a little bit. It was going to be a long night, and it wouldn't do to spend it in a state of terror.

A warm ball of fluff crawled into his lap, and He cracked one eye open to see Happy staring back with big eyes that glimmered faintly in the moonlight peeking through the curtains.

"I'm sorry you have nightmares," the little cat said solemnly.

Despite himself, one corner of the demon's mouth twitched upward. "Everyone has nightmares sometimes."

"But you have a lot," Happy mumbled. "You live with us now and we've shared rooms with you on jobs a lot, and you don't usually sleep well."

"Really?" He frowned, wondering what to make of that. _He_ knew that He'd never slept well, but He wasn't aware that it had been so obvious to the others. He'd just assumed that Natsu and Happy's natural obliviousness would kick into gear.

The bed creaked and dipped as Natsu settled into a cross-legged position beside the demon, who gave him a wary look. "Kind of hard to miss. It's not usually anything as violent or showy as this, but you always look thoroughly miserable. I used to assume they were…uh…" Natsu winced and looked away. "Never mind."

Natsu and Happy had assumed that they were nightmares of Deliora killing his loved ones.

Sighing, He rested his head back against the wall and closed his eyes again. "Well, you aren't wrong. I have Gray's nightmares too. It's not uncommon for me to feature prominently there."

He began stroking Happy's fur, grimacing slightly as He bent his bitten fingers and felt how stiff they were, the earlier throbbing having settled into a bone-deep ache.

"Isn't that weird?" Happy blurted out. "To have nightmares of yourself?"

The Exceed tensed immediately, apparently regretting his big mouth.

"Sure," He said with a sigh. "You should go back to sleep."

"…Yeah."

"You too, flame brain."

Natsu hummed noncommittally, and neither he nor Happy moved. And because He was selfish, He didn't complain. Happy's warmth was comforting, and it was soothing to pet him. It would be better for his friends to go back to their bed and get some sleep, but it was hard to want to relinquish their company. Because He was _not_ going back to sleep, and it was going to be a long, lonely night.

Bit by bit He worked himself back into a meditative state, his breathing evening out and his heartbeat slowing. Let the thoughts come, acknowledge them, let them go. Acknowledge the fear and pain and grief, hold it, let it go. It helped take the edge off, to be able to work his way back through the nightmare with a calmer and more detached frame of mind.

He was so distracted that He didn't notice at first when Happy finally slipped into sleep, but then Natsu's sigh dragged him back to the present.

"Awakening, huh?" the dragon slayer asked, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the sleeping feline.

"What do you want, Natsu?" He asked tiredly, opening his eyes and directing a flat look at his friend.

Natsu shifted uncomfortably and made a slight shrugging motion with his shoulders as he looked away, darkness cloaking his features. "Look," he said, choosing his words with care, "I've been Awake too. So I understand."

"…Go to bed, Natsu."

"Do you really want me to?"

This would be a great time to say 'yes', but the stupid dragon slayer was right and He wanted the company, even if He had to field awkward questions and deal with topics He'd rather not discuss. Call it selfish.

"No offense," He said, instead of answering, "but you were Awake for a few minutes and the only real thing you did was kill Acnologia. And although I can see that being uncomfortable, it was still something that needed to happen."

Natsu was silent for a long moment before saying, "I hurt you, too."

"What of it?" He asked dismissively before He thought better of it.

" _What of it?_ " Natsu demanded, his voice rising slightly in anger. "And if you'd hurt me, would you think it was so damn trivial?"

Wincing, He dropped his gaze to the cat in his lap and resumed running his fingers through Happy's fur gently. He shouldn't have said that. It didn't seem like a big deal to _him_ that Natsu had injured him, but from Natsu's perspective… Well, He couldn't say that He didn't understand why it would bother Natsu, because he was right: He wouldn't be half as dismissive if He had been the one to hurt someone while Awake.

"I _did_ hurt you," He said quietly. "And I provoked that fight. I understand why you'd feel bad about it, but you really don't need to. I knew full well what I was getting myself into."

Natsu took a deep breath, maybe calming himself. "That's true, but you know how frightening it is to be out of control and realize that you could have killed anyone. But we've already had that conversation." The dragon slayer sighed. "Look, you're right. I have nowhere near as much experience as you and I don't have to live with the things you do, and it's hard to imagine what that would even be like. But I _do_ understand better than the others."

Yes, he would. As much as the others tried to understand and were horrified by what they knew, they didn't have that firsthand understanding the same way He and Natsu did.

"I know," He said tiredly. "I wish you didn't."

But even that was half a lie. Some selfish part of him was glad that there was someone else to understand and shoulder the burden with him now, that He wasn't quite as alone anymore. And every time He thought like that, He'd immediately feel bad. It wasn't worth hurting Natsu to have that kind of companionship.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't, too," Natsu said. "But at the same time… I think that maybe it's good that someone understands, even if only a little bit. And it makes me feel…closer. To you. I don't know. Like we have something important in common."

He gave the dragon slayer a sidelong look. Either Natsu was in an odd mood or was worried. This wasn't the type of thing that the two of them would normally discuss, but maybe He should have expected it to come to the surface eventually, given how it had been lurking around just out of sight for a while now.

"I know," He said again. "But we don't need that to be close." He looked away. "We were always close. And maybe being the only two in on the pity party is another bond, but we've already had our little secrets and quirks with just the two of us. We're bound by more than a penchant for going all crazy psycho demon."

Hunching his shoulders, He let his gaze slide across the room, lingering on the silhouettes of the furniture and searching out unwelcome shadows. But He didn't feel as frightened now. Now He mostly felt tired and old, hunched under the weight of a thousand stolen lives and the lifetime of being the shadows' pawn. Natsu understood a piece and it made him feel a little less alone, but He still couldn't help but feel weary and lonely when He considered the lifetime of Awakenings that Natsu didn't really understand. That was his burden and his alone.

"You're right," Natsu said after a moment's pause. "But I _do_ still feel that connection. And… Look, I know you don't want to talk about it. I've had nightmares about Awakening too, sometimes, and I know that I wouldn't want to talk about them. But…I'm also here, and I understand at least a little bit."

He was less surprised to hear that Natsu had nightmares about Awakening—who wouldn't?—than to hear Natsu _admit_ that he had nightmares about Awakening.

"I'm sorry that you were even Awake in the first place," He said, pursing his lips. "You shouldn't have been. I'm not trying to belittle your Awakening. I know that even a few minutes can turn the world on its head. But you're no longer in any danger of that, okay? You aren't bound to your Book, and I'm keeping that just in case something goes wrong anyway. I'm not going to let that happen again. I know it doesn't really erase anything and won't magically fix nightmares or any of that, but…you shouldn't have to be afraid of it anymore."

Natsu was quiet for a long time before saying, "I wish you didn't have to be afraid of it either." The demon's eyes narrowed and He buried his hands in Happy's fur, but only made a noncommittal humming sound. Natsu sighed again. "That shouldn't be as comforting as it is, honestly. I don't even know if you could keep that promise. But somehow you always make me feel safe, like _of course_ none of that stuff could happen as long as you're with me."

He threw another surreptitious look at his friend, studying Natsu's profile in the moonlight. Odd mood indeed. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of Natsu's behavior.

"You know how when you bound me back to my Book, you used your curses to make it stick?" He asked finally.

Natsu looked over, his face scrunching up in confusion at the non sequitur. "…Maybe? I honestly still don't understand any of that binding stuff."

"You know, because I'd been bound to your Book first and used your curses so they were sort of recognized as… You know what, never mind. It's not important. The point is that I needed a little something extra when I bound your soul back to your body, too. I don't think it should have been as hard since those were actually meant to go together, but I did need… Well, I don't have a soul. But my thread, I guess. It's made to bind me to an artificial soul, so it was already suited to do the trick."

He sighed, not sure that He was actually making sense.

"…What are you trying to say?" Natsu asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"What I'm trying to say is that there's a piece of me inside you now, where I used it to help reattach your soul. You could use curses because of special circumstances, but all I had to give were pieces of myself." He gave Natsu a tired smile as the dragon slayer unconsciously raised a hand to touch his chest, at the spot where He had performed the rebinding. "I'm _always_ with you, flame brain. Or some piece of me is. So you're safe from all that. No more nightmares."

"You…" Natsu looked down at his hand, uncurling it and staring at his fingers. "What did it do to _you_?"

He shrugged and returned his gaze to Happy. "I don't know. Nothing important, I guess. I did it for Mavis and Zeref too, and so far I don't see a difference. I was always made to be owned, anyway, so maybe it doesn't matter if different people own different pieces. If something's already broken, then maybe the damage is already done before it ever starts losing pieces."

There was a stunned pause before Natsu burst out, "You aren't _broken_. And no one _owns_ you."

"Shh," He murmured, running his hand down Happy's side as the Exceed twitched in his sleep. "You're going to wake Happy."

A heavy silence fell over the room. Then Natsu leaned his head against the demon's shoulder, and He looked down in surprise. The dragon slayer was staring out into the darkened room, the moonlight reflecting off his glassy eyes.

"It makes me sad when we tell you good things about yourself and you don't believe us," he said quietly.

He sighed softly, a tired weight settling over his heart again. Natsu might understand more about certain things than most people did, but he didn't understand everything. The truth was that He had plenty of bad things and not enough good, and while He was inclined to see the bad, Natsu and the others got much too blinded by the good…and sometimes made up good things that He didn't think even existed.

"If I didn't believe some of what you said, I wouldn't still be alive," He said finally.

Natsu flinched. "I wish we could make you believe more. And…I wish I could give you what you just gave me."

The demon's laugh sounded something like a sigh. "Stupid. You already have."

Because these idiots had stuck by him through everything and refused to leave him alone even when He wanted them to, and someday He hoped to deserve that.

"But–"

"Go to sleep, Natsu."

"You aren't going to sleep."

"No."

"Then–"

"We still have a job to take care of tomorrow, and you're utterly useless when you're sleep deprived. I have better things to do than save your sorry ass when you get yourself into trouble."

"But I–"

"Go to sleep."

"…Yeah."

But Natsu didn't move, and He didn't have the energy to make him. Closing his eyes, He began working himself back into a meditative state. If He refused to engage in conversation any longer, Natsu would eventually get bored and go back to bed.

It was several minutes before Natsu stirred again.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"You look like you're doing something."

He almost ignored the question, but then a thought occurred to him and He hid a sly smile. He opened his eyes to see Natsu watching him curiously.

"It's like a kind of meditation," He said.

"…What?" Natsu's face scrunched up in disbelief.

"Sounds weird, but I actually picked it up a long time ago. I started it as a way to control my temper, back when all I knew how to be was angry. It's calming, so I didn't just go around murdering everyone. It's also good for when you're bored out of your mind, like when you're stuck in a jail cell for weeks with nothing to do. Or after things like nightmares…calms you down."

"That's…interesting."

"Yeah." He was counting on the moonbeams hiding the gleam in his eyes. "You wouldn't be any good at it, though. To be honest, I'm not sure you could manage."

" _What?_ " Natsu straightened up, a scowl instantly spreading across his face. "I can do anything better than you!"

"If you say so…"

"Watch me! I'll prove it. Show me how, and you'll see. I can totally beat you."

Ah, good old Natsu. Silly dragon slayer never changed.

"Sit back. Relax. Close your eyes. You… No peeking, ash for brains."

Natsu grumbled something unintelligible, but obediently sealed his eyes shut again. He coughed to hide a chuckle.

"You're too tense," He said. "Don't focus on beating me, focus on calming yourself. Deep breaths. In, hold it, out. Right. Now let your mind go blank. If a thought crosses it, don't try to shut it out. Just let it be." He dropped his voice into a more soothing cadence. "Don't judge, just watch. Now let it go. Is there another? Acknowledge it, watch it from afar, let it fade…"

No way was Natsu actually doing it right—the idiot really would suck at anything reflective or meditative—but it seemed to be doing the trick. With the demon's voice lulling the dragon slayer to sleep and Natsu's own boredom helping him right along, it didn't take long.

He chuckled softly as Natsu let out a loud snore. "Yeah, I didn't think you would last very long."

Smiling to himself, He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, settling himself back into his calm place where the darkness and shadows weren't lurking all around. And when Natsu's sleeping body slid over to slump against his shoulder a few minutes later, He didn't complain. There was still something comforting about his friends gathered around, asleep or not. Although He still had no intention of going back to sleep, it was enough that the world wasn't quite so frightening anymore.

But after a while, He sighed and opened his eyes, tilting his head to look down at his friend's sleeping face. Natsu would be waking up with some odd aches and pains if he slept all night in such an awkward position.

Maneuvering Natsu back to a lying position while He was still cradling Happy in one arm proved to be a challenge, but eventually He got the dragon slayer's head onto the pillow. Which then presented the problem that he was laying on top of the blanket. Troublesome idiot.

Moving carefully so that He didn't dislodge Happy from where He'd scooped the feline into one arm, He slid off the bed and silently padded over to the bed where Natsu and Happy _should_ have been sleeping. He tugged their blanket off and awkwardly spread it across Natsu as best He could with one hand. Hugging Happy to his chest, He stared at Natsu. The dragon slayer looked so at peace while asleep, his face relaxed and eyes closed. It was hard to imagine him having nightmares, but then again, He knew that Awakenings were nightmare fuel.

So although He had a strong desire to keep Happy as a teddy bear—what was more comforting after a horrifying nightmare than a drowsy ball of feline fluff?—He leaned over and carefully nestled the Exceed against Natsu.

"Be a good little dreamcatcher," He murmured, a fond half-smile tugging at his lips as He tucked the blanket around Happy as well. "No more nightmares tonight."

Then He retreated to the very end of the bed and resumed his cross-legged position, a silent guardian waiting for the sun to come up.

* * *

 **Note: First time I've written such a detailed dream/nightmare sequence, so it was...different lol The ending was from one of my biggest personal squick factors X)**

 **Okay, so... At the end of the next chapter, I was actually going to announce that I was going on hiatus for a few weeks or so. You know, because I'm not enjoying posting. Or, more like because I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of posting anymore. I don't really get that sense of accomplishment or that feeling of community anymore and I don't need the extra motivation to write, so it's really just a lot of time and aggravation that I don't need. It would be easier to just write and keep it to myself. Tbh, I've gotten fed up with parts of the fandom and the site, so I was planning on taking a break, returning to finish this story later (because I can't stand to leave up an unfinished story lol), and then possibly quit posting entirely. This has been brewing for several months now, and the only thing that has kept me invested are those few people I actually feel a responsibility to. Although maybe that's the wrong word, given some of them aren't even in this fandom and haven't read anything I've written. It's just those people who still give me that sense of community, be it through reviews or PMs or something else entirely. They've kept me invested in the site long after the point where I started getting fed up with it, and they're probably going to be the only reason that I come back.**

 **But then a couple of things came up that (at least temporarily) improved my motivation and gave me a little bit of that feeling of connection again. So you can thank Andie and mdelpin for being the reason I'm postponing the hiatus...and, of course, those people who have stuck with me for a long time, both through stories and separate PMs (you guys should probably know who you are by now). Yay! But the premise still stands. I'll finish out this story, but I might go on hiatus at any time once I start getting frustrated with posting again, and this is your warning now so that I don't feel obligated to post another chapter just to say I'm going on break. And once this story is done, I don't know if I'll keep posting or not. I'm going to see how the rest of the posting for this story goes, and refrain from making any kind of decision until the end. So, we'll see. It doesn't really have to do with anyone in particular, just a lot of things that have been simmering for a long time.**

 **Sorry for the inconvenience, but thanks again to the people who have kept me going even when I wanted to quit this site and just keep all my writing to myself lol**

 **emmahoshi: Lol, I have a bad habit of going the angst route X) Yeah, it can be difficult to look past Gray's good side sometimes, especially since we know that he's an overall good person at heart. That's why we need Gray to remind us X) Well, (1) just means that there's going to be a second part lol Congrats on the thesis...I think I'd get stress overload from that XD Yeah, well, I'm pretty shy and insecure to start with, so I came up with half a dozen reasons to start posting in the first place, and those are kind of fading now. So it's very easy for posting to tip the line into stressful lol And I've kept on a pretty consistent posting schedule for almost two years now, posting even when I didn't want to, so I think I'm burning myself out. Well, this is going to be a long story, so there's plenty of time for me to regain my enthusiasm or drop out completely or something in between lol "National treasure" XD XD You're sweet lol [EDIT: LOL, I feel you. Yeah, I actually started posting as a sort of baby step to build confidence, or at least get something out there since I tend to be super private and shy about anything personal that I create. And writing is pretty personal X) Yeah, it has helped a bit, and I've learned some important life lessons on dealing with people...even trolls XD And there is something to be said for the "fake it till you make it" approach. Acting more confident or happy than you are can lead to actually being more confident/happy. The psych major says that there is empirical evidence supporting this XD Probably not going to catch me bungee jumping any time soon, but yeah, you're right lol]**


	18. Nighttime Awakening (2)

**Note: This part wasn't supposed to exist, but it just kind of happened. -shrugs- (Also, I sort of apologize for the A/Ns getting cluttered up with responses to guest reviewers, but you can just ignore those :P Usually I do general thanks and answers to questions, but atm these reviews deserve a real response. For what it's worth, I appreciate guest reviews as much as any other, I just tend to generalize responses because I can't PM them :3 Anyway, all y'all are great.)**

 **Andie: I made the mistake of writing the nightmare sequence at like 2 a.m., and it kind of freaked me out :3 Doesn't help that I used some of the things that personally creep me out. Yep, yep, like that you brought up the paradox of Gray's situation. Is it really any surprise that he can be such a cynic? He definitely has some different perceptions of things than most people would, and the things he regards cavalierly that the others get freaked out by is kind of supposed to show that lol Hehe, you and I, my dear, and our long walks along the beach and nighttime chats. They will be sorely missed. R.I.P. cheesy romance novel! XD Nah, thank _you_ lol It's been fun, and I'd like to keep it going for as long as I can within reason :3**

 **EndarkenedSanity & A Shy Lurker: I'mma combine you because I'm lazy, sorry :D Y'all are sweet. For what it's worth, I'm also extremely introverted and shy and insecure, so I tend to be a lurker in a lot of things too. It's also part of why posting can quickly become more trouble than it's worth if I start running into problems X) Hehe, I can feel "crazy stressful". Writing is good stress relief for me :3 I'm glad to be of any kind of service. Y'all have a nice day :)**

 **X: Ah, I mostly stopped reviewing for a while after feeling like it wasn't having the desired effect, but now I'm back to it. Amazing how one bad experience can color so much. Oof, tell me about it. I'd kill to have a few more good Gray-centric, non-romance authors around here. I find very little to match my (admittedly picky) tastes these days. Tbh, I actually have a soft spot for Grayza, although 99% of the time I prefer friendship. I'm actually planning a legit Grayza piece for my sister's birthday, so maybe that'll be posted eventually, depending on my mood. (And I honestly filter Juvia out of my searches because I can't stand her and think Gruvia is a horrible pairing. Live and let live, but I definitely can't read it LOL) Aw, that's sweet lol Nah, I think everyone's voice is important...even if my annoyance at the fandom persists D: I've met a lot of really cool people here, though. (Nice to meetcha XD) I appreciate the support. Have a nice day :)**

* * *

 **Nighttime Awakening (2)**

* * *

"Natsu. Natsu, wake up."

Natsu groaned and forced his eyes open. A blurry, bluish form loomed out from the darkness, wide eyes shoved almost directly into his face. His sleep-addled brain had a moment of heart-stopping panic, but then he just groaned again and sat up, pushing the fuzzy intruder out of his face.

"Whaddya want, Happy?" he slurred, rubbing at his eyes and yawning widely.

The room was still dark, the only light shining through the window from the moon, so it was definitely too early for them to be awake. Even Erza would let them sleep until the crack of dawn.

"It's Gray," Happy whispered, his eyes gleaming faintly in the moonlight as they darted a look over at the bed on the other side of the hotel room, where Gray was sleeping.

"What about him?" Natsu asked with a sigh.

He was too tired to be easily worked up about anything, and he generally had a policy of letting the ice block take care of himself. Then again, that had backfired more than once lately, and Happy wouldn't be fidgeting so restlessly if he wasn't worried.

"He's having nightmares again."

Natsu stared at his feline friend's shadowy form for a few seconds and then leaned back against the wall, letting his eyes drift shut as he pressed his hands to them. "You woke me up because he's having nightmares?"

It wasn't that he meant to be insensitive—he'd seen Gray truly rattled from these before and knew that they must be horrific—but this was hardly a new or high-priority problem, all things considered.

"I mean, considering he woke us all up screaming bloody murder last night… I thought it might be better to put a stop to things before they got that bad again."

Natsu winced. He'd been horrified to have been startled out of sleep by Gray's screaming and flailing about the other night, and he definitely didn't want a repeat performance of that. Gray had acted normal, if tired, yesterday while they worked on finding leads for their job, but it had hardly erased the memory of the night before. Natsu didn't want the girls to be woken up again—or the rest of the hotel residents, given that more than one complaint had been filed in regards to the nighttime disruption—and he certainly didn't want Gray to be in a panic.

But still, there wasn't really an easy solution.

"What do you want me to do about it?" he asked, subdued.

Happy gave him a strange look. "Wake him up?"

"But you see, if I wake him up, then he won't go back to sleep," Natsu said with a sigh, his mind flickering back to this morning when he'd found Gray sitting at the end of the bed, very much awake. "He could honestly use some sleep."

"Not going to be very restful sleep if it's all nightmares, is it?"

He couldn't argue with that. "Okay, fine, but he can't just stop sleeping again because he's freaked out."

"Then _do_ something about it," Happy said, giving him a hard look that was, sadly, clearly visible even in the darkness. "We're his friends. I know he's been kind of withdrawn lately and doesn't like talking about any of this stuff, but surely you can talk to him and help him calm down and go back to sleep?"

Natsu honestly had no confidence in being able to do any of those things. "I'm no good at talking and mushy emotional stuff," he said doubtfully. "I tried talking to him last night after you fell asleep, but he wouldn't say much and was still wide awake when we woke up later."

"Yeah, I'm not all that confident in your talking ability either," Happy said, like the good friend he was. "But we should at least try, right?"

"I can talk fine," Natsu protested sulkily, not liking that Happy was casting doubts on his abilities. Stupid furball.

"Good," Happy said. He sounded a bit too pleased with himself, and Natsu suddenly wondered if he was being manipulated. "Let's go, then."

Natsu hesitated, his doubts creeping back in. Gray wouldn't be pleased by any kind of intervention, and Natsu and Happy were hardly the best candidates to be performing one even if he was.

The silence was broken by a shuddering breath that faded into almost a pained whimper, and Natsu's head immediately swung back toward the other bed. Narrowing his eyes and squinting through the gloom, he spotted Gray's shadowy figure curl up and twitch restlessly.

Okay, no, that sound was not okay.

He slid out of bed and padded across the carpet, pausing to study Gray's pained, scrunched-up expression for a few seconds before reaching out and shaking his shoulder. Gray didn't respond, so Natsu shook a little harder.

"Hey, ice princess. Wake up."

Gray's eyes flew open and he jerked back automatically, banging his head into the wall and then letting out a string of muffled curses as he winced and clutched it.

"Oops," Natsu said.

There was panic and pain glimmering dully in Gray's eyes, his breaths sounded ragged and harsh and too loud in the stillness, and his body was shaky and jittery. Still not as bad as the other night with that godawful wailing, but he was definitely shaken up again. And now that Natsu had woken his friend, he honestly had no idea of what he should do.

"What the hell…?" Gray's confused gaze jumped between Natsu and Happy, and then he grimaced. "Did I wake you up again? Sorry."

"Actually, Happy woke me up," Natsu muttered. He shot the Exceed a dark look, but Happy wasn't paying him any mind.

"You were having nightmares again," the little cat said mournfully, his wings disappearing as he fell to the bed. "I thought it would be better to wake you up."

Gray's expression closed off and went carefully blank as he settled himself with his back to the wall and his knees drawn loosely to his chest. Natsu had a moment to think, not for the first time, that it was weird to see him in a shirt at night—the near-disappearance of that habit had been more than a little disconcerting, although it at least covered the elephant in the room, that being the conspicuous absence of his guild mark—before Gray pulled up the blanket, wrapped it around himself, and stared out of his cocoon warily.

"Thanks," Gray said. "You should go back to sleep."

"Are you?" Happy asked. Gray stayed silent, and the Exceed hopped up onto his knees. Gray obediently made some room for Happy to settle in the blanketed space between his legs and chest. "You don't seem as freaked out as last night."

"I'm not."

"But you're still pretty freaked out."

"…Go back to sleep."

Natsu sighed and slid onto the bed to sit cross-legged beside Gray. "I know you don't want to talk about it–"

"Correct."

"–but this is getting ridiculous and it might help."

"Just go back to sleep."

"Not until you do. You can't just keep avoiding sleep."

"Watch me."

"Ugh, you're so frustrating."

"Damn straight."

Natsu groaned and rubbed at his face. But even though Gray was being short and snappish, his eyes were still darting around the room, searching every darkened corner as if he expected something to jump out at him. Natsu wished he was better at handling his friend's moods.

"So this one wasn't as bad as the other one?" Happy asked, giving Natsu a look.

Fine, let the cat handle it. It wasn't like Natsu was having much luck.

Gray grimaced. "This one was more _normal_ than the other one. Although it started getting weird again toward the end. That part will probably stick around for a while to mess with me."

Okay, there were clues. More clues than Gray would probably give if he wasn't so jittery and distracted. Natsu had a feeling, judging by his own experiences and things Gray had said previously, that 'normal' had more to do with the straight-up 'go crazy and kill everyone' type of nightmare. Gray had also mentioned that yesterday's nightmare hadn't been that but something different, something that had definitely rattled him, and it seemed like whatever was bothering him from it was continuing to seep into his other dreams.

Gray wouldn't want to share anything, but this might be Natsu and Happy's best chance to figure things out. He certainly wouldn't say a word about it once he'd calmed down, but he was in a more… _vulnerable_ state of mind at the moment. Maybe they could take advantage of that.

"You don't have to talk about all the killing and stuff," Natsu said mildly. "I wouldn't want to either. But that's not what shook you up so badly the other night, right? Why don't you tell us about that part?"

Gray shot him a nasty look. "No."

"We just want to help," Happy interrupted. He snuggled up to Gray's chest and looked up at him with wide, reflective eyes.

"And I appreciate that, but there's nothing for you to do here. Just go get some sleep."

"But–"

"Look," Natsu said with a sigh, "I get it. Or I get part of it, at least. I know it makes you feel alone. It makes you feel different and like no one understands and like you can't talk about it. But I was Awake too, you know. You're right that it's not the same for me, but I do still understand a little. I'm here, you know. You're not as alone as you think you are."

Gray was silent for so long that Natsu thought he might have just shut down again, but then he sighed. "This is going to sound stupid, but…" Natsu held his breath and steeled himself for whatever Gray was about to say. "Can we turn on the light?"

…And here Natsu had thought he was actually giving in. He exchanged looks with an equally bemused Happy, gave Gray one last look as he resolutely avoided eye contact with anyone, and then nodded.

"Sure," he said, sliding off the bed to flip the light switch.

He squinted against the sudden influx of harsh light and returned to the bed. He noticed that although Gray remained silent, he was staring fixedly at…something. At first he thought it was just some arbitrary point, but then he realized that the ice mage was watching his shadow with wary eyes.

That thing gave Natsu the creeps. It was weird how Gray would talk to it with that mixture of hateful distaste and mocking endearments, and how it sometimes seemed to take on a life of its own. It didn't help that Gray was very elusive about what it actually _was_. Aside from being intentionally vague, he seemed to dole out contradictions like candy: it wasn't really alive but was sort of sentient, it was kind of made of his curses but not exactly, it wasn't in control but would sometimes throw tantrums and do things of its own accord.

Natsu would trust his friend on this, but it was still unsettling…especially seeing how wary Gray himself was of it.

But tonight the shadow remained still, Gray remained quiet, and Natsu remained frustrated. Getting Gray to talk about things might actually be the most difficult thing in existence.

"One time I had a nightmare that I got eaten by a giant fish," Happy said finally, when the silence had dragged on for too long. "It was scary, but then Natsu took me out fishing the next day and I ate lots of fish. I didn't have any more nightmares after that."

Natsu wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Happy was really going to compare nightmares about Awakening to nightmares of _fish_? He couldn't see Gray taking that well, but he also wasn't sure how to smooth things over, considering that he wasn't having a lot of luck with him either.

Gray tore his eyes away from his shadow and stared at Happy blankly, and then a strange look began slowly spreading across his face. A low chuckle rumbled through his chest, and Natsu blinked in stupefied disbelief as he began laughing.

"Hey, it was scary!" Happy protested indignantly.

"Sorry, sorry," Gray said as his laughter died away. "I'm sure it was."

"But it was a little less scary when I had someone to share it with."

Gray sighed heavily and leaned his head against the wall as he turned his unseeing gaze back to his shadow. Natsu had the feeling that he didn't believe the sentiment behind Happy's statement really applied to him, but after a moment he opened his mouth anyway.

"I'm walking down a hallway," said Gray finally, his voice perfectly flat and his gaze unwavering. "It's white. Like, painfully white. It goes on forever, and there are doors alternating between the left and right sides. They all look the same, too, wooden with brass knobs. It's a pain because I have to look through them all to find what I'm searching for."

"What are you searching for?" Natsu asked, still not quite able to believe that Happy had managed to get Gray talking with his stupid fish story.

Gray shrugged. "It's a dream. All I know is that I'm looking for something."

"But if you don't know what you're looking for, then how are you supposed to know when you find–?"

" _Geez_ , Natsu," he growled, giving the dragon slayer an unamused look before returning to his vigil. "It's a dream. That's just how it is."

Natsu wisely decided to keep his mouth shut.

"Anyway," Gray continued, "I find some stuff, but it's not what I'm looking for. Then there's suddenly a door that's already open. The Council is inside, sitting around a table and eating. That one Councilwoman and that Knight are there, and–"

"The Knights aren't really part of the Council," Happy objected. It was his turn to get a dirty look.

"I _know_ that. It's a _dream_."

Natsu almost asked which Councilwoman and Knight Gray was referring to, but restrained himself. He actually had a pretty good idea, and Gray didn't seem pleased with all the interruptions. Now that they'd finally gotten him talking, they'd have to be careful not to screw up and make him shut down again.

" _Anyway_ ," Gray said, "they ask me to join them, but I say that I can't because I'm searching. They tell me that it's across the hall. I turn and, sure enough, there's a door there, made of heavy metal that sort of blends into the gray of the wall. And–"

"Wait, I thought the doors were alternating sides?" Natsu asked before he thought better of it. "And that the hallway was white? And–?"

"For the love of– _It's a dream_. Sometimes the details go weird and don't match up, but it's not obvious until later."

Natsu still thought it was weird, but decided that he didn't feel like being strangled.

"I turn back to say thank you, but they're all skeletons," Gray said, his voice expressionless once more.

Natsu forgot about not wanting to be strangled. "Skeletons?" he asked dubiously. "Where would skeletons come from?"

If looks could kill, Natsu would be dead on the spot.

"What part of 'it's a dream' do you not understand?" Gray asked sourly. "It's supposed to be weird. That's practically a requirement."

"You have stupid dreams," Natsu muttered.

"Maybe you just don't understand how dreaming works. Or maybe your dreams are defective."

"Hey! I–"

"That's pretty freaky," Happy interrupted, shooting Natsu a look.

Gray shrugged. "It didn't seem as weird at the time, because I was dreaming and weird stuff doesn't always seem as weird as it should. But I did ask what happened to them, and the Councilwoman says that I killed them, didn't I?" Natsu winced, but Gray stayed perfectly expressionless. "I say no, I'm pretty sure that they're still alive. So she asks, what about her daughter? And sure enough, there's this little skeleton by her, all tiny bones and tattered clothes and empty eyes. I don't even know what she looked like or how old she was, so it was just my brain making shit up."

Gray's eyes narrowed at his shadow. Even though he was still overtly calm and dispassionate, there was something about his eyes and voice and words that told Natsu he was more bothered by this than he was letting on. It obviously wasn't what had been frightening enough to set him off screaming, but Natsu got the feeling that this was the guilt-complex part of the nightmare.

"But eventually I leave, because I'm still searching. I walk over to that other door, but before going in I look back and you guys and the team are there. And you ask–"

"Wait, I thought it was the Council back there?" Natsu asked before his brain could catch up with his mouth. "Or, like, skeleton Council or whatever?"

"It's a _dream_. It changed. Do you know _anything_ about how dreams work?"

"Hey, I–"

" _Anyway_ , you guys ask me to join you, but I say no, I have to find it. You say that I don't, but I do. So then you say goodbye, and it just seems so final that I say I'll come back later. But Lyon says–"

"Lyon?" Happy interrupted. "Lyon's not part of the team."

"I _know_ that. It's a _dream_!" Gray shot dark looks at both Happy and Natsu. "I don't even know why I bother."

"I'm sorry!" Happy squeaked, eyes widening in panic as he realized that they might be about to lose Gray's cooperation. "We'll be quiet! _Right_ , Natsu?"

He gave Natsu a meaningful look, and the dragon slayer nodded frantically.

"Oh yeah, I'll be super quiet," he said quickly. "Don't mind me."

Gray stared at them for a long time, dark eyes gleaming with unreadable emotion, and then went back to staring at his shadow. His eyes went flat and dead, and his voice was downright cold when he spoke again. At first Natsu thought it was because he was so annoyed with being interrupted, but then realized that they must be coming up on the part of the nightmare that had really shaken him.

"But Lyon says that no, he doesn't think I will. So I say goodbye and go inside the other room. Gray is standing there, just the same as when I killed him. He's got the _darkest_ , most accusing eyes. But I knew that. I see them every day. The door closes behind me, and when I try to open it, it's stuck. When I look back, Gray's eyes are totally black. The shadows are dripping down his face, sneaking out from all the corners of the room to curl around him.

"That's when I start freaking out, I guess. But the door won't open and I get backed into a corner and the lights go out. Gray dissolves into shadows and they're wrapping around me. I struggle, but there's nothing I can do and nowhere to go. And then they're…forcing my mouth open and…going…inside me."

Gray's detached expression twisted into something almost sickened, but his voice was perfectly neutral as he said, "But it turned out that I was only just wrapped up in the blanket, and I couldn't breathe because I was screaming, so…"

He trailed off and Natsu shuddered involuntarily, his skin crawling at the thought of something sliding inside of him that didn't belong there and that he didn't want. Judging by Gray's reaction and all his dry heaving the night before, Natsu was not the only one feeling vaguely nauseous.

"That's…super fucking creepy," he said.

Gray made a noncommittal humming sound. "I'm actually rather disappointed in my subconscious for coming up with such a blatant cop-out."

"You're _disappointed_ …?" Natsu shook his head in disbelief.

Yes, he saw the connection to Awakening, and he suddenly had a good idea of why Gray had been watching his shadow like it might jump up and bite him at any second. It was that feeling of having control taken away, of becoming something dark and monstrous, of being unable to stop things no matter how hard you fought. And everything from the skeleton Council to the other Gray reeked of guilt and an uneasy conscience.

"You have really freaky dreams, Gray," Happy said, his fur fluffing out.

"You don't say," Gray muttered. His eyes narrowed at the ground. "Maybe it just shook me up because it's different from the normal stuff. It's been a decade and I still haven't found a way to make them stop. They weren't as bad for a while when I was feeling more human, but they started getting worse again after Avatar, and after Awakening again it pretty much became a free-for-all. A fucking decade. _Over_ a decade. It's kind of pathetic, really."

"It's not pathetic," Happy said quickly. "Lots of trauma survivors have nightmares."

Natsu wanted to snatch the words back out of the air as soon as Happy uttered them. The Exceed was just trying to help—and he wasn't wrong—but that was _not_ what Gray would want to hear.

"Trauma survivors have nightmares," Gray said after a long pause, his face set in hard lines and his voice dead. "Monsters have nightmares of themselves."

Natsu winced, the words making his heart twist in a painful way. By watching Happy's expression morph to one of horror, he could tell the exact moment that the Exceed made the connection to the previous night, when he'd asked if it was weird for Gray to have nightmares of himself.

"I didn't–" Happy started, his voice wavering as he twisted his paws together.

"I didn't ask your opinion, did I?" Gray snarled, but he was glowering at his shadow, not at Happy. The dark mass twitched, and he flinched back and bared his teeth. "Uh-uh, you stay right there, darling. Don't touch me."

That thing was creepy at the best of times, and it was only worse after hearing about Gray's nightmare. Natsu gave it a wary glance and then exchanged a look with Happy, whose eyes were wide and worried.

"I have nightmares of myself too, sometimes," Natsu said mildly.

Gray winced and looked over, eyes remorseful and shadow forgotten. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know," said Natsu with a sigh. "You were only talking about yourself. Look, you're not going to want to hear this, but… I guess one of the worst parts about Awakening and all that crap is that you don't have a choice. You lose everything that makes you yourself and turn into something dark and monstrous that no one can control, you least of all. It's scary to know that you could lose yourself in a second and turn into a monster.

"But then the flip side is even though you didn't really have a choice, that somehow doesn't help you come to terms with the aftermath. I can tell you that you didn't have a choice, but you're going to blame yourself anyway. But you know, the person you are now is you too, and I don't see anything monstrous about it. The thought of going back is frightening, but in the end you're still _you_ , and I'd like to think that's enough to make up for the rest."

He tried to search Gray's face, unsure if his little speech was having the desired effect, but his friend had tilted his head down so that his hair was covering his face. Gray's arms had snaked out from under the blanket to wrap around the cat in his lap, but Natsu got the feeling that he was still watching his shadow. The dragon slayer had the impression that this was not going over well, and he couldn't say that he was surprised. Gray was possibly the most frustrating person on the planet, and Natsu wasn't good at words to start with.

Natsu's mind flashed back to the previous night, and he looked down at his hands with a small frown. "You know…when you love someone and they love you, you each give the other a little piece of yourself. So you have a little piece of Happy and Lucy and Erza and me and the others. It's really hard to be alone when some part of us is always with you."

There was a long, painful pause, and then Gray drew in a breath. "That's really corny," he mumbled.

" _What?_ " Natsu jerked his head up and stared at him in indignation. After doing his best to try giving Gray something like what he had given Natsu last night, the ungrateful jerk was going to call his efforts _corny_? "It is not."

"I dunno," Happy said critically, peering out at Natsu around Gray's knee, "it _is_ pretty corny…"

"Hey! He started it first. I–"

Natsu paused as he heard a quiet sniffle. He leaned forward and tried to get a glimpse of Gray's face, but the ice mage's hair stayed resolutely in the way. Happy twisted his head up, took one look at Gray's face, and then turned back to Natsu with a helpless shrug. Well, Natsu would take his word for it since the feline had a better view from his spot in Gray's lap.

Natsu reached out, hesitated uncertainly, and then took the plunge. He wrapped his arms around Gray awkwardly. Gray immediately stiffened, his grip on Happy tightening, and Natsu thought he'd pull away. But then he let out a shuddering breath and relaxed against Natsu, leaning his head against his chest.

Natsu wasn't sure what exactly had gotten Gray so emotional. Maybe some of his words had gotten through after all, but it was just as likely that Gray was still upset over his dreams or guilt or something else entirely. Perhaps it was a little bit of everything.

Natsu wished he knew so that he had some idea of what to do or say, but Gray remained silent. A drop of moisture beaded against Natsu's skin, and he winced.

"Are you…going to be okay?" he asked carefully.

"…Yes." Despite the hidden tears, Gray's voice was perfectly neutral, if quiet.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," Happy suggested from where he was pressed between the huddled mages. "I, um…I think you could probably use some rest."

Gray made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat and tried to sit up straight again. Natsu tightened his grip and pulled the stupid ice block back. The situation was undeniably awkward, but he was tired of Gray always shutting everyone out and pretending like everything was alright.

After a few seconds of tense hesitation, Gray gave in and slumped back against Natsu. "You guys can go back to sleep."

"Gray," said Happy with a sigh, "you need to sleep too. You're already ridiculously sleep deprived."

"I'll be fine."

"Uh-huh. Have you ever tried, like, sleeping potions or something? You might be able to find one that'll knock you out without the nightmares."

"The only ones that work are the ones that put me really deeply under," Gray muttered. "More trouble than they're worth. I always end up oversleeping and it's a pain in the neck to wake me up and they make me really groggy."

"You want to try your meditation thing again?" Natsu suggested.

"What meditation thing?" Happy asked in confusion.

Gray let out a soft breath that tickled Natsu's skin. "I probably should, but I don't feel like it."

"What meditation thing?" Happy repeated.

"Just some stupid thing he does to calm down," Natsu said.

"You're just bitter because you're not any good at it," Gray muttered.

"Hey, I can–" Natsu broke off, his eyes narrowing as a thought occurred to him. "Did you trick me into trying it so that I'd fall asleep?"

Gray's body started shaking, and Natsu eyed him in alarm. It took several seconds of panic before Natsu realized that he was laughing silently.

"I told you that you wouldn't be any good at it."

Natsu scowled. "Jerk. But…you really do need to sleep. We still have a job to do tomorrow, you know."

"I know. I'll be fine."

Geez, he was so difficult. Natsu chewed on his lip, wondering how to convince the idiot to brave sleep. He threw a pleading look at Happy, who just shrugged and snuggled closer to Gray. Real useful cat.

Actually…

"Come on, you'll be fine," said Natsu brightly. "You can keep Happy. I mean, you couldn't possibly have nightmares when you have a cat for a teddy bear. It's practically guaranteed sweet dreams."

"I'm not a cat," Happy grumbled.

Gray snorted softly. "Yeah, that was my line of thought."

Natsu frowned down at his friend's bowed head, hoping he could see into his incomprehensible friend's brain if he stared hard enough. What was Gray even talking about?

He had a flashback to when he'd woken up this morning with Happy snuggled up to his chest and Gray perched wide awake at the end of the bed. Come to think of it, hadn't Happy originally been with Gray? And right after Natsu had mentioned his own nightmares…

 _You idiot. Take care of yourself for once, instead of looking after everyone else._

Smothering a sigh, he reached up and gently turned Gray's head so that he couldn't stare so fixedly at his shadow anymore. He immediately stiffened again, but Natsu held on resolutely.

"I'm wary of making promises that I'm not a hundred percent sure I can keep," the dragon slayer said quietly, resting his chin on top of Gray's head. "I want to say that we can stop anything bad from happening to you again, that you have nothing else to worry about. But I can't. I mean, I can say that we'll always be here for you and we'll fight to make sure that this shit never happens again, but…

"Well, what I can promise you is that Happy and I are here tonight, and there's no reason to be afraid. Tonight, you are safe."

Gray's breath hitched and, after a short pause, he stopped resisting and buried his face in Natsu's chest. He said nothing and Natsu shifted uncertainly, his gaze darting between Gray and the part of Happy that was visible and the shadow that Gray was so leery of. Honestly, he knew that Gray didn't always talk much, but it would be nice to get some kind of response so that he knew where he stood.

As if sensing the dragon slayer's doubt, Gray pulled one hand out of Happy's fur and it curled against Natsu's chest. It wasn't much, but Natsu relaxed. It was a gesture of acceptance, maybe even of gratitude. For Natsu, it was enough.

He noticed Gray's breathing falling into a slower, evener pattern, but it wasn't quite the rhythmic deep breathing of sleep. Maybe he was going to try his meditation thing after all. Whatever the case, Gray stayed quiet, Natsu didn't know what he could actually say, and Happy seemed content to wait things out.

It was only when Natsu was sure that Gray was _finally_ asleep that he stirred. "Can you turn off the light, Happy?"

"But he wanted it on," the Exceed protested.

"He's asleep," Natsu said quietly.

There was a moment of hesitation, but then Happy carefully wriggled out from where he was cradled in the nest of blanket between Gray's chest and loosely-bent knees. As he flew over to turn off the light, Natsu began the arduous process of getting Gray into a more normal sleeping position without waking him up. The last thing they needed was for Gray to wake and refuse to go back to sleep again, so Natsu was very careful. He ended up lying down as well since he had to continue holding the ice mage to get him down, and then paused to consider his predicament.

The only good thing was that Gray was already under the blanket. Natsu wasn't sure what to do about the rest. He'd promised to be here, so should he stay up and make sure Gray didn't start having nightmares again? But he'd really rather sleep…

Gray sighed softly and curled into Natsu. His face was more relaxed in sleep, and Natsu thought that he looked…younger. Maybe a little more vulnerable than when he was awake. At least he hadn't just plunged straight back into a nightmare, anyway.

On the other hand, Natsu felt bad about leaving when it felt like Gray had unconsciously turned him into a teddy bear…even though the ice mage would be just as likely to punch him and push him out of bed if he woke to find him here in the morning. He groaned softly.

Seeing that the two mages were settled, Happy flicked the lights off and his quiet snickering echoed through the darkened room.

"You lllllike him!" he whispered as he hopped back over to the bed and burrowed in between Gray and Natsu, under one of Gray's arms. Gray's pale hand gleamed faintly in the moonlight as it twitched and reflexively curled into the feline's fur.

"Oh, hush," Natsu said with a sigh, not really in the mood for his friend's teasing.

"You did good," Happy murmured after a few seconds.

"You too."

"Way better than I thought you would."

"…Gee, thanks for the backhanded compliment."

"You're welcome." Happy sobered as he asked, "Do you think he'll be alright?"

"Yeah, eventually." Natsu sighed heavily, studying Gray's features as well as he could in the darkness. "He's tough. But there's just so much that he needs to work through… I don't know. The nightmares aren't nearly the most important thing for him to figure out, but I do wish that we had a way to make them stop."

"You know… He mentioned that he had less nightmares before, when he felt more human. So maybe if we can help him feel more human again, like he still belongs and has a place with us, then the nightmares would start working themselves out."

"Huh." Natsu turned his gaze on the shadowy ball of fluff. "You're smarter than you look."

"…Gee, thanks for the backhanded compliment."

"You're welcome. I mean, you're right. It's just easier said than done."

"Most important things are."

"Fair enough," Natsu said with a tired laugh. "Get some sleep, okay? It's already been a long night, and we'll be tired tomorrow."

"Yeah. You too."

"I will."

"Natsu…" Happy hesitated but then let out a breath. "You know, you can talk to me too. I know that there are things you and Gray don't like to talk about, but…you can talk to me."

Natsu smiled fondly, finding a patch of fur that Gray's hand wasn't covering so that he could stroke the little cat affectionately. "Yeah, I know. I'll tell you about it, someday. But for now, get some sleep."

"Alright. Goodnight, Natsu."

"Goodnight, Happy."

Natsu stared out into the darkness for a long time after the Exceed's breathing evened out, but eventually, with Gray and Happy pressing close like a barrier against the nightmares, he snuggled closer and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Natsu was awoken by Gray shoving him roughly out of bed. The incident was never spoken of again.

* * *

 **Note: Natsu and Happy just don't understand how dreams work lol They're probably the worst people for this :D**

 **emmahoshi: The enter key is a wonderful thing lol ("Architectural expectations" XD) Hmpf, good luck finding YA fiction where romance isn't a focal point. Every once in a while I find one that's actually good lol Wow... Yeah, I'll usually clean up people's mistakes if they ask, but it had better be in the afternoon. I don't like being woken up, and night is "me" time (aka writing time lol). I don't like being interrupted. Hehe, being eaten by cake. That would definitely be an interesting one. I just had way too much fun annoying Gray with all the interruptions X) Ha ha, I love Lyon, but he's going to be a brat for a while. [EDIT: Don't worry, it's a painful truth for me too X) I am emphatically _not_ a morning person, and like to sleep in for as long as humanly possible XD I do most of my writing in the hours between 10 p.m. and 4 a.m., depending on how early I have to get up the next day lol I am an insomniac X)]**


	19. Something like Family

**Andie: Lol, keep an eye on that shadow. It's important, and Gray has a very interesting relationship with it. Ha, yeah, none of the boys are very good at sappy emotional stuff X) The struggle is real with them lol Yup, I find that evoking childlike tendencies, especially in a character who is always so tough and keeps up so many walls, can be very poignant. And even more so with Gray's "forever a demon, forever a child" schtick. Good catch :) Aw, you're sweet lol Sorry life is being a pain. Life is kicking my ass too atm XD I'll miss chatting too. Good luck! I hope everything goes well :)**

* * *

 **Something like Family**

* * *

"Okay," Natsu said suddenly, distracted enough that he wasn't entirely aware of the conversation he was interrupting, "I have a hypothetical question."

The girls and Happy trailed off to frown over at him, and even Gray, who had been fairly silent and withdrawn, glanced over with a bored expression as he swirled his water around idly so that the ice cubes clinked against the sides of the glass.

"Oh, are you finally going to tell us why you've been so weird today?" Happy asked.

Natsu frowned. "I'm not being weird."

"Sure you are," Lucy said, shaking her head. "You've been quiet and out of it ever since you walked in this morning. It's definitely weird. You haven't even been paying attention to our conversation."

"Have so," Natsu lied.

Happy gave him a disbelieving look. "You ignored me when I asked if you wanted to go fishing. You've been totally zoned out."

"Maybe I just didn't feel like fishing," Natsu muttered, wondering when Happy had asked anything about fishing. Come to think of it, he couldn't really recall much of anything that the team had discussed in the past few hours. Maybe he _had_ been pretty distracted.

"Sure," Erza said indulgently. "So, care to tell us what you've been thinking so hard about?"

"Who says I've been thinking?" Natsu grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling at his _annoying_ friends.

"Well, I wouldn't," Gray drawled, returning his gaze to his oh-so-interesting water. "I'd be more surprised if you _were_ thinking for once."

"You're such a jerk."

Lucy coughed to hide a laugh, but her eyes sparkled with amusement as she gave Natsu what he supposed was meant to be a sympathetic look. "Well, you kind of walked right into that one…"

"Whatever," he muttered, glowering at his friends.

"Come on," said Happy. "Tell us already."

"Never mind."

"Nat _su_ …"

"It's nothing."

"Just spit it out, flame brain." Gray took a sip of water, caught an ice cube between his teeth, and began crunching loudly.

"No," Natsu said sulkily. If everyone was just going to tease him, then he wasn't going to ask them a serious question. "It's not important."

"If you don't hurry up and tell us, I'll start taking guesses. You wouldn't like that."

Natsu snorted and rolled his eyes. "Guess away."

"You asked for it." A sly smile stole over Gray's face. "Girl problems? Are you looking for advice on how to finally confess to Lu–?"

"No!" Natsu nearly shouted, his voice rising sharply in pitch and volume. Heat flooded his cheeks and he dropped his gaze. "Nothing like that."

"You _sure_?" Gray asked, a low chuckle rumbling through his chest. "Because–"

"St-stop teasing him," Lucy stuttered. Glancing up, Natsu noted that her face looked rather like a tomato.

"Oh?" Gray's smile turned predatory again as he eyed her. "So, would _you_ like some advice on how to finally confess to Na–?"

"Stop!" Lucy squeaked, burying her flaming face in her hands. "Geez, where do you get such weird ideas from?"

"They lllllike each other!" Happy crowed, delighted mischief sparking in his eyes.

"Shut up!" Natsu and Lucy said in unison.

Then they flushed an even deeper shade of red and looked at anything but each other, as the rest of the team laughed. Stupid Gray. It was nothing like that, anyway. Natsu liked Lucy a lot, but as a friend. There was nothing wrong with being friends with girls. It didn't mean that Natsu liked her like _that_. Probably. To be honest, it wasn't something he had ever really considered before, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to start considering it now. No point fixing what wasn't broken.

And anyway, he had more serious thoughts in mind today.

"Shall I take another guess, then?" Gray asked, back to vaguely amused boredom once more. "Are you–?"

"Stop it," Natsu said hurriedly, not keen on hearing what other embarrassing nonsense his friend might spout.

"Come on, then."

He took a deep breath. "I was wondering if…um… Well, if you had, say, a…um…" Sighing, he rubbed at his face. What had he been thinking, considering asking them a question like this? "Nothing. It's stupid."

"Is anything you say ever _not_ stupid?" Gray asked. "You might as well tell us. It's not like it could possibly lower our opinion of your intelligence any further."

"Oh yeah?" Natsu demanded, scowling and letting his chest puff out in indignant anger. "Well, you can just…"

He trailed off, his glower melting into a thoughtful frown. Despite Gray's mocking, his eyes were serious. It was hard to tell what exactly he was thinking because his eyes were so dark and still had that aloof, mysterious quality they'd picked up right around the time he'd admitted to being a demon, but Natsu was pretty confident that he was rather more solemn than his words suggested.

Actually, come to think of it, the teasing might have been meant to put Natsu more at ease. He guessed that it was kind of working a little bit, but he was still feeling uneasy about asking something so personal and charged. But looking around at the ring of faces watching him, he realized that his friends very much wanted to know what was on his mind. Probably because he'd been unusually distracted. They likely thought it was something more serious than it was.

"Fine, fine," he said, snagging a mostly clean napkin off the table from where it had been discarded after his earlier meal. Folding and tearing at it absently so that he had something to focus on other than his friends, he took a fortifying breath. "It's like… Say that you have some kind of…connection to someone. And because of this connection, you should really have some kind of important bond with them. But they also did…really horrible things, and… They honestly probably don't deserve anything from you, and you can't really forgive or not hate them, but you still sort of feel that connection even if you shouldn't. Is it bad if you still feel connected to someone who hurt a lot of people and is honestly a horrible person?"

A long silence greeted his words, and he could practically feel his friends exchanging looks.

Leaning forward, Happy cleared his throat and whispered, "This isn't about Gray, is it?"

"What?" Natsu blinked at the Exceed in confusion, but then his face paled and he darted a look at Gray. "Of course not," he said more loudly than he intended, horrified by what his words might have unintentionally implied. "I didn't mean… It has nothing to do with Gray. It's just a hypothetical question."

The girls glanced between Natsu and Gray uneasily, but Gray seemed perfectly unconcerned. He had returned to his intense scrutiny of his water, swirling it around in a way that somehow conveyed both boredom and pensiveness.

"Um…" Lucy took one last look at Gray and then turned back to Natsu. "I think that's kind of normal? Like, it's not really that unusual to have mixed feelings about something or someone. I mean, I kind of hated my dad for a while and he was really horrible to me at times, but…I was still sad when I came back from Tenrou and found him dead, you know?" She dropped her gaze and fiddled with her skirt, her voice lowering. "I'll probably always resent him for some things, but I loved him too. Most people have some good in them, if you can find it."

"I had something similar with Jellal," Erza added with a shrug. "Even when he turned into someone else entirely and did horrible things…even after he dragged me back to the Tower and nearly killed everyone… He was still my friend first. It's hard to forget that. Even when he became so horrible, it was hard to let go of who he had been. And eventually he redeemed himself."

Natsu frowned, not entirely sure that the situations were the same. Okay, so the mixed feelings thing was fair enough, but…

"Mavis loved him too," Gray remarked evenly. "It's not like you're the only one."

"Mavis loved Jellal?" Natsu asked, his brow wrinkling in confusion.

"Of course not, idiot." Gray shot him a dirty look. "Zeref."

Natsu started in surprise, eyes widening as he gaped at his friend. "How did you–? How did you know I was talking about Zeref?"

"Who _else_ would you be talking about?"

"…Fair enough."

Gray shrugged and turned his attention back to his water once more, his gaze unfocused. "You're human. Human emotions are messy, illogical, contradictory things. I believe that it's silly to fret excessively over something you can't control. You can't control how you feel, whether you think you should feel that way or not. Not everything is so black and white."

Well… Sure, Natsu got the point, but it didn't really tell him why he felt the way he did.

"It's not like…" He sighed and tried to think of how to better phrase his thoughts. "He did a lot of terrible things and was kind of a homicidal maniac, I get that. And I hated him, or… Well, 'hate' is a strong word, but once he started really hurting people I cared about, then maybe. He was definitely an enemy who needed to be taken care of. And then he just dropped this 'brother' card and… I don't know. In some way he was like family, right? And family is supposed to be important. So maybe it's not that I really loved him or anything, but more that I feel like there's some kind of connection there and it makes me wonder 'what if'. I mean, he must have been different, before. But at the same time, he was definitely crazy by the time I met him, and any connection that might have been there should have been severed, right?"

The girls and Happy seemed to grow more and more thoughtful and conflicted as Natsu spoke, but Gray just shrugged.

"Family is always something that you've taken seriously," he said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And yes, I'd imagine that he was different before all this mess. He probably loved you once, and although I'm not entirely clear on how he worked this whole resurrection thing, it seems like he loved you enough to fight for a way to get you back. And then he got himself cursed, and it eventually drove him insane. Who he was then is not entirely the same person he was when I…killed him. But even though there wasn't much left of him to love at the end, he used to be someone worthy of love. You don't remember that person, but you have to wonder what might have happened if things had been different. He was too far gone to save by the end, I think. But does that change your feelings? Probably not."

Yeah, maybe Gray was right. Natsu couldn't say that he particularly liked Zeref after everything the black mage had done to his friends and the world at large, but he had become increasingly ambivalent after the declaration that they were family. Zeref wasn't someone that Natsu could love, but surely there must be _something_ there? Natsu would never know because Zeref was dead, and he couldn't honestly say that he'd rather his brother be alive. Finding a way to kill Zeref had probably been the only way to stop his rampage for good, and Natsu understood that. But now there would never be any kind of closure.

He had gone over all of his short conversations with Zeref many times, but they didn't seem to solve anything. Zeref himself had been something of a puzzle, capricious and easily switching between personalities. The person Natsu had met on Tenrou was different from the one he had met while fighting Tartaros, who was also different from the person who had revealed to Natsu that they were family, who was _also_ different from the person who had talked to Gray at the end. With such a confusing array of split personalities to contend with, was it any wonder that Natsu found himself so ambivalent and unsure?

Igneel and Fairy Tail had been his real families, but the prospect of having another with Zeref was morbidly fascinating in the way that one might be fascinated by a deadly viper. But in the end, Natsu still had Fairy Tail and that was what counted. They had always been far more supportive and loving than Zeref could ever dream to be. They were enough, and Zeref was just a side curiosity. But a side curiosity that itched at Natsu something terrible, on occasion.

Another thought struck him out of the blue, and he turned to Gray with new eyes.

"That…that kind of makes us like family, doesn't it?" he asked slowly.

Gray frowned. "How do you figure that?"

"I mean, Zeref was my brother, right? And he created you, so aren't we something like brothers? Or…maybe you're like, um…a nephew? That sounds weird. You get what I'm saying. Something like family."

Gray had just taken a sip of water and had evidently been about to start crunching on another ice cube, because his eyes suddenly bugged out and he doubled over as he began choking.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked, eyeing him in alarm.

Natsu wondered if it was possible to be alright while choking on an ice cube. Gray's scrabbling hand slammed into his cup and sent it flying off the table, where it crashed to the floor in a rain of glass shards and water. Every eye was drawn to his violent choking fit, and he got more than a few concerned looks. Erza thumped him hard on his back until she managed to dislodge the ice. He sucked in a gasping lungful of air, quickly followed by a flurry of coughs.

"You okay?" Erza asked.

Gray straightened up and rounded on Natsu, eyes blazing and mouth twisted into a ferocious scowl. The dragon slayer blinked back uncertainly, unsure of why his friend seemed so furious.

"Are you _insane_?" Gray hissed with a slight wheeze, his hands balling into tight fists. "What the hell do you think you're implying, hm? Zeref is no… _father_ to me, or whatever you seem to think he is. He was my creator, my master, but he was not _family_. I have an innate need to please him, part of me will always belong to him, but I do not _love_ him. I was only ever a tool, and he was only ever a slave master. That is the extent of our relationship. I was created, not born. I have no _family_."

The guild was so unnaturally silent that it was eerie, any slight movement clearly audible in the stillness. Natsu opened and closed his mouth a couple times, searching for his voice.

"I, um, I didn't really mean it like…that," he mumbled finally. "I know that he wasn't really… But still, I'm connected to him and you're connected to him, so we're kind of connected to each other. And even if we set that aside, we can still be family anyway, right? I mean, that's kind of what the guild is: adoptive family. Maybe that's the more powerful kind, because we chose each other."

Gray stood up abruptly and Natsu snapped his mouth shut, eyeing his friend in wary concern. Gray's eyes were brimming with unreadable, warring emotions, and his expression stayed twisted in anger. He stared at Natsu for a moment that stretched for an eternity, then turned on his heel and strode away, his strides quick and clipped as he stalked out of the guild hall.

Natsu stared after him, feeling both confused and horrible. He hadn't meant to _hurt_ Gray. He'd just thought it was an interesting idea, that they were connected together as family somehow, even though they were already family without that. Shouldn't it make Gray feel loved and supported, rather than make him even more upset?

"What did I say?" Natsu asked forlornly.

"I…" Lucy shook her head slowly. "I guess Zeref might be a touchy subject with him, but…"

"Actually," Erza said, "I think it might have been the idea of family."

"But why–?"

"Have you still not realized why he refuses to rejoin the guild?" Mavis interrupted, studying the team with solemn eyes from where she was perched on a stool next to Makarov on the other side of the room.

"…Because half the guild doesn't want him to?" Happy said, although his voice lilted upward into almost a question due to his sudden uncertainty. "He said that he doesn't want to divide the guild over it."

"That's part of it," Mavis agreed with a sigh. "But mostly it's because the guild is a family. It's the closest thing to a family that he has ever had."

"But then wouldn't he be more eager to come back?" Lucy asked doubtfully.

Mavis shook her head. "No, because he doesn't deserve it."

" _What?_ " Natsu demanded, his eyes widening in indignation. "Of course he–"

"But that's how he thinks, remember? He is very aware of the things he has done, and even if he knows that he really had no control over it… I'm sure you've realized that it haunts him anyway. He tore apart countless families, is a tool with no more value than how well he can fulfill or fail at the purpose he was created for, and since he is a monster with no intrinsic self-worth, he is unlovable and unworthy of having a family to care for him. We might not agree with that assessment, but…"

A nauseous feeling settled in the pit of Natsu's stomach, and his face twisted into a pained expression. It sounded so horrible, laid out like that. At least he could understand Gray's reluctance to cause a divide in the guild, even if that shouldn't stop him from rejoining. But this was deeper, darker, and Natsu hated it.

"It's not right," Mira said. She sat down behind the bar and looked down at her hands. "It's not right how the world treats him like a monster and how he treats himself like one. I don't… I don't want him to think like that."

Lisanna sat down beside her and rested her head against her sister's shoulder, and Elfman dropped a heavy hand on Mira's other shoulder.

"He'll still come back," Lucy mumbled, twisting her hands together. "Eventually things will settle down and he'll come back."

Mavis shrugged, her lips tightening. "Have you realized why he so often switches to acting cold and demon-like these days?"

"He needs time to adjust," Natsu snapped. Whatever Mavis was about to say, he didn't want to hear it. "He's trying to figure out who he is now."

"He is," Mavis agreed. "But he's also purposely distancing himself from the guild. Notice that even though he refuses to rejoin the guild, he still hangs around. He can't bear to leave it entirely, because you all are important to him. You are the most important people in the world to him, and he seems to have made it his purpose to protect you. He hangs around because you need him, and because he needs you. But he won't get too close, because he doesn't belong here anymore, remember? He said as much himself. He loves you, but you are not allowed to love him because he does not deserve it."

There was a long silence, during which Natsu thought he might actually throw up. He had known that some of these issues had still been hanging around, but… He and the others had tried so hard to make Gray feel like he belonged again, to convince him that they still loved him, but some kind of disconnect had remained. It had remained, and Natsu wanted it gone.

Clearing her throat, Erza let her gaze drift across all the spectators looking on with their various expressions. She lingered on those who had already made their disapproval of Gray's involvement in the guild clear.

"Well," she said quietly, "I think it's time we have another discussion about inviting Gray back into the guild."

* * *

Loitering outside the guild hall was something that couldn't go on forever, no matter how much He wanted it to. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. There were going to be questions, not only about his tantrum yesterday but about why He hadn't gone back to Natsu's place last night. And He didn't really know what to say, other than that He had been a jerk. He had really just needed a break from his friends, some time to be alone and brood, and He still hadn't felt up to joining the world of humans by nightfall.

Natsu's illogical conclusions had blindsided him, come out of the blue and hit him where He was least expecting it. They had once again brought to mind the bond to Zeref that He verbally acknowledged but still did his best to deny. Zeref was not his father or anything like it by any stretch of the imagination, but there would always be a bond there and they had too much in common. Because He had been driven to please Zeref, and on some level He empathized with him as much as He hated him. If Natsu thought _his_ feelings toward Zeref were muddled…

But honestly, where did the dragon slayer get off drawing such stupid conclusions? Family. Ha. No, a creature made of magic and paper, created only to be a tool and fulfill a purpose, had nothing like family.

He didn't even know what family felt like, not really. Well, there was Gray's family, but even though He had the memories of it, it had never belonged to him. Gray's birth family was dead, because He had killed them. And Ur. And Gray, for that matter. No, He was not going to claim a family that He had never been a part of and that He had singlehandedly destroyed.

The closest thing had been Fairy Tail. For a while He had felt like He belonged, had been able to build relationships and almost forget what He was. But that time was past, and He could no longer afford to play around with human games.

Not that what He was doing now was much better, He reflected, scowling at the doors to the guild. He had certainly overstayed his welcome with Fairy Tail, even though there were people there that He could not bear to leave.

And since He couldn't leave them, He was going to have to suck it up and go inside eventually. Maybe He could play everything off in such a way that He could satisfy everyone and still get away without giving a full-blown apology.

Because honestly, Natsu had been out of line.

And He hated giving apologies.

It definitely had more to do with the former than the latter.

Disgusted with himself, He shook his head and plastered a more neutral expression on his face as He pushed his way into the guild. He quickly spotted the team at their usual table and sauntered over, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Gray!" Lucy said a little too loudly, looking up and spotting him. Relief swept over her features, but there was something tense and nervous lurking underneath. He eyed her curiously. "How are you?"

"Perfectly fine," He drawled, letting a lazy half-smile tug at his lips.

"You seem to have lost your shirt," Erza observed. "Been a while since you've done that."

"Maybe the habit's coming back," Happy said with a snicker, before his laughter died and his eyes started shifting about anxiously again.

They seemed more nervous than He'd expect them to be, even given his outburst yesterday, but He was more distracted by the news about his clothing. Looking down, He bit out an exasperated curse as He realized that his shirt was indeed missing. Kicking the habit had felt like He was losing a piece of Gray, but given that He was trying to get everyone to understand that He wasn't really Gray, it seemed like a necessary evil.

And anyway, without his shirt on, his bare chest proclaimed that He was no longer a member of Fairy Tail. He might have chosen that, but that didn't mean He was proud of it.

"Where did it go?" He muttered.

He had been wandering around the city for a good part of the night; the shirt could be anywhere. He was fairly confident that the reason the stripping had suddenly reasserted itself was because He had been thinking about Gray and his family, but that didn't make it any less frustrating.

He looked up and noticed Lucy's eyes tracing a line of darkened scar tissue crossing his chest. One of the Executioner's parting gifts, from the batch He had refused to have healed. And Erza was quite obviously trying not to look at the blank expanse of skin where his guild mark had once been, and was failing miserably. In fact, He could almost feel the eyes of the entire guild on him, as if they were all watching and judging and waiting for his next step. He was probably being paranoid, but all the attention, real and imagined, made him feel horribly exposed.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, He folded his arms across his chest and rocked back a half-step, glancing toward the doors. Lucy started in surprise, then flushed and quickly looked away, embarrassed at having been caught staring. It didn't really make him feel any less awkward.

"Maybe I'll go look for that," He mumbled, inching back another step.

"Why?" Happy asked. "You lose clothes all the time. And anyway, you have plenty more at our place."

"Speaking of which," Natsu said, giving the demon a hard look, "you never came home last night."

Straightening himself back out and abandoning his attempt at escape, He rallied. No need to wilt under the scrutiny. He was supposed to be getting things back on track so that everything could go back to normal. That was the goal He had come in with today, and He wasn't going to let a missing shirt deter him.

He started for the table once more, shrugging. "Yeah, sorry. I should have told you I was staying out."

"Where were you?" Natsu pressed, his eyes narrowing.

He waved a hand airily. "Around." Settling himself down at the table, He asked, "What's up?"

"But where–?" Natsu broke off and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a moment, he took a breath and looked back at the demon. "Right. Well… Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I wasn't really thinking about the implications of what I was saying. I didn't mean it like that."

And now _Natsu_ was _apologizing_ for something? Curiouser and curiouser.

He shrugged. "You're right, I have a connection to Zeref. You just drew some parallels that you shouldn't have. But really, you just caught me by surprise, that's all. It's fine."

"Yeah." Natsu's face remained serious. "But I _did_ mean the second part."

Stiffening, He eyed the dragon slayer guardedly. He had been hoping that they'd just drop all of this now.

"It's true," Lucy said when He only hummed noncommittally. "Fairy Tail really is a family."

"And we want you to rejoin the guild," Erza added, her eyes lingering on his missing guild mark.

"This again?" He huffed and sat back, some of his discomfort replaced by exasperation. "I already said no. Many times."

"Yes, but now it's _really_ time to come back. Everyone else is ready to accept you back now, so there's no reason to say no anymore."

He frowned at Erza and the rest of the team in bewilderment, but then relaxed and chuckled, amused by their bluff. "Of course," He said indulgently, a half-smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Try again."

Erza scowled. "It's _true_."

"It is," Happy agreed. "We convinced them that it was time to stop being stubborn idiots and invite you back."

They seemed so serious, but…He couldn't really take them seriously. They really expected him to believe that the half of the guild that could barely even stand to look at him had suddenly decided they wanted him to rejoin? It was ludicrous.

"Right," He said skeptically.

"They're right, actually," Charle said. Twisting around, He realized that maybe He wasn't just being paranoid after all—everyone was definitely watching him now. "Except for the 'idiots' part."

Gajeel and a few of the other dissidents nodded, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. After blinking at them uncomprehendingly, He looked back to give the team a reproachful look.

"It's not nice to force your own guildmates into doing something they're so dead set against," He said, his words heavy with disapproval.

"We're not _forcing_ them to do anything," Natsu snapped, indignant.

"They aren't," Gajeel said with a sigh. "We spent several hours discussing this yesterday after you left."

"Although," Elfman muttered, giving Mira and Lisanna a sidelong look, "there might've been some vaguely violent pressure applied."

His sisters scowled, but Elfman seemed more amused than genuinely annoyed. Then again, he wasn't one of the people who had been the most fiercely opposed to the proposition. Although he might have raised some concerns based off his own experiences with Lisanna's 'death', he had been more on the fence than anything.

But there _were_ people who had been very strongly against this, and He was skeptical that they had somehow been convinced, even taking into consideration that they'd begun warming back up to him a little over the past weeks. Something of his doubt must have shown on his face, because several mages shuffled uncomfortably or exchanged looks.

"Well, the Council already let you go," Gajeel pointed out. "And we're supposed to be watching you, anyway."

"And you're always hanging around," Charle grumbled, although she looked less hostile than she often did. "Why not just make it official again?"

"As long as you stay away from Asuka…" Bisca shrugged, her lips tightening as she looked away. "It's not like you've done anything to her or to anyone else. I doubt you'll start now."

"There _was_ a very long discussion yesterday," Makarov confirmed. The Master let his gaze travel around the guild hall before his eyes came to rest on the demon again. "We didn't leave until everyone was on the same page. This was a unanimous decision."

Looking around, He searched everyone's faces. Some people looked more uneasy about the decision than others, but no one looked legitimately coerced. They actually seemed on board. For the first time, it occurred to him that maybe this was the real deal.

"So you'll come back, right?" Lucy asked hopefully.

He stared back at her, torn. Something fluttered in his chest like the delicate beating of a songbird's wings, maybe a small sliver of hope that He'd been carefully tamping down this whole time. For a moment, He let himself dream. He missed his guild mark and what it represented, He craved the approval and acceptance of the guild even if He didn't like to admit it, and He'd be lying if He said that He didn't sometimes fantasize about the old days when He had truly been a part of this group. Could He have that again?

He opened his mouth and…

"No."

Incomprehension twisted Lucy's features, and there was a long beat of silence before she asked, "What…? What do you mean?"

"I mean no," He said flatly, crossing his arms and locking all his silly daydreams back up where they belonged.

"But… Why not?"

"The Council–"

"Pardoned you," Erza interrupted. "And told us to keep you in line. I think they'd be more surprised to realize that you _aren't_ an official guild member right now."

"The other guilds–"

"Can go screw themselves," Cana said, rolling her eyes. "Happy or not, they've mostly accepted that you're here to stay. And anyway, this is Fairy Tail's business. They have no business sticking their noses in it."

"Let's be honest, even Fairy Tail–"

"Will you _stop_ that already?" Natsu's features twisted into a ferocious scowl. "Everyone has been slowly coming around for weeks now." His anger slowly fading away, he dropped his gaze. "I meant it," he said more softly. "Fairy Tail is a family. And okay, we had a major quarrel over this, but family always finds a way to work things out in the end because we still love each other. Official guild member or not, you've still been family this whole time, and we want you to acknowledge that again. You still belong with us."

He stared at Natsu, a heavy weight settling in his stomach. "No," He said quietly, "that is not true."

And maybe that was the real reason He couldn't make himself accept their offer. He knew that his friends wanted this, _He_ wanted this, but…

Natsu looked up, and He was surprised to see the naked pain and sadness that lurked in the dragon slayer's eyes. It made the demon's own heart twist uncomfortably. Why did this have to be such a big deal? It wasn't like He was leaving them—He was still here. Mark or not, He was here.

"Of course it is," Cana scoffed, her bluster totally at odds with the heavy atmosphere hanging over the rest of the guild. "You're like that annoying big brother I never asked for."

He looked over with a puzzled frown. "…What?"

"Well, you nag at me like one." She rolled her eyes, and her voice took on a mocking tone. "Cana, are you drunk _again_? You need to stop overdoing it already. Cana, I'm cutting you off and taking you home so that you don't wind up in a ditch somewhere." Sarcasm fading, she dropped her gaze to the tankard in her hand and her voice softened. "Cana, if you're scared of me, if you don't trust me, then at least let me find someone else to take you home, because I need to know that you'll be safe."

He started in surprise. "You were definitely too drunk to remember that."

"Yeah, well." She sighed and swirled her booze around in the cup. "I heard about it later. And I really should have said that I was sorry."

"It's…fine…" He said slowly. She had more than made up for that incident later, and it wasn't something He'd hold against her even if she hadn't.

"Oh, he does it to me too!" Lucy said loudly with an edge of mock annoyance, cutting through the awkwardness. "Lucy, let me walk you home; it's dark. Lucy, if you don't want me reading your novel, then maybe you should learn how to lock your windows. Lucy, why don't you let me take care of this guy?" Apparently falling into the same trap as Cana, she lowered her voice and looked away. "No, Lucy, it's not because I don't think you're strong enough. I _know_ that you're very strong, but I'd rather not risk you getting hurt and you worry me sometimes."

He swallowed and darted a glance back over his shoulder, wondering if there was any possible way to extricate himself from this whole messy situation and make a run for the doors.

"Love rival!" Juvia gasped, affronted. "Gray-sama is even better to Juvia. Juvia, don't cry. Juvia's rain is not gloomy, it is beautiful." She paused, some of her indignation draining away. "Juvia, don't do anything stupid. Gray-sama will find another way out, because he can't accept Juvia dying." She was silent for about half a second before her face brightened again and she gave Lucy a smug look. "Except that Gray-sama is not a _brother_ to Juvia, but a lov–"

" _Mo_ ving on," Mira interrupted loudly, shooting Juvia a look. He sighed in relief that Juvia's romantic fantasies were cut short, but grimaced when Mira turned on him with a sad smile. "Mira, it's okay to be sad, but don't hide out here alone. Go to Elfman; he needs you. Or come to me. Mira, there's nothing wrong with you or your magic, no matter what anyone told you. Your magic is part of you, so surely it must be as beautiful as you are."

He shifted uncomfortably, wishing that his friends weren't dragging up snippets of conversation from over a decade of friendship. This… _intervention_ that they were pulling on him might be meant to convince him of his place here, but it only reminded him of how much had changed and what He had lost.

"You were always a good friend even before I got sucked into Edolas," Lisanna said with a sigh. "And you–"

"Whoa, whoa," Cana interrupted, elbowing the other girl, "you have to use the right format."

Lisanna stared. "Excuse me?"

"You know, you gotta do it like he's nagging at you. He's a bit of a nagger sometimes."

"I don't _nag_ ," He protested sulkily. "And she doesn't need to say anything. Honestly, I don't–"

"Just ignore him," Cana said to Lisanna, waving a dismissive hand in the demon's direction. "He's sulking."

"I don't _sulk_."

Cana ignored him. "I'm pretty proud of coming up with the whole format, and everyone else has used it too. You might as well."

"Seriously?" Lisanna sighed and rolled her eyes, but complied. "Lisanna, it's okay to miss the people you left behind. It's okay to love both worlds." Her lips quirked into a sad smile. "It's okay to have more than one family, and you'll always belong to both."

Mira sniffled loudly and pulled her sister into a hug. Then her eye caught on Elfman, and she nudged him none too gently. "Don't _you_ have anything you could say?"

"Gray is a man," Elfman said with a nod, and then frowned at the floor. "I know I was a little concerned about what might happen if you came back, but… Elfman, I'm not going to tell you it isn't your fault, because you don't want to hear that. But she loved you and you love her, and that has to count for something. Everyone has an ugly piece, a dark side, somewhere inside them, but that doesn't make them monsters, not even if they make mistakes and lose control." The takeover mage sighed. "I guess you'd know."

He refrained from pointing out that He had been talking about humans and hadn't actually been including himself in that.

"Right," He said, clearing his throat and giving the doors another longing look. "Is the intervention over yet?"

People started exchanging looks again, realizing that they weren't getting through to him. To be fair, it wasn't that He wasn't having an emotional reaction to this. It was just that it was _horribly_ uncomfortable on top of that, and He was tamping everything down because He didn't want to give in to their pleas.

"But I didn't get to go yet!" Happy protested.

"You really don't have to say anything…" He shook his head wearily. "Look, I'm not going anywhere. This isn't the big deal that you guys are making it out to be."

"I think it is," Happy mumbled. "I think you deserve to feel like you belong here and that you're still part of our family."

"Happy…"

"I want to say mine too."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Go ahead," He said tiredly.

The little cat took a deep breath. "Happy, of course I like getting fish for my birthday. They're from you, so they're special. You're a good friend, and that's the best gift you've ever given me, yeah? What do you mean? Of course you're important to the team, Happy. We all count on you, and Natsu couldn't find his way out of a paper bag without your help." Happy's already soulful eyes turned downright mournful as he said, "Don't cry, Happy. I'll bring Natsu back. I promise."

Wincing at the waver in the Exceed's voice, He leaned over to run a soothing hand through Happy's fur. Happy pressed himself into the touch, then crept over to settle by the demon's side.

"Come back," he said.

"I haven't gone anywhere," He said, subdued, stroking the feline's fur absently.

"You have," Erza disagreed. "You have, and we miss you."

"Erza–"

"Erza, sometimes you need to take off that armor and let us in. Erza, it's okay to love and miss someone who changed and hurt you. Mixed feelings are normal. But if he hurts you again, I'll rip his arms off." She met his eyes steadily as she said, "Erza, if you like to be alone so much, then why are you crying?"

He shifted uncomfortably under her sharp gaze. He knew that she was trying to make a point. That they all were. He was getting the message, but it only made his heart hurt more.

"Look, I–"

"Hey, fire-breathing idiot," Natsu interrupted, giving him a hard look, "stop moping around already. It doesn't suit you. Natsu, I'm sorry, I really am. Igneel loved you as much as you loved him and I'm sorry that he's gone, but the guild is still here for you." The dragon slayer swallowed hard. "Natsu, you will not Awaken again, not while you are under my protection." Taking a breath, he steeled himself and met the demon's eyes. "Come on, flame brain, you look real silly playing dress-up as a demon."

Gray stared at his friend but then dropped his gaze, his shoulders hunching. "I can't," He whispered. "It's not a game to me. This isn't like playing dress-up."

"And that's okay," Natsu said quietly. "You are who you are. Just don't forget that the person we're all talking about… That's you, too. It always has been."

"You love so much," Erza said, her voice sad. "Let us love you too."

His nails dug into his palms as He stared down sightlessly at the table, his heart aching. "I…I can't…"

Trailing off, He shook his head. He didn't know what He was supposed to do with this. He wanted it, but He didn't feel like He could accept it.

"I already told you that you were welcome here," Makarov said. "You still have a place here, if you'd just take it."

He stayed silent, forlorn and at a loss as to how to solve this mess. Mavis cleared her throat, and He looked over at her reluctantly as she stepped toward him.

"Like I said, you've always been a part of this guild, mark or not," she told him. "And I did warn you that there were a lot of people who were going to want you to change your mind. The truth is that the only one unwilling to accept your status as a guild member is you. The mark itself is merely a formality, but an important one, I think. As the founder of this guild and its first master, I ask you to allow me to replace your mark."

She held out a hand invitingly and He stared at it, torn with indecision. She let the silence drag on for a few seconds before sighing heavily.

"Mavis," she said, "you know what would happen if I allowed the guild to fight for me. This is your guild, you know. Don't encourage it to self-destruct. No, Mavis, I'm not going to change my mind. It's better for them this way. Mavis, take care of them now that I can't." She smiled sadly. "If I could love, then I would love you."

He started in surprise. She hadn't even been there when He'd said that to the others… Apparently his team had been spreading it around.

"If you didn't love them, you wouldn't still be here," Mavis said. "Let them love you back. The thing about family is that the love goes both ways."

He stared at her and then let his gaze wander around the room, searching the faces of everyone present. And things weren't perfect, He could still see some of the wariness and uncertainty there, but there was also so much love. He didn't honestly know if He deserved that love, but He wanted to.

…But if they _did_ love him, then didn't that mean they thought He deserved it? Then again, they'd probably still be stupid enough to love him no matter what He did.

Which, He realized with a start, was what family meant.

He took a deep breath and stood up. Fixing his gaze on Mavis's hand, He wavered indecisively and then slowly reached out, his fingers hovering in the air uncertainly for a moment before He placed them feather-light in her palm. Mavis smiled. Grasping his hand firmly, she reached out with her other hand and pressed her palm against his chest. When it fell away, a familiar navy blue mark remained.

"Welcome back," Mavis said gently. "Not that you could have ever left entirely when you gave us your heart to keep."

He couldn't look away from his guild mark, and had to bite down hard enough on the inside of his cheek that He tasted blood. He was _not_ going to cry, but…there was that stupid guild mark smiling back up at him, and his stupid friends and all their stupid words and love, and…

And He loved them so stupidly much that it hurt.

"Welcome home, Gray," Mavis said, squeezing his hand and then releasing it.

He was still having a hard time believing this was happening and it would take a while to really sink in, but his heart was doing silly little flips in a stupidly hopeful way even though it still ached.

And He was _not, not, not_ going to cry, but He could feel the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes anyway, and–

A loud whoop suddenly broke through the stillness, and something hot and heavy slammed into the demon from behind, sending him crashing to the ground.

"You're back!" Natsu shouted.

He wriggled around, his face twisting into a ferocious scowl as He summoned up his ice and sent the dragon slayer flying. "Get off me, you fire-breathing idiot!"

Natsu laughed and jumped back to his feet, fire swirling about him. No way was He going to take that lying down, so He jumped up as well, ice ready and waiting.

"Oh well," Makarov said with a sigh as Natsu charged. "The guild hall had outlived its expiration date anyway, since they haven't been fighting and tearing it up. At least things are getting back to normal."

"Did you just hit me?" Lucy screeched.

Suddenly, it seemed like the entire guild was awhirl with shouts and punches and magic.

And, oddly enough, He felt right at home.

* * *

 _ **End Segment 1**_

* * *

 **emmahoshi: You keep approaching everyone's opinions of Zeref like humans' emotions are rational things lol Natsu doesn't want Zeref to be family. He doesn't love or even particularly like him, nor does he magically forgive him for everything. He's curious more about what _could have been_ , because the whole family card is a big deal to drop. It's like those people whose grandfathers or whoever were serial killers, and they get curious and spend a lot of time researching and looking into it trying to come to terms with things and figure out what it means for them. I don't really get the emphasis on what your ancestors did, but other people do it. Some of them even make TV shows out of it lol Natsu is wondering about who Zeref was before all this, back when they _were_ family, but that doesn't mean he necessarily wants to be family _now_. But I can't see him having zero reaction like he did in canon. It's a pretty big thing to drop on someone. Yeah, not a big fan of Stockholm romances, as I like to call them. It's like Gruvia, which is a particularly nasty variant X) Lol, there _was_ a very long discussion, I just didn't feel like writing it all out. I've dropped hints that the guild has been coming around for a while and quite a bit of time has passed since the beginning. I was originally going to do more with it, but the story was already getting really long and I have way more plot than the guild to get to. And yeah, the second segment has some really rough stuff since it focuses on aspects of the past X) I don't drink coffee at all. Nasty stuff. I like autumn (even if we don't get the nice kind here), but I don't really get all those autumn trends lol**


	20. Moment of Silence

**Note: The second segment deals mainly with issues of the past, including Lyon.**

 **As for the speculation on whether the original Gray is still somehow alive... You're welcome to interpret things in whatever way you'd like, but I'm afraid that's not technically the case. That would open up a whole new can of worms, and I want this story to be about this Gray and his redemption/recovery arc. He doesn't have to be a good person because the other Gray is still alive; he's a good person because he's become a genuinely good person. On the other hand, he still has the other Gray's memories and everything and they've definitely affected him, so in that way a piece of the original Gray is still alive in him. But he is our canon Gray, a little more and a little less. Idk if that makes sense.**

 **[UPDATE: I got more fanart :D**

* * *

 _ **Start Segment 2**_

* * *

 **Moment of Silence**

* * *

He had intended to stay wrapped up in the blankets and sleep the day away until tomorrow was safely upon him, but that plan was shattered much too early by Natsu's loud and obnoxiously cheerful voice.

"Time to get up! Come on, Gray! Let's go!"

"Go away," He mumbled, burying his face in the pillow in a halfhearted attempt to suffocate himself.

Natsu tugged at the cocoon of blankets surrounding the demon, and He woke just enough to grab them and hold them tightly. Curling into himself as much as the narrow couch would allow, He silently willed Natsu to go the hell away.

"Aw, come on," Natsu said with a chuckle. "It's not even that early anymore. We let you sleep in."

"And I'd like to sleep in some more, so go away."

"No can do. We need to go to the guild!"

With a victorious whoop, Natsu finally managed to wrest the blankets away from the demon, yanking them off and letting them fall unceremoniously to the floor. He tensed as chilly air hit his skin. Rolling over, He grimaced at all the lumps in the uncomfortable couch and then fixed Natsu and Happy with a hard look.

"I'm not going to the guild."

Natsu stared at him. "What do you mean, you're not going to the guild?"

"Exactly what I said. I don't want to go to the guild today."

Natsu and Happy exchanged puzzled frowns.

"But you _have_ to go today," Happy said. "I mean, it's exciting!"

"Someone sure woke up on the wrong side of the couch this morning," Natsu muttered. The dragon slayer liked to think that he was terribly clever.

Sighing, He flopped back and pulled the pillow down over his face. "Whatever."

"Are you alright?" Happy asked, and the worry in his voice was enough to make the demon feel like He needed to be more alright than He was.

"Yeah, sure," He mumbled. "Just tired. Didn't sleep well."

"Nightmares?" Natsu asked, suddenly sounding more serious.

He just hummed noncommittally and shrugged as He forced himself to sit up and fight his way out of the half-collapsed couch. This thing was uncomfortable as hell, but it had little to do with his sleeping problems. Nightmares were a bigger issue, but although He could still catch glimpses of dark, accusing eyes in the corners of his mind from the night before, those hadn't been the problem either.

No, He had just been moping, really. It was hard to sleep when He had too much on his mind.

Struggling free of the sofa with some difficulty, He eyed it wearily. It suddenly looked like the most comfortable thing in the world, and all He wanted to do was sleep and not wake up for a long time.

As if sensing his intentions, Natsu grabbed his arm and tugged him away. "Uh-uh, time to get up."

"I'm sorry you didn't sleep well," Happy added, "but you can sleep later. Breakfast is already ready, and then we'll go to the guild."

He was pretty sure He'd already made it clear that He didn't want to go to the guild, but one look at Happy's face pretty much killed that notion. The Exceed was giving him those stupid kitty-cat eyes again, and He was _so_ bad at ignoring guilt trips.

"Fine," He grumbled, averting his gaze. It was only one day. How bad could it be? He could handle it. "Just let me get dressed."

"Okay!" Happy said brightly. The little cat sounded much too pleased with himself, knowing that his patented kitty-cat eyes technique had scored another win. "Come eat breakfast when you're done."

He tugged his arm out of Natsu's grasp to fetch some clothes and disappear into the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of dark, haunted eyes and a child's face in the mirror, and quickly pulled the shadows out of the corner of the room to sweep across the glass. Not today.

It didn't take long to pull his clothes on no matter how sluggish and tired He was, but He stayed in the bathroom for much longer. Propping his elbows on the counter, He splashed cold water on his face and then buried it in his hands, taking deep, fortifying breaths.

Unfortunately, He could only stay in his sanctuary for so long. Not wanting to get Natsu and Happy on his case, He eventually abandoned the bathroom with some reluctance.

The nauseating aroma of frying bacon immediately assaulted his nostrils, and He felt his stomach turn. Honestly, did Natsu even know how to cook anything besides bacon? He didn't much care for it after weeks of eating it nearly every day, but the reason it seemed particularly unappealing today was probably just because stress and lack of sleep were making him feel unwell.

Natsu and Happy's cheerful babbling didn't help matters any. He picked at his food and pretended to listen, but their loud voices were making a dull throbbing start up behind his eyes. Maybe He was coming down with something.

"Not hungry?" Happy asked.

It took a second for him to realize that He was being addressed. "Not really."

"Just as well." Natsu grinned and tossed dishes haphazardly into the sink, the clinking of ceramic grating at the demon's ears. "Probably better to save room."

He didn't bother asking what that meant. By now, He'd gotten used to Natsu saying weird shit.

He obediently followed his friends to the guild, although He glanced backward longingly more than once. Maybe they'd be satisfied if He just stayed for an hour or two? He could use the excuse of not feeling well, which was true enough.

"Ready?" Natsu asked cheerfully as he paused outside the doors to the guild, his hand on the knob.

He stared back blankly. "For what?"

Natsu rolled his eyes and flung the doors open. There was a momentary delay as every head in the guild swiveled toward them, but then there was a loud chorus of, "Happy birthday!"

He took an automatic half-step back, his eyes darting from face to face and around the room. The hall had been decorated with streamers and balloons, a large cake was balanced on a nearby table, and it looked like the entire guild had turned out for the occasion.

He had the sudden urge to turn around and walk away. It wasn't his birthday. It was _Gray's_ birthday, and Gray was dead. He had put up with the tradition of celebrating one more year of life for a dead child each time Gray's birthday rolled around, but…He had been hoping that they wouldn't need to bother with this charade anymore now that the truth had come out.

He knew He should have just stayed in bed and waited it out.

Anger and resentment bubbled up inside him as He eyed all the smiling faces. They had some nerve to be doing this. Didn't they know that–?

He let out a breath. Of course they didn't know. They _should_ , but they had never even considered the implications.

He could clear this up quickly and escape, except…

Damn it, He couldn't do it.

Underneath all those smiles, He could sense the nervousness and tension. His relationships with certain guild members were still somewhat strained or nonexistent, and those were the people who looked the most uneasy. But they were trying. They'd thrown together a party for him despite their troubled relations over the past weeks.

Possibly it was supposed to be another way to make him feel more welcome at the guild again. He had the feeling that they suspected that although He had finally agreed to rejoin the guild, He still didn't feel entirely comfortable here. If so, they weren't wrong. There were still relationships that hadn't been completely mended, and all those many weeks of suspicion and hostility were hard to just ignore.

It was a nice, if misguided, gesture.

Forcing a smile, He said, "It's…nice. Thanks."

The relief on everyone's faces was almost instantaneous.

It was only for one day. He could play happy for one day. They were trying for him, and He knew that He'd been difficult lately. The least He could do was try for them too.

"Oh good, that's better," Natsu said, clapping the demon on the back and giving him a wide grin. "I was starting to think that you forgot it was your own birthday."

…Yeah.

He summoned up as much good cheer as He could muster, and threw himself into the festivities. He laughed and chatted and participated in games and blew out the candles. He even managed to choke down a few bites of cake, even though his appetite hadn't improved—just enough to get Happy off his case about not eating.

But it was so, so draining when He was already running on empty. He kept one eye on the door, always looking for an excuse to leave but unable to feel good about doing so. His headache stayed as a dull throbbing behind his eyes that wore him down, his faint nausea reasserted itself if He got too close to any of the food, and his limbs felt like lead. His smile grew more plastic and his laughs more hollow as the day wore on. By the end of it, He was functioning on autopilot.

He wanted out. He wanted out of the birthday congratulations and teasing and laughter. He wanted out of the celebrations and gifts and cake. He wanted out of the hordes of well-meaning people who were slowly driving him crazy.

He'd rather just sleep to escape…everything. He was done. But it was just one day, and with how difficult He'd made things on everyone else lately, He could give them this much. They, at least, seemed to be having a good time. Fairy Tail always liked celebrations. They wanted to see him having a good time too, and seemed to be looking at this as some sort of gesture of reconciliation. He would give them what they wanted, because He was sure that they'd be stuck dealing with his fickle temperament again before long.

He was almost proud of himself for managing to stick it out till the end, only escaping the confines of the guild along with Natsu and Happy when they finally said goodnight and headed for home. He was too exhausted and emotionally hollow to respond positively to any more attempts at conversation, and his forced good cheer evaporated the second they left the guild.

"Are you alright?" Happy asked, eyeing him anxiously. "You were in such good spirits, and now you're…"

He shrugged and stared at the ground. "Just tired."

"Oh, that's right. You said you didn't sleep well."

"Mm."

That was the last thing He said until they reached the house, when He mumbled something about going to bed. Ignoring Natsu and Happy's looks and shaking his head in response to the question of dinner, He collapsed onto that damnably lumpy sofa and burrowed into the blankets without bothering to undress. For once, not even the springs poking into his back or his own dark thoughts could keep him awake.

He fell asleep almost instantly, already washing the day away in his mind.

* * *

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with Gray?" Natsu burst out finally.

He narrowed his eyes at the ice mage, who was silently submitting himself to Juvia's over-the-top attentions on the other side of the room. Gray would occasionally nod, shake his head, shrug, or do some odd combination of any or all of the above, but although he watched Juvia with solemn eyes, he said nothing. Which was nothing new, considering he hadn't said anything all day.

"I don't know." Lucy abandoned her argument with Happy to frown over at Gray as well. "He's been rather… _quiet_ today."

Natsu snorted. " _There's_ an understatement."

"He didn't say a word all morning," Happy agreed.

"I'm not sure I've actually heard him say anything since he walked into the guild," Erza remarked thoughtfully.

"But he was in such good spirits yesterday," Lucy said with a sigh. "I'd think that at least some of that might have carried over to today."

"Birthdays are exciting," Erza agreed with a gleam in her eyes.

Natsu frowned. It was true that Gray had been in a good mood for the party, but now that he thought about it…

"He was actually super grumpy in the morning. He didn't want to come to the guild at all."

Happy nodded. "He said he was tired. More nightmares, I guess. He didn't say much after the party either, and went to sleep as soon as we got home. He seemed pretty exhausted."

"Okay, but he went to bed early, so shouldn't he be more rested now?"

"More nightmares? He didn't want to come to the guild today either."

"He told you that?" Lucy asked, tapping her fingers thoughtfully on the tabletop.

"Of course not," Natsu said with a derisive snort. "He hasn't said a word. But trust me, he made his wishes known. It took some pestering to get him here at all."

Gray might not be talking, but he hadn't shut down so much that he'd stopped communicating entirely. This morning had been a mess, with Natsu and Happy trying to figure out why Gray wasn't talking and Gray only answering inquiries with small gestures or frowns or narrowed eyes. Natsu had never realized exactly how much someone could say with their eyes until Gray had resorted to using them as his primary method of communication.

Actually, he somehow reminded Natsu of a cat. The pursed lips were akin to flattened ears, the narrowed eyes and furrowed brow reminiscent of a dangerously lashing tail. Gray had actually even bared fangs at them once, which had been a pretty obvious sign of his displeasure. But not once had he looked like he even _wanted_ to speak.

Happy had been all for leaving Gray alone, but Natsu was tired of his friend being so much trouble. He understood that Gray was having a hard time, he tolerated his mood swings, but this was getting ridiculous and Gray would never get better if he just kept hiding away.

"He's been moving pretty slowly, though," Erza observed, watching Gray's movements as he propped an elbow on the table and rested his cheek in his hand, staring back at Juvia with half-lidded eyes. "He doesn't seem to have any energy."

"Yeah, but being _tired_ wouldn't make him stop talking," Natsu said.

"Maybe he's getting sick?" Happy suggested. "He's been pretty out of sorts."

"Yeah, but being _sick_ wouldn't make him stop talking."

"I mean, he might have a sore throat?"

Natsu gave the Exceed a disbelieving look and Happy flattened his ears, conceding the point. Being sick wasn't a good enough explanation.

"He's probably upset over something," Erza said with a sigh.

"Over _what_?" Natsu asked, throwing his hands in the air. Frustration curled in his chest. "He seems to get upset over _everything_ now."

"Natsu…"

"He sometimes gets quiet and withdrawn when he's unhappy or trying to distance himself, but to stop talking entirely? That's weird."

"He stopped talking while he was in jail, remember? Both times, apparently."

Natsu threw Erza the most offended look he could muster. "Are you saying that my house is a _jail_?"

"Of course not," she said, rubbing at her face tiredly. "I'm just saying that there's a precedent for this."

"Okay, but he's not in jail anymore," Happy protested. "Why would he stop talking again?"

"I don't think it's a jail-specific thing," Erza said. "I talked to him afterward, and he just said that he didn't always feel like talking. And that was right after the trial, so he was pretty shaken up. His experiences in jail weren't good. The first time, he had just lost everything. The second time, he thought he'd lose it again and was tortured by someone whose family he killed. I think that it has more to do with him reaching a breaking point."

"A breaking point," Natsu repeated dubiously.

"Well, you know. He's stretched thin, emotionally. He doesn't have the energy to deal with the world anymore, and he's caught up enough in his own head that he has little desire to interact with anyone else. He feels alone, and he's making it worse by isolating himself. I'm telling you, he's upset over something."

Natsu pursed his lips and returned to staring at Gray. The ice mage didn't have that 'dead to the world' look he sometimes got—he was watching Juvia and the others at the table with dark, wary eyes, his gaze following the conversation. He was reserved and guarded, but paying attention. And although his movements were indeed a bit lethargic, he still made them in response to conversational cues. It was like he'd just woken up this morning and decided to go voluntarily mute. He didn't even look like he was ever bursting with the urge to speak, like Natsu would be after about ten seconds of silence. He was just entirely disinterested in the prospect of speaking.

It all seemed fairly normal aside from the no-talking and guarded air, but Natsu imagined he could see Gray's patience stretching thin in his eyes, something brittle and pained lurking underneath.

"But what would he be upset over?" Lucy asked, gnawing on her lower lip.

"Anything," Natsu growled. "Everything. Who knows with him? But I'll go find out."

Lucy's eyes widened as he stood up. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Natsu didn't particularly care whether it was or not. "Well, we might as well find out why he's being so annoying."

"Just leave him be," Erza commanded, grabbing Natsu's arm in a viselike grip and dragging him back down.

"But–" Natsu paused as Mira swept over to Gray.

"Gray, would you mind helping me out for a second?" she asked sweetly. Gray looked up and nodded, rising obediently from the table. Mira's smile faded as her gaze roamed over his face. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Gray half nodded, half shrugged, the movement so slight as to be nearly imperceptible, and motioned her on with his hands. After giving him one last look, Mira sighed and led him off toward the back, babbling about something or other she needed help with.

Natsu shook Erza off impatiently and glowered at the tabletop. Well, he wasn't going to interrupt that. He'd talk to Gray later.

Until then, he contented himself with listening to Erza ramble about cake and the new bakery that had opened up in competition to her favorite. He wondered how anyone could get that excited about _cake_. Or fish, for that matter, but Happy wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, anyway.

Something moved in the corner of his eye, and he looked over just in time to see Gray slipping out the door.

"Seriously?" he said, interrupting Erza's story. "Now he's leaving."

The rest of the team followed his gaze. Erza shrugged and frowned, Lucy sighed, and Happy flattened his ears. And Natsu, he stood up. He was getting tired of Gray moping around and running off.

"Natsu, let him go," Erza said sharply.

"No. This is getting ridiculous."

"I know it's been kind of hard on all of us–" Lucy started delicately.

"Yeah, and you don't even have to live with him."

"It's not that bad," Happy said hastily, giving Natsu a wide-eyed look. "He's a lot more cooperative now. He tries."

"Yeah, well, this has gone far enough. I'm tired of him doing stupid shit and us letting him get away with it."

Lucy winced. "You're really that unhappy with having him live with you? Are you going to…?"

Natsu stared at her blankly, but then his eyes widened. "Shit, no. Not like that. I don't want him gone or anything. I just want him to be more…himself."

He slumped back down onto the bench, blindsided by the idea. It wasn't like he wanted to kick Gray out or anything. He'd meant it when he'd said that this could be Gray's home too. But… Okay, yes, he was getting fed up.

Gray was doing better with going less demon-y and staying at the guild longer and being cooperative, but then there would always be days like this where everything seemed to go to hell. There always had to be those little setbacks to remind everyone that things were still messed up. And while Natsu could totally sympathize with Gray, he was losing patience with his friend's ways of responding to stress. It stressed everyone else out too, and made things awkward and difficult. Everyone had been trying so hard to make Gray feel welcome again, and Natsu thought that the least he could do in return was to try harder. Gray got so caught up in his own problems that he forgot how much they—and he himself—affected the others.

"It'll get better," Erza said. "Give it a few months and I think he will have improved a lot. Everything is still pretty fresh right now. But still, he _has_ been getting better lately. You know that he isn't as standoffish as before."

"Yeah, but then he pulls shit like this," Natsu grumbled. "Has it occurred to you that maybe we're…uh…what's the word? En-en-enable? That we're enabling him?"

Happy's utterly blank look made it clear that he had no idea what Natsu was talking about, but the girls winced.

"I, um… I've actually wondered that myself," Lucy mumbled, dropping her gaze and playing with her hands nervously.

"I don't get it," Happy said.

Natsu crossed his arms and glowered at the others. "It means that by continuing to let him just go off and do whatever he wants when he's upset, we're rewarding him for those behaviors. By leaving him alone instead of getting him to do something better, we're encouraging him to keep running off on his own. I say it's time to put our foot down and get him to deal with his problems better."

Everyone's reactions were a little lackluster. Happy seemed more uneasy than enthused, Lucy looked like she wanted to agree but was nervous about it, and Erza was staring down at the table with a frown.

"I get what you're saying," Erza said finally. She sighed and rubbed at her eyes, suddenly looking exhausted. "I think you're right. But at the same time… We've been very careful around him because we don't want to push him away while he's still so on the fence, and that's something we have to consider too. He's been doing better and is starting to settle back in at the guild, so maybe it's time that we start insisting on doing and addressing some things that we've been tiptoeing around.

"But not today, alright? This is a bit more extreme than what he normally resorts to these days, which probably means that he's more upset. It would be better to start pressing him on more minor issues first and then work our way up. This is not the best thing to start with."

Natsu wasn't sure he agreed with that. Gray needed to hear some hard truths about how his behavior was affecting his friends, and Natsu was frustrated enough that he was ready to deliver them.

"What do you expect me to do, then?" he demanded. "Just ignore it and pretend like everything's okay? Because it's _not_ , and I'm tired of it."

Erza sighed again. "Just…do it on his own terms. If he's not ready to talk, don't try to force it. Cooperate for now, alright? He's liable to shut down completely if you just try to do things your way without respecting his wishes."

"…Fine."

Natsu had every intention of doing things _exactly_ how he wanted to do them, Erza's advice be damned, but there was no need to antagonize the others. So he sat back and bided his time, silently stewing over Gray's difficult attitude and the team's uncooperativeness. The others didn't get it. He would confront Gray about being such a jerk, hopefully it would result in Gray being _less_ of a jerk, and then everyone would see that Natsu knew what he was talking about.

Of course, he'd have to _find_ Gray first. His friend could be anywhere now, but he'd probably show back up at the house in the evening. His course of action decided, Natsu pushed aside most of his resentment and spent the rest of the day talking—because talking was great and he couldn't fathom why anyone would voluntarily stop—and teasing his friends. His friends that were present at the guild, anyway.

He left the guild a little earlier than usual, impatient to get the show on the road. When he and Happy got home, the house was empty.

"Figures," Natsu grumbled, sniffing the air and confirming that Gray wasn't here. "He's not even here."

Happy gave him a sidelong look. "He'll come back when he's ready."

"Hm. Well, why don't we get started on dinner?"

"Fish?"

"Uh… How about spaghetti?"

"With fish?"

"Ew. Not every meal has to include fish, you know."

"Every _good_ meal does."

Bickering back and forth, the dragon slayer and his Exceed set to banging around in the kitchen. Natsu began throwing things onto the stove, ignoring Happy's snarky, "It's nice to have clean dishes to cook with, isn't it?"

Natsu wasn't much of a cook, truth be told. Still, he could make food. Whether that food was _good_ was another matter, but it was either this or cave to Happy's whims and eat fish every day. He wasn't quite that desperate yet. The good thing about cooking stuff in water was that it was harder to char. Natsu didn't mind the flavor of _burnt_ so much, but he always got disgusted looks from Gray and Happy if he dared serve up anything blackened.

It only rubbed salt in the wound that he'd demanded Gray do a better job if he was going to turn his nose up at Natsu's efforts, and the ice mage had actually made something that tasted pretty decent. The bitterness was real. Not that Natsu cared so much about being outdone in _cooking_ , which he didn't even like, but the fact was that he lost to Gray and he _hated_ losing to Gray.

So, Natsu was going to make spaghetti and Gray _would like it_. And then they'd have a talk about the ice mage's temper tantrums. It was shaping up to be a ghastly night.

"I'll go find Gray for dinner," Natsu said once the pasta was in the pot and the sauce was simmering. "I smelled him pretty strongly by the back door, so he's probably out there somewhere. Don't put fish in anything while I'm gone."

Oh yes, he was on to Happy's underhanded tricks.

Happy looked immediately apprehensive, and this time it wasn't just from being left alone to chaperone cooking food. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Well, he should eat, right?"

"Yeah, but–"

"He lives here now," Natsu said coolly. "He can eat dinner with us."

"But–"

"Don't think I don't know that you're starting to get frustrated with him too."

Happy flattened his ears and dropped his gaze. "…Yeah. But he's trying, you know. He's been doing better lately, after coming back to the guild and everything."

"Not good enough. I'm getting tired of living with someone who doesn't even act human half the time."

Happy gave him a horrified look, and even Natsu winced. That definitely didn't sound right, and he felt bad about saying it that way.

"Nat–"

"I didn't mean it like that," he said hurriedly. "But I mean…if we're living together, then everyone needs to get along and do their part, you know?"

Happy regarded him silently, but then sighed. "I know. But you know, I think the reason he was so reluctant to move in with us was because he knew he'd make it difficult on us."

"…He didn't want to move in with us because he's proud and doesn't want to accept anything that looks like charity. And probably because he wasn't sure that he wanted to deal with me or I wanted to deal with him."

"That too, but…" Happy shook his head. "He used to be more obvious about it in the beginning, that he felt like he was a burden and causing us more trouble than he was worth. That was why he was unhappy when you saved him after everything with Zeref, right? And why he didn't want to go on team jobs? And why he was avoiding the guild? I mean, there are other reasons too, but… I think part of the reason he was so wary of moving in with us was because he knew we were already put off by his mood swings and knew that dealing with him would be difficult sometimes."

Natsu stared at him. That was…

He shook his head. It made sense, but it still didn't excuse Gray's behavior. And anyway, Happy wasn't the brightest lightbulb. It probably wasn't a good idea to take his reasoning at face value.

"Look, he's gotta be hungry," Natsu said, shoving aside his unease as he turned away and headed for the back door. "I'll at least ask if he wants food."

Happy groaned and muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath, but Natsu was already pushing his way out of the house. Sniffing around, he quickly caught Gray's scent and–

He drew up short, blinking uncomprehendingly. Gray was sitting with his back against the stone wall of the house several feet away from the door, his knees hugged tightly to his chest and his chin resting on them as he stared out with dark, empty eyes.

Well, at least he hadn't gone far. Natsu opened his mouth, preparing to deliver the damning words that had been clamoring in his brain all day, but hesitated. Gray must have heard the door shut, must know that Natsu was there, but didn't look over or acknowledge the dragon slayer in any way. He just kept staring straight ahead with those blank eyes set in an expressionless face.

Natsu's mouth slowly closed. _"Just…do it on his own terms. If he's not ready to talk, don't try to force it."_

He walked over, his footsteps crunching softly in the grass, and sat down next to Gray, who still didn't acknowledge him. It somehow seemed wrong to say anything into the silence, and Natsu doubted Gray would welcome the intrusion. And if Gray really was upset… Well, maybe the best Natsu could do was to just be here and not pry. The other stuff could wait until later.

Which was easier said than done. Gray sat as still as a statue, barely even blinking, but Natsu had never been good at staying still or quiet. He couldn't help fidgeting, stealing sidelong glances at his friend, having to fight back all the words trying to escape his jaws. How could Gray even do it? It was _hell_.

"Natsu? Dinner is–?"

He almost wanted to cry in relief at the interruption because it felt like he'd been stuck here _forever_ rather than maybe ten minutes, but Happy immediately took stock of the situation and abandoned his query. The Exceed crept over cautiously, throwing Natsu a questioning look. Natsu just shrugged, and Happy squeezed into the space between him and Gray, a fluffy ball of heat pressing into the mages' sides.

They sat like that for a long time—or what _felt_ like a long time, anyway—before Gray finally stirred. Natsu immediately looked over at the movement, searching his friend's face. Gray's expression remained neutral, perhaps a little weary, as he stood up and stretched out his limbs stiffly.

"I'm fine," he said in a slightly gravelly voice, staring unblinkingly at the ground rather than at his friends.

Natsu's heart jumped in hope as he scrambled to his feet. This was the first thing Gray had said all day. It _had_ to be a good sign. Natsu was considering what to say, wondering how far he could press before Gray shut down, but Happy got in the first word.

"We made spaghetti for dinner," the Exceed said. He wrung his little paws together and eyed Gray anxiously. "Would you like to come eat with us?"

Of course he would ask about food right when they'd finally made a breakthrough with Gray…

"…Okay," Gray said after a brief pause.

He followed Happy back into the house, and Natsu's footsteps faltered. Wait, had Happy actually done the _right_ thing by not pressing the issue? Actually…maybe Gray was being more cooperative now because they'd followed Erza's advice. They were respecting his wish to remain silent and not discuss things, and in exchange he was making more of an effort and engaging in at least minimal communication. Huh. Who would've thought it?

As Natsu dished out the food—okay, the spaghetti was basically mush since it had been done a long time ago and the sauce had a weird aftertaste, but it was edible, which was what counted—he decided to try keeping that balance. If he could hold a normal conversation that had the possibility of engaging both his companions but didn't actually press Gray to participate, maybe that would make the ice mage feel included but still be able to keep to himself if he wasn't feeling up to it.

"Did you know that a new bakery opened up?" Natsu asked conversationally. He twirled his fork in his pasta and scowled as he somehow created a gigantic tangle of noodles and dripping sauce. He had no idea how other people could do this so neatly and end up with a manageable forkful. "Erza spent half the day ranting about how it was such terrible competition to her favorite, then broke down and confessed that she actually tried their strawberry cake and liked it more. She was practically crying at one point, saying that she betrayed her bakery and 'cheated' on it. How do you cheat on a bakery?"

Gray twirled his fork idly in his spaghetti, making Natsu scowl at how all the noodles somehow wrapped around the tines neatly when the ice mage wasn't even _trying_. "So, should I tell Happy how you were petting that stray cat the other day?"

Happy gasped and turned on Natsu with such an affronted expression that it gave the dragon slayer pause. "You cheated on me with another cat?" he demanded.

"Uh…" Natsu looked back and forth between Gray and Happy helplessly. A ghost of a smile flickered over Gray's face for the briefest of half-seconds before vanishing, and Happy was quivering with righteous anger. "Do you know how often you complain when we call you a cat? You know, 'I'm an _Exceed_ , not a cat.'"

If anything, Happy's glower only deepened. "That's not the _point_!"

Natsu suffered through Happy's ensuing rant with all the good-natured grace of someone bewildered by the entire situation. Eventually he gave up following along entirely and turned back to attacking his food, tuning Happy out. Then he also gave up on trying to eat neatly, instead scooping up a huge forkful of noodles and shoveling it into his mouth. Gray gave him an odd look as he slurped his noodles loudly, but said nothing.

It was as Happy's rant was finally winding down that Gray stood and deposited his plate on the counter. At least he had actually eaten his food today.

"If it's all the same to you, I think I'll head to bed," he said quietly. "I'll wash the dishes tomorrow."

"Um… Goodnight," Natsu said.

"Goodnight," Happy chorused.

Gray nodded to them and headed back for the living room, where he collapsed onto the couch, curled up facing the back, and pulled the blankets over himself. Natsu and Happy watched him through the doorway as they finished their meal. Well, as Happy finished his meal and Natsu devoured thirds.

"Didn't you say that we should find him a spare mattress at some point?" Happy asked finally, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb Gray.

Natsu thought back. He could vaguely recall saying something like that way back when Gray had first moved in, but he hadn't really given it any thought since.

"I dunno. I guess. But he seems fine."

Happy gave him a skeptical look. "That couch is possibly the most uncomfortable thing in existence."

"You're exaggerating."

"Am not. There's a reason it was the first thing we piled junk on. We haven't even _sat_ on it for years. Gray would probably be more comfortable sleeping on the floor…"

Natsu winced. Okay, it was a pretty horrible couch. It had been uncomfortably hard from the very beginning, then promptly busted a spring or two and started collapsing in on itself. A lumpier couch could not be found in all of Fiore.

"Yeah, yeah, fine. We probably should. Who do you think has a spare mattress we can borrow? Or steal?"

"Um… Maybe from the girls' dorm?"

"Do you think–?"

"Actually, why don't we just get Gray's?"

"Huh?"

"Gray's," Happy repeated, rolling his eyes. "His stuff is still supposed to be in his apartment, right? We could just get his mattress and bring it back here."

"Huh. That's actually a good idea." Natsu dumped his dishes in the sink and tiptoed out into the living room, cocking his head as he listened for Gray's breathing. "Geez, he's already asleep. I don't want to wake him up to ask for the key…"

"Does he still have the key? I mean, since he kind of got evicted?"

Natsu frowned, not even having considered that. Since when did Happy get smart? "I don't know…"

"But he said that his landlady was keeping his place for him, right? She probably lives nearby and we could ask her to let us in."

It was as good a plan as any and there was still daylight left to burn—Natsu had no idea how Gray could possibly fall asleep this early—so they headed out into the street, leaving Gray to his slumber.

"Good job getting him to talk," Happy said as they headed for Gray's old place.

"I didn't do anything."

"Hm…" Happy gave him a pointed, sidelong look that he ignored, but dropped the subject.

When they reached Gray's apartment, it turned out that they didn't need a key after all. The door was hanging off one hinge, deep scratches scoring its surface.

"Wow," Happy whispered, staring at it with wide eyes. "What happened here?"

That was when Natsu remembered. "Didn't his landlady say that it was vandalized? That's how we found out about…this."

The event had been cemented in everyone's minds as the incident where Gray's homeless wandering had been outed, and in Natsu's as the point where Gray had moved in. But yeah, come to think of it, there had been mentions of vandalism.

Natsu grunted as he grasped the splintered door and hefted it up enough that its corner was no longer digging into the floor. He pulled it open about halfway, wincing when he started losing his grip and the bottom scraped painfully along the wooden floor. His sensitive ears wailed in agony.

But then they were in, sneaking into the darkened room like burglars. Natsu flipped on the light and stared, mouth half open.

" _Wow_ ," Happy said again.

The entire flat had been trashed—furniture broken and overturned, belongings strewn about, and everything thrown into what might as well be trash heaps. And on the far wall of the living room, ugly words were scrawled in heavy black paint and a jagged, messy hand:

 _Go back to hell, demon._

 _Watch your back._

 _Leave us alone._

 _Monster._

 _Die._

Natsu was transfixed, his eyes slowly tracing over the angry slashes of paint. The entire wall was covered in hate, and it made a sick feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. Whatever lingering resentment he still held toward Gray vanished, swallowed by the sight.

"I, um…" Happy flew over the piles of wrecked furniture to take a look at the broken bedframe, and Natsu half watched him out of the corner of his eye, still focused on the wall. "His mattress seems okay, actually, although the frame isn't. We can grab it and the sheets and…"

The Exceed trailed off, looking over the sea of wreckage forlornly. Natsu finally stirred, shaking himself to life and spinning on his heel.

"Come on," he said as he stalked back out of the apartment.

"Huh? But aren't we supposed to–?"

"We'll get it when we come back."

"Where…? Where are we going?"

"To the store. We're going to get some paint."

"…Yeah. Good idea."

They went to the store in silence, each caught up in their own thoughts. It was the words that were the most horrifying, the venom seeping down the walls like liquid hate. It made Natsu sick that anyone could think about his friend like that. And also angry, because _how dare they_?

But even the rest of it was bad. Natsu was used to seeing Gray's place freakishly neat, and turning it into a trash dump erased his friend's presence from what had once been his home. It was like the graveyard for Gray's old life. Also, who the hell had the nerve to wreck someone's stuff like that? That would be such a pain to clean up, when Gray finally moved back. Assholes.

Natsu's veins still ran half with white-hot anger and half with heartbroken regret by the time he and Happy made it back to the apartment with brushes and several cans of white paint in hand. They worked in silence, pushing broken furniture out of the way and slowly covering over all that vitriol with paint. It was satisfying to wash it away, but the slate was hardly clean. Even once they'd layered an entire coat over the wall, grayish lettering could still be seen. Natsu was glad that they'd thought to buy extra paint—they'd need a few more coats to cover this entirely.

Even once they'd grabbed the mattress and bedding and started back down the now-darkened streets, the somber mood still hung over them. The words could be painted over and the furniture replaced, but it was like the hatred had seared through the paint, burrowed into the walls, nested in all the dark corners. The scars ran deep.

"Let's not tell Gray," Happy said as Natsu awkwardly tried to maneuver the mattress and get the key into the lock.

"Of course not."

Natsu was as quiet as possible as he dragged the mattress inside and leaned it up against the wall. Gray could use it starting tomorrow, since he was already asleep. Natsu paused, his keen eyes studying the shadowy mass of blankets huddled on the couch, but then followed Happy back into the bedroom. He closed the door softly behind him, and the two readied for bed in silence once more.

It took him a while to fall asleep, and the battle wasn't won even then. He woke up sometime later, a bit disoriented. Happy was snuggled into a nest of blankets beside him, snoring softly. It was still dark, night. Damn it, Natsu should still be asleep.

But, realizing that his throat was as dry as cotton, he slipped out of bed and snuck out of the room. Maybe he just needed to stretch his legs for a minute and get a drink of water, and then he could settle back down.

He glanced at the couch out of habit as he passed, and froze. Gray was gone, only a tangle of blankets showing that he had ever been there at all. Natsu's heart sank. Had Gray left? Run off on his own again while everyone else was sleeping?

A floorboard creaked softly and Natsu whipped around, a startled cry catching in his throat as he came face to face with a pair of eyes gleaming faintly in the moonlight.

" _Geez_ ," he hissed finally, when his throat had opened up again. "You scared the shit out of me."

He silently willed his heart to stop beating so frantically against his chest. It was just Gray. Gray slid back a step, watching Natsu with half-lidded eyes. Right, he wasn't talking anymore.

"Why are you up?" Natsu asked anyway. "Nightmares?"

Gray half nodded, half shrugged. It was undeniable that he still had nightmares sometimes, but Natsu had thought they hadn't been quite as bad lately. Gray hadn't woken up his housemates screaming, anyway.

"Well… I'm going to get some water. Do you want some?"

Gray considered that silently and then nodded. "Sure."

Natsu blinked in surprise, then tried—and failed—to hide his grin. Even that one word was music to his ears. Gray looked away, but Natsu was not to be deterred.

The dragon slayer made for the kitchen, Gray's quiet footsteps following behind him. He considered turning on the light, but left it alone. Gray seemed to prefer the dark, and Natsu saw no need to ruin his night vision and make his eyes readjust.

He poured two glasses of water—making sure that Gray's had extra ice, just like he liked it—and sat down at the table, sliding one across to Gray. He sucked in a breath and prepared to try initiating conversation, but changed his mind. Like earlier, maybe he should stay quiet.

So the two friends sat and sipped at their water silently, each lost in their own thoughts. Surprisingly, it was Gray who spoke first.

He cleared his throat, immediately catching Natsu's attention. "You do realize that I was created, not born?"

Natsu frowned, at a total loss. "Yes?"

He knew that, of course. Gray had made a point of making sure they all understood that distinction. But he didn't see why Gray was bringing it up now.

"I don't have a birthday," Gray said. He gave Natsu a meaningful look, and a nebulous thought began slowly forming in the back of the dragon slayer's mind. "Only Gray does. And celebrating his birthday means that you're celebrating another year of life for someone who died a long time ago."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Oh."

"Now that the truth came out…I had been hoping we could end the charade."

"I never even thought about… Shit, why didn't you just _say_ that?"

No wonder Gray had been so out of sorts—he was mourning. What had been a day of celebration for everyone else had actually been a day of grieving for Gray, because it was a yearly reminder of the child he had killed.

Gray looked away, dark eyes glittering faintly as he stared off to the side blankly. "You all were having a good time. The guild seems to have turned it into an olive branch, an apology, a reconciliation. How could I reject that? I tried, I really did. It's just so _draining_ and leaves me…empty."

Natsu suddenly felt bad for earlier, when he'd said that Gray wasn't trying hard enough. Gray's behavior and attitude still weren't ideal, but it wasn't fair to say that he didn't try. All that good cheer on his—the original Gray's—birthday had been an act, had been trying. It wasn't that he had just given up and stopped talking because he didn't care about making everyone else uncomfortable—he had tried to make things work for an entire day before backsliding.

"I'm sorry," Natsu mumbled. "I didn't realize…"

"I know," Gray said with a sigh. "No one meant anything by it. You just didn't consider the implications, and I shouldn't have assumed that you would."

"I'll…tell the others so that we don't do this again next year." Seeing Gray's reluctant look, Natsu added, "They should know so that it doesn't happen again. I'll take care of it. But you should, you know, come up with another day. So that we can celebrate on a day when you aren't upset."

"…You really think I know when I was created? I have some hazy idea of the general time period, but I don't even know the year, much less the day. Nor do I particularly care."

"Well, yeah, but you can pick your own day, can't you? Just so that we have a time to celebrate and stuff."

Gray's lips quirked downward. "That's honestly not something I want to celebrate."

Natsu bit back his instinctive response that the guild was very much interested in celebrating his existence. No point pressing the issue when Gray was already in a melancholy mood. And Natsu had been getting the best results by going along with his friend instead of pushing his own agenda, so he'd continue with that, at least for tonight.

"Just think about it."

"…Fine."

Natsu chewed on his lip, trying to figure out where to go from here. He felt like he should say something, should apologize or offer condolences or find the words to make his friend feel better, but he was coming up blank. He nursed his water and tried to come up with those magical words that would fix this. But maybe there was no such thing.

Finally, Gray stood and ghosted across the kitchen like a shadow, depositing his glass on the counter with a soft _clink_. "I'm sorry," he said, standing rigid by the counter, his back to Natsu. "I thought I could handle it. I know that my ways of coping aren't very…palatable to you and the others. I know I've been making it hard on you guys and you've been getting frustrated with me. I'll…do better tomorrow."

Natsu's first reaction was panic that Gray had overheard some of his angry complaining earlier. But no, it was probably just that Gray could read moods, and Natsu, especially, hadn't exactly been hiding his frustration. It wouldn't have been difficult to pick up on.

Somehow, it wasn't satisfying to hear Gray apologize for the very thing Natsu had been so frustrated over. Those things were still issues, but… Natsu's mind flashed back to the wall of hate.

"That's true," he mumbled, staring down into the last few swallows of water at the bottom of his glass. "But we also… We're willing to put up with it, for you. We want things to get better, but we understand that it takes time. We're not going to give up on you if it takes longer than expected. We'll still be here anyway."

Gray said nothing, and Natsu drained his glass. The dragon slayer padded over to set his empty cup on the counter, and paused by his friend's side.

"He had his own issues, but he was a good kid." Gray hunched his shoulders and stared down blankly, his voice barely more than a breath. "He deserved a chance to live."

Natsu's breath caught in his throat, his heart plummeting with an uncomfortable swooping sensation. To be honest, he didn't think very much about the original Gray, even though he knew it was something always in the back—or forefront—of Gray's mind. He objectively knew there was a tragedy there, but he had never known that child or given him much thought, and this was the first time that it really hit home.

Gray's heartbroken whisper held all the pain that Natsu and the others often overlooked, a brief glimpse into that guilt- and grief-stricken part of his mind that he rarely let them see.

"You're right," Natsu said past the lump in his throat. "He did. But maybe you did too."

Gray's fingertips, gleaming white in the faint moonlight, slid across the counter's surface and bunched together. His breath shuddered in the silence, the slightest of wavers.

"I'm going to try getting more sleep," he said, his voice subdued but steady. "You should too. And tomorrow…will be better."

Natsu hesitated but then nodded, accepting that Gray was finished talking and instead offering an understood promise. He couldn't shake the melancholy that seeped out of his friend and soaked into his skin as well, but he didn't feel qualified enough to press the subject.

"Okay. Happy and I dropped by your apartment and got your mattress for you. That couch is really uncomfortable."

"Hm, I noticed it while I was wandering around. How bad was it, then?"

It took a second for Natsu to realize Gray was asking after the state of his apartment. "It's…bad," he said, fighting back a grimace. "When you move back in, we'll help you fix it."

Gray stared at him silently and then nodded. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

They headed back into the living room, and Natsu helped Gray maneuver the mattress to the floor before drifting back to his room. He paused by the door and watched Gray settling in.

"Goodnight."

"'Night."

"Thanks for…telling me."

Gray turned his face away. "Thanks for…listening. And realizing when the silence doesn't need to be filled."

Huh, maybe Natsu should listen to Erza's advice more often. He hesitated a moment longer, before deciding this was one of those silences that wanted to be left alone. With one last backward glance, he slipped into the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind him. He snuggled back into his bed and curled around Happy, ready to get some sleep.

And the next day, after they broke the news to the rest of the guild and set them fussing over a highly uncomfortable Gray, Natsu and Happy snuck away to layer another coat of paint over that collection of slowly-healing scars.

* * *

 **[UPDATE: I got more fanart :D You can check it out at:** **cyaneart . deviantart [dotcom] /art/Reconstruction-Fanart-for-Mnemosyne-s-Elegy-750734331 (obviously, remove the spaces and brackets, and turn the "dot" into...well, a dot XD Also, pro tip: If you want to copy-paste something from an FFN story, replace the "www" in the address bar with "m". It'll take you to mobile mode and you can copy-paste from there!). Thanks, Cyane. It's really cool :3]**

 **emmahoshi: I'mma tell you a secret: sometimes I like to include cake on purpose just to get you up in arms about it XD Oh yeah, I tend to get a lot quieter when I'm angry or otherwise upset. Funnily enough, same goes for A/Ns. You can tell when I'm in a bad mood because either I start skipping A/Ns or they become really terse and tend to be conspicuously lacking in smileys. I can keep up the silent/semi-silent treatment for a lot longer than an hour X) Lol, you sheep, you. That's okay, lately a lot of people have been telling me that I'm so outgoing. Like, no, I'm actually super introverted. I can just fake it. And yeah, Natsu would not be my first choice to do a head-on confrontation X) Sometimes Gray would respond better to that insensitive bluntness, but sometimes I just can't see it going well. See? Happy has the right idea. Fish for the win! Although I really only like salmon and tuna. I'm not big on seafood. Yeah, the current plan is for the "new birthday" thing to come up again at the end once things start improving, so keep your eye on it. Now, really, you should go make yourself some cake lol [EDIT: I'm so bad XD Yeah, I'm a super picky eater lol And yeah, Lyon will be a major hurdle X)]**


	21. Host-Transplant (1)

**.**

 **Host-Transplant (1)**

* * *

"Gray."

He looked up, abandoning his tale of the godawful mess of a dinner Natsu had tried making last night, and arched an eyebrow at Mira. She had an unusually solemn look on her face as she approached, and even the rest of the team noticed the air of tension.

"What's up?" He asked.

"A new request came in, asking for you specifically."

"Really? That's odd." He took the sheet of paper she offered him.

Requests for specific mages did occasionally come in, but it wasn't as common as it had been just after the Grand Magic Games. And aside from that, why would anyone want _him_? That was already a red flag, given that most people would do anything to ensure that He stayed away.

As his eyes skimmed over the page, a grim frown pulled at the corners of his lips. He saw why Mira was so wary of this.

"Seems suspicious," Erza said from where she'd leaned over to read the request over his shoulder.

"Like a blatantly obvious trap," He agreed, gnawing at the inside of his cheek thoughtfully as He drummed his fingers on the tabletop.

Everything about this was meant to draw him in, from the specific request for his presence to the claims of new demons. According to this rather suspicious piece of paper, a dark guild was frightening a small town and secretly working on resurrecting a demon of the Books of Zeref. He was skeptical of this claim.

"I guess it would make sense to ask for you since you know more about demons than anyone else, but…" Lucy trailed off and shook her head.

"But it would also be silly for someone frightened of demons to ask for a demon's aid, especially one that's considered untrustworthy and might very well decide to join in on the fun and help out another demon," He supplied dryly.

"…Yeah."

"But everyone thinks you can't die," Happy said. "It seems stupid to set a trap for someone who can't die and would just as easily turn around and kill you."

"Yeah, so what would it be a trap _for_?" Mira asked. "What could they possibly expect to do?"

He shrugged. "Maybe they're just stupid like Natsu and haven't thought it through."

"Hey!" Natsu protested.

"Alternatively… Maybe they think they've found a way to kill an immortal. Maybe they think they have a way to keep me imprisoned. Maybe they're on some quest for revenge and aren't so bothered by the details. Maybe we're just being paranoid and someone is legitimately worried about a dark guild potentially setting a demon on them. I don't know."

There was a long pause as He continued to frown at the paper and everyone tried to think through the ramifications.

"What are you going to do?" Mira asked finally.

"I'm going to go, obviously."

"But–"

"I don't think anyone is 'resurrecting' a demon, much less one of Zeref's. I rather think that most of Zeref's are already dead, and his death should have taken care of the rest. But I also can't take the risk that it _is_ true. I'll look into it. If there's a dark guild trying to resurrect anything, I'll put a stop to it. If there's a demon running around, I'll put it down."

"Put it down?" Lucy asked. "Do you, um…?"

She trailed off, flushing. He stared at her blankly, but then let out a harsh breath and shook his head.

"They are my kin, but I have no special love for them. Part of Zeref's experiments involved pitting me against other demons." He pursed his lips, and his eyes were empty and cold. "I killed dozens of demons before I ever got my hands on any human besides Zeref. And it's just as well. They have no business here. They are a threat, and threats are to be eradicated. If I run across another demon, I will destroy it."

His friends were exchanging odd looks, but He was more interested in this request. If it was a trap, it was a very _obvious_ one. Probably set by someone who wasn't the brightest and was certainly no tactical genius, and likely by someone who wasn't as familiar with demons as they'd like to think. It seemed too carefully staged, but in a clumsy way. Or perhaps He was, in fact, just being paranoid.

Whatever the case, He could hardly ignore such a thing. Even if this dark guild had no idea what they were doing and weren't anywhere close to resurrecting a demon or anything else, they could still be a threat. And, on the off chance they somehow _had_ managed to get their hands on something so dangerous, He couldn't not investigate the claims. The last thing they needed was an Awakened demon running around, however unlikely that possibility was.

Folding the paper neatly and slipping it into his pocket, He stood. "Well, I'll go have a look-see, then." The rest of the team rose as well, and He shook his head at them. "I'll do it on my own."

"But–" Erza tried.

"If it's a trap, I don't want you getting caught up in it."

She braced her hands on her hips and scowled at him. "If it's a trap, you shouldn't be going alone. You really think we're going to stand for that? Of course we're coming."

"These people don't seem awfully clever, and most everyone's knowledge of demons is based on little more than superstition. However they plan on getting the better of me, they're probably barking up the wrong tree. I doubt it's a very well-laid trap."

"Idiot," Natsu grumbled. "Trying to leave me out of the fun. If there's a trap, then I for sure want to be there so that I can make fun of you when you get caught."

He rolled his eyes. "Be that as it may–"

"Take your team," Mavis interrupted. She was perched on the counter of the bar, watching him. Their gazes locked, and there was that flicker of understanding and camaraderie that had been fostered by semi-frequent talks and a shared background that the others weren't privy to. "And be careful."

He hesitated but then nodded. He didn't change his mind so much because she was a strategic planner with a knack for calculating the odds, but because He respected and trusted her on a visceral level. She wasn't afraid to call him out and give him a different perspective of his world, in the same way that sometimes He needed to give her a different perspective when no one else understood and she couldn't do it alone.

"Yeah, yeah, fine," He grumbled. "I'm always careful."

"No, you aren't," she said. "But you're more careful when your friends are with you and you're concerned with keeping them safe…as long as you don't do something stupid and sacrificial. And you could use someone to watch your back."

She didn't always pull her punches, that one. Shaking his head, He turned away.

"Whatever," He said. "I'm heading out. Come or not."

"Of course we're coming," said Lucy.

"I hope it _is_ a trap," Natsu said, cracking his knuckles as he followed the others outside. "Then I'll get to beat up some assholes."

Happy gave him a funny look. "And if it's not, we'll be beating up dark mages trying to resurrect a demon."

"Yeah, that's cool too."

That was as weird a way as any to demonstrate affection, but Natsu had always been more than a little weird.

"Well," He said, turning down the street toward the train station, "I'm going to feel like an idiot if I get caught by such a clumsily-laid trap."

* * *

There was something wrong with this town. Maybe it was the way that it was in such disrepair and practically deserted, aside from the occasional passerby who watched the team pass with wary, secretive eyes. There was a strange, stifling atmosphere hanging over the ghost town, and the people all moved as stiffly as actors and looked for far too long.

Maybe they were just uncomfortable and afraid because they recognized him and were wary of a demon. Maybe He was just paranoid because there was a good chance He was walking into a trap. But He couldn't shake the feeling that something was a little _off_.

"Why is there no one here?" Natsu muttered, glaring suspiciously at the lone man standing on the corner.

"Maybe they're inside?" Lucy suggested. "If they're worried about a dark guild hanging around nearby, they might feel safer indoors."

"Maybe. But they feel wrong, and they stare too much."

"We're outsiders in a town that's afraid of outsiders. Of course they're staring."

Natsu scowled. "I don't like it."

So, He probably wasn't imagining the odd atmosphere, then. Natsu could be an oblivious fool, but he had good senses when he was actually using them. If both of them had the same gut feeling, there might be something to it.

"Just keep your eyes open and pay attention," Erza said. "It doesn't hurt to be cautious."

They lapsed into silence then. The town was so quiet that it felt like an abandoned graveyard, and every word sounded too loud in the stillness.

The mayor's office was on the other end of town, past rows of blank-eyed houses and the occasional staring pedestrian. It wasn't hard to find, imposing enough to stand out from the other ramshackle shops and dilapidated houses. Perhaps they could have gone right on in, but Erza rapped loudly on the door. They were on edge and wary of treading inside such an unwelcoming place uninvited.

A small, mousy, nondescript man opened the door after several long seconds of dead silence. His plain brown hair and watery gray eyes were entirely nonthreatening and forgettable. Nothing about him stood out or was memorable—he was someone that you'd forget just as soon as you saw him, who you'd barely even notice walking past on the street.

Then again, _everyone_ was a potential threat, and looking nonthreatening didn't mean he wasn't dangerous.

"Hello, hello, so glad you came," the man said. His gaze briefly slid across everyone's faces like oil skating off water, just barely touching them before flickering away. "I see you've brought some friends?"

"Yes," He said, his voice carefully neutral. "They thought it wise to have backup when going up against an entire dark guild and their demon."

"Very good, very good. Won't you come inside?" The man opened the door further and stepped out of the way, ushering the team inside and down the hall so that they could pull out armchairs to sit in while he settled behind his desk.

"You're the mayor?" Natsu asked without preamble. His eyes narrowed as he sniffed at the air in the man's general direction, thoroughly disconcerting their host.

"Yes, yes, I am."

The demon's eye twitched. The repetition grated at his ears, the only thing that stood out of the otherwise unremarkable exterior. These were probably uncharitable thoughts, but He was in an uncharitable mood.

"Would you like to tell us everything you know about this dark guild and their plans?" He asked.

The mayor nodded and steepled his fingers. "Yes, yes, of course. A dark guild has taken up residence out in the forest behind town, and my people are frightened. They've been performing rituals trying to resurrect a demon, and we are afraid of what will happen if they succeed. I thought that you might be the most, ah, _qualified_ to handle it."

"You said that it was one of Zeref's."

"Yes?"

"How do you know?"

Something like unease flickered in the man's eyes. "Well, there's a book…"

"How do you know there's a Book?"

"Someone, um, saw it?"

He arched an eyebrow. "A dark mage just strolled through town with it?"

"Uh…no, no, of course not." The mayor hesitated and bit his lip before nodding. "Someone was out hunting and caught a glimpse. There are dark mages all through the woods. No one goes out there now."

"Did they happen to see which demon it was? What name was on the cover?"

"Um…no?"

All other questions were met with similar levels of uneasy unhelpfulness, and He eventually gave up. Either this man was hiding something or honestly didn't know enough to be helpful.

"Right," Erza said with a sigh, clearly coming to the same conclusion. "I guess we'll go take a look, then."

"Yes, yes, good idea," said the mayor, relaxing marginally. Pushing the chair away from the desk, he stood and stepped across to the window. "Their bunker is out there. See the house with the yellow trim? Go straight back into the woods and you should find the base. They commandeered an abandoned cellar, so the door is in the ground."

The team thanked him and headed out, mulling over the encounter.

"Thoughts?" Erza asked as they broke free of the suffocating town and started into the woods.

Lucy frowned. "He seemed…"

"Boring," Natsu supplied.

"…I was going to say nervous, actually."

"And boring. There's literally nothing interesting about him. Except maybe his smell. He smelled kind of funny."

"How so?" Happy asked.

"I dunno. Musty. Earthy. Damp."

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "He smelled _damp_?"

Natsu scowled. "Yes."

He shook his head and let it drop. Natsu would be Natsu.

"I can't say anything about smells," Erza said, "but he did definitely seem uneasy."

"Maybe he's in on it!" Natsu said, perking up. "We should go back and beat him up!"

Erza whacked him over the head, making him yelp and skitter away through the underbrush to walk farther away. "Don't be stupid. We don't know that. He might just be nervous because there's a dark guild camped outside his town."

"Although he did seem like he was having trouble with some of the questions," Lucy observed.

"Might just be because we're intimidating," He said, scowling as He stumbled over a stick buried beneath the leaf litter. "Or because _I_ am. Not the first time someone's gotten tongue-tied when they came face to face with a demon. But he did seem a little shifty. It's hard to tell for sure."

"Hmm…" Erza considered the dilemma a moment longer before shaking her head. "Well, let's focus on the job for now. Natsu, put your nose to work and see if you can't find this base, will you?"

Wary of antagonizing her again so soon, Natsu wasted no time following her orders. "Over here. I can smell a lot of people."

They followed the dragon slayer through the trees, leaves crunching under their feet as they ducked beneath low-hanging branches and skirted trunks. Gloomy light filtered through the leaves, dappling the ground in light and shadow. Geez, even the woods seemed heavy and oppressive.

It didn't take more than a few minutes before they stumbled across a trapdoor in the ground, mounted on a thin concrete slab. The fallen leaves had been brushed away and left in low piles all around. People were obviously using it, then.

Natsu bounded over and tugged at the handle.

"Wait," Erza said, "shouldn't we make sure there's not a trap or–?"

Natsu heaved the door up and pushed it over. It flipped over the entire way and slammed into the surrounding concrete with a loud bang. Natsu turned back and grinned, giving everyone a thumbs up.

Erza was not amused. "…So much for the element of surprise."

"It's fine," Natsu said cheerfully as the others gathered around to peer into the hole. "Geez, it's all dark and gloomy. Why can't dark guilds ever put their bases in comfortable, sunny places?"

Gray light filtered down through the hole to nibble away at the shadowy gloom, but anything outside of a small, dusky circle quickly faded back to impenetrable darkness. It looked like a fun place to camp out.

"Well, we might as well go," He said unenthusiastically.

Spotting the rusty ladder leading down into the gloom, He stepped over and reached for it. Natsu grabbed his arm, fingers digging firmly into his skin, and gave him a solemn, piercing look. He paused and blinked at the dragon slayer uncomprehendingly.

Natsu pushed him back. "I'll go first."

Lucy nodded. "If it's a trap for you, maybe it's better to let him check it out first."

"…I'm pretty sure I can handle it," He said, exhaling harshly.

"Well," Natsu said, a grin wiping away his seriousness, "I actually meant because I've got fire so it'll be easier to see if I go first."

…What a liar.

Still, He stood back and let Natsu hop down first, fire springing to the dragon slayer's fingertips and licking at the darkness. Erza went next, before declaring it was safe enough for him to come down. His friends could be so frustratingly overprotective at times. Then again, it wasn't like He was any better with them, and it was kind of endearing. But definitely a bit frustrating.

He hovered by the foot of the ladder to help Lucy down, and then looked around in the circle of light illuminated by Natsu's fire. The shadows leapt and danced along the walls, and his curses reached to touch them almost automatically. They were strong here, plenty of fodder for him to work with if He needed to.

If this had indeed been a cellar once, it had certainly changed since. The floors were earthen, but the walls had been lined in grungy stone. They seemed to be at the mouth of a corridor going straight back underneath the forest floor, a cellar enlarged into a tunnel-like hideout. The only way to go was in.

"Gross," Natsu was muttering under his breath. "It's so damp and earthy. How can you guys even breathe this stuff? Oh, gross, it smells like mildew too."

He wasn't listening. His attention had been caught by a glint of silver on the wall next to the ladder. Reaching up, He stretched onto his tiptoes and pulled the object off of the small ledge it had been wedged on. He turned it over in his hands, a frown tugging at his lips as his fingers traced along the smooth metal lines and crossbars.

"What's that you found?" Lucy asked.

"A cross." He tapped his nail against the middle point, where the two arms intersected. "In some traditions, thought to be able to ward off demons. Not useful in reality, but someone with no great knowledge of these things is trying to keep demons out." He turned to the side, his eyes searching the dark corridor stretching out before them. "Or in."

His friends exchanged looks, but He just replaced the cross and motioned for them to get moving. On the bright side, this meant that whoever they were facing was superstitious and working off of folklore and tradition. Those remedies wouldn't pose any threat to him. If this was what they were using, then they probably didn't know about devil slayer magics or other anti-demon measures that would actually work against him.

On the other hand, if they _were_ trying to animate a demon and actually succeeded, they were going to be in a world of trouble with their patchwork, decidedly incorrect knowledge.

The team moved quietly, their footsteps muffled against the hard-packed earth. After traveling several hundred feet, a torch appeared in a bracket on the wall, casting a wavering light over a small stretch of the passageway. He could see another down the way. They were spaced out enough to keep everything shrouded in gloom but give just enough light to travel by. Maybe so that He could find his way to wherever they wanted him to go.

Then the rooms started up. An empty doorway appeared in the wall off the main tunnel, and another loomed ahead on the opposite wall.

"Hm, should we check it out?" Lucy asked.

A thick line of fine white particles stretched across the gap along the floor, as if trying to bar their way. He dropped to his haunches, crouching down and dipping his fingers into the pile.

"And what is _that_?" Happy asked, fluttering over.

He rubbed the grains between his fingers. "Salt. Another useless precaution derived from folktales rather than reality. Again, someone is trying to keep demons either out or in."

Standing, He brushed his hands off on his pants and stepped into the room purposefully. He drifted further inside and squinted into the darkness, but couldn't make anything out.

"Hey, flame brain, could you–?"

"Gray, look out!"

"Huh?"

Something slammed into him from behind and He went stumbling forward, but then the weight was thrown off and something clattered to the ground beside him. He regained his balance and whipped around just in time to see Natsu's flickering firelight illuminate Lucy, now in her Taurus star dress as she shoved back the hooded stranger and cracked her whip at him. God, He was getting careless. He stepped forward, but Lucy had this well under control. She had the man all wrapped up in the whip before even Natsu or Erza could get involved.

Overprotective, the lot of them. But it was good to see Lucy so confident, and He hoped that the easy victory would help ease her continuing insecurities about her strength.

"Thanks," He said, eyeing the enemy in bemusement. "I owe you one."

"No problem," she said. "But please be more careful, Gray."

"…Yeah."

"What happened to letting one of us go first?" Erza grumbled as she stepped into the room and turned her attention on the captured man. "Well, you're part of this dark guild?"

"I'm not telling you anything," he spat.

"What tacky robes," she muttered, pushing his hood off to get a better look at his face. "Now, you'd better rethink that attitude. What are you all planning to do to Gray, hm? It _is_ a trap, isn't it? For what?"

"I'm not telling you anything," he repeated defiantly.

"You sure as hell are!" Natsu growled. Striding over, he grabbed the man by the collar and shook him violently. "Come on, spit it out."

"N-n-not t-t-telling…"

Natsu punched him in the face.

"Natsu!" Lucy cried.

The man's eyes rolled back, and he slumped over. Natsu stopped shaking and stared at him blankly.

"Uh… Oops?"

"You _idiot_ ," Erza groaned. "How are we supposed to get information out of him if he's unconscious?"

"I _said_ oops," Natsu grumbled, dropping the dark mage to the ground.

"Now what?" Happy asked.

"We go on." He bent over to pick up the object the dark mage had dropped during the fight. He narrowed his eyes and tugged at it absently. "Anti-magic cuffs. Looks like they aren't _entirely_ relying on superstition."

"…That makes it seem like they're serious about restraining you," Lucy said.

"It would appear so."

"Maybe we should abort the mission," said Erza, her lips tightening. "This is obviously a trap. And if it's a trap, then it's unlikely there's a real threat from another demon. It was just made up to lure you here."

The cuffs fell from his fingers as He turned away and brushed past the others back into the hallway. "We go on. I am taking no chances."

"But–"

"Anti-magic cuffs can't hold me either, remember?"

"I know, but this is starting to seem like a bigger and bigger risk the longer we're down here. Maybe their methods are subpar, but…"

"Subpar methods aren't a threat. And if they're relying so much on silly superstition, they're unlikely to have anything that would affect me any more than it would a human."

"But things that can hurt humans can hurt you too," Lucy said quietly.

He ignored her and kept walking. The biggest threat here was whatever magic the dark mages had. The ways they were trying to put him at a disadvantage were silly and useless, which meant that He'd be able to fight as well as ever. It was as level a playing field as He ever got against any other enemy. If He'd seen any sign that they had something to seriously handicap him, then it would be different. As it was… It was a clumsy trap. His opponents were working off obsolete information, which would put _them_ at a disadvantage.

The team hurried after him. Natsu and Happy shoved ahead again, while the girls took up the rear. He almost sighed at how they were sandwiching him in, but let it go.

He eyed the next two doorways with their salt barriers, but motioned for Natsu to keep going when the dragon slayer paused.

"Should we check them out?" Natsu asked.

"No."

"If they really think salt would keep you out, it looks like they're trying to keep you moving in a straight line," Lucy mused.

"That was my thought."

"Seems kind of silly to go right where they want us to…" Happy muttered.

"What else would you have us do?" He shrugged and prodded Natsu forward. "If we want to know what's going on, we'll have to go there anyway."

If everyone had been on edge before, they were even more so now. He himself was not impressed by their opponents so far, but it wouldn't do to get cocky.

The passageway stretched on for a few hundred more yards before being barred by a heavy wooden door.

"It's the first door we've seen down here," He said dryly. "It must be a sign."

Not even Natsu was amused. The dragon slayer stepped up to press his ear against the wood and sniff at the cracks around the frame.

"Yeah, there are a bunch of people in here," he said as he retreated again. "I guess they're waiting for us."

"Well, we might as well get it over with." He rolled his eyes as his friends exchanged frowns. "We're already here. Anyway, it'll just be like any other dark guild we've ever fought. Chill out."

Erza sighed and pushed her way past him. "Let's just do it. If nothing else, it would be silly to leave a nest of potentially dangerous malcontents here. We don't need them popping up again later with a better plan."

He couldn't disagree with that. Natsu, always ready to beat someone up, shoved the door open. Its hinges creaked loudly as it swung inward to reveal a large, circular room. Torches lined the walls to illuminate the space, although grotesque shadows still danced in the firelight. It was enough light to see the large pentacle chalked in the middle of the floor—also useless against demons—and the gathering of robed mages lurking near the entrance.

One of them pointed at him. "Take the demon. The others…restrain them."

There were at least a dozen, although it was hard to tell exactly when they all started moving at once and swarming the team. Natsu was off like a shot, fire burning through their ranks, and the others weren't far behind. It was chaos, and He was caught off guard for a second.

But then He rallied, his hands flying through the air and sending ice to scatter the men who lunged at him, even as the shadows twisting about the room snuck out and wrapped around others. Erza was a whirlwind of crimson hair and flashing blades beside him, but then a gush of water exploded from the side and swept him off his feet. Unprepared, He lost his footing and crashed to the ground several feet away as the man responsible advanced on him.

Damn, water mages were so annoying.

He scrambled back to his feet and quickly froze over the next torrent of water. Someone lunged from the side and He jerked back, swiping his leg out in a sharp motion to knock out his opponent's feet from under him. A pair of anti-magic cuffs fell from the man's hands and went skittering across the ground. Actually…looking around, it seemed like every dark mage had cuffs. They definitely wanted to maximize their chances of catching him.

The water mage hit him again while He was distracted, sending him stumbling back. The man's face lit up with sudden triumph, immediately making the demon tense in preparation.

"The demon is in level one containment," said the water mage with great satisfaction. "Initiate secondary measures."

What…?

Bewildered, He watched as a couple of other dark mages hurriedly began running in a wide circle around him, spilling bags of salt onto the floor as they went. He looked down to puzzle over the salt circle, and realized that the dark mages had corralled him into the pentacle laid out on the ground.

…Honestly?

"The demon is contained," one of the mages said, loudly enough to get the team's attention. They paused in their own fights to give the scene skeptical looks of their own. "Alright, demon. We have you captured. Now just submit to the cuffs and we won't kill your friends."

He tilted his head to the side to give the smug dark mages an appraising look. "Seriously?"

"Surrender," the water mage insisted.

"Gray?" Erza asked cautiously. She hesitated, her eyes searching his face and the area around him to see if there was actually anything holding him. "Are you–?"

He shook his head at her and stepped out of the pentacle, purposely dragging his foot through the line of salt.

The surrounding mages' eyes widened. "W-what–?"

"Someone didn't do their homework," He said dryly.

The stupid water mage was going to be the first one to go. He darted back toward the entrance, ice flashing as He slashed at his target and sent him scrambling backward with a yelp. This whole farce was actually starting to make him a bit ornery. Trying to trap him was one thing. People had reasons to hate and fear him, and that was fair enough. But to turn it into such an elaborate, _incompetent_ production was ridiculous, and He had little respect for such inept and useless humans.

The shadows lashed out from where they seethed along the walls, wrapping the hapless water mage up and constricting around him as they yanked him back against the wall in a lightning-quick movement. He was already turning away, ice knocking the cuffs from the hand of the opponent coming in from the side. Some kind of wind magic whistled past, but then Natsu swept in, fire roaring.

"Get back," he growled, shoving the demon back to the entrance of the room just behind them.

He stumbled hard. "Hey! I–"

He lurched into something hard behind him. Faster than thought, something cold and metallic slid around his wrist and closed. He tried to turn, his free hand rising defensively, but whoever was behind him grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind his back. The cuffs clicked shut.

Something inside him flickered and died. He sucked in a harsh breath, his eyes wide as He pitched forward, thrown off balance by the sudden loss. The man gripped him tightly to hold him up, and something cold and sharp pressed against his throat.

"Stop," said the man behind him. "Or I'll slit his throat."

Natsu turned with a frown and then froze. All of the fighting ceased almost instantly, and the team's expressions were far more concerned this time when they saw his predicament.

Natsu winced as he realized what he had done. "Oops?" he said sheepishly.

He didn't even have the presence of mind to make a biting comment, still reeling. "How…did you…do that?"

"Anti-magic cuffs," the man said. "I–"

"No, you idiot. What did you do to my _curses_? Anti-magic cuffs shouldn't be able to cut them off."

The air of sudden confusion behind him made it clear that his captor had no idea what curses were or how they differed from magic.

"These are specially made from iron and silver to–"

"Idiot," He growled again. "Those don't work against demons. Superstition. These are enchanted with something."

"…Oh. Yeah. Definitely."

The fool had no idea. These cuffs shouldn't work, these people had no idea what they were doing, but somehow they'd gotten their hands on anti-magic cuffs that had been enchanted with something that legitimately worked against demons.

He narrowed his eyes at his shadow, but it stayed still and unmoving. It raged in his mind as it fought against the restraints put upon it, but without the curses as a crutch to animate it, it remained static and frozen to the ground.

 _Hell_. These people were incompetent, but He had gotten overconfident and now He was in serious trouble. This was what He got for dismissing his opponents so quickly.

"Now, submit to being cuffed," said the man, presumably directed at the other Fairy Tail mages. When they exchanged looks, he added, "The demon might not be able to die, but you'd better believe that I can inflict a lot of damage."

Erza bit her lip and nodded, holding her hands out in front of her. One of the dark mages locked cuffs around her wrists. The others submitted to similar treatment, although Natsu looked like he might resist before realizing that the rest of the team was in jeopardy. He closed his eyes. His friends would do what they were asked because they very well knew that He _could_ die. He wished that He hadn't brought them with him. What had He been thinking, allowing them to accompany him into an obvious trap? Now the entire team was helpless, and He'd never forgive himself if someone died because of his overconfidence.

"Very good, very good," the man said, his grip relaxing now that the Fairy Tail mages were all subdued and contained.

He frowned, something tickling at his memory.

"Hey, you seem kinda familiar," Natsu said abruptly. "Have I seen you before? I dunno…"

"Really?" the man asked, irritation creeping into his voice.

"Maybe I'm imagining it."

"No, no, you're so… Ugh."

He exhaled sharply. "Hello, mayor."

Recognition flashed in Natsu's eyes. " _Oh_."

Unmemorable and nondescript didn't mean nonthreatening.

"See, the _demon_ recognizes me, even though he can't see me," the mayor said sulkily, releasing him and stepping out in front so He could see him. Someone else stepped back to grasp his arm firmly again.

"Only because you have such an annoying verbal tic," He muttered.

"I _told_ you we should have kicked his ass!" Natsu said. "But _nooo_. We needed _proof_."

"Shut up, Natsu," Erza said in a low voice. Her gaze flickered between the mayor and the demon. "What do you want with Gray?"

The mousy man waved her off. "Let's get them contained."

"What should we do with them?" one of the other dark mages asked. "We weren't expecting all these extra people."

"Just put them in the cell, I guess."

"But then where will we put the demon?"

"The cell. We'll just have to use what we have. They're all cuffed, so it should be fine."

He bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood as He watched a group of dark mages swarm the team and herd them to the other side of the room. There were vertical bars stretching from floor to ceiling, marking off a large, rectangular cell. He hadn't even noticed it before, as caught up in the fighting as He had been.

"Are you the leader, then?" He asked, his gaze still directed past the mayor and locked on his friends as they were shoved into the cell and the door was shut with a loud clang that echoed through the chamber.

"No, no, our leader is dead." The mayor smiled thinly. "But you're going to help us resurrect him."

"…Excuse me?"

"You have something I want, see."

He tore his eyes away from his caged friends to frown at the mayor. "And what might that be?"

"A body." The mayor's smile widened and took on a wickedly satisfied cast. "Our master's body was unsalvageable, so we need a new one. And I use soul magic. I have the soul, and you will provide the body."

Shit, not only had He gotten caught, but He'd gotten caught by a _seith_ mage. Seith magic was rare, especially the kind dealing with human souls, and could be very potent and dangerous. And not very well understood to outsiders. He knew a bit about souls and bindings, but He didn't have the same leeway to manipulate them that a soul mage would have.

Soul magic made him antsy and uncomfortable. He'd had less than pleasant dealings with souls and bindings before, and it was tricky and mysterious at the best of times. He wanted nothing to do with any of it.

"Whoa, whoa, what?" Natsu demanded, pressing up against the bars. "What are you going to do?"

The mayor—if he _was_ a mayor…if there was even a town to be mayor of, rather than just a collection of abandoned buildings half-inhabited by a dark guild—glanced back at the imprisoned mages but then focused his attention back on the demon.

"I managed to save and preserve his soul, but I need a new body to transfer it to. But it's not that simple. Soul transplants are a tricky business. You can't just stick one into a body it wasn't originally attached to and expect it to function properly. Chances of a successful transplant are increased by giving the soul time to integrate with the body, but it has to be a _living_ body. Once the body dies, a soul will no longer stick. But a living body will have a soul of its own, and the original soul will choke out the parasitic one. A real catch-22."

The man smiled, his gaze raking over the demon. "But you would make the perfect incubator, wouldn't you?"

"…Incubator?"

The word settled somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach, making him shift uncomfortably until the man behind him tightened his grip. There was something so _wrong_ in talking about a person like that.

He was starting to get an idea of where this was going. And although He wasn't convinced it would work, it had him spooked.

"Yes, yes indeed," said the man. "You don't have a soul, do you? A living, soulless body. Perfect. From what I understand, you have only an artificial soul. Some kind of book or something? In any case, there is a void inside you waiting to be filled. Your artificial soul shouldn't be tied strongly to the body and isn't a proper soul, meaning that it won't crowd out a transplanted soul. Theoretically, I should be able to implant the Master's soul in your body, and you should continue to live while it integrates itself and weakens the binding of your artificial soul to the body. When it's strong enough, your binding will be destroyed. You'll die, and the Master will live in your body. And he should even be immortal. It's perfect."

Despite the confidence and bluster, He was getting the feeling that this guy wasn't entirely sure of what he was doing. Even if he knew more about souls than about demons, there were little flags that his knowledge was incomplete. The immortality was out, and He doubted the man understood the root of the issue.

He couldn't say one way or the other for the rest of it, not for sure. His experience came from bindings and artificial souls. And, for Natsu and Mavis and Zeref, souls that _belonged_ with the body He was trying to reattach them to. This would be different. He wasn't convinced it would work, but… Theoretically speaking, it seemed like a plausible line of logic.

"Props for creativity," He said, valiantly ignoring the uncomfortable squirming in his stomach. "I'll admit that I wasn't expecting anything so elaborate, judging by how poorly conceived your trap was."

"It's a good trap," the mayor said with a scowl. "Very good, very good. It worked out in the end, anyway."

"You can't _do_ that!" Lucy burst out. Her face was painted with indignant rage as she awkwardly clutched at the bars with her bound hands. "You can't just go around murdering people to resurrect dead guys!"

"My dear, it's not murder."

"Of _course_ it is."

"It is not." The calculating look the mayor gave the demon showed no hate or anger or anything of the nature He was used to seeing. It was, rather, the look one might give to something decidedly subhuman. "He is a demon."

"So? That's not–!"

"You would not call it murder to slaughter a cow so that you could eat it and live."

When Natsu spoke, his voice had none of his usual goofiness or flippancy, but was edged in cold venom and steel. "He is not a _cow_."

"Agreed," He interjected. "I think that if we're going that route, I should at _least_ qualify as a horse."

Natsu shot him the most venomous look He'd seen in all his life. "Shut the fuck up."

He shrugged. He gingerly rocked forward a bit and wiggled at his restraints, only getting his arm twisted for his trouble. The problem was that even if He _could_ get away—not looking likely while He had no access to either his magic or curses—the rest of the team would still be sitting ducks. He couldn't risk an attempt.

"The fact is that he is not human," the dark mage said. "He does not have parents or a family. He does not have wants and dreams and wishes. He is not capable of loving or being loved. In fact, it's questionable whether he feels emotion at all. He might wear a human face, but underneath that, he is nothing like a human."

"That's not _true_!" Lucy protested.

"Isn't it? If he seems human to you, it's because he can act. What you see as a human is really just something alien living in a human body that is using the remnants of the original owner to construct a mask. The person you think you know doesn't even exist. It is only pieces of the original owner's thoughts and feelings and memories cobbled together in a pale facsimile of a human."

He dropped his gaze to the ground as the man continued to bore into him with his eyes. It was almost disconcerting, the lack of malice or revulsion. All the words were said in a flat, detached way, despite their implications. He was not even worth being hated, because He was something less than an animal.

"How _dare_ you?" Erza whispered, her voice raw.

"You're right," He said in a low voice. "But you're also wrong."

The mayor stepped forward and gripped the demon's chin, pulling his head up so that their gazes locked. "Let's be honest, the reason it isn't murder is because you don't belong here either, do you? You murdered a human to get this body. How is that any better than what I'm about to do? You have no more right to this body than anyone else, because it never belonged to you. You don't even have a _soul_. You are a parasite living in a host body, and the body will soon become host to a different soul and kick you out. A body is meant to have a soul. This here is an abomination. One that makes a convenient incubator for our purposes, but one that should be corrected."

His gaze slid away as far as it was able, and He fought not to hunch his shoulders. The words stung all the more because of how much truth they held.

"Don't you _dare_ talk to him like that," Erza growled, fury evident in her voice.

"I should have just killed him when we had the chance," Natsu muttered. The dragon slayer sounded serious about that.

The mayor clicked his tongue and released the demon. "Look at him. He knows it's true. Don't you?"

He said nothing.

"Gray…" Lucy said.

"To be honest, you should feel honored," the mayor said as he walked away, his clipped strides stamping into the dirt. "It's a way to help set things right, no? You took a human's life to get this body, and now you will give another human life in exchange."

He raised his head and watched as the man pulled a thick glass jar off a shelf on the other end of the room and started walking back. That…was one way to look at it. Maybe… Out of all the thousands of lives He had taken, maybe He could give one back. But if so, it shouldn't be the master of some creepy dark guild. It was already too late for Gray or any of the others He had killed. Maybe it was still better than nothing to return life to someone else, but…not someone dark who could end up being a blight on the world. He'd already wrought enough damage without handing the reins to someone else to continue on his old work.

"You keep a soul in a jar?" He asked hollowly. "Seems…legit."

If He concentrated, He could catch a faint glimmer of silver and magic swirling inside the glass on a plane not truly visible to the naked eye. If nothing else, this guy seemed to really be able to handle souls, then.

"I had to do _something_ ," the man said with a scowl, stopping in front of him again. "I have so much magic and enchantment layered on this thing, you have no idea. But there _is_ a soul in here, so you can stop mocking me."

"I know there is. I see it."

"You… _see_ it?" A faintly bemused look spread over the mayor's face.

"Mhm."

"That's…unusual." Then he shook his head and got back down to business. "Hold still."

He instinctively leaned back, but was met with the hard chest behind him. He wasn't going anywhere.

His friends were shouting and making a racket on the other side of the room, but it faded to a dull roar in his ears as He watched the mayor twist off the lid of the jar. There was a flash of silver, and the man slammed his hands into the demon's chest.

His body went rigid and then started seizing. His back arched as far as it was able and his limbs spasmed as He dropped his head back, eyes wide. There was something cold and sharp digging into him, something that _should not_ be there. His awareness and consciousness flickered in and out as He spasmed and jerked…and the thing ate its way inside him.

"…at's happeni…?"

"Body's reject…if I…make it catch…onnect…"

It _hurt_. A sharp keening escaped his parted lips as the foreign object bounced around inside him and went tearing through his body, searching for something to connect to.

"…sure that…eally work?"

"Yes, yes, just…oh…wait…ot it!"

Something clicked and He went abruptly still, slumping over bonelessly. The knife-sharp ache was duller now. Like an itch. His mind hazily drifted to thoughts of oysters, how a parasite or irritant working its way inside could trigger layer after layer swaddled around it to create a pearl. Something small and parasitic, the proverbial grain of sand, had lodged itself inside him. Still small, but it ached and itched, and it would be enlarged and cemented in layer after layer until it crowded him out.

"It seems to be working beautifully," the mayor was saying.

His head felt heavy and stuffed full of cotton wool, but He managed to slowly raise it and blink at the dark mage sluggishly. "What…have you…done?"

Triumph was carved into every line of the man's face. "Implantation was successful. The incubation period shouldn't need more than a week, week and a half at most. Depends on how long you last. The longer you survive, the more time the Master's soul will have to adjust and strengthen its purchase in the body. So far, so good." Gaze sliding back to the person holding the demon up, he said, "Might as well put him with the others."

Still dazed, He didn't protest as He was dragged across the room. Half-carried, more like. His limbs were weak and shaky, and He was too out of sorts for his pride to kick in enough to bother trying to save whatever shreds of his dignity were left.

The door of the cell opened and He was shoved inside, stumbling and slamming into the ground.

"Careful, careful!" the mayor screeched. "That will soon be the Master's new body—don't do anything to damage it. Make sure he eats, too. We want the body in prime condition."

"What should we do with the others?" someone else asked. "We can't just let them go."

"Well… The Master will be back soon enough. We'll let him decide. Now, I have business to attend to, but I'll return to check on his progress regularly and make sure things are going according to plan. Keep an eye on him, and send for me if it looks like anything is going wrong."

He barely noticed the retreating footsteps, too busy dealing with the team. Erza managed to help him up and get him over to where He could sink back to the floor and slump against the wall.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked anxiously, raising her bound hands to cup his face.

He stared back at her blankly. "I…don't know…"

"We have to get out of here," Natsu said tersely. "We can find someone to fix whatever that was, and then we can go kill that bastard."

He wasn't sure how Natsu expected to get out of here when they were all bound in anti-magic cuffs, but the dragon slayer pushed himself to his feet and began pacing the short length of the cell, glowering at everything and banging ineffectually at the bars.

Erza gave Natsu a look, but shook her head and turned back to the demon. "How are you feeling, Gray?"

He stared some more, her words taking a moment to pierce his heavy lethargy. "I don't know."

Her frown only deepened further. "Can you tell us how we can help? You know more about these things than we do."

"I…don't know."

It was hard to know much of anything when something was fundamentally _wrong_ inside him. Everything felt jumbled and heavy and turned on its head.

"Don't worry, we'll fix you," Happy said earnestly, pressing up against the demon's leg.

" _Stupid, goddamn trap_ ," Natsu was muttering as he kicked viciously at one of the bars, which didn't budge.

Indeed. It had been a clumsily-laid trap, but it had caught its demon.

His laugh was little more than a rasp. "I feel like an idiot."

* * *

Everything got heavier and heavier. It was hard to judge time, but He thought it was a couple days before He started fading in earnest. His limbs began slowly turning to lead, and everything felt clumsy and awkward, as if it didn't belong to him. It was harder to move when there was a weight on his chest dragging him down.

The pearl was getting bigger, weighing him down and filling in all the cracks and crevasses inside him.

It became harder to focus. It was harder and harder to pay attention to his friends as they schemed up elaborate plans of escape or fussed over him or discussed their predicament. He was too sluggish and lethargic to concentrate, and it was easier to sleep or doze.

There was something growing inside him that was slowly wrapping around his bindings and his mind, choking them off so that they began to wither.

He stopped eating. It was too much effort and He had no appetite. Anything other than sleeping or huddling in the corner was too much effort, really. And He lacked both the energy and will to care about something as unimportant as food.

"It should be alright, I suppose," the mayor said. "It won't permanently damage the body, and it can be corrected when the Master is back."

"Eat," Lucy said, her eyes big and anxious as she tried to tempt him with food. "Gray, please."

He was heavy. He went to sleep.

He stopped talking. It was too much effort and He had no desire to communicate. It had started sounding like everyone's voices were muffled and far away. Even his own voice sounded like He was talking underwater. He didn't care about much of anything other than, sometimes, the thing solidifying its hold inside him.

"Gray, come on," Happy said. "Say something."

His eyelids were so heavy, though.

It was like his nightmare, He decided. The one with the shadows seeping inside him. Except it was something foreign nesting inside him now, and this wasn't a dream.

Maybe.

It was hard to tell sometimes. Everything seemed like half a dream, hazy and incoherent and far away.

And then, right when He began to idly wonder if He'd suffocate under the weight crushing his lungs and chest, He started becoming lighter and lighter. Like floating. His body was still heavy and leaden, but He was floating somewhere inside, trapped within the cage but free to float within the confines. Light as air, trapped inside a heavy prison.

But maybe, He thought vaguely, He would be free soon. Whenever the thing inside him was ready, maybe it would cut his moorings and let him fly free.

That didn't sound so bad.

Maybe it wasn't so bad. The thing inside him was filling in a place that had been hollow and empty. It was, He supposed, filling in the void where a soul should have been. Maybe it had only felt so heavy because He was used to being so empty. It was a place made for a soul. Maybe a soul belonged there, even if it wasn't his own.

The floating made everything hazier. Instead of sleeping like a rock, He'd drift in and out of light dozes, losing snatches of time and only catching snippets of surrounding events. He might catch a glimpse of Lucy crying in the corner and clutching Happy before He faded out again, or a few sentences of Natsu's yelling as he lashed out in frustration.

One time, He slid halfway out of a daze and noticed a strange humming. It had the same odd, wavering quality that all sound seemed to have these days, but something about it was vaguely familiar even though it sounded wrong. He'd almost given up on figuring it out and gone back to sleep before an idle thought drifted past: it was a lullaby, one that Gray had known. Or, at least, an odd, distorted version of it.

"You're…doing it…wrong," He mumbled, each word a sigh floating in the air around him.

The sound stopped.

"Did he just say something?" Happy demanded.

Soft skin brushed against his face, and He managed to crack his eyes open halfway to stare at Erza blearily. He was curled against her side, slumped over her. He wondered when that had happened.

"Sorry," she said, twisting her hands around in her cuffs to brush his hair away from his forehead. "I'm afraid I don't remember it all. Do you?"

How would she know it? Oh. After the trial. He had been humming it to her, hadn't He? When He was trying to get her to go back to sleep. That seemed like so long ago, a thousand years and a lifetime.

"…Yeah…"

It was easier to hum than to talk, but even that felt lethargic, slow and drawn out. Manipulating any part of his body was hard when it was so heavy and He was so light. He floated in and out, not entirely sure when He was actually making sound and when He was trailing off into silence. It sounded haunting and breathy and faraway in his ears.

His eyes drifted shut.

This had been Gray's favorite, back when he'd had a mother to sing him lullabies before bed. Or, He thought so. Even his own memories were getting hazy and hard to access, and Gray's were even more so. Gray was disappearing too.

His breath hitched, the note wavered.

He had killed Gray, but He had also preserved him. He guarded and protected whatever pieces were left of the child whose life He'd taken. But whoever was attached to that foreign soul inside him would not care about the body's original owner. Would not care about Gray. And these last pieces of Gray, the half-forgotten lullabies and unspoken dreams and buried heartache, would be thrown away, left to wither and die.

That wasn't fair. That intruding soul suddenly seemed like much less of a good thing. Regardless of whether or not a soul belonged in the void within him, it wasn't worth losing Gray for.

One lone tear slid silently down his cheek.

"Oh, Gray. Gray, it's going to be okay."

He could feel Erza wiping it away, her touch tender. He could hear the worry and heartache in her voice.

He floated away.

The next time He slid halfway back to consciousness, He was being shoved back into the cell and Natsu was grabbing him and holding his limp body up. Hmmm… He thought He should be aware of being dragged in and out of the cell for his checkups. Who could sleep through that?

"It's going well," the mayor said.

Natsu clutched the demon to his chest and then slowly lowered himself and his charge to the ground. "Go to hell."

"Now, now, that's not very nice."

"How can anything be going _well_?" Lucy demanded. "It's like he's barely here."

He stared out blankly with half-lidded eyes, only partly registering the conversation. He was still floating in air, ready to drift away at any moment.

"Of course," said the mayor. "His body is slowing and shutting down as the Master's soul settles in and pushes him out. I don't think we'll have to wait much longer. Soon he'll fall asleep and not wake up, and it looks like he's already getting to that point. The Master's soul will finally cut away whatever's left of his binding. He'll stop breathing, his heart will stop beating. Within a few seconds, it will all start up again. But the transfer will be complete. He won't be the one waking up."

The man turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Natsu to snarl obscenities after him. It was as Erza turned away from the bars and back to the interior of the cell that she noticed the demon was awake. Or half awake. Or, perhaps even more accurately, just barely almost fluttering at the edge of wakefulness.

"Gray!"

He breathed out in a sigh, his eyelids fluttering as He began to dissolve back into the ether once more.

"Gray, keep your eyes open, okay?"

Maybe it wasn't like floating in air, He decided. It was more like floating in water, lying on the surface but constantly dipping beneath the waves to hang suspended in the ocean with all the heavy water pressing around.

"Stay awake!"

But the water was too heavy, and He slid under. Maybe, He thought, it was inevitable that He would have to drown eventually.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Eh, I'm still tired and frustrated and cranky. Writing A/Ns is speaking directly to readers, and I don't honestly feel like talking to 99% of my readers right now. Not _everything_ in this segment is about Lyon lol But yeah, seriously, why do the bad guys always hide out in dark, creepy places? Villain monologues annoy me. *rolls eyes* And yes, Gray's humor can be frustrating at times with how he uses it. Ha, even more bio oriented when you consider that everything I described for a soul transplant is basically the mechanics of an actual organ transplant lol**


	22. Host-Excision (2)

**Note: For what it's worth, I think I might try responding to reviews again. I've been too stressed and depressed to really want to talk to anyone. Still am, really, but I also feel kind of bad if I don't reply anyway. Sorry.**

 **[And of course I like Halloween—it's my birthday holiday lol And converting Gruvia shippers is always fun. I've won over several in my day, and each one is a triumphant victory. Ship and let ship, but I'm always up for de-glorifying unhealthy relationships.]**

* * *

 **Host-Excision (2)**

* * *

"Gray! Gray, keep your eyes open, okay? Stay awake!"

It was bad when Erza was panicking. She was the one who held everyone together when things went south and they were freaking out. When they needed someone in charge to stay calm and take control and work out a plan.

Natsu didn't think it boded well that she was just as freaked out as the rest of them and now showing it.

She had twisted her hands inside the cuffs and gotten a grip on Gray's shirt, and was now trying unsuccessfully to shake him awake

"Erza, stop," Natsu said. He was trying to get her off, but with Gray slumped against him, his bound hands had their movement restricted even more and it was difficult to work them around the unconscious ice mage to get at the panicking girl.

"It's too late, Erza." Lucy grabbed Erza's arm and tugged her off of Gray with no little difficulty.

Erza glared. "It's not too late. We aren't giving up."

"Not like that," Lucy said hurriedly. "Of course we aren't giving up. But for now, he's asleep. Or unconscious or whatever. You know we haven't been having much luck getting him up lately."

Erza looked away, her lips twisting bitterly. "We have to do _something_."

"I'm not sure we _can_ wake him up at this point," Natsu said with a sigh. "His body has shut down so much that I'm not sure he could stay conscious more than he has, even if he wanted to."

He gave up on trying to find a comfortable position for his arms and instead worked them over Gray's head so that they could wrap around him like a loose hug. His expression was grim as he studied his friend's face as best he could from his vantage point. Gray was pale as a ghost, his eyes closed and his face slack. He was limp and boneless, heavy against Natsu's chest. His pulse was weak and fluttering, his breaths shallow and barely there. No, he didn't have the strength to fight much longer.

Watching his decline had been painful. He had seemed mostly alright at first. A bit withdrawn and out of sorts, but he had conversed and offered scathing opinions on their escape plans and occasionally inserted a snarky remark. But then he had begun fading slowly. He didn't move as much, just stayed huddled in the corner. He'd stopped eating and talking much, and spent more time half asleep. And then his condition plummeted precipitously as he ceased normal functioning altogether and spent all his time deeply unconscious. Lately he had been in and out more, but never entirely there. Seeing someone so strong reduced to a barely-there shell was horrifying.

Natsu shot a nasty look at the door at the other end of the room, which had swung shut on the mayor just moments before. He had made a mistake in not recognizing that the man's scent matched the underground mustiness of this base. If he'd realized it sooner, they could have gone back and kicked his ass and gotten him to tell them what he was planning. That was a mistake that Natsu intended to correct just as soon as they escaped. No one got away with hurting Natsu's family.

"We need to get out of here," Erza said. "Find someone to fix this."

"And fast," Happy said, eyes solemn.

One of the half-dozen dark mages left behind to guard the prisoners snorted loudly. "You guys have been trying to get out for days. Give it up. You aren't going anywhere."

"We sure as hell are," Natsu growled. "Just you wait. You're all going to pay for this."

The man glanced back into the cell and shook his head as he watched them all huddled around Gray. "You mourn him like a human," he said disapprovingly. "You might as well let him go."

"Yeah, well, we aren't murderers," Lucy snapped. "We don't get off on killing people."

"We don't either. You aren't dead, are you? We don't go around murdering people, but that's a demon. He's not human."

"He's human in all the ways that count," Happy said quietly.

The man rolled his eyes. "You guys are so–"

A loud crash sounded from somewhere in the base, followed by a scream that was quickly cut off. Every head swung toward the closed door.

"What was that?" one of the dark mages muttered.

Natsu watched as their captors stiffened to attention and assumed defensive stances, and then turned his own attention back to the door. Something was happening, and he didn't know if it was good, bad, or neither. He'd revel in any misfortune the dark mages had, but it paid to be wary when he and his friends were also trapped with no way to defend themselves.

Lucy inched closer, pressing against his side as she stared at the door with big eyes. He was too distracted to really reassure her.

The door burst open, and a yellowish-white blaze seared across Natsu's vision and left him blinking back stars. Lucy gasped and pressed closer, and dark mages were screaming all around them.

Natsu tensed in preparation—he wasn't exactly in the best position to be fighting, but he'd be damned if he didn't at least try—but as his vision slowly cleared, his heart surged in hope. "Laxus! Hey, guys, look! It's Laxus and the Raijinshuu!"

"Thank goodness," Lucy breathed.

Natsu couldn't help but grin as he watched electricity zap the enemy ranks—they deserved it, the bastards—and the rest of the mages fall victim to the furious whirlwind that was Laxus's team.

"Yeah, beat them up!" he called.

Laxus grunted and turned toward the caged mages as the last enemy dropped to the ground. "What the hell are you doing in there, Salamander?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" he snapped back, the reminder of his predicament itching at him.

"The First and the old man said that you lot walked happily into a trap a few days ago and never came back, so we were sent to make sure you didn't make fools of yourselves." Laxus gave Natsu and the others a look of irritated contempt. "Just as well, it looks like."

Natsu scowled and opened his mouth to retort, but Erza beat him to it.

"Hurry up and get us out," she said.

The frantic edge to her voice reminded Natsu of the deadweight on his chest, and he immediately sobered. A feather-light breath tickled his arm, and it seemed like an interminably long time before Gray drew in another breath.

"Ooh, the great Titania has gotten herself into quite a predicament, hasn't she?" Evergreen gloated, looking much too pleased at her sometime rival's current state. "And people think _you_ make the better fairy queen. Hmph."

"Hurry _up_!" Erza nearly shouted, slamming her cuffs against the bars with a grating clang.

"So impatient," Freed muttered, rolling his eyes. "Why don't you–?" He paused and frowned, stepping over to the cage and peering at the unconscious man in Natsu's arms. "What happened to him?"

"Just hurry the fuck up before he dies," Natsu growled. "We don't have time for games."

That got the others moving. Laxus grabbed the bars, sparks flying as he pushed and twisted them, ripping a couple out of the ground entirely. The man was a monster. The Raijinshuu hurried in to start removing the anti-magic cuffs from everyone, demanding to know what had happened.

Natsu groaned in relief as his wrists were freed and he could stretch out his arms as his magic flooded back. Being cuffed for so long had quickly made him achy and then turned painful. And poor Gray had had his hands cuffed _behind_ his back, which must be worse. Not that he'd said much after a few halfhearted complaints toward the beginning. Then again, he'd had bigger problems.

Evergreen broke Gray's cuffs and Natsu lowered him to the ground carefully, his fingers dropping to his friend's wrist automatically to search for a pulse. It was there. Weak, but there.

"But what's wrong with him?" Evergreen asked, puzzling over the mage who looked mostly dead but had no visible injuries.

Erza wasn't listening. "Natsu, grab him. We need to find someone to–"

"Bickslow!" Lucy interrupted. She turned pleading eyes on the seith mage. "Can you fix him?"

"Uh… What?" Bickslow blinked at her in confusion.

"Of course," Erza said, obviously kicking herself for not seeing what was right in front of her. "You have soul magic. You can do something, can't you?"

"Soul…magic?" Bickslow shook his head in bewilderment and shifted under the pressure of all the hopeful, expectant looks turned on him so suddenly. Frown deepening, he turned his attention to Gray and pushed up his visor. He squinted down, but then his eyes widened and he jerked back. "Good _God_. What did they _do_ to him?"

"What is it?" Evergreen asked. Her smugness had faded to uneasy concern, and her gaze flickered between Gray's ashen face and Bickslow's horrified one.

"Can you fix it?" Happy asked.

"There's a _soul_ inside him," Bickslow said, stunned.

Freed frowned. "But–"

"But he doesn't _have_ a soul. This is someone else's. What the hell is it doing in him?"

"There was some crazy guy who thought he could resurrect his guild's master by sticking his soul in Gray and using him as an incubator," Lucy said, her words tumbling over each other in her haste. "He said it'll attach itself to Gray's body and cut his binding and he'll… You can get rid of it, can't you? Get it out of him before it kills him."

Her eyes filled with tears, and her pleading took on a raw, desperate edge. Some odd mix of disbelief and horror was creeping over the faces of the Raijinshuu, but Natsu only cared about Bickslow. The guy played with souls for a living. Surely he could fix Gray.

"I…" Bickslow turned his helpless gaze back on Gray. "I'm not going to lie, it's bad. This thing has already settled in and it's made a complete mess of him. Whoever did this did a clumsy job. But it's strangling him out and…"

He shook his head and Natsu's heart sank.

"But can't you do _something_?" Happy pressed.

"I… Yes. Yes. But we don't have a lot of time. It's a delicate procedure that I don't feel comfortable doing here, and he's in such bad shape that I want a healer on standby when I start. We need to get him back to the guild _now_. Laxus, carry him, will you? And for God's sake, be careful and don't jostle him too much. He's barely hanging on by a thread. Hurry up, hurry up, let's go. You guys can tell me the rest on the way."

Laxus bent and scooped Gray off the ground, cradling him in his massive arms. Gray looked positively tiny in comparison, his limbs dangling limply and his head lolling. Natsu almost protested, but decided to trust Laxus not to screw it up. Although the dark mages had treated their captives relatively well—aside from slowly sucking the life out of Gray—Natsu was still recovering from having his hands bound together uncomfortably for days. Better to let Laxus handle it. It wouldn't do to have cramping arms lead to dropping Gray on his face.

"Freed, Ever, stay here and take care of the cleanup, will you?" Laxus asked. They nodded, and he turned away and started for the door with long strides.

"Good luck," Freed said quietly.

Natsu stumbled out of the ruined cell and rushed after Laxus and Bickslow, the rest of the team hot on his heels. They hurried back down the dark passageway with its flickering torches, and he only paused when he nearly tripped over the motionless form of the mayor stretched across the path. The once so forgettable features were burned into Natsu's mind now.

He hoped that their rescuers had hurt the bastard real good while taking him out. He aimed a vicious kick at the man, telling himself that it was only because the guy was in the way and it wouldn't do for one of the girls to trip over him. That wasn't really why.

Fortunately, this godforsaken town wasn't all that far from Magnolia. Unfortunately, the only transportation available was the train, which departed from a station in the next tiny village over. It was a pretty remote place without much else around, and there was no faster means of transportation to be found.

They laid claim to a section of the train to settle down for their war council. Upon Erza's insistence, Gray had been laid on one bench with his head in her lap. She absentmindedly carded through his hair and occasionally ran a hand along his clammy skin as everyone else gathered round as best they could. A few other passengers were giving them odd looks, and Natsu glowered at them until they looked away. He wasn't sure if they recognized Gray, but if they did then he didn't want them gloating over his friend's condition.

And then the train started, and it was all he could do not to lose his lunch. He fought back his motion sickness valiantly, not wanting to miss what would be a vital discussion. He thought it rather unfair that Laxus seemed so unaffected. He knew the other dragon slayer got motion sick too—that secret had eventually gotten out and Laxus was none too pleased by it—but he didn't show any sign of it.

"Alright, tell me what happened," Bickslow said. "Everything, down to the smallest details. The more I know, the better the chances I'll be able to help him."

Natsu was content to let the girls tell the story in excruciating detail. That was more than he had the brainpower for while he was so nauseous. He still paid attention, though, even when he wished he didn't have to. Hearing it all laid out again—all their missteps and poor decisions, everything that had been said, everything that had been done to Gray and then his terrifying deterioration—was uncomfortable. Natsu didn't like to dwell on things, and everything that had happened over the past days was a little too dwell-worthy for his liking.

"We really made a mess of things," Erza concluded with a sigh, her gaze dropping to her lap as her fingertips brushed along Gray's lifeless face.

Natsu looked away. They had all screwed up. Even knowing that this was likely a trap, they had still made mistakes. Gray had been careless, and seemed to have picked up a false sense of security upon seeing the laugh-worthy tools his enemies were using. Natsu and the others had been, ironically enough, too protective. Sheltering Gray hadn't done any good, and when they hadn't been able to protect him sufficiently, he had been too smothered to protect himself.

They had underestimated the scope of their opponents' plans and hadn't anticipated that the idiots would get a lucky break despite their incompetency. In the end, it had cost them.

"You did," Laxus said bluntly. "But you also got unlucky and caught a bad break."

Bickslow sighed heavily. "I'll tell you what I know. This sort of soul… _transplant_ is nearly unheard of. Theoretically, I understand how it could be done, but… Well, the chances of success are inordinately low. The host body's soul would reject the foreign soul in the same way that bodies sometimes reject organs that are transplanted. Except even more so, because the host soul will always win. The parasitic one can't get enough purchase when the original is so strongly bound to the body.

"But since Gray doesn't _have_ a soul… Well, he doesn't have that line of defense, so he would be the perfect candidate for something like this. This parasitic soul is insinuating itself into his body and taking control, and it seems to have attached itself to the closest thing he has to a soul. Not the Book, really, but the binding. Or thread, or whatever you want to call it. It's wrapped itself all around that and is strangling it. The longer the soul remains attached, the more strongly it's binding itself. This one seems so well integrated that it could detach his binding at any time and survive, so we'll have to be careful not to initiate that process."

"The man said that Gray's body would cease functioning entirely for a few seconds, and that's when the transfer would take place," Lucy said, subdued.

Natsu's stomach flipped over uncomfortably in a way that had nothing to do with motion sickness. The thought of Gray waking up and not being _Gray_ was… He couldn't imagine watching Gray wake up and realizing it was someone else entirely looking back at him from his friend's body.

"Right." Bickslow slid his hand under his visor to press against his eyes. "That will be the moment that Gray dies. There will be a brief _stop_ , and then everything should start back up under the control of the new soul. After that point, it's game over. We need to fix it before then."

"And you _can_ fix it, right?" Erza asked, swallowing hard.

"I…can try. I mean, my magic can remove human souls and transfer them to other objects."

"Your dolls," Lucy agreed.

Bickslow gave her a sour look. "My babies, yes. Theoretically, I could remove this parasitic soul and transfer it to an inanimate object. The problem is that I'd have to do that without killing Gray, which will be difficult since the two of them are so twined together now. I'll have to be very careful to excise only the foreign parts and leave all of him here. And hope that his binding hasn't been so damaged that it's unsalvageable.

"Healers won't be able to do anything about the soul-deep damage, but it's imperative that we keep his body functioning for as long as possible. They might be able to help stabilize him. And Porlyusica might have some thoughts—she's seen a lot. I've never handled anything of this scope before."

That did not sound entirely encouraging. Bickslow winced at the desolate, desperate faces looking back at him.

"I'll do what I can," he said. "There's still a chance, as long as we move fast."

Unfortunately, the train only moved so fast. What should have been a relatively short ride felt like it dragged out for an eternity, with everyone getting more and more keyed up. The tension reached a boiling point when Natsu, pretty out of it from the motion sickness but still listening carefully for any change in Gray's vitals, heard a beat too long of silence and freaked out, immediately sending the rest of the team into a panic. Bickslow hurriedly assured them that the foreign soul hadn't taken over and Gray was still as well as could be expected. Laxus pulled Natsu off of Gray none too gently and harshly told him to "Get a grip. It's weird seeing you freak out."

Easy for him to say. He wasn't the one who'd had to spend days watching his best friend slowly dying. To be honest, it was a little weird for Natsu too. He wasn't much of a worrier, but watching Gray wither away and being unable to do anything about it had left him as much of a wreck as everyone else. Gray was taking years off Natsu's life, with how much he'd made him worry lately.

"Happy, get Porlyusica," Erza said.

Natsu looked up from his nauseous daze and realized that the train was finally slowing to a stop.

"Aye sir," Happy replied solemnly.

The train stopped and he was off like a shot, a blue blur whizzing down the length of the train and barely waiting for the doors to open before darting outside and disappearing. Laxus gathered Gray into his arms with surprising gentleness, before planting a foot in Natsu's side and sending him stumbling into the aisle.

"Get going," he grunted.

Natsu would have normally kicked up a fuss, but he obediently got going, shouldering his way through the passengers and clearing a path for Laxus and the others. When they got off the train, Laxus and Bickslow forged ahead, leaving the others to trot along after them and try to keep pace.

They got more than a few odd, curious looks as they rushed for the guild hall. And the citizens of Magnolia saw Gray around frequently enough that most of them knew who he was by now, so Natsu could almost feel them gloating over his condition. Whether that was actually true or not, Natsu glared at a few of the gawkers anyway.

"Oh, you found them!" Mira said brightly as Bickslow shoved his way into the guild. "How did–?" Her face paled considerably as Laxus carried Gray inside and the grim-faced team piled in behind them. "What happened?"

"Wendy, come oversee the procedure until Porlyusica gets here," Bickslow said tersely, barely sparing her a glance.

The small girl's eyes stretched wide as saucers. "What's wrong with Gray-san?"

"Hurry up. We're running out of time."

Wendy jumped to her feet and ran after Bickslow, who had made a beeline across the hall and was disappearing into the infirmary. Natsu followed as well, only to pull up short when Laxus turned abruptly in the doorway.

"Stay here. You'll only be in the way."

"But–"

"Let Wendy work her magic," Mavis said from where she was perched on the counter. "You can't do anything right now. Come tell us what happened."

Natsu watched forlornly as Laxus slipped into the infirmary and nudged the door shut with his foot. That last glimpse of Gray—skin white as bone against the shadow of his hair, eyes closed, chest just barely twitching with breath—burned itself into his memory. He didn't want that to be his last image of his friend. He didn't want to remember Gray as a hollow ghost with a deathly pallor and fading heartbeat.

The ice block had sure as hell better wake up.

Lucy touched Natsu's arm gently and guided him over to sit at a table with Erza. Everyone else present in the guild gathered around, uneasy and concerned as they waited for answers.

"Where's Happy?" Charle demanded.

"Fetching Porlyusica," Natsu mumbled.

"It's alright," Lucy told him. "Bickslow knows what he's doing."

Mavis's eyebrows knit together in a frown. "Bickslow?"

Erza drew in a deep breath, held it, and let it out. Her face was still pinched and ashen, but she was no longer outwardly panicking. She had regained her composure, for the most part. Natsu was content to let her tell the story.

She hadn't gotten very far when a loud scream pierced the air, slicing through everyone's words and rattling their bones. Natsu jerked halfway to his feet, heart stuttering to a stop as his head whipped toward the infirmary.

Because that had been _Gray_ , and Natsu had never heard his friend scream like that before.

"What are they _doing_ to him?" he demanded.

Lucy blanched, her eyes suddenly much too big for her face. "God, how can he even scream like that when he's been unconscious for so long?"

"Just…" Erza's voice wavered, but then she rallied. "Let them do their job. Sit down, Natsu. It's up to them now."

Anyone who hadn't looked sufficiently frightened before was certainly rattled now. Even Gajeel appeared thoroughly unsettled as he stared at the door.

"Tell us what happened," Mavis said, tearing her gaze away from the source of the screaming to look back at Erza and the team. She looked the most poised out of everyone, calm under the pressure while everyone else was freaking out, but even her face was far paler than it had been moments before.

Another agonized wail tore through the room, knifing viciously through Natsu's skin and battering his body. His hands clenched into helpless fists. He wondered how something as insubstantial as a sound could hurt so much, all sharp, slicing edges.

Erza pushed forward grimly, her voice steady but terse. Her words were clipped and short, and Natsu couldn't blame her. It was hard to focus on telling a story when someone you cared about was screaming out his soul in the next room over.

The screaming didn't stop, either. Not when Porlyusica came storming through the guild fifteen minutes later and didn't even acknowledge anyone before disappearing into the infirmary. Not when Erza finally finished her story and everyone had asked their questions. Not when Gray had screamed himself hoarse and kept right on going. Not even once everyone's hearts had been rubbed raw and their nerves cut down to the quick.

"I'm sorry, I have to get out of here," Lisanna burst out finally, jumping to her feet. Tears glistened in her eyes and stress radiated from her every pore. She turned to Natsu. "Do you want to come? You guys…have already been through a lot, and there's nothing we can do here besides wait."

Natsu shook his head and looked away. "I'll stay."

"But–"

"I'll be here till the end."

Lucy curled into his side, burying her face in his shoulder so that her tears seeped slowly through his shirt and soaked into his skin. Happy wrapped himself into a furry ball on Natsu's lap with his paws pressed over his ears. Erza stared straight ahead, still as a grim-faced statue and taut like a string ready to snap at any second. Natsu turned his gaze back to the door, unable to even think about leaving.

Gray screamed.

Lisanna nodded and rushed outside. A few others followed on her heels or crept out more surreptitiously later. Cana drank herself under the table, not stopping until she was in an unconscious heap on the ground.

"At least if he's screaming, he's alive," Mavis said serenely.

As long as it was Gray who was alive, and not the soul that didn't belong there. Perhaps that had occurred to Mavis as well, because despite her calm exterior, her small fists were bunched tightly in her skirts.

It felt like it went on for an eternity, but probably wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things. When it suddenly stopped, the abrupt silence left Natsu reeling. No one moved or spoke for a long moment, and the silence was both deafening and ominous.

Lucy shifted and pulled her face out of Natsu's shirt to turn her swollen eyes on the closed door. "Do you think…?"

She didn't finish her thought, and Natsu was glad of it. He just shook his head. He had no answers.

The door flew open and Bickslow peered out, his gaze darting around the room.

"What the hell were you doing to him?" Natsu demanded automatically.

Bickslow focused in on him. "I was ripping a soul out of his body. I'd imagine that it hurts like hell."

"Is he alright?" Lucy asked, twisting her hands together anxiously. "Did you…?"

"I got rid of the foreign soul, but we have another problem. It already did a lot of damage to his binding, which is now so fragile that I'm worried any little thing could make it snap and we'd lose him. I've done what I can. I work in human souls, not bindings and artificial ones."

"Oh no," Lucy breathed. Her eyes filled with tears again. "But can't you fix it?"

"No." Bickslow kept his gaze fixed on Natsu. "Natsu, come take a look at it."

Natsu started in surprise. "What? Me? Why me?"

"Didn't you bind him back to his Book before? You must have worked with his binding then."

Whatever blood was left in his face promptly drained away. "I'm not qualified to do this," he said faintly.

"The only person qualified to do this is currently unconscious and hovering on death's doorstep," Bickslow said harshly. "I suggest you at least try."

Natsu sat frozen. What was he supposed to do? He still didn't even really know how he had performed that rebinding in the first place, and he'd have no idea what to do this time around either. Gray had always made this stuff look easy. He was the one who understood it. Natsu had only stumbled around and made a mess of things. His success had been a complete fluke.

If Gray's life was in Natsu's hands, his chances of survival were dwindling rapidly.

"You can do it," Lucy said, giving him a look of heartbroken faith and hope. "I believe in you."

"Just do your best," Erza said quietly. "If it doesn't work, then it won't be your fault. But it can't hurt to try."

Natsu had always respected healers in that they were needed. Someone had to do that job, and it sure wasn't going to be him. Sitting on the sidelines and healing injuries had always seemed important but boring, and he was more interested in fighting bad guys.

But now he realized that it was a different reason that he'd never make a good healer. He didn't know how they did it, how they could work under the weight of everyone's expectation and hope. Because now everyone was looking at him like he was their last hope and he could magically fix everything, and he wasn't confident that he could do anything at all.

But even if he had no idea what he was doing, he had to at least try. It wasn't like he could just leave Gray fading in the next room and not even try.

Swallowing hard and squaring his shoulders, he slid off the bench and padded across the room, every footstep echoing in his ears like a death knell. Bickslow held the door open for him silently and then closed it behind him.

Natsu turned away but then swung back, frowning as his eyes jumped from doll to doll hanging in the air behind Bickslow. He could swear that there were normally five, but there were six now.

"Is that…?"

"Yeah. I had to put it somewhere."

Natsu wasn't sure he liked the implication that the troublesome soul might be sticking around, but he had bigger problems right now. Wendy was hovering in the corner, her eyes red and swollen. Porlyusica looked as grim as usual, but her face was pale. Laxus was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

Natsu directed a sour look at him, wondering why he got to stay when he wouldn't have been able to help either.

Laxus raised an eyebrow at the other dragon slayer's hostile scrutiny. "Someone had to hold him still while he was thrashing all over the place."

Natsu's heart twisted into another knot.

"Get on with it," Porlyusica said impatiently. "We don't have time for silly games."

Natsu nodded jerkily and drifted over to the bed. He'd thought Gray was pale as death before, but now he was positively _white_. He was just as utterly motionless as before, chest barely moving and every exhale only the slightest of sighs. Somehow, he seemed small. Even the narrow cot dwarfed him, as if he'd shrunken into himself.

He didn't look like he could have just been making all that racket. He looked dead.

Natsu swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to push aside those images. Gray had always acted like he could _see_ things like souls and threads and bindings, but Natsu had never seen anything of the sort. He had been working entirely on instinct before. Maybe he could sort of sense it in a way, but he definitely didn't see it and wasn't sure how to find what he needed.

He stared hard at Gray's face, reaching out blindly with his magic or soul or anything to try and sense what he was looking for. Nothing. The bitter taste of failure lodged itself in the back of his throat. How could everyone expect him to fix Gray's binding when he couldn't even _find_ it?

"Relax," Porlyusica said gruffly. "If it doesn't feel right, try something else."

Natsu darted an uncertain look at her, but then turned back and closed his eyes. He wouldn't be able to see it anyway, and seeing Gray's lifeless face was only distracting him.

He stood there for an eternity before he finally felt it, just the faintest of echoes. A curl of faded heat resonated within him. He sounded it out tentatively, sliding up and down the length of the thread to get a mental image in his mind and map it out.

"You might want to hurry it up," Laxus grumbled.

"Shhh," Wendy hissed. "Let him concentrate."

Natsu wasn't listening. His full attention was focused on that tenuous string of magic and life that he'd built up in his mind. He could feel it, could feel its delicate fragility and the echo of fire winding around it and the very essence of Gray wound through and through.

He could feel how broken it was.

It was mangled and snarled right at its origin, frayed to the point of snapping. There were weak spots running its length, but none so much as right at the beginning.

But how could Natsu fix it? Gray had said that he'd managed to pinch off pieces of his own thread to help rebind Natsu's and the immortals' souls back to their bodies, but Natsu wasn't sure if that would also help strengthen a fraying binding. And even if it could, he had no idea how to go about it. With his luck, he'd just screw it up and mess up himself as well as Gray. Because that sounded dangerous, ripping pieces out of yourself to…

A thought occurred to him and startled him to a stop.

"Oh, you idiot," he breathed. "You must have realized that ripping pieces out of yourself would hurt you in the end."

Most of the damage to Gray's binding must have been caused by the parasitic soul, but perhaps it had already been weakened by what he had done to himself and that was why things had gotten so bad. Gray had played off the consequences when asked, but Natsu couldn't imagine that he hadn't at least suspected they could be problematic.

The people around him were muttering in low voices, and it caught his attention just enough that he could shove his sudden revelation aside. He could worry about that later. For now, he still had a job to do.

What else could he try to fix this? He racked his brains for anything else Gray had ever said about these things, searching for an answer. Well… Gray had theorized that Natsu's rebinding had worked because he'd used his curses. But that had only worked because Gray had just been bound to E.N.D.'s Book and been connected to those curses. He hadn't been bound to that for a long time.

But still, Natsu could feel that echo of fire in the thread, couldn't he? That had to be remnants of the curses he'd used. So could he do it again, and use the curses as a splint once more to cover over the weak patches?

He hadn't used his curses since the rebinding. He would normally take any power-up and run with it, but the curses had left a sour taste in his mouth. They were frightening, in a way. They had consumed him, and were still a harsh reminder of his Awakening. He understood why Gray had once said that he preferred not to use his curses because he didn't like the feel of them. Then again, Gray had been becoming more confident and proficient with them lately.

Maybe Natsu should too. He only had access to a small portion of them now that his binding to his Book had been broken, anyway. They shouldn't be as overwhelming and hard to handle. And when had he ever let himself be scared off of getting stronger by bad memories and nightmare fears? He wished that he had started exploring them before so that he was confident in using them now.

He reached deep inside himself until he found that well of hellfire buried beneath his normal flames. It burned hot and wild, crackling with pent-up energy. He dipped inside them carefully, drawing them out.

They burned hot in his hands. Literally. He didn't have enough control or experience to try this without a physical manifestation, and ignored any and all sounds from the other people in the room.

This fire was entirely untamed and difficult to handle, but he wound it along Gray's thread, having the most luck when he let it blaze free but kept a slight check on it to make sure it didn't burn out of control. He sure hoped this didn't hurt Gray; the ice mage had been totally wrecked by these curses before. And Natsu didn't think he could do this at all if his friend started screaming again.

His curses seemed to slide right off, not catching on the thread. Natsu tamped down his panic and tried again. It took a few tries before he finally felt something take. Some of the fire resonated with the faint flames already woven into Gray's binding, and they melded together. Just a little, but it made Natsu's heart leap in hope. He went up and down, up and down, searching for more soft spots to fill in with fire. Most of it slid off like oil on water, but there was enough fire left in Gray's soul—world be damned, Natsu believed his friend had a soul—to catch and hold Natsu's curses.

When he'd filled in all the holes he could and nothing else would stick, Natsu let the fire die and blinked his eyes open. He looked around in a daze, having been so solely focused on his task that it took a long moment to readjust.

"That's all I can do," he rasped.

He could only hope that it was enough.

Bickslow pushed up his visor and narrowed his eyes as his gaze slid up and down Gray's unmoving body. "It's not perfect, but it worked. He seems stable. Good job, Natsu."

Wendy burst into tears and darted over to throw her arms around Natsu, and Laxus gave a sharp nod of approval from where he was still leaning against the wall.

"You did well." Porlyusica rested a hand briefly on Natsu's arm, and he looked at her in surprise. She was tired and stress-worn underneath the hard lines of her face, but gave him a look that was almost gentle and sympathetic, two traits he would never think to associate with her. "Go get some rest and tell your friends that Gray should be alright."

"But–"

"Bickslow and I will keep an eye on him to make sure nothing changes, but he's stable now. He should pull through."

Natsu bit his lip and wrapped an arm around Wendy in turn as they started back toward the main room. Wendy wormed her small hand into his larger one and looked up at him with imploring eyes. He realized that his hand was shaking. Both of them. And his whole body.

"I knew you could do it," Wendy said solemnly. "Gray-san believes in you so much that it's hard for the rest of us not to. You were really great."

Natsu's breath shuddered in his throat as all the pressure and stress came crashing back down, followed by equally crushing relief. Gray should be alright. Natsu wanted to cry.

* * *

 **Note: There's a third part.**

 **emmahoshi: Yeah, I think it's important that charries are pushed out of their comfort zones and forced to act differently than usual, but it would've been really cruel for anyone to comment on it in this case X) Yeah, and it made sense to me that Laxus and the Raijinshuu would have been sent since they (read: Laxus) have closer ties to Mavis and Makarov, and also because I feel like the guild would just send one of their stronger teams to check it out in the first place. Which is convenient since I need Bickslow lol Really, the sudden shift we always get to romance is a pain in the neck, although Laxus is far from the worst offender lol No, it was stated in canon that Laxus got motion sick like the first-gen dragon slayers but that he tried to keep it a secret. And when Gray rebound Natsu, Mavis, and Zeref to their bodies, he used part of his "soul-string" as a crutch, remember? He told Natsu that in "Nighttime Awakening (1)" and said it probably didn't do anything important when Natsu asked what it did to him. That's what's being referenced. And everything in brackets was a general response to reviews last chapter, not anything relevant to the story.**


	23. Host-Empty (3)

**Note: I was bored the other day (read: procrastinating from writing and too exhausted to do much of anything else) and Googled my pen name. Interesting stuff, guys. I went through all seventeen pages. Most of it irrelevant, some normal stuff, and then some interesting little tidbits. Some of it was weirdly flattering. So just FYI, I found some of y'all's stuff lol If you're particularly bored and have nothing useful to do with your life, I'd recommend Googling your pen name, especially if you've posted things. Every once in a while you find something interesting.**

* * *

 **Host-Empty (3)**

* * *

It was hard to really rest with the last ghostly echoes of Gray's wails ringing in their ears, but a palpable air of relief hung over the guild. They weren't in the all clear yet, but it was something. Natsu and the rest of the team wouldn't truly relax until he was awake again, though. Gray had spent far too long unconscious and dying, and they really just needed to see him be himself again before believing that things were really alright.

Bickslow and Porlyusica stayed locked in the infirmary for hours, and the healer didn't emerge until the sun was finally starting to set.

"He was awake," she said tersely. "He–"

"Let's go see him!" Natsu said immediately, his heart leaping in hope.

Porlyusica gave him a withering glare, and he withered appropriately in response. "He's not awake _now_. He _was_ awake. For a couple minutes."

"And you didn't come tell us?" Lucy asked with a frown. "We want to see him."

"Leave him alone," Porlyusica growled. "He needs his rest. He was still out of sorts and didn't stay awake for very long. We needed that time to ask him questions and check out some things to make sure everything is going smoothly, and you all would have just been in the way. You can do all your silly fussing over him later. Preferably when I'm not around."

"How was he?" Erza demanded.

"Fine, fine. Not feeling very well, unsurprisingly, but he was fairly lucid for a few minutes. Everything seems fine so far. We told him you were fine, I'm telling you he's fine, and you can all stop harassing me. I'll be back to check up on him in the morning."

Natsu opened his mouth, but the misanthropic medicine woman was already stomping away and out into the street. So much for that. But Gray had been awake! He was doing well!

"Thank goodness," Lucy breathed, pressing her hands to her eyes and letting out a shuddering breath. "I'm so glad."

"But I can't believe she didn't let us see him," Happy muttered.

"He asked us not to," Bickslow said. He had appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame and looking grim and exhausted.

Natsu stared at him. "He…what?"

"He didn't want to see anyone."

Erza looked stricken, hurt welling in her eyes. "But why?"

Bickslow sighed and shook his head. "I'd imagine that it was a fairly traumatic experience for him, and it's left him off balance. He's still recovering; give him a little while to sort himself out. At this moment, he'd rather be alone. But he did ask after you and seemed concerned about what might have happened while he was out of commission. He just needs a little space for now."

Yeah, Gray liked his space a little too much. Honestly, Natsu couldn't imagine waking up from a coma and not wanting to see his friends right away, especially knowing that they would have been worrying over him the whole time. It seemed a little selfish. But Gray would be Gray, and he happened to be an idiot.

"Jerk," Natsu grumbled.

Bickslow shrugged. "He wasn't feeling well. I don't think he was feeling up to seeing anyone or being fussed over. Anyway, he really was only awake for a few minutes before falling asleep again. Maybe he'll feel up to having company tomorrow."

If he didn't, he'd be getting it anyway. Still, Natsu's exasperation mostly melted back into relief. It wasn't exactly a celebratory air that descended upon the guild, but it was something close. Cana, who had only just started recovering from her latest drinking binge, began carousing and drinking merrily—in celebration this time, rather than to drown out the screaming—and didn't last too long before sending herself back into a drunken stupor. The others were a little less demonstrative, but were in much better moods and displayed varying degrees of cautious hope and optimism.

The team, while equally relieved, was still waiting for more confirmation. They wanted to see Gray awake and make sure he was alright with their own eyes. There wouldn't be too much resting that night.

Porlyusica showed up again bright and early the next morning, as promised. She and Bickslow shut themselves into the infirmary for a couple hours before reappearing.

"He's still fine," she grunted as she stalked back through the crowd of watchful mages without giving any of them so much as a sidelong glance. "Seems to be doing a little better than last night. Or was slightly more willing to talk, anyway."

"Wait, he's awake again?" Mira asked, her face brightening.

"He _was_ awake again. He's resting. Leave him alone. He needs to recover his strength. I'll be back later to check on him."

"Where are you going?" Wendy asked.

"Do you really think that I sit around all day just waiting for one of you fools to get yourself hurt and come crying to me for help? I have my own affairs to manage. Honestly."

She swept out of the guild, still muttering uncomplimentary things about humans under her breath. Natsu stared after her. Gray had woken up again and _still_ didn't want to see anyone? Why not? Stupid ice block had a lot of nerve to scare them half to death and then refuse to even talk to them.

He glanced at Happy and the girls, whose faces showed varying degrees of uneasiness and concern. They turned their attention to Bickslow, who was trying to creep his way back over to his own team as surreptitiously as possible.

Realizing he'd been caught, the seith mage sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. He's not saying that anything's wrong, but I think it must have rattled him. He doesn't want company, so I'm just going to stay out here for a while and give him some space. He should be fine."

Natsu's patience was dwindling rapidly. He'd spent days freaking out, and although he'd been feeling an extreme amount of sympathy and concern for his friend, this was really pushing it. He wanted Gray to be alright, but he also wanted Gray to _stop being such a jerk already_.

"Leave it alone, Natsu," Erza said wearily, picking up on his mood. "He's been through hell, and he really should have some time to rest and recuperate. And…he'll come back when he's ready."

That wasn't exactly satisfying to Natsu and he could see that Erza and the others weren't thrilled either, but it wasn't like there was anything he could really do. Erza was right: they'd have to wait for Gray to come around on his own.

It took a few more hours. Which perhaps wasn't all that long, taking into consideration that he sometimes disappeared or went cold for days at a time.

"Natsu," a voice rasped.

It was quiet and hoarse, but sliced through the chatter of the guild like a hot knife through butter. Natsu immediately forgot about his debate with Happy and whipped his head toward the infirmary. Gray was standing in the doorway, his hand clutching the frame tightly enough that his knuckles were white, and leaning against it heavily.

"Gray!" Natsu said automatically.

Something was wrong. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he felt like there was some spark missing from Gray's eyes, some light that had been snuffed out to leave them dark and empty. It wasn't quite the same as when Gray went cold and demon-y. His eyes might go flat and unreadable then, but they were never quite this dead.

Or maybe Natsu was just reading too much into it because he was still half-expecting the worst.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asked anxiously, studying Gray with wide eyes. "How do you feel?"

Gray stared back at her blankly, but then tilted his head as if in slow motion and considered her question. "Empty," he said finally, the word dull and heavy as it grated against a throat rubbed raw from screaming.

"…Empty?"

"Mhm. Like something was here, and now it's not."

Natsu shifted uncomfortably, not entirely sure what to make of that answer. A normal, appropriate answer would be something along the lines of 'fine' or 'pretty good' or 'tired' or 'not that great'. There was something vaguely unsettling about the fact that this was the answer Gray had chosen out of all the possibilities, that this was the first one that had come to mind.

"But…you feel okay?" Erza asked. She eyed Gray and nibbled at her bottom lip uncertainly. "Porlyusica and Bickslow said that you were doing alright…"

"Okay," Gray agreed after a second's pause. He stayed entirely expressionless. "Sure. I'm okay."

"You're alive!" Cana said with a wide grin. "This calls for a round of celebratory drinks!"

"And you only just recovered from the last one," Elfman muttered.

"Here." Mira swept over, giving Gray a slight smile and brushing a feather-light touch across his temple before handing him a glass of ice water. "Your throat must be killing you."

Gray's gaze traveled from Mira to the glass in an almost lethargic fashion, but then he nodded. "Thanks."

He took the cup from her gingerly. It slipped through his fingers and crashed to the floor, shattering in a shower of water and glass. Mira jerked back with a startled exclamation, but Gray just stared down at the mess almost uncomprehendingly. Then he switched his gaze to his hand, still outstretched and hovering in the air, and studied it as if he'd never seen it before. He flexed his fingers, curling and uncurling them, and eyed them critically.

"…Sorry," he said.

"It's…it's okay," Mira stammered, still recovering from the shock of the unexpected accident. "I'll get you another."

Gray nodded unenthusiastically. He still seemed inordinately fascinated by his hand, in a dull, halfhearted sort of way.

"It might take a little while to get the hang of controlling your body again," Bickslow said. He was sitting between Laxus and Freed, but his attention had been drawn by Gray's appearance and mishap. "It should come back to you fairly quickly as you remember how it works."

"I'd noticed." Gray pulled his gaze away from his hand to look at the person addressing him, but zeroed in on something behind Bickslow instead.

Natsu frowned and followed his gaze, curious what his friend was looking at with such dull-eyed fascination. A prickle of uneasiness tickled his spine as he realized that Gray was staring at the half-dozen winged totems hovering in the air with their painted faces and hidden souls. Or, perhaps more accurately, Gray was staring at one in particular.

He held out a hand—palm up, inviting. For a moment, nothing moved. Then one of the doll totems flew over, a slight bounce in its flight pattern. It hovered just above his palm, held yet not touching.

"Hello again," Gray murmured.

"Hello, hello," the totem chirped. It made Natsu start in surprise, until he remembered the dolls' penchant for echoing back words.

Gray remained motionless, staring unblinkingly, the painted wood reflected in the shimmer of his impossibly dark eyes. Lucy squirmed beside Natsu, radiating unease, and the dragon slayer found it increasingly difficult to breathe. It was like the entire room had frozen to watch the unfolding scene with bated breath.

A swath of blackness surged upward and slammed into the totem, sending it flying. The shadow streaked after it, pausing only when Gray said, " _Enough_." It hesitated but then melted to the floor and slunk past all the wide-eyed onlookers to curl around Gray's feet. It crept partway up his body, winding around his legs.

Gray stared down at it. "Calm yourself, darling." It only seemed to wind tighter, all tightly-bound wrath and resentment. He shook his head in exasperation. "You're so jealous of your property," he muttered under his breath.

Natsu gave him a sharp look, wondering what to make of that. But he was quickly distracted by a slight motion and turned to see the totem picking itself up off the ground with a decidedly injured air.

"Geez, Bickslow," Natsu growled, glowering at both the errant soul and its master, "can't you keep that thing away from him?"

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't realize…" Bickslow gave Gray an appraising look and waved his dolls away, sending them to time-out in the other room.

"Are you alright?" Happy asked Gray.

"Yeah," the ice mage said tonelessly.

"But–"

"I'm fine."

That was the moment Mira decided to approach him again with a new glass of water. Gray reached for it automatically, but she kept her hand pressed up against the bottom of it this time, a safeguard in case his body failed him again. He took a couple small sips before pushing it away.

"Thanks," he said.

Mira gave him a smile that looked almost sad. "Of course. It's just good to see you up and about again."

"Yeah," Gajeel said gruffly, looking away. "I'm glad you're alright."

Gray turned his gaze on the dragon slayer. "Are you?"

The words were delivered in a completely flat, disinterested tone, and Gray's eyes were dead and empty rather than hostile. Gajeel's head jerked up and he stared at Gray with wide eyes, his mouth twisting into a funny expression. Someone sucked in a sharp breath off to Natsu's right.

Natsu himself was floored. He knew that there had been some drama with the guild and that Gajeel and some of the others had flat-out rejected the ice mage in the beginning, but although Gray had clearly been uncomfortable around the guild and started avoiding it, he had never expressed any kind of bitterness. He wasn't acting bitter now either, to be honest, but he was definitely giving the impression that he didn't think Gajeel—and possibly the other one-time dissenters—particularly cared about him or his well-being.

Natsu might have agreed with that in the beginning—to an extent, at least, since he still didn't think they'd wanted Gray _dead_ or anything like that—but things had been improving lately. Hadn't they? Gray was back, the guild was making more of an effort to help him feel welcome again, and Natsu had thought everything was going just fine. He hadn't been expecting Gray to basically say that he believed everyone still wanted him dead or gone.

Gray stared at Gajeel a moment longer as the other man's mouth worked silently, and then closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm not being fair. I'm afraid I'm still a bit out of sorts. I apologize."

"You, uh, I…" Gajeel shook his head and averted his gaze. "Yeah. It's fine. Sorry."

The other mages were exchanging worried, uncomfortable looks, but it was Natsu that Gray turned his attention on once he'd opened his eyes.

"I was just stopping by to tell you that I'm heading back to your place, Natsu," he said in that same monotone.

"Wait, what?" Natsu frowned, puzzled. "Why?"

Gray shrugged and dropped his gaze to the ground. "I don't want to be here anymore."

Natsu wondered if that was supposed to be another veiled reference to not feeling comfortable in the guild. Did Gray really think that everyone was still against him?

"But, um… Porlyusica isn't here. She said she was coming back to check on you later, so…"

"I know. That's why I'm leaving now."

"She's going to be really pissed off if she comes back and finds you gone."

"Oh well."

"Is it really a good idea for you to leave?" Erza asked. "I mean, they say you're doing better, but if something happens…"

Bickslow shrugged. "He should be fine. It's really just recovery now, and I'm sure it'll be more comfortable for him to rest at Natsu's place than in the infirmary."

Natsu wasn't sure he liked this, but it was what Gray wanted and Bickslow wasn't giving them a way out of it. He sighed and stood up, heading for where Gray was still leaning heavily against the doorframe.

"Let's go, then," he said.

Gray shook his head. "No, I'll go by myself. You can stay here."

Natsu gave him a flabbergasted look. "But–"

"I'm just going to sleep, anyway. No reason for you to come."

"Can you even make it there on your own?" Natsu asked skeptically. Given how Gray had a death grip on the doorframe, Natsu was not convinced that he'd be able to walk all the way back to the house without help.

"Yes." Faint irritation flickered in Gray's eyes, the most emotion he'd shown so far. He released the frame and took a few slow, shaky steps toward the door before stumbling and bracing himself against the wall again. "…Maybe."

Natsu resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Sliding an arm around Gray, he began helping his friend limp to the door. Gray made no more protests, and was leaning on the dragon slayer rather than attempting to walk on his own. A sure sign that he was exhausted, in pain, having difficulty getting his body to respond properly, or some combination of the above.

Happy came fluttering over, but Gray drew the line when Lucy and Erza made to follow.

"Don't bother," he said. "I'm just going to sleep."

Lucy frowned. "But–"

"It's not like I won't be coming back eventually."

The girls gave each other a long look, before Erza reluctantly said, "Fine. But we'll be dropping by later."

"Alright." Gray gave them a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but his voice gentled when he said, "I'm glad you're alright."

"Yeah," Lucy said with a sniffle. "You too."

Gray's lips quirked bitterly before being set back into an expressionless line. "Yeah. Sure."

Mavis drummed her feet against the back of the counter, drawing Gray's attention. "We're going to have a talk later, Gray."

"As always, I look forward to your pleasant conversation, milady."

The words could have easily been either teasing or mocking, but it was hard for them to be either when his voice was so perfectly flat and his eyes so empty. Mavis gave him a searching look and then nodded. Gray sighed and nodded back almost imperceptibly.

Those two were weird. They weren't friends in the same way that Gray was friends with the team, but they'd certainly been spending time together lately, even if it was usually outside the guild and away from prying eyes. Natsu had no idea what was going on with them, but they shared something deep that the others weren't privy to. It was just…weird.

But his attention was quickly drawn back to his troubled friend as Gray started forward again with an unsteady gait. Natsu helped him along and Happy trailed behind for moral support, and they left the rest of the guild to their gossip. There was definitely going to be gossip after Gray's disconcerting show.

"You're being weird," Natsu said as they headed down the street at a slow, unsteady pace.

"Am I?" Gray asked, uninterested.

He was drawing some odd looks since he was being half carried through the streets, and he eyed the gawkers sidelong. His expression didn't change, but Natsu suspected he was starting to rethink the wisdom of braving the city and dealing with the stares of its inhabitants. For his part, Natsu shot a couple nasty 'move along, there's nothing to see here' looks back.

"You are," he insisted. "You're just so… I don't know."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Happy asked, peering around Natsu's shoulder at Gray. "You just seem…off."

"I'm fine," Gray said flatly.

"But–"

"Why don't you tell me what I missed while I was out?" His lips tightened almost imperceptibly as he gave Natsu and Happy a brief but searching look and then returned his gaze to the ground. "Bickslow said you were fine…"

Natsu hurried to reassure him. "Yeah, yeah, they actually treated us pretty well. You know, aside from trying to kill you."

"Good," Gray muttered. "Next time, I'm not taking you into an obvious trap."

Natsu snorted loudly. "Try and stop us, ice princess."

That absurd statement aside, Natsu and Happy obediently filled Gray in as they stumbled past rubbernecking pedestrians and wove their way through the shop-lined streets. Natsu, not having much patience for longwinded stories to start with, kept things short and terse. Happy, on the other hand, was all too happy to add in comments to undo all of Natsu's downplaying.

When they'd finished, Gray stayed silent for the length of an entire street before asking, "And what did you do to me?"

"Huh?" Natsu exchanged a puzzled look with Happy, who shrugged.

"You did something with your fire." Gray stumbled over a crack in the pavement, even though his blank eyes were directed at the ground. "I can feel it."

Oh. _Oh_. Sudden worry clutched at Natsu's chest as he wondered once again if he'd screwed up. Had he done something really bad? He should have asked earlier. It probably should have been the first thing he thought of.

"Is it hurting you?" he asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

"…No. But I can feel it. It's…different. Strange. What did you do?"

"Oh, I, uh…" Natsu sighed harshly and lugged Gray around a corner. "After Bickslow got the other soul out of you, your binding was still really damaged and he was worried he'd lose you. He asked me to take a look since I bound you back to your Book. I didn't really know what to do, but I figured that you'd said I must've bound you back with my curses, right? Because you'd been bound to my Book so they were kinda part of you? So I did it again, sort of. It was harder to make them stick this time and I haven't used my curses in ages so it was weird, but… Yeah, he said it helped some, at least."

Gray glanced up, impenetrably dark eyes studying Natsu's face. "Impressive."

Natsu flushed despite himself and quickly turned his face away to hide it. It had only been one word, still said in that monotone, but Gray had never been effusive to start with and his most genuine compliments were worth their weight in gold. Something tightly wound inside Natsu relaxed, releasing a tension he hadn't been entirely aware of. It felt freeing to get Gray's seal of approval on something that had caused him so much stress and worry.

"Natsu was great!" Happy chimed in. "He was totally freaked out when Bickslow asked him, but he really did it."

"I was not freaked out," Natsu said stiffly.

"You went so white that you looked like a ghost, and you were shaking like a leaf."

Natsu flushed again and made an irritated growl deep in the back of his throat. Gray diplomatically kept his gaze fixed on the ground and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. Stupid Happy.

"You're overexaggerating."

"I am not," Happy protested. "You were–"

" _Anyway_ ," Natsu interrupted, turning his attention back to Gray as he decided to cut his losses, "you're an idiot."

"So I've been told," Gray said dryly.

"Your binding was already a mess before that soul started ripping it up, wasn't it? You must have realized that ripping pieces off your string to reattach me and the others was going to end up hurting you. And you _specifically_ told me it didn't do anything when I asked."

Gray was unfazed by the accusation and smoldering hostility underneath. "I figured it would do something, but I didn't know if it would ever become an issue. And I didn't know exactly what it had done or what the consequences would be. It is what it is."

"God, you're stupid," Natsu growled as they started up to the house. "If you took better care of yourself, then I wouldn't always get stuck saving your sorry ass."

Gray shrugged, a lethargic motion rippling through his shoulders. "The alternative was unacceptable. There was nothing else I could do."

Natsu wanted to bang his head into the door out of frustration, but settled for inserting the key into the lock. He wasn't really in the mood to fight with Gray. Not while Gray was being so weirdly _not there_ and was having too much trouble to even stand on his own two feet without help. But when he was better, the first thing Natsu would do was punch him.

"Well, I guess you wanna rest or whatever," the dragon slayer grumbled.

He looked over at the mattress leaning against the wall, where it was propped up to stay out of the middle of the floor during the daytime. He looked at Gray. He looked back again. It was going to be really hard to get that back into a suitable resting position while also being stuck supporting Gray. Unfortunately, Natsu suspected that Happy wasn't strong enough to do either task on his own.

"Good grief," Gray grumbled, sounding almost exasperated. "I can lean against the wall for thirty seconds."

Smiling sheepishly, Natsu let Gray detach himself and slump against the wall to watch the proceedings with empty eyes. The dragon slayer grunted as he pulled the mattress to the floor and quickly fixed the blankets.

Gray almost immediately buried himself under the covers. His responses became monosyllabic, and Natsu nudged Happy none too gently to get the Exceed to stop his fussing.

"The ice princess needs some beauty sleep," he said, unable to resist one more dig. "Let's leave him be."

Gray didn't deign to respond to that at all. Natsu and Happy retreated to the bedroom and shut the door. They stared at each other solemnly.

"What's wrong with him?" Happy whispered. "Something is different."

Natsu thought back to Gray's dead eyes, empty of some undefinable spark and life that was normally there. Again, he got the feeling that something was missing.

"I don't know," he said. "He'll be fine."

They were probably worrying over nothing. Give Gray a day or two to recover and he'd be back to his normal self.

It didn't do any good to worry over things they couldn't change—and anyway, it wasn't like there was really anything to worry _about_ —and with Gray asleep in the next room, the atmosphere eventually settled down. Natsu and Happy could take a break from all the hectic panic of the past days and get a little rest of their own. It was actually kind of relaxing.

…At least until a livid Porlyusica started banging on the door a few hours later.

* * *

Despite some lingering misgivings, Gray seemed to recover fairly quickly. True, he refused to set foot outside of Natsu's house for nearly three days and stayed huddled under the blankets for much of that time, but he'd needed some rest, right? And he tolerated Natsu and Happy's chatter, and even the girls' presence when they dropped by. He wasn't horribly talkative himself, but was that really anything new?

A bigger concern was that disturbing hollowness he had picked up, but either he got better at hiding it or he started getting over it quickly. He was still a bit more withdrawn and distant than usual, but it was more along the lines of his normal flatness again. Natsu couldn't actually see that spark that had been there in Gray's eyes before, but its absence wasn't as pronounced either.

Gray's return to the guild was the point at which everyone truly started to relax. He was falling back into a more normal pattern and seemed fine. He was even making it a point to interact with the guild more, and watching him with Gajeel gave Natsu an idea why. He also spent some time shut up with Mavis and often slipped out to get a break, but it was pretty good considering how he'd just been.

So everyone thought he was fine, and didn't give it another thought until Bickslow came looking for them nearly a week later.

The team sans Gray was crowded around their usual table, having a heated debate over their next job. It would be the first job they'd taken since that unfortunate trap, so it had to be a good one.

They were taken by surprise when Bickslow sat down in Gray's empty spot and swept a wary gaze over the room.

"Um, hi, Bickslow," Lucy said, giving him a puzzled look. "What's up?"

"Where's Gray?" he asked tersely.

"He left," Happy volunteered. "You know, he runs off sometimes. But he should be back later."

"Although Mavis isn't here either, so they might be together," Lucy added. "Again."

"Wait, you're looking for Gray?" Erza's eyes narrowed. "Why? Is something wrong? You said he was fine."

Bickslow waved off her concern. "Nothing like that. Actually, I want to make sure he's _not_ here. I want to talk to you guys about him real quick."

"About what?" Anxiety had fallen over Lucy like a heavy blanket, and Natsu could see that she was already preparing for the worst.

Bickslow glanced around the room again to make sure no one was listening, then leaned in a little and lowered his voice. "He's been asking me questions."

Natsu was not impressed. All this cloak-and-dagger nonsense over _questions_?

"Right," he said. "Questions."

"What kind of questions?" Erza asked. She didn't seem particularly impressed either, but it looked like she'd at least humor Bickslow.

"Questions about all this with the soul transplants and everything," Bickslow said. "He's pretty good at playing it off and being subtle about it, but he's been fishing for _a lot_ of information."

He looked at them expectantly, but it didn't seem like anyone knew what to make of that. Something was obviously triggering alarm bells for him, but Natsu didn't see the big deal. Gray was collecting some information. So what? He seemed to enjoy learning everything he could and then being secretive about it until he could put the information to good use. He liked to _know_ things, that one.

"Right…" Erza cleared her throat awkwardly, and she chose her next words with enough care that Natsu knew she thought Bickslow was overreacting and was trying to talk him down without offending him. "You know, he probably just wants to know more about all this stuff because it nearly killed him. I mean, _I'd_ want to know everything I could to make sure it didn't happen again. And anyway, he's always been big on these bindings and souls and whatever. I wouldn't be surprised if he was looking to understand more about the parts he's less clear on."

Bickslow gave them all a hard look. "Yes, that's the excuse he gave too. A reasonable one, but it only goes so far. He's been asking about the process in great detail, the chances of success and what could improve them, if I could do it, if I know other seith mages who might be able to do it. I told him it wouldn't have worked, although I'm not sure if he believed me."

"Wait, I thought it _would_ have worked?" Natsu asked, confused.

"Yeah, well. The chances of such a procedure being successful are pretty low, but that soul was given a lot of time to get its footing in him. Barring unforeseen complications, it should have worked. But I didn't feel it wise to encourage him."

Lucy frowned. "Encourage…?"

"Whatever he's planning isn't something I want to encourage." Bickslow's gaze was edged in cold steel as he swept it over the assembled team. "I'm telling you this because if Laxus or Freed or Evergreen were asking those kinds of questions, I'd want to know so that we could handle it as a team. Catch my drift?"

Erza nodded slowly, and the skepticism in her eyes had faded to something more solemn. "I understand. We'll take care of it."

"Great." Bickslow stood and turned away. "Good luck."

The team watched him go in silence, and no one said anything for quite some time.

"Do you think he'd really…?" Lucy trailed off, her hands tightening around her glass of water.

"I'm not sure he'd go all the way, but I wouldn't put it past him to use that kind of information for something we'd disapprove of," Erza said grimly. "You know how he is."

"I guess we'll have to talk to him, but…"

"Yeah," Happy muttered. "It'll be tricky."

"Maybe we should just leave it alone," Natsu suggested. "It's probably not that big of a deal, and he prefers to work out his own issues. He won't thank us for interfering."

"You're right," Erza said with a sigh, "but is it a risk you're willing to take? He might really just be interested in knowing these things to protect himself, but on the other hand…"

"He didn't really disagree with anything that dark mage said," Lucy said quietly.

Erza nodded. "On the other hand, you never can tell with him."

Natsu thought back to that dead look clouding his friend's eyes. No, you never could tell with Gray.

* * *

Gray didn't reappear within the next couple hours, so the team retired to Natsu's house and lounged about the living room as they waited for him to return home for the night. Well, maybe not _lounged_. Lounged implied comfort, and no one was comfortable. There was some discussion about what to say and how to handle such a delicate situation, which Natsu stayed well out of. As far as he could tell, an hour and a half of debate resulted in no real consensus.

Gray finally slipped inside late in the evening, long after the girls had given up their inconclusive planning session, fallen into tense silence, and then started up a halfhearted stream of chatter. The conversation died instantly when Gray shut the door, swept his gaze over the assembled mages, and raised an eyebrow.

"We throwing a party?" he asked dryly. "Or, wait, let me guess, you've finally decided on a job you want to do?"

Natsu busied himself with trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. He was not excited about how this might go, and was still more than willing to leave it alone. The girls were welcome to handle it on their own.

"Um…" Lucy exchanged a nervous look with Erza before refocusing on Gray. "Yeah, we did pick a job, actually. But that's not why we're here. We want to, uh, talk to you about something."

"Oh?" A guarded look settled over Gray's face, and it occurred to Natsu that their setup definitely _looked_ like an intervention. Which it was, but that meant it was cluing Gray in that something serious was going on and he was clearly not thrilled about it. "And what might that be?"

Erza cleared her throat awkwardly. "We've heard that you've been…uh…asking questions about…um…"

Natsu resisted the urge to roll his eyes. So much for leaving it up to the girls. As much as he didn't want to get involved, he had even less patience for all this tiptoeing around and wishy-washy nervous rambling.

"Bickslow told us that you've been fishing for information and asking a lot of questions about these soul transplants," he said bluntly, not afraid of throwing Bickslow under the bus. "Now we're worried that you're going to try pulling more stupid shit."

Lucy's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. " _Natsu!_ "

Erza closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she massaged her temples, and Happy rolled his eyes and groaned. Gray stared back expressionlessly. Then he laughed and relaxed, an amused gleam playing in his eyes.

"You're worried about _that_?" he asked, shaking his head and giving them a toothy grin that made it look like he was laughing at them. "Relax. I want to know how these things work so that I'm more prepared next time, that's all."

No one had expected such an amused reaction, and it threw them all off balance.

"Um…" Erza gave him a puzzled, searching look. "Sure, we could see that, but–"

"You guys worry so much about random stuff." Gray chuckled and shook his head again. "Honestly. But hey, since you're here, wanna stay for dinner? I'm going to start making the meals again, and I'm really not a very good cook. You'd help me, wouldn't you, Lucy?"

He gave Lucy a charming smile, and she didn't stand a chance.

"Um, yeah, sure," she agreed.

"Awesome. You're a lifesaver." Gray grinned and started for the kitchen with a bounce in his step. "And you guys can tell me about this job."

And just like that, they all found themselves in the kitchen, chatting and laughing as Gray and Lucy worked on dinner. Gray had laughed off their concerns and was in a good mood, and it put everyone else at ease. They'd clearly gotten worked up about nothing, and everyone was more than happy to let go of their worries and relax.

The cheerful chatter and teasing banter continued over dinner, and it didn't take long to put any other concerns out of mind.

It was only as Lucy and Erza were waving goodbye and ducking out into the darkened streets that it occurred to Natsu that their intervention had been very neatly nullified. He gave Gray a sidelong look, wondering if they'd just been played. Gray hadn't been that upbeat in quite a while, and Natsu wasn't sure if him being so positive now was actually a good thing or if it was a cover-up.

But he still thought that it was better to leave Gray to work out his own issues, so he didn't bring it up as they bickered before bed and then retired for the night. This no-action resolution worked very well, to a point. Right up until Happy fell asleep and Natsu was left staring up at the ceiling with only the soft sound of the feline's breathing for company.

Natsu levered himself up with a groan and slithered out of bed. Screw it. He was careful to tiptoe across the floor and muffle the sound of the door, only comfortable enough to breathe again when there was a door between him and the sleeping cat.

He narrowed his eyes into the darkness, his keen eyesight picking out the shadows and resolving them into recognizable forms. The curtains were open on the window nearest where Gray's makeshift bed was set up on the floor, bathing the area in faint light and washing it out into shades of gray before fading to black.

The covers had been pushed to the side and Gray was curled up smack dab in the middle of the mattress, his knees drawn tightly to his chest. It was an odd position for him. Natsu had seen him asleep many times before, having often been stuck rooming with him for jobs and whatnot, and the ice mage tended to stretch out and fill the space. Even when he wasn't feeling well or was less comfortable, he still didn't usually ball himself up into the fetal position like that.

Natsu walked over and around the perimeter to get a better look at his friend. Gray said nothing and remained motionless, but his dark eyes glittered faintly as they tracked the dragon slayer's progress.

Natsu opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He sat down with his back against the mattress and toward Gray, at a point just downwind of his friend's head. Staring out into the shadows of the room, he waited. He had learned that silence could be a valuable tool with Gray. Anyway, it wasn't like he really knew what to say. He'd let Gray make the first move.

He had to wait for a long time.

"Why do you always seem to be harassing me at night?" Gray asked finally, his voice nearly a sigh in the darkness. "Go to bed."

A fair point. Maybe because Gray's defenses seemed lower at night, when he'd already dropped his daytime façade and was no longer expecting to need it to fool everyone. Maybe because the night felt different and seemed to loosen everyone's tongues a little, make them say things they'd never dream of saying in the daylight. Maybe because it felt like the darkness cloaked their faces and muffled their secrets. Maybe because it was oftentimes coincidence that they hit their snapping points at night.

Whatever the case, Natsu wasn't willing to be distracted. Now that Gray had broken the silence and opened up the lines of communication, Natsu felt entitled to speak his mind.

"You gonna tell me what's up with you?" he asked, not turning around.

"There's nothing 'up' with me."

"Oh really? You did a real good job of throwing us off, but I'm not buying it. Your eyes are too dead for nothing to be wrong. And now I'm the one stuck pestering you about it. So, you can tell me what's up, or I'm gonna tell the girls and Happy that something's wrong and you'll have to deal with them. And I don't think it'll be as easy to play it off the second time around."

Gray didn't respond immediately and Natsu let the silence drag on, moving only to shift to a more comfortable position.

"Do you think that…?" Gray trailed off and faded into silence again.

"I know I'm annoying, but it'll be a thousand times worse if Happy and the girls get on your case. They'll hound you until you crack, and you know it. At least I'm not gonna cry on you or any of that sappy shit."

The seconds ticked down for what seemed like an eternity, the stillness smothering. It was a long time before Gray tried again.

"He was right, you know, about certain things," he mumbled. "I don't really belong here more than anyone else. I'm not looking to stick another soul in me, not really. Regardless of anything else, I don't want to hand over Gray's body that casually. But if…something changed…or it became the best option for whatever reason… I don't know. I don't see why it's bad to be prepared for anything."

Natsu tilted his head back and let his gaze roam over the ceiling. He didn't want to hear that. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it wasn't good either.

"…You know what I'm going to say?" he asked neutrally.

Gray sighed. "That I'm an idiot, and if I even think about stuff like that again, you're going to kick my ass and beat it out of me."

Natsu gave a small nod. He and Gray knew each other too well to have to go through that whole script every time they pulled things like this.

"He's right, huh?" Natsu sighed, but his frustration and anger at the whole situation spread out paper-thin beneath his skin, just a light coating to sharpen the words otherwise dulled by sadness and regret. "You know when he basically called you a cow, and your oh-so-wonderful response was to say you'd at least be a horse? It pissed me off. It always pisses me off when you say stuff like that. You keep saying those things and you act like you're mocking or not bothered, but I never can tell when you're actually serious."

The silence ate its way beneath his skin, nibbling away at the two mages trapped within its grasp.

"I wasn't serious," Gray said finally, his voice low. "If I was serious, I would have said something less than a cow."

Natsu closed his eyes. "You're infuriating, you know that? You act like we're so silly to worry, but then you say stupid shit like this."

"The parasite metaphor wasn't too far off, honestly. It didn't concern me in the beginning because humans were useless little creatures anyway, but I've always known. There's nothing I can really do about it now—this isn't something I ever wanted either—but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to…give something back. That's why I ask my questions, even if I'm not sure I'll ever do anything with the answers."

Natsu pulled his knees up to wrap his arms around them and rest his chin on top as he stared out at the room and listened to the last whispered echoes of his friend's words fade into the night. Night was the time for sharing the darkest of thoughts and secrets, when they'd be swallowed up by the literal darkness and burned away with morning's first light. It was a darker time in more ways than one. Perhaps that was why Natsu preferred the morning…and why Gray preferred the night.

"I thought you were getting better about this," Natsu said. "You're still stupid as hell, but I thought you were getting better."

Gray's exhale lingered in the air like a sigh. "I was, a little. But this was a good reminder of the things I've been trying to ignore."

"You just–"

"You don't understand, Natsu."

Now, _that_ was enough to ignite that fine dusting of frustration and anger like gunpowder, so that they spread beneath Natsu's skin like wildfire. He finally turned, glaring directly at Gray for the first time.

"I don't _understand_? We keep _trying_ to understand, you idiot! _You're_ the one who–"

"It was horrible." Gray's voice was soft, but it sliced through Natsu's words as effectively as a soul-wrenching scream. He hadn't moved at all from the position he'd been in when Natsu first entered, still wrapped into a ball and staring out with dead eyes, the complete lack of movement and life immobilizing him. "But then it filled something in, some space inside me that's always been empty but that I've learned to mostly ignore. I thought that maybe it wasn't so bad, because it was so _right_ in a way that I could never be.

"And then it was ripped out, and it left a void big enough to swallow me whole. There had been something there, and now there's not. And if that place was empty before, it _feels_ empty now. You don't understand because you are whole now. You never realized what you were missing until it was already restored. I'm missing something, something that makes you or anyone else human. You try so hard to make me human, but the truth is that I'm _empty_. I'm hollow and cold and…incomplete. I am incomplete, and there is nothing that will make me whole."

Natsu swallowed hard and searched Gray's face. Gray stared right past, his eyes seeing nothing and everything, but somehow not Natsu. Whatever they saw, that spark was still gone.

Perhaps excising the errant soul had also damaged something else inside Gray to douse it. Perhaps it was only gone now because it had been swallowed by the void Gray spoke of, the one that might have been there all along but he was now painfully aware of. But it was still missing either way, and Natsu wanted nothing more than to see it flicker back to life.

"You know what I'm going to say?" he asked again.

"That I'm stupid for thinking like that, and you're going to pound some sense through my thick skull if I don't change it fast," Gray said, his voice as hollow as his eyes.

Natsu shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I'm going to say that you're a person. A stupid, infuriating, frustrating person who needs some sense pounded through his thick skull, but a person nonetheless. And maybe you should start thinking of yourself as one."

Gray's eyes slid to meet Natsu's for the first time. Something flickered in their depths, something sharp and bittersweet like pain cloaked in halfhearted hope. It wasn't the spark Natsu was looking for, but he'd like to think it was a start.

"And I'm going to tell you that you need to go to sleep already," he added, modulating his voice to be a bit lighter and more upbeat.

Gray didn't answer immediately, but then let his gaze slide away again as he cleared his throat. "So bossy. Since when do you have the right to police my sleeping habits?"

"Since you decided that sleep wasn't necessary if a nightmare ever reared its ugly head."

"…Go to bed. I actually am planning on getting some sleep tonight, and you're making that really difficult."

"No can do," Natsu said brightly. "I don't trust you to sleep unless I see it with my own eyes."

"…Go away."

"Nope." Natsu smirked, his eyes glittering slyly in the darkness. "If you're going to be difficult, I could always hum you a lullaby…"

Natsu knew nothing about lullabies other than their potential to annoy Gray, but the incident with the dark guild was still fresh in his mind. Erza had been vague about what that whole lullaby thing had been, but it had pulled Gray out of his stupor for a few moments when nothing else worked.

Natsu didn't remember more than a few notes and his lullaby-humming skills were subpar at best, but Gray's absolutely horrified expression was worth the cringe-inducing, off-key notes screeching through the air.

" _Stop_ ," Gray groaned, his face scrunching into a pained expression. "Why do you all insist on butchering it so badly?"

Natsu coughed out a quiet laugh but obediently stopped. "I guess you'll just have to show me how it's done," he said cheekily.

Gray's eyes fluttered shut, lashes dark against the ghostly pallor of his skin shining in the moonlight. "It was Gray's," he murmured. "Or, his mother's. But he loved it."

Natsu's heart tightened and he squirmed, wondering if he'd just made a horrible misstep. But Gray just sighed and began humming, the notes somehow both haunting and soothing as they swooped through the air and filled the space, swaddling the drowsy mages. It was more beautiful than Erza's clumsy reconstruction, more whole than Gray's attempts to recreate it while dying, and more heartfelt than Natsu's unknowing mockery.

"Maybe you would feel less incomplete if you just let us in," Natsu whispered.

The note wavered with a brief second of hesitation, but then Gray forged on as if he hadn't heard.

Natsu flopped over, stretching out his limbs and inching onto the very edge of the mattress as he closed his eyes and listened, his back to Gray. Maybe it was only haunting because it was made for ghosts and gave a glimpse into what it was that had seeped in to fill Gray's void.

But maybe it was also more comforting than Natsu had first thought, because before he knew it, it had lulled him off to sleep.

He woke abruptly, disoriented as he squinted into the gray predawn light and tried to figure out what had happened. It was much too early to be awake, so what had woken him?

Another snicker tickled the air, and Natsu blinked at Happy blearily. The cat noticed his wakefulness and grinned.

"You're so _cuuute_!" Happy crooned in a whisper.

"Huh?" Natsu croaked, his voice thick from sleep.

There was something warm pressed against his back. He twisted a little to glance over his shoulder, and found that Gray was curled up against him facing the opposite direction, their backs pressed firmly together. The ice mage was still in the fetal position, knees held tightly to his chest, but he seemed to have migrated during the night. Natsu didn't know if it had been intentional or an accident born of sleep, but it seemed like a good sign either way.

A small smile tugged at his lips as he turned away to settle back down. Happy was still grinning like a Cheshire cat, and more teasing was inevitably on the way.

"Come here," Natsu mumbled around a yawn.

Happy's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"

Natsu stretched out an arm and crooked a finger, motioning the little cat over. After a few more seconds of wary hesitation, Happy crept toward him. Natsu grabbed him and pulled him close, snuggling into him like a stuffed animal and closing his eyes again. Happy wriggled and protested, but eventually gave up and submitted to the new sleeping arrangements.

It would be morning soon and time to wake up. The light would burn away the night with all its whispered secrets and naked heartache, and the day would begin anew with everything reset back to normal, as if it had never happened at all.

But for this moment, Natsu wanted to save these last dying, twilit hours that lingered between the darkness of night and hope of morning. For a moment longer, he wanted to savor that odd camaraderie and the echoes of words never to be acknowledged again.

So, with Happy's fluffy body snuggled against his chest and Gray's warmth pressing against his back, Natsu savored the feeling of family all around, making him whole.

* * *

 **Note: I know, so sappy. Don't worry, the angst is coming.**

 **emmahoshi: Hahaha, that's great. It's always interesting to see what Google decides must be relevant. Yeah, I don't think it realistic that everything with the guild would magically be okay, and I'm sure there would be lingering reservations on both sides. Just because Gray never really said anything doesn't mean that everything with the guild didn't leave a mark. It'll be a while before they really get back to where they were before, even if most of the tension is beneath the surface now. Ha ha, yeah, deceptive happiness. Always a prelude to sadness and angst with me lol Well, Lyon's about to re-enter the scene, so you're not wrong X)**


	24. Anniversary-Proxy (1)

**.**

 **Anniversary-Proxy (1)**

* * *

When the knock shattered the heavy stillness hanging over his apartment, Lyon glanced at the door but didn't move to answer it. Pulling the blanket more snugly around himself, he curled against the couch's arm and leaned his head against the back cushion. His eyes fixed on the far arm and began absently roving over the fraying threads popping out of the fabric. He should really replace this couch soon.

Another knock.

Irritation shot through him, but faded almost as suddenly as it arrived. He no longer had the energy to maintain those kinds of emotions. If the intruder had come a few hours earlier, things would have been different.

He'd told his friends in no uncertain terms that he wasn't coming to the guild today and didn't want to be bothered, so they shouldn't be pounding on his door. But they were still worried about him and had noticed his melancholy growing over the past days, so perhaps one or another had gotten brave enough to ignore his warning and check on him. Well, they were welcome to leave. He wasn't in the mood for visitors.

"Lyon-san? Hello?"

Juvia? Lyon looked over the back of the sofa, narrowing his eyes at the door. What in the world was _she_ doing here? On another day, he might have been thrilled if she'd shown up on his doorstep. Maybe. His feelings toward her had cooled slightly when she had sided with the demon. Still, it was hard to deny that she had a pull on him.

"Lyon-san? Juvia understands that this is a difficult day, and… May she come in?"

Lyon started in surprise. How would _she_ know about today?

He wavered indecisively, then sighed and pulled himself off the couch with some difficulty, leaving the blanket draped sloppily over the arm. He glanced at the mirror on the wall and grimaced as he realized what Juvia would see if he opened the door: red eyes, sallow skin, drawn expression. Not much he could do to hide all that, even if he had the energy.

Padding over to the door, the hardwood creaking beneath his feet, he cracked it open just enough to peek outside. Juvia was standing on the doorstep, one hand raised as if she was about to knock again. Her eyes were more serious than usual, and more than a touch of anxiety appeared on her face when he appeared.

"Lyon-san?" she asked again, twisting her hands together. "May Juvia come in?"

He didn't respond immediately, but then asked, "Why are you here?"

She winced at his monotone, but quickly rallied. "Juvia knows that today is hard for Lyon-san, and she does not think that he should be alone."

There were a lot of follow-up questions he could ask to that, but he found that he didn't care enough. It felt like his heart had been hollowed out of his chest, leaving him numb after the raging emotions of the morning.

"I'm fine," he said woodenly. "You can go."

"Juvia…does not think that Lyon-san is fine. She would like to stay."

"I don't–"

"Please."

Lyon stared at the blue-haired girl, caught up in the stormy ocean in her eyes. He turned away.

"Suit yourself."

He started back for the couch, but only made it a few steps before Juvia shut the door and stepped around him to wrap him in a tight hug. He froze, his muscles stiffening against the thin arms wrapped about him, and it was a long moment before he draped one arm halfheartedly around her too.

"Juvia did not know Lyon-san's master or brother," the water mage mumbled, dropping her head against his chest, "so perhaps her words do not mean much. But still, she is very sorry for Lyon-san's loss."

Lyon's heart clenched in response. Visions of dark hair and eyes, living ice, hard-won smiles and grumpy fights, sprang to mind. God, he was the only one left. He had thought that he at least had Gray, but Gray was dead and Ur was dead and the only one left was him.

And the demon, but that only made it hurt more. It should be Gray here, not the demon. Lyon didn't know how to forgive him for that.

"S'okay," he muttered, pushing at Juvia gently.

She released him and stepped back, searching his face again. He looked away.

"Would Lyon-san like–?"

"I don't want to talk. Not about them. You can go."

He didn't know why he had let her in. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to pretend that he _wasn't_ alone, that he wasn't the last one standing. God, did he miss them.

Juvia bit her lip and hovered indecisively. "Lyon-san does not look like he has been taking care of himself. Has he eaten?"

What part of 'you can go' did she not understand?

"I'm not hungry."

"Then Juvia will make Lyon-san something to eat." Juvia's face brightened, a determined gleam entering her eyes, but the solemn air didn't dissipate.

"I'm not hungry."

"But Lyon-san should eat. It is important for him to take care of himself. Juvia will prepare a meal."

Lyon stared after her blankly as she whirled about and headed for his kitchen. What the hell was wrong with her? It felt like he had a heavy rock sitting in his stomach, and he had no desire to even think about eating.

His apathy was disrupted by a sudden flash of panic as he remembered why it would be a bad idea for her to see his kitchen.

"Wait!" he called after her, finding a burst of energy to hurry forward. "Don't–"

" _Oh_."

Juvia paused in the doorway to stare about with wide eyes, and Lyon stopped just behind her. He grimaced as he surveyed the scene from over her shoulder, thinking that it looked even worse than he remembered. The floor was covered in a hail of glass chips and porcelain shards—the remains of what had once been about half of his glasses and dishes. The glass shimmered like crystal and ice, while the porcelain gleamed a dull white in contrast. Beautiful, in its own way, but all sharp edges lying in wait to slice through unwary skin and paint the floor red.

It had started when he'd gone to get a glass of water that morning and accidentally dropped it. It had shattered in a rain of glass and ice and water. He had stared at it for a long time before the anger and grief welled up again and he began smashing every dish he could get his hands on.

It was amazing that he had made it out of that warzone without cutting himself more seriously. He had been too worked up to clean the mess, and then he'd lost his energy and gone numb. All he'd been able to do then was retreat to the couch and try to block out the noise in his head.

"Lyon-san…?"

"It's nothing," he said, averting his gaze and fetching a broom from the closet. "I'll just…take care of it."

"No, no, Juvia will clean it!" she said, snatching the broom from his hands.

"But–"

"Lyon-san is not feeling well. Juvia wants to help."

Lyon didn't like the thought of someone else cleaning up his mess, but he didn't have the energy to protest. He stood in the doorway and watched Juvia sweep the floor thoroughly, whisking the remnants of faux ice into a pile and then into the trashcan.

Something glinted in the corner of his eye, and he bent down to retrieve the piece of glass she had missed. It was smooth and cool, but when he ran his finger over it, the sharp edges bit into his skin and left a thin line of red welling up.

Hearts had the sharpest edges when they broke.

He dropped it right into the trash with all the rest of it.

And then he washed his hands of the whole affair.

He sat down at the table and dried his hand unceremoniously on his pants, half watching Juvia as she finished cleaning and began rummaging through his fridge. She kept up a string of bright chatter, but she didn't seem to expect a response. He suspected that she was just trying to fill the silence and give the proceedings some semblance of normalcy, without really expecting him to reciprocate.

Just as well, because his mind was a million miles away. Well, maybe not a million, but he didn't know how far Isvan was off the top of his head and the past couldn't be measured in miles.

He didn't even realize Juvia had finished cooking until she'd placed a plate of what appeared to be eggs in front of him. She broke into his thoughts and left him disoriented, wondering why the eyes staring back at him were ocean blue rather than night dark.

"Juvia is afraid that she is not a very talented cook, but she can make eggs," the blue-eyed girl said. She looked half sad, and half afraid that she had done the wrong thing and he would blow up.

Lyon poked at the eggs halfheartedly with his fork. They were rubbery. He wondered how many of his dishes had survived the earlier massacre. He poked at the eggs some more. Cutting off a tiny corner, he put it in his mouth and chewed slowly. It felt rubbery in his mouth, too. He wasn't sure if it was because they'd been cooked poorly or he just had no appetite. Chewing seemed to be a monumental chore, and the egg felt heavy in his stomach. He poked at the remainder some more.

He wanted to go to sleep.

"Juvia is sorry," Juvia mumbled upon seeing his lackluster reaction. "She–"

"Why are you here?"

"What…?"

"Why are you here?"

Juvia gave Lyon a puzzled look, and he finally tore his gaze away from the unappetizing egg to stare back at her with empty eyes.

"Juvia does not think Lyon-san–"

"Should be alone. You said that. But what's the real reason?"

She knew more than she ought to, and he couldn't imagine that she had found out about this day and marked it on her calendar ahead of time and then dropped by when it rolled around. Such a thing probably wouldn't have even crossed her mind. Lyon, for one, didn't go around memorizing every day that was important to every one of his friends, and he often didn't even think about them unless it was specifically brought up. Juvia was hiding something.

Juvia hesitated for a long time before sighing. "Juvia is not supposed to tell Lyon-san this, but she thinks that maybe he should know."

"Know what?"

"…Gray-sama asked Juvia to come."

"What?" Lyon stared at her, the words bouncing around in his head but not quite registering. He couldn't wrap his mind around something so preposterous. "Why the hell would he do that?"

"Well, Gray-sama–"

"Stop calling him that," Lyon growled, his bemused numbness shattered by grief and rage once more. Juvia had a lot of nerve, not only bringing up the demon now, but daring to use that name. "He's not Gray. Gray is dead."

He glared at her with smoldering eyes, and she blinked back uncertainly. She seemed to waver indecisively as she tried to figure out how to handle the delicate situation.

"Juvia…would like to honor Lyon-san's request," she said, choosing her words carefully, "especially on a day like this. But she is afraid that it would do more harm than good, and she thinks that Lyon-san would be better off accepting this instead of fighting it."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Gray-sama might not be Lyon-san's Gray, but he is Juvia's, and Fairy Tail's." Juvia sighed and dropped her gaze, looking like she'd rather be doing anything besides having this conversation.

"But–"

"Does Lyon-san think that he is the only one in the world named Lyon? Juvia does not think so. Just because Gray-sama is not Lyon-san's Gray does not mean that he cannot be Gray-sama."

Lyon fucking hated that argument. It was cloaked in rationality and seemed so _reasonable_. It made him seem unfair for insisting on this distinction, while neatly glossing over all the differences between the two situations. Sure, maybe there were other people in the world named Gray. He wasn't going to pitch a fit and insist that they change their names. But the demon didn't _just happen_ to be called the same name—he had specifically _stolen_ Gray's name and assumed his identity. In Lyon's eyes, that made a world of difference.

"That's not the same thing," he said hotly. "He–"

"Juvia understands Lyon-san's attitude, but she thinks it is sad that he is trying to take this from Gray-sama. Gray-sama has lost a lot recently, and taking such a big piece of his identity as well is a heavy blow. He is already having difficulty adjusting. Juvia is sorry that his chosen name is the same as Lyon-san's brother, but she thinks that Lyon-san should let him keep it."

"But–"

Either realizing that Lyon wouldn't accept this argument or not wanting to pursue the issue further, Juvia pressed right on. "Gray-sama came to Juvia this morning and asked her to come here because he knows today is difficult for Lyon-san and worries about him. He cares about Lyon-san very much."

"If he cared that much, then he would have come himself rather than sending you as a stand-in," Lyon said bitterly.

Not that he wanted the demon to have come. He hated that treacherous little piece of himself that actually _did_ want that, but he was able to dismiss it by reminding himself that who he really wanted was the Gray who he had counted as a brother after Galuna. The Gray who had never existed at all. No, Lyon didn't want the demon—he wanted someone who had never existed. It made his heart ache more, and the bitterness welled up like poison.

"Gray-sama knew that he would not be welcome and that his presence would only make things worse for Lyon-san. He cared too much to come, and also too much to leave Lyon-san alone entirely. Juvia is here partly as a favor to Gray-sama, but also because she is worried about Lyon-san too."

Lyon snorted derisively. "Right. The demon doesn't care about anyone but himself, and he killed everyone I cared about. I don't need his fake pity."

Juvia stared down at the table, somewhere between weary resignation and melancholy. "If that is what Lyon-san thinks. But Juvia would appreciate it if he did not tell anyone about what she has just said, because Gray-sama was very insistent that Lyon-san should not know this."

As if Lyon would ever have the chance to tell the demon this. He had no intention of telling the demon anything at all, because they were not on speaking terms. They hadn't seen each other or spoken in weeks, and Lyon was perfectly happy to keep it that way. It only ever screwed around with his head and heart, and it was easier to stay away.

"Then why are you telling me?" he asked, instead of saying what was on his mind. He didn't want to hear Juvia side with the demon over him yet again.

"Because Juvia thinks it is sad that Gray-sama and Lyon-san are hurting so much, and she wishes they would reconcile."

"Because _he's_ hurting?" Lyon demanded. He barked out a harsh laugh.

Because the _demon_ was hurting. As if this wasn't all the demon's fault in the first place. Whatever excuses about choice and control were thrown out there, he had still murdered thousands of people. He had ruined countless lives. He had stolen Ur and Gray. Yet _he_ was the one hurting?

What a joke.

If anyone was hurting here, it was Lyon.

"Yes," Juvia said firmly. "Gray-sama misses Lyon-san very much because he still loves him, and he carries a great deal of guilt and sadness. He has faced many challenges recently, and sometimes it seems like the whole world is against him. He has _finally_ agreed to rejoin the guild, but he still feels as if he does not truly belong. Juvia thinks that things are getting better now, but they can only improve so much while there is still the rift with Lyon-san, because Gray-sama needs his acceptance to move on.

"And Juvia thinks that Lyon-san is hurting himself by not reconciling with Gray-sama, too. She thinks that he also misses Gray-sama and still loves him in some way, but all the betrayal and hatred make it difficult for him to accept this. Lyon-san needs time to come to terms with what Gray-sama has done to his master and fellow student, and to be able to forgive. Juvia understands this. But she thinks that Lyon-san would be able to heal better if he reconciled with Gray-sama and regained his support.

"Gray-sama and Lyon-san would both be better off if they were helping each other again. They had a very strong friendship before this, and it is very sad that it has been broken. Juvia is telling Lyon-san this because she wishes to see him and Gray-sama come back together so that they are no longer so alone and hurting."

Lyon briefly wondered what Juvia meant about the demon only just having rejoined Fairy Tail—wouldn't he have run straight back into his guild's arms after the Council let him go?—but that thought was quickly overwhelmed by all the other preposterous assertions she was making. First of all, the demon could hardly _love_ Lyon. If he did, he wouldn't be…him. As far as Lyon could tell, he was cold and abrasive and generally uninterested in other people, even if he'd sometimes go to great lengths to protect his guildmates. And even if he did feel the way Juvia was claiming, it served him right.

Lyon didn't need the demon, didn't love him, didn't want to reconcile, and Juvia had no right to suggest otherwise. He couldn't imagine making nice with the creature that had killed Ur and Gray. Their entire relationship, the one that Juvia seemed to think was so strong, had been built on lies. Lyon certainly missed it, but he couldn't go back now, not now that he knew the truth.

He had kept secrets for the demon, given him some small measure of acceptance, even gone as far as to offer him a little bit of support against the Council, but those had been moments of weakness. Sometimes it seemed like Lyon couldn't quite let go of the fake Gray he had known. He couldn't forgive the demon, but he tolerated his continued existence because of that and nothing else.

"You might actually be delusional," he said flatly. "The demon doesn't feel or want any of those things, and neither do I."

Juvia gave him a hard look. "If Lyon-san thinks that, it must be because he has already made up his mind and refuses to see anything that might prove him wrong. If he truly looked, he would see."

Lyon flinched, his hand clenching around the fork he had forgotten he was holding, and stared down sightlessly at his plate of rubbery eggs. Juvia's words itched at him, and he hated it.

"I don't want to talk about the demon," he said in a low voice. "Not today. He has no place here today."

He began halfheartedly nibbling at the eggs again because it seemed rude not to, and only the soft clink of his fork against the plate broke the silence. Juvia was quiet for a long time, thankfully having given up on trying to defend and redeem her precious demon.

Finally, she cleared her throat and asked, "Would Lyon-san like to talk about Ur-san and his Gray now? Juvia will listen."

Lyon's initial reaction was an emphatic _no_ , but then his fork stilled, hovering just above his plate. He didn't like to talk about Gray and Ur, because it was depressing. But this was their day, their death anniversary—and God, did it sting to realize that it was Gray's death anniversary as well as Ur's—and if there was ever a time to talk about them, it was now. He had at least felt like he wasn't entirely alone before, at least after Galuna when he'd thought that Gray shared the tragedy with him. But Gray was gone, and having the demon be the only one to understand was less than ideal.

Lyon had been too numb and out of sorts before to even consider it, but now that old, sharp grief was scratching at his heart again.

He put the fork down. His eyes went glassy as he allowed himself to travel back in time and open his heart up to it again. It hurt.

Only half aware of what he was doing, he opened his mouth and began to talk, the words pouring out in a semi-coherent ramble. Someone needed to understand, needed to share this with him so that he wasn't the only one.

Somehow, it wasn't satisfying. He refused to consider that it might be because he was talking to the wrong person.

* * *

 **Note: Otherwise titled: "The Real Reason Juvia Didn't Die a Slow and Painful Death a Long Time Ago".**

 **Jk, I needed to keep her alive so that it wasn't so tasteless to take the occasional jab. And, to be honest, I kind of forgot about her after this point aside from that occasional jab. I was writing the other day and looked back at this and thought, "Oh yeah, she's supposed to exist, isn't she?" Oops.**

 **Well, we've reached a milestone with her, anyway: the only time she's been mature and talked sense in her entire canon existence.**

 **Okay, I'm done. I just really have nothing else worth saying. I had all these notes planned out when I was first writing these, but now I don't care enough to actually write them up. So enjoy mostly not having to read all my pointless ramblings anymore.**

 **emmahoshi: Juvia is basically still around because she's the most logical liaison between Gray and Lyon. The latter two are not on speaking terms at the moment, nor are they interacting, so they need a go-between to stand in for them (i.e., a proxy). It's really her only function here, and I would have used another character if it made more logical sense. Because you know I hate her lol And lol, the chapter is so short because Gray doesn't appear in person X) And also because writing Juvia is super annoying.**


	25. Anniversary-Drunk (2)

**Emiko: I label everything angst for a reason lol Ah, sorry. I generally enjoy writing A/Ns because they make me feel more connected to the readers, but I haven't been feeling connected to the readers lately anyway. That's why they've become conspicuously missing or terse over the past few weeks. They tend to shorten and start disappearing when I'm in a bad mood lol Maybe they'll start going back to normal once I don't hate posting this story so much anymore.**

* * *

 **Anniversary-Drunk (2)**

* * *

When Gray stumbled into the guild and leaned heavily on the doorframe to stare around with eyes glazed with incomprehension, Cana was immediately on guard.

"Oh, hi, Gray," Erza said, also noticing him. "I was starting to think we weren't going to see you at all today and… Are you alright?"

"Huh," Gray slurred, his eyes traveling over the hall and guild members in a haphazard fashion. "Your house sure got biiig, Natsu. You having a party?"

"Uh… What?" Natsu looked totally lost, and he wasn't the only one. "Are you okay? You don't look so good. This is the guild, not my house…"

Gray nodded slowly, his eyes feverish with sudden comprehension. "I see… When did you move into the guild?"

" _What?_ " Natsu's expression morphed from flabbergasted to worried. "Okay, seriously, what's up with you? Are you sick? Did you eat something weird? You didn't get yourself poisoned, did you? Are you, um, delicious? Wait, no, um… Shit, can't think of it."

"Delirious?" Lucy suggested, peering at Gray in concern.

The ice mage swayed and made a noncommittal humming sound as his fingers dug into the doorframe and his head lolled.

"Good grief," Cana said, pulling herself to her feet and stalking over to the door, "just how much did you drink, you idiot? You are _trashed_."

Cana knew a drunkard when she saw one. And for all she nagged at Gray to loosen up and drink with her, it worried her to see him so wasted when he almost never drank. She couldn't imagine him being like this without good reason.

"Trashed," Gray agreed with something suspiciously close to a giggle. His eyes stared right past Cana as she approached, unfocused. "Drunk. Inebriated, intoxicated, wasted, ham–"

"Okay, okay," Cana interrupted. It looked like the human dictionary was making a reappearance. She slid an arm around Gray and tugged him away from the door and back toward the table so that he could sit down. The drunken fool was _heavy_. She staggered under his weight, and he was no help at all as he swayed. "What in the world happened?"

"But Gray doesn't drink," Erza said, nonplussed.

"Usually not," Cana said with a grunt, heaving Gray over to collapse onto a bench. "Only ever seen him drunk one other time, and it was a nightmare."

"Emotional," Loke agreed, shimmering into existence on Gray's other side and studying the ice mage with a frown. He glanced at Cana and raised an eyebrow, but she just shrugged helplessly. "He gets more talkative and emotional."

The last time Cana had seen Gray drunk, it was well before he'd joined up with Erza and the others to make what was colloquially known as Fairy Tail's strongest team. He and Loke had spent more time with Cana then, the three of them a no-strings-attached team when they felt like it and otherwise just hanging out. Cana and Loke had been totally floored when Gray had shown up drunk, and he had been a wreck—overly emotional and babbling semi-coherently. They had never figured out what had upset him so much, but there had definitely been something.

And Cana didn't doubt that he was upset now. Judging by his first nonsensical statements, she guessed that he'd hidden away in some seedy bar to get drunk and then intended to return to Natsu's house and sleep it off without having to deal with anyone. She wondered how long he'd been nursing his drink. He had been missing all day, and it was already well into the evening by now. He would have had plenty of time.

"Ye-ep," Gray mumbled, lolling back against Loke. "Talk too much. No filter. Bad for people keeping seeecrets. Not supposed to do this. Gonna regret it when I sober up. Not supposed to do anything to lose controool."

Loke's frown deepened, and he brushed Gray's hair aside to get a better look at his face. Gray's current team was gathered around like vultures, all worried and disconcerted by his dramatic personality shift, and the rest of the guild was drifting over more slowly. No one knew what to do about it, Cana included.

"Control?" Mira asked. She sat down across from Gray and studied him with a thoughtful frown.

"Suuure. Have to be in control. Aaalways in control. Can't lose–can't lose… Someone could die, you know." Gray shook his head irritably and almost overbalanced himself, and Loke had to grab him to keep him upright. "Be quiet. You talk tooo much."

"Um, sorry?" Mira looked a little put-out.

"He's not talking to you," Natsu said shortly. His eyes were fixed on Gray's shadow, which twitched slightly from where it lay draped across the bench and floor.

Cana followed his gaze. "What does it say?" she asked.

Gray talked to that thing incessantly sometimes, and it rarely sounded good. And Cana didn't like how it was curling about Gray's ankles like a living thing, especially not right after his assertion about losing control.

"Nooothing nice," Gray slurred with a sigh. "He's not very niiice."

"He?" Erza asked, her gaze sharpening.

It took a second for Cana to figure out what had caught the other woman's attention, before it occurred to her that Gray almost always referred to his shadow as 'she', or sometimes 'it'. Cana had always been rather curious about the feminine form of address.

Gray flapped a dismissive hand. "He, she, it. Saaame thing. Always the saaame thing."

He slumped more heavily against Loke and pulled his feet up onto the bench, somehow balancing them on the narrow space left over by the rest of his body. He dropped his head against the spirit's chest and let his eyes drift shut. It was Cana's turn to raise an eyebrow, but Loke just frowned and shook his head as he draped a steadying arm around Gray.

"So…what _is_ it?" Lucy asked carefully.

"You still don't knooow? It's really just…" Gray trailed off, and the corners of his lips curved downward. "Doesn't maaatter. She's kind of a bitch, though."

Huh, even drunk Gray wouldn't give up that secret. It must be something he really didn't want anyone to know.

"So, what happened?" Loke asked. He seemed far less interested in ferreting out Gray's secrets while he was in a compromised position, and more concerned about why he was currently in said compromised position.

Actually, he probably had the right idea. Repentant, Cana refocused on the current issue.

"Nooothing haaappened," Gray mumbled into Loke's shirt.

"Then what's wrong?" Cana pressed.

"Nooothing…"

"Right. You wanna be honest and tell us why you're upset enough to have gone out and gotten yourself completely wasted?"

Gray's hand curled against Loke's chest, but he pulled his face out of the spirit's shirt to give Cana a hopeful look. "Can I have another–?"

" _No_ ," she interrupted. "For once, it's my turn to cut you off. You definitely do not need anything else to drink. Come on, tell us what's wrong."

It would have been weird enough to see Gray this out of sorts and hopelessly childlike back when he was still normal Gray, but when taken into consideration with how especially closed off and coolly aloof he'd been lately, it was even more disconcerting. There was something about it that made him seem small and lost, which made Cana want to hug him, but also something unbearably melancholy underneath that she didn't like.

"You look like you have a third eye," Gray mumbled, tilting his head slightly as he stared at Cana with unfocused eyes.

She wanted to face-palm. "You're so drunk."

"Yeah… Don't feel so goood. Think I might be sick."

"Gross, don't throw up in here," Gajeel grumbled, although there was concern laced underneath the roughness.

"Hm… Naaah, I'll probably wait until I get back to Naaatsu's place."

Natsu pulled a face. "Gee, thanks."

"You're weeelcooome. Preeetty sure I'm supposed to be there now… Don't know how I ended up heeere…"

"Shit, he's really out of it," Gajeel said.

 _No fucking duh_.

Erza, Natsu, Lucy, and Happy were talking in hushed tones, darting worried looks at Gray. Those guys were always off talking and planning things on their own now, especially where Gray was concerned. But they didn't look any closer than the rest of the guild to figuring him out tonight.

Gray tilted his face up as if in slow motion, and blinked at Loke slowly. "Oh. Hiii, kitty. Didn't see you theeere."

Loke's frown deepened. "What's wrong, Gray?"

"Did you know water is eeeverywheeere?"

"Bloody hell, Gray!" Cana burst out. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Fucking incomprehensible drunk.

Gray looked over at her, unperturbed. "Ocean is really biiig. Water doesn't stay there. You know…evaporaaation and condensaaation and raaain and… You drink water that might have come right from the ooocean."

"…Yes?"

"Ocean also has fish. Happy liiikes fish."

"I do," Happy agreed. "But what–?"

"I don't really like fish that much, but better than waaater."

"I don't…" Erza took a deep breath and held it, pressing her fingers to her temples. "What's so bad about water?"

"It's eeeverywheeere." Gray grimaced and let his gaze rove sightlessly over the room. "Makes me paranoid."

"Water makes him paranoid," Laxus repeated flatly. "You know, it's actually really freaky how scrambled his brain is."

Gray sniffed indignantly. Cana wasn't sure how one could sniff indignantly, but he definitely managed it.

"At least I haaave a brain now."

"Not that you're using it at the moment," Cana grumbled, before turning serious again. "Gray–"

"I wanna go to sleep." Gray snuggled back into Loke and closed his eyes again.

"Maybe you should take him home, Natsu," Erza said. She still looked worried, but also resigned now. Not even drunk Gray was cooperative.

"Sleep is kiiind of like death, you know," Gray mumbled. "Except that you wake up again."

"Erm, yeah, sort of. I guess?" Natsu let his breath out in a sigh and scratched his head. "Who knew that getting him drunk would make him so philosophical about water and sleep and shit?"

"Maybe death is better, though," Gray continued as if he hadn't heard.

"How so?" Lucy asked patiently, humoring him.

"Because you don't have to wake uuup."

Cana's breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened. Was that just drunken rambling or how he really felt?

 _Gray…_

Loke tightened his grip on Gray reflexively and the ice mage's team looked horrified, expressions contorting painfully. The other assembled mages also expressed dismay in varying degrees, with even the stoics like Gajeel and Laxus looking at least uneasy.

"He doesn't really…?" Mira trailed off, pretty blue eyes dulled with pain.

"Gray…" Lucy breathed.

"Also, I think the sky should be puuurple," Gray continued blithely. "Blue is okay, but there's so muuuch of it. Happy wouldn't blend in so much while he's flying, anywaaay."

"Gray," Lucy said, "you don't really–?"

"Gray-sama? What's wrong with Gray-sama?"

A small blue whirlwind shouldered her way through the ring of mages, and Cana grunted as she was elbowed in the face. Juvia paid no mind to the grumbled complaints, eyes wide and worried as she studied her beloved anxiously. Cana wondered where the hell she had been all day.

"He's hammered," Cana said bluntly, sliding a couple inches down the bench to give Juvia room.

"Hammered?"

"Drunk as fuck."

"But Gray-sama does not–"

"Oh, hi, Juuuvia," Gray slurred. His dark eyes gleamed with a feverish light as they tried to focus on the girl leaning over him. "You were…were… Lyon. Right. How did it go with Lyooon?"

"Lyon-san was not doing well," Juvia said somberly, brushing Gray's hair away from his forehead in a gesture that he would never allow while sober. "Juvia did what she could, and she thinks he is maybe a little better now. But if Juvia had known Gray-sama would do this, she would have stayed."

"Naaah, he needed someone."

"Wait, Lyon?" Lucy asked. "What–?"

"I miiiss him," Gray mumbled, dropping his chin.

Juvia's eyes softened, the melancholy growing stronger. "Juvia knows. Lyon-san misses Gray-sama too."

"No, he misses _theeem_. And someone who wasn't reaaal. But I think he'll be okay…eventually."

"Gray-sama…"

"You were gone all day because you went to see Lyon?" Gajeel interrupted, narrowing his eyes at Juvia.

"Yes. Gray-sama came to Juvia this morning and asked if she would go see Lyon-san as a favor."

Cana supposed this must have been _before_ he went and got himself trashed. On the bright side, it meant that he hadn't woken up and immediately started drinking himself into his current sorry state.

"But why?" Lucy asked.

Juvia barely spared her 'love rival' a glance, still too focused on fussing over Gray. "Because today is the anniversary of when Ur-san and Lyon-san's Gray died."

"… _Oh_."

Cana winced and shared a look with Loke over Gray's head. That explained a lot. Nothing wrong, indeed. The idiot should have just _told_ them.

"I'm sorry, Gray," Erza murmured. She braved Juvia's wrath to touch the ice mage on the arm. "I didn't realize that was today."

Gray flinched, and the blunt reminder of everything he was running away from seemed to break the dam and free the melancholy and pain he had tried to bury under all the booze. Letting out a shuddering breath and shrinking away from Juvia's attentions, he began rocking back and forth slightly.

"It's nooot supposed to be like this," he mumbled, hunching his shoulders. "I'm nooot supposed to care. I wasn't made that way. It's nooot supposed to hurt. Why does it hurt so muuuch?"

He buried his face in his knees, and Cana's chest tightened. Anyone who could see him like this would never be able to think that he was a heartless monster, no matter how cold he acted the rest of the time. Getting a glimpse of what was hidden underneath that mask would be a game-changer for anyone who was stupid enough to believe the show he put on. Gray would hate having anyone see this moment of vulnerability, but Cana almost wished that everyone in the world could get a half-second glimpse so that they could understand why he wasn't just some demon, some monster.

Gray looked so small and lost folded up like that, curling into himself. The grief seeping into his voice was undeniable. Cana didn't understand how anyone could look at that and insist on seeing a demon rather than a person.

Judging by the other mages' expressions, they were also taking this glimpse into Gray's psyche seriously, many looking vaguely guilty or uneasy.

"Gray, you–"

"Stop it," Gray moaned, clamping his hands over his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. "Get out of my head. Just be quiet for ooone fucking day. _Ooone_ day."

Cana looked down at his shadow automatically, and flinched back as she noticed it twitching and creeping along in a way that no natural shadow should. Maybe Gray sensed it too, because his eyes flew open and he jerked back as he saw the darkness creeping toward him, bumping into Loke in the process.

"Stop it," he babbled, eyes wide. He shrank back and pressed himself against Loke, who wrapped his arms around the panicked mage firmly. "I'm in control. I'm in control. I'm–I'm–"

Cana eyed him in alarm, half because he was freaking out and half because she wasn't sure what would happen if he did indeed lose control. She trusted Gray, but anything that scared him put her on edge too.

"You sure as hell are." Natsu pushed Juvia aside roughly and gave Gray a hard look. "You're doing just fine, ice princess. You're not Awake. You're in control. Stop freaking out."

Gray only huddled further into Loke's embrace, somehow looking as small as a child in comparison to the celestial spirit even though they were, in reality, of similar stature. His wary gaze darted between Natsu and his shadow.

Cana had a sudden flash of inspiration and leaned forward, reaching for the puddle of darkness. She hesitated for only a moment, her heart threatening to pound right out of her chest at the thought of what this might actually do to her, but she trusted Gray. She slammed her hand down on the bench, smack dab in the middle of the shadow. Although she felt a slight prickling sensation like the hairs on her arms wanted to stand on end, she was otherwise unaffected.

"See?" she asked cheerfully. Gray's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and he made a strangled choking sound in the back of his throat. "I'm fine. It's totally fine."

"Stuuupid," Gray managed, white-faced. "You should be more careful." He reached out, and his fingers seemed to snag into the shadow like fabric where Cana's had simply passed through like air. He pulled it back to himself, away from Cana, and then made an unsteady flapping motion in the air like one might make to settle down a jumping dog. "Behaaave."

The shadow settled down into stillness, and Cana let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. However insecure he was, even drunk Gray would put his foot down if a lapse in control threatened to affect a friend.

"And look at that," Loke murmured into Gray's ear. "Maybe you should trust yourself more."

Gray's eyes closed. "I trust myself leeeast of all."

Cana winced. "But–"

Gray managed to fold over Loke's arm and press his forehead into the wooden tabletop. "I want to go home," he whispered. "But I don't know where that is."

Cana almost blurted out Natsu's address before she thought better of it, but her brain caught up to her mouth just in time.

"Honey," she said quietly, reaching out to pull Gray up and cradle his cheek in her hand, "home is where you make it. Maybe if you'd look around instead of always sabotaging yourself, you'd see that you've already found it."

Gray stared back at her with bleary eyes and then dropped his gaze. "I'm not a bee."

"…What?"

"Hoooney," he mumbled, shaking his head in an unsteady motion. "I'm not a bee."

Cana smiled gently and ran her thumb along his cheekbone before dropping her hand. "No, you're not a bee."

"I don't have a home anymore," he said mournfully. "The guild hates me."

"What?" Something uneasy and horrified curled in Cana's chest. "But we worked everything out and–"

"They didn't want me."

Gajeel and some of the other early dissidents were wearing stunned, horrified expressions. "Hey," Gajeel said, "I don't–"

"Eeeveryone hates me," Gray added, disconsolate.

"That's not true!" Erza protested. "We–"

"It's okaaay. I hate me too."

Everyone stared at him. For a second, Cana actually wanted to cry.

"Don't you say that," Erza whispered finally, her voice wavering. "Don't you dare say that about yourself again."

Gray looked back with dark, mournful eyes, and then wilted to slump over on the table with his cheek pressed to the wood and his eyes closed. "I'm tiiired. I'm reaaally tiiired."

"He doesn't…actually think that we hate him, does he?" Charle asked into the ensuing silence.

"I don't know," Gajeel said, subdued. "He's never said much about the division in the guild, at least not to me, but it's not like he always acts that comfortable here. And after that whole soul thing, when he made a comment that made it sound like he thought I'd rather see him dead? He played it off, but… Who knows?"

Cana let out a harsh breath. "Just because he doesn't say anything about you guys turning on him doesn't mean that it doesn't still affect him. Maybe he really doesn't feel that welcome here yet. I don't know. That's something we all have to work on."

"Do you think he really meant…?" Lucy swallowed. "Meant that…?"

"That he hated himself?" Erza suggested softly. "Yes, I do think he meant it. And that can't be allowed to stand. But there's nothing we can do right now. He's not in any state for an intervention right now."

They all watched Gray for a moment. He didn't respond, just stayed draped over the table as if he was asleep. There would be issues to work out with him later, but those would have to be saved for another time.

Natsu cleared his throat. "I'm going to take him back to my place."

Yeah, that was probably a good idea. Gray really just needed to sleep it off, and he'd already be horrified by all this when he sobered up. And watching him like this just hurt Cana's heart. He looked like someone who wanted to curl up and wish the world away, sleep to escape the heartache. But he did lift his head then, turning to Natsu with a dull kind of anticipation.

"Oh," Cana said, turning to Mira suddenly, "why don't you get him some water before they go? He's going to be really dehydrated."

Gray always made sure that Cana was supplied with water after her drinking binges, and maybe it was time to return the favor. She wasn't privy to what went on at Natsu's house, but she could do this little bit.

Mira said nothing, but obediently scurried for the bar and returned moments later with a glass of ice water. Her brows were still knit in a troubled line when she set the cup down in front of Gray.

"You should drink something," Cana advised the ice mage.

Gray blinked at her lethargically, but then slowly tilted his head to look at the water. For a moment, there was no reaction and he just stared at the glass blankly. But then some sharp, unreadable emotion flashed over his face and he lashed out, his hand swiping the glass off the table and sending it crashing to the floor in a rain of glass and water. Even as everyone was jerking back and making exclamations of surprise, he was already retreating back into the shelter of Loke's arms, staring at the place the glass had been with wary, guarded eyes.

"Gray!" Cana yelped. "Why would you _do_ that?"

"Don't want water," he said. His lips tightened. "Not todaaay. It's always eeeverywhere. Annoying. Not good. Makes me uncooomfortable."

Cana wanted to ask how the hell water could make someone uncomfortable—it was _water_ , for crying out loud—but it was Juvia who took it the most seriously.

"Juvia…is sorry?" The water mage stepped back, thinly-veiled hurt in her eyes. "Would it be better if she–?"

" _Oh_ ," Erza interrupted. Her eyes widened in sudden understanding, followed by a pained twist of the lips into a grimace. "It's not about you, Juvia. He was talking about the ocean earlier, and how that water gets everywhere…"

"Yes?" Gajeel asked impatiently. "It didn't make sense then, either."

"…Ur's ice melted into the ocean…"

Cana only caught a glimpse of the team's horrified, understanding expressions before she shared another look with Loke. His face was grim, and his eyes solemn behind his glasses.

Cana suddenly wished to go back to the days when it had been her and Loke and Gray against the world, when life had been uncomplicated and there hadn't been any nonsense with spirits and demons. Back when they were actually together instead of drifting apart.

She blinked and the moment was gone. This was the way things were, and all she could do was accept the change and help her friends work through their problems as best she could.

She cleared her throat, the sound too loud and awkward in the heavy silence cloaking the hall. "Just make sure he drinks something…at least when he gets up tomorrow. It'll help with the hangover."

"Don't want water," Gray mumbled again. His eyes lit up. "But–"

"Do you want alcohol poisoning? You don't need any more booze, idiot."

Gray pouted. "But if I drink enough, then maaaybe I'll pass out."

"…Why would you _want_ to drink until you keel over? Besides making it harder for Natsu to lug you around?"

"If I go under deeep enough, it might stop the nightmares."

Cana stared. "What nightmares?"

"Damn, I keep forgetting." Natsu clicked his tongue impatiently. "We really ought to get you to Porlyusica and see if she can make a sleeping potion that works."

"Already triiied that. Always tooo much or nooot enough."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Loke asked, looking as lost as Cana felt.

Natsu shrugged, more focused on Gray than anything else. "He says he tried sleeping potions before, but the only ones that work are the super strong ones that really knock him out, and then he has trouble getting up and finds it inconvenient. But it can't hurt to at least _try_ finding a good one."

"Are they really still that bad?" Erza asked with a frown.

"They've been getting better, I think." Natsu wrapped a supportive arm around Gray and began trying to tug him to his feet with Loke's help. "At least, he hasn't woken us up screaming since that one job. I think they might not have been quite as bad lately, but he definitely still has them."

"Aaall the fucking time," Gray mumbled under his breath, swaying unsteadily as he was dragged upright. He leaned against Natsu heavily, and the dragon slayer grunted.

"Well, you've drunk enough that you'll probably be too out of it to dream, anyway," Natsu said optimistically. "Let's get you home. Coming, Happy?"

"Aye sir," the little cat said with a marked lack of pep. His tail drooped, and he looked as sad as if someone had just stolen all his fish.

"Do you need some help getting him back?" Erza asked, subdued.

Natsu shook his head and staggered for the door, Gray wobbling dangerously and Happy flying alongside. "Nah. We'll be fine. Goodnight."

Cana and the others stared in silence for a good few seconds after the dragon slayer and his charge disappeared.

"Well," she said finally, "guess we won't be seeing him again for a while."

"Yeah, that's going to be one killer hangover," Gajeel muttered.

Cana just shook her head. "When he sobers up and realizes what happened here, he's not going to be happy. I expect he'll avoid us for a while."

And when he came back, he'd likely pretend as if this had never happened at all. He'd be back to his 'normal' self, the cold demon mask firmly back in place. It had begun slipping a little over the past weeks, letting some of the old Gray shine through, but Cana was afraid that this incident would only encourage him to clam up again.

Erza and Lucy exchanged looks and started talking in low voices again, but Cana didn't bother trying to listen in. She didn't feel as if she belonged with Gray's new lot, anyway. She didn't have a place there.

A heavy arm draped itself over her shoulders, and she looked up to see that Loke had slid down the bench and was watching her solemnly.

"He's an idiot, but he'll be alright," the spirit said.

"Of course he will," Cana muttered, leaning against Loke's side and staring sightlessly at the closed doors.

There was a long pause before Loke said, "You know, he told me to make sure I remembered to hang out with you again sometime. I guess he figured you were getting left out and the both of us have been doing our own thing. I know this isn't exactly the ideal time, but since I'm here…"

"…Yeah," Cana mumbled past the lump in her throat. "Thanks."

For all that idiot Gray had changed, for all he hid behind a carefully constructed mask, he was still the boy Cana remembered and, she suspected, he always would be. And as much of a relief as that was, it grated at her heart because that meant the pain and guilt were here to stay too.

* * *

 **Note: Drunk Gray: One part hilarious, one part super fucking adorable, two parts tragic.**

 **emmahoshi: It's fine. God knows I've been busy too x.x Lol, it was obviously going to be as bad as I could make it. The one thing alcohol has going for it is the loosening of inhibitions, which I needed for the guild to really see what it's like in Gray's head. And yeah, Gray and Loke were a convenience friendship like Juvia and Gajeel. It was brought up for the briefest of seconds in Tenrou to make up a reason for Gray and Loke to be teamed up. There's not too much with Gray, Loke, and Cana in canon (although there's a couple childhood flashbacks with Gray and Cana, at least), so I mostly just fill in the blanks myself. ...But we all know that water sucks because of Juvia too :X**


	26. Hangover

**Note: I'm aware there was a technical issue with the chapter yesterday. Sorry.**

 **And if I've been ignoring your PMs or whatever, don't take it personally. It's not that I hate you, just that I hate humanity in general right now. That doesn't sound much better, does it? It's been a looong few days, and I haven't felt like talking to anyone. I'll play catch-up when I'm feeling more human. Sorry.**

* * *

 **Hangover**

* * *

He picked at his breakfast silently and studiously avoided looking at his hosts as He waited for the inevitable question.

Today it was Happy who cracked first. "Are you coming to the guild today?" he asked anxiously around a mouthful of bacon.

"Not today," He said. "I have plans."

Natsu snorted derisively. "Yeah, plans to sulk around the house all day and maybe clean some stuff to annoy me."

"I go out sometimes too."

"But out to do _what_?"

"I don't answer to you. You're not my babysitter."

Happy sighed. "You should come back. It's been days."

He hummed noncommittally, not on board with that idea. He still hadn't worked up the nerve to go back to the guild after He'd had a total meltdown on the anniversary and woken up the next day with a horrendous hangover and the sinking realization that He'd fucked up good. He was hazy on the details and had made it clear to Natsu and Happy that He didn't want to talk about it or hear about all the stupid stuff He might have done, but He remembered just enough to know that it had been bad.

He had been stupid and made himself vulnerable and lost control, and He couldn't stomach seeing all the people who had witnessed it. The only people He had seen in the past few days were his team, and He'd even avoided the house for a while too.

"Leave him be," Natsu muttered as he stabbed moodily at his eggs. "If he's not coming, he's not coming."

He eyed the dragon slayer in surprise. Natsu was one of the ones least likely to tolerate his bullshit without complaint, even if he'd been tiptoeing around for the few past days.

Happy looked just as surprised. "But it's been five days now, and–"

"And if we pester him, he's just gonna run away and disappear for a while."

He winced but couldn't deny it. Sometimes He just needed to get away from it all, be on his own even if He really had nothing to do besides wander and sulk. Causing problems for everyone, as per usual.

"I guess," Happy muttered. "But what happened to not enabling him anymore?"

"I still think that. But at the same time…" Natsu shrugged.

He sighed and stood to scrape the remnants of his food into the trash. "You don't have to coddle me. You and Erza are the only ones who will call me on my bullshit instead of tiptoeing along like you're walking on broken glass. That's not always a bad thing."

To be honest, it seemed like the team had started a new regime of slowly forcing him to abandon some of his bad habits. If He had to put his finger on it, He'd say that it started shortly after Gray's birthday. They were still wary of demanding too much, but they were slowly making him come on more team jobs, stop lurking in the shadows every time He left the guild, and not run off every time He got stressed out. Baby steps, admittedly, but although it frustrated him sometimes, He had to admit that sometimes He needed them to put their foot down.

"Yeah, well, I'm not gonna push you after…you know." Natsu exhaled loudly. "I push you too far and you're just gonna run off again, and then I'll have to worry until you decide to show back up."

"You don't have to worry." He put his plate in the sink and slunk back to the table, dropping into his chair and frowning at the tabletop. "I'm a big boy and I can leave if I want to. I can take care of myself."

"Sure, but we always have to worry if you're going to come back."

He looked up. Both Natsu and Happy were watching him, Natsu with strangely solemn eyes and Happy with sad ones. He looked away again.

"It's my guild again. We all worked hard to make that happen, and I'm not going to throw it away. I have no intention of disappearing for good, not now. I'll come back."

Natsu let out a quiet breath. "Good."

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair until his friends had finally finished eating. They were, thankfully, almost done, and soon they were clearing the table and heading for the door.

"See you later, Gray," Happy called.

"Later," He said as He stood and looked around the kitchen forlornly, not sure what to do now.

The door slammed shut, leaving him in silence. Then, not even five seconds later, it crashed open again with a bang. Natsu stormed back into the kitchen, his eyes hard, and jabbed a finger at the startled demon's chest.

"I changed my mind," he growled. "You have until the end of the week to get your shit together and stop avoiding the guild. Two days. Figure it out, or I'm going to drag you there kicking and screaming."

He blinked at his friend blankly, but then coughed out a laugh that was almost a sigh. "If you say so."

"I do. Everyone is worried about you, and although I'm really sympathetic to you about what happened, you don't get to just hide away and avoid us forever. Figure it out."

He stared after Natsu as the dragon slayer turned and stomped away, slamming the front door with far more force than necessary on his way back out. Right, then. Two days. To be honest, He had no obligation to follow Natsu's arbitrary guidelines, but aside from having a niggling desire to make up for his horrible behavior, He knew that it was probably good for him to have a deadline. Otherwise, He'd be prone to hide away for a long, long time.

But He could still hide for now. He was on his own like He wanted, if only He knew what to do with his relative freedom.

He stood motionless in the middle of the floor for a long time, the clock on the wall quietly ticking down the minutes as He stared at the wall and tried to come up with something to fill the hollowness inside him, but then turned to the sink. Dishes. Right. An automatic chore that He did every day anyway, that required no thought or attention. It wasn't like He had anything better to do.

He twisted the knob, and the faucet shuddered and began spitting out water to fill the sink. He moved on autopilot as He plugged the sink and filled it with dishes and poured soap on a damp dishrag. He held his fingers under the water to test the temperature: warm, bordering on hot. Water should be on the cusp of 'just hot' for dishes.

He turned the handle as far as it would go, and watched impassively as a faint cloud of steam billowed out and coalesced in the air. Water reminded him of Ur, if He was being honest with himself. Of how she had become ice and then melted into the sea. It didn't always bother him so much, but with the anniversary just behind him… Well, water had a way of getting around, and He doubted it had any love for him.

He thrust his hand under the rush of water and immediately hissed in pain. Scalding.

He got to work. Shutting his brain off wasn't too hard, and He went through the motions like a ghost. The water seared his hands and left them red and raw, the skin an angry red halfway up his forearms from plunging his hands into the sink full of too-hot water. The rough dishrag chafed against his tender, aching skin as He ran it over the dishes mechanically.

When the water started to cool down to 'just hot' and then lukewarm, He drained half the water before plugging the sink again and turning the tap back up to scalding. He went on.

Noticing the last couple glasses He had overlooked on the counter, He grabbed one, its sides cool and still layered with condensation, and dumped out the ice before running it under the water.

A sharp snap rang out as a crack jumped all the way up the side of the glass. He jerked back in surprise and the cup slipped from his soapy fingers, falling to the floor and shattering in a rain of glass shards.

He stared at it.

Temperature differential. Right. The water was extremely hot, and He should have known better than to put a still-cold glass under it. Of course it would crack. And now He'd broken one of Natsu's glasses.

He stared at the glittering mess for a few seconds longer before turning back to the sink. He might as well finish.

It was only after He'd finished washing the dishes and lined them up on a towel to dry that He took care of the broken glass. Stepping back carefully, He crouched down to pick up the bigger pieces and then sweep the smaller ones into his palm. He should probably get a towel or broom. But that seemed like a lot of effort, so He just used his hands.

The glass shards needled at his raw skin, but He remained impassive as He collected them the best He could, closed his fist tightly around them for the briefest of seconds, and dropped them into the trashcan. Bright red blood welled up and beaded along the shallow cuts that crisscrossed his fingers, and a deeper gash across his palm was spitting up more blood than it had any right to.

With a sigh, He drifted to the bathroom and flicked on the light with his elbow. Frost crept over the mirror of its own accord, spiraling crystals distorting and obscuring his reflection. It had become habit lately, an automatic chore He performed each time He came in here. He barely noticed anymore.

He allowed himself cool water to rinse away the blood and temporarily soothe his irritated skin, before drying his hands and carefully wrapping gauze around them. Bandaging the fingers of the one hand might be a tad unnecessary, but since He had to wrap the laceration on the other, He might as well. Then He wiped down any blood He might have smeared around beforehand and flipped off the light as He drifted right back out, the ice on the mirror dissipating behind him.

He wandered back to the kitchen, hesitated, and then began putting away the dishes. Most of them were already dry or almost dry since the water had been so hot, and He ran a towel over any that were still damp, careful to keep his bandages dry.

He should probably get Natsu a new glass. He'd ruined it, after all. Right, He could do that. He latched on to that plan, because at least that gave him something to do other than wander aimlessly, empty and without a purpose.

Since He had nowhere else to be and nothing else to really do, He slipped out of the house as soon as the dishes were all safely homed again. He began having second thoughts almost immediately. He didn't really feel up to facing the world, and although hostility toward him had been fading a little or at least settling down lately, He didn't have the energy to deal with what was left. Especially since He wasn't supposed to be 'shadow-walking' anymore, as Erza called it. Of course, no one was here to bother him, so He could hide in the shadows if He wanted.

He didn't. He wanted to, but since He was avoiding the guild and therefore frustrating everyone, He decided that He'd at least not do something that would disappoint them more. It wasn't much and it wasn't like they'd know, but it was hard to shake the feeling.

So even when He started down Magnolia's main thoroughfares and began attracting fearful looks and nasty glares, He stayed out in the open. He did manage to shut his mind down, which wasn't too hard when He was already feeling hollow and disconnected from reality. He also had a lot of experience ignoring people who hated and/or feared him. So He put his blinders back on and drifted down the street in his own little bubble that opened up around him as pedestrians moved out of his way.

There was a little shop in the market sector that specialized in kitchenware, and that was where He headed. He had only gone there a couple times and not for quite a while, but He found it without too much difficulty. A small bell on the door jingled merrily as He pushed his way inside, making him tense automatically before relaxing. He preferred to move about quietly and unobtrusively, and anything that advertised his presence—cheerful shop bells included—was at least a minor annoyance.

"Hello!" chirped the pretty, blue-eyed girl behind the counter. "How can I help–?"

She broke off and her eyes widened as she looked up from her ledger and saw who was at the door. Her mouth worked soundlessly and she blanched, trying to surreptitiously look around for help and keep her attention on the threat at the same time.

He dug down and summoned up the last dregs of his energy to give her a smile and adopt a positive, non-threatening demeanor. "Hello. I think I can find it myself, but thanks for asking."

He left her gawking after him as He wandered through the store until He found the glassware. He browsed the selection halfheartedly, unable to find much enthusiasm for the task. It seemed like the glasses were mostly sold in sets of six, but maybe He could quietly phase out some of Natsu's more horribly chipped or cracked ones. The dragon slayer didn't always take very good care of belongings he deemed uninteresting—as evidenced by the fact that he almost never washed his dishes and most of his kitchenware was damaged in some way—and it wouldn't hurt to have spares around. On that note, He decided to look for the most durable and least expensive glasses.

Selecting the most nondescript and replaceable set, He drifted back to the counter and set the box down as He dug out some jewels to give the shopkeeper. Said shopkeeper still looked a bit like a cornered animal, pale and nervous and looking like she fervently wished she wasn't alone in here with a demon.

"Here," He said with a smile that He wasn't feeling as He slid the money over.

She looked at it and then back up at him. "M-may I, um, ask you something, Mr.–?"

Her voice wavered and she stuttered a little, but seemed to be doing okay right up until the end.

"Demon?" He suggested wryly after watching her struggle for a moment. She flushed and twisted her hands together, but He just smiled reassuringly. "It's fine. What is it?"

"Um…" She swallowed hard, but then rallied and forged on with a mixture of grim determination and nervousness staining her delicate features. "My neighborhood had a problem a while back…um, an infestation of salamanders? They kept, um, you know, running around and breathing fire at people. We, um, sent out a request for help and…well, you, um, you're the one who showed up. Except that we, um, chased you out? But then right after, the salamanders all…disappeared. Did you, um…? Were you the one who got rid of them?"

He stared at her blankly, waiting for his sluggish mind to sort that out. It took a minute to think through all the jobs He had gotten chased off of. There were quite a few of them, and his brain was already slow and numb today.

"Oh." He nodded as it finally came to him. "Up on the west side, right? Did you know that you had over four dozen salamanders colonizing your sewer system? I thought it was odd since they usually prefer hot, dry environments. Most of them were pretty small and not much more than a nuisance, but even the little ones can hurt a kid or fry someone's pet. So yeah, I took care of them before I left."

The shopgirl chewed on the inside of her cheek and dropped her gaze as she twirled a strand of auburn hair around her finger. "Um…thank you."

"No problem."

"Here, you can, um…" She awkwardly pushed the jewels back at him. "You know, since we didn't actually pay you… I have a little brother who got, um, burned, and… Well, we're glad the salamanders are gone."

He blinked at her uncomprehendingly, but then chuckled with a low sound that rumbled through his chest. "That's alright." He dropped a few more jewels on the counter and hoisted the heavy box of glasses as He headed for the door. "Your tip. Have a nice day."

He left her staring after him, but slumped against the outside wall almost as soon as He slipped out the door. Bracing one foot back against the wall so that He could balance the box on his knee and relieve some of the weight from his still-sore hands, He closed his eyes and bowed his head, taking deep breaths and trying to push back the heaviness and lethargy. Even such a short encounter had left him exhausted—He didn't have the energy to play cheerful and positive right now, and social interaction just seemed so _tiring_.

Heedless of any odd looks from passersby, He worked on gathering up the energy to make it back to Natsu's place. He made a halfhearted attempt to slip into a momentary meditative state to find some kind of peace in the crushing numbness, but He was too exhausted to focus his mind.

A bell chimed and air whooshed past as the door was flung open, and He opened his eyes to see the girl rush out of the shop, only to freeze when she spotted him.

"Um, are you…alright?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah." He plastered on another smile and tried to make himself presentable, or at least to not look like He'd been having a meltdown right outside her store. "Did you need something?"

"I just, um… I didn't give you your receipt."

She cleared her throat awkwardly and handed him a slip of paper. After a beat of incredulous silence, He shifted his hold on the box and accepted the receipt with the hand He freed.

"Thanks."

"Are you sure–?"

"Gray!" called a high, cheerful voice. "Fancy seeing you here!"

His gaze slid past the shopgirl and He sighed as He spotted Mavis bouncing down the street toward him, her golden hair streaming gaily behind her. But there was something a little off about her gait, something lurking behind the bright gleam in her emerald eyes. It wasn't noticeable if you didn't know what you were looking for, but He had his suspicions.

"Good morning, Mavis."

"How nice to see you out and about! And even making nice with the locals." She gave the wide-eyed shopkeeper a dazzling smile. "Good morning."

"Good…morning?"

He leaned his head back against the wall and shook his head wearily. "The locals? You make it sound as if I haven't lived here for over a decade."

"You know what I mean." Mavis frowned and reached out to grasp the wrist of the hand clutching the receipt. "Good grief, what _did_ you do to your hands?"

He shrugged, his gaze wandering away. He didn't have the energy to match Mavis's somewhat forced positivity, and He was less inclined to put on a show for her than for other people. They had gotten too good at seeing through each other's masks.

"I was washing dishes and broke a glass. So I came to get Natsu a replacement."

"You broke a glass on your hand?" she asked skeptically.

"No. The glass was too cold and the water too hot, and the temperature differential cracked it. Took me by surprise, and I dropped it on the floor."

"Just how hot was the water that you managed to crack a glass?"

"Hot enough."

" _Too_ hot, then? Honestly, Gray. Look how irritated your skin still is. Even aside from your aversion to heat…" Mavis shook her head in disapproval. "This is getting out of hand. And speaking of hands, how did you manage to cut yourself, then?"

"While I was cleaning it up."

"You were cleaning up glass with your _hands_?"

"Yeah."

"Have you not heard of a _broom_?"

"Sure," He mumbled, exhaling with a sigh. "But I didn't have the energy to hunt it down."

Mavis dropped his wrist. "You know that we don't approve of your self-destructive behavior. You should really take better care of yourself."

She sounded concerned, a touch sad, but He could feel her irritation and resentment simmering under the surface, her frustration with him and his behavior. It went deeper than that. Someone was having control issues again.

"I know." He stared down blankly at his bandaged hands as they wrapped around the box of glasses again. "I'm fine."

There was a pause, but Mavis's voice was cheerful again as she said, "Mira asked me to pick up some groceries for her. Would you mind coming with me? I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Sure, I guess." He resisted the urge to sigh again. As selfish as it was, He didn't relish the idea of playing games with Mavis while she was like this. "But can we stop by Natsu's place first? I don't want to keep carrying these around."

"Of course. Let's go."

He pushed himself away from the wall with his foot and gripped the box more tightly until it made the cuts on his hands sting from the pressure. Mavis looked like she might offer to carry the box for a second, but then subsided with something dangerously close to vicious satisfaction lighting up beneath her pleasant veneer.

It was as He was starting to turn away that He noticed the shopgirl, who was still watching the exchange with wide eyes. He had entirely forgotten about her.

It might be too late to win this game, but He managed to summon up just enough energy to give her a smile and make his voice light again. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, thanks. If you have any more problems with the salamanders coming back or whatever, call me. Or stop by the guild and tell anyone. They'll pass the message on to me if I'm not there."

"Just as well," Mavis said, her voice mild even though there was something sharp and barbed hidden underneath, "given that you've been avoiding the guild. You've got everyone worried about you, you know."

Ignoring her, He made some kind of awkward goodbye waving gesture with his elbow to the shopkeeper, hefted the box, and started off back down the street.

"Salamanders, huh?" Mavis asked as she trotted along beside him with her shorter strides.

"Yeah. Her neighborhood was infested with them a few months back. It was a job I did."

"Hm."

Mavis fell silent, and He was content to let her be for now as they wove their way through the crowds of pedestrians. She would talk when she was ready, and He wasn't going to push her. In fact, He was more than willing to postpone the conversation for as long as possible, because right now He didn't have the energy to deal with Mavis while she was so high-strung.

The prospect of talking to her was not, in and of itself, unusual. They rarely interacted inside the guild, but they talked from time to time outside of it. Sometimes she would ask him to run errands with her or come on a walk or they'd just run into each other. Oftentimes it was when one of them realized that something was wrong with the other, especially where control issues were involved.

Sometimes they just walked together in relative silence for the company or talked about mundane, safe topics, but sometimes things got more serious. They shared many things that the others didn't truly understand: past immortality, burdens of guilt for the lives they had taken, struggles with control and the fear of slipping. They didn't always talk, but when they did, there were many things that they would say to each other that they'd never talk about with anyone else. He saw the side of Mavis that she was so careful to keep hidden from everyone else, and she saw sides of him that the others rarely saw, if only because she was good at seeing through him.

It was an odd sort of relationship that had eventually developed into an odd sort of friendship. They were possibly closer to each other than to anyone else, but farther apart at the same time. It was hard to have a stable friendship when both of them were so inherently unstable.

"You've gone flat again," Mavis said finally. She turned a corner, her bare feet pitter-pattering softly on the pavement, and gave him an inscrutable sidelong look.

'Flat' was one of the categorizations she'd created for his moods, and she distinguished it from 'cold'. The others often grouped them together, lumping them into the shared category of 'demon-y', but 'cold' was what they thought of as 'demon-y'. 'Flat' was for times like this, when He was hollowed out and numb inside, unable to summon up the energy to care.

It happened mostly after periods of high stress and emotion, after He felt and cared too much and burned himself out. The last time had been after Gray's birthday, when He had stopped talking. Natsu and the others might have taken it as a sign of coldness at first, but it was really just that He lacked the energy to socialize and converse when He was flat. That entire situation had gone poorly, however, so He was making more of an effort this time around. But it was hard.

"I guess," He said, his voice hollow and faraway to his own ears. "And you've gone bitter. Did you lose control again?"

The bitterness was Mavis's dark side. She was so very good at hiding it from everyone else, burying it underneath her childlike cheerfulness, but He could detect it when it started becoming more pronounced. He knew that she always had to keep that edge for her curse to stay dormant, but it inevitably intensified when she was struggling for control and needed to hold on more tightly to her resentment so that she didn't care enough to kill the people she loved.

"Yes," she said, and there was a definite coolness to her voice now. "That would be your doing. It's frightfully hard not to care for someone when they make themselves as pathetic and miserable a spectacle as you did."

"Oh." He turned his sightless gaze back to the ground. It must have been truly bad, then, whatever his drunken shenanigans had been. Bad enough that Mavis's sympathy had overwhelmed her and thrown off the delicate balance she maintained to keep her curse under control. "Sorry. Was anyone hurt?"

"…No. I left in time. But there's a new dead spot out in the forest."

"Oh," He said again. "Sorry."

There was a pause, but then Mavis sighed heavily. Her voice held less thinly-cloaked hostility as she said, "It's not your fault, not really. You were just so upset, and it hurt enough that I cared too much. I worry about you. We all do." Then the bitterness started creeping back in. "Not helped by the fact that you've been avoiding everyone again. We're all just waiting to see how much longer the world's longest hangover lasts."

He didn't rise to the bait.

"Yeah, as far as hangovers go, I guess it's been pretty bad," He said with a vague, distant air. "Sorry."

"…Yeah." Mavis suddenly sounded tired and melancholy again. "I guess it would be. I know. I know it hasn't been easy. How much do you remember?"

"I don't know." He walked by feel like a sleepwalker, maneuvering around any obstacles in his path and following his feet around corners and down streets on the route back to Natsu's house. "I pretty much told Natsu that I didn't want to hear about it."

"How mature," Mavis said acerbically, before taking a deep, calming breath and trying to tamp down the knot of ugly emotion again. "Do you remember how you started losing control? Or, at least, how you thought you started losing control?"

His mouth flattened into a thin line. That part He remembered, in a hazy sort of way. It was one of the main reasons He had been avoiding the guild. It was bad enough that He'd unwittingly exposed raw, vulnerable parts of himself to them, but losing control had always been a particularly sore point. That was the especially humiliating part, that He had not only knowingly given up control and jeopardized people's lives, but then had turned around and displayed his lapse for everyone to see.

"With the shadow, I presume?" He cast a dark look at the too-black shadow skittering along at his feet with movements just shy of natural, daring it to misbehave. "That wasn't a true lapse, thankfully. She can be a temperamental little bitch and sometimes she prods me into screwing things up, but she lacks true control as long as my Book is closed."

Mavis hummed, and her voice had a calculating, considering edge. "Everyone else is very curious about what it is. It frightens them a bit, I think."

"It's nothing important."

"Oh, I very much think it is. They seem to think it's just some kind of curses or strange shadow creature or some odd magic, but it's not, is it? It's really just a–"

"I don't want to talk about it," He interrupted, hunching his shoulders.

That was one hard truth that He didn't have the heart to face today. Perhaps Mavis's guess was wrong, but He doubted it. If anyone figured it out, it would be her. She wasn't known as a genius for nothing, and she read him better than most people could.

"You can't just ignore it forever," Mavis said with a sigh.

"Watch me."

"You're going to have to take care of it eventually. I don't think it's good for you, what you're doing to yourself."

"It's better this way."

"Gray…"

"Mavis."

"I really think–"

"I need it this way. It helps me keep myself under control."

"Does it really?"

He shrugged. Mavis sighed again, but stayed quiet for a street and a half. He was beginning to hope that maybe she was finished, or that they'd at least make it back to Natsu's place before she started up again.

No such luck.

"You do realize you brought that on yourself by getting drunk in the first place?"

How would He _not_ know that? His hands tightened reflexively around the box again, and He slid them so that the corners dug into his battered fingers.

Erza had started a new campaign of trying to convince him to display a pleasant, friendly bearing instead of a cold, haughty, distant, demonic one. And He was just going to have to disappoint her today, because He'd used up all that with the shopkeeper. He narrowed his eyes at the ground, trying to make himself look as inconspicuous as possible. These people didn't even know about his horrible lapse of judgment and He _still_ couldn't bear the risk of meeting anyone's eyes. Shame was a funny thing, how it could worm its way into your life and discolor everything, even things it had no right to be touching.

"I know. It was a mistake. It won't happen again."

"Willingly giving up control like that is dangerous and irresponsible." Mavis didn't sound quite as quietly hostile as before, but her voice was still serious. "Much worse things could have happened."

"I know. I normally would have never… I don't know. I don't even know what really happened. I just…snapped."

Mavis hummed quietly but didn't respond, and He still avoided looking at her face. Her disappointment and disapproval were gentler this time, lacking the sharp resentment of before, but He felt the weight of it. She was just concerned about the guild that she had a responsibility to protect. Like He should be. His own disappointment and shame was an even more difficult pill to swallow.

He busied himself with foot-watching instead, since his eyes were glued to the ground anyway. You could tell a lot about people from their feet, if you were looking. The strappy dress shoes with uncomfortably high heels and pinchy toes hurried along with rushed strides, probably off to an important meeting or date. The heavy work boots plodded along wearily, probably on an errand for a dead-end job that just barely paid the bills. The tiny red shoes with plastic flowers danced about merrily, probably off to play in the park or get an ice cream cone or follow along behind a larger pair of shoes.

Mavis's bare feet moved with a tired gait, lacking the odd, jerky edge of before. He must be wearing her down. He seemed to wear people down a lot these days.

You could honestly tell a lot about people from any part of them that you chose to look at: their feet, their hands, their belongings, their body language, their eyes, their mouths, their faces. He wasn't sure He liked the idea of other people reading him as easily as He read them. Even He provided a wealth of information to anyone who cared to look…even if part of it was faked for the audience. It made him wonder what exactly He was giving away right now. Nothing good.

"It was worse this year, wasn't it?" Mavis asked, gentler this time. Her feet danced around a pair of highly polished black dress shoes and turned a corner. He followed along with his shuffling, drifting boots. "I'd imagine that everything is even closer to the surface than usual with your identity being revealed and all the trouble with Lyon and all that."

"…Yeah. I guess so."

He knew so. Every mile-marker anniversary He observed in remembrance of his past and Gray's life seemed even heavier than usual this year. They hurt more, and they hurt even worse if He got the sympathy He neither wanted nor deserved.

"I hurt people too," Mavis said. "Killed them. Even people I cared about. I know it's not easy, that it doesn't just go away."

He shifted his gaze to the side to look down on Mavis's bowed head. Wedging the box between his hip and other arm, He dropped a hand to rest on her head before letting it slide down to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and gently pull her to his side for the briefest of seconds. He didn't offer her any words. He understood, and He knew that there were just some times when words meant nothing.

Shifting the box back, He returned both hands to the stiff cardboard. The crowds thinned out as He and Mavis turned off the main thoroughfare and headed into the outskirts toward Natsu's house.

Mavis looked up to give him a melancholy smile. "As much as I don't approve of how you handled things, I get it. Sometimes you just can't…cope. But I've been thinking, and I think part of the problem is how tightly we fight to keep control."

"…What?"

"It's… Well, we _have_ to stay in control, obviously, but we try to hold on so tightly that I think we actually make things worse sometimes. That whole business with your shadow wouldn't have even been an issue if you hadn't slipped up with the drinking, and you slipped up with the drinking because of how tightly you've wound yourself up. Of course you were bound to snap eventually.

"I'm bad about it too—don't we _have_ to be?—but I think you're even worse than I am. You're willing to go to great, self-destructive lengths to be one hundred percent in control at all times, and any time you slip, you take it _hard_. And then you try to keep control even more tightly, because you're afraid of it happening again. I feel like you're turning yourself into a ticking time bomb, Gray."

He stared at her. It wasn't that He didn't understand what she was saying. He did. He even thought she might be right. But at the same time…

"What would you rather I do, Mavis?" He asked wearily, dragging his feet behind him as He started down the path to Natsu's house. "I have to stay in control."

He would always hold on tightly, always keep his shadow and himself on a short leash, always feel the sting of shame and failure when He messed up anyway. He had been fighting for so long now that He wasn't sure He could ease up even if He wanted to. The prospect of loosening the reins, even just a fraction, was both terrifying and horrifying to him. He couldn't imagine doing it. His hands were bloody from holding himself too tight, and He couldn't let go no matter what knife-sharp edges He cut himself on.

"I…don't know." Mavis sighed heavily. "I know it's not that simple. In theory, it sounds good. In reality…what are we really supposed to do? But just think about it, alright? Maybe you'll figure it out. You could probably start with your shadow."

He hummed noncommittally and readjusted the box again so that He could open Natsu's door. He was already half a dozen steps inside before realizing that meant He'd forgotten to lock up when He left. One more little sign of how spaced out He was.

He drifted to the kitchen. The heavy, numbing atmosphere from earlier still blanketed the house, somehow draining him even further. Depositing the box on the counter, He turned and a slow frown spread across his face as He noticed Mavis following close behind.

"Wait," He said. His gaze wandered away and He started for the closet, back on autopilot. "Stay there. You'll cut your feet if there's any glass left."

"Oh… Right…"

Luckily, He had already organized the small closet next to the kitchen and devoted a space for cleaning supplies. It still took several seconds of blank staring before his mind finally registered the broom. He turned away, paused, and then went back for the dustpan.

He swept the floor with slow, methodical strokes, gathering up any lingering bits of glass and pushing them into the dustpan. After He emptied that into the trash, He returned the tools to the closet and shut the door.

Something touched his arm, and He looked down at the small hand resting on his forearm. He looked up to see Mavis watching him with sad eyes. He had almost forgotten that she was there.

"It's hard to see you like this," she said. "It seems horrible. I hope you…find something to… I don't know. Snap you out of it, give you a spark to burn away the flatness. You need to find something."

He shrugged lethargically. "I don't know, maybe it would have worked for you. If you can't feel much of anything, it's hard to feel anything strong enough to activate a curse like yours." He turned and let her hand fall away as He drifted back toward the front door. "But you're right, I guess. It's pretty horrible."

Mavis stayed silent as she followed him back outside, watched him lock the door, and walked by his side as He started down the path. Her fingers brushed his arm, perhaps some small comfort of touch to mimic what He'd given her earlier. He gave her a smile that felt odd on his face, stretched out in all the wrong ways. Somehow, it didn't seem to reassure her.

She let the silence last until they were closer to the heart of the city again, but then reverted back to her normal cheerful self, bouncing through the streets and chattering gaily about anything and everything. He tried to feed off her energy, let the excess seep into his bones and burn through the flatness, but it didn't seem compatible. It was just _too_ different from the emptiness. If He was going to work on feeling something, it would probably have to be with baby steps. With something that was closer to the numbness than the happiness, which was too big of a leap.

But He did try to give off some quiet, semi-positive vibes. Or at least not freak everyone out by walking around like a zombie. He wasn't sure how good a job He was doing, but He figured that Mavis was cheerful enough for the both of them. Or fake cheerful, anyway.

To be fair, she wasn't as bad as earlier. But that edge of bitterness and irritation was always there, and was still more pronounced today than usual. No one seemed to notice but him. People saw what they expected to see—it was how both He and Mavis had kept themselves hidden for so long. He looked human enough to belie the darkness hiding underneath, and it had done him wonders for years. Mavis looked like a bright, innocent child, and she played it up for all it was worth. Even the guild, who knew her to also be a tactician and the guild founder, was fooled into seeing something sweet and naïvely happy if she didn't do anything to contradict that.

She was very good at putting on a show and hiding the things she didn't want other people to see. The two of them were the same in that regard.

He hung back and tried to stay quiet and inconspicuous as Mavis breezed through the grocer's and gathered what she needed, happily chatting up the owner as she did so. After all, He was not an entirely welcome face around here at the best of times, and certainly wasn't in the proper state of mind to pretend that He was.

As it turned out, Mavis—or, rather, Mira—needed _a lot_ of stuff. They filled three paper bags almost to bursting, and then were stuck figuring out how to get them back to the guild. Mavis clearly wasn't getting them all there on her own, and He wondered if this was part of her plan.

Instead of raising his suspicions or putting up a fuss, He hefted two of the bags and watched Mavis struggle to cradle the third in her arms as they headed for the guild. She darted a look at his bandaged hands and looked conflicted, but didn't make an offer or voice any concerns. He thought that this time it had less to do with her thinking it served him right than with the very practical concern that she really _couldn't_ carry it all on her own.

They paused just outside the door to the guild hall, and Mavis gave him a searching look. It would have to happen eventually. Taking a moment more to collect himself, He nodded. Mavis smiled, but it was tired.

He followed her inside reluctantly, his body already tensing in preparation.

Cana spotted him first. "Oh! Look what the cat dragged in!"

She grinned at him, but it was less carefree than the Cana He was used to. She was still teasing, but there was thinly-veiled worry underneath. He wished He hadn't come.

"Hi."

He paused and shifted uncomfortably, his gaze dropping to the ground. Everyone else was noticing him now, and one glimpse of the worry and discomfort and pity they were trying to hide was more than enough.

"Seriously?" Natsu asked in exasperation. "If I'd known an ultimatum would get you in here, I would've done it days ago."

"I ran into him," Mavis said mildly, and there was something almost protective about the way she edged closer. "He was kind enough to help me carry back all the groceries Mira wanted."

"It's good to see you back," Lucy said brightly, although her cheerfulness didn't quite eclipse the awkward sympathy.

"Yeah," He mumbled.

Loke stepped up—He wasn't sure if the spirit had been there all along or just materialized—and gave him an odd look. He shifted under the scrutiny.

"Look what cat got dragged in," He said, but his voice sounded too flat to be a real joke and the smile He attempted felt broken and warped. Loke's eyes narrowed, and he wrested the bags away from the demon. "I can–"

"What happened to your hands?" Loke asked. His eyes were inscrutable behind his glasses, but he was very pointedly staring at the hands in question.

He examined his hands as well, blinking slowly as if He didn't already know very well what had happened. A small red blotch was starting to bleed through the gauze over the palm of the one hand.

"Whoa," Natsu said, "you were fine this morning."

"I broke a glass. While washing the dishes."

"You broke one of my glasses? Don't wreck my stuff!"

On another day, He might've snidely pointed out that He took far better care of Natsu's stuff than Natsu himself did.

"I bought you a replacement," He said instead. He wondered if his voice sounded as hollow to the others as it did to his own ears, or if He was imagining it.

"You…did?" Natsu sounded lost, unsure of what to make of that.

Mavis came to the rescue. "He did. I ran into him while he was bringing them back to your place."

"…Oh…?"

"Whatever the circumstances, it's good to see you back, honeybee," Cana said cheerfully.

He finally looked up to frown at her. She was grinning, apparently teasing and messing around like usual, but she was watching him with an almost guarded air, like she was testing him or seeing how far she could push him.

"…What?" He asked.

She arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Honeybee?"

"Oh yeah." She smirked, but her body was tense. "It's your new nickname. Because you thought you were a bee."

He stared. "A…bee?"

Damn it all, just how drunk had He _been_?

"Well, technically you thought that I thought that you were a bee."

He stared some more. "…What?"

"Apparently if someone calls you honey, your first drunken thought is that they think you're a bee."

He stared more. "Why would you even…?" He shook his head, cold venom seeping into his bones. "You know what, I don't care. Whatever I don't remember, I don't want to know."

His voice was as chilly as winter now, and his numbness froze over and hardened. Happiness was too big of a leap, but maybe the coldness was the closest thing to the numbness. That was his baby step. Mavis wanted him to fill the void with something? Coldness it would be.

A fleeting grimace passed over Cana's face and she exchanged a look with Loke. "Yeah," she said in a low voice, "that was what I was afraid of."

He didn't bother asking what she meant.

"Gray-sama?" Juvia approached nervously, her eyes searching his face anxiously. "Is Gray-sama alright?"

"Of course," He said coolly. His eyes must have gone dark and cold again, because she winced. "Did you talk to Lyon?"

"Yes. Juvia went to Lyon-san and he let her in and then–"

"I don't want to know."

"…Gray-sama?"

"It's not any of my business," He said tersely.

Unbidden, memories of Galuna curled in the back of his mind. Afterwards, later that night when everyone else had settled down to sleep, He had snuck out and gone down to the ocean. He hadn't touched it, not when Ur's remains lapped at the shore. But He had talked, talked to the chill air and empty darkness and ocean graveyard. He had talked for a long time, although He hadn't said as much if you took into consideration all the long stretches of silence. It was the closest He had ever come to giving an apology for that fateful day.

It was also when He had made a promise—a promise to a woman who probably couldn't hear it anyway—to watch out for Lyon. He would look out for the lone survivor of that massacre, because He owed it. Lyon had made it much easier when he'd unwittingly sought out the demon himself with Oración Seis. And, eventually, it had grown to be more than a sense of duty and obligation, and He had protected Lyon because He cared.

That was gone now. He still cared for Lyon, would still look out for him when He could, but it was no longer his job. Or, perhaps more accurately, He no longer had the right. He no longer had the right to be Lyon's protector, and therefore it was not his business what had happened between Lyon and Juvia, not even if He was the one who had arranged the encounter. He had lost that, and, out of respect for Lyon, He would not overstep the new boundary.

"But–" Juvia tried.

"I trust that you did what you could," He interrupted, his voice flat. "That is enough."

He ignored the looks everyone was shooting at each other. None of them looked happy, and He didn't want to see it. There was only so much He could do. He wasn't going to show them any more vulnerability, not after his drunken adventures. It wouldn't happen again. Cold, hard, and unyielding. He was not at all vulnerable or weak or broken.

His shadow twitched at his feet and He gave it a hard look, clamping down on it in his mind and tightening his hold. It fell still and He smiled thinly, winding it ever tighter. He was in control. He had lost control before, but it wouldn't happen again. He would hold on as tightly as He needed to in order to make sure that it didn't.

He turned and walked away, strides clipped and walls firmly back in place, everything tightly under control as it should be.

Behind him, Mavis shook her head sadly as she watched him go.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Of course they were going to get worse lol Gray was never going to take that well. But at this point it's more like bad days and good, ups and downs. The big crash-and-burn is later lol You can pick up the bigger pieces by hand, but that wasn't what Gray did X) (Ha ha, you wicked beastie! S'okay, I'm the same.) You don't have to like Mavis lol But she does have a connection to Gray here, and there's an important plot point involving her later so I needed to establish a relationship ahead of time. There's one more two-parter, and then the rest of the segment deals with Lyon. Meh, the apathetic depression scenes read so realistically because that's exactly how I am half the time, if that's what you mean. And it's been a really hard past few months. I do almost the same thing with dishes too, although more for practical reasons than to hurt myself lol**


	27. First Love-Salamanders (1)

**Note: It's not as romantic as it sounds lol**

* * *

 **First Love-Salamanders (1)**

* * *

"Finally," Erza breathed as she held up the paper reverently. "Finally, we've found it."

Natsu and Happy started up a cheer, and even Lucy and Gray smiled as they rolled their eyes.

"Yeah, it'll be tons of fun!" Natsu said. "Ogres are cool, and I'm dying to beat something up!"

"And it's near the ocean!" Happy added. "We can get fish after!"

"Just don't mess it up," Lucy said with a fond shake of her head. "I need to be able to pay my rent."

Gray snorted loudly but didn't comment. And Erza, she was pleased. It had taken nearly twenty minutes and enough bickering to last a lifetime, but they had _finally_ decided on a job. It was such a pain to find good ones these days, when she was the arbiter stuck trying to find one that Natsu deemed exciting enough and Happy thought was fishy enough and Lucy was convinced could pay her rent and Gray wasn't certain would get him lynched.

Erza almost wanted to cry in relief at having finally settled the dispute, but her eye caught on the girl pushing her way into the guild at the other end of the room. Erza didn't recognize her and could only assume that she was a civilian. She was obviously on edge, looking around nervously as she nibbled at her bottom lip and twisted a strand of auburn hair around her finger.

Mira, ever the guild's hostess and public liaison, bless her heart, was the first to approach the new girl. Erza started to turn away, satisfied that the situation was being handled, before noticing that the girl was pointing at Gray.

"Oh dear," she said with a sigh as Mira waved the girl over in their direction. "Looks like you've got another visitor, Gray."

It wasn't that he got a lot of people coming in to look for him, but between Knights and disgruntled former clients delivering unclaimed reward money and landladies and all that, Erza was naturally on guard.

"Huh?" Gray turned, a bemused expression plastered on his face, and his brows knit together as he studied the girl who was approaching them with jittery steps and wide eyes. "Hm, why does she look so familiar…?" He seemed to ponder this, but his face lit up in recognition just as she stopped and darted a glance up at him from beneath her lashes. "From the kitchen store, right?"

"Um…" The girl twisted her hands together and looked away as she shifted about, looking as if she'd rather be anywhere but here. "Yes?"

"What kitchen store?" Happy asked.

"After I broke Natsu's glass," Gray said with a nod. "I went to get replacements."

Erza winced. If she recalled correctly, Gray had mentioned doing that on the first day he'd come back to the guild after he'd gotten totally drunk. He had been especially distant and cold for weeks afterward, and was just finally starting to fall back into more normal patterns. She hoped that the reminder didn't ruin all his progress.

"You, um…" The girl trailed off and glanced around nervously again before forging on. "You told me that I should, um, come find you if the, um, the salamanders came back. So…"

"Salamanders?" asked Lucy blankly. "What salamanders?"

Gray waved her off. "It was a job. Her neighborhood was infested a while back." He studied the uneasy girl. "Found some more, did you?"

"Um… Yes. Not many, but, um, my brother found a couple when he was, um, when he was playing."

Now that Erza was satisfied this girl wasn't going to be a troublemaker, she relaxed and gave her a more sympathetic look. The poor thing was so nervous that she could barely even string a sentence together. Probably because of Gray, honestly. He had been slowly rebuilding his reputation in the community—flying under the radar, returning to Fairy Tail's strongest team and aiding them with their humanitarian work, and quietly doing way too many jobs for free had at least begun restoring everyone's faith that he wasn't looking to eat anyone—but even the people who didn't entirely hate him were still wary.

Part of that was cultivated by Gray himself, who still tended to sneak around in the shadows and put up a cold front in public if the team wasn't there to make him stop. Erza and the others had been working on getting him to present a less standoffish façade, but he still had a habit of shutting down when he got uncomfortable.

"Alright," Gray said, "I'll take care of it."

He gave the girl a small half-smile and shoved his hands into his pockets as he slouched leisurely, and Erza mentally awarded him bonus points for not trying to scare the poor thing.

"Aw, but that sounds lame," Natsu grumbled. "I don't want to hunt lizards. Ogres, Gray! So much more fun to fight!"

Gray rolled his eyes. "You guys go ahead. I can do this on my own."

"But you–" Lucy tried.

"It's fine. I'll go with you on the next one. You wouldn't want to deprive the fire-breathing idiot of his chance to get beaten up by ogres, would you?"

"Hey!" Natsu yelled. "I'm not–!"

"Anyway, your rent payment is coming up, Happy is dying for fish, and Erza's just pleased to have found a job you can all agree on. Relax. I can handle the pest control on my own, you can play with your ogres, and we'll go together next time."

Natsu looked like he might just shrug it off, but Lucy and Happy looked considerably less pleased by this development. Erza understood. They preferred to get the whole team together when they could to make up for all the time they had missed and to ensure that Gray wouldn't start avoiding them again. And considering that Gray was just coming out of another uncooperative phase, it seemed like a good idea to get him back into the swing of things.

"He's right," Erza said briskly. "You three can do that job. Gray and I will handle the salamanders."

A small frown stole over Gray's face as he gave her a searching look. "Seriously, it's not a big deal. I can handle it."

"I know you can, but I don't mind coming. I'm not nearly as interested in ogres as Natsu is."

Gray still looked a bit suspicious, but just shrugged.

"Okay," Lucy said, nodding to Erza in a knowing fashion. "Have fun, you two."

"Good luck," Erza replied. She turned on her heel and motioned for the girl to follow her.

"When did they show up again?" Gray asked as he fell into step beside Erza and gave their tagalong a sidelong look.

"Um…a couple days ago? My brother, um, came in with a burn."

Erza shook her head. Salamanders were pesky little critters, not usually too dangerous but highly annoying. She didn't know what they were doing in a residential area, but they could pose a problem for small children and pets.

"Hm."

Gray held the door open for the women and then followed them out, and Erza couldn't help but sigh as he drifted to the side where the shadows were thickest.

"Oh no you don't," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. "No shadow-walking."

He grimaced and obeyed, but a heavy tension had fallen over him the second he left the guild. He was holding himself stiffly, and his face was a frozen mask once more. To an outsider, he looked cold and standoffish and…demonic.

"Relax," Erza said with a sigh. "You're supposed to look friendly, remember?"

Gray hummed noncommittally, eyes guarded as they darted about the passing pedestrians, and made a visible effort to relax. It improved things not a bit. Erza wanted to groan in frustration. Sometimes he seemed totally fine when dealing with people and sometimes he wasn't, and she still hadn't figured out what determined which route he took.

"Do you know where your brother has been seeing them?" Gray asked, his voice polite but cool.

The girl wrapped her arms about herself and darted a look at him, even more ill at ease now that his attitude had cooled considerably. "I, um, I can, um, show you. When we, um, when we get there."

"Okay. And you–?"

"Enough," Erza interrupted. She whacked him lightly on the arm. "You're clamming up again. Relax. You're making people think that you want to eat them."

As if to prove her point, a passing woman gave Gray a sidelong look and sped up, nearly trotting in her haste to get away. Erza couldn't entirely blame her. Gray had a way of advertising himself as a predator when he withdrew too much. It was something about the way he held himself with such feline grace, something about those dark, ageless eyes that seemed to bore right through you, something about the carefully controlled facial expressions and movements. He did it on purpose when he was trying to distance himself or was dealing with anyone he thought deserved it, but he sometimes fell back on it unconsciously when he was just uncomfortable or upset.

Erza and the others had been gently coaching him on it and he had been doing a bit better, but he had gone almost completely cold again after his drunken escapades. That had faded in the past couple weeks, but there was still an edge of it lingering around and it seemed more prone to flare up while it was still so close to the surface.

"Sorry," he grumbled. Another pedestrian gave him a frightened look and wide berth, and he winced. "But look, no matter how much you try coaching me on how to be human, people will be scared anyway. Let them be scared if they want to be."

Erza sighed and followed their jittery guide as she turned off on a side street. Gray might think her naïvely optimistic, but she was aware that he'd never be able to assuage everyone's fear no matter how friendly and helpful he was. But she still wanted to see him make as much progress as he could. If nothing else, she wanted to see the day when he was comfortable walking the streets of his own city again.

"But people will be more willing to give you a chance if you just be _yourself_. Anyway, I'm not coaching you on how to be human. You do that well enough on your own. I'm coaching you on how not to hide behind playing demon when you're uncomfortable."

Gray sighed heavily and followed the girl around another corner. "I'm not even going to argue with you about this right now."

"One day I'm going to make you believe me."

He just shrugged stiffly and set his mouth in a grim, forbidding line. Erza dropped the subject. That was something she could address later.

"I don't get it," she grumbled. "You were always so good at acting and putting up whatever front was best for the situation. Just look at how good you were at playing happy when you weren't. And you still are, sometimes, but now it's like you just use this as your default."

"I don't like being the center of attention, Erza," he said with a sigh, steadfastly ignoring a group of gawkers. "I never have."

"I know, but… That never stopped you before. You even infiltrated a _dark guild_ , for goodness' sake, and kept up the charade for months without them suspecting."

She lost her train of thought at the mention of Avatar and gave Gray a sidelong look. He showed no sign of being bothered by the reference, but it made Erza uneasy. He had said that Avatar had been a tipping point, that he'd been unable to handle it without a demonic edge, and she was the one who had sent him in there.

She had considered broaching the topic more than once over the past few months, but there had been so many other things to worry about and she was still wary of pushing Gray too far. And, mostly, she was worried about what she might hear.

"They are fearful and hateful and angry," Gray said. He nodded toward the girl creeping a half-step ahead and said, "She is frightened, you are frustrated, and I am uncomfortable. We are all feeding off of each other's negative energy. You are all putting me on edge. You want me to relax? Relax yourself. Do something normal. Create a better atmosphere. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm working on it, but this is what's easiest for me."

Erza frowned thoughtfully as she considered that. He was right that it was a tense atmosphere all around, not just on his part. She would probably be on edge too if she had to deal with an atmosphere of hostility and fear every time she walked outside.

Come to think of it, most of the times Gray could tease and laugh and generally be himself while around other people were when the rest of the team was in good spirits. If they were bantering back and forth or chatting amiably or otherwise sharing in a good mood, Gray was more likely to get caught up in it and pay more attention to them than to the things that put him on edge.

If it was the tension hanging over everything that was making Gray so uncomfortable, then maybe Erza would be better off finding ways to dispel it, rather than nag at him to fix his own attitude and hope it spread. She couldn't change people's attitudes toward Gray and she couldn't change the mask Gray presented to the world, but she could try providing more positive conditions that would encourage better results on both sides.

She turned her attention to the girl guiding them, who kept shooting them odd, fearful looks. Maybe she was puzzled by the conversation, which wasn't something you'd expect to hear from a demon.

"Sorry," Erza said brightly, "you'll have to excuse my bad manners. I'm afraid I've been distracted. I'm Erza, nice to meet you."

The girl did a fantastic impression of a deer caught in the headlights, but then gingerly took the proffered hand and shook it. "Nice to, um, meet you?"

"And you've met Gray, I believe," Erza continued, nodding at the taciturn ice mage.

"Pest control extraordinaire, at your service," Gray said obediently. He managed a wan smile, although his gaze continued to flicker about warily as he eyed the passing pedestrians.

"Um, yes? Hi…again…"

"And you?" Erza asked.

"Me what?" the girl squeaked.

Erza gave her a reassuring smile. "Your name."

"Oh. I'm, um, I'm Sophie."

"Pretty name."

"Um, thanks?"

"So," Erza continued conversationally, "how long have you lived in Magnolia?"

She kept up a steady stream of cheerful chatter as they wound through the streets and headed for the neighborhoods on Magnolia's west side. Sophie stayed uneasy, but gradually began relaxing bit by bit as Erza drew her out with polite conversation.

Even Gray made a halfhearted effort to participate, although he left the brunt of the conversation to Erza. She was okay with that. As long as he was trying and it was helping him settle down a bit, she'd take what she could get.

And then she finally worked her way up to the important questions. "So, do you like cake?"

"Sure," Sophie said with a bemused smile, a little slow to pick up on the abrupt change of topic.

"What's your favorite flavor?"

"Um…"

"There's only one right answer to that," Gray said, hiding a laugh behind a cough. "And that answer is 'strawberry'."

Sophie looked back and forth between the two mages before offering them an uncertain smile. "Strawberry is nice."

"Good," Erza said, pleased. "We'll get along just fine, then. Gray, poor fool, hates strawberry cake. I'm going to make him see the light one day."

"It's too sweet," Gray muttered. "You can _feel_ it rotting your teeth out. How do you eat so much of it and not go into a sugar coma?"

"Because it's amazing!"

Sophie actually giggled as she watched the bickering, making both Gray and Erza pause to look at her. She blushed, but Erza grinned.

"Look at that, Gray! Isn't it so much better when you get along with people?"

Gray rolled his eyes. "Yep. I've been working on making nice with the locals."

Erza gave him a funny look. "The locals? Really? You've lived here for well over a decade, you know."

Gray threw his head back and laughed, the sound so genuinely amused and good-natured that it made Erza want to smile even though she wasn't entirely sure what was so funny. "That's exactly what I told her. But she was in a truly horrific mood, so I'll give her a pass."

He slouched into a more relaxed posture, his eyes still glittering with amusement, and finally seemed at ease and far less self-conscious than before.

"She?" Erza asked.

Gray gave her a charming, lopsided grin—he really could be ridiculously endearing when he wanted to be—and she couldn't help but smile back despite being a bit puzzled by the whole thing. Sophie was also giving him a curious smile, but he seemed undaunted by the attention.

"Yep," he said unhelpfully. "Hey, this is your neighborhood up here, right? Or am I misremembering?"

Sophie nodded. "No, you're right."

"Did you tell your neighbors or did you do this on your own? Because they weren't happy to see me last time…"

"Oh." Anxiety flashed across the girl's face and her eyes widened. "No, I didn't and… I should have, but…"

"It's alright," Gray reassured her. As they turned the corner into the development, he began drifting off to the side. "I can stay under the radar."

Erza's hand whipped out and curled around his arm, tugging him back again. "No more lurking in the shadows, remember?"

He sighed and shook her off. "There's no point riling people up."

"You aren't. You're well within your rights to walk around the city. There's no need to rile people without good reason, but you also don't need to tiptoe around. This is your city, and you belong here. Now act like it."

Gray grumbled a little but abandoned his escape attempts in favor of following Sophie down the main street. Despite his concern with being here, he still seemed far more relaxed than earlier. There was some underlying tension in the way he held himself, but for the most part he just sauntered along.

Luckily, no one challenged him. The streets were empty, and although Erza noticed a curtain part and fall shut again in a house on the other side of the road, no one came out to make a nuisance of themselves.

It was a nice middle-class neighborhood, with small cookie-cutter homes lining the street. Each one had a little patch of grass in front, and there were a few spreading oaks dotted around that threw shade over the area. It was a nice change of pace from the parts of Magnolia that Erza was most used to, with the cramped apartment buildings, bustling shops, and noisy guild. Kind of peaceful. And boring, but who was she to judge?

"Here," Sophie said, leading them around the corner to a small grassy area with shrubs lining the perimeter. "My brother likes to play here. He wouldn't show me exactly where he found the salamanders, but it was somewhere around here."

Gray hummed absently and spun around in a slow circle, his dark, calculating eyes searching the area.

"Ah, there." Wicked satisfaction gleamed in his eyes as he pointed to something a few feet away. He looked thoroughly pleased with himself, still a hunter but an endearing one.

"What?" Erza asked, following his gaze but unsure of what had caught his attention.

"The sewer," he said triumphantly. "There's an entrance here."

He glided across the grass and over to where it met the concrete. Bending down, he grasped the circular metal cover settled into the pavement and pulled it off.

"The _sewer_?" Erza squeaked.

"Yep. I found dozens of them down in the sewer system last time. They might have moved back in." He turned and gave her a toothy grin. "You wanna go check?"

" _Me_? Of course not!"

"Oh, that's alright. Sewers aren't really girly places, are they? I can handle it."

Erza squirmed uncomfortably. She _did not_ want to go traipsing about in a sewer of all places, but she also didn't like the implication that she was too much of a girly-girl to handle it. She _could_ do it. She just didn't want to.

"…Fine. I'll do it."

Gray laughed and shook his head. "I was just messing with you. Don't worry, I've got this."

She scowled and stomped over, her pride making it impossible to back down now. "I'll come with you."

"If you want. They're actually pretty nice sewers, as far as sewers go. Not that I've been in many sewers, but they were better than I expected, anyway."

Erza peered down into the hole dubiously. There was a rusty ladder leading down that looked to be covered in some kind of slime—and was that _mold_?—and would deposit any unfortunate vermin catchers onto a fairly wide strip of concrete. The tunnel was a bit shadowy, but she could see that the walkway alongside the murky water—she preferred to think of it as plain water rather than consider what might be _in_ that water—continued on as far as she could see. At least she wouldn't have to go slogging through that whole mess like she'd been expecting. It could be worse.

But seriously, gross.

Gray laughed at her look of thorough disgust and hopped down into the hole, ignoring the ladder entirely to land on the concrete as lightly as a cat.

"I'm pretty sure you could get tetanus just from touching that ladder," he called up, his teeth flashing white in the gloom as he gave her a dazzling grin. "If you're coming, then just jump."

Erza hesitated, wondering if it was too late to change her mind, but then glanced back at the girl watching her and sighed. She had said that she'd help, and she couldn't back out now. Waving to Sophie halfheartedly, she turned back and jumped down.

Gray caught her before she hit the ground, grabbing her waist and swinging her around as he set her on her feet. She flushed and grumbled something about not needing his help, but he just chuckled and started walking along the water's edge, his footsteps echoing softly in the enclosed space.

"We'll just poke around and see if we can't find where they've made their nest," he said.

The two mages set about searching the tunnel, squinting into the gloom as they looked for any sign of unwelcome critters. Erza found that the process was aided by breathing through her mouth. 'Nice' sewer or not, the smell was noxious.

"It's weird," Gray muttered after they'd been searching for several minutes. "I don't see any signs of new activity. I saw all sorts of stuff last time."

"Well, maybe–" Erza broke off with a loud squeal as something furry squeaked and skittered across her toes.

Gray whipped around. "What is it?"

"A rat!" she nearly yelled. Her head swung back and forth as she frantically searched the shadows for another glimpse of matted fur and beady eyes.

He stared at her for a second and then started laughing, completely oblivious to the withering glare she directed at him. "This is what I love about you," he said as he chuckled. "You're such a badass, but then a mouse comes by and you totally lose it."

"It was not a _mouse_. It was a _rat_. A _sewer_ rat."

Erza turned up the intensity of her glare, but was frustrated when Gray still refused to wither appropriately in response. Unfazed, he just grinned back.

"Well, why don't we head on back and see if we can't find where our lizard friends have gone?"

Erza gave him a suspicious look, but he didn't tease her any further even though he was smirking. She spun around with as much dignity as she could muster—which, if she was being entirely honest with herself, wasn't very much at this point—and stalked back the way they'd come. Gray followed along behind her silently, but she could practically feel the amusement radiating from him.

"Here, I'll go first," he said as they reached their starting point.

He pulled a face and stepped up onto the second rung of the tetanus-inducing ladder, pushing off the ground with his other foot and managing to get it up onto the rung above as his arms windmilled in the air. Apparently he was serious about not wanting to touch the thing…not that Erza could blame him. She automatically reached out to provide a safety net in case he fell, but he somehow kept his balance. He stretched up as far as he could go, jumping a little. His hands hooked onto the lip of the hole above and he pulled himself up, disappearing as he scrambled back onto solid ground.

His face reappeared a moment later as he peered back down. Kneeling, he stretched down and held out a hand. Erza hesitated but took a cautious step up the ladder so that she could reach. She grabbed his hand and he hauled her up, grunting with the effort of lugging up all her heavy armor with her.

But he managed to pull her up safely, and then helped her to her feet with a toothy grin that made it hard to remember why she was annoyed with him.

"And they say chivalry is dead," she said as she released him and brushed off her skirt. She might have to burn these clothes when she got home.

Gray laughed and swept into an exaggerated bow. "There are few things more chivalrous than helping a lady out of a sewer."

A smile tugged at the corners of Erza's lips. Then her gaze slid past Gray and she noted that the girl was still standing awkwardly a few feet away as she waited for them. A small boy, perhaps eight or nine years old, was clutching her hand. Or, more accurately, she was clutching his. His hair was black, but his eyes were as blue as Sophie's. The infamous brother, Erza presumed.

"Whoa," the boy breathed, eyes as wide as saucers. "You're the demon?"

Gray turned to blink over at the child uncomprehendingly, but then cleared his throat and nodded. "Um, yeah."

Erza stiffened, feeling his rising tension, and prepared to do some damage control. Handling adults when they got on Gray's case was one thing, but it was harder to yell at kids. And kids had a tendency to be extremely blunt and forthright about what they thought and felt, both good and bad.

"Jamie!" Sophie hissed, a mortified expression spreading over her face.

The boy ignored her. His mouth fell open and he gaped unabashedly, making Gray shift uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

"That's…so… _cool_!"

"Uh, what?" Gray was gawking right back now.

The child—Jamie, if Sophie's horrified exclamation was anything to go by—began bouncing up and down excitedly and tugging at his sister's hand. "This is so awesome! I'm going to tell all my friends that I got to meet the real live demon! They're going to be so jealous!"

Gray's mouth worked soundlessly, and he threw a pleading look at Erza. The message of _'help me, what am I supposed to do?'_ could not be clearer. Erza had no idea, but a bemused smile tugged at her mouth as some of the initial surprise began fading away. Ah, children.

"Jamie," Sophie was saying, "just calm–"

"You seem so, I dunno, _normal_ , though," Jamie babbled. "I mean, it's still cool, but I kinda expected you to be, I dunno, more demon-y."

Sophie looked like she wanted to sink into the ground and die. Gray still looked like a fish out of water, but finally gave the boy a smile that was more puzzled than the open amusement of earlier. The very tips of his suddenly-pointed teeth peeked through, and Jamie's eyes widened back to the size of saucers again.

"Whoa!" the child gasped. "Pointy teeth! You have fangs! That's so _cool_!"

Gray shook his head with that strange, puzzled, almost-amusement. "That's a new one. The reaction is usually more along the lines of 'scary' than 'cool'…"

"I want pointy teeth!" Jamie cried. "Can I touch them?"

"Can you… _touch_ them?" Gray eyed the boy like he was some incomprehensible new species. "Doesn't that seem kind of…unsanitary?"

"Why? You didn't brush them?"

"Oh my gosh," Sophie mumbled, her face flaming red as she covered it with her free hand.

Gray made a strange, choked sound in the back of his throat that quickly gave way to laughter. "Because I didn't _brush_ them!" he chortled. "Good one."

Erza couldn't help but snicker. "Don't worry, he's pretty hygienic, actually. Unlike Natsu."

"Human children are such peculiar creatures," Gray mused, eyeing the boy with that bemused amusement again.

"Oh, please." Erza snorted. "You love kids. Just look at how much you played with Asuka."

She winced and silently cursed her big mouth. That was still something of a sore point, as highlighted by Gray's suddenly downcast expression.

"Yeah, well, I'm not allowed within a hundred feet of Asuka anymore," he muttered.

Erza patted him on the arm awkwardly, only earning an odd look for her trouble. "Don't worry, Bisca will come around eventually."

He shrugged. "She's protective. As well she should be." Before Erza could respond, he returned his attention to Jamie and recovered some of his good cheer. "You've been playing with the salamanders, haven't you? They weren't where I expected them to be. Can you show me where they are?"

The little boy's awe immediately morphed into suspicious caution. "I like them. I don't want you to kill them."

"Jamie," Sophie said with a sigh, "they keep burning you. They aren't pets."

"I like them," he repeated stubbornly.

"I'm not going to kill them," Gray said, holding his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "I'm going to relocate them."

"Relocate?"

"Mhm. They aren't meant to live so close to people, and they have better lives out in a more natural environment."

"You didn't kill the other ones?"

"Nope. I just moved them. I found them a nice den, and they seemed pretty happy last time I checked up on them. I'm going to put these ones with the old ones, and they can be one big, happy family again, alright? Will you show me where you've been seeing them?"

Jamie wavered, indecision painting his features. "I don't know…"

"Won't you show them?" Sophie asked, her voice taking on a pleading edge.

"It'll make our job a lot easier," Erza added. "Otherwise we'll be stuck searching the whole area."

Gray sighed. "If you show me where they are, I'll let you touch my teeth."

The boy's face lit up instantly. "Really?"

"Really."

Erza tried to hide her laugh behind a cough, but judging by the irritated look Gray threw her way, she hadn't done a good job.

"Okay! Over here!"

Jamie darted over, yanking his hand out of Sophie's so that he could slip it into Gray's instead. The ice mage was thrown off balance again, startled by the unexpected contact, but let the child tug him across the green. Erza hid a smile as she watched them. It was nice to see him interacting positively with the public, and watching him with kids was just adorable.

The two of them crawled under a row of bushes, half disappearing for a few moments until they slithered back out.

"Alright, I see it," Gray said. "Thanks."

"Are you going to go in and get them?" Jamie asked, hero worship written all over his face.

Gray chuckled. "Nah. I can deal with sewers, but I draw the line at crawling into claustrophobic dirt holes." Which seemed a little backwards to Erza, but Gray had turned his attention to the shadow at his feet rather than to her. "Alright, sweetheart. Make yourself useful."

The shadow, always unnaturally dark, darkened further and unfurled across the ground, abandoning its camouflage. Erza eyed it warily, but it just slid through the grass and disappeared into the bushes, aside from where it stayed attached to Gray's feet.

"Whoa!" Jamie's mouth dropped open. "Cool!"

Gray gave him another half amused, half perplexed look. Erza wondered how disconcerting it was for him to hear someone say something he hated so much was 'cool'. Nothing he had ever expressed had made being a demon sound 'cool', and he seemed to see it as more of a burden or curse than anything. Even the people who accepted it didn't necessarily see it as a positive. This was definitely a different opinion than he was used to hearing or feeling.

"If you say so." He shook his head. "She'll go exploring and pull out anything she finds."

"Really? So cool! Can I touch your fangs now?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Gray muttered.

He crouched down and obediently opened his mouth. Erza smiled fondly as Jamie excitedly played with the baffled mage's teeth.

"He's not what I expected," Sophie murmured.

Erza glanced over. The other girl had drifted up beside her, and was just as entranced with watching the show.

"That's because you expected to see a demon," she said matter-of-factly as her gaze returned to Gray. Her smile softened. "He's really a sweetheart, once you get to know him."

"He's good with Jamie."

"He likes kids. Gosh, they're cute."

As if sensing the scrutiny, Gray looked back to give Erza a suspicious look as Jamie finally withdrew his fingers and allowed him to stand again.

"What happens in the salamander-infested neighborhood _stays_ in the salamander-infested neighborhood, alright?"

Erza grinned. "What, you don't want me to tell Natsu about how _cute_ you were?"

Gray's face paled. "Oh God, no. This is going to be our little secret. And I'm not _cute_. Geez."

Even Sophie giggled at that. Jamie, on the other hand, had returned to bouncing up and down as if he'd just downed enough sugar to wake the dead.

"Not cute! Scary cool! Frankie and George are going to be _so_ jealous! I'm gonna get to play demon next time! I wanna be just like you when I grow up!"

An uneasy look flitted over Gray's face. "I don't know, kiddo. You might want to find a better role model."

"But you're so awesome! You have pointy teeth! And your shadow does stuff! I bet you've done some really cool stuff and killed a lot of people and everything!"

Gray froze and Erza sucked in a breath. Kids, although their innocence and naiveté could be endearing, did not always understand the reality of the world.

"Gray…" Erza swallowed and tried to inject a more chipper note into her voice. "Hey, Jamie, why don't you–?"

"Killing people is never 'cool'," Gray said quietly. He looked away, dark eyes glassy. "Everyone has their own family, their own dreams, their own life. No one has the right to take those away. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you don't have a choice, sometimes it's an accident, sometimes it needs to be done. But it is never 'cool'."

No one moved, too afraid of shattering the tension that hung over the area like fragile glass. Even Jamie had sobered, looking suddenly unsure of himself.

But then Gray looked back and grinned again. "Let's stick with pointy teeth and freaky shadows as measures of 'coolness', alright?" He twisted to the side to eye the bushes. "Ah, here she comes. Let's see what she's found."

Erza let out a soft breath. A sharp, bittersweet pain still clung to Gray like a shadow, but he was hiding it well now. He clearly hadn't lost the ability to act after all, and he'd use it for the sake of a child. And although Erza's heart ached, she felt a sort of bittersweet pride in him for that.

An inky mass slithered out of the underbrush and rose up, coalescing in the air as Gray stepped forward to meet it. Half a dozen lizards wriggled in its smoke-like grasp, their crimson scales gleaming dully against the blackness.

"That should be all of them," Gray said cheerfully. His hands fluttered gracefully to twist glittering ice into an intricately woven cage. He held it out and the shadow dumped the lizards inside. "Thanks for your help, Jamie."

Jamie seemed to have forgotten the tension of only a few minutes prior, his mouth hanging open as he watched the transaction. "That's just so cool! What else can she do?"

Gray shrugged. "A lot, depending on how ornery she's feeling." His eyes narrowed and a growl rumbled deep in the back of his throat as Jamie reached out a little hand toward the shadow and the shadow reached back. "Get back here, dearest."

His shadow reluctantly retreated before the child could touch it, settling back at Gray's feet with a decidedly sulky air.

And Jamie, he looked decidedly disappointed. "Aw…"

"Sorry, kiddo. She's not really that friendly. Anyway, thanks again. It was really cool how you helped us so much."

Erza hid another smile as the child perked up. Good on Gray for adopting the vernacular.

"Yeah! If you ever need help, I can totally do it!"

"I know who to call," Gray said with a chuckle.

Jamie beamed, before sobering slightly. "You're definitely not going to kill them?"

"Nope. I'm just going to bring them to their new home. Actually… Here." Gray stretched out his free hand, his fingers curling as he tugged back on air. The shadow at Jamie's feet stretched out and sparked to life, a silhouette that danced across the ground. "You can play with that, if you want."

"Cool!" Jamie pounced and laughed as his shadow replica slid back and then bounded off, slithering through the grass. He took off after it, shrieking with laughter.

"Is that safe?" Erza asked as she watched the boy play.

Gray nodded. "Of course. It's just a temporary animation. I'll tie it off when we leave, and it'll wear off within an hour or so."

Erza took his word for it, knowing that he wouldn't willingly endanger a child. Whatever bothered him about his own shadow would not be present in anything he gave a child.

"Where are you relocating them to?" she asked, peering through the delicate lattice of twisted bars to see the reptiles clamoring about inside. "That won't melt, will it?"

He gave her the most offended look she had seen in her entire life. "Of course it's not going to _melt_. Give me some credit." As if to back him up, one of the salamanders huffed out a small puff of flame that didn't make the ice so much as glisten. "I'll put them with the others. I found a den for them behind Natsu's place."

"Natsu's place?"

"Yeah. He has so much land out behind his house and there are so many trees and everything that it's the perfect habitat." Gray grinned, mischief glinting in his eyes. "When I move out, I'm going to lure them all into his house."

Erza braced her hands on her hips. "Friends shouldn't do that to friends."

"'Friends' is a strong word…" He laughed as she swatted at him. "Come on, he started it. He took all of my stuff and hid it everywhere around his house. It took me forever to find it all."

"And why did he do that?"

"…Possibly because I cleaned his house after he told me not to. But it was a hellhole! Seriously, it was practically a biohazard. You can't expect me to live in that. And anyway, he also hid hot peppers in my food and destroyed all my taste buds. I couldn't taste things properly for days, and now I have to do all the cooking so that he can't do it again. So he's getting free housekeeping and cooking. I feel like I'm well within my rights to start an infestation when I leave. It'll be fun."

Erza shook her head and sighed. "You two are incorrigible."

"Don't tell him, alright? It would spoil the fun."

"I don't know…"

"Come on, I'll buy you a piece of strawberry cake…"

Erza considered that. "Is this bribery?"

Gray grinned back. "Is it working?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, I'll buy you a whole cake and lunch."

"That's more like it," Erza said brightly. "Your secret's safe with me."

Gray smirked. "When all else fails, bribery is the key."

Erza laughed and turned back to Sophie, who she'd nearly forgotten. "Well, we'll take care of these for you."

"Thanks." The girl rummaged in her pocket and held out a handful of jewels. "Here. Really, thank you for taking care of them."

Gray waved her off. "It's alright. Don't worry about it."

She hovered uncertainly. "But…"

"Just let her pay you," Erza said, rolling her eyes.

"But–"

"Geez, Gray. Look how much she wants to pay you. Just take it and say thank you. You can use it to buy me lunch."

Gray chuckled but accepted the offering. "Alright, alright. Thanks. If you have any more problems, you can always come find us again."

Sophie smiled shyly. "I will, thanks."

"And seriously, make sure the kid washes his hands after he was poking around my whole mouth."

She immediately flushed again. "I'm so sorry about that. If–"

"It's totally fine. Kids will be kids."

She smiled sheepishly, her cheeks still pink. Erza was sympathetic. She totally understood the secondhand mortification that came from a person you were associated with doing something stupid or embarrassing. She got it all the time from Natsu and Gray.

"Bye, Jamie!" Gray called as he nodded to Sophie and then headed for the street with Erza at his side.

"Bye!" the boy shouted. "Come back and play sometime!"

"Sure, see you around."

Erza gave Gray a sidelong look as they strolled down the street and out of the development. There was still a melancholy edge to him, but his movements were relaxed and he was nothing if not poised.

"You should," she told him.

"Should what?"

"Go back and play with him sometime."

One corner of Gray's mouth quirked downward, and he nodded politely to a man rushing past. "I don't know."

"I mean, it's always good to improve community relations, right?"

"I guess. Although we'll have to be careful with that one. Did you hear how many times he said 'cool'? We might have another Jason in the making…"

"Oh great, what we really need is another nosy reporter harassing us." Erza smiled. "It _was_ nice to see you with him. You did really well, you know. Even when he started pushing your buttons."

Gray shrugged. "I like kids. They see the world differently than the rest of us do. They still see that spark and magic in everything, everything is new and interesting. I think that's one of the reasons we tend to feel so protective of them, because we want to shelter them from growing up too quickly and becoming jaded like the rest of us. Or, at least, that's how it is for me."

Erza was so intent on studying his face while pretending not to do so that she tripped on a crack in the pavement and nearly face-planted. Gray arched a questioning eyebrow, but she waved him off.

"You'd better not let Juvia hear you talking like that," she teased, rather than voicing her more serious thoughts.

"Juvia?" He frowned, puzzled. "What does she have to do with anything?"

"Women like when guys are so fond and protective of children. She'd never leave you alone."

"Really?" Gray's face paled considerably. "I thought she was joking about wanting three hundred kids." Erza laughed, but then he relaxed. "Well, I think she's actually started letting go lately. She's not as pushy, anyway. I think she might finally be moving on. I sure hope so."

"That's too bad," Erza said seriously. "And here I was hoping to have little mini Grays running around soon."

She expected some embarrassed stuttering or laughter, but Gray just gave her a look equal parts solemn and curious.

"I'm never going to have children, Erza."

Her smile faded. "That's too bad," she said again. "You're very good with them."

He just shrugged and looked away, swinging the cage of salamanders idly. "For one, I'm not interested in any sort of romantic entanglements. I don't honestly think that my kind of love is conducive to them, and they don't fit in with my way of approaching the world. And I don't feel comfortable in my ability to raise a human. And it wouldn't be fair to a child. You know that."

This was not entirely unexpected. Gray had never shown any interest in romance, and Erza wasn't surprised that he recognized the difficulties of attaching a demon's relationship to a child. It wasn't even that she wanted him to marry someone and start having kids, not really. Maybe it was just that she didn't want to see him close off the possibility so firmly without giving it a chance.

"Anyway," Gray added with a sly grin, "I'm sure I'll be busy enough once Natsu and Lucy finally get together and start churning out brats."

Erza nearly tripped over her own two feet as she sputtered out a surprised laugh. And here was Gray's rather _irreverent_ sense of humor back again.

"Geez, Gray."

His grin widened. "Or maybe you and Jellal will be next? All this interest… I didn't realize you were getting to that age when women start obsessing over having kids. That biological clock is ticking, dear. Better get on it."

Erza flushed as red as a tomato and promptly choked on her own saliva. "Oh my– Oh my God, I cannot–cannot believe you just… You jerk! How crude!"

Gray howled with laughter, entirely oblivious to the odd looks of passing pedestrians. "Chivalry is overrated, anyway."

Erza stuck her nose in the air and squared her shoulders, wrapping the last shreds of her tattered dignity around herself as she pretended that there was no telltale burning still splashed across her cheeks. She made an irritated harrumphing sound that only made Gray laugh harder. Not even steadfastly ignoring him ruined his amusement, and he had a new spring to his step as he strolled through the streets.

"Oh, hey, while we're out, do you want to grab lunch?" he asked after she had been ignoring him for a few minutes. She said nothing. "Aw, don't be like that. What about that new café you're so in love with? I've never been, and I can get you your cake while we're there."

If anything could get Erza talking again, it was strawberry cake. Embarrassment forgotten, she mulled that over.

"We were just running around in a sewer," she said finally.

"So?" He arched an eyebrow. "Were you touching anything? Just wash your hands."

"Don't you want to take care of the salamanders first?"

"Nah. They aren't going anywhere, and I'm sure they'll survive a detour."

Erza gnawed at her lip, the most important problem of all eating away at her. "But if we get the cake there, it's going behind the back of _my_ bakery."

It pained her something awful that this new rival was supplanting her old bakery in her affections. The café/bakery combo didn't seem like it should work, but their cake was so _good_. Not as good as _her_ bakery's cake, but… Kind of. Oh, it pained her to think like that. It felt like she was cheating on her bakery.

Gray smothered a laugh behind a cough. "I've never been there since it opened, so you should show me around. I'm sure your bakery wouldn't mind if you bought a cake at the new place just this once, since it will be more convenient for us."

Well, it was true that Gray hadn't been and should. He had been avoiding public places when possible, unless he was with the team. If he was willing to go today, Erza would be remiss to shut him down. It wasn't really cheating if she was doing it for Gray's benefit, she decided.

"Alright," she said, guilt successfully assuaged.

They made it to the café without any problems, and Erza was pleased to see Gray maintain some level of relaxation even when the server stuttered horribly and looked like she might bolt at any second when she saw him. They washed their hands and settled down at a small table on the outside patio.

Erza was skimming over her options when she noticed a flicker of movement and looked up to see Gray waving. She twisted around to follow his gaze and spotted Mavis and Laxus on the other side of the street. Mavis was bouncing on her heels, ever the hundred-year-old child, and waving back vigorously with a wide grin plastered on her face. She directed a wave at Erza when she noticed the requip mage watching her, and it was impossible not to wave back. Laxus looked considerably less delighted. He was carrying several heavy-looking paper bags and scowling, looking like he wanted nothing more than to be freed.

"Looks like she roped Laxus into helping her with her errands this time," Gray said with a chuckle as he returned to surveying the menu. "My bad. Poor guy can feel my pain for once."

Erza turned back and gave him a curious look. "Yes, you seem to be spending an awful lot of time with Mavis lately…"

It was rather an odd thing. Gray and Mavis had never interacted much before the whole demon thing had come to light, but Erza saw them together quite frequently these days. Not usually in the guild itself, but they both had a bad habit of escaping to do whatever it was they did when they didn't feel like dealing with the guild anymore. They could often be seen running errands together or walking side by side with their heads pressed together in low speech.

Gray shrugged, more interested in the menu. "We have a lot in common. Sometimes she needs me, and sometimes I need her. It works for us."

"Well… I guess it's good that you've gotten closer to someone…"

Gray hummed absently and didn't offer anything else. Erza sighed and let it drop. It was curious, but she was glad that he was so comfortable with someone else outside of the team. He could always use more friends, and it wasn't her business to go prying.

"C-c-can I help you?" squeaked the waitress as she stopped by their table and promptly dropped her pen because of how hard her hands were shaking.

Gray bent over to retrieve it and hand it to her with a flourish, which didn't seem to make her any less nervous but was a nice gesture nonetheless. Erza placed her order distractedly and watched Gray.

"Oh, and can you go ahead and note that we'll need the biggest strawberry cake you have for when we're finished?" Gray asked, grinning crookedly as he handed the waitress the menus. "Thanks."

She mumbled something and hurried off as fast as her legs could carry her. Erza was more interested in Gray. He seemed more relaxed than before, still in fairly good spirits. Although it was hard to tell for sure, because he knew how to put on a mask and play a part when he needed to.

Thinking about masks and acting reminded her of some thoughts she'd had earlier, but she pushed them aside. Acting or not, Gray was definitely in a better mood than this morning. She wasn't going to ruin that. His mood had been fairly depressed ever since he'd been outed as a demon, and he could use a day of good cheer. No way was she going to risk upsetting that.

She lasted right up until the waitress returned with their food.

"Can I ask you something?" she blurted out as the girl hurried off again.

"Hm? Of course." Gray paused and looked up, perhaps sensing the serious nature of what was coming. He put down his fork. "What is it, Erza?"

Erza swallowed hard and looked down at her plate. She didn't feel very hungry anymore. "It's, um…"

"Yes?"

She risked a glance up and took a deep breath to steel herself. "It's about…Avatar."

* * *

 **Note: Originally this and the next part were one big piece. It was supposed to be the Avatar chapter, but the intro material got too long and I liked it and the mood waaay didn't match the mood of the Avatar part. So I changed the name and split it in two because I could. The name comes from the second part, obviously.**

 **And after the next part, we're back to Lyon for the rest of the segment.**

 **emmahoshi: Lol yeah, angst is always the final boss. Although I actually am writing a few things that are legit Grayza pieces as gifts for my sister since she's gotten into that. I still usually prefer friendship, but I guess it's good to sometimes step out of your comfort zone and explore different genres and whatnot. Like I said, we're still more back in good days and bad days. What he actually said was that he's refusing to show any more vulnerability and is keeping control over himself more tightly than ever after the whole drunk episode, which is still true. (The boundary he put up between himself and Lyon is also very strongly there still.) And I mentioned that he'd been pretty closed off since that episode and is just now starting to slowly improve again—this is what happens when it's a one-shot format rather than legit chapters, because I don't have to make them connect and transition the same way (they still do, but not the same way). It still took some work for Erza to get him to this point. And I mean, I'm a depressive and even I occasionally have spells of good mood during episodes before I crash again. That's how the human mind works. Uh... O.o Yeah, the title is more related to Avatar than the lizards lol And whatever your thoughts on Lyon, I would be remiss in excluding him :P That reconciliation has to be an important part of the story and recovery process no matter how you look at it lol (And come on, most everything I write is dramatic and angsty XP)**


	28. First Love-Avatar (2)

**Note: It _snowed_ yesterday. It hasn't snowed here in _years_. Guess who was out in her pajamas at 1 a.m. making snowmen on people's cars? So I'm actually in a fairly good mood for once :D**

 **I kind of have several different headcanons for Avatar that vary based on verse. This one is a little different in how it was tailored to fit this Gray, but I might borrow pieces for the other Avatar fic I'm writing.**

 **And on a random note, I have this huge pet peeve when people refer to the source material as "cannon" and then talk about their "headcannons". Like, what is that supposed to be? A guillotine-cannon combo? Shoots heads? Newsflash: it only has one "n", folks! XD Okay, I'm done lol  
** **/End PSA**

 **EndarkenedSanity: Eh, I've not been all that great, but at least the snow cheered me up for a day lol It was less meant to be a cliffhanger than it's just the point where it seemed most reasonable to chop the chapter in half X) Oops. Lol it's not really that the kid thinks murder is cool. Kids that age just don't really understand the world the way we do and things like the permanence of death. They watch superhero movies and idolize them, and a lot of those show the heroes killing/injuring villains, so a good measure of "hero-ness" is how many people you've brought down. I feel like that's kind of how kids think, and it's not so much that they actually want people dead lol But it kind of cracks me up too X) He's part of the reason that part of the chapter got so long, because he was kind of fun to write lol**

* * *

 **First Love-Avatar (2)**

* * *

Wary solemnity settled over Gray, the very word dragging a storm cloud over his face. "What about it?"

Well, now she'd done it. Gray was guarded and somber again, and Erza felt bad about wiping the smile off his face. But she had put this off for long enough, and she needed to know.

"I've been meaning to ask you… But I didn't…" She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "You said that you started losing it with Avatar. Something about your seal cracking because you couldn't handle things any other way. Which means that it was bad. Every time I asked you, you said it was going fine, but… What happened, Gray?"

"…It's really not a big deal. You don't need to worry so much."

"I sent you in there," she said quietly. "I want to know what happened."

"It's not your fault," he said with a sigh. "I chose to do it and I knew the risks. It was a long time ago."

"Not that long. Months."

"Long enough."

"Just tell me. I don't want you to spare me from the truth. I want to know. Otherwise I'm just going to imagine the worst, which will be even worse."

"Will it?" Gray muttered under his breath.

"Gray? I'm not going to let this go. Don't sugarcoat it."

He stayed silent for a long time, lips pursed and brows drawn together as he stared down at the table blankly. The food was long forgotten. He was deciding if he should tell her and, if so, _what_ he should tell her. But perhaps Erza's seriousness had gotten through to him, because he eventually sighed.

"It was a dark guild, Erza—they weren't nice people. It's a really toxic atmosphere, even when they aren't messing with you." He propped an elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his fist, eyes glassy. "There were some pretty rigorous hazing rituals. Nothing official, but dark mages can be assholes and they like to screw with newcomers—make them work for their place, weed out the weak, test loyalty. Sometimes they went too far. Someone actually died a couple months after I joined."

Erza's eyes widened. "Someone _died_? God, Gray, what did they _do_ to you?"

She had known that infiltrating a dark guild would be unpleasant and there might be some challenges while integrating, but to the point of _dying_? She searched Gray's face, as if looking for scars that would have long since healed.

"I think they were especially hard on me because they did their research and knew I'd been in Fairy Tail." Gray's voice was distant. "They thought I was a traitor from the beginning, and dark guilds aren't kind to traitors. But once I started settling in, all that stuff died down a lot. That was the easy part, honestly."

" _Easy_?" Erza squeaked. She had asked Gray to tell her the unvarnished truth and not sugarcoat things, but a small, selfish part of her was regretting that now.

He shrugged. "I could handle it. It's not really the things they did to me that broke me down. It's the things they made me do."

"And what…?" Erza swallowed hard, and her heart shivered in dread and anticipation. "What did they make you do?"

Gray's eyes slid shut, and his heavy exhale lingered in the air with all the weight of the world. "I killed someone, Erza."

Erza's heart stuttered to a stop. "Oh, Gray…"

She should have guessed. How could she have been so foolish to think that someone could just go play pretend dark mage for months and not be forced into doing something truly _dark_? Why had she thought that it would be nothing more than wearing an uncomfortable mask?

No matter what Gray said, he didn't kill easily or willingly. It had never even crossed Erza's mind when he was her old Gray, but it didn't sit well with her new Gray's persona either, no matter how dark he made himself out to be.

And now someone was dead, Gray was saddled with the guilt, and Erza was the one who had set it in motion.

"To be fair, she would have died either way," Gray said. "We had hostages and prisoners from time to time, although not usually for very long. Anyone who crossed Avatar or who had information relevant to their plans or anything like that. There were interrogations sometimes. Fuck, I nearly panicked when I realized what they were going to try doing to Lucy and all them. They were skilled with torture."

Gray's eyes opened partway and gazed sightlessly at a point off to Erza's left. "She was maybe thirty or thirty-five, curly black hair, green eyes, freckles splashed across her cheeks, tall. Pretty, I guess, although not so much by the time I saw her. They'd already gotten the information they needed from her, so she was a mess.

"I didn't have to do any of the messy stuff, just the killing. It was a test, see. They figured that only a truly dark person would actually kill someone…surely someone playing a part wouldn't be cruel enough. But I did it. They would have killed her if I didn't. I like to think of it as a mercy killing. They would have continued dragging it out longer. I got some snide comments for doing it so fast, but it did start my reputation as cold, no-nonsense, practical. That helped some, because I made it clear that I wasn't interested in any of their messy games and only cared about achieving my own ends as efficiently as possible. They started trusting me more after that and I started working my way up the ranks. I was one of them."

"You weren't… You weren't one of them." Erza's voice wavered. "You were just pretending."

"They didn't know that. And honestly, maybe I was more like them than I wanted to be."

That just about broke Erza's heart, even knowing that Gray was already set on this evil demon thing. Maybe it seemed so bad because this had happened at the point where he still felt like he belonged with the humans, taking him back to his roots and shaking his belief in himself.

Erza mourned for the dead woman—nameless but never to be forgotten, judging by Gray's reaction. And she mourned for Gray, because he'd already had enough reasons to feel like a monster without her handing him another.

"No, you're not," she whispered.

"I saved people too," Gray said as if he hadn't heard, his eyes still distant. "That time I called you up and you came to get that boy I snuck out? He was another interrogation victim. Once they started trusting me more, I was occasionally left to conduct the interrogations on my own. Not as frequently because I didn't do the 'fun' stuff, but occasionally. There were two others too. Those were more time sensitive, and I couldn't wait for you before smuggling them out. It was a risk if they'd talked, but I didn't have a lot of options. My no-nonsense attitude was well-documented enough that it wasn't hard to convince the guild that I'd disposed of the bodies immediately after finishing. So that's something, I guess."

 _See?_ Erza wanted to say. _You did your best. It doesn't erase the rest, but you were in an impossible situation and did what you could and you're nothing like Avatar._

But her throat seemed to have closed up, and she couldn't choke out any words at all.

"But I handled all that," Gray continued with a sigh. "It started breaking me down, but I held on. That seal had been in place for a decade, and it was _strong_. It would have been incredibly difficult for me to crack even if I wanted to after I'd cemented it so tightly, and I was never going to try. Not even when things went to hell and you all were in danger did I ever try. Not against Hades or Tartaros or Acnologia or anyone. I would have done anything to protect you but that. That was too dark, too dangerous, and I was afraid of unleashing it on the world.

"But Avatar wore me down eventually, and the truth was that I _wasn't_ handling it. I was losing myself and didn't want to go back. But still, the seal didn't crack until the other spy."

"Other…other spy?" Erza croaked.

"I was out on a routine reconnaissance mission at the time, so the drama had already been going on for a while before I found out. There had been a raid on one of Avatar's other auxiliary branches, and it was obviously an inside job. I don't know how the higher-ups decided that the traitor was in our branch, but they figured it out somehow. Maybe because it was highly classified information and very few people ever learned anything concrete about the other branches.

"By the time I got back, the kid was already dying. They'd been interrogating him for days, but he didn't crack. When I returned, they were already to the public torture part. They liked to make examples out of traitors.

"Except that he wasn't the traitor—I was."

Gray laughed bitterly, and Erza's eyes widened as she started getting a feel for where this story was going.

"That time you found out about that practice purification ritual the other branch was going to do and I got the Council to put a stop to it…?"

"Yeah." Gray's lips twisted into a sardonic smile. "He probably wasn't a nice guy given that he'd joined a dark guild, but he was being tortured for something _I_ had done. He only got caught up in the crossfire because he was new and I'd already established my position enough to not automatically be the number one suspect. I almost blew the mission right there. Instead, the seal cracked. It was already weakened from everything else, and that was just the final straw.

"After that, there was no way I was going to blow my cover. Black-and-white demon thinking. Anything perceived as a purpose must be achieved at all costs. I had a mission, and I'd stick it out until the end. So I sat back and watched him die. He was already dying, or would at least have severe, permanent damage. If I'd cracked, they would have still killed him and then turned on me, and I wouldn't be able to get him out past an entire guild. It would've jeopardized the mission, putting thousands of lives at risk. It was important to keep an eye on their purification ritual schemes. And they might've started looking for outside contacts, which could have endangered you.

"I tell myself that, but I'm not entirely sure if it's true or if my brain went back and rewrote some details of my memory so that the situation seemed more impossible than it was. The brain is amazing at creating ways to cope, even if it's rewriting reality to do so."

He shrugged and picked up his glass of water, swirling it about before taking a sip. "It was easier after that. I might not appreciate that ruthless side I started unlocking, but it definitely made it easier to do what was expected of me."

Erza stared. Gray still had a distant, faraway air about him, as if he was only half there. Underneath, she caught a glimpse of a soul-deep ache.

He wasn't telling her everything. She knew him too well to assume that he'd tell her all of it, and it was amazing that he'd said this much at all. She should ask, try to force it out of him. But he was unlikely to share any more no matter how much she pressured him, and the truth was that she didn't have the heart to hear more. She had demanded the bitter truth, and the piece she had been awarded already hurt enough.

"I'm sorry," she said as Gray's form disappeared behind a film of unshed tears. "I shouldn't have… You should have told me. I would have called the whole thing off."

"I know. I could have left at any time. I told you things were fine every time you checked in, because I thought the mission was important enough to complete. And we thought it would be a short scouting mission at first. You didn't know we'd run across that purification ritual nonsense and get sucked into a much more complicated scheme."

"But I knew it would be difficult and dangerous, and I…I asked you to go anyway. I should have done it myself."

She couldn't see Gray through the tears swimming in her eyes, but she heard his short, unamused laugh.

"Oh, Erza, once I found out about this, there was no way I would have let you go. You don't belong in a dark guild." He sighed wearily. "I'm not proud. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, but Avatar was the first time I'd been that ashamed of myself since… Well, the thing about choices is that you have to take responsibility. The one plus side of not having choices is that even if you feel bad about what you do, you aren't responsible for the choice. I have to live with the choices I made. You have to live with choosing to send me to make them. Actions have consequences. You accept them and move on."

Erza's breath hitched uncomfortably as her tears broke free. "God, I'm sorry," she whispered.

Gray said nothing, and the seconds ticked by like an eternity in Erza's head. Then something was nudging her aside, and she sniffed and scrubbed at her eyes to see Gray perch on the very edge of her chair. He watched her with solemn eyes as he reached up to cradle her face and run his thumbs along her cheeks to remove the tears.

"Don't cry, Erza," he said. "You know I hate to see you cry. What I was trying to say is that it wasn't your fault—I made my own choices. You have to have realized that the reason I didn't want to tell you was because I was afraid you'd blame yourself."

"I just–just–"

"I h-have your c-c-cake and–"

Erza's head jerked up in surprise, and Gray twisted around to direct a blank look at the waitress. The poor girl was holding a large cake box and the check, a terrified look clouding her features.

Gray offered her a subdued smile and took the box from her, pushing dishes out of the way as he slid it onto the table. Rummaging in his pocket, he pulled out a handful of jewels and handed them over.

"Here," he said. "Keep the change."

He was already turning back to Erza even before the server rushed away. He had a gentle melancholy hanging about him now rather than the distracted solemnity of before, and gave Erza a small smile as he opened the box.

"Why don't you have some cake?" he suggested. "It'll make you feel better."

Erza stared. She had no appetite, not even for strawberry cake.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled.

Gray's laugh was nearly a sigh as he used Erza's fork to capture a bite of cake and tap it against her lips. She opened her mouth automatically and then chewed out of habit, the sweetness of strawberry and bitterness of ash coating her tongue in a cloying way. Gray flipped the fork around to offer her the handle and she took it, staring down at it blankly.

"There you go," he said with that odd, sad smile of his. "Strawberry cake makes everything better, even if it rots your teeth out."

That made Erza want to laugh, which made her want to cry, and she took another bite of cake to stop herself from doing either.

"I'm sorry," she said again once she had collected herself. "I didn't… I didn't mean to break you."

Because something more than Gray's seal had cracked, and Erza hadn't wanted that.

Gray sighed. "It wasn't fun. It made me unstable, and I cracked and eventually broke. But you're also the one who built me up in the first place, you know."

"…What?"

"You were my turning point." He chuckled breathily, and one hand closed absently around the pendant hanging from his neck. "I said it was the necklace, and that _was_ when I decided to blend in. But the real turning point was later, at that river. I shouldn't have cared. Not about some pathetic, sniveling human brat. I told myself it was only because of the remnants of Gray. But I cared, even if I didn't want to admit it. I don't know why, but you were just crying and…"

He shook his head with a fond but weary smile. "You were the first. Cana was great, don't get me wrong. She was my main socializing force, honestly. You were still too closed off to be that. She was already trying before I met you, but I wasn't ready to accept it. But she was persistent and stuck with me even when I was an infuriating little brat, and she did a good job of slowly integrating me into the human world and guild. But I fell in love with you first."

Erza's heart twisted in a funny way. "W-wha…?"

Gray's smile softened as he dropped his gaze. "I fell in love with you and your tears, with the heart that beat beneath your armor, with your unfathomable obsession with strawberry cake, with your unfaltering strength. I fell in love with Cana later, with her annoying persistence and bawdy humor, with her odd brand of loyalty, with her infuriating insistence on drinking herself silly and making me take her home. I fell in love with Natsu, with his ridiculous stubbornness and pride, with his unwavering loyalty and faith, with his stupid pranks and insults and fights, with his humanity.

"I fell in love with Happy and his fish obsession, with his incessant teasing, with the heart underneath all that fluff. I fell in love with Lucy and her quiet strength, with her touchiness about reading her stories and climbing in her windows, with her ability to inspire people and bind them together. I fell in love with Lyon and his stupid smirk, with his obsessiveness and pride, with his insistence that he didn't care even when he was trying so hard to be a brother.

"Although it took a long time and I had to grow a lot, I eventually fell in love with the guild." He looked up and gave Erza a crooked smile. "But I loved you first."

Erza opened her mouth, closed it, swallowed hard, and burst into tears.

"Aw, don't cry," Gray murmured, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her head to rest against his chest as he smoothed down her hair in a comforting fashion. "You know I'm no good with tears. Which is probably thanks to you, honestly."

Erza curled against him as best she could when they were both balancing on half a chair. She loved him too. Of course she did. And it felt so good to hear him say he loved them all without tacking on a qualifying statement that demons didn't love properly. She knew he loved them, had always known he loved them, and she wanted him to be able to admit it to himself.

And at the same time, it hurt in a good way…and a bad way. Because he was so sweet, but it didn't erase everything she had learned. She couldn't do much besides cry the tears he reacted to so strongly and wait for him to soothe them away.

"Are you ready?" Gray asked finally, once her sobs had died down to sniffles.

She chanced a look up at him. "I–I– Yeah."

He smiled and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "That's my girl. Let's get you home." His smile widened into a grin and he winked at her. "You could really use a shower—you smell like a sewer."

Erza coughed out a surprised laugh and whacked him on the arm before she realized what she was doing. "Whatever."

Gray chuckled and slid off the chair, closing the box and hefting it with one hand as he picked up the cage of salamanders with the other.

"I can carry the cake," Erza said.

"Don't worry, I've got it."

She followed him out into the street, suddenly aware of her puffy eyes and the concerned looks of passersby. Geez, she had really lost it. And in public, too. What was wrong with her?

Gray kept up a steady stream of blithe chatter, but eventually raised an eyebrow at Erza after they'd walked a few streets. "Cheer up," he said. "You look so down that everyone is going to think the big bad demon has been torturing you."

"You haven't," she mumbled.

"Ah, but they don't know that. And if Natsu hears rumors, you know that he and his one brain cell are going to jump to the immediate conclusion that you were upset because I beat you, and then he's going to start harassing you something terrible because he'll want to beat you too."

Erza laughed despite her melancholy mood. "It's scary how right you are."

He grinned, and she searched his face. There was still something dark and tired and pained woven beneath his good cheer, but he was doing a good job of concealing it now. He couldn't be in a truly good mood after earlier, but he was playing a part again.

And Erza realized that she _did_ know what determined whether he put on a friendly mask or went cold. Part of it might be based on the atmosphere, but mostly it was based on what people needed. He would withdraw when he thought it was best for his friends or had no pressing need to protect anyone but himself, but he'd put on a pretty mask for someone else's sake, be it a child who needed reassurance or a friend he didn't want to see cry.

She was so distracted that she didn't pay much attention to her surroundings at first, but then looked around and said, "Natsu's house is the other direction."

Gray gave her a charming smile. "Ah, but yours is this way."

"You don't have to walk me home."

"I know."

She stared at him for a moment longer, but then smiled a little and looked away. She hooked her arm around Gray's elbow, ignoring the salamanders swinging from his hand in their cage. She could almost feel his curious look, but he didn't comment. He started up his blithe chatter again as they walked arm in arm down the street, and this time Erza did her best to join in.

Her newfound positivity faltered when they paused outside of Fairy Hills and Gray slid his arm out of hers to hand her the cake box.

"I need to go liberate the salamanders," he said. "I'll see you later, alright?"

Erza clutched the heavy box to her chest. "Later, Gray."

He gave her a cheery wave before turning away and starting back the way he had come. As she watched him go, Erza thought back to that boy who had sat with her while she cried by the river. The one who had been so hostile and asocial, yet had been the first to connect with her and had become her first friend outside of the Tower.

"You were first too, you know," she called after him. He turned and arched a questioning eyebrow. "In the guild. You were the first one I loved."

Gray's grin was dazzling. "I know. You were a terrible judge of character."

"Hey!"

He laughed and continued on, and she watched him go. Then she sighed as the heaviness settled back over her heart. It was time to eat her way into a sugar coma and brood over everything she had learned today.

"Idiot," she mumbled as she gave Gray one last glance and turned away to head inside, "I've always been a wonderful judge of character."

* * *

 **emmhoshi: My sister isn't even reading this fic lol I'm writing her a Christmas fic, though. Mashima is a canon chicken :/ He sets up all these great premises and then always fails to follow through. Avatar had great potential, but nothing happened with it. So I'mma make something happen lol I don't think you'll necessarily be thrilled with Lyon for the next couple chapters, but I hope he'll redeem himself X)**


	29. This Is Not Forgiveness

**Note: I totally cracked up at the guest reviewer who said they were worried that the guild reunion chapter was an "apology" for all the upcoming heart-wrenching chapters. As if I've ever apologized for being a sadistic little brat XD XD XD But that's sweet.**

 **To the unnamed guest who I'm assuming wrote both reviews I'm referencing: Unfortunately I seem to like Gray best when he's self-destructing, which probably does not say good things about my mental state X) That numb stage is what I'm most familiar with, tbh. Those aren't really my coping mechanisms (I go more for escapism through writing, reading, sleeping, etc.), but I have a morbid fascination with everything on the self-harm spectrum lol And I haven't seen Sherlock, although it does sound like my kind of thing lol And goodie, I do find myself inordinately pleased whenever I convert a Gruvia shipper, although I don't really go out proselytizing most of the time. It wasn't really meant as anything Grayza, although there could be hints if you're looking. No romance for Gray in this story because I don't think it fits him and I tend to prefer friendship anyway. I do have a couple of Grayza things I haven't posted yet, because my sister likes it and I've started writing them as gift fics. Thanks for R &Ring.**

 **To the unnamed guest with concerns about Deli's canon powers: Yes and no. I originally forgot about that, but I watched the episode and refreshed my memory before I started writing but after I'd done a lot of the planning. I didn't change it because I liked my way better. I did make note of that on the very first chapter of "DoR" :P (Quote:** I also belatedly realized that Deliora is actually shown using some kind of weird green magic? Totally forgot about that somehow, so I went in a different direction with that too. But hey, it's better than making Gray puke up green magic beams. (You're welcome for that image.) **) I promise I realized it long before y'all, so if you're just remembering it now then it's probably too late to worry XD But good job picking up on my canon inconsistencies.**

* * *

 **This Is Not Forgiveness**

* * *

This was a terrible idea, and it was all Juvia's fault. She was the one who had started blabbering about how the demon wasn't so bad and was hurting and missed Lyon, and of course Lyon-san wouldn't notice if he intentionally ignored it.

It was all bullshit, obviously. Lyon knew that. Once a demon, always a demon, as far as he was concerned.

But he was standing outside the Fairy Tail guild hall anyway, entirely motionless as he stared at the doors with narrowed eyes as if he might be able to suddenly develop x-ray vision and see inside. He had been standing here for a good five minutes now, and it was all Juvia's fault. Her words had burrowed their way into the back of his brain, starting up an itch that he just couldn't scratch and was becoming harder and harder to ignore. He might have had his niggling doubts and conflicted feelings before, but he'd never caved and acted on them until now, so it had to be Juvia's fault.

He had steadfastly ignored it for a couple months, but today was…different. Honestly, he didn't know why he was here. He couldn't say that he really wanted to see the demon—the months of separation had not made the heart grow fonder, on that account—but here he was anyway, dithering just outside the creature's domain. He wasn't sure if he had come to see if Juvia was right or to prove her wrong once and for all, and he didn't want to go inside the building because he was afraid of what he'd find.

Before he thought better of it and came to his senses, Lyon finally stepped forward and shoved the doors open.

And almost walked straight into Lucy and Erza. He stopped short to give the girls an appraising look. They were huddled together with their backs to him, talking in low voices. Happy hovered in the air beside them, wings fluttering anxiously.

Lyon inched around to stand on their other side so that he could get a look at their faces, noting that Erza was grim and the other two were worried. He followed their gaze to see that they were watching Natsu and the demon, who were locked in a vicious argument right in the middle of the guild.

"Or _maybe_ ," the demon was saying, "I honestly don't give a shit."

His teeth were bared in a snarl and his eyes were feverish and feral. Lyon hadn't seen him this worked up in…maybe forever, aside from that first time when he'd lost control and given his true identity away. He instinctively knew that whatever Juvia wanted him to see wasn't here. This here was definitely a demon, callous and cruel. Lyon wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

Natsu's scowl deepened. "Don't give me that. What the hell is your problem? You've been insufferable today."

"Problem?" the demon growled. "My only _problem_ is that I'm stuck with a bunch of insufferable _humans_."

It was impossible to miss the raised voices and the hostility thickening the air, and the other Fairy Tail mages were either watching the argument with wide eyes or very purposefully pretending not to notice it even as they snuck frequent glances.

"Okay, are you going to just tell me what's wrong?" Natsu demanded. "You only start pulling this 'human' stuff when you're worked up about something stupid."

The demon's eyes glittered black and alien. "Nothing is _wrong_. I am completely normal."

"You're _not_! You've been horrible all day and–"

"I'm a demon, you fool. I'm always horrible."

"Gray, stop–"

"Maybe I'm just fed up with always having to deal with you useless little humans."

Lyon crossed his arms over his chest. "Well," he said in a monotone, "I see he isn't taking it well, then."

The mages beside him startled and whipped around, jerked out of their whispered conversation.

"Lyon!" Lucy squeaked, eyes wide. "Wait, when did you…? Why are you here?"

Lyon shrugged. He didn't entirely know why he was here, and had no intention of explaining what little he did know.

The girls' shock and confusion were quickly joined by uneasiness and suspicion as they darted glances between him and the demon.

"He's not usually like this, really," Lucy said. She twisted her hands together anxiously, her words tumbling over themselves in their rush to escape her lips. "He's been doing really well lately. I mean, there was that hiccup when he got drunk and was really standoffish for days afterward, but other than that he's been doing lots better. Really, he has."

Lyon almost wanted to roll his eyes at how quick she was to try convincing him that this wasn't the demon's normal attitude. She and Juvia and the other Fairy Tail mages were so quick to defend their pet demon and try convincing everyone that he was really just human. Lyon didn't doubt that the suspicion in their eyes now was because they were worried he was either here to make a scene or would lose any desire to reconcile with the demon when he saw how he was acting.

Well, Lyon had no desire to reconcile either way, and he was sure that this was the demon's normal state of mind even if he tried to disguise it from his friends.

"Drunk?" he asked instead of offering a real response. The person he had thought was Gray had never been a big drinker.

"Yeah, yeah, the anniversary. He was really upset and–" Lucy broke off as Erza elbowed her and gave her a sharp look. She flushed, now even more flustered than before, and hurriedly backtracked. "Oh, nothing, nothing. It's not important."

Anniversary, huh? Lyon almost wanted to ask for the story behind that, but he doubted he'd get any real answers. And anyway, he wasn't sure if he wanted the niggling suspicion in the back of his mind to be confirmed.

"He only does stuff like this when he's upset over something," Erza muttered, returning her gaze to the raging argument. "Usually he just gets cold and withdrawn, not this hostile. But none of us know what's wrong, and he won't tell us."

"Hm," Lyon hummed noncommittally. He watched the furious demon with flat, expressionless eyes. He had an idea or two.

Natsu threw his hands into the air, clearly at his rope's end. "Well, why do you even come here if you hate it so much?"

"Good question." The demon sneered and turned his blazing eyes on the clock hanging on the far wall. "I'm leaving. I've already been here…three hours and twenty-four minutes too long."

"Hey, wait, don't walk away from me!"

The demon ignored Natsu, spinning around and stalking toward the door. He only made it a few steps before noticing Lyon and stopping short. A number of emotions flashed over his face in quick succession, but then it settled into that odd hot-cold anger again.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he asked.

Lyon shrugged, still having no proper answer that he wanted to give. "It's been a while."

The demon snorted derisively, eyes smoldering with resentment and lip curling in another sneer. "That would be because you told me not to come back. So I didn't. Which begs the question of what the hell you're doing here."

Lyon mentally crossed off Juvia's assertion that the demon missed and loved him. It was a relief, as long as he could ignore that tiny sliver of disappointment. This was good. He could just reassure himself that Juvia was wrong and the demon was as hateful a creature as ever, and then he wouldn't have to worry about niggling doubts and itches anymore. Might as well resolve the dispute once and for all.

"Do I need a reason?"

The demon's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If you're just here to gloat, you might as well save it. I'm not interested."

Well, this was a far cry from how carefully neutral he'd always been toward Lyon before.

"Wow," Lyon said dryly, "you sure handle things well, don't you?"

"I'm here," the demon snarled, sweeping his arms out in exasperation. "I'm talking and I'm sober and I'm fucking _here_. What else do you want from me?"

"Maybe I want you to care enough to hurt."

The demon scoffed and tossed his head. "Care about what? A couple humans? Not likely. What do a couple humans really matter in the grand scheme of things? Nothing."

Ah, and here was another one of Juvia's silly ramblings to cross off the list: the assertion that the demon carried guilt and was hurting because he cared. Lyon was on a roll.

"Good to know what you really think."

"Oh, please. If they were anyone _else's_ parents, they'd only be nameless, faceless casualties. What a double standard. _He's_ not the center of the universe. Not everyone's lives revolve around him."

Lyon arched an eyebrow. "But _yours_ does, doesn't it?"

The demon flinched back and froze for a full second, dark eyes swirling with a million emotions Lyon couldn't read, but then rage contorted his features again as he snarled, "Fuck you."

Funny, Lyon hadn't thought the demon could actually be this hostile toward him anymore, not when he seemed so careful around all of his victims. Even Lyon had to admit that this level of feral wrath was unusual. The demon had mentioned stealing Gray's emotions and feelings along with his body, and Lyon wondered if that was exacerbating the problem. Gray had, after all, been devastated by his parents' deaths, and it had been the beginning of the end for him.

Or maybe the demon really just didn't care and was still the monster Lyon had always known he was.

"Gray!" Lucy gave the demon a look that was equal parts horrified and worried. "Stop. You're going to ruin things with him and you won't have the chance to make up."

The demon shrugged carelessly. "So what?"

"But you–"

"Why should I care? One human is just the same as any other. You live your day in the sun and burn out in the blink of an eye. Ultimately, you are all the same and your lives are all equally pointless."

This was the type of demon logic Lyon had been looking for. He tossed Juvia's list out the window and washed his hands of it all. Coming here had shown him what he wanted to know, and now he didn't have to be conflicted anymore.

"That's a lie and you know it," Erza said quietly, her hands curling into loose fists at her sides. "Stop it."

The demon was unmoved. "Is it? Maybe you just don't want to accept that I honestly couldn't care less about humans."

"Gray–"

"Gray-nii!"

Everyone automatically looked toward the source of the high-pitched squeal, and Lyon spotted a small, black-haired girl dart out of a door in the back of the guild and make a beeline for the demon. He stared blankly, but then his heart jumped into his throat. _The demon_.

Apparently he wasn't the only one concerned about a child getting near the demon while he was so worked up.

"Asuka!" Mira cried. She jumped to her feet and half-reached for the running girl.

A few other mages stood as well, faces paling as they realized it was too late to stop the impending train wreck. Lisanna appeared in the doorway Asuka had just departed from, her eyes worried.

"Gray-nii, play with me!" Asuka chirped as she bounced over.

An uncertain expression appeared on the demon's face, followed by something almost like panic. "I can't–"

Asuka lunged forward, her arms outstretched as if going in for a hug, and the demon hurriedly stepped to the side to avoid her. She went crashing to the ground in a tangle of limbs and everyone froze, unable to move.

The demon stared at her with wide eyes, still as a statue, but then suddenly dropped to the ground and sat the fallen girl back up.

"Are you alright?" he asked anxiously as he smoothed a hand over her hair and searched for injuries. "Did you scrape your knees? Sorry, kiddo."

Lyon stared as the demon fussed over the girl. It was like a switch had been flipped, and he couldn't believe this was the same creature that had just been snarling and hateful.

Asuka sniffled. "Will you play with me?" she asked.

"I can't," the demon mumbled, pressing ice to the child's knees. "Why don't you ask Natsu? He'll play with you."

"But Natsu-nii plays with me all the time! You used to play with me, but now you won't."

"I know, I'm sorry. But I can't."

"Why not?"

Lucy's nostrils flared as she muttered, "Because your mom will rip Gray's face off if she sees him anywhere near you."

"Hush," the demon said sharply, throwing her a look heavy with disapproval. "You shouldn't badmouth parents in front of their kids."

Lyon quietly digested that as he faded to the background, but was more fascinated by the demon's sudden shift. It was jarring how he had somehow done a complete turnaround almost instantaneously.

"Sorry," Lucy muttered, although she didn't look horribly repentant.

The demon turned back to Asuka. "Where are your parents?"

"They went on a job," Lisanna said, clearing her throat nervously from the doorway. "I was babysitting her."

"Oh, well, why don't you go play with Lisanna?"

"But I want to play with _you_!" Asuka cried, hugging her knees. "You won't ever play with me anymore."

"Didn't your mother tell you to stay away from me?" he asked patiently.

"Yeah." The little girl looked down, her eyes filling with tears as she mumbled, "She said you don't want to play with me anymore."

The demon flinched back and something like hurt flickered in his eyes.

"That's really cold," Erza mumbled.

"And here I thought she'd finally started lightening up a bit," Happy said with a sigh.

"I guess it's possible that this is something she said back in the beginning when she was more hostile. But still…"

The demon either didn't hear the quiet conversation or was pretending he didn't. Or, perhaps, he was too busy panicking over Asuka's tears to be paying anything else any mind.

"Of course not, sweetheart," he said, cradling her cheek in his hand and running his other hand through her hair. "It's not like that. Don't cry, honey, don't cry. I like playing with you, it's just…"

"Just what?" Asuka demanded. Her lips trembled.

"Just… You should listen to your mom, alright? She has her own reasons for things, and you should follow her instructions."

Asuka turned her head away, leaving the demon's hand to hang uselessly in the air. "Because you don't want to play with me."

Lyon watched in disbelief as the demon froze again. After a long pause his face seemed to crumple, something raw and pained and sad in his eyes. Lyon didn't like it. It seemed too un-demon-y.

"Asuka…" The demon winced as the girl sniffled and rubbed at her teary eyes with small fists.

"Why don't you like me anymore?" she asked in a small voice.

It was amazing how the straightforward naivety of a child could break even the most coldhearted of creatures.

The demon recoiled, but then lurched forward and pulled Asuka into a tight hug. Burying his face in her hair, he rocked back and forth as he clutched her.

"Of course I like you," he said with the barest hint of a waver in his voice. "You're a good girl, Asuka. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't cry. It's not because I don't like you."

It was like the guild was trapped underwater, all sound muffled aside from the sniffles and breathing. Demon and child rocked in the middle of it all, a tight ball lost in their own world.

No one looked worried that Asuka would get herself hurt anymore. It made Lyon uncomfortable to see all the sadness and pity and regret on their faces as they looked on. It turned the demon into someone worthy of those things, and Lyon wasn't sure he was ready to accept that.

Finally, after an eternity of silence, Asuka pulled away and looked up at the demon with solemn eyes. "Will you dance with me?"

"Will I…?" He trailed off, bemusement running across his features with a feather-light touch.

Asuka stood and lifted one foot to show off her pink ballet slipper with its velvet ribbon curling down to the floor from where it had come undone. It was at odds with the little cowboy hat Lyon was used to seeing her in, and he wondered idly if it was some kind of child's phase.

"I…um…" The demon bit his lip but then rose, his eyes solemn as he bent slightly and held out a hand.

Asuka reached out with great solemnity of her own, her little hand tiny against the demon's palm and long, pale fingers. She made a clumsy curtsy-bow hybrid with an air of somber formality that only a child could achieve in such situations. The demon reciprocated with a bend at the waist, and the faintest ghost of a smile touched his lips.

And then they were off. It couldn't really be considered much of dancing on the demon's part. Being much taller than Asuka, he had to hunch awkwardly and could get away with just twirling her around and stepping back and forth along with her, no real dancing necessary. And Asuka, her sadness melted away as she spun and leaped. A huge smile spread over her face, and she shrieked with laughter as the demon swept her around.

Lyon watched as if entranced. Perhaps she was just too young to understand about such things as demons, only knowing that a friend had suddenly stopped playing with her and was now relenting. Ignorance and youth were the only real explanation for how anyone could be so delighted and carefree in a demon's arms.

Lyon's gaze slid back to said demon's face, and he forgot to breathe. The demon was smiling now, a small, fragile thing, and the dark eyes that had been so cold minutes before were soft and filled with warmth as he watched the rambunctious child bounce about. It seemed so…human.

Asuka stumbled and then laughed as the demon caught her and set her back on her feet, patting her on the head as they came to a standstill.

"Why don't you dance with Natsu now?" the demon asked, one corner of his mouth curling upward again. He swept the girl up and deposited her in front of Natsu in one fluid motion. "Natsu likes to dance."

Asuka gave him a bright smile and then turned on Natsu. "Natsu-nii's turn!"

A panicked look flitted over the dragon slayer's face as Asuka grabbed his hand and began tugging at it enthusiastically. "W-wait, but I don't dance!"

"Come on, come on!"

"But–but–"

Despite himself, Lyon almost laughed at how out of his depth Natsu was as he was dragged off into the child's energetic whirlwind. The flustered, panicked look didn't fade as he awkwardly tried to keep up.

Lucy coughed out a laugh, and Lyon glanced over to see her and the others watching the spectacle with no little amusement. Even the demon had a small smile on his face.

"Bested by a child," Erza remarked dryly.

The demon chuckled and turned away. And then abruptly froze as he spotted Lyon, surprise and recognition flitting over his face.

"Good grief, I forgot about you."

Lyon raised an eyebrow and schooled his features back into a scowl. "We were talking just a couple minutes ago."

"Yeah, well. There are things I prefer not to think about." The demon pressed his fingertips to his eyelids, his contentment fading into something old and worn and weary. "Why are you really here, Lyon?" he asked tiredly.

Lyon stared at him. The hateful beast was gone, along with the child's loving playmate. He wasn't sure if this new, broken creature was something entirely new or what was left after the rest faded or what had been lurking underneath everything this entire time.

And he still had no answer.

"I'm looking for Juvia," he said curtly, blurting out the first thing that came to mind.

The demon turned away, his movements and posture radiating exhaustion. "She's out on some errand. She should be back in an hour or two, if you want to wait."

"Right."

Lyon turned around and walked out without another word. He walked _away_.

He wondered if it was easier to try convincing yourself that you didn't care in order to dull the grief and guilt that came along with loving. He wondered if it was sometimes easier to be a monster because monsters shouldn't have to feel or care. He wondered if it hurt less to cover up pain and sadness with rage and wrath.

He wondered if monsters could really be that human.

He wasn't sure he had found the answers he was looking for. He didn't think he had found anything human. He certainly hadn't found anything worth forgiving.

He also wasn't sure if he had really found a true monster.

And he cursed himself for acting on such a bad idea, because he was leaving even more confused and conflicted than he had come.

* * *

 **Note: Yeah, yeah, I'm taking liberties with the canon timeline. Here I guess Gray-Gray would've had to have been with Ur for nearly a year, but this is the order I wanted these events in.**

 **emmahoshi: Ha ha, I will take your recommendations into consideration for sure. I tend to be really behind the times on popular things too...I tend to like things that aren't that popular or no one has heard of, and when I do like popular things then they were popular a long time ago XD Public confrontations make me anxious too, but sometimes that's the only way to get people to see what's up with Gray since he's so private X) It was the anniversary of the real Gray's parents' deaths, and I already had the anniversary of Ur's death take place a couple months before. In order for that to work, Gray would've had to stay with Ur for nearly a year before she died, and I don't think it was quite that long in canon (although there aren't any specifics as far as I know, so I'm not technically breaking it).**


	30. Gray (1)

**Note: Hm, I've noticed that a lot of people I talk to around here have been disappearing lately. Looks like our little corner of the fandom might be dying :( Guess I can't say anything since I've been thinking about quitting too, but I've lasted this long lol Make sure you tell me goodbye before you disappear for good! lol**

* * *

 **Gray (1)**

* * *

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Lyon growled as he turned the corner and almost ran straight into the gaggle of Fairy Tail mages.

They looked just as surprised to see him as he was to see them, stopping short and staring at him uncomprehendingly. Aside from the demon, who shifted uncomfortably and dropped his gaze to the ground as he retreated a half-step.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Natsu asked.

"Job," Lyon grunted. He had a bad feeling about this.

"What a coincidence," Lucy said. Some of her shock faded and she offered him a tentative smile. "We're on a job too."

 _Dammit._

Of course they were. Why else would they be here, in a small town by the mountains, well away from Magnolia? And since this town was so small, the job…

"Oh boy," Erza said with a sigh, pressing her fingertips to her eyelids. "Bureaucratic oversight? What job is it?"

"Recovering magical artifacts that have been stolen over the past couple months."

"Huh, that's weird," said Natsu with a frown. "That's _our_ job."

Lyon resisted the urge to bang his head into the side of a nearby building. Bureaucratic oversight, indeed. Guilds sent in confirmation when their mages took jobs so that those requests would be struck from the job postings in the other guilds—or, at least, put on a temporary freeze in case the original takers couldn't complete it and it was released again—but occasionally a coincidence of timing or oversight would lead to duplicate teams taking the same job. It happened maybe a couple dozen times a year, and had even happened to Lyon once a few years back. The other guild then hadn't been Fairy Tail, obviously. At the time, most of Fairy Tail was presumed dead after a dragon attack on Tenrou.

But how unlucky was he now, to have accidentally taken the same job as the person he most wanted to avoid?

"Great," Erza said. She ran a hand wearily over her face. "How do you want to handle this?"

These instances were always solved informally by the teams involved, and the options usually included a fight or debate over who got the job, some kind of negotiation to strike a deal, or the teams working together. Lyon obviously didn't want to work with these fools, but he also wanted this job. He'd already gone a few hours out of his way and spent nearly a whole day here working, and it would be a waste to slink off with his tail between his legs.

"I've already been working on it for a day now," he said, trying not to sound too sulky.

"Ha!" Natsu crowed. "We've been here for a day and a half."

Lyon glared at him. "So?"

"So it's our job!"

"That's what you think."

Erza cleared her throat and gave Natsu a warning look before plastering on a more conciliatory expression for Lyon's benefit. "Is your team here?"

"…No."

But now he really, really wished that he'd brought them. He had been thrown into another broody, asocial phase after his last disastrous encounter with the demon on the anniversary of the deaths of Gray's parents, and he had been taking more solo jobs to get a break from his friends and their attentions. Unfortunately, that meant he didn't have backup now.

"Well then, you can't do the job anyway," Natsu said triumphantly. The demon jabbed him in the ribs with an elbow, and the dragon slayer yelped, "Ow! What was that for, you stupid–?"

"Shut up," the demon mumbled, returning to studying the ground.

Lyon very pointedly didn't—or, at least, tried not to—look at him.

"Why don't we work together?" Erza suggested.

"No," Lyon said shortly.

Lucy bit her lip and eyed him uncertainly, choosing her words with care as she said, "We've been doing some scouting, and it looks like there are nearly a dozen mages involved in this, even though the request made it seem like there were only one or two troublemakers. You'd have a lot of trouble on your own and we could really use some help, so maybe it would be beneficial to all of us to work together and split the reward."

She was trying so hard to be tactful, politely not flat-out saying that it would be a stupid idea for him to take on a dozen mages by himself. He suspected that saying Fairy Tail could use his help was also for his benefit.

But as reasonable as that sounded…

He gave the demon a sidelong look. "I don't know…"

The demon didn't look up from his intense scrutiny of the ground. "I'll stay out of your way."

Lyon hesitated a few seconds longer but then gave in. His only other option was to leave emptyhanded, because, like it or not, Natsu was right that this wouldn't be something he could probably handle on his own. And as much as he didn't want to work with the demon… Well, call it curiosity. It was like he couldn't stay away.

"Fine."

The Fairy Tail mages seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief and relax. Aside from the demon, who darted a glance up at Lyon and then hunched his shoulders as he went back to staring at his feet. And Natsu, who just huffed out an irritated breath and rolled his eyes.

"Great," Erza said. "Why don't we get something to eat? We can share what we've found over lunch."

Natsu brightened instantly. "Food!"

The guy had a one-track mind.

"Fine," Lyon grumbled again. "There's a café over here…"

The next fifteen minutes were a blur of motion and cheerful banter as they headed to the café, selected an outdoor table, and ordered food. Lyon mostly stayed out of it, just watching the team's antics silently as he ate his meal. The demon also stayed quiet, mostly picking at his food and shoving it around his plate unenthusiastically. He and Lyon kept throwing furtive glances at each other and then quickly pretending that they weren't. It was very distracting.

Lyon tried to keep his focus on the girls scolding Natsu—"No, you can't eat the entire menu!"—and Happy complaining—"What kind of restaurant doesn't have fish? What am I supposed to _eat_?"—but kept finding his attention drawn back to the demon time and time again.

It was only after everyone started on their food and settled down that they got down to business.

"We got a tip that the perpetrators had a hideout in the mountains," Erza told Lyon. She gestured back at the mountain range behind them with her fork. "We spent a while combing the area, and eventually found the entrance to a series of tunnels and chambers inside one of the mountains. We didn't want to risk going in and getting caught–"

"Because Natsu's really loud and sucks at stealth," Happy muttered.

"–but Gray actually went in and did some scouting." She glanced at the unresponsive demon, who made no move to elaborate. Lyon's eye twitched at hearing the creature called 'Gray' yet again. "So he's the one who has some idea of the layout. He found the room where they're keeping the stolen artifacts, although he didn't get a good look at it. And he identified at least eleven different people, all of them mages. We don't think they're actually part of an official guild, just a group of friends or associates that are working together. Still a threat, though. We were planning to storm their hideout this afternoon to take them out and recover the artifacts."

…Fine, Lyon could grudgingly admit that was useful information to know. He hadn't gotten that far in his preparations yet.

"Speaking of the artifacts," he said coolly, "have you bothered figuring out what types of magics they contain?"

"Huh?" Natsu frowned and then sniffed scornfully. "Why would we need to do that? We're just gonna go beat some people up."

Lyon rolled his eyes. "I don't suppose you considered that these mages might actually be taking the artifacts to _use_ them? Or that they might be using them when you go 'beat them up'? Don't you think it might be a good idea to know what you could be walking into?"

The girls exchanged sheepish looks, but Natsu just looked puzzled as he asked, "So what? We're gonna beat them up anyway."

Lyon pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. Did these fools _ever_ think or plan before jumping right on into the action? He was surprised that they'd even bothered scouting out the base, honestly.

Erza coughed awkwardly. "Um, is that what you've been looking into?"

"Indeed," Lyon said dryly. "Over four dozen artifacts, talismans, and enchanted trinkets have gone missing in this town and the surrounding area over the past month and a half. I've spent the past day combing through records, tracking down owners, and generally trying to figure out what was stolen and why. I was looking for any common thread, and what I came up with was that nearly two-thirds of the stolen artifacts contain some sort of magic nullification enchantments or otherwise confer immunity or defense against magic or specific magic types."

"Oh." A frown stole over Lucy's face. "I see how that could be an issue if the thieves use some of those when we attack them." She made a face and shot a sidelong look at the demon as she added, "I hate nullification magic."

Lyon glanced at the demon as well, his eyes taking on a sly, calculating cast. "There were also a few objects that are supposed to have demon-slaying attributes."

The demon didn't react or show any outward signs of worry, which Lyon found annoying. If anything, the other Fairy Tail mages looked more concerned than he did.

"Will that be a problem?" Erza asked as she gave him a worried look.

The demon shrugged and continued poking unenthusiastically at his food. "Ninety-five percent of things with so-called 'demon-slaying attributes' are total bunk. They're usually based off of old legends and superstitions, not reality. Humans don't know a lot about demons, to be honest. They're working off of traditional stereotypes, and Zeref's demons don't conform to those."

"But there are still devil slayer magics, so…"

"Sure. There are some bona fide demon-killing things out there."

"So if this is genuine–?"

"Then I'll handle it. Relax."

"We can always hope," Lyon muttered under his breath.

Lucy gave him a horrified look. " _Lyon!_ "

He shrugged sulkily, unrepentant. The demon gave up on his food and shoved his plate in front of the bottomless pit named Natsu. He showed no outward reaction to Lyon's words aside from a slight tightening of the lips, and leaned back in his chair as his dark eyes traced sightlessly over the woodgrain of the tabletop.

Lyon shifted uncomfortably and looked away, not sure why he felt disappointed with himself for the jab.

Erza cleared her throat. "Well…is everyone ready to get going?"

"Just a sec!" Natsu hurriedly shoveled the demon's uneaten meal into his mouth, eliciting a few eye rolls in the process.

When he'd finished, the group paid and headed out. Natsu and Happy chatted loudly as they walked back through the town. The girls chimed in from time to time but seemed to be more aware of the awkward tension and continued darting looks between Lyon and the demon, both of whom stayed silent.

The base of the first line of mountains in the range was only a twenty-minute walk outside the town, through grassy fields that eventually gave way to more rocky terrain. Chatter began dying down into more subdued murmuring as they hesitated at the bottom of one of the mountains and then started up. Even Natsu was paying more attention now, sharp eyes scanning every crag and boulder for signs of the enemy.

Lyon was on the lookout as well—it would be stupid not to be—but that was made more difficult by the persistent itch at the back of his brain that always seemed to win out and make him dart looks at the demon. Said demon was doing a much better job of not looking at Lyon now. Or anyone, really. He seemed to have thrown himself wholeheartedly into scanning their surroundings so that he didn't have to make eye contact with anyone.

"Stop here," Erza said in a low voice, drawing everyone up short. She glanced around the side of a rugged wall of gray rock before turning her attention back to the others. "The entrance is right over there. We want to make sure that no one is waiting for us and no traps are set, just in case they realized someone was here the other day. Gray, would you go do a quick check?"

"That's not his name," Lyon grumbled. It grated at his ears something terrible, and he'd already tolerated it for much too long.

Lucy sighed. "But he–"

"It's not."

Natsu scowled. "You know, you don't always have to be such a–"

"He's right," the demon interrupted in a flat voice. "Humor him. I'll be right back."

He melted into the shadow cast by the rock, practically disappearing as he slipped around the side and toward the mouth of the cave, and Lyon understood why he was the one who had been sent to scout the base. It was disconcerting how he could just vanish like that, just one more enigma to add to the rest.

Along with his uncanny ability to not give anything away about what he was thinking or feeling, which made Lyon equal parts irritated and uncomfortable. It was impossible to tell what he thought about any of this or whether it affected him at all.

The demon's absence was marked by uneasy silence and restless fidgeting.

"Okay, what's taking _Gray_ so long?" Natsu demanded finally, unable to contain himself any longer. He gave Lyon a pointed, unfriendly look to make sure he knew the name usage was intentional.

Lyon ignored it, only frowning at the ground.

"Geez, Natsu," Lucy said with a sigh. "He's only been gone for a minute."

"Well, he's really slow and–"

"Good to know you missed me so much."

Natsu yelped and nearly jumped out of his skin, spinning around as the demon materialized from the shadows directly behind him with a smirk on his face. "Damn it, ice block, stop _doing_ that!"

The demon leveled him with an unimpressed look. "For all your bragging about how great your ears and nose are, they don't seem to do shit."

" _Excuse me?_ Well, maybe if you weren't so _freakishly–_ "

"Shut up," Erza said. "We're still going for the element of surprise."

"Why?" Natsu asked, crossing his arms over his chest in a decidedly sulky fashion. "Let's just go beat people up."

Erza gave him a look of such venomous frustration that Lyon wondered how she survived dealing with him on a regular basis. "Because, ideally, we'd like to catch them unawares to have an advantage. And so that they're less likely to run off through some back exit we haven't found. And so that they don't go grabbing all these magic nullification artifacts from the storeroom to use against us."

"But–" Natsu subsided with a grunt as the demon elbowed him in the ribs.

"The entry is clear," the demon said in a monotone. "There's a large cavern, and four tunnels split off of it. The one on the far right leads to their storeroom. I was only able to go partway down one of the others, but it looked pretty similar to the other one. There also seems to be a network of smaller tunnels crisscrossing the mountain, which connects the main passages to each other. So if you need to leave one and get to another, you should be able to manage. Just be careful, because it's dark and easy to get lost."

"Right," Erza said. "Let's go."

The only sound was the crunching of their shoes as they slipped around the rocky divider and into the shadowy entrance eaten into the mountainside. The narrow entrance widened into a large cavern, gloomy and dark and swathed in shadow. Lyon had to squint to make out the four tunnel mouths arrayed along the back wall.

"I don't know if we really want to do all four at once," Erza murmured, her voice hushed in the stillness. "I think it would be better if we split into two or three groups so that no one is running around alone in here."

"I don't want to work with the demon," Lyon said immediately.

"You just–" She broke off with some difficulty, taking a calming breath and rubbing a hand over her face. "You don't have to."

A whisper of motion tickled the air behind Lyon, and he turned just in time to see the demon's shadowy form disappear down the rightmost tunnel. Well, that was one problem solved.

"Gray is the only one who has seen the storeroom, so he…" Erza trailed off and looked around. "Where did he go?"

"Down to the storeroom," Lyon grunted, gesturing vaguely.

"Seriously?" she demanded, righteous indignation coloring her voice. "What part of 'no one should be running around alone' did he not get?"

Lyon shrugged and stalked away, down the tunnel next to the one the demon had chosen.

Erza's voice echoed from behind him: "Lyon! You– You know what, screw the plan. Everyone might as well just do whatever the hell they want."

No one followed him, which was a plus. Maybe they were just as uneasy working with him as he was with them. Just as well.

He quickly decided that he hated caves. And tunnels. And mountains. And caves built into mountains with tunnels, especially when said hellholes were hotbeds of criminal activity. The tunnel was narrow and cramped as it twisted and turned, making him glad he wasn't prone to claustrophobia, and it was uncomfortably muggy and damp. And dark. There were dim lantern lacrima spaced every several hundred feet, but it wasn't enough to disperse the shadowy, creepy atmosphere.

The tunnel would occasionally widen into a larger chamber or branch off into other winding passageways or rooms, but after what felt like an eternity of walking, Lyon had found exactly no one. He had clearly chosen the wrong tunnel.

Then he heard shouting and crashing sounds start up somewhere behind him and to the left, which made him think that Natsu had taken Erza's frustrated directive to do whatever the hell he wanted seriously. Whatever element of surprise they'd had was lost now. Then again, it wasn't like they could've kept their presence here a secret forever.

Lyon still moved quietly just in case, muffling his footsteps as best he could. He wasn't exactly _sneaking_ , but he didn't see the point in advertising his presence either.

Which explained why the thief didn't hear him coming, but was less helpful in explaining why he didn't hear the thief running toward him until almost the last second. They rounded a bend in the tunnel and came face to face, both stopping short and gaping at the other in surprise.

Lyon recovered first, ice jumping from his fingers to slam into the other man and send him to the ground before he had a chance to mount an attack of his own. The thief didn't move again, and Lyon found himself thoroughly unimpressed. He spotted an amulet around the man's neck, and some kind of talisman rolled out of his pocket. A faint magical aura emanated from them, suggesting that the thieves were indeed carrying around some of their loot to get the most out of it.

He decided to leave it all there for now and move on. They would have to go back and collect the incapacitated thieves later, anyway.

A few more minutes of walking turned up only more discouraging results. Judging by the faint sounds of melee ringing out through far-off passageways, the main action was elsewhere.

So the next time a smaller tunnel branched off the main one, he seized the opportunity. It gave him a brief moment of pause, because he certainly didn't want to get lost in a network of tunnels. And also because this veered off to the right, which was the direction of the demon.

But the chances of actually running into the demon were slim, right? Lyon could see another shadowy spot ahead to the left, but he pretended he hadn't noticed and went right instead. Not because he was still drawn to the demon despite everything, but…

Honestly, he had no answers.

The tunnel narrowed to the point where his shoulders brushed the damp walls, but eventually flared out a little as it spit him out into another main passage. He hesitated but then started down, deeper into the mountainside. He figured the treasure room would be about as deep as it went, anyway. Not that he was looking for the demon who was also headed that way, but if he could get there first, he could prove that he could've done this job.

Unfortunately, it seemed like he wasn't first. The sounds of muffled voices and crashes came from up ahead, and he paused again before hurrying on at a quicker pace. He should turn around, but… Well, he was never one to run from a fight.

He was almost running by the time he found the cavernous chamber off the side of the tunnel and skidded to a stop in the entrance. It was a large, gloomy space carved into the rock, but there were enough lantern lacrima to get a clear picture of what was going on. He spotted a half-open door on the far side, to what he assumed was the storage room for the stolen goods.

A few paces in front of the door, a tall, heavyset man stood with bluish fire flickering in his hands. He was wearing a thick bundle of amulets and his arms were decorated in jewelry. Lyon's first thought was that he was fonder of jewelry than any self-respecting man ought to be, before it occurred to him that these were probably some of the stolen artifacts. Well. That was inconvenient.

The demon was on the other side of the room, currently diving to the side as the enemy mage lobbed that odd blue fire at him. Lyon had half a second to wonder why he didn't just mount a defense, but then he lashed out unthinkingly. His ice tiger flew at lightning speed and the thief turned his gaze on the newest threat.

Lyon smirked in satisfaction, knowing that it was too late for the fool to block the attack—the only person he'd ever seen mold faster than himself was, as much as it pained him to admit, the demon—but as the tiger leapt at the thief, it shattered into a fine mist of ice. He stared in disbelief, but then groaned and picked his jaw up off the floor. Magic nullification talismans. Right.

"Ooh," said the thief in a squeaky voice that immediately made Lyon wince, "another ice mage! It must be my lucky day."

The demon cursed loudly. "Lyon, get out of here."

Lyon glared right back. "Pretty sure I can handle it."

In any case, he surely wouldn't be outdone by the _demon_. Not that the demon was looking too good, actually. He was missing his shirt and his chest was sporting several nasty-looking burns. As Lyon turned his attention back to their opponent—when had it become ' _their_ '?—he noticed a tattered and charred shred of fabric on the ground that might have once been a shirt. Huh.

"You all are such a cocky lot," the thief squeaked with an exaggerated sigh, although his eyes nearly glowed in vicious anticipation. "Silly ice mages don't stand a chance against me."

He flicked a wave of icy-blue fire at Lyon, who automatically threw up a shield.

"Shit!" the demon cursed. "Lyon, get out of the way!"

Lyon felt very safe behind his shield, actually. Well, at least until the fire hit it and sent a spiderweb of cracks shooting through it. His reflexes sent him diving to the side just as the ice shattered, but although he avoided the brunt of the attack, the fire grazed his arm and sent pain searing through his skin. That _hurt_.

He cradled his arm and pressed a thin coating of ice to it as he retreated a couple paces and watched the thief warily.

"Your ice isn't nearly strong enough to stand up to my flames," the man said. "And your magic can't touch me. I'm afraid you are sorely outclassed."

He raised his hands again, but a shadow struck out from behind him and slashed into his side. He yelped in pain and lashed out, his flames darkening to a deep purple as they bit into the shadow and ripped long gashes into the darkness.

Lyon glanced to the side as the demon cursed again and sucked in a breath, clutching at his chest as he darted over. His face was sheet-white and his expression grim.

"You should go," he said without preamble. "Ice doesn't do any good here."

Yeah, Lyon should leave. He had no reason to help the demon, and definitely no desire to risk serious injury for him.

"He shouldn't be able to disintegrate my ice like that. Nullification magic?"

"Possibly. He might have a natural magic attribute advantage over ice, but my guess is that one of his talismans either creates or amplifies that. He can attack my curses too, but it's different."

The demon hissed in pain, almost doubling over, and Lyon looked over to see the thief rip another gash in the attacking shadow with his odd magic.

"I don't know what this unnatural magic is," the other mage said through gritted teeth as he clutched at a bleeding wound the shadow had cut into his arm, "but I'm going to destroy it."

"Shit," the demon gasped out, one hand reaching out as if to wind the shadow back to him. It retreated across the floor to settle at its feet, but Lyon could see gray stone through the tattered remains of blackness. He didn't know how one could rip holes into something that wasn't solid. "He shouldn't be able to do that."

The thief swept his hand in a wide arc and sent more blue flames at the mages huddled in the corner, and the demon grabbed Lyon's arm and tugged him roughly to the side. Lyon stumbled and made to protest, but the demon didn't pay any mind. He was too busy drawing out all the natural shadows from behind them and creating an inky mass that spread across half the room to cloak them from view. The fire burned through a patch of shadow, but it quickly closed up again.

Lyon raised an eyebrow at the demon, noting that he showed no sign of pain. "That doesn't hurt?"

"Huh? No, of course not. Those are just curses."

The shadows swirled around them and about their feet like dark mist, but a clear patch remained so that the mages could see each other. The demon's face was drawn and pale. He reached down to hook his fingers into the shadow at his feet and pull it up for closer inspection, grimacing at the ragged tears.

"The smokescreen won't last forever," he said tersely, speaking quickly and examining the shadow with practiced motions rather than looking at Lyon. "I don't know if he has one of your devil-slaying talismans after all or it's just that the other talismans recognize the curses as some kind of 'unnatural magic' and are trying to destroy them, but he can burn right through them."

"You can't get through the nullification barrier around him?"

"Not with my normal curses. I mean, I can start getting through because they aren't really _magic_ , but apparently they're close enough that the barrier will start eating away at them. And whatever magic he has that targets curses tries to destroy them."

They both retreated several paces to the side to avoid another blind blast of flame.

"Come out, ice mages!" the thief called.

"How did you get through with that, then?" Lyon asked, gesturing at the limp, tattered shadow in the demon's hands.

"It's complicated." The demon was talking even more quickly now, in a rush to say what needed to be said before their cover was burned away. "It sort of has a piece of me in it, so it can get through the magic nullification field in the same way that I could walk up and punch him in the face if I could get close enough without being fried. But it also has a curse component, and his magic can shred that."

"Why can't you just take him out with that, then?"

"Because it's doing more damage to me than it is to him," the demon said tightly.

He released his shadow and let it sink back to the ground in a frayed and tattered pool. Lyon eyed it thoughtfully. It had a piece of the demon? He wasn't sure what to make of that, but now wasn't the time or place to let it distract him.

"So, we have no way of defeating him?" he asked in frustration.

"Not with ice." The demon pursed his lips. "But I've already done some damage to him with my shadow. It's just that he usually sees it coming and starts _shredding_ it, which isn't sustainable. But if there was a distraction…"

"You want me to create a diversion?"

"That would be ideal."

Lyon hesitated, unable to believe that he had fallen back into working with the demon so easily, but then shrugged aside his reservations. They needed to take this guy out one way or another.

"I can charge him and try to get some of those amulets and talismans away from him. He has so many that it's impossible to tell which ones are giving us problems, but…"

"But hopefully I'll have finished him off by then. I can give you cover partway, but I'm already starting to lose my hold on the shadows." The demon paused and bit his lip, his dark eyes shining with something like worry. "Be careful, Lyon."

Lyon looked away, not sure he wanted the demon's concern. "Yep. I'm going."

He started off without another word, loping through the shadowy mire until it thinned and died out under the pressure of the magic attacking it. He could see the thief again and focused on him, moving quickly. He had no real defense against this man's magic, so he needed to be careful and as fast as possible to reduce his chances of injury.

He ducked around the first blast of fire, but then his foot caught on an uneven dip of rock on the floor and he went crashing down face first, his forehead slamming into the rough stone. The world faded out, sound muffled as if he was underwater, but then he pushed himself to his knees and shook his head to clear it.

"Lyon!"

He blinked slowly and then silently cursed as his vision cleared and he saw the fireball coming straight for him. It was only a mild head injury and he could scrabble backward without too much difficulty, but the damage had already been done. He had slipped up, and there was nowhere to go.

A heavy weight slammed into him, pressing him tightly against the floor, and the next second the air around him was superheated and sweltering, although the brunt of it was blocked by the body above him. The demon's breath hitched and shuddered, and Lyon squirmed weakly before going still, worried that he'd only make things worse if he moved too much.

What was the demon _thinking_? He could've achieved the same results by just grabbing Lyon and pulling them both away. And the fire seemed to last forever and Lyon felt like he was suffocating and the demon only curled around him more tightly.

Then it suddenly stopped, not in a gradual fashion but all at once. The tension in the demon's body snapped like a string, leaving him limp, and the cool, damp cave air rushed in to take the place of the heat once more.

Lyon remained still for a second, too shocked to move, but then pushed the demon up and sat himself, twisting the unresisting body around so that he was supporting the demon's head and torso.

"You _idiot_ ," he ground out. "What were you _thinking_?"

The demon stared up with glassy, half-lidded eyes. Then, ever so slowly, his pupils slid to the side, toward the thief on the other side of the cavern. Lyon followed his gaze, suddenly remembering that they were still in the middle of a fight, and saw the tattered shadow stretching across the floor from the demon's body. It had risen up along the wall behind the thief and was now wrapped around him tightly, twisting around his limbs and chest and neck.

The man made a choked sound as his eyes finally rolled back and he went limp.

 _'But if there was a distraction…'_

"Oh, you idiot," Lyon whispered, a nauseous feeling curling in the pit of his stomach.

The shadow released the man and, as he fell to the floor, retreated back to where the other two mages were sprawled. Lyon looked back down and his heart jumped into his throat as he saw that the demon's eyes were closed now, his breaths shallow.

He bit down his panic and hefted the lifeless body a little more so that he could get a look at the damage. The demon's entire back was blistered and burned badly enough that it made Lyon's stomach turn. He swallowed hard and let his eyes rest on the shadow once more. It looked even more ragged and lifeless than before, and he was suddenly afraid of what its state said about the demon.

"You stupid, stupid fool," Lyon mumbled, his free hand brushing along the demon's temple and sweeping back the raven-dark hair before settling on his neck to check his pulse.

It was weak. Was it there at all?

"Wake up."

His fingers were trembling so much that he couldn't be sure he felt a pulse. Wasn't sure the demon's chest was actually moving.

"Demon? Hey, wake up!"

Lyon panicked.

He flipped the demon onto his back, heedless of the angry burns, and slammed his hands into the other man's chest. He couldn't quite remember how this was supposed to go when his brain was short-circuiting, so he just rammed his hands into the demon's chest again, again, again.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

But the demon's eyes stayed closed, his face bloodless and slack, his chest still.

And suddenly all Lyon could see was Galuna and Tenrou and dragonlings, death and death and death. Flashes of laughter and smiles and teasing, teamwork and shared grins and quiet understandings, tired eyes and sad smiles and lonely silences.

All he could think about was everything they had both thrown away, and how he had never gotten the chance to say sorry or thank you, to forgive and rebuild, to make things right. Lyon was going to lose him, just like he'd lost the real Gray.

"Wake up, Gray!"

And then someone was pulling him back, yelping as he flailed about wildly. A streak of blue darted over to settle by the demon's chest.

"He's alive," Happy said.

"Calm down, Lyon," Lucy added, hissing in pain as he elbowed her.

She released him and he fell still. The demon's chest was rising and falling shallowly, and Lyon wondered if it had been doing that the whole time. He couldn't imagine that his wild pounding had really done any good, so maybe he had just totally lost it for no reason.

"What happened?" Lucy asked.

Lyon tore his gaze away to look at her. Her face was pale and her eyes wide and worried as she stepped around him to crouch by Happy and the demon.

"He had nullification magic." Lyon's voice was raspy and hollow, unsteady in his own ears. He gestured vaguely in the direction of the unconscious thief. "And fire. Lots of fire. It burned right through our ice. He took a really hard hit. His back."

Lucy and Happy stared at him, trying to sort out his words. Finally Lucy leaned over the demon and slid a hand behind him, groaning with effort as she heaved up his torso to survey the damage.

" _Oh_ ," she breathed as she saw the mess of his back. "That looks…really bad. And his pulse and breathing are really weak. We need to get him out of here and to medical treatment. Like, now."

"I can go find Erza and Natsu and tell them what happened," Happy volunteered, his voice quivering slightly as he twisted his paws together.

"Yeah, I don't know… I think they're still wrapping things up and they have to restrain all these guys, but… Just let them know. Lyon and I will get Gray back to town and find a healer."

Happy was flying away before the last word left her mouth, and she huffed out a sighing breath as she gently lowered the demon back to the ground. She opened her mouth again but paused, leaning over and frowning at something on the rock.

"What…? What's wrong with his shadow?"

Lyon wanted to know that too. He was afraid of how big a problem it might be.

"Maybe there was some devil-slaying magic after all," he said hollowly. "It could attack that…and it was hurting him."

Lucy gave him a sharp look, her eyes traveling over his face, and then took a deep breath. "We can worry about that later. Right now, we really need to get him to a healer. I wish Natsu was here… I'm not strong enough to get him out of here on my own. Would you…?"

Lyon bent down without another word, ignoring his pounding headache and sore body as he carefully worked his arms underneath the demon's body and lifted him up. The demon's head lolled lifelessly and his limbs hung limp. Lyon stared down at him, his eyes tracing over the bone-white skin and closed eyes.

He looked up to see Lucy watching him with a puzzled expression, but she just nodded to him and started back up the tunnel at a brisk pace, ignoring the insensible thief on the other side of the room. He was a pretty low priority at the moment.

Lyon followed more slowly, wincing at the feel of blisters against his skin and shifting under the unconscious demon's weight. It was a long trek back to town in relative silence, given that Lyon needed all his concentration to stagger along. His injuries and exhaustion and headache made it hard to focus, and the demon only seemed to grow heavier in his arms as they hurried along.

"I really hope we can find a healer for him," Lucy mumbled as the town came into view.

"Most towns have a healer. Or they can send for one from a nearby city."

"Yeah, but not everyone will treat him."

Lyon pulled his eyes from the ground to give her a weary frown. "Why not?"

She sighed harshly and gave the unconscious demon a sad look. "If people recognize him as a demon, they aren't always willing to work with him. There are people who would rather watch him die than offer help. It's too bad, since he helps them anyway. It's been getting a little better lately, but there's still a lot of hate."

Lyon stared at her, so distracted that he stumbled over a branch and almost went down. He supposed that really shouldn't be surprising. And he could hardly blame people—after all, he felt much the same way. But somehow, laying it out so bluntly still caught him off guard.

"What are we supposed to do, then?"

"We'll find the healer and hope she helps." Lucy shrugged and turned her gaze back to the ground, her lips drawn in a tight grimace. "No one has brought out the pitchforks yet, so hopefully that means they haven't recognized him."

Lyon put his focus back into walking. He didn't need any more reasons to freak out.

As it turned out, they were lucky. It seemed that everyone knew the demon only as one of the mages who had been helping them regain their stolen trinkets, and the healer, a middle-aged man with a pinched expression and hurried air, immediately ushered them into an infirmary. Lyon collapsed into a nearby chair as soon as he laid his charge on the bed, and watched with fuzzy detachment as the healer fussed over the demon and spread poultices over the myriad burns before binding them in linen bandages. The shredded shadow got some confused and worried attention, but no one wanted to bring up the whole demon thing and the healer eventually dropped it.

Happy came zooming into the room as the healer was starting to wrap up. "How is he?" the little cat demanded as he perched on Lucy's shoulder and studied the motionless demon.

"I don't know." Lucy sighed. "His burns are really bad, but Wendy can heal them when we get back to the guild. He's pretty deeply unconscious and I think there must be some kind of internal damage, but I think he'll be okay."

She shot a puzzled look over at Lyon, who pursed his lips and looked away. Fine, he might have overreacted. But it was also true that there was a lot of damage and they didn't really know the extent of it yet.

"I hope so," Happy said, before changing gears. "Erza and Natsu should be done soon. They did all the messy stuff, so they said they'd just grab some townspeople and have them do the rest of the cleanup themselves. Erza asked you to look for a rental vehicle, something with an SE plug or a carriage if you can't find anything better. She wants to get Gray back to the guild as soon as they're done and he's stable enough to be moved."

Lucy nodded and started for the door. "Of course." She paused in the doorway and frowned back at Lyon uncertainly.

"I'll be here," he grumbled.

She nodded again and vanished down the hall, Happy still on her shoulder. Lyon watched dully as the healer finished up, gave some final instructions that went in one ear and out the other, and slipped out of the room.

Then it was just him and the demon. The unconscious man looked fairly peaceful, if you could ignore the bandages wrapped around his entire torso and the odd, ragged shadow splayed out like a dead animal. He looked more asleep than anything, as if he'd wake up at any second and things would magically be normal: he'd laugh and smile and say it was all a misunderstanding. He looked a lot more like Gray than like a demon, even if not the same Gray Lyon had known as a child. Juvia's ramblings must have really seeped their poison into Lyon's mind.

He knew that if the demon woke, it wouldn't be Gray there. And yet, he had actually called him 'Gray', hadn't he? Back when he was panicking, lost in memories and fear. His brain had been fogged over with panic and not functioning properly, but still…

That was so wrong.

But left alone with his thoughts and a slumbering enigma, it was hard for Lyon to ignore all the little things he always tried to hide from himself. It was going to drive him crazy, a mess of confused, conflicting emotions and thoughts.

He didn't say much when Lucy and Happy returned, followed shortly by Erza and Natsu. He let Lucy explain everything, instead choosing to lurk silently in the corner. Erza's pronouncement that they needed to get Gray back to Magnolia _right now_ was hardly unexpected, but there were some puzzled looks when she told Natsu to grab the demon and it was Lyon who got there first. He kept his head down and looked at no one as he carried the demon out to their rented vehicle.

When Erza thanked him for getting Gray—the demon—to help, he stayed silent and didn't point out that this mess was his fault to begin with.

It was a long, bumpy ride to Magnolia, and he spent it staring out the window and trying to avoid looking at the demon sprawled across Erza's lap. There was still an unreasonable worry gnawing at his insides, along with a thousand other emotions that were harder to place. He zoned out of the proceedings entirely, trying to blank out his own thoughts and only partially succeeding. He didn't want to think about any of this anymore. It was too confusing.

He snatched up the demon again when they finally arrived, eliciting more odd looks, and followed Lucy to Fairy Tail's infirmary while Erza barked out orders and the guild swarmed about in a buzz of confused concern. Lyon tried to ignore them. He was already stretched thin, exhausted and at war with himself. He didn't have the patience or energy to deal with high-energy people. Or any people, really.

He retreated to the background as soon as the demon was in bed, lurking in the corner and watching the proceedings with hooded eyes. Everyone left him alone, too focused on the more salient problem to pay him much mind, which suited him just fine.

Wendy carefully peeled all the bandages off and smoothed away the burns on the demon's back and chest and arms, but only shook her head helplessly when Lucy pointed out the shadow.

"I've healed the physical damage," she said. "It was bad, but… There's something else, and it probably has to do with whatever happened to his shadow. I can't quite tell what it is because it's not exactly physical, but something definitely feels off and it could be a problem. I just… There's nothing I can do about it or the shadow."

"Nothing?" Lucy asked in alarm.

"We'll have to wait for him to wake up. He's the only one of us who has any idea of how these things work. Maybe he'll know."

Porlyusica had no more luck when she arrived half an hour later. She just grumbled unflattering sentiments about how the demon always ended up with the strangest injuries and left her to figure out what to do about them, and couldn't he stop being so damn reckless for once?

Lyon hated waiting games. He hated that itch in his fingers telling him to do _something_ even though there was nothing to do. He hated being here.

He could leave. Should leave. He didn't owe the demon anything, shouldn't even care what happened to him. But although he started inching toward the door more than once over the next few hours, he always stopped after the first few steps. For some reason, he couldn't quite make himself leave.

He was so quiet and unobtrusive that no one remembered his presence until night was falling. Erza was just bidding her friends a tired goodnight when she spotted him in the corner and did a double take.

"You're still here?" she asked automatically, before wincing. Lyon shrugged. "Well, um… It's really too late for you to head back tonight…"

"What about him?" he asked, his gaze sliding back to the demon.

"Someone will be watching him," Wendy reassured him with a weary smile. "But you and the others are exhausted after your job. Get some rest."

Lyon hummed noncommittally, somehow still reluctant to leave.

"Maybe you could stay here overnight?" Erza suggested uncertainly. "It might be better than getting a hotel room, anyway."

"He can stay with us," Natsu grunted. Lyon stared at him in bewildered surprise, but the dragon slayer just shrugged and looked away. "We're already used to being stuck with annoying houseguests. Just try not to be too big of an asshole."

Lyon wasn't sure what to make of that. To be honest, hanging out with anyone, especially one of the demon's close friends, was not high on the list of things he wanted to do right now.

"You won't kill each other?" Lucy asked skeptically.

Natsu shrugged and frowned. "The ice princess will be pissed if he wakes up and finds out that we didn't offer. Or that we strangled him."

Oddly enough, it was the mention of the demon that finally made Lyon give in, even though he couldn't say why.

He followed Natsu and Happy back to their house with a marked lack of enthusiasm, dragging his feet as he traipsed through the darkening streets. When Natsu pushed open the door, Lyon's first reaction was surprise.

"Huh," he said before he thought better of it, "I always imagined your place would be messy as hell."

It was surprisingly neat. There was some clutter lying about, but most of the living room was fairly tidy. He'd always assumed that Natsu was something of a slob, backed up by countless examples of the dragon slayer's messiness and carelessness.

"It normally is," Happy said as he flew over to perch on the back of the couch. "Gray cleaned it."

Lyon frowned in confusion. "Gray? Why?"

"I told him that one of the conditions of moving in was that he wouldn't clean my stuff," Natsu grumbled. "He didn't even last a week and a half before caving."

"Wait, moving in?"

"Sure. He's living here for now."

"But…why?"

Natsu and Happy exchanged solemn looks.

"He was sort of evicted," Happy said after a short pause. "I guess people were giving his landlady trouble because they didn't want him living near them. Apparently she's keeping his apartment for him until things settle down, but he's staying with us until then."

"We didn't even find out until weeks later," Natsu added sourly. "Idiot was living on the streets for weeks before his landlady gave the secret away. Anyway, you can sleep on the couch. But it's quite possibly the most uncomfortable thing in existence, so you can have the mattress if you prefer. We brought it from Gray's place for him. It should be a hell of a lot more comfortable."

He gestured to the mattress leaning up against the wall. Lyon took a few seconds to digest this newest information before shaking his head.

"The couch is fine." He wasn't sure he was ready to use anything of the demon's.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you."

Lyon didn't have much of an appetite at dinner, but obediently ate a little before slipping away to wash the grime off himself and redress his burns. Natsu and Happy seemed perfectly content to talk in low voices and leave Lyon in relative peace, and he retired to bed early.

The couch was, in fact, horribly lumpy and quite possibly the most uncomfortable thing in existence, which was the only reason he had trouble sleeping. Obviously.

He woke up disoriented the next morning, wondering where the hell he was, but was quickly dragged back to reality as Natsu and Happy came clumping through the room.

"Good morning!" Happy chirped.

"It's morning, anyway," Lyon muttered, yawning and pressing his hands against his eyes.

"Are you coming to the guild or leaving?"

Lyon shrugged noncommittally and his hosts exchanged a look.

"Right," Natsu said. "We'll head to the guild after breakfast, then."

Lyon glowered, indignant that they were assuming he was going. Even though they were right.

Happy eyed him critically. "You'll need new clothes, though. Yours are all dirty and burned and bloody."

"I'd offer you some of mine," Natsu said, "but…"

"But his clothes are all dirty and he never washes them until they start growing things," Happy said bluntly.

"It's not _that_ bad."

"Is so."

Lyon stood up quickly and gave the couch and surrounding room a wary, disgusted look. He suddenly felt like he was trapped in a biohazard hotbed.

"You can borrow some of Gray's," Happy suggested. "I think they'd fit."

Lyon wrinkled his nose. "That's alright."

The thought of wearing the demon's clothes was uncomfortable at best and wrong on so many levels.

Natsu was unimpressed by his reluctance. "Your other option is to go naked. Been a while since we've had a stripper running around, now that Gray has stopped. I guess you could take over for him…"

Lyon thought that had to be some kind of ugly paradox, being forced into wearing the demon's clothes just so that he wasn't mimicking his old habits.

He sulked all through breakfast and the walk to Fairy Tail. And, in fact, all day. He 'just happened' to wander past the demon's sickroom a few times, peeking inside to see if there were any changes, but mostly skulked out in the main room and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Some people, mostly the demon's team, occasionally tried engaging him in conversation, but he rarely said much. There was an underlying tension in the guild, but most everyone was also keeping up a veneer of normalcy. If they were perhaps a little more subdued than usual, then who could blame them?

But they also went about their business and chatted about anything and everything, even if they still occasionally threw glances toward the infirmary or slipped away to double-check for themselves that there was no change. Lyon learned a lot from their talking, especially when they seemed to forget he was there.

The demon would naturally come up in their conversations from time to time—perhaps more often than if he wasn't currently on everyone's minds—and Lyon gleaned bits and pieces of information and stories. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he found it fascinating. He had deliberately tried not to know these things, but now it was like he couldn't help himself.

By the end of the day, there was still no change.

Natsu didn't even ask if Lyon was staying over again, just said, "Goodnight, everyone. We're heading home. Try and keep up, won't you, ice bastard?"

Lyon was almost glad to have the choice made for him, because every choice he made lately seemed to be one that he should be horrified by.

* * *

It was three full days before the demon finally woke up. Lucy came charging out of the infirmary with a wide grin and sparkling eyes, yelling "Gray's awake!" It was hard to miss.

Her pronouncement immediately sent a horde of mages scrambling for the sickroom, despite Wendy's pleas to not all crowd in at once. Lyon stepped forward, hesitated, and retreated back to the corner.

He should really just leave. If he had been waiting to make sure the demon would be alright, surely this was his cue that he could go with peace of mind? He started for the door but stopped again. He couldn't go see the demon, but he couldn't leave either.

He thought bitterly that this epitomized his relationship with the demon now. He was always stuck in the middle, unable to entirely cut ties and let go no matter how hard he tried.

He made himself as small as possible and watched as people bustled in and out, Porlyusica was summoned, and everyone discussed the demon's condition. A few people gave him curious frowns, but they mostly left him alone until the demon's team came out again.

"Oh, Lyon!" Lucy exclaimed as she spotted him. "Didn't you want to go in? The healers are kicking everyone out so that Gray can get some rest, but you can run in real quick."

"Why would I want to do that?" he grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Why…? But I saw how freaked out you were and you've been hanging around, so…"

"Did he ask for me?"

"Well…no, not exactly…"

Lyon wasn't sure why that was vaguely disappointing. "Then why should I go?"

"But one of the first things he did when he woke up was ask if you were okay," Happy said.

"I don't want to."

"But–"

"Alright," Erza interrupted. She gave her friends a look and then pinned Lyon with a gaze that seemed much too knowing and made him squirm uncomfortably. "Well, he doesn't have any more physical injuries, but he's still in a lot of pain from whatever that devil-slaying stuff did to him. He's being deliberately vague about his shadow again, but he says that he thinks it should heal on its own."

"Otherwise known as, he doesn't know so he's going to make up bullshit to get us off his case," Natsu muttered.

Erza ignored him. "The healers have put him on strict bedrest for now. They're worried about psychic and magical damage."

Natsu snorted loudly. "The only reason he's staying still now is 'cause he's tired and in pain. I'd like to see anyone try keeping him on bedrest once he's feeling more like himself. He's gonna be bouncing off the walls."

Lyon started to smile—that did sound exactly like Gray—but quickly stopped himself, only saying, "Okay."

Erza gave him another searching look, but then shrugged and pulled the others away to leave him in peace again. Relative peace. There was nothing peaceful about his mind right now.

He followed Natsu and Happy home again that night, even though he had no idea why he was still here. His hosts gave him odd looks but didn't comment.

Unfortunately, the lack of commentary couldn't last. As the next few days wore on and Lyon still couldn't convince himself to do anything but sit on the sidelines, Fairy Tail started getting more antsy. Their looks grew more suspicious and wary, quite possibly because they wanted to know why he was still here. Or because they were still all too aware of his sordid past with the demon and were starting to seriously question his motives.

Sometimes someone would ask why he was still there. _I don't know any more than you do,_ he wanted to say. Others tried to convince him to go see the demon. Juvia tried a couple times, Lucy brought it up, Natsu started getting pushier about the living arrangements.

"Juvia really thinks Lyon-san should visit Gray-sama. She thinks it would be good for both of them and…"

"If you really didn't want to see him, you wouldn't still be here. I know you were freaked out and…"

"Not that I mind turning my house into a hotel, but why are you still here and when can I expect you to leave? If you're not going to see him…"

Lyon didn't have any more answers than they did. He almost left half a dozen times, but something always pulled him back before he got far. But he also couldn't imagine actually going to see the demon either. So why _was_ he here?

The only one of the group who didn't pester him about it was Erza. She mostly just tried involving him in conversation every now and then and gave him periodic updates on the demon's health. He was starting to think that she actually understood him better than he understood himself.

But even she finally caved.

It was the fifth morning after the demon's return to consciousness that Lyon escaped the guild to sit moodily on a nearby bench and wrap himself in his dark thoughts. He had only been there for maybe half an hour before someone sat down beside him and he looked over to see Erza.

He wasn't thrilled. He'd rather be alone to work out his thoughts. Not that he was having much luck in that department.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Erza sighed. "I know it sometimes seems like we're against you because we're on Gray's side, but we do sympathize with you too. I mean, I can't even imagine… Well, I worry about you sometimes."

"Well, don't," Lyon muttered. "I can take care of myself."

"Mhm. I'm going to say this as someone who is genuinely concerned about your well-being, alright? I think you should go see Gray."

And here they went again.

"Did he ask for me?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know, does it?"

Erza swung her legs and chewed on her lip. "Why are you still here, Lyon?"

There was the million jewel question.

"I don't know."

"Then why haven't you left?"

"…I don't know."

Erza nodded slowly, as if he had just confirmed whatever she was thinking. "He knows that you're here, Lyon. You're here and you haven't gone to see him, so what do you think he's going to assume? If he thinks you hate him and don't want to see him, he's not going to ask for you. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means that he thinks _you_ don't care. He was pretty disoriented when he first woke up, but literally the first thing he asked once he'd gotten his bearings was if you were alright."

Lyon hummed noncommittally, not sure what to make of that. It made that disappointed feeling curl in his stomach again, the one that made him feel like he had done something wrong. He hated it.

When he didn't respond, Erza sighed. "Don't tell him I told you this, because he'll kill me."

"Why does everyone keep telling me things he'll kill you for?"

"Because he won't tell you himself, and you're very good at not seeing what you don't want to see." She pulled one leg up onto the bench and wrapped her arm around her knee. Her gaze was unfocused now. "He came to the guild drunk one night, so out of it that he didn't even know how he'd gotten there. It was really disconcerting, obviously, because he never drinks. We all knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't tell us. It was only when Juvia came back later and he asked how it had gone with you that we found out it was the anniversary of Ur and the other Gray's deaths. So if you didn't know, he was the one who sent her after you."

Lyon pursed his lips, not sure he liked where this was going. Yes, Juvia had told him. And Lucy had given away part of the whole 'drunk on the anniversary' thing, even if she hadn't gone into detail. Lyon hadn't been sure he really wanted to know then, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know now either.

"Anyway, he was really upset," Erza continued. "He said and did a lot of things that he never would have if his brain wasn't scrambled, and… Well, a lot of them are burned into my memory, but there's one in particular that's really stuck with me: 'It wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to care. I wasn't made that way. It's not supposed to hurt. Why does it hurt so much?'"

Something knotted uncomfortably inside Lyon, and his fingers slid across the rough wood of the bench to curl into white-knuckled fists. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you can understand it."

"Why should I want to understand _him_?" he asked bitterly.

"Not him," Erza said quietly. "You. It's not supposed to be like this for you either, is it? You should still be living and laughing with your brother, not finding out that he wasn't who you thought he was. It shouldn't have to hurt, because it should have only ever been your Gray. And now you're not supposed to love the demon who's left. You're supposed to hate him, not care about him. And it hurts because you feel both, but it shouldn't hurt because you shouldn't still love him. In the end, something that should be very black and white is all muddled up. That's why it hurts so much."

Lyon flinched back, his breath catching in his throat, before growling, "I don't love him."

Erza gave him a small, sad smile. "Love and hate aren't mutually exclusive. And you know, people say that it's easy to hate and hard to love, but it can be the opposite too. Sometimes you just can't help loving someone even though all you want to do is hate them, and you have to try holding on to that hate tightly so that you can convince yourself all the love is gone. You hate him, but you still love him so much that it's hard to watch, especially seeing how you can't admit it to yourself.

"He told you that he would give you a choice, didn't he? You keep giving him mixed signals. The reason he tends to be so carefully neutral with you or avoids you is because he isn't trying to win you over. He's waiting for you to make the choice on your own. And, to be honest, I think he's really just waiting for the day when you finally cut ties for good. You might not see how much it eats away at him, but maybe you also don't realize how much he still loves you.

"This inability to choose is hurting you too. The reason I worry about you is because it's easy to see how conflicted you are and how much it hurts you when you're always wavering back and forth. I think it would be good for you to really break down all your barriers and think things through, decide which path you want to take. You might actually be better off trying to reconcile with him because I think you miss him as much as he misses you, but it's up to you. But make a choice. I think it will bring you some closure and peace as long as you make _a_ decision."

She stood, brushing off her skirt, and then reached down to slide cool fingers across Lyon's cheek and convince him to meet her eyes.

"Go talk to him," she said gently. "If not for him, then do it for yourself."

She turned and walked away, leaving Lyon staring after her in turmoil. After a long pause, he pulled his feet up onto the bench and hugged his knees to his chest tightly. He rocked back and forth, the loneliness weighing down on him like a ton of bricks. It was crushing. Maybe it had been that way since he had lost the fake Gray. Because he wanted his brother back and it was a cold world without him, but how could he possibly overlook the truth?

Lyon had no idea what to make of anything Erza had said except for one thing: he needed to make a decision. He was tired of being stuck in the middle, striving to hate but somehow unable to walk away entirely.

He buried his face in his knees, his hot breath muffled in the fabric of his pants, and slowly began trying to break down all the defense mechanisms and stubborn denial he had been building up and perfecting over the past months. He forced himself to go over _everything_ , beginning to end, looking for something to tell him what he should do. He needed some kind of sign to point him in the right direction, but there was no easy answer anywhere to be found.

It was hours later when he finally stretched out his stiff limbs and headed for the infirmary with a heavy heart.

* * *

 **Note: Oh noes D:**

 **emmahoshi: Wow, there's an essay XD Ha ha, I'm pretty much known for being a snarky little brat. I'm glad someone appreciates it lol Sadly, I don't watch that many movies :'( I never drink coffee and people think I'm crazy lol I don't even like the smell of coffee. FT? Plan? Lyon needs his head checked lol (Oh gosh, I remember those days XP Waaay back when, before you could just click buttons and have stuff record automatically lol) Yeah, restaurants tend to serve way too much food. If I can't eat it all, I take it home. And I'm a picky eater, so I just pass on whatever I don't want to the rest of my family XD Yeah, Lyon is a stubborn little brat, but I feel for him...even though the whole time I've been all MAKE NICE ALREADY, YOU FOOL. Contradictory emotions suck lol Abusive relationship X) Yes and no. It's kinda normal for some things, but yeah, it can create a toxic environment. And Gray and Lyon just need to MAKE NICE ALREADY. Raaawr. Lyon was so uncooperative with me :/ It's never too late for popcorn :3**


	31. Gray (2)

**Note: I keep forgetting to respond to guest reviews because I post these late at night when I'm tired and cranky and want to go to bed ASAP lol But thanks guys, I do appreciate your comments and I'll try to be better at remembering to respond to them starting next chapter X)**

* * *

 **Gray (2)**

* * *

"Hold still," He muttered, tugging out a portion of his shadow to get a better look at one of the tears.

 _Hurts._

"I know."

He stretched a piece of the inky expanse experimentally, like one might stretch fabric to examine a rip, and his shadow hissed in displeasure. The edges of the gash were looking a little less ragged, a little like they were starting to slowly heal and bind themselves back together, but it was taking a long time and He was getting frustrated.

"I guess I could try sewing it again," He said with a marked lack of enthusiasm.

Propping up the pillow behind him into a more comfortable position, He settled cross-legged under the covers and gave the shadow in his lap another critical look. He wasn't sure this was actually _helping_ , but at this point He was willing to try just about anything. He'd already been confined to bed for days and hated it, and his friends were worrying incessantly over his shadow's mysterious ailment and its effects on him. He was ready to be done with it.

Anyway, it wasn't like He really had much else to do while He was exiled to the infirmary and Porlyusica had chased everyone out so that He could 'rest'. In other words, so that He could be sent to naptime like a child. But He didn't feel like sleeping and was bored out of his mind, so He might as well make the most of his free time before the team came round to fuss over him again in another hour or two.

A tendril of curses curled out to snag the shadow cast by the bed and pull it up. The very tip of his tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration as He carefully began weaving a mixture of shadow and curse into the holes in his own shadow. It started up an ache that was mirrored somewhere in his chest, but He gritted his teeth and kept going.

"Is this actually even doing anything?" He asked with a sigh.

He'd been trying it on and off for the past few days, looking for a way to make it work, but He wasn't sure if it was actually having any positive results or the progress was only from natural healing processes.

As a matter of fact, He had no idea what the hell He was doing.

 _You suck._

He coughed out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sigh. "I hope you realize that I'm only talking to you because I'm bored out of my mind and there's no one else to talk to."

 _Same._

"Wrong. You only talk to me because no one else can hear you."

It writhed angrily, and He pulled on the curses and edges of the tear perhaps more roughly than necessary in retaliation. Which He regretted when the accompanying pang in his chest broke through the normal dull ache.

 _Huuurts._

"I know it does," He growled, hunching his shoulders and waiting for the wave of pain to die down. "Stop whining. It hurts me just as much as it hurts you, but you don't see me pitching a fit, do you?"

 _Heal faster._

"Chill out. I'm doing what I can."

 _So we can kill._

He released his shadow and leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest as He glared at it. "Well, I'm glad to see that you're feeling well enough to be your normal horrible self. I don't know why I'm trying to help you. This is really just a taste of your own medicine. Karma's a bitch."

 _Huuuuurts._

"So much for all the 'pain isn't an object', 'pain is immaterial', 'not even pain can stop me'." He snorted derisively. "You sure have fallen far."

 _You too, then. Gone soft._

"Whatever. _I'm_ not the one stuck as a whiny little shadow, am I?"

His shadow seemed to snicker, and He could swear it was watching him with vicious satisfaction.

 _Oh, really?_

He sobered immediately, his body tensing. "Shut up."

This was dangerous territory, He could feel it.

 _We sure have fallen far._

"Don't mock me," He growled.

 _Huuuuuuurts._

"Good grief, quit your bitching and moaning. It's pathetic."

His shadow hissed angrily, coiling and lashing out to snap an ice-cold blend of shadow and curse across his hand.

"Ow!" He yelped, jerking back and cradling his hand to his chest as He glared at the aggressor. "What was that for?"

 _Hurts._

"Yeah, real mature. I already feel everything, even if I'm not whining about it."

He kept one wary eye on his shadow while He poked gingerly at his throbbing hand. There was no visible mark, but it still stung. Nothing compared to the moth-eaten holes turning his insides and shadow into Swiss cheese, but it smarted.

His shadow snickered. _Self-harm._

"Yeah, you're a real comedian. Shut up. You make terrible company."

He pressed his hands to his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Few things could rile him up as quickly as this stupid thing, and He didn't want to give it the satisfaction. Ignoring the little beastie for the time being, He ran a quick mental scan over his body to determine what He was actually capable of doing right now.

There was that dull ache pervading his entire body, along with the hotspots of phantom wounds that He was positive corresponded to those gashes in his shadow. He cautiously stretched out his legs and shifted positions, testing to see the reaction. Moving aggravated the mysterious injuries and sent sharp pangs lancing through his body, but they weren't crippling like they'd been when He had first woken up. Getting better.

In fact, He thought He was well enough to attempt an escape.

"If I were to sneak out, how high do you reckon the chances of getting caught and yelled at for breaking bedrest would be?"

"Pretty high, I think."

He jerked in surprise and his head whipped toward the door. "L-Lyon? Where did you…? What are you doing here?"

He gaped at the ice mage in the doorway for a moment longer before snapping his mouth shut and settling into a more wary mood. He wondered how long Lyon had been standing there. More than that, He wondered why Lyon was here at all.

When He had first woken up, his friends had been all too happy to tell him that Lyon was fine and had been worried and was here. That initial excitement had quickly faded to something more awkward, something that made it hard for them to meet his eyes if the ice mage was ever brought up. He had stopped asking.

Lyon had apparently been here this whole time and never once come. Which begged the question of why he was here now, especially since no one seemed to know why he was even still hanging around at all.

He doubted it was good. Aside from that little detail of Lyon hating him, such a delayed visit could only bode poorly. Most things involving Lyon boded poorly these days. They usually ended up hurting.

 _We could kill him instead._

His eye twitched, but He ignored the unwanted commentary in favor of eyeing Lyon warily. The ice mage was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, and his face was set in deliberately neutral lines to give nothing away.

"Do you always talk to it that much?" he asked.

He followed Lyon's gaze to the shadow draped over the bed and winced. "No, not usually. She's not any good with words. She can talk if she wants to, but it's difficult to have a conversation with someone whose primary functional vocabulary consists of about two words."

 _Kill, destroy._

Yup, those two.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, He flapped his hand at the shadow in a shooing motion. No point making Lyon deal with its antics, and He'd need his full attention to deal with the brewing catastrophe.

It growled into his mind and slid back. As it reluctantly slipped over the far side of the bed to coil out of sight on the floor, it lashed out lightning-quick to tag his hand again.

" _Ow!_ " He hissed, snapping his hand away.

 _Shoo_ , it hissed derisively.

He lunged for the side of the bed and peered over the edge with a snarl. "You know what? You can just–" He broke off and pressed his hands to his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm going to be the bigger person and not rip another hole into you, but you'd better fix your attitude before I change my mind."

 _Bigger person?_ It seemed to snicker again. _More like same–_

"Shut up," He growled. "Someone's awfully chatty today."

 _Less talk, more killing._

He turned away with a disgusted shake of his head…and froze as He spotted Lyon again and suddenly remembered that He had company. Oops.

"Um…" He cleared his throat again, gaze shifting away. "Did you need something?"

Lyon was watching the demon with a funny expression, but just shook his head slowly. "It usually…bites you?"

"Um, not really. She's just throwing a tantrum right now."

"And you said that it—she?—has a…piece of you? How does that work?"

He shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to go there. This was really his own fault for blurting out something like that in the heat of the moment. He'd been too focused on the battle to pay attention to his big mouth.

Also, why was Lyon so interested?

"It's…complicated. Don't worry about it."

Lyon's brow furrowed and a faint frown tugged at his lips. "She's pretty freaky. What _is_ she?"

"Nothing… A shadow. And curses and stuff. It's complicated. And not important. So, why are you here?"

He twisted the blanket in his hands but tried to keep his discomfort off his face. He was already on edge enough just from Lyon being here at all, without having to deflect hard questions on top of everything else. This was possibly the most Lyon had spoken to him since that fateful revelation, and He didn't know why. It wasn't fair that the other man always left him so off-balance and awkward. It made him want to curl up and disappear, and He always worried that his discomfort was written all over his face.

"Hiding things again, I see." Lyon sighed and finally ventured into the room. The ice mage moved slowly, hesitantly, but then dropped into the chair positioned by the side of the bed where Lucy had left it last time she had come to sit with the demon. "You're such a secretive idiot. What are we supposed to do with you, Gray?"

He sucked in a sharp breath and recoiled, something constricting painfully in his chest. Lyon paused as he noticed that the demon was watching him like he was a venomous snake.

"What?" he asked, giving him a puzzled frown.

"You just… You just called me Gray…"

Lyon stared back blankly but then a look of faint surprise stole over his face, his brows drawing together as if he was trying to solve a puzzle. "…I did, didn't I?"

Gaze sliding away, He frowned down at the bed and tried to ignore the heavy, uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. "You don't have to do that. The others only do it because they don't know any better. I was their Gray, not yours."

"Yeah." Lyon was silent for a long time, and He pointedly avoided looking at him. "I guess… I mean, Lucy has to be a pretty common name, right? How many people in the world are called Lucy? You wouldn't be upset if you met someone else named Lucy, even if she wasn't _your_ Lucy, right? So maybe… Maybe you can still be Gray, even if you aren't the same one I knew as a child."

"Lyon…"

"Anyway, thinking of you as 'the demon' is starting to get a bit cumbersome."

He snuck a look at the ice mage as he tried to reason through this ridiculous logic. Somehow He only felt worse and worse the longer Lyon tried to convince himself. This argument didn't sit well with him, not when the entire point of the shared name was that He had deliberately assumed someone else's identity. It didn't bother him quite as much when Fairy Tail called him Gray because that was all they had ever known him as and they had never met the real Gray, but it was different to hear Lyon say it. Lyon _had_ known Gray.

Lyon should know better.

He had no idea why this was coming up now. After everything, why was Lyon suddenly acting so strangely? He didn't know and it was making him assume the worst, whatever that might be.

"Why are you here?" He asked again, his voice quiet.

Something almost like disappointment flashed over Lyon's face, but then he schooled his features once more and shrugged as he leaned back in the chair. "Erza said you were feeling better."

"…Yes?" He twitched nervously again, before quickly trying to pull himself back together. "I'm perfectly fine, really. This whole bedrest thing is nonsense. Don't tell anyone I was planning to escape, alright? It'll make it harder next time I make an attempt."

Lyon scowled. "You're on bedrest for a reason. Stay put."

"They're overreacting." He rolled his eyes and let out his breath in a huff…stubbornly ignoring the accompanying twinge of pain in his chest. "It's really not a big deal."

Lyon went perfectly still, silent and motionless, but it was only the calm before the storm. His features suddenly contorted in anger and his eyes burned with rage. Jumping to his feet, he leaned over and jabbed a finger at the demon's chest.

"Not a big deal?" he demanded. " _Not a big deal?_ "

His voice rose until he was practically shouting, and He flinched back, going cross-eyed as He followed the tip of Lyon's finger before returning his gaze to his face. Heart pounding wildly at the sudden ferocity, He stared at Lyon with wide eyes.

Running footsteps started up somewhere outside, undoubtedly in response to the raised voice. Possibly because everyone knew how much Lyon hated him.

"What–?"

"You're a fucking _idiot_ , is what you are!" Lyon growled. "You pulled your stupid stunt, and now you get to stay on bedrest for it. And maybe think about what you've done. What the hell did you think you were doing, huh? Whose idea of a distraction is to almost get themselves killed? Seriously? You're a braindead fool. _Distraction_."

Erza appeared in the doorway, white-faced and panicked, and a few other people crowded around her. But no one dared venture into the room or interrupt, and He paid them no mind. He was too busy shrinking backward and gaping at Lyon as he continued leaning forward and jabbing with his finger.

"I don't need your protection. I could have taken it, you fool! I could have–could have– I would have been fine, none of your idiotic heroics required!"

Lyon's entire body was trembling with rage and…something. His face was still contorted in fury and his dark eyes burned, but…

There was a beat of silence, and then He burst out laughing. It might be a bad idea, but He suddenly couldn't help himself.

Lyon's eyes widened in indignation and he lunged forward the last few centimeters, twisting his hand in the demon's shirt and yanking him forward. If he had looked furious before, he looked downright _murderous_ now.

"Do you think it's _funny_?" he yelled. "I'm going to _strangle_ you, you stupid–!"

He slipped his arms around Lyon and pulled him down to an awkward position that forced him to half sit on the edge of the bed. One arm stayed wrapped firmly around the ice mage's back, and the other hand slipped behind his head to force him against the demon's chest despite his resistance.

Lyon flailed about, but He didn't let go. Maybe He had lost whatever right He had to this, but something was wrong and He was tired of sitting back and watching helplessly from the penalty box as everything imploded.

"Let me go, let me–"

"Shh," He murmured, "it's okay."

Lyon froze and then suddenly deflated. The resistance drained out of his body and he settled more heavily on the bed as he collapsed against the demon.

He relaxed his grip into something more gentle. Glancing at the door over Lyon's bowed head, He flapped a hand in a shooing motion before settling it around Lyon again. Erza hesitated but then nodded, giving him a small smile and mouthing 'good luck'. She ushered the other rubberneckers out of the room and closed the door behind them with a soft click.

"You're alright," He said softly. He didn't know what was wrong with Lyon, but he needed to calm down. "It's going to be okay."

He waited until Lyon's trembling had subsided and his breaths were no longer ragged against his chest.

"What happened?" He asked once He thought Lyon was calm enough.

"…What?" Lyon mumbled, voice muffled slightly by the demon's shirt.

"You're upset over something, and for some reason it seems to be manifesting as excessive concern for my well-being. What's wrong, Lyon?"

"You idiot." Lyon leaned back and He released him, settling for watching him with concern. The ice mage scowled halfheartedly. "It _is_ excessive concern for your well-being."

He frowned, trying to puzzle that through and coming up empty. "…Why?"

"Because…" Lyon groaned and dropped his face into his hands. "I thought you were going to die. And I panicked. Maybe I was overreacting, because when Lucy and Happy showed up you actually _were_ breathing and everything, but… I don't know. I panicked. And I just kept thinking about Galuna and Tenrou and the dragonlings and just…everything. And I panicked because you were going to die and we'd never get to fix things."

He stared back blankly, but then sighed and relaxed. That was alright, then.

"I see. Don't worry about that, it should go away soon."

"And I– Wait, what?"

"You panicked," He explained patiently. "Sometimes in high-stress, high-emotion situations like that, especially where imminent death is involved, you start getting flashbacks, worrying, remembering the things you'll lose and glossing over the reasons why you wanted to lose them in the first place. Once your emotions settle down again, you should return to a more normal state of mind. You don't need to be so upset over it—it doesn't necessarily mean that you've had a sudden change of heart."

Lyon lowered his hands and stared. "…For someone who is supposed to be brilliant, you sure are stupid."

"Hey…"

Honestly, He didn't get why Lyon seemed so unhappy about this. He had given a perfectly valid line of logic behind the sudden attitude shift. It was the only thing that could make sense of Lyon's odd behavior.

And, to be honest, He would rather believe that than that this was a real change. It meant that He didn't need to involve his heart.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but…" Lyon closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. "I forgive you."

He almost asked him to say it again. Not because He wanted to hear it again, but because He was fairly certain that He had just misheard something. But then the words really registered and He recoiled, heart clenching as He glared at Lyon.

"Don't say that," He said harshly. "Don't say that unless you mean it."

His defenses were back up, walls snapping back into place. It was cruel of Lyon to toy with him like this. Because he surely didn't mean it. And even if he did, He wasn't sure He was willing to open himself up to the risk that he would change his mind. Everything about Lyon was all sharp edges that He got cut on time and time again. He didn't need anything to make it worse.

Lyon rocked back, startled by the vehement reaction, but then scowled faintly and looked away. "You really think I'd say something like that if I didn't mean it? After how long I've spent trying to convince myself that it would never, never happen? I've had a lot of time to think over the past few days, and I've realized that it's…true. That's not something I'd say lightly. Goodness knows it's taken me a long time to even want to say it."

"…I think you should go."

"What?" Something like hurt flickered over Lyon's face. "Why?"

He hunched his shoulders and pulled his knees up to his chest to make a tent in the blanket, which He then frowned down at. "I think you're still in an unsettled state of mind. You should leave before you say something you'll really regret later."

"There are a lot of things I've regretted saying or doing in my life, but I don't think this will be one of them."

"I think you should go."

"You don't believe me." When He didn't answer, Lyon sighed heavily. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You don't understand how much I hate you, but…you don't understand how much I love you, either."

He hugged his knees tighter underneath the blanket, curling into himself as far as He could go until He looked as small and miserable as He felt. "I think you should…you should…"

"Look, I…" Lyon's voice wavered and he paused, swallowing hard enough to be audible. "I know that I've been…kind of a jerk. And I…I've been cruel and pushed you away and all that. But if you…if you could… We could, you know, try again. Maybe I don't deserve it, but…I miss you. Even with everything, I miss you."

One of those sharp edges dug into the wall around the demon's heart. Something cracked a little, a chink in the armor He had worked so hard to build up. He curled over himself, his forehead pressing against his blanketed knees.

"I miss you too," He whispered, the words escaping before He thought better of it. They were raw and jagged, making him feel small and vulnerable. Two things He tried so very hard not to ever feel like.

"I know. I think…I think I've always known, even if I didn't want to accept it."

The bed creaked and dipped, and He stiffened as Lyon hesitantly wrapped his arms around him. Blood roared in his ears and his breath hitched, but He tilted his head up so that his forehead was pressed against Lyon's chest instead of his knees.

And the words He'd been so careful to hold back for so long finally slipped from between his lips in a raw, pained breath: "I'm sorry."

Lyon's arms tightened. "Shh, it's okay. I know. I think I always knew that too."

He reached blindly, his hands fighting their way out of the blankets to find Lyon and curl against his chest, to reassure himself that the ice mage was really there. His breath hitched again and a quiet sound somewhere between a whimper and a sob escaped his lips.

"I'm sorry," He moaned, rocking slightly. "I'm so sorry."

"You're okay, you're okay. I'm sorry too."

Lyon tried running a comforting hand through his hair, but He wasn't soothed. He was shaking now, his whole body trembling under the pressure of all the emotion bleeding out from the cracks opening up in his walls. It felt like He was cracking under the pressure, and it was all He could do to hold on.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

A shudder ran through Lyon's body. "I forgive you," he said in a thick voice. "I really do. I mean that."

He looked up finally. Whatever Lyon saw on his face made him swallow hard.

"I tried really hard to hate you," he whispered. "I tried so hard to stop caring about you, for a while I almost thought I was managing it, but… I couldn't do it. A wise woman once told me that sometimes it's harder to hate than to love, and it's scary how right she is."

Lyon choked out a watery laugh and his voice wavered as he said, "I tried so hard to hate you, but even after everything…even knowing that you're a demon and old and sometimes scarily cold and that you've really been the one looking after me all along… When I hold you, you still feel like my little brother."

Lyon disappeared behind a blurry film of unshed tears. It hurt. It all hurt. It hurt to have such carefully crafted defenses torn away piece by piece.

"I'm sorry," He whispered again.

Lyon released him, hands lifting to cradle his face. "You aren't him, but hating you isn't going to bring him back. It's only going to make me lose you too. And I can't… I can't. I just can't. Because I loved you too. You were my brother too."

He made a pained sound in the back of his throat, and a single tear finally worked its way loose to track down his cheek. He was one feather-light touch away from crumbling completely.

"Don't go," He breathed with a sound like a whimper. "I'm sorry."

Lyon brushed the tear away with his thumb. Although he smiled shakily, his eyes shone with moisture.

"Forget all that bullshit I said earlier about names," he said. "That's not why, not really. You were wrong, you know. About being their Gray. You were always my Gray too."

He crumbled.

Jerking his face out of Lyon's grip, He buried it back in the ice mage's chest with a ragged sob. His hands fisted tightly in Lyon's shirt and He pressed himself to him as tightly as He could, curling into the other man as He shook with sobs.

It had been such a long time since He had really, truly cried. Since He'd had all his ironclad defenses ripped to shreds to reveal those soft, vulnerable parts of himself that He liked to ignore. Since He'd broken so completely in front of someone else.

It didn't feel real. The shaking and crying and choked breaths were painfully real, but everything outside of the wailing in his ears seemed surreal. He knew it couldn't really be happening, because things that were too good to be true usually were.

"You're going to be okay," Lyon murmured. "We're going to be okay."

His arms wrapped firmly around the demon, holding him close and forming a protective barrier against the rest of the world.

He clutched Lyon tightly, desperately, needing that protection while He was breaking. He was old and cold and distant and a demon and sometimes cruel and usually the one looking out for everyone else while He hid behind his walls, but right now, in this moment, wrapped in Lyon's arms, He felt like that little brother again.

"I'm sorry," Lyon crooned as he rocked the demon like a child. "It's going to be okay. I love you."

 _Love, love, love_. He didn't deserve it— _oh_ , He did not deserve it—but He wanted it so, so badly.

He made a strangled, garbled, incomprehensible noise, and Lyon buried his face in the demon's hair.

"I know," he whispered. "I love you too, Gray."

It was scary how deep it went, this desire to be loved. He had never been loved Before, nor had He deserved it. And maybe He didn't deserve it now either, but He wanted to.

And He wanted to be Lyon's Gray, Fairy Tail's Gray. He wanted to be that without feeling like He was cheating the child He had killed. But Lyon said that He could be Gray anyway—a _different_ Gray. They all did.

He wanted to deserve a name, to deserve being able to pick up his humanlike identity again.

He wasn't human, though. He was a demon. A demon who had only ever been a tool to be thrown away, who had only ever been a failure, who had only ever been meant to be feared and hated. That was how Zeref had defined him.

Zeref, who was dead and who He had never loved and who had never loved him.

But He loved Lyon and his friends and his guild. And they said that they loved him, whether He deserved it or not. And if He didn't deserve it yet, then He wanted to someday.

He didn't want to be Zeref's demon anymore. He wanted to be _their_ Gray.

"We can fix things," Lyon murmured. "It's been a tough road and I'm sure it'll still be hard, but…we can do it. We can rebuild things together."

For the first time, Gray dared to believe him.

* * *

 _ **End Segment 2**_

* * *

 **Note: ABOUT DAMN TIME. -smh-**

 **emmahoshi: "Cucumber" XD Not quite, but you're getting there! Yeah, Lyon's all over the place. Poor confused little guy. And yeah, those people can be hard to deal with when they're so unstable. Ha ha, you know me well enough to be wary of what this means for the future XD You'll get a short break before then :3**


	32. All the Broken Pieces-Reforging

**Note: Thanks, EndarkenedSanity and Emiko lol And yes, emotions seem to be my specialty, for better or for worse X) And to the sadly unnamed guest: yes, Lyon will be appearing a lot more frequently now. He and Gray are just so cute XP Don't worry, this fic isn't anywhere close to done ;_; It's by far the longest verse I've ever written, and I tend to write long in general lol But yeah, I'll definitely miss this version of Gray too. I'm excited to get back to canon Gray, but this is such an interesting version of him that I'll never get to work with again. But yeah, we've got a while to go before that point.**

* * *

 _ **Start Segment 3**_

* * *

 **All the Broken Pieces-Reforging**

* * *

Gray hovered just inside the guild's doorway, his hand tightening around the frame as he watched Lyon saying his goodbyes. Lyon had stayed for nearly a week after their reconciliation, until Gray's shadow had knitted itself back together, the phantom pains had disappeared, and Porlyusica had rescinded the order of bedrest. But he had his own guild and friends and life, and now he was leaving.

"Bye, Gray," Lyon said with a wave as he turned away from a wildly gesticulating Natsu.

"Goodbye," Gray said quietly.

It felt so final. Lyon was leaving and might never come back. He might change his mind, and what then? Gray was so foolish to have believed that maybe, just maybe, this was the real deal. Lyon might mean it now, but once he'd been at his own guild long enough and had the chance to really think things through, it would be so easy for him to realize how silly he had been.

Lyon paused and a puzzled frown tugged at his lips as he searched the demon's face. Gray shrank back, drifting so that he was half hidden behind the door. Lyon's frown deepened, but then something like understanding flickered in his eyes and he sighed.

"I'll see you around," he said.

Gray bit his lip, but his heart fluttered weakly in fragile hope. "See you later."

Lyon rocked back on his heel as if about to leave, but then gave up with a groan. "Stop looking at me like that. You're giving me those puppy-dog eyes again."

"Kitty-cat," he mumbled, dropping his gaze and inching another half-step out of view.

"…What?"

"I'm pretty sure they're contagious and I caught them from Happy. He's a cat."

"I am not a _cat_!" Happy protested. "I'm an _Exceed_ , which is _better_ than a cat!"

Gray just worried his lip some more and studied the floor. He couldn't help it. Things had been different since he and Lyon had finally come to an understanding. All his hardness had been stripped away, his defenses torn down, his normal attitudes shattered. His world had turned upside down and he'd been left adrift and uncertain, vulnerable and soft and unprotected.

Having Lyon around only seemed to make it worse, because they were still both a bit awkward and uncertain around each other, tiptoeing around and testing boundaries in the fear of making a misstep that might ruin everything. And Gray had also lost all his walls and defenses in one fell swoop, and now he had to figure out how to rebuild them in a more positive way and learn how to accept the new identity he was tentatively embracing.

He had been following Lyon around like a lost puppy whenever he was allowed out of bed—and sometimes when he wasn't—and shadowing him with some odd mix of shyness and vulnerability and cautious hope that he was not used to. He'd checked the mirror once or twice to see the look everyone kept commenting on. His eyes seemed too big for his face now, wide and dark, filled with something like longing and insecurity and anxiety and hope.

No matter what he tried, he couldn't seem to fix it, couldn't fall back on any of his normal masks or attitudes when all of it had been stripped away to bare the core of vulnerability he hadn't realized was still so raw. It was most pronounced when Lyon was around, but even when it was just his guild, he was still quieter and shyer, watching them with those big, peculiar eyes.

Maybe it was good that Lyon was leaving, then. Gray needed some time away from him to pick up all his broken pieces and figure out how to jigsaw them back together. Now that he was nearly starting from scratch, he'd need to test things out and find a way to rebuild. But with a clean slate, he could rebuild himself _differently_. _Better_. At least, he would try.

"How am I supposed to leave when you keep looking at me like that?" Lyon asked, groaning again.

Instead of pointing out that he was technically looking at the ground and not at Lyon at all, Gray mumbled, "Sorry."

There was a long, heavy pause, but then the sound of footsteps broke the silence and Gray darted a look up through his lashes to see Lyon approaching. His hands tightened on the doorframe, the knuckles turning white.

"You're going to be the death of me," Lyon said with a sigh. He slid his arms around Gray, although not even that could dislodge the demon's death grip on the door. "I'll come back," he said softly, his voice little more than a sighing breath. "It'll be okay."

Swallowing hard, Gray let himself sink into the embrace, savoring the contact and the hope it brought. He soaked up the affection greedily. He never knew when it might happen again, or if it would ever happen again at all.

Lyon made to let go, but Gray released the doorframe and fisted his hands tightly in his shirt, pulling him back.

 _I'll wait for you. I'll come for you too. I'll be here when you need me._

Lyon chuckled quietly. "I hear you," he murmured.

Gray took a deep breath and let him go. Lyon stepped back, and Gray watched him with those solemn eyes and their bittersweet edge of vulnerability.

"Take care of yourself, Gray," Lyon said as he headed back into the street. Nodding to the mages assembled behind the demon, he added, "Everyone."

He hesitated a moment longer, his teeth cutting into his lower lip as he stared at Gray, but then he finally turned and began walking down the street. Walking _away_.

Gray's hand found the doorframe again and tightened. His heart sank under the weight of his insecurities and hopelessness, but he pulled it back up determinedly. Lyon had said that he'd come back, and Gray would believe him. It was too easy to doubt, but it wasn't really fair to Lyon either, to call him a liar.

Still, it hurt to watch him weave his way through the crowds and disappear from sight. Maybe it had to happen, but Gray missed him already.

"Oh, quit moping around already," Natsu grumbled from somewhere behind the demon. "It's weird and– _Ow!_ "

"Leave him alone," Erza growled. Gray felt rather than heard her step up beside him, and he tore his gaze away to look at her. She gave him a small smile before glancing down the street as well. "I told you it would work out, didn't I?"

"You did." His gaze drifted back to where Lyon had vanished. "Do you think it'll stick?" he mumbled, half to himself.

"Oh, I very much do," Erza said with a smile in her voice.

"As long as you quit with all your weird moping and pull yourself together already," Natsu interrupted. "Seriously, it's getting pretty creepy now."

Gray turned back to look at the guild gathered behind him for the first time. Lucy was jabbing Natsu none too gently in the ribs with her elbow, her expression making it clear that she was worried his tactlessness would make the demon shut down. Maybe it would have before, but things were different now— _Gray_ was different—and he was going to file off some of that too-hard edge when he reforged himself and his identity.

Instead, he smiled. It tugged at his lips and made the corners of his eyes crinkle, and his head tipped slightly to the side as he eyed his friend fondly.

Natsu immediately forgot about his whispered argument with Lucy and leaned back slightly, his eyes widening in surprise. Everyone seemed to freeze, staring at Gray with varying degrees of shock and emotion.

"God," Erza said wistfully, her voice some odd mix of melancholy and hope, "it's good to see you smile again."

Gray tilted his head the other direction. "I smile plenty."

"Yeah, but it's always teasing or mocking or fake or amused or something like that. It's not usually so…" Erza gestured vaguely and shook her head.

"Happy," Natsu supplied, his voice gruff as he pursed his lips and dropped his gaze to the ground.

"Yeah," Erza agreed quietly.

A few people exchanged looks or nodded. Gray considered the assertion, turning it over in his mind. Maybe they had a point.

"It's been a while, I guess." He grinned more brightly. "So, do you guys wanna pick out a job or what?"

His team blinked at him uncomprehendingly, but then answering smiles broke out on their faces. He might have submitted to the team jobs, but he wasn't very good at being proactive and initiating them. But seeing as he was going to try rebuilding himself better this time… Well, maybe this was as good a place to start as any.

"Awesome!" Natsu said, bouncing over to the job board.

"Do you want to come make sure we don't pick a place you don't feel comfortable going?" Lucy asked when he didn't move to join the rest of the team as they gathered to look at the requests.

"Nah." Gray turned back to the open door, his eyes seeking out Lyon's empty spot again. The faintest of smiles curved his lips upward. "I think I can handle it."

He wasn't entirely sure what it meant to be Gray yet. He wasn't sure how to rebuild his defenses in such a way as to protect his most vulnerable parts but not shut everyone else out. He wasn't entirely sure of how to face the world and become someone he might actually be proud of and glue all his broken pieces back together.

But he'd be damned if he didn't try. This felt like a second chance, an opportunity to start anew and reconstruct his identity now that he had finally won acceptance from the last holdout dear to his heart. Maybe he would finally let his friends help him reshape himself into the person they caught glimpses of underneath all his frozen armor.

He was going to reforge himself as Gray—his _own_ Gray—and would set aside his Book to rewrite himself as he saw fit. And he couldn't wait to see who he would become now that he was choosing to be his own version of human.

* * *

"How come _I'm_ stuck carrying this?" Natsu complained as he hauled the mattress down the street. "This is _your_ crap."

Gray smirked and strolled along ahead of the dragon slayer and his burden. "Because you're the one who stole it from my place and brought it to yours."

"To make _you_ more comfortable so that you didn't have to sleep on that damn couch! Honestly, Happy, can you believe this guy?"

Gray laughed and inclined his head at a passing woman. She froze for the briefest of seconds but then nodded back before hurrying on. The streets had become more comfortable over the past couple weeks. They'd started the process of becoming more welcoming long before that, to be honest, but it was only now that Gray was accepting it. And he'd found that Erza was right: the friendlier he acted in public, the more likely strangers would be friendly to him even if they recognized him. Or, at least, not give him nasty looks or run away.

His reception was still chilly in places, but Magnolia's citizens had been growing used to seeing him around. He'd helped many of them at one time or another through jobs, and his new and improved attitude was winning him the benefit of the doubt in some quarters.

He wanted to say that it was his more open and cheerful demeanor and its results that had improved public opinion enough for his landlady to invite him back to his apartment, but he knew this had been a slow process that had been brewing for weeks and weeks now. She had clearly been paying attention and had tracked his slow progress from the very beginning.

And although some small part of him would miss crashing at Natsu's house and having his friends so close, he was ready to move back to his own place and regain some of his privacy. Also, he was tired of doing all Natsu's chores and trying to contain the veritable hot zone of biological contamination the dragon slayer created wherever he went. Natsu and Happy's messiness was driving him crazy, especially since he was limited to how much of it he could straighten up. He was looking forward to living somewhere where he didn't have to worry about how ridiculously unsanitary everything was.

"With how many dishes he washed for us, you're lucky he's only making you carry the mattress," Happy said unsympathetically.

"Hey! How come you aren't helping, then? He was cleaning up after you too."

"But I'm just a poor little kitty cat. You can't expect me to actually do _work_ , can you?"

"What happened to all that 'I'm not a cat, I'm an Exceed' crap? Geez, you're no help at all."

"And you're just lazy."

"Hey, it's _heavy_ , alright?"

"You managed to carry it all the way to the house before…"

"Yeah, well– Hey, where are you going?"

Gray half turned and waved cheerily from where he'd sped up and was now a good distance ahead. "You're being too slow, so I'm going to run ahead. Meet you there!"

"Hey! Get back here, ice princess!"

He laughed merrily and kept on going with a bounce to his step, grinning and nodding at the passersby who were blinking uncertainly at the scene. One man actually smiled back hesitantly before he could stop himself, and Gray's grin widened. Perhaps it was harder to be afraid of a demon dubbed 'ice princess'.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and sauntered along, weaving his way through the crowds and cheerfully ignoring Natsu shouting after him. Most people still gave him a wide berth and shot him nervous looks, but there were also some who didn't. Even a few who would nod or smile if he did first, even if uncertainly.

Ignoring the shadows that he could hide in so easily, he ducked into a street off his main path to rap on the window of the kitchenware store. The auburn-haired girl behind the counter started in surprise and turned away from the customer she was conversing with, but smiled and waved when she saw him outside. He grinned and waved back, adding in a cheery little wave for the gawking customer before strolling on.

He had actually taken Erza's advice and gone back to Sophie's place to play with Jamie several days before. It was still odd to be around someone who thought being a demon was 'cool', but he always had liked kids. He was still technically banned from being too close to Asuka, but it had been fun to run around and play children's games again for a while. Maybe he'd go back sometime.

He arrived well ahead of Natsu and Happy despite his detour, and his good cheer stayed intact right up until he stepped into his building and found himself face to face with his door. The wood was splintered and decorated with ugly gashes, and the door was barely clinging to the frame by one hinge.

Sighing and preparing himself to see what damage had been wrought on his apartment, he hefted the broken door and pushed it open. It was an absolute mess inside. His eyes roamed slowly over the wreckage and shrapnel—the graveyard of his old life. Not much looked salvageable. His desk had been reduced to firewood, his sofa and armchair slashed open so that their stuffing spilled out, his loose belongings strewn across the floor and crushed underfoot.

He surveyed them all silently. Truth be told, they were just objects that he had no strong attachment to, and yet… And yet he didn't like to see them destroyed so casually. He hadn't thought he'd really mind replacing them all, but he knew them and had memories of them that stirred some half-forgotten fondness. He'd miss it all, when he had to toss everything out and begin anew.

The one thing he didn't see was the graffiti that his landlady had been so worked up about. He searched the walls with a frown, but came up empty until he realized that the back wall was a much brighter and cleaner white than the others…as if it had been recently repainted.

He drifted over, weaving his way through the debris as splintered wood and glass crunched underneath his boots.

"Natsu and Happy painted over all that horrible graffiti."

He turned away from his scrutiny to nod to his landlady standing in the doorway. "Good morning, Obaa-san."

"Good morning, dear," she replied. "It's good to see you back."

"Good to be here." He gave the wall another considering look. "Natsu and Happy, huh?"

He'd regaled his landlady with stories of his guild's antics many times before, so it was unsurprising that she knew his friends' names. But as far as he knew, she'd never interacted with them before…until recently, perhaps?

"Yes. I caught them in here. Apparently they stopped by on a few different occasions to layer over the paint since the words were so dark. I believe they mentioned having started when they stopped by to fetch something of yours and saw the damage."

That would have to be the mattress, he supposed. Way back around the other Gray's birthday, then. It wasn't something he would really expect from them, although he supposed that secretive, unacknowledged support had always been their way.

He reached out and pressed his hand to the wall, then let his fingers trail down it feather-light as if tracing over the invisible words. He wondered what it had said. He was grateful that Natsu and Happy had erased it. A fresh coat and a new start.

"I see," he murmured.

"And speaking of paint, I really think you ought to repaint this place already." The elderly lady clucked her tongue and shook her head. "You've lived here for how many years and never painted? The white is a little sterile, dear. Honestly, I didn't think you'd last long in the beginning. You never painted, you kept only the minimum furnishings, and the whole place was scrupulously sterile. It's like you've always been prepared to move out at a half-second's notice rather than truly making yourself at home here."

Gray started and blinked at her in surprise. That was…not something he had thought of, but…

He had always preferred minimalism, being practical and pragmatic at heart, and liked to keep everything neat and organized in a way that might make a home look unlived-in to an outsider. That was just the way he was. But…maybe the words held some truth.

Maybe he had never truly put his mark on this place because he was always on edge, living a life that could crumble at any moment. Maybe he had always been prepared for the worst, ready to move on as soon as the truth came out and he was discovered. Maybe he hadn't wanted to develop any sentimental feelings for the place or the things inside it because he was afraid of getting too attached when he might lose it all at any second.

But that dreaded moment had already come and gone, and now he was back again. He was still here.

Maybe she was right and it was time to turn this place into a home.

"I'll think about painting," he agreed.

"Good." She smiled at him, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth deepening further. "I've already asked Nat to get a new door for you. And I'm changing the locks while I'm at it. I'll give you a copy of the key when it comes in, not that you really need it."

"Oh, you needn't drag your kids into it. Don't worry, I don't mind taking care of it."

"I'll insist on this one. I _am_ technically responsible for damages to the building, and I count the doors in that."

Gray smiled faintly and shook his head. It was going to be a pain to get her to accept the months of past-due rent he had collected for her, he could tell already. He would press that point another time, though, because he was suddenly aware of loud clumping sounds and grumbling as the outer door slammed open.

"Sounds like my lazy friends finally decided to show up," he said with a chuckle.

The landlady threw a glance down the hall and nodded. "Indeed. I'll get out of your way, then. I'm too old for this nonsense. But come by and chat later, won't you? We have a lot of catching up to do. And invite your friends over if they need a break."

"Of course," Gray agreed with a smile. "It's been a while."

"It has." She had been turning away, but paused to give him a searching look. "It's good to see you in better spirits, dear."

It seemed like everyone was noticing that. It must be painfully obvious. She hadn't even seen him in months, aside from their brief meeting a couple days ago when she had invited him back.

He watched her hobble off to her own suite and turned his attention to his friends as they came stomping into view.

"Ha, you've been outdone by Erza again!" Happy was crowing.

Natsu, who had been relieved of the mattress by the aforementioned redhead, crossed his arms over his chest sulkily and scowled. "I have not. She's not any stronger than me. I was handling it fine before she came along. I didn't need her help."

Erza shot him an unimpressed look and leaned the mattress against the wall in the hallway. "Perhaps I just didn't want to listen to you whine and moan and complain so pathetically the whole way."

Happy cackled joyously and Natsu flushed. A smile tugged at the corners of Gray's mouth. Gosh, those two had been so slow that they'd even run into the rest of the team on the way over.

"Oh," Lucy breathed as she stuck her head inside the apartment and took in the devastation with wide eyes.

Natsu and Happy exchanged a look but were, unsurprisingly, unsurprised. Lucy looked horrified but Erza surveyed the scene more calmly, even though her lips tightened and her eyes were hard.

"It's alright," Gray said with a shrug. "It'll just take some cleaning up."

"They broke _everything_ ," Lucy said. "All of your stuff is ruined!"

"I can replace it." He was just lucky that the world had only broken furniture rather than something precious and irreplaceable.

"Well, it looks like there's plenty to do." Determination glinted in Erza's eyes as she braced her hands on her hips and let her eyes roam over the destruction with a calculating gleam. "Getting rid of all this trash, fixing the damage, buying new furnishings, redecorating… It's going to be a team job."

Gray smiled. He wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

It took the better part of three days to fix everything up. It would have taken much longer and been a lot less fun without help, but the team effort went a long way.

Natsu, despite his aversion to all things that could be even remotely considered work, cleared the debris from the apartment with surprising good cheer and enthusiasm. They later found out it was because he was dragging it all outside and making a huge bonfire…at least until what's-her-face upstairs complained and Erza yelled at him and forced him to stop. He was a lot sulkier after that.

Lucy was less enthusiastic about the physical labor, but took great delight in dragging Gray around to all the décor stores in the area to pick out new furnishings. Her help was appreciated since he knew nothing about interior design and honestly had few opinions on it, but he had to keep an eye on her to make sure things didn't get too girly. They had an hour-long argument about what dishes to buy, because he absolutely refused to get anything with a floral design no matter what she said. His one contribution was a ridiculously comfy dark-blue couch that he'd taken a shine to, and which Lucy eventually approved of after worrying for several minutes about whether it would fit with her grand plan. He left the rest up to her, occasionally putting his foot down when he actually had an opinion.

Erza, for some reason, took a keen interest in the new layout of the apartment, and ordered the boys to drag the furniture this way and that as she and Lucy argued over which positions worked best. Gray insisted that the desk stay under the window and the bed in the same place as before, but otherwise submitted to her bossiness good-naturedly. It did get tiresome after he and Natsu had repositioned the same pieces of furniture dozens of times, but he wasn't going to complain when Erza was so invested. When she was finally satisfied, she smiled and declared that the rooms had good feng shui. Whatever that meant.

Happy, being Happy, spent most of the time hovering over everyone's shoulders and making snide remarks, teasing, criticizing every choice made, and generally being unhelpful. At least until he made one comment too many about Erza's decorating skills and found himself at sword-point. He was much more pleasant company after that.

It was nice to have them around, but they weren't the only ones who helped. The team effort in question ended up involving a much bigger team than Gray had expected.

His landlady's son showed up to replace the door, and although he regarded the demon warily, his mother must have lectured him beforehand since he was polite enough. Gray stopped by to talk to his landlady on a few different occasions, having missed their chats. She told him about all the trouble her grandkids had been getting into, and he recounted sanitized versions of events from the past months. She also invited the team over for tea and cookies when they needed breaks from work, which had seemed like a good idea until she started sharing rather embarrassing stories about him and his friends shared ten times more right back, talking over his protests. He'd known there was a reason he'd kept the different spheres of his life separate. Geez.

Erza, tiring of Gray and Lucy's bickering over the dishes, had gone behind both their backs to consult Sophie at the kitchenware store. The two had chosen appliances, glassware, and dishes from her store instead and Sophie had given everything at a discount, which Gray accepted under duress. On the bright side, the options were far less feminine this time.

The rest of the guild also found ways to involve themselves. Occasionally Gajeel or Laxus would show up to help haul the heavier furniture around. Mira and Lisanna stopped by periodically with snacks for the workers, and Cana would bring drinks…occasionally even nonalcoholic ones. Wendy proved to have a surprising knack for assembling furniture from diagrams, and successfully directed Gray and Natsu on how to put the bedframe together in half an hour after it had taken the entire team four hours of frustration to get exactly nowhere. Charle even came along to offer disdainful opinions on the décor, which annoyed the girls to no end but amused Gray greatly.

Bisca brought by a stuffed rabbit, white fur worn and threadbare with age and love, that Asuka had insisted 'Gray-nii' have. Gray smiled fondly, rubbed the soft fur of the ears between his fingers, and left the gift resting against the pillow on his bed. He still didn't get to see Asuka much up close or play with her, but he was grateful that she didn't seem to think he didn't like her anymore.

A few other people brought housewarming gifts as well: a rug that looked nice under the couch with its blue ombre weave; a pretty gilt clock with intricately filigreed hands and delicately painted numbers; a painting of the entire guild gathered around the hall and laughing, courtesy of Reedus, that had been given a place of honor on the wall; a glass-blown vase painted with flowers that had been hidden behind other accessories, because it had been deemed too girly but he didn't feel right about just tossing it. Levy and Freed even stopped by to layer protective runes around the apartment so that it would be a safe haven and Gray didn't have to worry about anyone else breaking in or ambushing him. It was all very sweet.

And when they were _finally_ finished, the entire guild threw a party. The guild was _always_ looking for excuses to party. It started at the apartment—which Gray could have told them was a bad idea right from the beginning, given that it was definitely not big enough for everyone to fit into—but was quickly moved to the guild hall after what's-her-face upstairs complained about the noise. Gray couldn't exactly blame her—Fairy Tail wasn't known for being quiet.

Gray returned to his newly refurbished apartment that night and looked around with a small smile. It felt more like home, now that all his friends had gotten their grubby little hands on it. They'd left their fingerprints everywhere, and it made him smile to see their little touches scattered about.

The last thing was to paint, just like his landlady had suggested. Lucy had brought up the topic of choosing a color other than white once or twice, but Gray had just smiled and said that he'd take care of it later, unmoved by her worry that he'd pick the wrong color and ruin all her hard design work.

He let his eyes skim along the walls, and they took on a calculating gleam as he considered his options. Nothing too bright or garish, just something to bring a splash of color to the blankness of the white.

He settled onto his new couch and snuggled into the soft cushions—this was far more comfortable than Natsu's hell-couch, not that that was saying much—as he mentally crossed off a whole host of possible colors. Then a thought hit him and he twisted around, eyeing that blank stretch of wall over the back of the sofa. Whatever had been there was something of his old life, and was what most needed to be given new purpose. And it was a large, open space—the perfect canvas.

Hm…

Gray examined it appraisingly for several long minutes, sketching out plans in his head, and then looked to the new clock hanging on the wall by the door. If he hurried, he could get the paint before the stores all closed.

He jumped to his feet and darted out into the slowly darkening streets, slamming the door behind him loudly enough that he fully expected to hear complaints from what's-her-face upstairs the next day. Energy crackled through his veins now that he had a purpose and a plan, and his boots pounded a cheery staccato rhythm against the cobblestones as he dashed through the streets. The people he rushed past gave him strange looks, but he just grinned and waved and kept right on going.

He spent quite a while in the store, pouring over the selection of paint and debating the merits of each color. He'd rather not come back, so he was careful to get everything he needed and pick the right colors.

Returning home was a much slower affair, since he was juggling over half a dozen heavy paint cans. A dark-haired man stopped to offer his assistance, only paling when Gray looked up in surprise and his face was illuminated by the soft glow of a streetlamp lacrima.

"It's alright," Gray said. He looked away, a soft half-smile tugging at his lips. "But thanks."

The man cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, I could, um… If you needed…"

Gray gave him a sidelong look. It was an offer born of politeness more than anything. He was embarrassed at having mistaken the demon for a human in the darkness and couldn't find a graceful way to duck out of the offer. But still, it was an offer of politeness that Gray wouldn't have been afforded weeks before and that would still be a rare commodity.

"Well, if you don't mind… It's not far."

He really ought to just decline, but it was hard not to take advantage of such a rare opportunity. The man swallowed and held out his hands. Gray managed to shuffle his burden around and pawn off the two most awkwardly-balanced cans on the good Samaritan. When the man eyed the remaining cans uncertainly, Gray just shrugged and smiled and started walking again. He could handle the rest.

"You're, um, painting?" the man asked after a moment, his voice squeaking slightly.

"Yup," Gray said, pretending not to notice his companion's discomfort. "I've just moved back into my old apartment. It was 'suggested' in no uncertain terms that I ought to paint the walls something other than white already. I've lived with white walls for over a decade and never had a problem with it, but what do I know?"

The man darted a look at the armful of cans Gray was lugging around. "So you decided to paint them…rainbow?"

Gray tossed back his head and laughed, the sound bouncing off the stone streets before being swallowed by the darkness. "No, no, I have different plans." He grinned. "Rainbow. Lucy would _kill_ me. That would clash with all her interior design crap for sure."

"Oh." The man smiled back uncertainly.

It didn't take long to reach the building, and Gray paused by the door.

"You can just drop them on the ground here, and I'll run them inside." He watched as the man lowered the cans to the ground and backed up hesitantly. "Thanks again."

"No, um, no problem."

"But wasn't it?" he murmured, his gaze drifting up to rest among the stars as one corner of his mouth curved upward in a melancholy fashion.

"Um…"

Gray's gaze snapped back and his smile turned friendly again. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He watched the man scurry back down the street. The stranger paused before turning the corner, glancing back and chewing at his lip before disappearing from view. To be honest, that had gone a lot better than it could have.

Gray ferried all the paint cans into his apartment and braced his hands on his hips as he surveyed his domain. There was a lot of work to be done, and no time like the present. That excitement and energy was bubbling up inside him again at the prospect of a project, and he might as well put it to use.

He moved the furniture out of the way, opened the first can, and got started. Grabbing a roller, he began slathering paint over the walls. He was very careful to make an even coat, but when he finished and stepped back, it seemed…flat. Tapping his foot absently on the floor, he regarded the walls with a small frown. Maybe…

Smiling to himself, he searched for another can and set about creating an ombre effect. Nothing too obvious, just something subtle so that the color wasn't so flat. He painstakingly blended the colors into a subtle gradation until it was a perfectly smooth transition. Much better.

It was deep into the night when he was finally satisfied with his work. There was still a buzz of energy humming in his veins and his fingers itched to get back to work, but he reluctantly went to sleep. He could get started on the fun stuff tomorrow.

It took a long time to fall asleep when he was so antsy, but he was still full of energy when he woke up the next morning. Giving his apartment one last pleased look, he headed for the guild. His mind was already half focused on the coming night's work, but he was also in a good mood to see his friends.

"I don't get it," Natsu was complaining as Gray slid onto the bench next to Lucy. "I've never _once_ had this problem before."

"What happened?" Gray asked.

"Salamanders!" the dragon slayer almost shouted, throwing his hands into the air. "Salamanders everywhere! They just, like, moved into my house and now they're burning everything. They're kinda cool and all—I mean, they breathe _fire_ —but there's a ton and I can't seem to get rid of them. I turned my back for one second last night and they burned our dinner right in the pan!"

"No," Happy disagreed, " _you_ burned dinner. No need to blame the lizards."

Erza arched an eyebrow at Gray. He tried to look as wide-eyed and innocent as possible. She just shook her head and turned away, although the faintest of smiles played at the corners of her lips.

"I'm pretty sure it was the salamanders," Natsu grumbled.

"It was you." Happy turned big, pleading eyes on Gray. "I miss your cooking already."

Gray snorted. "I'm not a good cook."

"No, but you're better than _Natsu_. He just burns everything. Although I guess you're lucky that you moved out before the salamanders showed up."

It was hard to keep a straight face. "Oh yeah. Really lucky."

"Whoa, whoa, he is _not_ better than me!" Natsu protested.

"He is."

"Is not! I'm better than him at everything!"

"Except cooking."

"Not true!"

"Is so!"

Gray coughed to hide a laugh as he watched Natsu and Happy get drawn into a heated argument.

"Huh," Lucy said. Her voice was low, but it didn't look like the bickering friends were paying her any mind anyway. "Didn't you have a job where you went with Erza to get rid of an infestation of salamanders…?"

Gray gave her a look of injured innocence. "Are you accusing me of something?"

She looked between him and Erza before sighing and ducking her head to hide her smile. "No, of course not."

Natsu abandoned the argument with a huff, crossing his arms and pouting in a decidedly sulky fashion. Happy grinned in victory.

"Oh, hey, you have something on your face," Lucy said as she looked back up.

Frowning, she stuck her thumb in her mouth and then began rubbing at Gray's cheek vigorously. He jerked back, sputtering, thrown completely off balance by the unexpected attack.

"Hey!" he yelped.

"Did you just lick him?" Natsu asked, his face screwing up into a disgusted expression. "Gross."

"Actually, why not?" Happy asked with a shrug. "How else do you groom?"

"I'm not licking him!" Lucy squeaked. Her face flamed red and she looked away, tucking her hands beneath her elbows to hide them.

"I'm not a child," Gray grumbled, still embarrassed.

"Sorry, sorry, I was just trying to get it off your face. What _is_ that?"

"How should I know? I can't see my face." He paused as something occurred to him. "Oh, probably paint."

"Paint?" Erza asked, her eyebrows rising slightly.

"Yeah, I was painting my apartment last night."

Her eyebrows rose so far that he was worried they might climb right up off her face. "You're painting your apartment _gray_?"

"Yeah?"

"No one paints their houses _gray_."

Gray thought this was rather unfair. He was sure that people painted houses gray all the time. Or, at the very least, _someone_ must have done it before.

"Why not?" he grumbled. "It's a nice, neutral color."

"But it's so _drab_."

Gray found this rather offensive.

"Yeah," Natsu agreed critically. "You should've painted it something colorful."

"Like what?" Gray asked acerbically. "Bright pink, to match your hair?"

"Hey!"

"If we let you loose on a room with paint, it would look like a circus ran through."

"Better than _boring_."

"Better than looking like a unicorn came by and puked up rainbows on the walls."

"Ew," Happy said, making a face. "Thanks for that visual."

"You're welcome."

"It's ruined!" Lucy burst out. Gray eyed her in alarm, worried that she'd start wailing and ripping her hair out at any second. "All that hard work designing everything to look nice, and you painted your walls _gray_! What shade is it?"

"Geez, everyone's a critic," he groused. "It's pretty light, honestly. I didn't want anything too dark because I didn't want the room to be dark. And 'cause it would make the room look smaller."

"Huh." Lucy put her meltdown on pause to blink at him in surprise. "You actually learned something."

Gray rolled his eyes. "I'm not an expert, but I'm not an idiot either. I know how colors work. Seriously, it's not that bad. I think it looks nice with the couch."

"I sure hope so. I'll have to go do damage control later…"

He didn't see why everyone was so worked up. They'd only said that he should paint the walls. They hadn't specified what _color_ he should paint them. And honestly, he could make his own decisions. Interior design wasn't his forte, but he'd always had a good eye for color.

He put up with the ribbing until Natsu eventually got distracted and began ranting about the salamanders again, which was highly amusing. Later, in the evening, Gray went home early. He had plenty of work left to do, and he was fidgety with anticipation.

Flipping the light on and shutting the door behind him, he surveyed the walls critically to reassure himself that he knew what he was doing. The base color was a light gray that faded out to an even lighter shade and darkened a bit in places, turning almost black at the very corners. That would be a pain to paint over, but maybe he liked it that way. He liked to think that he'd put his mark on this place and it couldn't be erased so easily.

Anyway, the gradation was so slight and smooth that you might not even notice it at first glance…unless you happened to look at two spots in quick succession and realize that they were not, in fact, the same color. He thought it added an element of interest, and screw what his friends thought. Geez.

The back wall, on the other hand, was just a flat, pale gray, except for the darker bits in the corners. He drifted over and began opening paint cans absently as he eyed his canvas. He was eager to get started, but had the presence of mind to fetch a variety of brushes, bowls and plates for mixing, and any other tools he thought might come in handy.

It had been a while since he'd done anything particularly artistic aside from molding, but he'd dabbled in the arts occasionally in the past. It had started as a simple exercise to practice the precision needed for the molding he'd found so difficult to master in the beginning, grown into something that allowed him to feel like he was learning how to create and rebuild rather than destroy, and eventually become something he loved. He loved the feeling of wielding his tool with precision and highlighting the smallest of details in the sharpest of focus, of recreating the world as he saw it or creating something entirely new, of turning a mess of lines and smudges and colors into a cohesive whole.

He had been rather good at it before, but he hoped he wasn't too rusty. His artistic endeavors had slowed and nearly ceased after the mess with the guild's disbandment and his subsequent infiltration of Avatar, and he hadn't even _thought_ about them since his identity came to light. But his fingers still itched to create, and he'd work with what he had.

He'd always preferred drawing and painting things with sharp edges and crisp details, where he was in control and could recreate the world in an orderly fashion. He'd never been much good at watercolor or loose sketching or anything that was about motion and freedom rather than precision. Ironically, he'd never been any good at sculpting either. Clay and rock just didn't have the same feel as ice, and even ice was easiest to manipulate with magic.

But he knew these paints and brushes, knew the necessary precision and eye for detail, knew the intricacies of colors and composition. He could do it.

He started with Lucy on the end, blocking in swatches of color for her face and torso, arms and legs. The image he wanted to create was clear in his mind's eye, overlaid on the wall as surely as if he'd traced over it with a pencil before starting. He began filling in the detail. Lucy would have to radiate energy and be in motion, because that was how Gray liked her best. Body angled inward, one leg balanced on an invisible ground, the other bent at the knee with the foot in the air. Their little cheerleader.

One hand outstretched toward the middle of the wall with the back facing the viewer to show off the mark it bore with all the excitement and pride of its owner. He painted the ring of keys dangling from her fingers in a shimmer of gold and silver. After a moment of hesitation, he shrugged and picked a delicate brush to trace Loke's mark on the one Lucy was grasping. Why not?

The blue of her skirt, the fabric billowing out slightly in the imaginary wind. He worked up her shirt and chest quickly before pausing to fight with the paints until he'd matched the exact yellow of her hair. He left a few strands framing her face and a bit loose in the back, before pulling the rest up into ponytails and tying them with ribbons. He painted in sure strokes, locks of golden sunshine pulled out and curling in the wind.

And then the face. He worked from the outside in to fill in the easier details until only the eyes and mouth were left. He gave them some thought, solidifying the expression he wanted in his mind. Not quite the look she wore when paying off her rent, but the one where she and the team had just completed a job and she was pleased to have actually received the reward to pay her rent…but was even happier because it had been a job that she'd done with her friends. That was what he wanted. He spent a long time tracing out her eyes with delicate brushes and experimenting until he found just the right wideness and brightness of grin.

Then he stepped back and surveyed his handiwork. Not all the lines were perfect where his hand and rusty skills had faltered, but it was enough. For once, the little imperfections didn't bother him. No one was perfect, not even Lucy.

He noted smugly that he had done a fantastic job matching all the right shades and hues to life. The only thing marring the riot of color was the gray of the backdrop eating into it. Or, perhaps more accurately, the color was bleeding out into the gray. Instead of filling everything in with strong color, he had left the edges blurred and let the gray seep in and bleed through in certain places. It wasn't quite the laser-sharp focus he normally used, but he liked imagining Lucy breathing life into herself and the otherwise _drab_ background gray.

The only things left untouched by the gray were her guild mark and her eyes, which were solid pops of color. Fairy Tail was far too colorful for anything else, and they said that the eyes were the windows to the soul. Lucy had a beautiful soul.

Gray dropped his brush and stretched, groaning as he worked the knots out of his body and shook out his limbs. That had been a lot to do in one sitting.

He glanced at the clock and winced. It was late. Late enough that he really ought to be going to sleep, and probably should have been in bed hours ago. And yet…

He turned his artist's eye back to the wall, tracing out where Erza's form would be beside Lucy's. He was stiff and a little sore, but still crackling with energy and raring to go.

Every once in a while, he'd fall into these phases. They could last anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks, where he was bursting with energy. He got things _done_. He was at his most creative and productive, and could tear through project after project.

The downside was that he eventually crashed. The lack of sleep and sky-high, out-of-control energy levels would eventually catch up with him and his energy would plummet precipitously, often along with his mood.

But while he was energized, he liked to take advantage of it. The aftereffects were less than ideal, but he was on top of the world until he stumbled. These manic phases were few and far between these days, so he was keen to seize the opportunity.

Also, how was it even possible to sleep with this much energy packed into his body?

He got back to work.

He blocked in Erza with swathes of color and turned his attention to the fine detail work of her boots and legs, planted firmly on the gray, mist-shrouded ground and radiating confidence. A deep royal blue swirled over pale skin as her skirt danced in the wind.

Gray frowned at the patch of gray darker than the surrounding shade where Erza's breastplate would go. He'd angled her torso slightly to the side so that her guild mark would be visible, but now it occurred to him that her normal armor would mostly cover it anyway. Bother. A miscalculation.

He puzzled it over for a few minutes before shrugging and covering all the open paint cans. It was already nearing five in the morning, and he could think the problem through tomorrow.

He slept until about eight, when he woke already vibrating with excitement. He had a solution.

The gray of Erza's armor was easy enough to blend into the fog of the background, and her hands grasped the hilt of a sword with its point plunged into the gray mire at her feet. He left off the armor plate on the shoulder with her guild mark, so that the blue stood out in sharp contrast. He thought that he might actually like a half-armored Erza best, still with the edge of steel that was such a big part of her, yet showing a small corner of what lay underneath.

It was with great reluctance that Gray abandoned his endeavor to go to the guild, and he escaped early in the afternoon to get back to work.

The gray melted to scarlet beneath his fingertips, swirling about in an unseen breeze as it curled around Erza's face and streamed loose behind her. The expression gave him pause again, but he found it quickly. He didn't really want that look of manic excitement induced by strawberry cake, but rather that soft, small, secretive smile she wore while watching the team bicker back and forth when she thought no one was looking. That softness to her eyes in the moment before she was the harsh disciplinarian again and brought everything back under control. Again, he left the eyes untainted by the encroaching gray. He didn't know why anyone would want to mask their soul if they had one.

Natsu was next, crowding in next to Erza, and Gray briefly had the urge to depict him in a most ridiculous and unflattering fashion before tamping down the impulse. This was important, and he would immortalize the side of Natsu that he liked the best.

The dragon slayer was turned in toward the girls, his guild mark blazing a brilliant red on his shoulder, poised to start bouncing around and causing trouble at any moment. He wouldn't be Natsu otherwise. Capturing that razor's edge between potential energy and kinetic, static stillness and animated movement, was the greatest challenge. Gray added in flames with brilliant hues of red and orange and yellow to crackle around Natsu's hand and illuminate the backdrop.

A shock of horrendously pink hair and the white dragon-scale scarf fluttering in the wind were important accessories, and then Gray was left with the face again. Not quite the expression of triumph Natsu wore after defeating a powerful enemy, but the excitement and victory after working with the team to take down an 'unbeatable' foe. Yes, that was it. The pointed corners of his eyes with the light dancing in the pupils, the sharp white of his teeth flashing in a wide grin.

Gray couldn't stomach sleeping for more than a couple hours and left the guild early again the next day, just grinning and shrugging whenever anyone commented on his unusual abundance of energy. He was burning bright, and he was so close that he could taste it.

Happy hovered on the other side of Natsu with his wings spread wide, snowy white feathering into dove gray. Several changes of brush and technique found a style suitable to bring the softness and definition of the little cat's fur to life, a beautiful blue veined with gray. His tail hung down and curled up at the end, and his ears were skewed at a jaunty angle. Smiling to himself, Gray added a large, silver fish clutched tightly in the stubby little paws. Why not?

Not quite the expression of just getting his paws on a big, juicy fish, but rather the simple joy of settling down with a fish after a long, fun day of fishing with Natsu and the team. Perfect.

Gray stood back and let his eyes roam over the figures of his friends, a snapshot of their vitality and life frozen in time. It was amazing, he thought, the things you remembered most about a person. He could recreate the exact scarlet hue of Erza's hair from memory, the exact tension to Natsu's muscles just before pouncing, the exact curve of Lucy's lips while she watched the team, the exact teasing light in Happy's eyes before he opened his mouth and made a nuisance of himself. Just the little things that it was too easy to take for granted in day-to-day life. But he knew them like he knew the back of his hand, and seeing them rendered by his own hand made him appreciate them all the more.

And now for the others.

His hand was sure and his strokes precise and confident as he outlined the Fairy Tail symbol behind his team in grand fashion, careful to position it for the least overlap over areas where the color could become easily muddled. The brush glided along in one smooth motion, sweeping up along the wall and just barely rising or falling to avoid crossing over top of the paintings already there. When he was finished, he had an empty canvas of gray just waiting to be filled.

He stopped sleeping entirely for the next couple days, and made his excuses for going to the guild late and leaving early. Filling in the symbol with the _exact_ right colors took a great deal of work and concentration and precision. He wanted it to be a riot of color but not garish, and took great pains to transition smoothly from cool colors at the tip to warm ones farther along the body and wings.

There was a splotch of the pink of Natsu's hair and the scarlet of Erza's and the gold of Lucy's and the blue of Happy's fur. There was the exact greenish-blue of Lyon's ice and that brighter blue he seemed so fond of wearing. There was the chestnut brown of Cana's hair and the ginger-orange of Loke's. The different shades of blue of Mira and Lisanna's eyes, blending together and twining about each other. The orange Levy loved so much in clothing, the gray of Gajeel's iron and piercings. The striking blue of Wendy's hair and soft brown of her eyes, the pink of Charle's bow wound about the snowy white of her fur. The faded blue of Juvia's hair and electric yellow of Laxus's lightning. The emerald of Mavis's eyes versus the piercing green of the Executioner's. The brown of Two's hair melded with the auburn of Sophie's, half a world away from the ocean blue both Sophie and Jamie shared in their eyes. The forest green of the shawl his landlady liked to wear and the black fading to gray of Ultear's hair.

The clear, crystal blue of an eye turned to ice and the raven black of a lost child's hair.

And so on until everyone had a piece, had two pieces, had three. Until he had worked his way through everyone in the guild and then some, incorporating anyone who'd had any kind of impact on his life.

And when he'd finally finished, he could stand back and see the pieces of all his friends and acquaintances and enemies that he'd gathered together and blended one into the other. They were all the pieces of the others, but they were the pieces of him too. All his broken pieces were laid out and jigsawed back together inside the framework of his guild, a garden of color that took his breath away.

This, then, was how he would remake himself.

He would reforge himself in Natsu's hellfire and fiery courage, in Lyon's ice and hard-won forgiveness. In Erza's strength, Lucy's friendship, Happy's loyalty. In Cana's determination and Loke's protectiveness. In Wendy's gentle healing and Charle's no-nonsense logic, in Levy's quiet support and Gajeel's brusque concern. In Mira's newfound gentleness and Elfman's newfound confidence, in Lisanna's resilience. In Laxus's gradual understanding and acceptance, and in the Raijinshuu's devotion. In Bisca and Alzack's protective worry and Asuka's innocent joy. In Makarov's dedication and Mavis's bittersweet contradiction.

In Two's justice and the Executioner's determined service. In his landlady's unshakable belief and Ultear's wisdom before her time. In Sophie's shy respect and Jamie's childlike hero-worship.

In Mika and Silver's unconditional love, in Ur's sacrifice, and in Gray's memory.

It seemed like a tall order, seeing his ideal self splashed across the wall, but it couldn't hurt to try.

And finally the unnatural, frenetic energy fled his bones and he collapsed onto the couch. He was asleep almost before his head hit the arm, the smallest of smiles playing at one corner of his mouth as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

He was woken by a loud pounding that wouldn't go away no matter how persistently he ignored it. Pulling himself up with a groan, he blinked around blearily, still too groggy for his brain to process much. Another bang assaulted his ears and he stumbled for the door, nearly tripping over a discarded brush that he was too tired to register.

He swung the door open and squinted uncomprehendingly at the people gathered outside.

"What are you doing here?" he mumbled around a yawn, wishing they'd go away and let him sleep.

Erza's eyebrow jumped upward. "It's nearly two in the afternoon, Gray. We finally came to see why you never showed up."

" _All_ of you had to come check on me?" he asked, leaning his head against the doorframe and fighting to keep his eyes open. All those days of sleeplessness were definitely taking their toll now, coming back to haunt him with a vengeance.

"I came to see how bad this wall color is," Lucy said with a huff. "And then Erza decided we might as well all come, and grab a job while we were at it."

Gray stared at her blankly, but then sighed. "Fine, fine, just let me change."

He abandoned his post by the door and started for the bathroom. If he was going to be dragged out when all he wanted to do was sleep for a month, he'd at least be presentable. No sleep-worn, wrinkled clothes for someone still trying to make a decently positive impression.

He'd almost made it to the door before someone sucked in a breath behind him. He turned and stared at the team as they hovered just inside the doorway, wondering what had engrossed them so thoroughly. His eyes followed their gazes to the far wall, and his sleep-addled brain finally caught up.

"Oh."

"You…painted that?" Lucy asked, her voice faint.

"Yeah."

"I didn't know you could paint," Natsu mumbled.

"Sure, a little. Not for a while, though."

"It's very good," Erza said, rapt attention fixed on the mural.

"Thanks."

"But where are you?" Happy asked.

"Me?"

"Yeah. You painted everyone else, but why not you?"

Gray's gaze slid across the gray and shadows of the other walls and came to rest on the prismatic oasis of color behind the foreground of the painting. "Why would I paint myself on my own wall? That's weird."

"You should be with the team, though," Lucy said.

"Eh, maybe someday, when I figure it out."

"Figure what out?"

He just shrugged. Someday he'd figure out the right blend between the gray and the color, balance the dark of his past with the rainbow of his ideal to discover what expression he liked to wear best. Until then, he was satisfied with how it was.

"A job, huh?" he asked, turning back to the bathroom. "Let me just get ready real fast."

His friends had inched closer to the mural and were still examining it when he came back out, but he just hid a yawn and headed for the door. He'd submit to this job, but then he was going to lock his team out and sleep for a week.

"Turns out you were right," Lucy said as she followed him out. Her voice was thick, and she cleared her throat. "You did pick the right paint."

"Why, thank you. I did say that I wasn't _completely_ incompetent."

Gray threw one last glance at the back wall and smiled. With his friends there and their touches lingering all over the apartment, this place really was starting to feel like home.

But it still wasn't the same as the real-life thing, and he wondered if they'd all been wrong and the real reason he'd never turned this place into home was because he'd known on some level that home was with his friends and guild.

So he turned out the light and shut the door, following his friends out of the shadows and into the daylight.

* * *

 **Note: Otherwise titled "The Absolute Maximum of Symbolism that Can Possibly be Crammed Into One Chapter" X) Bad M.E. Can you tell I was an art nerd? Yeeep, I did some mean photorealism back in the day. Now I just write symbolic trash lol**

 **But yay, things are finally looking up for poor Gray. Anyone want to hazard a guess of how many chapters it'll be before Everything Goes To Hell? Seriously, I'm curious how little you think of my ability to keep up a recovery arc before diving straight back into angst XD XD XD**

 **emmahoshi: 1.5 lol Hey, give me some credit. So maybe angst and h/c will keep making appearances, but it'll be a little while before the BIG angst comes :X Ha, I have a happy medium when it comes to cleaning. I can't stand things too messy, but I don't have a lot of motivation to necessarily clean, either. Sometimes I like to straighten things up or organize, and if things get too messy then I'll crack and clean some stuff. But yeah, I hate cleaning XD Eh, I wouldn't worry too much about the paint-cans guy lol Nooope, Lyon was the main obstacle for segment 2, like the guild was one of the major obstacles for segment 1. I have so much other plot that goes beyond that X)**


	33. Razor's Edge

**Note: To the guest reviewers: Glad you got a laugh, happy New Year, and of course there will be some h/c whump (this is sill me, after all).**

 **Sorry, I've had a miserable day and I don't have the energy to go into any more detail than that right now lol**

* * *

 **Razor's Edge**

* * *

"You two are absolutely _ridiculous_ ," Erza complained as she stomped off the train ahead of a grinning Gray and a groaning Natsu.

"Aw, come on, Erza," Gray wheedled. "You know you missed it."

His fights with Natsu had become conspicuously less frequent with the demon revelation, and he knew that it had been disconcerting for a lot of people…not least of all Natsu. He'd occasionally allowed a fight or two since, but was really only easing back into the pattern now.

"I have to at least keep up appearances," Erza muttered, but she was hiding a smile.

"But how am I going to pay my rent?" Lucy wailed.

Gray chuckled unsympathetically as he strolled down the street with the others. "It's called saving up, Luce. My pay schedule was awfully erratic for a while there, and I still managed to pay months of rent in arrears. With much difficulty, it must be said, because my landlady is a lot nicer than yours and we've been waging a war over whether I get to pay her or not."

" _Get_?" Lucy asked skeptically.

"After much haggling, I convinced her to take half. The rest has been mysteriously appearing in different hiding places that I find when I go sneaking around while we're having tea and chatting. You know she came banging on my door the other day to complain about finding money in the couch and under the plates in the cabinet and in the vase and behind the food in the fridge? I shut the door in her face. Honestly, you'd think she would just give it up already."

"I have an idea! You can stop harassing your landlady and use the leftover money to pay mine! Win-win situation!"

He gave her a sidelong grin. "Nice try, Lucy."

"It was worth a shot," she muttered.

"In the fridge?" Happy asked. "Geez, you're even worse than Natsu is when he's hiding socks."

"Okay, I don't _hide_ my socks."

"Then why do we keep finding them in the kitchen cabinets?"

"I don't know how they're getting there! Maybe _you're_ putting them there."

"…Nice try, Natsu."

Gray smothered a laugh and exchanged a look with Erza. Her expression was exasperated, but her eyes shone with nearly as much mirth as his did. She finally smiled and gave him an approving look, nodding slightly.

He figured it had something to do with how more at ease he was, given how many times she had mentioned that he was doing much better at being friendly and not lurking in the shadows during their job. Maybe she was just glad to see progress, or maybe she was just relieved not to be stuck lecturing him every few minutes anymore.

"How's that salamander infestation going?" he asked with a toothy smile. "Gotten rid of them yet?"

Natsu growled in frustration, and the air around him heated up a few degrees. "These stupid things are _everywhere_. They're impossible to get rid of! I think I've finally kicked most of them out, but there are at least half a dozen still running around. And they've gotten sneakier. They must've moved into the walls or something, because they'll disappear and only stick their ugly little heads out every couple days to char something when I'm not looking. It's horrible!"

"Oh, that's really too bad," Lucy said, giving Gray a pointed look.

He fought back a smirk as she and Erza shook their heads in something like amused exasperation. This was honestly the greatest thing ever. Why hadn't he thought of it sooner?

He bickered with Natsu cheerfully as they headed for the guild. It was a beautiful day, warm and sunny with the cheery hubbub of city life babbling in the background, and Gray reveled in feeling like he was part of it again rather than just an outsider lurking out of sight on the fringes. And the more he felt like he belonged, the less people gave him a second glance. If he looked like he belonged there, they assumed he belonged there. He might not have made too many friends lately, but many of Magnolia's citizens had grown used to him.

Or he'd thought so, anyway.

He tilted his head curiously as he studied the lanky man planted firmly on the street corner in his worn white robes. He was definitely proselytizing, his eyes lit with a quasi-religious fervor as he preached to the masses. Or tried to preach to the masses. Not many people were actually stopping to listen to him. All aside from a few curious hangers-on were ignoring him as they went about their business.

"…for the creatures of wrath and darkness shall come to bring destruction to the earth!"

"Some kind of new religious cult or something springing up?" Gray asked the others.

"But do not forfeit your lives and souls so easily, good people!"

"I don't know," Erza said, giving the preacher a wary look. "Probably another lone-wolf zealot trying to build up a following for his random platform."

"Rise up, I say! Don't sit back and let the damnable creatures taint your hearts!"

Gray eyed the man in amusement. "It's almost cute how hard he's trying."

"Do not let them walk in your midst! They will try to trick you. They might wear human faces, but do not fall for their treachery!"

"Trying to do what?" Lucy asked.

"Demons are nothing but hellspawn—soulless, damned creatures walking the earth to corrupt innocents and destroy souls! Rise up, good people, and take back your city!"

Trying to turn the tides against the only living, breathing demon anyone knew was walking in their midst.

"Goddammit," Natsu growled under his breath. "Another raving lunatic."

Gray just shrugged and strolled up to the flockless preacher with a friendly smile.

"Gray," Erza said warningly, and he could hear her worry in the tightness of her voice.

A few onlookers and passersby froze and darted looks between the two men set on a collision course, wondering if there was about to be a show and how bad it might get. He ignored them.

"Nice day, isn't it?" he asked conversationally. The man paused his tirade to blink owlishly at the intruder. Gray rummaged in his bag and pulled out an unopened water bottle. He handed it over and the man took it almost automatically, still confused. "You're sounding a little hoarse. Might want to stay hydrated."

Flashing the fool one last grin, Gray strolled right on off, barely able to contain his amusement. He garnered a few odd, uncertain looks from the people he sauntered past, but he was too distracted trying to keep his wicked grin from splitting his face in half.

"Who the hell was that?" the demagogue asked in confusion from behind him.

" _That_ ," Natsu growled, "was the _demon_ , you idiot."

"Are you okay?" Happy asked Gray anxiously as the rest of the team hurried after him.

"Did you see his face?" Gray asked. "Was it good?"

Natsu and the girls exchanged looks, but then a few semi-reluctant smiles broke out.

"It was pretty good," Lucy admitted.

"Priceless," added Erza.

"Do you want me to go shut him up?" Natsu offered.

Gray shook his head. "Nah. People will say what they want to say, and I don't particularly care."

"We already beat up the other guys who popped up to mouth off. I don't mind smashing his face in too."

" _Natsu!_ " Erza hissed, jabbing the dragon slayer in the side with her elbow and giving him a ferocious glare.

Gray rolled his eyes. "Really, guys? Leave them be. Anyway, you let them talk and most people ignore them. You oppress them and you turn them into heroes or martyrs and get people up in arms. It's not like he looked like he'd be inciting a rebellion any time soon."

His friends shifted about sheepishly, but he just shrugged and turned the corner to push his way into the guild. The rabble-rouser was forgotten instantly.

The guild was in chaos, everyone milling about with worried looks as they held a nervous, tense discussion.

"What's up?" Gray asked, immediately on guard. Something must have happened.

Mira turned toward the door, her face drawn and worried. "Oh, you're back. Hi. It's Mavis. She was acting a little odd and tense today, but she said she was fine. Then she just jumped up and ran out without another word, and she looked really… I don't know. Scared, maybe? Or upset?"

Any lingering traces of amusement vanished instantly. Gray had no other explanation than that Mavis was losing control again.

"Did anyone go after her?" he asked tightly.

"Just Wendy," Cana said, gesturing vaguely down the street. "Wendy and Charle. Wendy just ran after her, and Charle fol–"

"I'll go get them," he interrupted, turning on his heel. "Everyone else stay here."

He pushed past Erza and Lucy, ignoring their questions, and took off down the street. His boots pounded against the pavement as he ran, the crowds parting at the sight of his grim countenance. He wove around anyone who didn't get out of his way fast enough, solely focused on finding Wendy and her Exceed before it was too late.

Shit, where could they have gone?

He paused for the briefest of seconds only when he reached that preacher again, figuring he'd been sitting here long enough to see anyone who might have run past. "Hey, you," he snapped. "Did you see a little blue-haired girl run past here?" The man froze, eyeing him with a mixture of fear and hate and uncertainty, and Gray growled low in his throat. "Fucking hell, man. I need to find her before she gets herself killed."

The man just gaped, but one of the people who'd stopped to watch the spectacle cleared his throat and pointed down a side street. "I think I saw her over there a couple minutes ago."

"Thanks," Gray said, taking off without another glance.

He flew through the streets, silently cursing anything and everything between his panting breaths. Where the hell were they?

The buildings thinned out as he bounded through the outskirts, and he finally spotted Wendy and Charle on the sloping plain halfway between the city and the forest. A flash of golden hair disappeared into the trees.

Gray sucked in a breath. "Wendy!" he called. "Wendy, stop!"

Wendy came to an abrupt halt, nearly tripping over her own two feet, and turned back. Her eyes were wide and surprised.

"Gray-san?"

He darted across the intervening space and drew up beside her and Charle, bracing his hands on his knees as he fought to catch his breath.

"Let her…go," he managed.

"She seemed really upset, Gray-san. I think she might need help."

He straightened and shook his head. "Nah, let her handle herself. I doubt she wants anyone chasing after her right now."

"But–"

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go back."

Gray shepherded Wendy and Charle along back through the city at a less frantic pace, deflecting their questions. He darted one last look back at the forest. There would be more dead spots there soon. Maybe he could do some damage control afterwards and try to disguise it as damage done by illegal woodcutters or something. Someone was bound to notice something fishy about that if there wasn't a cover-up, and he doubted that Mavis wanted word spread about her control issues any more than he did. She'd funneled a great deal of energy into making everyone believe that she was perfectly happy and her curse was gone.

"Just let her be alone for a while," he advised when they got back to the guild and were inundated with questions. "She'll come back when she's ready."

He was as vague as possible, spinning a web of half-truths and ambiguous statements to calm everyone down. The guild was still concerned, but no one else would go running after Mavis today.

Not even Gray, although he would have done it in a heartbeat if he was still cursed with immortality. But the last thing Mavis needed was to accidentally kill him, so he bided his time. She'd need some time to rein everything in and bring herself back under control.

But when she still hadn't appeared the next day, he finally gave in during the late afternoon. Surely she'd had enough time.

"I'll go get her," was the only explanation he gave as he waved everyone off and headed for the forest.

After all, he was the one who understood. They might have an odd sort of friendship, balancing on the razor's edge between best friends and worst enemies, but sometimes they were all each other had.

And if Gray had begun working on getting better, he was sure as hell going to drag Mavis along with him.

* * *

A low whistle cut through Mavis's solitary daze.

"You really did a number on this place, huh?"

She wondered how long she'd been lying here, the ground hard beneath her and her limbs stiff from being curled into a ball for longer than they wanted to be. But maybe it didn't matter that much. Not much seemed to matter a whole lot at the moment, not now that the raging storm of unbalanced love and hate had fizzled out.

"You shouldn't be here," she mumbled into the ground, not bothering to open her eyes. "It's not safe."

"It's been just over twenty-four hours since your sudden departure. If it's not safe now, then it never will be."

The sound of splintering wood snapped through the air with a series of sharp cracks, and something heavy fell to the ground with a thump. Mavis breathed in the cloying scent of damp, dead earth and exhaled in a sigh.

"You should go."

"Sure, but if I do that, then you won't have any reason to pull yourself back together again and you'll stay here curled into a miserable little ball for God knows how long."

Mavis didn't know what to say to that. It was probably true.

An arm snaked its way underneath her, and she cracked her eyes open as she was pulled up carefully. Gray's eyes were sharp as he searched her over with a quick, businesslike air, but he was gentle as he half carried, half dragged her over to sit on the trunk of a dead tree he'd knocked over at the edge of the epicenter of the destruction.

Mavis planted her feet on the ground and bunched her fingers on the rough bark. The bark was blackened, the limbs twisted and tangled, and the leaves conspicuously missing. The rest of the newly formed clearing didn't look much better. There was little but ash left in a large circle around where she'd been lying, and the trees ringing the area were broken and twisted and dead.

For a few brief moments, she let herself consider how close it had come to being a ring of corpses surrounding her rather than the husks of dead trees.

"You look horrible," Gray said as he settled down beside her on the makeshift bench.

She _felt_ horrible. She was glad he hadn't asked how she was feeling or if she was okay, like most people would. Then again, he knew better than perhaps anyone how horrible it could feel. He didn't ask stupid questions unless he wanted stupid answers, and he rarely engaged in those kinds of games with Mavis. Neither of them saw much point in sugarcoating something so bitter.

"I started losing control right in the middle of the guild," Mavis said hollowly. "I'd been wavering for a few days and I knew I should have left, but I was determined that I could control it. It was a stupid risk to take."

She felt like a hypocrite after how she'd warned Gray not to hold on to control so tightly and lectured him for taking risks with losing control when he got drunk. She was no better than him in that regard.

"No one was hurt," Gray said.

Mavis had suspected that, but it was still a weight off her chest to hear it. But still…

"But they could have been."

"Yes," he agreed. His eyes were sympathetic, but he didn't waste his breath trying to gloss over the hard truths that both of them knew too well. "What set you off this time?"

"Nothing in particular. Sometimes it just happens."

"Yes…"

"Or maybe you," Mavis mused, idly kicking her heel back against the log and feeling the rough bark scrape her skin. "You've been getting so much better lately, making so much progress. It's been good to see."

Seeing him so much happier and more at peace with himself had improved everyone's moods, not least of all Mavis's. The two of them had been leading each other on in a merry dance for months as they tried to help each other heal from things the others could barely comprehend, and it was heartwarming to see such a big step forward.

Heartwarming, but it was dangerous for Mavis to have too much heart for anything.

"Ah," said Gray. One corner of his mouth quirked down into a thoughtful frown. "Is that all?"

Mavis's soft sigh hung in the still, dead air. "It makes me happy, but I resent you for it too," she murmured, the words slipping out before she could catch them. "God, that's selfish and petty."

Gray didn't seem surprised. "I think maybe it's natural. I can make progress and learn to be happy and work on figuring out how to love and be loved, but you can never pursue such a positive goal wholeheartedly, only strive for a balanced, neutral state. You're jealous because you can never be as happy and loving as the rest of us try to be, not without keeping the resentment and hate close by to balance things out. I think most anyone would be envious of that."

Mavis grimaced. He wasn't wrong, although she felt mean and vindictive for it. She was so tired of walking the tightrope, balancing on the razor's edge of love and hate.

"I know you came to bring me back, but I don't think I'm ready for the guild yet," she said, looking to change the subject. "I'm not balanced enough for them."

Gray gave her a sidelong look, and she could tell he knew that the reason she could talk to him when she wasn't prepared for the guild was because she hated him more than the others. She loved the guild more and hated less, and she was out of alignment because of it. She had fallen back into that gray area between friendship and enmity far more easily with Gray, because she had more reasons to resent him.

It burned through a little of her numbness just considering it, her bare feet sliced open as she danced along that razor's edge. He understood her the best and had helped her through a lot, but he had also killed Zeref and endangered her guild and been insufferable.

"I see," he said neutrally. His expression didn't change. He had dealt with her moods for long enough to understand that the closer they got, the farther she had to push him away.

"I need something more," Mavis said, looking away. "I resent them because they think they understand when they don't, because they act like a big family while they're unwittingly pushing me to the sidelines, because they can live their lives and be happy and free, because they've never dealt with what I have. But I love them because they're all wonderful and they try to include me and they've always been kind and they're my guild.

"I love them too much. Tell me, Gray, what do you resent about them the most? I need another reason."

He had held on to his own resentments and walked the line between love and hate in his own attempts to maintain control, and Mavis knew that his dark side, the one he rarely let anyone see, still lurked underneath his exterior somewhere. He might be improving, but that didn't mean the darkness was gone.

Mavis felt a little bad about taking advantage of the situation to force something so personal out of him, but she really did need that extra push to help her rebalance.

"What I resent about them the most…?" Gray's eyes went glassy as he stared sightlessly across the deadened clearing, and his breath lingered in the air as a sigh. "What I resent them for the most is that they love me. I resent that they love me when I don't want to be loved, and that they love me when I can't love myself."

Mavis studied his face in profile as he sat lost in thought. "I thought you were getting better about that."

"Sure," he said with a sigh. "I've been working on it."

She hummed to herself under her breath. Gray had been making phenomenal progress, but perhaps it was too much to expect so much pain and damage to be healed in a matter of weeks. Baby steps. Maybe he would learn how to love himself eventually.

Mavis could use this idea. There was something symmetrical and balanced about it that appealed to her own contradictory nature: hating someone because they loved you, while also loving them at the same time. That was her love-hate contradiction summed up nicely.

Her bonds to the individual guild members might not be as strong as Gray's since she hadn't been with them nearly as long, but they loved her in a way that she could never truly love them. She couldn't love without hating. She could hate them for being able to love her so wholeheartedly, for loving only the pretty pieces of her and overlooking the ugly pieces she hid so well, for loving her when she didn't deserve it because of all the bitterness she held. She loved and she hated, and maybe this was enough to bring things back into balance.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it," Gray said tiredly. His resigned expression and posture made it clear that he expected it to be another serious, difficult, not-fun question.

He wasn't wrong.

"What was it about the immortality that scared you the most?"

She honestly shouldn't ask. She and Gray might have an understanding with each other and address their shared issues more directly than they would with anyone else, but that didn't mean they talked about them excessively. Gray wasn't one to talk much about his own problems, and Mavis had hundreds of years of experience of wearing masks and tamping down anything she didn't want the world to see. They knew enough of what the other was feeling to reach an understanding but not press for details.

But Mavis had spent so long holding it together on her own with no one to talk to, and since they'd already been delving into more serious territory… Well, maybe she just wanted one moment.

Gray shot her a skeptical look. "Is that not obvious?"

"Well, there are the obvious things, of course." Mavis waved a dismissive hand. "Knowing that you'll outlive everyone you love is horrible, and there are a few other things I'm sure you were also afraid of. But what's the deepest reason? Mine was that I was afraid of being alone."

She folded her hands in her lap and smiled down at them sadly as Zera flashed in her mind's eye. "I mean, I unconsciously resurrected a dead girl because I was so afraid of being alone and I'd rather have an illusion than nothing. Although she was more than an illusion, in the end. But still, I was afraid of outliving everyone because I didn't want to be left alone again after I'd just found home. My curse scared me because I didn't want to kill my friends and be left alone again. Because I'd have to run and leave them behind to save them.

"And maybe that's what attracted me to Zeref more than love. He was immune to me, he shared my burdens. With him I didn't have to be alone anymore, and I clung to him like I was drowning. I thought I loved him, but when he loved me enough that his curse practically killed me, my curse never touched him. Maybe I was just using him. I do think I love him, in a way, I still care for him despite all the horrible things he did, but… I don't know."

She stared out at the blackened trees mournfully, reminiscing about the boy who had brought the darkness and death before she ever had. How she'd first created illusion animals for him when he warned her not to get too close, because she didn't want him to be alone like she had been. How he'd been the only one she could run to after the genesis of her curse. How he'd nearly freed her but she hadn't done the same for him.

Maybe she resented Gray for that too, that he'd freed Zeref when she couldn't.

"Do you think that maybe that's where so many of your problems with the guild stem from?" Gray offered after a few more seconds of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"You resent them because in some ways they make you feel like an outsider, but they've also done everything to try giving you a family and a home. Even if you don't think they understand you enough and it sometimes makes you feel isolated, they also make you feel loved and protected. You're desperate to hang on to that because you don't want to be alone, and you love them so much because they save you from that loneliness. Maybe that outweighs all the resentment and bitterness you work so hard to hold. That's why you keep losing control."

Mavis stared at him. "I…hadn't thought of it quite like that. But…you're probably right."

"I usually am," Gray said with a laugh that was more of a sigh than anything else.

"But you're trying to distract me." Mavis's gaze sharpened as it roamed over his face. "You're talking about me because you don't want to answer the question. What scared you the most?"

He hunched his shoulders and was silent for a long time before saying, "I was afraid that if I outlived my friends, I would lose my reason to be human and turn back into a monster."

Mavis's lips curled into a sad smile. It was a painful, bittersweet sentiment that tugged at her heartstrings. Perhaps even more so because she knew it was a fear that hadn't left him, any more than her fear of being alone had ever left her. Both their struggles with control highlighted their particular fears, and Gray wouldn't hold on so tightly and fight against it so desperately if he didn't still fear becoming a monster.

"You know," Mavis said gently, "I think that's where your biggest problems with yourself stem from. You're still so passive in that sense, letting yourself be bound and turned into a tool rather than making your own way. You define yourself in terms of other people. The bad things are all you, but the good things all come from someone else. Gray, all this sudden progress of yours, is it because of you or because of Lyon and the others? You're working so hard to redefine yourself, but are you making yourself _you_ , or are you redefining yourself in terms of everyone else?"

Gray's eyes were blank and glassy. "I'm working on it."

"Yes, you're making progress, I see that. But is it enough?" Her mouth curved into a frown as her gaze fell on the inky blackness draped over her companion's feet. "You haven't even taken care of your shadow yet."

"It's still a work in progress."

"You need to take care of yourself. Figure out who you are on your own terms."

"I'm getting better. It just might take a little while." He stood up suddenly, brushing bits of blackened, crumbling bark from his pants. "You seem more in control. Ready to head back?"

Mavis rose with a sigh, knowing there was no point in pressuring him further now. "I suppose so."

She wasn't eager to face the guild, but it would have to happen eventually. They must know now, about her curse. They would have figured it out. And she'd spent so long hiding it that she wasn't sure how she'd explain it to them now.

She also didn't want to have to explain why she had knowingly put them in so much danger.

Gray smiled wanly and roughly brushed the dirt and leaves from Mavis's dress until she batted his hands away. He plucked a twig from her hair and brushed a lock behind her ear.

"You're going to be okay," he said.

He turned on his heel and walked away without another word, and Mavis followed. She wasn't sure if she believed him yet, but it was better than the alternative.

A sharp twinge bit into her spine and snaked through her body, curling around her bones and needling her veins. She stiffened and ground her teeth together. Gray glanced over and she quickly smoothed out her expression, but his eyes narrowed. Not much got past him.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Of course."

"You don't look like it."

She waved him off. There were still things she wasn't ready to share with him.

"Gray, if I…" She swallowed hard and tried again. "If I really do lose control, will you…?"

A solemn look settled over his face as he looked away. "…Yes. Whatever it takes. And if I…?"

"Yes."

They walked back to the guild in silence after that, all talked out. Mavis was preoccupied with ensuring she had herself entirely under control and tamping down the uncomfortable prickling crawling along her bones, and Gray seemed lost in his own thoughts. Still, Mavis's anxiety grew the closer they got, and she had to take a deep, fortifying breath before Gray pushed the doors open and she followed him inside.

It seemed like conversation ceased instantly and every head swiveled toward her. She pasted on a smile—smaller and not as bright as usual, but enough to keep up her mask.

"Hi, guys."

"Are you alright, First?" Makarov asked, his weathered face wrinkling further.

"Fine."

"Are you sure?" Wendy asked, drifting closer. Her eyes were big and worried as she wrung her hands together. "What happened? You just ran out, and we were so worried. I tried to follow you, but Gray-san stopped me."

Mavis darted a sidelong look at Gray, but his face remained impassive. The guild didn't know about her curse. Gray had covered it up for her and kept her struggles with control a secret. He had stopped anyone from following her and getting hurt.

"Gray's a smart man," Mavis said, clearing her throat as her gaze slid away. "You should listen to him."

And she stepped back up onto that tightrope she was cursed to walk, her near-catastrophe reminding her of how far she had to fall if her foot slipped or her heart wavered. But it was also comforting that she wasn't doing it alone—that she had a spotter hovering below, waiting to catch her when she fell.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Probably because you know me too well so you know that angst is coming lol I don't like bugs either, although I'll usually leave them alone if they stay away from me. My sister will totally freak if she so much as sees one, though. And yeah, it seemed like a very Gray line of reasoning.**


	34. All Is Fair in Love and War

**.**

 **All Is Fair in Love and War**

* * *

Lyon pulled on a thick jacket before leaving his apartment in the morning. It had snowed through the night, and although he rather liked the cold and could handle low temperatures with ease, he also enjoyed the feeling of bundling up in the cold weather and snuggling into warm blankets around a crackling fire with hot chocolate in hand. It reminded him of his childhood, a little.

He stepped outside and took a deep breath, drawing the chill morning air into his lungs and savoring the sharp crispness of it clearing his head and bringing his drowsy body to life. A faint smile played at the corners of his lips as he looked over the streets and lawns and houses blanketed with snow, white and pristine. It was going to be a good day, he could feel it.

He turned back to the door to slide his key into the lock and turn it with a soft _snick_. Then he spun on his heel to start into the snowy street and–

 _Thwack!_

He reeled back, sputtering and scrabbling at his face to sweep off the remnants of the unexpected snowball. Laughter rang out, loud and bright, and it made Lyon's heart skip a beat. It had been a long time since he'd heard that sound, and it twisted a sharp, beautiful ache in his chest.

Brushing away the last of the offending snow, he spotted Gray in the street where he'd ducked out from behind whatever building or bush he'd been using as cover. His eyes were sparkling with mirth and he was grinning widely. It took Lyon's breath away, because it had been such a very long time since he'd seen Gray so truly cheerful, even before everything had gone to hell.

"Wha…? What are you doing here?"

"It snowed," Gray said brightly. He was tossing another snowball up into the air and catching it in his hand over and over again, and Lyon kept one eye on it warily. He expected it to be aimed at him eventually. "I thought we ought to have a snowball war."

Lyon gawked some more. "You came all the way over here to have a snowball fight?"

"A snowball _war_ ," Gray corrected with a flash of a smile. "Snowball fights are for kids. Wars are for grown-ups."

"You…" Lyon shook his head slowly.

Gray's grin wavered and he dropped his gaze, the snowball in his hand stilling. Before he looked down, Lyon could see the doubt and insecurity and anxiety creeping back into his eyes.

"If it's okay that I'm here?" he asked uncertainly. "I mean, if it's not, then I can leave…"

Lyon felt a stab of panic. It had been weeks since he'd last seen Gray, but he well remembered the drastic personality shift. Gray had begun following him around like a lost puppy and watching him with those too-big eyes that were far too soft and vulnerable to be his. It was a jarring change from the cold, flat front he'd been putting up since the whole demon thing had come to light, and still plenty different from the tough, snarky attitude he'd always maintained beforehand. As a rule, Gray _did not_ show any kind of vulnerability. Seeing him so lost, torn between cautious hope and nervous doubt, was unsettling.

Lyon didn't want to see him reduced to that again. And more than anything, he wanted to bring that smile back.

"No, no," he said quickly, his words falling over each other in his haste, "it's fine. You're allowed to come if you want to."

Funny, but only months ago he'd been saying the complete opposite. Maybe things weren't entirely okay yet, but they had come a long way.

Gray ducked his head but looked up at Lyon through his lashes. His smile this time wasn't that bright grin of before, but something small and shy and grateful. Puppy-dog smile to go with the puppy-dog eyes. Kitty-cat. Whatever.

"Oh no," Lyon groaned, "don't do that whole puppy–" Gray's smile morphed into a smirk as he threw the snowball he was holding in a blur of motion. Lyon's reflexes were sharp, though, and he managed to sidestep the projectile. "Ha! You missed–"

 _Thwack!_

Lyon yelped and scrubbed at his face as Gray started laughing again. Geez, where had that snowball even come from? He hadn't even seen it.

"God, I'm good," Gray said, sounding much too pleased with himself.

Lyon glowered, wanting to wipe the satisfied smirk off his face. "And humble, too."

Gray's grin only widened. "Aw, lighten up. I've been staking your place out for hours waiting for you to come out so I could do that. Let me have my fun."

"Hours?" Lyon's eyebrow jumped upward of its own accord. "Just how early were you out here?"

"Pretty early. I couldn't risk missing you." Gray waved a dismissive hand before returning to bouncing on his heels like an excited child. "But I scoped out the terrain beforehand and found our battlefield."

"Battlefield?"

"Yeah. You've already got the home-field advantage, so I get to pick the territory. I found a nice spot out in the park. Come on, come on, I can't wait to wipe the floor with you!"

Lyon had been smiling in bemusement at the unexpected childlike excitement, but that last part was enough to fill him with indignant wrath. "You will not! I'll beat you!"

"You wish!"

"I'll show you how a master does it."

"We'll see if you're so cocky when you're begging for mercy. Come on, let's go!" Gray danced backward a few steps, impatience holding his body taut.

"Alright, alright." It was hard to resist such pure enthusiasm, and Gray's unusual energy was infectious. Lyon found himself grinning back almost automatically. "Just let me drop by the guild to let everyone know where I'm going."

"Okay." Gray turned away and started down the street at a pace that would seem brisk if it wasn't so…bouncy.

Lyon followed after, bending to surreptitiously scoop up a handful of snow and mold it into a ball. He lobbed it at his companion's back, but Gray stepped to the side neatly and glanced back with a sly grin.

Lyon huffed and rolled his eyes, but hurried to catch up and walk alongside him. He eyed Gray sidelong, searching his face. It really was unexpected, such open joy. It was strange, but it was beautiful.

And good to see the olive branch being proffered. Lyon and Gray might have 'made up', so to speak, but it was still hard to fall back into old patterns and forget about the past months. Gray had been hurt by Lyon, and Lyon… Lyon had to remember to see the man rather than the demon.

They had wrecked their relationship so thoroughly that there were still a lot of raw wounds that were healing only slowly with time and effort. Figuring out how to treat Gray now was a bit of a minefield, and although Lyon should know where he stood with the other man, sometimes it was easy to wonder if Gray wasn't just playing a game for his benefit. Lyon had, after all, hurt him a lot, and it was hard to imagine that things were suddenly okay without any lingering resentments or reservations.

And he wondered how much lingering resentment and reservation Gray thought Lyon held toward him. That could just as easily explain the insecurity in his eyes. But although Lyon was still slowly coming round to this idea of Gray being back and working on not thinking of him as Deliora, he hadn't been lying when he'd said that he wanted to try rebuilding things.

God help him, he still loved Gray, demon or not. There might be some underlying misgivings loitering around, but Lyon had committed to the route of forgiveness and acceptance, and he'd be damned if he ruined things again just as soon as he'd finally started fixing them.

Gray easily dodged the half-dozen other attempted snowball ambushes—much to Lyon's undying frustration—and chattered cheerfully about his plans for the snow and winning the coming fight all the way to the guild. It set Lyon at ease and assuaged some of his awkward uncertainty about how to handle the unusual situation and Gray's presence. It was hard to stay too tense with a hyperactive child dragging you along.

"I'll just duck in," Lyon said as they paused outside the guild hall.

"I'll wait here," Gray agreed.

Lyon suspected he wasn't eager to face the other demon-touched children or a guild that wasn't exactly friendly to him. And Lyon felt much the same, not wanting to create a hostile and uncomfortable situation for either Gray or his team.

He nodded to Gray and slipped inside the building, quickly locating his team at a table near the door.

"Good morning," Sherry said brightly as she spotted him.

Lyon smiled back. "Hi. I'm just dropping by to let you guys know that I'm going to be busy today. I'm sure you can entertain yourselves without me for one day."

"Busy?" Yuka asked, raising one of his impressive eyebrows. "What could you possibly be doing?"

"Gray dropped by to visit, so I'll be with him today."

This pronouncement was greeted with an assortment of horrified, stunned, and baffled expressions. Lyon didn't blame them, honestly. His announcement that he'd made peace with Gray had come as a shock to them. He hadn't even been able to call the other man by his name or hear him mentioned without getting worked up when he'd left on that fateful mission, and suddenly he'd come back talking about 'Gray' and offhandedly mentioning that they'd reconciled.

It had also had a hand in creating a simmering tension within the team. Yuka, in particular, didn't understand the shift and was resentful of it. Toby seemed less concerned unless Gray was brought up, in which case his underlying fear was still visible. Sherry was perhaps the most supportive, but even she seemed wary and uncertain about the sudden change.

The tension had stayed cloaked under a veneer of normalcy ever since that first pronouncement and the initial skeptical reactions, but this could very well ignite the powder keg.

" _What_?" Yuka demanded. "Deliora is _here_?"

Lyon nodded and squared his shoulders, inwardly flinching at the name Yuka had chosen. "Yes."

"And you're going with him? What the hell are you going to do with him?"

"It snowed. We're going to have a snowball fight."

Yuka's mouth worked soundlessly before he sputtered, "You're going to have a _snowball fight_? With the _demon_? Are you _insane_?"

"Oh no!" Toby wailed, lunging forward to squeeze Lyon half to death. "Don't die!"

Lyon sighed and pushed his friend off. "I'm not going to die, and I'm not insane."

"Oh really?" Yuka's eyes narrowed to slits, and his simmering hostility started morphing into hot anger. "How are you _not_ insane? What the hell happened to you, Lyon? Not that it was great to see you shutting us all out because of everything with Deliora, but at least I could understand that. But now you're making nice with him? You're having _snowball fights_ with him? Seriously? What the hell?"

"Look, I've thought a lot and–"

"And _what_? Have you forgotten that he killed thousands of people, including our families? That he killed _your_ –?"

"No!" Lyon nearly shouted, his hands clenching into fists. He didn't want to hear it all laid out. "No, I haven't forgotten, alright? But he didn't have a choice and I thought he was going to–to– And I can't lose him too." He deflated and dropped his gaze to the tabletop, saying in a quieter voice, "He was my family too. And aside from you guys, he's the only one I have left. Hating him hasn't done me any good. I forgave him and he forgave me, and we're going to work things out. I'm sorry, but I want to work things out with him."

His outburst and subsequent melancholy silenced everyone. Even Yuka held his tongue, although his disapproval still hung heavy in the air.

Finally, Sherry cleared her throat. "I'll come with you."

"…What?"

"I'll come with you. This has all been…strange, but you've also been happier. And…maybe I want to see what you see. I want to make sure that you aren't going to get hurt, and I want to see what it is that has brought you so much peace and whether it's warranted."

Lyon stared at her, and she kept her gaze steady on him. Her eyes were solemn, but she let one corner of her mouth quirk into a small, sad smile.

"You too?" Yuka demanded. "What–?"

"You should come too," she said.

He gaped at her for a long moment before asking, " _What?_ Why?"

"You're worried about the demon hurting him, aren't you? We went with him before as backup. Why not now? We're still a team. We're a team, and that means we support each other. Even if we don't entirely understand this, even if we aren't sure it's a good idea… Well, he's made his choice and we have to accept and support it. You know how hard he's taken this whole thing, and if there's a way for him to move past it, we should at least give it a chance."

Lyon bit down on the inside of his cheek and looked away. He didn't want to see his team divided over this, and it was good to hear Sherry trying to keep them together even if she was wondering if he was making a mistake. He understood why it would be difficult for his friends to accept this, but he desperately wanted to keep their support. He still needed to lean on them, still wanted to be part of a team that would stand strong and stand together.

The problem was that he wanted both them and Gray, and he didn't like driving wedges between the people he loved. He wondered if this was what it had been like for Fairy Tail, when their loyalties had been divided between Gray and the very obvious factions in their guild. He had a new appreciation for that.

Yuka closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and stayed silent for a long time. "Fine," he said finally, and Lyon let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I still think this is a stupid idea, and I'd rather see the demon dead than anything else. But Lyon will be Lyon, and I guess this isn't the first time we've supported one of his dumbass schemes." He opened his eyes and gave Lyon a look that was a good deal friendlier, even if the resentment and disapproval were still burning just underneath the surface. "Besides, there's no way we'd let you go running off with Deliora without backup. We'd be pretty terrible friends."

"I don't want you to die!" Toby agreed loudly.

Lyon blinked at them all in surprise, but then dropped his gaze and tried to hide his smile. Things weren't entirely okay, but they were willing to work with him. He wouldn't ask them to come to an understanding with Gray like he had—that wouldn't be fair, after all—but it was enough that they were willing to go along with him despite their misgivings.

Then he realized what this really meant and paled considerably. Crap, he hadn't been expecting them to volunteer to come along. It would turn everything awkward and uncomfortable, wipe that goofy grin off Gray's face for good, and make everyone miserable.

"Thanks, guys," he said quickly. "I appreciate that, I really do. But you seriously don't have to come. I'll be fine on my own."

"Nonsense," Sherry said. "Of course we'll come."

"But Sherry," Chelia interrupted, drifting over to pout at her cousin, "you were going to go shopping with me today!"

Lyon sighed in relief. "Yeah, go shopping with Chelia. Seriously, guys, you can do your own thing. There's no need for you to come when you don't really want to."

Sherry ignored this very sensible advice. "You can come too!" she told Chelia.

Chelia darted a look between Sherry, Lyon, and the door, and hesitated before nodding. "Okay."

Lyon wanted to bang his head into the wall. His mind was scrambling for a way to convince them not to come, but they seemed set on it. Even Yuka's grim determination wouldn't be easy to sway now.

Sherry just smiled and brushed past him. He turned, saw she was heading for the door, and hurried after her in a panic. He wanted to give Gray some kind of warning about what was coming, but Sherry got there first.

Gray was already blinking at her in bemusement by the time Lyon stumbled outside.

"We're going to come with you," Sherry informed him, not entirely friendly but polite enough.

He tore his gaze away from her to look over the other mages piling out the door behind her and then search Lyon's face. His cheerfulness had evaporated, and now he was hovering uncertainly. It wasn't quite that puppy-dog vulnerability and nervousness, but his uneasiness and awkwardness were palpable.

"Sorry," Lyon said, wincing. "I tried to stop them."

Gray's gaze ran over the others one more time: Sherry watching him with reserved politeness, Chelia hovering by her cousin's side and shifting about uncertainly, Yuka with his arms crossed over his chest as he glared with undisguised hostility, Toby half hiding behind Yuka and peering out nervously.

Then he finally nodded. "It's okay. Wars are better with more people, anyway." He flashed them a toothy grin that was almost as bright as it had been earlier. "Besides, you need all the help you can get."

" _Excuse me?_ " Lyon demanded. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Gray laughed and started down the street. "Maybe you'll actually stand a chance if you have backup."

Lyon scowled and hurried after him, although he did note his team exchanging odd looks. He supposed they would find Gray's abnormally good mood even stranger than he had, given that they'd mostly only seen him being flat and cold since the revelation.

"Someone's feeling confident," he grumbled.

"Of course. It's just you."

"It's _just_ me? What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Lyon asked. Gray just laughed and kept right on walking with a spring to his step. "Hmpf. You seem awfully cheerful today."

"I'm in a pretty good mood for once," Gray agreed. "Let me have it." Lyon winced, but Gray just laughed again and hopped into a pile of snow drifting on the edge of the street. "Besides, I like the snow."

"I can see that," Lyon said dryly.

Something about Gray's oddly bouncy gait reminded him of a child jumping in puddles after rain. Lyon shook his head in fond exasperation, one corner of his mouth twitching upward.

"Hey, you know your park?" Gray asked, still more absorbed in bouncing around in the snow than paying his full attention to the others. "You know how it sort of hits some woods at the far end? I found a place in there where the trees are thinner and there's a pretty big open space and everything. That's our battlefield. Do a lot of people go back there?"

" _Battlefield_ ," Yuka muttered under his breath.

"Not really," Lyon said, choosing to ignore his teammate for the time being. "Sometimes to go walking or picnicking or whatever, but not so much."

"Great," Gray said. "That's where we'll go, then."

"Are we going to have teams?" Chelia asked.

Lyon grimaced as his team tensed up and began exchanging looks again. Doing teams would be problematic, for obvious reasons. No one would want to be teamed up with Gray. Lyon might have volunteered, except that he suspected both he and Gray wanted to be on opposite sides of the battlefield. Competitive by nature, the whole point was in beating the other. And anyway, Lyon didn't want to do anything, however small, to make it look like he was choosing Gray over his team. The last thing he needed was to drive another wedge between him and his friends.

But did they have to do teams? They could all just go solo. Lyon thought this was a very good compromise, and would have said so if Gray hadn't come up with his own solution first.

"Sure," Gray said brightly. "There's, what, five of you? One on five sounds like just about even odds."

Lyon frowned at his back, wondering if he was actually that confident or was just trying to forestall the issues that would inevitably arise if he said anything else.

"That doesn't seem very fair, though…" Chelia said doubtfully.

Gray laughed. "Don't you worry, I can hold my own."

Chelia darted an uncertain look at Lyon, who shrugged. She hesitated, but then took a deep breath.

"I'll be on your team."

Lyon was so startled that he almost stopped walking entirely, and the rest of his team gawked at Chelia in disbelief. Gray finally paused and turned back to them, surprise shining in his eyes.

"That's, um, that's alright," he said, eyeing her like she was a puzzle to be solved. "You don't need to. I'm fine on my own."

She crossed her arms and squared her shoulders, irritated determination hardening her face at being doubted. "I will."

Lyon smiled despite himself. Chelia was loyal to a fault, especially to the people she was closest to. Lyon and Wendy had accepted Gray, and even Sherry was giving him a halfhearted chance. She would stand by them in that, and if they trusted Gray, she would give him a chance too.

She caught Lyon watching her and raised a questioning eyebrow. He shrugged and smiled, mouthing 'thank you'. She blushed and averted her gaze.

"Oh," said Gray. "If you want to… Okay." He gave her a crooked grin, recovering some of his good cheer. "Welcome to the team, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid," she complained.

Gray chuckled and turned away down the street again. The bounce was back in his step.

"I will too," Sherry said.

"Nah, that's okay. You guys might as well stick together. You're a team, aren't you?"

"But–"

"I'm not going to eat her," Gray said mildly, and Sherry flushed.

"It'll be okay," Chelia said, patting her cousin on the arm and giving her a reassuring smile. Sherry subsided with a sigh, and Chelia hurried on over the awkward moment. "But no magic, alright? Fair fight."

Lyon suddenly found the snow at his feet almost as interesting as Gray did. Chelia had put on a brave face after losing her magic when fighting Dimaria, but everyone knew it had been hard on her. It had taken her a while to find a new position in the guild that she felt comfortable with, and it had been hard to watch her figuring out how to cope. She had been doing better lately, but any mage knew that losing their magic was like having a limb chopped off. Having _all_ their limbs chopped off.

"No magic," Lyon agreed.

Gray turned, although he continued walking backward. "No magic." He raised an eyebrow at Lyon as he added, "We'll see who cheats first."

"I don't _cheat_!" Lyon protested, resenting the not-so-subtle jab.

"Uh-huh…"

Chelia sighed and shook her head. "Even without magic, our odds aren't looking so good with Lyon on their team."

"Don't worry about it." Gray gave her a lopsided grin, and Lyon wanted to tell him to turn around and watch where he was going. "I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Lyon's not actually that good at snowball fights. His main advantage is that hair of his that lets him blend in, but his actual skills suck. Now, you and me will stick out like a sore thumb in the snow, but I have the skills to back us up."

" _Excuse me?_ " Lyon demanded, his eyes widening in outrage.

Gray howled with laughter, and even Chelia joined in. Lyon scowled at her. Traitor.

"I'm just saying–" Gray broke off as he bumped into someone and stumbled. He turned, an apologetic look already plastered on his face. "Sorry."

The man he'd bumped into glared and stepped aside. He spat at Gray's feet and hurried on with one last nasty look.

"Wow," Chelia said, frowning after him. "Rude."

Gray just shrugged and started walking again, his eyes in front of him this time. "It's alright. He probably wouldn't have done it to anyone else."

"Why not?"

"He probably recognized me, that's all. Not everyone does around here, but he seemed like he did."

Oh. Lyon glanced back at the retreating man as he ducked around a corner. That made sense, even if he didn't like it.

He kept his eyes open as Gray led them out to the park with sure steps. Sure enough, he noticed a few people giving Gray looks that he recognized well with their combinations of hatred and fear and distaste. At one time, he had worn them too.

Most people didn't give Gray a second look, but enough did that he must have noticed. But if he did, he showed no sign of it. He remained upbeat all the way out to the park, where he slipped through the forest at the end until the trees began to thin out.

There was a wide stretch of ground sandwiched between the thicker forest in front and behind, marred only by the occasional tree or boulder half buried in the snow. Enough wide open space to have a snowball war and enough cover for strategy.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" Gray said in satisfaction. "You ready?"

Apparently it didn't matter if they were or not, because he bent down, scooped up a handful of snow, molded it into a ball, and sent it flying at Lyon's face in one fluid motion. Lyon yelped and jumped to the side. A whistle in the air let him know that another projectile was incoming, and he went scrambling for cover behind a large bush.

Sherry stumbled into his side as she leapt after him and crouched down as well, followed quickly by Toby and Yuka.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Yuka growled, clearly not amused.

"Wow, that was fast," Gray called. "Giving up already?"

"Shut up!" Lyon yelled back. Turning back to his team, he said, "We need a plan."

"Hide," Toby suggested. "And don't die."

Lyon rolled his eyes. "You can't win a snowball fight by hiding the whole time."

"No, but you can stay alive."

"Yeah, I don't really want anything to do with this," Yuka grumbled.

Lyon repressed a sigh. They had agreed to come out of loyalty, but it was to make sure that nothing went wrong with Gray, not to participate. Lyon wasn't going to pressure them on that, and he couldn't honestly blame them for not wanting to be a part of this. It was enough that they were here and not just cutting him out. If they wanted to just sit on the sidelines, so be it.

"I guess you could really use some backup, though." Sherry smiled at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

Lyon smiled back. "That would be great, thanks. Gray's a monster. I don't want to go up against him alone, not in snowball fighting."

"Yeah, he's a monster, alright," Yuka muttered.

Sherry just laughed softly. "After all that big talk, you still think he can take you down?"

"No," Lyon snapped with a scowl as he began gathering snow. "Of course not. But, I mean, it couldn't hurt to have help."

Sherry at least had the courtesy to try muffling her giggles as she got to work helping him make snowballs. They needed all the ammo they could get, because once they were out in the line of fire, things would move lightning fast.

"You ever gonna come out?" Gray asked.

"Maybe," Lyon grumbled.

"Ooh, you guys too scared to face us?" Chelia called. "Wow, you sure surrendered quickly!"

Sherry and Lyon shared a horrified look.

"Chelia!" Sherry wailed. "You're turning into a little terror already!"

Chelia cackled loudly, and Gray was quite distinctly snickering.

Lyon shook his head and raised an eyebrow at Sherry. "You ready? The longer we stay back here, the more time they'll have to prep too."

"Ready," she agreed.

"Don't die," Toby insisted.

"Call us when everything goes to hell," added Yuka pessimistically as he settled himself more comfortably in the snow.

Lyon rolled his eyes. "We'll be fine."

He nodded to Sherry, and they stood up quickly and leapt around the bush with their arms full of snowballs. Chelia was crouched on the ground, her small hands quickly shaping snowballs and adding them to the large pile she'd already made. Gray was standing at the ready beside her, juggling snowballs idly as he waited for the enemy team to finally make an appearance.

Chelia was the easier target, but Lyon honed in on Gray, that cocky bastard. He managed to peg Gray on the shoulder before the other ice mage snapped to attention and began firing off snowballs. Lyon was nearly knocked off his feet by the barrage, and soon cold wetness was seeping through his clothing and into his skin.

The fight was on.

Lyon and Sherry worked well as a team, but they were up against tough adversaries. Chelia couldn't throw as far or as hard as the others, but she was _fast_ and turned out to be a swift snowball crafter to provide Gray with a constant stream of ammo. And Gray was, unfortunately, just as good at snowball fighting as Lyon remembered. He was definitely the player to beat, as much as Lyon hated to admit it. Every hit anyone managed to land on him was cause for great rejoicing.

That was mostly Lyon, because he just wanted to wipe that smug smirk off Gray's face and prove he was better. Sherry helped when she could, but was also targeting Chelia. Which was possibly the most helpful thing she did, since Gray would sometimes gallantly take a snowball to spare his little teammate. Every hit count, and it wasn't like Lyon and Sherry were going to pass up the easy ones.

They were frozen through and gasping for breath when Gray and Chelia disappeared again, ducking behind a large snowdrift. Lyon dropped to the ground behind a bush and Sherry followed suit, her breath hanging in the air as she tried to catch it.

"Let's move over there," Lyon whispered, pointing to another bush. "Just in case they saw us. We'll move around to throw them off our trail, and then regroup."

"Think of how many snowballs they're making right now," Sherry lamented.

"Maybe they're just taking a break," he said hopefully.

Both sides had taken cover on a number of different occasions for various reasons: they just needed a short breather, they were restocking ammo, they were planning an ambush, they were regrouping. But he couldn't imagine that this time wouldn't be taken advantage of for tactical purposes, even if it had originally been meant as just a break. Sherry's skeptical look showed that she thought much the same.

Lyon shrugged and darted to the next bush over, keeping low to the ground and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. He and Sherry worked their way through nearly a dozen shrubs and rocks and snowdrifts before finally stopping behind a large boulder to regroup.

"We need a plan," Lyon whispered as he began making and piling up more snowballs.

Sherry joined in, but just shook her head. "Don't get hit?"

"Real useful," he grumbled. "Keep your head low. We don't want them to know we're here, and your hair will give us away real fast."

"I'm being careful," she said, giving him an affronted look.

He smiled apologetically. "Thank you. I know it's not easy, but thank you."

She paused to look at him, and brushed back a strand of pink hair with a mittened hand. Her cheeks were flushed with exertion and cold and her nose was frostnipped, but her eyes and smile were soft.

"Of course. We're still friends, Lyon. We've been through a lot together, and I wouldn't just leave you now. Although I'll admit that it's odd to see him being so…different."

"Yeah. He's… I don't know. It's good to see him happier, even though a few weeks ago I would have hated it." Lyon frowned down at the snowball he was holding, turning it over and over idly in his hand. "He's not all bad, you know? I know it's hard, but he's different. And I'm glad he's back."

Sherry brushed a mitten along his arm and gave him a gentle smile. "I'll trust you on that. But really, it's just good to see _you_ happier again. You've been scaring us these last months. If this is what you need… We'll just have to see how it goes, yeah?" Her smile turned into a grin. "Now, we really ought to hurry up with this before they come charging in here and catch us unawares."

"Okay." He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself to rejoin the fight. He figured it had been nearly ten minutes, and that was about as long as any break in the game—if it could be called a game when he and Gray were so serious about it—had any right to be. "Ready?"

"Ready," Sherry agreed, her eyes alight with anticipation.

"Okay, we don't know where they are, so be careful until we do. We don't want to get ambushed."

Sherry nodded, and Lyon cautiously peered around the side of the boulder. Only to find himself staring directly into Gray's grinning face. His instinctive cry of surprise was cut off by the snowball shoved directly into his face. This was followed by a vicious onslaught of snowballs that sent him scrambling. Over Gray's victorious laughter, Lyon heard Sherry's startled yelp as she was similarly pelted by Chelia.

Biting back a blistering storm of curses, Lyon threw back snowballs blindly, unable to see past the hail of snow flying through the air and smashing into his face to cloak his vision. He quickly used up his current armful and was left defenseless.

"You're losing your touch, Lyon!" Gray called delightedly.

That was the last straw. White-hot indignation coursed through Lyon's veins, and his hands were moving almost before he realized it. He'd show that little upstart.

The ice eagles tore through the rain of snowy projectiles and launched themselves at Gray, who yelped in a satisfying way as he danced around them and threw up shields to protect himself and Chelia from the worst of it. He managed to outmaneuver most of them, but one made contact with a most satisfying _thwack_.

"Lyon!" Chelia cried as she peeked out from around Gray's side, where she had taken cover from the barrage. "No magic, remember?"

"I knew he was going to cheat," Gray said.

"It's not _cheating_ ," Lyon said primly. "All's fair in war."

"Spoken like a true cheater," Gray said with a laugh.

"Cheater? I'll show you a cheater."

Another flock of ice eagles burst forth. Gray threw up a shield as he grabbed Chelia's arm and the two of them took off, bounding through the snow toward the line of trees marking the boundary of the strip of forest backing the main park.

"Yeah, you'd better run!" Lyon yelled after them. "Run with your tail between your legs!"

Gray's laughter floated back as he and Chelia disappeared into the trees. Lyon crossed his arms over his chest and watched smugly. At least until Sherry whacked him hard on the arm.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"The rules were no magic." Sherry braced her hands on her hips and scowled. "You know how Chelia is about magic."

Lyon shifted uncomfortably, suitably chastened. Chelia rarely brought up the whole magic thing, but there was no point rubbing it in her face.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"And now they've gone and run into the forest, and we'll have to flush them out," Sherry continued. "And they'll have the advantage since they'll be in cover and in prime position to ambush us when we go in after them."

Lyon shuffled his feet, thoroughly cowed. "Sorry," he mumbled again. "…But it was very satisfying."

Sherry finally cracked a grin, some of her sternness melting away. "Yeah, it was. Even if you really shouldn't have done it."

"Yeah, yeah." Lyon paused, one eyebrow climbing up his forehead as he noticed the absolutely massive pile of snowballs that Gray and Chelia had left behind on the other side of the boulder. "Good grief, how many snowballs did they make?"

"You're asking the wrong question. A better question would be, how long were they huddled on the other side of the rock, waiting for us to show our faces so that they could ambush us?"

"…You think they were lurking back there for a while?"

"What, you think they just happened to wander past at the exact moment we popped out, and dropped their truckload of snowballs to start firing on us? No, they were sitting back there stockpiling snowballs while they waited for us."

"Damn it," Lyon muttered. He hated feeling like he'd been outfoxed. "Well, at least they left us plenty of ammo."

Sherry's cough sounded suspiciously like a laugh. "Always look on the bright side."

"Exactly."

They each gathered up an armful of snowballs from the abandoned cache and began marching toward the woods with all the grim determination of solders going to war. They were wary approaching the tree line, knowing that they'd be easy targets out in the open. Lyon braced himself, expecting a flurry of snowballs from the trees at any second, but nothing happened.

"Where are they?" Sherry murmured. She was just as tense and keyed up as he was, head swiveling about as she scanned the surrounding trees warily.

And still there was nothing. No war cries or snowballs or taunts. The farther they walked into the woods, the more oppressive the silence and stillness became. Every twig snapping underfoot or leaf rustling in the wind made Lyon jump, convinced that it was a sign of an imminent ambush. It never was.

"I might freeze before we find them," Sherry whispered, shivering.

"Or they find us," Lyon muttered.

"They haven't been doing a very good job of it so far."

"They know we're here."

On that ominous note, they lapsed back into silence. It was very possible that Gray and Chelia knew exactly where they were and were watching them right now from behind the undergrowth, tracking their every move. On the off chance that they weren't, Lyon and Sherry moved as stealthily as possible, darting along from tree to tree and keeping their eyes peeled for signs of the enemy.

It took several more minutes of searching before they heard low, muffled voices ahead. Lyon glanced at Sherry and put his finger to his lips, and they both crept forward to hide behind the wide trunk of an old pine and peer out.

Gray was standing in the middle of a small clearing with Chelia directly in front of him, almost close enough to touch him. They were both facing Lyon and Sherry's hiding place, but were so focused on their hands that they didn't notice their company. Chelia's hands were folded into what Lyon recognized as a near-perfect gesture to mold a shield, and Gray appeared to be demonstrating the proper position, his arms loosely encircling her as his pale hands folded into gestures just in front of her own hands' attempts.

"If you just move your thumb here… There you go." Gray pushed Chelia's thumb down gently until it was in the right position, and then readied his own hands into position again.

Chelia dropped her hands and then brought them back up into a fair approximation of the sign she had just been practicing. "Like this?"

"Yup, pretty much." Gray tweaked her fingers' position and smiled down at her. "Smart girl. You're a fast learner."

She beamed. "Cool!"

What in the world were they doing? Lyon couldn't figure it out for the life of him. Even if Chelia _could_ still use magic…

Lyon shook his head and exchanged a helpless look with Sherry. She seemed just as puzzled.

"And why do you need to know this?" Gray asked.

Chelia tilted her head up to smile at him. "Why?"

"Because Lyon is a cheater." And Gray's eyes fixed on Lyon's hiding spot as he grinned.

Lyon instinctively dropped his load of snowballs as his hands fluttered through the air—Gray knew exactly where he was, damn it—and conjured up another flock of icy birds.

"Ice make: shield!" Chelia chirped, her hands flying through the motions.

And it was Gray's hands that drew out the ice, Gray's magic that threw up the shield, but you wouldn't be able to tell from the wide grin plastered on Chelia's face.

Lyon's birds were quickly destroyed, but he was already stooping to gather the fallen snowballs. Any that hadn't been ruined in the fall, anyway.

"Now?" Chelia asked.

"Now," Gray agreed.

The shield dropped as Chelia cried, "Ice-make: hammer!"

Her hands flew through the motions—Gray's following along in a smoother and more well-practiced manner—and Lyon found himself slammed to the ground. It wasn't a particularly hard hit since Gray was holding back, but it still knocked the wind out of him.

"Do you surrender?" Gray asked.

Lyon huffed and staggered up out of the snow. "Never!"

Gray glanced down at Chelia and raised an eyebrow, and she gave him a thumbs up. She scampered off without another word. Lyon looked after her, suspicious of what she was doing, but was distracted when Gray started pelting him with snowballs.

Cursing to himself, he hurriedly packed together handfuls of snow to toss back. And then Gray leapt forward and pushed at Lyon, sending him stumbling back. They fell and tussled in the snow, rolling around until Gray finally slithered out of Lyon's grasp, jumped to his feet, and retreated a few paces.

Lyon quickly regained his footing, but paused and eyed Gray suspiciously, wondering why he was grinning so smugly. "What…?"

Gray pointed upward with one finger, and Lyon tilted his head up to see Chelia perched in the tree above him. She gave him a cheeky wave and kicked the branch. Lyon yelped as the thick coating of snow caught in the evergreen's branches was dislodged and came crashing down over his head. It knocked him flat and he tried to fight his way up through the avalanche, coughing and spluttering.

A heavy weight fell and knocked him back onto his stomach, all the air fleeing his lungs at once. Chelia reached down and pushed the snow away from his face, but only grinned widely and didn't move from where she was sitting on his back.

"Oof, you got heavy," Lyon groaned once he'd caught his breath.

Her smile morphed into an indignant scowl. " _Excuse me?_ "

Lyon wriggled experimentally, but Chelia was positioned in such a way as to apply the most pressure, and wasn't afraid to apply more force when he squirmed. Possibly she was still resentful of the weight comment.

"Well, Lyon's down for the count," Gray said cheerfully, turning his attention to Sherry. She was watching from the sidelines, bemused by the entire spectacle. "Now, I'll make you a deal. If you surrender gracefully, we won't submit you to any of the indignities that poor Lyon is facing. Alright?"

Sherry hesitated, shooting an uncertain look at Lyon. He shook his head as best he could in a small, frantic movement. No, they couldn't lose to Gray!

"Alright," Sherry said with a sigh. "I guess I can't do much while Lyon's out of commission."

Lyon wanted to bang his head into the ground. Gray would never let him live this down.

Gray smiled and held out a hand for a conciliatory handshake. Sherry stepped forward and reached out, but at the last second, her other hand whipped out from behind her back and she smashed a snowball into his face. Gray reeled back, flabbergasted by the unexpected assault.

"Yeah!" Lyon cried. "Go, Sherry! You can take him out!"

A shifting of weight on his back alerted him to Chelia's movements as she scooped up snow and began firing snowballs at Sherry faster than thought. Sherry staggered back, overbalanced, and fell to the ground to the sound of Chelia's victorious laughter.

"I surrender!" she called, although she was laughing as well. "I surrender!

"Good job," Gray said, flashing his teammate a grin before stepping over and looking down at Sherry. "Well played, milady. Well played."

He folded one arm behind his back and bent at the waist in a fair semblance of a gallant bow, holding down a hand. Sherry stared at it, pearly teeth just peeking out as they gathered in her lower lip, but then slowly reached out and placed her hand in his. Gray smiled and pulled her back to her feet before releasing her.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Gray masked a yawn behind his hand and turned back to Chelia and Lyon. "I think it's about time to call it a day. We might as well go ferret Toby and Yuka out of their hidey-hole and tell them we're done."

Lyon supposed that it would have been impossible for Gray not to notice the others' total lack of participation, but he shifted uncomfortably under Chelia's weight anyway.

"We won!" Chelia jumped to her feet and spun through the snow in her excitement. "We really won!"

Lyon muttered something very unflattering under his breath. Gray coughed out a laugh and stepped over to grab his arm and pull him up. Lyon flushed and shook him off.

"Good job, kiddo," Gray told Chelia, leaving Lyon to stew in his loss. "You did well."

Chelia grinned and threw her arms around him. He stiffened instantly, every muscle in his body going taut at the contact, and it was a long moment before he cleared his throat and patted her on the head awkwardly.

"It was fun," she said. "Thanks."

She released him, and he gave her a small, bemused smile. Grabbing his hand, she bounced back through the forest, tugging him along as she chattered cheerfully about their victory and how great the fight had been. Lyon exchanged a look with Sherry, and they shrugged before following. It looked like Gray had really won Chelia over.

Chelia was energized by the win, bouncing merrily through the snow, while Gray ambled along at a less energetic pace. It was an odd reversal of the morning, where Gray had been the bubbly one.

"Are you alright?" Lyon asked as Gray stifled another yawn and dragged his feet wearily over a snowbank.

"Yeah, yeah. Just tired."

"Tired you out, did we?" Lyon grinned, pleased. He'd take whatever small victory he could.

Gray rolled his eyes. "You wish. Nah, I just didn't sleep much."

"Whatever you say…"

But Chelia talked enough for the lot of them, so Lyon let it go. Toby and Yuka were duly collected from the same bush they'd originally stayed behind, now frozen into miserable balls. Neither was particularly pleased by Gray's continued presence, but they were eager enough to get inside that they didn't comment.

Chelia expressed a desire for hot chocolate, which naturally led to the suggestion that they head to Lyon's apartment since he made the best cocoa.

"Your hot chocolate sucks," Gray said flatly.

Lyon was affronted. " _Excuse me?_ "

"It does. You always make it so bitter and gross. I bet you haven't gotten any better."

"My hot chocolate is _fantastic_ , thank you very much."

"Nope. I'll make the cocoa."

"Can you believe this guy?" Lyon fumed to his friends.

Sherry rubbed at her nose awkwardly. "Maybe you could let him try? I mean, it couldn't hurt."

Lyon's eyes widened. "Traitor!"

Sherry just smiled apologetically. How could she not know that he made the best cocoa?

Still smarting from the betrayal and his wounded pride, Lyon sulked outrageously as they left the park behind and headed into the streets. Gray was also quiet, still towed along by Chelia and showing a distinct lack of energy. Lyon took some small satisfaction in this.

They had almost reached Lyon's apartment when Chelia tugged at Gray's sleeve. "What are they doing?"

She pointed at a couple walking past, both eyeing Gray with hostility and making some kind of odd gesture with their hands. Gray gave them a tired once-over and shrugged.

"It's probably some kind of gesture to ward off evil. I usually see it like this." He twisted his free hand into another odd sign to demonstrate. "But I guess traditions differ."

Chelia frowned and bit the inside of her cheek. "That's not very nice."

Gray shrugged. "It's fine. I don't see it nearly as much as I used to, and I'm not as well known around these parts. I have a worse reputation around Hargeon and the surrounding area. If they aren't trying to kill me, I leave them alone."

"People are trying to kill you?" Lyon asked, giving him a sharp look.

"Eh, sometimes. Not as much anymore."

He didn't find that reassuring. Another passing man made a similar gesture and muttered something under his breath, only the word 'demon' distinguishable. Lyon growled low in the back of his throat.

"Hey, you–!"

"Lyon." Gray dragged Chelia forward a pace and placed a restraining hand on the other ice mage's arm. "Lyon, stop."

"But–"

"Leave him alone. People are allowed to have their fears and grudges and opinions. I will not take them away. And neither will you."

"But–"

"Lyon," Gray said gently, a soft, melancholy smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "are you really in any place to judge them?"

"I…" Lyon opened his mouth and closed it again. He looked away, suddenly unable to meet Gray's gaze with the shame clawing at his insides.

"It's alright, kiddo. It's alright. Now, come on and I'll show you how to make hot chocolate properly."

Which immediately made the indignation flare up again, of course. For one, Lyon was not a _kiddo_. And two, his hot chocolate was the _best_. Gray played along with the banter for a little while, before slipping back into weary silence once the conversation was lively enough without him again.

Lyon gave him sidelong looks every now and then. Come to think of it, he did seem pretty tired. There were even dark circles smudged underneath his eyes, although they hadn't been as noticeable when he'd been bouncing around earlier. But now that he was plodding along wearily, shoulders slumped and yawns frequent, they seemed more prominent.

Still, he made the hot chocolate easily enough, refusing to let Lyon anywhere near the ingredients. Lyon resented this greatly, but surreptitiously kept an eye on what he was doing. Making cocoa was simple, so he didn't understand how Gray's was always so much better than his.

And to rub it in, it was delicious when it was finished, although Toby was too busy hiding behind the couch to taste any and Yuka refused to take anything that Gray had touched. Everyone else retreated to the living room with cocoa in hand and settled in the couches and chairs to sip at their drinks and talk.

It was actually going pretty well until Lyon noticed Gray nodding off, the mug wavering dangerously in his hand as he curled up in the chair and hovered on the border of sleep. Poor guy seemed exhausted.

Lyon set his own cocoa down and pulled himself up off the couch to gently uncurl Gray's fingers from the handle of his mug. The last thing he needed was to have hot chocolate spilled all over his furniture. And it would be a rude awakening if Gray spilled it on himself.

Gray's eyes fluttered open halfway, dark and uncomprehending as they blinked at Lyon blearily, and Lyon brushed the hair off his forehead with a smile.

"You can go back to sleep," he said.

"Not sleeping," Gray mumbled.

"Mhm," Lyon said indulgently.

"We really did tire you out, didn't we?" Sherry asked with a soft laugh.

Gray yawned and his eyes drifted shut again. "Nah. I was up at like four this morning."

Lyon's eyebrows jumped upward. "Just how early did you go to sleep?"

"Like two."

"In the afternoon?"

"…Morning."

Lyon was aghast. "How are you functioning on two hours of sleep?"

Gray just snuggled down into the chair, still a little more than half asleep. "Mm… Not sure I've slept more than eight hours in the past three days."

"But _why_?"

"Been manic," he mumbled in a sigh. "Too much energy. Was bound to crash eventually."

"Manic?" Lyon asked in confusion. "Like bipolar or something?"

"Mm, not that extreme, usually." Gray suddenly started up, shaking his head sharply and pulling himself to his feet. "Actually, I should probably head back before I really do fall asleep."

"You could stay here," Lyon offered, eyeing him in concern.

"Nah, that's okay. It was fun, guys. Maybe I'll see you around."

"Bye," Chelia and Sherry chorused.

Gray started for the door, and Lyon followed.

"I'll come with you."

Gray turned and frowned, drowsy eyes studying him in confusion. "Pretty sure I can handle getting back on my own."

Lyon's mind flashed back to all the people with their nasty looks and rude gestures—the people he had been not so long ago. "I'm coming. Let's go. And you guys can hang out here, if you want. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Uh… Okay?"

"Get some sleep," Sherry added.

"And come back sometime!" Chelia said. She dropped her gaze to her knees. "And…thank you."

Gray gave her a bemused look. "I didn't do anything." Waving to her and the others, he headed out the door. "Bye."

"Idiot," Chelia muttered.

Lyon paused and raised an eyebrow. "What's up?"

"It's just… I think he must know what he did." Her eyes had a faraway look, and her smile was a touch sad. "It was amazing, you know. He even went the full way and was teaching me things, and so when… It felt real, you know? With all that magic all around me, for a second I could _feel_ it. I would have given anything to feel that one last time, and he handed it to me for free."

She looked up, startled out of her thoughts, and laughed awkwardly. "I guess it's silly. But it was…nice. It was really nice."

Lyon chewed on the inside of his cheek and hovered uncertainly, his heart twisting. That moment in the woods seemed a lot more special. Sherry pulled her cousin into a hug and began murmuring soothing things into her ear, and Lyon quietly slipped out of the apartment and shut the door behind him. He'd do something nice for her when he came back.

"I guess I ought to suggest to Wendy that she come down for another visit soon," said Gray neutrally from where he was leaning against the wall beside the door, one leg braced against the wall and his eyes narrowed slightly at the ground.

"That would be nice."

Lyon gave him a searching look as he pushed himself away from the wall and started off toward the train station. They didn't say much. Gray seemed too tired to want to converse, and Lyon was content to let him be and glare at anyone who stared at him for too long.

They bought their tickets and sat across from each other by the window of the train car. Lyon wondered how long it would take before Gray fell asleep. Sure enough, the rocking motion of the train as it trundled down the track started lulling him back into a drowsy stupor, and Lyon hid a smile as he watched Gray's valiant struggle against sleep that ultimately ended in failure.

He sighed and looked out the window as Gray dozed. It had been a nice day, really, and it was good to see Gray tentatively getting along with Chelia and Sherry. It was a start. He was glad that Gray had dropped by to visit, and supposed that he should return the favor sometime. They were really going to work things out.

And maybe… Maybe one day things would go back to normal, or as normal as they could be now. Things weren't entirely perfect, but Lyon was learning what was best to let go of and what he couldn't afford to lose, and he could tell that Gray had been making improvements as well. It was their fresh start, their first step, and Lyon wanted it so badly he could taste it.

Gray twitched and mumbled something in his sleep, and Lyon pulled his gaze away from the window. The sleeping mage's face was scrunched up into a pained expression now, and he shifted restlessly with a most pathetic whimper.

Lyon stared blankly for a few seconds before hesitantly hopping across to perch next to him.

"Gray?" he asked cautiously, unsure if it was better to wake his friend up or wait out the nightmare. He shook Gray's shoulder gently. "Hey, Gray?"

Gray started to wakefulness and looked around frantically, recoiling when he saw Lyon.

"Hey, it's okay." Lyon held his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "You alright?"

Gray blinked at him from where he was flattened against the window, and then let some of the tension drain out of his body. His eyes were dark and unhappy as he dropped his gaze and looked away from Lyon.

"Yeah," he said.

Lyon opened his mouth but then closed it again. He wasn't sure what he was really supposed to say, and doubted Gray felt like talking. But judging from how hard Gray was suddenly finding it to meet his eyes, Lyon had some idea of what kinds of nightmares these might be.

He could say that he had those nightmares too. That it was Gray's own fault and he deserved them.

He could say that all was forgiven and the past was in the past. That it wasn't Gray's fault, had never really been, and he needed to let it go.

He could say nothing at all.

They sat in awkward silence, Gray very pointedly not looking at Lyon and Lyon trying to disguise how frequently he was glancing at Gray. It must have been pretty bad, considering how hard Gray was fighting against falling asleep again. He looked more haggard and exhausted than ever, but kept starting and shaking his head fitfully every time the train threatened to rock him back to sleep.

It was actually pretty painful to watch, and Lyon could practically feel Gray's weariness radiating out.

"Hey, Gray?"

Gray made an unintelligible humming sound in the back of his throat, his eyes closed. He wasn't even really conscious, but still tried to shake himself back to awareness with mixed success.

"Gray, maybe you should just go back to sleep."

"No," Gray mumbled.

"It's okay, alright? Whatever it is… It's alright. Seriously, you can't even keep your eyes open. You're not going to make it all the way back to Magnolia anyway. Just go to sleep."

"Don't wanna."

Lyon sighed and worked a hand behind Gray's back to snake around him and pull him over so that his head was against his shoulder. Gray struggled weakly, but Lyon tightened his grip and he subsided with a weary moan.

"Cheater," Gray sighed, unable to even keep his eyes open long enough to give Lyon a proper glare.

"Idiot," Lyon murmured fondly. "All's fair in love, too."

Gray's breath was the faintest of sighs as he drifted off to sleep again. Lyon kept an eye on him, but he didn't start twitching again.

Gray slept soundly through the rest of the ride, and it took a couple of tries for Lyon to shake him awake once they'd arrived in Magnolia.

"No more nightmares?" Lyon asked as Gray yawned and stretched.

"Hm? Guess not. I don't remember anything. I usually remember them." He suddenly realized the position he was in and sat bolt upright, flushing and eyeing Lyon warily.

Lyon just chuckled and stood, and Gray followed him off the train without another word. He got the feeling that more people recognized Gray here—which would make sense, he supposed—and although most gave him little more than a second glance, some still glared or muttered or avoided him altogether. Gray didn't react, although Lyon didn't know if it was because he was used to it or he was just honestly too tired to notice. Lyon made sure to glare back for him instead.

"Where are you going?" Gray asked, blinking at Lyon sluggishly.

"Natsu's house is this way…"

"Oh. I actually just moved back into my apartment."

Lyon smiled. "That's good, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Lyon still very well remembered where Gray's apartment was, so he ambled toward it at a slow pace so that Gray could keep up. Poor fool looked like he might actually fall asleep on his feet.

"Are you going to be alright?" Lyon asked as they walked up to the building and headed inside.

"Yeah, I'll just sleep through the rest of the day, and hopefully I'll be back on a normal schedule in a few days." Gray sighed and rolled his eyes. "As long as my idiot team doesn't come banging on my door to drag me out on a job like last time."

He opened his door. "See you around."

"Yeah," said Lyon. "Yeah, you will."

Gray smiled and disappeared inside, and Lyon started back the way he'd come.

"Hey, Lyon?"

He turned to see that Gray had poked his head back out into the hallway and was peering around the half-closed door. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

And with another brief flash of that puppy-dog smile, he was gone. Lyon stared at the closed door for a few seconds, and then headed for Fairy Tail to warn them off of bothering Gray before he took the train back to Margaret Town.

"You're welcome."


	35. Black & White (1)

**Note: And the Council makes another appearance! lol When I was editing, I decided to go back and reread all the trial chapters. And I basically just cracked up a lot. Dunno, I almost forgot how much I love snarky Gray and my Council goofballs. I missed them XD**

 **X: Aren't we all busy these days? X) Yeah, my A/Ns tend to start disappearing when I'm in a bad mood. I'm a depressive by nature, so I'm always working on pulling through lol But now that I've escaped the prison of my ex-job, I'm feeling a lot better! At least for now. Still kind of blah, but I've been doing better. I appreciate the concern lol Thanks for R &Ring, and I hope you'll be doing better too :)**

* * *

 **Black & White (1)**

* * *

Gray made it a point to know what was going on. He listened to any rumblings and kept an eye out for any changes. He liked to know when trouble was coming, which wasn't quite as frequently as before but was often enough since he seemed to be a trouble magnet. When people started giving him strange—okay, _stranger_ —looks or began whispering in the streets, he knew that something was up.

But when the Knights came traipsing into the guild hall, he had no idea why they were there. Nothing out of the ordinary had alerted him to a brewing storm, and he couldn't think of anything he'd done recently that might have attracted the Council's attention. The Council sent someone to check up on him every once in a while to make sure he wasn't getting into trouble—read: killing anyone—but never a whole squadron of Knights. Battalion of Knights? What _did_ one call a group of Knights, anyway?

"Can I help you?" Makarov asked, abandoning his discussion with Mavis and Laxus to stand and face their visitors.

The mood in the guild cooled considerably, and all conversation ceased as every eye swung to the doorway. Attitudes toward the Knights ranged from unfriendly to downright hostile, but no one particularly wanted to see them.

It was possible that they weren't here for him. The Executioner wasn't here—the one in charge was a tall, tanned man with brown eyes and a smattering of freckles across his cheekbones—but then again, he wasn't sure the Executioner was allowed to go near him in an official capacity after the trouble stirred up with the torture allegations. Sometimes the Council sent people after the guild when stuff got destroyed or someone had found another new and creative way to cause trouble.

But a whole regiment of Knights?

"Yes, we're looking for Deliora." The Knight's posture was relaxed and his voice low and conversational, almost friendly. His chestnut-colored hair stuck out at all angles, and Gray immediately dubbed him the Hedgehog.

Gray put a restraining hand on Cana's arm—he might have spent the past twenty minutes arguing with her about it being too early to get wasted, but apparently she wasn't too drunk to claw out someone's eyes—and slid off the barstool with a sigh.

"What did I do this time?" he asked.

The Hedgehog nodded to him cordially. "There has been a string of murders that seem to point in your general direction."

"…I haven't killed anyone."

The Knight held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Not my job to be pointing fingers or deciding guilt and innocence. I'm just here to request that you come along with us to a hearing."

"Am I under arrest?"

"No, no, there's hardly enough evidence to arrest you even if I wanted to. The Council is conducting an enquiry into the affair to probe deeper and determine whether you were involved or not, and they're asking that you come and cooperate. If you're innocent, then they'll just ask you some questions and let you go. It's a chance to clear your name."

Gray smiled thinly. "It's a chance for the Council to try pinning something on me."

"That too, I'm sure," admitted the Hedgehog. "You aren't exactly popular. Still, that's not my business. Will you come?"

"Of coursh not!" Cana slurred, jabbing her tankard in the man's general direction and sloshing beer all over the floor. "Thish ish dumb."

"Cana dearest, you are too drunk for diplomacy." Gray nimbly twisted the mug out of her hand and set it back on the counter. "I did warn you that you shouldn't get wasted before noon."

"You're such a shpoilshport."

"And you're unable to talk clearly." He patted her on the head and then jammed his hands into his pockets as he headed for the door. "Alright, I'm coming. Let's get this over with."

"Gray!" Happy launched himself from the other side of the room where he'd been harassing Natsu and Lucy, and slammed into the demon's chest. Gray grunted and staggered back a step, automatically wrapping an arm around his feline assailant. "Gray, don't go! The Council is full of meanies!"

"It's alright. They don't have anything on me."

"Gray," Lucy started, "are you sure–?"

"Yes, yes." He tugged at Happy's ear gently and plopped him on the table next to Charle. "I'll answer their questions. Otherwise they're just going to harass us until I do."

Lucy bit her lip, unhappy with the whole situation. Then, realizing Gray wasn't going to budge, she turned on the Hedgehog with a ferocious scowl and said, "If you torture him, I will hunt you down and rip your balls off."

Gray's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and he choked on his own spit. "Good God, Luce. Natsu had better be careful with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Natsu asked, confused.

"Gray!" Lucy cried, flushing as red as a tomato.

The Hedgehog scratched at the back of his head and watched them in bemusement. "No torture. We're under strict instructions for your treatment, even if I liked to play those kinds of games. In any case, we aren't taking you into official custody. You'll just attend the hearing and be on your way, no jails or handcuffs or torture necessary."

"Sounds too good to be true." Gray arched a skeptical eyebrow. He'd become rather cynical where the Council was concerned, but it wasn't like he had a lot of options.

"We'll come with you," Erza said firmly, striding briskly for the door with an icy look at the surrounding Knights.

"Erza…"

"Save your breath."

"Oh boy, now we gotta go save the ice princess's ass again," Natsu said, following behind her. His eyes were hard and unfriendly.

Gray sighed. Leave it to his overprotective friends to turn this into a fieldtrip.

"Well," said the Hedgehog, "we _are_ going to request that you send along a representative of the guild, and we'll also be requesting the presence of Lyon Bastia and a representative from Sabertooth. They are your sponsors, of a sort, and will be invested in the outcome."

Awesome. And now Lyon was going to get summoned with something along the lines of 'we think the demon killed a bunch of people, so congrats on vouching for him'. It made Gray's stomach clench up uncomfortably. He didn't want Lyon thinking he'd gone on another killing spree.

And Sting was going to be _pissed_.

The Knight looked to Makarov, deferring to the guild master, but he was looking in the wrong place. Fairy Tail had never been very good at following orders even at the best of times.

"Great," said Erza. "I'll come.

"And me," Lucy added.

"Me too!" Happy cried.

"No way are you gonna leave me out of the fun," Natsu said.

Ah, loyalty and overprotectiveness at their finest.

"Uh…" The Hedgehog exchanged a helpless look with his men and looked around at the volunteers. "Well…"

"I'm coming too!" Cana slurred drunkenly. "Jusht let me get another drink firsht…"

Mira shot a dark look at the Knights. "You're all going to regret targeting him again."

Suddenly it seemed like everyone was getting up and ambling for the door. Apparently this was going to be a guild excursion.

"Let's get this over with," Gajeel grumbled, shoving past Gray.

The Hedgehog sighed and scratched at his gloriously unkempt hair again. "I don't think you guys really understand what ' _a_ representative' means…"

"It's like poking at an anthill," Gray said, shaking his head.

Natsu's flinty eyes bored into the hapless Knight. "What he means is that if you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us."

"You'll have to forgive him," Gray apologized. "He's rather uncultured."

Natsu punched him on the arm, making him cough out a laugh. "Come on, popsicle."

Everyone filed outside and crowded around the Knights' convoy, which consisted of three carriages waiting in the street.

"Technically, my job is only to bring you in," the Hedgehog told Gray with a shrug. "Whoever else comes isn't my concern. But we only have one carriage allotted for you since we were only expecting you and a representative, so everyone else will have to arrange their own transportation."

Gray thought that was fair. It was refreshing to have dealings with a Knight who was so downright _reasonable_.

Several minutes of milling around—complete with a few halfhearted bouts of fisticuffs, since it just wouldn't be Fairy Tail without a brawl or two—eventually saw Gray and his team crammed into the carriage, with everyone else scrambling to find other vehicles. They were a resourceful bunch, so Gray figured they'd sort things out quickly and be right behind the convoy.

"This is outrageous," Lucy muttered as the carriage started rolling and jostled them about.

Gray shrugged. "The Council is doing its job. They're obligated to investigate pertinent leads for their cases."

Erza was unimpressed. "They're only investigating you because they want to find a way to lock you up. They'll turn on you for the slightest little thing, things that they'd never dream of turning on anyone else for."

"Fair enough. But keep in mind that they still think I'm one of the biggest threats around here, and they're being extra careful to make sure I don't find a way out of this 'binding'. It makes sense that they'd pay closer attention to more dangerous threats. If they get a little trigger-happy… Well, better too much than too little, right?"

"But you didn't _do_ anything!" Happy protested.

"So they won't find enough evidence to declare me officially guilty of anything, suspicions or not."

"We could just beat them all up," Natsu suggested.

"…Let's try to do it the easy way first, before starting a shit show."

Erza gave Natsu a quelling look. "He's right. They shouldn't be able to build any kind of case against him, so it shouldn't be too big of a deal. Now, if things go to hell, then we can go to war."

Gray didn't think it would come to that. He was fairly confident of being able to poke holes into whatever case they thought they had against him, even if it was a setup.

He left the others to their debate and looked out the window at the shops rolling by, until they broke into the countryside and it was low hills and grassy pastures as far as the eye could see. A ghostly image of a melancholy smile hovered over the view, reflected in the glass. He supposed that he'd always be the first suspect in any mysterious tragedies now. He couldn't blame anyone for that, but maybe it just went to show that there were limits to how far he could improve. No matter how much he learned to be a better version of himself, no matter how friendly he was and how much acceptance he won, there would always be an invisible line drawn in the sand here.

The ride to the Council's headquarters was almost as miserably long as he remembered it, but at least he wasn't in handcuffs or fighting off memories this time. All things considered, it wasn't too bad.

When the carriage stopped and he disembarked, he spotted Lyon standing outside the building and gesticulating angrily at a Knight. His team was beside him, Toby and Yuka not looking thrilled to be there but Sherry a little less overtly displeased. Those three seemed to follow Lyon around everywhere, even when they didn't want to be around Gray. It was good that Lyon had such a loyal team. Sting, Rogue, and Rufus were clustered about the Lamia Scale mages, looking no more pleased by the situation.

"Them too?" the Hedgehog muttered from where he'd paused a few feet away. "Good grief, there are always so many more people than I expect."

"Tell me about it," said Gray with a sigh.

The Knight gave him a tired half-smile and turned to his subordinates. "See if we can't get another unit up here to help supervise the court proceedings."

Unit. Huh. Who would've thought it?

Gray headed for Lyon and the others, leaving his own team to trail behind.

"…and I was supposed to be at a festival today, you know," Lyon was saying to the Knight. "We've been looking forward to it for a long time. And now we're getting called down here for _this_ bullshit."

"Ah, sorry about that," Gray said as he strolled up. Anxiety nibbled at his insides as he added, "Lyon, I didn't–"

"Oh, Gray, you're here." Lyon turned away from the hapless Knight he'd been berating, who immediately took the opportunity to make a hasty escape. "It's not _your_ fault. I entirely blame these lunatics."

Gray searched his face uncertainly, but then relaxed. Lyon didn't assume he'd done anything. It felt surprisingly good to know that he hadn't let the doubt creep in so easily.

"Tell me you didn't do it," Sting said tersely. His eyes were far less trusting than Lyon's.

Gray shook his head and looked away. "I haven't killed anyone since Zeref."

"I sure fucking hope not, because if you did–"

"Hey, let it go," said Rufus. "He didn't do it." Gray glanced back up, and Rufus was studying him with a thoughtful frown. "If they ask me to verify your alibi, do I have your permission to do so?"

Gray hadn't even really seen Rufus since that last trial, but it seemed like he'd made a lasting impression on him. He wasn't really sure what to make of that.

"I get a choice this time?" he asked suspiciously.

Rufus held his hands up in a conciliatory fashion and his frown deepened. "Yes. I won't go digging through your memories without your permission this time."

Gray hesitated. "Only stuff from the past few weeks?"

"I won't have to go any farther than that. I won't touch all that again, promise."

"…Fine." Gray sighed, not thrilled by the idea. "But only as a last resort."

"Deal."

He gnawed at the inside of his cheek and sighed again. "…Thank you."

He'd been an ungrateful little brat before, but he did appreciate it even though he hated that it had happened. And he appreciated whatever faith it seemed to have bought with Rufus. Still, he was glad that he was allowed to make his own choices this time.

"Of course." Rufus tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly behind his mask. "You're doing better."

"…Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."

A faint smile ghosted over Rufus's face, but Gray was distracted when Lucy tugged at his sleeve.

Her eyes were solemn as she asked, "You're going to defend yourself properly, right? No more of this taking the blame for things you didn't do?"

Gray pursed his lips. "I'll take responsibility for the things I've done, but I have no obligation to assume responsibility for those I have not. I have enough of the former to not need to add any of the latter."

He wouldn't shy away from accepting the blame and responsibility for every last one of the horrible things he'd done, Awake or not, but other than that… If it didn't benefit him or his friends or someone he owed a debt to, then he had no reason to pursue it.

"Alright, guys," the Hedgehog announced, sticking his head out of the door to the headquarters building. "The Council is ready for the hearing. Might as well come on in."

"Let's get the show on the road," Gray muttered resignedly.

Lyon punched him on the arm and gave him a fleeting smile. "Give them hell."

"Or we will," Natsu added on a slightly more threatening note.

Gray couldn't help but smile. He waved goodbye to the others as he headed inside, escorted by a couple of Knights who ushered him in but didn't touch him. A nice change from being dragged around.

He further felt that his lot in life was improved when he noticed that the lone chair placed before the Council's ridiculously oversized desk, although still hard-backed and uncomfortable-looking, had arms this time. He was really moving up in the world.

One and Two watched him saunter over and sit down, as well as half a dozen other Council members that he vaguely recognized from his previous trials but didn't particularly care about. One's face was grim and drawn. He was probably preparing himself for the coming ordeal. Two's face was more carefully neutral, but her eyes were sharp and never left Gray's face as she studied him. He didn't particularly want her to think that he'd been on a rampage either, but there was nothing for it now.

"How wonderful to see you again," One grumbled.

Gray grinned. "You've been practicing since last time!"

"…Practicing what?"

"Sarcasm. You're making such a good student after all. We'll make a pro out of you yet."

"…I don't get paid enough to deal with this."

"I bet your paycheck is bigger than mine, and I have to deal with myself 24/7. Sounds like you got the better deal, honestly."

As much as Gray didn't like playing games with the Council, he had to admit that he'd almost missed harassing One, poor guy.

As he slouched over and propped his elbow on the arm of the chair—making One scowl, presumably because it was supposed to be uncomfortable or, perhaps, because he was supposed to sit up all straight and proper—he noticed the Executioner lurking on the sidelines. The Knight was positioned about halfway down the wall, standing with his unit nearer to the spectators, and was watching Gray impassively. Gray considered giving him a cheery wave, but decided to save his brattiness for One.

"And you even brought half the continent along with you," One muttered as he watched all of Fairy Tail filing into the room and filling the seats. "Great."

Really, there had to be a sarcastic child living inside him somewhere. Gray must be a bad influence.

"Sorry," Gray said seriously. "The west coast couldn't make it."

One closed his eyes. "I hate my job."

Gray grinned. This never got old.

Two cleared her throat politely and raised an eyebrow at One, a subtle nudge to get him back on track. He sighed, took a deep breath, and got to work.

"Let's get started."

"Showtime," said Gray, although his good humor was a bit less genuine this time.

One wisely ignored him and instead looked to the Hedgehog, who was hovering off to the side. "Was he cooperative?"

"Yes," the Knight said. "No problems."

"I'm a perfect little angel," Gray agreed.

"The demon thinks he's an angel," One sneered.

"Well, you know, some of those fancy religious orders say that demons are just fallen angels."

One raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You're religious?"

"Not particularly. Pretty sure they'd all just tell me that I'm damned to hell, and I prefer to look at it as damned to a peaceful nonexistence. Anyway, these are the same people that throw holy water and salt at me. They aren't exactly founts of knowledge where demons are concerned."

The Council blinked at him with strange expressions. He smiled back pleasantly.

"…Right." One shook his head. "I assume you know why you're here?"

"People are dead and the demon is the easiest scapegoat. That's basically it. No one saw fit to give me any of the details."

"You–"

"And it's total bullshit," Natsu interrupted loudly, earning a dark look from One.

"Mr. Dragneel," said Two tiredly. "Please. We're just going to ask some questions as part of the investigation. No one is making any accusations."

"Speak for yourself," One muttered under his breath, eliciting a disapproving look from Two. Those nasty looks were just all over the place.

Gray kept his eyes directed at One, but watched Two out of the corner of his eye. She was a tough one to get a read on.

"In any case," she said, "we'd prefer to have as few disruptions as possible."

"Yeah." One gave Gray a pointed look. "We want to keep this short and with the least aggravation possible."

"Great, we're on the same page for once." Gray paused and mimed a mock epiphany. "Oh, you mean with the least aggravation to _you_? Well, I'll see what I can do, but I'm afraid I can't make any promises."

Two actually smiled, just a small upturn of the lips that was gone almost as quickly as it had come. "Your cooperation is much appreciated."

"Anything for you, madam." Gray flashed her a dazzling smile and added, "You don't look like you've aged a day since last we met." His gaze slid sideways to rest on One's wrinkled face. "I wish I could say the same about him."

"So much for toning down the aggravation," Two said with a small smile laced with something that looked suspiciously like exasperated amusement.

One slammed his hands onto the desk and rose halfway, a mighty scowl adorning his face. "I've had about enough of your impertinence and–"

"Why don't we get started?" Two suggested mildly. "The sooner we finish…"

One hesitated, still fairly vibrating with anger, but then took a deep breath and sat back down. "Right. Right. Demon, you're here because there has been a series of murders over the past few weeks, and they have your name written all over them." Waving a hand at Two, he said, "Why don't you go through the details?"

Two nodded and looked down at the papers in front of her, picking them up and tapping them primly on the desk to straighten them out. "Over the past three weeks, there have been twelve murders in Hargeon and the outlying towns—seven in Hargeon itself and five in the surrounding area. They all bear enough similarities to be credited to the same person, who the locals have taken to calling the Death-Shadow.

"The killings usually take place in the evening or night, and there have been a few eyewitness accounts pointing to someone with shadow or darkness magic. There's no solid description of him since he seems adept at cloaking himself in shadow and sneaking up on his victims.

"The Knights have sent a team to investigate, but they keep running into dead ends. It's unclear if there are common traits between the victims, aside from them all being male, and we know nothing about the killer to determine what relationship they might have with him."

Gray propped his cheek on his fist and worried at his thumbnail absently with his teeth. "Shadow magic, huh? Interesting. Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Rogue and I aren't the only ones who can manipulate shadows."

"Yes, that has been taken into consideration." Two lowered the pages and gave him a searching look. "Have you been near Hargeon recently?"

"Nope. I pretty much leave them alone after they tried lynching me. Erza dragged me back once, several months ago, but other than that… I see no point in stirring up trouble when there's no need to."

Two's eyebrows rose fractionally. "They tried to lynch you?"

"Eh. It was a long time ago."

"Would you–?"

"A motive!" One interrupted loudly. Wicked satisfaction tugged the corners of his lips into an unfriendly smile.

Gray stared back blankly. "It was months ago. Like, a few weeks after our last lovely trial."

"Ah, but you're a schemer. You could have planned it all out and waited for the perfect time to strike, when no one would suspect you."

"…I'm flattered you think so highly of me."

"Shut up."

"Well, it's a fair point." Gray shrugged and swung a leg over the chair's other arm. One's eye twitched as he watched it swing idly. "But I don't honestly care about their silly vigilante justice, and they are far from the only ones who have attempted to kill, maim, or otherwise inconvenience me over the past months. And if I didn't want anyone to suspect me, I wouldn't make it obvious that I was using either ice or shadows."

"Motive," One muttered mutinously.

"As I was saying," Two said with a pointed look in One's direction, "would you like an investigation conducted into this 'lynching' attempt? If you want to press charges…"

Gray shook his head. "Like I said, it was a long time ago and I don't really care. I'd rather get _this_ investigation over with as quickly as possible."

She studied him for a few seconds before nodding. "Alright. So you weren't in or near Hargeon or the surrounding area during the past three weeks, correct?"

"Correct. I only–" Gray broke off and his brow furrowed into a frown. "Actually… Actually, I was with my team for a job in some little town that's like thirty minutes outside of Hargeon, if that counts. Can't remember the name for the life of me, but we were only there for a few hours before going back to Magnolia. Short job."

"Aha!" One said, sounding much too pleased.

Two ignored him. "When was this?"

"The week before last. Tuesday, maybe? Or Wednesday? I can't remember for sure."

"Tuesday," Two said, her voice deceptively mild.

"…Excuse me?"

She riffled through the papers in her hand and watched him over the top of them. "We hunted down the records for all officially sanctioned jobs that you or you and your team took over the past three weeks. I can verify the details here."

"…Sneaky." He smiled faintly. "Looking to catch me out."

"I like to be thorough. In any case, it gives us a fairly good picture of the timeline of the past few weeks, although there are, obviously, gaps. You're verified to have been well away from Hargeon at least during the times of murders five, eight, and eleven, and there are a few other ones that would have been tricky for you to commit due to timing and distance. Assuming all the murders were, in fact, committed by the same person, this makes you a less likely suspect. But in the interests of being thorough and providing a definitive answer, I'd like to go over your activities and whereabouts during the relevant timeframe."

Honestly, why wasn't she the one in charge of the Council? Gray was all for being thorough, as all it could do was exonerate him.

Two questioned him extensively about the past weeks, and he answered what he could. The team or guild sometimes chimed in to give details he wasn't sure of, which helped jog his memory even if the Council wasn't thrilled about outside interference. But it wasn't like he could remember every mundane detail, and his friends corrected his information more than once. The Council could deal with it.

"Alright," Two said finally, dropping the papers to the desk with a sigh. "Your timeline checks out. We'll look into verifying a few of the details, but it looks like you're all clear."

"Wait, wait," One interrupted. He'd been stewing in his own bitterness and impotence the whole time, and had now decided to make a nuisance of himself again. "I think we should keep him in custody until the investigation is concluded."

Two stared at him. "Why would we do that?"

"He's a demon! He obviously did it. He has a motive and was thirty minutes away from Hargeon. It all checks out."

"…Did you actually listen to any part of the questioning?"

"You can't keep him!" Lucy yelled. "You have no reason to!"

One crossed his arms over his chest. "Better safe than sorry. If he's in jail, then he can't be killing anyone else."

"Just you try it!" Natsu growled.

"If you need his alibi verified…" Rufus offered.

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Lore."

"So you just want to imprison him without even getting the one-hundred-percent guarantee of his guilt or innocence?"

One shrugged.

"You just don't want Rufus to say that Gray's innocent," Erza said coldly.

Gray looked between One and Two warily, suddenly on guard again. "I thought I wasn't under arrest."

"You aren't," Two said firmly, and the look she directed at One wasn't at all friendly.

"Just detainment," said One brightly.

"…Not that either."

"How long can we hold him without a warrant? Twenty-four hours? Thirty-six? Something like that? Good enough to start with, anyway."

"…That's only with probable cause. Which we don't have. We don't have enough proof to build a case against him, and all the available evidence actually points to his innocence."

One waved a dismissive hand. "We'll just keep him for a few days until we're absolutely sure he's not involved."

"You will not!" Mira cried. "How dare you punish him when he did nothing wrong? Just because you think he's not human? You are _wrong_ , and this is outrageous!"

"Bloody hell. Stand down."

"You wish." The sound of a scraping chair reverberated through the room, and Gray turned just in time to see Lyon stand up and cross his arms as he glared at One. "I suggest you rethink that silly little idea of yours."

"Yeah." Natsu jumped to his feet as well, and his fidgety hands were half a second away from summoning fire. "Let the ice block go. We're leaving."

The discontented murmurings of the guild exploded into a chorus of affirmations, and people began standing and glaring at the Council belligerently.

Gray stared at them. "Guys…"

"Stop!" One snapped. "The Council is well within its rights to detain the demon for–"

"But we aren't!" Two interrupted. "We have no legal grounds for that."

One considered that for a moment and then shrugged. "Oh well. Let's get him in handcuffs, please."

Gray supposed this was what he got for being an infuriating brat for so long.

But that was when the guild reached its boiling point. Galvanized into action, several people started forward.

"Get back!" One warned, eyeing the advancing mages in alarm. "Get back or–"

"Not gonna happen," Natsu growled.

"Guards, restrain them!"

The Knights hesitated for a split second, but they were well-trained and started forward at the nods of their respective commanding officers.

"Hey!" Lucy cried as one grabbed her arm.

"Get off me!" Natsu snarled, struggling against two Knights of his own. "I'm going to fry you!"

Gray's breath caught in his throat and his heart shuddered out of rhythm as he watched the Knights swarm his friends. And then the anger came crashing down, white-hot and black with rage.

 _How dare they?_

" _Enough!_ " he roared, jumping to his feet and upsetting his chair in the process.

He swept his arm out and his curses sank their teeth into the darkness clinging to the walls. The shadows stirred, writhing in agitation and lashing out to wind around all the Knights and Council members—except for Two and the Executioner.

He turned away from the spectacle in the stands and fixed burning eyes on One, who had gone white-faced as he tugged vainly at the shadow pinning his arms and keeping him bound to the chair. Gray didn't look away as he punched his fist into the air and the remaining shadows shot up the walls and slammed into the ceiling. A sharp snap echoed through the air as cracks shot through the stone. He wasn't looking, but he could still feel that rush of exhilaration as the entire building began to crumble around them, walls and ceiling and all. It had been a long time since he'd destroyed something so thoroughly, and his darkness had missed the feeling.

Someone screamed, the shrill sound piercing the air and soaring above the low rumbling of the collapsing building. Gray had eyes only for One, whose own eyes were wide as saucers.

Gray slammed his hands together in a quick, curt motion, and a dome of ice arched through the air over everyone's heads, thick and crystalline. The rubble clattered against it like hail, loud pounding that made someone gasp in fear. He didn't look up. The ice would hold.

He said nothing until the rain of destruction had ended and all the debris had bounced off the dome and rolled down its rounded sides. The ice shimmered and shattered into a fine crystal mist that quickly disappeared into the ether.

"Call off your men," he said finally, his voice nearly a growl.

One opened his mouth, but closed it again after making a strange, strangled sound. Gray growled low in the back of his throat and bared pointed fangs in a feral snarl, his eyes flashing menacingly.

"For God's sake, just call them off," Two said in nearly a whisper, her composure severely shaken as she surveyed the destruction with wide eyes.

Gray took a threatening step forward, his eyes narrowing to slits. "I suggest you _call them off._ "

It was, perhaps, a moot point, given that the Knights—aside from the Executioner, who he wouldn't touch—were already restrained by the shadows, but the principle stood.

"Gray," Erza whispered from somewhere behind him. "What…?"

"The order is rescinded," One said quickly, his voice rising to an unbearably squeaky pitch. "Release them."

Gray eyed him for a moment longer and then let the tension drain out of his body as he slouched into a more relaxed position. He bent over to right the fallen chair, and then strolled back a few paces to the thick wooden railing separating the courtroom floor from the spectators' seats. Hopping up backward onto it, he managed to balance with one leg tucked beneath the other, which swung idly and tapped against the wooden bars.

"Awesome," he said with a pleasant smile. "I'm afraid that we seem to be having some issues seeing eye to eye, so I'm going to help you out. You seem to be awfully confused about how I work, and you're making it out to be far more complicated than it actually is. You humans are honestly more complicated. You think in all shades of gray, yes? Demon thinking is very black and white, bad and good. I'm a simple-minded creature."

He settled back and watched the petrified Council—One in particular—with good-natured patience. "Three things are pertinent to a demon: we have a master, a binding, and a purpose. We are bound to a master and created for a purpose. Do you follow?"

One just stared with his ridiculously bugged-out eyes until Two elbowed him sharply. His gaze darted to her and his mouth worked soundlessly. She swallowed and turned to Gray.

"Yes," she rasped hoarsely.

He gave her an amiable smile. "You needn't look like I'm about to eat you. As long as you don't break the cardinal rule, I won't touch you. The master and binding are awfully important, you know, but mostly insofar as they determine the purpose. The purpose is _everything_. Anything that threatens the fulfillment of that purpose is unequivocally black. Bad. Slated for elimination. Anything that serves that purpose is spotlessly white. Good. Everything else, everything that neither hinders nor aids, is irrelevant.

"So if, say, Zeref is my master and my purpose is to kill him, it would be really fucking stupid to get between me and Zeref, yes?"

One nodded hastily. Maybe he was learning.

"But that was my old master, my old binding, my old purpose. Follow?" Gray's mild veneer didn't waver as One nodded again. "So, you might remember that I'm bound to the guild now instead, yes? Which would, quite obviously, necessitate a new purpose, wouldn't it?"

"To–" Two broke off and cleared her throat, and her voice was a bit stronger and less reedy this time. "To protect them."

Gray flashed her another smile. "Clever girl. You still remember from our last trial, huh? Perhaps he should listen to you more. I don't suppose you remember the rest?"

Two hesitated but then took a deep breath. "You said that your purpose was to protect them and, marginally, anyone not in direct opposition to them."

"Correct. As long as you in no way threaten anyone I care about, we are marginally allies." His smile sharpened, something hard-edged lurking beneath the front of amiability as he turned his gaze back on One. "But the second you threaten them, we are enemies. You wouldn't want me to be your enemy, would you?"

One shook his head vigorously, but his eyes were fixed on a point just behind the demon. Gray had a pretty good idea of what he might be looking at.

"Then again, it's not really me you should be worried about." He glanced back at the shadow rising behind him, black as pitch and every bit as menacing as the demonic form it had assumed for nostalgia's sake. "I have a lot more self-control than she does. Mind you, she doesn't particularly care about the guild or anyone else. She only cares about fulfilling a purpose, whatever that might be." He narrowed his eyes slightly at the ornery shadow. "Down, dearest. I think we've made our point."

His shadow writhed in protest, furious at the perceived threat—however minor—to its purpose and awakened by the brief taste of destruction and chaos that he'd fed it, but then reluctantly subsided and collapsed at his feet. He turned back to the Council.

"Don't mess with my guild," he said mildly, that too-pleasant smile back in place. "Or bad things will happen."

"You can't kill us," One said, half defiant and wholly terrified. "The binding–"

"Child, I don't have to kill you to make your life hell." Gray's smile froze into something hard and unfriendly as he leaned forward and stared directly into One's eyes. "If you ever lay your hands on my friends again, I will rip you apart."

One swallowed hard and darted another nervous look at the shadows coiled about him and his colleagues.

"Why…?" Two closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Why am I not restrained?"

Gray shrugged. "He isn't either," he remarked, nodding toward the Executioner even though he didn't turn around. "Neither are Fairy Tail or Lamia Scale or Sabertooth. You're clever and I like that about you. Care to hazard any guesses?"

Her gaze skimmed along the faces behind Gray and she bit her lip. "You said…anyone not directly threatening your guild was also marginally under your protection. Or, at least, not worth your attention. Irrelevant."

"Correct."

"But assuming that you see both the Knights and Council as a threat, that doesn't explain why you left a Knight and Council member unfettered."

"Doesn't it? I can't imagine you don't see what you have in common, so I don't know why you're playing coy." He sighed and leaned back as far as he could go without overbalancing, his gaze drifting up to the blue, blue sky above them. "Saying that protecting the guild is my purpose is, as you might have guessed, an oversimplification. It's easier to say 'the guild' rather than 'every person I have some interest in protecting'.

"You and him…Sherry…Toby and Yuka…" He shook his head and sighed again, watching wisps of cloud drift past as the wind curled through his hair. "I do not love you, not in the same way that I love Lyon and the guild and a select few others. And yet…you are not irrelevant either. Not everyone I have a stake in protecting bears Fairy Tail's mark. As long as you do not threaten anyone else under my protection, I will not touch you."

He frowned up at the sky for a moment longer before pulling himself back to the present. Hopping off the railing, he turned his affable smile back on the Council.

"Great. I'm glad we had this chat." He grinned roguishly at One. "Let's not tempt fate, hm? Good day to our wise and aged benefactors. Madam."

With a nod to the Council and Two, he turned and sauntered back up the aisle, through the rows of frozen spectators and Knights. He released the shadows, and they sank back to their natural positions as the curses animating them fled. The Knights wisely jumped away from whoever they'd been attempting to restrain and eyed the demon like he was a viper waiting to strike.

Gray glanced back at the Council one last time. "And as a gesture of goodwill, I'll even go catch your killer for you. You're welcome."

He strolled on out of the ruined building without another look at anyone. The walls were in various stages of collapse, and huge chunks of rock and rubble were littered everywhere. He hopped onto a large piece of former wall and began stepping from one hunk of debris to the next, as confident and sure-footed as a mountain goat.

"Gray? Gray, are you alright?"

He flashed Lucy a bright smile and bent down to grasp her hand and help her up and over a chunk of plaster to the clear ground on the other side. "Of course. Although I've now obligated myself to go hunt this guy down. Oh well, it will clear my name, at least."

"…Yeah."

"But what were you _thinking_?" Erza asked with a groan. "You just destroyed the Council's headquarters!"

Gray grinned. "It was very satisfying."

Erza hesitated, biting her lip, but Natsu just laughed and said, "Hell yeah, it was! Did you _see_ their faces? Awesome! See, I told you that you should've just beaten them all up from the beginning and been done with it."

Erza finally cracked a small smile. "Alright, it was pretty good to see them get what was coming to them."

"Yeah, I think it even sobered me up," said Cana cheerily.

"Most impressive." Rufus smiled. "Very memorable."

Rogue looked less pleased. "How in the world did you get the shadows to do all that?" he grumbled. "And so quickly, too."

Gray smothered a laugh at Rogue's petulance. The only thing missing was a muttered _'not fair'_.

"Those are my brats, alright," Makarov said, half exasperated and half proud. "Troublemakers, every last one of them."

"At your service." Gray laughed and then added, "Well, I'm off to catch some murderer terrorizing Hargeon, then."

"Wait, we're coming with you!" Erza said quickly.

Natsu grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "I can't wait for some action. I wanna fry someone."

"Of course," Gray said with a crooked smile. "Sounds like a team job to me."

"Definitely," Lucy agreed, her eyes softening.

The team waved their goodbyes and headed off. The sooner they got to Hargeon, the sooner they could catch the killer and clear Gray's name. Gray figured he had better things to do with his time, so the sooner the better.

"Wait!"

He turned and blinked blankly at Lyon as he jogged toward them, waving his hands to get their attention. "Lyon?"

"I'm coming too," Lyon said as he caught up and bent over to catch his breath. "Been a while since you've brought me along to clean up your messes. Someone has to be around to do things right."

Gray dropped his gaze and felt that damned puppy-dog smile pulling at the corners of his mouth again. "Alright, kiddo. I'll show you how it's done. Make sure you take notes."

"Hey!"

He just laughed as Lyon berated him indignantly. As the rest of the team started ahead, a veritable rainbow of color, Gray ruffled his troublesome brother's hair affectionately. This immediately started up another chorus of protests that resulted in Lyon messing up Gray's hair none too gently. They laughed, unruly black and white hair sticking out at all angles as they rushed to catch up to the others. And Gray wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

 **Note: I just really needed a badass Gray moment. And One's childish brattiness entertains me way too much lol Wow, Mashima really missed out. He could've had a lot of fun with the canon Council.**

 **emmahoshi: Because of how much I dislike peace lol Nah, I like peace and fluff and happiness...as long as there's some Really Bad Stuff to balance it out XD Yeah, I feel like Lyon's 180 would be really disconcerting for his guild—especially his team, since they also had loved ones killed by Deliora. And sure, people can have very dramatic attitude shifts for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways...but yeah, something that happens so drastically and quickly probably has a triggering event. Usually those shifts take place over an extended period of time. (To be fair, Lyon's shift has been gradually coming around for a while too, but I can't imagine he'd have such a big breakthrough without a major triggering event.) Lol you know I love my snark. And yeah, everyone vouched for Gray for different reasons. If you recall, Sabertooth only vouched for him because Rufus went through his memories and told them to, so Sting and Rogue and co. were never quite as won over as the others...they were just trusting Rufus. And we know that FT and Lyon also had some mixed and complicated reasons for vouching for him X) That was a complicated time in figuring out what to do with Gray lol (Yeah, I'm super behind the times on pop culture and chatspeak gobbledygook lol) Eh, I think Natsu's motion sickness is well-documented enough that I don't need to bring it up every time. You can assume that he had some issues along the way somewhere XD**


	36. And the Gray Between (2)

**.**

 **And the Gray Between (2)**

* * *

"Are you sure?" Happy asked as he clambered onto Gray's shoulder and peered dubiously at the dark maw of the mine just ahead of them.

Gray nodded as he surveyed the black hole framed with rotted wood and set into the side of a gently sloping hill. It was a long-abandoned coal mine a few miles outside of Hargeon, and although it didn't look like much from the surface, they'd been told that there were miles of tunnels snaking underground.

"Pretty sure," he said. "At least seventy percent sure. Most of our leads point here."

"Not that that's saying much," Lyon muttered.

Gray shrugged. Good leads hadn't been easy to come by, and he and his friends had spent the better part of four days tracking down whatever they could. The fruits of their labor added up to a hodgepodge collection of little bits and fragments of information, most of which weren't particularly useful. This Death-Shadow character didn't leave behind much evidence and only appeared for seconds at a time, so he was a pain to get a read on. Gray and the others had already poked around in a few other potential hideouts without any luck, but he had a good feeling about this one.

"Why do bad guys always pick dark, scary places to hide in?" Lucy asked with a sigh.

"Because they think they're good hiding spots that no one will run across." Gray shrugged again. "Something secluded and dark and out of the way means that random people are less likely to just stumble across them. But they rarely think it all the way through. It's the most stereotypical hiding spot. It might be out of plain view, but it's the first place anyone is going to look if they find one or learn one is in the area.

"But this guy actually has a better reason for it than most. This place isn't really known for being safe, and it's easier for one person to sneak around and not collapse anything than it is for a group of pursuers to get through without causing a cave-in. It's not going to be easy terrain to walk in the dark, so pursuers will have to bring in a light source which will give them away. But most importantly, this place is dark as night and filled to bursting with shadows. He'll be especially powerful here. If I were in his place, this is where I'd set up camp."

There was no guarantee that they'd find their man here, but it was too good a possibility to pass up.

"Geez, you guys talk so much," Natsu said, rolling his eyes and starting forward. He grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Let's go beat this guy up!"

Gray grabbed his impulsive friend's arm and tugged him back. "Idiot. Let me go first."

"But I have fire!"

"Yeah, yeah, but I have the advantage. This is my kind of territory, and I suspect I'll have an advantage even over our upstart little shadow mage. You come behind me and give us some light. We'll need to be careful of where we put our feet. Mines can be treacherous places."

Gray stepped into the mine and opened his mouth to draw in a breath and taste the darkness in the musty air. He stared unblinkingly into the pitch darkness, probing at the shadows and testing their currents.

Grumbling under his breath, Natsu followed. Fire sprang to life somewhere behind Gray, casting the tunnel in a frightful whirlwind of dancing light and shadow. The shadows encroached on the circle of illumination bathing Gray and the others, bleeding into the light to bend toward him.

"Well, our shadow mage is here," he murmured.

"Huh?" Natsu asked. "How do you know?"

"Look at how the shadows stir. They are still awake. Someone has been tampering with them recently."

"Awake?"

Gray glanced back to give the dragon slayer an apologetic smile. "Not like that, exactly. But…yes. Some mages create their elements—we create our own ice or fire—but other mages only manipulate what is already there. For the most part, shadows are to be manipulated, not created. We animate them with our power, and sometimes echoes of that linger for a short time after we've released them. I can feel the disturbance."

He smiled thinly as the shadows swirled about on the ground and tentatively brushed against his feet. "It is too bad for our friend here that his shadows like me better than him."

His own shadow stirred at his feet and uncoiled to chase off the newcomers and send them skittering back, but the point was made. The shadows were interested in him because he too had the power to bind and control them, but also because he was more powerful than the killer who had awakened them in the first place. That in itself was not horribly surprising. Mages these days only seemed to scratch the surface and use their powers shallowly.

Not that he was really in any place to judge, given that he'd been unable to use his own powers at all for hundreds of years.

"If you say he's here, I'm sure he's here," Erza said confidently. "Let's keep going. There's nothing we can do about the light, but do try to keep as quiet as possible, everyone."

Gray started forward again, careful not to stray ahead of Natsu's light in case he tripped over the uneven ground or debris littering it. He didn't mention that any shadow mage worth his salt would be able to tell that someone was infringing on his domain, as long as he was paying attention. To be honest, Gray wasn't convinced this was a particularly powerful foe, and he doubted their killer either knew how to take advantage of this wonderful nest of shadows to set up an alarm system or was paying enough attention to notice the disturbance even if he did.

But to Gray, who had become religiously attuned to the darkness even though he'd spent so many years trying to fight it off, the shadows were a veritable wealth of information. He could taste the acrid flavor of the other mage's magic lingering in the shadows, sense the web of spells that had been woven into them and left to fade. He didn't pay it too much mind for now, figuring that he could get a better read on it when they were closer to their opponent and the spells were fresher, but he took note.

The walls of the mine glistened faintly in the firelight, damp with fetid moisture and mildew. An old, rickety track started up near the entrance, rotted wood and twisted metal tracing out the path that mine carts had once traveled. He even spotted an overturned cart in the mouth of a tunnel that branched off from their route to burrow deeper into the mine. Its metal sides were blotted with rust and its wheels jutted uselessly into the air, while its load of black rocks—coal, presumably—lay scattered underneath. Occasionally an abandoned pickaxe or other tool was strewn about carelessly, and the ground was rocky enough even before considering the tracks crisscrossing it.

Gray walked alongside the track, careful of his footing, but paused to peer at a rotted wooden buttress framing the wall and ceiling.

"Are you sure this place is safe?" asked Lucy's disembodied voice from somewhere behind him.

"Not entirely," he admitted. "It's old and hasn't been maintained, and the supports are probably going. Our murderer friend has probably been hiding out here for a while now and is still alive and kicking, but then again, we've got a big group while he's one person. Just be careful not to knock into anything, and be extra careful if and when we get dragged into a fight. It wouldn't be hard to cause a cave-in."

"Actually, it would be a great place for a trap," Erza muttered.

"It would be. But we don't have too many options besides continuing on. Just be on guard."

Gray followed the restless, magic-touched mass of shadows congealing along the passageway. If the darkness felt too still and lifeless when a new passage opened up, he went the other direction. On three separate occasions, he walked past the mouths of tunnels that were blocked by heaping piles of broken stone. This did not reassure the others, but they stayed quiet as mice, aside from the thumping of their footsteps and the faint clattering of pebbles underfoot.

They came to another fork in the path, and Gray paused once more as he considered his options. Both sides had faint flutterings of magic, but the left felt more alive. He was fairly confident that left was the way to go, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.

"Hey, love," he murmured into the darkness. "Why don't you make yourself useful and see if he's down there?"

That was all the prompting his shadow needed to peel itself from his feet and dart off down the left branch to investigate. It disappeared into the darkness, blending in perfectly with its less evolved kin, and Gray waited.

"What are you doing?" Natsu asked, kicking the back of his foot impatiently.

"Chill out," Gray muttered. "I just sent my shadow up ahead to double-check that our quarry is over there. I'm pretty sure he is, but I don't want to go running off on a wild goose chase and get lost down here."

"Can it do that?" Happy asked doubtfully.

"Of course. She's not the brightest, but she can gather some information for me if I need her to."

And Gray was also more than capable of gathering some information himself. Now that his overly possessive shadow was gone, he reached out and let the shadows of the mine coil about his hands and arms. He studied them more carefully now, sounding them out and following worn threads of magic to recreate his prey's actions and spells and footsteps.

It wasn't weak magic, to be fair. Some of these shadows had been released from their bindings days before but still possessed the faintest traces of magic. Nothing mindblowingly powerful, but strong enough. Clumsy, though. There wasn't a lot of finesse to these spells, which were crudely woven and purely utilitarian in nature. They were more like his own rudimentary manipulations of the shadows back when he'd first started using them, except with far less power.

A shape hurtled from the encroaching darkness, black with fury, and pounced on the intruding shadows. It scraped through them viciously and sent them scurrying off again to the safety of their undifferentiated kin. For good measure, it also lashed at his hand none too gently, and he yanked it back with a muffled yelp.

"Geez, you're so damn possessive," he growled, eyeing his shadow darkly as he nursed his throbbing hand. "Thanks a lot. Now, you want to tell me what you found?"

It curled around him and crept up to whisper into his mind, relating what it had discovered even though he could already sense most of it.

"You alright, ice block?" asked Natsu.

"Yeah." Gray shook off his shadow. "Well, our girl's close. She's not too far ahead. I guess it was silly to assume the killer would be male."

There were, after all, plenty of psycho women out there, with levels of insanity skyrocketing far above Juvia's. In fact, some of the most vicious enemies he'd ever met were female, even though there were, in general, fewer female than male criminals.

"Doesn't matter," Natsu grunted. "I'll beat up women too. I'm an equal opportunity beater."

Gray twisted around to give him a funny look. The girls, who had been walking side by side behind the dragon slayer, exchanged glances and then narrowed their eyes at Natsu.

"…I take your point, even if you worded it pretty badly."

Natsu looked confused. "What? What did I say?"

Lyon sighed. "You're an idiot. Just keep going."

Gray bit back a laugh and started down the tunnel again. He sobered quickly. They were getting close now, and it wouldn't do to be distracted.

It was only a few more minutes before the all-consuming darkness ahead lightened to a washed-out gray that shimmered between the flickering of the lightened shadows and blackness. She was close.

Gray paused in the doorway of what must have once been some kind of storage room or base camp or gathering space. A room off the main tunnel, not exactly huge but large in comparison to the tunnels. It was lit by a number of torches lining the walls in their brackets, which set the light and shadows dancing eerily around the space. He almost wondered why the infamous Death-Shadow hadn't just brought in lighting lacrima to light the space more effectively and make the hideout more comfortable, but discarded the thought instantly. The flames of the torches were perfect for a shadow mage precisely because of their effect on the shadows.

The far side of the chamber had been made up to be as homey as possible, with spread blankets and a touch of strewn clutter and belongings.

The girl sat comfortably in her nest of blankets and rummaged through a bag. She wore a small frown as she searched, gray eyes glittering in the flickering light and hair glinting a dull copper-gold. She didn't much look like a killer.

Then again, neither did Gray.

"Good afternoon," he said, stepping inside the room so that his friends could crowd through the doorway behind him.

The girl's head jerked up and whipped toward him, gray eyes wide and startled. "How–how did you get in here?"

"Through the entrance, of course." Gray arched an eyebrow. "Would you like to give us your name, or must we call you Miss Death-Shadow?"

She froze, her body tensing up. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not–"

"Honestly?" Lucy asked impatiently. "It's pretty obvious."

The girl hesitated a few seconds longer as her gaze darted over the newcomers and assessed them, debating whether to continue protesting her innocence or give up the charade. Perhaps realizing that there was no graceful way out of this situation and that her best chance was to make her move before they made theirs, she flung her hands out and the shadows lunged forward. She was no longer trying to hide—her eyes glinted as cold as steel, while her mouth twisted into a scornful scowl.

Gray threw up a shield of ice, biding his time to reveal his connection to the shadows. He always had preferred to keep his cards close to his chest.

Lyon let his own ice reinforce the shield and extend it outward to catch any wayward shadows. And Natsu, bless his heart, flailed out left and right with his fire, burning through the darkness. Crude, but effective. The girls and Happy hesitated behind, tensing in preparation but realizing that this attack wasn't powerful enough to necessitate their involvement. They were on guard for the next.

Gray and Lyon let the ice fall when the shadows retreated.

"You want to tell us why you've been killing people?" Gray asked conversationally, keeping a wary eye on the girl.

She sneered right back, and he could practically see the plans she was forming and discarding in her mind. "I don't have to tell you anything."

"Well, it's not really my business, anyway. I'm just here to drag you back to the Council. Would you like to surrender and make it easy on yourself?"

"I'm not some little girl you can drag around however you want!" she hissed. "Men are such pigs."

Gray wondered if she'd been hurt by men in the past—or even the dead men in particular—and that was why she'd eventually snapped and gone on a killing spree. Then again, maybe it didn't matter. She still couldn't just go around killing people, even if he might have some limited sympathy for her situation.

"I'm afraid I would do the same even if you were male."

"I vote we fight!" Natsu said cheerfully. "Fighting is more fun than surrendering."

The girl smiled, and it wasn't pleasant. She could feel the world closing in around her and knew she was cornered, and a cornered animal was a dangerous animal.

"Looks like I'll just have to kill all of you, even the ladies. You've become too big of a problem."

She threw her hands out. Gray began raising his own hands, but realized that it was different this time. The shadows weren't coming for them, but for…

"Look out!" he cried as the shadows clawed into a weak spot in the ceiling and a section began collapsing.

The irony was not lost on him, that he had done much the same thing to the Council's courtroom only days before.

He needed to create a shield to deflect the falling rock, but something wrapped around his ankle and yanked him off his feet. He slammed into the ground hard, his breath fleeing his lungs in one painful gasp. Damn her, she'd thought this through. Gray flicked the shadow around his ankle away impatiently and grimaced as he realized that the others had been placed in much the same position.

"Get back!" he called to the girls, scraping his hand along the ground and sending ice to slice through their bindings.

It was too late for a proper shield. The girls were scrambling backward, and Natsu was burning through the shadows tying him to lunge forward and out of the danger zone. Gray rolled out of the way as a rock crashed to the ground where he'd just been, and a loud rumbling accompanied the rain of stone. Another hunk of stone clipped the side of his leg, and it was all he could do to throw himself out of the circle of destruction.

He hoped everyone was okay. And Lyon. He hadn't had time to find Lyon…

Gray coughed at the fine stone dust clouding the air and coating his throat as the avalanche finally settled. Natsu was sprawled nearby, and quickly sat up to tug at his scarf with a scowl until the corner trapped under a rock was finally freed. The pile of rocks reached almost to the ceiling, and no one else was in sight.

"Hey!" Natsu called. "Lucy? Erza? Happy? You alright?"

"Fine," came Erza's voice, slightly muffled. "We're trapped on the other side, though. We'll have to work our way back over to you."

Natsu muttered something under his breath and grabbed a rock off the pile, causing a mini rockslide.

"Be careful!" Gray snapped. But he was distracted, already turning away. "Lyon?"

He finally spotted Lyon a short distance away, one leg disappearing under the slag heap. The girl was advancing on him, the shadows twirling about her hands like silk.

Lyon shrank back and lifted his hands, but one was twisted at an awkward angle and it had been such a very long time since he'd used one-handed molding. Gray could see the unbalanced weakness of his ice at a glance, but at least he tried.

"Natsu!" Gray yelled as he lunged for Lyon. "You can dig them out later. Fight her off while I get Lyon."

He flung up a hasty shield, the transparency of the ice quickly clouded by the ghostly shadows licking at it from the far side. He kept it in place even when he heard Natsu's acknowledgement and felt the cave heat up several degrees as the dragon slayer got to work.

Gray crashed to his knees gracelessly as pebbles rolled underfoot, but he was already tugging Lyon up to lean against his chest. He peered down at Lyon in worry, his lips tightening at how his friend's face was drawn and white with pain.

"I've got you," he murmured. "I've got you. Are you alright?"

Lyon's eyes were screwed shut from the pain, but he forced them open. "Oh, just great," he managed through gritted teeth. "You know, aside from having my leg trapped under a freaking mountain."

"Sorry," said Gray, gnawing at his lip as he cradled his friend. "I should have been paying more attention."

In all honesty, he should have seen it coming. It was a convenient move, and one he might have done himself if he was desperate and faced with a handful of powerful adversaries.

"Not your fault," Lyon grunted with a pained twist of the lips. "But if you could…"

"I'll get you out."

Gray gently lifted Lyon's useless hand and frowned at the swelling and odd angle. It didn't look like a clean break, and he didn't want to touch it. That was something for a healer to look at.

It made something bitter and angry twist in his chest like a knife. Not only because Lyon was hurt, but because he'd been hurt in a way that compromised the magic he loved so much. And it was that damned human girl's fault.

"Hey, ice princess," Natsu called from the other side of the ice, "you keep yourself under control, yeah? Don't kill her."

Gray blinked at the smoky images of flame and darkness playing across the ice's opaque surface. Was his wrath really that obvious, or did Natsu just know him too well?

"Why…would you…do that?" Lyon asked around his rasping breaths.

Gray didn't answer what he felt was a very obvious question. He had bigger concerns than revenge at the moment.

Laying Lyon's hand down gingerly, he carefully wriggled out from beneath the other man and circled around to get a better look at the trapped leg. He'd have to be careful about how he performed this operation if he didn't want to cause another landslide. He began cautiously removing chunks of rock one at a time, considering every move thoroughly before making it. When Lyon hissed in pain, Gray merely murmured soft apologies and kept his unwavering concentration on his dangerous game of Jenga.

"Screw it," he muttered as he pulled out the wrong rock and set the pile teetering. He inserted an ice brace and carefully worked Lyon's leg out, leaving behind a large chunk of ice to fill in the space.

The leg didn't look too good either, definitely broken. Gray hesitated, debating how to handle this situation, but noticed a spot a short distance away where the wall of rock folded in on itself a bit and there was a small hidey-hole. It wasn't much, but it wasn't like there was anything better to do about it.

A loud crash reverberated through the cavern and Gray winced. Natsu didn't know how to hold back in fights, and he was going to bring the whole mine down eventually.

"Alright, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry."

Lyon immediately looked apprehensive. "What?"

"I'm going to move you over there where there's a little more cover."

Gray slipped his arms under Lyon's armpits and wrapped them around his chest. Hefting him up a bit, he staggered over to the little recessed area and dragged Lyon behind him. Lyon sucked in a breath and gritted his teeth as his injured leg was pulled across the ground, but otherwise made no complaint.

Gray collapsed with a huff as he reached his destination, running his hands anxiously through Lyon's hair and down his face. "You alright?"

"Stop…petting me," Lyon wheezed.

Gray almost smiled. Wriggling out from under Lyon, he crouched down at his friend's side and gingerly examined the broken wrist again. He brushed his fingers along it with a feather-light touch, letting frost and a faint sheen of thin ice cover the area to help with the swelling. Performing a less delicate form of the procedure on the shattered leg, he sat back with a sigh and raked over Lyon with worried eyes.

"I have to…"

"Go stop your dragon slayer friend from burying us all alive?" Lyon suggested.

"Yeah, pretty much." Gray chewed on the inside of his cheek, not liking the idea of leaving Lyon here alone. This wasn't really a well-hidden or fortified spot, and Lyon could only use weak magic with a broken wrist.

"Go on," Lyon grumbled. "You fuss too much. Hurry up and take her out so that we can get out of here."

"Yeah. I'll come get you in a minute."

A faint smile ghosted over Lyon's face despite how pinched with pain his mouth was. "I know you will. Hurry it up."

Gray stood up, brushed the stone dust off his pants, and gave Lyon one last look before stalking off to find the troublesome little bitch. He let the ice wall crumble, and grimaced as he saw one of Natsu's fireballs ricochet off the walls with a resounding boom and fine rain of displaced pebbles.

He reached out and the shadows at the edges of the room stirred, writhing and lunging for the girl. She yelped and danced out of the way.

"Impossible," she breathed, and her startled eyes met Gray's unamused ones.

"Go help the girls," Gray grunted, not even glancing at Natsu.

"But–"

"You're going to bring down the whole mine around our ears. Do be careful while digging them out."

Natsu stayed mutinously still for a few seconds before muttering something unflattering and retreating to the mound behind them. Honestly, their best bet was for Gray to finish this quickly before Natsu buried them alive.

"But you use ice!" the girl protested, still flabbergasted.

"I do that as well," Gray agreed. "I'm a man of many talents."

But this was a fight for shadows, so he let his curses sink their little needle-teeth into the darkness and awaken the wraiths. His shadows clashed with hers, the shades grotesque as they writhed in the firelight. A few of hers got too close, and his shadow lashed out and shoved them back, hissing in displeasure. Just as territorial as always.

After the first clash, when the darkness had temporarily settled and he and the girl were sizing each other up across the rocky ground in the flickering light, Gray thought he had her all figured out. Feeling her magic up close and sounding it out had given him a definitive picture of her abilities. Perhaps he shouldn't bother—he could take her out just as easily without exploring all her strengths and weaknesses—but he had to admit that he was curious. He didn't run across too many shadow mages, and there was an odd sort of kinship there…even if his wasn't really magic and she was actually a murderer.

Something sunk its claws into his shadow and was promptly rebuffed. He glanced down to see that his shadow was staying stubbornly in place at his feet, and then looked over to arch an eyebrow at the girl. She was scowling at the recalcitrant beastie, half furious and half puzzled.

"Sorry," he said with a dry smile. "You won't be able to control her. She's no normal shadow. But props for trying."

"…Wha…?"

"Go on, dearest."

His shadow uncoiled and sprang forward, fairly flying across the ground as it unfurled into the truly monstrous shape it was so fond of. The girl stepped back, but it was faster and sliced along her skin viciously, making her cry out. Gray kept a wary eye on it as it attacked the hapless girl in a whirlwind of wraithlike claws and fury. It had no sense of self-control, and it was up to him to rein it in if it went too far.

The girl summoned her shadows again, but they were no match for the shadow that was not a shadow, and she was driven back under the onslaught.

Somewhere behind him a low rumbling shivered through the floor, followed by a cascade of clattering.

"Enough," he snapped at his shadow.

Darting a glance back to make sure Natsu hadn't done anything more stupid than usual, he realized that the dragon slayer had caused another miniature landslide. Thankfully, it had only resulted in the pile collapsing slightly and spreading outward, and Natsu had gotten himself out of the way before being pelted with too many pebbles.

"Stop it, Natsu!" Lucy cried.

"It's collapsed enough that we can have Happy fly us over the top," added Erza.

Gray turned back to the girl, content to let his friends figure it out themselves. Only to find that she was gone.

He stared blankly at the spot where she'd been for a fraction of a second, and then breathed out a curse as he searched the darkness. He quickly spotted the disturbance in the shadows as they slid out of the way and then back into place, the ripple too fast for normal running. Shit, she was fast when moving through the shadows. When she was moving toward–

 _Lyon!_

Gray was already running, his boots pounding loudly against the stone floor, but drew up short when the girl stepped out of the shadows and pulled Lyon up with her. Lyon was struggling feebly, pain seared across his face, but the girl had shadows wrapped around him and had added an extra to bind his uninjured hand to keep him from molding. Her magic helped her keep hold of a man far heavier than herself, but it was rough and Lyon's face was scrunched up in pain at the callous treatment.

"You shouldn't leave your friends behind," said the girl coolly. Silver glinted in the dim light, and she pressed a blade to Lyon's throat. Of course a girl untrusting of men—and, perhaps, people in general—would keep security weapons secreted on her person, even if she usually relied on magic.

She stared at Gray unwaveringly, daring him to make a move.

"Oh, you've done it now," Happy said from somewhere behind him. "You shouldn't piss off Gray."

"I'm afraid that if you kill him, I'll have to kill you," Gray said conversationally. His eyes never left hers, not even to look at Lyon. It was easiest to read someone's intentions in their eyes. "But if you let him go and surrender now, no one needs to get hurt. What do you say?"

There was a pause that stretched for an eternity but lasted only a heartbeat, and then he saw the glint of death in her gunmetal eyes. He was already moving a half-second before the knife.

"Wrong answer," he growled.

He reached out for the shadows around Lyon and tore them from the girl's grasp brusquely, his curses overpowering her magic. A tendril snaked out and wrested the knife from her grasp, sending it clattering to the ground, and Lyon also went crashing down with a yelp as the shadows supporting him turned on the girl instead.

Gray moved faster than thought, darting across the intervening space more quickly than any human had the right to, and slammed into the girl's throat. Pushing her up against the wall, he glared into her frightened eyes and let the rage uncurl in his belly. This girl had threatened his purpose and, more importantly, his friend. Unforgivable.

Her hair shimmered golden in the flickering light and, for the briefest of seconds, emerald seeped into her gray eyes. Mavis wouldn't let herself lose control so easily, and neither would he. Gray clamped down on the beast inside, chaining it once more.

"Gray, don't kill her!" Lucy said frantically. "You know you'll only feel worse if you lose control. Don't do something you'll regret."

Gray released the girl and stepped back, leaving her to sink to her knees and gasp for air as she clutched at her throat. "Luckily for you, I only said that I'd kill you if you killed him."

She lashed out with all the desperation of someone who knew they were just about done for. Gray flicked his fingers dismissively and pried the shadows out of her clutches.

"How–how are you doing that?" she asked. "You shouldn't be able to take them away from me once I have them!"

"Partly it's because I'm more powerful than you." He shrugged. "Mostly it's because you don't own the shadows the same way I do."

"What do you mean?" she demanded. "I control them. They do my bidding. _How are you taking them?_ "

"That's your problem. You can't truly own the shadows unless you let them own you too. It's a two-way street. Isn't that right, dear heart?" His shadow wound about him and he extended his arm slightly to let it twine about and brush at his face in an almost loving fashion. He kept his eyes fixed on the girl. "You aren't nearly dark enough to own and be owned by the darkness, child."

"And you are?" she sneered.

"I was. And if you catch me in the right light, I still am."

She made one last attempt to escape while he was talking, no doubt hoping that he would be distracted enough to let her slip through his grasp, but his shadow lunged for her wraiths and began shredding them viciously before he ever had to lift a hand.

"She's very jealous of her property," Gray said as he watched his shadow almost spitting in rage while it tore through its kin. "She doesn't want your shadows anywhere near me."

While his little beastie was distracted with its rampage, he sent his curses into the darkness behind the girl and pulled them out to wrap about her tightly. His curses spread through the cavern like wildfire, seizing hold of everything they could sink their teeth into. As long as he had the girl trapped with unresponsive shadows and had control of everything around her, she'd be unable to wrest them away from him and use them for her magic.

"Afraid I don't have anti-magic cuffs, but this should do the trick," he said. She spit out a torrent of unsavory curses and insults as she struggled against her bindings, but Gray turned away to crouch by Lyon's side. "Hey, you alright?"

"Fantastic," Lyon said through gritted teeth as he cradled his injured wrist to his chest.

"We should get you back to Wendy." Gray sighed and looked past the others at the towering mound of rubble still blocking their exit. "Guess you're going to have to fly us all over, Happy."

And, with much complaining and gnashing of teeth, Happy did so. He was panting with exertion and his wings fluttered only feebly by the time he'd ferried everyone back to the other side of the roadblock, but he managed the task and flopped over on Natsu's shoulder in exhaustion.

"I'll have to carry you," Gray mused as he eyed Lyon.

A horrified look crossed Lyon's face. "What? Why? I can walk. Just help me a little."

"The terrain is too rough. You'll just hurt yourself more down here." Gray grinned, the tips of his teeth flashing in the light of Natsu's flames. "Guess I'll just have to carry you like a princess."

"No!" Lyon wailed as Gray scooped him up in his arms. "Put me down!"

"Oof, you sure got heavy."

"Hey!"

"Can you complain? You told _Chelia_ she was heavy, poor thing. Come along, princess. Let's get out of here."

"I'll have you know that I carried you like a princess first," Lyon said in a huff, latching his arms around Gray's neck when his struggles proved futile. "Back when you decided that your great idea for a distraction was to nearly get yourself killed. And then you wouldn't wake up. Fucking Sleeping Beauty."

Gray gave him a skeptical look, but Lucy nodded as she and Natsu started down the tunnel ahead of him. "He carried you all the way out of that dark guild's hideout and back to town, and then to the guild. He wouldn't even let Natsu do it. It was so _sweet_."

Lyon flushed even more. "Was not!"

Gray wouldn't know since he'd been unconscious, but he didn't have the heart to make fun of what had heralded the rekindling of their friendship. He shifted the decidedly heavy ice mage into a more comfortable position and followed Lucy and Natsu, leaving Erza to drag along the girl, who was _still_ spouting vitriol and thrashing about like a wild thing.

"So much for showing me how things were done," he murmured tiredly, his voice soft as he bowed his head close to Lyon's. The girl's words echoing in his ears, he added, "Sorry for leaving you behind."

"Idiot," Lyon mumbled, burying his face in Gray's neck. "You didn't. Now shut up and get us out of here so that I can walk."

Gray smiled faintly and stayed quiet as they wound their way back through the tunnel system. It didn't take as long as it had coming in, since they no longer needed to worry about stealth. But it was plenty long enough for everyone to get tired of their prisoner's incessant caterwauling and cursing. That girl sure had a mouth on her. Erza had the patience of a saint to not have already knocked her out—which struck Gray as odd, since she had never exactly had a great deal of patience for his and Natsu's bickering.

When they were standing in the sunlight again, Gray looked down at Lyon and asked, "You want me to carry you back to town or do you want to walk?"

"Walk," Lyon said immediately, which was not entirely unexpected.

Gray carefully swung him down and gave him the chance to get his feet under him, keeping an arm around his back to support him in his hobbling. Pride was a fickle mistress, and Gray would want to walk too, regardless of what was best for him.

With that taken care of, Gray flicked one hand in a casual gesture. The loud cursing behind him was replaced with a muffled, garbled sound.

"Sorry, but you're loud enough to wake the dead," he said without turning around. "I'll unfreeze your tongue when you decide to act like a civilized human being."

"Oh, thank goodness," Lucy muttered.

They started for town, slowed by Lyon's painful limping and the girl's uncooperativeness, but they didn't get far before Erza's pragmatic side reasserted itself.

"We need to get Lyon to Wendy and this girl to the Council, but they're basically in opposite directions," she said. "The Council's headquarters are a long way from the guild. We're going to have to split up."

"Must I go back to Fairy Tail?" Lyon grumbled. He stumbled and his arm around Gray's neck tightened.

"Yep," said Gray. "If we let you go back to Lamia Scale like this, your team will kill me when they see what you got for tagging along with me."

Despite himself, one corner of Lyon's mouth twitched upward. "Well, Sherry might give you the benefit of the doubt…"

"Maybe." Gray snorted. "Well, I need to go back to our dear friends on the Council, so Natsu will have to take Lyon back to the guild."

"What? Why me?" Natsu demanded. "I wanna go rub this in the Council's face too!"

"Because Lyon's heavy and someone has to haul him around."

"Hey!"

But it was true enough, so it was decided that Natsu and Happy would take Lyon to Fairy Tail, while Gray and the girls took their captive to the Council. Still, Gray hesitated at the train station, lingering in the doorway of his train and chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watched Lyon hanging on to Natsu.

"Go on." Lyon rolled his eyes. "You don't always have to mother-hen me, you know. I'm fine."

"Yeah…"

"Geez. I'll wait for you to get back before I go home. Now go, already."

Gray chuckled and nodded as he finally boarded the train and followed the girls and their unwilling cargo down the aisle. Lyon had better keep his word on that, or there would be hell to pay.

The ride to the Council was long but uneventful, and easier to deal with now that the girl's mouth was frozen shut. She was more pleasant company when unable to speak, although, admittedly, not by very much. Even without her voice, she was a little spitfire.

Unsurprisingly, the Council's main headquarters building was still wrecked, and Gray looked over the heaping rubble with no little satisfaction. But they needed to find their wise and aged benefactors, so they set off to accost one of the Knights patrolling the area.

By some miraculous stroke of luck, Gray spotted the Executioner and the Hedgehog deep in conversation with their heads bowed together, and immediately made a beeline for them.

"Good afternoon," he said cheerily, startling them out of their discussion. "Mind helping us out and telling us where the Council might be on this fine day?"

"Why should we tell you?" the Executioner asked, eyeing him with a distinct lack of friendliness.

"We found their killer for them, just like we said we would."

The Hedgehog's eyebrow climbed up his face like a furry caterpillar as he spotted the girl they were dragging along, but he only said, "We could take her for you."

"That's alright. I'd rather do it myself."

One whispered conversation later, the Knights were reluctantly leading Gray and the others to a nearby building and gesturing to a heavy door at the end of the hall.

"But they're in a meeting right now," grumbled the Executioner.

"That's alright," Gray said cheerfully, grabbing the girl's arm and heading straight for the door.

"Wait!" said one of the Knights hovering outside the room. "You can't just–!"

Gray brushed past him without a second glance and slammed the door open as dramatically as possible. The Council was arranged around a large, rectangular table in the middle of their temporary headquarters, discussing whatever inane things they usually discussed. Since Gray rarely saw any evidence of what these discussions accomplished, he assumed they were pretty useless.

Now they all started in surprise, and odd mixes of fear and wariness and hate and anger flashed over their faces as they saw who was intruding on their domain.

"Not you again," One growled, apparently feeling a bit braver than on their last meeting.

"Hello to you too," said Gray with a grin. "As promised, I have come to deliver the infamous Death-Shadow to you. You're welcome."

"Her?" One's lip curled scornfully. "How do we even know it's her?"

"Oh, it's definitely her." Gray pushed her forward and unfroze her mouth.

"You're all filthy scum," she raged, thrashing about in her bindings. "I'm going to kill you all, you stupid–"

Gray froze her tongue again. "Nope, she's still in a temper." He glanced back outside the room at the gawking Knights and added, "Perhaps we could get some anti-magic cuffs for her?"

The Knights scampered to obey, and Gray released the shadows only when the girl was safely restrained.

"We appreciate your assistance," Two said politely. There was a slight guardedness to her eyes, but she was still the most friendly member of the Council by far.

"No problem."

"Wait, until we know for sure–" started One.

"I'll be on my way now. I don't think you'll find it difficult to prove that it's her."

"But–"

Two sighed. "Let it go. We already established that it's nearly impossible to be him."

One glowered sulkily, looking for all the world like a spoiled child who'd been denied a treat.

"Oh, and if you're planning on demanding reparations for your fancy courtroom, forward the bills to me rather than the guild," Gray added as an afterthought.

One scowled. "Do you have any idea of how prohibitively high the costs of reconstruction are? You won't be able to reimburse us on your own."

"I think I can manage."

"Perhaps we can charge you a reduced cost," Two suggested. "After all, you were provoked and have had some less than just experiences with us in the past, and you did catch the killer for us when the Knights failed."

" _What?_ " One demanded.

"How kind of you," Gray said neutrally.

"Uh-uh." One crossed his arms over his chest and glowered some more. "We'll send the notice to Fairy Tail and–"

Gray strolled over, his hands shoved casually into his pockets, and One froze immediately. Leaning down slightly, Gray stared into the Councilman's eyes and gave him a frigid smile.

"I know I might seem like a snarky little brat to you," he said pleasantly, "but you'd do well to remember that I'm really fucking dangerous."

One swallowed hard and nodded vigorously. "We'll send everything directly to you."

"Good choice." Gray straightened back up.

"We'll charge you one-fourth of the cost," Two decided, tapping her pen on the page in front of her. "Half off for catching the criminal and one-fourth off for various other insults and injuries."

"Wait," One said, "you don't have the authority–"

"How generous," Gray interrupted. "As always, it's a pleasure doing business with you. Good day, madam."

He turned to stroll out of the room, past where Erza was fighting a smile and Lucy's face was scrunched up with the effort of not laughing, but paused and looked back at Two thoughtfully.

Perhaps he hadn't been entirely truthful, before. His demon thinking might be very black and white, but perhaps it wasn't so clear-cut anymore. He hadn't lost control when the girl had threatened Lyon, had even nearly sympathized with her for whatever had turned her into a killer, hadn't categorized her as strictly black when he should have. The people irrelevant to his purpose were supposed to be exactly that— _irrelevant_ —and yet although he sometimes thought of them as such, he usually gave them some measure of regard these days. Even saying that he'd be marginally allies with the Council was slipping into shades of gray.

He must be changing. He'd had more problems with control before, when everything had been more black and white. And perhaps that was why he'd had so many problems with himself, too, because he certainly couldn't be white and it was hard to love himself when his heart was so black. And maybe, just maybe, he was starting to see himself in shades of gray, and that was why he was slowly becoming someone better and learning how to accept himself despite all his imperfections.

Perhaps who Gray really was could be found somewhere in the gray between. And, perhaps, that made him a little more human.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Aw, but your typos are always so much fun! Ha ha, true. I can never see in those really dark movie scenes either, which gets kind of boring. If I can't see the action, why are you showing it? Ah, yeah. The next couple chapters are also pretty Gray/Lyon-centric, and then it'll go back to having the team more involved. Lyon just shoved his way into everything after being absent for so long. And he's gonna get excluded again, so let him have his day in the sun while he can XD (My pain tolerance is super low, so I handle _everything_ like a baby :X) I quite like One, despite his annoyingness. He's such a goofball lol And yeah, we're looking for some progress here! (S'okay, I didn't read or watch 50 Shades. I heard it was basically porn, which I'm not into. And unhealthy relationships, which, if you can tell from my stance on Gruvia, I'm also not into lol)**


	37. Surrogate (V1)

**Note: My mom is trying to teach me football, but I'm setting this up and posting it instead :X Cuz football is kind of boring. But happy Super Bowl (if, unlike me, you care XD), and I hope your team wins. That should cover at least part of my readers...sorry to the rest of you whose team is gonna suck :D**

 **This next set might require a little explaining. The _[V1]_ stands for _version 1_. Because, you know, there's also an alternate version (called, creatively, _[V2]_ ). Because I can lol**

 **I don't have a whole lot of background to set this up—it was just an interesting idea that I justified exploring because I thought it addressed some things with Gray and Lyon that still needed to be hashed out. The other excuse for the meager amount of setup is that the first part of the beginning is the same for both, and I didn't want to repeat too much XD My baaad.**

 **To the guest reviewers: You're very sweet, thanks :) And for the one who had some interesting observations... I never really compared Juvia and the shadow, but you're kind of right XD XD XD Although the shadow is cooler and more badass, and also has more of a purpose than Juvia. It'll just take a while to come to fruition. That did crack me up, though lol And "Love Potion No. 9" is my sister's birthday fic, so that will be posted on her birthday: February 11th :)**

* * *

 **Surrogate [V1]**

* * *

"I can save the _real_ Gray, put his soul back into his body so that he can live again. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Gray tilted his head and watched the dark-haired man in horrified fascination, but the object of his attention had eyes only for a flabbergasted Lyon. Really, they ought to stop inviting Lyon along for things. He must be a bad luck charm or something. Actually, Gray should also stop taking any job requests that specifically asked for him or were quite obviously meant for him, and any that were fishing for both him and Lyon had to be double trouble.

He drifted forward a step, his hand absently rising to press against the outer barrier of the magic circle, but jerked back with a hiss of pain as the magic shocked him. Lyon darted a look at him as he retreated a couple steps, and his eyes were wide and pained and confused.

"It probably wouldn't work," Gray said.

"It would so!" the dark mage growled, shooting him a nasty look. "We almost had you last time, demon."

Gray frowned. "Excuse me?"

"We laid that perfect trap for you, lured you down, and Gerald just about finished the transplant process before your crazy guildmates came charging in and ruined everything."

"…Oh. Gerald? Really? What a silly name for a dark mage."

"Wait, what?" Lyon asked, finally finding his voice although it was a bit raspy. He looked between Gray and the dark mage, and then even glanced back at the rest of the team.

"Long story," Gray muttered. "How'd you get away? I thought they arrested you all."

This had to be one of the mages from the dark guild that had kidnapped him a few months back and stuck their leader's soul in him. That didn't inspire confidence since they had, in fact, nearly managed to permanently transplant another soul in him, but they'd also been fairly incompetent about everything else and their soul mage was—hopefully—locked up in prison.

"I was up top when the lightning monster tore through," said the man in a decidedly sulky fashion. Lightning monster indeed. Gray would have to remember that one to use on Laxus later. "I stayed out of the way."

"Awesome, I didn't get the chance to beat you assholes up last time," Natsu growled, inching forward a step from where he was standing rigid beside Happy and the girls. "And I _really_ wanted to."

"Stay back," the dark mage said. He flicked a hand and the magic circle around Gray tightened a couple inches. Gray retreated another step toward the center, and Natsu stopped moving.

"Dammit," the dragon slayer muttered.

The girls shifted restlessly, but no one made any other premature moves. If worst came to worst, they'd fight like hell. But as long as Gray was trapped in this stupid thing, they were being cautious.

"Give it up," Erza said coldly. "We're not going to let you play your little games, so you might as well let him out."

"No," snapped the dark mage. "I'm going to resurrect the real Gray."

"Why?" Lyon asked hoarsely.

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you even care? If you're just some dark mage with no connection to us?"

"Partly I like the idea of justice, and partly this is just revenge for what he and his friends did to my guild. Revenge that you'll benefit from, I might add. I did my homework. I know how close you were to Gray and how deeply you were affected by the demon stealing his body. Honestly, I thought you'd be jumping at the chance. Why do you think I asked for you to come along?"

"You aren't a seith mage," Gray observed, uninterested in the whole long spiel. "I highly doubt you could perform such specialized soul magic. And in any case, Gray's soul was lost years and years ago, and no seith mage preserved it. You're looking at the impossible."

"Shut up," he growled. "Gerald left some things behind. I can do it."

"You can't…" Lyon trailed off and shook his head, his gaze jumping between Gray and the dark mage. His face was white and a tremor ran through his body.

"Don't you want him back?" the dark mage wheedled. "Stop putting up a fuss and just let me do this real fast."

"The chances of it working are extremely low, hovering right about zero," Gray told Lyon quietly. A faint, melancholy smile tugged at one corner of his lips, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. "But if you want to try it…"

"What?" Lucy demanded. "You can't just–!"

"You're such an idiot," Natsu grumbled.

Gray stayed quiet. This was probably impossible, but on the very, very slim chance that it might work… Well, didn't the original Gray deserve another chance at the life that had been stolen from him? If Lyon wanted to take that chance on a wish and a prayer, Gray wouldn't stop him.

"I…" Lyon trailed into silence again.

"I thought you'd be more excited, honestly." The dark mage sounded a little peeved about this failure on Lyon's part. "But don't worry, you'll thank me when it's over."

"Like hell you're gonna–" Natsu broke off and the scuffing of his sandals on the floor immediately ceased as the magic circle constricted.

It slammed into Gray and sent him stumbling back with a muffled curse. He clutched at his singed arm and eyed the flickering yellow light warily.

"Stop it!" Lucy cried.

The dark mage shrugged. Apparently tiring of games—and, perhaps, no longer finding it quite as entertaining to mess with Lyon's head—he turned to Gray and lifted his hands. A sickly orange light spilled from them, the magic building up in the air.

Gray braced himself. He fully expected this to be a colossal failure, but he hoped that there wouldn't be any unsavory side effects.

"Stop!" Lyon leaped forward and shoved into the other man's chest, sending them both to the ground. "Leave him alone!"

"I'll never–"

"Let him out," Lyon said, his voice cold as steel as he pinned the dark mage down and held ice to his throat. "Right now."

Throwing caution to the wind, Gray drifted back up to the transparent boundary caging him in. It might slice his nose off if the prick decided to tighten the circle again, but he was fascinated enough by Lyon that he didn't care.

"I did my homework," the dark mage wheezed as he stared back up at Lyon. "Don't you want your brother back?"

Gray gnawed on the inside of his cheek, finding it a troubling question that would undoubtedly have a troubling answer.

"Yeah, I do," Lyon snapped. "So let him out of your damned circle already before I slit your throat."

Gray blinked at him owlishly, and the way his heart constricted was both pleasant and unpleasant. It was still a troubling answer in its own way, even if not the one he had been expecting.

The magic circle flickered and died as its caster finally gave in under the pressure. Lyon slammed the man's head into the ground, causing his eyes to roll back as he slipped into unconsciousness, and remained bent over his vanquished foe.

Gray took a tentative step over the one-time boundary, but no jolt of pain repelled him. Drifting over to Lyon, he hesitated and then crouched down to search his face. Lyon seemed too pale and pinched, a string ready to snap, and his eyes stared down at the unconscious dark mage's face blankly.

"Lyon?" Gray asked. He reached out, paused, and let his fingers rest feather-light on the other man's arm. "Are you alright?"

Because that had been an ugly situation all around, and however pretty the answers Lyon gave, they would always be bittersweet.

"Yeah." Lyon looked up to give him a tight smile. "You really ought to stop making me always save you."

As an attempt at teasing, it fell flat. Gray didn't bother to pretend otherwise.

"Sorry."

Lyon stood abruptly, brushing imaginary dust off his pants. "I trust you all can handle this guy from here? I'll see you later."

He turned and walked off, leaving Gray staring after him. The sense of awe at Lyon's vigorous defense faded away completely, leaving only the gnawing concern.

"Are you sure…?" Gray trailed off and shook his head. It was a pointless question that he had no right asking when Lyon would rather not be around him.

Lyon looked back and his smile was more genuine this time, if still brittle with melancholy around the edges. "Yep. Take care of yourself and stop getting into so much trouble, hear? It's starting to get ridiculous."

Gray didn't look away until Lyon disappeared from sight, and then slowly straightened himself out and looked down at the dark mage. What a bother.

"You really couldn't have broken out of the circle?" Lucy asked skeptically. "You're way stronger than him."

Gray shrugged. It hadn't been a particularly powerful magic, and he could have most probably broken through if he had tried. He didn't know how to explain that this had been Lyon's choice in much the same way that Gray had given him his Book in the beginning and offered him the option of damaging or destroying it. Lyon deserved some measure of control in the matters that most affected him.

Then again, Gray was starting to wonder if this had been a miscalculation. Perhaps the benefits of giving Lyon a choice were outweighed by the emotional turmoil and confusion that choice caused. Still, Gray couldn't imagine cutting off even such a remote possibility unilaterally without letting Lyon have a say.

"Guess we might as well take care of this," Erza said with a sigh. "Next time a job specifically asks for you, we're going to make someone else take it."

"Kind of rude for him to leave us to clean up," grumbled Natsu with a faint scowl.

"Leave him be," Gray said quietly. "It's not easy for him to always have the past dragged up and thrown in his face."

If Lyon needed some space for a little while, that was fine. He would come back when he was ready.

* * *

Lyon didn't come back. It shouldn't be a cause for alarm, really. He and Gray might have reconciled, they might meet up on occasion as they worked at rebuilding everything that had been broken between them, but it wasn't like they were seeking each other out every day. It could be weeks before one decided to go looking for the other, and that was normal. This was normal.

Except that after how they had parted, Gray wasn't so sure. Maybe he should go find Lyon and make sure he was alright. But if Lyon wanted some time to think things over and mourn without all the complications that the demon brought, Gray was loath to interrupt him. So he waited, and Lyon did not come.

His quiet tenseness was unobtrusive enough, although it occasionally drew a second look from one or another of his friends.

"Why don't you go see him if you're so worried?" Happy said.

"See? He loves you," Erza said. "I told you it would work out."

"It was really sweet how he stood up for you," Lucy said.

"Quit moping around," Natsu said. "He's an idiot, but he'll be alright."

Gray waited. He wasn't afraid, not really. Maybe just a little worried. He trusted Lyon, but wasn't he allowed to be concerned? Lyon might not be taking the jab at his past well—it was hard to tell when Gray hadn't seen him since—and it might be Gray's fault, at least in an indirect fashion.

Gray wanted to help, but he had the feeling that his presence wouldn't necessarily be a good thing. He didn't have a place in what was likely afflicting Lyon now, and he wouldn't overstep his bounds to try making one.

His moodiness was quickly deemed irritating by certain parties.

He was walking up to the guild one morning when one of Bickslow's little totems came bouncing out. He paused, feeling that slender thread that bound them together, that quiet shock of connection.

"It's been a while," he remarked, tilting his head and shoving his hands into his pockets. Bickslow must be lurking around here somewhere, then. Not keeping as close an eye on his little soul beasties today. "I met up with one of your old friends the other day."

The totem bounced up and down as if in greeting, and Gray watched with slightly narrowed eyes. He felt an odd sort of kinship with this thing that had shared his body for a brief time and nearly given it the soul it lacked, but he didn't exactly spend a lot of time with it. For one, Bickslow kept it on a tight leash and gave him funny looks if he ever showed too much of an interest in it. And there was always–

His shadow lashed out and sent the wooden doll spinning through the air. Gray sighed. Yeah, that.

"Enough," he said.

His shadow didn't really like anyone or anything, but it had taken a particular hatred to the soul trapped within the doll and got riled up if it got anywhere near Gray. He chalked it up to its overly possessive nature.

It settled sulkily at his feet again, but he could feel its disapproval.

"I keep telling Bickslow to get rid of that thing," grumbled a voice from behind him.

He turned and arched an eyebrow at Natsu as he ambled up the walk to the guild hall. "Why bother? It can't hurt anything anymore. Leave it be."

"It's weird." Natsu threw a dark look after the totem as it fluttered back into the guild. "And you get weird with it."

"I do not."

"You do. I keep thinking you're going to invite it back into your body at any second." Natsu's scowl deepened. "Leave it alone. All these soul things are getting to be too much. Don't you dare let it happen again, or I'm going to sic the girls on you."

His eyes were hard and unyielding, and Gray shifted uncomfortably. He heard the underlying jab and knew that Natsu had connected the soul transplant incident and its aftermath to what had just happened with Gray's non-soul.

Gray didn't consider them to be the same thing, seeing how the original Gray would have had a much better claim to his life than some random dark mage, but given what he may or may not have told Natsu about keeping his options open in case anything came up… Well, he could see where the dragon slayer's concern was coming from.

"It's not like that," he mumbled.

"Well then, just be yourself instead of always trying to turn into someone else," Natsu said shortly. Gray started in surprise at his incisive assessment of the situation. Natsu's gaze didn't waver. "And seriously, quit moping around. It's disgusting. And I'm really bored, so now would be a great time to fight…before Erza shows up."

Gray stared at his friend in disbelief, but then relaxed and coughed out a laugh. Natsu was a strange one, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

That odd little conversation eased the knot of tension that had settled between Gray's shoulder blades, at least a bit. Surely, Lyon would have worked things out by now. He had his own friends and his own guild to help him out, and surely Gray was silly to have worried.

And then said friends ran into Gray and his team as they were heading down the street away from the guild hall, and the worry came flooding back.

"Hey, Gray!"

He turned and blinked blankly at the pink-haired girl hurrying after him. "Sherry? What are you all doing here? Is Lyon alright?"

Erza's offer of a team lunch at her favorite café was instantly forgotten as Gray waited for Lyon's team to catch up. Sherry reached them first. She looked concerned but not hostile. Yuka was a different story, his impressive eyebrows knit together as he glowered at the demon, and Toby cowered behind. Gray didn't know why they'd be here unless something had happened to Lyon.

"That's what we should be asking you," Yuka growled.

"…What?"

Sherry gave her teammate a look and gestured for him to settle down. "It's just that Lyon's been…rather withdrawn and melancholy lately. He hasn't been this down and closed off since you two started getting along again, and it didn't start up until right after that job he went with you on. We just wanted to drop by and make sure nothing happened that we should know about."

"What she means is that we want to know what the hell you did to him," corrected Yuka.

"He didn't do anything," Natsu snapped. "Back off, eyebrows."

Gray foresaw a precipitous decline in social relations if the more belligerent members of each party didn't knock it off. "He didn't tell you about the job?"

A tired melancholy settled over him and he shoved his hands into his pockets. It wasn't reassuring that Lyon's friends thought it serious enough to traipse all the way down here looking for answers. He hated that sense of impotency stemming from the knowledge that this wasn't something he could fix. Lyon needed someone who had been dead for years and years.

"He hasn't really said anything about it," Sherry said, eyeing Natsu and Yuka warily as they squared off and glared at each other. "He just brushes it off and says nothing happened and he's fine."

"Ah."

"What happened?"

Gray let Erza explain the relevant events in a few terse sentences, already more concerned with the possible repercussions of said events.

"And then he ran off right away," Natsu added sourly. "Didn't stay to help with cleanup or anything, just left Gray to mope around. Which seems pretty rude, honestly."

"If he needs space, let him have his space," Gray said absently. "Of course it wouldn't be easy on him. He'll need time to work through the what-ifs and any regrets and whatnot."

Yuka's scowl deepened and anger flashed in his eyes as he took a threatening step forward. "I knew we should have kept him away from you. You just–"

"Leave him alone. He didn't do anything."

Gray started in surprise and half turned. Everyone showed similar startle reactions, and they all ogled the unexpected arrival.

"Lyon?" Sherry squeaked. "What are you doing here?"

Lyon shrugged and drifted closer, no longer worried about blending into the crowd. "You guys were whispering and acting cagey and running off in secret. Of course I was going to follow you."

His team had the grace to look embarrassed, and even some of Yuka's anger faded as he studied his feet intently.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked cautiously, searching Lyon's face and finding it unreadable. Happy settled heavily on his shoulder and Lucy edged closer in silent support.

"Mhm." Lyon turned those blank eyes on him. "Is that really what you think?"

"Huh?" Gray was at a loss for a long moment before figuring it out. Shrugging, he reached one hand up to stroke Happy's fur absently and let his gaze drift away. "What _should_ I think, then?"

Lyon's sigh hung heavy in the air. "It's not that I regret anything. I just… I miss him."

"I know," Gray said quietly. "I do too." Lyon arched an eyebrow and gave him a funny look. "I have his memories," he said, as if that explained everything.

Which it did, at least to him. He missed a teacher he had never known, parents he had never had, a boy he had never been. In the past, he had wondered if it was him missing them or if it was just what lingered of Gray and his memories, but then he'd decided that maybe it didn't really matter and he was allowed to care about them too.

"Oh. Yeah." Lyon fell silent, staring glassily at the ground, and then his lips tightened. "It wasn't fair of him to try pitting us against each other like that. It was cruel to make a mockery of everything."

"I know. If it makes you feel any better, there's almost no chance that it would have actually worked."

"Why does that…?" The confusion on Lyon's face cleared, leaving a rather grim expression in its place. "I think we need to talk."

He grabbed Gray's arm and stalked away, dragging the demon along. Gray stumbled after him with a startled yelp, and Happy was dislodged from his shoulder at the sudden movement.

"Lyon?"

Lyon didn't respond, and Gray threw a helpless look back at their equally bemused teammates. Happy retreated to perch on Natsu's head, Lucy shrugged, and Erza mouthed 'good luck'. They turned back to talk to Lyon's team about whatever it was that people talked about with people they didn't particularly know when they were left to their own devices by the lynchpin friends linking the disparate groups together, and Gray was left to fend for himself.

They had traversed an entire street and turned the corner before Lyon finally released Gray's arm. Gray eyed him guardedly, but neither of them spoke immediately. The crowds parted around them instinctively, a continued perk of Gray's demon-ness, and he waited for Lyon to make the first move.

"Why does that matter?" Lyon asked finally.

"Huh? Well, it was a nasty choice for him to throw at you, but in all likelihood, it wasn't a real one. There's no reason to feel bad about that—you couldn't have saved him. What-ifs aren't really useful there. It wouldn't have worked."

"…I said that I didn't have any regrets. I don't think it's my place to play God with other people's lives and deaths. Let the dead sleep and the living live. I was never going to go along with his crazy scheme, no matter what the odds were. You really thought I would?"

"I said you could. If the odds were better, I might have done it myself."

Lyon finally looked over to stare at him. "You…"

"Well, why not?" Gray asked with a shrug, not seeing the big deal.

"Why not…?"

"Well, if it worked, then you would have gotten the real Gray back. If it didn't, nothing would have changed, probably. What did you really have to lose?"

Lyon's flabbergasted expression slowly morphed into anger, and he jabbed a furious finger at the demon's chest. "What did I have to lose? _You_ , you idiot! If it had worked, I would have lost _you_."

"I guess so," Gray conceded. He leaned back and stepped around Lyon to continue down the street, and the other man fell back into step beside him after a moment. "But all things considered, would that really be such a bad thing? I mean, in exchange for the real Gray–"

"The _other_ Gray," Lyon interrupted firmly.

"In exchange for the other Gray," he amended, "wouldn't it be a fair trade? Seems like the better end of the deal to me."

He shrugged again and counted the cobblestones absently as he walked. These seemed like fairly logical conclusions to him. Perhaps a tad unsavory, but any strong emotion they might have provoked had long since been stripped away by pragmatism. These were the truths that he held to be self-evident.

Lyon might not like how ugly they sounded when put into words, but he must surely understand. On some level, he held them too.

"Do you really think that?" Lyon asked after a long moment. His voice sounded funny.

"Of course. Don't you?"

"…No. No, I don't. After everything…do you really still not believe that I love you?"

Gray chewed on his lip thoughtfully. There had been a time when he hadn't been so sure and Lyon was still something of a mystery at times, but it was unfair to doubt him on this. They had both done too much for each other to still be stuck walking on eggshells and wondering.

"Of course I believe you. I trust you enough to believe that." He looked up and gave Lyon a small smile, his eyes gentle. "But you loved the rea–the other Gray too. You loved him first. And it's okay to love him more."

Lyon's mouth twisted into a funny expression and he actually winced. His mouth opened but then slowly drifted shut again, and he shook his head. Gray just smiled faintly and touched him lightly on the shoulder to keep him walking when his steps faltered. Lyon looked away with a frown, and stayed quiet for nearly a full minute.

"It doesn't work like that," he said finally, his voice low. "You aren't his surrogate. Or his replacement or substitute or anything like that. He was like the brother I never had. Maybe he and Ur were my surrogate family, but they became less replacements than a real family. And…the same goes for you.

"It's like asking a parent to play favorites among their children. You just don't look at someone and tell them to pick which of their brothers lives and which dies. You aren't the second best that I just got stuck with, the consolation prize I keep around only because he's gone. I'm not just trading you in for a better model. I like what I have."

Gray swallowed hard past the lump in his throat and found a sudden interest in his feet. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I like what I have too."

"Of course you do—I'm amazing," Lyon said with a laugh like a sigh. He stopped in the middle of the street and tilted Gray's chin up so that their eyes met. His eyes were somber and melancholy. "Do you believe me?"

Gray hesitated, shifting uncomfortably under the intensity of Lyon's gaze. He wanted to. It was a strong enough assertion to boggle the mind, though. Still, Lyon seemed dead serious about it. And…maybe this was also the point that Natsu had been trying to make, in his own way. Maybe Gray was just really dense about picking up on what his friends were trying to say.

"I… Yeah. Yeah, okay."

"Great." Lyon released him and started walking again with a sigh. "Now you just have to believe it for yourself, I guess. I didn't run off because I was having regrets or anything like that. I left because it dragged up memories, and I didn't want to mourn in front of you because I figured it would make you feel worse. You still get all guilty about everything. But I guess it would've been better to make sure you didn't think anything stupid before I went. I didn't mean to make you have doubts."

"Oh. I figured you left because seeing me while you were upset over him would make it worse."

A sad little smile played at the corners of Lyon's lips. "A few months ago, you might have been right. But you know…sometimes you feel like him. I mean, you have his memories and you've kept some of his quirks and habits and mannerisms, and… I know it's not exactly the same, but sometimes you make me feel better because it's like he's not entirely dead. You keep part of him alive with you, and… Thank you. It makes me happier to know that you're keeping pieces of him alive."

Gray gave him a skeptical, sidelong look, not entirely sure what to make of that. Yes, he deliberately cultivated some of his namesake's qualities out of respect. He did, in fact, keep pieces of Gray alive. He'd known that for a long time. He'd also known that it would never be enough, but maybe… Maybe it was at least some small comfort and not meaningless after all.

"So I should start stripping again, then?" he asked in a lighter tone.

Lyon coughed out a laugh. "Yeah. I think you freaked everyone out when you stopped."

"Eh. They've gotten used to it, aside from pointed comments here and there."

Alright, so the guild might have freaked out a bit in the beginning, but it had been months with only the occasional absentminded loss of clothing and they'd eventually gotten used to it. He didn't think they were necessarily _happy_ about it, but they tolerated it in the same way that they'd tolerated his 'demon-y mood swings' and shadow-walking and frequent disappearances from the guild.

But who knew? Maybe he'd pick it back up at some point and surprise them all. Or, a muted version, at least. He actually rather enjoyed being able to walk around without people yelling for him to put clothes on.

"Hm." Lyon walked by his side in companionable silence for a couple minutes before looking over to give him a melancholy but fond smile. "You know, I like to think that if Gray had gotten the chance to grow up, he would have grown up to be something like you. Minus the ridiculous guilt-complex and scary shadow, of course."

Gray stared at him in disbelief, the gears of his mind turning uselessly. "Like…me?" he asked stupidly.

"Yeah. Almost exactly like you."

Gray's first thought was that he wouldn't wish such a horrible fate on anyone, that the other Gray could never be as dark as him or do the things he'd done, but Lyon knew that. So… So Lyon must see something else worthy of being a role model. Whether Gray fully agreed or not, it still made him flush and look down again while his heart did those funny little flips in his chest.

"Better than like you," he mumbled, clearing his throat. "We wouldn't want him to be a stuck-up prick."

"Hey!" Lyon protested, but he was laughing.

Gray gave him another look. "It's okay to be sad with me," he said gently. "You don't have to worry about it making me feel worse or whatever. I'd rather you weren't just sad all alone."

Lyon's lip trembled for a split second and his eyes clouded over, but then he smiled. "You're right, I guess. I should trust you enough for that. But I'm tired of being sad. I spent too many months moping. Now that we're back on speaking terms, maybe it's time to be happy for what we still have instead of be sad for what we've lost."

"Always a good way to look at things," Gray agreed with a half-smile. He, for one, would rather see Lyon happy than sad.

"Awesome. Let's get ice cream, then!"

Lyon grabbed Gray's hand and yanked him to the side, making a beeline for the ice cream vendor he'd just spotted. Gray yelped in surprise, but then laughed and stumbled after that silly brother of his. He wasn't sure there had ever been a Gray who didn't like ice cream.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Ha ha, these days I always have to pause and wonder if we're talking about American football or soccer whenever someone says "football" XD Comes from taking too many Spanish classes, I guess. Well, Gray _can_ be pretty annoying XD But I think it kind of goes to show that he and Lyon are still a little uncertain around each other and this is helping put them on more solid ground, if that makes sense. Kind of helps clear up some of the underlying issues and insecurities that they've glossed over. "Tactful nothings" lol I love it. That's exactly how I feel when I'm left to make small talk with anyone...even my friends X) You and food lol I always expect you to comment on the food if it's mentioned in a chapter XD [EDIT: I watch bits and pieces of the Olympics, and that's about it. Mostly just things like gymnastics, synchronized swimming, ice skating/dancing, and stuff like that. Not so much stuff like running and swimming...it gets so boring x.x HA, now I want to make a chapter about vegetables just for you! I don't like seafood, though. Blegh.] [[EDIT 2: Blessed are the children lol I like to eat like a kid sometimes too lol But I'm probably a pickier eater than you XD]]**


	38. Surrogate (V2)

**Note: And here's version 2. Why a second version? I dunno. Apparently at the time, I thought it was a good idea ._. All I really remember about writing these was that it was during Harvey when I was staying up all night to keep an eye on the flood gauges, and I was super sleep-deprived and didn't feel like writing so I spent foreeeever staring at the screen and dragged it out for days. And when I finally went back recently to edit, I was like, he...he...he...~ (what have I done? D':). But anyway, I was too lazy to do a better job editing X) Soooorry~**

 **Guests: Yes, my sister is the one who inspired the Grayza because Erza is her fav and she likes it. She's also the one who pressured me into watching FT in the first place, so you can thank her for _everything_ I've ever written XD And yeah, Gray started thinking of himself as "Gray" right at the end of "Gray (2)" at the end of segment 2 (hence the title ;) ). Someone else was also like, "Whoa, when did he start thinking of himself as Gray again? How have I missed this for half a dozen chapters?!" Apparently I'm just so smoooth LOL**

 **Funky: You're right, there's more angst coming :3 Being the sadist I am, I'm just excited for the moment where everything goes to hell again :) Sappy, fluffy things are all well and good, but I'm in it for the tragedy! XD And yeah, I've seen a few people spell Gray with an "e", but most people don't. I've seen some people call him Gray but then spell "grey" with an "e" if it ever comes up in the narrative not as his name. I mean, whatever floats your boat, I guess XD**

 **Emiko: Yeeep, makes me wonder why I wrote so many sickeningly sweet things...but then I remember that everything is going to hell soon so I should let the charries have their fluff while they can XD**

* * *

 **Surrogate [V2]**

* * *

"I can save the _real_ Gray, put his soul back into his body so that he can live again. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Gray tilted his head and watched the dark-haired man in horrified fascination, but the object of his attention had eyes only for a flabbergasted Lyon. Really, they ought to stop inviting Lyon along for things. He must be a bad luck charm or something. Actually, Gray should also stop taking any job requests that specifically asked for him or were quite obviously meant for him, and any that were fishing for both him and Lyon had to be double trouble.

He drifted forward a step, his hand absently rising to press against the outer barrier of the magic circle, but jerked back with a hiss of pain as the magic shocked him. Lyon darted a look at him as he retreated a couple steps, and his eyes were wide and pained and confused.

"It probably wouldn't work," Gray said.

"It would so!" the dark mage growled, shooting him a nasty look. "We almost had you last time, demon."

Gray frowned. "Excuse me?"

"We laid that perfect trap for you, lured you down, and Gerald just about finished the transplant process before your crazy guildmates came charging in and ruined everything."

"…Oh. Gerald? Really? What a silly name for a dark mage."

"Wait, what?" Lyon asked, finally finding his voice although it was a bit raspy. He looked between Gray and the dark mage, and then even glanced back at the rest of the team.

"Long story," Gray muttered. "How'd you get away? I thought they arrested you all."

This had to be one of the mages from the dark guild that had kidnapped him a few months back and stuck their leader's soul in him. That didn't inspire confidence since they had, in fact, nearly managed to permanently transplant another soul in him, but they'd also been fairly incompetent about everything else and their soul mage was—hopefully—locked up in prison.

"I was up top when the lightning monster tore through," said the man in a decidedly sulky fashion. Lightning monster indeed. Gray would have to remember that one to use on Laxus later. "I stayed out of the way."

"Awesome, I didn't get the chance to beat you assholes up last time," Natsu growled, inching forward a step from where he was standing rigid beside Happy and the girls. "And I _really_ wanted to."

"Stay back," the dark mage said. He flicked a hand and the magic circle around Gray tightened a couple inches. Gray retreated another step toward the center, and Natsu stopped moving.

"Dammit," the dragon slayer muttered.

The girls shifted restlessly, but no one made any other premature moves. If worst came to worst, they'd fight like hell. But as long as Gray was trapped in this stupid thing, they were being cautious.

"Give it up," Erza said coldly. "We're not going to let you play your little games, so you might as well let him out."

"No," snapped the dark mage. "I'm going to resurrect the real Gray."

"Why?" Lyon asked hoarsely.

"What do you mean, why?"

"Why do you even care? If you're just some dark mage with no connection to us?"

"Partly I like the idea of justice, and partly this is just revenge for what he and his friends did to my guild. Revenge that you'll benefit from, I might add. I did my homework. I know how close you were to Gray and how deeply you were affected by the demon stealing his body. Honestly, I thought you'd be jumping at the chance. Why do you think I asked for you to come along?"

"You aren't a seith mage," Gray observed, uninterested in the whole long spiel. "I highly doubt you could perform such specialized soul magic. And in any case, Gray's soul was lost years and years ago, and no seith mage preserved it. You're looking at the impossible."

"Shut up," he growled. "Gerald left some things behind. I can do it."

"You can't…" Lyon trailed off and shook his head, his gaze jumping between Gray and the dark mage. His face was white and a tremor ran through his body.

"Don't you want him back?" the dark mage wheedled. "Stop putting up a fuss and just let me do this real fast."

"The chances of it working are extremely low, hovering right about zero," Gray told Lyon quietly. A faint, melancholy smile tugged at one corner of his lips, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. "But if you want to try it…"

"What?" Lucy demanded. "You can't just–!"

"You're such an idiot," Natsu grumbled.

Gray stayed quiet. This was probably impossible, but on the very, very slim chance that it might work… Well, didn't the original Gray deserve another chance at the life that had been stolen from him? If Lyon wanted to take that chance on a wish and a prayer, Gray wouldn't stop him.

"I…" Lyon trailed into silence again.

"I thought you'd be more excited, honestly." The dark mage sounded a little peeved about this failure on Lyon's part. "But don't worry, you'll thank me when it's over."

"Like hell you're gonna–" Natsu broke off and the scuffing of his sandals on the floor immediately ceased as the magic circle constricted.

It slammed into Gray and sent him stumbling back with a muffled curse. He clutched at his singed arm and eyed the flickering yellow light warily.

"Stop it!" Lucy cried.

The dark mage shrugged. Apparently tiring of games—and, perhaps, no longer finding it quite as entertaining to mess with Lyon's head—he turned to Gray and lifted his hands. A sickly orange light spilled from them, the magic building up in the air.

Gray braced himself. He fully expected this to be a colossal failure, but he hoped that there wouldn't be any unsavory side effects.

Erza and Natsu lunged for the dark mage, swords and fire flying. Lyon stood frozen, staring at Gray with torn, unhappy eyes. A tired smile flitted over Gray's face, and Lyon turned away.

A wise choice, perhaps, for all the good it would do. It stung, just a little, but Gray understood.

Natsu smashed into the crazy mage and shoved him to the ground, but the damage was already done. The spell slammed into Gray, sending him reeling. It electrified his entire body, making his limbs spasm and his chest constrict. He crashed to his knees, and his sharp keening was cut off as the air got stuck in his throat and he lost the ability to breathe.

He must have blacked out for a few seconds, because the next thing he knew, Lucy was crouched beside him and brushing the hair from his face as she peered down at him with worried eyes.

"Gray? Gray, are you okay?"

"Yeah," he rasped with some difficulty. It still felt like his throat was closed up, and just forcing breaths out was hard enough, much less words.

He levered himself up on one arm, and it trembled with strain. Actually, his other hand was shaking as well. Maybe an aftereffect from the magic. Everything hurt, with sharp, stabbing pains frequently breaking through the dull ache pervading his entire body.

"We should get you back to Wendy." Lucy hovered uncertainly, but reluctantly helped Gray heave himself to his feet when she realized that he was going to stand up with or without her help.

"It's fine," he wheezed, swaying slightly before steadying himself. "That stuff really packs a punch, but I think I'm just sore."

Happy dropped onto Lucy's shoulder and eyed him with a frown. "Considering he was trying to mess with soul magic, it wouldn't hurt to have Wendy make sure that nothing else is wrong…"

Gray shrugged, unable to deny that. He shook his head to clear it and began assessing the situation. The magic circle was gone, no doubt because Erza and Natsu had pounded the dark mage into unconsciousness and were now working on restraining him and rummaging through his pockets to make sure he didn't have anything dangerous on him.

Lyon hadn't moved a muscle and was staring at Gray with an almost dazed expression. Gray shrugged at him in some sort of silent apology, a _sorry it didn't work, but what can you do about it?_ Lyon looked away.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Erza asked as she straightened up and gave Gray a searching look.

"Yup, I'll just sleep it off. Let's hurry and finish up here so that we can go home and I can lie down."

She nodded. "I just want to check this building first. It looks like he might have collected some nasty things that it would be better to remove. Let's do a quick sweep."

Natsu was evidently not interested in doing a quick sweep, and instead turned on Lyon with blazing eyes and a furious scowl. "And what the _hell_ did you think you were doing, huh? You were right next to him, but you weren't even going to–?"

Gray had hobbled over during the dragon slayer's rant, and now placed a restraining hand on his arm. "Leave him be. Let's help Erza so we can head out."

Natsu hesitated, but then shot Lyon one last glare and stomped off to ransack the shelves. The others threw Lyon looks as well before moving off. Gray limped over to rummage through drawers, eager to finish up here as quickly as possible. His head was pounding and his body ached and all his energy had been sapped out of him, and all he wanted to do was collapse in bed and go to sleep.

He darted frequent looks at Lyon, but the ice mage never looked up. He helped the Fairy Tail mages search the room silently and collect the contraband, but very pointedly looked at no one. That stung even more than going along with the scheme in the first place, because at least that choice had been expected. Now he was so disappointed it hadn't worked that he couldn't even look at Gray. And Gray understood, but he hoped it wasn't permanent, that something hadn't just broken beyond repair.

"I think that's good enough," Erza said finally. She eyed Gray as he sighed in relief and leaned heavily against the wall. "Let's get this guy to the Knights and head back. Don't run off, Gray. I want Wendy to look you over when we get back. And maybe Bickslow too."

"I'm sure it's fine."

"You _will_ have Wendy check you out," she said. Gray held his hands up in surrender. No one defied Erza when she gave orders like that. "Although," she added, giving him a hard look as she leaned in and lowered her voice, "I would feel worse for you if I didn't think you could have broken out of that circle at any time."

Gray winced and looked away. He had offered up the choice to Lyon and wouldn't have gone back on it, even if the magic circle had been weak enough to break.

"I'm sure you guys can get him to the Knights," Lyon said, and it was the first time he'd spoken since the dark mage's unsuccessful attempt to resurrect a long-dead child. He still didn't look at anyone. "I'm heading out."

"Hey!" Natsu protested. "You can't just–"

Gray shoved him none too gently and chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched Lyon slip out of the room with his eyes still fixed on the floor. His heart sank, heavy as a stone. He wished that he and Lyon weren't leaving things on such unstable ground.

"Let's just hurry up and get rid of this guy," he said quietly.

"What a jerk," Natsu muttered, shooting one last nasty look at the door through which Lyon had just disappeared. "I can't believe he'd do that, after everything."

"I'm sure he was just paralyzed," Lucy said reassuringly. "I mean, it was a surprise for him and he just had a slow reaction time. I'm sure it wasn't…like that."

"It'll work out," Erza added confidently. "You guys have been getting on so well, and he'll come around. Just give him some time to figure out what he's feeling."

Yeah, Gray would give him time. But he was worried, too. He and Lyon had been slowly rebuilding their relationship and were making great progress with it, but it was still a fairly new venture and a bit fragile. He really hoped that this didn't shatter the delicate balance they'd achieved and send them back to square one.

* * *

Gray was afraid that he and Lyon were back at square one. It had been nearly two weeks, and he hadn't seen even as much as a glimpse of Lyon. Normally this might not be a big deal, but given the note they'd left things on… Well, Gray had the sinking feeling that their renewed friendship had just suffered a serious setback.

He tried to tamp down the hurt and play along with day-to-day life. There were no lasting side effects from his brush with soul—'soul'?—magic, and although the fire zapping along his nerves had been fairly resistant to Wendy's magic and left him achy and sore for nearly a week, all that had faded by now. Everything was fine, and he studiously pretended that he wasn't spending his days with one eye on the door.

For all the good it did.

"Come on, Gray, let's do a job," Erza said firmly, slapping a page from the job board down on the table in front of him. "It's been a while."

"Eh, maybe I'll pass today."

"…You know, staring at the door isn't going to magically make him come walking through it. You've been hanging around for days. You're not going to miss him if you come out on a job with us."

…Maybe he was more transparent than he thought. Gray shifted uncomfortably, embarrassed to have been caught out.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I guess."

"We even got one on Mt. Hakobe," Natsu said, bouncing on his heels. "All cold and crap, just for you. So stop moping around and let's go!"

Gray tilted his head and studied his friend curiously. Natsu never sounded that excited about going into the cold. Weird.

But it wasn't like he could say no without making it super obvious that he was still moping, so he let his friends drag him off. At least Hakobe wasn't far, so they'd be back quickly. Gray didn't want to miss Lyon if he came. Not that it was looking likely that he'd come at this point.

He trailed along behind the team with far less enthusiasm, although he put on a good show of being involved. But honestly, how was he supposed to be as excited as them? They were downright fidgety. He wondered what was up with them.

He didn't get his answer until they'd traipsed right up to the base of the mountain and the other gathering of mages came into view. His footsteps faltered and then slowed to a stop. Lyon was huddled with his team, discussing whatever the hell it was they were discussing.

Gray stared. No way had both teams accidentally taken the same job. That was rare enough already, and there was no way it would happen again so soon after last time.

Sherry spotted the Fairy Tail mages and her face lit up. "Hey, guys!" she called, waving cheerfully.

"…What in the world is going on here?" Gray asked.

Lyon turned sharply, his eyes widening. "What–?"

Clearly, he was not in on this either.

Gray stepped back, but Erza grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the others despite how he tried to dig in his heels. Panic welled up in his chest, that feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong.

The surprise didn't fade from Lyon's eyes, but he dropped his gaze to the ground. Again. Well, at least they'd found something to make him look at Gray for a couple seconds.

"Right," said Erza. "We're tired of watching you two mope around over each other. Lyon's team came to see us a few days ago and figure out what was up with him, and we decided that you two needed a push to work things out. So now you're going to go do this job and talk things out."

"But–" Gray wilted under Erza's glare as she braced her hands on her hips and adopted an attitude that brooked no argument. Still, he mumbled, "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Of course it is. We set everything up. We even got you a job up in the snow. And you'd better believe that we'll be waiting for you to finish, so you had better actually _talk_ , got that?"

"…Yeah."

Lyon whispered something to Sherry, who whacked him on the arm and scowled.

"You _will_ ," she said authoritatively, and Gray eyed her in awe. She was usually such a sweet little thing, but suddenly she seemed as scary as Erza. "You've been sulking for weeks, and it sounds like Gray has too. You two need to figure this out already. You're hurting each other by trying to ignore the problem. Now _go_."

Toby and Yuka, understandably, looked less enthusiastic about this plan, but Sherry was clearly the one in charge at the moment. Lyon grumbled something and turned away, and she smiled sadly at his back. Then she turned that smile on Gray, who fidgeted and looked away.

But there was no denying women when they got it into their heads what they wanted to do, and Gray and Lyon soon found themselves shepherded up the side of the mountain.

"Hey, slanty-eyed bastard!" Natsu yelled after them. "Don't screw it up!"

Gray threw a dubious glance back at his friend and a sidelong one at Lyon, but the ice mage didn't even look up. They walked in silence until their teams had faded from sight, and then Gray smoothed out the job request that Lucy had shoved into his hand before sending him on his way.

He read it over again and cleared his throat. "I was thinking…given the, ah, the pattern of villages and outposts attacked, the vulcan nest is probably on the western face."

His voice sounded funny in his ears, and he really hoped he was imagining that odd quality and it wasn't something Lyon could pick up on. He shot another surreptitious glance at Lyon, who was still plodding along with his eyes fixed on the ground.

"…Yeah," his companion said finally. He didn't look up.

"There are some, uh, some big caves over there for them to hide in, too," Gray added, eager to fill the awkward silence. "I know a pretty likely spot. You know, with the caves. Because there's a whole system of them there. I mean… Yeah."

"Sure."

Gray bit down on his lower lip until the taste of copper flooded his mouth, and tried to stop his shoulders from slumping in defeat as he dropped his own gaze to the ground. This was just as bad as he'd feared it would be.

He watched the rocky ground go by underfoot and the snow crunch under his boots for several long minutes, and the silence dragged on. He kept sneaking looks at Lyon. Not once did he catch Lyon sneaking a look back.

Finally, he stopped. There was a few seconds' delay before the sound of Lyon's footsteps paused as well.

"Gray?"

"I'll take care of the job," he said to the ground, his voice quiet. "You can just…I don't know, stay here or whatever. I'll tell them we talked."

"What? Why? I'll do it with you."

"…Lyon, you can't even stand to look at me anymore. I get that it's disappointing it didn't work and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to drag you along with me when you're so clearly miserable. Just… I'll tell them we took care of it, and they should leave you alone."

When Lyon didn't respond, Gray crumpled the job request into a ball and shoved it into his pocket along with his hands. He walked over and stepped around his companion to continue on, only stopping when cold fingers latched onto him. He blinked down uncomprehendingly at the hand curled tightly around his wrist, and then finally looked up at Lyon.

"It's not like that," Lyon said in a low voice, still staring at the ground. "It's not that I'm… _disappointed_. It's that I'm ashamed."

"I don't… I don't understand."

"I froze," he muttered. "I hesitated. I sat still. I made a bad choice in the heat of the moment. Or, at least, I didn't make the right one. I let it happen. And I shouldn't have."

"Shouldn't…?" Gray was at a loss. "Whyever not? It worked out the way you wanted it to, didn't it?" He winced and hurried to correct himself. "I mean, it didn't actually work and I know that's kind of disappointing, but–"

"You _idiot_!" Lyon burst out.

He finally looked up, and Gray flinched at the desperate frustration written across his face and the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes. That was wrong. It would be like seeing Natsu cry—it just didn't happen, not unless something was really, really wrong.

"Lyon, are you–?"

"I'm not _disappointed_ that it didn't work! I'm horrified because it _could_ have!"

"But–" Gray sucked in a breath with a hiss as Lyon's grip on his wrist tightened even further, cutting off the circulation. "But you would have gotten the real Gray back."

"But at what cost?" Lyon asked quietly, the fight draining out of him. He released Gray and half turned away as he returned to watching the ground.

"I don't understand."

"For one, who knows what it might have done to him, even if we could…? Well, think about it. We'd be throwing a kid who's been dead for well over a decade into a grown body in a world he doesn't understand and thinks he's a demon, with a bunch of people he doesn't know claiming to be his friends. It would be a lot, and who knows what other side effects there might be? It's best not to go messing with the past. What's done is done."

Gray eyed Lyon cautiously, not entirely sure what to make of his odd moods. "Yes, the thought had crossed my mind, but you would have been here to help him adjust. He could've relied on you."

"Yeah," Lyon mumbled, "but I still would have lost you."

"…Yes? I guess so. But you would have had the real Gray–"

"The _other_ Gray."

"Fine, fine, the other Gray. You would have had him, and you would have been happy."

"…No."

"No?"

Lyon hunched his shoulders and his nails dug into his palms. "Don't get me wrong, I love him. I miss him. I wish he got the chance to grow up and I got the chance to see how he turned out. I want him to be alive. I want to tease him about stupid shit and be there for him when he's hurting and be the friend and brother I always wished I was.

"But not at the cost of your life."

Gray exhaled with a faint sigh, suddenly feeling heavy and tired. "It's a fair enough trade, don't you think? A life for a life? And he would've been the better end of the bargain, honestly. You know, if it would have actually worked. To maybe give back what I took in the first place."

"That…is not how it works." Lyon's shoulders hunched further as he crossed his arms and huddled over as if he wasn't feeling well or was trying to disappear. "It's not that black and white. I…I love you, you know? You aren't his substitute. You aren't the copy I keep around because I can't have the original anymore, the one I'd trade in at the slightest chance.

"He was my brother, you know? A surrogate brother, but it adds up to be the same thing. And you are too. A surrogate brother, not _his_ surrogate. I care about you in your own right, not just because you have his face. Which makes choices like the one that guy gave me impossible, because I love you both the same, even if in slightly different ways."

Gray rocked back on his heels, his mouth twisting in an odd way as he stared at Lyon, who was still resolutely avoiding eye contact. He had never…really thought about it like that before. He had never put himself on a level playing field with the original Gray, and he wasn't really sure how Lyon could. Maybe it was just an overly positive picture, but he felt the tangled knot he'd been suppressing in his chest ease just a little.

"O-oh, I…" He trailed off, having no idea what to say to that.

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

Gray stiffened at the raw, husky quality of Lyon's voice. "You didn't," he said hurriedly, wanting to smooth out whatever it was his friend was upset over. "I mean, that magic packed a punch and hurt like hell for a few days, but then it went away and I'm totally fine. Totally fine. Nothing's wrong."

Lyon looked up then, and Gray froze at the sight of the tears glimmering in his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

This wasn't about physical pain, and Gray quashed down that gnarled mess of hurt as quickly as Lyon threatened to make it resurface. In the end, whatever it stung, it wasn't the major issue. It had been a valid choice and Gray understood its appeal, even agreed with it.

"It's okay," he said.

"No. No, it's not okay. I hate that I hurt you. I said I'd come back for you, I said we'd work things out, and then I went and ruined everything. You didn't deserve that. _That's_ why I can't look you in the eye." On cue, Lyon bowed his head again. His voice wavered. "And because I hate seeing you look at me like that, like it's okay when it's not. Like you understand because you know it should have been an easy decision to choose him over you. Like it hurts but you accept it because it's somehow _right_. I hate that I made you think like that."

"I…I…" Gray shook his head helplessly. His heart ached, not that small but sharp sting of having someone chosen over him, but a helpless hurt at seeing Lyon so upset and not knowing how to help. "You were upset that you hurt me, so you started avoiding me?" he asked stupidly, not seeing the logic. "How was that supposed to make it hurt less?"

"No." Lyon buried his face in his hands. "That was just me running away. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, but…"

"It's okay, really." Gray hesitated but then reached out to pull him into a hug. After a moment of resistance, Lyon buried his face in Gray's chest and began crying in earnest.

"I'm sorry," he moaned. "I feel horrible."

Gray held Lyon close and ran his fingers through his hair, internally panicking. "It's okay, it's okay. We're going to be okay. You didn't ruin anything, alright? I mean, unless you're going to keep avoiding me."

"I'm so sorry."

"Shh, there's no reason to be. It's like you said. It was the heat of the moment and you froze. No big deal. It was just a bad situation."

"I shouldn't have hesitated, though. I should've said no right away and stopped it."

"No, you–"

"And," Lyon mumbled into Gray's chest, his voice breaking, "I hate that little part of me that _is_ disappointed that it didn't work."

His body shook with sobs and heaving breaths, and Gray's heart clenched up. Lyon was leaning against him heavily, almost deadweight, and Gray finally lowered them to sit amid the rocks and snow.

"It's okay," he crooned. "Of course there is. Human emotions aren't so black and white. There will always be a part of you that wants the other Gray back more, a part of you that resents me for the things I've done. And that's okay."

"I want it to go away," Lyon wailed.

"I don't. It's part of what makes you who you are, and I like you just the way you are." Gray sighed and rested his chin on Lyon's head. "We all have those pieces. Everyone has that bitter edge that they try to suppress. Hell, there's still a piece of me that's dying to tear the world apart, as much as I try not to acknowledge it. You aren't the only one. It's normal."

Lyon sniffled loudly. "Maybe, but I'm sorry anyway."

"And that means a lot, really. It means a lot that you care so much, especially since we had a really rough patch there. But I don't want you to hurt yourself over it, okay?"

Lyon sniffed again, but his sobbing was dying down now. "You know," he mumbled, "even though a lot of really bad things had to happen and you and I and everyone had to suffer a lot to get here…I'm glad that I got to meet you."

Gray swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. "Even…on the days when I didn't think it was worth it…I was still thankful that I got to meet you and the others."

Lyon's hand tightened, but they sat in relative silence for a few minutes, Lyon sniffling and calming himself down while Gray waited patiently. Then Gray dropped his hand to curl in the snow.

"Hey, Lyon?"

"What?"

When he didn't answer, Lyon finally looked up with reddened eyes. Gray smiled and gently pressed the handful of snow into his face. Lyon reeled back in surprise, spluttering as he tried to brush it off.

"Hey!" he said. "What was that for?"

"The problem with refusing to look at me is that it leaves you wide open to snowballs."

Lyon bit his lip and forced himself to meet Gray's eyes. "Sorry. I'll work on it."

"Good." Gray summoned up a grin. "This face is too pretty not to look at."

"Oh boy." Lyon rolled his eyes, and it was about the most beautiful expression Gray had ever seen. "I see you've only managed to get more conceited."

"Well, maybe if you'd actually been around to keep me in line…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll stop avoiding you."

Gray's smile took on a hopeful edge. Maybe this had been a little bit of a setback, but they could work things out again. And maybe they had needed something like this to really understand what they meant to each other. Gray felt more confident about his place in Lyon's eyes now, felt better about it than he had in a long time, and maybe that would be worth the heartache in the end.

"But you do know that after avoiding me for so long, you totally owe me."

Lyon winced. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Whatever you want."

"Awesome," Gray said cheerily. "After we're done here, you can buy me ice cream."

Lyon stared at him. "Ice…cream?"

"Yup. It's been forever since I've had any, but since you're buying…" He grinned and stood, pulling Lyon up with him. "Let's hurry up and take care of some vulcans so we can get ice cream!"

Lyon finally laughed and returned the smile, and it was worth all the ice cream in the world.

* * *

 **Note: And in the next chapter, we have _action_! Also, badassery! Also, pain and suffering! Yaaaay lol (I'm such a horrible person XD)**

 **emmahoshi: I was too stressed to stress-eat ._. Yeah, I feel like Gray is really good at picking up on every little thing like this and he's really sensitive to them, which can sometimes lead to issues. When I was in chemistry, I eventually got so frustrated with my incompetent lab partner and the stupid experiments that I'd just make up data if they weren't working out properly :X Our teacher also never taught us anything, so I didn't feel as bad as I should have lol Lyon needs some emotional maturity to make up for what a wreck he was before lol We always just kind of shared food (although for the things that mostly only I eat, I sometimes keep them in my room so everyone else keeps their grubby hands off them :X), but I wonder if we'd be more territorial if the family was significantly larger XD Ugh, now you're making me want ice cream X)**


	39. The Devil and Its Slayer (1)

**Note: And here's one hot mess of a chapter lol Sooorry~ It should come as a surprise to no one that I still find fight scenes boring to read and frustrating to write, and these are even worse because of the villains in question. But I stuck it out to get to the good stuff XD**

* * *

 **The Devil and Its Slayer (1)**

* * *

"Listen up, brats. We've got a problem."

Gray watched with a frown as Makarov climbed up onto the counter and shoved a communications lacrima into his pocket. Gray and the others had just returned from a job and were regaling the, admittedly, easily impressionable Wendy with highly improbable tales of their conquests, but the grimness of Makarov's pronouncement cut through the laughter and overly exuberant storytelling.

"What's wrong, Master?" Erza asked, instantly serious.

Makarov crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed the gathered mages with a bleak frown. "I've just received word from the Council. They've experienced a massive jailbreak from their main prison at headquarters, and they're asking the guilds to send help. They haven't had a chance to determine if someone escaped and released the others or if there was a system failure, but they're asking for backup to get there as quickly as possible because they're being overrun."

Gray's first thought was that he really hoped he hadn't accidentally damaged the jail while ripping apart their courtroom, but he shouldn't have. It was in a separate building, and this was likely just a coincidence of timing. Anyway, if this was the same prison they'd kept him in, it wasn't nearly as high security as it probably ought to be.

"Good riddance," Cana grumbled. "Let them deal with their own problems for once. The Council has been nothing but trouble for us."

"Well, we should still obey them," said Gajeel.

"Council's boy," Cana muttered loudly enough for him to hear. He glared.

"I mean, of course we should," Lucy said. "But… You know how far their headquarters are from here. Could we even get there in time to be useful?"

Cana grinned. "Nope. Might as well not go."

"But _bad guys_ ," Natsu whined. "Screw the Council, but I want to beat up some bad guys."

"If they're requesting our help, it's bad," Gray said mildly. "We don't want any more trouble with them than we need."

Cana threw him a disbelieving look as if to ask why _he_ , of all people, would want to go to the Council's aid. He shrugged. There wasn't a lot of love lost between him and the Council, but Fairy Tail really _didn't_ need to piss them off any more than they already had.

Makarov cleared his throat quite pointedly and gave the chatterboxes a hard look, making them shut up instantly. "Right. These aren't only run-of-the-mill criminals. They're calling for so much help because they were still jailing some of the Spriggans there."

Everyone froze and started exchanging wide-eyed looks.

"Well," Cana said finally. "Damn."

Indeed. That could very well mean that Eileen and Invel were among the escapees. They seemed like Gray's own unfinished business. Also, they would probably try to rip his throat out on sight.

"Exactly," agreed Makarov. "And although the Council members are all powerful mages in their own right, they've managed to lose dozens and dozens of prisoners, including Spriggans. They need help corralling everyone again. It sounds like some are trying to make a run for it and others are actually attacking the Knights and Council. It's a big mess, and they're calling in all the guilds."

"Good to see they're as incompetent as ever," Cana sniped. She was in fine form today.

"I guess we'd better hurry," Gray said grimly. "If they're being attacked by Spriggans… Well, I'm sure you remember how hard it was to get rid of them last time."

Everyone did. The mood was much more serious now as they prepared for war.

"The train will be too slow," Lucy said thoughtfully. "We'll probably have to split into groups and find faster transportation."

Erza grinned, her eyes shining with dark determination. "Leave it to me."

Everyone shivered. Erza could be scary sometimes. Whoever's vehicles she was about to commandeer would do well to let her have her way.

* * *

By the time Gray and his team arrived at Council headquarters in their commandeered vehicle with their guildmates tagging along in their ragtag caravan, the place was already a warzone. He let out a low whistle as he lingered at the edges of the carnage with his friends and tried to figure out what was going on. There were scores of people running about every which way, magic flying. Everyone was fighting someone, although Gray was sure a good portion of the criminals had been subdued before Fairy Tail had made the long journey over or were currently being chased all over the countryside as they tried to flee. The less dangerous criminals, anyway. He figured that most of the Spriggans would still be out and about to make nuisances of themselves.

"This is like heaven!" Natsu said, grinning ear to ear. "Bad guys everywhere!"

He was a single-minded creature. He lunged toward some poor sap who didn't know what was coming at him, but Erza grabbed his collar in an iron grip and yanked him back.

"Stay with the team, Natsu," she snapped.

Natsu responded by sulking outrageously.

Gray paid them minimal attention as he let his gaze roam over the mayhem and probed the morass with his magic. Eileen would be a problem and her magical signature was powerful and monstrous enough that he should be able to detect it, but he figured it would be easier to locate Invel. Ice called to ice, and Invel's so-called winter magic had a strong signature of its own.

After a few seconds of searching, Gray zeroed in on a flicker of icy magic too strong to be anyone but Invel. His eyes narrowed at a point in the distance.

"This way," he grunted, starting forward.

"Huh?" asked Happy. "What's that way?"

"Invel."

"Who cares?" Natsu asked impatiently. "There's tons of people to fight right here!"

"It feels like I have unfinished business with him now, him and Eileen. And they'll be some of the most powerful players on the field. We might as well take them out before they really screw something up. Well, unless you're still scared of him after he froze you last time?"

" _What?_ " Natsu demanded, outraged. "I totally melted through that! Eventually. I'm not _scared_."

"Uh-huh…"

"Damn it. I'll go take him out!"

Gray snorted as Natsu started to zoom ahead and Erza hauled him back again.

"We might as well," the requip mage said. "And if we find Eileen…"

Gray still wasn't sure what to make of Eileen's odd fascination with Erza, but there seemed to be some hard feelings there. He had some hard feelings of his own, too.

They wove their way through the melee, and Gray often caught quick glimpses of his guildmates locked in their own battles. He dismissed the minor fights easily, before wondering if there might be another Spriggan or two among them. He didn't know most of them since he'd been stuck in jail for a while, so he wouldn't be able to tell. Well, he'd just have to take care of the Spriggans he did know and trust his friends to take care of themselves.

He was focused on Invel's signature like a bloodhound following the scent of its prey, and slipped through and around the isolated battles impatiently, dodging around stray magic. Although avoiding stray magic wasn't even the biggest problem. It was even more difficult to keep Natsu on track, but at least Erza had to deal with that. He tried to run off and join every fight they hurried past, while Erza pulled him back and tried to convince him that the team would have to stick together if they wanted to take on the most powerful Spriggans.

But then he finally managed to slip around her, her hands closing on empty air, and pounced on some poor fool. Erza swore loudly.

"Hey!" Lyon yelled. "Stay out of our fight, you idiot!"

Sure enough, Gray could feel Lyon's icy signature shining through the mess of congealing magics hanging over the area. It wasn't as strong as Invel's, but it shone bright and beautiful with that hint of familiarity and love that he found comforting.

Lyon himself was not nearly as serene as his magic. In fact, he looked downright furious.

"Ha!" Natsu crowed as he pounded Lyon's opponent into the ground with a fiery fist. "I knew I smelled you!"

He looked much too pleased for this to have been an accident. Lyon glared. Behind him, his team was shaking their heads.

"You!" Lyon snapped, rounding on Gray. "Can't you keep your dragon slayer under control?"

"Sorry," said Gray. "We take turns on who has to hold his leash. It was Erza's turn to babysit him."

"Hey!" Natsu whined.

"A leash," Erza mused. "That's a good idea."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Wait, wait, I'll be good!"

"Now I know you're lying," Gray said. "'Good' is a strong word from you. The best we can realistically expect from you is 'maybe, possibly, sorta-kinda, almost "well"-behaved if you catch me on a good day and all the planets just happen to be aligned'."

Natsu scowled. Happy and Lucy cracked up. Even Erza and Lyon fought back smiles.

"That's not fair," Natsu muttered.

"It's true, though," Happy said.

"Traitor."

"Well," Lyon interrupted, "you can't just show up late to the fight and then go around stealing everyone's opponents. It's bad etiquette."

Natsu was unimpressed. "Etiquette? Who gives a–"

"Sorry, our guild is pretty far from here, you know," Erza said. "But we're here now."

"And as much as I'd love to stay and chat, we need to go," Gray added, his head swiveling back toward the pull of Invel's magic.

"Go where?" asked Lyon.

"I can sense Invel over there, and we'll keep an eye out for Eileen as well. If no one has recaptured them yet, we'll take care of it."

"That sounds dangerous." A hint of worry crept into Lyon's voice. "That Eileen was one crazy bitch. Be careful."

"Of course. You too." Gray glanced over at Lyon's hovering teammates and nodded to them as well.

Toby and Yuka remained unfriendly, but Sherry smiled back. "Chelia told us to say hi if we saw you."

Gray smiled faintly at the thought of the little pink-haired girl. "I say hi too. Well, we're off. Have fun beating people up, and don't do anything stupid."

"Wish I could say the same to you," Lyon muttered, "but you're always doing stupid shit."

Gray just laughed and waved as he started off again. Erza grabbed Natsu and dragged him along, lecturing him about running off when she'd specifically told him to stay with the team. Gray was more interested in the growing potency of Invel's magical signature and let Happy and the girls keep Natsu in check.

Which might have been a mistake, as it turned out. He spotted a flash of white among the ruins of what had once been the Council's courtroom and wondered if they were just about to stumble across their quarry. And then he heard the girls shouting behind him and turned to see a streak of pink darting away.

"Natsu!" Lucy wailed. "Seriously?"

"Get back here right now!" Erza shouted, taking off after the errant dragon slayer.

Gray shook his head and rolled his eyes. The girls and Happy went chasing after Natsu to pull him off of whoever he'd decided to accost, and Gray turned back to the rocky remains of the building.

He drifted around to the other side of the ruins to get a better look at what they'd be walking into. As he rounded a half-standing wall on the corner, he found himself standing at the edge of a wide open space stretching from the maze of crumbling walls to the next building a good distance away.

And there, next to that building, was Eileen. Gray bit out a curse under his breath—he'd been so intently focused on Invel's magical signature that he'd somehow managed to miss what was right under his nose—but she was too busy decimating the Council to notice him.

He winced as a blast of magic slammed into what looked to be a good half of the Council huddling in front of the ruins. He was worried that she would actually kill them, but they managed to deflect the brunt of the spell. He supposed that the Council was technically supposed to be made up of powerful mages, although he'd seen precious little proof of that over the years.

Two was there as well, a few feet from the other Council members as she clutched at the minor wound on her side. Eileen tilted her chin up contemptuously and made to attack again, and Two's face was set in grim lines as she prepared to defend herself.

"Change of plans," Gray said to no one in particular before darting forward.

He leapt across the intervening space and grabbed Two around the waist, tugging her aside in a hail of ice as Eileen's magic blasted through his hasty shield. Two yelped in surprise, but he kept his arm snugly about her and his unwavering gaze on Eileen.

"Good afternoon, madam," he said. "You seem to have gotten yourself into quite a predicament, haven't you?"

"You–you– What are you even doing here?" she spluttered.

"You sent out the call for help to all the guilds, remember? Surely you must have known I'd show my face eventually."

" _You_ ," Eileen snarled, her disdainful features twisting into a snarl. "I am going to _rip your heart out_."

"Ooh, someone's still a little bitter, hm?" Gray smiled, but his eyes were hard. "You know, I think I liked you better when you were cowering." Raising his voice to a mocking falsetto, he added, "'What _are_ you?'"

Eileen let out a growl that would have made a demon proud. "Don't think you'll find it as easy as last time. I _know_ what you are now. One of Zeref's demons. Who would have thought it? And yet you betrayed him and fought against us. I even heard through the grapevine that you killed him."

"Whoa, hold up, darling. I'm Zeref's monster, but I was never on his side. How could I betray you if I was never one of yours to begin with? Anyway, I was created for the express purpose of killing Zeref. Don't penalize me for doing my job."

"I honestly don't care. But you humiliated me—a mere creature of the darkness somehow overpowering _me_ , the most powerful of enchantresses! I'm going to remedy that and tear you into pieces, you–"

She broke off as a couple of the Council members watching from the sidelines seized their nonexistent opportunity to throw some magic at her.

"Bloody idiots," Gray groaned.

Sure enough, Eileen batted away their magic like it was nothing and turned on them with a look equal parts contempt and rage. "Weakling mages and their weakling magic."

"Sorry, madam, but I'm afraid we'll have to move," Gray said shortly.

He tugged Two along as he hurried to the half-dozen other Council members. Shoving her behind him, his hands slammed together to create a shield of ice and shadow that shuddered under the impact of the enchantress's magic.

"You guys all need to leave," he told the Council without preamble, his sharp gaze fixed on his shield as he searched for weak spots.

"What?" One sputtered indignantly. Of course that fool was here as well. "You can't just order us–"

"You do know that we're all powerful mages," Two interrupted. "We aren't exactly defenseless."

"I'll take your word for it," Gray grunted. "But I'll remind you that this woman brought half of Fiore's guilds to their knees all by herself."

"So you think you can take her out by yourself?" asked One scornfully.

"Well, if my team would just _show up_ already…" Gray gritted his teeth, but relaxed marginally as the spell attacking his shield eased.

"Oh, even more of you to play with?" Eileen asked. "Wonderful."

He stilled, wondering what she meant. Then he brightened considerably. Speak of the devil. His friends must have finally decided to make themselves useful.

He dropped his shield and looked around. His team was nowhere in sight. Following Eileen's gaze, he noticed the small group of Knights led by none other than the Executioner rounding the corner. Judging by the cruel twist of a smile she was wearing, Eileen had unsavory plans for the new arrivals.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Gray groaned. The Council might be able to hold its own against a mage like Eileen for a while, but the Knights didn't stand a chance. "Use your super powerful mage-ness to defend yourself if she turns on you," he growled.

He ran for the idiotic Knights, his hands already moving. Even with that, Eileen's magic still grazed his side as he darted in front of the Executioner's party and threw up another shield. It was a glancing blow but seared his skin like fire, and he spit out a string of regrettably foul curses.

He turned on the wide-eyed Knights with a glower and pointed over at the Council. "Get over there _now_. I want you all in the same place."

"Why should we–?" the Executioner started belligerently.

" _Now_."

They got over there _now_ , jogging in their hurry, and Gray provided cover from Eileen's attacks. Of course, she was just toying with them at the moment. When she got serious—as she undoubtedly would, since she hated Gray's guts and basically wanted to eviscerate him—it would be a different story.

"I feel like a damn shepherd, herding you all around," he muttered sourly, surveying the motley gathering. He gave Eileen a pleasant smile. "Time out? Excuse us for one moment as we convene to discuss strategy."

Eileen's scorn morphed into the most flabbergasted expression Gray had seen in all his life, but the surrealness of the request would only buy them a few seconds' time.

He turned back to the Council and Knights. "You all go. Now. The Knights don't stand a chance, and however powerful you Council mages are, you're going to be a liability here. I might have inadvertently turned you into targets by defending you, and I can't afford to be keeping half my attention on you. Get out of here and make yourselves useful somewhere else."

A startled cry caught in his throat as something slammed into his back and sent him stumbling forward a half-step.

"Get your head in the game, ice princess."

Gray turned to see that it was Erza who had bumped him while whipping out a monstrous shield to block Eileen's magic, although it was Natsu who was making a loud nuisance of himself. The rest of the team was arrayed around Erza, eyes glued to Eileen.

"Pay attention," Erza said shortly.

"About time you guys finally showed up. Where were you five minutes ago?"

"Hey," Natsu protested, "how was I supposed to know you were gonna take on one of the strongest Spriggans by yourself like an idiot?"

"Something came up. And I _wouldn't_ have been doing it by myself if you hadn't run off like a damned fool."

"Oh yeah? Well, you–"

"Is this really the time?" Lucy asked with a sigh, flinching back from one of Eileen's spells.

"–are just stupid and–"

" _Boys_ ," Erza growled. "Stop fighting like children and _pay attention to the enemy_."

"Aye sir," Gray and Natsu mumbled in unison.

Leaving the others to cover him for a moment longer, Gray directed a shooing motion at the Council and Knights. "Hurry up and go."

One opened his mouth to protest, but Gray bared pointed teeth at him and he subsided.

"You defeated her before, right?" Two asked. "So you can do it again?"

"Sure," Gray said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. "Anyway, we've all fought her before and you haven't, so we have an advantage."

Yes, he had taken Eileen out last time, but that was only after she'd expended a massive amount of magical power downing Fiore's guilds. At full strength she was ridiculously strong, and this time he didn't have several guilds to wear her down before he took her on. She would be a formidable foe, although he'd like to believe that they could take her down if they worked together as a team.

"Alright." Two flashed him another uncertain look. "Be careful. And good luck."

"You too."

He waited until she and the others had disappeared back into the mess of crumbling walls before sliding out from behind Erza to join the rest of the team.

"Finally ready to join in?" Erza asked dryly, giving him a sidelong look.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks."

"No problem."

Then Gray's mouth dropped open as Eileen paused and glanced over at the newcomer sauntering over. "Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

Everyone eyed Invel warily as he pushed his glasses up further on the bridge of his nose.

"We meet again," he said in that monotone of his, giving Gray a cool look. "I have been greatly anticipating the coming encounter."

"I think I liked you better when you were cowering too," Gray muttered.

Okay, so he had wanted to take care of Eileen and Invel, but not _at the same time_. This was bad.

"This is bad," Erza said.

"It's like you read my mind." Gray nudged Natsu and said, "Hey, flame brain, wanna prove you can withstand his ice? Why don't you and Lucy and Happy go take care of him? Erza and I will handle Eileen."

Natsu grinned and was off like a shot, obviously still smarting from the earlier commentary on his last encounter with Invel. "Ha! I'd like to see him try to freeze me this time!"

"I am uninterested in engaging you in combat," Invel said dismissively. "I am only interested in the demon."

"And I am very flattered, but I'm afraid I am occupied at the moment," Gray said through gritted teeth. "I'll be more than happy to fight you after you take out Natsu."

"Hey!" Natsu shouted, flames licking about his body in response to his rage. Well, at least he was all fired up now.

Gray glanced over at Lucy and Happy, who looked far more hesitant than Natsu. "He could use some backup. But be careful, you guys. You remember what I said about that spell he put on me and Juvia? He advertises himself as an ice mage, but he has some nasty tricks up his sleeve. If it looks like he's about to cast anything that's not strictly ice-based, shut him down immediately, okay? You can do it."

Lucy bit her lip. "Okay. Good luck."

"You too."

Gray watched them go with a faint frown, hoping he wasn't messing this up. He honestly thought Eileen was a bigger threat than Invel, which was why he wanted to fight her first without interference. With his fire Natsu had the best advantage against Invel of the remaining mages, and he worked with Lucy and Happy closely.

Anyway, Gray wasn't sure he wanted Lucy near Eileen after that whole mouse thing. He wasn't sure he wanted Erza near her either, especially when Eileen had shown such a vicious interest in her before, but she was tough and could handle herself. Gray was most comfortable fighting side by side with Natsu since the two rivals knew all of each other's ins and outs from their years of sparring, but he'd take Erza as a close second. And against Eileen, he'd need her strength and level-headedness.

He met her gaze and she nodded sharply, her eyes cold and hard with determination.

"It must be my lucky day," said Eileen. "I have so been looking forward to killing the two of you. I'll kill everyone else after, but I'll take my time with you."

"I'm flattered," Gray muttered. "What's your problem with Erza, anyway?"

Eileen's eyes were cold as she gave the other redhead a disdainful once-over. "I should have killed her a long time ago."

"A long time ago?" Erza arched an eyebrow. "This is the second time I've ever met you."

"If you say so. No matter. I tire of conversing with children. I'm going to have fun with you"

Gray didn't honestly care what Eileen's problem was. She would pay for threatening his friends again, and he didn't have time to be distracted by trivial things.

He and Erza spun out of the way of Eileen's attack, and the fight was on. Fighting alongside Natsu was quick and brutal, with blistering attack magics that complemented each other but stayed independent. Fighting alongside Erza was more like dancing, each attack and defense choreographed in a rhythm that was designed to create a unified front.

All three mages were accustomed to throwing themselves into solo fights and attacking ferociously with their own strength as backup. Natsu and Gray kept that wild independence when fighting alongside each other, but Erza and Gray tempered each other and instinctively fell into an intricate dance of shared responsibilities.

Erza seemed inclined to engage in close combat, and Gray was content to settle for more long-ranged attack and defense so that he didn't get in her way…at least until he got impatient and wanted in on the action. She had to quickly retreat and shift position frequently to avoid the brunt of Eileen's attacks, and Gray did his best to deflect the enchantress's spells enough to give Erza the time and space to maneuver around them.

Neither of them particularly wanted to get hit by Eileen's spells. Aside from being powerful, they were also unpredictable. Her magic seemed to follow no set form, and anything that seemed to be more than the potent energy blasts she otherwise relied on was avoided with alacrity. Gray could still fight if he got nicked by an energy bolt. He could not fight if he was turned into a mouse. Or whatever the hell Eileen's lawless, capricious, _unnatural_ magic might have in mind.

He darted a quick glance at the fight raging off to the left, and was satisfied to see that Natsu was holding his own, Happy was zipping around to provide support, and Lucy was not only in some star dress or other but had also summoned Loke. Had she been able to do both at once before? She was getting stronger.

But he couldn't afford to worry about any fight but his own. It was as he was flicking his attention back to Erza and Eileen that he spotted the forms of Gajeel and Levy sprinting out of the surrounding rubble.

Erza had just retreated to avoid an attack and was about to dart forward again, but Gray grabbed her arm to prevent her from getting in the way of the iron column that came hurtling through the air and smashed into Eileen's arm. Gray cheered silently—it wasn't easy to land hits on the enchantress and she rarely showed any sign of taking more than the slightest damage even when they did get her—but Eileen was furious as she rounded on the intruders.

" _More_ weakling mages?" she growled.

"Hey, who you calling a weakling?" Gajeel asked. He rolled his eyes in Gray and Erza's direction. "Looks like you could use some help."

Gray was of a split opinion. On the one hand, they could honestly use all the help they could get. On the other, adding more people into the mix would change up the dynamics and they might just all get in each other's way.

"I'm not interested in you," Eileen said coldly.

She grabbed two swords discarded on the ground from Erza's earlier attacks and shoved them into the dirt point first. That fickle magic of hers seeped into them, culminating in a bright flash of light that cleared to reveal those two tagalong girls from before, the one clothed all in black and the other in white. Gray didn't remember their names or much of anything about them at all, and he didn't much care. Compared to everyone else, they were small fry.

Gajeel cursed and started throwing metal around again.

"We'll take care of these two!" Levy called.

Gray was fine with that. Levy and Gajeel had been working together more closely after finally declaring themselves in an official relationship—much to the despair of Jet and Droy—and they fought well as a team, with Gajeel providing the brute power and Levy being a frighteningly good support mage.

"Hey, did she just enchant my swords?" Erza demanded, her face painted with outrage. "Those were _mine_!"

"Priorities, Erza," Gray grunted. Eileen disappeared under a writhing mass of shadows to compensate for Erza's distractedness, although she began tearing her way through them quickly. Gray added in some ice lances for good measure. "You can get them back later."

"But they won't be the same," Erza lamented. "They've been tainted."

"…Stop being ridiculous and get your head back in the game."

Erza muttered something uncomplimentary but spun back into action. She practically flew through armors, throwing Eileen off balance with the rapidly shifting array of magic attributes. The chaotic mix of ice and shadow slid around the edges of Erza's magic and added to the confusion.

Erza seemed especially ticked off now, undoubtedly by the desecration of her precious swords. She managed an ugly cut to Eileen's arm, but leapt back as the livid enchantress's magic flared out. Gray threw up a hasty wall of ice to deflect it, but he had misjudged and his ice was brittle from its hurried creation.

"Get out of the way," he snapped.

He and Erza dove to opposite sides as the ice cracked and the monstrous magic went streaking right in between them.

Gray pulled himself back to his feet but paused, his head snapping around. He'd felt a sudden flare of demonic aura, and Natsu was the only other one it could be emanating from. The dragon slayer had always had a faint demonic aura before his Book was opened, but it had vanished after his binding was snapped.

Now a hint had returned, and Gray realized with a start that Natsu was using his curses. It was the first time he'd sensed his friend using them since his time Awake, and the lack of practice showed in how clumsily Natsu was wielding them. But Invel would have a hard time against a demon's hellfire, and Gray was satisfied that this would be enough to ensure that Natsu and the others stood a fair chance.

Honestly, he should probably offer to help Natsu master his curses and see how much access to them he still retained. It would only be a small portion of the power that had once been locked in the Book of E.N.D., but it would still be a strong weapon and could come in handy later. Gray could only assume Natsu avoided using them because of lingering insecurities, but they could work through those.

"Look out!"

Something rocketed into his side and sent him flying back behind a stray bit of rubble. He sucked in a gasping breath and frowned over at Gajeel, who was also hunkered down behind the debris and clutching at his arm.

"Are you alright?" Gray asked.

Gajeel scowled. "What the hell were you thinking, zoning out in the middle of a battle?"

"I felt… Never mind. Did she get you? Why would you…?" Gray trailed off and shook his head as he eyed the scorched gouge along the outside of the dragon slayer's arm.

"Why wouldn't I? Better a flesh wound than getting hit full-on."

"But–"

"We've had problems in the past, but we're still guildmates, yeah?" Gajeel gave him a hard look. "The guild looks out for its own."

Gray flushed, something about Gajeel's assertion bringing to mind the incident after the nearly successful soul transplant.

"Is this about what I said that one time? Because I was pretty out of it and–"

"Doesn't matter," Gajeel grunted. "As long as you remember that family sticks together."

Gray swallowed and nodded. He and Gajeel—he and half the guild—had had a rather turbulent and uncertain past after the demon revelation. Things had gotten better since then, but it would be hard to deny that the strained relations had left scars. But whatever lingering doubts he might have had, he still believed in family.

"Yeah. Of course." He took Gajeel's injured arm and pushed aside his hand. Running his fingers lightly over the blackened skin, he left a fine coating of frost to crystallize into a makeshift icepack. "We should get back to the girls."

Gajeel ran a searching gaze over him before nodding and standing. "Let's go."

He headed back for Levy, magic already swirling around him. Gray absently noted that they'd already taken out one of Eileen's minions—the white one—but quickly focused back in on Erza and Eileen.

"You alright?" Erza asked without looking over as he slipped up beside her. Her swords flashed in the sunlight, and one was trailing red in its wake.

"Yeah, sorry." Gray resolved not to lose his focus again. Getting distracted would only put both him and Erza in danger.

"I'm going to go at her from the left," Erza said shortly, slicing neatly through the weave of an enchantment with a quick twist of her blade. "You did some damage there and she's favoring it. If you–"

"I can cover you partway."

She nodded sharply and launched herself forward. Gray sent decoy ice lances to one side and dug his curses into Eileen's shadow to wrap it tightly about the enchantress until she fought her way out. But by then Erza was closing in, and the fight was on again.

Mindful of Erza's movements, Gray attacked with ice and used his curses to absorb, nullify, or otherwise deflect enchantments. Erza garnered an injury to the leg and Gray a nasty gash across his abdomen and painful magic burn to his shoulder, but they weren't the only ones taking damage. Eileen was still formidably powerful, but the ferocity of two of Fairy Tail's most indomitable mages was starting to wear her down.

Gray caught the fall of her other familiar out of the corner of his eye, the glimmer of unwoven glamour as the girl vanished and Erza's sword tumbled to the ground. This was directly followed by a cry of pain from Levy, although he didn't catch the parting shot that did the damage. He half turned, sweeping his gaze over his guildmate to make sure she was alright. Her face was white and pinched and she was on the ground clutching at her leg, but Gray made the snap evaluation that it was fairly minor damage.

"We've got Eileen," he called to Gajeel. "Get Levy out of the way and make sure she's alright."

Gajeel nodded—the permission was unnecessary, Gray knew, since he was going to do exactly that with or without approval, but it would at least ease his conscience about bowing out of the battle—and scooped the small girl into his arms. He hurried to a low bit of half-wall behind the other Fairy Tail mages, and Gray's attention instantly snapped away.

Erza hissed out a curse and leapt back, parrying Eileen's blows. Gray could already tell that the enchantress was gearing up for another of her more powerful spells, the magic in the air around her unsettled as she began drawing it in, and Erza beat a hasty retreat while he swept a curtain of shadow through the intervening space to buy a little time.

"We need to get out of the way," Erza said.

Her eyes were fixed on Eileen as she waited for the enchantress to finish weaving her spell so that they could track its progress and get out of its way. They didn't really want to find out what she was intending to do with it. Better to just dodge it once it was on its way and save magic and potential injuries for another time.

But…

The beginnings of an idea stirred in Gray's mind. Erza was limping slightly from the injury to her leg, which would decrease her mobility. Avoiding too-powerful attacks could be a good strategy, but always bore a risk. If the spell didn't go where you expected it to or changed course suddenly, you were less prepared to defend yourself than if you'd set up a defense to start with.

And anyway, he was tired of playing defensively. It wasn't in his nature to hold back and run away, and he was reaching the point where he'd take his chances against their opponent being worn down enough to be defeatable.

"Erza, do you remember the river?" he asked, his eyes never straying from Eileen and the growing spell in her hands.

"Huh? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Do you remember how I said that I loved you first?"

"I–I– Yes, of course, but is this really the time?"

He could feel the confusion and frustration radiating from her, an impatience and bemusement born from irrelevant commentary on a battlefield when the next few seconds were reserved for action and not words.

He turned his head and stared into her eyes steadily. "Do you trust me?"

She blinked back, an array of emotions flickering across her face before she nodded sharply. "Always."

He smiled then, the grim determination fading for an instant. "Think on that and keep the feeling. We've only got one shot. Follow my lead, alright?"

Despite the confusion in her eyes, she nodded again. Gray looped one arm around her waist and she placed her hand on his shoulder almost automatically, as if they were dancing. Their gazes stayed locked together as they each extended their other arm out toward Eileen.

Erza's hand clenched into a fist, but with the fingers slightly parted as if she was holding a sword and pointing it in Eileen's direction. His own hand stayed flat and slid underneath before curling slightly. Together, they made something reminiscent of a molding gesture, although it was no gesture he had ever used.

Eileen's spell was rocketing toward them. Gray could feel the shockwave of it approaching. He inclined his head in the barest hint of a nod to Erza, and they both turned to face the oncoming enchantment.

They were already so close, their magics in sync from how closely they'd been working together and their movements following the rhythm they'd subconsciously fallen into. And more than that, close because they were family and had taught each other how to love starting on a riverbank so many years ago.

So it was easier than Gray expected to wind his magic about Erza's and tease them out into something new. He could feel the shiver of steel and strength in the air sliding alongside the ice and shadow. He didn't bother trying to work his curses into the mix—it had taken him long enough to develop a grudging respect and trust for them, and it was unfair to expect them to meld with Erza and her magic in the same way that his ice would—but he and Erza were familiar enough with each other's magics that it felt surprisingly natural to weave them together.

Eileen's spell flared with a white light so bright it was blinding, but Gray could still feel Erza pressed against him, feel her magic curled in their outstretched hands along with his own.

And then it exploded.

Gray blinked rapidly to clear the spots dancing across his vision and eventually saw an imposing shield arrayed before them, easily bearing the brunt of the attack. It was a strange thing, its composition some unlikely blend of ice and iron. It was in no shape that Gray had ever molded before, although it reminded him vaguely of a shield Erza used in one of her strong defensive armors. He supposed that requip magic was a magic of change and transformation, although he wasn't sure how it alchemized strength into steel.

He blinked at their creation, wondering how metal and ice could bind together so seamlessly, but then realized that the pressure beating down on it had ceased abruptly. He let go of the weave of the magic, and there was a brief delay before Erza also released it on her end. The improbable shield dissolved into the ether, and the two mages stared out at the carnage they had wrought.

The entire area had jagged spikes of ice exploding up from the ground and was littered with swords of that odd ice-metal hybrid, many of them with their blades sunk into the ground at a jaunty angle—and a few of them sticking into Eileen, who had been blasted backward and was sprawled on the ground with blades impaling her in several places. Gray thought it fitting that Erza was currently wearing her Heaven's Wheel armor, because the whole area definitely looked like she'd just shot a thousand swords into it.

"Whoa," she breathed from beside him, retracting her hands and stepping away as she gawked at the scene. "I can't summon nearly this many swords at a time, usually."

"Well, look at that," said Gray brightly. "It worked."

Erza gave him a wide-eyed look. "Did we…? Did we just do a unison raid?"

"Don't tell Juvia," he said with a lopsided grin. "She might try to drown you."

Erza just gawked some more, before being rudely interrupted by a loud shout.

"Hey!" Natsu yelled. "Stop interfering with our fight! Keep your swords to yourself!"

Gray looked over at where Natsu and the others had been engaging Invel and realized that the unison raid had, in fact, affected the _entire_ area. There were swords everywhere, and Invel looked far less composed than usual as he writhed about on the ground with a particularly large one sticking in his shoulder. Natsu, Lucy, Happy, and Loke were untouched. Perhaps by chance, but Gray liked to think that his and Erza's magic had sensed the other familiar magics they knew as friends and had slid off like rainwater.

"Guess it's karma for messing with Lyon's fight," he said unsympathetically.

Natsu growled something uncomplimentary, but was waylaid as Lucy gave them a boggle-eyed look of shocked disbelief and asked, "Did you guys just do a _unison raid_?"

"Looks like it."

Loke let out a low whistle as he eyed Gray and Erza. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

"When has it ever been a good idea to get on Erza's bad side?" Gray asked with a laugh.

"Fair enough."

Erza opened her mouth, but both she and Gray whipped around as they felt the sudden shift in the air. Eileen was picking herself up off the ground and ripping the swords out of her body violently, her eyes blazing with rage and her magic stirring like a growing whirlwind.

Gray was on guard, his body tensing. Eileen wasn't playing cat-and-mouse games with them anymore, and she was gathering in her magic for what would be a lethal assault. There was something about the snarl twisted in her features and the feverish light in her eyes that gave him the impression, once again, that she wasn't quite human. As if something old and monstrous was looking out of her eyes, and the human body was as much a disguise for what lurked within as Gray's was.

But she could be a fucking dragon for all he cared. All that mattered was making sure that she couldn't hurt his family. He would fight anyone and anything for that.

" _You dare?_ " she roared, the disdain and tight control gone as pure, unadulterated fury colored her voice. "You mere _children_ "—here Gray wanted to interject, because by no one's standards was he a _child_ —"and your filthy little magics dare scratch _me_? I am the most powerful of enchantresses! I could rearrange your entire _continent_ with a tablespoon of magic! And yet you think you can stand against me?

"No more games. I was going to draw your deaths out and enjoy them to the fullest, but now, _now_ , I'm just going to kill you here. I'll kill _all_ of you. I'll show you fools who is master here. You are _nothing_."

Gray thought this slightly hypocritical, given that he had previously beaten her into the ground without any trouble—with, he realized ruefully, much the same extravagant and disdainful claims she was now making—but he had bigger problems than questions of irony at the moment. The air around Eileen was crackling with power and her maelstrom of magic was disrupting the weave and flow of everyone else's magics hanging over the area, and it was enough to tell that she was putting everything into one final, devastating, no-holds-barred attack.

It would be catastrophic. He wasn't sure their magic could stand against it, and it would go far beyond just killing him and Erza and the others here. It would decimate everything behind and around them too, killing anyone nearby.

"Oh, shit," Erza breathed from beside him.

Her voice snapped him out of his horrified speculation, and he turned on the other group arrayed off to the side. "Natsu! All of you! Get over here right now!"

"But Invel–" Natsu started.

"Forget Invel. Leave him and get over here _now_!"

Gray grabbed Erza's arm and dragged her over a few paces to where Gajeel and Levy were rising from behind their cover to face the threat. Natsu and the others darted over, leaving Invel and running past the blaze of power gathering around Eileen.

"We need a defense," Gray said grimly. "Extremely strong, and it also needs to absorb the excess that's going to wreck everything behind and around us if we don't stop it."

"I don't really do defense," Natsu whined. "Can I just pound her?"

"How are you going to get anywhere near her with her magic all flared up like that? Idiot. Everyone needs their strongest defensive magic."

It was true, though, Gray noted with a sinking feeling. Natsu was an extremely strong attacker, but never did much by way of defense—he'd take the hit or fight his way out, not waste time hiding behind a shield. Come to think of it, all of them were stronger at attack than defense, aside from maybe Lucy and Levy. Their best defenders were probably Gray and Erza. Erza had some powerful defensive armors squirreled away, and Gray felt like he spent half his life making shields.

Would it be enough? Damned if he knew.

He couldn't spare the time or concentration to pay attention to what the others were doing—he'd just trust that they were doing their best. He'd need something big, on the level of the rampart he'd made against Racer when fighting Oración Seis but stronger. He briefly considered trying another unison raid with Erza since that had been a damnably strong shield as well as attack, but dismissed the idea. Trying another unison raid so soon after the last was risky, and Eileen's magic would certainly interfere with trying to sync their magics given the ripples it was sending out.

A huge rampart sprang up from the ground, veined with smoky tendrils of shadows that undulated within the ice. Both curses and magic would be needed here. It was the best he could do, aside from opening his Book to gain access to the rest of his curses. Which would be an awesome solution, if it wouldn't result in him going crazy and killing everyone anyway.

"Better get your best defensive armor," he muttered to Erza.

"Already on it."

Her massive shield buttressed the ice beside him. Frost crept over the steel and crystallized, while he felt echoes of steely strength burrowing into his icy wall. Their magics were still close, still supporting each other subtly, and not even the curses or Eileen's meddlesome magic shockwave could interfere with that little spark of connection.

Gray might have smiled at that, if he wasn't so worried. He was turning to see what the others had done to contribute, to judge if it might just be enough to stave off what was coming, but the tidal wave of vicious magic slammed into the other side of his barrier and he instantly forgot about that.

He could feel his magic buckling and disintegrating under the strain, and panic welled in his chest. If his wall was the main line of defense and it fell… The others' defenses were piggybacking off of his own and wouldn't be able to hold off Eileen's magic if the central skeleton holding them together failed.

But there was nothing he could do. Nothing except–

He reached down desperately, searching for that little pocket of magic he'd tucked away so tightly. For a heart-stopping moment he felt nothing, but then he found it and ripped it out of himself, pouring it into the failing shield. It rippled across the icy surface like a crashing wave and held firm.

At the same time, it plunged into his heart like an icy dagger and shot through his body, freezing and ripping and tearing at his veins. Somewhere deep inside, his shadow keened wordlessly in his head.

His breath hitched and his knees threatened to buckle, but he closed his eyes and rode it out. The pressure on the other side of the shield ceased abruptly, leaving a becalmed moment of tranquility. Eileen wouldn't be pleased to see that her magic had failed to penetrate their defense.

They had, impossibly, done it.

His hand flew to his mouth as he bent over and began to cough, the harsh movements shaking his entire body. Warm liquid spattered his hand, but inside his temperature continued to drop and freeze.

It was wasting no time this time around, and with his curses already in play and his immortality gone, it could make short work of him.

He tried to shove it back into the corner it had been coiled into before, but now that it had escaped, it had no intention of going back. It slipped through his grasp and set about ripping apart his body and shadow and curses with a single-minded determination that, ironically, he could almost respect as a reflection of his own driving need to fulfill a purpose.

"Gray!" Lucy was saying. "Gray, are you alright?"

"What did you do?" Happy demanded. "You did something at the end to make the shield hold."

Gray drew in a pained, wheezing breath and straightened. He stared down impassively at his cupped hand and the crimson blood pooled in its palm. Quite a lot. It was already starting out worse than before. His hand trembled slightly, tremors that he knew would quickly worsen, making the blood shiver.

"Oh God," Erza breathed. "You didn't."

"The devil slayer magic?" Natsu. Frightened, but covered up by anger. "You idiot! What were you thinking?"

Gray watched the blood tremble in his hand and drip through his fingers, feeling strangely detached from the whole thing.

"What's this?" Gajeel. Uneasy. Hadn't seen this firsthand last time, although he must have gathered some details from things said later. "Is it…?"

"Put it back!" Levy. "I mean, it wasn't causing problems before, right? So just…lock it up again, or whatever you did."

"…I don't think I can," Gray said, his voice sounding distant and far away in his own ears.

"What?" Natsu. So loud. "Of course you can! Hurry up before you kill yourself, you idiot!"

The stillness settled into Gray's bones. Kill himself. The resigned resolve hardened. This was final. There was no going back. He had opened up a veritable Pandora's box, and it was too late to shut the lid. He had really done it this time—this was it.

It wasn't frightening in the way that it probably should be. That cold detachment blocked out emotion and even numbed the edge of the sharp pains inside him, even if it couldn't drown them out entirely or block the sharp wails of distress bouncing about his skull.

He lifted his hand and pressed it against the ice, slowly dragging it across the surface. The ice was streaked red in its wake, and blood began dripping down like crimson tears. At his touch, the magic shuddered and cracked, wavering before it dissipated and vanished.

He stared across the way at Eileen, whose face was an almost comical portrait of disbelief and fury.

"You _survived_?" she demanded. "How–?"

She broke off, an unsettled look flickering over her face. He must, he thought, look a sight. And if he could sense the unnaturalness about her, she could likely sense it on him a hundredfold.

"I suppose," he said, his voice soft yet cool with dispassion, "that I ought to take advantage while I can."

A final stand, of sorts. While he had the power at his fingertips, before it self-destructed and took him along with it, he might as well use it. That sense of finality and inevitability lent him a blank separation from the events, even from the howling storm inside him.

Of sorts. There was a towering rage, black and fierce, locked beneath the surface. A demon, through and through. There was a cold impassiveness, steely and merciless, hardening at the edges. A devil slayer, through and through.

And the soft stillness, the moment of calm before the storm, that enveloped him now. His molding magic was almost lost amongst the overpowering tempest of curse and devil slayer magic as they fought, but he could feel it in the small, becalmed space between. That small pocket of peace that felt like Ur and the other Gray with that hint of Lyon running through, the one that he had claimed and made his own. They were, all three of them, _him_. But the last was, perhaps, more so. Through and through.

He was a walking contradiction, then, as much as Mavis had ever been. These sides of himself could not coexist indefinitely, not when two of them would always be at war, but he would make use of them while he could.

Opposites could tear each other apart, but if Gray could hold on and keep them balanced for even a short time, they would be a force to be reckoned with. In the end, they would destroy each other and take him along with them. Until then, he would walk the razor's edge and be both the monster and the hero.

"What…? What happened to…?" Eileen trailed off, and her face was white.

This was as before, then. For all her bluster, she was afraid—back to that cowering woman who knew she was outclassed. Powerful as she might be, she had just expended an enormous amount of magical energy. Powerful as she might be, Gray was, for this fleeting moment where time stood still, something else entirely.

He could feel those black markings spreading across his body, the poison seeping through his skin. He wondered absently if his eyes glowed that otherworldly purple again, the one that Natsu had found so disturbing. Or perhaps they glinted a dull crimson from his demonic side. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. A sharp point caught on the inside of his cheek, so he knew his curses were seeping out as well. His shadow, despite its distress, was darkening and solidifying behind him. He guessed it was in its favored form of the demon who had been called Deliora, although he didn't look.

He didn't need to know exactly what he looked like to know that it was otherworldly and inhuman and wrong. He could read it in Eileen's horrified eyes.

"Did Invel not warn you?" Gray asked softly, with the chill of a coming winter. "I am at my most dangerous when I am both the devil and its slayer."

He never looked away from Eileen's face, reading her thoughts and intentions with detachment. In one hand, he wound tightly the shadows and in the other, an ice made to kill them. They would not want to work in tandem, but they would as long as this fragile, ephemeral peace lasted inside him. And his inherited ice, the only one of his magics he could truly say he loved, had worked with both of them before and would bind them together, transform them and create something new. The only one of the three that he trusted to create rather than destroy.

He could read it in Eileen's eyes, that flicker of change before she lashed out. His detached tranquility hardened into something cold and unsympathetic.

He moved like lightning, with that unnatural speed others found so unsettling. What Lucy had once described, in a fit of poetic pique, as a 'savagery of motion'. He had no time to waste. Not when he might not have much time left.

Someone screamed behind him, and he wondered if the others had been screaming or talking or pleading this whole time and he just hadn't noticed. He ignored it. The shadows and ice twined together and ripped through Eileen's enchantment viciously, two ruthless powers uniting into something even more deadly.

He caught only a glimpse of Eileen's face as he descended on her, but he could read the fear and impotency there, the realization that she would, once again, fall to him. She lurched backward and called up a desperate, last-ditch spell, but a violent, formless wave of obsidian and crystal ice slammed down over her, cutting off her startled cry.

Gray's eyes were cold, harsh, but not unnecessarily cruel. He did what needed to be done, not out of spite or revenge but out of implacable necessity. He was merciful enough to ensure that Eileen was unconscious before layering shadow-touched ice over her like a coffin. It wouldn't kill her, just ensure that she would be contained if she regained consciousness before anyone thought to restrain her.

It would dissolve when he died, anyway.

He stared down at her form, partly obscured by the opaque ice and cloudy shadow. He felt nothing. And then, pain.

His body lurched and twitched as he hacked up blood. Liquid dribbled from his nose, his ears. It dripped down to stain his face and clothes, to spatter on the ground and roll down the icy coffin with a vibrant red to contrast the black of the shadow and blue-tinted crystal.

He felt stiff, his body freezing from the inside out, but continued to shake and shiver with the pain and cold. Not frozen enough to stop the blood from pouring out, evidently, but it felt like ice crystals were forming in his veins nonetheless. It hurt to be dismantled from the inside out, to feel his organs and veins and bones sliced and jabbed and needled. He remembered this feeling, but that didn't make it any easier to bear.

Now that Eileen was taken care of, he could step off the tightrope, let the struggling powers go and resign himself to the inevitable. It would be faster that way, and it wasn't as if he could hold on much longer. Except…

He turned to the side and spotted Invel looking on in horror.

"I should take care of you as well, I suppose."

Invel backed away, but Gray advanced deliberately, batting aside his defense. Invel's ice was strong, but not as strong as a devil slayer ice infused with a demon's curses. Again, the bravado was gone. This was the man Gray had frightened half to death before. Gray was in control this time, though. He was not wild and savage and vicious, but cold and hard and dispassionate.

Invel tripped but continued to scramble backward on all fours, terror written on his face. Perhaps he still had nightmares from their last confrontation. Perhaps he had hoped to prove something to himself and overcome that today. If so, he had failed.

"I would have thought you'd have learned your lesson," Gray said emotionlessly, lifting his hands and binding together the ice and shadows once more. "There is already too much darkness in the world for you to continue seeking it out."

He pounced without mercy. Invel was frozen like Eileen before he had the chance to try anything else.

Gray closed his eyes and focused on his breathing: in and out, in and out. It hurt. That cold detachment was quivering now, brittle under the maelstrom battering it. He could almost feel it shattering. But for one moment more, he held on to that fraying thread, that fragile balance, that calm before the storm.

"We heard screaming. Are you alri…?"

Gray opened his eyes to see Laxus and the Raijinshuu running toward them, slowing to a stop. They were watching him. His knees felt weak, bending in like he would fall. The seconds ticked by slowly as his grip on the warring powers slipped through his fingertips like sand.

"What happened?" Evergreen asked, eyes wide. "Are you…?"

He smiled then, gave them a small, cheery wave. "Hey, guys. How's it going?"

The thread snapped, the balance shattered.

He crashed to his knees before Invel's impermanent sepulchre, and the buffering detachment was swept away like leaves in the wind. Everything crashed into him at once, the pain burning like frostbitten fire in his veins. He spasmed and convulsed, the world spinning in and out of focus as he heaved up blood and shook violently. Someone was screaming…several people, maybe…as well as the shadow into his mind, wailing as it lost the fight to the thing ripping into it like a ravenous beast.

He blinked and found himself sitting slumped over with his back to a crumbling half-wall, a ring of frightened faces peering at him from all sides. He blinked some more, trying to clear the spots dancing across his vision. He must have blacked out. Everything sounded like it was underwater, mouths moving but words muffled and impossible to make out. Especially over the shrill cries.

"Would you stop screaming?" he rasped, blood burbling up in his throat and spilling through his lips. "I can't…even hear myself think."

His shadow was not inclined to follow his request, but he managed to shove the unearthly sound to the side with some difficulty to focus on the real sounds.

"No one's screaming, Gray," Lucy was saying worriedly. Her face was streaked with tears.

He hummed absently in acknowledgement and watched as his shadow wound itself about his hand to punctuate the desperate, angry, betrayed babbling in his head. "I did tell you that we'd be the death of each other," he murmured. "I warned you that I'd take you down with me. But it's actually nothing personal this time. Just the way things worked out."

This hardly satisfied the beastie, but Gray was disinclined to play nice with it at the best of times and even less so while he was dying.

"Gray? Gray, are you okay?" Erza demanded.

He smiled humorlessly, swiping at his mouth and wincing at the feeling of blood smearing across his skin. "Sure. I mean, aside from dying."

Tears filled her eyes, and he regretted his flippant words. Happy climbed into his lap, and Gray attempted to push at him feebly. Unfortunately, his limbs were too heavy and shaky to respond appropriately.

"You're going to get blood all over you," he mumbled.

It _was_ everywhere. On the ground, on his clothes, on his skin. This shirt was definitely ruined. He almost laughed at that. Here he was, dying in agony, and he was worried about a ruined shirt.

"I don't care." Happy curled closer, and Gray wondered if the feline was really trembling or if it just felt like it because he himself was. "How can we–how can we fix this?"

"You can't," Gray said gently, forcing stiff fingers to uncurl and stroke through silky fur. There was red streaked through the blue now, and he didn't like it.

"Happy, go get Wendy," Erza directed.

The little cat twitched and made to obey, but Gray tightened his grip.

"It won't do any good."

"But she can heal you," Levy protested.

"Yes, but–" Gray broke off with a wet, rattling cough, the back of one wrist flying to his mouth so he didn't hack up blood all over Happy's head. He twitched and spasmed, the sudden jolt of pain making his limbs tighten and curl instinctively in on himself and Happy.

"Gray!" Lucy cradled his face in her hands. The red was pretty against her pale skin, in a macabre way.

"Oh God," Erza moaned. "I don't want to watch this again."

Everyone was rattled, his team horrified because they had seen this before and the others horrified because it was a horrible thing to watch for the first time. Unexpected, violent, ugly. There were cruel fates in this world, and not every death was a pretty one.

"Look," he managed once the coughing fit had subsided, "the magic recognizes me and my curses as demonic, and it's going to rip us apart from the inside out. Wendy could heal the internal damage, but…as long as the devil slayer magic is still active, it's just going to keep tearing me apart as quickly as she heals me. Don't give her an impossible task and make her blame herself for it."

"But you used to use this stuff before, didn't you?" Gajeel asked. His voice was gruff, but a strange, worried light shone in his eyes. "And you didn't react this badly."

"Before you knew what I was? It still attacked me, but not as badly. Once I unlocked the curses, that's when it got really bad. It goes after those something terrible, makes it more vicious."

"Just, I don't know, lock it up again or whatever," Natsu said. "You did it before. Even when you were doing this with Zeref, it still stopped after."

"I could control it better before because it didn't have the curses to latch on to, and the only reason I survived after I unlocked those again was because of the immortality. After Zeref…I couldn't control it then, Natsu. When you rebound me to my Book, it's like it reset everything. The devil slayer magic was dormant when I woke up, but I wasn't the one who did that. I've avoided it up to now because I was afraid of this…not being able to get rid of it after."

Natsu's lips trembled and his voice shook with desperate anger. "What the hell were you thinking, using that? You're such a stupid fool!"

Gray stared back steadily. "You know why."

Natsu opened his mouth, closed it. His eyes clouded over and he looked away.

"There has to be something," Freed said with something close to desperation.

There wasn't. Gray knew his friends hated giving up, that they'd fight until the end, but there was nothing left to fight here.

"Lyon," he rasped. "Ask Lyon to come here."

"Lyon?" Natsu brightened with feverish hope. "Yeah, he's an ice mage, so maybe he could… I don't know. You think he can help?"

Gray stared at him. "…No."

There was a beat where no one breathed, and then the hope drained from Natsu's face. A painful understanding replaced it.

"You're not allowed to give up," he snapped, but the anger was thin.

Gray looked away. He didn't think of himself as someone who often gave up, but he saw no solution here. And, quite honestly, he would prefer to let go and have the magic tear him apart quickly instead of dragging it out. He had yet to find anything as agonizing as this.

"Lucy… You remember where we passed Lyon coming in? Do you think…you could go look around there and see if you can find him?"

"I–I– Yes." Lucy stood from where she was crouching beside him. She hesitated, reluctant to leave, but then turned away.

"Lucy," he said, hating how weak his voice was. He had always hated feeling weak. But Lucy heard and turned back. "You've gotten really…strong, you know. Maybe more than you realize. And I'm…really proud of you."

She stared, her mouth slightly open, and then burst into tears. Dropping back to the ground, she threw her arms around him, heedless of Happy, and cried into his chest.

"You were–you were the one who made me–made me believe that, you know?" she sobbed. "Don't you dare die on me." He didn't know how to answer that and so said nothing, knowing that he had no answer she would want to hear. "I'll–I'll find Lyon for you."

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair. "Can you…hurry?"

"Yeah." She pulled away and stood.

Her eyes were rimmed in red. Her shirt was stained red as well. By the end, it seemed that everyone would be wearing red. She hesitated, her face twisted into an agonized, broken expression that hurt even more than the magic clawing at his insides, but then turned on her heel and ran.

The 'I love you' was so faint that Gray might have imagined it. He stared after her, his heart shuddering in a way that had nothing to do with the devil slayer magic. This might be the last time he ever saw her.

"Happy, go get Wendy," Erza said.

Gray's sigh was shaky. "Erza–"

"It can't hurt. We need… We need to not just give up right now."

"Aye sir," Happy whispered miserably.

Gray hugged the Exceed tightly to his chest and dropped his head beside Happy's. "Take care of Natsu," he mumbled, whisper-soft. "You know he'd be lost without you."

"Couldn't find his way out of a paper bag," Happy agreed, his voice wavering.

"Exactly." Gray almost smiled, might have if another tremor hadn't racked his body. How long ago had he said those words to reassure Happy? Another lifetime, maybe. "For such a little ball of fluff, you sure have a big heart. I always…admired that about you."

Happy started bawling in earnest, babbling incoherently before slipping out of Gray's grasp and fleeing. Gray watched him zoom off, wishing he'd been able to make out those last words. They were probably the last ones he'd hear from him.

These thoughts of finality were so much harsher than they'd been earlier.

He was vaguely aware that Levy was asking Freed if there were any runes he could use to help. There was some kind of debate about it. Gray thought it pointless. Everyone seemed to be saying something or other, panicking, talking to him or to each other. Everything seemed to start sliding out of focus again, a combination of blood loss and… Oh.

He realized what was about to happen half a second before he started convulsing and coughing again. _God_ , it hurt. There was a sea of panicked voices around him, but it was the strangled moan that was loudest in his ears. Damn, that was probably him.

When he'd begun to recover from the fit, his breaths harsh and gasping and painful, it was Erza who was crouched directly before him, her hands cradling his face and running through his hair. Her face, though, was the most heartbreaking thing.

"I can't believe this is happening again," she mumbled to herself. "Gray? You okay now?"

"Y-yeah…"

"God, you're _freezing_."

"Yeah… It's an ice-attribute magic…" Gray shivered, his breath misting in the air, and the ice continued to eat away at his insides. "It's been…so long since I've been so…cold…"

Natsu slid over by his side and pressed close, small flames flickering around him but not burning. "Does that help?"

Gray felt nothing past this bone-deep chill. He probably wouldn't feel the heat of a bonfire raging around him. But it seemed a small, merciful lie to let Natsu think he was helping.

"Yeah… Thanks."

Erza ripped a ragged strip of cloth from her shirt and began wiping at Gray's face: his chin, his nose, even his ears. It seemed a futile gesture to him, knowing that the blood was still flowing even as she brushed it away, but he said nothing. Another small, merciful lie, one that Erza was telling herself.

"Hang on, Gray. Just hang on until Wendy gets here."

She was breaking down. Always so strong, so disciplined, so immovable, and she was breaking because of him.

"Erza, don't cry."

She almost laughed, but it turned into a sob. "What did you expect?"

"Erza… You've come a long way from that girl on the riverbank."

"So have you," she mumbled, sniffling.

He smiled at that. "I was never a girl."

Her tears overflowed again. "Don't joke. Not now."

He sighed, the weak smile fading. She was right, though. He had come a long way too. They stared at each other and he knew she could feel it too, what he would have said. She had probably felt it in that moment of harmony earlier, could still feel it now. That moment where two lost children had met by the river and left changed, had changed each other forever.

"I'm honored that I got…to see you grow up. You grew, and I was proud of you every step of the way. And you…already know that you were the first."

Erza dropped the bloodied rag and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Gray glanced around at the others and smiled faintly. "I got to see all of you grow up, I guess." His gaze lingered on Laxus and his team. "You…reminded me too much of myself, in the beginning. But I'm…glad you remembered what it meant to be family again. It's…embarrassing how proud I was when you…accepted your guild again. Maybe because…that reminds me of myself too…"

His laugh was weak and shot pains through his unraveling ribs as his gaze slid to Gajeel. "And you…were right. We had our rough patches…I had my doubts…I couldn't feel at home in the guild for a long time…but in the end, family is family. Maybe it was unfair of me to feel so ill at ease for so long…but lately, it's started feeling like home again."

Life itself could be rather unfair, he reflected. Before, even not that long ago, it would have seemed like no great tragedy to die here. At first he had wanted it, then he had become apathetic, staying alive but fascinated with death. And now, now that things were finally getting better and he'd reconciled with Lyon and he was rebuilding himself and felt at home in the guild again, _now_ he was going to die.

For someone usually so stoic, Gajeel sure was wearing a funny expression.

Gray flicked his gaze between him and Levy and let a fleeting grin pass over his face. "Also…you two are just so fucking cute. It was about time you stopped playing games and hooked up."

Gajeel's spluttering didn't entirely disguise his grief-stricken expression, and Levy burst into tears. Not the desired reactions.

Gray sucked in a harsh breath at a particularly vicious jab and gritted his teeth against the danger of a muffled whine escaping his lips. He tilted his head to the side to clear the blood oozing from his ear. Things were starting to go blurry again. It was getting harder to hang on.

"Loke… Look out for Lucy. And Cana. Make sure she doesn't…drink herself to death when she hears… I'm glad you…found your place eventually. You deserved it…and I'm glad you didn't…leave us entirely."

He dropped his head against Natsu's shoulder, staring sightlessly ahead through half-lidded eyes even though everything seemed washed out and blurry. "Natsu, you are the most…infuriating…obnoxious…stupid…best friend ever."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, ice block." Natsu's voice sounded funny, and not only because sounds were starting to blur together again. "But stop saying your goodbyes. Wendy and Lyon are going to be here soon and–"

"Don't forget that you…are human. I was…so jealous because you were…everything I wanted to be."

"What are you talking about, idiot? You're also–"

"But I'm happy…for you. And I was always glad to know…that at least one of us…became something more than a monster."

"What? You aren't–"

"It kind of…meant that there was…hope for me too."

"…Oh, you fool," Natsu mumbled. Gray felt the pressure of an embrace, although none of the warmth made it through the arctic freeze consuming his body. The only thing he really saw through the narrow gap between his eyelids now was a fuzzy swathe of red. Like Erza's hair. Or blood. Probably blood. "You aren't a monster. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know."

"I had my doubts at first…I wasn't sure that we made the right choice…but…in the end…it was the best second chance I could have asked for. Thanks for…giving it to me even when…I said I didn't want it."

"I–"

"It meant a lot, to have the chance to…make things right…at least _more_ right…with the people I hurt…to start making peace with the world…and with myself. I wasn't afraid to die before…against Zeref. My only regret was that I…had to give up myself first…would die as someone I spent so long running away from. But I think…I think it's okay now. I think…I think I've finally become…someone I wouldn't mind dying as."

He let his breath out in a sigh, deciding it was true. There was some small peace in that, some kind of closure. It made him feel like he could let go. Not quite yet, though. He was still waiting for…

It was hard to remember. Everything was so hazy. There was noise, but muffled like it was underwater, indistinguishable. His eyes slipped a little further shut, but he kept them cracked open even when the shaking fits and stabbing pains came, even though all he saw was that blur of red.

There was one last thing…one last thing he needed to wait for. It would be so easy to slip away and let go of the pain—it _hurt_ , he wanted it to stop—but he had to hang on for one…more…thing…

Time was frozen here, a never-ending blur, a painful decrescendo. It was hard to hold on when everything was tearing him away. But he would fight for…fight for…

White streaked across his vision, blocking out the red for a moment. A pressure released him, another enfolded him. He could almost feel…something. A magic, maybe, cool and comforting.

He relaxed, a breathy sigh escaping his lips. His eyes closed. He let go.

* * *

 **Note: POOR BABY, DON'T DIE! D:**

 **Ahem.**

 **The devil slayer magic had to make a reappearance at some point. Seemed like a loose end to just never bring it up again. The Spriggans...were not so much my first choice here, but I needed a big enough threat to justify Gray using something that he knew was likely to kill him. I still hate them and think they're horrible characters, especially Eileen. She barely even exists in my headcanon. You may or may not recall that her function in canon is as the ultimate deus ex machina and therefore her magic is not only super OPed but entirely nonsensical. So...it was extra impossible to write a fight scene with her. Because she can do anything and her magic has no rules, and I don't have the patience for that kind of BS. And also, I still reject this idea that she's Erza's mom from billions of years ago and a dragon. I CALL BS, MASHIMA. Anyway. I hope to never acknowledge her existence again.**

 **Also, a random rant because this pissed me off the other day. I'mma post it here 'cause not as many people read this story lol If you spam my stories with baseless speculations on the possible gayness of characters, I'm going to block you. I'm not so desperate to boost my review count that I'll overlook your bitching. If you think that disabling PMs means that you can get away with anything and there's nothing I can do about it, you're WRONG. If you're too immature to censor your own comments and make them in socially acceptable ways, I can help censor them for you. I don't care if you're worried that your nice friendship fic will turn gay halfway through—I don't ship them either and can find it annoying when everything goes to shipping. You can even say that you hope it's not going to end up as romance or that you think it would be more interesting without it, but if the only thing interesting enough to comment on here is speculations of possible future gayness, it's probably not worth reading anyway. And if it goes that route and it's a problem, you just CLICK OUT. Good grief. That's what I do if I'm not interested. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're just too young and immature to tell how rudely your comments are coming off, but I'm not lifting the block unless I think you've matured enough to act like a reasonable adult. The end.**

 **...I feel better now lol People can be annoying sometimes. I like to think I'm pretty chill about these things, but... Ugh. I've been way less tolerant of dumbass bullshit lately. Maybe it's just because I've been feeling sick and gross for the past few days, but it's probably because I'm becoming extra crotchety and jaded in my old age :'(**

 **emmahoshi: Good grief, you might as well start writing novels at this point XD I like the sort of secretive and emotionally mysterious characters X) Obviously. Yeah, I'm pretty reserved with a weird clash between not really caring what people think and being hyper-aware of what other people might be thinking of me. Ugh. For some reason that always tends to kick up more with things like eating and stuff. It's weird lol The Games were after the 7 years on Tenrou, and the Spriggans were just the way-OPed villains in Alvarez that Zeref brought over with him because apparently he couldn't just kill everyone himself despite being immortal and the most powerful dark mage in existence. *facepalm* But yeah, I'm not too clear on a lot of Alvarez stuff because I only skimmed it. Wasn't really worth reading. Lol true enough, you can get a lot from context clues (in the same way, your brain doesn't even bother reading every letter and word in a sentence but we still get the gist of it) even if you aren't familiar with every word or piece of canon. Bending over to hold hands with small children can get very painful X) And yeah, moms are pretty amazing. I have no idea how they manage it all lol I'd rather play with someone else's kid for an hour and then send them home. Fight scenes get so boring lol No... Actually, it was explained that most of a demon's curses are tied to their Book, so Natsu lost most of his access to them after Gray severed that bond. But also note that Gray could use his curses during "DoR" even though he wasn't bound to his Book. He still had access to part of them. In the same way that he won't have full access to his curses even now unless his Book is opened and he's Awakened. (Anyway, Natsu used his curses a little bit back in the "Host" chapters with the soul transplant thing, remember? :P) Most things don't really bother me that much in terms of trolls and flamers and the like. This chick just really got on my nerves for whatever reason lol I just bitch about it for a paragraph and then I pretty much get over it. [EDIT: I don't like to touch most foods with my hands because I'm a neat freak, and sometimes my sister threatens to disown me if I use a fork or napkin for something you should be eating with your hands lol I used to feel weird about eating as I walked on campus too, but at home I tend to walk around while I eat quite frequently. One good thing about being self-conscious about eating is that I tend to eat less and healthier when other people are around XD Natsu's curses won't play a huge role or anything, but it felt like a loose end to just never bring them up again.]**


	40. The Devil and Its Savior (2)

**.**

 **The Devil and Its Savior (2)**

* * *

Lyon smiled in satisfaction as their latest opponent dropped to the ground. Small fry, to be certain, but satisfying nonetheless. It looked like things were beginning to wrap up here, with most of the escaped criminals defeated and the Knights hurrying to round them up. There were probably still some teams chasing after the escapees that had taken advantage of the chaos to make a run for it, but he didn't feel like going hunting.

"You think we'll be able to find someone else that no one's fighting?" Yuka asked.

Lyon shrugged. "I don't know, but–"

"Lyon!"

He turned with a frown. "Lucy?"

Lucy was racing toward them, her blonde hair streaming behind her, but something was…wrong. Her face was streaked with tears and there was blood staining her shirt. A lot of blood. Lyon felt a stab of panic. If she was losing that much blood, the wound was bad.

"What happened?" Sherry demanded, coming to the same conclusion. "You're hurt!"

"Huh?" Lucy stumbled to a halt in front of them, heaving gasping breaths almost like sobs, and stared at them blankly before looking down at herself. "Oh. This isn't my blood." Lyon sighed in relief. "It's Gray's."

Lyon's relief immediately turned back to horror. "Is he okay?"

Gray would be fine, of course. He was tough and too stubborn to die. But that was a lot of blood, and Lucy looked like she was about to start crying.

"No," she whispered, and now the tears did spill over. "He's dying."

"Excuse me?" Lyon tried to process that. It didn't seem real. A sick joke, a misunderstanding.

"What are you talking about?" Yuka asked gruffly. "The demon can't die. He's immortal."

"…What?" Lucy blinked at him uncomprehendingly. "He lost the immortality way back when he killed Zeref and Natsu rebound him to his Book."

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Yuka rounded on Lyon in a towering rage. "You knew? This whole time?"

"…Yes."

"And you didn't bother mentioning it to us?"

"No, and I'm sorry, but it was better that no one knew." Lyon switched his attention back to Lucy, unable to deal with Yuka's sense of betrayal until his concerns about Gray were laid to rest. "Sorry, but we can talk later. Lucy, what happened?"

Lucy buried her face in her hands, and her voice cracked as she said, "The devil slayer magic. He used it to protect us from Eileen, and it…"

Lyon's breath caught in his throat. He very well remembered all the shaking and blood and pain that had come with the devil slayer magic last time, against Zeref, and although he had taken some vindictive satisfaction in it then, it instilled a sense of horror in him now.

"Like last time?"

"Worse, I think. He–he–"

"Good riddance," Yuka muttered.

Lyon whipped around and snarled, "Shut up!"

That was a burned bridge, seeing Yuka's disbelief and betrayal and anger, but it was one Lyon would have to mend later.

"He was asking for you," Lucy said through her tears. "He asked me to find you. Will you…?"

"Of course."

"He said to–to hurry."

"Let's go."

Lucy nodded, turned around, ran. Lyon followed in a frantic tangle of limbs, wishing she could run faster. It was probably an overreaction, probably not as bad as she was making it out to be, but Lyon's heart pounded like a drum anyway. _No, no, no._

They sprinted through groups of mages, flew past Knights corralling criminals. It was a desperate race against time, everything and everyone ignored on the way.

And then Lyon drew up short, his eyes widening in horror. There was Gray, slumped against a crumbling wall and flopped over on Natsu, with a tear-stained audience looking on. There was blood everywhere: seeping into the ground and lingering in spreading puddles, smeared across the hands and clothing of half the people here, drenching Gray's clothes and staining his face. Was it really possible for a person to cough up _that_ much blood?

Lyon leaped forward, pushing his way through the spectators and shoving Natsu aside unceremoniously to take his place. He wrapped an arm around his unresponsive brother and touched his face with the other hand, heedless of the blood.

"Gray? Gray?"

Gray's eyes were just barely cracked open a sliver, but a whisper of breath tickled Lyon's arm and they slid shut. Gray remained boneless, limp, broken.

"He–he stopped responding," Levy whispered. "A few minutes ago. I don't think he can…"

Gray's skin was _freezing_ , almost cold enough to burn. Despite being unconscious, his body shivered slightly with tremors, and blood continued to leak slowly from between his lips and from his nose and ears.

"No, no, no…"

Lyon wiped Gray's face with his sleeve and noticed his own hands were shaking violently. As some of that horrible red was blotted away, he abruptly noticed the black markings staining the skin. They wouldn't come off, even when he rubbed at them.

"What–what's wrong with his skin?"

"It's from the devil slayer magic," Natsu mumbled. He sounded shaken, but Lyon couldn't tear his eyes away from Gray's lifeless features. "I guess you didn't see… He can usually make them disappear, but this time…"

"They've been spreading," Erza said in a broken voice. "If they aren't killing him, they're at least a sign of what that horrible magic is doing to him."

It was like a blood-drenched nightmare, and Lyon could practically see Gray fading away in front of his eyes.

"Wendy!" he said suddenly. "Get–"

"I'm here. What happened?"

His head jerked up and he saw Wendy and Charle rushing through the onlookers, Happy trailing behind. The others—the ones who had been here to see Gray break—began spilling out the story in heartbroken babbling. It made Lyon sick to hear it, to see and smell the blood. For a second, acid burned in the back of his throat and he thought he might throw up.

But he hoped. When Wendy dropped to her knees and began sounding Gray out with her magic, he hoped. And when she looked back up with such a look of utter despair clouding her features, the hope died.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "Gray-san is right. I could heal him, but I can't make the magic stop tearing him apart. As long as it's still attacking him, I can't–can't–"

"No, no, no…"

This couldn't be happening. Not now. They had only just found each other again, only just started rebuilding. And they'd come so _far_. It couldn't be that they'd reconciled just to be torn apart right away. They'd had so little time. It wasn't _fair_. If only Lyon had been able to let go of his bitterness sooner. He couldn't lose Gray again so soon. There was so much left undone, unsaid.

"Wake up," he wailed, curling over Gray and rocking them back and forth as his own tears broke lose. "Wake up, Gray."

Something touched his arm and he looked up to see Sherry on her knees, watching him with big, sad eyes

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Lyon hadn't even realized she'd followed him. His gaze slid past her, and he saw the others lurking on the fringes of the group uncertainly. Even Yuka, who–

Lyon's heart lifted in sudden, wild hope. "Yuka, could you do it?"

"Huh?" Yuka's wounded anger was replaced with confusion. "Do what?"

"Your wave magic," he rasped. "Magic nullification. Could you nullify the devil slayer magic and lock it again?"

There was a buzzing around him in the observers, but he stared at Yuka with all the desperation of a drowning man. Yuka stiffened. Even if he _could_ do it… _would_ he?

"I don't know," he said finally. "I should be able to nullify the magic, but I have no way to bind it again to stop it from reemerging after."

"Would you–would you try?"

"…Do you understand what you're asking me to do?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry." Lyon let out a shuddering breath and held Gray's frozen body closer, begging Yuka with his eyes as he whispered, "Please."

Yuka hesitated, an agony of indecision twisting his features, looking like all he wanted to do was turn and run away. "Fine," he said after a long moment, his voice hard. "But I'm not doing this for him. I'd rather see him dead. I'm doing it for you, but you'd better believe I'm still really fucking angry."

He stomped over, shouldering his way through the spectators, and Lyon wanted to cry in relief.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Don't thank me yet," Yuka growled, dropping to the ground. "Lay him on his back."

He shoved Lyon aside roughly and hovered his hands just above Gray's chest, as if too afraid or disgusted to actually touch him. Lyon retreated about half a centimeter, unwilling to back up any farther, and watched Yuka work. He'd seen his friend's magic in action many times before, so the blue field of anti-magic enveloping Gray was nothing surprising. He could even detect the pulses Yuka sent rippling through it to push back the offending magic, his wave magic's namesake.

The black markings painted on Gray's skin receded along with them, until they disappeared entirely. Maybe…

Everyone held their breath, and the world seemed to stand still.

Then Yuka leaned back suddenly, surprise flickering across his face as his magic vanished.

"What happened?" Lyon demanded.

"It…worked."

"It did?"

"I didn't seal it," Yuka mumbled. "I pushed back both of his magics, but it didn't affect his curses. Magic can't function inside the barrier, but the curses could. Since they were warring with the devil slayer magic…I guess they won. It's not destroyed, I can still sense it, but it's been caged again." A wavering, breathy, humorless laugh. "Damn it to hell. What have I done?"

Lyon stared at Yuka. He stared at Gray. He couldn't quite believe it.

And then the relief crashed over him like a wave, and he lunged forward to crush Yuka in a bone-breaking hug. Yuka stiffened, neither of them being the hugging type.

"Thank you," Lyon mumbled through his tears.

Yuka submitted to the gesture for a second longer before tearing himself away. "You owe me."

Lyon nodded fervently. "Anything."

Yuka searched his face, shook his head, turned away. Pulling himself to his feet, he stormed off. Probably to beat himself up over saving the demon he hated so much. And Lyon realized how lucky he was, that his friends had stood by him through everything and would even go this far for him despite the tension between them and the disagreements.

"What's going on here?" came a new voice. The Council's leader. Damn Council. Lyon was sick of them.

"We came to make sure you were alright and had subdued Eileen," said the Councilwoman, the one whose daughter had died. Her gaze swept across the bloodbath and came to rest on Gray's battered, unmoving body. "Is he alright?"

"Does he _look_ alright?" Lyon snarled.

"I, uh… No, he doesn't. What…?"

Wendy brushed past Lyon, not even sparing him a glance as her small hands began hurriedly tearing off Gray's blood-soaked shirt to search him for any other injuries. Lyon was startled to see that although there were a few nasty-looking gashes, they were all still iced over and couldn't be the source of most of the blood. Had it really all come from the devil slayer magic?

"Eileen did all that?" the Council's leader asked, not sounding very sympathetic. "Well, look at that."

Lyon kind of wanted to punch his teeth out.

"He did it to himself," Erza said, disconsolate. "He knew what would happen if he used the devil slayer magic again."

"He fucked up Eileen and Invel real good," Natsu mumbled. "It was actually kind of badass. You know, aside from all the shaking and coughing up blood."

"…Is this really the time for that, Natsu?"

"Sorry." Natsu wasn't being flippant, Lyon could tell. He was still in shock, maybe. Numb with disbelief and grief. "God only knows how he managed to kill Zeref when he was like this last time."

Lyon didn't care about their inane chatter. His gaze was firmly locked on Gray and Wendy.

"Is there damage to his lungs?" he asked. "I mean, if he was coughing up all that blood–"

"Of course there's damage to his lungs!" Wendy said, more ferocious than he'd ever heard her. "And to his heart and his liver and his spinal cord and his muscles and his joints and his veins and his _bones_ and–" She broke off and took a deep breath, deflating. "Sorry, Lyon-san," she said quietly, her fear and sadness seeping through as she tried to regain her composure. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's okay," he mumbled. He couldn't imagine the pressure she was under, being the only healer who might be able to sew together the extensive damage and save Gray. "Can you…?"

"I'm doing what I can. I won't be able to heal everything—there's too much damage and my magic will run out long before that point—but I'm taking care of the worst problems."

Lyon shoved aside his gnawing desperation for the briefest of seconds. "You're doing a good job," he said gently.

"Why are you all freaking out?" asked the leader of the Council sourly. "He can't even die."

Lyon looked up and caught the gaze of Yuka, who was still lurking at the outskirts and pacing like a caged beast. His friend paused, stared at him, and turned away with a bitter twist of the lips. He said nothing to disillusion the Council, though, and that was all Lyon could ask.

"Asshole," Natsu growled. "That doesn't mean we want to watch him suffer."

Gray looked so vulnerable laid up like that, eyes closed and blood streaking his pale skin. White skin. He was sheet-white under the red, with all the blood on the outside instead of on the inside. His tremors were dying down and that unnatural arctic bite wasn't radiating from him anymore, but his chest was just barely moving, his breaths shallow.

"So many bruises," Lyon muttered, his voice sounding distant in his ears. There were purplish-black blooms under Gray's skin like storm clouds, stretching across huge swathes of skin—the only thing besides the crimson blood to break up the deathly pallor. "Can they really all be from the fight? Those aren't in places you'd normally get hit."

Wendy shook her head jerkily. "Bruises result from internal bleeding. He's hemorrhaging massive amounts of blood. Everything he coughed up is only half the story. That magic shredded his organs and circulatory system, and the internal bleeding is horrific."

Lyon felt sick again, which was only exacerbated when his eye caught on his own clothing, now drenched with Gray's blood.

A sharp snap crackled in the air, and everyone started in surprise and looked around.

"What was that?" someone asked.

Lyon's eye caught on the smoky ice layered over Eileen and Invel. It was cracking, the ice spiderwebbed with thin fractures and the shadows inside billowing in anticipation. And then it began dissolving, shattering into a crystal vapor that shimmered dully and vanished.

"His magic," Lyon breathed, a nauseous feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. "It's unraveling."

Gray's control over his magic was impeccable. It had been woven tightly enough to survive even as he lay unconscious and dying, but now…

"Laxus-san," Wendy said calmly, perhaps deceptively so, "would you mind coming here?"

"What do you need, kid?" Despite his obvious confusion, Laxus approached and obediently settled on the ground at Wendy's gesture.

The healer's small hands guided Laxus's large ones to rest on Gray's chest. Lyon did not normally think of Gray as _small_ , but with Laxus's massive hands draped over his heart, he looked almost tiny in comparison. Something small and fragile and easily broken.

"Please only use a small amount of electricity," Wendy said. "We want to shock him a little, not electrocute him."

"Whoa, wait, what?"

"Gray-san's heart has stopped," Wendy said evenly. "We want to jump-start it. Please don't fry him."

Lyon thought his own heart might have stopped. After getting rid of the horrid magic and healing so much, Gray couldn't die anyway. Everyone else's panic was just a muffled sea of noise in his ears as he watched a decidedly nervous Laxus comply with Wendy's request. He'd only ever seen Laxus zap things with devastating lightning bolts, and wasn't sure he wanted the guy anywhere near Gray's heart.

Laxus evidently had much the same thought, because he was very cautious and tentative as he carefully sent a small pulse of electricity through Gray's chest, making the unconscious man's body twitch upward. He hesitated uncertainly and looked at Wendy, who nodded encouragingly.

"Keep going, Laxus-san."

Lyon didn't breathe again until Wendy told Laxus he could stop after nearly a dozen tries. The relief on the lightning mage's face was profuse, even when Wendy asked him to stay nearby in case she needed him again.

Lyon finally noticed that the ice covering Gray's wounds had melted along with his other magic, and he replaced it with ice of his own, earning a nod from Wendy. He watched in nervous silence as the little healer worked her magic.

"He knew this would happen," Natsu mumbled from somewhere behind him. "He's such an idiot. I'm going to pound his face in when he wakes up."

Lyon smiled grimly. "You might have to get in line."

"I think," the Councilwoman said mildly, "that he will be in enough pain when he wakes up without having anyone pound his face in."

She was a hard one to read. Lyon didn't know what to make of her. Efficient, though. She quickly began ordering around Knights to contain the de-iced Spriggans, and many of the Knights and Council members dispersed to work on and oversee the cleanup of their incompetent mess.

"I've done what I can," Wendy said finally, sitting back on her heels. "I want to keep a little magic in reserve for emergencies, but the worst of the damage is healed."

"He'll be alright, then?" Lyon asked, thinking that she didn't look nearly as happy or relieved as she should.

"He…he lost a lot of blood, so he's not out of danger yet." Wendy shook her head unhappily. "It's really serious. I'm afraid that…"

"Could you do a blood transfusion?" Erza suggested.

"Yeah, I've just never really had to… Well, I don't want to move him, but we'd need to get him somewhere more sterile. I don't have magic to spare making sure it goes right. And we'd need to make sure it's the right type. Does anyone know what Gray-san's blood type is?"

"Blood type?" Natsu asked.

"If the donor is the wrong blood type, the recipient's body will reject it. It needs to be a match."

"Who would actually know their own blood type?"

"I'm A," Lyon said unhelpfully. "I think."

This did no good without Gray's blood type, and everyone was at a loss.

Finally, that Councilwoman cleared her throat. "I'm O-negative."

"Universal donor." Wendy looked at her with pleading, hopeful eyes. "Would you…?"

She hesitated but then nodded. "Of course."

"Thank you." Then Wendy added, "Charle, would you go get Porlyusica-san? I know it's really far, but…"

The little cat was already gone, zooming off as soon as she heard the request. Lyon didn't know what good it would do when Fairy Tail's guild hall was hours away, but he suspected that Wendy, although competent, would feel more confident with another healer on standby. Especially since her magic was running on empty.

"We have healers here too," said the Councilwoman. "There's one we usually call on if we need one. We can send for her."

"Why would we do that?" asked the Council's leader, who Lyon was very close to strangling. "He's only ever been trouble and he can't even–"

"Because we aren't heartless," she interrupted smoothly. "And he did just defeat two of the most powerful Spriggans for us after our prison failed, which should be enough even for you."

"Tell me where she is," Lucy interrupted, her voice thick with tears. "I'll find her."

"No, I'll send someone. It'll be more efficient."

"I'll go," one of the Knights said reluctantly.

Lyon wondered why he looked so familiar, before remembering that he was the one who had hated Gray so much for killing his family. This made Lyon eye him with suspicion, and he was getting puzzled and hostile looks from much of Fairy Tail as well. The Knight and Councilwoman exchanged a look, before the latter nodded.

"Bring her to the…" She paused and turned to Wendy with a frown. "The closest building is just over there, but there's also an infirmary nearby, although farther. Would you be alright with moving him that far?"

"How far is it?" Wendy asked.

"Not far. On the other side of those trees."

The healer hesitated, weighing the dangers of a longer move with the benefits of a better environment. "Alright. It should be fine."

"The infirmary, then," the Councilwoman told the Knight.

He nodded, turned on his heel, and rushed off.

"Laxus-san," Wendy said, "would you–?"

Lyon carefully slid his arms under Gray and lifted him up. Had it been only a few short weeks ago that they had been teasing each other about being carried like princesses? It didn't seem funny anymore.

Wendy gave him a look but nodded. "Be careful. He's very fragile right now."

As if he needed to be reminded. They all followed the Councilwoman back through the ruins of the courtroom, past another building, through the band of trees, and into the infirmary. As soon as Lyon laid Gray in the bed in one of the rooms, Wendy chased everyone out except for the Councilwoman, saying that she needed to set things up for the transfusion.

Lyon reluctantly retreated to what might as well be called a waiting room, along with everyone else. More of Fairy Tail's members had heard the news and appeared by now, and they talked in hushed voices as they huddled in groups or curled up on the chairs. Some Knights even dragged more chairs in to accommodate everyone.

Lyon fidgeted, glancing back down the hall where Gray was holed up. He would be on edge until he knew the idiot would be okay, and the danger wasn't past yet.

When he turned back, he found himself face to face with his team. Sherry hovered with a sympathetic expression on her face, Toby just looked nervous, and Yuka… Yuka was furious.

"So," Yuka growled, "you really did know this whole time that he–?"

Lyon shushed him hurriedly. "This is a Council building."

Yuka shook his head in disgust. "First you keep secrets for him, and now you expect us to keep them too? Seriously? What the hell, Lyon? It's not about what we would or wouldn't have done with that information. We probably wouldn't have acted on it. But the fact that you _hid_ it from us? That you were protecting someone you hated and didn't _trust_ your own friends? _We_ were the ones who stood by you, you ungrateful jerk."

"I know," Lyon mumbled, wilting. "It's just… It's dangerous for him if it gets out."

"So what? You wanted him dead too, you know." Yuka's words made Lyon flinch and drop his gaze. "And now you want to be _friends_? You have fucking _snowball fights_ and go on jobs? You drag us around to play chaperone and make us worry that you're going to get yourself killed? You take advantage of our loyalty to make us help him?"

Yuka's face twisted in revulsion as he turned away. "It's like I don't even know you anymore." He stormed out of the room, snapping, "Come on, Toby."

Toby darted nervous looks between his warring teammates but then skittered after Yuka. Sherry sighed and tore her gaze from the doorway.

"They'll come around," she said.

"Yeah. You should probably…"

"I'll try to calm him down." She turned, but then twisted around again. "For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing."

And then she was gone, hurrying after the others. Lyon swallowed hard, glad to still have at least one semi-ally. He had really fucked up his team, and he could only hope that he could fix things in the end.

"I'm sorry you're having trouble with your team," Lucy said quietly.

Lyon's head jerked up, and he flushed as he remembered his audience. "Yeah…"

"There was a divide in our guild too, at first," Erza added, and several people were suddenly wearing sheepish looks. "There was some infighting and damaged friendships, but we came back together in the end. Your friends still love you, and you'll work things out."

Lyon sure hoped so. He nodded his thanks and acknowledgement and settled down to wait. He kept a sharp eye out, noting when the Knight and another woman—the healer, he hoped—burst in and rushed down the hall.

Lyon sat until he was too antsy to sit still anymore, and then paced like a caged beast. Uninterested in Fairy Tail's discussions, he wandered down the hall to the infirmary and began pacing up and down. Eventually, the door opened and that other healer slipped out.

"Is he alright?" Lyon demanded.

She instinctively jerked back in surprise but then nodded. "The blood transfusion was successful, at any rate. We'll still be keeping an eye on him until he's more stable, but everything has gone as well as can be expected so far. I'm just going to let everyone know that it went well."

Lyon nodded and waited until she disappeared into the other room before darting into the infirmary. The Councilwoman was sitting in a chair by the wall, drawn and tired but otherwise unharmed. Wendy was bent over Gray's unmoving form on the bed, examining and poking and prodding, or whatever it was that healers did.

"Is he alright?" Lyon asked again, trusting her more than the other healer he didn't know.

"Lyon-san!" She looked up, startled. "You aren't supposed–" She shook her head. "Never mind. It's not great and I think it'll be a while before he wakes up. He'll be pretty weak from the blood loss, and I'll have to monitor him because there's still a lot of damage I'll have to fix slowly as my magic regenerates. But he'll pull through. Gray-san is strong, and he's survived the worst now."

That took a weight off of Lyon's chest. He wouldn't be satisfied until he saw Gray awake and alert, but this was a start.

"May I ask you something?" the Councilwoman asked. "You won't want to answer, but…"

Wendy frowned slightly in anticipation. "Yes?"

"Given how panicked everyone was and some of the conversations I've overheard, is it possible that he might have actually died from this despite the immortality?"

Lyon froze and darted a look at Wendy, who also looked like a deer in the headlights. "Uh…"

The Councilwoman shrugged and watched them with polite detachment that didn't quite hide the layer of curiosity. "I have no vested interest in sharing your answer with anyone else."

Lyon wasn't sure he'd trust that even though she'd seemed remarkably sympathetic to Gray before, but Wendy nodded after a moment more of hesitation. "Gray-san lost the immortality after he killed Zeref, when Natsu-san rebound him to his Book. He was glad to be rid of it, but it also puts him in a precarious position, so…"

"So you don't want to spread it around," the Councilwoman agreed. "Rebound to his Book? I suppose that explains why he was so insistent that we give it back to him."

Lyon and Wendy exchanged another look, knowing that wasn't quite true. That had definitely been E.N.D.'s Book, not Gray's, but that was a whole other can of worms that it was better not to delve into right now.

Thankfully, the other healer chose that moment to bustle back into the room with a mug of some drink that she handed the Councilwoman.

"Drink that and get something to eat. You'll want to replenish your strength after giving so much blood. And you—Lyon, is it?—see if you can find fresh clothes. You and the others are covered in blood."

"Lyon-san, why don't you help her out?" Wendy suggested.

It was clearly a tactic to get rid of him, but Lyon complied and offered his arm graciously to the seated woman.

"Thank you, Mr. Bastia."

"Lyon," he said as she grasped his arm and rose to her feet. "No need for such formality."

She hesitated but then said, "Lyon, then."

"Although I must confess that I have quite forgotten your name," Lyon admitted, strolling out of the room by her side and helping her when she stumbled.

"I apologize," she said. "I'm afraid I'm a little lightheaded. You can call me Elaine, I suppose."

They only made it halfway down the hall before running into that Knight again. He was on the prowl, looking unsettled and agitated.

"Officer," asked Elaine, "are you alright?"

He startled out of his thoughts. "Oh. Yes, of course." His gaze bounced between her and Lyon, and he shook his head. "I can't believe we've been helping the demon," he muttered.

So, another Yuka, then. The Councilwoman eyed him and then turned to Lyon.

"When I first made your acquaintance, you were very bitter toward…"

"Gray."

"Toward Gray, even though you offered some support for him. You seem to be quite fond of him now. May I ask what changed?"

Lyon was puzzled by the question, before realizing that she was, in essence, asking why he cared for Gray and why they should too—why the Knight and others who had been hurt by Gray shouldn't feel bad about helping him. A reason for him being worth helping, a reassurance that they had done the right thing.

"He's got some issues," Lyon said after a long pause. "He's an annoying little brat. He's sarcastic and likes to tease and prank and mock. Arrogant sometimes, for sure. And he's got an annoying habit of acting meaner than he is when he's trying to distance himself from you."

A fleeting smile passed over his face. "But he also loves ice cream and snowball fights, although he'll call them snowball wars because it sounds less childish. He has to have everything neat and organized, and the easiest way to get under his skin is to make a mess. He likes the cold and snow, and gets grumpy if it ever hits above eighty degrees. He molds like lightning and has some of the most precise magic I've ever seen…although he'll snipe at me if I ever try to mold one-handed, because Ur taught us to mold with both.

"He's clever and his wits are sharp, and he can always make you laugh. He has a hundred different smiles, but if you ever get to see that really genuine, happy one—and it's rare—it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. He looks out for everyone else above himself, and he'd do anything to protect the people he cares about. He's the most unfailingly loyal person I've ever met." Lyon's lips quirked downward. "Even if you turn on him or abandon him, he never turns on you. He's got a really big heart.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that…he's human in all the ways that count. He was family before all this came up, and it might have taken me a while to accept that he still was, but… He's still my brother, you know? I love him."

The other two stared at him, the Knight in something like disbelief and the Councilwoman with a thoughtful expression.

"I see," said the latter finally. To the Knight, she added, "In any case, sometimes we just have to let go of our own misgivings and help someone in need, no? You can't go wrong that way, regardless of who that person is. Now, would you mind helping me find something to eat? Thank you for all your help, Lyon."

Lyon watched them go, not sure what to make of either of them, but then retreated to prowl around the waiting room and ignore the Fairy Tail mages some more, taking a break only when some Knights rustled up clean clothes to replace the bloody ones. It was a long time before Porlyusica came bustling in and disappeared into Gray's room, and longer still before the healers let anyone else back in.

Once they did, Lyon found it difficult to leave again. Gray had asked him to come, and he would stay. Sherry occasionally came to badger him to get some rest—he dared not enquire too closely about the rest of his team—but he was too stubborn to be moved.

Wendy and Porlyusica stayed as well for a long time, the former slowly healing Gray piece by piece as her magic recuperated and the latter tending to any non-magical needs. Even once they'd declared him stable and occasionally left the room to get snatches of rest, Lyon stayed.

Gray didn't wake up that first day. He didn't wake up the second, either. It was well into the third day before he stirred.

Lyon was alone, Wendy having finally left to get something to eat, and sat in the chair he had claimed as his own and dragged beside the bed days ago. He watched Gray because there was nothing else to do, nor anything else he'd likely be able to focus on. He thought that Gray maybe looked a little better, a little more like he was sleeping rather than dead, but it was hard to tell. His breathing had evened out and steadied, but he was still distressingly pale and there were fading blotches of blue and purple under his skin.

And he hadn't _woken up_ , which was the biggest problem. Lyon wouldn't be able to relax until he had, and he knew that Fairy Tail felt the same. He'd been doing his best to avoid or ignore most everyone, but it was hard to miss the tension hanging over the other mages when they came in to peer at Gray with sad eyes and converse in hushed voices.

So Lyon was still staring at Gray moodily when his eyelids flickered.

"Gray?" he demanded, unable to believe it. He leaned forward, his wandering attention immediately snapping back to focus.

Gray's eyes slid open partway, dark and bleary. He blinked slowly at Lyon, who got the impression that he was not entirely there, be it from blood loss or pain or general disorientation.

"Lyon?" Gray mumbled, his voice just barely a breath.

"God, it's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Mm, not so good." His eyes fluttered shut. Lyon didn't like it, but he didn't think that he'd be able to rouse Gray fully to consciousness even if he tried. And it was probably better to let him rest. "What happened?"

"We found a way to get rid of the devil slayer magic," Lyon said, hesitantly reaching out to brush a strand of raven-dark hair from Gray's pale forehead. He didn't think now was the time for detailed explanations. Not until Gray's brain was functioning properly again. "Don't worry about it. You're okay now."

"Mm… You came."

"Of course I did." Lyon smiled, the relief overwhelming now that there was a sign that Gray would be okay. "I only wish I'd made it sooner."

"I thought I felt you, at the end."

"You seemed pretty unconscious."

"No…" Gray sighed, his voice becoming even more insubstantial. "I was waiting for you."

"You were…?"

"Didn't really…hang on long enough. Didn't get to say anything."

Lyon frowned and searched his wan features. "What did you want to say?"

"Mm… I don't know…"

Gray opened his eyes halfway again. They were still clouded over and faraway, but glittered darkly in the light. He reached up and curled one hand against Lyon's chest, rolling over and curling up against him. Lyon froze in that awkward, hunched-over position, too afraid to lean back when Gray was snuggled—snuggled!—up to him.

"You know," Gray mumbled, "I'm glad we…got the chance to be friends again. It meant a lot that you gave me that chance, even after… It made me…happy. You were…my one biggest regret, after Gray. I only ever wanted to fix things, even though I couldn't. Even if I didn't deserve it…you were the best brother I could have asked for. And I always…loved you."

"I–I–"

"Thank you. And…thank you for coming. For coming back for me."

"Oh, Gray, you know I–" Lyon broke off and twisted his head to get a better look at Gray's face. "Are you asleep?"

No response. That figured.

"You can't just say stuff like that and then fall asleep," Lyon mumbled past the lump in his throat. "Idiot."

And it was an awkward position leaned over the bed cradling his sleeping friend, but Lyon bowed his head and stayed there. He stayed like that until his muscles cramped up, just hugging Gray close and composing his own tear-stained messages in his head.

"Hey, Lyon, we came to–"

He looked up and craned his neck to blink owlishly at Lucy and Sherry standing in the doorway. "He woke up. Only for a couple minutes and he wasn't totally conscious, but…"

The girls looked between him and the still form huddled in his arms, and then matching grins broke out on their faces.

"That's great!" Lucy said. "We should tell the others."

"I was coming to force you to get some sleep while we took a shift, but it looks like you're a bit occupied," Sherry added.

"You're so cute!" Lucy chirped.

Lyon flushed and dropped his chin onto Gray's head as he looked away. "Whatever."

The girls laughed, and Lyon pointedly refused to look up as their footsteps approached and then paused while they looked down at Gray.

"You know," Lucy said quietly, "he's been a lot happier since you two made up. It's really good to see you both getting along again. It really sucked to see you both torn up over it." She paused before adding, "Anyway, I'm going to let everyone know that he was awake. Have fun snuggling!"

Lyon muttered something unflattering under his breath as she bounced back out of the room.

"You're a lot happier too," Sherry observed. Lyon looked up, and she was watching both him and Gray with soft eyes. "And whatever else… It's good to see you happy again, because you were scaring us for a while. And I think that Toby and Yuka will realize it too. They want the best for you as well, you know. They'll come around when they accept how much better off you are this way. They still love you—just give them time."

"Yeah, I just…"

"I know. You know I'm going to force you to get some sleep soon, but if you want to stay with him a little longer…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Alright. I'll give you half an hour." A smile flickered over Sherry's face. "Enjoy your snuggling while you can."

She also got some unflattering grumblings as she swept out of the room with a laugh. Still…Lyon did enjoy the snuggling.

* * *

Gray didn't truly wake up again for almost another day, and by that point Sherry had started _really_ getting on Lyon's case about taking breaks to rest and eat and all that irrelevant nonsense. So Lyon missed Gray's next awakening, because he'd been dragged out to get lunch.

He was not thrilled about this.

As soon as the word spread—everyone knew he'd want to know as soon as there was any change, and no one had enough of a death wish not to tell him—Lyon made record time back to the infirmary and shoved his way through the cluster of Fairy Tail mages.

"I'm fine," Gray was saying, although his voice sounded strange and thick. He was sitting up, propped up by a fluffy pillow. But although he looked frail and weary, he was _awake_.

"How dare you wake up while I'm not here?" Lyon demanded. "And you're such an _idiot_. I'm going to strangle you!"

Gray let out a wheezy laugh. "Can we save the strangling for later? First, could someone get me a towel or a rag or something? Preferably one that you don't mind ruining."

Everyone looked at him like he'd grown a second head, but Elaine just said, "I'll send for one."

She was standing by the doorway, and nodded to the Knight beside her— _that_ Knight again, so perhaps they'd come together in what they had in common. He hesitated but slipped out of sight.

"You guys wanna tell me what happened?" Gray rasped.

"You _shredded every fucking part of your body,_ is what happened," Natsu growled.

"Yeah, I got that, thanks," Gray said dryly. "After that."

"Lyon came," Erza said, seemingly more restrained than the others despite the feverish gleam in her eyes. "Yuka used his nullification magic to push back the devil slayer magic until your curses could win out and seal it again, and–"

"Yuka?" Gray's eyes glimmered with something like resigned worry as he looked back at Lyon. "You should be more careful what you ask of him. You can ruin friendships like that."

Lyon shrugged. "Friendships can be repaired. Other things can't."

Gray just sighed, although Lyon eyed him in alarm when the sound rattled strangely in his chest. "Well, you can tell him thank you. Or maybe not. He probably doesn't want to hear that."

"And Wendy did her best to heal you," Lucy added, hurriedly changing the subject. "She's been healing a little more every time her magic recuperates."

"It's still a work in progress," Wendy said shyly. "I know you're still in a lot of pain, but I can keep healing the rest of it over time."

Gray gave her a fleeting smile. "Thanks. I guess I owe you again."

The Knight returned with a fluffy white towel and shoved it roughly at Gray, who gave him a cautious, searching look as he accepted it and thanked him.

"But you lost too much blood," Lyon added. "You're lucky Elaine donated some."

"Elaine?" Gray had been lifting the towel, but now paused and frowned at Lyon. "Who the hell is Elaine?"

"I am," said the Councilwoman.

"…Oh." He gave her another one of those searching looks and shook his head slowly. "And after I went to so much effort not to learn any of your names."

Now it was her turn to look puzzled. "Uh…"

"Not quite as pretty as Emilia, I don't think."

"Well, I chose Emilia myself. I didn't get to choose my own. My name-picking skills are far superior to my parents', I'm afraid."

The exchange puzzled Lyon, until he realized that Emilia must have been the woman's daughter. That seemed like a minefield.

Gray shrugged. "Still better than Slightly Less Useless Council Member Number Two, I suppose, though I'll have trouble thinking of you as anything other than Two."

It was the first time Lyon had ever seen the normally very composed woman look so flabbergasted. But the discussion ended there, as Gray chose that moment to lift the towel to his face, clear his throat with a faint gurgling sound, and begin coughing so violently that his body shook.

Unsurprisingly, this sent everyone back into a panic. Gray ignored them as he coughed and hacked and generally made horrible sounds. When he finally stopped and lifted his head, he had to wipe at his bloodied lips with a clean part of the towel. A sizeable pool of blood stagnated in the towel, seeping through the fabric and spreading crimson throughout.

"You're still coughing up blood?" Lucy demanded, white-faced and looking like she might pass out. "Wendy said she'd healed enough that you wouldn't do that anymore!"

"It's probably just the excess that's been pooling in his lungs," Wendy said quickly, trying to reassure everyone. "I tried to flush most of it out, but it was hard to get it all and more might have leaked in while the healing was still ongoing."

"Something like that." Gray's voice was still raspy, but didn't have that horrible liquidy quality to it anymore. "I did say it should be something you didn't mind ruining. Honestly, this is getting old now, though. Between this time and last time, I think I must've coughed up my entire body weight in blood." He ran his tongue over his reddened teeth and made a face. "You'd think I'd have gotten used to the taste by now."

"I'll get you some water," Lucy said. She rushed from the room and returned a minute later with a glass.

The Knight pulled a face but took the bloody towel, presumably to dispose of it elsewhere, and it took a few minutes for everyone to reconvene and calm down again. One could not just cough up blood and expect everyone to be okay with it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lucy asked, gnawing at her lower lip.

"Totally fine," Gray reassured her.

Everyone gave him disbelieving looks.

"You think we don't know you're still messed up?" Cana asked, bracing her hands on her hips.

"I'm sure," Gray grumbled.

"You aren't fooling anyone."

"Am I trying to fool anyone? I don't think I could convince you it doesn't hurt like hell even if I tried. But I can handle it."

"Yeah, but–"

"You are the absolute worst patient _ever_ ," Porlyusica growled as she stormed into the room and shoved her way through Lyon and the others. The scowl on her face was ferocious enough to make even the bravest hearts quail. "How many times am I going to get dragged out of my home to find a way to fix you when you stupidly get yourself hurt? It's ridiculous how hard you try to kill yourself, and in the most creative ways possible. Enough of the most powerful mage's black magic to tear anyone apart, huge doses of fire magic and shredded shadows, foreign souls, and now ripping your entire body apart again. I've had about enough of you."

"Okay, to be fair, the soul thing wasn't actually my fault," Gray protested. He winced as Porlyusica began ripping off the bandages on his chest none too gently. "I was held prisoner _against my will_ and had some guy's soul _forcibly_ inserted in me. The other stuff might be my fault, but you can't pin that one all on me."

"Oh really? Don't think I don't know the details. I was told that you knew it was almost definitely a trap and waltzed right on in anyway."

"Okay, but I didn't expect to get _caught_ by it." He scowled at Porlyusica's unamused glower. "They were throwing salt at me and trying to trap me in pentacles! _Pentacles!_ They were clearly incompetent! How was I supposed to know that they unknowingly managed to somehow get their hands on something with bona fide anti-demon attributes?"

"You were overconfident because they were stupid. And it resulted in an hour straight of screaming while we tried to rip the thing back out of you. So maybe try being _a little more careful_ , you damned fool."

"I wasn't entirely conscious, so it doesn't count," he muttered mutinously.

"Tell that to the people who were stuck listening to you scream for an hour straight."

"Wait, what soul thing?" Lyon asked, looking between Gray and Porlyusica with narrowed eyes.

Gray winced and waved a dismissive hand. "It's not important."

" _Gray_."

He scowled and busied himself with watching as Porlyusica rewrapped his injuries. "You know that guy who was sure he could bring Gray back? He was from that guild. That's what he was talking about. They had a seith mage who thought it was a good idea to try transplanting someone else's soul into me since I don't have one. But it worked out in the end."

"After days of unconsciousness and an hour straight of screaming," Natsu muttered.

"Whatever."

Of course Lyon remembered that psycho, and it sure brought up memories. He was about to demand details, but then remembered Elaine and the Knight lurking on the outskirts of the room and thought maybe it was best to wait for later.

"Are you sure you're okay, though?" Lucy asked. Her eyes were mournful. "Don't try to downplay things."

"I'm fine," Gray grumbled. "I've had worse."

"Yeah," Natsu said sourly, "like four days ago when you were shaking like a leaf and hacking up blood everywhere."

Gray's eyebrows rose fractionally, and he let out a low whistle. "That long?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to _pound your face in_ as soon as we get back to the guild and Erza isn't looking. Idiot."

"I heard that," Erza said with a warning look.

"So we can go back now?" Gray asked hopefully. "Where are we, even?"

"Some infirmary building of the Council's," Wendy answered. "I didn't feel comfortable moving you too far while you were so fragile."

Gray's eye twitched. "I am not _fragile_."

Lyon rolled his eyes. "Stop being so prideful."

"I'm afraid we should stay here another day or two," Wendy added apologetically. "I'm nowhere near done healing you, and you're still weak from the blood loss and all the extensive damage. You need to rest."

"I'm not _weak_ ," Gray said mutinously, despite the fact that he was pale and his face was pinched with a mixture of pain and weariness. "And I've been sleeping forever. I don't want to sleep anymore. I'm fine and we can go back to the guild."

If he really thought he was going to get away with that after breaking everyone's hearts and keeping them panicked for days, he had another thing coming.

"You will do no such thing," Lyon growled, stepping forward and jabbing his finger at Gray's chest. "You will stay in that bed until we decide that you've recovered enough to get out of it."

"Who died and made you healer?" Gray muttered. "I'm fine and I'm tired of being stuck in bed."

"I don't give a shit what you're tired of. If you didn't want to be stuck in bed for days, you shouldn't have– Ow!"

Lyon lurched to the side and rubbed at his head where Porlyusica had landed a sudden slap.

"Are you giving orders to my patient?" she demanded, her eyes flashing with fury. "That's not your place."

Lyon mumbled a sheepish, semi-sincere apology. Gray laughed, his eyes twinkling with mirth, until Porlyusica rounded on him and whacked him as well.

"Ow!" he yelped. "What was that for?"

"You _will_ stay in bed until Wendy and I say otherwise. No strenuous activity until further notice."

"I don't think that getting out of bed really counts as _strenuous–_ Ow!"

"Everyone out," Porlyusica growled, shooing everyone out of the room. "He needs to rest." Gray wisely kept his mouth shut this time and only scowled as he rubbed at his bruised ego. "And you _will_ sleep and stop throwing tantrums like a child."

Ooh, harsh. But well-deserved.

Lyon reluctantly retreated with the others, throwing one last look back at Gray's tired, sulky features before smiling to himself and slipping out of the room. The mood was decidedly lighter now that it looked like things were going to be fine. Gray would still be a bit messed up for a while, but Wendy and Porlyusica were doing a phenomenal job, as always. He would be okay.

Lyon even felt good enough about it to join in some of the rowdy conversations Gray's guild had, making bets on how long it would be before Gray was bouncing off the walls and how harshly Erza and Porlyusica would deal with his disobedience. And he finished his interrupted meal with Sherry. Upon asking, he was not surprised to learn that Toby and Yuka had already returned to Lamia Scale. He would work on fixing that mess just as soon as this one was wrapped up. He even let Sherry's optimism about the situation infect him.

All in all, things were good, everyone seemed happy, and no one was freaking out anymore.

At least until a few hours later, when the screaming started.

The hoarse cry sliced through the cheery chatter like a hot knife through butter, and sent everyone scrambling for the infirmary. It whipped Lyon back into a panic, especially when it cut off abruptly.

He slammed the door open and hurried inside, followed by a herd of worried mages. "Gray! What–?"

He paused. Gray was sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the bedframe, swathed in a messy tangle of sheets. He blinked out from his cocoon, his eyes bleary but pained as they darted from face to face with jittery motions.

"Was I screaming again?" he rasped. "Sorry."

Natsu let out a heavy breath, his shoulders slumping in relief even though his eyes remained solemn. "Nightmares again? I thought they were getting better. It's been a while since you've woken us up screaming."

"They're fine. And they've been better."

Lyon's mind jumped, unbidden, to the day of their snowball war, when Gray had fallen asleep on the train and woken from a nightmare. He hadn't been screaming then, but Lyon knew they must be a recurring problem. And given Gray's reaction to him afterward, given the thinly-veiled sorrow and guilt in his eyes now, Lyon had an idea of what needed to be done.

He put a restraining hand on Erza's arm as she started forward, and approached himself. Dropping into a crouch, he met Gray's eyes squarely. Gray's gaze immediately dropped to the floor. Never a good sign.

"It's alright, Gray."

"No offense, but you're the last person I want to see right now." Gray's gaze darted up and locked on something behind Lyon, who turned to see Elaine and the Knight hovering in the doorway. "You can make them go too. Actually, all of you can go."

"Don't be silly. I'm the one you need most right now. Back into bed with you. You're under orders not to leave, remember?"

Lyon dug through the mound of blankets to take hold of Gray's arm. Gray hesitated, but then looked up at Lyon through his lashes and let him help him to his feet. He had to lean against him heavily, but made it back into bed while Lyon dumped the blankets back on top of him. Stubborn he might be, but he obviously knew when he was beaten.

Settling back into the chair by the bedside, Lyon surreptitiously slid a hand under the blankets and curled it around one of Gray's. Gray started, but then hesitantly curled his own fingers inward, unable to disguise the slight tremble. After a short pause, his fingers tightened further until he was downright clinging to Lyon.

"You still need your rest," Wendy was saying, unaware of the exchange beneath the covers.

"I've been sleeping for long enough," Gray grumbled, remarkably good at being his normal irritating self and not giving any sign of secret handholding. "I don't need to sleep anymore."

"Your body is still recovering–"

"You can't just refuse to sleep every time you have a nightmare," Natsu interrupted. "I mean, you _do_ , but you know we're going to get on your case about it. You're already grumpy enough without sleep deprivation, and I, for one, don't want to deal with you when you haven't been sleeping."

"I've been sleeping _plenty_ , thanks."

Natsu's glower—it might have a melancholy edge, but definitely contained enough irritation to mask most of it—morphed into a suddenly triumphant expression. Gray, understandably, eyed him warily.

"Porlyusica's here." Natsu sounded much too pleased with himself as he rounded on the healer. "I keep forgetting. We need to find him a sleeping potion that will work."

"I don't–"

"Yeah, yeah, the ones you've tried haven't worked. He needs something heavy enough to keep him from dreaming, but light enough that it won't knock him out half the day. It wouldn't hurt to at least try one more."

Porlyusica glared, as per usual. "More work again. Well, whatever will keep the fool resting. I should have everything I need, and it won't take long to mix. Don't let him out of bed."

She swept out of the room before Gray could offer any protests. Gray sighed. Lyon stayed quiet, waiting.

Erza sidled up to take the absent healer's place. She cradled Gray's face gently in her hands and searched his face with large, sad, liquid eyes.

"We're going to need to talk later," she said softly. She ran her thumbs along his cheekbones, looking for all the world like she wanted to wrap him in a hug and cry. It was something much softer and more vulnerable than Lyon would normally associate with the hard-edged girl. "But I'm glad you're okay."

Gray's gaze slid away and his lips tightened. "Yeah," he mumbled. "Whatever you want."

Gray's team pestered him relentlessly until Porlyusica returned, and Lyon was content to sit back and pick up bits and pieces of information from the worried questions and grumbled reassurances. Beneath the blankets, the hands stayed joined.

Gray reluctantly downed the potion Porlyusica offered him, and the healer began shooing everyone back out of the room.

"I'll stay," Lyon said.

Her eyes flashed with wrath. "I said _everyone–_ "

"It's fine," Gray said. "He can stay."

Porlyusica looked like she might rip both their heads off for daring to defy her, but then she paused and keen eyes traveled back and forth between them. "Not my problem," she said finally, shutting the door loudly behind her as she left.

And then Gray and Lyon were left alone, the former very pointedly not looking at the latter.

"I know it doesn't work like this, but…" Lyon sighed quietly. "These nightmares of yours, I want you to know that there's no reason for you to have them anymore. You've made up for things, and I don't want to see you constantly haunted by them."

Gray's laugh wasn't amused. "There are some things you can never make up for."

"I'm not sure I believe that."

"I do."

Lyon stayed quiet, trying to figure out how to handle the delicate situation. It wasn't that he didn't understand where Gray was coming from. He did. Very well, in fact. A few months ago, he would have agreed.

He didn't want to make it sound like it was okay to have killed those people. He didn't think that was fair to them or their loved ones. Nor to Gray himself, for that matter. It wasn't fair to make it sound like he was unreasonable for feeling guilty. He wasn't. And it was probably good that he felt some of it, honestly, even if Lyon didn't like to think about him hurting. It made him more human.

Still, Lyon needed a way to fix things, even a little. Or at least get Gray to open up and let go a bit. Gray was pinched and drawn and pulled tight like a string, rigidity present in every muscle even as he lay there and stared at the wall. He wasn't doing himself any good.

"Do you remember," Lyon asked finally, "how you used to always have nightmares when we were kids too? Sometimes you used to go outside after, until you calmed down. I'd wake up sometimes, and I'd wait up to make sure you came back. We never could tell with you.

"Do you remember that time I actually followed you out? And us both being horrible at emotional stuff, we screwed it up and got angry and started a fight. And then it turned into a snowball fight in the middle of the night out in the snow on top of a mountain." He laughed a little at the memory. "We just tossed snowballs back and forth until we woke Ur up and she came out and yelled at us and dragged us back inside, telling us we were going to get horrible colds. Which we did. But right there at the end, as we were going back in, you smiled. Just a tiny, fragile little thing, but it was genuine and it was there. It's one of my favorite memories from then."

Gray closed his eyes and tried to pull his hand away, but Lyon held on tight. "That wasn't me and you know it."

"But you remember it, don't you? Do you remember that feeling? Can you still feel it?"

Gray said nothing for a long moment, but he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his knees up to curl into a tight ball with only his arm extended. "Yes," he whispered.

"Then maybe," Lyon said, pushing the blanket back a little to look down at their joined hands thoughtfully, "it belongs to you too."

Gray tried to hide a sniffle, but the light glinted on the tear that dripped down his nose. Sometimes you had to break down and let it out before you could build yourself back up again, and Gray was fighting much too hard to keep everything bottled up.

"It's going to be okay," Lyon said. "I forgave you and it wasn't entirely your fault. And it'll probably haunt you forever, but remember that things have changed and the rest of us are learning how to let go. You mourn for them and for me, but I want you to be happy."

He hunched over awkwardly again to slide his free arm around Gray and hold him close. Gray gave up the show at the contact and huddled closer as his shoulders shook. The nightmare was catching up to him now—and, more importantly, the guilt and pain it engendered—and he cried silently.

It wasn't on the same level as their reconciliation, thank goodness—it had felt like Gray had cried _forever_ , poor thing—but he clearly needed the release. By all accounts, he had been doing better lately. Lyon believed that, but he also believed it was foolish to assume that everything was magically okay and problems would never crop up again. Whatever stresses and heartaches Gray had been holding, perhaps drawn closer to home by his recent near-death experience and the memories it touched, surfaced now, and Lyon witnessed them silently.

"I'm sorry," Gray mumbled eventually, withdrawing a little. He kept his face tilted downward so that his hair covered his eyes.

Lyon decided to let him go, even releasing his hand finally. "Don't be silly. It's alright."

"…I _have_ been doing better. Really, I have. I just…"

"I know. It's okay. It takes time. You don't have to be okay every second of the day."

"Mm." Gray's sigh had a distinctly sleepy quality, and Lyon craned his neck to an awkward angle to get a look at his face. His eyes were closed. It looked like the sleeping potion was finally taking effect. "You can go now. I'm okay."

"Don't be silly. You asked me to come, remember? I came, and now you'll have to deal with me staying."

Gray's eyes fluttered open, dark and glittering in the faint light. Tired, yes. But with that childlike vulnerability that only came with a mixture of a mini breakdown's aftereffects and lethargic weariness.

Gray searched Lyon's face. Then his hand crept back out, hesitated, and slid into Lyon's. Lyon smiled faintly and curled his fingers loosely around Gray's. A tiny, grateful smile flickered over Gray's face for the briefest of heartbeats.

Gray stayed like that until he fell asleep, but it was okay that he didn't say anything else. His actions spoke for themselves, and that hesitant vulnerability was already something he would only show with someone he trusted absolutely.

As far as Lyon was concerned, that itty bitty smile had made it all worth it.

* * *

Elaine paused in the hall, her eyebrows rising almost imperceptibly. "Officer? What are you doing?"

He jumped in surprise and half turned, a sheepish look stealing over his face. He glanced back into the room and opened the door a crack wider, gesturing for her to come over.

She drifted over and peered inside. Gray and Lyon were both sprawled across the bed asleep, Gray curled up tightly against Lyon's chest. They were holding hands, their fingers loosely twined together.

It was startling. Elaine had seen a cold demon, she had seen a snarky brat, but she had never seen a vulnerable child on Gray's face before. It was almost an uncomfortable feeling, bringing to mind memories of bright laughter and tiny hands and big eyes. She shook them aside, knowing that once she started thinking about her daughter, it would be nearly impossible to stop.

"It doesn't make sense," her companion muttered. "He's just so…"

She knew what he meant. She found the demon to be an unsolvable puzzle. Just when she thought she was starting to figure him out, he threw another curveball at her. He'd end up nearly dying in a nightmare of blood or wake up screaming and unable to meet anyone's eyes. She never could figure out what exactly she felt or thought about him.

"He's definitely a strange one," she agreed.

"I can't believe the two of them," the Knight muttered, shaking his head at the sleeping mages. "Funny how it seems to be all of us who should hate him that helped him."

Elaine hummed to herself noncommittally. She had mostly made her peace with no longer hating the creature who had killed her daughter, but it wasn't so easy for everyone. And although she was not exactly friends with the man staring into the room with a perplexed expression, she understood him. They had eventually drifted together from time to time over the past few months, joined only by the common thread that ran through the demon.

"I don't know, Roderick," she said with a sigh. "He's a demon, he did terrible things, but in the end… Maybe it's time to let go."

"Roderick?" came a sleepy voice. "What a silly name."

The spying duo started in surprise as Gray's eyes blinked open. He rested his chin on Lyon's arm and peered at them blearily. His eyes were always so _dark_ , and the creature lurking behind them was so mysterious and multifaceted that it took Elaine's breath away.

"H-hey!" Roderick sputtered.

"I'll tell you a secret about demons," Gray said with a yawn. "Everyone has them, even me. But whatever else we hate our demons for, the thing we hate them for the most is that they change us into someone we aren't sure we want to be. And once we change, it's really hard to go back. Sometimes you just have to learn how to accept that. And if you have a savior, that's probably what they're helping you with."

His gaze slid sideways to rest on Lyon's face. "I've had more saviors than most. More than my fair share, I'm sure. Sometimes they're the people you least expect. Sometimes you save your demons, and sometimes they save you. Sometimes they're just the same person.

"Now go away. I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep without you two chattering in the doorway."

They stared at him blankly, until he gave them a hard look and raised an eyebrow. Elaine closed the door, but not before giving him one last, thoughtful look. Both demon and savior, huh? She could see that, with him. He straddled the line.

Was a demon just a fallen angel?

And if so, could it regain its wings?

* * *

 **Note: It kind of cracked me up how everyone seemed to assume that the devil slayer thing was going to be the really bad fall off the cliff, so to speak. Like I'd make it that easy lol If you haven't figured out what the Really Bad Stuff is going to be yet, I'm sure you'll have a "I should have seen it coming" moment shortly. Let these guys have their moment of cuteness before everything really goes to hell XD It's coming lol**

 **Also, I was so optimistic about not having to name Two and the Executioner. I prefer not to give legit names to utilitarian OCs, but then I ran into the problem that _Lyon_ doesn't think of them with the same monikers as Gray. *facepalm* This is also the first time that I've bothered writing anything in an OC's POV in a posted story. Dunno what happened. I guess they've been growing on me. Like a particularly nasty fungus XD**

 **emmahoshi: I've gotten pretty good at keeping track of all the minor characters' magics to come up with convoluted ways to get Gray and co. out of all the trouble I get them into lol Hahaha, your blood type story. Your sister is just a special case X'D That's awesome. Don't worry, I still mostly refer to them as Two and the Executioner, just because that's who they are to me lol Uh-uh, I am in the super humid and hot part of Texas lol Dry and hot is more like Arizona X) Mold is a big problem down here too x.x That stuff is horrible.**


	41. Fantasia

**EndarkenedSanity: Aren't we all busy these days? lol I have a soft spot for fluff, but I can only handle so much before I have to bring down all the angst XD And no, Toby doesn't really have much of a presence. He's not really a serious character in canon, and I didn't have the patience or inclination to make him into one here, unfortunately. I hijacked Yuka's character to provide another foil to Lyon, but I mostly left Toby alone. Nah, if I was going to kill Gray off, it would have been at the end of "DoR" when I originally intended to. Not that I haven't considered it on occasion since... But this is basically meant to be the most massive and comprehensive redemption arc that FT never had, so everything somehow bends to that purpose. Gray needs some more redeeming...especially since tearing his body apart physically would be way too easy a death and I'm more interested in ripping him apart emotionally and mentally ._.**

 **Emiko: I love Gray and Lyon lol Aw, don't cry too much. The angst is still coming—save the pain XD**

* * *

 **Fantasia**

* * *

"Alright," Erza said finally, "I guess we can call it a half-day today since everyone has been working so hard. But I expect to see everyone back here bright and early tomorrow."

Gray could barely believe his ears. Erza was going to let them go early? Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, he dropped the paintbrush right into the grass and abandoned the float he was working on, making a beeline around the side of the guild hall as fast as his legs could carry him without straight-up running. He was going to get out of here before she changed her mind.

Fantasia was less than a week away, and everyone was stressing over finishing the floats and last-minute preparations. Erza more than anyone, since she seemed to have taken charge of overseeing a good portion of the preparations this year. She was a hard taskmistress, and Gray was worn out after several long days of hard labor under her watchful gaze. He could only get away with so much complaining when he'd had to fight just to convince her that he should be included—Wendy had finished patching him up weeks ago, but half the guild was still prone to treating him like glass—but he would be more pleased if his workload was halved.

There seemed to be even more pressure than usual this year, since Fairy Tail had something to prove after sheltering him. There was less outright hostility toward the guild lately, but it needed to put on an impressive showing to repair and solidify its reputation. There had been some debate over whether or not Gray should participate in the festivities—with Gray and a few others maintaining it might be better to sit on the sidelines, and most of the guild pointing out that everyone knew about him now anyway and would be disappointed not to get a glimpse of the infamous demon—but it looked like he would be in the parade.

Well, maybe it was just as well. Things had been better lately, and Gray wanted to enjoy himself and participate in one of the guild's strongest traditions. As long as he didn't have to be partners with Juvia again this year. Sweet enough girl, but being stuck on a float with her for hours without any escape options had been a bit much. He'd take literally anyone else.

He rounded the corner and let out a sigh of relief, slowing to a walk and throwing one last look at the guild hall before heading toward his apartment. It looked like he had managed to escape after all.

"Hey! Ice princess! Wait up!"

Or not.

He turned back with a less relieved sigh and raised an eyebrow at the idiot running after him. "What's up, ash for brains? Where's Happy?"

"Harassing Charle, I think." Natsu stopped in front of Gray and scowled, although there was something almost nervous underlying it. "I need a favor."

"A favor?" Gray turned his nose up. "No can do, flame brain. I don't do favors. But I'll give you a free tip: if you want something from someone, it's not a good idea to start off by calling them names."

"What are you talking about?" Natsu demanded, indignation painting his face. "You do favors for people all the time!"

"Yeah, but not for _you_. If you want something from me, it's gonna cost you."

" _What?_ You can't do that! That's extension!"

"…Extortion?"

"Whatever. It's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair," Gray said unsympathetically. "But out of curiosity, what is it you want?"

Natsu's outrage was immediately replaced by something uneasy and awkward, which piqued Gray's curiosity.

"It's…about my curses," the dragon slayer mumbled.

"Oh?" _That_ caught Gray's attention. "What about them?"

"I…I think it might be a good idea if I learned how to really use them. I mean, I had to use them with that whole soul transplantation thing and I tried them against Invel, but I don't really know what I'm doing. But it seems kind of silly to have all that power and not know how to use it, right? I mean, what if I need it someday?"

Gray eyed him with renewed interest. "I was thinking the same thing, actually. Except that I ended up almost dying right after, so it kind of slipped my mind."

"With the devil slayer magic? You know I'm still pissed about that." Natsu's sudden anger disappeared as quickly as it had come, and he scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. "I meant to do it after the soul thing, but…"

"Yeah, I know." Gray wasn't surprised that Natsu still had issues with poking at his curses. He spun on his heel and started down the street. "Come on. We'll go out behind your house. There's more space there."

There was a brief pause before footsteps slapped against the pavement and Natsu hurried to catch up. "Wait, you'll help?"

"It has to be done," Gray said with a shrug. He walked along briskly and began laying things out matter-of-factly. "First of all, you have to remember that curses aren't magic. They're more wild and primal and difficult to control. They were made for demons, after all. You might have a slight advantage since they're at least the same fire type as your magic, which is a luxury I didn't have when I was learning.

"But it might also lull you into trying to use them in the same way, which isn't good. I did have a slight advantage in that I was already used to keeping tight control over my magic and using it with precision. You tend to just shoot fire around every which way because your magic is wilder. It works well for your magic, but it won't be good for your curses. They're made to be uncontrollable and unrestrained, and it'll be easy for you to slip into that trap."

"Wait," Natsu interrupted. "If they were meant to be let loose and not controlled, then wouldn't it be better to go along with that?"

Gray shook his head. "They're made to be let loose because demons were made to kill and destroy, and you don't need to control a power meant to unleash maximum destruction. It's why you have to keep them on a tight leash, because otherwise they'll slip out of your grasp and fuck everything up. People will get hurt that way."

It was, to be honest, his biggest concern with Natsu playing around with his curses. The fire-breathing idiot liked to go all out and let his magic do its own thing with minimal direction, and a tactic that worked so well with his magic could have devastating consequences if used with curses.

"Oh." Natsu looked unsettled now. "Yeah, uh…"

"You'll figure it out. It'll just take some getting used to. On the bright side, you only have access to a small portion of them now, as most of your reserve was cut off when I broke your binding. That means it shouldn't be quite as overwhelming for you, and won't do as much damage if anything goes wrong. But what you have will still be highly dangerous, so just be careful."

Gray bypassed the walkway to Natsu's front door and headed around the back. There was a grassy space dotted with trees before the forest proper started up, and it should make a satisfactory training ground.

He turned back to Natsu, who was looking considerably less confident. "Do you know how to find your curses?"

"Um…yeah. I should. I did it a couple times before."

"Great. Tease them out, but try not to incinerate us just yet."

Natsu's face creased with uneasy concentration, and Gray waited patiently as he searched out the well of curses. Gray could feel when he found them, the taste of another demon's curses lingering in the air in the same way that he'd be able to feel anyone else's magic. Not that Natsu was exactly a demon anymore, but his curses were demonic all the way through.

The temperature shot up several dozen degrees, the air around Natsu shimmering with heat, and the dragon slayer almost immediately panicked and released them.

"I don't know if this is a good idea after all," he said, his face white.

"You need to know how to use them in case you need them later."

"Maybe, but…"

"You giving up already, flame brain?"

"What?" Natsu asked indignantly. "I'm not _giving up_."

"Then let's go. Stop being such a pansy."

He scowled and defiantly grabbed on to his curses again, superheating the air once more. Gray stepped back a couple more paces, just in case.

"You're a jerk," Natsu growled.

"Don't I know it. Normally I might let you practice on me, but I think it would be better if you didn't use that on anyone until you know how to keep it under control. Go ahead and try using them on something. Maybe that tree–"

Gray broke off and jumped back another pace as a huge fireball engulfed the entire area. The conflagration seared the ground, and he had to blink several times to clear his vision after it faded away. It left scorched, blackened earth and charred trees in its wake.

"Uh… Well, so much for all the nice grass."

"Oops," said Natsu sheepishly. "I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright. I had trouble with mine at first too. It takes practice."

Gray wasn't exactly a skilled teacher and didn't have a lot of experience instructing mages on how to use curses, but he improvised as he went and did his best. Several minutes of exercises, however, resulted in little more than the decimation of the entire area.

Another blast of hellfire flared out wider than expected, and Gray slid back another few steps, now several feet away from his disconsolate friend. He surreptitiously frosted over the area of devastation to ensure that they didn't set the entire forest on fire.

"I don't remember them being this difficult to control the other times I used them," Natsu said. "I mean, I had no idea what I was doing, but…"

"You used them when you needed them," Gray replied. "It's amazing what we can do when there's a desperate need for it. But they could still very well backfire even when you're under pressure, and you have to be able to rely on them the rest of the time as well."

"I think I changed my mind. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm just going to kill someone."

Natsu wrapped his arms around himself and stared out at the blackened landscape mournfully, and Gray sighed again. He understood, but Natsu was only holding himself back. He walked back over to the dragon slayer and put a hand on his arm, letting a trickle of coolness soothe the overheated skin. Natsu started in surprise and looked over with wide, uncomprehending eyes.

"It's because it makes you feel like you're Awake," Gray said quietly. "Like you're out of control again and could hurt someone. It brings up memories, and it makes you feel too much like a demon to be wielding the power you used then. The reason you've barely touched it until now is because it scares you and you're worried it will turn you back into a raging beast."

"I'm not–"

"Look, I felt the same way. I just didn't have a choice about learning how to use them, because I needed them and had to figure it out along the way. Even then I didn't use them unless I absolutely had to. It's taken me a long time to figure them out and get more comfortable with them. I'm used to ice and molding. You really thought I was excited to go back to the shadows?"

Natsu winced and bit his lip. "I didn't really think, um…"

"Yeah, you don't really think a whole lot." Gray smiled tiredly. "Relax. I've got curses and ice to spare. If something goes wrong, I'll be able to contain the damage. And you can't Awaken anymore, remember? I'm right here with you every step of the way, and I'm not going to let anything bad happen."

Natsu swallowed hard and dropped his gaze. After a long moment, he nodded and uncrossed his arms. Gray kept a steadying hand on his arm, figuring the dragon slayer needed something to reassure him and keep him calm and grounded. It probably hadn't helped matters that he'd ended up several feet away and left the idiot feeling stranded and alone. Natsu didn't comment, just obediently got back to work.

He tugged his curses out again, and Gray immediately gritted his teeth and hid a wince. The air was scorching, but more painful was Natsu's skin itself. It was blazing hot, and Gray almost jerked his hand away. Stopping himself at the last second for fear that retreating now would do more harm than good, he did his best to insulate it with a layer of cooling magic. It didn't seem to do a lot of good. Natsu's hellfire was blistering.

He ran Natsu through another series of exercises, not letting up until his friend had gained some precision and could take out specific targets rather than just toasting the entire area. There was still a lot more work to do, but it was a good start. And Gray couldn't take the heat much longer, honestly.

"I think that's enough for now," he said after a good half hour.

He removed his hand gratefully, wincing as he saw the blistered and blackened skin. Third-degree burns for sure. Parts of his hand were already numb, the nerves damaged, while the rest hurt like hell. His first instinct was to slap ice on it, but resisted the urge since he knew it might only damage the tissue further. This was definitely something he'd need to have Wendy look at.

"Oh my God, your hand!" Natsu said, horrified. "I burned you!"

Gray managed a pained smile. "You sure heat up like an oven, flame brain. It's fine. I'll have Wendy heal it. Chill out. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? _Fuck_ , Gray. Was I burning you the entire time? Why didn't you just take your hand off, you idiot?"

"Seriously, it's fine."

"It's _not_ fine." Natsu turned away and wrapped his arms around himself again. "I can't do this. I hurt you again, just like last time. All these things ever do is hurt people. It's not safe to mess with them."

Gray pursed his lips. Now, here was a dilemma. Natsu's attitude, while understandable, would lead to nothing getting accomplished. And Gray's show of trust and support did little good when it showed Natsu that he was right not to trust himself.

"That's not true," Gray disagreed. "What if one day you need them to save Lucy or Happy or Erza? You'd let them die because you're too afraid to try? You need to know how to use them, and you're never going to learn control if you give up."

"I don't think it's worth it."

"Don't be stupid. Try again."

Gray rested his uninjured hand on Natsu's arm and jerked his chin toward one of the few remaining trees. Natsu's skin was still uncomfortably hot, but not burning like before. Gray hoped it stayed that way.

"What do you think you're doing?" Natsu demanded, trying and failing to shake him off. "Let go. You're just going to get yourself hurt again."

"It's an issue of trust." Gray tightened his grip and met Natsu's eyes steadily. "You trust your magic because you've worked with it for years and grown to depend on it. Because it's part of you. You don't trust your curses because they're alien and you're convinced they'll hurt someone. You don't trust them to obey you, and you can't bring yourself to rely on them.

"I get it. I was the same way. I'm still not as comfortable with them as with my magic, but I trust them to do what I want them to now. You have to build up your confidence with them. You don't trust them now, and with good reason. But you have to master them and build that trust.

"And you have to trust yourself, too. You have to trust that you aren't going to hurt me, that you can control yourself and you're not anything like being Awake. And we aren't going to leave here until you find some of that trust in yourself."

Natsu stared back, his face contorting strangely. There was something scared and sad and vulnerable about him that was particularly un-Natsu-like. Something Gray recognized as a reflection of something inside himself that had emerged from his own time Awake. A shared insecurity, that one.

"I don't want to hurt you," Natsu whispered, sounding nothing like his normal boisterous, confident self.

"Then pay attention to what's going on with your body too, and remember to regulate your temperature. You have to be able to pay attention to _everything_ and keep it all under control. You have to own the curses instead of letting them control you. See that tree over there? Set that lower branch on fire. Only the one. Don't torch the whole thing. It's about control."

"I don't…"

"Go on, flame brain."

Natsu hesitated, looking at Gray's hand like it was a viper that might strike at any second, but then reluctantly turned to the tree in question. His body temperature rose precipitously as he summoned his curses. Gray gritted his teeth in anticipation, but luckily the temperature stayed at 'very hot' rather than 'melting skin' levels.

Natsu's first attempt resulted in several burning branches, but that was okay. He practiced until he could get only the one, his face grim and lined. Gray felt a little bad about putting him through such a stressful exercise, but it needed to be done. Natsu needed to learn how to trust himself when his curses came into the picture.

"Alright, let's call it a day," Gray said finally.

Natsu let go of his curses instantly and dropped his gaze to Gray's hand, his eyes suddenly even more anxious. Gray pulled his hand away and repressed a sigh of relief at the expanse of pale, undamaged skin. Thank goodness. He didn't really want another burned hand, and it would have wrecked Natsu.

"See?" he said cheerfully. "No harm done."

The relief on Natsu's face was overwhelming, and his shoulders slumped as the tension drained away. "Thank God," he breathed almost too softly to hear. Then a ferocious scowl split his face. "Now go have Wendy heal your hand."

Gray waved him off dismissively, ignoring the throbbing in his hand. "You're going to have to keep working with them, alright? You've made good progress and done remarkably well for a beginner, but you'll have to keep practicing and not just give up because they make you uncomfortable."

"Well? I nearly burned your hand off!"

"What, you thought you'd master them on day one? Just keep at it. And if you don't feel comfortable working with them on your own, tell me and I'll come with you."

Natsu shook his head and scowled. "Come on. I'm going to drag you to Wendy if I have to. I'm not letting you out of my sight until I know you actually got that hand looked at."

Gray rolled his eyes, but the excessive concern, while annoying, was touching as well. Well, if it would make Natsu feel better.

"Fine," he said. "And after we get that taken care of, you can buy me ice cream."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you owe me for your lesson. I told you, I don't do favors for you. If you want help with this, you can pay me with ice cream."

Natsu opened his mouth to complain, but then pressed his lips into a grim line and shook his head. "Whatever. Fine."

"Awesome. And while we're at the guild, we might as well see if Happy and the girls want to come along."

"I guess. We might as well invite the whole guild. Erza's been working us hard, and I think everyone's hot and tired at this point. We could all use a break."

"Good idea," Gray said brightly, a mischievous grin tugging at his lips. "I'll tell them you're paying."

There was a split second of incomprehension, but then Natsu's eyes bugged out in a comical, horrified fashion. " _What?_ Do you have any idea how much that would cost?"

Gray turned on his heel and raced for the guild, and pounding footsteps followed along behind him.

"Don't you dare, ice princess!" Natsu wailed.

Gray just laughed.

* * *

Gray wondered whose bright idea it had been to stick him and Natsu on the same float, and why Erza had agreed to it. It was probably one of her schemes to make them get along, but she would have been better off waiting until _after_ the parade. But he and Natsu were stuck together, ostensibly because it would be 'cool' to showcase the opposites of fire and ice together, and it had almost immediately devolved into a competition.

"I'd like to see you make something that impressive," Gray said smugly, raising his voice so it could be heard over the shouts and loud music.

Natsu looked far less impressed with the glistening crystalline castle towering over them, although it improved the aesthetic of the float significantly, if Gray did say so himself. He wondered whose bright idea it had been to design the thing in such a tacky fashion with fake fire and ice climbing the sides. Lame. Also, he got that this was a parade, but did they have to move so _slowly_?

"You made one of those last year," Natsu said. "Old news. Watch this."

He spit a huge jet of flame into the air, eliciting a roar from the crowd. Gray scowled. No way was Natsu going to win this. Gathering up his strongest magic, he tossed it at the fire and froze it, leaving the icy flames hanging in the air and reflecting the shimmering sunlight for a moment before they shattered into a hail of crystal shards. The crowd cheered. Gray grinned.

"How dare you freeze my fire?" Natsu demanded. "I'm going to melt your stupid castle, ice princess!"

Gray snorted. "You're not gonna melt anything, flame brain."

"Oh yeah? I–"

"Guys, it's not a competition," Lucy said in exasperation from the float beside them.

"But if it was," Juvia added slyly, "Gray-sama would win."

The girls were perched on an extremely _blue_ float decorated as some kind of weird ocean scene, and they appeared to be dressed as giant fish. This was why Happy was with them rather than egging on Natsu. He was too busy ogling the girls and drooling to pay much attention to the boys' contest.

"He would not," Natsu growled.

Gray gave him the most supercilious smile he could muster. "When I win, you can buy me ice cream."

"You wish! What is it with you and ice cream, anyway? And dragging the whole guild into it? Do you know how much that cost me? I'm practically in debt now! From _ice cream_!"

Gray's smile turned even more smug. "When I win, you can buy the whole guild ice cream again."

"That's _it_! I'm going to pound your face in!"

Natsu lunged forward and Gray darted around him to jump across to the girls' float, laughing the whole way.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia cried. "Gray-sama has come to be with Juvia and–"

"Sorry, ladies. Afraid I have to run."

Gray took a running leap and jumped to the float ahead, eliciting startled exclamations from Levy and Gajeel. Behind him, he could hear chaos and it made him grin.

"Happy, let's go!" Natsu was yelling. "We gotta fly and catch the ice bastard!"

"But Natsu, fish!"

"For the last time," Lucy shrieked, "we are not _fish_! We are _mermaids_!"

Oh. That made a lot more sense. Someone needed to work on their costume design.

Shouting an apology to Levy and Gajeel as he rushed past, Gray began a hurried campaign of float-hopping with Natsu hot on his heels, making bridges of ice if the gap was ever too wide to jump. Natsu shouting obscenities and insults behind him only made him laugh harder as he ran and jumped and dived. The wind whistling in his ears and adrenaline of his muscles pumping were exhilarating, and he grinned and waved at all his guildmates as he hijacked their floats and moved on.

Erza would hear about this sooner or later—she might be toward the front, but even a disruption way back here would eventually come to her attention—and go apoplectic, but Gray was going to enjoy the chase while it lasted. He ran and jumped like the wind, light on his feet as he breezed past startled mages, but he sure hoped that Natsu wasn't destroying all the floats on his rampage. Erza might actually kill them if they damaged what everyone had spent so long making.

He ducked and weaved out of sight, finally leaping behind Mavis and coming to an abrupt halt.

"Hide me," he panted into her ear.

She raised an eyebrow but nodded. She'd gotten a whole float to herself since she was dazzling the crowd with her most majestic and fantastical illusions, and now she created a huge dragon with fluttering wings and roaring fire to wrap around Gray and the float.

"Cool dragon," Natsu said, although Gray couldn't see him past the veil of magic. Of course a dragon would make him stop in the middle of a chase.

"Thanks," Mavis replied. "Aren't you supposed to be on a float back there?"

"I'm chasing the ice princess. Have you seen him? I don't know how he keeps disappearing, but he's a slippery bastard."

"Nope, sorry. There's only one way for him to go, though, right? He has to go forward."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going. And when I find him, I'm going to punch his teeth out. Make some more dragons!"

After a short pause, Mavis turned back to Gray. "Erza isn't going to be happy," she observed.

Gray waved a dismissive hand. "Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome. Do I even want to know what this is about?"

"Probably not," he said with a toothy grin. "But you love me anyway."

Mavis rolled her eyes. "I tolerate you."

"Ha! You wouldn't have to hate me unless you loved me."

"Sadly, true. You know me too well."

Gray smiled with a hint of melancholy. "I do. I'll get out of your hair now. Have fun and make some cool illusions!"

Waving goodbye to Mavis, he hopped off the side of her float and dropped a few feet to the ground. What, Natsu seriously hadn't realized that it was always possible to just abandon the parade entirely? Idiot.

Gray slipped into the crowd to hide from the view of anyone who might be looking for him from the floats. It was an entirely different experience to be on the ground and mingling among the crowd. Everyone was cheering and shouting and talking, their voices blending into a dull roar, and they waved and craned their necks as they watched the floats go by.

Gray enjoyed the festive air hanging over the city. He had always loved Fantasia for how it brought people together. It brought the guild together to set up the parade, Magnolia together to witness it, and even visitors from far away would make a pilgrimage every year to experience the annual festivities. He had been worried that it wouldn't be the same this year after all the drama, but everyone who was here seemed to be having a good time.

He spotted Asuka sitting on Alzack's shoulders and waving at the floats—the poor kid had been deemed too young to participate, but her unhappiness seemed to have been replaced by excitement now—and smiled. He still didn't get to do much with her, but at least Bisca wouldn't chase him off as long as either she or Alzack was there to supervise.

"Quite a show you put on there," said a voice from behind him.

He turned, his eyebrows jumping upward as he spotted Two behind him. Elaine. Whatever. He had a hard time thinking of her as anything but Two, if only because it was a name he'd given her and attached meaning to.

"What can I say? I'm a showman." Gray smiled in bemusement as he noticed the man beside her. "Hey, Roddy!"

The Executioner's eyebrows crawled up his forehead and disappeared into his hairline. "Roddy?"

"No? What a killjoy. What are you guys doing here?"

"I always come to Fantasia," said Two with a shrug. "It's pretty much the highlight of the year, although half the Council boycotts it on principle."

"It _is_ pretty great. The guild always gets excited about it."

"Seems like half the world does." She gave him a searching look. "You look better than last time I saw you."

"Not sure that would be hard. Last time you saw me, I'd just shredded my entire body."

His smile faded a little as he studied the two people in front of him. He had heard a lot, afterward, about what everyone had done for him. Lyon, Yuka, Two, even the Executioner… The demon-touched children had come together to save him, and he still wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Thanks," he said with a sigh.

Two frowned. "For what?"

Luckily he didn't have to delve further into the mystifying issue, because distraction came in the form of a small, excitable boy.

"Gray-nii!"

"Jamie?" Gray laughed as the dark-haired boy charged over and tugged on his hand. "What's up, kiddo?"

"I found you!" Jamie shouted, bouncing up and down. "I saw you in the parade! And you were way cooler than the fire guy!"

Gray grinned. "I can't wait to tell Natsu that."

He spotted a harried-looking Sophie pushing her way through the crowd, and an apologetic look spread across her face as she saw Jamie yanking at him.

"I'm sorry," she said breathlessly as she rushed up. "He just–"

"I saw you running along the parade! You were so cool! I've been looking for you everywhere!"

It was hard not to smile at his exuberance. "Congrats, you found me."

"Look what I have! I have pointy teeth like you now!" Jamie opened his mouth wide and bared what appeared to be plastic vampire fangs. Sophie looked like she wanted to die of embarrassment. "Do you want to touch them?"

"That's okay," Gray said with a laugh. "They're very cool."

"I want to see your teeth again too!" Jamie looked at him expectantly. Gray grinned, and the boy cried, "No! You have to make them pointy again!"

Gray could barely contain his mirth. "Alright, alright." He obediently let his curses lengthen his teeth into fangs and gave the kid another toothy grin.

"So cool! Can I touch them again?"

"Uh…" Gray looked around for any way to distract Jamie from this line of thought, and noticed Asuka, now dancing around Bisca's legs. "How about this? You see that girl over there? The cute one with black hair and the cowgirl hat? Her name is Asuka. Why don't you go see if she wants to play?"

Jamie scowled. "She's not cool. I want to play with you."

"Hey, she's plenty cool. She likes to play with guns."

"Guns?" he asked, perking up considerably.

"Yup. And it's always good to make new friends, right?" Gray rummaged in his pocket and then bent over to slip some jewels into Jamie's hand and close the little fingers around them. "Tell her that Gray sent you, but don't let her parents hear. And you guys can go play and get something sweet as a treat, hm?"

"Why not let her parents hear?"

"Uh… Just… It'll be our little secret, okay?"

"Okay!" Jamie grinned brightly. "You're super cool! I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up!"

And then he was off, darting through the forest of legs to Asuka. Gray straightened up and smiled after him, shaking his head.

"Sorry," Sophie said. "He saw you running around and decided he was going to find you. He dragged me all over."

"It's alright," Gray said absently, a faint, puzzled frown tugging at his lips as he watched Jamie go. There was always that sense of something almost familiar about him, but he could never quite put his finger on it. Then it hit him. "That's it! I keep thinking he's familiar because he reminds me of Lyon."

"Of Lyon?" Two asked skeptically.

"Well, Lyon as a kid. He was always that overeager and excitable, although he was more focused on _beating_ his role model." He smiled sheepishly. "And Ur was a better role model than me. Really, Sophie, you ought to find him a more respectable playmate."

"He likes you. You're very good with him."

"I like kids. Although he's kind of a weird one." Gray's laugh sounded almost like a sigh. He liked Jamie, but it was still strange to have the kid act like he was the best thing since sliced bread.

Even over the roar of the crowd, Gray heard a high-pitched, "Gray-nii said…"

"So much for our little secret," he muttered. Jamie and Asuka both turned to look at him…as well as Bisca and Alzack. He waved sheepishly, but it was hard to tell what Asuka's parents were thinking. The looks they gave him were unreadable. "Oops."

"Why didn't you want her parents to know?" Two asked.

"Because they hate me. Or…maybe not _hate_ anymore, but they're…cautious. I used to play with Asuka a lot, but…" He shrugged. "Parents don't always want demons near their kids. I wasn't allowed anywhere near her. Still not, unless we're supervised."

Asuka and Jamie started racing back with matching grins, and Gray darted a sharp look at Bisca and Alzack. They didn't look like they were about to strangle him, although they were watching carefully.

The Executioner frowned. "Aren't they part of your guild?"

"Yes? What, you thought the guild wasn't divided over me too? They were just as split as everyone else—they were just better at putting up a semi-united front against outsiders."

"Gray-nii!" Asuka cried, bounding up and throwing her arms around his knees. "Mommy says I can play with you if we stay where she can see us!"

Gray started in surprise and looked back over at Bisca, who continued watching with unreadable eyes through the intervening crowd. "Huh. Special occasion, I guess?"

"Dance with me!"

"Dancing isn't _cool_ ," Jamie complained.

Gray just laughed as Asuka grabbed his hand, and he obediently spun her around in their tiny circle of space. But there wasn't a whole lot of room to move around with the crowd pressing round, and as Gray twirled her around, he spotted his and Natsu's empty float slowly trundling toward them. It looked pretty pathetic empty, and he didn't want to push his luck with Bisca.

"Hey, you still wanna be part of the parade?"

Asuka's face lit up. "Yeah!"

"Jamie?"

"That's so cool!"

"Come on!" Gray grabbed the kids' hands and tugged them out of the sea of people. Reaching the base of the float, he swung Asuka up and then Jamie, and grinned up at them. "Look at what a big dancefloor you have. Hey, Sophie! Come here!"

"W-what?" she stammered, slipping over.

"They need a chaperone," he said, even though there were plenty of Fairy Tail mages on the surrounding floats to keep an eye on the kids…mages who Bisca would trust far more than him. He held out a hand. "Wanna be part of the parade?"

Her face paled considerably. "But I'm not part of Fairy Tail. I'm not even a mage!"

"So? Don't be shy. Fantasia's all about bringing people together. Play with the kids for a while and then get them something to eat and bring Asuka back here to her parents, alright? You know, if they don't just follow you along."

"But–but–"

Gray grinned, grabbed her around the waist, and swung her up in a tangle of flailing limbs. She let out a startled cry, but Jamie and Asuka quickly gathered around her in excitement. Then they waved at him brightly, and he watched with a small smile as they bounced around and waved to the crowd. He glanced over at Bisca and Alzack, wondering if they were going to murder him later, but they just shook their heads with faint smiles and moved to shadow the float with their daughter.

"Kids, huh?" Two asked, having drifted after him. "Who would have guessed it?"

He shrugged. "I just–"

"Ice princess! I found you! I'm going to rip your head off!"

"Oh, hell," Gray muttered, spinning around to see Natsu and Happy weaving through the crowd. Unfortunately, repopulating their float had removed him from the cover of the crowd, and his pursuers had gotten a lucky break. "Looks like he finally wised up. Sorry, madam. Looks like I'd better go. You guys have fun."

With a hasty wave to Two and the Executioner, Gray whirled about and took off. He would lose his pursuers again eventually. Good senses or not, Natsu wouldn't have an easy time using them in a crowd this big.

He only laughed at all the taunts Natsu shouted, and ran along the street following the line of floats. He glimpsed a few familiar faces in the crowd: Ichiya and the Trimens, Kagura, even Rufus with some of his guildmates.

"Hey!" Rufus called at his approach. "We heard about what happened at the Council's jailbreak. Good to see you recovered!"

Gray waved as he ran past. "Thanks! See you around!"

"Get back here, ice block! I'm gonna fry you!"

He cackled and slid into a thicker part of the crowd, weaving between spectators to hide himself. He slowed down to a less conspicuous saunter as soon as he was sure he'd lost Natsu. The dragon slayer might still be on his trail, but he'd take whatever reprieve he could get before getting sucked into another high-speed chase.

He coughed out a laugh as he spotted an enraged Natsu charging through the crowd and bellowing out insults, Happy trailing behind. Idiots.

His eye caught on a flash of white, and a wicked grin tugged at his lips. Strolling up behind Lyon and his companions, he propped an elbow on his friend's shoulder and smiled in satisfaction when he startled.

"Enjoying the parade?" Gray asked with that sly grin.

"God, Gray," Lyon grumbled, shaking his head. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I'll try harder next time."

"Hi, Gray!" Chelia said brightly from where she was hovering by Sherry's side. "Long time no see!"

"Nice to see you, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid," she complained. Then she sobered and gnawed on the inside of her cheek as she dropped her gaze to the ground. "I heard about what happened with Eileen. I'm glad you're okay. I just wish…"

A bittersweet smile tugged at one side of Gray's mouth, and he dropped a gentle hand onto her head. "It's alright, Wendy's a pretty badass healer. And you're a pretty badass molding assistant."

He winked at her and she giggled, looking up at him through her lashes with a shy smile. Anything to bring the spark back to her eyes.

"Shouldn't you be on a float?" Sherry asked.

He gave her a wounded look. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

She laughed. "Just curious."

"Why, yes, I _am_ supposed to be on a float."

"But you're not," Lyon said pointedly.

"But I'm not," Gray agreed blithely.

Lyon rolled his eyes. "What are you doing down here, then?"

"Oh, that. Well, I'm leading Natsu on a merry little chase at the moment. Toby and Yuka still upset with you?"

"Toby's mostly alright. Yuka… Well, we're working on it. But yeah, he's still pretty pissed. They decided not to come this year."

Gray grinned. "But you came because you wanted to see me so much! I'm flattered."

" _What?_ " Lyon demanded, flushing. "You wish. Fantasia is just a great celebration. Has nothing to do with you."

"Uh-huh." Gray's smile faded a little. "I'm sorry. I hope you work things out."

Lyon looked away. "We will."

He nodded and switched gears. "Hey, Chelia, you wanna join the parade?"

Chelia gave him a puzzled look. "Huh? But I'm not part of Fairy Tail."

"So? Come on, it'll be fun."

"Wait, why are you inviting her to join your fancy float thing?" Lyon asked suspiciously.

Gray smiled back innocently. "You aren't offended, are you? I'd have asked you too, but your molding is kind of lame and we don't want a second-rate ice mage when we already have a totally badass one."

He kept the smile firmly in place, silently counting down the seconds as he watched Lyon's expression morph from shock to disbelief to righteous anger.

" _How dare you?_ " Lyon growled. "I'll _show_ you a second-rate ice mage!"

"I see you, ice block! You're not gonna get away this time!"

Gray's gaze darted between Lyon slowly advancing with a murderous expression on his face and Natsu shoving his way through the crowd.

"Hey, Chelia, you remember what I taught you?"

"For which one?" she asked.

"Hammer."

"I think so."

"Let's go, then."

She slipped around in front of him and gave Lyon a cheeky smile as she held her hands out in front of her in a remarkably good imitation of the gesture to mold a hammer. Gray was actually kind of impressed that she'd remembered it so close to the original.

He moved fast, not wanting to give Lyon enough time to react. It was a pretty tame piece of magic since he didn't want to actually _hurt_ the fool, but the flash of understanding on Lyon's face, followed by the strangled yelp and collapsing tangle of limbs, was extremely satisfying.

"And now Natsu," he said, grinning as Chelia, bloodthirsty kid, immediately turned on the charging dragon slayer.

Natsu didn't realize the danger until it was too late, and his startled expression as he went down made Gray cackle merrily.

"You hit Natsu!" Happy wailed, pausing in midair to look between Natsu's crumpled form and Gray.

"Chelia helped," Gray said diplomatically.

"I'm going to–"

"You aren't going to make me hit you too, are you? Natsu will be up in a second. You might as well wait for him. If you come after me now, I'm afraid I'd have to make an itty bitty hammer for you. Let's stay friends, yeah?"

Happy hesitated but wilted. He clearly didn't want to get whacked with ice. Lyon and Natsu were already beginning to stagger to their feet, an odd mix of dazed and murderous.

"Uh-oh, looks like we'd better run," said Gray cheerily. He grinned at Chelia conspiratorially. "You wanna come?"

"Yeah!" She laughed and grabbed his hand.

Gray waved to Sherry, and then he and Chelia were off. He led her in a straight line toward the floats, weaving through the spectators until they broke free and could run alongside the floats in the small strip of clear space along the route. Behind them, Natsu and Lyon shouted as they gave chase.

"Where are we going?" Chelia asked between breaths.

"Onto the parade, of course!" Gray laughed breathlessly and scanned the floats as they ran past. He knew it was up toward the front somewhere, so where…? "There! Wendy! Hey, Wendy!"

Wendy turned in a flurry of fluffy blue skirts, pigtails, and streamers. "Gray-san? And–?"

Gray grabbed Chelia, who squealed with delight as he tossed her up onto the float beside Wendy and Romeo. Scrambling up after her, he spared half a glance at his pursuers. No time to waste.

"Have fun!" he called to Wendy and Chelia. Giving them and Romeo a quick wave, he ran forward and jumped to the next float in line.

"Thank you, Gray-san!"

"See ya later! You can totally beat Lyon!"

"Excuse me, coming through!" he said brightly, charging past Laxus and his teammates.

"Hey!" Freed yelled. "You can't just–!"

"Might want to look behind you!"

Gray laughed merrily as the sounds of catastrophe and mayhem started up to herald Natsu and Lyon's approach, quickly accompanied by shouting. He leaped and dived, tearing along the line of floats and waving to everyone he passed.

Natsu and Lyon were still hot on his heels when he finally hit Erza's float. The redhead turned, an uncomprehending look on her face, and he grinned.

"Hiya, Erza."

"Gray? What are you doing here? Why aren't you back on your float?"

"Sorry, gotta go! But I'll be back later!"

"Gray! Hey, Gray, get back here!"

But he took advantage of her surprise to jump off the side of her float and disappear into the crowd, only pausing when he was safely hidden to peer back and see the carnage. Because unfortunately for Natsu and Lyon, Erza was now on high alert and prepared to snag the next hapless victim—or victims—that tried to run past.

"Just what do you two think you're doing?" she demanded, grabbing them by their collars. "Natsu, why aren't you on your float?"

They realized the danger too late, paling considerably.

"I didn't do anything," Lyon babbled. "I'm not even one of yours! Don't kill me!"

"Let me go!" Natsu wailed. "I gotta go beat up the ice princess!"

Erza's eyes flashed with unbridled wrath. "You will go back to your float and participate in Fantasia. Happy, I expected better of you. Natsu, I didn't expect better of you, but I'm disappointed anyway. Lyon, I don't even want to know. All of you go back to your float _right now_ and behave yourselves. We will have a talk after the parade."

"Me?" Lyon asked blankly. "But I'm not–"

"But what about the stripper?" Natsu demanded.

"I'll deal with Gray later," Erza said, and her voice was chilling enough to make Gray shiver. He and Natsu were definitely going to pay for this later. But still, it was fun and so it was worth it. Or, it seemed like it was worth it now, anyway. Gray hoped he wasn't made to change his mind on that later. "We seem to be short an ice mage at the moment, so congrats, Lyon, you've been promoted to go play nice with Natsu."

"But–"

"What are you doing in our parade, anyway? Since you want to participate so badly, you can go participate with Natsu and stop tearing everything up chasing Gray."

Lyon wilted and dropped his gaze to his feet. "Yes ma'am," he mumbled in a small voice.

Erza put one hand on her hip and pointed back the way they had come with the other. Natsu, Happy, and Lyon all turned and shuffled back along the line of floats meekly. Gray smothered a laugh and slipped along in the crowd. Just seeing Natsu so cowed and Lyon roped into participating had to make this worth it. Hilarious.

He caught a glimpse of dark blue hair and arched an eyebrow. It couldn't be coincidence that Jellal and Meredy just happened to be hanging around Erza's float.

"You know, you could always just go talk to her instead of spying creepily from a distance," Gray said as he sauntered up behind them.

They started in surprise and whipped around, both looking embarrassed…although Jellal was significantly more so.

"Gray!" Meredy said automatically.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he remarked. Raising an eyebrow at Jellal, he added pointedly, "I heard you guys got pardoned for your service in helping us against Alvarez, but we haven't seen you around. Erza is less than enthused."

Jellal flushed and looked away. "Yeah… We talked to Ultear, though. And…I guess I was wrong to assume the worst. Sorry."

Ah, the patented 'lame segue to try blatantly avoiding an undesirable topic' technique.

"It's fine."

Jellal pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at the ground. "She told us a lot of what you told her, although I doubt all of it. And…you do have my condolences for all the guilt you'll have to carry for what wasn't truly your fault."

It was Gray's turn to look away. "Yeah."

This wasn't something he wanted to touch today. There would be time enough for the darkness later. Today was for reveling in the light and seizing what happiness he could.

"Thank you for telling us where she was," Meredy added, and Gray relaxed a little. "It was so nice to see her again, and I'm really glad she's alright, even if…" She swallowed hard and Gray nodded sympathetically. It had been a big enough shock for him to see what had become of Ultear, and he didn't doubt that it had rattled the friends closest to her. "And thank you for looking out for her when we couldn't."

"Of course," he said, shifting uncomfortably under the attention. Then an idea hit him, and he looked at Jellal with new eyes. "Hey, can I borrow you for a minute?"

"Huh?" Jellal's brow furrowed in confusion. "For what?"

Gray grinned and grabbed his wrist. "Hurry up!"

Jellal yelped in surprise as Gray yanked him sharply and started jogging. Ignoring the protests, Gray dragged his captive through the crowd.

"Hey, Erza!"

Erza turned, scowling as she saw him. "Gray, you–"

"Lookie who I found!"

"Oh, hell," Jellal mumbled.

Tirade forgotten, Erza gaped at him. Gray shoved Jellal at the float, forcing him up. Then he melted back into the crowd as smug as the cat that got the cream, leaving the two of them to hash things out. Erza would still murder him later, but maybe this would get him some brownie points. Anyway, this was a day for bringing people together, and damned if he wasn't succeeding.

He strolled back on over to Meredy, who was watching with a goofy grin.

"About time someone finally forced him to face the music," she said, pleased.

"You want to join in the fun too? I know where Juvia's float is. Been a while since you've hung out."

She hesitated. "Is that…okay?"

"Sure. I'm inviting you, aren't I? Come on."

Meredy nodded and fell into step beside him, and they walked leisurely back down the line of floats.

"You know," she said after a moment, "Ultear said that she'd like it if you dropped by again sometime."

"Oh?" Gray considered it. "Maybe I will. Have you guys been keeping an eye on her?"

"More or less. We hang around Crocus a lot now, anyway. We still go out and do guild stuff, but we're basically based out of Crocus so that we're nearby."

"That's good. I think she could use the company."

Gray smirked as his abandoned float came into view, now manned by Natsu and Lyon. They looked particularly sulky, which was very satisfying. Happy had abandoned them to go drool over Lucy and Juvia again, and Sherry was lurking around the base of their float, apparently following Lyon around now that Gray had stolen her companions. Oops.

He led Meredy on over. "Hey, Sherry. Stalking Lyon?"

She turned and stuck out her tongue. "It's not _stalking_. I just don't have anything better to do."

"You remember Lucy, right? You guys hung out a little back around Galuna and Oración Seis, didn't you?"

"Sure. I remember Lucy."

"Awesome. Wanna go play nice with Lucy and be a mermaid?"

Sherry laughed. "Okay."

Gray led the pink-haired ladies over to the mermaid float and called up to Lucy. "You've got some company!" He held his hand out to Sherry and helped her up onto the float, before doing the same with Meredy. "Have fun, guys."

Lucy peered over the side and darted a nervous look at the float on the other side. "Natsu is pretty ticked off."

Gray grinned. "Good."

Waving goodbye to the girls, he slid around the side of their float to the back of Natsu and Lyon's. His ice castle was still standing—as if the flame-brained idiot could melt it—and he tacked on some steps to climb up the back and perch on a turret. He looked down on the unsuspecting mages doing party tricks with fire and ice below.

"Wow, this float sure is boring without me," he said brightly.

Two heads snapped up at almost the exact same moment, and almost identical scowls adorned the mages' faces as they spotted him perched high above.

"I'm going to kill you!" Natsu yelled.

"You're going down," Lyon growled.

They both made as if to charge him—how exactly did they even think they were going to do that when he controlled this hunk of ice and could seal off any way up?—and paused as they ran into each other.

"Back off, ice bastard," Natsu snapped. "I'm gonna beat Gray up."

"No, _I'm_ going to beat Gray up!"

"No, _I'm–_ "

" _I'm–_ "

Gray watched in delight as they turned on each other in a flurry of fire and ice and fists. "Good idea! I'll fight the winner."

They were too busy with each other to pay him any mind, which suited him just fine. It was a quick and delightfully brutal fight, ending with Natsu managing to send Lyon flying to crash into the girls' float. Lyon wisely decided to stay there, despite the girls' protests that their float was getting way too crowded. Perhaps his decision was swayed by the fact that he could hang out with Juvia if he temporarily abandoned his vendetta against Gray.

Natsu craned his neck upward and glared. "Get down here right now, ice block, or I'm gonna melt your whole stupid…ice block."

Gray laughed, but obediently smoothed a slide into the side of the ice and slid down. "You wish, flame brain."

Natsu raised a fist, but hesitated and lowered it. "As much as I want to punch your teeth out… Erza is already furious. Let's just behave for the rest of the parade, and I can punch your lights out _after_."

"You? Behave? Oh, I see. So you kicked Lyon off because you wanted me all to yourself and I make a better partner than him. I'm flattered."

" _What?_ " Natsu flushed and looked away, summoning up some more fire to entertain the crowd. "Don't be stupid."

Gray let it go. He'd had his fun being a parade crasher, and now he was willing to spend the rest of the day doing parlor tricks to amuse the spectators.

He felt the tickle of curses and half turned with a faint frown. Natsu's gaze slid back to meet his. It was really only a tiny trickle—which was just as well, since Natsu was definitely not ready to handle powerful curses in the middle of a crowd—but considering how freaked out about them he had been, it was a big step.

"You've been practicing," Gray observed.

"A little."

"You've improved. Good job."

"I don't need your approval," Natsu growled, but his cheeks were tinged red.

Gray smiled to himself and drew out the darkness, winding the shadows about Natsu's hellfire. Demon and ex-demon met each other's gaze for the briefest flicker of a second and then they were off, somehow fighting to outshine each other yet working in unison to dazzle the crowd. Fire and ice, light and dark. Opposites made sparks when they clashed and beauty when they made each other whole, and maybe someone had had the right idea about sticking Gray and Natsu together after all.

They were, if Gray did say so himself, the best of the floats.

The ice and fire and shadow were dramatic and had an air of mystique to them that drew attention, and Gray and Natsu somehow managed to keep it together without it devolving into another brawl. They were on the same wavelength now, and Gray actually enjoyed it.

But not too much, because he still liked the fighting. Half a day of cooperation was great, but any more might be sweet enough to rot his teeth out.

"It's time we had a talk," Erza said suddenly from behind them, and they both whipped around with startled yelps.

"Oh, shit," Natsu breathed.

Indeed. It wasn't that Gray had _forgotten_ he'd incurred Erza's wrath something terrible, but…

Erza looked really fucking pissed, and Gray was not ready to die today.

"Run!" he yelped, grabbing Natsu's wrist and dragging him over the side of the float.

"Get back here!" Erza yelled.

But Gray and Natsu were racing through the crowd, laughing hysterically as certain death breathed down their necks in the form of an angry redhead. Natsu flashed Gray a grin and Gray grinned back, and they ran for their lives.

Gray felt electrically alive with the wind whistling in his ears, the blood pumping in his veins, and his friends running by his side and chasing after him. It was like a family reunion, Fantasia, and he was thrilled not only to see everyone come together, but to be included himself despite all the problems that had cropped up over the past months.

It was everything he'd ever wanted, to be included in his family and his home. And the light was starting to wane and the sun was starting to set in the distance, but now, with everything he'd ever wanted around him, he never wanted the day to end.

* * *

 **Note: Wow, everything is going so nicely, what could possibly go wrong?**

 **This chapter kills me a little bit lol In retrospect, it's so bittersweet. And for those of you who know me and my writing too well, you might have figured out a lot from this chapter X)**

 **emmahoshi: Lol, when eating and fiction match up. Hey, hey, I wrote it. Puh-lease, I can write fluff when I need to. It makes the ensuing angsty crash all the more painful :D I got this lol**


	42. Everything to Lose

**Note: In case you managed to miss all the foreshadowing and parallels last chapter, here is something with all the subtlety of a brick to the face.**

* * *

 **Everything to Lose**

* * *

In retrospect, he should have known better. They said that hindsight was 20/20, and his hindsight showed a train wreck waiting to happen. If something seemed too good to be true, it probably was.

He was a demon, always had been and always would be. He was a creature of paper and magic, darkness and death, bound to a master and living only for a purpose. He had spent so much time and effort trying to make everyone else understand that, to understand what he was.

So when had he forgotten it himself?

When had he tentatively begun to believe his friends? To let them begin to convince him that maybe he could rise above his nature and rebuild his life? To let them convince him that he was somehow more than what he was?

He was such a _fool_.

Everything had just been going so _well_. Things were slowly coming together, and it had lulled him into _hoping_. He had never much cared for hope. Hope was the mind-killer as much as fear could ever be. It was a pretty little thing whereas fear was jagged and ugly, but it was just as dangerous. Both had their uses. The wrong fear could destroy you, but the right fear could save your life. Hope was the same way. It could keep you going when you faltered, give you the push you needed to survive and live.

Oh, but the wrong hope, the groundless hope, the false hope— _that_ hope would build you up only to tear you right back down. Send you to new heights only to send you plummeting even farther down than where you'd started. Give you a taste of life only to wither your heart. Hope hurt worse than fear ever could.

No matter what his friends thought, he was not human and never would be. He was a demon, and woe unto those who forgot it. Including himself.

A demon was only as good as its usefulness in fulfilling its purpose. A failed purpose was equivalent to a failed demon. He was supposed to protect them now, now that he had given himself a new purpose. That was the closest he could get to having control, making choices. He had made his own purpose, which was remarkable in and of itself. But it was still a purpose. He was still bound to it. Threats to a purpose were supposed to be eradicated.

He was a threat. He had always been a threat. Even to the people he was meant to protect.

He should have…

Barring elimination, as he found himself unable to go against his friends' wishes in this respect, threats should at least be contained. Mitigated. Restricted. Kept in check. Quarantined. Isolated. Sequestered. Confined.

Instead, he had slowly but surely opened himself up and rejoined their world. Their beautiful human world where he absolutely, positively did not belong.

He remembered Fantasia as the epitome of his folly, the shining example of his mistake. It had brought everything together and wrapped it up in a nice neat package with a pretty little bow on top. It had been family and fun and _hope_ , and he had bought it hook, line, and sinker. He had been on top of the world, not realizing the ground was hollow beneath his feet.

He had reconciled with the guild, with Lyon, had even won a small measure of tentative acceptance from the world. He had been… What had he called it? Reforging himself? How _naïve_. But he had been jigsawing his broken pieces back together, creating a person he might actually want to be and who might be able to wholeheartedly live with his friends again. Forgetting, as he did so, that he was a demon and demons were fundamentally broken. He was trying to fix something that had never been meant to be fixed, something that was broken and missing pieces and could never be whole.

Fantasia, as the shining example, hurt the most when he looked back. It had been the perfect day, with friends and family and acquaintances all around. He had finally started feeling at home again. Things weren't perfect, things would never be perfect and there would always be a bittersweet edge to everything he touched, but he had Lyon and his guild and even friends outside of them. And it was everything he had ever wanted, to be at home with his family all around him.

Oh, he should have known better.

Demons didn't have homes. Demons didn't have families. Demons didn't get to reforge themselves into something new.

He should have known better. He was Icarus, flying too close to the sun. If it seemed too good to be true, it definitely was.

When you had everything you'd ever wanted, you had everything to lose.

* * *

 _ **End Segment 3**_

* * *

 **Note: I was looking back and wondering why I even bothered with this, but I think it was because the transition would be really abrupt otherwise? Idk. I could've gone more the "sneak attack" route, but... Felt kinda jarring to me. Anyway, now it's staying so that there's a nice, even number of chapters.**

 **And on that note, _I finished writing this story the day before yesterday_. I'm SUPER FUCKING EXCITED, just so you know. But, like, what am I supposed to do with my life now? I think I'm empty-nesting already ;_;**

 **emmahoshi: I wear glasses too, so I guess that's going to be my excuse next time I don't see something coming ._. Naaah, the "it was only a dream" trope can occasionally be used well, but usually it's pretty lame. And for a story this big and extensive, it would be a total cop-out. And wreck everything I'm going for. Yeah, I like to keep my expectations low and pessimistic. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than let down X) Ha ha, don't worry, apparently lots of people are missing where this is going, even though it seemed pretty obvious to me and I dropped tons of foreshadowing XD**


	43. A Rude Awakening (1)

**EndarkenedSanity: Thanks lol Sadly (or not so sadly?), this is nowhere near the ending XD I used to want to write and publish a novel when I was younger, but now I have the feeling that I wouldn't take well to people getting their grubby hands all over my writing X) I dabble in original fiction and have some stories planned out or partly written, but I don't intend to publish them if I finish lol**

* * *

 _ **Start Segment 4**_

* * *

 **A Rude Awakening (1)**

* * *

The day everything went to hell started off much the same as any other, bright and sunny with all the drowsy hope that early morning brings in anticipation of the new day. The job seemed like just any other routine job. Although, looking back, maybe Gray should have been suspicious that it specifically requested both a fire and ice mage since that was an obvious, if roundabout, ploy to get a hold of him. But he had long since grown woefully complacent, and he accepted it without question with no misgivings about whether it might be a trap.

With how well everything had been going and how happy he was slowly becoming with his friends and family arrayed around him, much of the cynicism and wariness of those early days had gradually faded. He wasn't constantly looking over his shoulder or keeping a steep wall between himself and the world. He had become drowsily content on hope and trust and friendship.

Today, he was in for a rude awakening.

* * *

Gray was in high spirits as he set off with his team. The job request was a little mysterious but the reward was high, and who wouldn't want to figure out how to solve a problem of malfunctioning magical amulets? The train ride was short enough to not become mind-numbingly boring but long enough to turn Natsu into a boneless, groaning heap, that sweet spot where the discomfort was there but mild enough that Gray didn't feel bad about deriving great amusement from it.

When he dragged the moaning dragon slayer back off the train, the sun was shining brightly and bathing them in a pleasant warmth that didn't cross into uncomfortable territory. The city bustled with life, and it seemed like most pedestrians strolled by with smiles on their faces as they went from shop to shop to conduct their business. All in all, it was just setting up to be an awfully nice day.

The first hitch was that they got lost. The city itself wasn't that large, really somewhere between a big town and small city, but the directions on the request were frustratingly vague. Lucy suggested that they stop and ask one of the shopkeepers for directions, but everyone else quickly dismissed such a ridiculous scheme. They would find the place themselves. They weren't going to be defeated by a piece of paper!

They wandered the streets for far longer than Gray cared to admit, their search finally culminating in a fistfight between Gray and Natsu which was broken up by Erza but somehow devolved into a frustrated shouting match as each of the three insisted on their own plan to find the elusive house. In the midst of their bickering, they became aware of Lucy talking to someone behind them, which was finally enough to pull them out of their pointless argument.

"Crazy Marietta?" the shopkeeper asked. But she smiled fondly, no distaste lingering in her voice. "Everyone knows her. You see that big old mansion right there?"

She pointed down the street, and everyone turned automatically. There was a sprawling mansion crafted of white and gray-veined marble perched in a place of prominence where it could be seen from nearly anywhere in the city. It was impossible to miss. The team had been circling around it for hours as they searched the maze of streets.

"Yes," Lucy said.

"That's where she lives."

Everyone turned back and stared at her in stunned silence.

"She lives _there_?" Natsu asked finally. "But we've been walking around it _forever_!"

"I told you it was probably near there," Gray said immediately.

Natsu scowled. "But you didn't say it _was_ there."

"But _you_ said that it was probably on the outskirts, which means I was closer."

"Stupid ice princess, it doesn't work like that. Anyway, _Erza_ thought–"

"Think _very_ carefully about what you're about to say," Erza interrupted, her voice dangerously low.

Natsu subsided with a loud gulp, while the rosy-cheeked shopkeeper looked on in bemusement.

"Oh." Lucy smiled at her. "Thank you for your help."

"If I may ask," Erza added, "why do you call her 'crazy'?"

Good question. What were they getting themselves into with this one?

"Oh, nothing bad," the shopkeeper said with a tinkling laugh. "She's just a little odd, that one. She's a bit of a treasure hunter, fancies herself an archeologist of some kind. She collects all sorts of interesting magical artifacts and studies them. That mansion of hers is basically a museum. You should ask her to show you her collection while you're there. Don't you worry, she's a bit of a recluse but nice enough."

Collector, huh? That would explain the mysterious malfunctioning amulet of the request.

Waving goodbye to their helper, they headed off. At least they knew where they were going this time, as the mansion was impossible to miss.

"I _told_ you we should have stopped and asked for directions," Happy said with a supercilious sniff.

Everyone stared at him.

"Excuse me?" Gray asked in disbelief.

Lucy drew herself up to her full height. "Don't you lie, you stupid furball. _I'm_ the only one who wanted to do that. You all are _stupid men_ who have too much pride to ask for directions. And _you_ ," she added, turning on Erza, "are no better! You're just like–" She broke off and froze, an almost panicked look flitting over her face as she realized the dangerous spot she'd put herself in.

"I'm just like _what_?" Erza asked softly, her eyes steel. "Think _very_ carefully about what you're about to say."

"Never mind," Lucy mumbled, wilting.

Gray smothered a laugh. Luckily Erza was feeling particularly generous and didn't stab anyone, and they made it up to the mansion without further incident. Their knock was answered by a sallow-faced but jovial middle-aged woman with brown eyes and the most brilliantly orange hair Gray had ever seen in his life. The latter feature sparked a hushed but fierce debate, begun when Gray turned to Natsu and whispered something along the lines of, "Wow, I wonder how much hair dye she has to use. Do you reckon it's more than you?"

Erza cleared her throat pointedly, and the whispered argument immediately ceased.

"Are you quite finished?" she asked dourly. Everyone was watching them now, their team with exasperation and their client with puzzled curiosity. "Would you like to tell us what you find so interesting?"

They both shook their heads vigorously. "Nothing interesting," said Gray.

Erza scowled and shook her head as she turned back to the woman in the doorway. "I apologize for them. They aren't the brightest, but they'll be able to help you."

"It's alright," Marietta said graciously. Gray thought her hair might actually blind him. "You two are the fire and ice mages?"

"Ice," Gray agreed. "And Natsu can sometimes light a match if you catch him on a good day."

" _Hey!_ What's that supposed to mean, ice princess?"

" _Behave_ ," Erza growled.

The boys subsided, but their host just laughed and ushered them inside. They passed through a large foyer, their footsteps echoing on the marble floors, and marveled at the ornate tapestries and statues placed about artfully.

Then they stepped into a cavernous hall filled with rows and rows of display cases that held a variety of artifacts. The entire room hummed with barely restrained magical power, electrifying the air. These things were the real deal. He saw why the shopkeeper had called it a museum.

"Wow," Lucy breathed, looking around with wide eyes.

"I'm a bit of a collector," Marietta said with a self-conscious laugh. "I spend a lot of time traveling, searching out bits and baubles. You're welcome to look over the collection once we solve the current dilemma, if you want. I'll even give you the tour!"

"We'd appreciate that," said Erza, awed by the scope and power of the collection but still able to focus on the task at hand. "What is it exactly that you need Natsu and Gray to do? Sorry, the flyer was a bit vague."

Gray could feel eyes on him, making his skin tingle uncomfortably. Pulling his attention away from the sea of artifacts, he glanced over to see Marietta staring at him intently. She smiled at his scrutiny and turned back to Erza, but Gray still twitched uneasily. He decided that there was something about her that he didn't like. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but he didn't like how she looked at him.

"Ah, sorry," she said. "I'm afraid I was in a hurry and a bit distracted when I sent that out. I picked up a new amulet while traveling in the desert, but when I brought it back here, it started giving me problems. It's giving off strong pulses of ice and fire magic that have already destroyed more of my home than I'd like and singed my hair. I don't want to give it up, so I was wondering if you'd take a look at it and see if you can't contain it or find a way to balance out the magics."

"They'll take a look," Erza agreed. "Lead the way."

"I put it down in the basement to keep it away from the other artifacts. I thought it would do less harm there. It's over here."

Gray and the others followed behind the woman as she glided across the hall and opened a door to reveal a staircase that led downward. There were lighting lacrima casting a bright glow over the stairs and basement, and Gray was pleasantly surprised that this wasn't going to be one of those dark, spooky basements.

But he was still on edge. That woman, Marietta, kept shooting him these strange looks, some odd mix of curiosity and satisfaction and triumph. Maybe she just recognized him as the infamous demon and he was misinterpreting her wariness? She hadn't come out and directly said that she knew who he was, but not everyone did. If she wasn't going to bring it up and kick up a fuss, he'd go along with it.

The main room of the basement was nearly empty, although there was a closed door in the back. It would be spacious even if not bare of contents, and the only ornamentation besides the lighting was a highly decorated floor. Gray eyed it with interest, reflecting that it was an odd design. Most patterns for floors and ceilings were somewhat symmetrical, but this was not. The entire floor was a maze of glyphs, with runes carved neatly in lines and circles and boxes in every which way. It definitely gave the room a sort of mystic, archeological feel, like they were stepping into a place of mystery and magic.

"So, where's this amulet thingy?" Natsu asked impatiently. "The sooner we fix it, the sooner we can eat lunch. I'm starved."

"Natsu," Erza said in exasperation, "be polite."

Marietta laughed, pearly teeth flashing in the light. "It's alright. I have it in the other room, and I'll bring it out in a moment. But first, could you all stand back for safety? Over in that rectangle, perhaps? And if our ice mage would step on over here, I'd like you to look at it first."

The others obediently drifted back to the area she had gestured to, a fairly wide rectangle of creamy marble bounded by lines of neat runic motifs that lay by the back wall. Gray headed for the similarly designed circular space positioned almost exactly in the middle of the room.

"Hey!" Lucy said sharply. "What–?"

Gray turned with a frown at the sudden clamor as everyone was suddenly talking at once. Erza punched her fist out in front of her, only to have it slam into thin air, a curtain of magic shimmering briefly in the light where she touched before fading away. Gray's eyes dropped to the floor. The runes ringing his friends were glowing faintly, pulsing with magic.

"What's the meaning of this?" Erza demanded.

"Damn it, I can't even use magic in here," Natsu growled, kicking at the translucent barrier.

Gray turned on the orange-haired woman in an instant. "What–? Hey!"

She pushed him roughly in the chest, making him stumble back a half-step…into the circle. The glyphs at the edges flashed as they were awoken, and something clattered to the ground. His eyes widened as he realized that the contents of his shadow had been expelled and were now lying just outside the ring.

Including both his Book and Natsu's.

He lunged for them and smashed face-first into the barrier. Ice and shadow immediately sprang to his fingertips, but they ricocheted off the invisible wall and sent him ducking with a startled curse as they bounced around the circle before dissipating.

"Careful," Marietta said. "You'll hurt yourself like that."

"Give those to me," Gray growled, his eyes fixed on the Books. "How did you even…?"

"There's no amulet, I'm afraid. Well, technically there _is_ , but it's not why I called you here. I did pick it up in the desert. Curious thing. Large ruby, cracked. Desert tribes think there's a god trapped inside it, but it really just contains some strong heat and wind magic. It _is_ a bit unstable because of the crack, but–"

"I don't care about your goddamn amulet," he hissed. "Give the Books back and let us out."

" _Two_ Books, hm?" She bent down to retrieve the Books and then examined them curiously, turning them over in her hands. "That's unexpected. Which one will control you, I wonder?"

"What the hell is going on here?" Erza asked, her voice quivering with rage. "You'd better rethink it right now, before we break out of here ourselves."

"I'm afraid you won't be doing that. I know what I'm doing with the runes. A useful magic that I learned along with my travels and conquests. You all are trapped and unable to use magic. Our demon here can still use his powers, but only an Awakened demon can exit the circle."

Gray froze, his heartbeat too loud in his ears. _"Only an Awakened demon."_ Who was this woman? She knew too much, and a poisonous fear began seeping through his veins.

"Don't open that," he rasped.

"You have no idea what you're messing with," Natsu added. His face had gone entirely white.

"Actually, I do," she said. "I've been studying these things for a long time. Crazy Marietta, the amateur archeologist and collector. Ah, I've been gathering very useful information."

Gray shook his head. "How did you even…?"

"Simple, really. I wrote a clause into the runes to say that interdimensional pockets of space couldn't exist inside them, which includes the space inside your shadow. It was forced to seal itself and expel the items within. Like I said, I've been watching you and gathering information for a long time."

That wasn't even common knowledge. People had seen the shadow used that way from time to time, most notably at his trial when he'd stuck Natsu's Book inside, but… The information was there if you went looking, but not sitting out in the open for anyone to stumble across. Most people didn't understand how the Books worked or what an Awakening was. This woman was dangerous…for whatever she might not know, as well as for what she did.

"Who _are_ you?" Happy asked.

Gray tried to shake himself out of his fugue and focus, but he had a hard time tearing his attention away from the Books in the woman's hands. His own hands trembled, and he clenched them into fists. For the first time in ages, he was reminded of the fragility of his existence. All that had to be done to turn him back into a raging beast was to get rid of the ice and open the Book. It seemed so naked and vulnerable in her hands, stripped of its protective coating. He had grown complacent, assuming that it would be safe in his shadow.

But now it wasn't, and he was a heartbeat away from Awakening.

 _No, no, no._

"In the beginning, I was actually more interested in resurrecting Zeref, believe it or not," Marietta said with a self-deprecating laugh. Everything about her suddenly seemed fake, from the dyed hair to the motherly kindness to the good cheer. "I discovered some promising leads on my travels, and then it became something of an obsession of mine."

"You aren't the first to have tried," Gray managed, his mind flitting across Jellal and Ultear and Grimoire Heart and Avatar. "It would never have worked. And now he really _is_ dead, and there's no bringing him back."

Marietta clicked her tongue and shook her head at him. "Yes, you killed him, didn't you? I was furious at first, until I realized that it might actually be a blessing in disguise."

"But why would you even want to resurrect Zeref in the first place?" Lucy asked, at a loss. Lost or not, her voice was high and reedy and thin. She understood the danger.

A shadow passed over the other woman's face and her eyes went cold as steel. "The world can be a dark place, girl. Sometimes it turns on you, and your options are to give up and die or fight back."

"But what–?"

"It's none of your business."

"You were a fool to think that Zeref would help you with whatever you wanted him for," Gray said absently, stepping as close to the barrier as he could as he stared intently at the ice-bound Book. He pressed his palm against the wall and tentatively explored it with curse and magic. It didn't budge.

"In retrospect, perhaps. But in any case, I don't need him anymore. He would have been a dangerous one to bargain with, not someone I could control. But _you_. You are a tool, meant to be controlled, no? If I could find something to bind you to my will and control you, you would be perfect. I don't need Zeref, only his dog."

"He is not a _dog_ ," Natsu snapped. "He's not a tool. Let him go. You are insane."

Gray's laugh was raspy and unamused. "You might keep your dog on a leash, but that doesn't mean it won't turn around and bite you if you poke it with a stick one too many times."

Marietta chuckled. "Is that what happened with Zeref? He poked you one too many times and you killed him?"

"Something like that."

"Don't worry, I think I'll be able to handle you. You won't be biting me, dear." She sashayed over to the other side of the room, and a thick line of runes stretching straight across from wall to wall glowed faintly as it was activated. "I'll be safe behind these runes. Your friends, on the other hand… It's a nasty business, but I'm afraid you'll have to kill them. I can't afford them interfering, and they know too much."

Whatever little blood was left in Gray's face drained away. "You idiot," he whispered. "I'll kill _everyone_."

"Everyone but me," Marietta agreed brightly. "To be fair, I don't need the world destroyed. There are just some _certain_ personages who need to be dealt with, and I don't have the ability or resources to do so…except with you. After that, I'll just keep you around as a safety precaution. No one is going to be touching me again."

"Maybe we can help you with whoever is threatening you," Lucy suggested reasonably.

"I don't think so, love. I have my own agenda now." The woman had turned her attention back to the Books. She opened Natsu's in one quick, efficient motion. Nothing happened, and she dropped it to the floor. "I was thinking that the sealed one was a better bet, anyway."

Natsu said something, but the blood was roaring too loudly in Gray's ears for him to hear it. As suspected, Natsu was safe from his Book. Gray, on the other hand… Gray was not.

Marietta began working at the ice on his Book, and all his friends' shouting faded to the background. His shadow was stirring and writhing in anticipation of being turned loose. _Free, free. Kill, destroy._ It was like he could feel all the shadows in the room stirring now as the darkness inside him strained against its constraints, a dark whirlwind of destruction bound in paper and ice.

"A rabid dog has no master," he rasped, his voice choked with fear and hopelessness and grief. "Don't open the Book. If you think that you will be able to control me, you are sorely mistaken."

The woman just smiled. Gray glanced back over his shoulder for the briefest of moments, burning his friends' horrified faces into his memory—this, the moment before he killed them. Oh God, he was going to kill them. Kill them and then move on to the world, become the monster he was always meant to be. No matter how far he had come, how hard he had worked to change, this was what he was at the core. He was a fool to think that he might have escaped it.

The ice crumbled, exposing the worn leather cover to the air. The shadows shivered, bending toward him and curling about his feet. They whisper-whisper-whispered their ugly little promises and dark desires into his ears, his mind. The lights flickered.

"Please," he whispered, his voice raw. There were very few things he would beg for, but this was at the top of the list. "Don't open it. I'll do anything."

His body shuddered as the shadows sunk in their little needle teeth, ready to claim him again. They still owned him as much as he had ever owned them. Had he ever controlled them at all, or had it always only been this?

He couldn't breathe. He could almost feel them working his mouth open and sliding down his throat to claim him from the inside out, the phantasm of a half-forgotten nightmare sliding back to the forefront of his mind. The shadows would choke him, suffocate him, drown him, until they were all that was left inside this sad shell. He would drown and be reborn as the most terrible and deadly of monsters.

"I'm afraid it's too late for that," said the woman.

Her features blurred and wavered, his team's shouts faded and were muffled. Only her hands were bright with sharp clarity, pale against the leather cover. They moved. Time seemed to slow.

One heartbeat, two.

The Book fell open.

One heartbeat, tw–

And he drowned.

* * *

 **Note: Oops.**

 **...You really thought I'd let the whole Awakening thing drop without being satisfactorily resolved? Please. I thought you guys would be all over me from the moment I started dropping hints that this was where it was going XD**

 **emmahoshi: I hate when my plans get messed up too -_- I'm something of a planner, and I don't like it when things veer off course. Ha, watch how easily I can mess up 42 chapters' worth of recovery. But yeah, sometimes some random OC just has to sweep in to mess everything up. *sigh***


	44. (A Rude) Awakening (2)

**Note: See what I did there? Geez, past-me thought she was so clever X)**

 **Random fun fact: I actually took Marietta's name from "marionette", although she'd technically be more the puppet master. Also, I was writing a piece called "Marionette" at the time, which might have had some influence :X Not really important to anyone, but there you have it lol**

 **(And yes, y'all were right, it was the amulet from "Heat Stroke" XD)**

* * *

 **(A Rude) Awakening (2)**

* * *

A hot, calloused hand slammed over Lucy's mouth, muffling her cry.

"Hush," Natsu whispered, his voice low and grim. Where moments before everything had been a raucous chorus of shouts and talking, now it was as silent as the grave. "Be very quiet."

His hand fell away, but Lucy wasn't paying attention. Her horrified gaze lingered on the open Book for a split second longer before turning on Gray. His body shuddered with the force of the powers at play on him, and he staggered back a half-step as if bracing himself. His foot landed on the ring of runes, half in and half out of the circle.

 _"Only an Awakened demon can exit the circle."_

"No," Lucy breathed soundlessly.

But Gray stayed completely still, not exploding into an instant frenzy or sudden rampage. The shadows, though, those moved. Every shadow in the room, even the one attached to Lucy's feet, strained toward him and stretched out across the floor and walls in great swathes of darkness. They danced eerily, living things seeking out their master. The one at Gray's feet was blacker than the deepest night as it twisted and twined about him like a smoky shroud.

The power reverberating through the room was incredible, enough to make Lucy's hair stand on end and her skin tingle, enough to awaken every scrap of shadow and make Lucy's magic recoil in primal fear. She didn't sense it in the same way that she was able to sense other magics, but she could feel it as something dark and ancient and malevolent, thickening the air and smothering any lesser power like snuffing out a candle.

Gray had always been incredibly strong, but now it hit Lucy exactly how dangerous he was, exactly how much power his body and Book contained. And she understood why there had been so much panic and overwhelming grief in his eyes when he had glanced back for just a heartbeat. He knew exactly how dangerous he was while Awake, knew that he'd likely kill them all even if they _weren't_ trapped and helpless inside layers of runes.

And still he was motionless, his head bowed as the shadows gathered. Lucy almost wished his back wasn't toward them, even if she was afraid of what she would see in his face.

"What's he doing?" Happy whispered as softly as he could. Natsu just shook his head helplessly.

"Demon?" Marietta asked impatiently from where she was safely ensconced behind her protective runes. Lucy wanted to rip out all of the woman's stupid orange hair and claw her eyes out and tear her to pieces. "Let's get going. You–"

Gray's head snapped up at the sound of her voice, and a fierce snarl ripped its way out of his throat. He lunged forward faster than thought, each movement sharp and lightning-quick with savage intensity, and slammed into the rune barrier before the woman even had time to scream. Lucy was so startled by the sudden movement and its viciousness that she yelped automatically, but Natsu slapped a hand over her mouth again.

"Stop it!" Marietta cried. "You're supposed to attack _them_ , not me!"

But Gray continued throwing himself at the barrier with all the tenacity of a single-minded obsession, ripping at it and sending shadow and ice ricocheting off the magic.

"She was stupid to think she could control him," Natsu muttered, releasing Lucy.

"Why is he attacking her instead of us?" Erza whispered.

"Because she attracted his attention first. He's not going to be choosy. Now that he doesn't have an overwhelming urge to kill one person like he did with Zeref…he'll rip apart everything sooner or later, but he's going to start with anything that specifically presents itself as a target."

Happy swallowed hard. "But when he can't get to her…"

"Then we're the next best thing."

"What do we do?" Erza asked softly, her eyes bright with pain and more fear than Lucy had known she possessed.

"What _can_ we do?" Lucy asked hopelessly. She was truly frightened now, her heart pounding erratically in her chest and her breaths coming in short, quick gasps. Gray was going to kill them no matter how much he didn't want to, and Lucy was afraid to die. "We're stuck in here. We can't even defend ourselves."

"I've already tried everything," Natsu said moodily. Lucy couldn't get a read on him. There was fear, but mostly there was something grim and resigned about him, a bone-deep ache that she couldn't quite understand. "We can't get out. We would have to be able to get his Book and close it, but…"

"I've been trying this whole time too," Erza said. "She knew what she was doing with these runes. If we–"

A shudder ran through the underlying magic hanging over the area. Gray slammed into the runes again and the barrier cracked, the magic peeling away under the force of the power bearing down on it.

"Stop!" Marietta cried. For the first time, she looked frightened, the gravity of what she'd done finally sinking in. She backed away from the barrier toward the wall, watching Gray with wide, frightened eyes as she clutched the Book. "Get away!"

"Oh my God, he's breaking through her runes," Lucy whispered in horrified awe.

"Close the Book, you fool," Natsu muttered. "Fuck, I wanna just yell at her, but if we attract his attention and he turns on us…"

Lucy drew in a breath anyway, but that was the moment the magic shattered. A shrill scream pierced the air, cut off almost immediately as Gray pounced on Marietta and sent her crashing to the ground. His Book skittered across the floor, but the covers were still stubbornly splayed open.

Lucy let out a strangled, horrified moan as Gray slammed into the prone woman with shadow and ice and his bare hands. Blood sprayed the air, crimson droplets lingering in a fine mist while a large pool of red began seeping sluggishly across the tile. And still Gray kept going, battering the woman with such vicious savagery that Lucy was afraid there'd be nothing left of her.

She tore her eyes away from the grisly scene and hid her face in Natsu's chest, her whole body quivering. Oh God, that was Gray, but not _their_ Gray.

"Oh, fuck," Erza breathed.

"Just…" Natsu let out a shuddering breath. "Just stay quiet and still. Don't make yourself into a target."

"That's only postponing the inevitable," Happy said miserably, his voice trembling with fear.

"…I don't know what else to tell you."

Lucy drew in a deep breath and forced herself to let go of Natsu and step away to look back at the action. Her vision seemed to blur, leaving her seeing only a boundless field of red. Something salty and wet dribbled down her cheek and over her lip. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying.

Behind her, Happy sneezed loudly, the sound like a gunshot.

Gray's head jerked up and swung to face them, and they got a look at his face for the first time. His eyes were dark and cold, glittering with an inhuman ferocity that made Lucy want to curl up in a ball and pull the covers over her head like a child frightened of the monster under the bed. There was no trace of the Gray she knew there.

" _Happy!_ " Natsu cried.

"I'm sorry!" Happy wailed. "I couldn't help it!"

Gray darted forward so suddenly and quickly that Lucy screamed before she could stop herself. His eyes zeroed in on her. He leapt forward the last pace, and his boots slammed into the floor so hard that the tile cracked.

She jerked back but had nowhere to go. But he paused then, just outside the runes, studying her with slightly narrowed eyes. Lucy couldn't breathe, caught up in that intense gaze. There was something coldly intelligent lurking there, even though there shouldn't be. Even if it was masked by the driving need to destroy, Lucy saw it.

And she realized that Gray was all the more dangerous for how human he had become, because he retained something of it now and it made him a more formidable opponent than when he had been merely a demon. He had evolved, and that cut both ways. It made him into a better human, but into a more dangerous demon as well.

"Don't move," Natsu breathed into her ear, as if her limbs weren't already locked in place and her breath frozen in her throat.

Ever so slowly, he slid his hands around her waist. What did he really think he could do? He was trying, but… If Gray decided to kill Lucy, she would be dead before Natsu could move a muscle to pull her away.

But so far Gray hadn't moved to do so, not even with how quickly he had pounced on Marietta. The runes didn't even pose a barrier to him, but he paused outside, holding his body oddly in some kind of animal, slightly hunched position, and watched her with those eyes.

Lucy realized, suddenly, how much he had shielded them from this side of himself. Even when she'd thought she'd seen that cold, inhuman glint in his eyes when he was trying to distance himself… That was nothing like this. There was nothing even remotely recognizable about these eyes.

Gray lifted a hand and grabbed for Lucy, and she jerked back with a scream. But even though he could have easily punched through her chest and ripped her heart out, his hand came to an abrupt halt just over her heart, hovering right above her skin. She stared at it in horrified fascination, watching the blood drip from his fingers. He was covered in blood. In a heartbeat, there could be much more to join it.

The shadows writhed in a mass on the ground, climbing up Lucy and the others to hold them tightly. They were cold and oily and as unyielding as iron, but they didn't attack, only restrained.

Gray withdrew his hand and lunged again, but again it came to a stop just above her heart. A low growl rumbled through his chest and he bared pointed teeth in a furious snarl. His eyes shone with depths of wrath and hatred the likes of which no human body could ever contain, his body trembled with tension and fury, but still he didn't strike.

Why?

Lucy's lip trembled as she stared into his eyes, prey frozen by the predator's gaze. But although her fear thrummed through her body and made it feel as if she might have a heart attack at any moment, it was an overwhelming wave of sorrow that crashed over her. She didn't want to die at Gray's hands. Gray was her friend. It was so wrong. She didn't want him to wake up and realize what he had done, what he had become.

And she realized in that moment that no matter what happened within these next few seconds, nothing would be the same. Gray, her Gray, was gone.

"Give Gray back," she whispered, her vision blurring with tears. But it was hopeless, because even if Gray came back to himself, he would never be the same Gray again.

Gray tilted his head, his eyes narrowing further. His hand moved upward, paused, and trailed along her cheek in a mockery of a caress, leaving something warm and sticky in its wake. A predator assessing its prey.

And then he slowly retreated, his movements an odd mix of feline grace and feral savagery. He withdrew until he was several feet away, and he and Lucy locked gazes again. His body was tensed in preparation, and Lucy saw it in his eyes that this was the end of whatever had been holding him back. There was no pity in his ruthless gaze. He didn't understand the concept of mercy.

He lunged forward again, murderous intent inherent in each movement as he dove for her heart. Lucy closed her eyes and tilted her face away, one tear dripping silently down her cheek. She didn't want to see what had become of her friend in the moment he killed her.

This was the end.

 _Goodbye._

* * *

 _Kill, destroy. Kill, destroy._

He would kill them all, rip down their silly construction, tear the world to pieces. This was what he was meant to do. This driving _need_ to tear it all apart.

Humans first. Kill. Then move on. Kill them, escape here, move on to the world.

 _Not them_.

Everyone. No exceptions. Everything needed to be destroyed.

 _Purpose. Protect._

Everyone. Everything. Destroy. Kill.

But his hand stilled, trembling with the opposing needs to destroy and protect. No protecting. Destroy.

 _Kill._

 _Not them._

 _Destroy._

 _Purpose._

 _Destroy, destroy, destroy._

 _Protect._

He growled in frustration and tried again, not understanding what it was about this insignificant human that had stayed his hand.

 _Kill._

 _Not them!_

Every fiber of his being screamed in frustration when he again came up short. He trailed a hand along the human's face.

 _Purpose. Protect._

So, he _could_ touch. And if he could touch…

 _Protect._

He withdrew, marshalling himself. No more of this nonsense. He had a world to obliterate, and these humans were somehow standing in his way. He would destroy them once and for all.

He lunged forward and–

 _Not them. Purpose. Protect._

His hand stopped just above the human's heart again, the fingers trembling. He stared at it.

 _Kill._

 _Not them._

 _Destroy._

 _Purpose. Protect._

With a frustrated growl, he tore himself away and whipped around.

The world, then.

* * *

Natsu's heart stopped when Gray lunged again. He yanked Lucy back, but it was a futile gesture and he knew it. Gray moved so fast that it was impossible to track him, and was upon Lucy before anyone could do so much as scream.

And then stopped. His eyes burned black with fury, his mouth stayed twisted in a snarl, but again his hand stopped just above Lucy's heart.

For a moment, nothing moved. Then Gray growled and spun around, taking the shadows with him as he stalked away and left Lucy to slump back bonelessly against Natsu. He turned his attention to the wall several feet away, ice and shadow frothing in a frenzy as they attacked the stone. Gray scrabbled at it with his bare hands and began tearing out chunks. The entire building seemed to shudder under the assault.

"He didn't…" Lucy's voice was faint and trailed off into the air.

Happy launched himself at her chest and wrapped his paws around her, his eyes overflowing with tears. "You're not dead!"

"What is he doing?" Erza asked. "Why didn't he…?"

"I don't know," Natsu said shortly, narrowing his eyes at Gray's back. "He's Awake. He should have killed us. I don't know why he didn't. But now he's trying to break his way out of here instead, and if he does…"

"We can't let him get loose like this," Lucy said quietly.

"No. And…he could change his mind. Don't attract his attention if you can help it."

Natsu found it hard to tear his eyes away from Gray and his rampage. By all accounts, the team should be dead now. He didn't understand what had held Gray back every time he'd tried. Having been Awake himself and having heard Gray's terse accounts of the subject, he knew this wasn't normal.

Whatever the reason, he was so, so sorry that Gray was Awake at all. People could die. His gaze flicked briefly to the body across the room, blood spreading across the ground in stagnant pools. Someone already _had_ died. And even if they could bring Gray back… Natsu couldn't bring himself to imagine the look on Gray's face when he realized what he'd done.

"Look," Erza hissed suddenly. "He damaged the runes when he was threatening Lucy."

She pressed her palm against the barrier and the magic shimmered weakly, shivering and almost parting at her touch. A series of thick cracks ran through the floor and runes, although something so simple wouldn't have damaged the magic that much.

"Why?" Lucy mumbled. "He could get us without messing with the runes."

"Because he could," Natsu said. "Do you _feel_ how much power is emanating from him? The runes are just collateral damage."

"Maybe we can break out now," Erza said, eyeing the weak spot.

"Or maybe I could rewrite them," Lucy said, shaking herself out of her daze. "I mean, I don't have access to my magic in here so it's more difficult and way less powerful, but since they're already damaged…"

"You can do that?" asked Happy.

"Levy's shown me a few tricks and I've rewritten a few things before, but since I don't have that kind of magic, I can't do nearly as much with it. Small things. But I can try."

She fell to her knees and began scrabbling at the runes on the floor, whipping out a pen and scribbling on the marble. Using a pen to rewrite glyphs carved into stone seemed incongruous and strange to Natsu, but it wasn't like he knew how this stuff worked.

He left her to it and returned his gaze to Gray, punching at the barrier halfheartedly one more time. Without his magic, his physical attacks didn't have the power they needed to break through, and it frustrated him to no end. Hopefully, Lucy's workaround would make them the loophole they needed.

Stone crumbled beneath Gray's assault, and the falling rubble made the air tremble with the sound of its crashing. The walls were thick and led into bedrock and foundation since they were underground, but it would only be a matter of time before Gray broke through or realized it was better to tear down the ceiling or found the staircase.

"He's going to bring this whole place down on us," Erza mumbled as another chunk of rock crashed into the floor in a cloud of dust.

That was the least of their worries, but Natsu stayed silent.

"I got it!" Lucy said, her triumph tempered by her fear. She stepped out of the circle through the small gap she'd written into the runes, and everyone quickly followed. Natsu was relieved to feel his magic come flooding back once he stepped out. "We have to get his Book, but be careful. This whole floor is a trap. Don't step in any of the areas bounded by runes, in case you activate them. Gray might be able to break out of them, but it's hard enough for me to rewrite damaged ones."

"You guys go," Natsu said grimly. He glanced over at the Book lying abandoned on the floor, the pages quietly absorbing blood. The distance wasn't that far, but with Gray in the way, it seemed endless. "I'll make sure Gray doesn't go after you. He might, when he sees us free and moving around."

Lucy's eyes filled with tears again. "But you–"

"I'll be fine. Hurry, hurry. The most important thing is to get that Book closed."

Lucy hesitated, but Erza grabbed her arm. "Let's go."

Natsu watched the girls and Happy as they hurried through the maze of runes etched into the floor, but then squared his shoulders and turned on Gray. Gray was still focused on the stretch of wall between Natsu and the Book, oblivious to the activity behind him. He had ripped out an extensive portion of the wall and deep into the material behind, although the scope of the destruction was difficult to see when there was still a flurry of vicious movement and shadow blocking it from view.

Natsu took a deep breath and watched for any sign of danger. It hit him hard, that he was monitoring his friend like a threat that had to be contained. What was worse, Gray _was_ a threat that had to be contained right now. It wasn't fair, because he shouldn't be. If he'd had his way, he wouldn't be. Gray didn't want to hurt anyone, but it didn't matter because of that goddamn _Book._ How dare anyone take away his free will and turn him into _this_?

"Oh no!" Lucy wailed. "The Book fell in a circle!"

Natsu looked over automatically, cursing as he saw Lucy banging her fist ineffectually against a magic barrier. Gray looked too, pausing his escape attempt. Natsu inched between Gray and the others, his gaze fixed solely on the ice mage now.

Gray's gaze flitted between Natsu and the rest of the team, coldly calculating even though there shouldn't be any intelligent life there. He was deciding.

"Can you rewrite the runes?" Erza was saying urgently.

"I don't know," Lucy mumbled. "I-I'd have to figure out what exactly the rules are and then how to rewrite them, and these aren't damaged. It's going to take time, and we don't have time."

"Then you'd better get started," Natsu said, not looking back. "Do what you can. We have no other options."

Gray took a small step forward and paused again. The power written in every line of his body spoke of an incredible predator, even without the power charging the air. The floor underneath his feet was frosted with a crystal lattice of ice, and shadows danced behind and underneath and around.

And Natsu realized that he couldn't afford to let Gray make the first move. If Gray decided that he wanted to kill the humans panicking around the Book on the floor, he could bypass Natsu in a heartbeat and rip into them. They couldn't count on whatever had held him back before. An Awakened demon was a dangerous demon.

"Okay, Gray. Hey, Gray!"

Gray glanced back as Natsu waved his arms and generally made himself into an interesting target, but then dismissed the easy prey and returned to considering the other mages. They were whispering loudly and arguing, and Lucy was scrabbling about on the floor in quick motions loud enough that Natsu could hear even though he wasn't looking. He imagined that those motions would look an awful lot like prey. So much for not making themselves into targets.

If Natsu wanted to make _sure_ that he was Gray's main focus, maybe it was time to bring out his curses, as much as he quailed at the thought. Those would instantly attract another demon's attention. Demons responded to other demons, saw them as threats. Gray had told Natsu that. It was how he'd gotten Natsu's attention while he was Awake, how he'd managed to drag it away from Zeref.

Natsu swallowed hard and reached down until he felt the pit of hellfire smoldering deep inside him. He wondered if he could have done this inside the runes if he'd thought about it, or if his curses had been cut off along with his magic. He wondered if forgetting about them had been a costly mistake.

He drew the flames out, pulling them to dance between his hands. Gray's eyes snapped to the fire, and the shadows around him writhed with new vigor. He growled low in the back of his throat.

"Whatcha gonna do, ice block?" Natsu asked, his mouth dry. "Come on, let's have a brawl for old time's sake."

The last thing he really wanted was to fight Gray while he was Awake, but he had to make sure that the others were safe and free to figure out how to get and close the Book.

Gray darted forward and slammed into his chest. Natsu lashed out wildly with his curses, but although Gray hissed in pain, he only retreated a half-step. Then he lunged again, this time shoving Natsu to the ground and pinning him down.

Natsu yelped as the back of his head smashed into the marble, and thrashed vainly. But even with the curses, Gray held him down tenaciously and the shadows began licking at the prone dragon slayer. They dug in with sharp claws, hooking into his skin and poking at his soul.

Someone screamed.

"The Book!" he yelled back. "Just worry about the damn Book!"

He braced himself, but the expected ripping, tearing, rending sensation didn't come. Instead, he found himself staring into Gray's eyes and wishing he wasn't. Those eyes weren't Gray's, and Natsu got a sudden firsthand taste of what it would have been like for Gray when the roles were reversed and it was Natsu who was Awake.

Those memories were hazy, but he could still remember the helplessness and desperation in Gray's eyes. Did his own eyes look the same now?

"Snap out of it, ice princess," Natsu breathed with a faint smile, conjuring the essence of the words that had pierced through his bloodlust all those months ago. "You look real silly playing dress-up as a demon."

Gray's eyes didn't change, all glittering darkness and vicious fury.

Then he jumped off of Natsu, his body vibrating with stress and tension, and threw himself back at the wall with renewed vigor. Natsu blinked at him blankly from where he was spread-eagled on the floor, the sudden change taking him completely off guard.

It was the same thing as before: Gray acted like he wanted to kill them, but then stormed off in frustration and threw himself into destroying something else. Natsu didn't understand it, but he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of it.

Pulling himself to his feet, he stumbled unsteadily before turning and running for the others as fast as he could, his shoes slapping loudly against the marble floor.

"Move!"

If Gray's curses could damage the runes… Well, Natsu didn't have access to a whole Book full of curses anymore, but he was fucking E.N.D., wasn't he?

Lucy scrambled aside, abandoning her futile scribblings to get out of his way. And Natsu summoned up every ounce of hellfire he could, more than he had ever dared summon at one time since his Awakening, and slammed into the runic barrier at full force. It didn't give immediately, the magic repelling him, but he leaned into it with fire blazing. And slowly, slowly, it cracked.

He regrouped once and threw himself against the magic until it shattered, the fire burning through the runes. He was already diving to the floor. Grabbing the Book, he slammed it shut with a resounding thud.

Instant silence fell over the room, broken only by the last few scattered rocks hitting the floor. The sound of falling rubble no longer echoed through the air.

Natsu sat up and turned. Gray was standing motionless, head bowed and hand pressed to the wall. It was as if he'd frozen in place. He didn't look up or move or speak.

"Is he…?" Lucy whispered, trailing off.

"Stay here," Natsu said in a low voice.

Gray shouldn't be Awake anymore, but he wasn't taking any chances. Natsu approached slowly, cautiously, and peered around Gray's side to get a look at his face. A curtain of raven-dark hair blocked his view, but he noted that one of Gray's hands had wrapped itself tightly around the pendant of his necklace.

Those hands, they hurt to see. They were scraped raw and battered from pummeling the stone and tearing it apart, and they were crusted with blood that Gray would spend a lifetime trying to wash away.

"Gray?" Natsu asked. "Here."

He proffered the Book gingerly. There was a long pause, and then the hand holding the necklace released it and accepted the offering. No other part of Gray moved, but ice spread out from his fingertips, encasing the Book once more in a solid protective coating.

Then he turned suddenly in one sharp, fluid motion and threw the Book across the room. It slammed into the wall with great force and fell to the floor. Lucy let out a high-pitched cry of surprise that she quickly cut off.

"Stop that!" Natsu snapped, horrified. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Hurting the Book hurt the demon, after all, but Gray showed no sign of it. He looked at no one as he walked across the room with clipped, measured strides. He bent down to retrieve Natsu's Book and the other objects that had been forced out of his shadow earlier. Holding them out, he thrust them back into their shadowy hiding place.

Lucy crept over to pick up his thrown Book and then tiptoed back over to him, holding it out.

"Are you…? Are you alright?" she asked.

Still, Gray said nothing. But he took the Book and shoved it back into his shadow. As he made to turn away, he paused and his eyes flicked up to lock on Lucy's cheek. He stared at it intently and raised a hand as if to touch, before letting it fall away. The attention confused Natsu, before his eye caught on the streak of red marring Lucy's skin.

"It's not mine," Lucy said quickly. "You didn't hurt me. Gray, you didn't…"

Gray's gaze dropped to his hands, and Lucy trailed off as he stared at the rusty crimson stains. Slowly, he turned on his heel and looked over at the other side of the room. No one dared speak as he stared at the torn remains of Marietta's body and the blood pooling around them.

His face still perfectly blank, he approached with measured strides and crouched down beside the body. Natsu swallowed hard, remembering when he'd seen Acnologia's body and realized what he'd done. And, mostly, how easily that could have been Lucy's body or Happy's or Erza's. Or Gray's. Gray knew how easy it would have been too. It would hit him just as hard as it had hit Natsu.

Gray carefully slipped his arms underneath the body and stood with his new burden, heedless of the blood. Natsu winced at the horrific state of the corpse, torn and bloodied, with some pieces only hanging on by a thread. Lucy let out a shuddering breath and looked away from the gruesome scene.

Gray still wasn't looking at anyone as he started back for the stairs, cradling the dead woman.

"Why isn't he saying anything?" Happy whispered.

"His speech was messed up before, right?" Lucy whispered back. "Maybe…"

Yeah, well, Gray's mind had been all muddled up before too, and it seemed clear enough now. Natsu rather thought it was something else that kept his friend silent, and judging by the others' grim expressions, he wasn't the only one.

Erza cleared her throat. "Gray, I know that this was…bad, but we all did the best we could, including you. She shouldn't have… We understand that you didn't have a choice. It's not your fault. You aren't…"

Gray said nothing as he climbed the stairs, and his grim silence was so prohibitive that Erza's little speech was derailed somewhere in the middle. Natsu and the others trailed after him forlornly, exchanging helpless looks. They were still shaken up and worried about what this would mean for Gray.

Many of the artifacts on the main floor had been jostled and tossed about by the force of Gray shaking the foundations beneath, and there were cracks running through the tile. Natsu eyed the now-decrepit museum as he followed Gray through. A few minutes longer, and this place would have been razed to the ground. And so would have much of the city. And surrounding areas. And the people.

When they slipped outside, there was already a large gathering of people milling around and holding frantic discussions in urgent voices. They all turned as the doors opened, eyes widening at the sight of the battered mages and bloody body. Holy shit. How were they going to explain this one?

"Oh my God!" someone said loudly.

"What happened?" a lanky, black-haired man asked. "We heard all the commotion and… What happened to Marietta?"

Natsu scowled. "Well, she was fucking crazy and–"

"She managed to unleash a monster," Gray said in a flat, raspy voice. The first words he'd spoken since Awakening. "And it got the better of her."

The team shot him guarded, uncertain looks, not entirely sure what to make of that.

"One of those artifacts of hers had something in it?" The man's face creased with melancholy weariness. "We were always afraid that one of them would get her someday… Some of them seemed pretty dangerous. You were the ones who were going to help her with that amulet? Is this…monster…contained?"

"But–" Natsu started.

"Hush," Erza hissed softly in his ear. "We might as well go along with it. We need some kind of cover story for what happened here." Raising her voice, she added to the crowd, "Yes. The danger is past. We did the best we could, but…"

A plump, blonde-haired woman hurried over with a sympathetic expression plastered on her face. "I'm so sorry. You all look terrible. We appreciate that you did what you could. Come along with me. I run the inn, and you look like you could use a room to clean up and rest in. You shouldn't be traveling in your state. Here, leave poor Marietta here. We'll take care of her."

They really must look awful. Judging by Gray's stony yet shell-shocked expression and the fact that he was drenched in blood, he was the natural first recipient of the woman's worried ministrations. But considering that half of the team was tear-stained and they all had drawn faces with varying amounts of pain and fear and worry and sadness written into them, they all looked pretty bad.

Gray hesitated, but a burly, heavy-set man approached and relieved him of Marietta's body. The ice mage still lingered, half looking like he wanted to protest, but the innkeeper grabbed him by the arm and began towing him along as she fussed over him. He said nothing, his eyes glassy as he stared straight ahead, and his silence only seemed to encourage her to fuss more.

She led the team back to her inn and insisted on giving them a free night's stay now that evening was approaching. She was terribly apologetic that this was a busy time of the year and she only had two rooms available, but two rooms was the team's norm anyway. She brought them fresh clothes and then left them alone to pull themselves together and clean up.

The girls gave Gray more worried looks before disappearing into their room. And then Natsu and Happy were left alone with Gray, and Natsu had no idea what to say or do. He shifted awkwardly as Gray started for the bathroom with his eyes fixed on the floor. There wasn't going to be any bickering over who got the first turn in the restroom today—Natsu certainly wasn't going to stop him from washing all that blood off.

Gray paused, half in the doorway. "Your head," he said in a low voice, startling Natsu who wasn't expecting him to speak after the protracted silence. "How is it?"

Natsu lifted a hand almost automatically to his head. There was a crust of dried blood somewhere in the back where it had slammed into the floor and he had a splitting headache that had been almost forgotten in all the craziness, but it wasn't anything that wouldn't heal quickly enough.

"Fine," he said quickly. "You didn't even… You were Awake and you didn't even hurt us. What happened?" Gray just shook his head slowly, not turning around. Either he didn't know any more than Natsu did, or he wasn't saying. "Look, I'm…really sorry that happened. I know it's… And I know you don't want to hear that it's not your fault, but…it really isn't. I wish that I could have fixed you like you fixed me so that you didn't have to worry about Awakening again. I'm sorry. Just…we're still here for you, okay?"

Gray's hand tightened on the doorframe. He stepped inside the bathroom and shut the door, leaving Natsu and Happy staring after him forlornly.

"What now?" Happy asked dejectedly.

"I don't know. We start over, I guess."

All that progress Gray had made, every step they'd fought to drag him, was in jeopardy now. Could months of struggling and fighting and healing disappear just like that? Collapse like a house of cards? Was all that progress really so fragile?

Natsu was afraid that it was.

And it had all been lost for what? Some crazy woman's pipedream? Now she was dead, and they'd never even know what had pushed her to the point where she was willing to ruin Gray's life. Somehow that absence itched fiercely despite everything else—that total lack of explanation for why this had happened at all. As far as they knew, Gray had been torn apart for absolutely no reason at all.

The shower turned on in the bathroom, and Natsu and Happy went over to the girls' room. They all sat on the beds in a quiet huddle, no one feeling up to showering or changing or otherwise making themselves presentable.

"Will he be alright?" Lucy asked finally.

Natsu just shook his head. "I don't know. I really don't know."

* * *

Gray stared down impassively at the red-tinged water swirling about his feet and down the drain. Then he began scrubbing the blood off his body. It wasn't a frenzied, desperate scrubbing. He scrubbed slowly, methodically, and then started over. He could still feel it, of course. So he slowly, methodically began scrubbing off the top layer of skin until it was aching and reddened and raw. Then he did it again, for good measure.

He paused and considered. The water had started running clear a long time ago, but… He scrubbed one more time because he could, even though it was in no way satisfying.

Giving up, he turned off the water and stepped out onto the tile, drifting along aimlessly until he found a towel. He scrubbed himself with it thoroughly even though the fabric was harsh on his raw skin, because why not?

The clothes the innkeeper had brought were too big, but he shrugged them on and fascinated himself with watching the way the sleeves fell all the way over his hands and covered his fingers. He pushed them up, but the chipped fingernails and scratched skin picked at his memory until all he could see was the red dripping, dripping, dripping. He pulled them back down.

He didn't want to conjure the memories just yet. They were hazy, but they were slowly filtering into his mind and he knew he'd remember the worst of it sooner or later. He wasn't ready to remember Lucy's face when she waited for him to kill her, the heartache on Natsu's when he tried to fight fire with fire. Marietta's when he killed her.

He poked at a puddle on the floor idly with his toe, his eyes skimming sightlessly over the pools of water he'd tracked across the tile. He should probably wipe it up. It seemed like a lot of work. He drifted over to the mirror instead.

His eyes were frightening things, for the creature they reflected as well as for the things they'd seen. He looked horrible. He looked human, which suddenly seemed jarring. Almost as jarring as the first time he'd noticed that startling contrast.

Not Gray, He decided.

Both Grays had been too human, and He was not. He had allowed himself to believe, to hope, and it had been a mistake. He was a demon, a threat, and always had been. It had been foolish to go along with his friends' plan to make him human, make him belong, make him happy.

He wasn't meant for those things, and the magnitude of his folly was suddenly laid out in all its impressive scope. The team, the guild, Lyon, even all those satellite acquaintances, the world. What had He been thinking? It was all ash in his mouth, blood beneath his fingernails, the rubble of his past and his future. He had been foolish enough to build a life on quicksand, and He would pay the price.

It wasn't the others' fault. They had good intentions. But He had known better, and had been a fool to go along with this ill-fated scheme.

His shadow danced along the far wall, darkly gleeful but also disappointed about having been caged again. It had certainly enjoyed its time of freedom. Yet it hadn't killed his friends. He didn't know what to make of that, that hazily remembered feeling of a purpose to protect.

The others were lucky to be alive. They were lucky that He'd managed to ingrain this self-given purpose so deeply into himself that even his demonic side reluctantly recognized it as a purpose to contrast with the one Zeref had given him. If this had happened even a few months ago, they would probably be dead. His sense of purpose had still been strong then, but He doubted that it would have won out over his instincts if He hadn't gradually reached some kind of peace and come so far.

But that was still dangerous. He had grown complacent, tried to become something He was not, and someone had died for it. Marietta had seemed like a real piece of work, but she was a person and now she was dead. And his friends _should_ be dead. He had wanted to kill them. He had wanted to kill them so, so badly, and that hurt worse than anything else.

He threw one last stony look at his cavorting shadow. It would not be getting free again. He would not allow himself to fall back into human weakness and complacency or it might.

When He opened the door, the room was empty. He slipped into the hall and then out into the night, leaving behind a trail of half-open doors, water drying on the tile, and a discarded towel crumpled on the floor.

* * *

Gray was missing, and Erza was trying not to panic. But it was hard, when Natsu had come running back only seconds after he'd finally left to drag her and Lucy over to see the trail Gray had left behind. Gray himself was conspicuously missing. And after everything, Erza didn't know if he was coming back.

But there was nothing to do about it because he knew how to stay undetected if he didn't want to be found, and not even Natsu's nose could track him outside the building. So after a tearful powwow where much was discussed and very little answered, everyone adjourned to sleep. Or try to sleep. Erza didn't think she was falling asleep any time soon.

Everything played over and over again in her mind, a constant loop that kept her staring wide-eyed into the darkness with a pounding heart. She kept seeing everything fall apart over and over again. She especially tried not to think about what it had looked like to see a demon staring back at her from Gray's face. It was a hard image to erase when it made every inch of her body scream out in primal fear, but she hated to think about her friend like that.

They had all come so close to dying. She had thought that Lucy, especially, was going to be ripped apart right in front of them. And then when Natsu had fallen and been pinned down… No, she couldn't think of a worse way to die than at Gray's hands. How horrible would it be to be killed by one of your closest friends? Your friend who had no choice? And who would eventually wake up and realize what he'd done?

Erza had never, she realized, been so afraid in all her life as she had been down in those runes, looking Gray in the face and seeing death stare back at her from his eyes.

A whimper cut through the darkness, and she rolled over to see Lucy tossing and turning in bed. The blonde shot upright, gasping for air.

Erza was not the only one to have been afraid.

Slipping out from beneath the covers, Erza glided over to flick on the light switch. Squinting against the sudden influx of harsh light, she went over and sat down on the bed beside Lucy.

"I-I'm sorry," the blonde managed. Her face was streaked with tears and her eyes were wide. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep."

"Oh." Lucy glanced over at the light switch. "Thanks for… It's just…"

"The shadows," Erza agreed. The darkness had never before been so frightening as when Gray wielded it with the intent to kill.

"Yeah…" Lucy buried her face in her hands. "I really thought he was going to kill me."

Erza hesitated, but then wrapped an arm around her friend. "I did too. I'm glad you're alright."

Lucy's shoulders started shaking. "I feel so bad having nightmares about him," she whispered in a voice thick with tears. "It's not his fault, but…"

"I know." Erza gave up on her reservations about touchy-feely nonsense and hugged Lucy. "But it's not your fault either. We can't always help what we are, what we dream. We do the best we can."

"Do you–do you think he'll come back?"

"I…honestly have no idea. But I hope so."

"Me too. But even if he does… He's not going to be the same, is he?"

Erza stared at the far wall with glassy eyes. "I'm afraid not."

Neither of them got any more sleep that night. They stayed huddled together until morning, grateful that they were both alive and seeking comfort from the memories and nightmares.

In the morning, they held a war council over breakfast. They talked in quiet voices in the inn's dining area, not looking to attract attention. There were far too many issues on the table—how to find Gray, what story they should tell everyone and whether they should tell the guild the truth, how to make sure Gray would be alright—and far too few answers.

"I think we should get Lyon," said Erza finally. "He'll want to know about whatever happens to Gray, and maybe he could–"

"No. I don't want Lyon."

Everyone started in surprise and whipped around as Gray slouched over and dropped into the empty chair at the table.

"Gray!" Lucy said. "You came back!"

He shrugged and stared at the table moodily. To be honest…he didn't look any better than he had last night. The careful blankness seemed hollow and dead, his eyes were distant and closed-off. A gaping chasm separated him from the others, and it seemed like an impossible distance to cross. Erza was afraid that he was too far away to be reached.

"I really think you ought to speak to Lyon," Erza said carefully. Those two had gotten awfully close, and even besides that… Well, Gray might not want to see Lyon after Awakening again, but she thought that he needed to.

"No."

But this wasn't the time to press the issue. Gray remained almost entirely unresponsive and silent after that point, and although there were so many words that everyone wanted to say, it was hard to work up the nerve. Saying the wrong thing could be catastrophic, and Erza didn't think that Gray was listening to the right ones now.

They snuck out of town with as little fanfare as possible. There was still no solid cover story, and they didn't want to get caught up in hordes of well-meaning townsfolk who wanted to know exactly what had happened to their dead comrade. Better to disappear and hope their half-baked explanation from the previous day was allowed to stand.

The ride back to the guild was tense and nearly silent. No consensus had yet been reached on what or how much they should tell the guild. The Master should know everything, but… With how long it had taken the guild to come around last time, no one was sure how they'd take this newest development. Erza would like to think that they'd stick together, that they'd grown close enough again that their solidarity wouldn't be shaken this time around, but was she willing to stake Gray's well-being on it?

As it turned out, she would have to find out.

Mavis was upon them almost the moment they straggled dejectedly into the guild. "How did it go? Are you–?" She took one look at Gray's face and turned somber. "What happened, Gray? You lost control, didn't you?"

Gray just stared back at her with those dark, dead eyes, and it was all the answer she needed. And the game was up, because everyone wanted to know what happened, and they were impossible to be assuaged once they'd gotten a good look at both Gray's face and the faces of the rest of the team. They all looked horrible and miserable and lost, and Erza doubted that she looked much better herself.

"The job was a trap," Natsu admitted finally. "She figured that if she requested both an ice and fire mage, there would be a good chance we'd take it. She did her research. And the crazy bitch opened Gray's Book."

Which, of course, led to an uproar. Everyone knew what that meant by now. There was an onslaught of questions about how she'd gotten the Book in the first place and what had happened and how the team was still alive. Erza made a point of saying that even though Gray could have easily killed them while Awake, he hadn't. She couldn't explain why that was and couldn't sidestep the fact that someone else had, in fact, died, but she thought that it should count for a lot anyway.

Once the entire story had been dragged out of the team, there was surprisingly little discussion. Something about Gray's dead-eyed silence precluded debate, and even the people giving him uneasy looks had the decency not to say anything to make him feel worse when he was already clearly so miserable. There would be a debate later, Erza had no doubt. When Gray wasn't around.

She studied everyone's faces, trying to gauge how that debate would go. Most people looked horrified, but in a sympathetic way rather than an accusatory one. A couple looked like they might raise concerns about Gray being a danger to the guild again, but even they seemed more upset and worried than hostile. But there was something about the gathered faces that made her confident that the guild would be sticking together and standing behind Gray this time around. They had come too far not to, and worked too hard to mend ties.

"We'll have to come up with a story for the Council," Gajeel said finally. He gnawed on the inside of his cheek and looked at Gray. "We're not going to just hand him over this time."

Erza's heart lifted in weak, melancholy hope. Gajeel had been one of the strongest first-round dissenters, and having him on their side was a good sign.

Gray didn't look hopeful. He just continued to stare at the wall. Then he finally turned and stepped forward. Lucy, happening to be on that side, gasped and flinched back. Gray stopped and stared at her. Erza thought that he might have actually looked her right in the eyes, which would be the first time he'd made eye contact since his Awakening.

Lucy's eyes widened and her mouth twisted into a horrified expression. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to… I don't really…" Gray rocked back a half-step, and Lucy's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry."

Mavis put a small hand on Gray's arm and whispered something to him. He glanced over, his eyes staring sightlessly at a spot just to her left. Then he shrugged her off and walked in a wide circle around Lucy and the team, looking at no one. He sat down heavily at a table in the very back of the guild hall and turned his blank, unwavering, unresponsive gaze on the doorway. And that was where he stayed for the next few days.

* * *

Everything was frozen in a quiet little pocket of time, the calm before the storm. He did nothing, felt little, just waited. His life was on hold until the world was through with him and He decided what to do with himself.

He had, on the rare occasions when He actually bothered to think about the situation and his future, considered leaving the guild entirely or even finding a nice little hidey-hole to curl up in and wait for the end. But that would only hurt his friends more, and He had already hurt them enough. Anyway, it would be running away from the consequences of his actions, and He believed in consequences.

So He waited.

Mostly He stayed in the spot He'd claimed, watching the door and waiting. He went back to his apartment at night, because people would pester him mercilessly until He did, insisting that He get some sleep. He didn't sleep. Sleep meant nightmares and memories. Mostly He just stared up at the ceiling all night long, and then came back to the guild in the morning and stared at the door for the rest of the day.

The guild was always discussing things in low voices, giving him sidelong looks, trying to get him to talk to them. Sometimes He listened in, but He was too dead inside to care. Nothing much mattered until He'd taken care of the issue at hand, and He had no interest in feigning normal life until then. He'd put most everything on hold, and kept the numbness wrapped tightly about himself so that He didn't have to feel.

His team was always bothering him to eat, to sleep, to tell them what they could do. But since nothing much mattered at the moment, He didn't bother with any of those things.

There were few things that could rattle him out of his flat detachment. One was the little flinches and winces and nervous expressions the others sometimes gave him, but He mostly just stared at the door to avoid seeing them. Seeing Lucy's fear reaction when He'd only stepped in her general direction had been more than enough. They were justified reactions, but that didn't mean He wanted to see them. He didn't want that reminder of how close He'd come to killing his friends, and He was too ashamed of what his friends had seen him become to meet their eyes anyway.

The other thing to break through his numbness came when Lyon, summoned by Erza even though He'd asked her not to, showed up at the guild in a panic. He was not ready to see Lyon, not after He'd slipped back into being the Deliora he'd known. He did not want to look into Lyon's eyes and see what was there.

Despite everyone's best efforts, all this had resulted in was that He'd locked himself in his apartment for over a day and refused to come out until Lyon was gone. Not that Lyon was _actually_ gone. He knew he was hanging around somewhere, but he was staying out of sight. They were all just waiting for the demon to snap out of his dead trance and rejoin the world of the living to figure out where to go from here.

"What are you doing?" Happy asked one day.

People were always trying to get him to talk, or at least keeping up a string of chatter and conversation around him in the hopes of encouraging him to speak. It didn't usually work, and He could rarely bring himself to string together more than one or two words at a time. He didn't have the energy or willpower, and He didn't see the point in talking when He had nothing to say.

But now He decided that it was time to give them an honest answer.

"Waiting," He said.

Everyone started in surprise, not actually having expected a response.

"Waiting?" Lucy asked. "Waiting for what?"

"The Knights."

"What? We haven't told the Council anything. We're coming up with a cover story."

"They're incompetent, but not _that_ incompetent," He said tonelessly. "A woman was viciously torn apart on a job I was present for. They'll put two and two together."

"We won't let them take you," Erza said grimly. "It wasn't your fault, and–"

"No."

"…No?"

"I'll go."

"But–"

But He felt that He'd said more than enough for one day. He would face the Council and accept the consequences for what He had done, and only then would He even think about what might happen next. Until then, He was living on borrowed time and had no impetus to begin jigsawing things back together.

The guild began discussing this newest development in worried voices.

He waited.

* * *

 **Note: For a while I toyed with the idea of having Gray seriously injure or even kill someone from the team or otherwise going on a rampage and doing a ton of damage to the outside world, but I had enough trouble getting him to recover just from this much. I don't think it would have been possible to write any kind of meaningful recovery if he'd actually killed a teammate, honestly. I can't see him surviving that. Anyway, the recovery/coming-to-terms bit and plot with the shadow don't work so well without showing some kind of evolution in his Awakenings and purpose, and I think it was important to show how far he's come in that sense.**

 **...And if you haven't yet realized how unstable and volatile Gray's character has been this whole time despite all those recovery chapters, just wait and see how easy it is for me to yank him about every which way. Poor guy. I was actually intending for this last segment to be pretty short because I already dealt with a crash and recovery after an Awakening and didn't want to rehash everything, but it got a lot more complicated than I thought. Basically, it felt cheap to write it off too quickly without some meaningful turning points, and it turned out that Gray was really fucked up after crashing from such a high. He was not cooperating with me X)**

 **emmahoshi: Hey, I'll take complicated emotions over no emotions XD Yeah, Gray would've still been messed up even if he didn't kill anyone, but... I dunno. It seemed more legit to have him kill someone during an Awakening since that's what he's supposed to do.**


	45. The Reckoning

**Soso177: Well, nice to finally meetcha lol It's always nice to hear something from the silent readers since most people won't bother to say anything no matter how much they like your writing. I definitely had a lot of fun coming up with convoluted plots and character development for this verse, so I'm glad you enjoy it. It _is_ a pretty far-fetched, unbelievable concept at the drawing board, so it's good to hear that it's working itself out. It definitely took some finagling and finessing to smooth out all the rough edges and make things work themselves together. And I _was_ a psych major, so you have to expect me to play with the charries' psychological and emotional states! That's practically my M.O., ha ha. Anyway, thanks again, you're sweet. It was nice to hear from you. Have a great day :)**

* * *

 **The Reckoning**

* * *

He didn't have to wait much longer before the Knights came pouring in a day or two later. The Council might take some time to put the pieces together and collect some of the facts, but they would want to get a murderous demon off the streets as soon as possible. The event produced a tense standoff between the Knights and an uncooperative guild, but He just slipped through the ranks of his friends and submitted to the cuffs. There was a lot of talking and yelling and maybe even pleading, but it blended together in his ears and He simply stared at the ground. He had no interest in listening, too absorbed in his own thoughts—or lack of thoughts, as the case may be—to pay much attention to the outside world.

The ride back to Council headquarters passed in a blur that He scarcely remembered later. The cell was just as bare and white and open to constant scrutiny as He remembered, but He didn't have the energy to form any kind of opinion on it this time around. Ignoring the cot situated along one wall, He retreated to huddle in the far corner and scrunch himself up as much as He could. He sat and stared out at the ground listlessly, doing a good job of blocking out the world and his own thoughts.

It was impossible to judge how much time had passed, even if He cared to try. Time passed in an interminable blur, twisting back and forth and around, around, around toward a point of collapse that He wasn't ready to acknowledge. The Knights around him talked sometimes, maybe all the time, to themselves and maybe to him. He didn't pay them any mind. They wanted him to eat, drink, sleep. They weren't happy that He wouldn't. They had guidelines to follow, procedures to complete, and He was being too lethargically uncooperative.

He picked up that much from the brief moments when He surfaced from his carefully maintained stupor and caught snatches of conversation before sinking back down again. He didn't care.

He kept his eyes open. He had fallen asleep once, and awoken in a fit of flailing limbs and wailing that had put his guards into a panic. Needless to say, He had been careful not to fall asleep again. There was a reason He'd been avoiding sleep like the plague ever since his Awakening. The days of sleep deprivation only kept his mind hazier and made it easier for him to immerse himself in his vegetative state, which suited him just fine as long as He could keep his eyes open.

"…and we don't know what to do with him."

"Let me in."

"Sir? But–"

"He's in cuffs, isn't he?"

"Well, yes, but–"

"You can lock the door behind me."

Someone was crouching down in front of him, a shadow blocking out the stretch of white stone He was nominally looking at. He didn't so much as twitch. It didn't particularly matter to him what happened to be in the place where He directed his eyes.

"Wow, you really do look awful. We tortured you for weeks and you never looked this bad."

He forced his eyes to focus slowly as if coming out of a long daze, and let his gaze drift up to the Executioner's face. The man's expression was inscrutable. Or maybe He could have deciphered it if He tried, but He didn't have the energy.

"Already doing better than us," someone muttered from outside the cell. "He won't even _look_ at us."

The Executioner pursed his lips and ran a searching look over the demon. "You _did_ kill her, didn't you? That woman?"

He didn't move for a long moment, but then forced his muscles to unstick enough to nod almost imperceptibly.

"I thought so." The Knight rocked back on his heels but remained in an awkward crouch. "I always did think it was dangerous to let you loose." Sighing, he pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. "The order for me to stay away from you hasn't technically been revoked, but you've managed to drive everyone else so crazy that they came begging to see if I could handle you. No one seems to know what to do with you. Honestly, I don't know what to do with you either."

He just stared dully, and then his gaze began drifting away.

"Hey, don't shut down on me again," the Executioner chided, and He halfheartedly focused on a point just to the left of the man's eyes, although his own eyes quickly went out of focus again. "I talked to some of your friends and your healer. The one with the unpronounceable name. She gave me a sleeping potion to bring you. She says it should knock you out without a problem."

A slight movement signaled the appearance of a bottle. Uninterested, He remained motionless and waited for the human to leave.

The Executioner sighed. "If I bring you food, will you eat it?"

He almost didn't respond, but on a whim He shook his head.

"I didn't think so. Well, at least take the potion." When He remained unresponsive, the man sighed again. "You can't stay awake forever. Eventually your body will give out and you'll fall asleep whether you like it or not. At least with this, you're less likely to wake up screaming again. Your healer says this should put you under deeply enough that you won't dream."

No response. Another sigh.

"There's been some talk of force-feeding you, and I doubt you'd like that any more than they would. If you take the potion, I'll tell them not to."

Snippets of half-forgotten nightmares flashed through his mind unbidden, the feeling of something He _did not want_ forcing itself down his throat and settling in his bones. A small shudder rippled through his body and his stomach turned over.

"Here," said the Executioner, his voice surprisingly gentle as he uncorked the bottle.

Forcing his eyes to focus again, He looked slowly between the man's face and the bottle. He didn't want to deal with any kind of force-feeding, nor did He want to accidentally fall asleep again and fall back into the nightmares. His hands were bound behind his back, so He reluctantly opened his mouth and choked down the proffered potion.

"Will you move to the bed?" the Executioner prodded.

He half shook his head and curled back into his previous miserable ball.

"I didn't think so."

His already dull senses wavered dangerously, and his body felt even heavier as his mind began to detach itself from wakefulness and drift away. Porlyusica had really pulled out all the stops. He fought it for a moment, but it was a losing battle. Sleep was kind of like death, He mused hazily, as long as there were no nightmares to go along with it. And you had to wake up again after. It didn't really sound so bad, aside from the waking up part.

He did, of course, wake up again. It would be too fortuitous a twist of fate not to.

He resurfaced slowly, blinking drowsily. It took several seconds for his sluggish mind to process the situation, dulled as it was by sleep. Jail. Knights. Awakening. Right.

He was curled into a ball on the cot. He didn't remember moving there. The cell was empty now, aside from him. He was hardly alone with the Knights lurking around outside, but the Executioner was gone and He was cut adrift again with a soul-deep loneliness that He had no hope of overcoming.

Wriggling off the bed was made more difficult by his bound hands, but He managed it and even snagged the thin blanket as He went. Retreating back to his corner, He hunched over again and tugged the blanket over his knees and under his chin, a thin barrier against the world.

And He waited.

* * *

He wasn't sure how long it was before the Knights dragged him out of the cell. It could have been only a few minutes or hours or days. It felt like an eternity.

The Knights were whispering about him—or maybe they were trying to talk _to_ him…it was hard to tell—but He didn't have the energy or willpower to bother picking apart the words and deciphering their meaning. Entering the courtroom, though, that was a painful sea of noise. His eyes skimmed sightlessly over the crowd of spectators before settling back on the floor several paces ahead, and He tuned out even further to escape all the voices clamoring over each other. There was enough movement and noise to spook anyone, but He plodded along placidly until the Knights pushed him down into the chair in front of the Council's desk.

Someone was calling the session to order and trying to quell the chaos, but it seemed like a long time before an uneasy quiet began settling over the room. Someone else said that He wasn't talking or responsive.

"He never seems to talk while in custody," One said impatiently. "He'll talk for the trial. Right, demon?"

He stared at the floor. He'd been intending to count the cracks in the wood, but He couldn't get past 'one'. It seemed like too much effort to move his eyes to the next one.

"Demon, cooperate."

"He's not in any state to cooperate right now," said the Executioner.

"Well, he'd better start talking fast. He's already in enough trouble without being uncooperative."

"Leave him alone," Erza snapped. "He's not being uncooperative. He isn't talking because he's upset. He stops talking when he's getting close to hitting a breaking point. The last thing he needs is for you to be an asshole."

" _Language_ , Miss Scarlett," One said darkly.

Uninterested, He tuned One out as the human spent the next few minutes trying to get his attention and convince him to cooperate with the investigation. He just couldn't see a reason good enough to shake himself out of his torpor. Better not to get involved in case He cracked. Better to stay detached and keep himself closed off from everything pressing in on him.

"Why don't _you_ try?" One asked finally in exasperation. "He always listened to you more."

There was a rustling and shuffling sound as someone shifted. "Gray?"

Despite himself, He dragged his eyes up to stare at Two dully. She leaned forward over the desk, one cheek dimpled where she was biting it. One muttered something unflattering about how no one listened to him but would respond to her.

"You look pretty terrible," Two said gently. "Are you alright?"

Of course not. He was too far gone to pretend that He was, but not so far gone that He'd flat-out admit to it. Instead, He made a slight shrugging motion.

"He hasn't been eating or moving at all," the Executioner supplied from the sidelines. "He refused to sleep until I brought him a sleeping potion. Aside from the time he fell asleep on accident and sent the entire facility into a panic with his screaming."

He thought it was rather poor taste to lay it all out there like that, but He couldn't bring himself to care.

"He was like that before you took him, too," Lucy murmured with a sigh.

Two glanced between them but didn't ask anyone to be quiet. She turned back to the demon with a sigh of her own. "You know I'm going to have to ask… Did you kill Marietta Vespacha?"

The red was dripping, dripping, dripping. He closed his eyes, held the air in his lungs, and exhaled slowly. He nodded once, the smallest of movements.

There was a pause, then, "Would you like to offer a defense?"

Slowly, He shook his head and returned his lifeless gaze to the floor.

"Anything at all?" she asked, her voice taking on an almost pleading edge. "This is your chance to tell us what happened and why so that we get the full picture."

He had no defense. He stared at the floor.

"What _I_ want to know," One said sourly, "is how he managed to kill someone when there's supposed to be a binding on him to stop him from harming humans."

"Don't be stupid," said Rufus impatiently. "There was never any such binding."

" _What?_ He lied to us? _You_ lied to us?"

"He was very truthful," Lucy disagreed. "Just… _selectively_ truthful. Everything he said was true, even if it might have been misleading. He never needed a binding to stop him from harming anyone, because he won't do it unless he's forced to."

"This is unacceptable. And you want us to release him? You really expect us to free a _murdering_ demon who has no binding to stop him from killing again? And E.N.D., no less! The most powerful of them all!"

"He's not E.N.D.," Natsu snapped. "I am."

He closed his eyes and hunched his shoulders. And here was where their carefully constructed house of cards collapsed to pieces.

There was a pause, saturated with disbelief, before One said, "Excuse me? But he–"

"He said that he was E.N.D. to protect me," Natsu growled. "So that you wouldn't come after me too."

"But Natsu didn't know," Lucy said quickly. "He only found out later. And Gray broke his binding and everything, so he's not even really a demon anymore. His Book has been opened and everything, and he's totally fine. He's not a threat."

"Broke his…binding?"

"Yeah, to my Book," Natsu grumbled. "And then he managed to bind himself to it to get access to E.N.D.'s power, which is how he could kill Zeref. So I don't have access to that stuff anymore."

"You…" At another time, the stunned incomprehension in One's voice would have been amusing. Now He just concentrated on breathing in and out slowly as the guild worked to dismantle their entire cover story. "This is something that will have to be addressed, but let's finish this first. The demon has admitted to killing a human and has no defense, so–"

"But it wasn't his fault!" Natsu burst out. "That crazy bitch opened his Book!"

"His Book? I thought he wasn't bound to his Book anymore?"

"Well, he _wasn't_ ," Erza said a little sheepishly, before her voice hardened again. "But Natsu managed to rebind Gray to his own Book after Zeref died. It's how he saved Gray."

"Which means that if his Book is opened, he's Awakened again," Natsu said in a quieter voice. "I was Awake once. When I killed Acnologia. And it's the most horrible thing. You aren't in control. You'll kill anyone who gets in your way, even if you love them. It's terrifying, especially when you wake up with blood on your hands. It's amazing that only one person died, honestly. He stopped himself from killing us too, and I still don't know how. He shouldn't have been able to.

"He warned that bitch what would happen if she opened his Book, and she didn't listen to him. You don't understand. It turns you into someone you're not, and then you come back to yourself and have to face the consequences. He didn't have a choice."

He was so tired of that argument, that He didn't have a choice. What did it matter? He was done with excuses.

He did his best to tune out the ensuing screaming match, not wanting to hear the elaborate web of lies and half-truths He'd created for the guild's protection come crashing down. There was talk of bindings and E.N.D. and lies and all manner of things, but He let it all fade out into a hazy blur. They were fighting to save him because He wouldn't fight to save himself, and they had to tear down everything He'd built to protect them because He wouldn't cooperate with any cover story they might make up to shift the blame away from him.

He wished they would stop.

His shadow twitched and wrapped itself around his leg, creeping upward almost gleefully. He dragged his gaze from the floor to focus on it.

"Get off."

The soft rasp cut through the noise like a knife.

"Demon?" asked One. "Are you–?"

 _Did well._

"I'm glad you think so," He said hollowly.

It wriggled some more, seeming inordinately pleased with itself. It had been downright sprightly since Awakening, which He supposed was because it had enjoyed its bid for freedom.

 _Purpose. We did better._

"Better?" He asked in blank disbelief. Something hot and dark coiled low in his stomach, sharpening his words before He thought better of it. "You are not _better_. You have learned _nothing_. You are _exactly_ the same as Before. And I hate you for it."

The inky veil drew back to coalesce in the air before him, radiating something almost like injured disbelief under its malicious glee.

 _I am you._

He flinched and bared his teeth, quickly working to block out the hateful words. "Be silent or begone. Keep pushing me and I'll seal you again. I've done it before, and you'd better believe I can do it again. Push me one step further, I dare you."

 _I am you._

He leaned forward, gaze burning into the shadowy figure. "I was foolish to let them convince me that you might actually be worth saving," He said in a low, cold voice.

The shadow flinched back as if struck, hesitated, and then collapsed to the ground. It settled back to a normal position and remained utterly motionless, no longer unable to keep still in its excitement. He stared at it for a long moment, ensuring that it had been cowed and would _leave him the hell alone_ , then slumped back in his chair. He carefully tamped down all the anger and hate and hurt again, leveling it all out until He was hollow and dead inside once more. Too dangerous to feel anything. Better to feel nothing.

"Is your shadow monster under control?" One asked nervously.

Despite himself, He turned his glazed eyes on the man. "Is that what you think she is?"

One shifted uncomfortably and darted a look at the shadow. "Is it not?"

"I wish," He said, his gaze drifting away again. "It would make my life much easier."

"Uh… Whatever you say. Do you want to say anything before we sentence you?"

He continued to stare glassily at the floor, not interested in anything pertaining to the Council. Or in much of anything at all, to be honest. People began arguing around him again, the Council and the guild and Lyon and Sabertooth, but He ignored them, for the most part. He was pretty sure one or another of his friends was trying to convince him to speak up and defend himself, but He didn't really have anything to offer on that front.

Every once in a while, some comment or other would pierce his torpor. On even rarer occasions, He considered adding something of his own.

"She was crazy!" Natsu was saying angrily. "She opened his Book _on purpose_ ,because she _wanted_ him to kill people! She told him to kill _us_! She got exactly what she deserved."

One was unimpressed. "Still, you–"

"She was stupid," He said hollowly, his eyes tracing lazy lines on the floor. "She was foolish to think she could control a monster that couldn't even control itself. But that doesn't mean she should be dead."

Natsu had the decency to sound a little chagrined as he said, "Maybe not, but she did bring it on herself. And in any case, you didn't have a choice."

"I'm so tired of that excuse," He murmured. "It grates at my ears something terrible."

"But it's true! You aren't in control when you're Awake. I know that. I was there once too. Seriously, I know how horrible it is, but you literally had no choice."

He shrugged one shoulder in a world-weary motion. "Threats are meant to be eradicated."

"She _was_ a threat," Lucy said gently.

He shook his head slightly. "I was a threat from the beginning."

"Y-you? What? But you didn't–"

"I did. I had it all planned out. I broke Natsu's binding and used his curses to kill Zeref, and it should have killed me too. E.N.D., Zeref, and me. The three biggest threats would have been eliminated in one fell swoop. It was the perfect plan. You were the ones who messed it up."

There was a heavy pause. He stared at the floor some more.

"God, Gray," Erza whispered finally, sounding small and miserable. "Don't start this again. You know we don't want you dead."

"You're an idiot," Natsu added angrily. "I thought we already beat this out of you."

"We've come so far," Lyon said more quietly. "We fought really hard to get here, and you've fought harder than anyone. Don't throw it all away because it fell apart once. You've made it too far to give up now."

"It was a mistake," He said flatly. "One that will be corrected. I did warn you that someone would get hurt if you kept pretending I was human. I should have known better than to let you convince me otherwise."

"No," Lucy moaned. "Come on, Gray. Please don't do this again. You're such a good person. Don't go back to playing demon to push us away again."

"What makes you think I'm playing?" He asked coolly. He roused himself enough to glance back at Lyon and the guild, although his gaze didn't lock on anyone in particular. "I already told you. I told you that I wasn't human. I told you that someone was going to get hurt. I told you that it was better to let me go. I told you that it was the perfect plan. You didn't listen."

"Because it's not _true_ , alright?" Natsu burst out. "Stop it! I get it, okay? I get it, but you're going about this the wrong way. We meant every word we said back then to stop you from offing yourself, and we've meant every word since. You can't just self-destruct every time something goes wrong. Stop giving up and _fight_."

His gaze slid slowly away, his eyes glazed over again.

"Hey!" Cana said sharply. "Just _listen_ for once, won't you?"

"You might as well," Gajeel grunted. "You're freaking everyone out, you know. They're worried you're going to slit your wrists if they aren't watching you around the clock."

Now, _there_ was a thought. But He hadn't yet decided what He was going to do, and He would rather stay in this hellish purgatory a while longer before facing up to the world.

"I don't see why the demon would slit his wrists," One said, sounding singularly unimpressed again. "You worry too much, and about the wrong things."

"Shut up," Lyon said.

"You don't know anything about him," Mira added icily. "And you didn't see how he was, before."

"And I'm sure I should trust you," said One, "since you've been so trustworthy this far. Now, you all are interrupting court proceedings again and making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Be quiet and let us finish up with his sentencing. Then we can discuss all this business with E.N.D. and all your lying."

"Let them talk to him," Two said quietly. "It's not like he's been talking to you."

"I don't _need_ him to talk to anyone," One said sourly. "It doesn't matter what he says or doesn't say. And I'd keep a low profile, if I were you. I already warned you that if he killed anyone, it would be on your head. You're already on thin ice."

"Leave them out of it," He said, dragging his gaze back to One. "It has nothing to do with them."

One scowled. "It most certainly does. Fairy Tail, Sabertooth, Mr. Bastia, and Councilor Elsberra have all staked their reputations on your behavior by assuming responsibility for you. It seems that the former three lied outrageously, and–"

"I knew that his immortality was gone," Two volunteered.

One turned on her, goggle-eyed. "You _what_? Since when?"

She met his gaze squarely, her eyes cool and unfriendly. "Since he defeated Eileen and Invel for us _again_ last time."

"You… Good God, no one is trustworthy these days. So, all four of them have lied outrageously. And there's still this matter of Mr. Dragneel being E.N.D. to discuss. The last thing we need is another demon running loose."

"There's nothing to discuss," He said in a monotone. "Natsu is no longer bound to his Book, and I reattached his soul to his body. He is as human as they come. I am the one who created the cover story, and I take responsibility for it."

"Be that as it may–"

"I already warned you that I'd tear you apart if you laid your hands on my guild again," He said emotionlessly, boring into the hapless human with flat eyes. "The same goes for Sabertooth, Lyon, Elaine, and anyone else who might be involved with this. Don't tell me you're starting to doubt me now, just as I show you that I can do it."

One leaned back unconsciously, fear flickering in his eyes. "You're in anti-magic cuffs, and you won't be getting out any time soon. You can't do anything."

"You think so, do you?" He asked with perfect detachment. "Are you willing to take that chance? You will not pursue any issues that would be detrimental to any of the previously named parties."

"Don't antagonize him," Erza said. "Worry less about us and more about yourself. You're making yourself seem like a bigger threat."

Well, He _was_ a threat, wasn't he? No point pretending otherwise.

"You'd do well to listen to your friends," Two said quietly. "We can take care of ourselves. Right now, you're the one in real trouble."

"It doesn't matter," One said impatiently. "He's dangerous and has proven himself to be so, and we can't let him back out onto the streets."

"He won't survive in prison," the Executioner interrupted. "Not like this. His only chance is to send him back with his friends and hope they can get through to him."

"We don't need him to survive."

"You can't just _kill_ him!" Natsu yelled, outraged. "It wasn't his fault, and he'd never do that if he had a choice."

"I believe we've established that his immortality is gone now? Then it shouldn't be too difficult to write an order of execution."

He shrugged apathetically. "Sure. If that's what you want to do."

"Well, it's that or life imprisonment."

This elicited another chorus of loud protests, which He went back to ignoring. It didn't seem like a big deal.

It was only Mavis's voice that He paid any mind to, when it broke through the rest of the noise. He turned slightly to drag his listless gaze to her. They shared a connection, a deep understanding and respect, and she was harder to ignore on matters of control.

"You're giving up again," she said. "I didn't. And I'm going to drag you along with me. We've come too far, Gray."

He stared back lifelessly. "I told you from the very beginning, didn't I? That if you took away what was left of Gray, I'd still be the same demon I always was?"

"Except that you aren't, are you?" Her gaze remained steady and piercing. "That's an allusion to Awakening, no? But even when you were Awake, you _weren't_ the same as before, were you? Why didn't you kill your team?"

"…I don't know."

"Yes, you do. You've said it yourself, haven't you? That you turned protecting the guild into a purpose? And you managed to hammer that home so hard and put so much of yourself into it that it partly overrode the purpose you were created with. _You_ are the one who overcame your instincts and stopped yourself from killing them. If you were still the same demon as before, you would have killed them on impulse. It might not be perfect, but it shows how much you've changed and grown. If you keep on healing yourself, it will get even better. You've already accomplished the impossible. Keep going."

"…I don't know what to tell you, Mavis."

These were dangerous waters, dangerous words. They touched some soul-deep nerve and threatened to stir up all kinds of emotion, although He hadn't quite determined what emotions they were. It didn't matter. He wasn't ready to deal with any kind of emotion. These weren't thoughts He was willing to entertain yet.

"Just tell us that you're going to keep trying instead of giving up," Mavis said. "We just want you to tell us that you aren't going to self-destruct again. You have so much support waiting for you, if only you'd take it. We want to be able to trust that if we send you home for the night, we'll wake up and you won't be dead or have new scars up and down your arms."

His gaze drifted away. "I haven't decided yet."

"You–"

"Wait," One interrupted suddenly. "Mavis?" He watched idly as the Councilman began frantically flipping through the sheaf of papers in front of him. "Wasn't that the name of your familiar?"

He stared blankly, the words so ridiculously ludicrous that He had no idea what to make of them. Then it hit him: that was the bullshit excuse He'd given during his first trial, when the Council had wanted to know who He was talking to since Mavis was still invisible. It had really taken them this long to make the connection.

His shoulders began shaking. Someone said Gray's name.

He threw his head back and laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed until his ribs ached and He couldn't breathe, his whole body shaking with the force of it. He couldn't breathe and the breath caught in his throat, and He had to suck in a sharp gasp of air.

The gasp turned into a rattling sob, and He folded back over on himself until his forehead was pressed into his knees. It hit him then, like a dam bursting so that all the emotions He'd worked so hard to lock away spilled out at once. And it hurt. His body shook and shook and shook, and He still couldn't breathe past the sobs.

Someone cursed loudly, and a moment later He could feel bodies gathered all around.

"Okay, that's enough," Erza said. She pulled his head up gently and peered at him with worried eyes. "It's time to get you out of here."

She should be dead now. He should have killed her and Lucy and Natsu and Happy while He was Awake. He'd come so _close_.

"He's not going anywhere," One said.

And now another argument was starting up, but He couldn't focus on it. Shit, He was breaking, crumbling, falling apart. He couldn't do that here, not in front of everyone. And once He really lost it, He was afraid He wouldn't be able to pull himself back.

He needed to be back in control. He needed to be in control _now_.

He took a breath and held it, stifling the gasping sobs. The lightheadedness was good. It made his thoughts go fuzzy until all He could focus on was the need for air. It wouldn't be enough, though. Not with the force of everything He was trying to lock up again.

He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek and dug his nails into his palms, but it still wasn't enough. It didn't hurt enough to drown out the rest. He let his curses creep out just a hair to drag his teeth and nails into points. They bit deep, until blood filled his mouth and seeped through his fingers.

"Gray! Gray, breathe, okay?"

"Gray, stop! You're hurting yourself."

Someone was trying to pry his hands apart. He finally released his pent-up breath in a long sigh and let fresh air flood his lungs. His curses retreated, and the world came back into focus with sharp clarity. There was still grief and anger and fear and misery swirling about underneath the surface, but there was a paper-thin veneer of calmness back in place.

It wasn't the same as before. He couldn't achieve that same numb detachment now that He'd begun breaking, but He could walk that razor's edge until He escaped to somewhere where He could break in peace. Not that there would be anything peaceful about it.

He finally noticed everyone gathered around him, ignoring One's angry protests that they shouldn't be there. He wanted to be anywhere else, somewhere away from all these prying eyes. Somewhere where He could curl into a miserable ball and wait it out. He hoped He didn't look as miserable as He felt.

"We're taking him," Lyon said flatly. "I don't care what reason you give: that he didn't have a choice, that it was self-defense, that he was protecting his friends and things got out of hand, that it was an accident. They're all true, more or less. This is hardly the first time a bad guy accidentally got killed in a fight. You're only making a big deal out of it now because it's Gray."

"You can't just–" One started.

But Lyon wasn't paying him any mind, and had instead pushed Erza out of the way to bend over and peer at the demon. "Come on, Gray," he said quietly. "Let's get you home."

He stared back blankly. "I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I didn't want to see you."

"Don't be silly," Lyon said with a sad half-smile. "You can't get rid of me that easily this time around."

Something quivered dangerously in the demon's chest again. He didn't want to be here. He was tired of being stuck playing games with the Council. He didn't care what the Council thought. What was important was what _He_ felt, and that was already bad enough.

He wanted to go home, even though He wasn't sure He had one anymore.

So when Lyon grasped his elbow and tugged him up gently, He complied and stood on unsteady legs. He twisted his wrists in the cuffs, letting the shadows snap the bindings apart. His arms and wrists ached from being held in such an uncomfortable position for so long, and He looked down at his hands as the broken cuffs fell to the floor with a clatter.

Blood seeped from the deep gouges of claws, dripping down his fingers and to the floor. And the red was dripping, dripping, dripping. Here, again, the blood on his hands.

He began snickering, but quickly cut himself off. Damn, He was unstable.

Wendy rushed forward and took his hands, sending her soothing magic through them. He might have protested, but He was distracted by the gasp. He looked up to see everyone on the Council staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes and fearful expressions.

He blinked back at them uncomprehendingly, but then glanced back down at his hands with a flicker of understanding. It would have probably been better if He hadn't just given away his immunity to the cuffs—He'd managed to maintain that charade for a long time now—but maybe it didn't matter. The rest of their hidden truths had already been revealed, and He was tired of playing games with the Council.

"Oh," He said dully. He glanced over at the white-faced Executioner. "I did warn you that you were at my mercy and I could have killed you at any time. Your cuffs and prisons never could hold me, not unless I wanted them to."

His gaze slid to One. "So like I said, you might want to reconsider your plan to harass the guild and certain other parties. It wouldn't end well for you."

The human's mouth worked soundlessly in a way that would have been amusing under different circumstances. Well, here, at least, was something He could hold on to. He still needed to protect his friends, and He could do a better job of it if He wasn't languishing in the Council's prison.

Two cleared her throat. "We'll justify your release and come to an agreement on the issue. And no charges will be filed against Fairy Tail or Mr. Bastia or anyone else involved in the relevant issues."

He studied her unblinkingly. He never could tell what to make of her. And now wasn't the time to start trying to figure it out, so He turned away.

He stumbled, his legs cramped and weak from disuse, but Lyon grabbed him and helped him along. He acquiesced to the contact for a few seconds, his heart aching somewhere underneath that carefully maintained blankness, but then pushed himself away. He didn't think He could handle Lyon right now, as much as He loved him.

He walked out of the room and down the hall with quick, clipped strides, his friends hurrying alongside and in front and behind. They kept talking, talking, talking, but his head was too loud to listen. Everything was too close to the surface, and He felt like He was balancing on a tightrope. One wobble and He'd fall. And even if He didn't, the rope would snap sooner or later. Probably sooner.

He had to keep moving, walk and walk and walk so that whatever He was running from couldn't catch up. He was already outside the building when He realized that it didn't matter how far or fast He walked, because what He was running from was attached to his feet.

He stopped then and narrowed his eyes at the ground. He ignored the worried questions as He stood rigid and steeled himself. Then He slowly raised an arm and held it out to the side.

After a moment, his shadow hesitantly crawled up and curled about it.

"You have my gratitude for not killing them," He said grudgingly, through gritted teeth.

 _Purpose._

The shadow reached out tentatively toward his face, and He flinched back. It stopped, hesitated, and unwound itself from him, retreating to hang in the air instead. He had always thought He understood its primal mind, but it was a mystery now. He didn't understand its cryptic words or why it would retreat now when it would usually revel in making him uncomfortable. He didn't understand why it still seemed so cowed from earlier even though it had never cared what He thought before.

He reached up and undid the clasp of the necklace hanging around his neck. Holding it out, He said, "Here is your reminder. I think you need it more than I do."

The shadow took it carefully, and the chain disappeared into the inky blackness.

He turned away and started forward again, counting his footsteps rhythmically in his head to drown out his friends' voices and his own clamoring thoughts. He couldn't break. Not yet, not here. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep it together, don't fall yet.

 _Sorry_.

He turned back with a frown, but his shadow had already collapsed back to the ground and was following obediently at his feet. It didn't stir as He stared at it. He shook his head and turned away, back to counting down his sanity with every step.

He must have imagined it.

* * *

 **Note: As much as it kills me to pass up the opportunity for another super snarky trial, I'm afraid Gray's not feeling up to it at the moment ;_;**

 **emmahoshi: Actually, most of the Council is just scared shitless because they've just realized that they have absolutely no way to keep Gray contained if he doesn't cooperate. They only let him go once they realized that and he made it clear that he was done with their games XD That and Gray did actually threaten them if they messed with the guild or harassed Natsu about being E.N.D., and now that he's free and they have no real way to defend themselves if he decides to take them out... Well, they're gonna take a step back and try not to get themselves killed since most of them still see him as little more than a raging beast to start with. Don't you worry, I've got this :3 Mind you, it took a lot longer than anticipated to get Gray to work things out, but we're going to drag him up little by little until we figure out this whole Awakening/demon/shadow business. The flaw in your logic is that this was _always_ a threat since the moment Gray was rebound to his Book, so if he can barely be counted as human now, he really shouldn't have been counted as human this whole time, especially since he would have been likely to do even more damage if this had happened at an earlier point on his recovery path. So you see, this redemption story would never have reached a satisfactory conclusion if he _didn't_ Awaken again, face the consequences, and learn how to gain control and his own sort of freedom. No matter how much he had been improving, he's never been free if this threat was always looming over his head. I didn't want to end the story with that loose thread hanging over him. If he's going to be redeemed, I'm going to redeem him the whole damn way :3 [EDIT: Fair enough assessment. Yeah, I'm a _thorough_ sadist, so we'll be covering both routes. You might also note that this last part is very Gray-centric. I mean, the whole story is, but this one is more _internally_ so. Prior to now, more of the focus has been on how he mends relationships and how his friends help him start coming to terms with things. They're still going to be really important, but there's a lot more internal work as he really learns how to fight and live for _himself_ again and make peace with everything on his own terms instead of always defining himself in terms of his friends and relying on them to determine his level of well-being.]**


	46. To Escape the Breaking

**Soso177: Aw, it's not like you're _required_ to review X) It's nice and I appreciate it, but it's not an obligation lol Oh yeah, I think that's one of the most frustrating reactions anyone can have, because it feels like there's nothing you can do for them because they're shutting you and the world out. It's a powerful defense mechanism, but not a very healthy one. Psych for the win! XD Yeah, Two and the Executioner really grew on me. Neither of them was really supposed to get a lot of depth or development at first because they were just utilitarian OCs I wanted to use and discard, but I'm bad at abandoning development and realized that they could be valuable foils to Lyon. Yuka and Sherry (and sort of Toby) too. They all have wildly different reactions to Gray after finding out the truth because they were all hurt by Deliora, and it was interesting to explore the different ways that can manifest and how it compared to Lyon's slow journey to come around. Y'all are starting to get really close on the shadow. I didn't originally mean to develop that too much at first either, but then I realized that it would be crucial to Gray's own recovery and growth. And I love figuring out how it influences him and how he influences it, and how they'll eventually come to terms with each other. Aw, thanks lol Playing with words is one of my favorite pastimes, and it's fun to explore how writing things with different pacing or rhythm or words can change the whole feeling as well as the meaning. And Lyon's not gone, exactly, although he might be getting a taste of his own medicine because Gray is going to be very resistant to his interference X) He'll be hanging around, but it'll take some time to get him back into the main action. Thanks for R&Ring. Have a nice day :)**

 **EndarkenedSanity: I like unstable characters too much for my own good lol Ha ha, got to show a little bit of development on the shadow's part, or how is Gray ever going to come to terms with it? XD Those two influence each other way more than the other charries realize. Two and the Executioner were fun to develop, but One isn't really going to have a lot of growth X) The former two were useful foils to Lyon's own reaction to Gray's revelation, and the last is going to stay with his head firmly in his ass for two reasons: (1) there really are people like that and I can't see everyone becoming so accepting of having a demon running around, and (2) he cracks me up and I like to keep an easy target around to snark at XD Angst is practically my middle name. Didn't realize you were familiar with Your Lie in April, but glad you enjoyed them even if they were darker than you were used to. (Hahaha, I don't necessarily set out to win over Gruvia shippers, but it happens quite frequently and I count each one as a victory XD) Thanks for R &Ring. Have a nice day :)**

 **Emiko: Of course he doesn't! Poor Gray deserves to be happy and loved :'( But I am a cruel mistress, and he's going to suffer. To be fair, a big part of my motive in turning around and breaking him so thoroughly again is because it's going to lead to a deeper and more comprehensive recovery :) He still needs to come to terms with himself, and I won't count this as a complete redemption arc until he does. I've been calling this the longest and most comprehensive redemption arc FT never had, and if I'm going to redeem demon-Gray, I'll be damned if I don't redeem him the _whole_ way. I'm very thorough XD Thanks for R&Ring. Have a nice day :)**

* * *

 **To Escape the Breaking**

* * *

They refused to let him go back to his place, under the pretext that word of his imprisonment had been spreading around and He might attract some unwanted attention. He didn't doubt that was true, but knew the real reason was that they were afraid of leaving him to his own devices after seeing his behavior as of late. He wanted nothing more than to escape and go hide away on his own, but He didn't have the energy to protest and was just as mistrustful of himself as his friends were.

That was how He found himself back at Natsu's house, after some mostly unsuccessful attempts by Lyon and the guild to talk some sense into him. He still didn't feel like talking, and they had eventually given up and resolved to let him get some rest before starting in on him the next day. Presumably they were hoping He'd be in a better and more receptive state of mind after getting some sleep and having some time to pull himself together, and He didn't inform them of their misguided hopes.

It looked like his cleaning regime hadn't lasted after He left. He paused just inside the doorway and stared at the piles of junk and stacks of dirty dishes. It looked like a hurricane had blown through and then a troop of especially unhygienic hobos had moved in. Under normal circumstances the sight would set him itching to tidy things up as soon as humanly possible, but now He felt only the faintest twinge of disgust before it faded back into apathy.

"Uh, sorry," Happy mumbled, flattening his ears. "We didn't really take care of the cleaning like we should have after you left. I can, um, clean some of it for you, if you want?"

Happy offering to clean? Weird. They really must be afraid that any little thing might send him over the edge.

He shook his head.

"We can go pick up some of your things tomorrow," Natsu added. "Afraid the couch will have to do for now… I know it's uncomfortable, but Lyon has survived it."

He glanced over at the mention of Lyon. Something grated inside him like shards of broken glass sliding against each other, but He firmly pushed it aside. Now wasn't the time for breaking.

Natsu noticed his subdued interest and shrugged. "He's been staying here on and off, since you kept refusing to see him. But I mean, obviously he can't stay here while you're here, because you… You know. He actually said that he was going to stay in your apartment while you were here? I guess he knows how to get in. I hope that's…um…okay."

He shrugged. He didn't particularly care, as long as Lyon wasn't hanging around _him_. He wasn't ready for that yet. If Lyon was disappointed at the demon's relapse or remembering the Deliora of Before or having second thoughts, He didn't want to see it just yet. And if he wasn't, He didn't want to see that either. The shame and guilt and hurt clawed deep either way.

"Okay, um…" Natsu shifted uncomfortably and looked around. "You should probably get some rest. Porlyusica sent over some more of that sleeping potion. A lot of it, actually. So that you'll be able to sleep without nightmares for a while. Happy and I will just…hang out in the bedroom, I guess. But if you need us, you can definitely come get us. And tomorrow will be a better day, alright? Get some rest, and we'll figure things out in the morning."

"And there's food in the kitchen if you want to eat first," Happy added. "You might want to eat something. You look so…" The Exceed trailed off and looked away.

Natsu nodded sharply. "You should definitely eat something. You look like you haven't eaten in weeks. Here."

The dragon slayer handed the demon a large bottle, and He swirled the contents about absently as Natsu and Happy hesitated a moment longer before reluctantly retreating to the other room and closing the door behind them.

He was surprised that they had conceded to leave him alone so easily. Still, He didn't doubt that Natsu had his ear pressed to the door and would be listening carefully for a long time, worried about what might happen.

He wanted to tell them that nothing would happen. All He wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep, because the alternative was facing up to the world and the inevitable breaking. He would have to break eventually, but He would do all He could to escape it for as long as possible.

He dragged himself over to the couch wearily, his feet scraping along the floor, and collapsed onto it. How much of the potion, He wondered, would it take to make sure He slept like the dead? Not very much, surely. But He wasn't taking any chances and downed half the bottle, grimacing at the slightly bitter taste. He pushed aside some of the clutter on the side table and placed the bottle on the cleared space before curling into a miserable ball.

There was a blanket already there, and He pulled it about himself tightly. The beginnings of drowsiness tickled at the back of his mind, and He counted down the seconds in his head to stave off the storm He had no intention of facing today.

The blanket was warm. It had a faint smell clinging to it, a little odd but not unpleasant. He couldn't put his finger on what the scent was, but it tugged gently at his memory. Since He had nothing better to do while waiting for sleep, He halfheartedly tried to place the smell. His nose had never been that good to start with. Natsu would probably be able to tell.

Then it finally hit him: Lyon. It was that same scent that clung to Lyon sometimes, be it from his shampoo or cologne or whatever it was that he wore. Natsu had said that Lyon had stayed here, hadn't he?

He pulled the blanket closer with shaking hands, burying his face in it. Shit, Lyon. Lyon, who He had lost again. And his friends, who He had almost killed. And a whole world of loss. He wanted Lyon so badly it hurt, but He couldn't, couldn't, couldn't.

He curled up tighter and pressed a hand to his mouth to muffle his hitching breath as the tears stung at the corners of his eyes. No, He couldn't break, not here. Natsu would hear for sure, would be listening for any sign of it.

But it was hard and He was alone— _so alone_ —and He was crumbling. The numbness was cracking and flaking away again, still weakened from his earlier lapse, and He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face it all yet.

The hand clutching the blanket let go and lunged desperately for the half-empty bottle. Twisting the stopper off with shaking hands, He drank down the rest of the potion. He needed to sleep _now_ before He lost it, and He needed to sleep for a _long time_.

It was already starting to kick in and He embraced it gratefully, needing to lose himself to oblivion. He muffled one last quiet sob and let the darkness drag him under.

He didn't dream, which was a blessing. Occasionally He would get the sense of floating, drifting along with the heavy darkness pressing around, but then oblivion would claim him once more. There was a vague sense of time passing on those occasions, a hazy feeling of surrender and escape, but it was soothing enough as long as He was tucked safely away in the void.

When He finally awoke, He felt a little better. The breaking had been staved off, for now. It did take a long time to swim back to consciousness, though, and He still felt heavy and lethargic once He did.

He blinked up at the ceiling blearily, his sleep-addled mind struggling to pull itself to the present and make sense of his surroundings. There was bright afternoon light streaming through the window and dancing across the ceiling, and He watched it idly. He must have slept in late, which maybe wasn't surprising given how much of the sleeping potion He'd taken. Just as well. He'd take as much of a break as He could get.

He was a little surprised that Natsu and Happy hadn't prodded him awake by now, but He supposed that one of the few perks of being an unstable mess was that his friends would let him sleep late. But as much as He wanted to lounge around and maybe slip back into sleep for a few more minutes, He doubted Natsu's patience would last much longer.

It took a monumental effort to sit up and slump against the back of the couch, and his head spun disconcertingly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for the dizziness to recede. Then He carefully tested out his limbs. They all seemed heavy and awkward and slow to respond, which He would have found worrisome if He hadn't consumed an entire bottle of sleeping potion last night. As it was, He took it in stride and gave his body time to wake up and adjust. It took a long time. Damn, that had been a strong potion.

He finally swung his legs over the front of the sofa and scanned the room as He hid a yawn behind his hand. And started in surprise when He spotted Natsu slumped over in a chair that had been pulled across from the couch, Happy curled up in his lap. They were both dozing off, eyes closed and breathing even.

A flicker of irritation built in the demon's chest. What, they had really thought it was okay to sit out here and watch him sleep like He was a child? What was this, a suicide watch?

He let out an annoyed breath through his nose, and Natsu started awake. The dragon slayer's eyes flew open, and Happy was awoken by his slight jump. Natsu blinked at the demon blankly, but then his eyes widened.

"You're awake!"

"It would appear so," He said in a monotone.

"You're talking!" Happy said.

"This has to be the most mundane conversation I've ever had the displeasure of being part of." He rubbed at his temples wearily and stifled another yawn. His head still felt muzzy and full of cobwebs, which was good for keeping certain things at bay but less than ideal when trying to hold a conversation.

"Happy, go get Porlyusica," Natsu said.

"Aye sir!"

He stared blankly after Happy as he disappeared out the front door in a blue blur, but then the significance hit him and He rounded on Natsu. "Porlyusica? Is someone hurt?"

A ferocious scowl split Natsu's face. "Yeah, _you_. What were you thinking, taking that whole bottle at once? You have a lot of fucking nerve to try killing yourself right on my own fucking couch."

"…I wasn't trying to kill myself." Although, all things considered, that seemed like an awfully peaceful way to go.

"Oh yeah? Well, I came out and thought you were fucking dead. You were barely breathing and wouldn't wake up no matter how hard I shook you. You've been asleep for two days. Everyone is freaking out."

"Two days?" He rasped, coughing to clear his gravelly throat. "Damn."

He didn't mind having had that long of a break from the world—He probably needed it, honestly—but He didn't want all his friends being in a panic over it. Escape had a cost, He reflected sourly.

"I want to strangle you," Natsu said. His hands fisted in his pants, the knuckles going white. "Don't you dare kill yourself in my house. I mean, don't kill yourself anywhere, but especially not in my house."

He sighed. "I wouldn't kill myself in your house."

He was cruel, but not _that_ cruel. If He ever decided to go that route, He certainly wouldn't do it in front of his friends or in any of their residences.

"Yeah, well, it's hard to tell with you."

The front door burst open again, and Happy and Porlyusica hurried inside. That was awfully fast. He had the niggling suspicion that Porlyusica had been staying nearby. Had it really been that bad?

" _You_ ," the healer growled. Storming over, she began poking and prodding him roughly. "How dare you use the potion I gave you to try to off yourself?"

"For the last time," He grumbled, "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was just trying to sleep."

She threw him a look of scornful disbelief and jabbed him with extra vigor. "Oh? That was _two weeks'_ worth of potion, and you took it all at once. Do you have any idea what kind of havoc that wreaks on your body? You aren't stupid, so don't tell me that you didn't have some idea. You managed to shut down half your organ systems almost entirely, and Wendy and I had a hell of a time stabilizing you. God only knows how much permanent damage you might've done to your body, but Wendy was pouring massive amounts of magic into you. You owe that girl."

He shifted uncomfortably but submitted to her examination. "To be fair," He mumbled, "I wasn't thinking straight at the time."

"Damn straight, you weren't. You need to pull yourself together."

"Everyone is really worried," Happy said in a small voice, creeping forward to peer at the demon with big, sad eyes. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Everyone's been hanging around here a lot," Natsu said, subdued. "It's a pain to get them to leave when we get tired of having people around at all hours."

"Goodness knows I'm tired of dealing with a bunch of panicking humans always looking over my shoulder," Porlyusica groused. She stood back up and folded her arms across her chest. "Your vitals seem fine, if a little depressed. I expect they will return to normal soon enough. Wendy and I have already taken care of most of the issues, but find one of us if you start having problems. Preferably Wendy, as I've had quite enough of you.

"It seems that my faith in your ability to handle your own medications was misplaced. In light of your irresponsibility, I will have to begin giving you one dose at a time so that you don't get it in your head to overdose again. But we'll wait a few days to start you on that again. Better to wait and make sure you've gotten it all out of your system, and it's a bad idea to go back to it so quickly."

"Okay," He mumbled meekly, despite the thought that He'd prefer to be _more_ self-reliant rather than less. This probably wasn't the time to rile anyone up further.

"I'm going to head home finally, now that I can be rid of you. You _will_ go to your guild at once instead of hiding away here. You've already worried them enough, and I'm tired of dealing with it. I'll bring you your next dose of medicine in a few days."

He sighed heavily as she swept back out the door, disappearing as quickly as she had come. What a mess.

"She's right about going to the guild," Natsu said. "Everyone is going to want to know that you're awake. But if you need a few minutes to get your head on straight…"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"You actually seem a little better, though," Happy said with an odd sort of anxious hope. "Less…distant. You're talking."

"Mm."

It wasn't that He was better, exactly. He was _different_. The crushing apathy of before was more muted now and He wasn't falling to pieces either, but it still felt like the calm before the storm. It still felt like He was suspended in limbo, waiting for… _something_. He'd thought, at first, that He was waiting for the Knights and for the issue to be resolved with the Council, but that had come and gone and He was still waiting.

Perhaps, then, He was waiting for the breaking. He could feel it under his skin like a fine dusting of gunpowder waiting to ignite, a crystal mist of crushed glass needling at every nerve. He wasn't dead to the world or a nanosecond away from losing it, but it was a fragile, fleeting kind of balance He'd found. Something would send him over the edge sooner rather than later.

"I'm really sorry about what happened with Awakening and all that, but it's not the end," Natsu said quietly. "I survived mine even though I killed Acnologia and hurt you and almost killed everyone else. And you have already survived worse ones than I could ever imagine. You…really are the strongest person I've ever met. I really do believe that. And I know that you can pull through this too."

"We'll be here too," Happy added, crawling into the demon's lap and snuggling close to him. "You don't have to do it alone. It wasn't a mistake that you've come so far. You've been happier and we've been happier, and it's been better for everyone, really. This might be a setback, but it doesn't have to be the end. We'll wait for you, as long as it takes, and we're here when you need us."

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I know."

They were so optimistic that they made him want to believe them, but He couldn't afford to lose sight of the truth again. And the truth was…He still hadn't decided where to go from here. He still believed that becoming so complacent and trying so hard to be human had been a mistake, but now that He was a little more open-minded instead of being stuck in his own head, He wasn't entirely sure if it was a good idea to trash _all_ of his progress. He was afraid that it would become a balancing act between trying not to hurt his friends too much and doing what was best for them even if they didn't like it.

"It was bad," Natsu said carefully, "but take into consideration how amazing it was too. You should have killed us, you know. I know you know that. If I had been in your place, you all would be dead. But you stopped yourself, somehow. You have to know how incredible that is, in a state where you have no control and you're not yourself. You managed to somehow hang on to some small piece of yourself and assert some small measure of control even though it should have been impossible, and…I admire you for it, honestly. It's pretty amazing and shows how far you've come. We've come. And I don't think it's quite as hopeless as you think it is."

He drew a deep breath in, let it out. That was true, sort of. His friends weren't dead. But it had been such a close thing. He had put them in danger. Every time He closed his eyes, He could almost see their blood dripping, dripping, dripping.

And next time? If He lost control again? If his Book was opened again? If He was Awakened again?

Next time, would He kill them?

He didn't know, and it scared him. He didn't trust himself. Even if He had somehow spared them once, that didn't mean He would be able to hold off next time around.

But to think like that was to invite the inevitable breaking, and He still wasn't prepared for that. Not now, when there were people around and He was obligated to go reassure the guild.

"Yeah," He said finally, pushing himself to his feet and testing his limbs. "Let's go see the guild now."

Natsu and Happy exchanged worried looks but nodded. They headed for the guild in silence. He noticed a few cold, wary looks from passersby, but not as much hostility as He might expect. He wondered what bullshit story the Council had made up, or if they'd even gotten their story out there yet. He almost asked, but decided against it. He was sure He'd find out soon enough.

Happy cleared his throat awkwardly when they were just outside the front of the guild. "Everyone, um, thinks this was a suicide attempt. So… Yeah. You might want to be prepared for that."

He nodded grimly. That was about the last thing He wanted to deal with, but He hadn't left himself much of a choice at this point. Steeling himself, He pushed the doors open and walked inside with all the grim reluctance of a man going to his execution.

Cana was the first to spot him. Or He assumed she was, despite the fact that she didn't seem to entirely know what she herself was seeing.

"Huh," she said, blinking at him blearily. "I'm so drunk that I'm hallucinating shit again. I thought I had at least three more glasses before that started up."

"Pretty sure it's a good idea to stop drinking before you start hallucinating things," He said dryly. "And you wonder why I always feel the need to monitor your alcohol consumption."

"Crap," she muttered. "He's not a hallucination."

"…I'm actually pretty offended by that."

"I swear to God, if you touch my booze, I'll bite you."

He almost smiled, the corners of his lips threatening to twitch upward, before remembering there wasn't anything to smile at. Especially now that everyone was taking notice of him.

"Gray!" Erza said sharply. "You're awake."

"Or maybe I'm pulling a Cana and dreaming you all."

"Hardy har har," Cana grumbled. "Glad to see you've got some of your sense of humor back. Although you could smile, you know. It wouldn't kill you."

He shrugged. He wasn't in a particularly humorous mood, but dry humor was easier to manage if He needed something to reassure the guild that He was more himself and not two seconds away from slitting his wrists.

"You…" Lucy jumped up and lunged at him with such violence that He automatically stepped back. Undeterred, she followed and slapped him across the face so hard that the sound rang out through the room. "How _dare_ you?" she screeched.

"Seriously?" He asked, rubbing at his cheek. "I deserved it the first time, and maybe the second time too, but it's getting to be a little ridiculous at this point. You can't…" He trailed off and winced. Beneath the murderous fury on Lucy's face were written pain and fear and grief, and there were tears welling in her eyes. "Oh, don't cry, Luce. Look, I wasn't trying to off myself. It was an accident."

"How does one _accidentally_ drink an entire bottle of sleeping potion?" Gajeel asked acerbically. "Seriously, I expected better of you."

Lyon drifted forward a few steps and hesitated, his eyes sad and uncertain. "Gray, I…"

He turned away.

"It's a good thing we didn't let you go off on your own," Erza said, letting out a harsh breath. "And for now, you _will_ continue to stay with Natsu until we trust you on your own." She met his gaze with an almost pleading look. "Promise me this wasn't a suicide attempt."

"It wasn't," He said, trying to sound more confident than He felt. Everyone else's doubts were worming their way beneath his skin. He might not have specifically thought about it like suicide, but the intent wasn't too different. And if He'd been thinking clearly and realized what it would do to him…He might have taken it anyway.

"And that you aren't going to try killing yourself," Lucy added, sniffling and dragging the back of her hand across her eyes.

He hesitated, not wanting to commit himself to a promise while He was still undecided about where He was going from here. "That's not the plan."

"Gray…"

"Relax. It's fine."

Someone scoffed loudly, and He squared his shoulders as Mavis stepped on over in her bare feet and swirling skirts. She stopped in front of him and met his eyes with a gaze as frigid as winter. This wasn't Mavis the protector, the confidante, the friend. This was the other Mavis, hateful for fear of losing control, and He wasn't in any state to deal with her today. But what else could He do? Tell her to let her curse run wild?

"It's _fine_?" she asked scornfully. "Oh, of course it is. You lost control."

He steadied his breathing and resolved not to rise to the bait. "Yes," He agreed neutrally.

"I did warn you what would happen if you kept holding on too tightly, didn't I?"

"This had nothing to do with that. My Book was opened. Nothing would have stopped that."

"Oh? But what will happen next time? Do you think that you'll be safe if only you can keep your Book out of the wrong hands? Don't be naïve. A loss of control is a loss of control. And next time, who do you think you'll kill?"

Natsu growled deep in the back of his throat, his eyes flashing in warning. Mavis didn't even glance his way. Her scornful, too-bright eyes were fixed unwaveringly on the demon.

"First," Makarov said in an uncertain tone that was nonetheless heavy with warning, "I don't think that–"

"I was doing better," He said through gritted teeth, striving to keep his cool. He couldn't afford to slip now. "It wasn't perfect, but it was better. I was more in control than I'd been in a long time."

"But that was all a mistake, wasn't it?" Mavis taunted. She flashed small white teeth in an unfriendly smile. "Isn't that what you said?"

"I–"

"Better, huh? And yet you never even took care of _that_." She waved an imperious hand in the direction of his shadow.

"I'm glad you think it's so easy to fix."

"You say you were doing better, you looked like you were doing better, but you were only better on the outside, weren't you? You tried, but you only started fixing the surface issues." Her eyes slid to the shadow. "Inside, you are still a broken, broken man."

"Be careful," He warned. "Before you say something you shouldn't. I've begun to tire of always being your punching bag."

Mavis's smile looked more like a leer as she leaned forward, her eyes bright and manic and viciously satisfied. "Didn't you once tell me that the reason you so feared the immortality was because you were afraid that you would lose your reason to stay human and turn back into a monster if you outlived your friends?"

"Mavis," He said in a low growl, his eyes flashing in warning. That was something that had been said in confidence, and she was about to cross a very dangerous line.

"I'll tell you a secret." Mavis smirked and swooped in for the kill. "You don't have to be immortal to be a monster."

Someone sucked in a sharp breath. He wavered on a fragile point, like a glass ball balanced on a razor-thin edge. That was going too far. He didn't care that she was fighting to keep control of her curse. That was going too far, and now He wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting him.

"Fuck you," He hissed, baring pointed teeth.

Mavis only laughed. "You couldn't keep control of yourself if you tried. Already getting riled up." Her eyes narrowed suddenly, her mouth set in a scowl. "You endangered my guild."

"Bloody hell," someone growled. "What's gotten into her–?"

"I know!" He roared, stepping forward and glaring down at her. "I fucking know that."

"And threats," she said through gritted teeth, her eyes burning like emerald fire, "should be eliminated."

He bent over and leaned forward until their noses were almost touching, and bared his teeth in a cold smile. "That's rich, coming from you."

Her hands fisted in her skirts and tightened until the knuckles went white. "I am nothing like you," she hissed. "You are _black_ inside."

His laugh was sharp and unamused. "Darling, the others might think you're a sweet, innocent little thing, but I know you too well for that. You pretend to be so cheerful and kind, but you are no better than me on the inside. Do you know why you feel drawn to me? It isn't because of the immortality. It isn't because we are both outsiders. It isn't even because of the control issues. It's because birds of a feather flock together, and you are just as much a monster as I."

Mavis took a step back, her eyes widening. He glowered mercilessly, pleased to have finally hit a nerve. Then she rallied and her eyes narrowed to ferocious slits again.

"You," she said, "are a demon. You are an ugly, soulless, damned thing. And I will laugh when you burn."

"You'll be burning with me, dearest. Aren't you the devil's queen?"

"I hate you!" she spat, trembling with rage.

He threw his head back and laughed, a bitter sound. "Underneath that pretty little mask of yours, you hate the entire world." Turning on his heel, He reached the door in a couple long strides. "I'll see you in hell, darling."

He stormed out into the street, every stride clipped with barely restrained fury. Running footsteps followed him out.

"Gray!" Lyon called. "Gray, wait!"

He closed his eyes and came to an abrupt halt, although He didn't look back. He briefly considered just pressing on, but had the feeling that He was going to have to address this eventually. Now was far from the ideal time, but…

Lyon drew to an uncertain halt, his feet shuffling awkwardly against the pavement. "You know, um… You know that's not true. And she shouldn't have… It's not true."

"Did you need something, Lyon?" He asked with cool politeness. He could practically feel the other man's flinch.

"I… Can you stop avoiding me? I get that it's hard, but… I'm here, and I'm not leaving. I just want…to be here with you and help you figure this out. You don't have to shut me out."

He let out a harsh breath. "I'm not angry at you. You didn't do anything wrong. But I'm honestly not ready to deal with you yet."

"You… Why?" Lyon's voice took on a pleading edge. "You don't have to feel more awkward around me than anyone else. You have a hard time meeting your friends' eyes too, but you aren't avoiding them."

"Well, actually…"

"Not the same way you're avoiding me. You don't have to be more ashamed with me. It's…it's the same."

"No," He said quietly, tilting his face up to stare sightlessly at the sky, "it is not the same."

His Awakening was bad news for everybody. He had endangered his guild and nearly killed his team, and that shame clawed deep. But it was even worse with Lyon, even though He didn't have the memories of Lyon's terrified eyes looking back at him as he waited to die, because he had _seen_ the demon Before. The guild had witnessed some things later, but they had only really seen him as human aside from a couple lapses. Even now, they still saw him as human—even his team, who had looked into his eyes and should have known better. Lyon, on the other hand, had seen it all, had been hurt by it, and He had as much as promised him that it would never happen again.

Well, it had happened again, and the memories were horrific enough without a walking reminder. He had become the thing He had sworn He would never become again, and his team had glimpsed it for the first time but Lyon had always known. He had let down everyone, but He felt like He had let down Lyon most of all.

"But–"

"Natsu said you were staying in my apartment. That's fine. You're welcome to stay there until I move back, if you want. But I'd appreciate it if you stayed out of the way."

That was cold and hurt to say, but the new boundaries needed to be established. And right now, Lyon would be better off without him.

"But I–" There was an aborted step forward, and Erza said something to Lyon in a low voice. "But…" Lyon let out a shuddering breath. "Mhm. Okay. Okay, but Gray, I'll wait for you. As long as it takes."

He closed his eyes again. That was what He was afraid of.

A hand touched his arm, and He looked over at Erza. Her eyes held a great deal of worry and sadness, even though she was trying to keep up a calm front.

"I don't know what got into her," she said, "but you know that none of us think that way."

He shook her off with a sigh, itching to run and vent the furious hurt that He couldn't turn on his friends. "She does what she has to." His lips tightened. "And so will I."

Erza bit her lip. "Would you like–?"

"I'd rather be alone, thanks. I need a break."

Erza hesitated but then sighed. "Okay. Take some time. We'll be waiting."

He nodded sharply and took off down the street at a brisk pace, tension radiating from every pore. Mavis's words had cut deep, her viciousness had reached new heights, and He was unprepared for it now. He vibrated like a sheet of glass just about to shatter from the pressure. No, not now. Not yet.

He stalked through the streets, turning a blind eye to all the humans scurrying about like insects, and raged inside his mind. He thought of every cruel thing He could have—should have—said, and crafted the most blistering tirade He'd even ever dared imagine. He wished Mavis would pop up again just so that He could deliver it and watch her break under the weight of every cruel word and accusation and truth and lie.

But she didn't, and He was left to pace the streets in an impotent rage. How _dare_ she?

He paced restlessly, too worked up to even think about staying still. He had to _move_.

He prowled the streets until afternoon began melting into dusk, maintaining his litany of curses and arguments and cutting insults. Because Mavis had crossed a line. How dare she?

How dare she…be right?

He stopped short in the middle of the street, and then slowly drifted over to lean against the side of a shop and stare down blankly at the sidewalk. She was right, and that was why He was so angry. He was angry because He didn't want to hurt, didn't want to acknowledge the hard truths that He didn't want to hear.

Now that He'd walked off most of his feverish energy and exhausted his ravings, He felt a melancholy sort of numbness. Oh, He was so close. Mavis was going to push him to the breaking, whether that had been her intention or not. And maybe it was just as well, because He'd avoid it forever if it was up to him, and He wouldn't be able to even dream of healing until He'd faced it.

He drifted through the streets now instead of stalked, a weary ghost moving for the sake of moving. He wandered up and down and around, and then finally ran into a stretch of low stone wall overlooking the river. Sitting down heavily, He put his hands on the stone on either side of him to soak up the last of the day's warmth and turned his gaze to the dying sunlight reflecting off the water.

Fabric brushed along his right hand before the skirt was swept away and readjusted, and Mavis sat down beside him. Her hand came to rest just next to his, a hair's breadth away but not quite touching. He didn't look over, and they didn't speak.

It wasn't quite an apology, but it wasn't quite not, either. Both were still angry and hurt, too much so to find the heart to offer anything much beyond their company. But she had just been staving off her curse and He had just been reacting to the attack, and they both knew it. In the end, it would be as always. They would be the best of friends and worst of enemies, two people trying to make the best of the balancing act they'd been thrust into.

Together they watched the sun set over the water, unbearably close and unfathomably far away.

* * *

He waited until Natsu and Happy were asleep—or, at least, until they had retired and could be reasonably assumed to have fallen asleep—before sneaking out of the house. He took nothing with him but the clothes on his back and a pocketful of jewels, and slipped out into the night.

He walked almost an entire street before taking off like a shot. His feet pounded against the pavement in a syncopated rhythm, made unsteady by his wild charge. The sound echoed off the silent houses and streets, like He was the only person in the world. As free as He could be, cloaked in darkness and witnessed by none, He ran.

It wasn't a controlled jog, and He didn't pace himself. He ran because He could, because He was desperate to escape, because his body wasn't big enough to contain the pain and grief welling inside it. He ran because He couldn't stand to be still anymore, to lock himself inside the constraints of society and normality. The weight of the world was bearing down on him and He couldn't breathe, and all He knew was that He wanted _out_.

He ran until He couldn't run anymore, and stumbled to a panting stop somewhere well outside the outskirts of Magnolia. Doubling over, He braced his hands on his knees and gasped for breath. He trembled with exertion and with the pain that was bleeding out of every pore and wound, real and imagined. He was losing it.

Shaking his head sharply, He straightened up and took off again, reining his headlong rush in just enough to fall into a more steady pace. His long strides ate up the ground, and He reveled in the sharp burn of the chill night air in his lungs. His muscles ached and screamed in protest, and He focused on that sensation to drown out all those things that would hurt far more if He let his mind wander to them.

Light was finally starting to bleed into the black of night and turn it to a dusty gray when He stumbled into the train station of the closest city. He had no idea where He was or how far He had run, but his legs felt like jelly and every breath hurt. Ignoring a few odd looks from the people up and about at this early hour, He purchased a ticket and waited slumped over against the wall as He panted and tried to get his breathing under control. The wild energy and desperation had faded again, and left him bone-tired and floating in the detachment of someone too worn out to be entirely conscious.

He trudged onto the train wearily when it arrived, his feet dragging behind him, and collapsed into a seat by the window. All He wanted to do was sleep, but He was too scared of what He'd see when He closed his eyes. So He kept his eyes open with grim tenacity and stared out at the passing landscape.

The sun rose high in the sky and then began dipping back down. He disembarked the train and boarded another and kept going. He watched the world go by through half-lidded eyes, suspended in limbo as He let the weariness cloud his brain so that He didn't have to think of anything at all.

When He finally dragged himself off the last train, He stood in the midst of the crowd swirling around him like a boulder parting the waters of a river and stared out with dull eyes. It had been a long time since He'd last been here.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, He started forward. He walked the length of the city and then trudged through the snowy countryside, his boots crunching in the powder as He forced himself forward one weary step at a time. It was slow going now, his fatigue and reluctance weighting every step and resisting forward motion.

The closer He got, the slower He went. He didn't want…didn't want…

He shook his head and pressed on long after his determination had fizzled out. Finally, bits of debris could be seen poking out of the snow. He set his mouth in a grim line and forced himself to keep walking. A ruined city came into view, stone and rotten wood rising up like old, cracked teeth from the ground. Rubble was strewn everywhere, the buildings broken and decrepit.

He closed his eyes briefly, pulled in a lungful of bitterly cold air, and walked. He walked through the stony graveyard, stopping only when He was somewhere out in the center. Turning around in a slow circle, He took in the ruins. He could almost hear the screams, taste the ash, see the red dripping, dripping, dripping. The air here was thick with memories. Or, perhaps, they were his own memories.

And finally, _finally_ , He crashed to his knees amid the wreckage and howled his grief to the skies as He broke.

* * *

 **Note: Porlyusica is _over_ Gray's bullshit. Can you imagine how annoying it would be to be a healer for FT? Especially in a story like this where certain charries keep getting themselves hurt in new and creative ways? I would've thrown my hands up and left them to die by now XD**

 **[Okay, guys, Mavis is cursed, remember? I set up this pattern almost from the beginning, with her getting vicious when she found herself loving too much as a way to keep her curse under control. Usually she's good at keeping up the cheerful front to everyone else and Gray is the only one who sees the darker undertones (and usually she isn't _quite_ this vicious), which is a good sign that she was feeling particularly bad and was especially close to losing control because she cared too much. If it seems weird that it's coming right after she stands up for Gray in the trial and everyone is freaked out because he almost killed himself...it's not. This is the perfect time for it. Note that the other time I detailed one of these incidents was directly after Gray's meltdown in the guild when he got drunk. If Mavis sympathizes or cares or loves too much, which is what the triggering events are making her do, then that's when she's losing her balance and needs to stoke up some of that hate again. Also, remember how I said at the very beginning that there was going to be a plot with Mavis later? That's ( _finally_ ) coming up within the next few chapters, so it's in the story's best interests to start the process of bringing her on to the scene more often so that it's not as jarring.]**

 **emmahoshi: LOL the Hippocratic Oath. Love it. Because I like complicated characters XD I added an explanation for Mavis's behavior above, since I guess I overestimated how much people would remember over the, admittedly, very long course of this story. It's really not out of the blue :P Well, Isvan is just as closely related to our Gray as much as to the original Gray, and not only because he has the latter's memories. It's not only about the original Gray and his losses, either. Isvan is where his Awakenings from Before took place, and given that he just Awakened again... Nope, I think it's pretty logical that he'd finally go back, especially since he's so focused on the past and what he was Before right now.**


	47. The Distance Between

**EndarkenedSanity: It was disturbingly fun to imagine Gray and Mavis arguing and then write it down. I have such a fondness for conditionally-vicious characters. Also, it seemed like a good segue into the next couple chapters X) Ha ha, Graliora. That's a new one. I like it. And yeah, poor Lyon is going to be hurting for a few chapters X)**

 **Soso177: No, you're exactly right. Friendship is a two-way street, and Gray should really be letting his friends in and letting them help him through. But he's a stubborn brat, and you aren't going to be the only one who's getting frustrated with him. He gets that trait from me, unfortunately, although I've thankfully never imploded so thoroughly on my loved ones lol Yeah, they're all going to muddle through this whole healing process thing for a while and Gray's going to make a catastrophic roller coaster of a mess of it before finally settling on something a little more...normal lol Yeah, watching Lyon and the team is kind of heartbreaking X) They try so hard. And I love hurt/comfort too! There will be more, don't worry :3 I like Gray and Lyon too much not to have some more eventually. Uh, yeah, this trip to the past is not exactly going to help him XD Nor do I think he really intends it to. I mean, in a way he needs it to even start thinking about healing, but it's going to take a lot more than that. Yeeep, how vicious Mavis is depends on how much she feels and cares. It's...not going to be a pretty plot X)**

* * *

 **The Distance Between**

* * *

Lyon was brooding off by himself in the back corner of Fairy Tail's guild hall when Natsu and Happy burst in.

"Gray's gone!" Natsu said without preamble.

Lyon, who had already spent the morning and half the night fretting over what to do about the whole Gray problem, was predisposed to think the worst.

"Gone _where_?" he demanded, rising to his feet.

"How am I supposed to know?" Natsu asked impatiently. His eyes darted around the room. "We woke up this morning and he was just _gone_. It smells like he left sometime during the night. I followed his trail for a while, but I thought I'd drop by here and let you know. I don't suppose any of you have seen him?"

He didn't seem very optimistic about that, and, sure enough, everyone's faces were downcast as they shook their heads.

"We'd better find him," Erza said grimly. "He's not really in any state to be running off on his own."

"Don't."

Lyon—and everyone else—turned to look at Mavis. She didn't even look over from where she was perched on the bar. Lyon's nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. Yesterday's episode had not endeared her to him, and it was just as likely that she was part of the reason Gray had run off in the first place. And now she was saying not to go after him? What right did she have?

"What?" Natsu asked. "Of course we're going to go after that idiot. No way do I trust him on his own, especially not after that whole overdosing thing."

"Give him some space," Mavis said. She was looking rather pale and pinched, as if she was in pain. Good. Lyon hoped she felt awful. "He left for a reason, and he won't thank you for interfering. He needs some time to pull himself together."

"Yeah, and who was the one who chased him off in the first place?" Lyon asked snidely.

"It would have happened sooner or later."

"Yeah, well, you sure weren't helping anything. So you can stay out of it."

"Can you track him?" Lucy asked Natsu, gnawing at her bottom lip in worry.

"I'm gonna try," he replied grimly. "We'll have to hurry, though. The scent's already getting stale, and it's going to get muddled up soon now that people are up and about again."

"Let's go, then," Lyon said, starting for the door.

There was a general stirring as all the Fairy Tail mages began rising to their feet, faces grim and determined. It was good to see the guild so united in concern for one of its own. Lyon had a sudden flash of appreciation and gratitude for Gray's advice to join a guild. Guilds—good guilds—were more like families, and this was a family united once more.

"You won't find him." Mavis was the only one who remained seated. Her eyes were glassy and fixed on the hands clasped in her lap.

"I think I'll manage," Natsu said brusquely. He shot her an unfriendly look, and he wasn't the only one. Her outburst the other day had not made her very popular, and she had been the recipient of many a snide remark or dirty look.

"If he went somewhere far away, you'll lose him as soon as he boarded a train. If he went somewhere nearby, he will have been careful to cover his tracks. He knows very well how your senses work. If he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him. And he doesn't want to be found."

Natsu stood still and rigid, but then walked over with clipped, measured strides. Leaning down, he looked directly into Mavis's eyes with a flat, dead stare.

"I don't know what's wrong with you," he said coldly, "but you'd better fix it. No one seems to be able to work up the nerve to say it to your face, so I'm gonna tell it to you like it is. You were a total bitch yesterday. He's already miserable enough without you making it worse, and you had no right to say those things to him. So excuse me if I don't really feel like listening to you. Now, we're going to go find Gray. You're welcome to stay here."

Mavis's expression didn't change, although her hands tightened in her lap. Natsu glared for a few seconds longer before straightening up and turning away.

"Let's go," he said shortly, to no one and everyone.

There was a brief discussion about likely places Gray might have taken off to, which was mostly fruitless. He could be anywhere. But several groups of mages set off to check different places, while Natsu went to follow his nose to Gray, taking his team with him. Lyon went along as well, because he thought that Natsu had the best chance of finding him.

Then again, Gray had made it clear that he didn't want to see Lyon, so maybe it was a bad idea to go after him. But it wasn't like Lyon could do nothing, and he needed to know that Gray was okay. Or at least as okay as it was possible for Gray to be right now.

Natsu tracked Gray's scent through Magnolia, a long stretch of countryside, and halfway through the next town over before stopping and growling in frustration.

"Damn it." He spun in a circle and studied the shops and passing pedestrians with narrowed eyes as he sniffed at the air. "There's just too much interference here. His scent is masked by everyone else's."

"Do you think we could walk around and see if you can't pick it up again somewhere else?" Lyon suggested.

"We could try, but…"

"It's better than nothing."

Natsu nodded and started back down the street with a look of intense concentration on his face as he searched for any sign of their missing friend. Lyon wanted to hit someone or cry or something. He didn't think they were going to find Gray, despite his desperate determination. Maybe he never had. Gray knew how to hide and run and disappear, and Lyon wished that he'd for once not use those skills to hide from his friends.

"It's kind of weird how he walked all the way here instead of just catching a train in Magnolia," Lucy remarked as they gave up on nosing about the town's train station. "Unless maybe it was too late to get a ticket."

"Or maybe he was trying to throw us off," Erza said. "I honestly don't know."

Lyon stayed quiet and didn't participate in the conversation as it grew steadily more hopeless. They scoured the town from one end to the other, searched every alley, stuck their heads in every shop.

And found nothing.

It was hours later when Erza finally stopped and said, "As much as I hate to admit it, I think Mavis was right." She grimaced and ran a hand over her face. "If Gray doesn't want to be found, he isn't going to be found."

"He might have gone to the next city over," Natsu said as if he hadn't heard. "Maybe we can pick up his scent there."

"What good would that do?" Erza asked tiredly.

Natsu's eyes blazed with indignation. "We can't just–"

"Natsu," Lucy interrupted quietly, "we're going to run into the same problems there that we have here. He's disappeared without a trace, and he covered his tracks. I don't want to give up on him either, but… We aren't going to find him, so maybe all we can do is wait for him to come back to us."

 _If_ he was going to come back.

Natsu opened his mouth, closed it, looked away. The trip back to Magnolia was spent in silence, and their status report to the guild was terse. Unsurprisingly, no one else had found any sign of Gray. Mavis didn't gloat or say 'I told you so', just sat off by herself with the air of someone who was waiting for something with melancholy anticipation.

The search parties stopped. The Fairy Tail mages were all stubborn fools, but they knew when they were beaten. There was nothing to do now but wait for Gray.

The atmosphere was thick with tension, more so than such a carefree guild would usually exhibit. But this was a critical situation, and no one wanted to think about what Gray might be doing right now.

Lyon was afraid to leave the guild, reluctant even to retreat to Gray's apartment at night for a few hours of sleep. He was terrified that he would miss Gray. Not that it was likely he would show up again so soon, but Lyon had to be watching the door at all times just in case. Especially because Gray would probably still avoid him even when he returned.

Lyon was losing Gray again, could feel him slipping away, and it broke his heart.

Since he was watching the door, he noticed their guests immediately when they walked in the next day.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he asked, eyeing Elaine and the Knight with her suspiciously. He might feel some kind of kinship with the former, but the latter still made him wary because of his grudge against Gray. And both were affiliated with the Council, which could spell trouble.

Everyone's attention snapped to the intruders, and no one looked particularly friendly. The Council was bad news, and having representatives here didn't bode well.

Elaine's gaze swept across the hall, touching each face before dismissing it and moving to the next. "Don't worry, we aren't looking for trouble. Where is Gray?"

"Why do you want him?" Makarov asked warily.

"I just want to speak with him, that's all."

"About _what_?" Erza pressed, her eyes narrowing.

"It's not–"

"I'm afraid," Makarov interrupted, "that you'll have to give us a straight answer about why you're here before we feel comfortable helping you."

Elaine exchanged a glance with her companion before nodding. "First of all, I suppose it's proper to give you an update on the Council's stance on this whole affair. The rather, ah, disturbing story brought to light during the trial will not be released to the public, nor will Fairy Tail or its affiliates be formally charged for any falsehoods that were uncovered. It would create a bit of a snafu for the Council and give us a huge headache to deal with, so we're going to sweep it under the rug. The matter of Mr. Dragneel being E.N.D. will also incite no further official action, although there will be informal inquiries into the details. This information will not be made public.

"As for Gray… The official story that we have released to the public is that Ms. Vespacha's death was a tragic accident that occurred while Gray was attempting to protect you, his team, and no punitive measures will be taken. This is, I feel, something very close to the truth. Accidental deaths in the line of mage work are tragic but not unheard of, and Ms. Vespacha's status as a dangerous enemy has been acknowledged. We felt it best not to release any information about the Book or the lack of a protective binding for fear of causing an outcry in the general populace. The story on the binding is that while it prevents willful murder, it can't prevent every accidental death. This, we feel, follows as a logical conclusion, given that people can choose not to kill but can't choose not to _accidentally_ kill.

"However, the Council cannot entirely overlook the truth of the situation, even if it isn't made public. Gray isn't going to be punished, as such, but the Council has decided that it should keep an eye on him, especially since the binding has turned out to be nonexistent. This has become my task since everyone else is more terrified of him than ever, given certain recent revelations. And Roderick is here to guard me." She smiled thinly and gave the Knight a wry look. "Or, perhaps more accurately, to keep me in line since I am apparently too sympathetic to the demon."

The Knight shrugged and jammed his hands into his pockets. "Something like that. The Knights weren't exactly clamoring for this posting either, but someone had to do it. It was a way to revoke my earlier orders to stay away from him, anyway."

Elaine inclined her head. "In any case, it's likely that we'll drop by every month or so for a while, just to make sure Gray isn't getting into trouble. And to keep a secretive eye on Mr. Dragneel as well. And to make sure that Fairy Tail is keeping Gray in check. The Council is wary of his behavior if no one is keeping tabs on him, but too afraid of provoking him into action to try anything more drastic until they have a way to actually keep him restrained if need be. In all honesty, I only need to speak with him for a few minutes, and then I can return to the Council and reassure them that everything is fine."

There was a long pause as everyone digested that. Lyon's nerves unknotted just a little. It could have been a lot worse. In all honesty, this was better than he had hoped for from the Council. It didn't mean that things might not get worse again later, it didn't solve any of the problems with Gray, but it was something.

"That's not too bad, I guess," Erza said finally.

Elaine smiled. "I thought not. So, may I speak with Gray now?"

And just as suddenly, Lyon stiffened again. The Council wanted someone to be keeping an eye on Gray, and Gray _wasn't here_. It shouldn't matter, but knowing the Council… If they found any reason, however small, to excuse more harsh treatment of Gray, they'd take it. And since Lyon and the others didn't know when—or _if_ —Gray would be back, they'd have a hard time putting off the Council's probes forever. Their only hope was that Elaine was more sympathetic than the rest of her ilk.

The Fairy Tail mages were exchanging uneasy glances as well, so Lyon wasn't the only one who was concerned.

"He's, um…" Erza coughed and shifted from foot to foot. "He's not here."

"Okay?" Elaine frowned, puzzled by the careful answer and sudden air of tension. "Where is he, then?"

"Uh…" Erza threw a glance at her team before forging on. "You see, he's…gone. He disappeared the night before last, and we haven't been able to find him. We…don't know if he's coming back."

"We searched, but I lost his trail," Natsu muttered, his mouth twisting bitterly.

"Oh…" Elaine's brows knit together. "That could be an issue."

"There's a fifty-five percent chance that he's in Isvan," Mavis said serenely, and everyone looked over at her. She was folding napkins into delicate shapes with precise motions, and kept her attention fixed on her origami as if she hadn't just become the center of everyone else's attention. "And there's about a seventy percent chance that he'll come back, although that will dwindle the longer he stays away."

"Isvan?" Gajeel repeated. "Why Isvan?"

"Why _not_ Isvan?" Mavis asked with the barest hint of scorn in her voice. She ran a nail along a crease in the napkin with perhaps more force than necessary, leaving a sharp fold in its wake.

Why not Isvan, indeed? Lyon wanted to smack himself. Why hadn't he even considered that?

"What makes you so sure?" Lucy asked quietly.

Mavis shrugged and set her finished crane aside, picking up a new napkin to start afresh. "Isvan is the beginning for him, isn't it? And the end for his Gray. Which, I'm afraid, amounts to much the same thing. Isvan is the ultimate symbolic font for him. It represents where he came from, what he was, and what he has done. In light of what has just happened… Well, he has always been overly fond of symbolic gestures. You just have to figure out how to interpret them."

Everyone stared at her, the gears turning in their brains. She continued placidly folding her cranes, unperturbed.

"If you were so sure, then why didn't you _say_ something?" Natsu demanded, his voice dropping to a growl.

"Because although there are many places he might visit in Isvan, Lyon knows a few of them and has a higher than average chance of actually stumbling across him."

"That's exactly the point!" Lyon burst out. He glared ferociously, but Mavis continued her folding undeterred and unruffled. He had never had any particular reason to dislike her before, but now they were really stacking up.

"I told you not to go after him," she said. "You know how flat and dead to the world he was? He was purposely numbing down his emotions and hiding from the memories and truths he wasn't ready to face. It was his way of escaping. But he has to face reality eventually, and that will be extremely painful. You want to protect him, but he can't heal until he faces what he's done and comes to terms with it.

"And there's no way he's going to do that with any of you hanging around. He will only do it alone. Like I said, he was always going to leave. If not for the incident with the sleeping potion, I would have expected him to take off days before. You have to let him break on his own terms."

"The 'incident with the sleeping potion' is _exactly_ why he shouldn't be alone," Lyon snapped. "And I still think _you_ helped chase him off with that bullshit stunt of yours."

"I didn't say anything that he wasn't already thinking."

Lyon kind of wanted to punch her, especially because she seemed so calm and indifferent as she folded those stupid cranes. "You just–"

"What sleeping potion incident?" Elaine interrupted, either fishing for information or attempting to forestall the brewing argument.

Lyon slouched back, some of the fire draining out of him. He wasn't the only one who seemed a little subdued.

"The night after the trial," Natsu mumbled, scuffing his toe on the floor. "He drank the entire bottle of sleeping potion that Porlyusica sent for him. What should have been enough for weeks. He was unconscious for like two days and shut down most of his body until Wendy healed him. He says it was an accident, but…"

"It wasn't a suicide attempt," Mavis said mildly, setting aside another crane.

"Well, I'm glad you're so confident," Cana muttered.

Erza pursed her lips. "He did promise that it wasn't. I want to believe that. He's careful with promises."

"Mhm," Mavis hummed. "If he'd been trying to kill himself, he'd be dead. He spent years trying to find ways around the immortality, and you'd be naïve to think he hasn't experimented a little since he lost it. He's spent a long time walking the line between life and death, and he knows exactly what it would take to fall over the other side."

"But what if while he's gone, he decides to…" Lucy swallowed hard. "That's why we have to find him, Mavis."

"It's a distinct possibility. The first few days will be the most dangerous for him, I'm sure, but I don't think he'll go quite that far just yet. He hasn't decided yet, one way or the other. He said so himself. If he decides to go that route, you won't be able to stop him."

"Of course we will," Lyon growled. "We're not going to let him do anything that stupid. We won't let–"

Mavis stood abruptly and spun on her heel, abandoning her pile of napkin cranes to turn on Lyon with blazing emerald eyes. "It is not your choice!" she roared, her voice too big to be coming from such a small body. "You don't get to decide for him! That is his decision, and he will be the one to make it.

"Do you know what it is that so terrifies him about Awakening? It is being unable to _choose_. It is having his mind stolen and his actions dictated by forces outside of his control. Why do you think he always holds on to his control so tightly? Why he has to be in control of everything and keep control of his surroundings? Why he has to organize everything so precisely and hold down that damn shadow? Why he chafes so much when you try to make his decisions for him?

"You can support him and encourage him and offer your aid." She pulled herself to her full height and leaned forward, glaring into Lyon's eyes. "But if you take his decisions away from him, you are no better than Zeref or Marietta."

Lyon recoiled and stared back, his mouth half open. It sounded so harsh put like that. But she couldn't be right, could she? He understood, grudgingly, why it could be seen as stealing Gray's ability to choose for himself, but did that really apply in such a dire situation? He wanted Gray to be able to make his own decisions, but he drew the line at willful death.

Gray would undoubtedly see it the same way as Mavis, but Lyon… Lyon couldn't see how anyone could sit back and watch their friend kill himself without trying to stop him.

But–

And yet–

Lyon shook his head, his face crumpling. He didn't know. He didn't know what the right thing to do was, didn't like when what seemed like a very black-and-white concept was given another dimension, couldn't stand the feeling of helplessness.

Mavis's eyes softened as she retrieved one of her cranes and handed it to him. "Make a wish," she said. "Pray for your friend, Lyon. That's all you can do right now."

Lyon stared down at the little crane nestled in his palm. _Make a wish_. His head jerked up in surprise and he looked at the pile of cranes on the table with new eyes. And here he had thought that she was just decimating the guild's entire supply of napkins for the sake of a nervous habit.

His mouth twisted into a funny expression.

Behind him Elaine, ever the peacemaker, cleared her throat. "We can stay here for a few days and come up with an excuse for what took so long. If he shows up before we have to leave, then the rest of the Council need never know that he was gone."

"And if he doesn't?" Erza asked quietly.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It wouldn't be a death knell, but it might cause some problems and lead to a tightening of the leash if he reappears later. I'd rather avoid that, so I'll postpone our return for as long as is feasible."

"Thank you," Makarov said, sounding older and more weary than Lyon had ever heard him before.

"Of course. Now, Mr. Bas– Lyon, it has been a while since we've spoken, no? Why don't you walk with us?"

Lyon turned back to her, tearing his gaze away from the crane in his hand. He supposed that he was the obvious choice to milk for information since they'd spoken before, when Gray had nearly killed himself with his devil slayer magic like an idiot.

…He was desperately tired of thinking about Gray killing himself.

He wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone, but he just shrugged and brushed past the Councilwoman and Knight on the way to the door. He was ready to get out of this guild anyway. Although he didn't turn, he heard the footsteps follow him out into the street.

"You aren't from around here either, are you?" Elaine asked conversationally. "Would you mind showing us which hotel you're staying at? We'll need a room while we wait."

"I'm not actually staying in a hotel," he muttered. "Although I know a few of the ones around here, if you want."

"Where are you staying, then?" asked the Knight.

"Gray's apartment."

"…Really?"

"Yeah. We didn't want him alone, so we made him stay with Natsu. He says he's fine with it, as long as I stay out of his way."

There was a heavy pause, and Lyon suddenly realized that he had no idea where he was going. He was just walking to move. The city bustled around him with its humdrum monotony, everyone going about their business as usual, safely cocooned within their own little worlds. Safe little worlds. Worlds where the pressing concerns had to do with working late or what to make for dinner or what family members were coming into town. A happy buzz preoccupied with the small triumphs and hassles of everyday life.

Lyon envied them, a little.

"Do you think we could accompany you back to Gray's apartment and take a look around?" Elaine asked.

"Why?" he asked, eyeing her and her companion suspiciously.

"Just to say that we did, and didn't find anything suspicious. More 'proof' for the Council."

He was not convinced. "I don't feel comfortable letting you dig through his things."

"We won't. If we walk inside and see nothing suspicious, we can honestly report that we looked at his apartment and found nothing suspicious."

Lyon blinked, and then a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You sound exactly like Gray, when he was coming up with that bullshit cover story. He was always good at being misleading without outright lying. Alright, you can take a look, but no poking around."

He figured that being cooperative and giving Elaine more justification for Gray not being dangerous couldn't hurt. He slipped through the crowds, his ears picking up bits and pieces of mundane conversation like the soft burbling of a creek tickling his senses. He had always been drawn to a life of excitement and drama, but a fleeting longing for _normalcy_ tugged at him now. In another life, he could have been one of these people, unremarkable to the world at large but the star of his own little microcosmic story. It had always seemed a bit boring before, but maybe there was something to be said for _too_ much excitement and drama.

"Why does he want you to stay out of his way?" the Knight asked, his husky voice not quite swallowed up by the cacophony of sound.

Lyon's lips pressed together in a tight line and he kept his eyes fixed ahead, searching for that first glimpse of his destination. "Why do you think?" he asked shortly. "He wants nothing to do with me because I'm the last link to Ur and the other Gray and everything from that time. Because I've seen him Before in a way that his other friends haven't. Whatever they think they understand about that time is colored by who he is now and without a real understanding of who he was.

"Because he always tries to do what he thinks is best for us no matter how strongly we disagree, and he's decided that it's better for me to stay away. But he's also an idiot, so. I won't be chased off so easily."

He spotted Gray's building through a break in the crowd and picked up the pace. He didn't want to talk about how Gray was avoiding him like the plague. He understood it, at least part of it, but it stung anyway.

"Why stick around, then?" the Knight asked.

Lyon's fingers curled tighter, the papery touch of the crane's wing brushing against his skin. "Because he still needs me. And because I still need him."

Shouldering his way into the building, he stepped over to Gray's door and pressed his hand to the lock. Static ice-make was Gray's specialty, but any self-respecting ice mage should be able to mold ice into a lock and create a makeshift key. He shoved the door open and wandered inside.

As always, his eye caught first on the mural painted on the far wall: Gray's team arrayed in all their carefree glory, with their mark splashed behind them in a tropical blaze of color that defied the surrounding gray pressing in. The image was rendered in exquisite detail, and Lyon had spent more time than he cared to admit examining it in something approaching awe. It had taken his breath away the first time, and even now it made something rattle inside the cage of his ribs.

"Wow," Elaine murmured in a hushed voice.

"Impressive, isn't it? His friends say he painted it himself."

"The demon paints," the Knight said, although ill-disguised wonder wound through the notes of his voice. "Who would have thought it?"

"Hm." Lyon ran his eyes along the lines in the paint, every soft curve and sharp turn, and paused on the smiling faces. "I'd like to see anyone see this and still say that he can't love."

"…I wonder why he didn't put you there too."

"Why would he do that?" Lyon asked shortly, not wanting to admit that he'd been selfish enough to wonder the same thing when he'd first seen it.

"Because he obviously loves you too," Elaine said mildly. "Even we can see that."

"This is a tribute to his team and Fairy Tail," Lyon said. His eyes lingered on the Fairy Tail mark with its rainbow of color. Gray was fond of symbolism and inclined to more austere color palettes, and Lyon didn't doubt that the mark and its colors were a representation of his guild. "I don't belong there."

"Still…"

He turned away. "You can look around if you want, but don't dig through anything. It's usually neater, honestly. I'm trying to keep it clean so that I don't annoy him, but I've got nothing on him."

It was a weak segue, but his guests took the point.

"Oh really?" Elaine asked as she drifted around the small space and glanced over the neatly-arranged belongings. "Not even I can keep my place this neat."

"He's a bit of a neat freak."

"I see… Well, I don't see anything suspicious here. What about you, Roderick?"

"No," said the Knight. "Not really."

"Great, I think our investigation is complete, then. So, would you like to show us the best hotel in the area, Lyon?"

Slipping the napkin crane into his pocket, Lyon nodded, led them outside, and shut the door behind them.

As the days dragged on, Elaine and the Knight remained fairly unobtrusive. Lyon didn't know what they did with their time, but they only dropped by once or twice a day to check if Gray had been sighted. Sometimes they stayed to ask questions and gather information for the Council, especially if it was raining and they didn't feel like braving the elements.

This happened more than once, given that the weather had turned decidedly stormy as of late. Juvia claimed that the rain wasn't hers, although more than one person had started giving her sidelong looks every time a new rainstorm hit the area. Lyon missed the sun. Whether or not it was a manifestation of Juvia's distress at Gray's absence, rain was frequent and the time between storms saw more than its fair share of gloomy drizzle.

The weather did nothing to improve the guild's mood, which was already tense. Lyon was used to Fairy Tail's optimism even in the face of adversity, but the worry for Gray had already eaten through most of that. A façade of normalcy was halfheartedly maintained, but tempers were short and an uneasy silence hung beneath the chatter.

It was nearly a week later that Elaine and Roderick once again found themselves stranded in the guild hall due to the heavy sheets of rain that the bruised clouds had unleashed. They were prodding Gray's team about this and that, but Lyon had long since lost interest. He fiddled absently with the crane in his pocket that he now carried everywhere. Its wings were worn and a bit crumpled, and he was considering asking Mavis for another. She had continued to manufacture them with quick efficiency over the past days, bringing in paper to replace the napkins and adding each finished bird to the growing pile in the far corner. Lyon wondered how long it would be before she hit a thousand.

The door creaked open, accompanied by a sudden rise in volume of the staccato pounding of the rain. Lyon whipped his head around to see who had come in, just like he did every time the door opened.

Except this time, it _was_ Gray who stepped inside and let the door fall closed behind him with a soft thump.

Lyon stared, mouth half open, so surprised that the gears in his brain spun uselessly and his body refused to respond. Could it really be…?

"Huh," Gray said in a husky voice, his eyes dark and cool as they drifted over the assembled mages. "We having a party? Even the Council got invited? Seems fun."

His voice solidified his presence and snapped everyone out of their trance. Lyon stood and took a half-step forward before stopping. Gray wanted him to stay out of the way, and he was afraid of chasing him off again. But _oh_ , he wanted to join Fairy Tail in the mad scramble, add his voice to the chorus of relieved exclamations and worried questions.

Rain slid down Gray's skin in rivulets and matted his hair down, each strand shining a glossy black as the droplets traveled its length and hung on the tip for an instant before falling to the ground. A puddle spread out from where he stood, shimmering on the floor, but he waved Juvia and Lucy off impatiently as they grabbed the first fabric they could find and tried to towel him off.

"Back off," he grumbled, taking a step back. "Seriously, don't crowd me. And quiet down."

With a great deal of reluctance, the gathered mages retreated a few paces.

"How was Isvan?" Mavis asked as she turned away from her origami and arched an eyebrow.

A brief flicker of surprise glimmered in Gray's eyes, but then his lips quirked into a half-bitter, half-amused twist. "Cold. It usually is."

She stared at him steadily. "I see you've put yourself back together harder than ever."

Lyon could instinctively feel what she meant. There was a hard, cold edge glittering in Gray's dark eyes, a bitterness to the set of his jaw, that hadn't been there before. At least not since he had begun truly improving and opening up again. He wasn't numb and depressed anymore, but as cool and distant as when they'd discovered his demonic nature…if not more so.

"At least I _have_ put myself back together," Gray said with an acerbic sort of almost-humor that seemed to be directed more at himself than anything.

"No, you haven't, but it's a start."

He snorted. "Fair enough." His eyes narrowed dangerously as he studied her. "I'll give you fair warning. You know I understand, and I've been more or less willing to be your punching bag when the situation calls for it, but you should keep in mind that there are lines that should not be crossed."

Mavis winced and looked away. "You're right. I went too far. I apologize."

"It's fine. Now, what does the Council want with me this time?"

Elaine's eyes were hooded and pensive as she gauged Gray's state of mind and explained the Council's stance and her role here. Lyon found it hard to tear his gaze away from Gray, but managed to sweep a glance over the anxious Fairy Tail mages. No one knew what to do or say or how to handle the situation. Gray didn't seem so fragile that the wrong word would shatter him anymore, but he did seem hard enough that the wrong word would make him disappear in the night again.

"I see," Gray said. Those onyx eyes turned on Lyon finally, ruthless and unyielding. "I am moving back into my apartment. I apologize for the inconvenience. I'd appreciate it if you had your things out by the end of the day."

Lyon recoiled, his chest tightening.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay on your own," Erza said, stubbornness overtaking her cautious anxiety. "You–"

"I don't need a babysitter," Gray said coolly. "None of this looking over my shoulder nonsense. Life will resume much the same as before." His gaze slid sideways to rest on Elaine and the Knight. "Come, I will escort you to the train station so that you can be on your way back to the Council, and you can ask me your questions along the way. Don't worry, I have an umbrella." He turned back toward the door without another look at his guild. "I will be back at my apartment this evening, and I will return to the guild in the morning. We can talk then, if we must."

"But–" Lucy tried.

"Not now. Later."

"Gray!" Lyon burst out, finally finding his voice. He stepped forward, drawn by a string of desperation reeling him in. "Let me–"

Gray turned and his eyes were ice, black and sharp, as they pierced Lyon through the heart. "Go back to your guild, Lyon. There is nothing left for you here."

He pushed the door open and stepped back into the rain, leaving Lyon to gape after him. Elaine threw him a sympathetic look before she and the Knight followed Gray out into the storm.

The thorns wrapped around Lyon's ribcage and tightened around his lungs, choking off his breath. His fists tightened reflexively, and delicate tissue gave way under the force. He started in surprise at the sensation and uncurled his fingers to stare down at the crushed bird, a wish with its wings clipped.

Gray had come back, but Lyon despaired that the distance between them was greater than ever.

* * *

The rain fell in heavy curtains of gray haze, tapping out a staccato rhythm on the delicate, translucent awning arching over his head. The umbrella was more for his companions' benefit than his own, given that He was already soaked to the bone from walking through the storm to get back to the guild. The ice handle burned cold in his hand, sticking painfully to his wet skin, and He absentmindedly pried it off to distract himself with the ripping sensation and ensuing rawness.

He kept up a quick, clipped pace even though the melancholy tempo of the rain put him in a more languid mood, making his feet want to drag through the stagnant puddles gathering on the cobblestones. His gaze stayed fixed straight ahead as He strained to catch any glimpse of the train station though the sheets of rain falling from the sky. At least that way He didn't have to look at the two other people huddled under the handcrafted umbrella with him.

He told himself that He wasn't avoiding their gaze because of things too similar to why He couldn't hold Lyon's. That was a weakness for a creature made only of sharp edges.

Still, He listened to their explanations and answered their questions in terse, monotone answers. He had the feeling that He was just confirming things they'd already learned from the guild or otherwise suspected, which invalidated most of the reasons He would have had to keep them secret.

"And about Mr. Dragneel–" Two began.

"Like I said, he poses no danger," He said sharply. "I was careful in breaking his binding. He is not connected to E.N.D.'s Book any longer and cannot Awaken. He is as human as they come."

"Why should we believe you?" the Executioner asked, not exactly hostile but definitely guarded.

"I have nothing left to hide there. I would, in fact, lie to protect him if need be, but thankfully I do not have to do so in this case. Not now that he let the cat out of the bag. But I was serious about it being dangerous for the Council to target him or the guild or anyone else who was involved, so I suggest you convince them not to pursue this."

"…Why did you lie for him in the first place?"

"Why do you think?" He asked in a voice dripping with acid, nostrils flaring as his eyes danced along the falling raindrops. "I was going down either way, and there was no need for him to be subjected to the same treatment and consequences as me. And in all honesty, what was one more charge? Damned is damned no matter what other sins you add, false or not."

He shrugged carelessly, rolling his shoulders in a covert attempt to ease the itch of his damp clothes and suppressed conscience between his shoulder blades. There was a pause with only the drumbeat of the rain and gusting of the cutting wind to fill in the dead air. He squinted through the gloom and picked up the pace, eager to get to the station and lose his company. He had agreed to answer questions up until they reached their destination, and He was more than ready to draw things to a close.

"Why did you come back?" Two asked finally, her voice almost lost under the rain. "Your friends weren't sure if you would. Some of them didn't think you would."

"I don't think that's an answer that would be useful to the Council."

"It wouldn't."

The expectant pause drew his lips into a bitter smile. "I almost didn't. I considered many alternatives. But I am still bound to them, they are still my purpose, and that is why I am here. No more, no less."

"…I'm not sure I believe that, not entirely."

He shrugged again. "What you believe is of little concern to me."

"Good to know," the Executioner said dryly. "What were you doing in Isvan?"

His lips tightened and He spun the umbrella idly, watching the raindrops bounce and splatter off the twirling ice. He was cold and hard enough to consider the past days, but that didn't mean He necessarily wanted to.

He had gone back, retraced his steps one last time, resurrected a knife-sharp memory for each place and used them to rebuild the armor He had discarded so carelessly. An armor that came from breaking and was built for isolation, with knife-sharp edges sticking inward and outward to slice him as cruelly as they sliced anyone who got too close. He had broken more with each step in, and on the way out He had rebuilt himself one step at a time into a creature that no one could love, himself least of all.

"I went backwards," He said. "And then I came back out again."

"…What?" The Executioner's exhale was heavy with irritation. "Right. I guess I didn't really expect an answer."

"And what are you planning to do now?" Two asked gently. "Where do you go from here?"

"I'll go forward, I expect," He said. "Not much else to do. Things will go back to the way they were, except for the things that do not."

The guild wouldn't be happy. Things were going back, but farther back than they'd like. He couldn't bring himself to cut ties entirely, not when He still had a pressing need to protect them and they still needed him, but they would have to accept that He was a demon and not closely invested in the affairs of humans.

And if they eventually tired of this state of affairs and found it easier not to deal with it at all, then He'd consider himself free to leave them behind and drop the heavy responsibility He carried for them.

"What a helpful answer," the Executioner muttered.

"And what about Lyon?" Two asked.

He stiffened, his hand tightening around the handle of the umbrella. "What about him?"

"You're avoiding him and being unnecessarily cruel, even more than to your other friends. But you still care for him and he cares for you, and you are hurting him."

He didn't realize He was grinding his teeth together until the umbrella's handle snapped in his hand, cracking under the pressure of his tightening grip. He started in surprise and uncurled his fingers halfway to blink blankly at the break in the ice, then sealed it back into one piece. He held the ice together with the force of his will, tighter than ever to keep control.

"That is between me and Lyon, and is none of your business," He growled, boots splashing in the puddles as He stalked onward with a renewed determination to reach the station as quickly as possible.

Two sighed again. The wind blew aside a curtain of rain, and He finally caught a glimpse of the squat building ahead.

"Looks like we have time for one more question," He said coldly. "Choose wisely."

"That woman," the Executioner said after a moment of consideration. "Marietta. Did you add her name to your list?"

The umbrella shattered, ice shards exploding into glittering chunks of crystal that the rain battered down mercilessly. The full brunt of the storm crashed down over the trio, and the demon's companions let out startled sounds nearly lost under the sudden roll of thunder. Lightning slashed across the sky in white, jagged swathes.

He ground his teeth together and quickly crossed the last few paces to the door of the train station, ushering his bedraggled companions inside. Two and the Executioner rushed inside, arms wrapped around themselves and water dripping from their hair and clothes.

"Hit a sore spot, did I?" the Executioner asked through chattering teeth as he shivered from the cold and plucked at his wet clothing.

He glared at a spot on the floor, his nostrils flaring. He was holding on to control too tightly and, like Mavis had warned, it was making it even harder to keep. His ice—the molding, anyway—had never been meant to be held so tightly. It was alright to mold it with precision and control, but it was a cooperative, creative magic, not a wild one that was meant to be kept on a short leash for fear of it running rampant.

He needed control more than anything, He had thought He had found it, but He was still far more brittle than He could afford to be.

"What list?" Two asked, bewilderment warring with curiosity.

"He keeps a list of names," the Executioner replied, and He turned his back. "The lists of the missing and dead from the people he killed in Isvan. He writes in names himself at the end. My family is there. So is your daughter."

Two sucked in a breath. "O-oh…"

"So," the Executioner asked, implacable, "is she there?"

He tilted his head up and glared at the ceiling. "Of course," He growled, turning back and pushing past them. "Enjoy your trip back to the Council."

He shoved his way out of the building without another word, plunging back into the roaring squall. The door drifted shut behind him and He pressed on, burying his hands in his pockets and lowering his head against the wind and rain. He stalked the length of the street, turned the corner, and started down the next.

For now, He had nowhere to go. He didn't want to go back to his apartment until late tonight, when Lyon would have had a chance to get his things and leave. He didn't want to run into the ice mage. And He had no intention of going back to the guild until morning at the very earliest.

So He walked. He forged on with clipped strides radiating fierce energy and tension, while the storm raged on around him. The wind drove the frigid rain through his drenched clothing and sent it whipping across his skin. Lightning seared across his vision and left him seeing white, blotting out the images burning behind his eyelids. The rumbling thunder and drone of the pounding rain drowned out his thoughts.

He paced on, swallowed up by the storm that was just wild enough to temporarily overcome the storm He kept chained inside.

But eventually the sheets of rain eased to a more sedate pace and then to a melancholy drizzle. Just the barest edge of the waning sun peeked out from beneath the dark clouds, and the thunder and lightning withered away to nothing. A few daring souls poked their heads out into the streets and hurried out to attend to business, umbrellas tucked safely under arm or held overhead.

He held one hand up and watched the water dripping, dripping, dripping through his fingers. He dropped it again and wandered on at a more ambling pace as the sky's weeping eased. His feet squelched in his boots and his soaked clothing was quickly becoming clammy and cold and uncomfortable against his skin.

He wandered until long after the sun had disappeared once more and the stormy clouds were cloaked by the darkness of the night. A drizzle would start up again from time to time, and He welcomed it. He focused on each unpleasant sensation and counted down the minutes until it was safe to go back to his apartment.

He waited until well into the night before returning. Poking his head inside, He looked around suspiciously and scoured the room for Lyon. Nothing. He closed the door with only the faintest of clicks and ghosted across the floor to peer into the bedroom and bathroom and kitchen. Nothing. Lyon was gone.

As an extra precaution, He glanced around to see if anything of Lyon's was still here. It didn't look like it. Whatever Lyon had brought, he had already removed. Good.

Everything was suspiciously neat, considering someone had just been living here. He had yet to find anyone half as obsessively neat as himself, and was surprised that everything was in such good condition. Lyon had clearly made an effort.

It wasn't perfect, though. There were the little things here and there, a knickknack out of place or a book spine uneven with the rest. Small little things to remind him that someone else had been here.

He shook his head and began straightening out each little discrepancy, tracking wet footprints across the floor as He obliterated any sign that Lyon had ever been here at all. He paused by the coffee table as He noticed the strange object there. The only one that didn't belong.

He picked it up and held it in his palm, studying it quizzically from every angle. It was a bird folded from soft white paper. A crane, probably, although the telltale folds had been muddied. Its body was crinkled and worn as if it had been much held or kept in a pocket or bag. Its wings were uneven, one bent at such an angle that it looked broken, but someone had obviously tried to remedy some of the damage and smooth out the ruined folds.

It had to be Lyon's, and it was no accident that it was here.

He should throw it away and finish ridding his apartment of any trace of the ice mage. Lyon couldn't exist here, and He couldn't afford to soften his stance now, not when He needed to keep his edges sharp and impenetrable.

He made to close his fist, but his fingers hovered uncertainly, curled like a cage around the small avian. With a harsh sigh, He drifted over to the painting of Fairy Tail on the wall, where He'd hung it after Reedus had given it to him as a housewarming gift to welcome him back to his apartment. He perched the crane on the frame, tucking its broken wing behind the picture to keep it in place.

Stepping back, He let his eyes drift over Lyon's bird and the laughing faces of the guild in the painting. He stared at them for a long time, the water dripping from his clothing and forming a small puddle at his feet.

Spinning slowly on his heel, his gaze moved across the room and locked on the mural He'd painted himself. His footsteps were heavy and his feet dragged as He stepped across the room and stood in front of the wall. His team's faces glowed so bright, their bodies full of vibrancy and life. Behind them, little pieces of a hundred people glowed bright with their rainbow hues of color, shaped into the mark He had very nearly removed from his chest again in Isvan.

He reached out almost without thinking, not to the wall but to his shadow. His hand dipped inside, and the shadow quietly produced the desired object. Either it was still cowed and obedient from his earlier outburst or just because He was holding it under tighter control than ever, and He didn't care which it was as long as it stayed compliant and kept to itself.

He turned the booklet over in his hands, his fingers running over the rough binding and then slowly riffling through the pages. The columns of neatly-printed names marched by under his gaze, quiet and accusing. He didn't stop until He reached the last page.

His eyes traveled from the top of the list of names written in his own neat script, slowing as He got closer to the bottom. There was Marietta, her name written in rough slashes rather than the controlled smoothness of the ones preceding it. The letters were inked in scratchy crimson, and a blot dripped partway down the page to mar the whiteness of the paper. He hadn't had access to a pen at the time. The inside of his wrist stung at the memory.

His eyes traced over every jagged letter and then, as He took a fortifying breath, jumped down to the four names written in red below, each with a sharp slash through the middle: Lucy, Natsu, Erza, Happy.

His hands tightened on the booklet, and his eyes jumped back and forth between the damning names and the happy picture painted on the wall.

He had come back, but the distance between him and the others was greater than ever.

* * *

 **Note: Gray, whyyyy? The problem with breaking someone so thoroughly is that it takes an awful lot to even start fixing them again. Poor guy is** **going to make a catastrophic roller coaster of a mess of things before figuring out a more normal grieving and healing process X) Mind you, getting him back out of this mindset was also a pain in the neck, and getting him out of what follows was even worse XD**

 **emmahoshi: It should be a fun one lol And idk, a lot of the synopses end up changing right before I post the stories because I write them before I ever start writing the actual stories XD Yeah, I'm a little too pragmatic to just run off as an escape too, so I engage in more mental escape than anything. (I also get annoyed when people are always on the phone when you're trying to talk to them, but it can come in handy when I'm stuck waiting for a long time and don't want to meet anyone's eyes lol) I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say that part of the reason is that you just don't like Mavis to start with lol But yeah, she's right but being blunt bordering on rude atm. Poor thing is starting to lose it. Well, the Council is pretty incompetent XD And yeah, this Awakening thing really freaked Gray out. And he's very aware that his team _should_ be dead, which is where the list comes from. But yeah, it'll be a bit of a mess.**


	48. Unsigned and Unsent

**EndarkenedSanity: I had too much fun with the storm. Vivid description and imagery were my first love before I turned to dialogue and the like, and every once in a while I go back for nostalgia's sake lol Yup, Gray is as unstable af. Mavis has her own reasons for everything, but yeah, I find repetitive motions soothing and distracting too, and she's got other reasons for why she suddenly picked up such a random habit. We'll have the climax of her plot next chapter.**

 **Soso177: Why, yes, it can. You should know better than to ask if I can make things worse. I might take it as a challenge XD Oh, yes, Gray is extremely frustrating, and it's almost even worse that we can understand why he's being like that. Even if we want to shake some sense into him. Ah, Gray is so broken that it takes very strong things to get through to him, which makes him more unstable as he see-saws between these very polarizing events and feelings. But I'll get him out of it. Mm, true that you can't make yourself happy to make other people happy, although you could try faking it. But I was watching this talk about paragons the other day, the kind where a character always does what they perceive to be the right thing and how it can lead to very interesting things (like if a superhero decides that the best way to save the world is to seize control away from all the fallible human leaders, you can end up with a dictator; and some of the choices they make might not be ones we'd agree with but they're too set in their own view of right and wrong to be budged), and I realized that demon-Gray kind of is one. Part of the reason he's being like this now is because he perceives it as the "right" thing to do. It might hurt his friends, but he was an immortal with a different view of time, and he's playing the long game. If he thinks it's better for his friends to "get over" him because it's too dangerous to be near him, if he thinks he can't be too human or he'll lose control again, if he thinks it's better for Lyon to keep his distance, then his actions are going to reflect that no matter how much we disagree with him and his methods and he's too stubborn to be convinced otherwise. Also, he just has no idea what to do atm and he's unstable XD Both, about Mavis. She's smart, but she also has a more in-depth understanding of Gray than the others. And yeah, misunderstanding plots can be very hit-or-miss. They can be done well, but usually they just get dragged out to the point of ridiculousness or have overdramatic consequences ("omg, I saw my bf hanging out with some chick and clearly he's cheating on me and I'm going to throw a fit and break up with him without even telling him why because obviously he should know, and it's going to take the next twenty chapters to figure out that it was all a misunderstanding but at least we'll get some hawt makeup sex"). But Lyon is a smart cookie and he's come too far to give up on Gray again. Don't worry, the guild is 100% supportive this time around lol We just have to wait for Gray to learn how to live and fight on his own two feet again :3**

* * *

 **Unsigned and Unsent**

* * *

Natsu obviously wasn't the only one surreptitiously keeping an eye on Gray.

"Do you think he's been sleeping?" Lucy asked out of the blue. "He looks really tired."

Natsu darted another look at Gray—as if he hadn't already spent all morning and the past several days watching him—and searched out what Lucy was noticing, even though he already knew. Gray had migrated off to the other side of the hall, distancing himself from the team as he often did nowadays, where he was reluctantly tolerating Juvia's chatting and worried fussing with an expression of cool indifference tinged with annoyance. He always held himself in a way that somehow exuded both predatory grace and aloof coldness, which was now exacerbated further by the arms crossed over his chest and foot tapping impatiently on the ground.

But underneath that, Natsu could catch hints of a bone-deep weariness that went beyond the emotional stress and into the very concrete, physical sense. There were dark smudges beneath Gray's eyes, and a lethargy below all the sharp edges he'd set in place.

"Porlyusica is still giving him sleeping potion, right?" Erza asked.

Happy nodded. "She's all grouchy about it because she insists on giving him an individual dose every day to make sure he doesn't overdose again."

"Well, he sure doesn't _look_ like he's been sleeping…" Lucy muttered.

Natsu narrowed his eyes at the frustrating ice mage on the other side of the room. No, he didn't look like he'd been sleeping. Either the doses weren't high enough to keep him sleeping without nightmares, or he wasn't taking the potion. The second possibility might not have occurred to him if he hadn't seen firsthand the results of downing an entire bottle of sleeping potion, but if Gray was perhaps _stockpiling_ his daily doses… He said it wasn't a suicide attempt, but the thought of him stockpiling potion to dangerous quantities was not reassuring.

Erza sighed harshly. "I hate to say it, but that's the least of our problems right now. I'm more worried about the rest of it. We need to find a way to break all those walls down again and get him back."

Natsu kept his suspicions to himself. Gray would react negatively if they bombarded him with worried questions all at once, and Erza was right that there were other problems. In the days since Gray had turned back up on the guild's doorstep, things had quickly gone downhill. He was back, but he was colder and more distant than ever.

…Sometimes Natsu wondered why he'd come back at all, because he definitely didn't seem like he wanted to be here.

Natsu winced as Lyon cautiously approached Gray. Whatever lingering animosity he might have held toward Lyon for his earlier treatment of Gray, Natsu couldn't help but feel for the guy. Sure enough, Gray waved Juvia off and turned away, breezing right past Lyon and striding purposefully out of the guild. Lyon stared after him mournfully, and every set of eyes in the guild tracked Gray's exit.

"And there he goes again," Mira sighed from the bar.

"Hey, he was here for like two hours," Gajeel said dryly. "That's nearly an hour longer than yesterday." Despite his gruffness, a frown tugged at the corners of his lips as he shook his head and downed his drink.

"It took so long to really get him to come around last time," Lucy mumbled. "And this time it's even worse. I don't know…"

"He's driving me freaking crazy," Cana muttered. She attacked her drink with renewed vigor, maybe trying to drown her problems again.

Natsu continued to frown at the door as Erza went to talk to Lyon and everyone else got back to brainstorming the Gray problem.

"I'll be back," he said to no one in particular.

He took advantage of everyone's distraction to slip outside without any hassle. Not seeing Gray immediately, he sniffed around and managed to pick up his scent mingling amongst those of the other pedestrians going about their business. He hurried down the street and caught up to his friend halfway down the next.

"Hey, ice block! Wait up!"

Gray turned and annoyance flashed across his features. "Natsu. What do you want _now_?"

Natsu suppressed a wince at the frigid tone. Honestly, was it too much to ask for Gray to call him 'flame brain' one more time? But anything that could show any kind of affection or camaraderie had been ruthlessly axed from Gray's repertoire, and it cut deep.

"You running off again?" he asked conversationally, falling into step with Gray as he started walking again.

"I'm allowed to go wherever I want."

"Sure, sure, you can go mope wherever. Look, have you been sleeping? You always look tired, and the girls are starting to worry."

"The girls worry about too many things. I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Maybe it's not, but I can guarantee that I'm less annoying to have on your case than the girls once they get started. And if they start suspecting that you're not sleeping because you're not taking the potion because you're hoarding it all to eventually off yourself, you're never going to hear the end of it. So, have you been taking the potion? Is it not working anymore?"

Gray's step faltered for just a beat, and he gave Natsu a calculating, sidelong look. "The doses are too small," he said finally, reluctantly. "It's not enough anymore."

"So you just decided to stop sleeping again? And stockpile all the potion?"

"I save the doses for every few days and then combine them," Gray said slowly, choosing his words with care.

"Uh-huh." Natsu was not to be so easily deterred. "That explains part of it. And the rest you're stockpiling to possibly off yourself later?"

Gray's lips twisted into a grimace. "It's an _emergency_ stash, not a suicide stash. If there's a day I really need to sleep, I want to have something on hand to make it possible."

"Uh-huh. Or if there's a day you really want to off yourself."

Gray growled deep in the back of his throat, a frustrated sound. "I don't see how it's any of your business."

Natsu thought it sure as hell was, but knew it was a bad idea to press the point. "Have you asked Porlyusica to up your dose?"

"Of course not," he snapped. "The second I open my mouth, it's going to be a fucking inquisition ten times bigger than this one. Speaking of which, I tire of your pointless questions. Go bother someone else, Natsu."

Natsu drew up short at the venom dripping from every word, and Gray stalked off without a backward look. The dragon slayer took a deep breath and wandered back to the guild. Gray's attitude stung, but it didn't have the intended effect when everyone knew that he was deliberately keeping them at arm's length and trying to chase them off. Still, it was getting _exceedingly_ frustrating to deal with.

Natsu pondered the issue for the rest of the afternoon, only half listening to the conversations around him, and then excused himself early and told Happy he'd meet him back at the house later. Explaining the situation to Porlyusica and finagling a bigger dose of the potion was a pain in the neck, but he eventually escaped with a bottle and a handful of non-life-threatening injuries.

The hues of sunset were just starting to streak the sky when he jiggled Gray's bedroom window and scowled when it remained stubbornly closed. Who actually locked their windows? Having no patience for such nonsense, Natsu used a spark of magic to break the latch. He shoved the window up and clambered inside.

Gray startled at the intrusion, spinning around in his chair and scowling when he saw Natsu by the window. He dropped his pen on the desk and pulled a blank page over the papers he had been writing on to hide them from view. Natsu eyed them curiously, but Gray just stood up and crossed his arms.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hey, be nice," Natsu said cheerfully, holding up the bottle and swirling its contents. "I brought you your potion for tonight, and I hashed things out with Porlyusica. This dose should be big enough. You're welcome."

Gray's carefully maintained viciousness faltered for the briefest of moments and surprise clouded his features. "You…what?"

Natsu rolled his eyes and shoved the bottle at Gray's chest. "Here, take it. And get some sleep already."

Gray accepted it automatically but studied Natsu with suspicious eyes, trying to puzzle something through. This could backfire horribly. Getting Gray a bigger dose each day could result in him creating a bigger stockpile with possibly fatal results. But he had promised last time that it wasn't a suicide attempt and Natsu wanted to believe that he wasn't going to take that route this time either, so the dragon slayer was going to trust him on this one.

"But drink it now," Natsu added.

But not enough to not make sure this first dose was being used properly.

"Now?" Gray repeated, arching an eyebrow. "It's barely seven."

"Yeah, well, you haven't been sleeping anyway, right? Might as well get a good night's sleep."

Natsu's gaze was challenging, and Gray stared back a moment before shaking his head. "If I drink it, will you leave?"

"Sure."

"Fine, then." Uncorking the bottle, he downed the potion and dropped the empty vial onto the desk. "Satisfied? Now go."

Unfazed, Natsu waved cheerily and hopped back out the window. "Goodnight!"

"And stay out," Gray grumbled, pulling the window down and cursing as he noticed the broken latch.

Natsu chuckled to himself and paced down the street, biding his time. He waited a good half hour before circling back, giving the potion time to work. When he peered back in the window, Gray was curled up on the bed, his chest rising and falling in deep, even breaths.

Natsu wasn't sure exactly how deeply this dosage would knock Gray out and keep him out, so he was careful to be quiet as he climbed back inside. Gray stayed asleep. He wasn't writhing about in the throes of a nightmare, at least, although sleep hadn't erased the tension from his face.

Looking around, Natsu debated what to do. He could sniff out Gray's stash and get it out of here…but if he did that, Gray would not only be pissed off but just start over again. There was honestly nothing permanent Natsu could do about that, since Gray could very easily undo all his work. And if the ice mage was that intent on offing himself, he didn't exactly need the potion to do it. Mavis, Natsu hated to admit, was right that there was no way to stop Gray from killing himself if he really wanted to.

Natsu deflated. Maybe there was really nothing to do here, then. He'd just have to trust Gray not to do anything stupid, which was not easy to do at this point in time.

It was as he was turning back to the window that his eye caught on the desk. Well, he might as well see what the ice block was writing. Sure, it was probably personal, but Natsu was nosy and had nothing better to do. And honestly, given Gray's recent behavior, he probably deserved it.

Darting a quick look at Gray to make sure he was still asleep, Natsu crept over to the desk and plopped down into the chair. He set aside the blank pages covering the stack of interest and began riffling through the papers underneath. There must be nearly a dozen, each covered in Gray's neat script and bearing a different name at the top.

"Oh, shit," Natsu breathed. He'd stumbled on a fucking landmine.

His hand stilled. The page at the very bottom of the stack had his name printed at the top. He stared at it like it was a viper waiting to strike. He wasn't sure he really wanted to know what this was.

But then, taking a deep breath, he began to read.

.

 _Natsu,_

 _I'm never going to show you this, for a lot of reasons. I feel kind of stupid doing this at all, but it's not like I have anything better to do when the nights are long and sleepless._

 _I know you don't understand, not really. I mean, I'm sure you have some idea of why I'm like…this. You've been Awake, and sometimes you know me a little too well. But you don't really understand. Maybe because you aren't the kind of person who would ever resort to such a thing. It seems so stupid to you that you can't really fathom doing it, even if you kind of get it._

 _To be honest, I don't know what the hell I'm doing either. Maybe I never will. All I know is that pretending to be too human, caring too much, getting too close is dangerous. Maybe it's why you all are alive right now…but maybe it's also why I started losing control in the first place. I grew complacent._

 _You won't Awaken again, but I could. My Book isn't just part of me, it is me. I am what is written in its pages, and I am bound to every word. I will never be safe because I will always be chained to it, so you will never be safe either. I have to keep control. Total control. Mavis would not approve of my methods, but it's not like her way worked any better._

 _But I am sorry. I know it will drive you crazy. I know you hate losing friends, too. But for now, this is the best solution I have. I can't do anything but hold on to my control as tightly as possible and live with the fear that the next Awakening is just over the horizon._

 _And if it comes to that, I pray to any God listening that you can stop me again. Thanks for that, by the way. Closing the Book. It makes me feel a little better to know you're around to snap me out of it and protect the others. I'm just worried about the time when it won't be enough._

 _I'm sure seeing my Awakening brought up some bad memories for you too—I know you still aren't quite over yours. But you've been doing well, even working with your curses and learning how to trust that part of yourself. Keep at it, because that's a piece of you that you'll have to live with forever._

 _I know you'll work it out. You're tough and resilient in a way that I'm not. That naïvely optimistic outlook on life will serve you well, I think. You might have to have enough hope and faith for the both of us, because it looks like I've run out entirely._

 _I'm sorry. In another life, we could have been the best of friends instead of it coming to this. But for now… Goodbye, Natsu._

* * *

Lucy shifted from foot to foot as she stared at the tightly-closed door and worked up the nerve to knock. She raised a trembling hand, then dropped it abruptly and paced up and down the hallway with nervous, worried steps, mumbling under her breath.

"Okay, Lucy, you can do this. It's just checking up on a friend and…stuff. It can't be that bad."

Filling her lungs with a deep breath, she turned sharply and came face to face with that intimidating slab of wood again. No more stalling. She'd already spent way too long staring at this door.

She knocked timidly and held her breath. One second, two seconds, five seconds, ten. No response. She knocked again, louder this time. Still nothing.

It was possible that Gray wasn't home. He could be anywhere, really. Aside from the guild, anyway. But it was just as likely that he was ignoring her.

Sighing, she slunk back down the hallway and out the front door of the building in defeat. She had at least been brave enough to try, and it was the thought that counted.

As she shuffled along, her eye caught on the window. She paused, considered. Windows weren't really her thing. It was probably locked, anyway. But she could at least try for the record, so that it didn't seem like she'd given up too easily.

She shot furtive looks up and down the street, hoping the passing pedestrians wouldn't take notice and think she was robbing the place, before creeping over to the window and peering inside. Gray was sitting at his desk. She squinted, watching in bemusement as he scribbled line after line of neat script onto the page in front of him. Huh, she hadn't realized he wrote much of anything. She was the writer.

She hesitated, but then swallowed and tentatively tapped on the glass. Gray started in surprise and spun his chair around, the string of highly unflattering curses muffled by the glass separating the two of them.

His eyes narrowed and Lucy had the feeling that he was just going to ignore her and leave her standing out here like a fool, but then he stood and stormed over to throw up the sash.

"Hi!" Lucy said brightly, although she had the feeling that her good cheer was coming off as forced as it actually was. "Whatcha doing?"

Gray growled low in the back of his throat, unamused. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Can I, um, come in?"

"No. You can just– Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

With more bravery than she thought she possessed, Lucy stepped over the sill and shouldered her way into the room. Gray scowled, but just backed up a few paces and fixed her with a pointed glare.

" _What_ ," he repeated in a growl, "are you doing here?"

"Well, um, it's nearly two and you still haven't come to the guild…"

"And?"

"And…um…I wanted to see if you were coming?"

"No," Gray said shortly. He retreated back to the desk and sunk into the chair, watching Lucy with hooded eyes. "You can go."

This was not going well, and Lucy scrambled to salvage the situation. "I was hoping that you, um, might? Like, because you haven't been coming much? So I thought, um…"

She hated how squeaky her voice had become and how everything she said was somehow a question. Given Gray's less than amused expression, he was also not impressed.

"No. You can go."

Lucy's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Okay. But, um…"

"But _what_?" Gray asked impatiently, his fingers drumming on the desktop.

"I also wanted to, um…apologize."

Surprise flickered over Gray's face before he schooled his features back into impatient annoyance. "Whatever for?"

"For, um…" Lucy dropped her gaze to the floor and shrank into herself, wanting to disappear. "Down in that basement, I was afraid of you. And I–"

"Don't be stupid," Gray said tersely. "It would have been more foolish not to be afraid. I would have killed you without a second thought."

"Except that you didn't," Lucy mumbled to the floor. "I should have trusted you to–"

"Trust is a fool's pursuit. And it's even stupider to trust something that is so obviously out of control."

She looked up in surprise. "You don't mean that."

"I most certainly do. Trust is unnecessary and unwise."

"But–but–" Lucy shook her head. "Look, about after, when I kind of…uh…flinched back? I know that wasn't… It was just an instinctive thing, I didn't actually think…"

"Uh-huh." Gray tapped his fingers in a bored fashion, his eyes cool and unfriendly.

Lucy swallowed hard. Maybe this had been a mistake. Gray was so different now, and she wasn't having any luck getting through to him. No one was.

"I…I just wanted to say that I do trust you and you're still my friend and I'm not scared of you."

Gray blinked at her and then a dark, bitter smile twisted his lips. He stood and advanced on her, his eyes flashing. Lucy automatically stepped back, her heart jumping into her throat.

"Not scared, hm?" Gray purred. He bared pointed teeth and a crimson tint bled into his eyes. Lucy scrambled backward as he stalked forward relentlessly, his shadow flaring out and reaching toward her as the lights flickered.

"G-Gray…"

He pounced, shoving her back until the backs of her knees hit the windowsill and her upper body was leaning outside. She screamed, but quickly cut it off. She stared back with wide eyes, and her entire body trembled as her heart pounded wildly.

"Well," Gray hissed, leaning forward until their noses were almost touching, "you should be."

Lucy's lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears that she wouldn't allow herself to shed. This wasn't like when he'd tried to scare her after Zeref's death. It was still distancing, she knew it, but there was such a dark edge to him now that she instinctively recoiled in fear.

He released her with a scornful snort and turned away. "Leave. And don't come back."

Lucy scrambled out the window as quickly as her legs could carry her, and Gray slammed it shut behind her. She hurried down the street, but couldn't help but pause and turn back as her tears broke loose and tracked down her face.

What Gray didn't seem to understand was that although she might be afraid of him, she was far more afraid of losing him.

.

 _Lucy,_

 _You haunt my nightmares now._

 _Horrible way to start a letter, I know, but it's what my mind always circles back to when I think of you. You should be dead. You would have been the first to die. That's why I wrote your name first._

 _Something might have stayed my hand, but… Everything from being Awake is hazy and fragmented, but the clearest memory I have is of your face as I tried to kill you. I see the fear and hopelessness, the trembling and tears. It breaks me, Luce._

 _I'm sure that if you haunt my nightmares, I haunt yours as well. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I scared you. That I'll still scare you. It's okay to be afraid, dear heart. I know you'll feel bad about it, but it's natural. And well-deserved. You're allowed your emotions._

 _You scare me too. Or maybe it's that you make me fear myself more. I can't lose control like that again. Next time I might actually kill you, all of you. I already have enough blood on my hands. I can't add yours._

 _Be afraid, Lucy, because I'm terrified._

 _But you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you'll pull through. Don't cry anymore. I'd rather see your smile back, that sparkle in your eye. You won't find it in me any time soon, I'm afraid. But you've got a big heart, so I know you'll find it again._

 _I'm counting on you to use that heart of yours to pull the team and guild back together again. And when the nightmares run their course, dream for the both of us._

* * *

This could go badly, but Erza was sure as hell going to try. Again. The other dozens of attempts hadn't been very successful, but she never had been a quitter.

Pulling her chosen page off the request board, she headed back for the table where the rest of the team was sitting in a thick miasma of awkward tension. This being because Gray had actually deigned to join them today, apparently for the purpose of lurking at the end of the table like a brooding shadow and making everyone nervous. He still didn't talk much and was unbearably cold even when he did, and no one knew what to do with him.

"Alright, I found us a job," she said, waving the flyer in the air. "We've got vulcans for Natsu to beat up and a nice snowy mountain for Gray. It's perfect."

"Have fun," Gray drawled. He stared intently at his nail as he ran his thumbnail under the edge to remove some nonexistent dirt.

"It's a team job," Erza said, not willing to give up so easily.

"Then do it with the team."

"I intend to. So come on."

"That no longer includes me."

Erza's fingers curled under and her nails dug into her palms. Sometimes she wondered why Gray had come back at all, when he no longer wanted anything to do with them. She knew it was distancing, that he had regressed and lost all his earlier progress and was just trying to push them away, but it _hurt_.

"You can't just quit the team," Natsu said. "I didn't say you could do that."

"I don't need your permission," Gray replied coolly.

"Well, you can't just _quit_ , either."

"Watch me." Gray stood and stalked out the door. "Have fun with your silly job."

Erza watched the door slam shut behind him, then replaced the request on the board and slumped down on the bench beside Lucy. So much for that.

"And now he left again," Happy muttered.

"Sorry," Erza mumbled.

"It's alright," said Lucy. "He would have left anyway, sooner rather than later. At least you tried."

"So…" Natsu looked around at the circle of glum faces. "Are we still going to do that job?"

Erza shook her head. "It doesn't feel right without him. I just want us to be able to do things as a team again."

"He's stubborn, and he'll keep going long after he drives the rest of us to insanity. We might be waiting for a long time…"

"My rent might never get paid," Lucy said with a sigh.

Natsu shrugged. "I'll take a job with you, if you want."

"Not right now," she mumbled. "I don't really feel like it when he's…"

She didn't complete the statement, but Erza knew exactly what she meant. Standing, she excused herself and plodded out of the hall. All she knew was that she had chased Gray off again, and now it was time to hunt him down and try smoothing things over. Not that she really expected that to go any better than the original attempt.

She had no idea what to do, but eventually her feet carried her to the bakery. Cake always made things better. Except that Gray didn't like her strawberry cake. He always said it was too sweet. But maybe if she tried something else…

Despite the siren song of strawberry cake, Erza grudgingly settled on vanilla, figuring that it had to be less sweet. But she only got a small one just in case, because if Gray didn't eat it then she'd be stuck with it.

Gray wasn't at his apartment. Several minutes of fruitless knocking and peering through windows turned up exactly nothing. Erza was stumped. The problem was that he could be anywhere and had a penchant for wandering.

But, she realized, there was always the river. He didn't go there as frequently as she did, but if he was feeling nostalgic for how things had been before Marietta screwed everything up… Well, he'd just been with Erza, so maybe the river would be the perfect subconscious choice.

Erza had nothing to lose, so she scrounged up some forks, hefted the cake box, and set off. Miracle of miracles, Gray _was_ standing motionless on the bank, his hands jammed into his pockets as he stared out over the water.

"Hey, Gray," she said as she approached.

He turned with a frown and shook his head when he saw her. "I already told you, I'm not interested in your job."

"I know, I know." Erza sighed, readjusted the box, and frowned down at the grass. "I'm sorry I pushed you. I just…want you to come back. I mean, you came back, but did you really?"

Gray snorted and started back up the bank. "Maybe I didn't. And maybe it's best that you accept that things are different now."

"Wait!" Erza balanced the box dangerously on one arm and grabbed Gray's wrist, tugging him back. "Look, I brought an apology cake."

"Apology…?" A shadow crossed Gray's face and disappeared almost as quickly as it had come. "I don't want any of your gross, overly sweet cake-y shit."

"Just try it." Erza yanked him down into the grass despite his protests. Pulling the box open, she speared some cake on a fork and held it out to him. "You don't have to keep pushing us away."

Surprise flickered over Gray's face as he stared at the cake she was proffering. "That's not strawberry…"

"You don't like strawberry, so I thought I'd try finding something that might not be quite as sweet. Go on."

Gray stared at it, an odd expression on his face, but then hesitantly accepted the fork. His face contorted into a grimace the second the cake hit his tongue.

"It's so bitter," he said, shoving the fork back at Erza and standing up. This time, she wasn't fast enough to stop him as he stalked away. "Keep your cake and leave me alone."

Erza stared after his retreating back forlornly. Then she absentmindedly scooped up some cake and stuck it in her mouth, wondering if it was somehow defective. She chewed slowly and looked down at the remaining cake with a puzzled frown.

It was sweet.

.

 _Erza,_

 _You were my gateway into the guild, you know. Something about that little girl at the river made me fall in love, and I learned to love the others through you. You've grown so much since then. I thought I had too, but it feels like I've really just been going in circles. And now I'm back where I started again._

 _You've always held us together, because you're too afraid of being alone again. You became the team's leader because you had to make sure we stayed together, you always tried to mediate the fighting to keep us all friends. I'm sorry to have to bow out, because I know it will cut you deeply._

 _I kept the mark because of you, though. I nearly removed it up in Isvan, but I think I decided to keep it out of respect for the memory of two lost children sitting on the riverbank, searching for a place to belong. I'm glad you found your place. I wish my place was still with you._

 _It's not, not anymore, but I couldn't stay away either. Not when I knew you'd assume the worst. It wouldn't do to leave like that, and it's so hard for me to stay away. But I think I'll be leaving eventually…after I make sure you won't be as upset to see me go._

 _I tried to stop loving you, all of you, too many times to count, but I never could manage it. I'm afraid I'll fail this time too, but it's probably better you don't know that. It's dangerous for me to stay too close to you and the others._

 _But you've always been so incredibly strong. I know you'll keep your team and your guild and your family together, even once I'm gone. I'm sorry to be doing this, but you've grown so much since that girl on the riverbank. You don't need me anymore, and you'll always have the guild with you. Hang on to them, dear heart. Hang on with all that incredible strength of yours. Hang on to them for me._

* * *

Happy sidled up next to Gray, took a deep breath to steady his nerves, and cautiously tugged at his friend's sleeve.

Gray glanced over with cool, expressionless eyes. "What?"

Happy swallowed. "I want to go fishing. Will you come with me?"

"Ask Natsu."

"Well, yeah, but I want you to come too."

"No thanks."

"But–"

"Seriously, what part of 'no' do you guys not understand? I'm not interested in your stupid fishing trip. Make Natsu do it."

Mumbling something else unflattering under his breath, Gray slid off the bench and stormed out of the guild, ignoring all the sets of eyes that snapped to his retreating form and tracked his progress. Happy flattened his ears and sank down on the bench, trying to huddle into a ball too small to be noticed. He'd chased Gray off again.

"It's okay, buddy," Natsu said, scooting down the bench and patting Happy on the head. "We can still go fishing."

"I know, but I wanted him to come," Happy mumbled.

"That would be nice, but you know how he is now."

"I didn't mean to chase him off again."

"Don't be silly." Natsu tugged at Happy's ear gently and scooped him up. "He's looking for any reason to run off. He comes here for an hour or two, and the first time anyone dares address him, he takes off. Just give him some time to come around."

It was true, sadly. If anyone asked Gray on a team job or suggested they do something or said anything at all, he'd often snap back a nasty retort and stalk out. Happy wasn't sure why he kept coming when he obviously hated it so much and was looking for any excuse to escape, but it wasn't like they'd rather he leave. Happy just wanted his friend back

"I just wish…"

"I know, me too. Now, let's go fishing."

Despite the rocky start to the day, fishing always cheered Happy up. Especially when he and Natsu caught some truly mouth-watering specimens. Happy loomed over the scaly soon-to-be-meals as they flopped and fluttered on the grass.

"Mm," he mumbled, eyes alight as he drooled and imagined how fantastic dinner would be tonight.

"Good haul today," Natsu said cheerfully as he pulled in the lines and whacked the fish over the head until they stopped moving.

"Yummy," Happy agreed. He eyed the collection critically and selected the nicest of the fish, a big and juicy one. "I think I'll give this one to Gray."

Natsu's good cheer faded and a worried expression clouded his face. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"He's still my friend."

"I know, but…"

"I want to."

Natsu sighed but held his tongue. He stayed quiet and grim on the way back to the guild, but Happy did his best to ignore it.

They ran into Gray just outside the guild, where he was crouching before a bush and poking around in its branches with a ferocious scowl.

"Whatcha doin', ice block?" Natsu asked.

Gray spun on his heels and almost lost his balance, waving his arms in the air before catching himself and straightening up with a curse. "You lot again," he grumbled. "Nothing. I'm heading out."

"Wait!" Happy pulled his wings out of thin air and zoomed over before Gray could run off. He widened his eyes into big, sad pools of feline adorableness. "I caught you a fish."

He held out his prize, nearly overbalancing himself with the weight of the large fish trembling in his stubby paws. Gray leaned back, uncertainty flickering over his face as he looked between the fish and Happy. Happy widened his eyes further. Gray could never resist the kitty-cat eyes.

"Natsu!" Lucy said shrilly, bursting out of the guild. "Have you seen my bracelet? It fell off and I can't find it anywhere!"

The interruption snapped Gray out of his hesitation and his eyes hardened. "I don't want your fish."

Happy recoiled as if slapped. "But–"

"There's a reason you never won Charle over with fish. No one wants them. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Gray brushed past without another look, jamming his hands into his pockets and stalking down the street. Happy turned to watch him go, ears flattened and tail drooping.

Gray had resisted the kitty-cat eyes. He had said no one liked Happy's fish.

 _"It's not so much about what the gift is, you know. I like your fish because you take the time to catch them for me and because you put your heart into it. You're a good friend and that's the best gift you've given me, yeah?"_

Happy hugged the fish to his chest, and Gray walked away, away, away.

.

 _Happy,_

 _You've got a big heart underneath all that fluff, you know. People sometimes overlook you or have a hard time seeing past that incessant teasing, but they don't know what they're missing. You've brought me a lot of comfort, in your own way. I'll miss that._

 _Look after Natsu, yeah? You know he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag without you. Make sure he takes care of you too. Make him take you fishing._

 _And find someone new to share your fish with. You've still got a lot of friends around you, and there are plenty of fish in the sea._

* * *

Mavis clutched her rainbow of papers to her chest, careful not to crinkle them. White had quickly grown monotonous, so she had stopped by a little stationery shop on the way to the guild to get some nice new colors and designs.

She ducked around the back of the building out of habit. There had been a few instances of the guild being vandalized back when Gray's identity was discovered and the occasional incident since. Anything done to the front of the building would be discovered quickly, but few people ever walked around back. She had a hard time believing Gray had never noticed any of this, but he never brought it up and the guild always tried to catch any damage quickly and cover it up. Since his last arrest, she was keeping an eye out in case it started up again.

As she circled around to the back entrance, she drew up short and eyed Gray. He was sitting on the grass behind the building, slumped against the wall with his limbs splayed out awkwardly. He stared out with vacant eyes, but his gaze slowly slid sideways to assess Mavis.

"Why are you lurking back here?" she asked.

He shrugged with a slight, world-weary movement. "Because."

Mavis shook her head and padded over, the grass soft and damp between her toes. If she had to guess, her bet would be that Gray had already spent his obligatory ten minutes in the guild and found an excuse to storm off. More curious was why he was back here rather than off prowling the city like a caged beast or shutting himself in his apartment to brood.

"Taking a break?" she asked. Settling herself in the grass beside him, she trapped her sheaf of papers under one leg and selected a dark blue sheet. "Still haven't found Lucy's bracelet?"

Her eyes were fixed on the paper and her focus nominally on the precise folds she knew by heart, but she still caught motion in her peripheral vision as Gray started in surprise.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said harshly. "I don't care about her silly jewelry."

But his hand automatically reached up for his necklace, before he remembered it wasn't there.

"Mhm," Mavis hummed neutrally, sliding her nail along a crease. Her hand trembled as a spasm of pain shook her body, but she shoved it aside valiantly. No time for that today.

Gray made an irritated sound in the back of his throat, but only asked, "Are you _still_ making those things? The guild already looks like a damn aviary."

Mavis smiled to herself. She had begun stringing her cranes together and hanging them around the hall, and she was quite pleased with the results. She bet it would look even nicer with all the new colored ones she was going to make.

"I'm getting close to a thousand," she said.

"What a waste of time," Gray muttered.

Mavis just shook her head. Usually she was the one being crueler than she ought to be in order to combat her curse. She didn't like to see Gray trying to do the same thing. It didn't suit him.

"Want one?" She fluffed out the wings and offered the crane to him, figuring that the color was a good match to his guild mark.

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "No. I already have one, anyway."

Mavis blinked in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah. Lyon left it in my apartment."

Ah, Lyon. If he'd made a wish on that, Mavis was afraid it had gone unanswered.

"Well, you can have another," she said. "Make a wish. The big wish comes at a thousand, but I like to make little ones on each crane. Might as well, right?"

Gray stared at the paper bird as if it was a viper poised to strike, and then pushed himself to his feet. "Wishes are for fools," he said coldly. "Keep your paper dreams."

Mavis shook her head and sighed as he stalked off without a backward look.

Silly paper wishes, hm? She caressed the crane's wings absently.

 _I wish you would stop trying so hard to convince them that you don't love them._

.

 _Mavis,_

 _You're pissed off, I know. I don't know what to tell you. I tried it your way for a while, and it felt good but didn't work. I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep control. And I don't even trust myself enough for that, so I'll probably end up leaving again anyway._

 _We've always had a rather peculiar relationship, hm? I won't try convincing you that I don't resent you, because we both know better. And yes, I know you hate me too. But you understand things that the others can't, and you have a good heart, even if you have to bury it under all that hate._

 _You founded an awful nice guild. I know you sometimes feel out of place, but you can belong here too. You were right that I endangered your guild, and I don't want it to happen again. You might not approve of my methods, but I don't know what else to do. I'm still figuring it out._

 _Are you alright? You've seemed off. Pale, pinched, in pain. I want to ask, but… Take care of yourself._

 _I saw all those cranes you've been folding so diligently and hanging everywhere. Must really be some wish. I hope it works out for you._

 _I don't think wishes are going to do me much good at this point, and I've never really believed in them. But if you find a spare page, you might fold one for us. We could use all the help we can get._

* * *

Lyon's head snapped up as Gray whisked by as silently as a shadow. "Hey, Gray!" he said quickly. "I was wondering if…"

Gray wove through the tables without slowing and shoved his way out of the guild, disappearing out into the sunshine. Lyon deflated as he stared after him morosely. Gray was cold and standoffish with everyone…except him. He refused to acknowledge Lyon's existence at all now.

Maybe this was karma for how badly Lyon had treated Gray in the beginning. It didn't feel good.

A hand rested on his shoulder, and he looked up to blink at Erza.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sure he'll come around. He still cares too much."

Yeah, Gray still cared far more than he let on, and it almost made things worse. Gray didn't hate Lyon like Lyon had hated Gray. He just loved too much.

And he was too damn stubborn for anyone's good.

"I think I'm going to go back to my guild," Lyon said abruptly. "Just for a day or two. I just…"

"Need a break?" Erza suggested, her eyes melancholy but knowing.

"Yeah." Lyon bit his lip as his gaze was drawn inexorably to the closed doors again. "Is that bad? To want to leave?"

Erza shook her head. "It's really draining for all of us, and I know you've been having a rough time. We could probably all use a short break. I might drag the rest of the team out on a job soon."

"But not while I'm gone?"

"No, someone needs to keep an eye on him."

Lyon relaxed marginally. "Good."

But despite his declaration, his feet stayed rooted in place. His heart couldn't take much more of this treatment or of seeing Gray like this, but neither could he bear to leave.

"Go ahead," said Erza gently. "Take a day or two. We'll make sure nothing happens."

Lyon wasn't sure she could actually do that, but he obediently slunk out of Fairy Tail's guild hall. The heavy atmosphere eased a little as he left and boarded a train, but his heart wasn't any lighter.

When he shuffled into his own guild, Sherry took one look at his face and lost her smile. "What happened?" she asked.

He shrugged halfheartedly and collapsed on the bench beside her. He was glad that she and the others weren't out on a job or something. He desperately needed her support right now. And even if Toby and Yuka were still a little more distant than before, he needed them too. He needed someone to acknowledge him instead of looking right through him.

"I told you it was a bad idea," Yuka said sourly. "And look, now he's killed someone and you're–" He stopped, really taking in Lyon's expression, and deflated with a sigh. "That bad?"

"He won't even look at me anymore," Lyon mumbled, fiddling with his sleeve.

"I'm sorry," Sherry said quietly. "I think he still cares about you a lot, even if he doesn't show it."

"I know he does," he said morosely.

"Maybe it's better this way," Yuka said, sounding more tired than hostile. He was still angry at what he perceived as Lyon's betrayal and hearing that Gray had killed someone else hadn't helped matters, but he had set some of his bitterness aside upon seeing how devastated Lyon was by the whole thing. A better friend than Lyon deserved, maybe. "You're just getting hurt now. Just stay with us."

"Stay," Toby agreed. "You're gone too much."

Lyon shook his head. "I'm going back. I just need a day to… I can't just give up on him again."

Not even when it felt like Gray had already given up on himself first.

.

 _Lyon,_

 _I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really, really_

 _I didn't mean_

 _I can't_

 _I just_

 _I'm sorry. I'm really sorry._

 _I miss you._

* * *

The frosty coating spread across the mirror automatically when He entered the bathroom, a delicate lattice of crystal frost ferns with the merest hint of smoky shadow underneath the glimmering surface. He barely noticed, so used to the phenomenon by now.

His apartment was silent as a tomb, just the way He liked it. It was basically the polar opposite of the guild, which was why He both loved and hated it.

He turned the faucet on and watched impassively until the gushing water created a cloud of steam that rose into the air like a hot-breathed ghost. Then He plunged his hands into the scalding stream and began scrubbing.

His hands _looked_ clean, but He knew they weren't. There had to be _something_. He could feel it.

He had spent much too long digging through dirt and poking around floors looking for Lucy's missing bracelet, so maybe that was it. He ran his thumbnail underneath all the rest of his fingernails, searching for any leftover dirt caked beneath them. The water stayed stubbornly clear. Maybe He could still feel the metal and the germs teeming on it, or maybe it was just the atmosphere of Lucy's place still clinging to him from when He'd snuck in to return the bracelet to her jewelry box.

The water stayed clear.

He scrubbed more frantically, lathering the soap again and again and again.

And He could _still_ feel it dripping, dripping, dripping.

He gave up with a cry of frustrated disgust and turned off the water. His raw skin stung when He rubbed a towel over it roughly.

It was as He was turning away to leave that He noticed the steam had partially melted the frost on the mirror and He caught a glimpse of his face. He let the magicked ice fade and drifted back toward the sink to peer at his reflection.

Dark hair and eyes, pale and pinched skin, dark smudges under the eyes. Damned eyes. Dark and old, cruel and broken, defeated and cold. A child's face, with a demon's eyes.

He slammed his fist into the glass and the image shattered, child and demon and all.

.

 _How could you?_

 _How could you?_

 _How_

 _As if you don't already have enough blood on your hands. Dripping, dripping, dripping. Breaking everything you touch._

 _Way to go. Glad to see you haven't changed at all._

* * *

Natsu sat back, white-faced and sick to his stomach. He glanced back at the bed behind him, his heart hammering against his ribcage in guilty horror, but Gray was still motionless. Asleep. He didn't look like someone who could pen such brutal words, not when slumbering so peacefully in oblivion.

Natsu swallowed hard and looked back down at the damning pages, slowly flipping through them as his eyes skimmed over the ink.

Picking up the pen lying abandoned on the desktop, he slowly filled in the empty space at the end of each letter with the name Gray had foregone using. And on the last one, he had to write it twice.

* * *

 **Note: If you didn't catch that, all the middle parts happened _before_ Natsu breaks into Gray's place. Because we'll pick up where we left off next chapter. It was also a good way to cover a few weeks without time skips or writing out a billion chapters. Still gives you the flavor of what's been happening in all its frustrating glory.**

 **Also, you can never have too many cake metaphors. FTW! (That's for you, emmahoshi XD) Is it weird that I feel the worst about Happy's part? It was like taking candy from a baby ;_; And the attempt at Lyon's letter killed me a little bit X)**

 **But anyway, I'm about to shake things up again :D**

 **emmahoshi: Ha ha, it's just too convenient that we have a canon cake-lover I can use to mess with you XD Sooorryyy~ Lol yeah, it's just pain all around. Mm, I don't think the guild would be too easily fooled after everything they've been through with Gray, especially since they've seen his distancing tactics before. There might be some unease because it's worse than before, but I can't see them taking everything he says and does as what he actually feels. The invasion of privacy will not be taken well lol Oh yeah, I understand why Gray does what he does (obviously, or I'd be a poor excuse for an author lol) and I think he's doing the best he can, it's just so _frustrating_ sometimes. Demon-Gray frustrated me a lot XD It's not easy to convince him to be happy -_-**


	49. Mortality

**Note: Ooh, fun title. This sounds like a happy-fun chapter.**

 **Soso177: I do love heartbreak and hopeless love X) And the irony of contradictions is the air I breathe. Geez, we could probably call it a theme of this story in particular lol I love contradiction and ambiguity and gray morality. It opens up so many more possibilities and is more thought-provoking than hard black-and-white. And yes, letter writing can be therapeutic and is sometimes recommended to help people work through their feelings. I could never really stand to write as myself (like with diaries or letters), but I do much the same thing in fiction writing. Amazing what you can do with your own thoughts and feelings and worries through fiction and other characters. Yeah, I think everyone has come too far to be so easily fooled by Gray's distancing now. Lucy isn't quite as too-tough-to-be-scared as the rest of the team and she had a pretty traumatizing experience during Gray's last Awakening, so I think it makes sense that she's a bit more frightened. She's not really my favorite character to start with, but I respect her for still trying and doing her best, at least. Yeah, poor Lyon X) He needs all the friends he can get atm. And yes, taking care of one's own mental health while helping someone else heal is really important. It can be really stressful on the people trying to help them too, and things will get worse if you just ignore it. And Lyon will play a big role in Gray's recovery, but so will everyone else and, most especially, Gray himself. It's time for Gray to really learn how to fight and heal and recover for _himself_ this time around. Aw, speaking of Mavis... X)**

 **EndarkenedSanity: Poor Mavis the jerk-face sweetheart XD Ha, I actually don't much care for canon Natsu. He's too underdeveloped and OPed and doesn't grow enough. And his habit of sticking his fingers into everything and stealing the spotlight every time drives me crazy. But to be fair, I'm not impressed with Mashima's character-development skill in general X) I had a lot more fun developing characters in my headcanons and letting them grow and get some more depth. But I also love that kind of rivalry/best friends thing that's going on with Gray/Natsu and Gray/Lyon, and that's why I work with them so much. Aw, sorry X) Every once in a while I write something that hits too close to home and it can be a bit uncomfortable. Mm, I think the letters are born of the conflict between how Gray really feels and how he's trying to feel/trying to make everyone else think he feels. There's a big disconnect and a lot of dissonance there, and maybe it helps to express the things he can't say. And no problem :) I enjoy replying to comments. I'm usually pretty good at it, although sometimes I fall behind on guest reviews since I can't just PM lol**

* * *

 **Mortality**

* * *

When He drifted back to wakefulness, it took a few moments to notice that something was wrong. The sleeping potion left him disoriented and hazy for those first few crucial minutes after waking, so He'd already dragged himself out of bed and halfway to the bathroom when He noticed that his room had been tampered with.

His attention zeroed in on the desk, and He suddenly found himself wide awake as He studied it with narrowed eyes. The pen was abandoned on the wrong side of the desk, the chair was facing the wrong direction, and the papers were thrown together in a haphazard pile instead of a neat one. And _no one_ should have been touching anything on his desk.

He cursed and hurried over to examine the carnage, apprehension gripping his heart. There were things there that no one was supposed to see. Unfortunately, a closer look only reaffirmed what He already knew: someone had gone through his things. He picked up the top page and glared at it. Someone had written _'Gray'_ at the bottom. Snatching up the other pages, He flipped through them frantically and cursed again as He realized they'd all gotten the same treatment.

He recognized that messy scrawl, and He'd seen only one person snooping around here last night.

"I'm going to kill him."

He tore the pages into shreds with vicious fury and obliterated the damning words before throwing the scraps into the trashcan. Tearing through all the drawers in a mix of burning panic and anger, He snatched up anything incriminating and trashed it. The drawers seemed untouched, but He wasn't taking any chances.

He barely took the time to pull on clothes before rushing out into the street and practically flying to the guild, heedless of every frightened or hateful or suspicious glance he drew from the people he passed. Righteous fury burned deep in the pit of his stomach, spurring him on and mostly drowning out the fear and worry and discomfort.

Throwing the heavy doors open with a loud crash, He surveyed the guild with burning eyes. Everyone jumped, startled by the sudden sound, and turned toward him.

"Where is he?" He demanded. He searched the sea of faces and instantly dismissed each one.

"Geez, calm down," Gajeel muttered, although uneasiness slithered underneath his gruff words.

"Where's who?" Mira asked in a more conciliatory tone.

"Dragneel," He bit out.

He caught a shock of bright pink hair out of the corner of his eye and rounded on the dragon slayer. Natsu stood up from where he'd been sitting with the rest of his team and watched the demon with wariness and…something. A mix of worry and understanding and sadness and resignation and everything He didn't want to see.

"Hey, ice block," he said with a fair approximation of his normal cheerfulness. "What's up?"

"I'm going to fucking kill you," He growled, crossing the intervening space in a few long strides. Grabbing Natsu's collar, He shoved the dragon slayer back up against the wall and bared his teeth. Natsu stiffened but didn't resist as he normally might, instead electing to watch the demon with that uncomfortable mix of emotions edged in wariness. "Stay the hell out of my apartment. You have no right to go snooping through things that don't concern you."

"Gray, calm down," Erza tried.

"Hey, it had my name on it," Natsu said, striving for that same nonchalance although it was coming off a little more strained now. "So–"

"No, that is _not_ how it works. Did I hand it to you and say, 'Here's something for you! Why don't you take a look at it?' No, I don't seem to recall doing that."

Natsu tried to shrug and winced as the demon's grip tightened. "Fair enough, but it _was_ addressed to me. One of them, anyway."

"I want to rip you apart," He muttered. Something tightened uncomfortably in his chest, the knowledge of a mistake He couldn't undo. "You'd best forget anything you might have seen that wasn't meant for your eyes."

"Kind of hard to do," Natsu muttered right back. "Whether or not it concerned me, I found it very concerning."

"What _I_ find concerning," He growled, eyes flashing, "is that you seem to think it's acceptable to _drug_ me so that you can snoop through my things and _deface_ them."

"Okay, I didn't drug you so that I could look through your stuff." The lines of Natsu's face tightened in discomfort as He twisted the dragon slayer's shirt around his fist and applied more pressure. "I just…sort of saw an opportunity afterwards. And I didn't _deface_ anything. You just didn't write your name, so I did it for you."

And in doing so, he must have been trying to send some kind of message. Even if the changed positions of furniture and letters had escaped the demon's notice, the handwriting of the new signatures would have given Natsu away instantly. Natsu was making a point of advertising that he'd seen the letters, and He didn't like it.

" _Maybe_ ," He hissed, "there was a reason for that."

"Yeah," said Natsu. "I'm pretty sure there was, which is what I'm so worried about."

Growling low in the back of his throat, He released the dragon slayer and turned away. "Stay the hell out. And I suggest you keep anything you saw to yourself."

"Why? I'm pretty sure it concerns everyone else too."

"It most certainly does not."

"Well, considering you were writing to all of us…"

He whipped around and slammed Natsu back into the wall. "Watch yourself, Dragneel," He said coldly, eyes burning with wrath. "Don't test me. I will tear you to shreds."

"No," said Natsu, "you won't."

His eyes were bright with pain and maybe the slightest touch of fear, but he remained quietly defiant as he stared the demon down.

"Don't be naïve," He said.

"I'm not. I read it all. And even if I hadn't, don't think I don't know that you care more than you let on. I hate your stupid distancing bullshit. We all do. And let me tell you, I think you gave away the game with all those letters."

He smiled, and it wasn't friendly. "Don't be silly. Those were nothing. A good way to purge the last of the emotions I no longer need. Don't be foolish, Natsu. This is me, more than any words you might have read on a page."

Natsu stared right back, his eyes hardening. "You're lying, and we all know it."

He snorted and turned away, releasing the fool and stalking back toward the doors. "Just you wait and see, child. You're going to be in for a rude awakening one of these days."

He was ready to go. He was tired of people prying into his business, people trying too hard to break him down, people thinking it was okay to stick their noses into private things in the name of friendship. He was tired of desperately trying to balance on a razor's edge, wobbling back and forth as He tried to figure out where to go from here. He was tired of all his failures: his failure to be human, his failure to be a proper demon, his failure to convince his friends not to love him, his failure to stop loving them.

He was so fucking _done_.

"Gray!" Mavis said loudly, her bare feet pitter-pattering against the wooden floors as she stepped after him. He paused and turned, more out of surprise that she was the one who had addressed him than anything else. "Wait, I need to talk to you about something."

His nostrils flared. He was tired of talking.

"No thanks," He said.

He turned away, but she hurried forward and grabbed his arm. He paused again, an irritated growl building in the back of his throat.

"It's important," she said quietly.

He frowned down at the small fingers clutching his sleeve, and then gave Mavis a once-over with hooded eyes. She looked wan and pinched, somehow smaller as if she was slowly shrinking into herself. Her fingers trembled slightly against his arm. He shifted, his lips pursing. Either something was bothering her horribly or she was ill. He'd been noticing these signs in more subtle forms for a while, so it was shaping up to be a long fight.

But it wasn't like He could ask.

"I don't care," He said brusquely.

"Gray–"

"Screw it." Tearing his arm out of Mavis's grasp, He stormed past her and back to the job request board. He ripped off a page at random and stalked back to the doors. He needed to get out of here, get _away_ , and He'd take any excuse He could get.

"Gray," Lyon tried as He stomped past. "Look, don't run off again. Can't we just–?"

He ignored the ice mage, his gaze skimming over him like oil on water. Honestly, what was Lyon still doing here? Hadn't He made it clear that He wanted him gone? He hadn't exactly been subtle about it.

"I'm leaving," He said to no one in particular, although He shot Natsu a nasty look before adding, "And maybe I'll come back once you all learn how to mind your own business."

"Wait," Mavis said hurriedly, her face scrunching up. "I really need to–"

He met her gaze stonily. "I don't care," He said, every word heavy with finality.

And then He walked out the doors without a backward look, swiping down one of those strings of stupid paper cranes and crushing all the little wings underfoot as He went.

* * *

The job itself turned out to be quick and easy, hardly worth his time. But as an excuse, it served perfectly. When He finished, He didn't go back. He wasn't even going to bother trying to cover it up, because He knew it was what everyone was expecting of him. They weren't expecting him to come back for days, no matter how short the job might be, and He was content to oblige them.

On the off chance that anyone was foolish enough to come searching for him, He left the client town behind immediately upon completion of the job and headed into the nearby forest. Staying in civilization would give pursuers too many chances to find him, especially since his face and identity were common knowledge to a fair portion of the population. If his guildmates came after him, He didn't want anyone pointing them his way. It was unlikely, but it wasn't a chance He was willing to take, not now.

And on the other upside, avoiding civilization meant avoiding all the dirty looks and plotting of everyone who recognized him in said civilization. Sometimes He thought that humans were not so very much more civilized than He, though He had to admit that they had much better reasons for their incivility when it came to him.

He'd spent plenty of nights camping out under the stars during his bout of homelessness, and He found the forest to be a most amenable campground. He could wander among the trees during the day, alternating between furious pacing and aimless, dejected drifting. He raged against the world, against Natsu for daring to touch what most decidedly did not concern him, against all his friends for their stubbornness.

And the rest of the time He grew smaller and sadder, heartsick with what He'd lost and destroyed. Those damn letters, never meant to be seen by anyone else. He was afraid of what Natsu had seen and might tell the others, afraid that He'd bared a part of himself He didn't want anyone to see.

And _God_ , did He miss them. All of them. He missed the days of hope and friendship, where He'd found a new place in the world and settled in with the help of the people He loved the most. If only they hadn't been built on quicksand.

He hated himself for what He had done and what He was doing, but He didn't know what else to do. He couldn't imagine going back to the way things were, but neither could He envision any type of future. When He looked forward, all He saw was a hazy, nebulous, painful blur.

He didn't know where He was going. And, He realized after an unknown number of days spent wandering, He had no idea what He was doing now. Here He was, wasting his time ambling about a forest and putting off the real world, and He had no clue what to do with himself. He could spend days in aimless wandering because He couldn't imagine doing anything else out in the world.

He would go back, of course. If He didn't, Natsu would blame his snooping and everyone would be upset and mount a search. But mostly, He couldn't make himself leave. Every time He tried to take a step away, He found himself drawn back by some unseen magnetic force that tugged at his heart. He had tried to leave so many times, and had always found himself circling back.

He was going to have to leave eventually, there was no doubt about that. He couldn't imagine staying, couldn't see what that would be like when He was this way. But He wasn't strong enough yet, and He wasn't sure the others were either. For now, He would work on stamping out the vestiges of the love He held for them…and the love they held for him. That was a concrete goal, although He couldn't quite figure out what the next step was after He'd achieved that at a satisfactory level.

So far, He wasn't doing a very good job of it. They were stubborn fools, resistant to all his attempts to distance himself from them. And He… He didn't know how to stop loving them.

But He was still caught in their gravitational pull—He was too weak to resist when his heart still ached for them—and could only wander in his lonely limbo for so long, so eventually He tucked his tail between his legs and headed back for the guild. He wasn't sure how long He'd been gone or how his return would be received. Every step felt like slow motion, reluctant and as against returning as for it.

He hesitated outside the guild for several long minutes, trying to convince himself to either leave or go in. Both options made him die a little inside. He didn't have the heart to go back to playing the asshole demon right now, but He didn't feel like He had a choice.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath, He squared his shoulders and set his face in unforgiving lines before pushing his way inside the building. The tense, unhappy atmosphere that greeted him was not entirely unexpected, but it still made his shoulders want to hunch. Everyone seemed downcast and antsy, both sad and worried.

He let the door slam behind him as He paused just inside the building and surveyed the groups of unhappy mages with hooded eyes. The sound sent a shockwave through the guild, catching everyone's attention, and several sets of eyes swung toward him. There was a moment of stunned disbelief, everyone held frozen by his unexpected entrance, but Lucy was the first to recover.

"You made it!" she said. Her expression was some odd mixture of worried and relieved. Jumping to her feet, she darted forward and grabbed his wrist. "You should hurry."

He wrenched his arm free and retreated half a pace, his eyes narrowing. "Made it for…what?"

Lucy blinked at him, hurt shining in her eyes, but then shook her head. "It's Mavis. You should come talk to her."

She started to reach for him automatically again, but withdrew when He slid back another step. Instead, she motioned for him to follow and turned away.

"What about Mavis?" He asked suspiciously.

"About time you came back," Natsu muttered, his eyes unreadable.

"I'm glad you made it in time," Erza said quietly. "Really, I'm glad you came back at all."

He shook his head impatiently, not amused by their cryptic words. "What…?"

Lucy ducked into the infirmary, and He swallowed a growl. Slipping around Erza and Natsu, He followed Lucy inside just to escape the rest of his friends closing in. His footsteps slowed to a halt inside the doorway.

Mavis was tucked under the covers in a cot, murmuring something to Makarov and Laxus in a soft voice. Beside the bed, Porlyusica stood with crossed arms and her usual scowl. Her eyes narrowed as she spotted the demon.

"Well, look who actually decided to turn up after all," she said.

Mavis looked up and locked gazes with him, and He wasn't sure He liked what He saw. "Gray," she said, and her voice was unusually gentle. She waved Makarov and Laxus off in favor of studying the demon with eyes that were almost regretful. "How have you been?"

"What's going on here?" He asked. He crossed his arms and scowled before realizing that He was mirroring Porlyusica.

Mavis was pale again, her face pinched and drawn. There was a furrow between her brows that ought not be there, as if from concentration or pain. She looked ill, honestly. She had started looking ill a while ago, but this was the first time He'd seen her confined to bed.

"Well," she said in a weak rasp, "I'm afraid I'm dying."

He blinked at her. He blinked at her some more. Then He choked out a laugh at the sheer _absurdity_ of it all.

"Of course you aren't," He said.

Her smile was sad. "I'm afraid so, Gray. It's been coming on for a while. I've come to the conclusion that something went wrong when I was pulled out of stasis. The lacrima held me frozen in time, suspended animation of a sort, but my body wasn't prepared to be thrown back into normal functioning like that. Things start going wrong and breaking down after a hundred years, and pulling people into and out of stasis opens up a lot of room for error.

"It wasn't as obvious at first, just an odd ache or twinge here and there, but it's been gradually getting worse. I've started failing in earnest these past few weeks, and I don't think I have much left in me. I _am_ dying, I'm afraid. I've been dying for a long time, maybe ever since you brought me back from immortality, but now time is up. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, before you ran off."

He stared at her, his lips slowly twisting into something disbelieving and almost angry. The last words He had spoken as He walked out echoed in his ears: _"I don't care."_

Lyon said something, but the words were drowned out by the muffled roar in the demon's ears as his mind collapsed into tunnel vision. Mavis might have seemed a bit unwell, but He couldn't imagine her _dying_.

"Why didn't you go to Porlyusica? Or Wendy?"

"I did."

" _Before_ it was too late."

"I did," Mavis repeated. She sighed and looked suddenly weary, which only made her look even more ill. "I've been visiting with Porlyusica for a while, ever since it became obvious that my symptoms were indicative of a much more dangerous problem. She suggested some remedies that might slow the spread of the damage, but…" She shook her head. "I didn't think this was a fight I really wanted to fight."

"…Why didn't you just _tell_ me?" He looked away, his hands tightening their grip around his arms. "I wouldn't have stopped you."

"I know," she said gently. "I like to think that we have an understanding. But you wouldn't have liked it."

His lips trembled, and He pressed them together in a firm line. "I don't care."

"You keep telling yourself that." The sound that escaped her lips was more a sigh than a laugh. "I'm afraid you aren't fooling any of us, though."

"It doesn't matter to me what you believe or don't believe."

Mavis's eyes hardened. "You are being a fool, Gray. Do you really think it will hurt less if you push them away before you disappear? You're going to hurt them either way, and hurt yourself too. This plan of yours to make them hate you before you run off and die in a hole somewhere isn't working for you. They're too stubborn to stop loving you and your heart is too big to stop loving them, and all you're doing is making a bigger mess of things. What exactly are you hoping to accomplish with this?"

"I don't know!" He burst out angrily. Her words cut deep and twisted in his gut like knives. "What else would you have me do?" He fisted his hands and pressed them to his eyes, his knuckles digging painfully into his face. "I have no idea what to do. I have no idea what I'm doing _now_. I just spent days wandering around a forest for no good reason at all because I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm stuck. I can't go back and I can't go forward, and I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do from here."

Mavis sighed. "Come here."

He dropped his hands and eyed her warily. He didn't want to 'come here'. He wanted to leave and pretend this wasn't happening. He wanted to ignore the mages hovering on the sidelines and pretend they weren't watching him slowly lose it. He wanted to walk away and pretend Mavis was okay.

But everyone looked so worried and Mavis looked so tired and sickly, and his feet dragged him forward one painful, reluctant step at a time. He couldn't leave her, this woman He had unconsciously assumed would be around forever. He couldn't imagine a world where she wasn't there to understand what He was going through and sit with him when He was wavering on the edge of losing control and even snap cutting barbs his way when she needed more hate in her heart.

And He had put himself together harder than ever after his breaking, but sometimes it was the hardest things that shattered first when hit in just the right spot. He could already feel every fiber of his being aching and trembling under the pressure. Had He ever been hard, strong, or just brittle and waiting to snap?

He stopped by the bedside, every muscle tense and ready to run. Mavis reached over to pluck something off the bedside table and gave it to him with a hand that trembled slightly. His own hands began to tremble as He stared down at the navy blue crane nestled in his palm, looking for all the world like the one He had rejected only a couple weeks before.

"That was the thousandth one," said Mavis. "Gray, I want you to find your way again. Stop this distancing nonsense. It's only hurting you and your friends. You can recover from this. Take care of your shadow, let your friends in, and focus on getting better instead of destroying yourself. I know you can do it."

He was transfixed by the crane, by the memories of the ones He had rejected and crushed and called stupid. He didn't even realize that He was shaking his head.

"Don't go," He said in a voice smaller than He wanted it to be. Moisture pricked at the very corners of his eyes. "I don't know how to do it without you."

"I'm sorry." Mavis smiled faintly, her eyes sparkling with the amusement that came only of making the best of a bitter irony. "It looks like you'll be the last of the immortals left standing."

And that hit him like a weight, that He was going to be the last one again, alone again, with no one to understand.

"But maybe I don't want to be," He whispered, hating the plaintive note that crept into his voice.

"Of course you don't." Mavis leaned back and turned her gaze to the ceiling, looking small and lost between the pillows. "None of us did, honestly. We've lived too long, seen too much, been broken into too many pieces. I actually thought we'd lose you first with how self-destructive you were, but you really pulled yourself together after a while. I should have guessed, I suppose. You were the strongest of us all."

He choked out a laugh that was dangerously close to a sob. "Are you insane? I barely know how to get up in the morning anymore."

Mavis smiled, although it had a sad edge. "I think you were the most broken, which is saying a lot. You were the most resistant to healing. You were the most determined to disappear. And yet…somehow…you changed the most, grew the most, _became_ the most. It still amazes me how far you've come, even with the most recent setbacks. You survived it all. More than that, you were actually thriving for a while. Goodness knows you got farther than I did, and I think it's safe to say that we both did better than Zeref."

"And I've fallen farther, too," He mumbled, hunching his shoulders and running his finger along the crane's wing.

"Your highs are higher and your lows are lower, but you're _living_ them. You made yourself a place in this world and time, and you belong in a way that I never quite figured out how to achieve. That's what I don't want to see you throw away."

"Mavis… I… I don't…"

"I know, but maybe you don't need me as much as you think you do. You still have all your friends here to help you, if you'll let them in."

"But–"

"I know, it's not quite the same, but maybe they can understand more than you think they can if you let them. But I am sorry I won't be there." Mavis smiled as He finally looked back up at her with stricken eyes. "We make an odd pair, don't we? Friends yet enemies, so close and yet so far. I'm sorry we couldn't have a more normal friendship, that I kept using you as my punching bag since you were the most convenient target."

He was already shaking his head fitfully, dozens of aggravations and cruel comments forgiven instantly. "It wasn't your fault. You had to. And it was okay, it was good, it–"

"Was a little bit toxic," Mavis finished wryly. He shook his head mutely, but she didn't have the patience to gloss over the past. "I'm afraid you got the worst of it, and I know it could be hurtful at times. You had the patience of a saint with me, and I'm grateful for how much you put up with to stick by me."

"It wasn't–wasn't–"

"Really, it meant a lot. You _understood_ , you stood with me to give me a place to belong, you were always there to catch me when I fell." She smiled again, and although her features were drawn and pained, they relaxed into one of those bright, genuine smiles that He missed so much. "I know I've said some horrible things, but you've been my closest friend for a while now and I think you're a wonderful person. You had to have realized that the reason I had to hate you more than anyone was because I loved you more than anyone."

He shook his head fitfully again like a broken bobblehead, trying to block out her words. That wasn't what He wanted to hear. Words like that tasted like ashes after everything He'd done and been, and He had always hated goodbyes.

"No."

"Yes. We owe you a lot, you know. Thank you for freeing Zeref. And thank you for freeing me. I've lived too long and been too at odds with the world, and although there are things I'll miss, I'm ready to go." She directed a meaningful look at the wilted shadow pooled by his feet and added, "Now make sure you free yourself too. And not in the same way."

He stayed silent, paralyzed, still swaddled in the mean comfort of his denial.

Lucy drifted forward a half-step toward the bed and looked anxiously between him and Mavis. "Is there…? Is there anything we can do?

"For me?" Mavis shook her head. "No. Not anymore. But take care of him, will you? He needs help sometimes, even though he was never any good at admitting it."

"Of course," Lucy said, her voice thick.

"Don't need to be taken care of," He mumbled, his voice tinny and distant in his ears.

A hand rested on his shoulder as Erza stepped over to his side. "It's alright. He won't be able to chase us off so easily."

Suddenly, He was once again aware of all the people pressing around. It was suffocating. Mavis would be forever-gone, and it would be so, so easy to lose someone else the same way.

Mavis looked around at the guild— _her_ guild—and another smile lifted her weary features and brought a spark of life back to touch her sickly pallor. "Whatever our differences, this is my guild and I love it. You all brought my old dream to life and turned this into a family, and I'm honored to be able to say that I had a hand in founding such a wonderful guild. It's been a pleasure to watch you grow and change, and I'm proud of you all. Pull our guild back together again, and take care of each other."

Someone sniffled loudly. Another person said something else, but the blood was rushing too loudly in his ears for him to hear. He stood rigid, once again rooted to the spot with no clear way forward or back.

Mavis turned her eyes back on him, and her smile was gentle as she reached out with a shaky hand and carefully curled his stiff fingers around the crane. "Take care of our guild, alright? For me. Stop running away. They need their protector back. And let them take care of you as well.

"What I really want is for you to be happy, Gray. I think you deserve that much. You got so close, and it hurts to see how far you've fallen. Stop sabotaging yourself. Move forward and heal instead of wallowing in the past. Life is too short not to keep moving forward, even for you and me. Life is precious, and when it's gone, it's gone. Make the most of it."

The crane turned into a navy smear between his fingers as his vision blurred and wavered. The back of his throat burned, and He swallowed hard. Blinking back the encroaching tears, He turned his disconsolate gaze back on Mavis.

And so He saw the exact moment when her eyes widened in fear, her melancholy serenity shattered by horror. She pulled her hand away and shrunk back in the bed, her wide emerald eyes meeting his bottomless dark ones in one last silent, desperate plea.

He could sense the shift in the air, the gathering darkness supercharging the atmosphere, and her eyes told him everything He needed to know. She understood how precious life was in these last few moments of hers, even if she was ready to let it go. She loved too much at the end, in the way that goodbyes swept away all the negatives and left only the good behind to be tarnished by nostalgia's touch.

She had lost her balance.

He didn't hesitate. The ice was already forming in his hand and lengthening into a sharp point as He dropped the crane to the bed and whipped his hands up over his head. The sword plunged downward with a swift, vicious thrust, sliding between the cage of Mavis's ribs and sending a spray of red flying through the air.

Someone screamed. Mavis stared at him, wide-eyed and gaping, but the black magic reverberating in the air dissipated as she fell back to stare sightlessly at the ceiling. He imagined He could catch a glimpse of uncomprehending betrayal in those dull green eyes.

Both hands stayed firmly clutching the hilt of the sword, which stayed solid and real standing up from—through—the chest of the person who had always walked the tightrope with him. He stared at Mavis's slack face with wide, uncomprehending eyes, shoulders hunched. He barely noticed that He was shaking all over.

People were shouting all around him, their voices blending into a babbled sea of sound. They were running toward him, tugging at him, watching with horrified eyes. Asking how could He and what had He done and _why, why, why?_

He couldn't stop staring at those sightless green eyes set in that deathly pallor with the golden hair spread all around.

"She was losing control," He said hollowly. His voice sounded muffled and far away, and getting the words out around the disbelief locking his jaw was painfully difficult. "We had a deal. Except that she wasn't there when I lost control."

He shook his head, eyes glassy. The ice in his hands finally shattered and disappeared into the ether. The guilt did not. There were crimson blotches on his hands, standing out in sharp, damning contrast against the paleness of his skin. His hand hovered over the bleeding hole in Mavis's chest, wanting to touch and make it better but not daring to after the atrocity it had just committed.

A smudge of blue caught his eye against all that dripping, dripping, dripping red. His hand moved like lead to scoop up the little paper crane. The paper of the wing was soaked through with crimson that was slowly bleeding through the weave to spread toward the body, leaving a blotchy purple in its wake.

He stared at it for what felt like an eternity, before the hands pulling at him and the questions needling him finally tugged at his focus again. He turned away sharply, still cradling the bird in one hand, and shook his friends off of him. He walked through their midst, each step heavy with finality, and stared straight ahead with unseeing eyes that left the other mages as only formless blurs in his peripheral vision. Nothing existed except for him and the door in front of him and the paper bird in his hand.

As He left the room, He was already reaching for his shadow with one hand to find his list and wondering hazily where He could find a pen. He had another name to add.

* * *

 **Note: ...Oops? I did say that there would be a plot with Mavis X) And I've been dropping hints for a while. Bummer, I actually really liked her. And sometimes I need her around to tell it to Gray like it is when everyone else is too busy tiptoeing around.**

 **See, the problem with breaking a character so thoroughly is that it sometimes takes something major to shake them up and snap them out of it. Especially if they're as stubborn as Gray. So I got him out of Big Bad Demon phase, but then he had the nerve to get stuck again! Trust me, FT were not the only ones getting frustrated with him XD**

 **emmahoshi: Lol I didn't see the need to drag out that baby plot. But yeah, also gives you an idea of how little Gray knows what to do with himself atm lol Yes, I know you don't like Mavis lol Zervis in general kind of squicks me out (maybe I could partly see it back in the veeery beginning when Mavis didn't know everything about Zeref and then he was the only one she could rely on, but I don't see that continuing on after everything he did), although I acknowledge there could be some lingering mixed feelings. (Gray technically "freed" both immortals by releasing them from the immortality [and kind of himself, too], and it's no secret that they were eager to get rid of it throughout canon; even Zeref had a lot of issues because he wanted to be able to die [hence the demons and E.N.D.], even if he slipped back into psycho mode towards the end of canon. He _did_ start off as a victim...he just went totally crazy and turned into a horrible person lol I think that Mavis and Gray, even if they pretty much hate Zeref [and Mavis _does_ hate Zeref, even if part of her still loves him—which is basically every toxic, abusive relationship ever lol], would still understand what it's like to want to be freed of that curse.) Actually, I liked her because of all her contradictory feelings and emotions and actions X) She was fun to work with just because she can be a little bit toxic and contradictory and still a good person at heart. But you know how I am with contradiction and ambiguity and gray morality lol And no, Gray is not in a better place mentally XD But I sort of feel like Mavis was an anachronism in this timeline who eventually needed to be cleared out, and it was a good way to highlight the control issue again while also shaking Gray out of his Big Bad Demon phase X)**


	50. In Absentia

**[EDIT: Sorry if you got a notification that this was updated. I was messing around with something on the settings page and I might've accidentally messed something up X) My bad! Not sure if it'll send out the alerts or not, but just in case lol Give me another day or two and the next chapter will be up for real X) Sorry, guys.]**

 **EndarkenedSanity (alias ENDarkened Sanity): Well, I can't imagine that everyone won't be able to start piecing things together with all the hints that were dropped X) But yeah, it's a huge mess for everyone. Poor Mavis lol Ha, I don't pander to the audience enough to be "famous". I'd have to write Nalu or Gruvia and possibly tone down my penchant for angst and overly cerebral plots XD But that's okay, it's enough to be able to entertain even a few people :3**

 **Soso177: Yeah, Mavis felt like a bit of an anachronism in this timeline. She was a problem from the very beginning because I didn't know what to do with her at the end of "DoR" when I felt like she probably should have been taken out along with Zeref, but then I came up with this plot and ran with it. But I'll miss her :3 Yup, all these wonderful contradictions are why Gray is such mess. The Awakenings and shadow will be addressed, but that's Gray's fight and he's going to do it on his own terms. He relied a bit too much on his friends back in the other recovery arc, and he needs to learn how to want to be happy and heal and live for _himself_ and not just to satisfy them. We're tearing him down and having him build himself up again from the ground up this time around :3 Ah, an interesting question. People _can_ make life-altering changes by means other than tragedy, although often there's some kind of "wake-up call" event because something has to give them the motivation to want to change. That doesn't necessarily have to be negative, but the tragedies tend to be more dramatic and more in-you-face catalysts for change. And demon-Gray is so many kinds of messed up that I think he needs something big and dramatic and heartbreaking to get through to him. Don't worry, the healing will come! Just maybe not in this chapter lol**

 **Emiko: Okay, to be fair, not _everyone_ dies in this story XD Mostly just bad guys and the occasional OC family member sometime in the past. But yeah, Mavis is gone ;_; Sorry, I liked her too lol But it seemed like a fitting end for her story since she was something of an anachronism in this timeline, and her death will not be in vain! But sorry XD**

* * *

 **In Absentia**

* * *

Erza stayed rooted to the spot as her eyes followed Gray's stiff gait out of the room. He moved like a sleepwalker, his eyes vacant despite the furor raging all around. It wasn't his same cold hostility and carefully maintained distance, but rather the grief-stricken shock of a dead man walking.

Erza couldn't tear her eyes away until he'd disappeared out the door without another word or sidelong look, but then found her gaze drawn back to the bed. Mavis always seemed small and childlike, but she was even more so in death with the blood pooling around her and her eyes open and glassy. Even after the loss of her immortality, she had still seemed immortal. She was the guild's founder and first master, their tactician who had seen lifetimes pass her by. Although physically small, she had always been larger than life.

But now she was gone just like that, and Gray was walking away with blood on his hands. Everything had happened so fast, but the savagery of those fatal seconds was burned into Erza's memory.

She wasn't the only one in shock, but most of the guild's horror had manifested itself in loud exclamations and questions. She herself had a hard time forming any words at all.

"What the _hell_?" Macao was saying. "He just _killed_ her!"

Erza swallowed hard. The red splotch that consumed Mavis's chest made her stomach turn. She wanted an explanation. She knew there was one. Gray wasn't a coldblooded killer no matter what he wanted them to think, and she trusted him wholeheartedly. He had a reason. A very powerful reason, because nothing less would force him to overcome his extreme aversion to killing.

And it broke her heart, because she knew it would kill him inside.

"I can't believe he _did_ that," Bisca said, stunned incomprehension twisting her features.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," Natsu said sharply. His face was white and his eyes shone with pained disbelief, but he just worked on quieting down all the commotion. "There has to be a reason. You know he wouldn't just do that without good cause."

"I dunno," someone mumbled, "he's been pretty scary lately."

"But that's just a defense mechanism," Wendy said as she crept back over to the bed and peered down at Mavis with grief-stricken eyes. "Gray-san put up walls to protect himself and us, and we all know it. You know he isn't nearly as uncaring as he acts."

"Still," said Gajeel.

"She was already dying," Bisca added. She still looked more in shock than anything, and Alzack wrapped a protective arm around her. "There was no need to kill her. And so brutally."

They had, in fact, been expecting Mavis's death for days now, ever since she first collapsed and finally admitted to her illness. But she had still been lucid and coherent and _alive_ , and they had been expecting her to maybe last a few more days and then slip away peacefully. It was the suddenness and unexpectedness of the attack, as much as anything else, that made it seem so brutal and left everyone reeling.

"He said…" Lucy cleared her throat and tried again, her eyes still fixed on Mavis. "He said she was losing control. You don't think that maybe…maybe her curse has been hanging around in some form?"

"If it had been, we would've been dead a long time ago," Laxus said, unconvinced.

Underneath his normal gruff façade he was shaken, face pale and eyes drawn to the corpse in the bed. He and the Master had made it a point to try making Mavis feel included in her guild, and although Laxus had seemed more like an unwilling participant in his grandfather's schemes, perhaps they had affected him more than he'd let on.

Mira shook her head fitfully. "Gray is a lot of things, but he isn't a monster. He had a reason. And didn't you feel it, right before he…? There was some kind of powerful magic building in the air, and it was dark."

Erza seized on that with the desperate hope of a drowning woman. Yes, she had felt that charge of magic in the air, something dark and powerful stirring and sending out its feelers. She had nearly forgotten after the shock and horror of the next few moments, but it had been there. It had to be connected to Mavis's death and Gray's hand in it. Nothing else made sense. It was too coincidental not to be.

"I did," Levy said with a thick swallow. Tears had gathered in the corners of her eyes, and she inched closer to Gajeel. "Just for a second. I don't know what else it could have been…"

"But why _now_ , then?" Laxus asked. "After all these months with nothing happening?"

"She _did_ disappear sometimes," Wendy mumbled. Her fingers trembled as she carefully closed Mavis's unseeing eyes. "Remember that time she just up and ran out of the guild? I followed her, but Gray-san came running after me and brought me back and wouldn't let anyone else go after her…"

"Maybe because it was dangerous," Charle agreed, pressing closer to Wendy. "He went after her eventually, but wouldn't let anyone else go. So he knew and kept her secret for her."

"Those two were always off whispering together," Lucy said, subdued. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly, looking sad and small and lost. "I thought it was because they'd both had the immortality, but if they were both having control issues too…"

Erza finally shook herself out of her stupor to collect the pieces of her normal composure and start fitting everything together. "She said that she had to hate him more because she loved him more, and that their relationship could be a bit toxic. If her curse is all about balance, then maybe she found a way to balance it out by hating as much as she loved and that's how she could keep it under control? And since Gray was the only one who knew about it, he was the one who had to deal with that darker side. He's always so paranoid about losing control that it makes sense he would gravitate toward Mavis if she was having problems too."

"Makes sense," said Cana, taking a deep swig of her drink and staring at the floor with vacant eyes. "And she must've started losing that balance at the end. I dunno. Maybe when you're dying, it's too hard to hate anyone anymore."

Happy's ears flattened. "She loved us too much."

"And wasn't there something about taking life the more you understood the value of it?" Levy asked. "I think life would seem even more precious and valuable when it's reaching its end."

"So he saved us," Erza concluded. Her shoulders relaxed as tension she hadn't realized was holding her in its grip faded away. "If Mavis lost control, her curse would have killed us. He did what he had to, and I think… I think she wanted it that way."

 _"We had a deal. Except that she wasn't there when I lost control."_

And just like that, that knot of nauseous tension twisted in her stomach again. Had they really been so afraid of losing control that they had made such a gruesome pact with each other? Did Gray really wish that Mavis had been there at his Awakening to kill him before he killed anyone else? Erza was afraid that the answer was yes.

Her eyes traced over Mavis's lifeless face as the rest of the guild came to terms with this new revelation, their horror turning into something sadder. Mavis's story seemed even more tragic this way. And Gray…

"Both the First and Gray always prioritized this guild and its protection," the Master said. His voice was tired and his entire face seemed to droop. He looked older than Erza had ever seen him. "Let's not do anything rash."

"Poor Mavis," Levy mumbled.

"And poor Gray," Lucy said quietly. "He isn't going to take it well."

Erza turned abruptly and stumbled out of the infirmary, scrambling for the door. She rushed across the hall and threw the front doors open wide to frantically search the streets outside. Gray was nowhere to be seen, of course. He was long gone, and the pedestrians strolling past and carrying on with their lives were far too normal to be real.

Erza's hand tightened on the doorframe and her shoulders hunched.

"He's not coming back, is he?" Lucy whispered.

Erza glanced back to see that the team had followed her out. She looked away, glassy eyes sweeping over the street again.

"He'll come back. He always does."

She believed that he would. He couldn't stay away and couldn't bear to make them wait for him forever. Knowing how worried they would be about him, he wouldn't be able to resist coming back. And with his deep-seated insistence on justice and responsibility and penance for his own actions, he would come back to face whatever the guild chose to throw at him.

No, Erza believed he would come back eventually. She was, ironically enough, more worried about walking in on him bleeding out on the floor of his apartment once he had than of him quietly fading into death without coming back first. He wouldn't leave them wondering.

But Erza was already wondering. She was wondering what pieces of him would come back this time, wondering what would be left of him when he returned.

"…I'm just afraid of what we'll see when he does."

* * *

The guild in mourning was a somber place. The mages usually so rowdy and loud were quiet and subdued. The strings of paper cranes stayed draped over the hall like a colorful funeral shroud, and no one dared so much as touch them, much less take them down.

Any lingering resentment toward Mavis for her recent behavior had melted away, only the more tragic in light of the revelation of its cause. She had always stood a little apart from the rest of them, been a little untouchable and remote, but she had been their founder and first master and was undeniably _theirs_. She had been one of them, and now she was gone.

No one would even be able to consider moving on from her death until the funeral was over and done with and some closure had been found, but they were delaying it for as long as possible. They could only put it off for so long, but Erza wanted to give Gray the chance to attend when he finally came back. Most people were of the opinion that he would vehemently refuse even so, but Erza thought it was important to at least give him the opportunity. And honestly, she thought it would be good for him. Some kind of closure.

Gray was, of course, the other big reason that everyone was so tense and unhappy. They needed to know he was alright before they could relax, and so far they had received no sign of that. It had been a week and a half, and the guild was starting to think that he was gone for good this time. His spot in the hall was empty, his apartment was vacant, yet his presence seemed to linger in the air all around them, in the heavy silences and worried glances.

Erza might be the only one still convinced that he would return. She could feel it in her bones, although sometimes she wondered if she wasn't just deluding herself. But Mavis had charged him to protect the guild, and he would have a hard enough time rejecting that even if it hadn't been the wish of a dying friend. He was bound to them too tightly and always came back like he was reeled in by an invisible fishing line.

Erza's faith was rewarded when Gray finally shambled into the guild one afternoon, just over a week and a half after Mavis's death. It was a bright and sunny day with birds chirping merrily over the hustle and bustle of the streets, but the guild was still trapped under a mournful air that smothered them like a heavy blanket and Gray only brought an even deeper miasma with him.

When he had run off after his trial, he had left a depressed wreck and come back distant and hard with all sharp edges. Not so this time. It was, as a matter of fact, quite the opposite. The harsh demon persona had been dropped, which would have been good if it didn't signify how broken he was.

He looked, quite frankly, terrible. He had lost weight and was practically skin and bones, gaunt and pinched and pale. There were thick dark smudges under his eyes, and Erza realized that he probably hadn't brought his sleeping potion with him. He'd been alone with his nightmares and sleepless nights, and she wished more than anything that there had been someone to sit by his side and help him through. Streaks of dirt and grime stained his skin and clothing, letting her know he had been outdoors, but Mavis's blood wasn't spattered on the fabric. Although there were red stains bleeding through the sleeves that shouldn't have been there.

Worst were his eyes, which were dark and vacant and dead. Erza hadn't thought he could become more distant than when he was playing demon so skillfully, but now she didn't know if she'd be able to reach him at all through his numb grief.

Gray shuffled forward a few paces and stopped, the door swinging shut behind him. The guild was absolutely silent, every eye on him as he stood small and hunched before them with his dead eyes fixed on the ground.

"You came back!" Lucy squeaked into the silence. A muffled sob tore through the air. "Oh, thank God. Thank God."

"I knew you'd come," Erza mumbled. She sprang forward, assessing every nick and scratch and sign of damage. She grasped his arm gently and frowned at the crimson sleeves. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

Gray pulled his arm away and shook his head. "No," he said after a short pause. His voice was dull.

"But–"

"Stop."

Erza bit her lip. She was afraid of what he had been doing to himself.

"Gray." Lyon drifted forward a few paces, desperate hope and worry and grief shining in his eyes. "Gray, please. Are you…?"

Gray didn't acknowledge him and pain knifed through Lyon's eyes, just the latest wound in the dance they had been trapped in since the Awakening.

"We figured it out," Natsu said. He rose from the table and then hesitated as he eyed Gray uncertainly. "Her curse wasn't gone, was it? She was losing control of it."

Another long pause. Gray nodded. His eyes stayed on the floor.

"So you saved us," Cana pressed. "If she lost control, we'd be dead."

Another pause. Gray shrugged with a small, weary rippling of his shoulders.

Bisca cleared her throat and looked away, her arm wrapping snugly around Asuka as she leaned against Alzack. "Thank you," she mumbled. "Asuka was in the next room. She would have been dead and… Thank you for saving her. And the rest of us."

Gray's lips tightened. He said nothing.

"We, um…" Charle glanced at Wendy and Happy for support or courage or strength or something else entirely before turning back to Gray. "We told everyone that Mavis died from some illness she picked up from being in the lacrima and coming out of stasis. You know, what she told us. So that no one will blame you and the Council will leave you alone."

Gray's shoulders hunched. "That's not true," he said in a rough, grating voice.

"She _was_ dying from it, even if you hadn't…" Happy swallowed and tried again. "And it's not your fault. You saved us and she was already dying, and… You already feel bad enough without making it worse. It's true enough."

Gray shook his head fitfully. "What I did…has consequences. And I will face them."

Yes, that sounded too much like the Gray that Erza knew. He would punish himself for everything and then demand that the world hold him accountable as well.

"Don't be stupid," Gajeel said gruffly. "We don't want to see you punished for something that wasn't your fault."

Gray just shook his head and stared at the floor.

Makarov sighed heavily. "Gray, whatever you think the guild should be doing… You are one of us, and we welcome you back with open arms. What happened…was a tragedy. I spent a good deal of time with the First, even if she never entrusted me with the same secrets she gave you. I know how much she loved this guild and how much it would have killed her to hurt it. She would have rather you put a stop to her curse than leave her to live with the knowledge that she killed us on her deathbed…and you know it.

"You did what you had to do. Not many of us could have done that no matter the consequences of refusing. It's a tragedy and it's horrible and I know you're grieving, but it also saved us and we will not allow you to be punished for it. We already lost the First. We will not lose you too."

Gray bowed his head further, wrapping his arms around himself and staring vacantly at the floor as everyone added their stumbling words of stilted comfort.

"And, um, we're still waiting on her funeral," Erza added. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and watched Gray carefully. "We've been postponing it so that you could come if you wanted to."

That finally got a reaction out of Gray. He flinched back, his eyes shining with disbelieving horror as they met Erza's.

"Are you insane?" he rasped. "No."

"You were really close to her, weren't you?" Erza asked gently, trying to soothe him. He looked away. "I think it would be good for you. Give you some closure." He shook his head. "Just think about it. I think we can delay it for another couple days in case you change your mind."

"I won't," he said quietly. He turned away and limped back toward the door. Erza took an aborted step after him. "I'll be back later. Maybe tomorrow."

He shoved the door open and shuffled out into the street beyond. Erza stood frozen but then scrambled after him. A hot hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her to a stop. She whipped around and blinked at Natsu in confusion.

"Natsu? Let me–"

"Let him go." Natsu's eyes were solemn.

"But–"

Natsu shook his head and released Erza, weariness and melancholy radiating from him. "You trusted him to come back before. He'll come back when he's more ready. For now…let him handle himself. That's how he is."

" _Will_ he come back, though?" Lucy asked with a sniffle. "He already made his token appearance."

"He will," Erza mumbled. "He has to."

But it was harder than anything else, letting him go.

Despite her reservations—despite _everyone's_ reservations—Gray did, in fact, return the next day. He slunk through the door late into the afternoon, long after even the hardiest of hopes had begun withering. Everyone's worried looks and tentative probing pushed him back to a table in the corner, where he sat and stared out listlessly. Sometimes he would answer questions with one- or two-word responses. Unless it was Lyon who was asking. Whatever else had changed, Lyon was still being ignored entirely.

No one knew what to do with him. Erza hovered uselessly, wanting to make things better but not knowing how. It was impossible to know what to do when Gray was so far away. How was she supposed to reach someone who was there but not _there_? He might be sitting next to them, but he was a million miles away, long gone.

The only real sign of life aside from the occasional mumbled response was his obvious discomfort during the times he tuned back into reality. He clearly had no idea what he was doing there, why he was even there at all, and he didn't know what to do with himself any more than anyone else did. It was awkward when neither Gray nor the others knew what to do with each other or themselves.

But he was there, and that was something.

At least until Erza made the mistake of tentatively bringing up the subject of Mavis's funeral again. That snapped Gray back to the present just long enough for him to stand up and walk out.

"Damn it," Erza muttered as she watched him go.

"That's probably going to be the easiest way to chase him off for a while," Happy said. His ears were flat and his tail hung limp.

"I know, but…I just think it would be good for him to go. I mean, they were close and… I think it would give him some closure."

"I think it would be good for him too," Lyon said. He was exhausted and worn out, broken down by his constant failed attempts to get through to Gray. His eyes had too much of that hollow quality Erza so despaired of in Gray. "But I highly doubt he'll go."

Erza hunched her shoulders. "I know, but I can't help but try."

Makarov cleared his throat. "You don't have much time to win him over. The funeral needs to happen soon."

"I know, but–"

"Even magic can only preserve a body for so long, and dragging out the process is making things more difficult on Gray and the guild. We can't wait on him forever, especially not when it's hurting the rest of the guild and preventing them from being able to let go."

"Of course," Erza mumbled, bowing her head. She was unable to refute the Master.

"The day after tomorrow. I'll send out the notices this evening for those who might attend."

Erza bit her tongue and didn't protest, even though she knew that the person who most needed to attend would be the one who most emphatically refused.

Gray being gone was stressful. Erza was half afraid that he would slip away for good the second she took her eyes off him—maybe because he was so close to disappearing even when they were all watching him like hawks. Still, the prospect of his return had its own kind of stress attached. Another few hours of awkward hovering and stilted conversation and poorly-concealed worry were also difficult to look forward to.

Perhaps Gray had anticipated that as well, because he came prepared the next day. He was carrying a sheaf of colorful papers under his arm, which drew several odd looks. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground as he ghosted across the room and settled at his table in the corner.

Erza exchanged a look with the rest of the team, and they crept over to arrange themselves around him at the table.

"How's it going?" Natsu asked.

Gray shrugged. His attention was fixed solely on the papers as he selected the first one and began folding it with great concentration. Erza shifted uneasily. Something about it reminded her too much of Mavis's crane-folding right before her death. It didn't seem like a good sign.

If Gray _was_ trying to make a crane, he wasn't doing a very good job of it. The folds weren't right, and all he managed to create was an awkward mess of triangles and corners. His lips quirked downward and he set aside the spiky disaster to turn his ministrations on the next page.

"Have you been, um, sleeping?" Lucy asked, clearing her throat. "I mean, do you need some more of your sleeping potion?"

Gray shrugged again. "Probably. If I want to sleep."

"Um…" Lucy threw a helpless glance at Erza.

Erza had no idea how to handle the situation either, but everyone would look to her as the leader like always. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Gray's shrug was hardly unexpected. "It gives me something to do."

Which didn't hardly answer the question, but she couldn't blame him for wanting something to focus on so that he didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of sitting as still as a statue and staring out silently as everyone fussed over him and fluttered about uncertainly.

Erza wished she had something to do besides sit helplessly and sometimes attempt to engage Gray in halfhearted conversation. He still responded with brief answers in that unwavering monotone, but his attention was firmly fixed on the growing pile of aborted origami.

Erza finally took a deep breath, knowing this would probably scare him off but unable to let it go without at least mentioning it. "Just so you know…we're holding her funeral tomorrow." Gray stiffened, paper crinkling beneath his fingers. "I know you don't want to go, but if you change your mind…"

Gray smiled thinly, bitterly. "I won't. I always did tell her that I wasn't going to change my mind. And every time I reneged, it was a mistake."

"If–"

"No." He stood, snatching up his papers and rounding the table to sweep his ruined origami into the trash. Several of the crumpled balls fell to the floor, and Erza stared at them before she turned back to watch Gray's exit. "I won't be there."

He paused to study something on the wall. He drifted forward, hesitated, and then reached out to carefully detach one of Mavis's strings of cranes from the ceiling. And then he was gone, cranes and papers and all.

* * *

As promised, Gray did not attend the funeral. Erza had been holding out some tiny, naïve hope that he would, but everyone had gathered and he wasn't there. There was a large turnout. Mavis wasn't well known everywhere, but some of Fiore's close-knit guilds had come to pay their respects to Fairy Tail's founder. The guilds that weren't still bitter about the issue of Gray, of course. And Warrod, looking older and more crippled since his disastrous showdown with God Serena all those months ago, arrived quietly with none of his incessant joking to stand witness as the last of Fairy Tail's founding team left standing. Erza felt bad for him.

The sun was shining brightly, bathing them all in a warm, cheery light totally at odds with the somberness of the mood and dull black funerary clothing. It was the kind of day Mavis would have liked. It occurred to Erza that this type of black-clad ensemble with its heavy atmosphere would be exactly the kind of thing Mavis would have hated. Whatever side of her that she hadn't allowed anyone but Gray to see, she had still had that childlike wonder and cheeriness that had no place here.

They closed the casket quickly, just giving the onlookers a glimpse of her pale face and closed eyes and blonde hair fanned out beneath. They wanted that sense of closure for those who had known and respected her, but were nervous about letting anyone look too closely. Mavis had been dressed up in layers of fabric to hide the wound in her chest, but there was no need to take unnecessary chances.

Erza wrapped her arms around herself and huddled up with Lucy as they traipsed out through the rows of gravestones and stopped to watch the service. They had commissioned a beautiful marker that rose into a petite fairy with delicate wings carved in stone to commemorate Mavis's fascination and, ultimately, her guild. As pretty as it was, it made Erza uncomfortable to look at it too closely. Someone had carved the face into too much of Mavis's likeness.

Lucy pressed close to Erza on one side and slid her arm into Natsu's on the other. Her teary-eyed gaze was fixed on the coffin being lowered down, down, down into the ground. She sniffled loudly. Happy curled up on Natsu's shoulder, while the dragon slayer held Lucy and watched the proceedings with a grim expression.

Erza looked away, unable to stand the finality and that tragically beautiful stone fairy with Mavis's face. Unfortunately she couldn't shut her ears so easily, and the dull thumps of the dirt clods falling down onto the wooden casket sounded like a somber death knell.

Her gaze drifted across the clusters of mourners in their heavy black clothing, across the array of gray and whitish tombstones lining the cemetery in neat rows—and landed on Lyon as he crept over and surreptitiously joined the spectators. She frowned, puzzled. Come to think of it, she couldn't actually remember having seen him during the ceremony or the trek to the cemetery.

He caught her gaze and froze, an almost guilty look flashing across his face at being caught. Erza arched an eyebrow and jerked her head to beckon him over. After a few seconds of hesitation, he slipped through the clusters of people and joined her.

"Are you alright?" she asked in a whisper, not wanting to disturb the solemnity of the proceedings that kept everyone else so entranced.

Lyon nodded. He didn't look very alright. His face was wan and pinched, with dark circles smudged beneath his eyes. He looked tired and broken, that tragic air he had picked up since his break with Gray all the more pronounced. As a matter of fact, he and Gray were starting to look equally horrible these days.

"Fine," he mumbled.

Erza was not convinced. "Where were you?"

"I…" Lyon sighed and turned his gaze on the people filling the hole in front of them with dirt. "I stopped by Gray's place. Last-ditch effort to convince him to come."

"I take it that didn't go over well."

Lyon shrugged and his eyes glazed over. "Same as usual. I no longer exist, apparently."

Erza winced. She tried to dredge up some words that would provide some, admittedly cold, comfort, but that was when Lucy took notice of the whispered conversation and peeked around Erza to see Lyon.

"Is everything alright?" the blonde whispered.

Erza and Lyon nodded and turned their gazes back to the funeral. Erza brushed her hand along Lyon's arm, but she knew there were no words to make him feel better right now.

The funeral seemed to drag on forever, although the sun had barely moved by the time the gathering dispersed. Erza briefly considered attempting to rouse Gray for the post-ceremony gathering, but doubted she'd have any more success than Lyon.

It was amazing how Gray's presence was so strong here despite his absence, a mourner in absentia. When he was with them, his mind was always miles away. When he wasn't there, his mind was always with them. No wonder he had so much trouble adjusting when he was never all there. No wonder they had such a hard time reaching him.

"Do you think we should go see how he's doing?" Lucy asked.

Erza wanted to, even if it was only to sit with him while he grieved, but Lyon shook his head.

"Give it a day or two," he advised, his lips tightening. "I think we'll only make things worse if we go now."

This was by no means a unanimous thought, but Lyon pulled himself out of his depressed stupor to turn on the guild with all the fierceness of an older brother protecting the younger. Erza wasn't sure if she agreed, but Lyon obviously felt strongly about it. She wondered if he realized that, in this moment, he drew a surprisingly close parallel to Mavis stopping them from going after Gray when he'd first disappeared after the trial. In a way, it seemed fitting. Mavis was gone, but they all held small pieces of her that would live on.

So they waited, but it was hard. Gray did not appear for the rest of the day. He did not appear the day after. He finally showed back up the next day well into the afternoon, a rainbow of papers tucked beneath his arm. He said little when they fussed over him, just sat himself back down in the corner and went back to his folding.

Erza could tell that they were supposed to be cranes now, although the folds were still clumsy. Funny, with Gray's precision and attention for detail, she would have thought paper folding would play to his strengths. But he just continued on placidly, implacably, one malformed bird at a time, and quietly crumpled up each attempt to start afresh with the next page.

He lasted for about an hour before packing up and heading out despite the guild's protestations. He stayed for only twenty minutes the next morning before disappearing for the rest of the day. The day after, he stayed for nearly two and a half hours.

Thus, a new pattern was born. Gray made a token appearance nearly every day, sometimes for as little as fifteen minutes and sometimes for as long as half the day. Erza's morbid take was that it was a courtesy visit to let them know that he hadn't run away or offed himself during the interim. Sometimes he listened to the conversation and was responsive, sometimes he was almost entirely silent and rarely offered replies longer than one or two words. Always, he ignored Lyon. Always, he made his cranes and crumpled them up.

Erza and the others had no idea what to do with him. Sometimes they tried to engage him in more subdued, serious conversation, aware of his mood and trying to be respectful. Other times they tried to be boisterous and cheerful to pull him out of those moods and convince him that things should go back to the way they had been before. Sometimes they tried to drag him out on outings or jobs to pull him away from his disturbing memorial to Mavis and give him something else to do. These he never agreed to.

"Really, we ought to take a job," Happy said one day, nearly two weeks after the funeral. "Lucy keeps complaining about her rent."

Lucy scowled at him. "Just because the only thing you ever worry about is fish…"

"Have fun," Gray said. He crumpled up a half-folded sheet of red paper and selected a blue page to start anew.

"You should come," Erza said with as much force as she could.

He just shook his head.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Natsu said. "I haven't gotten to beat your brains in for weeks. And I'm gonna prove I can do the job better than you."

"…You don't even know what the job _is_ yet." Lucy shook her head in exasperation.

"So? I know I can do it better than him."

"You can go without me," Gray said. He pushed the folded blue page aside and picked up the next.

"But–"

"Not now."

"You could always go with me," Lyon said. The words sounded like they were meant to be teasing, but his voice was strained.

Erza winced when Gray failed to acknowledge them at all and Lyon looked away with pursed lips.

"I think I'll head out," Gray said. He stood, and was slinking out the door in a whirlwind of colorful paper before anyone had the chance to protest.

"What are we supposed to do with him?" Natsu muttered, staring after him.

Lucy sighed and put her head down on the table. "I really do need rent money."

"You should take a job," Erza said. "This isn't sustainable for any of us, really. I know we don't want to leave him alone, but… You and Natsu and Happy can go on a short job and then I'll go with someone once you get back, and that way someone will always be here."

Lucy didn't look pleased but just said, "I suppose we'll have to. I don't want to leave, but we really need to start doing things again. Going in shifts is one way to handle it, I guess."

"Yeah. You might as well head out."

"Not now. I'm just…so tired. It's so draining. Tomorrow."

Erza was plenty exhausted herself, and well understood Lucy's lethargy. Tomorrow, then.

Lucy, Natsu, and Happy departed early the next morning on a job picked exclusively for its close proximity and short duration, leaving Erza behind to mope and worry. Late into the afternoon, Gray still hadn't made an appearance.

Erza fidgeted some more and glanced at the clock for what must have been the twentieth time in the past two minutes. She should wait for Gray to come on his own. They had all been taking a step back and doing things on his terms despite their reservations.

Then again, there had also been no visible improvement in that time.

"Screw it," Erza muttered under her breath. She pushed herself to her feet and headed for the door.

"You alright, Erza?" Mira called after her.

Erza flapped a hand without turning back. "Yes, yes, fine."

As fine as any of them were these days, anyway. She left the somber guild behind—so different from the cheerful, welcoming guild she had grown up with and learned to love—and headed straight for Gray's apartment before she could convince herself it was a bad idea. Gray was one feather-light touch away from breaking, and Erza didn't want to be the one to shatter him this time.

But she also couldn't stand sitting in the guild hall just waiting and worrying and mourning. She was a person who had to _do_ something, and she needed to be doing something now. She couldn't stand the thought of one of her oldest friends locked in his apartment, making those damned paper birds all by himself while he grieved.

So she squared her shoulders and set a brisk pace and shuttered her mind to the nagging worries and second thoughts. This was a good idea, she was sure of it.

Turning the corner, she marched into Gray's building and came to a screeching halt.

"Lyon?"

Lyon started and spun around with a guilty look on his face. He was hovering just outside Gray's door, and Erza walked down the hall to meet him.

"Good afternoon, Erza," he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

"Good afternoon. What are you doing here?"

Lyon hesitated for a few more seconds before deflating. "I usually drop by every day or two to check on him."

Erza frowned in surprise. "And he's okay with that?"

"Who knows? But I don't exist, so he can't say anything even if he's not."

"But…he hasn't taken measures to stop you from getting in?"

"Not as far as I can tell."

Gray was a powerful mage. If he didn't want anyone getting into his apartment, no one would be getting in. Given his aversion to Lyon's presence, Erza would have expected him to take measures against such intrusions.

"What is he doing when you come?" she asked curiously, needing something to fill in the gaping chasms that stretched between the short snatches of time she saw her friend these days.

"Always folding those damn cranes and crumpling them up. He used to always do it in his bedroom, but lately he's usually out in the living room when I come. He just sits there and makes his paper balls and ignores me."

"And what do _you_ do, then?"

"Sit there. Talk. Tell him what's been going on, what he's been missing, what everyone has been planning to do. Reminiscing the past, trying to get him to talk to me. Stupid stuff."

"I don't think that's stupid," Erza said gently.

"Yeah, well, doing the same thing over and over again for hours every day and expecting different results should probably be considered stupid." Lyon looked away, adding in a quieter voice, "I just don't want to leave him alone in there."

"That's good." Erza gave him a sympathetic smile, even though he wasn't looking at her. "It makes me feel better that you've been with him part of the time."

Lyon cleared his throat. "And what are _you_ doing here?"

"Apparently I'm visiting with you today."

Lyon looked her up and down but then nodded. He reached for the door. Erza felt the air around them flicker with a brief spark of magic, and the door swung open. She followed him in, pausing just inside the entrance to eye Gray.

He was sitting on the floor, legs folded and crossed as he did his incessant origami in his lap. Erza dismissed the piles of paper on the table. By now she had grown very used to the tools and byproducts of his new hobby.

"Good afternoon, Gray," Lyon said with forced cheerfulness as he strolled across the room and sat down in an armchair facing the other mage. "How many paper balls have you made today?"

Gray didn't so much as twitch. Lyon grimaced but seemed unsurprised. Erza stepped over and seated herself in a chair next to Gray.

"How are you doing today?" she asked.

"Wonderful," he said in a monotone without looking up. Erza supposed that a stupid question deserved a stupid answer. "Why are you here?"

"You haven't come to the guild today."

"Not yet, no."

"Are you coming later?"

"Probably not now."

"…Why?"

"You're here now."

"But you could still come see everyone–"

"No need. I'm sure you'll tell them I'm still alive and kicking."

Lyon let out a long breath through his nose. "I think you're missing the point," he said.

Gray, predictably, did not respond.

Erza shook her head and decided to try another tack. "Well, I decided to come visit you with Lyon today. I hope you don't mind?" Gray shrugged. "Anyway, the rest of the team _finally_ took a job, although they'll probably be back soon. But how much do you want to bet they're going to end up losing more than they make when Natsu wrecks something?"

"I don't know, he's seemed pretty subdued lately. What did you do to draw the short straw and get stuck behind to babysit me?"

"It's not like that," Erza said quickly, unable to hide her wince. "It was my idea. Although it looks like you would have been left in good hands anyway. I didn't know Lyon had been visiting you."

She eyed him hopefully, but he didn't comment or look away from his folding. She sighed and spent the next ten minutes chatting about this and that, trying to both encourage Lyon's participation and bring him up often in an attempt to get Gray to acknowledge him. This resulted in her doing most of the chatting while Gray offered terse responses and utterly ignored Lyon, who increasingly faded into the background with a glum expression.

This wasn't working, wasn't accomplishing anything, and felt like every other day in the guild where they had no idea what to do with him. Finally, Erza slid off the chair and onto the floor beside Gray. Maybe her best option was to join him instead of trying to tug him every which way. Perhaps participating in _his_ chosen activity would help create that connection she was having such trouble making.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she asked, tapping a nail on the yellow-gold paper on top of the stack to be folded.

Gray's gaze stayed locked on the paper in his lap as he slid his nail along the crisp folds. "Whatever you want."

Not the most encouraging response, but it wasn't a rejection either. Erza lifted the paper and studied it critically as if it contained all the secrets of origami in its pristinely flat surface. Lyon crept around the table to sit on Gray's other side. He looked intensely uncomfortable, and Erza gave him an encouraging nod.

"May I join as well?" he asked.

Gray said nothing, of course. Lyon's shoulders slumped, but he pulled the next page off the pile when Erza motioned for him to do so.

Erza turned her attention back to her own paper and began carefully folding it over on itself, not setting any of the creases until she played with it a bit to see what looked right. She had never really been into origami, and had only ever known the simplest of patterns. But if she wanted to play Gray's game, then she had to do it _right_. She would figure it out.

Twenty minutes and five pieces of paper later, she was nearly at her wits' end. She scowled down at her collection of discarded paper balls. No wonder Gray always left so many ruined papers behind.

She let her breath out in a huff and started over. As she made to fold the corner, a hand reached over and grasped her wrist gently. She looked up in surprise and blinked at Gray. He had abandoned his own origami and was looking at her for the first time, his eyes dark and solemn.

"Gray?"

"Like this," he said.

Leaning over, he took Erza's paper and demonstrated the folds in slow, precise steps. Soon enough a little red crane was sitting in his palm, and he handed it to her.

"And here I thought you couldn't make them," she blurted out, before flushing.

Gray snorted. "It's not exactly my forte."

Erza examined the room with new eyes. She had dismissed all the paper on the table because she knew that it all ended up as discarded wads, but now she realized that although there _was_ a large stack of crumpled papers, there was also a smaller pile of perfectly formed cranes in various colors and patterns.

"You figured it out," she said.

He shrugged and motioned to the other side of the table, where the string of cranes he'd taken from the guild was stretched out neatly. "I took them apart until I could figure out how to put them back together."

Erza's mouth formed a silent 'o'. " _That's_ what you took them for? Wow. I can only ever figure things out if I'm shown a tutorial from beginning to end, or at least start at the beginning and try things until something works. I can't just take things apart and reassemble them to figure out how they tick."

"I've only ever been able to make something if I rip it apart first."

She sensed a darker meaning even though his voice was perfectly flat.

"That's not true," Lyon protested. "Molding is all about creation, and you didn't destroy or deconstruct it before being able to use it."

Gray's fingers twitched and his lips tightened, but he only picked up the next page and began folding. He made the crane with methodical, precise motions, examined the finished product, and crumpled it into a ball before tossing it aside and taking the next page.

"What was that for?" Erza asked.

"It wasn't good enough."

"What?" Lyon asked. "It looked pretty good."

"I agree with Lyon," Erza said when the comment went unacknowledged. "It looked fine to me."

"It wasn't good enough. They have to be perfect."

"Why?" asked Lyon.

"Why?" Erza echoed.

Gray just shrugged and kept folding. Erza exchanged a look with Lyon, who shook his head and went back to folding cranes halfheartedly. He had only started looking more worn down since they'd arrived, and Erza felt a stab of sympathy. It was bad enough with Gray shutting them out and pushing them away, but what he was doing to Lyon was even worse.

Erza turned her attention back to folding as well, and the trio fell into silence except for the soft rustling of paper. It took all of Erza's concentration just to remember the steps and try to reproduce them. Occasionally, Gray would reach over and fix a fold when she was doing it wrong. Other than that, he seemed content to leave her to her own devices. She got the feeling that he was more comfortable with the silence and with having them focused on something besides him so that he wasn't the center of attention. She couldn't say she was surprised. Maybe this was the solution they'd been looking for this whole time, even if wouldn't be sustainable in the long run.

She reached for the stack, but there was a flurry of sudden motion from beside her as Gray's hand whipped out and snatched the top paper away. Erza jerked back and eyed him in alarm.

"Gray? Is everything alright?"

"This one's mine," he mumbled, holding the page tightly as if she might try to take it from him. "It's the color of her eyes. You can have the others."

He was staring down as if mesmerized by the emerald hue of the paper, and Erza swallowed hard.

"You cared about her a lot," she said quietly, reaching over to brush his hair away from his forehead. He hunched his shoulders. "And she loved you. It's horrible what happened, but you know she wanted you to live on. You should listen to the advice she gave you. Come back to us."

Gray stayed silent with that downturned gaze, and Erza pulled herself to her feet with a sigh.

"Maybe it's time for us to be going. It's already nearly seven." She stared at Gray expectantly, and after a moment he nodded. He seemed on edge enough that he was done with company for the day. "Come to the guild tomorrow, alright?"

"…Alright."

She gestured to Lyon and turned away, but paused when Gray reached up to grab her wrist. Her heart fluttered with hope as she turned back. He picked that first crimson crane up from the ground and pressed it into her palm.

"Take it," he said, releasing her and turning back to his own folding. "Make a wish, maybe."

Erza looked between it and him, and then swallowed again. "I will."

He hummed in acknowledgement but didn't look up from the careful folds he made in the green paper. It was hard to leave, but Erza forced herself to head for the door, knowing that it was dangerous to press him too far.

She paused at the door when she heard a faint murmuring sound, and looked back to see Lyon whispering into Gray's ear. Gray's expression didn't change, and Lyon stood to join Erza with a weary, defeated gait.

They slipped outside and back down the hall, not stopping to exchange words until they were outside the building.

"I guess that went about as well as could be expected," Erza said with halfhearted optimism as she ran her fingers over the crane in her hand. "Maybe I should drop by again."

"Speak for yourself," Lyon muttered. "I don't know why I still bother."

Erza started and gave him a wide-eyed look. "But–"

"I'm not giving up on him. I want him better. But it's killing me to be his ghost. I keep coming back for more, and it's getting me nowhere. He hasn't spoken a word to me or even _looked_ at me in weeks and weeks. I come because I don't want him to be alone, but what's the point in coming if I'm not even helping anything? He obviously doesn't want me around, and it only twists the knife deeper every time I come back."

Something wasn't fitting here, and Erza was desperate to find a way out of this for both Gray and Lyon's sakes. They couldn't fall apart again. They were so strong together, and it killed her to watch them drifting apart and shutting down.

"That can't be entirely true," she said reasonably. "He still loves you."

"Oh, I know he does. And it's killing us faster than anything."

"Look… Gray is a powerful mage. If he really wanted to keep you out, you wouldn't be able to get into his apartment for your visits. And maybe he started moving into the living room once you began coming over because there's more space out there and chairs for you to sit in. If he really didn't want you there, he wouldn't be so accommodating.

"I think… I think he needs you still, and that he craves your company more than he lets on. He can't say so, obviously, but I think it helps that you sit with him, even if he can't bring himself to acknowledge you yet. He needs your support, even if he won't ask for it. I know you have to be helping him, because you two love each other so much."

Lyon's gaze drifted away, and his eyes were sightless and unfocused as he stared off into the distance. "I don't know, Erza. Sometimes I feel like my presence is just making things worse."

"I don't–"

"But what if it is? I just don't know anymore. I don't know how to help him when he can't even acknowledge that I exist."

Erza chewed on her lip and stayed silent for a long time, and the two mages huddled in the street as an island among the blissfully unaware passersby. "I think that maybe you should go back to your guild for a few days," she said finally. "This has really been wearing you down. Take a break and rest for a little while. I think that clearing your mind will help you cope better when you come back, too. You're too miserable. Get some support from your guild."

"Maybe I will." But Lyon hesitated and darted a worried glance back at the building behind them. "But…"

"I'll drop by to check up for you."

Lyon vacillated for a moment longer, but then nodded sharply and turned away. "Thanks. Take care of him."

And then he was off, striding through the thinning evening crowds and down the street. Erza watched as he disappeared around the corner. He was leaving, but she knew he would come back.

Mavis, on the other hand, was gone for good. And in losing her, Erza was afraid that they had lost Gray too. And this time, she wasn't sure he was coming back.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Well, they'd have to be pretty dense not to figure it out quickly given how many hints Gray and Mavis dropped, along with the fact that they would've had to feel the magic building right beforehand too. Plus they'd be looking for any kind of explanation to justify Gray's actions, so they had reason to put things together as quickly as possible. Well, Gray tends to make everything dark before it gets better lol He'll pull himself up eventually. Give him a couple of chapters. [EDIT: Anybody with the mentality of internet trolls should be roasted over their own flames ._. Mm, it's not to say that parts of the guild might not have still been wary given Gray's recent behavior, but they also know about the distancing and it was pretty obvious how badly he was doing when he finally came back. It's bad form to kick someone when they're down lol Hey, hey, hey, I do sometimes end things on a happy note. Especially the longer stories. Minus that one verse with iced shell and stuff, but we don't talk about that when I'm defending my happy endings lol Doesn't mean it'll be a magical Happy Ever After, but I can make things better. Hell, I already had an entire recovery arc where Gray was pretty happy :P I mean, I made him crash and burn later, but still XD]**


	51. In Memoriam-The Finishing (1)

**Note: A few people have asked about what determines when I post, apparently giving me more credit than the usual "whenever I feel like it" method, so here's an insight into the mind of the author! One-shots are pretty much whenever I feel like it/have time, usually every one to two weeks if I'm not posting a multichapter. "Words" and the Treasury are the most erratic ones, tbh. They've been more frequent just because I'd rather post them than standalone one-shots while I'm also posting a multichapter, for quasi-OCD reasons. Multichapters usually pick up a rhythm of every three to five days, although lately that's become more variable.**

 **But obviously the main curiosity is this story lol It's settled to about every five to seven days, but that varies based on how I'm feeling, how busy I am, and whether I'm in the middle of another project. It usually takes a night or two to edit each chapter before posting, so that will depend on if I'm in the middle of writing something else. I prefer to post on the day after I finish a chapter or project if it makes sense in the timeline, because I'm not smack dab in the middle of something and it gives me a day of rest to get a break and have time to plan for the next part. Also, reviews. When a chapter gets a bunch of reviews, I'm more likely to post the next one quickly because I figure the regulars have all gotten the chance to throw in their two cents. If most of the regulars haven't reviewed, I usually stretch out the posting time to give them the chance to say something before the next chapter, if they so choose.**

 **But mostly it really just depends on when I feel like it and how busy I am, so I'm not really any better than any other author around here XD**

 **EndarkenedSanity: LOL You flatter me terribly. Ha ha, I find a weird sort of comfort in tragedy and angst and hurt/comfort too, as strange as it sounds. But it's more flattering to say that it's my splendiferous prose, so I'm going to take that compliment and run with it XD Trust me, everyone is frustrated with Gray, including me. I have to really feel for Lyon...although my spiteful side is whispering "he kiiiind of deserves it after being such a jerk to Gray in the beginning" XD But in all seriousness, poor Lyon's current state kills me a little X) Hmmm... I could take it in so many directions. I wonder, how shall it go...?**

* * *

 **In Memoriam-The Finishing (1)**

* * *

He added the little blue crane to the chain next, carefully attaching the paper body to the string. It was the same shade of Mavis's thousandth crane, which made him miss it. It had been impossible to keep with the blood soaking the paper through.

He rubbed the wing absently between his fingertips, glassy gaze traveling down the string with the other brightly colored cranes He had already attached. He had counted the number on the string He had borrowed from the guild. It needed to match. Or, He assumed Mavis had made all her strings the same way so this was a fair blueprint.

Releasing the blue crane with a sigh, He turned to the last one. All He had to do was attach this last crane, and He'd finally be finished.

He hesitated. It was the same emerald hue as her eyes, and He had been careful to fold it just right after rescuing the page from Erza's clutches. He touched the wing gingerly and bit his lip.

His gaze drifted to the other wall, where Reedus's painting of the guild hung—the guild back in the days when life was good and everyone could still smile. Lyon's napkin crane was still perched on top. Lyon hadn't come here in days, not since the time Erza had come with him. Maybe He had finally chased him off. That was good, even if it left an aching sense of loss in the hollow of his chest. It seemed like Erza had taken his place now. She dropped by nearly as frequently as he'd used to.

He pulled himself to his feet, swaying slightly at the wave of lightheadedness that assaulted him. Probably from not eating. Or sleep deprivation. He figured it didn't much matter.

He stepped across the room and paused in front of the picture, his eyes tracing over each brushstroke of the painting and every fold of the broken crane tucked into the frame. Like the mural on the wall, they were kept as a tribute of sorts, in memory of what He had lost and who He had left behind.

He tucked the emerald crane next to Lyon's and turned away. It was already late afternoon, and He should probably stop by the guild for a few minutes. If He didn't, Erza would be showing up here at any minute to check up on him, and He didn't feel like fielding questions about the evidence of his activities strewn across the coffee table.

His fingers snatched up the stack of colored paper as He rounded the table and headed for the door. It looked like He had one more crane to make after all, and He might as well get started. It was impossible to predict how many tries it would take before He was satisfied with the results.

He moved through the streets like a ghost, sticking to the edges of buildings in the shadows they cast. He didn't bother using his curses to conceal himself. Those had become something of a sore point, and He saw no need to use them if it wasn't absolutely necessary. In any case, He didn't want to encourage his own shadow by dabbling in anything demonic. It had remained quiet and cowed since the trial, but He was all too familiar with its ways. He wanted nothing to do with it and was relieved that it wasn't interfering in everything anymore.

When He slunk into the guild, He noticed Two and the Executioner almost immediately. They were seated with his old team, and several other guild members had gathered around. He didn't know what they were talking about or how long they'd been waiting, but He had a pretty good idea of why they were here. Checking up on him as per the Council's orders, no doubt. Ensuring that He hadn't gone on a rampage and killed someone else. They were a little late on that count.

Lucy noticed him in the doorway first. "Gray!" she said, relief melting some of the worry lines from her face. "You _did_ come."

He didn't move, only his gaze slowly sliding from face to face. "I usually do."

"I guess." She cleared her throat awkwardly, but He already understood her point. She nodded toward their guests. "They've been waiting for you since early this morning. We weren't sure if it was a good idea to disturb you before you came yourself."

"Sorry." His gaze wandered idly across the wooden floor. His fingers itched to fold. "I was busy."

"With what?" Erza directed a sharp look at his arms.

He shifted under the scrutiny, thinking that it was none of her business to pry into what He might or might not be doing in the privacy of his own home. In any case, she was naïve to think that self-destructive activities would be confined to only the 'normal', expected places. He was smarter than that.

He just shrugged.

"Gray–"

"I'm in one piece, Erza. Relax."

She did not look reassured.

"It's no problem," Two said, her gaze sliding between the two mages. "You're here now. We just came to–"

"I know why you're here," He said tiredly. "Might as well get it over with. Come along, then. No need to chat here." To the others, He added, "I'll be back tomorrow, I suppose."

"Why don't you come back after you finish with them?" Lucy asked with that slight edge of eternal hope.

"No need. You see I'm fine. That should satisfy you until tomorrow."

"…I think you're missing the point," Cana muttered.

Happy nodded. "Come back and maybe we can find something to do."

He turned away. "Probably not today. I'll be busy."

"With what?" Gajeel grumbled. "Paper folding?"

He didn't expect them to understand.

"Just watch yourself," Natsu said, and his voice held a note of warning. "Sometimes you have a big mouth."

As unsubtle a warning as anything to not say anything incriminating. He raised a hand in unenthusiastic farewell as He drifted back out the door, leaving Two and the Executioner to follow or not. Thankfully, two sets of footsteps followed him out. As much as He didn't want to talk to the Council's representatives, He'd rather get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.

The Executioner cleared his throat. "Where are we going?"

He shrugged again, weaving aimlessly through the passersby in the streets and barely noticing the wary looks and useless hand gestures some of them gave him. "I don't know. Nowhere, I guess."

"Then _why_ are we out here at all?"

"Because dealing with the Council's representatives is tiring enough without having the entire guild looking over my shoulder."

There was a short pause before Two said, "We haven't eaten yet. Why don't we find a café and talk over lunch? I'll buy."

Hm, the guild must have mentioned his new and unsatisfactory diet. Either that or He looked horrible. Or both. He wondered what else the guild had told their visitors while they waited for him. Nothing good.

"Whatever you want," He said.

"Do you have a favorite? Since we aren't as familiar with the area?"

"Not really."

"…Well, we passed one nearby on our way over. We can try that."

"Okay."

He was content to let them take the lead and ambled along beside them as they headed for the café, the papers tucked safely under his arm.

"We heard that, uh…" Two cleared her throat. "That you haven't been doing well since your friend died. Mavis?"

He ran a finger along the edges of the papers, and the thin cuts left in his skin stung. "You could say that."

She gave him a cautious, sidelong look that He mostly ignored. "You were close?"

"She understood things," He said, his gaze roaming absently over the cobblestones. "It's hard not to be close to someone when you have so much in common, even if it also drives you apart."

"I'm…sorry for your loss," she said quietly.

He shrugged. They turned into a small restaurant, and the conversation was put on hold as the hostess showed them out to a small table on the outside patio. He tucked the papers halfway under the bread plate to prevent them from being carried away by any stray gust of wind. Ignoring the menu, he pulled the pale blue paper off the top and started folding.

The waitress bustled over almost the second the hostess wished them a good meal and left them to look over the menus.

"Hi! I'm Macy and I'll be your server today. Can I get you anything to drink or–?" She broke off, and He could feel her sudden tension and fear even though He didn't look up from the crane slowly taking shape in his hands.

"Water is fine," He said dully. "And these two happen to be a Council member and Knight sent to keep me in check, so you're quite safe."

There was a long, heavy silence, which He closed his ears to.

"A-and for y-you?" she stuttered finally.

"…Water," said Two.

"Iced tea," the Executioner muttered. "Sweetened."

"I-I'll b-bring those r-right out."

"Looks like we'll be getting another waitress momentarily," He said without any real interest. He slid his nail down the last crease and fluffed the bird out, eyeing it critically.

"Does that happen a lot?" Two asked with an almost guarded air.

He shrugged again. "Once a demon, always a demon."

One of the creases wasn't crisp enough for his liking, He decided. He crumpled the crane up and shoved the ball of paper into his pocket before starting over with a new page.

"Why'd you do that?" the Executioner asked, and He could feel the narrowed eyes on him.

"It wasn't good enough."

Two's frown was palpable in her voice. "It looked fine to me."

"Actually," the Executioner mused, "wasn't this what that Mavis was doing when we first came by after the trial?"

"Come to think of it, she _was_ folding something, wasn't she?"

"Apparently she got to a thousand," He agreed. He was only halfway through the new crane, but decided to cut his losses and start over. Something about it didn't feel right, and it joined the other wad of paper in his pocket.

"And this is…what? An homage?"

He wrinkled his nose and kept his eyes on the newest nascent crane, even though the results were unlikely to be satisfactory no matter how closely He paid attention to the details. "Nothing so fancy. I'm fixing what is broken. No more, no less."

"And what is broken?"

He paused and caught his thumbnail between his teeth, his eyes narrowing down at the half-formed bird. "I fix what I break," He said after a moment. "Not everything can be fixed, so you fix what you can."

"That's not really an answer," the Executioner said dryly.

But that was the moment their new waiter arrived with their drinks and asked if they were ready to order, so the matter was dropped. The Council's lackeys gave their menus a hurried once-over and placed their orders.

"And for you?" the waiter asked, his steady voice belying the faint undercurrent of tension.

"Nothing, thank you," He said without looking up.

"Don't you want to order something?" Two asked. "Have you even eaten today?"

"No and no."

The waiter was already retreating, not needing to be told twice, which was just as well.

"You don't look so good," the Executioner said bluntly.

"I'm not really caught up on my beauty sleep," He replied, although He didn't have the energy to insert nearly enough sarcasm or humor into his voice. "I once went three and a half months without eating or drinking. Mind you, I was immortal then, but I'm familiar with the process. I know which lines not to cross if I want to keep functioning."

"…I'm not sure that's a great way to look at things."

"I don't think it really concerns you," He said without any heat, choosing not to point out that the Knights themselves had kept him under starvation conditions for weeks at a time before. "Why don't you ask your questions so that we can go our separate ways?"

He could practically feel the two of them exchanging looks as He trashed another crane and started over.

"Well," Two said, "we don't have any suspicious reports linked to you and we spent the morning talking to your guild, so I don't think we're too concerned about what you might have been up to. We'll just talk to you for a few minutes so that we can say we did."

"Whatever you want."

There was a long pause. They didn't seem to know what to do with him either. Well, they could join the club, then.

"If I may ask…" Two hesitated but then pressed on. "Mavis's funeral was a rather big deal since her status as your guild's founder came to light, and your guild seems concerned with your refusal to attend. If you were really so close to her, why didn't you go?"

His nail bit into the paper, leaving a dent that shouldn't be there, and He trashed the whole thing. "It seemed like poor taste."

"…Huh?" asked the Executioner. "Why?"

"It was the only way, really," He murmured, gaze blank and hands on autopilot as they folded. "And it's what she would have wanted. We had a deal, when it came to losing control. And she was already dying. But still, it seemed disrespectful."

A new unease fell over the table.

"What are you trying to say?" the Executioner asked slowly, warily.

"There's a reason the guild didn't want anyone looking at her body too closely."

"What, are you saying that you _killed_ her?"

"Sure did. She was already dying, but it wasn't fast enough. She was losing control of her curse. The guild covered that up because they're worried about the consequences of this happening just after I killed someone else."

The tension could be cut with a knife. He crumpled up the crane.

"You… Then why are you telling us?" Two asked, her voice faint.

"Because it's the truth, isn't it? I don't much care. They're the ones so intent on sheltering me."

The Executioner's mouth shut with an audible click, but then he rallied. "Her curse? She had the same curse as Zeref, no? With the deadly black magic? That was still active?"

"Mhm. She got better at controlling it, but she was losing it at the end."

Another long silence, with every breath and whisper of the wind too loud.

"It would be better if the Council didn't hear about this," Two said finally in a low voice.

"Agreed," said the Executioner, subdued. "But if–"

"We can ask his friends for details, if need be. It would be better not to continue discussing it out in public."

The Executioner nodded. He balled up another crane.

Two cleared her throat again. "And what was wrong with that one?" she asked in a less serious tone, changing gears.

"The wings were crooked," He said.

"They looked fine to me."

The waiter returned with their food, and the conversation ground to a halt until he had departed once more. Two took advantage of the interruption to change the topic.

"How are things going with Lyon?" she asked.

"Not particularly well, I suppose," He said. "We aren't on speaking terms."

"Neither of you are, or it's just you who's still refusing to talk to him?" she asked shrewdly.

An unamused smile quirked his lips upward briefly. "The latter, but he's also not here right now and I don't know where he went. Erza might have told me, but I wasn't listening."

"Hm… Perhaps you should work that out already. He was awfully upset over it last time we were here."

"You've been unusually interested in Lyon."

"Well, we had the opportunity to speak on occasion, back when you were unconscious after defeating Eileen and Invel. And we happen to have a lot in common."

And they had both had their lives ruined by him, she meant. Fair enough.

"Still, I don't think it's really any of your business," He said. "You humans tend to look one or two steps ahead. When you've tasted immortality, you're more used to playing the long game, laying plans to come to fruition in the distant future. He might be unhappy now, but he'll be better off in the long run."

"Maybe that's not for you to decide," the Executioner grumbled.

"I think," Two said in a gentler tone, "you might be underestimating how important those one or two steps are. If he's miserable now, that will affect his future as well and cut into the benefits of whatever you're trying to do. And you really never know how long the future will be, anyway. Sometimes it's better to take the present into more consideration."

He pursed his lips, but didn't have the energy or desire to argue now. There was something He didn't like about the lavender crane in his palm. Maybe some of the folds weren't crisp enough or the wings were a little lopsided. He made to crumple it up, but Two's hand stretched across the table to touch his wrist and stop him short.

"Don't keep destroying your work," she said quietly. "There's nothing wrong with it."

He blinked down blankly, but then pulled his hand from her grasp. He slid the crane between her fingers.

"If you want it, take it." He gathered up the remaining papers and stood, casting one last look at the rescued crane in her hand. "She said she made wishes on them. I don't believe in wishes, but if you do then have at it."

He turned and walked away, weaving through the tables on the patio and escaping into the street. Someone might have called after him, but He was done for the day. He was going back to his apartment to be alone and finish fixing his mess in peace.

He passed his landlady on the way in, deflecting her worry and invitation to come by her apartment. He had taken to avoiding her lately, already having too many people worried over him. That was becoming increasingly difficult considering that she lived just down the hall and was starting to press him more after inadvertently witnessing some of the guild's struggles with him, but He fended her off while He could. She was a wonderful woman and they had a long history, but He just couldn't handle any more of this right now.

Safely inside his apartment, He drifted back over to the coffee table and let his eyes run along the strings of cranes. One more. It couldn't be that hard to make one more.

He sank to the floor and got to work, his fingers stiff as He methodically worked his way through the stack of paper. It was just never good enough, for whatever reason. Maybe everyone was right and He was just looking for any reason to destroy his work, fabricating flaws to avoid finishing.

But He was determined that this was the day He would finish. He had already put it off long enough. It still took a half-dozen tries before He paused.

The bird was technically flawless, every crease and fold crisp and sharp. This had never stopped him from creating excuses to trash it before, but this one felt right. Its paper was a perfect black with the slightest hint of shine, an unusual color to be folding with. The black of shadows, of darkness, of mourning.

It seemed apropos, and even more fitting when his eye caught on the other end of the chain and He remembered that the first crane He'd strung was white as snow. Here, then, was his good enough.

He strung it on the end and leaned back, waiting for the magic to happen. Everything stayed still, quiet. A small smile graced his lips. The compulsion to fold was gone, and a lethargic warmth settled in the pit of his stomach. He was finished.

He honestly had no idea what to do now, where to go from here, but He would worry about that in the morning. For now, He would take advantage of the momentary calm to sink into a little corner of oblivion before He had to decide on his next step.

He had quite a bit of sleeping potion stored up now. Porlyusica still gave him his daily dose, although He didn't always use it. On his darkest nights, when escaping it all wasn't good enough, He punished himself by refusing sleep. Or when that itching in his fingers goaded him to fold and fold all night long. But the cranes were finished and the slate was clean for this fleeting moment, and He was going to get some sleep.

He took a double dose just to be safe and flopped onto the couch instead of going all the way back to his bed, which seemed so far away. It was only half past seven, but He was exhausted enough that He slipped under within minutes, half-lidded eyes closing on the image of all the cranes strewn across the table.

He didn't wake refreshed, exactly, but He was still in that little space between, the eye of the storm. He had finished the task He'd given himself and hadn't yet chosen a new one, and the break left him calm and collected for once.

It was already after ten, so He'd best be heading to the guild soon. And maybe He'd actually make himself presentable for once. He nearly floated as He got himself ready, the heavy sadness of the past weeks finally lifting just enough for him to peek out from underneath.

He had yet to replace the bathroom mirror He had broken, so it was difficult to tell how presentable He actually looked. But He took a long shower and combed his hair and brushed his teeth and hoped that a night of good sleep had worked a miracle on the dark circles beneath his eyes. He even considered eating breakfast, before deciding that He'd rather not. Soon, though, because He couldn't remember eating anything yesterday. He drew the line at fainting from hunger in front of the guild.

Gathering up the two strings of cranes, He headed for the guild with a lighter step than He'd had in weeks. He walked in on the team trying to convince Erza to take a break.

"You seriously need to just take a quick job or something," Lucy was saying. "You were the one who suggested it in the first place, right? You can come with me. I need more rent money anyway, and you need to get away for a day or two."

Erza chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I don't know… I'm just afraid that if I'm gone, he might…"

"You should go," He said, stepping past Lisanna to drop his armful of cranes onto the nearest empty patch of table. "I'll be fine."

The others started in surprise, but He just selected the first string, the one He had borrowed as a template, and headed for the spot He'd taken it from. Mumbling a soft apology to Gajeel, He stepped up onto the table next to the dragon slayer and stretched up to reattach the string to the ceiling.

"Gray!" Lucy said. "You're here early."

"I guess so."

"Oh, did you finish with your cranes?" Happy asked.

"Yeah." He hopped down off the table and went back for the second string. "They're done."

"No more folding?"

"Nope."

He attached the cranes right by the door and stepped back to study the string critically and make sure it was positioned just right. It was hard to remember exactly, but He supposed it was good enough that it was just here. It replaced the string He had torn down and crushed underfoot when He had left and said He hadn't cared, only to return and find Mavis dying. It didn't make up for what He had done, but He felt better knowing that He had fixed what He had destroyed.

Or, at least, a small part of it. He couldn't fix Mavis.

Back at a thousand cranes. Or, hadn't she said that the one she'd given him on her deathbed was the thousandth? That one had been ruined. So was it actually nine hundred and ninety-nine? Should He make another? He squirmed uncomfortably, his fingers twitching as his brain hurriedly dug for the answer.

Then He relaxed. He had kept that green crane too, the one that matched her eyes. If they were one crane short here, that one could count.

"-ray?" Happy asked.

He turned away to blink at everyone in bemusement. He must have missed something while He was distracted.

"Sorry. What?"

Natsu scowled. "I was asking what the hell you were _thinking_ , telling those Council guys about Mavis? You know they came back yesterday and started asking questions."

He shrugged. "It was the truth."

"Yeah, but–"

"I don't think they're going to take it to the Council," Erza said. "They've actually been surprisingly sympathetic."

"That's not the _point_!" Natsu fumed. "He's always saying stuff to get himself in trouble, and–"

"Relax, Natsu," He interrupted with a sigh. "It's okay." Ignoring the dragon slayer, He drifted over to the others and focused back in on Erza. "Really, you should take a job or something. You're going to wear yourself out here."

She did not look reassured. "But–"

"I appreciate that you've been looking out for me, but you and I both know that it's not easy work. You need a break. I'll be fine."

"I guess…" she mumbled unenthusiastically. She didn't look like she planned on leaving any time soon.

"It's okay," Lucy said brightly. "Natsu and Happy and the rest of the guild will still be here."

"Yeah, what could go wrong with leaving Natsu and Happy here?"

"Hey…" Happy grumbled.

Lucy sighed. "Usually they'd be my last pick, but you know they've done okay with him."

He nodded out of habit. Natsu and Happy had played as big a role in his recovery from the very beginning as anyone else, although they hadn't had any more success with him lately either. But really, He had to feel a little bad for Erza, just considering how overprotective she'd been of him lately. He knew He was difficult, and it was wearing her down. Wearing them all down.

"I suppose," Erza said, not looking any happier.

"Hey, we can totally handle it," Natsu said with a scowl. Turning to the demon, he asked, "Hey, ice block, you wanna come to a fish fry with us? Happy and I went fishing yesterday."

He tilted his head and blinked at Natsu slowly for a long moment. "Okay."

"But you– Wait, what?" Natsu's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Okay?"

"Okay," He repeated, the barest flicker of a smile crossing his face at the idiot's shock.

"Yay!" Happy cheered. "Fish!"

"Wait, we should make it a team thing," Erza said quickly, her eyes lighting with hope. "I mean, if you're actually going to… We can go later."

She exchanged a look with Lucy, and the blonde nodded. He resisted the urge to sigh. They didn't want to miss out on the one time He had agreed to do something with them. He understood. He hadn't been a very good friend lately. But now that He was floating free for a few minutes before gravity reasserted itself, He might as well. He had nothing else to do anymore, and if He could help set Erza and the others at ease a little… Well.

"Let's have a guild barbecue!" Cana said.

"…We don't have enough fish for the whole guild," Natsu said sheepishly.

"That's okay. We'll just pick up some meat and other food and stuff and set up a grill out back!"

Everyone was giving him those optimistic looks now, that quiet hope that He was getting _better_ , that things would improve. He wouldn't go that far yet, but He didn't say anything to burst their bubble.

The guild went all out, a festive air cloaking the underlying tension and unease as everyone bustled around to gather the necessities and set up a downright party behind the hall. He didn't say much, but participated in cooking the fish and even in a few of the silly little games Mira set up. He even managed to eat a little, and the beaming smiles He got in return almost made him feel bad.

He lasted for nearly four hours before quietly saying his goodbyes.

"You stayed for so long today!" Mira said brightly. "It's good to have you back."

He smiled tiredly at the spark in her eyes.

"It's good to see you a little more yourself," Lucy added more quietly, her smile more wistful.

"Yeah," He said.

It was good to see everyone in such good spirits, with such hope, but He wondered if maybe He was doing them a disservice. He felt like a fraud, although it was more a quiet tinge of discomfort than a depressing ache. He needed a purpose—always. It was part of who He was, what his demonic side demanded of him and what his human side needed to keep going each day. He was afraid that He would go crazy soon if He didn't find a new goal to focus on, and He couldn't make any promises that what replaced the cranes would be any better.

"I'll be back tomorrow evening at the very latest," Erza said. There was some of that hope lining her face too, but her eyes still shone with melancholy worry. "Natsu will drop by tomorrow to check on you if you don't come to the guild. Take care of yourself, alright?"

"Make it a fun job," He said.

Raising a hand in farewell, He escaped the gathering and headed straight back to his apartment. He needed something to do. He didn't know what.

His fingers still didn't itch with the need to fold, but there was a quiet tension humming through his body now. The calm was fading. He needed _something_.

Afraid that He'd drive himself into a downward spiral with the burning need He couldn't satisfy, He took a draught of the sleeping potion. Maybe if He could sleep, it would give him a reprieve. He hooked a leg over the arm of the couch and stared blearily at the far wall, his eyes tracing over the guild picture and the two cranes resting above for what felt like the millionth time.

Ever since his last Awakening, it had felt like He'd alternated between going in circles and being frozen in place. In either case, He was going nowhere. He still couldn't imagine a future, but He had already spent far too long avoiding finding one. He would need a more concrete plan soon.

But in the interim, He needed something to focus on, something to fill the emptiness in his chest. He almost missed the cranes, even though that ending had been satisfying. It had given him something to work toward, and now He felt like He was back at square one.

He stilled, an idea flickering to life in the back of his mind. If He didn't know what the future held but needed to be doing _something_ , then why not go back to some of the things He had been doing before until He found something new?

This was a dangerous line of thought, but He pushed aside any qualms. He had slept for over twelve hours the night before and had only been awake for a handful more, and He would drive himself crazy before falling asleep again. There were things He had been doing before that He had mostly stopped when He had the cranes to occupy him, but now that He had nothing else to do again…

He didn't want to make a mess on the sofa or carpet, so He heaved himself up and padded to the bathroom. This was something that absolutely no one would approve of, but maybe He needed the feeling now. Sometimes He needed the pain as a punishment, sometimes to cut through the numb apathy, sometimes to give him something else to focus on besides the pain in his heart. Sometimes He just needed to push his limits to remember that He was alive.

He settled in the bathtub, his back pressed against the hard porcelain, knowing from experience that this would make for the easiest cleanup later. He drew the ice out of thin air, marveling at its sheen and glitter before shrugging his shirt off. Flipping his arm over, He studied the pale expanse of skin critically. Deciding.

It was already littered with scars, some more recent than others. This wasn't the only part of his body that had received less than gentle attention from him, wasn't even his preferred area since it was the most likely to be discovered, but He thought it would serve fine for now. He hadn't wanted to jeopardize his ability to fold the cranes perfectly before, but He was done with those now anyway.

In the end, He decided to just make a straight cut up the inside of his arm, running along the vein but not pushing too deeply. He knew his limits. The crimson tears welling up and sliding across the pale skin managed to draw a faint smile out of him. Then He gave the other arm the same treatment, because why not?

The ice dissipated, and He watched his blood pour out with detached interest. It hurt, of course. The pain usually cleared his head, but now it seemed to be making it fuzzier. But his fingers didn't itch to be _doing_ something anymore, content with their handiwork, so that was alright. And if there was still a gaping hole in his chest, at least the blood and pain distracted him from it.

A small frown stole over his face as He watched the red rain down. There was an awful lot of it. The incisions were meant to draw a lot of blood, but not this much. Maybe He had cut too deep. He should fix it, put an end to it now, but his head was just so fuzzy and heavy and it was too hard to focus.

The fucking sleeping potion.

His head lolled back and his hand fell to rest across his stomach, seeming too heavy to move. His eyes drifted shut against the sudden fear that He had made a _mistake_ , and all He could do with the lethargy and lightheadedness pressing around was feel the blood sliding down, down, down.

His last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was that He might have just made a severe miscalculation.

* * *

 **Note: Bad Gray ;_;**

 **Anyway, pro tip: When you break a character too much and it would take a miracle to save them and get them to recovery, sometimes the easy way is to just kill them off. I was originally going to walk him through a full recovery arc, but the posting of this story and the fandom in general were already annoying me by that point, so I decided to cut my losses early. Sorry~**

 **Welp, now we've just got the epilogue with Gray's ghost. Poor guy.**

 **emmahoshi: Ha ha, it's a joke. Mostly. Sort of. 2/3 joking. You should know me better than that ;) I've talked about rehabilitating Gray from start to finish for how long now? XD There are 60 chapters and we're only on 51, so we're not through yet. I'm too stubborn to give up on a challenge, and I'm going to drag Gray up again if it's the last thing I do. Actually, this event and its effects next chapter are going to constitute a turning point, so it's going to start going up from here. Oh ye of little faith XD**


	52. In Memoriam-The Phantasm (2)

**EndarkenedSanity: Yup, poor guild is right lol They need a vacation, ha ha. And yeah, Gray has this bad habit of not taking care of himself and not paying enough attention to things that could be potentially hazardous to him -_- Hehe, it's not really going in that direction either ;)**

 **Kurenai99: Sadly, I might have faked you out. It's not over XD But I'm glad you're interested, and it's always my honor to provide a little entertainment lol Thanks for reading and reviewing.**

 **Emiko: Huh, hasn't Gray been talking about going in circles for a while? XD No, you're right. That's intentional, because healing from trauma or mental disorders is not a linear process by any means. There will always be setbacks and recoveries, etc. Demon-Gray is especially bad because he didn't bother dealing with the underlying issues the first time around and now they circled around to bite him from behind. ("Unpleasant 'hobbies'" XD So true, though.)**

* * *

 **In Memoriam-The Phantasm (2)**

* * *

He opened his eyes and found himself standing outside of the bathtub, staring at his lifeless body as the red swirled around it and down the drain.

"Damn," He said. "That's a new one."

He peered down at himself— _himself_ -himself, not that eerily still body in the tub—and turned his hand every which way, watching as the light shone through it with an opaque transparency. He looked back at his body with its waxen skin and closed eyes and red stains. He'd never had an out-of-body experience before. Maybe He really was dead. Fuck.

"I was hoping you weren't going to do something like this," said a voice from behind him.

He almost jumped out of his nonexistent skin and spun around with a muffled curse. He froze, staring at the blonde-haired girl like a deer in the headlights. He was pretty damn sure she was not supposed to be here.

"Ma…vis?"

"That's my name," she said, but her eyes were serious rather than lighthearted.

"You…" He closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips to the lids. Well, if He was dead, then maybe it didn't matter if things made sense or not. "It was an accident."

"You _accidentally_ slit both your arms in half?" another voice asked incredulously.

He tensed as Zeref stepped out of the shadows behind Mavis.

"I was really hoping I was done with you," He growled. "That's not even fair. I already had to deal with you enough—I don't want to be stuck with you my whole death too." He paused, eyes narrowing in consideration, and shoved his ghostly hands into his ghostly pockets as He slouched and relaxed. "Actually, I can't be dead. I don't have a soul, so I couldn't still be here and aware if I was dead."

Mavis and Zeref exchanged a look.

"No, I don't think you're dead just yet," Mavis said after a moment's pause. "But you're very close. I know you sometimes like to push the boundaries, but you shouldn't have gone so far, Gray."

"It was an _accident_ ," He repeated mutinously.

"It sure doesn't _look_ like an accident," Zeref muttered.

"The cuts weren't an accident. The almost dying bit was." He directed a fearsome glower at the dead man. "Not that it's any of your business. I don't want to talk to you. Go away."

Zeref opened his mouth, but Mavis elbowed him and gave him a warning look, saying, "Don't push him. He still has a score to settle with you."

Zeref subsided with a frown, his brows knit together in a troubled line. He kept a wary, unfriendly eye on the dark mage. Pity He couldn't kill Zeref again since he was already dead and all. He supposed He should be more worried about what Zeref might be able to do to _him_.

"If I'm not dead, what are you doing here?" He asked suspiciously, his gaze sliding between the two…ghosts? Did they count as ghosts?

Mavis shrugged. "I don't entirely know. Maybe because you're hovering somewhere between life and death right now, and all three of us have had one toe over the line for a long time. Immortality puts you in an odd place, and all three of us have had a tense relationship with life and death. Maybe that's why it's the three of us again."

Oh goodie, another horrible perk of being a former immortal.

"Or maybe," He mused, "you're really just a byproduct of my dying mind. Hallucinations. Yeah. I mean, blood loss, sleeping potion, and a near-death experience. Anyone's brain would go haywire."

A vision of Mavis could easily be a manifestation of his guilty conscience. And Zeref…maybe a manifestation of his insecurities and demons? All of those things were certainly prominent these days, and the current state of his mind and body could have created the perfect storm.

Mavis tilted her head, eyes contemplative. "Maybe. But as much as I'd like to catch up with you, you're going to die if you don't wake up soon. You need to go back."

He stiffened and darted a glance back at the carnage in the tub. "Do I?" He murmured half to himself.

"I thought it was an accident…" Zeref's eyes were narrowed and his voice held a warning edge.

"It was, but now that it's done…"

He hadn't been intending to kill himself, not really. But if He just sort of sat back and watched it happen now, did that still count? It was still an accident, even if He didn't fix it. Then again, it sure wasn't going to look like an accident to whoever found him. But it was an easy way out, the escape He had been looking for but couldn't find, and it was hard to pass up the opportunity when it was presented to him on a silver platter.

"You have to go back, Gray," Mavis said sternly. She braced her hands on her hips and fixed him with a hard look. "Are you really going to leave your friends to find you dead in your bathroom with gashes up your arms? Do you have any idea how much that would mess them up?"

He winced, unable to refute that. And yet…

The blood was seeping out more sluggishly now. He wondered if it was actually slowing down or if it was time itself that was slowing to a crawl in this strange in-between place. Some small, dark part of him wished it would speed up again so that the choice was taken out of his hands.

"Maybe I _can't_ go back," He said, perking up a little. "I mean, I don't know how, anyway."

Mavis's stare was heavy with disapproval, and He had a hard time meeting her eyes even though she was just a phantasm, a product of his hallucinating mind. "Oh, I think you can, as long as you still have a link to act as a bridge."

He didn't understand what she meant by that, but was distracted from asking when Zeref opened his big mouth again.

"You might as well go back," he said. "It's too early for you to die. You still have too much unfinished business."

His lip curled with derision. "Oh? Since when do you care about anything like that? Fuck off."

"You are my creation," Zeref said, choosing his words with care. A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I have some interest in ensuring that you do the best you can, progress as far as you can go."

"No, you created Deliora. Anything that came after was created by a dead woman, a dead child, and Fairy Tail." He turned away with a sneer, busying himself with studying the tile through one semi-translucent foot. "I killed you, don't forget, and I'd do it again. You are not capable of _caring_. You are a scientist and a madman, and I want no part in any more of your experiments."

There was a beat of silence, and He focused on willing the phantom away. He was optimistic that He could figure out how to dispel an illusion of his mind, but neither Mavis nor Zeref disappeared. So much for that. Then again, his mind had always been an unruly place and He'd never had much luck controlling it before either.

"The other demons were useless," Zeref said. "But you became something more and–"

"You are proving my point," He said tightly. "You never cared about any of us. You aren't capable of it. You only 'care' about me and Natsu because we're more interesting in a scientific sense. You see us as _experiments_ , not as _people_. And that is how you see the entire world. _That_ is why you don't understand love and can't care. You are an even more soulless creature than I."

Judging by the silence, Zeref couldn't find anything to say to that.

"Gray, people can change," Mavis said finally, gently. "You did. And in death, we're free to learn how to be ourselves without our curse holding us back."

Was she happier, He wondered, in death where she didn't have to balance on that razor's edge of love and hate? Did that even matter in death? Or was she just rotting away in the ground, swaddled in the peaceful lull of nonexistence?

"You're making excuses," He said without real heat but with an underlying note of accusation. "You're making excuses because you love him. I have never once received anything good from him, and I don't expect to now. Don't expect me to believe that he's suddenly had a change of heart. If he even can, considering he's _dead_. And it's just as well, because he never brought anything but pain and grief when he was alive."

Zeref pursed his lips and looked away. Mavis let her breath out in a sigh and her eyes were tired.

"No, I don't expect you to believe that," she said. "And you have every right to feel that way. I don't think anyone can deny or overlook the things he's done. Goodness knows I can't. I'm just saying that every person is more complex than a 'good' or 'evil' label, and sometimes we get the opportunity to explore those other sides of ourselves a little bit at a time. It's not a change of heart, exactly, but it makes you see things in a different light."

"…I'll take your word for it."

"I'm just saying… It's not _okay_ , and it never will be. And I don't know if you'll ever really be able to forgive him for what he's done to you and your friends, but I think you should at least try to come to terms with it and start letting go of some of that resentment and bitterness, no matter how well deserved."

He recoiled, flinching away from the ghosts, but found himself trapped between them and the body seeping out its lifeblood in the tub behind him. A sense of betrayal flickered hot in his heart. He knew Mavis loved Zeref, but hadn't she had a close bond with him too? After everything they had shared, why would she ask something like this?

"Why the hell would I do that?" He growled, papering over his hurt.

Mavis sighed again. "Not because of him. Holding on to so much hurt and bitterness is bad for _you_ , Gray. Forgiveness isn't only about making the other person feel better—it's about helping _you_ move on. If you can come to terms with everything and let go of the past and all the bitterness that goes along with it, that's when you'll be able to start healing and moving forward."

He shook his head mutinously, even though He understood what she was saying. He had made much the same assertion concerning the Executioner and Lyon, after all. But although Lyon might have found it in his heart to forgive his demons, He wasn't sure He could do the same.

Maybe that was why He had such a hard time accepting Lyon's presence now, because that forgiveness seemed unwarranted when He was just the same as Before. And if He didn't deserve forgiveness because He hadn't changed nearly enough, then neither did Zeref.

"I know it's hard," Mavis said in a more soothing tone. Now she sounded like she was trying to talk down a spooked animal. "It takes time, but it will help you in the end. Still, I don't think Zeref is the biggest issue on that front. I did tell you to take care of your shadow already, didn't I?"

She nodded her head behind him, and He turned to see his shadow carefully peeling itself away from the bloodstained porcelain. He inched back a step automatically, that normal mix of fear and hatred and revulsion welling up inside him again.

"And here I thought you were actually learning to behave," He growled.

The shadow paused, hovering uncertainly in the air between him and his body. It had been far less active since the trial, when He had tried putting it in its place again and done better than usual, but He should have known it wouldn't last.

He wanted to be surprised that it was active while He was unconscious and dying, that it was able to sense what was going on outside of the physical realm, but He wasn't. It had always existed halfway in the physical world and halfway somewhere else on a different plane.

"And there's your link," Mavis said, as if completing his train of thought. "There's your way back."

What would link his physical body and this weird spiritual manifestation? Obviously the one thing that was tied to both.

Well, it looked like the choice had just become a lot simpler.

"Guess I'm fucked, then."

"Gray–"

"No way in hell am I cooperating with her. It's more likely to make things worse. She's a dangerous beastie, and I don't trust her."

"She?" Zeref asked. One eyebrow arched in question. "Why 'she'?"

"Why _not_ 'she'?" He snapped back.

"Interesting…"

"Just shut up, will you?'

"Zeref," Mavis said in a warning tone, "don't push it. He's very sensitive about this."

" _Sensitive_ ," He muttered derisively. "I'm not–"

 _Add us?_

His eyes narrowed at the inky shadow. He didn't like how it looked like him, although He supposed that was the point of a shadow.

"What?" He demanded.

The shadow hesitated before one inky arm sank into its chest and pulled out a thick sheaf of papers bound together.

 _Should I add us?_

He barked out a surprised laugh, not amused. The dilemma could not have been presented more bluntly.

"I haven't decided yet."

"Decided what?" Zeref asked. "What's it saying?"

He cast an unfriendly gaze over the dark mage. "If you're in my head, shouldn't you know what she's saying?"

Mavis sighed. "Humor us."

"She wants to know if she should add us to the list."

"The list?" Mavis repeated with a frown. "What–? Oh…"

Her eye caught on the booklet the shadow held, and understanding only deepened her frown further.

"What list?" asked Zeref.

"It's… He keeps a list of everyone he's…killed."

Zeref's lips curved downward. "Why would you want to do that to yourself?"

"What would _you_ understand?" He asked shortly. As if He needed to be lectured by _Zeref_ of all people.

 _Which name?_

"What? Could you use a complete sentence for once?"

The shadow flipped through the book, riffling the pages and pausing on the last one.

 _Which name should we use?_

He opened his mouth, hesitated, closed it. "Damned if I know," He said finally, half-turning away.

"What now?" Mavis asked. An uneasy air hung about her, growing more pronounced the longer He and his shadow interacted.

"She wants to know which name she should use."

"Which name…? You still don't use 'Gray'? I thought you might have started by now."

He shrugged, suddenly feeling all his hundreds of years. "I did, for a while, but it's fallen out of favor again."

"Back to nothing?" Zeref suggested.

"Back to nothing."

"I don't approve," said Mavis, "but I'm sure you already know that. In any case, it won't be necessary to choose now." She flapped a hand at the shadow. "He'll be going back."

An irritated growl built up in the back of his throat. "Don't talk to her."

The whole situation was so absurd that He didn't even know where to start sorting it out, but He'd at least stop this before it went anywhere. The last thing they needed was his stupid shadow getting involved.

Mavis rolled her eyes and drifted over to the shadow, peering around it to look at the list. He reached for it automatically, needing to protect it from prying eyes, but his ghostly hand passed right through the papers.

"You even have Zeref on here," she mused aloud.

Zeref blinked in surprise, and He shot the man a nasty glare. "It doesn't mean anything," He snapped. "I even keep track of the assholes."

Zeref actually coughed out a laugh, which only irritated the demon more.

"Maybe you don't feel bad about it being _him_ , but I think you feel bad in the general sense of having killed someone," Mavis said. Look at her, psychoanalyzing him. "And–" She stopped and leaned forward to get a closer look. "Why is your team here?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and glowered defiantly. "I was Awake."

"You didn't kill them."

"The names are crossed out."

"Gray…your burden is heavy enough without adding to it. They don't belong here and– Gray, why am _I_ here?"

He froze, and something inside him shuddered like glass ready to break. Suddenly, the disbelief and surrealness of it all were no longer enough to mask the grief lurking underneath. Mavis might just be a product of his dying, guilt-ridden mind, but…

"Why do you think?" He asked quietly.

She looked up, and sorrow was written across her face. "Gray, I was already dying. I would have been dead in the next couple days."

"So?"

"So it's not your fault. Anyway, I was losing control." She pursed her lips and looked away. "I would have killed everyone. You were protecting the guild…just like you always do. Just like I asked you too. I…would rather die knowing they were safe than live with knowing I'd killed them all."

He knew that. If the roles were reversed, He'd rather die too. They had that understanding, knew how dangerous it was to lose control. He knew that some small corner of his heart resented Mavis for not being there to uphold her end of the deal when He'd Awakened and killed Marietta, nearly killed his friends.

There hadn't been a better way to handle the situation, there was no other way out, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself and dropping his gaze to the ground.

Mavis's sigh was soft and weary. "Don't be. It had to be done. We're all just lucky that you had the strength to do what no one else could stomach."

Maybe, He thought, only a demon like him could do something so cruel without hesitation. Maybe that was who He was. He wasn't sure He counted that as strength, and certainly not as something human. That wasn't something He was proud of.

"I just…" He trailed off and shook his head, hunching his shoulders until He looked as small and miserable as He felt.

"I knew you weren't going to take it well, but this is… You look awful, honestly. You haven't been taking care of yourself, and now you're bleeding out in your bathtub. Gray…I was ready to go. You know that. I'd lived for too long already, and I overstayed my welcome."

"You were still welcome," He mumbled.

"I know, but you know how it is. Being stuck living for so long, unable to die, especially with everything we've gone through, has jaded us to life. I lived my life and I enjoyed my second chance, but I was ready."

"Maybe I'm ready too."

"I know you are, or at least that you think you are," Mavis said gently. She rested a small hand on his arm, and it felt like the faintest of pressures against his translucent skin. "But you still have so much to live for. Don't give up now, before you've lived out your life."

"I don't know," He said in a small voice. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Every time it starts getting better, something else happens."

"That's life for you." Mavis sighed. "You need to go back, Gray. Please. You're running out of time."

He shook his head. "I don't trust her. That's the easiest way to let the darkness back in."

He darted a mistrustful look at his shadow, still hovering quietly in the air. It was everything primal and dark and ugly that He hated, and He was afraid that giving in to it would erode his control again. He couldn't let it get a foothold in him. Not again.

"You don't have any other choice at this point," Mavis said. "And maybe it will be good for you, because you can't ignore it forever. Sometimes you need to have a little faith."

"Not with her. She–"

"Will you _stop_ that already?" she interrupted with a fierce scowl. "You just keep trying to put distance between you, instead of facing it head on." He wilted, and some of the fight drained out of her. "I asked you to do three things, Gray: protect our guild, take care of your shadow, and find a way to heal and move forward. You've only done the first of those, and, more than anything, I want to see you do the rest. I'm here to tell you to go on back home, okay?"

He looked between his body and his shadow. He was running out of time if He wanted to go back. Whatever strange in-between place this was would only last for so long, and He already had one foot over the line. His friends would be devastated, and He hated to think of what it would be like for them to find him here. But the only other option was to go back, and He wasn't sure He had the heart or courage to face up to that.

"You were right," Zeref said out of the blue, his words abrupt and almost terse. "I didn't create who you've become. But I think you're missing the point too. Just from listening to you before and now, it occurs to me that you always think about things in terms of your friends. You attribute all your progress to them. Your friends might have played a big role in how far you've come and who you are, but so have _you_. Why do you discount that?"

He shook his head, not wanting to deal with Zeref but too tired and heartsick to put up a fuss. "What would you know?" He asked without any real heat.

"He's right," Mavis said. "You're the most amazingly strong person I've met, especially in heart. I know you still don't believe that, but I hope that one day you will. You're a survivor and, more than that, a fighter. You've come so far. Don't give up now. Keep on fighting."

He tried to think of one time He'd been strong since Mavis's death, since Marietta's death, even, and came up empty. Whatever strength He had seemed to have fled with his Awakening, and He hadn't found it again. He had been strong when things were going well, and as soon as things had gone south, He had fallen apart. What kind of strength was that?

"You have more control than you think you do," Zeref added, almost as an afterthought. "The shadow, for example. Your Awakenings. When you fight them and feel like you're in a losing battle, that's when your control starts to slip. When you find peace with yourself and believe that you're in control, that's when you have control."

"What would you know?" He asked again.

What kind of ignorant advice was that? Zeref had some nerve to be lecturing him on something so fundamental. _He_ was the one who had spent years struggling to find a balance and control himself. Zeref had been nowhere in the picture, somewhere off killing innocent people.

Zeref shrugged. "I created you and others like you. You've evolved and changed quite a bit, but the fundamentals are mostly the same. Your particular brand of evolution gives you a unique control—you just haven't caught up to the times yet. You think I can't tell what's happening now, what was happening back when we had our showdown?" His calculating gaze slid over the waiting shadow. "I see what's happening, and you're doing yourself a disservice by putting on blinders so that you don't have to acknowledge it."

He turned away, not able to stomach the man He hated most in the world for any longer. He watched the shadow and the dripping blood instead, paralyzed by the impossible choice presented to him.

"Go on, Gray," Mavis said quietly. "You need to find your peace. Trust yourself. And more than anything else…forgive yourself. I don't want to see you back here until you've learned how to live again and have lived to the fullest. You aren't really living right now, and I need you to start again. Please."

He turned his conflicted gaze on her. He had always found himself listening to her before, even if there were certain things He had never been able to quite accept. And after killing her, He didn't know how to refuse her what she asked. Most of it sounded impossible to his ears, but how could He not try? That was a low card for her to play, because He couldn't say no.

"Did you find your peace?" He asked, his voice throaty and low and breaking.

She smiled, those beautiful emerald eyes crinkling at the corners. "I did."

And it was good to see her smile like that without an afterthought of bitterness. How was she so happy being dead when He couldn't stand the thought of being the one who sent her there?

"I'm sorry," He whispered again.

There were so many words He should say to her now that He had the chance, even if she _was_ just a phantasm, but they were all clogged up in his throat. Leaning forward, He wrapped her in a hug and dropped his chin to rest on the top of her head. It felt a little weird, just a slight pressure and the suggestion of a breezy touch, but it was all He had.

"Oh, Gray," she said, her arms wrapping around him snugly, "you've done so much for me. Thank you. Now do something for yourself. Go home and find yourself. You deserve it. You've lived for so long, and it's been a mostly miserable experience. Now that you've got your second chance, make the most of it. I'm begging you to live."

He released her and stepped back. There were no tears in this ghostly form, but his heart twisted and Mavis seemed to swim in and out of focus. He nodded slowly, and she smiled and nodded toward his shadow.

His feet felt like lead as He dragged himself toward it a pace or two until they were standing toe to toe. He hated staring into its black depths, because it felt like He was staring into himself. The shadow proffered one inky hand.

 _Come back?_

He eyed it like it was a venomous snake ready to strike. What if Mavis and Zeref were wrong and giving in to it would only give it control again? He couldn't survive another Awakening or anything like it. And neither could his friends.

He looked back over his shoulder to see Mavis and Zeref standing side by side, watching him. Mavis nodded encouragingly.

"Go on," she said. "It's not your time yet. You still need to live. Goodbye, Gray. Take care of yourself."

He opened his mouth, but He had no words left. So instead He reached out and winced as the shadow reached back. His hand wavered, but then He closed his eyes and turned his head away and let go.

* * *

Blinking his eyes open blearily, He was greeted by the sight of red, red, red as far as the eye could see, dripping down his skin and pooling around him.

"Shit," He breathed. He tried to sit up straighter from his slumped over position and found that He was barely able to twitch under the heaviness of his limbs and the lightheadedness that made his head spin.

He must have fallen asleep. That damn potion. If He had been _thinking_ , He would have realized that it was dangerous to open up his veins right after downing a double dose of sleeping potion. It was making it unbearably difficult to stay awake, and now He was bleeding out. Goodness knew how much blood He'd already lost while unconscious.

He was lucky He wasn't dead, and if He couldn't fix this quickly…

The panicked clamor in his head died down to a deadly calm, and He stared at all that pretty crimson dripping, dripping, dripping. It would be so easy to let go, fall back into unconsciousness and let things run their course. All the heartache and grief and pain and uncertainty would be gone, swept away in one fell swoop. The siren song of mortality nibbled at his mind again, promising the peace He had craved for so many years.

But then He thought about what would happen once He was gone. Erza was gone on her job with Lucy, the first one she'd dared take in weeks, and she would return to find him dead. And if Natsu and Happy checked on him in the girls' absence…they would walk into a bloodbath.

"Fuck my life," He whimpered, his voice breathy and raw.

He needed bandages _now_ , but everything was so heavy and dull and unresponsive.

"Of course," He muttered. "Idiot."

Dragging his fingers along the slices felt like a monumental effort, but He managed to seal the gashes with ice. A temporary measure until He could get himself up and do some real first aid.

His head fell back against the hard tile, and He closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. At least He wasn't still bleeding out. Sticky warmth seeped through his clothes, turning cold and clammy against his skin as it pooled at the bottom of the tub. His head was so fuzzy, and He just wanted to go to sleep…

Cursing under his breath, He began the painful and laborious process of levering himself up and flopping out of the tub and onto the floor. He scrabbled at the edge of the tub weakly, his limbs as useless as jelly.

But although there might have been times in his life that He gave up, this was not one of them. Spurred on by the thought of the ramifications his actions would have, He managed to grab the edge of the counter and pull himself to his feet, where He swayed unsteadily. One hand kept a death grip on the counter while his knees buckled, and the other fumbled around in the cabinet, knocking its contents all over the floor. He almost sobbed in relief as his fingers finally closed around a roll of bandages. While He was at it, He grabbed the antiseptic and a washrag, which He ran under the faucet.

Sliding back to the floor, He turned his arms over to survey the damage and realized they were trembling. He was trembling all over. Letting out a shaky breath, He melted the ice and dabbed at the welling blood with the washcloth held in his trembling fingers.

His fingers worked at the cap of the disinfectant bottle, and it took several tries before it went clattering to the tile. He upended the bottle, sending the liquid pouring over the cuts. It stung, sending sharp pains through his arms that had him clenching his jaw so hard that it felt like his teeth would crack.

Good, it would keep him awake. Falling asleep might be a death sentence.

The air hissed between his clenched teeth as He wiped away as much of the blood as He could and began awkwardly wrapping his arms in bandages. He let out an almost hysterical giggle at the sight of his mummy-wrapped arms and slumped back against the cabinet.

That was all He could do. He was such a fucking mess.

So much for knowing his limits. His very confidence would be the death of him, and He marveled at his sheer stupidity for not accounting for the added variables. Obviously, He was in no state to be playing dangerous games when He'd been so out of it for so long. He supposed that He had always been as much of a danger to himself as to the world.

He stayed sprawled on the floor for several minutes, his arms burning and his head heavy and full of cotton wool and his body trembling. What now? It was hard to imagine moving or cleaning up the mess He'd made. He just wanted to sit here and bask in his own discomfort, float in that strange in-between space where the world wasn't quite real.

He wondered how long it had been since He'd first embarked on this ill-fated scheme. Not too long, or He'd be dead. But if He didn't show up at the guild, Natsu and Happy would end up at the door eventually. He didn't doubt that Erza had made them promise to.

And if they came…

He groaned and leaned forward, pitching over onto his hands and knees. Closing his eyes, He took a deep, steadying breath and began slowly picking up everything He'd knocked to the floor. He couldn't summon up the energy to stand just yet, so He shoved all the bottles and odds and ends into a pile on the floor and then moved them up to the counter as best He could from his position.

His entire focus zeroed in on his new goal: clean up the damn bathroom and himself before anyone came waltzing on in. At least it gave him something to latch on to, something to keep him going when all He wanted to do was collapse into a dreamless sleep from which waking was not assured.

He crawled over to the tub and turned on the spigot, watching as red clouds swirled down the drain. He couldn't even begin to think of looking for any cleaners, but He got rid of the blood as best He could and found another washcloth to wipe at the puddles of blood on the floor. More ruined linens.

A pained breath whistled between his teeth, and He used the corner of the counter to pull himself to his feet again. He took a shaky step toward the door, still gripping the counter to stay upright, but paused in the doorway. His pants were soaked through, blood dripping down and spattering on the tile. The whole point of doing this in the bathroom was so that it wouldn't make such a big mess, and He'd be damned if He tracked blood all over the carpet now.

He stumbled back to the bathtub and stripped down, leaving his bloody clothes in a pile on the floor. Turning the faucet back on, He carefully alternated rinsing different parts of his body beneath the water. Except for his arms. He was too scared of what would happen if He got the bandages wet now. The water ran red, but at least the blood was getting off of him. God, his skin was so pale underneath the red.

He snatched up a towel and ran it over his body halfheartedly before wrapping it around himself. The bloody clothes went into the trashcan. He would deal with them later, when He wasn't two seconds away from passing out, but they were definitely getting tossed out.

The rivulets of red running across the tile and staining the grout made his stomach turn, although He'd never found himself particularly squeamish before. Chalking up another towel as a loss, He swept it across the floor with his foot and tossed it in the trash before staggering out of the bathroom.

He paused in the living room as his eye caught on the emerald crane hooked to the picture frame. Hazy, fragmented images of fever dreams came swimming back in his mind. He'd had some awful strange dreams about Mavis and Zeref while He lay unconscious. His groggy mind tried to piece everything back together, but it was a losing battle while his brain wasn't functioning.

Instead He stumbled into his bedroom and tugged on some new clothes, the process taking forever since He had to be sitting down if He didn't want to lose his balance and topple over. If anyone came by, He had to be presentable. He chose a long-sleeved shirt for obvious reasons and hesitated to blink down at the guild mark plastered on his chest. He had considered removing it so many times, but it would never happen now. Mavis had put it there herself, and He couldn't erase that. He pulled the shirt on with a shake of his head.

Then He pulled himself to his feet and began staggering in circles around his living room, needing to stay moving and awake, afraid of what would happen if He let himself fall back into oblivion. Maybe it would be better to stay still and rest so that He'd bleed less, but was it worth the risk of falling asleep? If his mind was working, then He might know what He should be doing.

As it was, He tidied up the rest of the mess in his bathroom and paced the living room unsteadily, gaze often drawn to that damn crane as He tried to recall pieces of his dream and reconstruct the entire odd experience. It was slow going and He often found himself zoning out, but at least it gave him something to keep his mind occupied while He tried to stay awake.

He stumbled frequently, still weak and lightheaded, but kept up the relentless pacing for what felt like an eternity as what was left of his mind continued slowly shutting down. He tripped over his own feet and pitched forward, automatically closing his eyes and throwing his wrecked arms out in front of him to break his fall.

Something grabbed him.

He opened his eyes and blinked at the ground blearily, wondering why it wasn't still rising up to meet him. His head turned slowly to the side, and He noted his shadow hovering in the air, solidifying to hold him up.

"I don't need your help," He mumbled, pulling away feebly and almost toppling right back over.

The shadow wrapped an inky arm around him again. He didn't like it touching him. It did sometimes, but not usually in such a humanlike form, bearing his silhouette. On the bright side, it needed energy to manifest physically and would already be weakened from his misstep.

"Don't need you," He mumbled again.

 _Should rest._

He coughed out a raspy laugh. "Yeah, and I might not wake up again."

 _I'll watch._

He narrowed his eyes and regarded it contemplatively. "Could you even pull me back if something went wrong?"

 _Of course. As long as you don't run too far._

Another harsh bark of laughter. "I've spent nearly my whole life running."

 _I know._

"I don't trust you."

 _I know._

"…I suppose you need to keep me alive, though. If I die, you die."

His shadow seemed to shrug. He didn't like it, but He was running out of options. There was no way He'd be able to stay awake for much longer when He was already wavering in and out of consciousness on his feet. And going to the guild for help was obviously out of the question. Untrustworthy shadow it was.

He slid to the ground, his shadow lowering him slowly. He didn't have the energy to make it back to the couch, so He curled up on the floor and let the darkness nibbling at his mind finally pull him under. Maybe if He slept, He could at least dream once again of sharp green eyes and a forgiveness his heart desperately needed.

He woke to his shadow prodding him urgently.

 _Up! Up now!_

He pried his eyes open halfway and found himself staring at a blurry vision of his carpet. "Wha–?"

"–ay? If you don't open this door in five seconds, I'm gonna bust it down. You hear me, ice block?"

He cursed and shoved himself to his hands and knees. As much as He wanted to ignore the intruder and hope he went away, He knew that Natsu's threat wasn't an empty one. He lunged for the door, not even protesting when his shadow grabbed his upper arm to keep him from face-planting.

"Five…four…three…"

He pulled the door open a crack and peered out, leaning heavily against the frame. Natsu and Happy were standing on his doorstep, and they didn't look happy.

"About time," Natsu snapped. "We've been calling you _forever_. You didn't come to the guild, and Erza said she'd kill us if we didn't–" The dragon slayer broke off and sniffed at the air. His eyes widened. "Why does everything smell like blood?"

Bloody hell, Natsu's damned dragon slayer nose.

"What happened?" Happy demanded, worry twisting his features. "You look awful, Gray. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," He mumbled. "Fine. There was an accident."

"Accident?" Natsu eyed the slumping demon in alarm. "What kind of accident made that much blood? Your apartment smells like a slaughterhouse." His eyes narrowed suddenly. "Are you sure it was an accident?"

"…Yes."

And now Happy was on the same page as Natsu. "Oh, Gray. You didn't."

He shook his head. "It was–"

"Look me in the eye and tell me it was an accident," Natsu said, his intense gaze focused on the demon's face.

Right, because his friends had gotten good at telling when He was lying to their faces. But He was still the master of half-truths, and an accident had definitely taken place.

"It was an accident," He said firmly. "I just need to clean some things up."

"Where are you hurt?" Happy asked. "Maybe you should see Wendy."

What a horrible idea.

"No, no, I'm fine now."

Natsu was not convinced. "I really think–"

"I'll drop by the guild later," He interrupted. "Maybe tomorrow. You saw me. I'm fine."

"You don't _look_ fine. You look like you can barely even stand. You really think that–?"

"Later." He shut the door in their faces and twisted the lock before sliding down with his back and head against the wood.

"Hey!" Natsu shouted. "Open this door or I'll open it for you!"

Jarring vibrations rattled through his bones as Natsu pounded on the door He was leaning against. If only He had the energy to put up some magic wards. His gaze fell on his lingering shadow. Maybe there was something else He could use.

"Can you keep them out?" He rasped.

It hesitated, but then nodded. _Yes._

"Good," He mumbled, his eyes drifting shut. Not even the pounding could stop him from slipping under again. "Don't let anyone in."

He didn't trust it, but He didn't exactly have a choice right now.

His next transition to wakefulness was more gradual and leisurely, without any prodding or shouting or banging. He was still slumped back against the door, and sat there for several minutes longer as He slowly woke up. He still felt weak and achy, but He was alive.

His shadow was plastered to the floor in front of him. It would have seemed normal if it wasn't in the wrong position given the angle of the sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains and the fact that it appeared to be sitting cross-legged rather than in the demon's slumped-over sprawl.

"How long was I out?" He rasped, his throat dry and scratchy.

It seemed to shrug. _Long time._

What a helpful answer. But He should have expected that. It didn't understand human concepts very well as a rule.

"Did they come back?"

 _Yes._

"Is Erza back from her job? And Lucy?"

 _Yes._

"They were here?"

 _Yes._

"Awesome," He sighed. "Are they gone now?"

 _Yes._

"I suppose I should go to the guild," He said unenthusiastically. He had said that He would, so He'd have to. He had no doubt that everyone was worried silly by now. "Guess I didn't run too far, then."

 _No._

"Always running, huh?" He mused over the earlier exchange and his mind flitted back to the crane and fever dreams. There _had_ been one other witness… "That weird dream with Mavis and Zeref. Was that real?"

The shadow tilted its head in an almost contemplative fashion. _Do you want it to be?_

"Back to your usual helpfulness, I see."

But He didn't press the issue. Maybe it was better not to know, in case He got an answer He didn't like. And maybe it didn't matter, anyway. Whether it was real or a product of his guilty conscience, the sentiments had been real enough. If Mavis were still around, He believed she would have said those things. And maybe He had needed to hear them. It didn't make things okay, but He suddenly realized how badly He had needed that small bit of closure to set him back on the right track.

"I think we might have to make a stop before heading to the guild."

 _Good._

He reached up and grabbed the door handle to use a crutch to regain his footing.

"You're _sure_ they're gone?"

 _Yes._

He opened the door cautiously anyway, just a crack, and peered out. He didn't see anyone waiting to accost him in the hallway, so He crept out. It was slow going when He was still so unsteady, but He exited the building by the back way and wove through the streets to confuse the nose of any meddling dragon slayers that might wander past. He stumbled into his shadow once or twice and drew a few odd looks—either because He looked drunk or like He was in a lot of pain, He wasn't sure—but slowly traversed the city in silence.

He paused outside the gates and took a deep breath to steel himself. Then He pushed them open and limped inside, tramping through the grass among the lines of stone markers.

He hadn't been here for a long time, but it wasn't hard to find Mavis's grave. Someone had had the bright idea to make a statue of a fairy with her face on it, which was both fitting and disturbing. He averted his gaze. The words on the stone weren't much better, all impersonal commendations for being the founder of the guild and being a good person, blah, blah, blah.

Then again, what could you really say on a tombstone that would capture a person?

There was nothing here about how she didn't like to wear shoes or how excited she got when she realized she'd grown a quarter inch after losing the immortality that had kept her in stasis for so long. There was nothing about how hard she had fought to keep her balance or how she was in love with a man she hated and had to live with resenting the people she cared about the most. Her body was there, the words were there, but _she_ was not.

He considered adding something of his own, some small insight into who she had been and what she had meant to him, but quickly discarded the thought. He wasn't sure He wanted to risk someone else dropping by and catching a glimpse into his mind with something so personal.

"How sad," He murmured to the air. "But maybe it's just as well. We can keep the memories ourselves, and the world never has to know any better."

He found his gaze drawn back up to the statue's face, and He could almost feel like He was speaking directly to Mavis.

"I don't know if that was real, honestly," He said. "But you were right. You always were, about a lot of things. I don't know how to move on the way you want me to and it seems so impossible to just get _better_ , but you're right that I should at least try. I'm still sorry, I always will be, but I know there wasn't any other way and it was the best option for all of us. I'm sorry I didn't drop by sooner or go to the funeral. I just couldn't…

"Well, it is what it is. I was shutting down again, I guess. Shutting down even more and shutting everyone out, including you. And I still want to, honestly. But maybe finally being able to come here is a first step. You know, instead of just running away."

His gaze drifted away again, and He tilted his face upward. His eyes roamed over the blue expanse of the sky and the white wisps of cloud drifting through it. It was a beautiful day. A beautiful day that He almost hadn't woken up to.

"I'm going to go back to the guild. I know I've been hurting them, and I can't just… _stop_. But I mean, I'll try. I don't know how I'm going to… But what I've been doing obviously hasn't been working, and they make my heart bleed. I miss them. I don't know how to let them back in, but maybe you're right and I need to start figuring it out step by step. I'm tired of living without living. What was the point of coming back if I'm still not going to live?

"So… I'm not going to make any promises, but I'll try." He reached out, his hand ghosting over the statue and headstone. Frost solidified in its wake, swirling patterns of glimmering ice that wouldn't be melting any time soon. The only small offering He had to give right now. A faint, sad smile graced his face. "I'm glad you found your peace."

He turned away, but paused and looked back at the empty patch of grass beside Mavis's grave. He hesitated, but then let out a harsh breath and swept his hand out to install a small, flat slab of ice in the space, mostly concealed by the grass growing around. Almost as an afterthought, He slashed a 'Z' into the icy surface.

"I don't forgive you," He said coldly. "I probably never will. And I don't care enough to go find what's left of your body and drag it here, let me tell you. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for her. Because some part of her still loved you, for whatever reason.

"I'm not sure I agree with her judgment on this one, but it's not my decision to make. She liked to take on projects, with people who probably didn't deserve it. She took me too, so maybe I have no right to judge. Still, I rather hate you. But if you also find your peace…so be it. I won't begrudge you that, even if you probably don't deserve it. I might not deserve it either, but I want to find it someday. But if she put her faith in you, don't fuck it up again."

He stepped back, his mood turning more melancholy again as his attention switched to Mavis's fairy in all her icy splendor. "Goodbye, Mavis," He said softly. "Maybe in another life."

He turned and walked away, back through the rows of stones and out into the street. There was a heavy air of finality hanging over him. He didn't think He would be coming back here again, and He had the strong sense that He wouldn't have any more too-real visions of Mavis. So since there was no afterlife waiting for him and his soulless self, this was the end of that story. The farewell sat heavy on his heart, but He had said He would try and He would.

He limped back to the guild with grim determination and shoved the doors open before He could change his mind. The sight of the entire guild circled around with grim faces was not encouraging.

"I knew I shouldn't have left," Erza was saying, her face buried in her hands. "What are we–?"

"Back already?" He asked, coughing into his fist and wishing He'd thought to get some water before leaving his apartment. "How'd your job go?"

Her head jerked up and she spun around. "Gray!"

"I did say I'd drop by."

"Yeah, _days_ ago," Natsu growled. "And then you set your shadow things to keep us out."

He rubbed at his face sheepishly. "Sorry. I needed time to recover."

"From what?" Erza demanded. "This mysterious accident Natsu and Happy keep talking about? What happened? Are you alright? Did you–?"

"What's that?" Mira interrupted in a shrill voice, pointing at his arm.

"Gray, you didn't," Lucy said. Her eyes filled with tears.

He followed the accusing finger with his gaze and found that Mira was pointing at the blotches of red soaking through his sleeve.

"Oh, bother," He sighed, examining the damage. He lifted his other arm and peered at it critically, not pleased to find blood seeping through the fabric of that sleeve as well. After all that work to cover this up, He had blown it because He'd been too muzzy to change shirts when He woke up. "I should have thought to change the bandages."

"You said it was an _accident_!" Happy cried. "That doesn't look like an accident to me."

"Fucking hell," Natsu growled. "Seriously? What were you _thinking_ , you idiot? How _dare_ you?"

"Oh, Gray." Makarov looked even older than his years, all his cares and worries weighing him down. "I know that what happened with Mavis was tragic and it's been hard on you, but I was hoping you wouldn't take it _this_ badly."

He hunched his shoulders. "She was ready to go. I just wasn't ready to let her."

Maybe in the same way that He felt ready to go but knew his friends weren't ready to let him. Dying now would leave them with the same hole in their hearts that Mavis's death had left in his.

Maybe that was what scared him so badly, the fact that He had half-expected Mavis to be here forever and she had slipped through his fingers so suddenly. She had still had a little bit of immortality's charm hanging around her, something that said she had lived a hundred years and could live a hundred more. He had known she could die, but He hadn't really _expected_ it.

She had been gone so abruptly, there one minute and gone the next. He hadn't had the time to really make up with her after the hell He'd put her through after his Awakening, which was probably why that fever dream brought him so much closure even if it wasn't real. He had needed that opportunity.

And it scared him that the same thing might happen with the rest of his friends. He had distanced himself, run so far away from them, and what if they died before He could make it up to them? What if they disappeared in the next moment and He never got the chance to apologize or make things right?

So no, He didn't know if He could move on and really let them in and strive for that future everyone wanted for him. But He would have to try, because all of them—even him—were mortal and could die at any moment without warning. They could die or He could push his limits too far again, and it would be over. The thought of parting on such terms frightened him. He didn't know what the future would hold or how long that future would be, but He'd better make the most of it while He could. He didn't want to miss out on the chance to mend things with the people He loved the most.

"Gray…" Erza's eyes filled with tears as she took a hesitant step forward. "How could you?"

He winced. After all her reluctance to leave for even a day or two in the first place, this must be horrifying to come back to.

"It _was_ partly an accident," He mumbled. "Or a miscalculation, at least. That damned sleeping potion nearly did me in again."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Sleeping potion?"

He just shook his head. "But still… Maybe it's not all bad. It helped put some things into perspective. Maybe I needed a wakeup call."

He took an unsteady step forward and grimaced as his dizziness reasserted itself and He swayed. About a dozen people took an automatic step toward him, worried questions springing to their lips, but He waved them off.

Taking another step, He slipped his arms around Erza and pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head as He stared out blankly.

"It's okay," He murmured. "I'm sorry. I know I've been…difficult. But I love you, even if I push you away. I always have. I always will." His gaze drifted idly over the rest of the guild with their worried, tearstained faces, and He winced only when Erza threatened to crush his ribcage as she hugged him back. "I'm really tired of running away."

Erza sniffled loudly into his chest. "Of course. We love you too. And we're still here. Come back. Things will get better."

"Maybe they will," He said with a sigh, gently detaching her and holding her at arm's length. "I can't make any promises, but I can't live like this anymore so something's going to have to change. So I'll try."

"That's all we ask," Lucy said, scrubbing at her eyes. "Let us help. We can get through this together."

He hummed noncommittally and closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly as He gathered up his nerve. Then He opened his eyes and set his mouth in a firm line.

"Where is Lyon?"

* * *

 **Note: Guys, the ending A/N last chapter was a joke lol There are 60 chapters, so we're not done yet. Shame on (half of) you for thinking I'd go for such a cop-out ending after talking for so long about redeeming Gray fully :P I thought it would be harder to pull one over on y'all after that stunt I pulled on "Heat Stroke" XD Pro tip: If I'm being _that_ flippant, it's probably a joke lol**

 **Well, it was like 2/3 joking, anyway. It's true that I was/am fed up with the fandom, and we did meet Gray's sort of non-ghost. Maybe. Or maybe it was just a hallucinatory near-death experience. Hm... The world may never know. Actually, I can guarantee that the world will never know, because I like ambiguity and leaving things open to interpretation lol**

 **Also, as frustrating as Gray is, he just has such an endearingly frank way of looking at things sometimes. "That's a new one"? Really? Lolz Bad Gray.**

 **[Okay, here's an essay just to clarify things:  
** **[** **The whole point is that we don't know whether the experience was real or not. Like Gray said, it could very easily be a product of his mind. He already messed it up with the medication/sleeping potion and severe blood loss, and near-death "visions" are a real thing. A vision of Mavis could easily be explained away as a product of his guilty conscience and lack of closure. A vision of Zeref could easily be explained away as a natural manifestation of all those insecurities and control issues that have been bothering him so much, and also because Zeref is basically Gray's demon, both symbolically and in a very real way, so he makes a good symbol for his dark side. In that way, they're both logical choices for his mind grasping at straws during a near-death experience.**

 **[Alternatively, Mavis also provides a plausible explanation for why it could be real, which has to do with the three of them sharing a bond of former immortality and so necessarily having already warped the lines between life and death. In a world of magic, something like that would be possible.**

 **[Either way, nothing Mavis and Zeref said is anything Gray couldn't have known or suspected on his own. Even the more "revolutionary" things Zeref said about control and Gray's mindset are things Gray has most likely suspected or considered on some level, whether or not he's admitting it to himself yet. So it's really just bringing up things that he's been trying to suppress. And Mavis's piece is quite obviously tied to Gray's need for closure and he already knows that she would have wanted him to move on.**

 **[In conclusion, this was written to be deliberately hazy on whether it was real or illusory.]**

 **emmahoshi: Demon-Gray has such a skewed view of life and death that he needs something to hit the point home. Mm, I have a bit of a morbid fascination with suicide and quasi-suicidal urges because I relate to them. Same way that I tend to write Gray with either depression or some of the hallmarks of it. I relate to it. Anyway, I don't use such techniques lightly. They aren't meant to just be "edgy" or flippant, because they're serious issues and I treat them as such. So they always have some kind of purpose when I use them. By that token, it should have been obvious that I wasn't serious last chapter because I'd never treat something that serious so flippantly. Dark humor is a thing and a lot of us depressed peeps love it, but there's a line there. Lol I knew you'd hate having Mavis and Zeref show up again. But as explained above, there's no real proof that they were really there at all. They're just as likely to be manifestations of Gray's conscience and insecurities, and there _are_ very good reasons for those to manifest themselves as Mavis and Zeref (Mavis for closure and Zeref because he's Gray's "demon"). So if it helps, just think of them as not really being there. Hey, like I said, Gray is gonna get redeemed. I've only got eight chapters left, which isn't enough space to break and save him again lol**


	53. Of Wishes and Hopes

**EndarkenedSanity: Yes, I'm a dirty trickster XD Hehe, whether Mavis is a real ghostie or just a product of Gray's mind, she can always put him back in his place. Ugh, I was at the point of shoving Gray at Lyon like "HUG AND MAKE NICE NOW" lol**

* * *

 **Of Wishes and Hopes**

* * *

"–yon? Hey, Lyon?"

Lyon startled and looked up from his perusal of the table's woodgrain to blink owlishly at Yuka. "Sorry, what?"

His friends exchanged a long look.

"Okay," Yuka said with a scowl, crossing his arms over his chest, "you know how I feel about the demon, but I think you should go back already."

Lyon stared. "…What?"

"You've been here for days, but you haven't been _here_. You're never paying attention. Your mind is always with _him_. And as much as I still don't approve, this has gone on long enough. Stop running away."

"But–"

"He's right," Sherry said quietly. "I know that it's been really difficult for you, but… You aren't doing yourself any good here. You haven't heard a word we've said in days, and we all want you to feel better. You need to figure things out with him."

"I tried," Lyon said moodily, propping his cheek on his fist. "He won't talk to me."

"When have you ever been a quitter?"

"Look," said Yuka, "you can be annoying as hell and I'm still not pleased with how you handled the whole demon situation, but you're my friend, yeah? So I want what's best for you. And if it's the demon, then go figure it out already."

Lyon might have laughed if he wasn't so depressed. If nothing else good came of Gray's fall, at least Lyon and Yuka were back on speaking terms. They had been circling each other warily for a while, getting closer again little by little, but relations had still been strained. Lyon couldn't entirely blame his friend for still being upset about how he'd handled things with Gray, even if he wouldn't have changed it. But there was something about seeing a friend drop into a precipitous depression that encouraged you to put aside your differences and patch things up.

Lyon was still surprised at the blunt suggestion, but he supposed he shouldn't be too startled by Yuka being a good friend. And it would be great advice, if he was ready to listen to it.

He had already been avoiding Gray for much too long, hadn't even said goodbye or given an explanation, and it ate away at him. What if Gray thought he had just given up and left? Lyon regretted leaving, but he was too nervous to go back just yet. He still didn't know how to face that impenetrable wall Gray had put up and was afraid of what he might find when he returned.

"Not right now," he mumbled.

Sherry sighed. "I really think–"

"Later. Anyway, can you _believe_ how much property damage Jura caused on his last job? He always seemed more responsible than that."

The team exchanged another one of those looks, causing an uncomfortable itch between his shoulder blades. It made him feel like he was missing something or they were talking about him silently.

"That _is_ what we've been talking about," Toby blurted out.

"…Really?"

"This is what we mean," Sherry said with another sigh. "Your mind is with him. Your heart is with him. Go work things out."

Lyon wasn't going to give up so easily, and clung to his chosen conversation topic with a tenacity that put those world-weary looks on his friends' faces again. But they conceded, because what else could they really do? If Lyon wasn't budging, it wasn't easy to make him move.

He persisted for nearly an hour before he noticed everyone staring behind him with wide eyes.

"What?"

Sherry jerked her chin behind him and he turned to see Gray standing in the doorway, leaning heavily against the frame. His heart shuddered to a painful stop and he surreptitiously pinched his arm under the table, but Gray was still there when he looked up.

But why could he possibly be here? He wasn't on speaking terms with Lyon, and there was nothing here…

Lyon's train of thought derailed. Gray was staring straight at him. His face was blank, but he was _looking at Lyon_. He almost never did that anymore, and never so directly.

"G-Gray?" Lyon stuttered. "What are you–? Is everything alright?"

He wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. Gray wasn't speaking to him. But he also shouldn't be here at all, so maybe…

Gray pushed himself away from the doorframe and started forward, and the hall was absolutely silent as everyone watched with bated breath. Lyon's mouth twisted into a frown. Something was wrong. Gray's steps were slow and unsteady, a pained sort of shuffle that wasn't normal. And there were blotches of red bleeding through his sleeves.

Gray stumbled and a streak of black shot up from the floor to curl around him.

"Don't need your help," he mumbled, pushing the shadow off and continuing forward.

"Are you hurt?" Sherry asked, eyeing him in alarm.

Some small part of Lyon's brain might have been secretly hoping that his extended absence would make Gray realize what he was missing and come running back, but the truth was that it would take something much bigger to bring Gray back now. And nothing good. It was freaking Lyon out a little.

Gray didn't answer, just dragged himself slowly across the room and came to a dead stop directly in front of Lyon. They stared at each other for a long moment, Gray impassive and Lyon frightened out of his mind.

Then Gray reached out slowly and wrapped his arms around Lyon, pulling him close and dropping his chin on his shoulder. Lyon froze, stiff as a board and too afraid to move a muscle in case he woke up. Then he came to his senses and quickly reciprocated the gesture, his body trembling and his throat tight.

"Gray…"

"I'm sorry," Gray breathed so softly that Lyon almost missed it. "You know I love you."

"Of course. I do too. I mean, not me. Love you, not me. I mean… Yeah. I'm sorry I left. I know I shouldn't have and I didn't even say anything and I should have already come–"

"Stop," Gray mumbled, his voice weary. "Stop apologizing for stupid stuff."

He wriggled out of Lyon's grasp and leaned back, swaying dangerously and almost losing his balance as he did so. Lyon grabbed his arm to steady him, and Gray hissed in pain.

"Sorry, sorry!" Lyon let go as if burned and his attention was drawn back to the dried blood soaking his friend's arms. "What _happened_?"

Gray looked down and examined his arms as if he'd never seen them before, blinking sluggishly as he twisted them forwards and back. "Hm, I should have changed. I was supposed to change the bandages…but I got distracted and came here instead. I think they wanted to have Wendy heal them, but she wasn't there because…" He stared down blankly, totally spaced out. "Don't remember. Wow, my brain is still screwy. Do you remember?"

His gaze slid to the shadow on the floor, and he stared at it for a second before nodding. "Oh. She went to try ferreting me out of my apartment."

"Why would she need to 'ferret you out' of anything?"

"I locked myself in again. Didn't mean to…but I needed time to recover."

"From _what_?"

Gray just shrugged, his gaze meandering across the room aimlessly like he wasn't entirely _there_. A little pink blur whizzed past, and Lyon found himself shoved aside as Chelia hurried up to Gray.

"Let me take a look at that," she said. "I can't… But I can still heal with non-magical means. I've gotten good at it."

She took charge, having always claimed healing as her domain, and sent Sherry scurrying for her first aid kit while she sat Gray down at the table. Which was probably just as well, since he looked ready to keel over at any moment. Pushing his sleeves up, she clicked her tongue in the haughty disdain that could only come with observing shoddy work on one's specialty.

"These bandages are wrapped so clumsily."

Lyon didn't care about that. He was more concerned that there was almost no white showing past the crimson staining them.

"Sorry," Gray said hollowly. "To be fair, I was only half-conscious at the time."

Lyon hesitated and then dropped a hand on his shoulder. "What happened?"

Gray said nothing for what felt like an eternity, and Lyon had the heart-stopping realization that he was being ignored again.

"…It was an accident."

Lyon's shoulders slumped in momentary relief, but he tensed up again as he recalled the issue at hand.

Chelia carefully unraveled the bandages, revealing pale skin smeared red all over. And down the center of the inside of each arm, a long, deep slash ran from wrist to elbow. Lyon's knees turned to jelly and he sat down hard on the bench.

"I thought it was an accident."

"The cuts weren't," Gray muttered. "The almost dying part was."

"I shouldn't have left," Lyon said, eyes glued to the blood seeping out of the wounds as Chelia hurried to tend them. Maybe if he had stayed and kept up the visits…

"Don't be silly. Nothing was your fault. I make my own poor life decisions."

"Maybe I should have guessed," Lyon mumbled. "But I was hoping you wouldn't go back to…that."

Gray shrugged. "Who said I ever stopped?"

Lyon's horrified gaze snapped back up to his face. "What? But–"

"It's pretty addictive. I don't think I've ever been able to quit for more than a few months at a time."

"That's horrible!"

Gray shrugged again, blank gaze fixed on his arms and Chelia's small hands as she put her healer training to good use. "I've nearly sawed off my own head before. This is nothing."

"…That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"…I guess not. But I haven't done anything that drastic in a long time."

Chelia shook her head fitfully as she wrapped new, white bandages neatly around Gray's savaged arms. "I don't understand why you'd _want_ to hurt yourself. Why _anyone_ would."

"Probably just as well," Gray said with a sigh. "You're still young. Hopefully, you won't ever get to that point. Most people don't. But sometimes something goes wrong in someone's brain, and then it all goes to hell. Sometimes you start forgetting things."

"Forgetting?"

"You forget where you put your keys, what you walked into the room to do, your friend's birthday, that you took a double dose of sleeping potion right before playing with knives, why you're supposed to get up in the morning, how to feel happy. It's a slippery slope, kiddo, and hard to drag yourself back up again."

Lyon swallowed hard, his hands clenching into helpless fists.

"But _why_?" Chelia asked.

Gray sighed again. "People do stupid shit when they're sad. And once you mess up your brain, it never quite goes back to the way it was. People always have reasons, even when they don't think they do. Not always very _good_ reasons, but reasons nonetheless."

"But if they're silly reasons–"

"It doesn't matter if they're silly. People can have good or bad reasons, but they're _their_ reasons."

Chelia looked suitably chastened as she fastened the gauze and leaned back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to belittle you."

"Oh, I don't particularly care. But if you ever run into someone else with…problems, the worst thing to do is invalidate their feelings."

She nodded, eyes solemn. "I understand."

"And what are _your_ reasons?" Lyon blurted out.

"Too many," Gray murmured. "Far too many."

Lyon winced but couldn't say he was surprised by the lack of a real answer. He had some good guesses, but he wanted to understand the rest so that he knew how to _help_. But he was also afraid of pushing Gray too far right now, when they were only just back on speaking terms. Anything that might jeopardize the newly opened lines of communication was to be avoided at all costs. Still, he needed some kind of reassurance.

"But you came here, right? That has to mean something. A first step. Are you going to try, then? To, you know, recover? Because you haven't been and…"

Gray hummed absently and his glazed eyes traced lazy patterns over the tabletop. "I wasn't going to, but recent events have forced me to reconsider my stance."

"You remembered how precious life was?" Lyon suggested, perking up. "No more suicidal stuff?"

"…Not exactly. I have a rather skewed view of life and death and pain and all that, I'm afraid. I've lived too long not to be jaded."

Lyon deflated. "But–"

"Are you finished?" Gray asked in a monotone. He stared straight down at his hands and didn't look over.

"Huh? Finished with wha–? Oh." The words were devoid of any obvious emotion, but Lyon could sense their gravity and significance. "With you? Of course not. I knew I shouldn't have left. I wasn't giving up or–"

"Then it doesn't matter if I'm ready. You aren't ready to let me go."

The words were heavy with simple finality, pulling the topic to a close. Lyon's mouth worked soundlessly, but he couldn't find the right words. It was a powerful sentiment—touching in its own way, but also discouraging. Gray should want to get better for himself, not for everyone else. But baby steps. Maybe the rest would come later.

Gray stood and murmured a quiet thanks to Chelia. Beckoning for Lyon to follow, he started back toward the door with unsteady steps. He only made it a few paces before Yuka stood abruptly and stepped around to block his path.

The two men stared at each other, and then Yuka thrust out his hand.

"I don't like you," he said through gritted teeth. "But for Lyon's sake, let's call a truce."

Gray tilted his head as if in slow motion, but reached out and shook Yuka's hand. Lyon looked on in disbelief, unable to believe his eyes. Toby scurried over to add another element of surrealness, darting glances between Yuka and Gray before hesitantly sticking his hand out. He flinched back almost immediately, but his hand still hovered in the air just outside comfortable arm's length.

Gray didn't move at first, but then he reached out and brushed the very tips of his fingers against the very tips of Toby's. Toby jerked his hand away and retreated behind Yuka.

Gray stared at them for a moment longer before shaking his head. "You guys are a strange bunch," he murmured.

Yuka's gaze slid to meet Lyon's, and he scowled and half-shrugged. Sherry nodded her encouragement, and Lyon mouthed 'thank you' to his team.

Then he became aware of Gray's retreating footsteps and hurried after him.

"Good luck," Sherry said, and he waved a hand in acknowledgement. He'd need it.

He followed Gray out of the guild and down the street to the train station in awkward silence, trying and failing to come up with a way to start a proper conversation. They were too out of the habit of talking to each other. Gray seemed content with the silence, still lost halfway in his own mind, but Lyon had been ignored for too long and he wanted the silence filled.

"So…"

Gray sighed heavily and turned into the station. "Sorry. Today has taken a lot out of me, and I overestimated how well I'd be able to handle the trip over. Can we just wait until we get back?"

Lyon did _not_ want to wait, but he'd rather talk later than never. "…Okay."

"Sorry," Gray mumbled again.

They boarded the train and found empty seats. Gray slumped over against the window, exhausted and wilted, while Lyon shifted about uneasily, the silence chafing at him.

There was a short delay, and then the train lurched forward and began chugging down the track. Lyon tried to focus on the world speeding by in a blur on the other side of the glass, but Gray was still collapsed against the window and it was impossible to ignore him.

"Are you…alright?" Lyon asked. He winced, wondering if he'd just blown it.

"…Fine." Gray's exhale slipped from between his lips, but he didn't open his eyes. "Just woozy."

"…Woozy?"

"Lightheaded. And exhausted, even though it feels like I've been sleeping forever. Probably shouldn't have run around so much right after waking up."

"You should have rested first."

"I wanted to make sure I came here before I chickened out."

"I'm glad you came, but you look pretty horrible. Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Not usually a good idea," Gray said, and Lyon remembered the nightmares. Gray's eyes slid open and narrowed in an almost calculating fashion. "Actually… Maybe."

Lyon didn't understand the sudden change of heart, but he didn't want to question it in case Gray changed his mind. Gray curled closer to the window, but looked back over and gave Lyon a look that was strangely uncertain and vulnerable.

"What?"

Gray hesitated but then slid his hand over and slipped it into one of Lyon's. "Make sure I wake up?"

Lyon's eyes widened in alarm. "Is it still really so bad that–?"

"No… But you never know."

He swallowed hard and tightened his grip. "Of course. You're safe with me."

"I know," Gray mumbled. He closed his eyes and turned his face away, and his breathing began to slowly even out.

Lyon watched him silently, afraid to make a sound. The whole thing still seemed surreal after being ignored for so long, but the hand in his own felt solid enough. It reminded him of after Gray had nearly killed himself with the devil slayer magic last time, against Eileen. When the nightmares had come and Lyon had stayed with him.

That seemed like a lifetime ago now, and so much had changed. This wasn't the same, but maybe it was a start.

Gray napped through the entire ride, stirring occasionally but never letting his eyes flutter open for more than a few seconds. Lyon took the opportunity to peek under his sleeves. The bandages were still there, which made a hard lump settle in his stomach. Wishing them away wasn't going to do any good.

He only dared prod Gray awake once the train had stopped and the other passengers began filing off. Mind still muddled by sleep, Gray looked around blearily, small and vulnerable. He seemed so fragile, and it made Lyon's heart break.

But then he shook his head, pulled himself to his feet, and headed down the aisle. The vulnerability melted back into that distant weariness again. Lyon followed quietly, still unsure of his place and afraid of making a wrong move.

They ran into the little old lady on the way up the walk.

She stopped and gave Gray a disapproving look. "You've been avoiding me."

"Sorry, Obaa-san. I've been avoiding everyone."

Landlady. Right. Lyon had run into her a few times during Gray's extended avoidance of everyone, since he had dropped by here frequently to try making a breakthrough.

She caught his eye and gave him a small nod, but quickly refocused on Gray. "I ran into your friends and they told me that…" She darted a look at his arms and her lips tightened.

"Ah, it went farther than it should have, but I'm fine. Don't worry, I avoided making a mess on the carpet."

"…That's not what I care about."

"I know, but I did." Gray leaned forward a little and met her gaze squarely. "Things are going to be changing around here, because this isn't working. I'll stop by for tea tomorrow, alright? Just let me take care of a few things first."

She sighed. "I certainly hope you're there."

"I will be. I'm going to be working on some things."

"That's good to hear, at least. If you need anything…"

"I know where you are."

He held the door open for his landlady before turning away to unlock the door to his apartment. She watched him go, but Lyon was too busy hurrying after him to pay much mind.

As usual when entering this place, Lyon's eye was drawn to the mural on the far wall before the door had even clicked shut. That was another life too, painted on the wall, but he hoped that Gray could find it again soon.

"Who knows?" Gray said with a sigh. He tugged off his boots with weary, laborious motions. "Maybe someday."

Lyon started in surprise and flushed as he realized he must have spoken his thoughts out loud. "There's a lot of love and care there," he said, clearing his throat and trying to smooth over his faux pas. "You put your guild up there with all the love you had for them and all the love they had for you, so surely you must have felt it. So why didn't you go to them when you needed them? They can help you. That's what family is for."

"The guild?" Gray repeated slowly. "More like everyone."

"Everyone? Everyone what?"

"Is up there."

"I don't understand."

Gray drifted over to the far wall. He touched a spot on the Fairy Tail mark and dragged his finger across the paint with a feather-light touch as he talked.

"Happy's fur, Ultear's hair, Elaine's eyes, Ur's ice, Charle's bow. Mavis's eyes." His finger moved again, tapped a splotch of color, moved to the next. "Your eyes, your ice, that stupid blue you like to wear so much. I have a little piece of everyone."

"You…" Lyon stepped over, and Gray slid silently out of the way like a ghost.

Lyon touched the colorful patchwork tentatively. He made a square frame with his fingers and squinted at the block of color he had isolated. It… _did_ look exactly like his ice. He moved his frame of reference and found his eyes.

He was speechless, amazed by how much thought and attention had gone into it. His quiet jealousy of Gray's team suddenly seemed silly. Maybe he had actually been here all along.

"Are you here too?" he blurted out.

"I didn't think I had to be." Gray headed for the bedroom with shuffling steps. "Just a second. I'm going to get a new shirt."

Lyon stared after him, but quickly found his gaze drawn back to the painting. It made a lump build in his throat.

But he didn't say anything when Gray drifted back out of the bedroom a few minutes later with a clean shirt and collapsed onto the couch, sensing that the topic was closed. He followed Gray over to the couch and sat down more gingerly. His gaze darted around the room as he searched for any possible topic of conversation.

"No more cranes?" he asked, noting the conspicuous lack of origami paper and crumpled birds.

"I finished them."

"Where are they?"

"In the guild. I replaced the string I broke before she… But I'm done now."

This was the first Lyon had heard of a motive for the cranes beyond a desire to copy what Mavis had been doing during her last days. But he recalled the incident in question, and if that was what Gray had needed to start letting go…

Gray gestured toward the other side of the room, motioning to the bit of old paper wedged behind a picture frame. "There's yours. The one you left. You can take it, if you want."

Lyon narrowed his eyes to study the bit of paper in bemusement, but then he caught the edge of a wing and recognized that worn napkin crane. "Oh. Mavis gave it to me." He froze, wondering if it was a bad idea to bring her up, but forged on valiantly. "I left it here on purpose."

"I figured. But you can take it now."

"No. The wish was for you, so maybe you should keep it."

Gray gave him a funny look. "Wish?"

"Well, yeah. You're supposed to make a wish on them, right? Didn't you make wishes on yours?"

"…No. I don't believe in wishes."

Lyon's lips tightened. He couldn't stand the complete lack of hope that such an assertion suggested.

"That's sad," he said. "That would make soulless cranes. No wonder you were never satisfied and had to keep crumpling them up."

Gray hummed tonelessly and curled against the arm of the couch. "What did you wish for, then?"

Lyon hesitated but then said, "For you to come back. You always run much too far, and sometimes pieces are missing when you return. I'm afraid that one of these days you're going to lose too much and not return at all. I wished for you to come back to us. To me."

Heat dusted his cheeks at such a candid statement, but he was distracted when his friend's head jerked around. Gray stared at him like he'd seen a ghost.

"Are you alright?" Lyon asked anxiously, afraid he'd said something wrong.

"Because I run too far, huh?" Gray murmured. His mouth twitched into a weary frown and he looked away again. "True enough."

"…Gray?"

"Yeah, my default setting is to run nowadays. Sorry. I shouldn't have run away from you."

"It's alright. I might've run too. I guess I sort of deserved it after how I treated you in the beginning, anyway."

"Deserved it?" Gray's hand tightened on the arm of the couch, fingers bunching together. "You didn't _deserve_ it. I was just being a jerk because it hurt too much to see how much you still cared and forgave me even after I fucked up so bad. At least you had a good reason."

"But it was still a mistake." Lyon hesitated, chewing on his lip. "It was really, you know, discouraging to keep coming here and having you ignore me. I was getting frustrated, and then Erza looked at me and said that you're a powerful mage and you could keep me out if you really wanted to. That's true, isn't it?"

Gray shrugged. "Of course. But… I don't know. Maybe I still needed you. It's just so hard to cut ties entirely, even though I thought—still think—that it would be easier that way."

"Don't I know it," Lyon said ruefully. "It was impossible to keep you cut off entirely even when I tried."

"I noticed. I guess you guys never did things the easy way."

"No, we don't, do we? But it's okay. We always seem to do crazy things for the ones we love."

Gray eyed Lyon sidelong and his mouth curved into a gentle frown. "Why do you love me?"

The question, simple as it was, stopped Lyon dead in his tracks. "Uh…"

"What is it you see that I keep losing sight of?"

He swallowed. He and the others loved Gray when Gray couldn't love himself, and maybe that was what it boiled down to. But how could they make him see what they saw when he so adamantly refused to cooperate?

It was a simple question, but it didn't have a simple answer. Lyon couldn't find the right words when he opened his mouth. What was he supposed to say to that? What was it that he loved about Gray? Was it some big, undefinable quality or a collection of every little thing that made Gray himself? It was a fundamental truth that went beyond such concrete terms, and he found himself struggling to put something so powerful and abstract into words.

"Because…" He shook his head helplessly. "You're family."

"Easy answer," Gray said, unsatisfied. "What does it mean?"

Lyon was stumped again. He knew it, he felt it, he believed it with all his heart, but how was he supposed to package it into mere words and still have it be satisfying?

"Why do I love you…?" he mused aloud, his brow knitting in thought. "You're the only one who has the guts to stand up to Erza and tell her that her cake is gross. You thank people for helping you out by infesting their home with salamanders as a prank." Seeing Gray's start of surprise, he added, "Erza and I talk sometimes, you know.

"You have this really annoying habit of pushing people away when you're unhappy, and you keep trying to do what's best for us without considering what we really want. You have a knack for ruining any emotional moment with a well-timed snarky comment. You're prideful and arrogant and can resort to childish tactics when you're annoyed or someone gets the better of you. When you go cold and demon-y, you can scare the shit out of anyone.

"You also like snowball _wars_ and ice cream, like a kid. You end up protecting everyone, even when you pretend not to. You mold like lightning and have an unfortunate habit of almost getting yourself killed anyway. You have a hundred different smiles with a hundred different meanings, but there's a really genuine, heartfelt, rare one that I like best. You're loyal to a fault. I can't let go of you because you wouldn't let go of me, even when I hurt you as badly as I could.

"You're human in all the ways that count and…" He gestured helplessly with his arms, feeling like he'd talked himself in a circle and still didn't know how to say what he was trying to express. "I don't know. You're family. That's what family does: we love each other. Same as you and your guild."

Lyon forcibly put a stop to his rambling, not sure if he had made a good enough argument. Gray was staring at the floor with glazed eyes. Nothing in his face gave away what he might be thinking, which only heightened Lyon's anxiety as the silence dragged on.

"Oh," Gray said finally. "Okay."

Lyon stared. Really? That was it? Maybe that was what he should have expected, given how averse Gray was to acknowledging anything sentimental or touchy-feely, but still.

A new sort of shyness engulfed him as he asked, "And…me? Why do you still love me?"

Maybe it would be better not to ask, but Lyon realized that this was something he had always taken for granted. He _knew_ that Gray loved him, but it suddenly occurred to him that he didn't really know _why_. Theirs had been a rocky relationship, and Lyon had not always been the most loving of people. He had some understanding—he wasn't _completely_ stupid—but he'd rather hear it from Gray's own mouth.

Gray blinked at him with dark, almost uncomprehending eyes. "Because you live in a different city."

"…What?" Lyon stared at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"If you get too annoying, I can send you home. I'm stuck with the fools around here all the time, even when they're annoying."

Lyon's mouth worked soundlessly, but then he snorted out a strangled laugh. "There's that knack for ruining moments with snarky comments."

"I guess so."

"I get it, I get it, topic closed."

Lyon was disappointed by the lack of a real answer, but he didn't let it bother him too much. Gray had never been good at expressing his feelings in words, but he showed them in his own way. So Lyon traced over the painted Fairy Tail mark on the far wall with his eyes and resigned himself to the almost companionable silence.

Gray pulled himself to his feet. He stumbled and righted himself, but Lyon was already jumping up and grabbing his upper arm to steady him.

"I'm fine," Gray mumbled, and Lyon obediently let go and stepped away. "Would you mind if I stepped out for a moment? I need to finish cleaning up the bathroom. I already got most of it, but I was kind of out of it and I'd rather you not see…"

Lyon's heart twisted into another knot at the reminder. "Um, sure. And I'll… Have you eaten? I don't think you've eaten much in…forever. You should. I'll find something quick to make for dinner, and then maybe we could go to your guild for a few minutes? They probably want to make sure you're okay. I mean, if you're feeling up to it. You seemed a little better after napping on the train, but if you're still–"

"It's fine," Gray said. "You're right. They're probably still freaked out."

He limped off to the bathroom without another word, and Lyon stared after him for several seconds before shaking himself out of his stupor and heading for the kitchen. Gray's altered—almost nonexistent—eating habits had manifested themselves in a conspicuous lack of comestibles in the cabinets, but Lyon set to work with grim determination.

It was a patchwork meal he threw together, but it was better than nothing. Gray came shuffling in shortly after he'd finished, a sheaf of papers tucked under his arm. Lyon eyed them curiously but stayed quiet. The two mages ate in relative silence, all talked out.

Lyon gathered up the dishes when they finished and turned away to put them in the sink. By the time he turned back, Gray was running a thumbnail along the final fold of the crane he'd made from a greenish-blue page.

"What are you doing?" Lyon asked. "I thought you said you were done with those."

Gray shrugged and stood. He kept his head bowed and his gaze fixed on the crane in his hand as he stepped over and held it out.

"I wish…that the people you love start letting you back in. I think you'll be happier when those relationships are mended."

He put the bird in Lyon's palm and stepped back. Lyon blinked down at it too, and then at Gray. A lump formed in his throat. Gray was wishing when he'd said he didn't believe in it, and it had to be a good sign that he was taking that first step to finding his faith again.

And Lyon needed that wish. He desperately wanted to mend his relationships with Gray and his team. He'd been making good progress, but he'd take all the help he could get to really build them back up to where they'd once been.

"I…"

"It's because you always came back for me, even when I didn't deserve it, even when you thought I was someone else, even when you finally realized what I was. I tried not to get too close, but you always drew me back in. You treated me like family until I finally started to believe it. That's why."

Lyon stood frozen, eyes wide. He hadn't really expected an answer, and he convinced himself that it was only because it had caught him off guard that his eyes stung and his throat closed up.

Gray was still studiously avoiding eye contact. "You're right. We should go check in with the guild. They didn't want to let me out of their sight after they realized I… Well, we should go."

Lyon pushed aside that warm, fuzzy feeling, filing away the words to be examined and savored later. Right now, he'd follow Gray's wish to not acknowledge them.

"Okay. We could– Um… Actually, while I'm thinking about it…"

"What?"

He shifted uncomfortably, not sure this was going to be well-received. "I know you missed, uh, her funeral, but do you think that maybe it would be good for you to, uh, go see the grave?"

Gray frowned down at the table. "I already did."

"You…did?"

"Earlier today. Before I went to the guild."

"Did it…help? Erza and I thought that maybe…"

"I don't know. I guess. Not sure that's really what made the difference. She told me to get my act together, so I'll try. But sure, I guess it was a good first step."

Lyon wondered again what had brought about that change of heart, because Mavis had told him that before she died and he hadn't taken it to heart then. He somehow doubted that it was just the almost dying thing, since, as Gray had so aptly pointed out, he had a very skewed view of life and death and didn't view them the same way as everyone else.

But either way, Lyon thought it would be good for him to do something to come to terms with what had happened to Mavis. That incident had sent him plummeting to rock bottom and culminated in something possibly quasi-suicidal and definitely self-destructive. If they wanted to stop it from happening again, the relevant issues would need to be addressed.

"If you… If you ever want to go back, I can go with you. I mean, maybe it would be easier if you weren't doing it alone."

A considering look entered Gray's eyes. "I wasn't planning to go back, but… Maybe we can stop by there on our way to the guild."

"…Really?"

"Really."

Gray headed for the door and Lyon scrambled after him, still not quite able to believe it. He hadn't expected Gray to _actually_ take him up on that offer.

The walk to the cemetery was mostly silent, with Lyon continuously darting looks at Gray to reassure himself that they really were on speaking terms again. He still couldn't figure out what his friend was thinking. Darkness was spreading slowly over the dusty sky as evening began creeping over the horizon, and the combination of dark, silence, and cemetery cast everything in an unsettling light.

Gray found the grave without any trouble, backing up the claim that he'd come here before. Lyon hovered off to the side uncertainly while he selected a page from his sheaf and carefully folded it into another crane. Gray's lips tightened into a frown as he looked down at the snowy white bird in his palm.

"I wish…for you to find the peace you could never find here. I hope death is everything you dreamed it would be, and that it's kinder to you than life was."

He bent to place the crane on the stone, and stayed crouched as he pulled out a page as black as night and folded another crane.

"And I still don't like you," he said in a less friendly tone, "but I wish you get your chance to shape up and become someone better. Maybe if I can do it, you can too. I'm not holding my breath, but have at it."

Lyon looked on in confusion, before catching the glitter of ice in the fading light. Leaning closer, he saw a small, rectangular slab of ice engraved with a 'Z' buried in the grass. It hadn't been there before, so what…?

"Z?" he blurted out. "Z for–?"

"Well, I don't have any particular love for him, but she wanted to believe that he could be saved." Gray pulled himself back to his feet, leaving the white and black cranes nestled on the ground.

Lyon didn't know what to make of that, knowing Gray's extreme distaste for Zeref and all things related to the black mage. Then again, maybe it wasn't his place to understand.

He folded his hands and a case of frosted ice encircled the cranes, leaving them peeking out at the world but safe from the elements. Gray nodded his approval.

"Did you say everything you needed to say?" Lyon asked.

"I think so. Did you?"

The question caught him off guard. He'd barely known Mavis at all, so what could he really say? But then a thought hit him and he winced.

"I'm sorry I got so mad," he mumbled. "You sort of deserved some of it, but I might not have been so nasty if I understood why you needed to be that way. And I wasn't fair when you gave me the hard truths I didn't want to hear. So I apologize for that."

He let out a breath and realized that he _did_ feel a little better. He felt justified in disapproving of how she'd treated Gray, but her death and the revelations that came after had made him feel like he had been unfair.

Gray started back down the aisle without another word, his fingers hooking in Lyon's sleeve and tugging it gently as he went past. Lyon followed obediently as they headed toward Fairy Tail's guild hall.

"Things are going to get better now, right?" he asked, his voice smaller than he wanted it to be.

"I sure hope so. I can't make any promises, but I'm going to at least try to figure it out."

Lyon's heart fluttered in hope. Gray was a fighter when he wanted to be. If he was going to fight, then he was strong enough to win. It was only when he gave up that things really fell apart.

"Good," Lyon said quietly. "And don't…don't hurt yourself anymore. Okay?"

Gray sighed. "I'm not sure I know how to stop."

"Then at least let me help you when you can't help yourself." Lyon darted a glance over at him through his lashes. "I'll be here. You know, if you need me."

Gray's gaze slid sideways for the briefest of moments before being fixed straight ahead again. "I know. You have been. I appreciate that."

Lyon smiled hopefully, and Gray nodded once before pushing open the doors to the hall. Every head swung toward them, and the expressions were all somewhere between grim and worried.

"Gray!" Lucy cried, jumping to her feet. "You came back!"

"And you even brought Lyon," said Erza. Relief shone in her eyes, but it was partly masked by concern.

"I said I would," Gray said.

"Yeah, but you don't always say what you mean," Natsu muttered.

Wendy jumped up and ran toward them like a small blue blur. "Gray-san! They said that I should heal–"

"No, that's alright." Gray drew her up short, wrapping gentle fingers around her arm and bringing her to a stop as she reached for him. "I think I'd like to keep them as a reminder."

"But–"

"Sometimes I need something to remind me of the things I'm prone to forgetting. Leave them, Wendy. They are part of who I am, and I am not ashamed of them."

Wendy hesitated, torn between her need to heal and desire to honor Gray's wishes. "I guess, but…"

Gray chose a sky blue paper and wedged the rest beneath his arm again. His folds were quick and practiced, and he was lightning fast when he wasn't going at a painstakingly slow pace and crumpling up the results. He pressed the crane into Wendy's hands.

"I wish…for you to keep growing up and building your confidence, because you're a strong girl and you should believe in yourself. You've grown so much since we first met you, and I want to see you continue to thrive here."

Wendy's gaze darted between Gray and the paper bird. "I…"

"Is that better?" He glanced back and arched an eyebrow at Lyon, who grinned ruefully.

"Much."

"Thank you," Wendy mumbled. "You too, Gray-san."

"I thought you said you were done with those," Erza said.

Gray shrugged. "I was, but Lyon says my cranes are soulless, so…"

Lyon flushed. "I didn't really…"

But Gray was already turning away, stepping over to Erza and pulling out another paper to start on the next crane.

"You already gave me one," Erza said, flapping a hand awkwardly.

"That one didn't have a wish." Gray handed her the bird and leaned forward to breathe something in her ear.

She started, her eyes widening, and a blush dusted her cheeks. She mumbled something too low for Lyon to hear, and Gray nodded and turned to Natsu.

"It matches your hair," he said, transforming a paper into a crane in a whirlwind of pink and brandishing it toward the dragon slayer.

"Hey!" Natsu said indignantly, his eyes flashing in anger. "You stupid–"

And there was Gray's knack for spoiling emotional moments again. But he leaned in and whispered something to Natsu, who froze and stared back with a stunned expression.

Gray eyed Happy and folded an orange paper into not a crane but a…fish. Lyon might have laughed if there wasn't still such a poignant, sentimental air hanging over the room.

He watched as Gray made his rounds, giving his paper cranes and whispered wishes to each of his friends. He wondered if this was as much an apology as a token of his resolution to do better and move forward.

"Something changed," Erza whispered, sidling up beside Lyon. She was rubbing the wing of her crane absently between her fingers, and Lyon realized with a start that he was still doing the same to his. "You don't think this…incident really got through to him?"

Lyon shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I don't know. He's already had too many close brushes with death to count, and not all of them were entirely unintentional. But _something_ must have changed his mind."

Erza hummed to herself, her eyes distant, but then said, "I'm glad he finally stopped ignoring you."

"Me too!" he said feelingly, and she coughed out a soft laugh.

"I told you it would get better."

"You did."

"…I've played referee between the two of you for much too long now."

Lyon almost smiled, but was too busy watching Gray's progress. Gray wavered briefly before making cranes for Bisca and Alzack. He glanced down at Asuka held firmly by the hand between them and darted an uncertain look at them. Lyon recalled that the parents had been extremely overprotective of their daughter and kept Gray away from her. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Asuka around much lately. Her parents had probably tried to shield her from Gray's erratic and sometimes disturbing behavior and depression, for which he couldn't blame them.

But now they exchanged looks and nodded. Gray bit his lip and dropped to his haunches, finally meeting Asuka's eyes. She blinked back uncertainly, looking small and lost between her parents.

"Here you go, kiddo," Gray said quietly.

He handed her a crane and murmured something into her ear. She pulled her hand out of Alzack's to accept the gift and frowned at it with an almost puzzled expression before looking back up.

"Does that mean you're going to start playing with me again?" she asked.

Gray winced. "That's…complicated. But I'll be around more."

"Oh." She frowned some more. "Why have you been so strange lately, Gray-nii?"

Gray sighed and ran a hand through his hair, weariness hanging over him like a cloud. "People do stupid things when they're sad, kiddo."

Comprehension dawned in Asuka's eyes all at once, a spark of recognition that made the world come into focus. "Oh, you're _sad_?"

"…More or less."

"Wait here!" She ripped her hand out of Bisca's and went scurrying over to snatch something up from the table behind them. Rushing back, she held out the stuffed dog to a bemused Gray. "Here, take Binkie. He makes me feel better when I'm sad. I mean, _I_ usually cry when I'm sad, but I'm sure he can help you too!"

Gray's utterly baffled expression made a quiet chuckle rumble through Lyon's chest. Gray took the proffered toy and stared at it as if he'd never seen a stuffed animal in all his life.

"Uh…thanks?"

"You're welcome! But I want him back when you're feeling better. He's still mine, you know. Take good care of him."

"I…certainly will. May I ask why he's named Binkie?"

Asuka smiled, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "Because I used to have a blanket that Mommy and Daddy called Binkie, but I lost it and got him instead. So now he's named Binkie too."

Gray blinked at her in disbelief and then a smile spread slowly across his face. "I see. Thank you, kiddo. I'll take care of him."

Lyon's heart twisted into a funny kind of knot.

"Whoa," Erza whispered. "That's the real one."

Lyon swallowed hard past the lump in his throat and nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled. "That's the real one. And God knows it's been a long time."

"It really makes you hope that things are getting better, doesn't it? I want to believe that he's going to be okay."

Lyon ran his fingers over the paper folds of his crane. "Let's wish on it."

Erza gave him a teary-eyed smile. "We've been wishing for a long time, haven't we? But thank goodness he's finally giving us some hope."

"Well," Lyon said with a smile, "let's hope, then."

He looked back over at the sound of approaching footsteps. Gray drifted over, his arms folded over his chest and the stuffed dog's head hanging over them while its body hung down below. The floppy brown ears and big glass eyes almost made Lyon smile again, especially with Gray clutching the toy like a child.

"I think I'm going to head home," Gray said. "It's getting late, and I'm exhausted. I'll come back tomorrow."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Erza said, instantly back up in arms. She drew herself up to her full height and braced her hands on her hips. "You really think we're going to let you run off on your own after you just…" She darted a glance back at Asuka and cleared her throat awkwardly. "You know. You can go back and stay with Natsu for a while."

"No thanks. I'd rather stay at my place. I'm not going to do anything besides sleep."

"You–"

"Lyon can stay with me, if you're really that worried. I pulled him down here on short notice, anyway."

Lyon ushered Gray out of the building before he could decide to renege. He wanted to be there to keep an eye on his troublesome friend, and they had a lot to catch up on. He'd been excluded for so long that he'd jump on any chance to be invited back in.

Gray's smile was tired but grateful as they ducked back out into the night. The sky was black but for the pinpricks of stars and dull glow of streetlamps, but Lyon didn't need a good look at his companion's face to sense his weariness.

"Long day?"

"Yeah. It was…a lot. And I'm still not fully recovered from…"

"Mm. Let's get you to bed."

"…I'm not a child."

"I dunno, you look real cute hugging Binkie."

Gray made a displeased grumbling sound and tightened his grip on the toy dog, which only amused Lyon further. Gray only loosened his hold to let them into his apartment.

"You can have the couch," he said as he disappeared into the bedroom.

Lyon nodded to no one in particular and headed for the bathroom. He paused just inside the door, blinking at the blank expanse of wall behind the sink.

"Uh… What happened to your mirror?"

"Hm?" Gray materialized by his shoulder with an armful of blankets. "Oh. I broke it a while back."

"How do you manage to break a mirror attached to the _wall_? It can't be that easy."

"Well, I never said it was an _accident_."

Lyon's face creased in disapproval. "Why did you break your mirror?"

"…I don't know. Maybe I didn't like the person I saw looking back at me."

Lyon sighed, thinking that sounded like a very _Gray_ line of reasoning, but didn't have the chance to say anything before his friend shoved the blankets at his chest and turned away.

"Gray–"

"If you need anything else, let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to bed."

The door to the bedroom clicked shut as he disappeared inside, leaving Lyon to stare at the wood. He looked back at where the mirror should have been. He sighed.

This room already gave him enough of a weird feeling knowing that Gray had nearly died in here, and he was less than thrilled to know that another non-accident had taken place here. There was too much darkness in here, and they needed something to cover up some of that negativity.

Gray had painted an entire mural, so there must be some leftovers around somewhere. Lyon threw the blankets onto the couch and went searching. He had a long night ahead of him.

* * *

"Lyon?"

Lyon startled awake and flopped over onto the floor in a tangle of blankets. He hurriedly fought free and stumbled for the bathroom in a panic.

"What?" he demanded. "What's wrong?"

Gray turned back, looking more bemused than endangered. "What is this?"

He pointed to the far wall where the mirror had been. It took a moment for Lyon's sleep-addled brain to catch up, but then his smug self-satisfaction returned.

"It's you, obviously. You didn't include yourself in your mural when you should have, and you said you didn't like who you saw looking back at you. So I thought I'd show you what I saw."

Gray's face scrunched up into an odd expression. Lyon had to admit that it wasn't the prettiest painting. He had never been that artistic outside of molding, and he'd only found one of the thicker brushes to work with. So fine, maybe Gray's portrait was a little lopsided and the eyes were different sizes and he kind of looked like a stick figure. But it was the thought that counted, right?

Gray burst out laughing, the sound loud and unexpected in the still morning air.

"Hey!" Lyon spluttered, flushing with embarrassment and indignation. "It's not that bad."

"It's so bad!" Gray gasped past his laughter, doubling over and clutching his stomach. Tears of mirth gathered in his eyes and streamed down his face. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you–you– Hahahaha!"

"Hey," Lyon said again, but now he was smiling ruefully. It _was_ pretty bad, to be honest, and it was _so_ good to hear Gray laugh so genuinely after so long.

"Now I'm going to _have_ to buy a new mirror, just to cover that up!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Gray traipsed back out of the bathroom, still chortling to himself. "You wanna get ready? Don't bother with breakfast. We're going to stop by my landlady's place since I promised I'd visit today."

Lyon did as he was asked, still grumbling to himself mutinously, much to Gray's great amusement. That was partly why he kept up the act: he'd do whatever it took to make Gray smile and laugh again, even if it was for something silly.

He got the opportunity to tease Gray in return when he carried Binkie across the hall with him to his landlady's apartment. Teasing comments were met with a blunt, "The kid asked me to keep him. You think I can show up at the guild without him?"

Lyon was afraid that breakfast with the landlady would be an awkward affair since he only knew her in passing, but she was extremely friendly and Gray was, if not talkative, at least more willing than usual to carry a conversation.

It was nearly noon by the time they said their goodbyes and headed to the guild, Binkie still in tow. Gray's spirits weren't quite as high as earlier, but he didn't seem as exhausted as yesterday and only stumbled once. Any improvement was a big step.

When they headed into the building, they were both immediately on guard. It was obvious that something was going on. There were secretive looks on everyone's faces and they were giving off a distinct air of being caught red-handed.

"What's up?" Gray asked guardedly.

Looks were exchanged, and Lyon hoped they weren't about to do something really stupid.

"We, uh, made you something, while we were waiting for you to get here," Erza said. She smiled sheepishly and rubbed at her nose. "You gave us all your wishes yesterday, so we thought that maybe we'd give you ours today."

Lyon and Gray exchanged a puzzled look which didn't help clear things up any. Erza gestured with her hand, and Lucy jumped up to snatch whatever was propped on the bench on the far side of the table.

"Uh…" Gray stared blankly at the object she held out to him. It looked strangely like a wreath made of paper.

"Sorry," Lucy said with an awkward cough. "We couldn't really come up with a good configuration. But we all made something! See, mine is right here."

She pointed to a yellow piece of paper that was folded and cut into the shape of a chunky key.

"And I just did a crane, since you showed me how," Erza added, pointing at a navy blue bird. "…And also a sword, because swords are cool."

And then everyone was pointing and explaining, and Gray and Lyon looked on with something approaching awe. A lot of the origami was sloppy and many people had cheated and broken out the scissors, but everyone had contributed some little symbol of themselves.

"We all wish for you to move forward and look to the future instead of drowning yourself in the past," Mira said.

"To forgive yourself," added Cana.

"To let us back in," said Happy.

"To turn back into the fighter we know you are," Gajeel grumbled.

"To see how human you are," Loke said.

"To be happy," Erza said with a small smile.

Gray looked around at the ring of earnest faces and ducked his head. He unlatched one hand from Binkie to take the odd paper wreath, and slipped it over the dog's head like a collar as he fastened his arm securely across its belly again.

"Thanks," he mumbled, his voice thick.

Lyon smiled a little, and he wasn't the only one.

But Gray wasn't the only one with a knack for ruining emotional moments.

"Which one do you like the best?" Natsu demanded.

Lucy groaned. "Not everything has to be a competition, Natsu."

"Everything _good_ does."

"Hm…" Gray looked down, and one corner of his mouth twitched upward into a sly half-smile that promised mischief. "I think I like this little red lizard. It's so _cute_."

Natsu's eyes widened in outrage. "That's not a _lizard_ , stupid! It's a dragon! And it's fearsome, not _cute_."

"Aw, look how cute the little bitty lizard is…"

" _That's it!_ "

Natsu lunged forward, eyes and fists blazing, but Erza grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back.

" _What do you think you're doing, Natsu?_ "

Outrage turned to immediate panic. "Nothing, nothing, I'm not–"

" _How dare you?_ "

"I'm not– Ow! Ow! Erza, stop!"

Lyon shook his head at their antics, but then his eye caught on Gray. Gray was watching too, his eyes soft and his mouth curled into a small smile. It was one of those genuine smiles that Lyon's heart so craved, and his spirit swooped upward in elation as he really, truly found the hope that this was the beginning of a beautiful recovery.

* * *

 **Note: Bad Lyon, being ridiculous. Snowball wars and ice cream are for adults too. _Fight me_.**

 **I actually almost cut the whole scene with Gray and Lyon going back to the graves, but once I came up with the new thing with the cranes, I figured Gray had to go back. The cranes were sort of Mavis's thing and _for_ Mavis, so it seemed fitting that it would go full circle. Also, they just needed some more positive associations to make up for all the negative ones they had before.**

 **Also, FYI, Gray/Binkie is my new brotp. And lol Asuka has a binkie named Binkie. I headcanon that she overheard her parents calling her comfort blanket a binkie and thought it was a name and then passed it along to the dog. Why? Because it's cute and this story could really use something cute after everything lol**

 **On another random side note, it's kind of interesting to see when Gray refuses to tell his friends anything and when he's surprisingly open and blunt about it. He sort of wavers on that a lot and it took me a while to figure out why it felt right for him to go one way sometimes and another at other times. He's a weird character lol He definitely made me work for it.**

 **emmahoshi: Actually, what he's saying is basically that he's as ready for death as Mavis was after living for so long, but he can't accept it yet because his friends aren't ready to let him go. Now, that's still not a great line of thought, obviously, but it's engendered by the skewed view of life and death he's gained over many years of immortality and struggling to come to terms with himself. That's how you know he's not ready, because he needs to actually want to live for himself. And he's started, a little, but he currently has both motivations in play. Well, being the author, I know that Mavis's motivations have been very positive and geared far more towards helping Gray than having anything to do with Zeref (like I've said before, I think part of her will always love Zeref but she also knows all the horrible things he's done so she isn't willing to just forgive and forget—more like still loving someone but not rekindling a close relationship with them because you know when it's safer to keep your distance), but readers can have their own interpretations. I do, however, think that you're basing those more off of canon Mavis and came into the story biased instead of trying to understand the version of Mavis I presented here. Still, that's your right lol Goodness knows I never see anyone's Juvia as anything but creepy no matter how they try to portray her. Sometimes canon trumps all. But I do think you're making a bigger problem out of it than truly exists here XD And no, I won't tell you what Gray told Natsu :P Gotta love a little mystery lol Ha ha, yeah, ain't no way Erza is going to let Natsu beat up on Gray while he's got slashes up his arms X) [EDIT: Lol I know you weren't talking about Juvia. I brought her in as an example. And yes, I still agree about the people who make one person their world. And nope, still talking about Natsu. You're going to have to up the ante on that one ;)] [EDIT 2: You drive a hard bargain! XD FWIW, the posting schedule no longer reflects the order in which I intend to post things lol Just the order I wrote them in. Since it's such an eclectic mix, I'm going to try ordering them in such a way that I spread out the more similar ones instead of clumping them together. "Gag Gift" will be one of the first couple, though. Probably after either "Marionette" or "Replacement". Ha ha, well, I guess the mystery will stay, then XD]**


	54. Valley of the Shadow of Death

**ENDarkenedSanity (is that a thing now? XD): I think Gray needs a dog in his life XD Gray and Binkie are adorbs lol Well, I wouldn't say that things are totally positive at this point, but at least they're definitely getting better! Self-harm is always going to be a dark topic. In some ways he's darker here than it would normally be, but in others I think it's a very blunt, realistic view of something so tragic. I prefer to keep a realistic edge on serious topics instead of romanticizing or sanitizing them. Ha ha, I got very attached to demon-Gray too. Finishing up his story was really sad ;_; I still play with him and his world a lot in my head. Buuut I think his story has a pretty badass ending that I wouldn't be able to top if I kept writing, and it makes me really excited for him when I look back. He's like my baby (my poor, depressed, frustrating, tortured, mega-old baby XD) and I have a lot invested in him, poor guy.**

* * *

 **Valley of the Shadow of Death**

* * *

He lingered outside Lamia Scale's guild hall for a few seconds before taking a breath and pushing his way inside. No sense waiting until Lyon caught him. Ignoring the sudden hush and suspicious glares, He headed directly for where Lyon's team was hanging around their favored table.

"What do _you_ want?" Yuka asked brusquely, eyes narrowing.

He sat next to Sherry, figuring she was going to be the friendliest face here. "I want to talk to you about Lyon real quick."

"What happened?" Toby asked.

Yuka's scowl deepened. "He's been with you for nearly a week. We haven't seen him."

"I know," He said. "That's what I want to talk to you about. He's been spending an awful lot of time hanging around me, aside from when he finally ran off last time."

"Yeah, we've noticed."

"Yuka," Sherry hissed. She jabbed a not-so-surreptitious elbow in his direction. "Can't you at least _try_?"

"Why?"

"Because you know that he and Lyon–"

"It's fine," He interrupted, the weariness seeping back into his bones. "I think it would be a good idea if you spent some more time with him."

Yuka's eyes widened in righteous indignation. "You think we haven't tried? All he ever wants is to be with _you_ , even when you won't even _look_ at him. Even when he ran back here, his mind was _still_ with you."

"Yuka, please," Sherry pleaded. "I thought you were calling a truce?"

"Yeah, well."

"It's fine," He said again. "And I'm aware. But you've stuck by him when he didn't have anyone else, right? You're like a little family over here. It's been hitting him hard that all his relationships started falling apart and–"

"And whose fault is that?" Yuka muttered.

He let out a breath through his nose and darted a glance at the door. This was not his idea of a good time, and He wished He could just go. But this was for Lyon's sake, and He owed him this much.

"Mine," He said shortly. "But I've heard that he's been having some problems with you too. Just… He's already had enough problems with me. Whatever you're mad at him for is probably my fault anyway."

"Probably so," Yuka said, clearly in an uncharitable mood. "But we've already made our peace."

Yes, He was aware. Lyon had been talking enough to make up for months of stony silence. It was good that they had started making nice and He believed that they'd pull through this rough patch and overcome perceived betrayals and hurt feelings, but He'd rather see them back to normal as quickly as possible. Lyon and his team had been through a lot lately, and they should be sticking together rather than bickering.

"He's here," He said.

Sherry started and her head swiveled toward the door. "Here?"

"Well, at his apartment. He came up to grab some of his things, since he refuses to move out of my place right now. I suggested that he stop by here before going back to Magnolia. Say hi and everything. So he should be here later. Probably soon, so I should go. He doesn't know I'm here."

"And why are you sneaking around behind his back?" Yuka asked.

"Because I'd rather he think this was your idea and not mine. I'm here to ask if you can come down to Magnolia on occasion to visit with him while he's insisting on staying there. I think it would be good for him—and you—to meet up from time to time instead of just leaving him with me and staying here. And he's not always good at balancing his time between people."

"We probably should," Sherry agreed. She sighed and looked more tired than He'd ever seen her. "I've thought about it, I just wasn't sure…"

"I'll stay out of your way."

She flushed. "That's not what–"

He shrugged, long past the point of playing games with political correctness, and nodded to Yuka and Toby. "They don't want to risk running into me, and you don't want to make a scene. It's fine. I'm asking you down to visit him, not me."

"And why are you asking us for favors?" Yuka asked suspiciously.

"Oh, come on," Sherry groaned. "He's just trying to look out for Lyon."

"Yeah, well, I don't trust him and–"

He let out a harsh breath. "I have enough difficulty keeping my own head above water to do a good job of keeping someone else afloat too. He's your friend and I know you want what's best for him. I'm telling you that I'll stay out of your way if you come down to see him. At least until I can convince him to come back here, but he's not going anywhere right now."

"Of course he's not, not after you–"

"I'm not going to be around forever. I've a knack for getting into trouble and I've lived long enough that I'm beginning to tire of it. And when that happens, he's going to need you even more."

Everyone around the table stilled, and Sherry darted a look at the demon's arms. "Are you–?"

He shook his head impatiently. "Not right now. I did promise them I would try to figure things out. But it's going to happen sooner or later, and probably sooner than the rest of you. He's doing himself a disservice focusing so much on me to the exclusion of everyone else."

Yuka opened his mouth, grimaced, closed it again. Sherry twisted her hands together anxiously, but it was Chelia who sidled over to butt in.

"Did you have Wendy heal them?" she asked.

"No. I'd rather keep them. They're healing nicely on their own."

"But–"

"I'll tell you what I told her," He said with a sigh. "They are part of who I am, and I am not ashamed of them."

She bit down on her bottom lip. "I'm not sure I can agree with that, but…I suppose I have to respect your feelings on the matter."

A faint smile flickered over his face. "Thanks, kiddo."

"But can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you carrying around a stuffed dog?"

He stared at her blankly and then looked down to see Binkie still clutched in his arms. Carrying the dog around had become so second-nature that He barely even noticed anymore.

"And I was doing such a good job of not asking," Yuka muttered.

"I'm holding on to him for Asuka right now." He rubbed the worn ear between his fingers and a faint smile ghosted over his face. Then He looked across the table at Toby and arched an eyebrow. "You like dogs, don't you? Want to say hi?"

He held out the toy. Toby stared at it like it might bite him, but then hesitantly reached out to touch.

"Good dog," he mumbled, giving in and petting the stuffed animal.

He nodded his acceptance of the olive branch. It wasn't much and they weren't going to be friends any time soon, but at least it helped solidify their tentative truce.

"I should go," He said. He pulled the dog back to his chest and stood up. "Lyon should be here soon."

He only made it a few steps before Chelia called after him, "We should have another snowball war sometime. You can even be on my team again."

"We won't have snow for months," He said, although He half-turned and smiled at her fondly.

"In the meantime, you can always teach me more of your magic." She flushed and looked down at her feet as she toed the ground. "I mean, if you don't mind."

"Whatever you want, kiddo." His smile softened. "You should come down with the others sometime too. Wendy would be glad to see you."

Chelia beamed. "Of course!"

"We'll be there," Sherry added.

He nodded, but this time it was Yuka who stopped him.

"You don't have to run off when we come," he grunted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"…It's fine."

"I grudgingly acknowledge that you're trying to do what's best for him, even if you've been doing a terrible job of it. I don't like you and we're not going to be friends, but Lyon will be happier if we at least try to get along. So truce. For real, this time."

That was unexpected. He didn't really expect much of Yuka, knowing how tightly he held on to his grudges. Then again, He hadn't expected too much of Lyon back in the early days either. Maybe they could at least give each other a chance. It was a start.

"Okay." He looked away and shifted under the weight of the knowledge He bore every time He was around Yuka. "I know you were instrumental in fixing me up after that fiasco with the devil slayer magic. For a while I resented it as taking away an easy out, but…there were things after that point that I'm glad I had the chance to experience, even with all the bad. So thanks."

"I only–"

"Did it for Lyon. I know. That's fine. He shouldn't have asked you to, but don't hold it against him. Don't forget who it is that you're really angry at. He's made some mistakes with you guys, but he means well and cares about you a lot."

Yuka was silent for a long time, studying the demon with narrowed eyes and a frown, but then shook his head. "You're a strange one."

"So I've been told." Unfolding one arm from around Binkie, He gave everyone a small wave and turned away. "I really need to go. Don't tell him I was here. Hopefully I'll see you around."

The rest of the guild maintained its tense silence and dead stares, but Sherry and Chelia called their goodbyes after him as He ducked outside. He had no other business in Margaret Town and no desire to run into Lyon and have to explain what He was doing here, so He headed straight for the train station. He needed to be back by the early afternoon anyway, since the team was taking a job. It was the first team job He'd been on since his last Awakening, and He didn't want to screw it up.

He stared out the train's window and counted down the miles as they passed, barely noticing the ever-present odd looks. Dealing with Lyon's team had left him tired and drained. He had his good days and his bad days, and this one wasn't looking so good. He'd need to pull himself together quickly if He wanted the job to go well. And honestly, He was ready for something to go well for once. Maybe today He would fight to make it happen.

Still, He found himself subdued and distant when He disembarked and headed for the guild. It was a depressing state of affairs after He had finally decided to make things work, but He knew better than anyone that some days it was just one step forward and two steps back. Even when things were going well, it was still two steps forward and one step back. That was life for you.

Within two seconds of stepping into the guild hall, He realized that He was not the only one having an off day. An air of faint tension slithered beneath the normal hustle and bustle, seeping into the surrounding atmosphere in the form of whispered comments and sidelong looks and wary eyes. At first He thought maybe it was because He was late and they tended to get weird about that, but then He noticed Two and the Executioner hovering awkwardly near the team.

"You again?" He asked automatically. "Weren't you just here?"

They had last been here…right before He finished the cranes and had his accident. There weren't many good reasons for them to check up on him more than once or twice a month, and being back so soon didn't bode well for him.

They turned their attention on him and Two opened her mouth, but the spotlight was stolen by Natsu as he jumped to his feet and stalked over with a face like a thundercloud. In half a second he was all up in the demon's personal space, nosing around and sniffing loudly.

"Hey," He griped, shoving the dragon slayer away. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Checking for blood," Natsu grunted, crossing his arms over his chest with a scowl.

"Seriously? Why now?"

"You came in late, and bad shit tends to happen when you come in late."

"Nothing happened." Honestly, did they think He'd be carving himself up while Lyon was in the next room? "Back off. I've been clean since the accident."

Natsu snorted loudly to show what he thought of that terminology but was soundly ignored.

"We just worry about you," Erza said gently, playing mediator again. Her smile was half fond and half sad.

He sighed and deflated. "I know. I'm fine. I just had an errand to run this morning. We weren't going to leave until the afternoon anyway."

If they couldn't leave until Lyon got back anyway—because he refused to be left behind in anything involving the demon these days—then why did He have to get so much trouble for being a little late? He understood where his friends were coming from and their concern made him feel a little warmer, but it could also become smothering at times.

"It's alright," said Erza. "You aren't under arrest. You might just have to deal with us worrying a little. Now, why don't you deal with the Council before it's time for our job?"

To be honest, He didn't really feel like dealing with the Council. Just dealing with Lyon's friends was painful enough, and He didn't have enough energy left over for the Council. But He also didn't have a choice in the matter, so He might as well get the show on the road.

"Sure." He turned back to the door, jerking his head at Two and the Executioner as He went. "C'mon, we might as well get this over with."

No one protested his departure despite Natsu's mutinous grumblings and Erza's harsh shushing, and two sets of footsteps followed him out.

"Sorry I made you wait," He said for the sake of politeness. "Even now that I'm keeping more regular hours at the guild, you still manage to pick the day I'm late."

"It's alright," Two said. "We–"

"I have to ask," the Executioner interrupted as they turned down the street. "Why are you carrying around a toy dog?"

Despite himself, He smiled a little and hugged the stuffed animal more firmly to his chest. "Asuka gave him to me. I'm supposed to give him back when I'm not sad anymore. His name is Binkie."

"Binkie?" the Executioner repeated incredulously.

"Well, I didn't name him."

"…And you don't find it the least bit embarrassing to be carrying a toy around with you? Do you _see_ the looks people are giving you?"

"The kid gave him to me to carry around, so I'll carry him around. And I'll get looks no matter what. Better to get them for carrying around a dog than just for being me."

Two coughed pointedly and sent a _shut up_ look at her companion before saying, "That's very sweet of her."

"She's a good kid." He dipped his head to half-bury his face behind Binkie's, and stared out sightlessly at all the shoes hustling past as He drifted along in the current. "No one's ever given me something to make me not-sad before."

"…Really?"

"I was never supposed to be sad. I wasn't made that way. I wasn't _written_ that way. And it wasn't supposed to be part of who I was pretending to be either." He shrugged, his mind drifting lazily along some distant, half-remembered twist of the past. "The guild tries, but they don't really know what to do with me.

"Anyway, I've never had a stuffed animal before. Maybe because I was never a child. Or because I was always a child. Whichever."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?" the Executioner asked in frustration. "Do you always have to talk in riddles?"

He didn't feel like He ever really tried to talk in riddles, but it seemed like his brain was always meandering along some different wavelength from everyone else's. One more thing to keep an eye on. His mind would always work a bit differently from the humans'.

"I wasn't born—I was created. I never had a family or a childhood, nor a period of time where I could conceivably be considered a child. Children aren't meant for killing, therefore a tool made for killing has no reason to start off as a child."

Two's mouth twisted into a funny expression and she almost tripped over a crack in the pavement. "That sounds…sad."

"Does it?" He asked, apathetic. "Only by human standards, and I am not human. I am as I was written to be, and Zeref had no use for children. On the other hand, Gray is also part of me and he died a child. He will forever be a child inside me, and therefore I am as well…even if I never was."

"That's…kind of disturbing," the Executioner muttered.

"Maybe that's why I like children," He mused to himself, dodging around a couple unfriendly pedestrians and hugging Binkie tighter. "They remind me of what I never was, and in them I see more of Gray than myself. The things I instinctively dislike tend to have too much of myself in them."

His footsteps slowed as He idly watched a little girl with blonde braids and smiling brown eyes tug at her mother's hand and point at an ice cream vendor. Shaking his head, He tore his eyes away and walked on.

"Um…" Two cleared her throat awkwardly, and He got the distinct impression that she was trying to come up with something to say. He didn't understand why it disturbed her so much.

"Anyway, the kid gave him to me," He said, switching gears and jumping back to the earlier topic. "Not that I'm an expert on human children, but a lot of them have stuffed animals, right? I'm just holding on to it for her for a little while."

There was a short pause before Two nodded and said, "Sure. Emilia had one too… A little white rabbit she named Flopsy. But she always used to drag it around by the ear, so it didn't stay white for long."

He glanced at her sidelong. Her eyes had a distant look to them, and her mouth was quirked downward with a distinct edge of melancholy. The Executioner shifted uncomfortably as he looked between her and the demon.

He watched her for a few seconds longer and then shoved Binkie at her chest. She jerked back in surprise as she was snapped back to the present, but took the toy automatically. After blinking at it uncomprehendingly, she tried to hand it back.

"What–?"

He stepped around her and started forward again. "Asuka says it's supposed to help you feel better when you're sad."

He continued on relentlessly until his companions were spurred back into motion and followed after him. He sensed them come up beside him, but kept his unfocused gaze fixed on the cobblestones until their gray blurred across his vision.

"I…" Two cleared her throat and mumbled, "Thank you."

"Mm." He was so used to holding the dog now that its absence left him feeling empty and bereft. Which was probably silly given that it was just a child's toy, but maybe it was more than that to him. His fingers twitched, and He shoved his hands into his pockets to occupy them. "Why are you back so soon? You were here a couple weeks ago."

"You weren't really…doing very well then. We wanted to check in. We're worried."

The Executioner snorted loudly. "Speak for yourself."

"If you say so," said Two with a palpable air of subdued amusement.

"I do," her companion said primly. "Anyway, you've been so quiet that the Council is convinced you're up to something. They keep tabs on you, you know. You haven't been taking officially sanctioned jobs anymore, and there are barely even any reports of sighting you anywhere. The total lack of activity is making them suspicious."

"That's true too," Two conceded. "We've been keeping a closer watch since the last trial, and you've basically disappeared from the radar since our last visit."

"Indeed." He sighed and kicked at a pebble. "The truth is far less exciting, I'm afraid. I haven't been engaging in nefarious underground criminal activity. I've merely been indisposed."

"The accident?" Two suggested, her tone innocuous aside from the sharp note woven through the word.

He shot a look at her, wondering how she'd known, but relaxed as He recalled that He'd used the same wording on his way out of the guild. Of course they were going to poke at whatever He'd been up to in their absence. It was their job.

"Yes."

"Your guild didn't seem to think it was an accident," the Executioner said skeptically.

"Picked up on that, did you? Correct. They don't."

"Well? Was it?"

"Yes. And no."

"What? Riddles again? How can something be an accident _and_ not an accident?"

"Depends on who you ask." He shrugged one shoulder and returned his gaze to the cobblestones. "They say it's not because the cuts weren't an accident. I say it is because I didn't mean to almost die."

It was such a nice day, pleasantly warm without being truly hot. The sun was shining brightly, and the clatter and chatter of the city was a cacophonous but strangely soothing hum in his ears. Too bad all He felt like doing was going to sleep.

"You…cut yourself?" Two asked.

"…I always cut myself. This time was just worse. Or, worse since I lost the immortality. I could saw my head off before. I've sort of toned it down since then."

"That's really messed up," the Executioner said, now sounding uneasy.

"It's not so bad. I've decided that I'm going to get better now, so at least something good came of it."

"How do you just _decide_ to get better?"

"How do you expect to get better if you don't decide to?" He gave the other man a curious look. "If you're too apathetic to care, you'll keep slipping down. If you don't want to get better, you'll self-destruct. I've tried them all, but that's the only way that really works. I'll relapse again, I always do, but I'll start having more good days, last longer between crashes. Eventually, it'll get better. As better as it can get. If I don't change my mind again later."

His visitors were wearing strange expressions that He found difficult to place. He found these two to be a bit of a puzzle. Two had been an enigma from the start, and the Executioner's ebbing hostility was nothing if not strange. He was willing to be more blunt with them because they shouldn't care like his friends did, but they seemed more invested than they should.

"Here." Two handed Binkie back, and He gratefully fitted his arms back around the toy. "I think you need him more than I do."

"You always seem to catch me on my bad days," He said with a sigh. Although given that most of his days weren't great, maybe that wasn't saying much. Still, things _had_ been a little better. "So, what has the Council been up to, then?"

They hesitated, and He wasn't sure if it was because He'd changed the subject again or because they were wary of divulging the Council's plans.

"They're looking for any excuse to take you back into custody," the Executioner said. "We're supposed to be looking for one."

"Wow. How surprising. Have they actually figured out a way to keep me contained yet?"

Two smiled a little sheepishly. "No, but I think they're trying to ignore that little problem."

"Speaking of which," the Executioner interrupted, "how did you get out of those anti-magic cuffs?"

"Because they only nullify my magic," He replied. "What demons use aren't magics. You must have gathered some intel on Tartaros? Zeref's demons use curses. They look similar to magic from the outside, but they are fundamentally different because we are unnatural and therefore cannot be endowed with natural magic."

"But then… _why_ did you stay in prison from the beginning?"

"Because it benefitted the guild, directly or indirectly. And because I knew that I'd have to face the music sooner or later."

"But you…" The Executioner stopped walking abruptly, and He turned back to watch him with tired eyes. The human's hands were clenched into white-knuckled fists by his sides, and a war raged behind his eyes. "You are strange. And not what I expected. And the more I learn about you, the more disturbing it becomes. But then _why_ did you say those things about my family when I first arrested you?"

He stared back, impassive. "Because you wanted me to."

" _What?_ Of course I didn't–"

"You wanted a demon. You wanted someone to blame, someone to hate. And I gave you that."

The Executioner gaped at him, but He just turned away to continue inexorably down the street with no destination in mind.

"That's what you meant, isn't it?" Two asked quietly. "About giving us choices?"

"Of course. It's the same thing I did for Lyon, until he decided he wanted something different."

"But–"

"Hey, wait up!" shouted a child's voice from somewhere behind them.

He turned and caught a glimpse of familiar black hair and sea-blue eyes. "Jamie?"

Jamie darted through the crowd and skidded to a stop in front of the demon and his companions. As usual, poor Sophie was left scrambling after him.

"You haven't come to play in a long time!" the child said, bracing his hands on his hips with a scowl.

"Sorry," He mumbled, fidgeting under the accusation. "I've been…occupied."

The fire faded from Jamie's eyes, leaving them uncharacteristically solemn. "I heard that you killed someone."

He looked away. His hands tightened around his arms painfully and Binkie felt like a sack of bricks. "Yes."

"You said that killing people isn't cool," Jamie said somberly. "That everyone has their own dreams and families and lives that no one has the right to take away from them."

"That's right," He said quietly. If nothing else, at least the child's misplaced hero-worship might help him remember a small lesson on the value of life.

"So…what was it? An accident or there was no choice or it had to be done?"

Oh, a child's trusting faith hurt, even if it was just parroting his own lessons back to him.

"For her? A little bit of all three, but mostly the second."

"That's sad," said Jamie.

And it was.

Sophie put a hand on her brother's shoulder, but her eyes never left the demon. Her usual shyness and uncertainty was eclipsed by a look every bit as somber as her brother's. He found it difficult to meet her eyes and inched back a step. He wouldn't blame her for not wanting him near the kid anymore, and it was one of the many reasons He had never gone back after everything with Marietta.

"I've heard some pretty bad things," she said.

"I can imagine," He mumbled.

"I'm sorry."

"You're…sorry?" He looked up in confusion, but her seriousness didn't fade.

"I know everyone must have been giving you a hard time even though it was an accident."

She had that same unwavering faith in him as her brother, and He didn't understand what He had done to deserve it.

"But what's with this dog?" Jamie complained, unable to stay so serious for long. "That's cute, not _cool_."

Despite himself, He coughed out a raspy laugh. "I'm holding on to him for Asuka. You remember her, right? From Fantasia? She likes to play with guns, which is cool."

"Yeah, but the dog isn't," Jamie persisted, unimpressed. "Now, a _dragon_ would be cool! And so are your fangs! Can I touch them again?"

"Uh, maybe not today," He said weakly, scrambling for any feasible way to get out of having his mouth attacked again.

"Awww, no fun," Jamie whined. But it was only a few seconds before he was quivering with excitement again. "The shadow, then! Can I play with the shadow again?"

He wondered if it was too late to go back to the teeth option.

"I don't know, kiddo. You know I told you–"

"She isn't very friendly. Uh-huh. But you made me my own to play with last time!"

He hunched his shoulders and wished He could disappear. He had barely even looked at his curses since Marietta's death. He had used them to escape the Council's cuffs, but He'd barely touched them since. Even the thought of them made his stomach twist and churn. His shadow He dealt with because He had no choice, but his curses had been put on strict lockdown for months now.

He darted a pleading look at Sophie, almost wishing she'd tell him to stay away from her brother and spare him the trouble, but she nodded and smiled at him encouragingly. He swallowed and looked back at Jamie. He was being ridiculous, anyway.

It was just one little curse. Perfectly harmless, something He had done a thousand times before, and it would make the kid happy.

He unhooked one arm from Binkie and reached out for Jamie's shadow.

And nothing happened.

His hand froze, trembling slightly, and the shadow slipped from his grasp like chilled, silky liquid running through his fingers. He tried again, but again the shadows resisted.

" _Oh_ ," He breathed.

 _Let us in_ , whispered his shadow.

He was _trying_ to. And yet…and yet…

He laughed breathily, unamused. "I'm as bad as Natsu now," He muttered.

Except that even Natsu had overcome his aversion to his curses eventually, at least enough to be able to use and control them.

"Are you alright?" asked Sophie.

"Yes."

"Is something wrong with your magic?" the Executioner asked. "Curses. Whatever."

"…No, not with them."

There was, however, something wrong with _him_. He had kept his shadow on a dreadfully short leash since his Awakening, and now He couldn't even trust his curses. He should be able to control them, but the memory of Awakening, of being fundamentally out of control and losing himself to the shadows, was still raw and left him…afraid.

Oh, He was afraid again. No wonder He couldn't control them.

"Just give the kid his shadow thing so we can go," said a voice from behind him. "We've got a job to do, remember?"

He turned with a frown. "Lyon?"

"The one and only." Lyon crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently, jerking his chin back in the direction of the guild. He supposed that they _had_ stopped on the main road running between the apartment and guild. "Let's go, already."

He…didn't want Lyon to see this failure. Taking a deep breath, He refocused on the expectant child. Lyon was here. Lyon wasn't going to let anything happen. He trusted Lyon, even if He didn't trust the shadows or himself.

This time He caught the corner of the shadow, a small sliver of curses sinking in its teeth. Jamie laughed in delight as his shadow twisted and turned on the ground before darting off.

"It won't go far," He told Sophie as they watched the chase. No need to send her scrambling after her overly hyperactive brother again.

"Thanks," she said with a sigh. "He's missed you."

"Sorry, I've been avoiding pretty much everyone." He turned away, uncomfortable at the reminder of another child He'd abandoned. He focused back on Lyon instead, an easier target. "Did you get everything you needed? How did it go with your guild?"

"Yes and pretty well," Lyon said. "It was good to see them again. Are you _still_ carrying that thing around?"

"Asuka told me to," He said primly. "Why is it such a surprise? I had him this morning too."

"Tell me you're not taking him on our job."

"Of course I am."

"The wyverns are going to die laughing at us," he lamented.

"The wyverns won't care."

"The clients, then."

"Then we can get the reward without having to deal with their wyverns."

"Ouch, cold."

"You're the one who wants me to ditch the kid's toy."

"Touché."

He smiled a little despite his discomfort and melancholy. He had missed Lyon something terrible, and if it took a near-death experience to bring them back together, then so be it.

"You're back on speaking terms?" Two asked, looking between them.

"Yep," Lyon agreed. "Took long enough."

"That's good." She turned her curiosity back on the demon. "What changed your mind?"

She was a clever one, and He could see in her eyes that she'd made the connection to the accident…and realized what it didn't explain. And the truth was, He wouldn't be able to explain it to her when He could hardly even explain it to himself.

"We've been lost in the shadow of death for a long time," He said with an age-old cynicism that only a former immortal could achieve. "I don't know who will be the next to fall, but someone is going to have regrets if things aren't fixed by then."

"Wow," Lyon said into the silence, his nose wrinkling in distaste. "Did you really have to make things so morbid?"

"Also, Mavis asked me to and I feel like I owe her something."

"…Mavis?"

"Mm. She always did want me to get my shit together."

"But she–"

"Hey!" Jamie shouted, outraged.

He half-turned, seeking out what had caused the child's distress. "What's wrong?"

Jamie stomped back over to the group with a scowl. "It stopped already! It lasted so much longer last time. Can you do it again?"

The shadow at his feet was static and dead, empty of any animating influence. An uncomfortable feeling twisted the demon's insides.

"Huh?" Lyon looked on with a puzzled frown. "Your curses and magics always last longer than that."

Indeed. His control over the shadows was weaker than ever, and it left him feeling vulnerable and exposed.

"Can you do it again?" Jamie asked once more.

He shook himself out of his horrified stupor and fell back on his molding as the next best line of defense. "Here, you said dragons were cool, right?" He kept his arms folded around Binkie but pressed his hands together to craft a winged beast with scales of shimmering ice that glittered in the noonday sun. "There you go. Although if you ask Lyon, maybe he can even make it fly for you. He's good at that."

"Whoa! So cool! I want to see it fly! Why can't _you_ make it fly?"

"It's not really my specialty, but Lyon can do it. People just have different talents."

"But you can make the _shadows_ move!"

"That's…different. The shadows are already as dark as me. Ice is different. I figure that's too much like creating life or a representation of it, and I was always more about destruction and death."

He shrugged and held out the dragon to Jamie, only to be stopped when Lyon stepped up behind him and slipped his arms around his sides.

"Don't be silly," he said with a sigh. "Molding itself is all about creation. It's just that you're more artistic and I'm more mechanical."

He rocked back automatically, seeking comfort and safety in Lyon's embrace. And then Lyon's magic was swirling all around him, teasing out his own. He couldn't say whether they combined or it was just Lyon who added the extra spark to make the little dragon's wings beat, but maybe it didn't matter. It was something they'd done together.

"Whoa!" Jamie cried, jumping for the icy dragon as it fluttered about.

"See?" breathed Lyon. "Maybe you'll understand now, what you did for Chelia."

"Chelia?" His first thought was that his earlier trip to Lamia Scale had been discovered, and He was quick to deny it. "I didn't do anything for Chelia."

Lyon stepped back, making the demon instantly miss his closeness, and gave him a hard look. "You gave her back her magic for a moment, and it meant everything to her."

"I didn't," He disagreed. "I can't do that. Her magic is gone for good, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You gave her _your_ magic, then. You gave her the impossible, and she loves you for it." Lyon sighed. "You can do more than you think you can, honestly. You just have a habit of telling yourself that you can't do things because of who you are. Have a little faith, Gray."

Faith, that was hard to come by.

"We should head back," He said. "They'll be expecting us soon."

Lyon gave him a searching look but acquiesced. "Isn't that what I was telling you? Come on, stop goofing off." Throwing a look at Two and the Executioner, he added, "I mean, if you guys are done."

Two nodded. "I think that's enough for today," she said quietly. "We'll go report back to the Council."

"You should come back and play with Jamie sometime," Sophie added. "He'd like that."

He shifted uncertainly. "Maybe… If you're okay with it."

"Of course I am."

"Maybe when I'm more myself. I don't think I'm really in a good place to be around kids right now."

"Well, that's too bad," Lyon interrupted dryly, "given that your entire guild is made up of children."

He smiled despite himself, unable to refute that. "Especially Natsu."

"Especially Natsu," Lyon agreed. "Let's go!"

They said their goodbyes, and He let Lyon drag him off toward the guild. But He threw one last glance back at the shadows, still in the noonday sun, and frowned down uneasily at his hands.

 _That_ , He knew, was going to be a problem.

* * *

"Maybe we'd better, like, do that circle-y thing and keep the ice princess on the inside," Natsu said suddenly.

He was so used to ridiculously stupid comments from Natsu that He didn't even bother asking what that was supposed to mean. He had more important things to do, namely keeping his eyes and ears open for the colony of wyverns that had made their home here.

The ground was hard and drought-cracked, flat aside from the occasional rolling hill or rocky ridge or low shrub. He found it a little puzzling, only because this was unusual terrain for wyverns. They tended to prefer high places with caves and crags to hide in and make nests, making mountains and rocky hills their ideal habitats. And He saw very few potential food sources around here…although that could explain why the beasts had become enough of a problem to warrant guild intervention.

"What circle-y thing?" Lucy asked, giving up on puzzling out the dragon slayer's incomprehensible utterance.

"You know, like when adult animals circle around and keep the babies in the middle to protect them from predators and whatever?"

"I'm surprised you even know about that," He said absently, not having a horribly high opinion of Natsu's worldly intelligence at the best of times.

His hands swung by his sides, clenching and unclenching. They felt wrong and empty, but He couldn't risk damaging Binkie in the fighting. He'd feel absolutely horrible if He ruined Asuka's toy after she'd so kindly let him borrow it. Maybe it was a little bit pathetic that He was hundreds of years old and had developed a sudden dependence on a stuffed animal, but He couldn't find it in his heart to be ashamed.

So Binkie had to be stowed safely in his shadow, as much as He'd rather not taint a child's toy with his darkness. On the bright side, He had no problems with manipulating his shadow for such a simple task. Not that that really said much in terms of the bigger picture, but He would have been _really_ screwed if He couldn't even–

Wait.

 _What?_

"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?" He demanded, finally rounding on Natsu.

Natsu grinned back, unrepentant. "Last time you went up against wyverns, you came back all torn up."

"What last time?" Lyon asked.

He pulled himself up to his full height, bursting at the seams with indignant wrath. "I was told that there was _one_ wyvern. If I'd known there were two, the other one would've never been able to sneak up on me."

"Yes," Natsu said cheerily, "and now we're going up against a whole group of them. So…"

" _Why, you little–_ "

" _O-_ kay," Erza interrupted, giving them both hard looks. "Let's stay focused. Natsu, quit antagonizing Gray."

Natsu pouted, and He subsided with great reluctance, his glare not wavering. Lucy sighed, Happy muttered something under his breath, and Lyon snickered. He didn't deign to respond to any of it.

"I'm just saying–" Natsu started. "Hey, what's that?"

A flash of brilliant red broke the dull brown of the landscape, scales shining brightly in the sun.

"Wyvern," Happy said unnecessarily.

The team raced forward and found the wyvern crouched behind a thorny shrub as it tore greedily into an unrecognizable carcass. Its head spun around, and it peeled its lips back from its bloodstained muzzle in a snarl.

Erza was already moving lightning-quick, swords flashing as she requipped. He darted a look around at the surrounding area, trusting she'd be fine on her own, to check for any other stray beasts coming their way. There was supposed to be a whole colony nesting here, and it would be all too easy to get mobbed.

He saw no more wyverns coming to their solitary companion's aid, and Erza was already ducking around her prey's snapping jaws and slashing claws to drive her sword into its heart. …But the earsplitting screech it let out before falling to the ground would undoubtedly bring the horde down on them.

"Wait!" Natsu cried. "Do we have to kill them?"

Erza looked back, baffled, her sword dripping red with blood. The wyvern, young and inexperienced and caught by surprise, lay in the dust with a pool of crimson seeping into the thirsty ground around it. Its glassy eyes stared blankly.

"Yes," she said. "Normally I might try to just drive them out or relocate them, but…they've been eating people, Natsu."

There was barely enough prey out here to feed one wyvern, much less an entire colony. He didn't want to look too closely at the dead wyvern's last meal, just in case.

"But they're like little dragons," Natsu mumbled, looking thoroughly unsettled.

"And they're dangerous," He said tiredly. "Once they've started eating people, it's too late. Once a monster has a taste for human flesh, it's awful hard to redeem it."

His shadow twitched on the ground, wriggling and squirming. _Me?_

"Yes, you," He said. It squirmed some more, a dark cloud fogging the corners of his mind as it sulked. "What are you so upset about? You're the one who's always all 'kill, destroy'."

It was unhappy about something, although He'd be damned if He understood it. It had been acting oddly since his last Awakening, prime examples being the trial and after his hallucination with Mavis and Zeref. That didn't make him trust it any more.

"Gray?" Lucy asked cautiously. "Are you–?"

"Let's go find the rest of them," He said, plodding on through the scrubland as He studiously avoided looking at the carcass. All the animals would have to be put down, and He wasn't looking forward to the carnage. "Come on, little beastie."

His shadow, having limited mobility options, obediently followed at his heels. His friends had a little more flexibility, but followed even though He could practically feel the looks they were exchanging.

They didn't make it far before another red-scaled wyvern appeared from behind a low outcropping of rocks stretching across the dusty ground in the distance. It circled high above and screeched loudly.

"And here they come," Happy muttered, his fur fluffing out.

They readied themselves for the onslaught, every eye following the wyvern as it wheeled around and swooped back toward the rocky ridge.

"Should we go after it?" Lucy wondered.

He shook his head. "I bet their nests are back behind that ridge. Following them over there will give them the home-field advantage. Anyway, I have the feeling they'll be coming to us soon enough…"

The scouting beast above let out another piercing cry, relaying the news of its nestmate's demise. His suspicions were confirmed when eight or nine wyverns exploded from behind the rocks to join the one winging through the air.

"This sucks," Natsu muttered. Which showed how disturbed he was by the situation, given that usually he enjoyed a good fight.

But killing had an added permanence, and…He understood. The beasts were majestic, scales glittering bronze and emerald and ruby on their powerful wings and wiry bodies, and it was a shame to cut them down. But He also had little tolerance for threats and man-eaters, of which these were both. They reminded him a bit of himself, if a little more majestic and colorful, and that was why they had to die.

The wyverns cut through the air like jeweled lightning, crying out in fury as they descended on the mages en masse. And then everything was chaos as the beasts snapped at their chosen targets.

He spun nimbly away from the claws of a copper-scaled wyvern and threw ice at the indigo one behind him. The latter backed off, at least momentarily, but the former lashed out again without a second's hesitation, teeth snapping and claws outstretched.

He threw up an ice shield to keep off the one behind him and launched curses at the attacking one while his hands were occupied with the molding. And…nothing happened.

He froze, staring uncomprehendingly at the outstretched claws racing toward him. His curses, right, He was having trouble with them. He shouldn't have relied on them. The failure left him reeling, and a precious second dragged by before He realized that He needed to mold _now_ or get eviscerated.

He threw his hands up desperately, knowing it was too late but instinctively trying to protect himself. Lyon slammed hard into his side, and the two men went rolling through the dust as the wyvern crashed into the ice wall meant to keep its companion at bay.

"What the hell, Gray?" Lyon growled, scrambling back to his feet and launching his own ice at the marauding beasts. "Get your head in the game."

"Sorry," He mumbled.

He couldn't risk trying to rely on his curses anymore. And He should have known better before, but it was so second-nature to call on them when He needed them, even though He'd been avoiding them after his Awakening had shaken his trust, that He'd done it automatically. It was a mistake that could have easily left him maimed or dead, and He didn't want to repeat it. Ice it was.

He fell in beside Lyon and slammed ice into the rosy-scaled wyvern that had picked up an interest in his friend. He could still fight, even if He felt exposed and vulnerable without a very important line of defense that He'd come to rely on.

"You're not going to help either?" He muttered to his shadow.

It twitched and pulled itself up with great reluctance to tangle in the legs of the red-scaled wyvern from before as it went careening past. He kept a wary eye on it as He and Lyon systematically took down the beasts harrying them. The shadow slashed and clawed, but didn't deliver the killing blow. That was unusual, since it was usually all too eager to kill things as brutally as possible and cause maximum destruction. Although it _had_ been acting strangely subdued since the Awakening…and maybe it was his fault too, because He was keeping it on as tight a leash as possible. Maybe He should let it go to do its own thing, but…He didn't trust it.

He spun away as the copper-scaled wyvern fell to the ground beside the rose and indigo ones, and drove a spike of ice through the neck of the red wyvern his shadow was harassing. He looked on grimly as the creature collapsed and his shadow curled about his feet again.

The earsplitting war cries and clatter of weapons on scales had died down, and He looked around to see his friends standing in the midst of the carnage with grim faces. Maybe they had all underestimated what this job would take out of them.

"That sucked," Natsu said finally. "Can we go now?"

The blood congealed in pools on the hard-packed ground, staining their boots and the once-bright scales of the savaged beasts. The air was thick with the heady, stomach-turning stench of iron. The thought crossed his mind that this was _his_ domain, death and destruction and savagery, and his friends didn't belong here. He shook his head fitfully and tore his eyes away.

Instead, He focused on his hands. A frown tugged at his lips as He set to work teasing out the shadows.

"We need to check their nesting site," Erza said, subdued. "And probably stake it out in case there were others out hunting or anything."

"What if there are babies?" Natsu asked. "Do we have to kill those too?"

The shadows weren't cooperating. They slid away like oil on water whenever He could touch them at all. Either they slid right out of his grasp or stayed steadfastly still and resistant to his attempts to control them.

"Depends," said Erza. "If they're young enough or there are eggs, we might be able to find a way to rehabilitate them. But honestly…most of them will have learned from their parents already, and we can't risk sending them somewhere where they'll kill more people."

His hands trembled as He clenched them, white-fisted. He couldn't do it. He wanted to laugh, but not because it was funny.

"Hey, Gray?" Lucy asked. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," He said shortly.

"You've been weird," Lyon added, unimpressed. "And what was with freezing earlier? When's the last time you just froze in a fight like that?"

He shook his head and looked away, swiping a hand in one last halfhearted attempt. It did absolutely nothing.

"It's nothing," He said.

Lyon was watching him with narrowed eyes and clearly wasn't buying it. "Wait, are you having trouble with your curses? They were acting up earlier too, weren't they? With the kid?"

"Of course," He hissed, kicking a rock in frustration and immediately regretting it when it set his toe throbbing. "Screw it. Ice it is."

"Whoa, something's up with your curses?" Happy asked. "When did that start?"

"A while ago, I assume, although it didn't become an issue until today."

"Since your Awakening," Natsu said, and it wasn't quite a question. His eyes were serious, and unhappy understanding was written into every line of his face.

"I don't doubt it. I've been avoiding them since then, and it looks like they're kicking up a fuss now. I'm sure it's been a problem from that point, even if I didn't entirely notice."

"But you've been using your shadow to do stuff," Lucy protested.

"That's different."

 _You can't own the shadows if you don't let them own you._

"I know what I said," He growled to the shadow at his feet. He had said it to the other shadow mage and it had been true, and He was too afraid to let the shadows own him now.

 _Let us in._

"What?" Erza asked.

He shook his head hopelessly. "It's who I am. I can only own the shadows if I let them own me too."

 _Why so afraid? Always running away._

"You don't trust them anymore," Natsu said.

"Did I ever?" He asked sourly.

"Maybe not like that, but you trusted them to do what you wanted them to. But you were Awake and you lost control of them, and now you're afraid to open yourself up to them again. You don't trust them, and you don't trust yourself."

He wanted to laugh again. "Got it in one. Awfully perceptive for once."

"I remember my lessons," Natsu said with a shrug. "It's only what you told me about myself. But you helped me work things out, so you can fix things again too."

He considered it. He had said He would try to get better, so should that include working things out with his curses and shadow? But on the other hand…maybe this was an opportunity.

He didn't like who He was with them, so maybe getting better involved cutting them out. They had plagued him for a long time, and this was the perfect opportunity to shut them down for good.

"I don't think so," He said. "I've been trying to get rid of them from the beginning. Ice will be enough."

He washed his hands of the struggle and turned away from the recalcitrant darkness. His friends were watching him with varying expressions, but none of them looked happy.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Lyon cautioned. "If they're part of who you are–"

"It'll be fine."

"Seriously, he's right," Natsu said. "If I could figure things out, then you can too."

He started forward and pushed past them, trudging with grim determination toward the rocky ridge where the wyverns had been encamped. "We'd better go do the cleanup and make sure we got them all."

"But–"

"Seriously, let's worry about the problem at hand first."

He refused to look back at the scene of his failure or down at the darkness following behind him. The relief of escaping the shadows was crushing, a breath of fresh air, and He valiantly tried to ignore the knowledge that He was not escaping but running away.

* * *

 **Note: Oh, Gray. *facepalm* But still, at least he's acting a little more like himself? Although I notice he has a habit of oversimplifying things when he gets really blunt lol Anyway, starting to set up some things for the loose ends among the non-guild to be wrapped up by the end. (Ha ha, that's an oversimplification too. I start setting stuff up forty chapters in advance -smh-) Also, excuse the excessive blatant symbolism and metaphors. By now you must have realized that I can't help myself lol**

 **emmahoshi: Yup, I originally wanted to ignore Lyon's team as much as possible, but they presented an interesting opportunity to act as foils for Lyon and to explore different ways of coming to terms with Gray. Agree about irl situations, but this one is a little more extreme than most of those—it would be more like having your best friend suddenly making nice with the guy who murdered your family X) Well, if you suddenly found a big bad demon randomly carrying a toy dog around with him everywhere he went, you might comment too XD It would be pretty jarring. And yes, he does have a hard accepting his friends' positive feelings towards and about him, which has caused problems throughout the story. I was originally going to keep the Executioner as a one-note "bad guy" just whenever I needed Gray to interact with the Council/Knights, but I got interested in his story and ended up working with him more. And that's when he and Two decided to keep popping up everywhere, because I decided I liked them. Also, it'll be an added bonus if they and Gray can come to some kind of peace by the end, since he really needs to make peace with himself by making peace with everyone he hurt. Sorry, I'm way too into metaphors lol Yup, we're gonna make Gray and the shadows coexist by the end, so no ER visit required XD**


	55. Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt

**EndarkenedSanity: Lol my phone autocapitalizes "Gray" now X) I think I made up Sophie first and then might've picked Jamie as a lark to do a riff on the Rise of the Guardians kids. Except, you know, Sophie was the baby there. Gray's shadow is never not going to be confusing XD But it'll work out. Hehe, I had a gray rabbit. I still have her, actually XD It seems wrong to ditch the stuffed animals. Ha, I really like Badass Gray, Depressed Gray, Snarky Gray, and Freaking Adorable Gray XD So yay for Binkie.**

* * *

 **Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt**

* * *

"You wanna come over?" Natsu asked brightly as the team plus Lyon turned down the street toward the guild.

He was not fooled. "No thanks."

Half the guild and the entire team had taken his stand against the shadows to be a bad thing, and there had been several pointed comments directed his way in the week since. It didn't help that He had automatically tried using his curses on the bandits they had just been hunting down, only to realize at the last second that it was no longer an option. He should have realized that it would result in Natsu getting on his case again.

"Seriously, it'll be fun," Natsu said. "You can buy me ice cream and everything."

He gave him a funny look. "Why would I want to do that?"

"You made me buy you ice cream when you gave me lessons."

"I don't need lessons, thanks. I know how to use them."

"Could've fooled me," Lyon muttered.

He valiantly ignored the snarking. He had given in and reluctantly gone home with Natsu one day, where the dragon slayer had dragged him out back where the trees were still charred and blackened and began parroting back his lessons with great animation. And He had stared at Natsu and stared down at his hands and been too afraid to try. Staring down at his trembling hands, his resolve had only hardened. He wasn't going back to the shadows, and He didn't need to stand there helplessly and feel bad about his failure.

"Come on," Natsu whined. "I'll buy _you_ ice cream."

The dragon slayer was trying so hard in his own way. Maybe because of their shared kinship with Awakenings, maybe because he wanted to give something back after He'd helped him with his own insecurities. If only He wasn't so resistant to being helped.

"I appreciate the offer," He said quietly, unlacing one arm to punch Natsu gently on the shoulder before wrapping it snugly around Binkie again and brushing past his friend, "but not right now."

He wasn't the only one who had been feeling the sting of failure. He could taste it in the air and knew what would be on his friends' faces if He turned around. But He could only save himself one step at a time, and they would have to go at his pace if they wanted to help.

"Well," Lucy said with forced cheerfulness, quite obviously trying to smooth out the tension and change the subject, "maybe it's just as well. It's Lisanna's birthday, remember? Everyone will have to be there for the party!"

He hummed his agreement, glad for the excuse, and the others took the hint and backed off. Thankfully, their job hadn't been so exhausting that they didn't have the energy to celebrate. Filing into the guild hall, though, He quickly realized that an entirely different air hung over the building.

And it had everything to do with Lyon's team plus Chelia sitting at a table and chatting with their perplexed hosts. He nodded to himself, glad to see that they'd taken his suggestion seriously. Lyon could use their company.

Then Sherry looked up and grinned and called Lyon's name, and He realized that He'd better get out of there. Although He appreciated the olive branch Yuka had offered him last time they'd talked, He didn't want to push his luck. Anyway, Lyon should be able to hang out with his friends without always having the demon lurking around behind him.

He stepped back and almost made it out of the building before Sherry waved at him.

"Hi, Gray!"

"Hi," He mumbled.

"Good to see you!" Chelia gave him a conspiratorial wink. "It's been a while."

"Yeah." He darted a look between them and Lyon, and winced at the stony expression Yuka had plastered on. "I think I'll just go."

"Oh, don't go!" Chelia's smile faded. "You can hang out with us."

"Yeah, maybe we could…" Lyon trailed off and gnawed at the inside of his cheek as he glanced between the demon and Yuka. The faint hope in his eyes was hard to crush—he was obviously desperate for a way to reconcile the important people in his life.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled, inching back another step. "I'll be back later."

"Before we leave?" asked Chelia. "You have to show me some more molding!"

"Before you leave," He agreed, knowing He could only escape for so long. And He'd give Lyon that much. A few minutes, at least. He couldn't fathom spending an entire day trying to play nice with Yuka. "I'll have to be back for Lisanna's party anyway. I'll show you whatever you want."

He slipped between his friends and out the door. They let him go after He waved them off sharply. They knew when He needed his space.

"Go bother the birthday girl," He told them as He drifted off down the street.

He wasn't sure what else He could do to put off dealing with Lyon's friends, but He definitely didn't feel prepared to succumb just yet. He felt a little bad about avoiding Chelia and Sherry and, by extension, the guild, but He figured that it was probably better to let them talk to Lyon without his interference first, right?

Sighing, He clutched Binkie tighter and buried his nose in the little dog's fur and looked out at the world with half-lidded eyes. He watched the people giving him odd looks and crossing themselves and scurrying to the other side of the street to avoid him. It was nothing new, especially after the news that He'd 'accidentally' killed someone and the mixed reaction it drew from the general public, but maybe that was why it was so tiring. It was the same day in and day out, and it got old.

Maybe He should just go back to the guild and hide in its safety away from all the prying eyes. But then again, He'd been getting some worried looks from them too since his epic meltdown following his Awakening and its aftermath, and Lyon's team had invaded his sanctuary.

The forest, maybe? Or just anywhere outside of town? Or, if all else failed, just hide in his apartment?

A middle-aged woman in a bright red dress scurried past him. She gave him a wary, unfriendly look and made the sign of the cross before hurrying on. He wondered if she was disappointed that He wasn't struck by lightning where He stood.

He started to turn down the next street, but paused as his eye caught on Kardia Cathedral. He glanced back at the woman, the scarlet fabric of her dress fluttering as she swished around the corner. Then He turned back and headed for the cathedral.

He hesitated on the threshold for a long moment, staring up at the imposing building uncertainly. This was one of the places He had always avoided. As a rule, He avoided 'holy' places. He didn't believe in any kind of higher power, nor did He particularly care about offending them if they did exist, but other people did. Partly his avoidance was out of respect for them, but perhaps mostly out of discomfort.

He felt like He didn't belong in those places. He didn't belong in the world in general, an unnatural abomination among men, but especially not in the places that were held in such reverent awe. He didn't like to feel that He was desecrating the people's sanctuary and trampling on the toes of their gods.

Swallowing hard, He pushed the doors open and peered inside. The building was empty, with no services going now in the middle of the week. He inched inside and let the doors swing shut behind him with a click that echoed off the high ceilings and stone walls.

He hugged Binkie ever tighter and rocked like a child as He crept down the aisle. His feet slowed to a stop nearly halfway up to the altar sitting on its stone block with steps that seemed like mountains.

He didn't belong here. He could feel it. He felt small and lost, an intruder in a world that was created to condemn him. It didn't matter if that was the truth. It didn't matter if their deities were real or not.

Belief was a powerful thing, whether or not the object of it was real. Belief _made_ things real. It brought them to life. He didn't feel the humans' God, but He felt something bigger than himself that He didn't understand, whether it was a higher power or just the collected belief of the masses who worshiped here.

Hunching his shoulders, He stared at the tall windows with all their colorful glass jigsawed together into pictures and then back at the altar. Searching. He wasn't sure what exactly He was looking for, what He hoped to find here, but He didn't think He was finding it.

"Why?" He breathed into the stillness.

The silence He got in return was smothering.

This had been a bad idea. Whatever He had been secretly hoping to accomplish here was silly. He should go.

But He found himself rooted to the spot and couldn't make himself move until someone came up behind him and put a hand on his arm. He nearly jumped out of his skin and whipped around to see Mira watching him curiously, a brown paper bag clutched in her hand.

"Mira?" He asked stupidly. "What…? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she said. "I've never seen you here before. Actually, I was picking up some last-minute things for Lisanna's party and saw you duck in here. I thought it was rather strange. What are _you_ doing here?"

He looked back up at the altar shrouded in the secrets He would never find the answers to. "I don't know."

"Ah." Mira was silent for a moment before saying, "I come here sometimes. I started after we thought Lisanna had died, in the same way that we always used to visit her grave. Elfman never really understood. He came with me a couple times, but he could never find anything here. But I still came."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I was grieving and needed something to get me through. At first I just visited Lisanna's grave with Elfman, and eventually I ventured inside too and looked around and found something that I needed."

"But how can you know?" He asked. "You and the others. How can you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's some higher power out there who is looking out for you and protecting your dead and forgiving you for your sins?"

"Know?" She tilted her head curiously and smiled. "I don't know. Faith isn't about _knowing_. It's about _believing_. I wouldn't claim that my belief is anywhere near as strong or devoted as many of the people who come here, but I found something to believe in."

He found this unsatisfactory. "What good does that do?"

He wanted answers. Real, concrete answers that would make sense of the world and tell him his place in it. He was tired of being lost out in the meaningless abyss, fighting to keep his head above water.

"Belief is a powerful thing." Mira raised an eyebrow at him before turning her gaze back to the altar. "You know that. People need something to believe in. Maybe it doesn't matter if they're right or not, because it's real enough to them. We make our own truths, Gray, as much as we make our own lies. Everyone wants to believe in something, and who are we to stop them?"

He shifted uncomfortably, chastened yet not mollified. "It's wrong, though," He muttered mutinously. "Just look at me. Whatever story they feed you about fallen angels is bullshit. I was made from a Book, not by your God." He smiled bitterly. "I guess Zeref is my god, then. Things like me don't fit nicely into this worldview. I don't match up to your demons."

Mira looked back at him and smiled faintly. "Then maybe you aren't a demon."

He almost laughed. What was that supposed to mean?

"Of course I am," He said shortly. "That's the _only_ thing I'm sure of."

"It's just a label, Gray." She shrugged. "It's _what_ you are, not _who_ you are. Technically you're a demon, in the same way that a dog is technically a dog. To someone afraid of dogs, that label would mean something entirely different than it would to someone who wasn't. The label is neutral—it's people who assign meaning to it."

"That doesn't change anything."

"Doesn't it? People called me a demon once too, when I was a child."

"But you weren't."

"Does it matter? They treated me like one until I started to believe them. Someone convinced that dogs are dangerous can turn the sweetest puppy into a raging beast in their mind…even if it's still just a dog." She smiled at him. "When someone calls you a demon, they're giving it an entirely different meaning than what you truly are. You aren't _that_ kind of demon."

He shrank back a half-step. The high ceilings and wide walls closed in around him until it was suffocating, and He hunched his shoulders.

"But how can you know that?" He whispered.

Mira's smile widened, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "Because I believe. I believe in you."

He swallowed hard and hugged Binkie tighter, feeling small under her words. How could she say something so big like it should be so obvious?

Mira changed gears abruptly, sensing his discomfort. "I didn't realize you were back from your job. Why aren't you at the guild?"

He shrugged and looked away. "Lyon's team dropped by to visit him."

"Ah. You're avoiding them?"

"More or less, although I'll have to go back later. I promised Chelia I'd hang out with her."

"So you'll be back for the party?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

"Good." Mira started back up the aisle. "I need to go finish up. Come back when you're ready." She paused just inside the door and looked back. She worried her lip for a second before adding, "People want to believe in something bigger than themselves. But whatever that something is, it's really meant to help them believe in themselves. Find your something, Gray, so that you can find yourself."

She slipped outside and the door creaked shut behind her. He was left staring after her, frozen to the floor. He stared at the closed doors for a long time before slowly pivoting on his heel to look back up at the altar.

"Tell me, Binkie," He murmured into the silence, "what is it that we believe in?"

Predictably, Binkie didn't answer. Nothing else answered either, and He was left alone again with a thousand questions and no solution.

He drifted to the side and sat down on one of the wooden pews. The imposing chamber stretched out all around him, and He felt the weight of the humans' beliefs pressing in all around him again. He didn't think He could believe in their God. It was unfathomable to him how such a deity could let the world run this way, and He was unsatisfied with how He fit into such a world.

But still, there was something awe-inspiring about this place. As much as it made him feel small, like He should bow before the powers housed here, the stillness was saturated with a faith that made him want to believe. Believe in _something_. He _had_ said that He'd decided to get better, so maybe Mira was right and He needed a way to believe in himself. How else could He expect to rebuild?

That would be easier said than done. He searched for the answers He realized He'd never find. He would find no cut-and-dry answers here, or anywhere. If He wanted answers, He would have to make them himself.

He sat in the cathedral for a long time, motionless in the surrounding stillness. At first his mind wandered as it searched for those answers, but then it went blank and He simply sat there and _was_. He wasn't sure if He'd call it finding peace, per se, but it was the closest thing He'd found in a while.

And then there was a soft creak from somewhere to the right, and the sound of wood scraping against the stone floor echoed off the walls.

He was on his feet in an instant and hurrying back for the main doors. Someone was coming in a side entrance, and He'd rather make his escape before they got on his case for desecrating their holy place.

He paused for only a moment to look back into the interior of the building before slipping outside. He hadn't found his answers here, but maybe He had found the beginnings of them.

He'd been intending to avoid the guild for much longer, but He had nothing better to do now than wander the streets and He'd had enough of aimless wandering for the moment. So He headed back, dragging his feet behind him.

Lucy spotted him first and a relieved grin split her face as she waved at him, but she didn't abandon her conversation to fuss over him. Just as well.

"You _did_ come back," Chelia said. She was huddled with Wendy over in the corner, but now jumped to her feet and hurried over.

"I said I would," He said.

"Yeah, but…" She coughed awkwardly and shrugged. "Hey, you wanna play with some magic? You can show Wendy too! I was trying to tell her how amazing it is, but she doesn't believe me."

Wendy flushed crimson and rubbed at her face. "Gray-san's magic is pretty amazing. I didn't say it wasn't."

"Uh-huuuh…"

"I see it all the time!"

"I'm telling you, it's not the _same_."

He looked between them with no little bemusement. "Uhhh… Whatever you want. We can head out back if you want. There's more space."

"Okay!" Chelia chirped. She grabbed Wendy's wrist and the demon's elbow, and began tugging the hapless mages across the building with an overabundance of enthusiasm.

Lyon looked up as they passed, and his hopeful smile was enough to make the demon feel bad about leaving in the first place. "Have fun."

"Yeah," He mumbled.

Sherry smiled and waved, Toby inched closer to Lyon, and Yuka watched with a carefully blank expression that He found impossible to meet. He left them to their chat and let Chelia drag him along.

As soon as they stepped out into the grassy area behind the guild, she released her captives and turned expectant eyes on him. "You'll teach me more, right?"

"Sure. What do you want to learn?"

"Hmm…" A shifty look entered her eyes. "The ice is awesome, but maybe we could try something a little different?"

"…Like what?"

"Like…the shadows?"

He recoiled. " _What?_ "

Wendy winced, obviously worried at the turn things had taken. Maybe she hadn't put Chelia up to this, then. But either she or Lyon must have said something about his struggle, or this shouldn't be coming up now.

Chelia's eyes were somber—she had some idea of what she was asking. "It might be cool," she said carefully. "It's something different."

He backpedaled, looking for a graceful way out that didn't involve the statement 'oh yeah, I can't use those anymore because I'm a fucking coward'.

"They aren't even magic," He protested weakly.

"So?" She shrugged. "I can't use magic either."

"Why would you _want_ to mess with the shadows if you didn't have to?" He shook his head in incredulous disbelief.

"I just thought–"

"Absolutely not. We can do ice."

"But–"

Wendy stepped over and nudged Chelia in the side. She whispered something into her friend's ear and shook her head. Chelia subsided reluctantly.

"Ice it is," she said with a sigh. "Can we do a shield again? It's super cool."

He eyed her a little longer and then relaxed marginally. "If you want. Dunno about it being super cool, though. It's pretty basic."

"Maybe to you." Chelia's smile was wistful. "To me, it's amazing."

He bit his tongue and stepped over to her. "Here, can you hang on to Binkie for me?" He asked Wendy, passing the stuffed dog over.

"Sure," she said. She held the toy up to her chest and stepped back to watch.

He slipped his arms around Chelia and pulled her hands up in front of her. "Let's see how much you remember, then."

She folded her hands obediently, and He gently pushed her thumb into the right alignment. He didn't know how much good this really did her, giving her something that wasn't real and that would only remind her of what she had lost. But then again, maybe it didn't matter so much either way. As long as she believed in it, maybe it was real to her.

Shields really were one of the most basic and practical things in his arsenal of magic, maybe something He had begun taking for granted over time. But as He summoned up the magic and heard Chelia's delighted gasp, He felt a little spark reignite in his chest. It _was_ an amazing magic, even if some of the wonder had worn off over the years.

"It's so pretty," Chelia sighed, grinning at the ice He— _they_ —had created.

His eye twitched. "Pretty?"

"Yeah. It's all…flowery. Most of your stuff is all practical and badass, but the shields look like flowers. It's pretty."

His lips tightened and his gaze slid sightlessly off to the side. That was a holdover from the child whose magic this was and the woman who had taught it to him.

"I don't make _pretty_ things," He grumbled anyway. Something that sounded suspiciously like a muffled giggle tickled the air, but He decided to give Wendy the benefit of the doubt.

Chelia laughed and twisted around to smile up at him. "Can we make flowers?"

" _What?_ "

"I mean, the shields are already flowery. Can we make real flowers?"

"I don't make _flowers_."

"I bet they'd be super pretty!"

"I don't do _pretty_."

"Please?"

Chelia gave him the most pleading eyes she could muster, and He felt his resolve waver. He could make a few flowers to make the kid happy.

He nodded and then smiled wearily as she grinned and turned back to the ground in front of them, her brows knit in concentration. He let the shield dissolve and rearranged Chelia's hands.

He took a deep breath, let it out, and reached for the forbidden magic. He hadn't touched it for a long time, out of respect, and He hesitated for a long moment before taking the plunge and drawing it out.

The chilly magic swirled around them, taking his breath away. It had been a long time, but it flowed effortlessly from his fingertips. Delicate ice vines swirled before them in graceful loops, and slender thorns with sharp points grew effortlessly from the stems. And the roses opened their crystal petals and shimmered gently in the sun.

"Wow," Chelia breathed as she watched the icy rose garden bloom before their very eyes. "Beautiful."

Something tightened in his chest, until He breathed out in a sigh and felt the tension ease.

Behind them, someone sucked in a sharp breath.

He spun around, his heart jumping into his throat as if He'd gotten caught doing something wrong. Lyon's team and a handful of Fairy Tail mages were peeking outside, maybe checking on how things were going. But He had eyes only for Lyon, who was standing in the doorway and staring back at him with wide eyes and a white face. The air fled his lungs all at once, and they stared at each other for a moment that lasted an eternity before the guilt and shame poured over him white-hot.

The roses shattered into a fine crystal mist behind him.

He backed away, away from Chelia and Wendy and the onlookers, but mostly away from Lyon.

"I'm sorry," He croaked. He wrapped his arms around himself, but Wendy still had Binkie and the gesture brought him no comfort. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Lyon continued to stare at him like he'd seen a ghost. He wanted to sink into the ground and die.

"They look exactly like hers," Lyon rasped finally, his voice hoarse and grating in the stifling silence. He swallowed and inched back another step, his gaze dropping to the ground. "Do it again."

"What?" His gaze snapped up automatically with his bewilderment, despite his reluctance to meet Lyon's eyes.

"It's been so long since…" Lyon let out a breathy, shaky laugh and looked down at his hands, his lips twisting into a bitter smile. "I was always jealous that you could recreate them so perfectly. I never could. I tried, for a while, but it was never the same." The ice mage looked back at the demon with almost pleading eyes. "Can you do it again?" he asked in a small voice.

He stood frozen, paralyzed with confusion and indecision. Lyon looked so small now, and lost, like a child left adrift after his world had been torn away. And He couldn't turn away from that child.

He took a tentative step forward and hesitated again, worrying his lip. Then He pulled in a lungful of air and crept back over slowly as Lyon watched him with those peculiar eyes.

"It's not really that hard," He mumbled, almost a whisper. He wavered but then tugged Lyon forward gently and circled around behind him. "You can do it too, if you believe."

He reached around Lyon and pulled his hands into proper molding form. If Lyon could help him make the ice move, He could help him recreate Ur's roses.

"Give me your magic," He breathed into Lyon's ear.

He was already teasing out the magic and letting it fill the air, and the ice looped and bloomed in crystal vines and roses. And He could feel something else woven into it, an undercurrent that took a second to place but felt a lot like Lyon.

He dropped his arms and stepped back, but Lyon's arm shot out and his fingers clutched the demon's sleeve. He halted awkwardly. After a few seconds of silent staring, Lyon looked back and gave him a watery smile.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"Y-yeah…"

Lyon released him and turned his wistful gaze back to the roses, and He hovered uncertainly, not knowing what to do now.

"Gray-nii!"

He turned with a frown to see Asuka weaving her way through the legs of the adults clustered around the doorway. She broke loose and bounced toward him, and He found himself trapped between Lyon and the advancing child.

"Asuka? What are you doing?"

"I wanna learn your magic too!"

"You can't, um… Where's your mom?"

"Inside."

"Shouldn't you maybe go back to her?"

Asuka pouted and crossed her arms as she stopped in her tracks. "You're playing with Chelia and Wendy. Play with me too!"

"I can't really… Maybe you should get your mom."

"Why?"

"You're not really…" He cleared his throat and searched for an excuse that wouldn't paint either him or Bisca in a bad light. "You're not really supposed to, um, play with me. Right?"

That…was not a good excuse to get her off his case. But it was true, and He knew Bisca must have told her daughter something along those lines. Asuka just didn't want to listen.

"But _why_?" Asuka stamped her little foot on the ground. "Why will you play with everyone but me?"

"Um…"

"Asuka!"

Bisca appeared in the doorway, shoving past Lucy and Toby to step outside. Her eyes immediately locked on Asuka and the demon.

He backed up hurriedly, bumping into Lyon in his haste to put some distance between himself and Asuka. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't…"

He trailed off and wilted under her inscrutable gaze. He was just screwing up everything today.

"He didn't even do anything," Erza muttered pointedly in Bisca's direction.

Bisca stood there silently, gaze darting between Asuka and the demon, and then closed her eyes, pinched the bridge of her nose, and sighed. "You want to play with Gray and the girls?"

"Yes!" Asuka said quickly. "I never get to play with him anymore!"

"…Alright. Make sure you come back inside when you're finished," Bisca said, keeping her gaze fixed on the demon. He blinked back at her uncomprehendingly, even as she nodded to him slightly, turned on her heel, and disappeared back inside the guild.

He was floored. She was not only giving him her blessing to play with her daughter, but she wasn't even going to supervise? Maybe she figured Wendy and Chelia would be enough to keep him in line.

He shook his head in disbelief as Asuka cheered and bounced about spastically. Lyon, now composed and showing no sign of his brief breakdown, elbowed him in the ribs as he swept past and headed for the guild.

"Looks like things are going alright out here," he said. "Try not to scar the children too badly." Pausing in the doorway, he looked back at the girls with a sly smile. "And when you want to learn some _real_ ice magic, you're always welcome to come find me."

" _Hey!_ " He squawked, awkwardness falling away as He drew himself up to his full height and scowled at the cocky bastard. He choked back his instinctive curse with a quick glance at Asuka and settled for, "Go away."

Lyon howled with laughter and disappeared into the building with a backward wave. His indignation flickered out as his eye caught on Lyon's team. Sherry smiled at him, and Toby nodded a little as he hid behind his companion. Yuka held the demon's eye for a long moment, gaze unreadable, and then inclined his head in the slightest of nods.

He watched stupidly as they headed back inside. Lucy gave him a small wave and Erza a thumbs up before the rest of the onlookers filed back into the guild to leave him and the kids in peace again.

Peace was, of course, relative.

Asuka was already dancing around and tugging at his sleeve, babbling about all the different things she wanted to play. And Chelia was rambling about how cool it was to be included in the magic and how Wendy should try it too, while Wendy shuffled about awkwardly and tried to stay on the sidelines.

Amazing how three small girls could create so much chaos.

He had to 'teach' Asuka some basic molding since she didn't want to be left out, and then run through a few more things with Chelia since she so desperately wanted to be included. Even Wendy participated a little, caving under Chelia's pressure. Binkie was shuffled around, passed to whoever had a free hand.

And then He created a series of whimsical ice creations for them, whatever outlandish things they requested. And when even that started getting old, they devised ridiculous games to play with ice.

And then Asuka sneezed.

He stopped in his tracks and blinked at her owlishly, taking in her frost-nipped nose and pink cheeks. They had been out here for a long time, and He mentally kicked himself for not paying more attention. He rushed over and touched her skin experimentally, and then the other girls'. They were ice cold.

"You're freezing!" He exclaimed, aghast. "You should have told me when you were getting too cold! Come on, come on, let's get you inside before you catch a cold."

Bisca was going to _kill_ him.

"Aw, but I wanna keep playing!" Asuka whined.

He grabbed the hand that wasn't currently clutching Binkie and towed her along at a rapid pace, motioning for Wendy and Chelia to follow. "Let's go warm you up."

"Finally finished?" Natsu asked as they headed inside. "Good. It's been kind of boring and I want to beat you up."

"Is everything alright?" Sherry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, fine," He said impatiently.

He dragged the girls across the room and into the kitchen with such speed and alacrity that He was surprised Bisca didn't come storming after them to demand to know what was wrong. Mira, Lucy, and Erza were hovering over a hideous cake on the table, but at least the kitchen was nice and warm, probably from the heat of the oven they'd baked the cake in. He released Asuka and made a beeline for the stove. There was milk boiling in a saucepan almost before the girls realized He was there.

"Did you guys have fun?" Lucy asked with a smile.

"Yes!" Asuka said immediately.

"I need to find them blankets or something," He said, already turning away. "I should have been paying more attention. Bisca won't let me within a hundred feet of Asuka again if I got her sick."

On cue, Asuka sneezed again. He hurried out of the room and to the storeroom, ignoring everyone who might have tried catching his attention. A couple minutes of rummaging about on messy shelves and in dusty boxes turned up two old blankets and a brown jacket big enough for even Laxus to fit into. He had no idea who any of it belonged to, but He was commandeering them for a good cause.

Back in the kitchen, He wrapped Wendy in the jacket and bundled Asuka and Chelia into blankets before turning back to the stove and quickly grabbing all the necessary ingredients to dump into the pan.

"What are you doing?" Erza asked, abandoning the cake to get to the bottom of the demon's discomfort.

"Making hot chocolate," He grunted as He stirred the chocolate mixture. "I need to warm them up before they catch a cold."

"Really?" Chelia perked up instantly. "Like after our snowball fight? Ooh, wait for this, Wendy! It's awesome! Your hot chocolate is so good! Teach me how to make it too."

"Me too!" Asuka chirped. She bounced over and untangled her arms to reach up for him. "Pick me up!"

"Hey, hey, get back in the blanket." He leaned down to rearrange the fabric around her shoulders from where it had been dislodged.

"Pick me up!" she insisted.

Seeing no graceful way around it, He groaned and snatched the girl into the air, settling her on his hip so that He could grab the wooden spoon with his other hand and get back to stirring the cocoa. Asuka circled her arms around his neck and hung on, peering into the pan with wide, curious eyes.

She asked questions and Chelia asked questions, and somehow He found himself being the hot chocolate teacher too. But Asuka still had the attention span of a child, and soon lost interest in the mysteries of stirring.

"Spin me!" she demanded.

He arched an eyebrow. "Spin you?"

"Yeah! Spin, spin, spin! It'll be fun!"

"Not as much fun as it sounds," Chelia said with a rueful laugh, and He remembered the unfortunate predilection Lamia Scale's guild master had for spinning misbehaving mages.

He gave Asuka a sly smile. "Chelia doesn't think it'll be fun."

"Chelia is wrong!" Asuka said emphatically. "Spin!"

"Well, don't say we didn't warn you…" He dropped the spoon and whirled around, spinning on his heel before whipping back around.

Asuka laughed. "Faster!"

And He was sure He looked like an idiot spinning around the kitchen until He got dizzy, but Asuka was grinning and it had been so _long_ since He'd held her. He pitched forward and made as if to drop her backward, although He kept his arms snugly behind her. She shrieked with laughter and reached up to try getting her arms back around his neck.

"Do you surrender?" He asked with a grin as He leaned down over her.

"No!"

"I might have to drop you, then."

"You wouldn't!"

"You're right, I wouldn't. Hm… I'll tickle you, then."

"You wouldn't!"

His grin widened. "You wanna bet?"

Asuka's eyes went as wide as dinner plates. "I surrender!"

He chuckled and heaved the child back up to an upright position. She immediately wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and leaned her head against him. A small smile tugged at his lips as He rested his chin on top of her head and freed a hand to pick up the spoon again.

As He got back to stirring, He caught a glimpse of Mira and the others watching him with expressions that were much too amused. "What are you looking at?" He grumbled.

"You're so _cute_!"

His eye twitched. "I am not _cute_."

Erza laughed. "Aw, you've always been so cute with kids."

He decided it was probably better to ignore them.

Chelia cleared her throat softly, with a new solemnness that immediately grabbed his attention. "Those were Ur's roses, weren't they?" she mumbled.

He stared down blankly at the bubbling liquid in the pan, the spoon stilling in his hand. "…Yes."

"Oh. Thank you. For sharing them with us."

"Mm." He shook his head and got back down to business, not wanting to touch that right now. "Hey, it's done. Someone want to grab us some mugs?"

Wendy fetched three mugs, and He poured the cocoa into them as best He could with one hand.

"Alright, let's get you back to your mom," He murmured into Asuka's hair. She didn't remove her hands, so He held her mug for her. "Let's go, girls."

He ushered Wendy and Chelia back out into the main room and left them with Lyon and his team. He got out of there as quickly as possible to avoid any potential teasing, but could already hear Chelia rambling all about their 'magic lessons'.

Bisca looked up as He approached, and He cleared his throat awkwardly as He set the cocoa down on the table and pried Asuka's arms from around his neck so that He could pass her over to her mother.

"Sorry," He mumbled, dropping his gaze and shuffling his feet. "I don't really feel the cold the same way they do and I didn't realize… I should have paid more attention."

"…It's alright," Bisca said. He snuck a glance up and saw her watching him with an almost curious expression as she settled Asuka on her lap and rearranged the blanket. "Honestly, I'm not going to bite you. She'll be fine."

He smiled a little sheepishly and turned away, but hadn't made it more than a few steps before Asuka called, "Gray-nii!"

"What's up?" He asked, turning back.

"You forgot Binkie!" She wriggled around and produced the stuffed dog from somewhere within the folds of the blanket she was swaddled in. She held it out to him expectantly.

"Oh." He took it reverently and folded his arms around it again. A tension He hadn't entirely been aware of eased as the empty place was filled again. "Thanks, kiddo."

Asuka tilted her head curiously. "Does he help?"

He stared back, then swallowed hard and dropped his gaze back to the floor. "Yeah," He mumbled. "He helps."

"Good."

He flashed her a small smile and headed back for the kitchen.

"Hey, are you making hot chocolate?" Lisanna called after him.

"I _was_ making hot chocolate."

"Make me some too!"

"…'Was' being the operative word."

"It's my birthday. You have to."

"It's not even cold!"

"It's my birthday."

He groaned and she laughed, her eyes sparkling mischievously. Unfortunately, social convention dictated that it was poor taste to deny the request of the birthday girl.

"Does anyone else want any?" He asked no one in particular, resigned to his fate.

"I'd rather beat you up," Natsu said.

Cana snorted loudly. "I'd rather have some more booze, thanks."

"My hot chocolate is far better than yours," Lyon said primly.

"You can bring me some!" Sherry said.

Lyon's expression turned to one of horror. "Sherry!"

She grinned unrepentantly. "Sorry."

He shook his head as half the guild chimed in with their opinion, and then gratefully slipped back into the kitchen. Apparently He still had more work to do.

"What's up?" Lucy asked as she took in his disgruntled expression.

"Apparently I'm now making cocoa for half the guild," He grumbled, fetching the necessary ingredients and getting back to work.

"Oh, great! You can make me some too."

"Me too," Erza added.

"And me," Mira chimed in.

He gave them a despairing look. "Et tu, Brute?"

They actually had the nerve to crack up.

"Hey, while you're waiting for that, care to tell us what you think of the cake?" Lucy asked.

"We worked really hard on it," Erza said proudly.

He stole another glance at the monstrous cake. It looked like it had maybe started off nice, with a clean white base coat and pretty purple flowers, but someone had gone overboard with the decorations and now purple blobs and smears ran all over the top and sides. And someone's penmanship of 'Lisanna' had been a little shaky and subpar.

"It's…a nice shade of purple?"

Lucy sighed heavily, her face falling. "It's horrible. I told you it was horrible."

"It's not that bad," Erza protested.

Mira smiled tiredly. "It's pretty bad."

"Hey, I tried, alright?"

Unfortunately, Erza's artistic ambition had always outweighed her talent. But it never stopped her from trying, and He could admire that.

"It'll still taste good," He said. "And she'll like it because you put a lot of effort into it. So it's not so bad."

The girls blinked at him and then smiled.

"Right as always," Lucy said with a laugh. "Thanks, Gray."

"I didn't do anything," He grumbled. "Come get your hot chocolate."

He poured the girls some cocoa and set about searching the cabinets to collect a wide variety of mugs. "Hey, Luce, can you hang on to Binkie for me?"

"Sure thing." She took the dog and her mug, eyeing him in amusement.

"Can I borrow your tray, Mira?"

"Go for it," she said with a chuckle as she accepted her drink. "It'll be fun to see you play waitress."

He gave her a wounded look. "You guys are brutal today."

This sent them all back into paroxysms of laughter. Sticking his nose in the air with all the—admittedly, wounded—pride He could muster, He poured the rest of the drinks, arranged them on the tray, and swept out of the room without a backward glance at his tormentors. Their maniacal cackling followed him back out into the main room.

He circled around behind Wendy and Chelia to hand Sherry her cocoa. She thanked him while He looked over the blanket-wrapped girls with critical eyes.

"Feeling any better?" He asked.

"Nice and toasty!" Chelia said brightly, taking another sip of her hot chocolate.

"Fine, thank you," Wendy added. "Your hot chocolate is really good, Gray-san!" She looked down shyly. "And Chelia was right. Your magic is pretty amazing too."

"You'd better believe it," He said with a faint smile.

He set down another mug in front of Lyon, who put up some token protests but took a sip anyway. Because he might be bitter, but he knew the demon's hot chocolate far surpassed his.

He didn't gloat over this fact, still feeling a bit awkward after the whole rose thing. He made to escape, but paused as his eye caught on Yuka sitting on the other side of the table. He hesitated, his hand tightening around the handle of one of the mugs on the tray. It would be rude not to offer, but He also knew that Yuka didn't want anything from him. Last time He'd made cocoa, back when they'd had their snowball war at Lamia Scale, Yuka had refused to touch anything He'd so much as looked at funny. He darted a look between Toby and Yuka before taking an awkward step back.

Yuka let out a harsh breath through his nose and held out his hand. He froze and eyed him uncertainly before slowly reaching out to hand him the mug. The other man took it without looking down, still watching the demon with hooded eyes. After finally tearing his gaze away to give the chocolatey liquid a dubious look, he took a small sip. After pausing for a moment, presumably to ensure that he didn't keel over from poison or some other demonic trick, he took another.

"Huh." Yuka raised an eyebrow at Lyon. "It's better than yours."

" _What?_ " Lyon puffed out his chest and glowered at his friend with the righteous indignation of the betrayed. "Are you insane?"

"Not that that's saying much."

" _Excuse me?_ What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

He smiled a little despite himself. It was good to see Lyon back with his team…and He'd never say no to watching the cocky bastard get taken down a peg.

He offered a mug to Toby as well, with all the same hesitation as He'd had for Yuka. Toby's gaze flitted quickly between his teammates before he nervously snatched the mug. He backed away to a more respectful distance, satisfied that He'd done his part in playing nice.

He didn't like to admit how the small, grateful smile Lyon shot him made his heart lift just a little.

He quickly made his escape and passed out the remaining cocoa. He was about to retreat back to the safety of the kitchen when Mira and her helpers dragged out the cake. He noticed with some annoyance that Lucy had lost Binkie somewhere along the way.

"We have cake!" Erza announced. She made it sound like an earth-stopping proclamation. To her, it probably was.

"Wow, it's kinda ugly," said Natsu. His mouth was running ahead of his brain, as per usual.

" _Excuse me? What did you say, Natsu?_ "

Natsu gulped loudly and shrank back. "Nothing?"

"I think it's perfect," Lisanna said with a smile, smoothing over the ruffled feathers. "Natsu, would you be so kind as to light my candles for me?"

Natsu's fear morphed into mischievous delight. "I thought you'd never ask!"

He shook his head as Natsu sucked in a breath and spewed a torrent of fire at the cake. This resulted not only in the candles being lit, but in half the frosting melting down the sides in liquidy globs.

"…And now it's even uglier," Gajeel muttered. Levy elbowed him in the ribs.

"Uh…" Elfman looked between Erza's furious scowl and Mira's trembling lips. "Maybe we should sing happy birthday?"

This solution was seized upon eagerly by everyone present. Aside from the resident demon.

He looked on as the guild broke into a raucous rendition of what should be the most basic song in existence, but his lips stayed firmly sealed. Sighing, He stuck to the walls and escaped to the kitchen as unobtrusively as possible. He found Binkie perched on the counter and switched out the tray for the dog.

"Well, Binkie, why are birthdays always so annoying?"

Binkie didn't answer, and He felt stupid for continuing to talk to a toy. He wasn't sure what it was about birthdays that left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. He liked to celebrate with his friends, was especially sure that He was glad they'd been born and were still alive, and yet…

Maybe it was just his own experiences that had soured him on the idea. Maybe He was still just traumatized from Gray's birthdays. He really shouldn't let his personal birthday woes color everyone else's.

When He slipped back out of the kitchen and rejoined the fray, Mira and Erza were hacking up the cake with great gusto.

"Damn, girl, you're getting so old!" Cana said, poking Lisanna in the ribs as they hovered near the cake table.

"I am not!" Lisanna protested.

"Don't say that!" Mira wailed. "I'm not old either!"

"Don't worry," He said with a chuckle as He made his way over. "I've got a few hundred years on all of you."

Cana whistled. "And you're still looking damn fine for such an old man."

"You'd better believe it, kiddo."

Cana grinned and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "We should spice up Lisanna's party a little, yeah? She's a big girl now. We oughta get her a stripper, and you've got the body to go with it! Time to get you back in the habit!"

"Cana!" He almost choked on his own spit. "There are children present!"

"So? I'm always present too, and I can guarantee they've heard far worse things come out of my mouth."

The fact that this was most probably true was not horribly reassuring. He shook his head and turned to Lisanna instead, ignoring Cana's cackling. It seemed like everyone was just out to get him today.

"Happy birthday," He told Lisanna with a small smile.

"Thanks." She smiled back and took a plate of cake from Mira to hand to him. "Enjoy the cake. It tastes better than it looks."

"I sure hope so," He muttered under his breath. And then beat a hasty retreat to avoid Erza's wrath.

He slunk over to where Natsu and Happy were gobbling down huge portions of cake. He poked at his cake a little and took a few bites. He still hadn't quite regained his appetite, but He was making it a point to always eat at least a little even if He wasn't feeling it. If nothing else, it would help negate accusations of starvation.

He surrendered the rest of the cake to the bottomless pits beside him, and looked on in amusement as the party raged on and went to ridiculous heights…as with most Fairy Tail parties. He was busy snarking Natsu under the table when He was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder and turned to see Lyon and his team hovering behind him.

"We're actually going to head out and maybe grab dinner," Lyon said. "Maybe somewhere… _quieter_. Where we can talk and whatever. If that's okay?"

"Of course," He said. "You should talk. You don't have to follow me around everywhere, you know. It's fine."

"Okay." Lyon chewed on his lip some more, but then smiled a little. "Thanks," he said softly, and He got the feeling it wasn't about this unnecessary permission. "I'll see you tonight."

"…Yeah."

He stared after Lyon until he and the others had disappeared out the door. He almost didn't notice that Erza and Lucy had finally migrated back over and had been waiting quietly for Lyon to wrap things up.

"Actually," Erza said, "we want to take you out too. I mean, we have something to give you."

"But the party…"

"It's fine. We've already given our well-wishes and all that, and there will always be more parties. But this is the perfect opportunity since Lyon left too."

"Lyon?"

"Yeah." Lucy smiled and rubbed at her nose sheepishly. "Lyon is great, but this is team business."

And if He wanted Lyon to reconnect with his team, maybe it was important that He reconnect with his own team too. He stood without another word, bracing himself for whatever was coming. After the hell He'd put his friends through, He'd go along with whatever team bonding exercise they wanted to try.

He followed his friends down the street, trying to figure out where they were going.

"My apartment," Lucy said as if sensing his unspoken question. "That's where we left it."

"Okay."

The walk was short, which was just as well since it was also almost silent. A hushed, expectant air hung over his friends as if they were gearing themselves up for this too. That sort of tense, hopeful feeling that Lyon got when hoping He'd make nice with Yuka and Toby too.

He filed inside after them and watched as Lucy dug through her drawers.

"Where did I put it?" she mumbled in frustration.

"Check your kitchen cabinets," Happy said seriously. "That's where Natsu finds everything."

" _Hey!_ "

"Found it!" Lucy pulled out a small box and brandished it with a triumphant air, but immediately became more serious as she turned back to the demon. "We, um, we want you to have this."

"We know your necklace had a lot of meaning and everything," Happy added. "And maybe it's okay that you gave it to your shadow thing, because I don't think you really needed all those reminders that you kept it for."

"But that doesn't mean you don't need some reminders," Erza said gently, effectively taking over for the others. "Sometimes you just need to remember who you are, when you forget to see it in yourself. And that you belong with us. We're your guild and your team and your family. And you're our Gray. No matter what else, you always have a place here…even when you don't feel like you do or you try to run away from us."

"Also," Natsu interrupted, "it's really weird seeing you without your stupid necklace."

" _Natsu!_ "

Lucy hurriedly stepped between Erza and Natsu to halt the brewing argument and held out the box to the demon. Flipping the lid open, she revealed a coiled chain decorated with a small silver replica of Fairy Tail's guild mark.

His fingers twitched automatically, wanting to reach for the pendant that was no longer around his neck, but He didn't need to complete the gesture while He was holding Binkie. He stared at the necklace for a long moment, feeling the weight of his friends' nervousness and hopefulness and expectancy.

"But what makes me your Gray or any other Gray," He asked softly rather than accepting it, "instead of Deliora or anything else?"

The tense silence was thick enough to cut with a knife. His team shifted around, clearly not liking the turn this was taking.

"Deliora is who you were," Natsu said finally. "Gray is who you are now."

"Except that I'm still both," He disagreed without any heat. It was too simple an answer to the question that had been nagging at him for so long.

There was another long pause before Erza decided to take a stab at it.

"You can be both," she said carefully, "but that doesn't make you not Gray. Deliora is who you were before, _your_ Before, and Gray is who you were After. Deliora was something that was created by Zeref, that you didn't have a choice over, and Gray is who you created yourself. Deliora is who you were created to be, and Gray is who you chose to become instead. And maybe you're still Deliora because that's how you were made and it's woven into your DNA, but you've been Gray every step of the way for a long, long time. So…maybe it's that Deliora is _what_ you are, and Gray is _who_ you are."

A demon by any other name. Could it be so simple? His thoughts meandered back to his earlier encounter with Mira at the cathedral. He was a demon—was _Deliora_ —as a fact of classification. And Gray, then, was what He had created after the fact, those humanlike—human?—parts of himself that defined him today. What He had built on top of the demonic scaffold He'd started with.

And so maybe it was okay that He was both, because He'd tried and failed for years to stamp out either side. He had tried and failed to make himself human by stamping out every trace of his demonic side, and He had failed just as miserably trying to clamp down on his humanlike side and go back to his demonic persona. Maybe that was his problem.

His gaze dropped to the shadow lurking at his feet. "What do you think, Deli, love? Do we accept those terms?"

It twitched and fell still again. _Yes._

"Alright."

He might need something to believe in, but He had always believed in the guild. And they had been trying so hard to make him believe in himself. He wasn't sure if He could really believe in himself just yet, but He believed in them and so He would try to believe for their sake.

Gray took a deep breath and let it out slowly, cautiously pulling out his half-abandoned name and identity again. It was worth a shot, wasn't it, to see if this was _who_ he really was? If nothing else, he'd promised that he would try to get better. He had a hard time imagining how he would really improve if he didn't figure this part out.

His friends were giving him odd looks, but he just reached out and pulled the necklace from the box. He stared down at the chain coiled in his palm and laced about his fingers, debating if he was ready to take this step.

"Natsu?" he said softly.

"Huh? What?"

"Do you…remember when you said we were like brothers because of Zeref? Right before I joined the guild again?"

"Yeah. You nearly choked to death on an ice cube and then threw a tantrum."

"I…" He swallowed. "I think I would like to be your family after all." He looked up and bit his lip as he ran his gaze over his friends. "I…think I would like to be all of your family again."

They all exchanged looks and then smiled back at him.

Natsu punched him lightly on the arm. "Don't be stupid. You always have been."

This was what he wanted. He believed in them, and they made him want to believe in himself. He looked back down at the necklace they had given him and rubbed it absently between his fingers as he debated.

And then Gray put it on.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Lyon asked from where he'd set up on the couch, as Gray held the door open with his foot and shuffled inside.

"I got a mirror," Gray grunted. He dragged the looking glass across his apartment and to the bathroom, and set about gathering everything he needed to mount it on the wall over the sink. "I did say I needed to cover up those horrible paintings of yours."

"Hey," Lyon protested halfheartedly. He drifted over to watch the proceedings from the doorway. "Why now?"

Gray shrugged. "It's been a long time since I've had a mirror."

When he got it successfully installed and stepped back, he realized that his frost had seeped out to automatically coat the mirror again. It was a struggle to let go and force it to dissipate, but he forced himself to look.

It had been a long time since he had looked— _really_ looked—at himself in a mirror. He caught a glimpse of his shadow in the glass, creeping up the wall behind him as if to peer into the mirror itself.

Maybe his ice had picked up an affinity for covering mirrors because he didn't want to see the demon shining through. And maybe his shadows had picked up a similar dislike of mirrors because they didn't want to see the human peeking through.

Gray could see both now. There was so much of his darkness clouding his eyes, but he could catch glimmers of what he imagined the others saw when they looked at him. He didn't know much of anything, but he believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could find the humanity if he looked hard enough.

Lyon stepped up and peered over Gray's shoulder, eyes solemn and curious reflected in the mirror. When Gray looked at himself and Lyon side by side, he could almost see the family resemblance.

"What do you see?" Lyon asked.

"I don't know," Gray admitted. "I don't know, but I intend to find out."

* * *

 **Note: As you may or probably don't know, I'm actually Catholic. I usually keep the religious symbolism and themes really subtle—both because I'm more interested in writing a story than a religious treatise and because I don't feel like dealing with that group of intolerant jerks who would jump down my throat for no good reason—but yes, they're sometimes there. This is about as obvious as it gets. But for the record, Gray's stance isn't because I'm anti-religion but because it fits who he is here, and I generally prefer to work with messages and themes that can apply to everyone and not just the traditionally religious. I'm not really all that into shoving religion down people's throats lol I sort of like Mira's view on it, actually.** **But that doesn't mean I'm ashamed of the faith I grew up with either, and I won't apologize for it.**

 **emmahoshi: Yup, I kind of really ran with the child symbolism and themes here. Idk, I think they mean a lot to demon Gray because of his own past and the other Gray's, along with everything about how they see the world differently and unfiltered. Admittedly, it's not a theme set that I usually work with, but I enjoyed it here. Hm, good catch on the beautiful/ugly juxtaposition. That's actually going to come up again at the end. I did read your mirror manga lol I wish it was a bit more fleshed out and my inner psych major is wailing about how that's really not how memory works at all, but it was a pretty touching story XD Maybe I'll check out the others sometime. [EDIT: Sadly, my suspension of disbelief only goes so far XD But I can appreciate a good story, and you know I enjoy those great sibling/friend relationships :3 I wish more people wrote about them!]**


	56. Shot Through the Heart

**EndarkenedSanity: Yeah, I don't usually care to shove religion everywhere, but I find different concepts of faith interesting to explore whether through organized religion or something else entirely. So it's probably more accurate to say that I work with those themes more than straight-laced religious ones lol Ha, Lyon will never live down the hot chocolate. Yeah, the "Because" verse was the first time, although it was "Stay". I like to carry things like that through different verses and stories lol It's just hard to throw out stuffed animals. You know, they look at you with those big eyes and you just can't throw them away ;_; Also, I'm a sucker for cute animals lol And ha ha, yeah, now that I think about it, Gray has some similarities with Jack, too. The ice, the stuff with kids, the struggle with people believing in him (although in a different way)... Idk, I just sort of thought of it lol**

 **Guest: Glad to provide some laughter with the heartbreak XD But yeah, I did break him pretty thoroughly, didn't I? X) Oh well, at least things are finally getting better! Thanks for R &Ring :)**

* * *

 **Shot Through the Heart**

* * *

Gray was minding his own business shopping for groceries in the little store down the street when Natsu and Happy came bursting in.

"Gray!" Happy called. "Gray?"

Gray wondered if he had time to escape. Honestly, it was like he was expected to be around his friends all the time, always at the guild or with Lyon at home. Previous isolation notwithstanding, he had always liked to get a little personal space from time to time. Couldn't the world let him have twenty minutes to do his shopping in peace?

But Natsu was sniffing at the air, and Gray knew he'd been outed by that damned nose. Maybe if he was really sneaky…

"Gray!" Happy zeroed in on the despairing ice mage and zoomed over. "We've been looking for you everywhere!"

Gray scowled, realizing that there was no way to duck out of this gracefully anymore, and busied himself checking through cartons of eggs to find a set without any cracks. "What do you want?" he asked tersely, hoping they'd get the message.

"Lucy is missing," Natsu said. "We've gotta go find her."

Seriously? They were bothering him for _this_?

"Lucy is a big girl. She's allowed to do things without you. _Maybe_ she's just trying to do some shopping in peace, without you hanging all over her…"

"But there was a note!" Happy said.

"A note? Then shouldn't you _know_ where she is?"

"Not that kind of note," Natsu said grimly. "A ransom note."

Gray paused, the eggs halfway in his basket. "Ransom?"

"Someone took Lucy!" Happy wailed.

Natsu nodded, and Gray noticed for the first time exactly how serious his eyes were. "She was gone and there was a note in her apartment."

He pulled a small, crumpled ball of paper from his pocket, smoothed it out, and handed it over. Gray set his basket on the nearest shelf and read over the note. It was short, terse, and to the point, merely stating that 'they' had Lucy and expected an ungodly sum of money as a ransom. Oh, and if the ransom wasn't paid within the next three days or anyone decided to come after them, she would be killed. That last part seemed a little overdramatic to him.

"I guess it's been a while since she's gotten kidnapped," he muttered. "Have you told Erza?"

"Not yet, but she's probably at the guild," Natsu said. "Let's go."

Gray sighed and abandoned his groceries, resigned to starving for another day. Natsu and Happy went hurrying out of the store, and he followed them back to the guild. Someone was going to get their ass kicked for having the nerve to touch Lucy.

"Lucy's been kidnapped!" Happy shouted as soon as they reached the guild.

Gray sighed and rubbed at his temples as everyone was stirred into a confused furor, and he decided to let Natsu and Happy handle the explaining. He was all for going and kicking someone's ass, but he'd rather just go now and get shit done rather than deal with an entire guild full of worried friends.

Cana looked over Erza's shoulder to read the ransom note and whistled loudly. "I could buy a shit-ton of booze with that."

"Think of all the fish," Happy sighed.

"Maybe they recognize her last name and think she's still rich."

"Too bad they don't know that she can't even pay her rent on time…"

"Doesn't matter," Erza grunted. "We'll have to go get her."

"You want some help?" Levy asked, exchanging a look with Gajeel.

"I don't think so. We should be more than a match for these fools, and we'll need to be careful not to let them know we're coming until it's too late. Easier to do that with a smaller party. Where is Lyon?"

Gray shrugged. "He was running some errand or something. I don't track his every move. Either that or he's waiting at the apartment for me to bring food back. Guy's gonna starve."

"That's fine. Seems like a team problem, anyway. Well, we'll need a plan."

That was more like it. Gray was ready to get the show on the road. Slipping around to study the paper with Erza, he tapped a finger on it thoughtfully.

"They'll probably have someone keeping watch over the drop-off point to see if and when we deliver the money," he said. "If we stake it out and catch whoever they left there, we can get information out of them."

Erza nodded slowly. "Even if there isn't someone waiting there the whole time, someone will have to come by to get the cash eventually. We should be there to apprehend them. But we should check her apartment first to see if they left any other clues."

"Hey, guys?" Natsu said.

They ignored him. Natsu was of zero help when constructing plans.

"Definitely," Gray agreed. "It all seems pretty sloppily done, so there's probably something. Maybe we could even find some fingerprints or something."

"Their hideout is probably nearby," Erza added. "They won't want to go too far. Maybe look for likely places within twenty or twenty-five miles?"

"Probably, as long as–"

" _Guys._ "

Gray and Erza turned on Natsu with identical scowls, not happy to have their planning session interrupted. " _What?_ " they said together.

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Or we could just follow their trail. Their scent is all over her apartment, and I can just follow it."

Gray and Erza stared at him. Somehow it seemed like all their planning had been derailed by such a simple suggestion.

"Uh…" Erza rubbed at her nose sheepishly. "Can you follow it the whole way?"

"Probably? My nose is really good… If we run into problems, _then_ we can worry about your dumb, overly complicated plans."

"Seems too simple," Gray muttered mutinously.

"Sometimes simple is better," Natsu said haughtily. "You're just jealous that I'm more useful than you. Not my fault you have a shitty nose."

Gray growled low in the back of his throat but decided to let Natsu have his day in the sun. Whatever worked best for getting Lucy back as quickly and safely as possible.

The guild wished the rescuers good luck, and Gray and the others headed for Lucy's apartment. There were clear signs of a struggle in the bedroom with things knocked over and broken, and Gray nodded grimly. At least Lucy had put up a fight.

But speaking of which…

"Weird," he mumbled. "I don't sense any foreign magical signatures in here."

Lucy's magic was woven into the very fabric of the air, but even that was stale. She hadn't used magic in here too recently, and neither had anyone else. He imagined it would be easiest for mages to perform a kidnapping with aid from their magic. Maybe the kidnappers were either weak mages or not mages at all. But if so, why target a Fairy Tail mage?

"How did they get her, then?" Happy asked. "If they didn't use magic? Lucy should have been able to take them out."

Erza coughed awkwardly. "…They probably snuck in and stole her keys."

Natsu and Happy exchanged a look, and Gray winced. He was glad that he didn't have to rely on carrying something around in order to use his magic—as long as he could use his hands, he could use his ice. Also, he had a bad habit of losing keys.

Lucy had gotten a lot stronger and picked up some new tricks like the star dresses, but she still relied on her keys and would be crippled without them.

"This way," Natsu said. He put his nose to work and led them out of the apartment and down the street, sniffing all the way.

"I sure hope they didn't get on a train," Gray said with a grimace. It would be impossible for even Natsu's nose to track them if they had, given that the train in question would be long gone.

Erza stiffened but then relaxed. "Probably not," she reasoned. "If they took her during the day, there would be too many potential witnesses to notice that something shady was going on and too many opportunities for her to seek help. If they took her at night, which is more likely, I think, there would be fewer trains running which would be inconvenient. Plus, anyone else who happened to be out would be more likely to remember them and it would look kind of shady. I think it's more likely that they set up some sort of private getaway vehicle in advance."

"Carriage," Natsu said.

"Yeah, like a carriage."

"No, I mean this is where the carriage picked them up."

"…Oh."

"Will you still be able to track them?" Gray asked.

Natsu shrugged. "I can't smell Lucy anymore, but I smell the horses. Anyway, we're on the outskirts of the city now." He pointed at the road ahead that exited the city sprawl and disappeared into the surrounding countryside. "There are only so many roads to travel, and it should be fairly obvious if a carriage went off-roading anywhere. I'll just have to pay attention and make sure we don't miss a turn-off or anything."

"Go, Natsu!" Happy cheered. "We'll find Lucy in no time!"

Gray nodded in grudging admiration. About time Natsu was finally useful.

The team trekked alongside the road in the grass to avoid the occasional vehicle speeding past. It occurred to Gray that the kidnappers might have left surveillance on Lucy's apartment and knew exactly what they were doing, but the whole affair seemed too amateurish and poorly conceived to worry too much. This very well might be these guys' first rodeo.

"They probably think we're so weird," Happy muttered as a carriage rolled past and they spotted the occupants giving them funny looks through the window.

"We _are_ weird," Gray said flatly.

"But they don't need to know that."

"…It's hard for people _not_ to know that."

"We can't get a ride or we can't track them," Erza said impatiently. "It is what it is. I'm sure people walk along here all the time."

"Yeah." Natsu grinned smugly. "No transportation today!"

"Just put your nose back to work."

Natsu huffed to himself. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to tell horses from each other? They all smell kind of the same."

Gray didn't have a lot of patience for complaining right now. Teasing and mocking aside, he knew that there was no better nose than Natsu's out here. If it could be done, Natsu would do it. Even if there was some whining and gloating involved.

Gray kept his eyes on the road, studying the tracks and looking for any sign that someone had turned off. He didn't know which wheel ruts in particular were made by their quarry, but any fresh tracks departing from the main road would be worth double-checking. Natsu also kept his attention on the road, watching the tracks and periodically running back onto the path to sniff around and make sure they were still going the right way. Erza and Happy seemed more concerned with looking around to make sure no one was watching or sneaking up on them.

They must have been walking for nearly two hours before getting a new lead. Another small dirt track had peeled off the main road, and Natsu spent a few minutes sniffing around before nodding.

"They turned off here."

"I'll take your word for it," Erza said. "Time to start being more cautious, alright?"

The little path wound gently through the countryside for a couple of miles. Occasionally outbuildings could be seen nearby, but Gray didn't spot anyone peeking out from the windows. They all seemed rundown and long-abandoned, but it made him antsy. The team was exposed out here, with not much to hide them from view. As such, their caution was offset by their haste.

A large building loomed ahead with three neat rows of windows staring out at them like a hundred glass eyes. It would have been an impressive mansion if it wasn't so shabby and decrepit. The siding was falling off, the roof was missing tiles, and the entire building looked like it was on its last legs, but he noted that the windows were fitted with new glass and the lawn and greenery were well-kept. Maybe someone was fixing it up. It must have been a pretty impressive property once, before the outbuildings had been abandoned and the mansion had fallen into disrepair.

The team slipped through a creaky wrought-iron gate hanging off one hinge and hurried across the yard, finding as much cover as they could along the way. Anyone could be watching them from the windows.

Natsu led them around behind the mansion and stuck his head into some kind of dilapidated shed. Or stable. Something. There were a couple horses stabled inside that whickered softly at the intrusion, and a battered carriage was crammed inside on the other end.

"Maybe they just want money to add to their home renovation budget," Gray said dryly.

"They took the right person, then," Happy said with a snicker. "Lucy loves redecorating."

"Don't remind me," Gray muttered, thinking back to when she had taken over his apartment.

Erza shot them each an unamused look. "Let's just get Lucy."

"And beat some people up," Natsu added.

Creeping back around the building, they found a side door. It was locked but rotted through, so Natsu knocked it off its hinges without a problem. Gray winced at the sound of splintering wood in the dead quiet, but he knew it wasn't really as loud as it sounded to his ears. He pushed the broken door back into place and propped it up, hoping it wouldn't be as noticeable that it had been tampered with if someone happened by.

Although the chandeliers and sconces were old and chipped, the interior was well-lit. At least they'd be able to see. From somewhere deeper inside the mansion, a muted voice said something.

Erza gave the boys a warning look to make sure they stayed quiet, and they all crept further inside. By the time they'd passed several branching hallways and a fair smattering of doors and reached the end of a long corridor to see the bottom of a narrow auxiliary staircase, they were aware that this would be a difficult task.

"This is the back of the building," Gray mused in a quiet voice. "The servants' quarters, maybe. Or the out-of-the-way living spaces. It's basically a labyrinth back here. Maybe the front is where all the big rooms and open layouts are. Which makes it more likely that they're holding Lucy somewhere back here."

"This place is huge," Erza muttered. "We're going to have to split up. Gray, take the top floor. Natsu and Happy can take the second, and I'll do the ground floor. Be careful. We don't want them to know we're here."

"They might already know," Happy said. "If anyone was looking out while we were walking up…"

"I know. I almost want to stay in a group in case they're expecting us and set a trap, but it would take way too long to search this place."

"Agreed," said Gray. "It wouldn't be practical. On the bright side, I'm still not sensing a lot of magic and this whole thing seems to be an exercise in incompetence, so we should be able to hold our own even if we split up."

"That was my thought as well," Erza agreed, "but be careful anyway. Underestimating opponents can get you into trouble."

He wondered if that was a veiled reference to the soul-swapping dark guild and its utterly incompetent trap, but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. He was hardly the only one to have gone into something overconfident and had it come around to bite him.

He took the stairs quickly, only pausing when his foot plunged through a rotten board. He was more careful after that, but he knew he needed to hurry. It was only a matter of time before they ran into someone. His money was on Natsu. The second Gray heard fireballs blasting downstairs, he'd know the game was up. Hopefully, they would have found Lucy by then.

The stairs widened into a hallway half-covered in a long, moth-eaten rug. He pushed open the first door to find a small room crammed with dusty, broken furniture. Storage, maybe? The next several rooms he checked were also little more than glorified closets for old, broken things, but they became gradually larger and more organized as he worked his way toward the front of the building. And better-maintained. More livable.

There were different living spaces, gathering places, bedrooms, even a small library. Some of the furnishings had been replaced or repaired, walls repainted, and furniture swept free of dust. Maybe someone was restoring the old building one room at a time.

Occasionally Gray could hear muffled voices emanating from somewhere deeper within, but he hadn't heard any shouts of alarm. Hopefully that meant their presence still remained undetected.

Wood scraped softly along the floorboards as a door opened up ahead. He froze as a lean, brown-haired man stepped into the hallway. The man started to turn, and Gray made a snap decision. He had no easy hiding place, and the man's eyes were already widening in alarm.

Gray leapt forward and slammed an ice hammer over the guy's head before he could yell and stir up a fuss, and the man's eyes rolled back as he collapsed. Gray snuck a peek into the room his unwary prey had just exited and found that it was empty. Thank goodness.

He dragged the unconscious man back inside and shoved him behind an armchair. Then he froze the guy over for good measure in case he woke up and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"Awesome," he muttered to himself.

And here he had been so sure that it was Natsu who would give them away first. He could feel their already limited time slipping through his fingers. Someone would go looking for this guy eventually or spot him stuffed behind the furniture in a frozen lump. It would have been better to remain unseen rather than create a liability, but there was nothing for it now.

He closed the door behind him and began searching rooms with a renewed sense of urgency. As an extra measure of precaution he tried teasing out the shadows to help cloak himself, before remembering that he was a pathetic demon who couldn't use his curses properly anymore. They weren't responding, so he just cursed under his breath and stuck to the walls where he was at least a little less conspicuous than being smack-dab in the middle of the hall.

He skipped over a room that had voices coming from inside and continued on. He was already frustrated with his lack of success by the time he found a door that was locked. Making short work of the lock with his ice, he opened the door into a room that was entirely empty aside from Lucy huddled against the far wall. It had been stripped bare of everything, presumably as a precaution so that she couldn't find anything useful to help her break out, and her hands were chained behind her back in a very uncomfortable-looking fashion.

"Lucy!" He stepped inside, but immediately froze as his connection to his magic snapped and his chest filled with crushing emptiness. "What the–?"

He half-turned to see a line of runes scratched across the doorway, and his eye followed them as they skirted around all the walls as well. He didn't know much about runes, but these looked fairly simple. Either they _did_ know a little magic after all, or they'd found someone else to do it for them.

His impression was that they were _not_ mages. Otherwise they should have been smart enough to put the line of runes far enough out to cross just ahead of the door instead of just after as an extra precaution to stop mages from breaking in. An oversight.

"Gray!" Lucy stirred and perked up. "Yeah, they have anti-magic runes to keep me contained and keep you out. But you came!"

"Of course," he said shortly, turning away from the bothersome glyphs to cross the room. The last time they had tangled with runes, it hadn't ended well. He steadfastly pushed aside the dark thoughts clamoring at the edges of his mind. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, fine. Although it wasn't very nice to be woken up in the middle of the night by a bunch of guys tying me up!"

There was a purple bruise blooming on her cheek. Gray's eyes narrowed dangerously, but all he said was, "They aren't even mages, are they?"

Lucy turned as much as the chain would allow so that he could examine it. Her hands were cuffed together and then attached to the wall with a metal plate. Gray's ice would make short work of this, but with his magic temporarily unavailable… He began the tedious process of trying to coax, cajole, and manhandle his curses to do his bidding.

"No…" Lucy sighed. "Apparently this guy was some tycoon that my father screwed over. He lost his fortune and ended up in jail, and now he and his family are out for blood and want me to pay back what my father took."

"…Your father died a long time ago."

The shadow that passed over Lucy's face wasn't visible since her back was to Gray, but it was palpable in her voice. "Yes, well, they know that. I think they've gone a little crazy, honestly. Spent too long holed up in their crumbling mansion stewing in their resentment and bitterness."

Gray wanted to scream in frustration as the shadows kept slipping through his fingers. Even his own shadow was staying stubbornly still.

 _Come on!_

 _Let us in. Let us go._

 _I'm trying!_

"They have your keys?"

"Yeah." The embarrassment practically oozed into Lucy's voice. "The leader guy took them. The tall one with the weird birthmark under his eye."

Gray paused his fruitless struggle and frowned at the back of her head. "You saw their faces? They didn't wear masks or anything?"

"They did when they first showed up at my apartment, but they took them off once we got here. Why?"

Either they were _extremely_ incompetent kidnappers…or they were never planning to let Lucy go. Gray's lips tightened and he renewed his efforts. His general impression of people new to the whole 'bad guys' game was that they didn't usually have the guts to kill or seriously maim anyone, but he wasn't taking any chances.

A loud crash and shouting echoed somewhere below, and Gray bit out a curse.

"There goes Natsu," he growled.

There was no more time to waste here. If the kidnappers realized that there was a rescue operation active here, they'd likely come check to make sure Lucy was still trapped. By that time, she couldn't be trapped anymore.

"Can't you just use your curses?" Lucy asked, fidgeting nervously.

"I'm trying," he grumbled. "Man, Erza and her swords would be really useful right about now."

Obviously Erza should have taken this floor, since Gray was utterly useless now that he'd seriously crippled his curses. The cuffs were solid and wouldn't budge no matter how he pried at them, so he followed the chain back to the metal plate on the wall. That might be the weak spot.

He scrabbled at it helplessly and was just starting to find the barest hint of purchase when running footsteps pattered up the hallway and came to an abrupt stop.

"Hey!" someone yelled. "Get away from her!"

Gray cursed again and turned to see a man and woman stepping through the doorway, both with the same brown hair and freckled skin even though their eye color and ages were different. Family, maybe.

"Oh no," Lucy breathed.

"Scream," he said grimly.

"What?"

"Make sure Natsu and the others can find us."

Lucy got the idea and started calling out for Natsu, creating a homing beacon to get the rest of the team over here. The kidnappers were saying something, but Lucy's caterwauling was ringing in Gray's ears.

He moved like lighting, slamming his fist into the man's face and jabbing his other elbow into the woman's stomach. He might not have his magic, but it was still a mistake to underestimate him. His opponents weren't trained fighters, and he sent them stumbling back under a barrage of crushing blows.

The woman toppled over and scrambled back frantically, her movements awkward from the injuries she had sustained, and Gray let her go. He shoved the persistent man up against the wall and was about to slam another fist into his face when a new man appeared in the doorway.

"Stop!" the newcomer shouted.

Gray slammed the unlucky fool he was holding to the floor and turned on the tall newcomer. He started forward, but the man's hand whipped out and a deafening bang split the air. Pain lanced through Gray's leg like white-hot lightning and he stumbled.

The guy behind him regained his feet to grab the demon's arm and twist it behind his back, and Gray didn't have the presence of mind to protest when he snatched up the other as well. Blood flowed down his leg in thick rivulets, and he blinked at it uncomprehendingly before looking up and finding himself staring into the muzzle of a gun.

"Shut up," the man growled, flourishing the gun in Lucy's direction.

She fell silent, and Gray could only hope that it had been enough. He could already tell that this guy was the leader, both from his air of easy arrogance and the birthmark under his eye that Lucy had helpfully warned him of.

"Go help Mark restrain him," the leader said as another mousy-haired, middle-aged man hurried up. The guy nodded and rushed inside toward Gray. "Now, you–"

Gray tossed his head back, taking grim satisfaction in the crunch of his assailant's already broken nose fracturing further, and slammed down on the man's ankle with the heavy boot of his uninjured leg. There was a sharp cry from behind him and he suddenly found himself free.

He lunged for the new guy coming toward him. Pain stabbed through his leg and he stumbled, but he still managed to swing around and send the guy flying with a well-aimed punch. Now ignoring the two goons, he rushed the leader.

"Stop!" the leader cried. "Stop or I'll shoot your other leg."

That gave Gray the briefest moment of pause, but the rest of the team should be on their way and hopefully they'd make it in time to finish things off if he went down.

"Stop or I'll shoot _her_ ," the leader amended, turning the gun on Lucy.

Gray stopped. He still wasn't entirely sure if this guy would really shoot to kill, but it wasn't a risk he was willing to take when Lucy couldn't defend herself.

The leader nodded to someone behind Gray, and the newest guy grabbed him and twisted his arms behind his back again. Gray ground his teeth together in impotent fury.

"I should've known you would cross me." The leader stepped into the room and gave both Gray and Lucy a disdainful once-over. "You should have just handed over the money."

"In case you hadn't noticed," Gray said sourly, "Lucy isn't exactly an heiress anymore. Her dad lost his fortune. And he's also _dead_ and has been for a long time."

"Yes, it was a disappointment to hear that the Heartfilia fortune is no longer ripe for the picking, but I'll have my revenge on the Heartfilias one way or another."

"Again, her father is long dead."

"And I didn't do anything!" Lucy added indignantly.

The depth of hatred in the leader's eyes when he looked at Lucy made Gray squirm uncomfortably. It reminded him of how people looked at him as a demon.

"I can't believe Jude had the gall to die before I could get my hands on him," the man snarled. Gray set his teeth against the pain in his leg and shot a glance at the doorway. If they could just keep this guy talking until the rest of the team arrived… "But I'll take what I can get. You know that her father ruined me?

"Unscrupulous fellow. We were business partners, once upon a time. And then he stabbed me in the back. I lost _everything_. My fortune, my family, my home. He even got me thrown in jail by blaming his own illegal activities on me. By the time I got out, he was _dead_. But that's not good enough. He made me and my family suffer. Just look at the state of our prized home! I've been working to rebuild our fortune and repair this place, but if you aren't going to help, I'll just do it on my own. I was a self-made man before, too.

"In the end, all I want is the girl." He smiled and pointed the gun at Lucy's chest. "I was always going to kill her. It's my revenge on her and her damned family."

Lucy squeaked and squirmed, but she didn't have enough room to get out of the way. Gray growled low in the back of his throat.

"Whoa, wait," said the guy holding him. "I thought we weren't going to hurt her? We just want the money."

"Hush," the leader snapped. "Her family ruined me, and I'll ruin her family. Don't be such a coward."

"But that's not right," the woman on the floor protested, her uneasy conscience written all over her face.

This guy was totally bonkers, twisted by years of loss and prison and a burning desire for revenge, and he had duped his own family into his scheme under the pretense of regaining their fortune. They still weren't great people for going along with it, but this guy was the real threat.

"Oh well," the leader said. "Goodbye, girl. I've waited a long time to get rid of Jude's brat."

Gray lunged forward, twisting out of his captor's grip, but he already knew it was too late even if his injured leg didn't send him stumbling again. The gun was already firing, the sound ricocheting off the walls, and Lucy screamed.

"Lucy!" Gray yelled.

He would do anything— _anything—_ to turn back the clock just a few moments and do things differently. He would do anything to stop this from happening.

And he couldn't, which sent his heart twisting in a way so painful that he couldn't breathe.

A flash of movement whipped past him and darted across the floor faster than thought. An expanse of inky blackness reared up in front of Lucy to absorb the bullet.

Searing pain stabbed through his heart like the white-hot pain of a gunshot, and Gray clutched at his chest with a wheezing gasp of disbelief. What…?

Black ate away at the edges of his vision and he swayed precariously. He thought he might have gotten a blurry view of his shadow snapping at Lucy's cuffs and lunging for the man with the gun, but his mind was so fuzzy that he might have been imagining it.

The pain took over everything, coursing through his veins like fire, and he collapsed to the floor, everything going black with only the sound of Lucy's screaming to break his daze until that too disappeared.

* * *

Lucy sat in the infirmary, in the same chair she'd been sitting in almost without breaks for the past thirty-six hours or so. Her body was aching from sitting still for so long, so she stretched briefly and pulled her feet up to balance on the very edge of the chair. Resting her cheek on her knee, she studied Gray silently.

He still hadn't woken up.

He had collapsed after his shadow saved her from the bullet, clutching at his chest with a stunned expression on his face as if he'd just had a heart attack. His shadow had broken through Lucy's restraints and pummeled her attacker into unconsciousness—although it hadn't killed him, which Lucy was relieved by since it seemed a little more fond of killing things than Gray was—before swiping at the other kidnappers lurking about the room and settling around Gray.

It had continued twitching and fidgeting about like a living thing and snapped at anyone who got too close. If Lucy didn't know how much Gray hated it, she would have said that it was being awfully protective of him. It had settled and let the team touch him, but got antsy whenever anyone else approached.

It was still a little more alive than it should be even now, inky tendrils standing out in sharp contrast as they curled around Gray's pale skin. Lucy had no idea what was going on, not least of all because Gray had been having so many problems with his curses and shadow lately.

Wendy had healed the bullet wound in his leg, but neither she nor Porlyusica could find anything else wrong with him. No sign of any kind of cardiovascular crisis, and there wasn't enough blood loss to account for his collapse and prolonged period of unconsciousness. It was a mystery that had everyone on edge, because no one could do anything to help.

Everyone dropped by frequently, and Lyon was, of course, a huge pain in the neck. The team kept coming to check up on Gray's state, but also to try convincing Lucy to take a break and get some rest.

She was resistant to these pleas, despite some very rational arguments that Gray wasn't going to wake up any faster if she was here and someone was always going to be with him even if she took a few hours to get some sleep. It was, after all, her fault that Gray was in this position to begin with. She had been careless and stupid and _weak_ enough to get caught by a handful of fools with a grudge against her dead father, and Gray and the others had only been in harm's way because of her and her inability to take care of herself.

She reached unconsciously for her keys and grasped them tightly enough that the metal bit into her skin. She was so dependent on these things that it wasn't even funny, and their loss had left her crippled and unmoored and defenseless. Even the thought of losing them again left her panicky and nervous.

"Lu…cy?"

Her eyes snapped to Gray's face, and her heart jumped when she saw that his eyes were halfway open and watching her with a strangely befuddled expression.

"Gray!" Lucy nearly toppled off the chair, but luckily she dropped her feet to the ground to steady herself just in time. "You're awake!"

"I guess so… Are you alright?"

"Am _I_ alright?" she repeated with an incredulous laugh. " _You're_ the one who collapsed and has been unconscious for a day and a half."

"Really?"

Gray struggled to sit up, but fell back with a pained hiss of air escaping through his clenched teeth. His eyes screwed shut as his hand fisted in his shirt and he curled convulsively around his heart.

"Gray!" Lucy said in alarm. "Are you okay?"

Gray took a minute to collect himself and then carefully wriggled upright with the aid of a pillow he propped up against the headboard. His face was still tight with pain.

"Fine…I think." He shook his head slowly and studied her face. "What happened?"

"Your shadow saved me and then you collapsed. It broke me free and took out that jerk, but it didn't kill him or anything. Natsu and the others showed up right after. The one guy went to jail and we let the others go with a warning, I think. We were more worried about getting you back here, but other than the bullet in your leg, we couldn't find anything wrong with you. Everyone is worried, and Lyon is really pissed off."

"Why are you crying, Lucy?"

She rubbed at her eyes hastily and looked away. "I just feel so…useless and weak. All I ever do is get myself into trouble, and then you get hurt rescuing me. I'm sorry."

" _You're_ useless?" Gray coughed out a raspy, unamused laugh. "I'm the one who couldn't even get my curses to work in time to get you out."

Lucy blinked at him in surprise. He had made it sound like he'd been glad to get rid of his curses, and she hadn't realized how much it might still really bother him. Gray had always been so strong and confident, and Lucy had a hard time imagining that he could feel weak and useless too. It boggled her mind a little, but she also wondered why she had never really considered it.

"But you did get your shadow to save me in the end," she said gently.

"No, she did that on her own." He frowned down at the shadow draped across the bed like it was a puzzle that needed solving. "It's a curious thing."

"O-oh?"

"You aren't weak or useless, Lucy. We all have our moments of weakness where we rely on each other for help, and that's okay." He gave her a tired smile and she flushed. Then he winced and rubbed at his chest again. Pulling his shirt away from his skin, he peered down critically. "Are you _sure_ he didn't get me? It definitely _feels_ like I took a shot through the heart."

"Nope, there's nothing wrong with you that we can see. Wendy and Porlyusica checked."

"That's really weird. Unless…" Gray looked down at his shadow and crooked a finger. "Come here, love. Let me take a look at you."

Lucy watched curiously as the shadow obediently curled up toward Gray and he reached inside. After rummaging around, he pulled out his Book.

"Oh," he said. "That would explain it."

Lucy slid closer and blanched. The icy layer protecting the cover had a spiderweb of cracks radiating out from the hole carved into the center. And inside the hole, buried in a nest of torn pages before it had been forced to a stop, was a bullet.

"Oh," she breathed. "Are you–are you alright?"

If he had a bullet in him, Wendy could pull it out and heal him. But a bullet in his Book? Lucy had no idea what to do about that.

"Yeah. It hurts like hell and probably will for a while, but it's not going to kill me."

"Can we…can we fix it?"

Gray shook his head. "Damage the Book, damage the demon. But it's alright. The damage is kind of permanent, but it should start fading over time. It'll heal in its own way, even if it won't go away. I think this is a big enough scar that I'll feel it for a while."

He rubbed at his chest absently with his free hand and blew out an irritated breath. Lucy's hands bunched helplessly in her skirt and her lips trembled. That was what she had been afraid of. What if it didn't fade as much as Gray thought and just hurt him forever? He had just gotten injured _permanently_ trying to save Lucy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, trying to smother her sniffle.

"It's not your fault," he said gently. "If anything, it's mine. It probably just didn't manifest correctly."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my shadow is sort of…between two worlds, so to speak." He frowned and scratched at his head, searching for a way to explain it. "Like, shadows are basically just _there_ —they can't really interact with the world, and you can't interact with them directly. Your hand would go right through. But mine can also manifest more physically, as I'm sure you've noticed. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like that, though, which it gets from me. I think it's been so finicky lately because I've been holding on to control so tightly that it can't get the energy it needs to manifest properly most of the time.

"It must have somehow pulled itself together enough to interact with the bullet, but not enough to interact fully. It wasn't solid enough to stop it on its own, but it had enough control to make the bullet pass through the interdimensional space inside it instead of straight through, where it got stuck in my Book rather than hitting you." He rubbed at his nose sheepishly. "Or…something like that. I don't know if that really makes sense. It's hard to explain."

"Not entirely, but I think I get the gist of it. I just wish…"

"It's alright." Gray offered her a small flash of a smile and then looked down at his shadow as it curled around his hand and Book. "Good girl, Deli. It looks like we're finally on the same page for once."

His smile was a little puzzled, a little wary, but also held genuine warmth. Lucy didn't think she'd ever seen him smile at his shadow in a way that wasn't hostile. This might actually be the closest thing to affection that he'd ever shown it.

"Deli?" she repeated. "Did you name it, then?"

He might have called it that a handful of times, but she thought it had only started recently and wasn't sure what had precipitated the change. She didn't know enough about it to determine if it was a good change or not.

"What?" Gray gave her a puzzled look that slowly morphed into sly amusement until his eyes sparkled like he was laughing at her on the inside. "Something like that."

"Okay?"

Lucy didn't know what to make of his odd reaction, but she didn't have time to press any further before he looked back down and paused. His amusement faded as his lips quirked downward, and he ran his thumb absently along the spine of his Book.

"Lucy? Do you mind if I…ask your opinion on something?"

"Huh? Of course not. What is it?"

He was silent for a long time before asking, "What do you think it means?"

Lucy had no idea what he was talking about, but followed his gaze down to his Book. Leaning over, she joined him looking down at his name scrawled across the cover just below _'Deliora'_ and the bullet hole. She reached out almost automatically before stopping and shooting him an uncertain look. It felt too personal to touch without his consent, like she was touching his very soul.

But he just nodded, and she tentatively let her fingers brush against the cover with a feather-light touch. The shattered ice twinkled and dissipated into the air, startling her, and her fingers were left to run over the worn leather. She traced over the letters of his name gently.

He twitched, a funny look flickering over his face before he smoothed out his expression again, and she wondered how much he could feel. Hurting his Book would hurt him, but she didn't know if he could feel whatever else interacted with it.

She flushed, finding that rather personal and strangely intimate, and withdrew her hand.

"I think it means," she said quietly, "that who you are has changed. You said that what's written in your Book defines you, right? But that defined…Deliora. You know, what Zeref created. Your bond to it was broken and you started rewriting yourself. When you were bound back, it changed your name to Gray because _you_ changed to Gray. You aren't what's written there anymore—you're more than that now. So…I think that you rewrote something in your Book even though you didn't think it was possible, and I think that you rewrote yourself into who you are now instead of being held back by what you were."

Lucy chewed on her lower lip. She wasn't sure if she had conveyed what she wanted to say, but she hoped she had.

She also wondered why this was coming up now. She would have thought that Gray would have figured this out back in the beginning, had thought by his reaction that he understood how momentous it was. Well, he had clearly known that it was important and been moved by it, but maybe he hadn't fully understood _why_. And it was okay if that took some time, it was just…

Why hadn't he found those answers back when he was doing so well before? After he'd made up with Lyon and had been so much happier? If he had been doing so well, why hadn't he come to terms with himself? Had she and the others failed him even then, thinking he was okay when he wasn't?

Gray nodded slowly. "Maybe so," he mumbled under his breath. Shaking his head sharply as if to banish his thoughts, he molded a knife of ice and skillfully twisted the tip in the hole and around the bullet until the offending object popped out. He offered it to Lucy with a toothy smile. "Souvenir?"

Lucy took it automatically, even though she had no idea what she might do with a spent bullet. It rolled around in her palm, glinting dully in the light. The bullet that had been aimed for her heart but had pierced Gray's instead.

"Uh…thanks?"

Ice spread over the Book, sealing it over once again, and Gray shoved it back into his shadow. When he pulled his hand out, the Book had been replaced by Binkie. Lucy smiled despite herself. Watching him carry Asuka's stuffed animal around was actually rather adorable.

"Now I guess we just–" He broke off and turned Binkie over in his hands. "Oh no! I ruined Binkie! What am I going to tell Asuka?"

His finger had caught in the hole torn into Binkie's little chest, and he stared down in horror before flipping the toy over to confirm that there was, in fact, an exit wound along its back. He wore an utterly devastated expression as he shoved bits of escaped stuffing back into the dog.

Lucy winced. The bullet must have gone straight through Binkie before lodging into the Book.

"It's okay," she said, trying to calm him down. "We can just sew him up."

Gray paused. "Can you sew?"

"Well… I'm not, like, an expert, but I know a little bit." She took the dog from him to better survey the damage. The holes were rather big, unfortunately. She pulled together the edges of the hole on its back experimentally. "I could sew this hole shut…but then it pulls the other hole wider. We might have to patch that one."

"Patch?" The newfound hope faded from Gray's eyes. "You can't hide a patch."

"We can find some fabric that matches, I think. It's worth a shot."

Gray smiled despite himself. "Nice pun."

Lucy flushed. "I didn't mean–"

"Thanks, Lucy."

"No problem." She relaxed and shook her head in fond exasperation. "I'll bring some things in tomorrow and we can fix him, alright? But for now, I'm going to let everyone know you're awake. They've been worried."

"Okay." He smiled sheepishly. "Don't tell Asuka."

"Of course not," she said with a laugh.

She ducked out of the room to make her announcement, and was nearly trampled in the ensuing stampede. It seemed like everyone wanted to fuss over Gray…or pretend not to.

"Seriously?" Lyon demanded, bracing his hands on his hips. "I can't even leave you alone for five minutes before you get into trouble! And you didn't even get food first! There's nothing to eat."

"You can eat in the guild," Gray muttered. "Or buy your own groceries."

"…I did."

"Then what are you complaining about?"

Natsu was equally unimpressed. "I can't believe you got taken out by those wimpy dudes."

Gray's eye twitched, but he brightened a little when Chelia shoved past Lyon none too gently to join him at the bedside.

"I heard you got hurt," she said. "Lyon was freaking out, and Sherry and I came down."

Lyon flushed. "I was _not_."

Everyone snickered, knowing better.

"Good to see you, kiddo," Gray said with a smile, before wincing and clearly making an effort not to reach for his chest.

"We're glad you're up," Erza said, "but what happened?"

So Gray had to go through the whole story again, and then try to allay all the fears and worries it dredged up. Natsu, in particular, looked disturbed by the explanation. Maybe, Lucy reflected, because he had once been bound to a Book as well.

"There's really nothing I can do?" Wendy asked. "I mean, can I help get rid of the pain or anything?"

Gray shook his head. "I don't think so. It'll fade on its own like any other wound, but it'll always be there and I don't think you can heal it when it's damage that's bound to my Book and not my body."

" _You_ are the absolute _worst_ , most _difficult_ patient ever," Porlyusica growled from where she'd been lurking in the corner. "Broken bones, magic deficiency, poisoning, illness… _Nooo_ , not good enough for you. I'm tired of getting called down here for all your ridiculous injuries that I can't even do anything about. If I get called here for something so ridiculous again, I will kill you myself and put an end to it."

Gray blinked at her, taken aback. "Uh…sorry? Again?"

She stalked over and thrust a bottle at his chest. "More sleeping potion, for when you need it. Stop getting into so much trouble."

She spun on her heel and flounced out, and everyone stood frozen until they heard the outside door to the guild slam shut. Lucy didn't know who started laughing first, but soon everyone was in an uproar.

She smiled and relaxed. Maybe things would be alright after all.

When she went home that evening, she dug through all her storage until she found a basket of fabric scraps that she had collected but never really used. They were mostly the remnants of all the clothing that got destroyed on jobs. She'd always kept them 'just in case', but never found a use for them. Sadly, she didn't wear much brown.

Still, she brought them with her to the guild the next day, along with everything she would need to do a little sewing. Gray had been confined to the infirmary for the night since he wasn't able to take more than a step without being in very obvious pain. He had been a bit sulky about the enforced bedrest, but Wendy could be nearly as scary as Porlyusica when she wanted to be, and she even had Chelia to back her up.

"Ready to fix Binkie?" Lucy asked as she slipped into the infirmary and settled on the chair beside the bed.

Gray was awake and sitting up against the pillow on the headboard. He flicked his fingers and his shadow, which had been resting on the bed with him, slid back down to the floor. Lucy eyed it curiously, wondering what had been going on there.

"Yep," he said. "Alright, Master Lucy. Teach me how to sew. I messed Binkie up, so I'm going to fix him."

Lucy almost protested that she could do it for him—and, she might add, get it done much faster than if she had to teach him and watch him fumble through it himself—but restrained herself. If he felt responsible, who was she to stop him? Asuka had done something special by giving him Binkie in the first place, and Lucy understood that Gray would want to safeguard and repay that.

So she demonstrated the most basic sewing technique…with the patience of a saint. Gray did not take to sewing. His stitches were uneven and skewed, and he quickly became frustrated.

"Why is it so hard?" he mumbled, grimacing as he stabbed himself with the needle yet again. "It doesn't look like it should be that hard."

"It's _not_ that hard," Lucy muttered.

But he was insistent that he do it himself, so she resigned herself to her arduous task. They had been at it for much too long by the time Chelia came strolling in.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked.

"Learning how to sew so that I can fix Binkie," Gray said with a sigh, nodding to the injured stuffed animal watching over his struggles from the bedside table.

"I can sew!" Chelia said. "Like this!"

She hopped up onto the bed and snatched up a spare needle and scrap of fabric. Lucy paused her lesson to watch, but eventually shook her head. She couldn't compete for Gray's attention with Chelia. They seemed to have some sort of odd little bond.

"I'm going to grab some lunch," she said. "Let me know if you need anything."

Gray flashed her a smile. "Thanks, Luce."

She left them to it, heads bowed close together as they tried to figure it out. It would save her the aggravation, at least.

She felt better after getting something to eat, and then got sucked into one of Natsu and Happy's many arguments. And then into Erza's gushing about strawberry cake. And then into Natsu and Erza's argument when Natsu inadvertently insulted Erza's strawberry cake.

It was a few hours later when Lucy noticed Gray showing Binkie to Asuka on the other side of the room.

"He got hurt in a fight," he was saying. "I'm sorry. But Lucy and Chelia helped me patch him up."

Asuka didn't seem bothered, despite Gray's worry. "You fixed him! Doctor Gray-nii!" She giggled.

Gray smiled a little. "Yep, that's me."

"That's kind of pathetic," Natsu muttered.

Lucy raised an eyebrow at him. "It's _cute_."

"Exactly."

"…You're cute sometimes too."

"I am not!"

"You gave Binkie a heart!" Asuka said loudly.

Lucy twisted around to get a better look. Instead of picking the fabric that would blend in the most, Gray had given up and cut a large heart out of red fabric. It was sewed on with neat, precise stitches, which were more characteristic of his usual precision but seemed mindboggling after his horrible sewing attempts earlier.

"I did," Gray said sheepishly.

Asuka smiled up at him. "Does he help fix your heart too?"

Ah, children. So innocent and naïve, yet somehow cutting straight to the heart of the matter. Lucy watched Gray carefully as he swallowed hard and stared down at the stuffed dog in his hands. One corner of her mouth twitched upward.

"Yeah," Gray said quietly, his fingers brushing over the little dog's heart. "Yeah, he does."

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Sure, there's a difference between being alone because you want to and being alone because you don't have a choice X) It's nice that you're bringing them presents (and food, even! :O). Ha, yeah, the joke is more that Lucy gets kidnapped ridiculously often in canon and fanfic. I don't usually do that because it gets annoying, but I miiight've been poking a little bit of fun at it here lol Ah, I'm artsy, but my mom is the one who can sew. Although she mostly cross-stitches. I also appreciate water in all forms except for Juvia XD Ha ha, yes, a lot of these titles have both a literal and metaphoric component, because that's who I am as a person X)**


	57. Shadow Animals

**EndarkenedSanity: Ha ha, that's one way to look at it. The shadow just wants his attention lol Yeah, I think Gray and Chelia/Gray and Asuka are super cute X) Hahaha, Porlyusica is super over Gray's wacky injuries XD But to be fair, who wouldn't be by now? And poor Natsu, this is what you get for always coming up with such dumb ideas. Now no one wants to listen to him XD**

* * *

 **Shadow Animals**

* * *

Gray sat up gingerly, testing the waters to see how everything was feeling today. There was an angry twinge in his chest, but it wasn't as bad as it had been the first couple days. Good enough.

Slipping out of bed, he padded over to the bathroom, staying quiet on the off chance Lyon wasn't up yet. Lyon was more of an early riser than Gray and was probably awake already, but why take the chance? Gray had accidentally woken him once, and did not relish the thought of being scolded again.

He got ready quickly, only pausing once at a particularly sharp pain in his chest. His hand tightened on the edge of the countertop and his lips pressed together in a thin line. He hoped that settled down soon, but he also found that he didn't really mind the ever-present feeling of _something_ in his chest. It reminded him that his shadow had actually done something good for once, and it gave him hope. He still didn't trust it, not entirely, but he was relieved at any sign of progress.

His eyes fixed on the mirror. The very edges had frosted over, but he had begun breaking the habit of automatically covering the glass with ice every time he passed. Behind him, his shadow moved on the back wall. It had been a bit more lively lately, although not as frustratingly obtrusive as in the old days. Maybe because he wasn't holding on to it so tightly anymore and was offering it a small degree of freedom again as a gesture of goodwill for saving Lucy.

They were never going to be friends, but perhaps they could at least be allies.

"Let's have a good day today, yeah, Deli?" he asked the mirror.

His shadow waved in acknowledgement, and Gray turned to brush past it on his way out.

Lyon was already sitting at the kitchen table—reading the _newspaper_ , of all things—when Gray entered, set Binkie on the counter, and began searching for something to eat for breakfast.

"How are you feeling?" Lyon asked, watching him over the top of the paper.

"Pretty good," he replied. He didn't want to give his friends any excuse to put him back on bedrest. "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah. I hear you're hanging out with Chelia today."

"So I've been told. She can be rather persuasive."

"It's good to see you getting along, but…it's all she wants to talk about now." Lyon scowled, his face taking on a rather peevish cast. "You know I offered to show her some molding and she turned me down? Said it 'wouldn't be the same' and she only wants to do it with you. Honestly."

Gray snickered and popped bread in the toaster. "Maybe she just likes me better than you."

"I'm starting to think so! She used to be all over me and follow me around everywhere, and now it's all just 'Gray this' and 'Gray that'. It's ridiculous."

"You don't have to be so jealous…"

"I am not!"

Gray smiled fondly. "A child's affection is a fickle thing. Relax, Lyon. She's still crazy about you. She's just found a new plaything for a little while."

Lyon gave him an appraising look. "She loves you. You gave her something special and she loves you for it."

"Hm." Gray busied himself with snagging his newly toasted toast out of the toaster and searching for something to slather on top.

"By the way," Lyon added, "Yuka and Toby will be coming back down in a few days."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Sherry and Lucy and Erza got together and decided they wanted to go to the beach and it would be a great opportunity to smash the teams together or something. I don't know. Girls are big on this whole bonding thing. They're going to make us go too, so…prepare yourself."

"Really?" Gray wrinkled his nose in distaste. The beach was near the ocean, and the ocean made him uncomfortable. "Great."

"Yeah. I know that Yuka and Toby aren't always the easiest to get along with, but if you could…"

Gray gnawed at his toast halfheartedly. "Sure, I'll be on my best behavior."

"Thanks. I know that you've been trying and they have too, and it's nice to see you guys tolerating each other even if it isn't easy. I…really appreciate that."

Lyon's eyes were so grateful, and Gray had to clear his throat and look away. He'd put the kid through hell, and the least he could do was play nice with his friends.

"Uh…no problem. Wanna head to the guild?"

"Sure."

Unfortunately, the guild was full of people who worried excessively about every little nick and scratch he got.

"How are you feeling today?" Lucy demanded as soon as she laid eyes on him.

She narrowed her eyes and attempted to bore a hole into his chest with the intensity of her gaze, as if she could peel back his layers and see the invisible damage underneath. Gray wanted to be annoyed, but it was hard to forget how freaked out she was over it.

"Perfectly fine," he said brightly.

She gave him a suspicious look. "Are you sure?"

"…Pretty sure."

"I still think it's going to come back and bite you," Natsu muttered.

"I know more about Books than you do. If I say it's fine, then it's fine."

Natsu wasn't someone Gray would normally take to be a worrier, but the fact that it had to do with the Book seemed to have sparked something.

"Well, it's good to see you up and doing better," Erza said to forestall another endless-loop argument. "We–"

"Gray is hanging out with _me_ today," Chelia interrupted, sidling up and tugging none too gently at his sleeve. "He already said we could. Come on, Gray."

Erza smiled sheepishly and scratched at her head. "How can we compete with that?"

"You can't," Lucy muttered.

Gray just gave them an apologetic smile and let Chelia pull him out behind the guild.

"I want to learn something new today," she declared.

"Like what?"

"How am I supposed to know? You know your magic better than I do. I just want it to be something I haven't seen yet."

Gray set Binkie down on a stump and took a deep breath. "How about shadows, then?"

Chelia stared at him in disbelief. The last time she had asked to try those out had led to an emphatic refusal, so he didn't blame her. He squared his shoulders and steeled himself, already half-regretting the offer.

"Really?" she asked.

"Sure. Why not?"

"You can use your curses again?"

"Of course," he said, although he wasn't confident of any such thing. He still hadn't been using them, but maybe he would be able to wield them more effectively now that he'd had a breakthrough with his shadow. It was worth a shot, anyway.

Chelia's face lit up. "Awesome!"

"The first thing you need to know is that curses are not magic, and wielding the shadows is not like molding." Gray set his face in severe lines, serious and teacher-ly. Chelia responded by watching with wide-eyed interest and nodding emphatically at each point he made like a good student learning her lessons. "Magic is a part of you, but curses _are_ you. I _am_ the shadows. In order to own the darkness, the darkness must first own you. If you aren't willing to let the shadows own you, no dice. It goes both ways."

"Is that why you were having so much trouble with them?" Chelia asked shrewdly. "Because you didn't want them to own you anymore? To _be_ you?"

"Uh…something like that." Gray cleared his throat and scratched at the side of his nose, almost wishing she wasn't so smart. "It's also what makes them so possessive over me.

"Anyway, the point is that you really have to let them in. You can't hold them back too much. But at the same time, you _always_ have to be in control. It can be tricky, because they want to run wild and they'll try to bend you to their wishes. Because they own you, see, and you have to make them respect you so that you can get the upper hand. They should never be in control—you are."

He frowned at the ground, eyes glassy, and added in a quiet voice, mostly to himself, "As long as the Book is closed, you're in control."

"…Gray?"

He shook his head firmly and pasted on a more confident smile to reassure Chelia. "Just remember that however bossy they get, you're the one in control. They're slippery little things, so you have to make sure you keep a tight grip. Molding and creation magic are more about finesse and working cooperatively with your magic. With curses, you just have to corral them into doing what you want. There's not as much skill involved. Got it?"

Chelia blinked back at him with wide eyes. "…Got it. I didn't realize it was so…complicated."

"It's really not. Way less work than molding. You don't even need to use any hand gestures, although I do out of habit and because I find it easier to control them that way. It's just different from your run-of-the-mill magics, that's all."

"You're so cool," Chelia said with a sigh.

"Uh…thanks?" Gray pulled her gently into position in front of him, holding her hands loosely and leaving them to hover in the air in front of them. He suppressed a wince at another phantom pang in his chest. "Alright, take a second and think about it. Can you see the shadows? By the trees, the edge of the building, at our feet. They're everywhere. Can you feel them? You are the shadows. They are around you, inside you, and you are them. Do you feel it?"

He wasn't sure how much of this Chelia—or anyone, really—could truly feel and understand, given that his connection to the darkness was rather… _unique_ , but it couldn't hurt. Having the opportunity to really participate and be involved on a deeper level seemed to make Chelia happier. Maybe it was the difference between really learning and 'using' magic rather than just playacting at wielding someone else's power. The latter, he suspected, would only make her feel worse about her own lost magic.

"I don't know," Chelia mumbled, sounding embarrassed. "I don't know if I can–"

"Relax," Gray breathed in her ear. "Just close your eyes and breathe. It's all around you, if you let it in. Don't think about what you _can't_ do. Think about what you _can_."

She was quiet for several long minutes, only the sound of their breathing and the wind in the leaves touching the silence. "Okay," she whispered finally. "Maybe…"

Whether she actually felt anything or not was irrelevant. As long as she had the sense that she did, or might, then it would work just as well.

"Good girl," Gray said softly. "Now call them."

He let out his breath in a sigh and reached for his curses. He coaxed them out more gently this time, proffering an olive branch after the months of rejection. For a frightening second he could feel them slipping through his grasp again, but then they responded. They curled around him like invisible vines and gathered in the air, setting both the atmosphere and ground beneath their feet humming.

"Wow," Chelia breathed in awe. "You're so strong!"

"You can feel it? Not everyone can. Some mages can sense the curses building up like they can sense magical auras, but some don't even notice at all."

"How can they not? It's everywhere, supercharging everything."

"Alright, alright, let's start with something simple. We'll make one of them move. It might be easier to have it follow your hand at first. That one, by the tree."

He could practically feel Chelia's intense concentration as she focused on the target shadow spreading its dark branches and leaf-dapple across the lawn. Gray inserted as much confidence as possible into his voice and gestures, but it was as much for his sake as Chelia's. All of this was.

He still wasn't sure if he could do it, dealing with the shadows still made him nervous, but he shoved aside his doubts. He needed to be able to let the darkness back in, and he was tired of feeling weak and running away.

The tree's shadow stirred and bent toward them, the shadowy leaves rustling out of sync with the real wind. Gray tightened his grip on Chelia's hand and dragged it through the air across their bodies. The shadow followed suit, bending and stretching to follow along.

"Whoa!" Chelia breathed.

"We can even change its form," Gray said, his voice even as if he was teaching a mundane lesson…even though he was inwardly celebrating his success. "Like so."

The form of the taffy-like tree collapsed and coalesced into an amorphous blob, and he used a few party tricks to drag its shape out into different likenesses as it cavorted about the grass.

Chelia took to it delightedly, apparently not disturbed by the inherent darkness of the curses. Gray's shadow took an interest in the proceedings as well, ridiculously pleased that he was unchaining them again.

It also took an interest in Chelia, which Gray had no patience for. He shooed it off when it got too close to her and told her that dealing with it was for a whole other lesson. He might be on better terms with it now, but that didn't mean he entirely trusted it. And he _certainly_ didn't trust it around children. No, there were some risks that were better not to take.

To smooth out Chelia's petulance at not being allowed to work with the shadow beastie, Gray distracted her with a demonstration of how to combine ice-make and shadow curses. She quickly became fascinated with combining everything she had learned to create hybrid magics.

"That's one strong shield," she said with a low whistle. The floral design of the ice that she liked so much seemed less gentle and more menacing when inky storm clouds gathered within. "I'd like to see someone get through that!"

"You did a good job," Gray agreed.

"Can we…?" She trailed off and bit down on her lip.

"What is it?"

 _Behind you._

Alerted by his shadow's warning, Gray ran a gentle touch of his mind along the shadows. Two people stepped over and through a shadow behind them, one that had been animated recently during their lesson and was still alive with the power hanging in the air.

He recognized them, but chose to ignore their presence until he had handled Chelia's shy request.

"Do you think we could…?" Chelia sighed. "Can we make the roses again? I know that they're… But Lyon likes them and I like them and I thought…"

Gray let out a breath. He saw why she had been so hesitant to ask. But he was, after all, tired of running away, and he wanted to believe that he could make something beautiful out of the ugly hand life had dealt him.

"Of course," he said gently.

He guided her hands through the proper gestures, softening them in a show of gentleness and gracefulness and love. The icy blooms were even more delicate than usual as a result, petals unfurling and stems looping about gracefully. Still, there was a hard edge underneath the beauty. The small thorns lying in wait…and the glossy shadows coloring the glittering petals like obsidian.

"Ah, they're just like you," Chelia murmured. "Beautiful but deadly."

Gray nearly choked to death on his tongue. "I am not _beautiful_ , thank you very much."

She rolled her eyes. "Chill out. It's just an expression."

"And in two seconds, you managed to accomplish what gardeners have been striving to do for decades," said a voice from behind them. "That's one way to get a black rose."

Gray released Chelia and turned, one eyebrow cocking lazily. "I always did have a black thumb."

Two snorted despite herself. "It's difficult to catch you off guard."

He eyed her and the Executioner critically. "The shadows told me it was you."

"The _shadows_ told him," the Executioner muttered.

"At this rate, you guys might as well buy a house down here. You're here often enough. I feel like I see you every few days."

"Every couple weeks," Two corrected. "The Council is very interested in tracking your movements, and we're very interested in tracking your progress."

"You seem less weird than last time," said the Executioner, always a master of diplomacy and tact.

"You finally caught me on a good day," Gray agreed. "And even came at a time when I was actually at the guild. One might think you were becoming masters of timing."

Chelia slipped around his side and tugged at his hand. "Does this mean our lesson is over?"

He smiled at her pout. "Afraid so, kiddo. We've already been out here for a while. You young kids have so much energy… Let an old man have a break."

She giggled. "You're not an old man!"

"My track record begs to differ, but for vanity's sake, let's go by my dashing good looks and say I'm in the prime of my youth."

Chelia laughed, and the crisis was averted as she conceded and began tugging him back toward the door. "We can do more later."

"Sure thing. You guys wanna come inside?" But then he froze half in the doorway and turned with a frown. "Hey, can someone grab Binkie for me?"

With his free hand, he pointed at the stump Binkie perched upon like a throne. The Executioner snorted loudly, but Two fetched the toy without any fuss. She made to hand it to him but paused to study it critically.

"Was there always this patch here?"

"Uh…no." Gray shifted sheepishly and took Binkie to fold under his arm. "He was injured in the line of duty and we had to patch him up. Luckily, Asuka took it well."

"He was shot through the heart," Chelia informed them with great gravity. "Just like Gray."

Two raised an eyebrow. "Like Gray?"

Gray shook his head. "It's not like that."

"Was the lesson too much strain?" Chelia asked, worry spreading over her face. "Are you alright? I should have thought about that."

"Fine, fine," he said quickly. The ache in his chest had slowly grown more pronounced over the course of the lesson, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

"But–"

"It's fine, kiddo. I don't need to be coddled."

"What happened?" the Executioner asked.

Gray shook his head and ushered Chelia inside without a backward look. "There was some damage to my Book. It's not as big a deal as everyone is making it out to be. Anyway, let's get the sham interrogation over with."

No one looked surprised to see them come in. That made sense, he supposed. Their guests would have come in through the front door.

"Hey, guys!" Lucy said brightly, waving at them from where the team, Lyon, and Sherry had gathered in preparation for the Council's assault. "How'd the lesson go?"

"Pretty good, I guess?"

"It was awesome!" Chelia said. "We did all sorts of cool things!"

Erza smiled apologetically. "Sorry, but we figured you were out there for a while and could use a break."

Gray shrugged. "It's fine–"

"Gray, there you are!"

"Huh?" He turned to see Bisca and Alzack rushing over, Bisca clutching Asuka's hand and towing her along.

"Great, we've been waiting for you," Bisca said briskly. "Alzack and I are going out, and we need you to watch Asuka for us. We'll be back this evening. You can take her out if you want, but try to have her back by six, alright?"

"W-what? But–"

"Be good, baby." Bisca kissed Asuka on the forehead and pushed her over to Gray. She headed out the door without a backward look, Alzack following behind. "We'll be back in a bit."

Gray stared after them blankly. "…Why me?"

He wasn't even supposed to play with Asuka without supervision, much less babysit her. Sure, they were in the guild, but Bisca had said they could also go out. And she could have asked anyone else.

He wondered if maybe the whole incident had happened so fast that he'd misheard something.

"Awesome!" Lucy said, clapping her hands together. "Looks like even Bisca is finally ready to relax. And she was the last of the holdouts."

"About time," Natsu muttered.

"Yay!" Asuka cheered, bouncing around Gray's legs. "Gray-nii is allowed to play with me again!"

A small smile touched the corners of Gray's lips as he watched her. Bisca, he realized, had just given him her blessing to be around Asuka again. It meant more than he cared to admit, lifting his heart to dangerous heights.

"Sure thing, kiddo." He gave her Binkie so that he could take hold of her hand and tow her and Chelia over to the others. "We can play just as soon as I talk to the Council, alright?"

"But I want to play _now_."

"We could have another lesson instead," Chelia said sulkily.

"Uh…" Gray wasn't sure how to deal with two children vying for his attention.

"You're going to have to wait," Lucy said to Two with a defeated air. "He can't say no to kids."

"Can so," he muttered.

He sat down and pulled Asuka into his lap, and Chelia sat down beside him in a huff. Two and the Executioner joined the group as well, looking more amused than they had any right to be. He would think that Chelia, at least, was old enough to put aside petty jealousies, but his hopes were soon dashed.

"Gray's giving _me_ magic lessons," Chelia told Asuka, sticking her nose in the air.

Asuka scowled. "Gray-nii dances with me and spins me around!"

"Oh yeah? He let me join Fantasia even though I'm not part of your guild."

"Me too! And he bought me ice cream!"

"Uh, guys…?" Gray said. "It's not a competition…"

Chelia smiled smugly and went in for the kill. "Well, he let _me_ play with the shadows."

Asuka's mouth dropped open and her eyes went as big as saucers. "Really? He never lets anyone play with them!"

Gray rubbed at his face tiredly with the hand not wrapped across Asuka's waist. "Oh boy."

"This is great!" Lyon chortled.

"With the shadows?" Natsu asked. His gaze sharpened. "You're using your curses again?"

"I can if I want to," Gray huffed.

"About damn time."

"I want to play too!" Asuka wailed.

Gray took a deep breath and aimed for compromise. "How about this? We'll play a little bit, and then Chelia can show you what we've been learning while I talk to our friends from the Council. Deal?"

That should keep Asuka occupied for a little while and let Chelia feel important—and, in all likelihood, more than a little superior—and maybe he would eventually be able to talk to Two and the Executioner without having children hanging off of him.

"Okay!" Asuka said immediately.

"Fine," Chelia muttered.

"I don't see what's so great about Gray anyway," Natsu said critically. Lucy elbowed him in the ribs.

Deciding to be the bigger person for once, Gray ignored his friend. Freeing his hands, he twisted his fingers into the proper shapes and let his curses darken the natural shadows and pull them up to the nearby wall.

"What's that?" Asuka asked.

He grinned. "That's Binkie, see? The most fun thing to do with shadows is make shadow animals. You like animals, right?"

He twitched his pinkie finger to make the shadow dog's tail wag, and Asuka laughed.

"Binkie! Make some more!"

Gray obliged. He created a menagerie of animals out of the shadows on the wall and let his curses sink their teeth in to make perfectly formed replicas. He continued making the hand gestures because it seemed like the right thing to do, but the animals frolicking on the wall were far too realistic to be made up of fingers.

Asuka laughed in delight. "Make a dragon!" The shadow dragon soared across the wall, breathing little puffs of inky fire and sending the other shadow critters scurrying. "Tell me a story!"

"A story?"

"Yeah! With the animals!"

That sounded like a better job for Lucy, but Gray knew better than to try dodging Asuka's request. "What kind of story?"

"The story of how Binkie got his heart!"

"Gray fainted like a princess and let the toy take the hit for him," Natsu said bluntly.

Gray's eye twitched. "That is _not_ how it happened."

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Is–"

" _Boys_ ," Erza interrupted. "Gray, tell the story so that we can get this over with."

Lucy grinned. "This should be good."

"Excuse me for a moment," Gray told their guests politely. "I'll be with you shortly."

"By all means, go ahead," said the Executioner dryly. "I'm dying of curiosity."

"Right." Gray cleared his throat and let his voice fall into a storytelling cadence as he began weaving the scenes in shadow on the wall. "Our story starts, as a great many stories do, with a princess." A shadow princess, complete with crown and gown, took center stage. "One day, some enemies of her father hatched an evil plot to kidnap the princess to steal her wealth and kingdom. But the princess was as strong as she was beautiful, so they decided to sneak inside while she was sleeping and spirit her away without giving her a chance to fight back."

"Bad men!" Asuka scolded, bouncing up and down in Gray's lap. She booed loudly as the shadow men carried off the struggling princess.

"Very bad men," Gray agreed. "News of the princess's capture spread quickly, and a team of heroes was assembled to journey to the bad men's fortress and rescue her. First, there was a powerful demon with dashing good looks and mastery of ice and shadow. Then–"

"You don't have horns!" Asuka protested, pointing at the little horns protruding from the shadow demon's head.

"No, but I think they'd be pretty cool, right? Also, he needs to look different from the humans."

"Dunno about the good looks," Natsu muttered.

Gray shot him a nasty look. "Then there was a mighty dragon who could breathe great blasts of fire–"

"Hell yeah!"

"–but wasn't nearly as good-looking or powerful as the demon."

" _Hey!_ "

"Joining them was the most powerful warrior in all the land. She was a skilled sword master, and her enemies trembled at the sound of her name. Binkie, the demon's loyal hound, wouldn't be left behind either. And to round it all out, there was a…flying cat. He could…fly."

"Hey!" Happy protested. "How come everyone else gets to be something cool?"

"Hey, I'm still just a demon," Gray said with a shrug.

He let their shadow caricatures start on their journey, painting scenery and dangers all around. It was more fun than he had expected, weaving stories of adventures and enemies the motley group encountered on the way to the mythical stronghold. Asuka's rapt fascination was also gratifying.

He made up enough stories of daring escapades once the team reached the forbidding fortress to keep Asuka entertained and satisfied, and then decided she wouldn't be too put-out if he began wrapping it up.

"While the warrior was fighting off the skeletons in the basement, Binkie and the demon had just escaped the clutches of the impling horde. They prepared themselves for what horrors lay behind the next door, but when they pushed it open, there was the princess! She had been chained up, but she was alive and they knew that they needed to escape and find the others.

"Unfortunately, her captors were prepared and had laid a trap. The demon stumbled into a pentacle carved on the floor and was trapped, unable to break free."

"But pentacles and things don't affect you!" Asuka protested.

Gray frowned a little and looked away. "They shouldn't, but the demon thought he was trapped and so he was. And so he wasn't able to intervene when the enemy fired a killing spell at the princess."

"Oh no!"

"But Binkie raced in to save the day! He managed to attack and defeat the enemies, but in the process he took a shot to the heart and collapsed."

"But if Binkie took the hit, why did the demon collapse too?"

"Uh…" Gray frowned and rubbed at his nose. His simplistic story hadn't really left room for any kind of inclusion of Books. "Well, Binkie _was_ the demon's heart. So when Binkie was hurt, the demon felt his pain and fell too."

"Poor Gray-nii," Asuka sighed.

"Uh, sure. Anyway. Luckily, the warrior heard the commotion and rushed to their rescue, freeing the princess. The dragon, being slow and clumsy, arrived later with his feline companion."

"Actually, Happy and I got there first," Natsu said primly. "Erza was on the floor below us."

Gray ignored him. "The princess tried desperately to heal poor Binkie, but it was no use. They needed to get him and the demon back to their kingdom for proper medical attention. She took Binkie, and the dragon carried the demon."

"Like a princess," Natsu clarified with a snicker.

"But being rather weak and pathetic, the dragon dropped the demon halfway through the journey, not strong enough to carry him properly."

"Excuse me?" Natsu demanded. "I did not!"

"Well, actually…" Lucy said.

"…That was once."

Gray's head whipped around and he gaped at Natsu, the story forgotten. "You _dropped_ me?"

"Hey, you're heavy!" Natsu defended.

"I'm lighter than you!"

"Only because you stopped eating for months."

"Exactly my point!"

"Look, you were unconscious and didn't know any better."

"I do now! I collapsed and you didn't know what was wrong with me, so you thought it was a good idea to _drop_ me?"

"Well, maybe if you weren't so annoying and–"

" _Boys_ ," Erza interrupted. She gave them both a withering glare, and they subsided with matching glowers. "Stop fighting like children. Finish the story, Gray."

"And it turned out the reason the dragon dropped the demon was because his spell was running out," Gray said sulkily.

"What spell?" Asuka asked.

"Well, the magic wore off and the dragon was enveloped in a cloud of noxious smoke. When it cleared, all that was left in his place was his true form: an ugly, scaly little lizard."

"A _lizard_?" Natsu roared.

"An ugly, scaly little lizard."

" _Why, you–_ "

"And he was so weak and pathetic that the flying cat had to carry him all the way back to the castle."

" _I'm going to strangle you!_ "

Gray and Natsu yelped in unison as Erza whacked them each over the head.

"I said _enough_ ," she said.

Her fearsome demeanor was undermined by the peals of laughter from nearly everyone else around the table. Even Two was fighting a smile, and the Executioner was coughing behind his hand in a way that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

"Fine," Gray muttered, resisting the urge to rub at his head so that he could continue with his shadow show. "The healers did everything they could, but Binkie and the demon only got worse and worse. Finally, in desperation, the princess sewed Binkie a heart to heal the damage. He woke, and soon the demon woke as well. There were joyous celebrations and they were all hailed as heroes and lived happily ever after. Except for the lizard, who–"

"Think _very_ carefully about what you're going to say next," Erza said in a dangerously low voice.

Gray swallowed down his words. "And they all lived happily ever after," he muttered.

"Binkie's a hero!" Asuka said.

"Yup. Now, why don't you ask Chelia to show you what she's learned? We can play some more later, alright?"

"Alright!" Asuka wriggled out of Gray's lap and handed Binkie back to him, before grabbing Chelia's hand and tugging her over to the other side of the hall.

Gray shook his head and propped his cheek on his fist as he watched them go. "Kids."

"How did you get so many children fighting for your attention?" Sherry asked with a laugh.

"Beats me."

"Better you than me," Lyon said.

"Oh really? Even though you were telling me just this morning that you were annoyed about how Chelia–?"

" _Anyway_ ," Lyon interrupted, flushing and looking away from Sherry's knowing smile.

Gray finally turned to Two. "Alright, shall I give you the account of my recent whereabouts and activities?"

"By all means."

He only half-focused on the conversation at hand. He was too busy watching Chelia and Asuka. Specifically Chelia, who seemed to have decided to demonstrate some techniques for the younger girl. When her hands moved, Gray flicked his fingers and the shadows jumped to bend and twist in time to her motions.

Chelia jumped half a foot in the air and turned back with wide eyes. Gray grinned and waggled his fingers in a wave. She flushed and smiled, mouthing 'thank you' before turning back to Asuka.

He did his best to guess at her intentions from the way she moved her hands, and instructed the shadows to follow along. Asuka was goggle-eyed in awe, and Chelia's grin nearly split her face.

"You're so sweet to her," Sherry said with a sigh as she watched the girls playing around. "She talks about you all the time."

Gray's lips curved downward. "Poor kid. I'd be devastated if I lost my magic. Whatever makes her feel connected still."

"She's the one who lost her magic?" Two asked.

"Yeah. Some fight with Alvarez. Dimaria, was it? I was still locked up then."

"Dimaria," Sherry agreed sadly. "It was an effect of a spell. She had to sacrifice her magic. It hit her hard."

Two hummed to herself. "That is sad. It's good that she has all of you looking out for her."

Movement caught Gray's eye, and he scowled at his shadow as it crept toward the girls. "Stop that," he snapped. "Get back here."

It retreated like a wounded puppy to settle back at his feet, and he poked at it dubiously with his foot. It had become livelier lately, and for some reason seemed to become especially active around kids. He could chalk today up to it being attracted by the renewed use of his curses, but it had also showed an interest in Jamie more than once. It was starting to get rather tiresome.

"Still having problems with that?" Happy asked.

"She's not as bad as before, but I don't want her near kids." Gray started and blinked at his companions. "Sorry, have I been missing something in the conversation?"

"Yeah," said the Executioner dryly. "All of it."

Two's smile was kinder. "It's alright. You've been distracted with the girls."

"Yeah… Sorry."

"Don't be. It's sweet."

Despite Gray's resolution to pay more attention, he quickly found himself distracted again. Now Chelia was making molding gestures. He could tell what she was trying to make from the gestures, at least. He _guessed_ she was trying to do a similar curse-magic blend to what they'd been doing today, given that she had a tenseness to her stance that she didn't usually have when they practiced molding. Maybe because she remembered his warnings about keeping tight control over the shadows.

He obediently molded the proper gestures. Trying to keep up with all her molding and hand-waving was tiring.

"Doesn't she ever take a break?" he asked with a sigh.

"Chelia?" Sherry asked. "No, not really."

"You did this to yourself by humoring her," Lyon said unsympathetically.

"What is she doing _now_?" Gray asked with a huff, squinting at the tangle of fingers Chelia seemed to think was a real molding gesture. "I'm not a mind-reader."

"I think…it's probably supposed to be the roses," Lyon said. "She seems to like those."

Gray looked over at him, a more serious expression settling over his face. "Are you…okay with that?"

"Huh? Sure." Lyon looked away with a melancholy smile. "I like them too."

"Hm."

A formless tangle of icy spikes exploded into the air, leaving Chelia to shriek and turn on Gray with a confused scowl.

"What–?"

"Try again," he interrupted mildly. "Maybe move your thumb down this time. And cup your right hand more."

Chelia blinked at him and then smiled sheepishly. "Like this?"

"Thumb down farther."

"This?"

"Yeah. Try that one."

This time, the rose garden bloomed.

"You're such a harsh teacher!" Lucy said with a laugh.

Gray shrugged. "She's learning. We aren't just playacting. If she wants to borrow my magic, she has to earn it. It's what keeps her involved and makes her feel like she's really a part of it, rather than this being an exercise in pity. She doesn't want pity."

"I…hadn't thought of it like that."

Two's expression was thoughtful. "I think I see why you're so good with kids."

He stared back blankly. "What is there to see?"

But he was distracted by Chelia's next move, and jumped on the opportunity to create a little chaos. The ice shot across the guild and slammed into the bar right next to Mira, sending dishes and food flying.

" _Gray!_ " Mira screeched.

Gray burst out laughing. "She's going to _kill_ me."

"I'm so sorry!" Chelia wailed, rushing over to Mira. "Are you alright?"

Funny how she knew it was Gray controlling the magic but still felt responsible for the outcome. It was…good. It meant that she felt like it was hers too.

"Really?" Lucy asked. "You're such a child."

He just grinned. "Well, now I have a break while Chelia helps Mira clean up. So let's finish up here."

Turning his attention away from the girls, he answered all of Two's questions and fished for news about what plans the Council had for him. It was several minutes later when Chelia slid onto the seat beside him.

"Mira isn't happy," she informed him. But she was smiling.

"What a shame. Huh, I thought Asuka was with you." Gray twisted around to look for the younger girl. When he found her, his heart skipped a beat and shuddered to a stop.

Asuka was laughing and running around in the center of the hall, playing with the frolicking shadow that danced around her and continually morphed into different animal shapes to keep her interested. The shadow whose length his eyes could track all the way back to the soles of his feet.

He jumped to his feet, the bench scraping against the floor. "Hey–!"

"Leave it alone," Natsu said shortly. "It's not doing anything."

"You don't understand," Gray snapped. "It's not safe. I don't want her anywhere near kids."

"It saved me," Lucy said.

"Yeah, but…"

"It kind of freaks me out sometimes, to be honest. But you know…I trust you, and I know that you wouldn't let it hurt us. I think you have it under control and you just worry too much."

"You said you control it, right?" Chelia asked. "As long as your Book is closed, anyway."

"When the Book is closed, I control it." Gray's voice was tight, and his knuckles were white and fingers achy from how tightly his hands were clenched into fists. "When the Book is open, it controls me."

There was a long silence.

Finally, Chelia said quietly, "I think you're very brave for trusting something that you're so afraid of."

Gray started, his unwavering stare toward the troublesome shadow broken as he blinked at Chelia, feeling unmoored.

"Just let it go for now," Lucy said gently. "You can keep an eye on it and make sure that things don't get out of control. Just see how it goes. Maybe it'll surprise you."

Gray fixed his gaze back on the shadow and child again, but finally deflated and sank back down onto the bench even though every nerve in his body was screaming for him to put a stop to this before someone got hurt.

He watched in silence for a few minutes. The shadow jumped from cat to dog to horse and beyond, and Asuka chased after it with delighted laughter and shining eyes.

"It's weird," he mumbled. "She…looks like she's having fun."

"She does, doesn't she?" Lucy said, the smile evident in her voice. "I guess kids like shadow animals. Although it doesn't really take much to entertain Asuka these days."

Gray hummed noncommittally, but his puzzled gaze remained fixed on the cavorting shadow.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: Ah, a PM buddy of mine recommended AnY and I watched it because the animation was gorgeous, and then I read the manga and it's actually pretty well done. Objectively higher quality than FT, at least. Never seen Skip Beat, but maybe I'll check it out sometime. Currently I've just finished Noragami, which was awesome and totally sucked me in (although it's on hiatus so I'm sad ;_;), so I'm writing for that instead of FT at the moment X) Maybe I'm just so fed up with FT's fandom that I needed a break for a bit. But Noragami and Akatsuki no Yona are actually pretty good. Ha ha, glad you have some kind of purpose. Ha, Gray bashing Natsu in storytelling is too much fun. Well, the shadow and curses are a part of Gray, and he needs to learn how to accept and live with himself as he is rather than continue ignoring his problems and trying to cut out the pieces of himself he doesn't like. He can learn to change them a bit so that they line up with who he wants to be, but it would be counterproductive to kill them off entirely.**


	58. At the Water's Edge

**EndarkenedSanity: Ha ha, occasionally we need some fluff and humor to cut the angst. Also, sometimes I just need Gray being cute lol It's not exactly my forte, but glad it's not too disappointing lol And yeah, I feel you. Sometimes your charries just grow and develop so much and you're left looking after them like...where did you go? XD Thanks lol**

 **Guest: Co-recovery is awesome lol Well, the permanent consequences thing has a couple parts. For one, I do like to write stories, events, etc. that have permanent consequences and will affect the characters permanently (rather than the "Bad Stuff happened but now everything is 100% okay and we're pretty much the same as before without any growth and get a random Happily Ever After" approach). The "Heat Stroke" thing _is_ permanent, as is the curse in the "Because" verse (that one actually got addressed a bit more in the after-stories and was prominent throughout the main story) and everything with both the Book and the damage to it here. The Book itself is also a Permanent Consequence that is tied to demon-Gray for good, and it's the one that has been explored throughout the entire story as a physical stand-in for the Gray/Deliora existential conflict. Okay, the thing about the other permanent stuff is that the Bad Stuff it's tied to tends to happen near the end of the story and is followed up by the recovery and wrap-up arc, so... They're still permanent consequences, but I don't always have room to explore them because they're a result of a climax and I have to get to the resolution to finish the story. I'd need to write some kind of sequel or follow-up story to address them, and...yeah, not gonna happen most of the time lol There are only 60 chapters total in this story, so you'll have to use your imagination :3 Exploring more Bad Stuff is taking a backseat because this is the main recovery arc and that's the focus. If I'd done all this earlier on, I would've had more room to play with the consequences later, but it was a bit of a latecomer to the ideas table.**

* * *

 **At the Water's Edge**

* * *

"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Natsu shouted, barging right past Gray and the others. "Forget the torture device! I'm ready to swim!"

He had, Gray reflected sourly, recovered awfully quickly from the ride over.

"He didn't even wait to hear the plan," Lucy said with a pout as she stared after Natsu. He raced down to the water, kicking up clouds of sand as he went, and dove into the ocean with Happy hot on his heels. "I brought a ball. I wanted to play beach volleyball!"

Gray perked up. Now, here was a convenient excuse being offered to him on a silver platter!

"I'll play with you," he said. He deposited Binkie in his shadow, not wanting to add copious amounts of sand to the list of insults and injuries the poor critter had suffered under his care.

"I'll be on Gray's team!" Chelia said immediately, grabbing his arm.

He blinked down at her in bemusement. "Why are you here, anyway? I thought this was some sort of weird team-bonding thing that the girls set up."

That still didn't really make sense to him since Lyon's team was hanging around the guild off and on anyway, and he didn't see why it had to be at the beach of all places. But he'd promised to play nice. Of course, playing nice with Toby and Yuka basically translated to keeping his mouth shut and pretending he didn't know they hated his guts.

"Don't be so mean!" Chelia whined. "I like to come down with Lyon too. Anyway, Asuka said that you took her out shopping the other day!"

Gray huffed out a breath. "It's not a competition…"

"We'll be in the water," Yuka muttered, dragging Toby along down the beach. Gray suspected that decision was prompted by his agreement to stay here.

"I'm not on Gray's team," Lyon declared.

"Good." Gray smiled, all sharp teeth and fiery eyes. "I'm going to wipe the floor with you."

"You wish!"

"Lucy and I will be on Lyon's team too," Erza said, her eyes alight at the prospect of a good competition.

Gray, who was smarter than he looked, knew that he _did not want_ Erza to be on the other team. "You should be on my team. I mean, you hit _really_ hard—what if you accidentally hit Chelia too hard? You can beat up on Lyon, no problem. But not on kids."

Erza nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. Sometimes I don't know my own strength."

Gray resisted the simultaneous urges to roll his eyes and wildly celebrate his success.

"Wait," said Lucy, "I'd really rather be on Erza's team."

"Sorry, Luce." Gray gave her a sympathetic look. "No dice."

Her face paled further. "I think I'm changing my mind. Maybe I'd rather go swim after all."

"Don't worry so much!" Sherry nudged Lucy in the side and grinned. "I'll be with you and Lyon. We can totally take them down!"

"…I'm glad one of us is optimistic."

"I'm pretty optimistic too," Lyon said blithely.

"You're both delusional."

Erza, seemingly oblivious to Lucy's despair, was busy scoping out the terrain. "There's a good spot over there. Good thing it's not too busy today. Why don't we set up our towels and umbrellas and everything, and then we can get started."

"Aye sir," Gray said with a salute.

They pitched camp in the sand, laying out towels and trying to figure out how to pin them down with the umbrellas and bags. Gray didn't know why they needed so many bags. It was a beach—you pretty much swam or sunbathed.

Lyon snorted loudly. "You used to find it impossible to keep your clothes on, and now you won't even strip for the beach?"

Gray turned to see that everyone else had already left their clothing in piles on the towels and kicked off their shoes, and were now attired only in their bathing suits. Sherry and Erza had broken out the sunblock and were hard at work spreading greasy white blobs of lotion over their skin. Gross.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "I'm getting there."

"Never thought you'd be the _last_ one to strip."

"Ha ha."

Gray hesitated for a moment longer and then reluctantly peeled off his shirt and pants. It had been a long time since he'd broken the stripping habit, and even being just in swim trunks made him feel oddly exposed now.

"Put on some sunblock, Gray," Erza commanded.

He made a face. "I'll pass, thanks."

"That wasn't a suggestion. You're going to get burned and ruin your skin."

"I'll take my chances."

Erza advanced, face thunderous, and he suddenly realized the peril of his situation. It was dangerous to go up against her when she got it into her head how things were supposed to work. But he _really_ hated the feeling of that slimy stuff on his skin.

" _Get over here, Gray_."

"Leave me alone!" He backpedaled and held up his hands defensively.

Erza kept right on coming. "Stop being such a child."

"I'll have you know that I've lived for hundreds of years. If I want to get skin cancer, then I'll do as I damn well please."

"Not on my watch, you won't!"

Gray yelped and jumped back as Erza lunged at him, but it was too late. His assailant latched on to him like a leech and squirted lotion over his back. Unwilling to admit defeat just yet, he struggled like a wild beast.

"Give it up," Lucy advised, watching in amusement while she rubbed the sunblock on her arms. "Erza always gets what she wants."

Lyon was practically rolling on the ground in laughter. "You should see your face!"

"You too," Sherry said firmly. She shoved a bottle at Lyon and he groaned. "Stop being such a baby. And Gray, you wouldn't want to set a bad example for Chelia, would you?"

Gray knew a losing fight when he saw one. "Give it here," he grumbled. "I can do it myself."

Erza released him and passed over the bottle. He could practically feel the smug triumph radiating from her. He began applying the vile substance with the utmost reluctance, and stiffened when Erza continued rubbing it into his back.

"You know I can reach my back, right?" he muttered, shifting away.

Erza hummed to herself and was silent for a long moment before saying, "There are a lot more scars than I remember."

Gray's lips tightened, and he was suddenly made painfully aware of the scars crisscrossing his chest and slashing up his arms. He had never been particularly self-conscious about such trivial things as scars and didn't find them troublesome in his own estimation of his looks, but now he shifted uncomfortably.

Erza's voice sounded funny and his friends were _looking_ , and he didn't care about the scars but he cared about them _looking_ at him like that.

"Yeah," he said neutrally, slathering lotion over his chest and avoiding everyone's eyes. "I'm a trouble magnet."

"You can say that again," Lyon muttered.

Lucy sighed. "Still…"

It was Chelia who picked up on Gray's discomfort despite his carefully blank façade. She crept over and carefully placed her small fingers over the base of one of the long, ugly scars running the length of his inner arm. He paused, his hand tightening around the bottle.

"You said that they were part of you and you weren't ashamed of them," she said.

"I'm not ashamed of them. I just don't like being gawked at." He gave Lucy a meaningful look, and she flushed and looked away.

Chelia gave him a cheeky smile. "Let them look. You don't have to hide pieces of yourself to make them more comfortable."

One corner of his mouth twitched upward into a reluctant smile. "Smart kid. Now, are you ready to play some volleyball?"

"Yeah!"

He marched off and dragged his foot through the sand to delineate the teams' territories, and the topic was effectively closed. Lucy produced an inflatable ball and settled on the other side of the line, looking rather pale as she eyed Erza. Erza was already grinning in competitive bloodlust, and Gray quietly said a prayer for the other team's safety.

"Alright, then." He grinned and settled himself into a preparatory position. "Let's see who we can knock out first."

Chelia gave him a funny look. "It's volleyball. People don't get knocked out."

"…Clearly, you've never played sports Fairy Tail style."

Lucy took a deep breath and served the ball, and everything disappeared into a haze of flying sand and flailing limbs and the driving need to _win_. The gathered mages were nothing if not competitive.

In a somewhat disappointing turn of events, no one actually got knocked out. Gray _did_ manage to knock Lyon off his feet once and Erza's vicious volleys sent their opponents diving for cover, and that would have to be enough. Everyone but Chelia sported a new assortment of bruises by the end.

Gray's team did win, although, to be fair, the odds had been stacked against Lyon's group. Also, part of it might have been pure intimidation. Lucy was more than willing to sacrifice a point in order to save her life, and Sherry also learned a healthy fear of Erza pretty quickly. And Lyon—both incredibly brave and extremely stupid to stand against Erza's onslaught—found himself to be Gray's especial target. Gray had far too much fun knocking him around, and it was only better that Lyon gave— _almost_ —as good as he got.

"I surrender," Lucy wheezed finally. "I'm going to hang out with Natsu and Happy. You guys are crazy."

Everyone was panting and out of breath and more than one of them was limping slightly, so the game broke up and they dragged off their aching bodies in their separate directions. Lucy, Erza, and Lyon were all too eager to get in the water, while Sherry was content to sprawl out on one of the towels to do some sunbathing.

Gray would have joined her, if not for Chelia's insistence that they 'play'. She wanted to go out in the water as well, but, faced with Gray's adamant insistence that he didn't feel like going in yet, settled for building sandcastles on the shore. This ended up being something of a blow to Gray's pride, as it turned out that he was rather _bad_ at it. Everything he made turned into a shapeless blob. And when Chelia went off to collect sea shells for decorations—still not understanding why he didn't want to join her at the water's edge—he tried to fix some slight imperfection in her castle and sent it crumbling. He accepted the resulting lecture without complaint.

"Let's go," Chelia whined when she'd finally finished yelling about the castle. "The water feels so good."

"Why don't you go hang out with Lyon for a while?" Gray suggested. "I think I'll stay up here for a bit longer."

Chelia was not pleased by this, but Gray wasn't budging. Eventually, he managed to convince her to head out into the water and then retreated to flop over on the towel next to Sherry's.

"You don't really seem like the sunbathing type," Sherry murmured without opening her eyes.

"No, but only because I don't tan. I'm afraid I go straight from white to burned, but hope springs eternal. One day I'll outsmart my skin."

She coughed out a laugh and glanced over. "How did you manage to escape Chelia?"

"My powers of persuasion are not to be trifled with."

"She seems to stay stuck to you like glue whenever you're around."

"…It was fairly difficult."

"I don't doubt it. Are you going to hang out with her more later?"

"Mm… Undoubtedly." He pillowed his head on his arm and frowned up at the sky. It would be a pain to convince Chelia not to drag him into the water next time around. Actually, he wondered how long he'd be stuck here. It was hot with the sun beating down and the sand was hard and uncomfortable underneath him. Also, he hated the feeling of being covered in the sandy grains. "How has she been? You know, with the…"

"She's been doing pretty well, actually. I would have never thought to try it, but those magic lessons of yours have been working wonders for her."

"That's good. And…you? How have you…?"

There was a short pause, and he could feel the curious eyes boring into him. He stared resolutely at the sky and flirted with blinding himself on the sun's rays rather than make eye contact.

"I've been fine," Sherry said. "Things are settling down a little now that Lyon is doing better. Ren is definitely happier that I'm not always busy and distracted now."

Gray wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a subtle jab at his behavior or not, but shrugged it off. Sherry didn't really seem like the type. Whatever the case, he could hardly say that he didn't deserve it.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Toby and Yuka?"

That curious gaze was back again. "Why don't you ask them yourself?"

"We aren't exactly buddies."

Sherry chose her words with care. "If you're really that concerned with making sure the Isvan survivors are doing alright, then maybe you should be more open about it instead of always trying to play it off. Toby and Yuka might not be the friendliest, but you can be more upfront instead of always playing the bad guy."

"Hm," Gray hummed noncommittally.

When no further answer was forthcoming, Sherry sighed. "They're fine. Yuka is being more accommodating and the team isn't as divided anymore. They miss having Lyon around, but they're glad to see him happy again."

"…Thanks."

"Mhm. And you probably know more about how Lyon is doing these days than we do."

"Probably so. He's hard to get rid of."

"Maybe you shouldn't keep trying." Her voice hardened, and he finally met her eyes with no little reluctance. They were somber and disapproving. "I understand that you have your reasons, but you can shatter him so easily. Don't do it again."

"Yeah… None of that really worked out well last time." His gaze drifted away. "I don't think I'm going to try that route again."

He had tried distancing so many times and in so many ways, and he had only ever managed to hurt himself and his friends. It had turned into his go-to tactic when everything went to hell, and it had always failed him in the end. He didn't think he could survive falling that low again and doubted he could jump back to that unsustainable high he'd been riding before that disastrous Awakening, but maybe he could eke out a more meagre happiness somewhere in between. Something realistic and sustainable.

He was content to lapse into companionable silence, occasionally shifting irritably under the overbearing heat of the sun. He almost wished he could get in the water just to cool off.

But when Chelia came to badger him again later, he turned her down once again. She went off to sulk in the water once more. He felt bad about it, but not bad enough to get in that water.

Unfortunately for him, Chelia knew how to bring out the big guns.

"You really told Chelia you wouldn't come hang out with her?" Lyon asked.

Gray cracked one eye open and gave the newcomer a bored once-over. Lyon crossed his arms over his chest and watched the demon with disapproval, water dripping off him into the sand. Erza lurked beside him, although Gray didn't see what reason she had to be there.

"I'm working on my tan right now," Gray said lazily.

"You don't tan," Erza said. "You're eternally deathly pale."

"Ouch. That stings. Have some faith, Erza. One of these days I'm going to get some color."

She gave him a doubtful look. "I'd pay good money to see that. All you do is burn. Speaking of which, you should put on more sunscreen."

He shuddered at the thought. "No thanks."

Lyon cleared his throat impatiently. "Your inability to retain skin color aside, you need to come on before Chelia throws another fit."

"I don't feel like playing in the water right now. If she gets bored and comes back up on the beach, I'd be more than happy to play with her."

Lyon and Erza exchanged some sort of meaningful look that Gray didn't understand. It was like they knew something he didn't or were conspiring against him. Or maybe he was just paranoid.

"Afraid you'll melt if the water touches you?" Erza teased.

"I'm a demon, not a witch."

"Then what are you so afraid of?" Lyon asked. His eyes narrowed just slightly.

"Afraid? Of nothing."

"What, you don't know how to swim?"

"Of course I can swim!" Gray huffed, offended, and turned his nose up as he closed his eyes again and wished his annoying friends would leave him in peace. "As if you've never seen me swim before."

There was a long pause and he was hopeful that they were giving up, but then Erza sighed.

"So," she said cautiously, "Ur, then?"

Gray went stiff as a board and his eyes flew open. " _What?_ "

Erza was watching him with eyes that were strangely knowing and sympathetic yet firm. "That time you got drunk on the anniversary–"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"–you started talking about water and the ocean."

"I thought I told you I didn't want to know what I said…"

"We were really confused at first, but it was about Ur, wasn't it?"

Gray turned his head away and glowered down the other side of the beach. "Maybe I was just really thirsty or something."

"I doubt it. You refused to have water anywhere near you." Erza sighed and lowered her voice. "There's a reason that I chose the beach today."

His hands crept past the edges of the towel and clawed into the sand, the grains burning his palms and gathering beneath his fingernails. "You got me." His voice might have been light if it wasn't so tight. "I forgot how to swim."

Erza sighed again. "Gray, I think it would be good for you to face this now."

Sand shifted as Sherry quietly picked herself up from the towel and tiptoed down to the water. Gray wondered if she had been aware of these ulterior motives or if she was just giving them some space since she could see this would be a charged discussion. He wondered how many of his friends had been in on this.

"Right," Lyon said firmly. "I got dragged out here for this, so we're going to take care of it. Let's go."

"Go away," Gray grumbled.

There was a pause in which neither of his annoying friends went away, and then each said annoying friend leaned down and grabbed one of his arms.

"Let's go," Erza said.

"Hey, let go of me!"

Gray flailed about as they hauled him to his feet, but their grip was like iron. He spat out all manner of obscenities as they dragged him down to the water, and took great satisfaction in jamming his elbow into Lyon's ribs in retaliation. At least the bastard would have a bruise.

…He also managed to knee Erza, but the woman was practically made of steel so he wasn't sure if she would actually bruise.

His captors slowed to a stop by the water's edge, and Gray glowered at them. Behind them, two deep furrows disturbed the sand where he'd dug his heels in.

"Alright," Erza said. "Come out when you're ready. Everyone would like to see you join in the fun." She offered Lyon a wan smile. "Good luck."

With a small wave, she released Gray and splashed out into the water toward the small figures of their teams bobbing around farther out. Lyon frowned down at the ground. He didn't let go of Gray's arm, but he didn't drag him out into the water either.

"Can I go back now?" Gray asked impatiently. He tugged at his arm experimentally. Now that Erza was gone, he could probably escape.

"What are you so afraid of?" Lyon asked quietly.

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"You're shaking."

Gray blinked down at his free hand and was startled to see that it _was_ trembling slightly. His muscles were stiff and tied into knots, and tension locked his limbs.

"Maybe I'm trembling with rage at having been manhandled all the way down here against my will."

Lyon sighed. "It's not that I don't have some idea, but… What is it, exactly, that bothers you so much?"

Gray stared out at the rolling waves, at the sunlight gleaming on the water, at the people having fun in the surf. The gulls were crying hoarsely as they wheeled in circles above the waves, the ocean breeze tugged at his hair, laughter floated over the water, and the sand burned between his toes. It all seemed so…innocuous. Normal.

He didn't know how to explain that Ur was there too, hidden somewhere beneath the cheery normalcy everyone else saw. Maybe it was her, maybe it was remnants of her left over from her melting ice, maybe it was just a specter he had conjured up in his mind. Maybe it didn't matter which. She was there as long as he thought she was.

What was he so afraid of? He didn't know.

He didn't expect the ocean to swallow him whole, to be sucked out to sea in a riptide or drowned in a mysterious whirlpool. What he feared—and respected—was less tangible.

It just felt _wrong_ to intrude on Ur's domain. Disrespectful, maybe, like a murderer trampling over his victim's grave. And maybe, if some part of her still lingered here, he feared her condemnation if she recognized him.

"I don't want to go in there," he said in a small voice.

" _I_ want you to," Lyon said softly.

"And? You think _that's_ going to sway me?"

Irritatingly, Gray knew it would. But for now his feet stayed glued to the ground, until a dying wave crept a little too close and he inched back a step.

"I know you don't want to," Lyon said, "so I wouldn't ask unless I thought it was important. I thought you were doing better before, but you never really came to terms with any of this stuff, did you? I think it would be good for you to finally face it."

"I don't…"

"I'll stay with you every step of the way. You don't have to do it alone. Promise."

Gray didn't want to, he really didn't want to, but Lyon's eyes were so earnest and hopeful and sad. And this, this thing with Ur, concerned him too.

Gray looked away and took a deep breath. After a long pause, he shuffled one step forward. The tide lapped up near his feet, and he jumped back before it could reach his toes.

"It's okay," Lyon soothed. "Try again."

"…Can your encouragement be less verbal?"

Lyon made a strange sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh and lapsed into silence, but Gray could tell he wasn't really offended. Gray considered telling him to get his grubby hands off his arm too, but decided to let it go. He might actually bolt without that physical grounding.

It took two more tries before he could grit his teeth and let the water lap over his toes. He ground his teeth together and pressed closer to Lyon, every muscle in his body straining with the effort of not leaping back.

It felt just like normal water, just like he remembered from before, but his heart still quaked.

"Good job," Lyon murmured. "You're doing well. Let's keep going."

He walked forward into the surf, and Gray was forced to creep after him so that their hold on each other wasn't broken. If it was, he was pretty sure he'd bolt right back the way he'd come. He would run away again, and he was tired of running away.

It was slow going, every step unsteady and slow and nerve-racking. It was, all things considered, a pathetic performance, but Lyon just murmured encouragement and led him on with all the patience of a saint.

The farther they went, the deeper they got, the more unsettled Gray became. When the water crept up past his toes and ankles to begin winding ever higher up his legs, his hands trembled. He stopped, started, stopped again.

The water felt like water, but he was convinced there was something lurking beneath. He searched for it, came up empty, and searched some more. The utter normality of it was more unsettling than anything else.

 _I'm sorry, sorry, sorry_ , he chanted in his head.

Could what remained of Ur sense him? Did she know he was here? Was she fooled by the body into thinking that her two pupils had reunited and were standing here together? Could she sense the demon in him? Did she wonder what Lyon was doing with the demon that had ruined everything? Did she wish she could take some measure of revenge for what happened to her and Gray?

Was she here at all?

He might actually be going crazy, but maybe it was the not-knowing that was driving him there.

A low wave rolled toward them. Before Gray realized what he was doing, he'd wrapped himself around Lyon's arm and pressed closer to his side, eyeing the coming wave like it was a venomous viper. It splashed up against their legs and swept on, and the water receded back to knee-level. Good grief, he was freaking out over waves when he was only in water up to his knees. That could barely even be considered a wave.

"It's alright," Lyon said. "You're okay. It's just water, Gray. Ur is gone."

"You're wrong," Gray muttered. "That spell isn't meant to kill. I'm telling you, I felt something down in that cavern when she first melted around our feet. I touched it. And I swear there was something later when I fought Ultear and we ended up in the ocean, although it was focused on her and not me. And that was _before_ my great demon revelation."

Maybe it was superstitious speculation, but he had become more paranoid than ever when it came to the ocean after that particular discovery, as if revealing his demonic nature to the world would reveal it to the sea as well. He had avoided the ocean when possible after Galuna, but even more so after his revelation.

"You know," Lyon said after a long pause, "I think she would've liked you." Gray stared at him as if he'd grown a second head, but Lyon just shrugged. "Not right away, obviously, but then again, neither did I. I don't know. You remind me of her a little bit."

Gray stared blankly. "Are you insane?"

"You both have that same snarky, tough love, badass exterior with a big heart and mothering side underneath."

" _Mothering?_ "

"Mhm."

"I do not _mother_."

"Oh, please. You mother us something terrible. I've seen how you are with Chelia and Asuka. You switch between that and annoying, overprotective brother."

Gray's eye twitched. "You're playing a dangerous game here, friend."

"Watching you teach Chelia molding brings back memories."

He frowned and searched his memory—Gray's memory—but came up emptyhanded. "I don't teach the same way she did."

"No, but you really make Chelia work for it even though you're so encouraging, and it sort of reminds me of…" Lyon shook his head and smiled a little. "I think Ur would have hated your guts at first, but you would've gotten along after."

Gray thought that was preposterous, but kept his mouth clamped shut and put his focus back on edging out deeper into the ocean one step at a time. Glancing back at the shore, he wondered if he'd come far enough to satisfy Lyon yet. Probably not.

He shuffled along stiffly and the water rose higher and higher, up to his waist and chest. It only made him more antsy.

"Can I go back now?" he asked.

Lyon nudged him forward another half-step. "You're doing so well. Let's hang out with the others for a few minutes first. Chelia is still waiting for you."

And however many of his friends were in on this scheme would want to see him make it all the way out, Gray thought sourly. Speaking of which, he could see them splashing around up ahead. Lucy glanced over, caught him watching, and looked away quickly. Wonderful.

He tilted his chin up defiantly, but the heat creeping over his cheeks wasn't sunburn. His team was out there, Lyon's too, and they'd have a clear view of this spectacle. Whether or not they knew the reasons behind it, they'd still be able to see his unease, his slow progress, the way he'd wrapped himself around Lyon's arm. His teeth ground together.

"This is so pathetic," he muttered.

Lyon came to an abrupt stop, startling Gray since he'd been careful to keep the demon moving even when he faltered. "Pathetic?" He ran a searching look over Gray's face. "It's not pathetic. It's easy to be brave when you aren't afraid. It's so much harder to go forward when you are. The second is far more impressive."

"Uh-huh," Gray mumbled, not easily impressed by platitudes no matter how accurate they might be.

"You're still pushing forward even though all you want to do is go back, and that counts for something."

"If you let go of my arm, I'd lose my nerve and go right back."

"It's okay to have some help. You don't have to do everything alone. But…" Lyon sighed and suddenly looked very old and tired. "I've been thinking, and it seems like… I thought you were doing so well before all this, but I don't think you really took care of any of the underlying issues—you just ignored them because you didn't want to deal with them. I mean, why else would you still be so freaked out about the water?

"Instead of taking care of those things, you let us say a few pretty words and gloss them over and now they're still a problem. You never forgave yourself for anything, did you? You were better on the outside, but I don't think you were really all that much better on the inside. You just pretended that you were to fool us…and maybe yourself.

"I think that you're using us as a crutch too much. I know you said you had that whole purpose thing that revolves around us and maybe that's where it comes from, but…you're taking it too far. You're always doing things _for_ us. You're only out here right now because I asked you to be, not because you want to come to terms with this issue yourself. You're still just trying to please us all. You're trying to get better for us. What was it you said when you finally started talking to me again? That I wasn't ready to let you go, so it didn't matter what you wanted?

"Gray, it's good to rely on your friends sometimes, but we don't define you. You should want to be better, be happy, for _yourself_ , not for us. That's what _we_ want. So yes, I want you to stay in this water until you decide that you want to be here so that you can face your fears about Ur and not just because I asked you to come."

Mavis had always said much the same thing when she pestered him about not dealing with his shadow. Even Zeref—fake Zeref, dream Zeref—had said something about seeing everything in terms of his friends rather than himself. So maybe Gray had always known that.

He had never come to terms with Ur or Gray or what it meant to be—and not be—Deliora. He had started calling himself Gray again after Lyon had basically given him permission to, not only because he was hopeful and certainly not because he felt entirely confident about who he was. It wasn't that long ago that Mira and Erza had helped give him an explanation of himself that he understood and could accept. If he Awoke again—God forbid—he didn't think he'd drop his name again. He had finally accepted it alongside Deliora, and he was secure in that.

But what else wasn't he secure in? He had gotten so far after reconciling with Lyon, but he had built all that progress on unstable ground since he hadn't fixed the foundation first, and so it had all crumbled as soon as things started going wrong. Progress built on hollow ground would never be able to stand up to an Awakening.

Even his survival of the accident was more contingent on his desire not to totally mess up his friends than anything else and he had focused on getting better for them, but… He had also said that he wanted to get better for himself and learn how to really _live_ again. He really did believe that he had started to do that, but Lyon was right that not everything was perfect yet and the going would be slow. Every little step counted.

He had come out here today for Lyon, but maybe he would stay for himself. Because he knew that the memory of Ur haunted him something terrible, and he needed to lay it to rest. He didn't think today would do that, not all at once, but it was as good a start as any. Baby steps.

Gray swallowed hard and took a deep breath. He forced himself to let go of Lyon's arm and then gently twisted his arm out of his friend's grip. He stood still and rigid as the water lapped at his chest, waiting to see if he lost his nerve and bolted.

His eyes narrowed at his friends bobbing in the water ahead. They weren't really _that_ far away. He could make it. He could keep going forward, even if his mind and heart wailed that he should turn back.

"Okay," he mumbled to himself, to the ocean. "Come and get me."

The water was deep enough that he could kick off the bottom and swim forward with long, powerful strokes.

 _Just breathe. You can do this._

He was so focused on breathing and not freaking out and just going forward one stroke at a time that he almost swam straight into Erza and Lucy.

"You made it!" Lucy said, her eyes lighting up.

"Guess so," he muttered, treading water and looking around.

Everyone else had dispersed, but they started back over when they saw him. Chelia was scowling. He expected a lecture from her.

"About time, ice princess!" Natsu yelled.

Gray didn't deign to respond.

"Good job," Erza said with a small smile. "I knew you could do it."

He scowled. He didn't want to be patronized. Anyway, he was still a little bitter about how she had dragged him halfway down the beach.

Lyon splashed to a stop next to him and nudged him in the side. "See? You're tough." In a lower voice, he added, "I'm proud of you."

"Whatever," Gray muttered, flushing and looking away with an ever-deepening scowl.

Lyon snorted and then started a whispered conversation with Erza. Those two had to be co-conspirators or something. Lucy was yelling at Natsu as he floundered over, and it seemed like everyone was slowly converging on them.

But left to his own devices for the time being, Gray stared down at the water and watched the dim shape of his legs fluttering beneath the surface. He wasn't sure what exactly he had been expecting to happen, what he had been expecting to find, but he hadn't seen any sign of it yet.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he let himself sink down beneath the waves. He almost panicked as the water closed over his head, but dug his nails into his palms and forced himself not to resurface. It was quiet with the water pressing around and clogging his ears, the sound muted and far away. He narrowed his eyes against the sting of saltwater and scanned the murky blueness.

There wasn't much to be found here, aside from a surprising pocket of tranquil peace that came from having the rest of the world temporarily shut out. He didn't know if Ur was here, but his hands drifted together as if in slow motion and molded a single ice rose.

He turned it over in his hands and studied the patterns of water and light shimmering on the translucent petals, then let it go and watched it drift down and out of sight. This was accompanied by the thought that ice usually floated, but it seemed right. Ur had liked those roses, and this was an offering to the sea. Maybe an apology, maybe a memorial. Maybe just like bringing flowers to a grave. Some sign of respect, perhaps.

It didn't initiate any earth-shattering revelation, but it still felt good.

And then something grabbed him from behind and tried to drown him. He thrashed about and sucked in a lungful of water on impulse. His struggling grew wilder as he choked and floundered—he couldn't _breathe_ —but the thing kept him trapped and dragged him…

Up so that his head broke the surface?

Gray coughed and spluttered, greedily sucking in lungfuls of air while desperately trying to expel the water flooding his lungs. The sting of salt and briny water seared his throat and coated his mouth.

People were circled all around him, asking him if he was alright and looking ridiculously worried. And Lyon…who was still holding on to Gray.

"Are you okay?" Lyon asked.

"What the hell do you–?" Gray's body lurched with another painful cough. "Why are you trying to drown me?"

"What? You went under the water! I thought–"

"I know how to swim!"

"But with how freaked out you are about the water–"

"I can hold my breath! I was doing just fine until you tried to drown me!" Gray shuddered and grimaced at the taste of salt. "Now I might've swallowed some of your zombie teacher!"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic."

"Easy for you to say! You aren't the one who just swallowed half the ocean!"

Lyon had been looking a little sheepish about the misunderstanding, but now rolled his eyes. "Good to see you're perfectly fine."

Natsu snickered, and Gray glowered. It looked like everyone had made it back in the time he'd been underwater and nearly been drowned. Fantastic. Now they could all laugh at him.

"Oh, look who _finally_ showed up," Chelia said acerbically. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "You'll come when Lyon asks?"

"Uh…"

Gray endured the ensuing lecture and offered some weak excuses. Chelia didn't seem satisfied. Swimming over, she moved her arms in a scissoring motion like jaws to clamp down on and then release Gray's arm. He stared at her in bafflement.

"Chomp," she said. She crossed her arms again and stuck her nose in the air. "You're the shark now."

"Shark?" he asked blankly. "Wouldn't that just make me dead?"

"It was only your arm. You can still survive."

"But now I'm a shark with an injured fin. How do I swim?"

Chelia huffed out a breath and waved her hands over him. "There, you're healed."

"Awesome. So now I get to eat everyone?"

"No." Chelia rolled her eyes. "Now you chase one of us down and chomp us so that we become the next shark."

"I'm kind of hungry. I think I'd rather just eat you all."

Chelia threw her hands up in frustration. "You're so annoying!"

Gray coughed out a laugh. "So basically, you're playing tag with swimming and magical healing sharks that don't actually eat people."

She glared. He grinned.

"Pretty much," Sherry said.

"Okie dokie." He patted Chelia's head. "Thanks for healing me first, kiddo."

She started to smile before remembering her annoyance and looking away with another huff. "Make sure you count to ten first so that we have time to spread out again."

"Okay," he said with a fond smile.

She turned away but then hesitated. "If you play a little bit, I'll make sandcastles with you again on the beach after."

He blinked at her in surprise and then smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

With a few more taunts and random comments, everyone split up and started swimming in different directions to spread out. Gray was left treading water and counting down slowly from ten.

He scooped up a handful of water idly and watched it trickle between his fingers. Being out here still made him uneasy. He didn't think he'd be truly comfortable in the water for a long time. Maybe he never would.

But at least he knew that he _could_ come out here if he needed to, and had the satisfaction of knowing that he'd faced it head on. Even if it had required a lot of elbow grease on the part of his friends.

He tried to think of anything he might want to say to Ur if she was here in whatever form, but came up empty. Anyway, he'd feel stupid talking to the water.

"…and one."

Gray was off like a shot the second his countdown finished. He dismissed Toby and Yuka instantly, not feeling comfortable enough to target them. It didn't seem fair to pick on Chelia after annoying her and after she'd been the last 'shark'. He didn't have enough of a death wish to go after Erza despite her annoying interference earlier. And as annoying as Lyon had been, Gray would cut him some slack for putting in so much effort to work him through this.

But really, Gray didn't need all that strategizing. There was only one real target: Natsu.

He chased after his rival and hunted him down. A—not entirely unexpected—wrench was thrown into his plans when he caught up and, instead of submitting gracefully like the rules of the game demanded, Natsu spun about and began throwing fire around.

"Hey, just let me chomp on you!" Gray said indignantly. "A shark's gotta eat. I caught up to you fair and square."

"Doesn't count unless you actually tag me!" Natsu shouted back. "I'm not going down without a fight!"

Which was how their game of shark-tag devolved into a brawl in the middle of the ocean. Erza was yelling at them to stop and grow up already. Gray doubted she was the only one swimming over to put an end to the shenanigans, but he was too focused on taking Natsu down to look.

Eventually, he landed a hit and grinned. "Chomp," he said smugly.

Natsu glowered. "I'm going to get you, ice block!"

He lunged and Gray backpedaled hurriedly. "Hey, what happened to counting to ten? It's not fair to try turning me back when I'm already stuck right next to you."

"Too bad. Should've thought of that before tagging me."

Well, Gray was having none of that cheating. He froze the water, locking Natsu snugly into place among the icy waves.

"I think you need to cool off for a minute," he said with a smirk.

"You can't just do that!" Natsu wailed, pounding at the ice. "That's cheating!"

"Should've thought of that before you cheated first."

"Gray!" Erza called. He turned to see her and Lucy and Sherry swimming toward them. Ever the peacekeepers. "You can't just freeze the ocean."

Gray grinned. "Watch me!"

For good measure, he let the ice spread out from around Natsu until it encompassed the girls as well, and then it spread farther still to trap everyone who was part of their group. Even poor Happy, who looked like a bedraggled rat since he'd been required to swim with everyone else.

"Hey!" Lucy said. "Let us out!"

"Sorry, kids. Good luck!"

Gray clambered onto the ice, letting the gap he left behind freeze over, and strolled off back toward the beach, whistling a merry tune as everyone yelled at him. He avoided anyone who wasn't part of their group, but froze the water under his feet so that he could saunter back to the beach without having to get back in the water.

"Where do you think you're going, Natsu!" Erza demanded loudly from behind him. "Melt us all out before you go chasing Gray down."

"But–"

"Now!"

Gray snorted and hopped over a frozen wave. He thought it rather fitting that the water that might be Ur was frozen one last time. Not so much like the ice she had been after iced shell, but just so that she could be one with her element and magic one last time.

Ugh, he was getting so maudlin and weirdly sentimental. All of a sudden he was making weird memorials and symbolic gestures all over the place.

He stepped off the ice and onto the beach with a satisfied sigh. He was getting some odd looks from passersby, but ignored them. Strolling alongside the water's edge in the direction of their camp, he paused when something bumped his foot.

Water lapped at his foot and retreated, leaving behind in its wake…an ice rose. He stared down at it in disbelief and then slowly bent over to pick it up and study it. No, he wasn't imagining things.

He held the rose to his chest and looked out at the sea, where the water was lapping around the ice trail he'd left through the middle of it. It seemed calm and serene and normal, nothing out of the ordinary.

Maybe the rose had just washed up. Stuff washed up on shore all the time. But it did seem like rather an odd coincidence, and he had dropped it pretty far out…

Maybe it was some kind of sign? Or Ur was rejecting the memorial he had left her? He had no idea, and was probably reading too much into it.

But he dropped to a crouch and held the rose out to the water to see if it would be accepted or rejected. The water lapped over it a few times without enough power to pick it up, but then a stronger wave swept in and sucked it back out to sea.

He stared after it blankly, at the glassy water rolling about so innocently.

He was going insane.

Shaking his head, he stood up again and glanced over at his friends. They were still fighting their way out of the ice and shouting curses after him.

Smiling to himself, he strolled back over to their encampment and sprawled out on his towel. Those idiots would be charging over here any minute to get their revenge, but for now he'd take his few minutes of peace and work on his nonexistent tan.

* * *

 **emmahoshi: When I was little, I was afraid that the bottom of the escalator might eat my foot if I didn't step off in time lol I didn't really think it would, but I wasn't going to risk it XD But yeah, there's something to be said for facing your fears and issues and doing it for yourself instead of someone else.**


	59. Making Peace

**EndarkenedSanity: I always said my cats and dogs looked like drowned rats when they came out of baths XD Hehe, sometimes we need some humor to start easing us out of the angst. But yeah, it's basically a game of revelations and new understandings at this point while we wrap things up. We're sooo close lol**

* * *

 **Making Peace**

* * *

"You could, you know, just go with them," Gray suggested with as much tact as he currently possessed.

Lyon clumped back into the guild after giving one last wave to his retreating team. "Nah, it's fine. I'll visit them later."

Gray pinched the bridge of his nose, resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and summoned up the last shreds of his patience. " _They_ visit _you_ here. _You_ aren't supposed to visit _them_ there. You live there—you shouldn't be _visiting_."

"…If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get rid of me."

"I'm just saying, you've been hanging around here for an awful long time now. Your guild misses you and I'm doing fine now, so why don't you go back home?" Gray smirked and added, "Although yes, having you constantly hang around is starting to get old. I'm ready to have my apartment back to myself."

Lyon had been watching with ill-concealed amusement, but now his expression collapsed into seriousness and he looked over at the rest of the team gathered around the table comparing sunburns from their beach outing. They paused their debate and met his eyes, and then everyone shot uneasy looks at Gray.

The smirk vanished. Gray wasn't stupid. He knew that the current living arrangements were as much for his friends' benefit as his own. They wanted the reassurance of having someone invading the solitude of his home to ensure that he didn't do anything they wouldn't approve of after he slunk away at day's end. If Lyon hadn't agreed to stay, they would have likely tried forcing him to stay with Natsu again.

And one of the reasons Lyon still refused to leave was that they still didn't trust Gray not to slit his wrists or down a week's worth of sleeping potion or saw off his head the second they left him alone. He couldn't exactly blame them for their wariness after his multiple near-fatal bouts of self-destructiveness, but the lack of trust gnawed at him. Even more so because he suspected it was justified. He was doing mostly okay right now, but he didn't trust himself not to crash and burn again later either.

"I think I'll stay a little longer," Lyon said with a plastic smile. "Annoying you with my presence is my main joy in life."

Gray fixed him and his team with an unblinking stare just long enough to let them know that he knew exactly what they were thinking, and then continued on as if he were blissfully unaware.

"Oh, of course," he said, his smile tight but tone light. "When do you ever pass up an opportunity to be annoying?"

"Hey!" Lyon protested, although he was looking at the floor as he sat down.

Lucy tittered nervously and Erza cleared her throat. Natsu and Happy were either extremely good actors or too dense to pick up on the subtext. Gray was betting on the latter.

He sat down next to Lucy. "I think I _still_ have sand in my hair," he griped. He ran a hand through his hair, even though he had washed every trace of the beach from his body thoroughly last night.

The olive branch was seized gratefully.

"I still can't believe I got burned," Natsu complained, supremely oblivious. "I'm a _fire_ mage! A fire _dragon slayer_! It's a disgrace!"

Despite his sour mood, Gray coughed out a laugh. Every visible inch of Natsu's skin was bright red. What a dork.

"Oh, I didn't realize fire magic made you immune to the sun," Gray said. "Tough break."

Natsu scowled, but Erza was already one step ahead.

"If you had just put on sunblock like the rest of us before running off, then _maybe_ you wouldn't look like a lobster," she said, disapproval dripping from every word. "Not even Gray burned, and he's a total wimp when it comes to the sun."

"I am not," Gray said with all the dignity he could muster. To be fair, Erza's frequent sneak attacks with the sunblock bottle had proven effective at saving his skin, but that didn't mean he wanted to admit that disgusting goop had done something worthwhile. "I think I tanned a little."

He pushed up his sleeve to examine his arm. It was looking slightly less pale than usual.

Natsu snorted loudly. "You're as pasty as ever, ice block."

"I thought I told you to never say 'pasty' again. Anyway, at least I'm not burned to a crisp. I'd rather be a little pale than look like a lobster, thanks."

Natsu opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a loud crash and startled cry from the other side of the hall. Gray whipped around to see Cana collapsed in a heap on the ground by the bar. She clutched at her arm as it spurted an unholy amount of blood.

Cursing under his breath, Gray shoved Binkie to safety in his shadow before rushing over and crouching down in front of her. "Good grief, Cana. What happened?"

"Dunno," she mumbled, blinking down at the spreading puddle of blood with glazed eyes. "Sorta banged into the bar and fell over."

"Maybe if you weren't so drunk–"

"Don't wanna be lectured."

Gray sighed harshly and pushed Cana's hand aside. "I just…wish you'd take better care of yourself."

There was a nasty gash ripped through her forearm, and it was clearly deep if it was spitting up so much blood. Gray swiped his hand over it as gently as possible to remove some of the excess blood, ignoring Cana's hiss of pain, and set a thin sheet of ice around her arm to serve as a temporary bandage.

He tore his gaze away to sweep it over the bar, and spotted a nail sticking out of the side. A bead of blood welled at its tip and fell to the floor. Possibly a result of one of the infamous guild brawls and the subsequent damage and repairs. Cana must have stumbled into it.

"Is she alright?" Mira asked, rushing over.

"Wow, that must be deep," Lucy mumbled as she peered over Gray's shoulder.

"Can someone find Wendy or some bandages or something?" Gray asked. "She'll be fine once she's cleaned up. Although we need to remove that nail sticking–"

He stopped in his tracks. He had lifted his hands away from Cana's wounded arm, and now found himself transfixed by them.

They were coated in crimson liquid that slid down his fingers in fat beads and quivered a moment at their tips before falling to the ground. His fingers trembled, disturbing the orderly droplets. Something twisted in his gut, flipping his stomach and tying it into knots.

And the red was dripping, dripping, dripping.

"Gray? Gray, are you alright?" someone asked.

The voice sounded tinny and faraway in his ears, and buzzing cotton wool filled his brain and smothered the sound. All he could see was the blood dripping from his hands, and something lurched in his chest.

He was staggering to his feet almost without realizing it, the crimson blurring across his vision with only the strange black particles eating away at the edges to mar it, and almost pitched right back over. Finding his footing, he rushed _away_ , toward where he thought the bathroom might be. He stumbled and lurched to the side as his head spun, but forged on in a blind panic.

He had to get it _off_ , get it off _now_.

By some miracle, he stumbled through the surreal land of muffled sound, blurred vision, and unsteady limbs that were somehow both leaden and weightless to find the restroom. Sucking in a harsh breath, he slammed the faucet's handle with his elbow. It took several tries since he couldn't quite see where it was when his vision was still fuzzy and smeared with red.

He was _not_ going to pass out.

The water gushed out of the faucet and hit the sink's basin with enough force that a faint echo of the sound pierced through the deadened buzzing in his ears. He thrust his hands into the cold stream and scrubbed frantically. The clear water ran red.

As the red swirled around the drain and faded from view, his vision and hearing slowly began clearing. His hands came into sharper focus, and the sound of rushing water and worried voices became louder and clearer.

Now that he could see a little better, he turned the other handle until the water came out scalding. He slathered soap on his hands and scrubbed. He picked under his nails, scoured every crease, and did it all again.

He could still _feel_ it.

He scrubbed until his skin burned and prickled, willing the hot water and vicious motion to wash it all away.

Someone reached over and turned the faucet off. Gray stared stupidly down at his hands, which had suddenly ceased their relentless washing.

"What's wrong with him?" Happy asked, his voice pitched high in fear.

"What's wrong, Gray?" Erza asked. "Are you alright?"

"…Fine," he rasped. His voice scraped along his throat painfully, as if he hadn't spoken in days.

"Oh, thank goodness he's responding now," Lucy whispered from the doorway.

Gray stared at his hands.

"What happened?" Natsu demanded. "You're not gonna pass out, are you?"

"…No."

"Since when have you been squeamish?"

"…I'm not." Gray tilted his palms and watched as the water dripped from between his fingers. "But it's dripping, dripping, dripping again."

There was a long moment where no one moved and he just watched the water drip in blank fascination, and then Lyon grabbed a hand towel and gently wiped the water away. Gray looked up slowly and found himself face to face with a trembling, white-faced demon in the mirror.

His gaze slid to the side and met Lyon's in the mirror. Lyon's face was drawn in concern, but there was a dawning realization flickering in his eyes. Behind him, Gray could see the reflections of his team and several other guild members piled in the doorway and spilling into the room.

His stomach roiled uneasily and the air still had a hint of that uncanny surrealness to blur everything's edges, but he pushed it aside and tightened his muscles to stop the trembling and turned away from the mirror. He met no one's eyes as his slipped through the worried onlookers and drifted out into the hall. He needed to sit down.

"Is he alright?" Mira called. She was kneeling beside Cana with a wad of bloody rags beside her, wrapping up the wound with gauze.

"Don't die," Cana slurred. "It's just a nail."

"I'm fine," Gray said hollowly.

Erza cleared her throat, and he could practically feel her exchanging glances with the others as he sat down heavily. "You know," she said slowly, carefully, "maybe part of the reason you're still so haunted by…everything…is that you never really got closure from the people who were…uh…affected."

"…Most of the people I 'affected' are long dead."

"But not all of them. You usually try to keep your distance and avoid addressing the issue in a way where you aren't the bad guy. And, I mean…I get it, but…if you aren't facing it head on and expressing your true thoughts and feelings about it—to _them_ —then maybe that's part of the reason why you can't move on.

"Maybe you should…talk to them. Apologize or explain or ask for forgiveness or do whatever it is you need to do to make your peace with them. I mean, look how much closure you got when you talked things out with Lyon."

Apparently they were ignoring the part where he had then crashed magnificently and ignored Lyon for months.

"I think she's right," Lyon said quietly. "You like to keep things bottled up and play the bad guy and put up a tough exterior, but maybe you'd feel better if you came clean with some of the people you feel so guilty about. It might help with your closure. And…it might help with theirs, too. There are a lot of things you haven't said that I think you want to. Even if nothing else comes from it, I think you'll feel better to have them off your chest."

That went against everything he'd set up in regard to approaching the demon-touched children. They weren't supposed to find anything sympathetic in him or see the traces of humanity behind the demon that had wrecked their lives. He had grown careless, but it had started as giving them a choice of whether they wanted a demon to blame or a person to let go of. The lines had grown blurred over time, but he wasn't sure he wanted to sweep them aside completely.

But in all honesty, maybe his reasons were more selfish. He would rather avoid such situations, would rather hide behind the demonic mask because it was easier. Would he feel better if he gave the apologies that had sat chained on the tip of his tongue for so long? Maybe. Would it help the demon-touched children move on from the past if they heard them? Perhaps.

But he was a coward who had spent his entire waking life running, and he wasn't sure he had the courage to face everything he had sought to avoid for so long.

"I'll think about it," he said.

* * *

Gray pulled the shadows tighter about himself and huddled closer to the outside wall of Lamia Scale's guild hall. He was already having second thoughts. Actually, by this point he was on to fiftieth thoughts. As much as he believed there was probably something to this idea of apologizing for closure, that didn't mean he actually wanted to _do_ it. He was crazy to have even come here.

He was still debating whether or not to turn tail and run when Sherry strolled up the walk. No more time for dithering—he had to make the decision now.

Silently cursing his sudden resolve to stop being a coward, he let the shadows dissolve back to their natural configurations and inched away from the wall.

"Sherry."

Sherry startled and stared at him with wide eyes. "Oh! Gray. I didn't even see you there. Is everything alright? Is Lyon–?"

"Lyon's fine. Everything's fine. I was just wondering if we could…maybe talk for a minute?"

She frowned. "Yes, of course."

He motioned her over, and they slid just around the corner of the building to stay out of sight.

"Basically," he explained, "Lyon and my team decided that it would be a good idea to implement some kind of…twelve-step program."

Sherry's eyebrows climbed up her forehead. "Like for addiction?"

"Well, you get the idea. It's supposed to be for 'closure' or whatever."

The light of understanding was dawning in her eyes now. "Ah. And you're here because they want you to make amends with some of the people who…got hurt?"

"Something like that. They think it'll help me move on or let go of the past or something. And maybe for some of you guys too. I don't know."

Sherry opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but then shook her head. "Okay. You can say whatever you need to."

Gray nodded but said nothing at all. He frowned down at his feet instead, trying to collect his thoughts and his nerve. Sherry remained quiet and still, and he could feel her patient eyes on him the whole time.

"I guess…" He sighed and looked for another place to start. "It's easy to make excuses, to say that I didn't understand or have choices or whatever, but people still got hurt. Still died. And…I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your family, and for setting you on that crazy path to Galuna. For taking someone away from you and leaving you to flounder in all that bitterness and grief. You didn't deserve that, and…I'm sorry."

He let out a breath and considered his awkward apology. He could count on one hand the number of times he had apologized for what he had done as Deliora, and on all the stars in the sky the number of times he had wanted to. He wondered if it was supposed to feel freeing or satisfying to finally unclog the words from his throat and spit them out into the air.

It…didn't feel that different. Maybe he felt a little bit lighter, a little relieved to have said the words, but it wasn't a staggering, life-altering change. That…was a little disappointing.

Sherry was quiet for a moment, but then said, "I already know that."

"Huh?" He tore his gaze from the ground to stare at her blankly.

She smiled a little. "I already know that you're sorry. Whether or not you said it in so many words, you show it in your own way. You can say it if it makes you feel better, but I already know."

"Oh," he said stupidly.

"And you've been making your amends, even if you don't call them that. Trust me, I notice things. Do you really think I would have been so friendly if I didn't think you were sorry?"

"I…guess not."

"Glad we got that cleared up. Do you want me to get Toby and Yuka for you?"

Gray sighed. "'Want' is a strong word, but…sure."

"Will do." Sherry started walking away, but paused and looked back just before turning the corner. "I can see how hard it was for you to come out and say those words. So…thank you for making sure I heard them."

She whipped around the corner and disappeared from view, and Gray leaned back against the brick wall. Maybe he did feel a little better, as much from hearing her acknowledgement as from saying the words. It wasn't a momentous revelation or anything, but baby steps. The heart could only heal one small piece at a time.

He was left waiting for a long time, and the delay only made him fidget about more anxiously. Sherry was one of the easiest of the demon-touched children to deal with, and he knew that Yuka and Toby would pose more of a challenge. He wished he could slink off into the shadows and avoid the whole thing, but it was impossible now that Sherry was ratting him out.

His fingers tapped out an impatient rhythm on the rough brick. And then, finally, Yuka and Toby rounded the corner. As usual, they looked angry and fearful, respectively.

"Sherry was blathering on about some sort of twelve-step program nonsense," Yuka said without preamble. His eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

Gray resisted the urge to sigh and turn tail. He never felt well-equipped to handle these two.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a second."

"I know _that_. Closure, blah blah, amends, blah blah. Get on with it."

Gray smiled wryly despite himself. "I know we've had a rather rocky road, but… For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to your families and to you. If I knew then what I know now, it would have never happened. I regret that it happened at all."

They both stared at him.

"Why now?" Toby asked.

"Now what?"

He shifted uncomfortably and inched halfway behind Yuka. "Why apologize now, after all these months?"

Gray tilted his head upward to frown at the sky. "I don't know. Maybe I finally got tired of running away. Maybe I'm finally ready to look for a little bit of closure. Maybe it's just that I was too wrapped up in other issues to want to face this one." He shrugged and then smiled at Toby, albeit a little wearily. "You don't always have to be so afraid. I'm not going to touch you."

Toby straightened up a little. "I know, I just…"

"It's alright."

"What are you expecting from this?" Yuka interrupted gruffly. "Are you looking for favors or forgiveness or what?"

Gray tilted his head to the side and smiled at him in bemusement. "I'm not expecting anything from you. I'm just saying the words, Yuka. If they help bring me closure or you closure, then good. If they do nothing, then they do nothing. I'm saying them because I think it's time to say them, not because I want something from you."

He shoved his foot against the wall to push himself upright and slipped past the other mages. He had said his piece, and it was time to go.

Toby's hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Gray turned back to blink blankly at Toby and then follow his gaze back to Yuka.

Yuka let his breath out in a huff. "We probably aren't ever going to be friends, but I did say that we'd call a truce. I… Believe it or not, I think you're a pretty good person. I see everything you've done for Lyon and us and Chelia and your guild and everyone else—I'm not blind. I just can't look past the demon I remember, either."

That was more than Gray had ever expected to hear from Yuka, and it left him a little shell-shocked. "Fair enough. I would never begrudge you that."

Yuka looked away, brows knit together and lips tight. "I can't forgive you, but… Who knows? Maybe someday."

"Yuka," Gray said gently, "I have never asked for your forgiveness. I do not expect it. I do not think it is owed to me. If you make it that far, then I will accept it gladly. If you do not, that is your right. That is entirely up to you."

He glanced back at Toby, who quickly removed his hand. An interesting gesture, that. With how nervous Toby always was, Gray was surprised that he had actually resorted to touch.

"See you around," Gray told them. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

"Yeah…" Yuka mumbled. "Bring Lyon with you next time you decide to visit."

Gray waved a hand in acknowledgement and hid a smile as he turned the corner and strode away from Lamia Scale. An invitation was more than he had expected from this outing.

And maybe he hadn't found the magical healing he had been half-hoping for, but some small piece of his heart found something like peace.

* * *

This time when Gray walked up to the door, he could tell that someone was home. Light peeked out between the curtains, and he decided that it would be a good idea to just knock this time around.

The footsteps from inside were slow, but Gray expected as much and was patient. When the door finally opened, he smiled wanly.

"Good afternoon, Ultear."

He was careful to keep his expression neutral and not betray the feelings that clawed at his insides every time he saw her stooped form and gray hair and wrinkled skin. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to regard those changes without the guilt twisting his heart.

"Gray?" Ultear stared at him and then smiled. "I haven't seen you for a while. Come in."

"Sorry," he said as he stepped inside and she closed the door behind him. "I've been…indisposed."

"Mm, Jellal told me about your Awakening, and I hear whispers sometimes. But you aren't here to talk about that. What can I do for you?"

Gray smiled at her no-nonsense observations as she hobbled back into the living room and gestured for him to take the chair across from her. It was the same one he'd stolen last time he'd visited, and he sank into the cushions gratefully, although tension tightened his muscles.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"Oh? Even though you didn't want to talk for months?" She arched an eyebrow. "I'd rather been hoping you would have dropped by long before now, although I do appreciate that you waited at the door this time instead of sneaking inside."

"Well, you were actually home this time," he mumbled, picking at his nails to give his hands something to do. "Anyway, it's supposed to be more of a closure thing. I've been encouraged to talk it out with some people to help move on from the past or whatever."

Ultear waved a dismissive hand. "I already told you that I forgave you last time, didn't I?"

"But I didn't actually say that I was sorry," he grumbled.

"No, you were too busy trying to act like a demon and make sure you didn't look sympathetic or human."

"…"

"Well, go on, then. If you still need to say something, have at it."

Ultear had an unsettling knack for seeing right through him. She was clever, which he appreciated but sometimes found troublesome.

"I just wanted to apologize," he muttered, his fascination with his nails intensifying. "For real, this time. I'm sorry about what I made your mother do—what that loss did to you and because you'll never get to meet her again now. I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you about who I was. And with the dragons–"

"Don't you dare apologize for Last Ages," Ultear interrupted, her kindly voice suddenly edged in steel. "That was my choice, and I didn't even know that you were in trouble. You wouldn't like it if we blamed ourselves for your choices. Let me take responsibility for the things I've done, and you can take responsibility for yours."

One corner of Gray's mouth quirked upward despite himself, and he looked up to smile tiredly at Ultear. "Fair enough."

Ultear's eyes softened a little. "I already said that I forgave you, but I appreciate your words." Her eyebrow quirked upward. "The only thing I really want an apology for is how long you went without visiting. Jellal and Meredy have been great, but anyone would go crazy if they had to listen to Jellal lament his inadequacies in regard to Erza all day long."

Gray snorted. "You poor thing. Sorry I didn't drop by sooner. I thought about it after Fantasia, but then there was the whole Awakening and…"

"It's alright. Thank you for dragging those two down here, by the way. Maybe I was running away from them the same way you were running away from me—from all of us—and I needed that push. It's been nice having them around."

Ultear sobered suddenly and leaned forward to fix him with her piercing gaze. "I think it's good what you're doing, making your apologies and amends, but be sure to make your peace with Ur and Gray too. I think they're probably the ones who haunt you the most, and I doubt you'll find your closure until you face them."

"…They're dead."

"That doesn't mean you can't feel close to them and make your peace," she said, and Gray's mind flitted back to the beach. "If I may make a suggestion, I'd recommend Galuna."

Gray swallowed. Galuna was…

But it was where Ur's resting place had been and it was the seat of some of Gray's worst memories and nightmares, so it wasn't an unreasonable suggestion. Better than traveling all the way up to Isvan, anyway.

The question would be whether he had the courage to go back.

"I'll think about it," he said quietly.

"You do that. And while you're here and since you owe me for staying away so long, why don't you help me fix some things around the house? Jellal has proven to be a horrible handyman."

Gray laughed and stood up to offer her his arm. "Of course," he said fondly. "Anything for you."

She smiled and put him to work, and her quiet forgiveness let him breathe easy for the first time in ages.

* * *

This was possibly the last place Gray wanted to be, but he just set his shoulders and hid in the shadows of the buildings. A group of Knights stomped past, and he pulled the shadows closer. He didn't really want to be seen here. The last thing he wanted to do after being stuck on the train half the day was track down some very difficult people in his quest for closure, while avoiding all the other legions of people who hated him.

But he had come this far, and he wasn't going to quit now. It would be a long train ride back to have accomplished nothing.

He ghosted around the corner of another building, dismissing each person as his eyes flickered over them. He had already been searching for nearly forty minutes by the time he spotted the Executioner slip out of a building.

Gray followed him in the shadows, only releasing them when his quarry was out of eyesight of all the other Knights milling about.

"Hey, Roddy. Over here."

The Executioner startled and turned, his eyebrows drawing together. "Will you stop calling me that? What are you even doing here?"

"You visit me all the time. Can't I return the favor?"

His eyes narrowed. "It's part of my job. You do realize that you're persona non grata around here?"

"Sure. The Council and I have never been friends." Gray slunk over and positioned himself in shadow in preparation to hide if anyone else wandered past. "I have a problem with authority, and they have a problem with insubordination."

"Truer words have never been spoken," the Executioner said with a quick twist of the lips that lent itself to the impression of amusement. "What do you want?"

"Actually, I'm on some kind of mission to talk with some of the people I…wronged." He looked away, mouth flattening into a grim line. "I know it's been a long time coming, but I _am_ sorry for killing your family. And for how it affected your life after. And, as a matter of fact, for what I said about them when you first came to arrest me, even though I still think that's what you secretly wanted me to say. For what it's worth, I don't remember them because I didn't have a brain then and my memories are hazy and ill-developed, not because I don't care."

He let his breath out in a sigh. This one felt good to get off his chest. He'd been playing games with the Executioner for way too long, and although the nature of those games had slowly changed over time, they still felt like games and he was ready to be done with them and give the unvarnished truth for once.

"You…just came down here to apologize?"

"Yup. And now I'm going. Ciao."

"You…" The Executioner squeezed his eyes shut and massaged his forehead as he let out a heavy breath. "You're a strange one, that's for sure. I never know what to think about you. For what it's worth, I'm sorry I tortured you."

"Eh, it's okay. I antagonized you first. And no offense, but everything you did was pretty tame in comparison to the other things I've been through."

"…You know how you were blathering on about what we hate our demons for the most is how they turn us into someone we aren't sure we want to be?"

Gray stared back blankly. "Huh?"

"You know, after that whole mess you created when you defeated Eileen? You were sleeping with Mr. Bastia."

He furrowed his brow and dug back through his memories. "Yeah… I was drugged up so it's kind of fuzzy, but I might have said something like that."

"You were right. At first I got a purpose from what happened to them—I wanted to be a Knight and make sure something like that didn't happen to anyone else. And then you popped up alive and I was so _angry_ and I wanted revenge so _badly_ , and I sacrificed myself for it. It felt so good to tear you apart, but then I only felt worse because that wasn't who I was, who I wanted to be, and that only made me angrier.

"I didn't even get it until I hunted you down after that trial and you looked me in the eye and said that I was using you to destroy myself." He barked out a laugh. "You and Elaine are the only ones who will stand up and tell it to me straight like that. Maybe I needed to hear that, so thanks. You have a knack for tearing people apart and then helping them rebuild themselves. It's uncanny.

"The Council is in a meeting," he added, switching gears and gesturing toward a different building, "but they should be out soon. You can find her after."

Gray eyed him up and down, not sure how to respond to any of that. "Thanks," he said finally. "Take care."

The Executioner waved his hand and started off briskly without so much as a look back, but he paused by the corner. "And thanks for not killing me while I was torturing you."

Gray snorted. "No problem. You're not so bad, kid."

"Whatever," the Executioner said, disappearing around the side of the building.

A melancholy but fond smile tugged at Gray's lips as he stared after him. He thought _he_ was supposed to be the incomprehensible one.

Voices and footsteps heralded the approach of people he probably didn't want to run into, and he cut his musings short to slide back into the shadows and creep off to the indicated building.

It took twenty minutes of lurking before Two emerged, and he was foiled when she crossed the compound chatting with some other Councilman he didn't know. He tailed them in the shadows until the two parted ways and Two strode down the streets of the city proper.

Free of the Council's main encampment and feeling a little less paranoid in the city itself, Gray waded through the crowd and sauntered along by her side.

"How's it going?"

"Gray? What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize, actually."

"Apologize?" A weary look flitted across her face. "What did you do this time? It's a very tentative balance we have here, you know, and the Council is looking for any reason to break it. It's going to be such a pain to get you off the hook again."

"Not like that." He couldn't help but smile a little at the assumption, but then frowned into the crowd as he settled back down to business. "I'm sorry about your daughter. She should have gotten the chance to grow up, and parents shouldn't have to bury their kids. And goodness knows I've given you enough trouble with the rest of the Council. I don't know how you handle it so well, honestly. I don't think I could be half that impartial."

"…You already apologized."

"I did?"

"During that trial after you killed Zeref. I asked if you were sorry, and you apologized."

"Oh…" He shook his head. "You're right. I forget because I generally avoid it, but I do recall giving you the choice."

She watched him sidelong, some sort of war raging behind her eyes as she wove through the crowd. "I have another daughter, you know," she said finally.

He blinked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Mhm. My husband and I were too torn up after Emilia's death to even consider it, but after a few years we finally tried again. She could never replace Emilia, but she brings a lot of joy to our lives."

For some reason, Gray had never really considered that she might still have a family of her own. Maybe because he'd only seen her in an official capacity and hadn't stopped to think about her personal life, or maybe because he only considered the daughter she had lost. The one he had killed.

"That's good, then. I'm glad you have her."

She hesitated a beat longer and then asked, "Would you like to meet her?"

"What?" He recoiled and shifted awkwardly. "That's…okay?"

She leveled him with an unimpressed look. "I offered, didn't I?"

"I…um…yeah. Yeah, okay."

He wasn't sure if that was a good idea, wasn't sure what to make of the offer, but he wanted that sign of trust.

"It's interesting to watch you with kids," Two remarked, leading him down a side street. "You have a way of attracting them. But then I realized that it's not just kids. You have a strange sort of charisma, although I'm not sure you've realized it. Either people really love you or really hate you, and you're always either bringing people together or tearing them apart. You're magnetic and polarizing. People are drawn to you for a reason, and maybe you should figure out why that is."

He considered that as he followed her down the street and up the walk to a cozy little two-story house. The key in the lock acted as some sort of signal, and small footsteps raced across the floorboards.

Gray froze in the doorway as a girl of maybe eleven or twelve charged into the foyer, brown hair flying behind her and blue eyes sparkling with excitement.

"You're home!" She paused as she noticed the demon in the doorway.

"This is Gray," Two said with a smile. "He's a family friend."

He wondered if the child knew she should have had an older sister, if she knew about the demon who had ripped her family apart. She obviously didn't know who he was, and her mother didn't enlighten her.

"Gray," said Two, "this is Hope."

He almost choked out a laugh. Hope. Of course. Hope could be such a dangerous, painful thing, but this girl embodied all that was good and uplifting about it. She was her mother's hope…and maybe his, too.

He was so used to seeing how the lives of the demon-touched children had fallen apart because of him, how they floundered and faltered and suffered. But Two—Elaine—had moved forward. She had rebuilt her family and moved on, even if she kept her pain close to her heart. Even the Executioner and Lyon and the others had begun finding ways to move on.

And if they could do it, surely Gray could too.

The little girl smiled shyly. She had Elaine's eyes, Gray decided. They weren't the same color or even the same shape, but they held that same kindness.

"Hello," she chirped politely.

Gray swallowed hard and darted a look at Elaine before creeping over the threshold and holding out his hand. "Hi," he rasped. "It's nice to meet you."

Her hand was small and warm in his, and he wanted to hold her to his chest and cry.

* * *

Gray tapped on the glass, and Erza's head jerked up. A look of utter bafflement crossed her face as she rushed over and threw the window open.

"How are you even…?" She shook her head as she noticed the icy stairs gleaming in the dying light. "This is the girls' dorm, you know. You aren't really supposed to be here."

He gave her puppy-dog eyes. "You aren't even going to invite me in?"

"…Is everything alright?"

"Yup." He pushed past her, hopped into the room, and perched on the end of her bed.

She leaned back against the windowsill. "You sure? You've been gone for a while."

"I've been busy."

"…Right. Have you thought any more about speaking with…?"

"It's been going alright."

"Alright?" Her features dissolved into surprise again. "Wait, you actually _are_ talking to them?"

"Sure, but I'm not here to talk to them." He folded his legs and found a sudden fascination with the blanket he was sitting on. "I'm here to talk to you."

"To me? What–?"

"I'm sorry, Erza," he said quietly, picking at a fraying thread. "I made things difficult from the beginning and I wasn't honest with you. You put so much energy into trying to… _rehabilitate_ me and I fought you every step of the way." His lips tightened. "And then I almost killed you and everything went to hell. I'm sorry for the things I said and did while I was trying to push you away, for almost accidentally killing myself as soon as you left, for giving you a hard time."

The silence was deafening and saturated with disbelief, and Gray began systematically unraveling the blanket one loose thread at a time.

"I didn't mean that you should apologize to _me_ ," Erza said finally.

"I know, but I hurt you too. And I'm sorry."

Soft footsteps creaked across the floorboards. Erza sat down beside him, and he took a deep breath and met her eyes despite his reluctance. He owed her that much.

"You're right: you hurt me a lot," Erza said. She tipped her head to the side and smiled, her eyes gentle. "But you've brought me so much happiness, too. You've done so much for me—for all of us. All that hurt is worth it to see your smile, and all the good you've brought to our lives outweighs the bad a hundredfold."

Gray ducked his head. God, did he love his friends. They were too understanding, too willing to overlook his problems and set aside the hurt he caused them, and he still wasn't quite sure what he had done to deserve friends like that.

"You're okay yourself, kid," he said gruffly.

Erza snorted. "You're incorrigible."

Gray flashed her a sheepish smile. "I should go."

"You should. You aren't even supposed to be here."

"Yeah, yeah." He slid off the bed and stepped out the window onto the icy stairs to retrieve the large box waiting on the platform he'd made to hold it. He hefted it and shoved it through the window. "Here."

Erza walked over and accepted the box. "What's this?"

He grinned. "An apology cake. 'Night, Erza."

And he dropped into the night and was gone.

Lucy was even easier to get at than Erza. She wasn't at her flat when Gray arrived, so he let himself in her window and whiled away the time reading through the manuscript she'd left unguarded on her desk.

It was well past nightfall when the key turned in the lock and she tramped inside.

"Hey, Luce."

She jumped a foot in the air and whipped around. "Geez, Gray! You almost gave me a heart attack! And what are you doing in here? Are you reading my novel again? Stop that!"

Gray dropped the papers, leaned back in the chair, and kicked his feet up on the desk. The way her eyebrows twitched only made it all the more amusing.

"Please," he drawled. "You've missed me."

Lucy's breath whistled out from between her teeth and she deflated. "…Maybe."

Gray sighed and tilted his head back to run his gaze along the ceiling. It had been ages since he'd broken in here last, and the whole thing was kind of nostalgic.

"Yeah, well. I'm here to give you my apology."

"Your…what?"

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I gave you. Am giving you." He closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead, convinced he could feel a headache coming on. "I know it hasn't been easy on you. And I'm…sorry that I nearly killed you. That I scared you. Then and afterwards. It was stupid of me to scare you more just because I wanted to run away. I'm sorry for that."

Apologizing sucked. Not only was it extremely awkward, but it dragged up the past and made him face the things he had done and wasn't proud of. But it felt like something he needed to do, and if it brought him or his friends even the tiniest bit of closure, then he'd take it.

"But you didn't kill me." Lucy grasped his hand in her small ones and stared at him with earnest eyes. "You should have, you didn't have control, but you spared us. And I'm so humbled that you loved us enough to do the impossible for us. And I…should have had more faith. It felt so wrong to be scared of you, because you're… _you_. I'm sorry for that."

"You don't have to–"

She smiled. "But I was always the most afraid of losing you, of watching you lose yourself. I think I might have said it once before, but it's still true: I was scared _for_ you, not _of_ you. You can be pretty scary when you want to be, but I mostly know better than to buy it now."

Gray thought she might be putting an overly positive spin on things, but offered a small smile in turn. "Yeah, you were always a little too brave for your own good."

"H-hey!"

Pulling his hand out of her grasp, he swung his feet back to the floor and stood with a flourish. "I'd best be on my way. 'Night, Lucy." He paused by the window and glanced back with a sly smile. "By the way, you should get that story to a publisher already. It's been finished for how long now? Don't worry. If they say no, I'll scare someone into publishing it for you."

And he laughed and hopped out the window, still smiling at Lucy's furious yet terribly embarrassed spluttering.

He caught Happy the next morning while Natsu was distracted complaining about how hungry he was.

"Hey, Happy," Gray said. "I got you something."

The fish was so big and heavy that Happy nearly fell out of the air when he latched his stubby little paws around it. "Yum! Thanks, Gray! What's it for?"

Gray smiled tiredly. "It's an apology fish."

Happy blinked back with wide, puzzled eyes. "Apology fish?"

"Yeah. I know I haven't exactly been…easy to be around lately. I'm sorry about that. And I'm sorry that I said no one liked your fish."

Weirdly enough, that was one of the things he had felt worst about, crushing Happy's innocent, slightly naïve, hopeful worldview and watching the hurt cloud those big eyes.

"O-oh…" Happy's ears flattened and he looked down at his new fish. "I know you didn't mean it."

"That doesn't mean I should have said it."

"It's okay." Happy broke out the pleading kitty-cat eyes. "Will you go fishing with me?"

Gray smiled and ruffled the little cat's fur. "Of course. Whenever you want."

And he'd be sure to do just that, as soon as he'd finished this slapdash reconciliation scheme.

Natsu proved to be the hardest, partly because he and Gray rarely talked seriously and almost never apologized. They didn't really use words like that, and it left Gray at a loss. He could suck it up and talk it out with the girls and Happy, he could show his silent apologies to the other guild members by little words and gestures here and there, but he'd be damned if he knew how to handle Natsu in this kind of situation.

So he resorted to the most obvious tactic: starting a fight.

Slapping Natsu around soon got the rest of the guild involved in a free-for-all, and Gray used the cover of chaos to find his voice. He punched Natsu to the ground and crouched down beside him.

"Flame brain."

"I'm going to get you," Natsu snarled. But then he took in the somberness in Gray's eyes and went still, the fire that flickered around his fists dying out. "Everything okay?"

Gray looked away. "I'm…sorry. For hiding things from you for so long and trying to throw away the second chance you gave me and nearly killing you and being a pain in the ass afterward and almost accidentally killing myself on your couch and–"

The fist came out of nowhere, slamming into his jaw and sending him pitching backward onto the floor with a startled yelp.

"Stop making things weird," Natsu growled, bending over him with a scowl. "I don't need your dumbass apologies." He hesitated and then averted his gaze. "Anyway," he mumbled, "it's good enough that you're fighting back again instead of giving up. That's all I need to know."

Gray blinked up at him and then smiled despite himself. Natsu would be Natsu. And while the fool was distracted, Gray took the opportunity to exact revenge and sucker punch him.

And then he did what he should have done a long time ago: he picked himself up and stood on his own two feet and fought.

* * *

"Hello again," Gray said to the ocean. "I never thought I'd come back here."

He lowered himself to the ground and sat cross-legged on one of the large, flat stones butting against the sea. A wave rolled over and sent a spray of mist over the rock's edge. Gray breathed it in and snorted at the salt in his nostrils.

He watched the sunlight glittering on the water for a few minutes and then pulled Binkie out of his shadow to sit snugly in his lap. This seemed like a situation where he could use some moral support. Taking a deep breath, he locked one arm around the stuffed dog and dipped his other hand into the water. It made him feel like he had a connection to who he was talking to, whether he reached her or not in reality.

"You seemed like a smart lady," he said. "I'm sure you've figured out who I am by now. I almost said sorry the last time I was here. It was the closest I came to apologizing for…everything. I've apologized since then, though, to other people, so I guess I should do it for you too."

He dropped his chin onto Binkie's head and stared out with glassy eyes. "I'm sorry for who I was. What I was. I wish I could have known better. I didn't have a choice then, about any of it, you know. That doesn't really make it any better, though. People are still dead. I'm sorry that I killed them. I'm sorry you couldn't quite save Gray. And I'm sorry for iced shell. It…didn't even work out like you expected.

"I doubt it's any cause for celebration to know that in trying to trap me, you saved me instead. I hated you for a while, for doing this to me, and I didn't know any better. It would have been so much easier if things had worked as they should have, but… Zeref created Deliora, but you created me. You gave me a second chance long before Natsu ever did. And it's been hard and maybe I don't deserve it, but I'm so grateful. I've learned so much and made so many friends and tried so hard to help make things right. Thank you."

The water lapped at his hand as the waves rolled in, and slid back to the ocean as they retreated. He dipped his hand lower into the water and watched it shimmer in distortion under the surface. It still put him on edge to touch the water, but this was his penance.

"I looked after Lyon, like I promised. I hurt him too, but I've tried so hard to do right by him. And he's looked after me too. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. I never imagined I would have family. We went to the beach together a few weeks ago. You probably know that. He dragged me out into the water to face you, even though I didn't want to. I'm going to keep looking after him. You don't have to worry about him. I'm going to take care of him.

"I kept an eye on Ultear too, once I knew she was alive. There was a spell… It had some nasty side effects, but she seems so at peace. She made friends too, and a guild, even. She seems happy, and we've talked things over. She's come a long way."

His shoulders hunched and the back of his throat burned. "I've tried," he whispered. "I've done what I could. But for Gray, I couldn't… I try to keep pieces of him alive. I have his memories, his feelings, his dreams. I keep his gestures and quirks and mannerisms, but it's not the same. I can only keep his memory alive, and that's not–not–"

He sucked in a harsh breath and squeezed his eyes shut, bowing his head as hot tears gathered and broke free. "I'm so sorry. I'm looking after everyone who's still here. If you can…if you can ever reach him, tell him that I'm sorry. He deserved so much better. I took everything and ripped him apart and turned him into someone else, and took his body and life before he had the chance to put himself back together again and move on. I–I can't…"

A sob choked in his throat and he doubled over around Binkie. He didn't believe Ur was dead, per se, but she was the closest thing he had to a bridge between the living and dead. He was asking the impossible, but he had no one else to ask.

"And his parents and his friends…" Another sob shook his body. "So many people who I'll never know. And his father, he came back and I pretended I was his son. His son who I killed, and Gray is gone, he's not coming back, I can't–"

He rocked back and forth, the hard stone digging into his skin, and let the tears soak Binkie's head. It was so hard to apologize to people who were dead, because they were empty apologies that were thrown to the wind where no one would ever hear. How was he supposed to make his peace when nothing he said made a difference? How could he ever let go?

He didn't know how long he stayed huddled there before something besides water bumped his hand. Slowly uncurling himself, he blinked the tears out of his eyes and stared uncomprehendingly at the ice rose caught between his fingers. The tide rolled out, and he quickly snatched up the unexpected find before the water pulled it back out to sea.

It was his, he was sure of it. It had his flair.

He choked out a wet laugh. "I'm going to take it to mean that you hear me."

Either that or he was hallucinating, because he had dropped this at the beach miles and miles away. Coincidence of the century.

"Thank you," he said with an almost hysterical giggle as he pressed the hard edges into his palm to convince himself it was really there. Swiping his hand across his eyes, he reached back into his shadow and pulled out the bound list of names.

"I've kept this for a long time," he said with a sniffle. "I can't do it anymore. They're so heavy, it's killing me. Everyone I know is here. I'm sorry for all of them, for the people I'll never know and for Mavis and Emilia and even Marietta and Zeref and all the rest. Someone should keep them and I thought that someone should be me, but it's such a heavy burden. Keep them for me, okay? I will always remember them, they will always be carved into my heart, but I've turned this into a ball and chain and I need to let it go before it drags me under."

It killed him to lower the pages into the water and let go, watch the waterlogged papers sink below the surface, and he almost changed his mind. But he stayed his hand and instead clutched the ice rose tight enough to dig into his skin and hugged Binkie close as he watched it disappear from sight.

The burden wasn't gone, he would always carry it, but it had to be a step in the right direction. It hurt to let it go, but there was also a flash of bone-crushing relief.

He pulled himself to his feet unsteadily and looked at the rose one last time before tucking it into his pocket.

"Thanks," he told the ocean. "I'm looking for my peace finally, after all these years. I hope you find your peace too."

Clutching Binkie to his chest, he turned and picked his way back across the rocks. Then he poked around a little, but didn't see anyone.

"Where did he go?" he asked Binkie. Binkie didn't respond.

Gray huffed out a breath and took a minute to collect himself, drying his eyes and willing them not to be too obviously red. Then he poked around a little more, but he didn't want to attract the attention of the demon villagers. Supposed demon villagers. He still wasn't quite sure what to make of them, as they certainly weren't any demons that Zeref had created.

"Oh," he said as a sudden flash of inspiration struck him. "Duh."

He headed for the trees and slipped into the jungle, weaving his way through the greenery until he found the temple again. It took a few minutes of searching to locate the stairs, but then he headed down below the ground, his steps growing slower and slower the farther he got. He traversed the passageways at a snail's pace until he found the cavernous chamber.

Lyon was standing out in the middle, water still pooling in the rocky basins around his feet. Gray watched and worked up the nerve to join him. He didn't want to be here, possibly the only place that made him more uncomfortable than the ocean.

But he hugged Binkie tighter and stepped forward, then swallowed hard and took another step. And another and another.

Lyon turned at the sound of his footsteps. "Are you done?"

Gray hummed noncommittally and shuffled over to his side. His foot dragged through one of the stagnant pools of water and he winced. This had to be Ur's water, left from when the ice melted. His brain told him that water would have evaporated long ago and this was probably rainwater collecting from the hole in the roof, but he couldn't shake his unease.

"You have that dog again?" Lyon asked, shaking his head. "Been a while since I've seen you carrying him around."

Gray tightened his grip on Binkie reflexively. Still, Lyon had a point. Come to think of it, Binkie had been spending more time tucked away in his shadows these days. Maybe he didn't need a security blanket as much when he was finally coming to terms with things, but right now he desperately needed him.

He stared at the empty space ahead of him, memories roiling in the peripheries of his vision. A sharp pain lanced through his chest and tangled around his heart like a thorny vine, and he winced.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just another aftershock from the Book." Either that or his aching heart was acting up of its own accord. "It's weird," he mumbled half to himself, his eyes searching the empty air. "I have a hard time remembering exactly what it looked like, even. Gray's memories are clearer, but even they've gotten fuzzier lately."

Lyon was quiet for a moment. "I have a harder time remembering too," he said finally. "Maybe because Deliora doesn't exist the same way anymore. And you aren't him anymore, so… I know you'll say that you're the same or whatever, but you've changed so much that I don't think you really relate to that life anymore."

"We are one, but we aren't the same," Gray said, nodding slowly. "I was him, but he was never me."

The shell that had stood here had never known anything more than the mindless need for destruction, and the creature from then wouldn't even be able to imagine becoming him now. And although Gray felt the presence of his demonic side keenly and could still relate a little bit to who Deliora had been, there was too much distance between them now. He was still a demon, but he was not the _same_ demon.

He caught a glimpse of his shadow creeping along the far wall as if poking around its erstwhile remains in curiosity. It didn't take on its old form. In fact, he didn't think he'd seen it do that for a while, although it had been its favored form for a long time. But for now, it just mirrored his own silhouette. He let it be.

"Are you ready to go?" Lyon asked gently.

Gray shook his head sharply to banish his thoughts and turned to his friend with solemn eyes. "Lyon, I want you to know that–"

"Don't."

"…Excuse me?"

"Don't apologize. Erza told me what you've been doing." Lyon looked away, his lips tightening. "You've already apologized before, and it broke my heart. You don't need to do it again. I already know, and you breathe apology out in every word, every action. It's good that you've been saying the words, but you've been apologizing for a long time."

Gray didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to round off this peace-making mission by saying the words, but Lyon was right that he'd apologized on more than one occasion already. And Lyon knew him too well, could see through him. Any apology Gray gave now would be redundant.

"Thanks for coming with me," he said instead. He wasn't sure he would have been able to force himself to come here if Lyon hadn't agreed to come along and hang back as moral support.

"Of course. Anyway, it was probably just as well. There's still so much attached to this place for me too, and it's probably good that I came back."

"Did you find what you were looking for? Make your peace or whatever?"

Lyon looked back, gaze sharpening as it roamed over the demon's face. "Did you?"

"…Yeah. I think so."

"Then yes," he said. "I did."

Gray ducked his head and rubbed Binkie's ear between his fingers. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. And…I'll move back to Margaret Town tomorrow. Or maybe the day after."

Gray looked up sharply. Lyon didn't look excited at the prospect, but he was resigned. He was finally going to let Gray go and trust that he wasn't going to self-destruct the second he walked out the door. And it had to be so hard for him to step back after all this time.

"I'll miss you," Gray said with a melancholy smile, and he meant it.

"Of course you will," Lyon said briskly, shaking off the mood. "I'll come back and visit. Now, let's go."

Gray trailed after him, but paused at the edge of the cavernous room to look back at the space empty of everything but memories and lingering puddles of water. "Goodbye," he whispered.

And then he turned his back and followed Lyon back up to the light.


	60. Freedom

**EndarkenedSanity: Lyon was one of the more fun characters to work with, if only because he had a tougher journey than most of the others to really accept Gray. And then he was just as stubborn about not letting him go again XD But I found his development satisfying, if a bit frustrating to write at times. Well, Binkie has his own place ;) I'm not familiar with the bunny, though lol Btw, if you do review, I'll tack on the reply to the end of the chapter. You know, because this is the last chapter and I don't have another one to post a response on lol**

* * *

 **Freedom**

* * *

Gray studied himself critically in the mirror and tugged his sleeves down as a nervous gesture even though they were already hiding the scars lining his skin.

"I don't know, Binkie, what do you think?" he asked the stuffed dog perched on the counter beside him. "Presentable enough?"

Binkie didn't answer, but the shadow on the wall behind him bobbed its head.

"Why, thank you, Deli. I'm glad you approve. Well, as long as we don't make Lucy look bad." He brushed his teeth and combed through his unruly hair before scooping Binkie off the counter and handing him back to his shadow. "Sorry, friend. I don't think she'd appreciate it if you showed up to her meeting."

Tugging at the collar of his starchy button-down, he flicked the light off and traipsed out into the living room. He half-expected to see Lyon sprawled across the couch or hear him banging around in the kitchen, but the room was empty and silent. Lyon had, after all, moved out over two weeks ago. Not that you'd be able to tell from how frequently he popped up at the guild for 'visits'. Gray put up a show of complaining, but the truth was that he was glad the brat was still hanging around.

A loud knock broke the silence and he headed for the door. Showtime.

He paused only to run his fingers over the glassy petals of the ice rose sitting in a small vase on the side table. A good luck charm. The vase was half-full of saltwater taken directly from the ocean, and gritty granules of salt stuck to his fingers as he ran them over the ice.

Smiling faintly to himself, he left the memorial behind and opened the door.

"Good morning, Lucy."

Lucy fidgeted on the doorstep. Her hands tightened around the folder full of papers and her eyes darted about nervously. "Hi," she said. "You clean up nice."

He pulled a face and glared down at his slacks with their crisp creases. One of his newly polished shoes had a scuffmark already, and he wanted to kick it across the street in frustration.

"I miss comfortable clothes," he grumbled.

"Do I look alright?" she asked as if she hadn't heard. "I have to make a good impression. First impressions are everything!"

Lucy was dressed up too, as professionally as he'd ever seen her. Even her skirt was significantly longer than she normally wore them.

"You look fine," he assured her. "And don't worry so much. If they didn't like you, they wouldn't have invited you to an in-person meeting. So it's not really a _first_ impression."

"I just _really_ want this deal." Lucy hugged the papers to her chest, and Gray ushered her down the street. "I've wanted to be published for so long. It's my dream and I don't want to mess it up."

Gray patted her on the head and smiled. "If it makes you feel any better, I've read that whole book a couple of times now and I think it'll get published without a problem. Hey, I'll even help you edit it and make any changes they want you to make!"

"I thought I told you to stop reading my stuff," Lucy said in exasperation, but she was smiling. "But thanks. And thanks for coming with me, Gray."

"Of course. Don't worry so much. If he turns out to be a jerk, I'll just scare the shit out of him until he cuts you a publishing deal."

Lucy snorted, and her stride became more confident as her heels clicked down the street. "Yeah, that's why I brought you along."

"Oh? And here I thought it was for moral support."

"That too. This way." She hooked her arm through his and dragged him around the corner. He let her lead, since he didn't know where the building was anyway. "I want to be able to do it on my own and say that I _did it_." She gave him a sly, sidelong look. "…But if it doesn't work out, you can be the backup plan."

Gray coughed out a laugh. "Sounds like a plan."

He kept up a steady stream of cheerful chatter as they navigated the streets in order to keep Lucy's anxiety under control. He followed her inside the publisher's offices and was allowed to sit next to Lucy while she and her prematurely balding contact discussed the possibilities of making an official deal. Gray mostly kept to himself and let Lucy have her moment in the spotlight, knowing he was there more for emotional support than anything else. This was her book, her deal, and he would let her handle it.

"Do you think it went well?" she asked as they exited the building an hour and a half later. She gnawed on her thumbnail and looked back at the imposing brick façade. "I can't believe I might have to wait weeks to get an answer!"

"I didn't feel the need to step in and wring anyone's neck, so I think it went alright." Gray gave her a toothy grin. "He seemed quite taken with you, actually. It'll be a lot of work, of course, but I think he's going to take you on. Congrats, Luce. Either way, it's a victory that you've come this far after so long. And anyway, if he says no, then I'll just eat him and we can find you a different sponsor."

"You're horrible!" Lucy said with a laugh. "But thanks, I feel better."

"I'm not _horrible_ ," Gray muttered. "Just hungry."

"You didn't eat breakfast?"

"…No. I was too busy trying to scrounge up some semi-presentable clothing."

Lucy clicked her tongue. "You shouldn't skip meals. Come on, we can get something to eat at the guild."

"Can't I change clothes first?"

"Nope! Everyone is waiting to hear how it went. Let's go!"

Gray let her drag him along with minimal grumbling. He would make allowances since today had been so important to her dreams. It was a step forward, anyway, and one that he was proud to see her take since he knew that novel had been sitting finished on her desk for several months before she worked up the nerve to hand it over to the world.

She grabbed his hand and tugged him up the last few paces to the guild's door, and then turned to give him a beatific smile. He raised one eyebrow at her display.

"You okay?"

"Of course!" She squeezed his hand before releasing it. "I'm just excited…and a little nervous."

"I'm telling you, it went well. Just give it a couple weeks and we can have some crazy celebrations."

She shook her head, a secretive smile playing on her lips. "You're a really great guy, you know. Even if you break into my house and read my stuff without permission."

He gave her a funny look and shook his head, not sure what had gotten into her. "Yep, I'm pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. Come on, let's go."

He shoved the door open and almost jumped out of his skin when everyone roared, "Happy birthday!"

The entire hall was crowded with people, every eye fixed on the door and every mouth grinning. Gray stared at them blankly and then turned to Lucy.

"I thought your birthday was next month?"

She rolled her eyes. "It is. But this isn't my party—it's yours."

This only deepened his confusion, and he swept puzzled eyes over the gathering. Now that he was looking more closely, there were faces that wouldn't have any business at a party for Lucy: Lyon and Sherry and Chelia, even Toby and Yuka lurking behind their teammates, Ultear, Sophie and Jamie, his landlady, even Elaine and the Executioner. How in the world had they dragged all these people down here?

He cleared his throat awkwardly, still more than a little stunned. "Uh… You do remember that I don't have a birthday? I thought we kind of already went over this?"

"Yeah, yeah, you had your breakdown thing or whatever." Natsu flapped a dismissive hand. "But I told you that you should pick a different day if you didn't want to celebrate on the other Gray's birthday, and you didn't. So we picked one for you."

"…I don't think you're supposed to just arbitrarily pick birthdays like that."

"It's not _arbitrary_ ," Cana said with a huff. She paused and scratched at her nose. "Okay, maybe it's a little arbitrary. But we picked the anniversary of when you first joined the guild. It seemed like as good a day as any. Or, Erza decided it was symbolic or some shit."

"Oh." He dug back through his memories. He still hadn't much cared for the guild or its members back then, so this type of information hadn't been important enough to be coded into his memory. His hazy recollections were telling him that he had probably joined during this month, but he couldn't put his finger on the exact day. "Is that today?"

"It is," said Makarov, swinging his short legs back and forth from where he was perched on the table next to an absolutely massive cake studded with candles. "I checked through the guild records."

"…We keep records?"

The old man rolled his eyes. "Please. I know Fairy Tail seems like lawless, uncontrolled chaos, but I do have standards. We need some records to keep things official with the Council."

"Huh. Who would've thought it?" He looked away from the crowd of mages shifting about anxiously to frown at Lucy. "So…you were just trying to keep me away from the guild this morning?"

She smiled sheepishly. "I needed you to scare him into giving me a deal if he said no. But…I _might_ have intentionally scheduled the meeting for today."

Gray huffed out a breath and crossed his arms. "And here I thought I was being a good friend giving moral support."

"Oh, Gray." Lucy's smile softened. "You're the _best_ friend. Cheer up, we wanted to do something special for you."

Erza shuffled her feet. "We know you're not really sold on birthdays and celebrations and this type of thing, but we thought… We thought that you'd been doing so well lately, and maybe you were ready for it now."

"Just don't get all weird and mopey about it again, please," Gajeel grumbled.

Gray snorted. Tough love.

"Can we just get to the cake already?" the Executioner asked, tapping his foot on the floor. "If I was dragged all the way down here, I'd at least like some cake."

Elaine nudged him in the side. "Be patient."

Gray eyed them in bemusement. "I'm not sure I even want to know how they got you two down here."

"We even got tons of ice cream," Lyon interjected. "You know, for if you don't like the cake. And because you like ice cream. You know."

"I helped!" Chelia added brightly.

"So did Toby and Yuka, actually," Sherry said, grinning and nudging her guildmates conspiratorially. Yuka scowled and looked away.

"I got out of helping because I'm a poor elderly woman," Ultear said with a smile. "But I made it."

Gray shook his head slowly. How had the guild even gotten all of these people together? Why had they all even agreed to come? Why was it that people would gather around him time and time again, no matter what?

"Is it…okay?" Erza asked in a small voice.

Gray let his eyes drift over the crowd again. A lot of them seemed nervous. They were afraid of his reaction, afraid that their gesture would be taken the wrong way and he'd shut down again, afraid he wasn't ready and they'd just made things worse. His bemused, lackluster initial response probably hadn't helped.

He swallowed hard and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Yeah," he mumbled. "It's…nice."

And it was. It was more than a little uncomfortable—he never had liked being the center of attention, and he was generally more willing to celebrate on someone else's behalf than on his own—but it was a sweet gesture. They tried so hard, like no matter how much trouble he gave them or how much he tried to push them away, they were still–

 _Family?_

Gray started in surprise, automatically stepping to the side as his gaze dropped to the inky shadow curling about his feet.

"What did you say?" he demanded.

"Gray?" Lucy asked uncertainly. "Are you alright?"

His shadow shifted, spreading and curling in on itself.

 _Family? Love?_

Gray's breath caught in his throat. " _Oh_ ," he breathed. "Oh, sweetheart, you _can_ learn. Who would've thought it?"

His shadow twined about him, and, for the first time, he didn't feel like pushing it away. This was so much better than the normal chorus of _kill, destroy_ that it usually played in his head. His heart fluttered, and he let himself hope, for just a moment, that maybe something _had_ changed.

 _I am you_ , it whispered, pulling itself away and forming an inky mass in front of him.

"You are me," he agreed, watching curiously as it pulled itself into his own shape.

For the first time, it didn't bother him to admit to that, at least in this one moment where it didn't stand for everything he hated about himself. He had always known that it was born of his mind and curses, but had done everything possible to distance himself from it. But yes, it was part of him and always had been.

 _Family?_ it asked again.

"Yeah," he said quietly, watching it as if mesmerized. "Family."

 _Love?_

"Yeah. We love them."

 _Are you strong enough now?_

"Am I…strong enough?" Gray frowned, eyeing his shadow-clone uncertainly. "For what?"

The shadow shifted and produced his ice-bound Book, holding it out to him. Gray stared at it, then slowly reached out and took it. He studied the icy shell, ran his fingers over it, wondered what he was supposed to do.

Then it hit him, and his eyes widened. " _Oh._ "

 _Was_ he strong enough? Was it even possible? Zeref had implied that it was, but he wasn't exactly the most trustworthy person.

"Hey, ice block, what's going on?" Natsu asked, and Gray looked up to see the dragon slayer eyeing the cursed shadow warily.

"I…" Gray shook his head and looked back at his Book. He didn't know how to explain this to his friends even if he wanted to.

 _I am you._

"Yeah," he mumbled.

 _And you are me._

Maybe if he had come far enough that even his dark side could understand love and family… Maybe it was time to stop running away.

He let his fingers ghost over the ice, which melted beneath his fingertips. He swallowed hard, feeling exposed and vulnerable with the protective layer gone.

 _'Gray'_

He traced his fingers over the letters and wondered if maybe he had _finally_ figured out what they meant.

 _Strong enough?_

Gray took a deep breath. "Yes, I think I am."

And he opened the Book.

"What are you _doing_?" Natsu yelped, but it was already too late.

It all came flooding back: the hate and blind rage and vicious instinct. But then it settled, sinking into Gray like a second skin, filling in all the empty gaps he had left inside himself when he'd forcibly tried to scoop out the parts of himself he didn't want to accept.

The glyphs peeled themselves off the page, exploding into a spiraling whirlwind of shadowy runes that danced around him and swept through the building. Gray stared at them in awe, eyes wide, and reached out with one hand to let them settle on his fingers and melt into his skin. His entire being laid out before him in the air, and he had never thought that it could be beautiful, never thought that he could control it and make it his own.

"Wow," someone whispered.

The lights flickered, shadows leaping to life and bending toward him, and Gray felt his lips curve upward. He still remembered the days when his curses had felt oily and disgusting, and his wariness of them had extended far beyond. But now they felt like home—part of him. For once, it wasn't a part that he wanted to stamp out.

Everything was settling down now, clicking into place, and it felt amazing. Gray had been so busy wavering in between being human and demon, never able to settle on one or the other, constantly flipping back and forth, but now he was both. He could accept his instincts without tamping them down as tightly as he could, but he could also control them and let the love and humanity that he carried overtake them. He was old and dangerous and there was an easily incited wrath buried in his chest, but that was just one part of him and he also loved enough to fill the world.

And as the glyphs faded away and the shadows retreated back to their corners, he felt a sudden surge of gratitude toward Zeref. The man had been crazy and cruel, had been Gray's personal demon for a long time, but… Gray had been a lot of people's demons as well, and some of them had forgiven him and learned to move on. Maybe it was time to let go of some of the bitterness and resentment he held toward Zeref so that he could move on too.

"Whoa," said Natsu, "how did you open it and not go all crazy psycho demon? Why aren't you Awake?"

Gray reached inside himself and felt the curses and instincts roiling there, an unimaginably deep well of power and darkness that he had sacrificed when he'd sealed his Book.

"I _am_ Awake," he said.

"But–but–"

Dog-earing the corner of the page, Gray looked back at his shadow and offered it the Book. He could almost swear that it smiled as it took the Book and swallowed it whole once more.

 _Be free._

Gray's sudden serenity melted into puzzled bemusement. "Free?" he asked. "I don't understand."

 _I am you._

"You are me," he agreed again, frowning in confusion. Hadn't they already settled this?

 _Are you strong enough now?_

"Am I…? Strong enough for what?"

 _Be free_ , it insisted.

"Be…? _Oh._ "

Gray let his gaze drift to the confused, wary faces of Lyon and Sherry, Toby and Yuka, Two and the Executioner, his team and his guild. He had given the victims of his instincts a choice: to let go or hold on, have him be human or demon. And…should he not give himself a similar choice?

Gray stared at his friends—his family, the people he loved—for a long moment. He had only come this far because of them. Without them, he wouldn't have the opportunity to make peace with himself and bring together his disparate parts. They had helped him along every step of the way, even when he had tried to do it all alone. God, did he love them.

And maybe he would have to rely on their strength for a moment more, because this might be the hardest thing he had ever done.

He turned back to his shadow. It hovered before him expectantly.

"We need to set some boundaries," he said. He couldn't—wouldn't—take that step until he was sure they had an understanding. "You have to understand that I'm different now. I can't just kill and destroy and rampage around. I love them and I chose them and I fit myself into their world. And I know you think that makes me weak, but it's who I chose to be and I'm not going to let you take that away again. Okay?"

 _Yes_. It reached out as if to touch him, and he rocked back a half-step with narrowed eyes.

"In exchange, I acknowledge that you've done your best to change and you've come farther than I thought you could. I acknowledge that you didn't have a choice about Before, and that you will never be able to let go of that darkness because that was how you were created and it's woven into your being. I will accept that because it is part of who you are and because you're changing what you can to meet me halfway. Right?"

 _Yes_.

"Great." He took a deep breath, let it out through his nose, and squared his shoulders. "I believe that we are one and the same, two sides of the same person. I believe that we need each other and are stronger when we work together instead of fighting each other every step of the way. I believe that together we can move on and let go and find our freedom. Do you?"

The shadow said nothing this time, only wavered uncertainly in the air, and desperation twisted Gray's insides. They were so _close_. It couldn't fall apart now.

"Tell me," he rasped, his voice cracking and his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "I can't do this anymore. We're killing each other, and I can't take it anymore. _Tell me_ , Deli-nii."

There was a long, terrifying minute of _nothing_ , but then the shadow glided forward a pace and its inky hand curled around his and dragged it up, prying the fingers apart. It slid back again, and Gray blinked down at the silver chain coiled in his palm. He choked out a laugh and wound it loosely about his fingers, with the sword-shaped pendant hanging against his palm.

"Alright," he said. "I get it."

The message couldn't be any clearer. He just hoped that he wasn't putting too much faith in his darkness, trusting that it really had learned its lesson and no longer needed a constant reminder. The words he needed to say stuck in his throat, so he forced himself to go over every little thing it might have done that went against its normal nature: sparing his team during his Awakening, looking after him after the accident, saving Lucy when he couldn't, playing with Asuka, and any of a dozen other small incidents. Anything to make it a little more human instead of just the demon of his nightmares.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them again and stared squarely into the darkness.

"I forgive you," he said.

His heart seemed to constrict, tightening painfully, and then relaxed. Something fell away and it lifted in fragile hope, something like peace. He took the grief and guilt and pain, and let it go. It wasn't gone for good, it would always haunt him, but maybe he was finally strong enough to look past it and see what was still left.

His shadow wavered and almost seemed to draw in a breath at the same moment Gray did:

 _Thank you._ "Thank you."

Gray reached out and his shadow reached back. Their hands met, and for an instant he felt a slight stirring of magic and shadow where solid skin would be on anyone with corporeal form. Then he closed his eyes and stepped forward and felt his shadow melt into him, a hum of curse and magic and darkness that settled into his bones.

He heaved in a shuddering breath and opened his eyes, noting that his shadow was stretched out behind him like any normal shadow once more, no longer animated by a piece of himself that he had exiled.

"What a beautiful soul," Bickslow mumbled, raising his visor.

Gray turned back and blinked at him, having almost entirely forgotten his audience in the drama. "I don't have a soul," he said with a bemused smile.

"Yeah… That's what I thought too, but there it is."

"You're saying that his soul was a scary shadow thing?" Happy asked skeptically.

Bickslow shook his head. "More like half his soul, maybe. Damned if I've ever seen anything like it."

Gray reached down deep inside himself, looking for the empty, gaping places that he had done his best to ignore after the soul transplant snafu had brought them painfully back to light. He…didn't feel empty. Not anymore.

There were places inside himself that were filled with darkness, where burning wrath and cold-hearted indifference coiled tight, but they weren't empty. Had accepting his shadow back filled in those places again? Replaced the pieces he had dug out himself and cast out?

Could it be that he had created his own soul all along but then torn it apart himself because he was unable to accept it?

He had done his best to cut out the old, demonic parts of himself. The Gray he had created, maybe that had been the closest he'd come to creating a soul. The old Deliora certainly hadn't had one, Zeref hadn't created him with one, so if he had managed to create one himself, then it had to have come from the more humanlike self he had put together later. But maybe even that hadn't been enough unless he had accepted the rest of his darkness—it was, after all, part of him. Maybe he had needed a proper Awakening after all, to put him back in touch with his other half and make him whole.

…No wonder the little beastie had hated that soul totem Bickslow kept around so much. Not only was it possessive at the best of times, but it wouldn't take kindly to any outside soul trying to take its place.

But all he said was, "Interesting."

"Wait," Lucy said shrilly, "Deli as in _Deliora_?"

He stared back blankly. "Yes?"

"I thought you just made up a random name for it!"

"And," Erza added, her brow furrowed in confusion, "the shadow was…you? All along?"

He tilted his head. "Duh."

"Duh?"

"Well, obviously. What else would it be? I thought you guys figured this all out ages ago and were just too polite to say anything…"

"Obviously not!" Lucy screeched. The stunned look on her face made it clear that she was still fighting to process everything. "How were we supposed to know?"

He shrugged. "Mavis figured it out right away. Why do you think she was always bugging me to take care of the shadow? …Then again, she was way smarter than you guys."

 _Do you see that, Mavis? I took care of it just like you wanted. You can stop haunting me now. Goodbye. Find your peace._

Natsu's face was a mask of incomprehension. "But you aren't a girl."

"What stunning powers of observation you have. Mavis would be proud."

"Then why did you always call it 'she'?"

"…Presumably for the same reason that I always talked to it out loud even though we share a brain."

Natsu's expression stayed completely blank, no light of comprehension touching his features. "I don't get it. That doesn't make sense either."

"He's just weird," Lyon muttered. To Gray, he added, "You could have just _told_ us."

"Distancing," Erza said as if she hadn't heard the interruptions. Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she put the pieces together.

"What do you mean?" Cana asked.

"It's the same thing he did to us when he was trying to distance himself from us and push us away. He made up his own set of distancing techniques for the parts of himself that he didn't want to acknowledge or deal with. He personified those pieces in his shadow to keep it external to himself, assigned it the opposite gender, called it mocking names, and even insisted on speaking to it out loud when he didn't need to. All ways to make it as different from himself as possible and keep it outside of and external to himself. Probably a coping mechanism to try convincing himself that it wasn't as important a part of himself as it was."

Gray eyed her warily. "Now, _you're_ still scary. It freaks me out how you see right through my bullshit."

Erza sighed, her eyes somber, and he could tell that she was running over all the past interactions he'd had with his shadow and connecting the unsavory dots. "Gray…"

"The old me," he interrupted with a flourish. "Scary bastard, isn't he?"

It was the old him, the old Deliora, but it was still part of the current him as well. It would always be a part of him, and whether it was a part he particularly liked or not, he needed to accept it and come to terms with it. And as long as it didn't keep trying to overwhelm the better parts of himself, maybe it wasn't so bad.

"Forget that," Natsu said abruptly, flapping his hands in a manic fashion. "The real question is, how the hell did you just open your Book and not go crazy?"

Gray's lips tightened into a frown and he studied his hands, turning them over and running his eyes over the silver chain wound around his fingers as if he could find the answers there.

"I guess Zeref was right," he said. "Maybe I have more control than I think I do."

"Zeref? When the hell did Zeref say anything like that?"

Gray…did not want to try explaining his fever dreams during the accident.

"He said that when I'm fighting them and feel like I'm losing control, that's when I lose control," he said instead. "I…don't think I could have taken control of the other Awakenings. I don't think I was ready."

His eyes narrowed and he clenched his fist around the necklace until the pendant was biting into his palm. "I'm not only what's written in the Book anymore, obviously. I rewrote pieces of myself, and that must have affected my Book too. But I think I can only keep it under control if I'm working with my darkness instead of always fighting it for control. I couldn't do it before because I didn't trust her. It. Him. Me. Whatever it is. Geez, that's confusing."

"You don't look Awake," Natsu said doubtfully.

Gray leveled him with a flat look. "What, you can't feel it?"

The whole room was still reverberating with an undercurrent of power, and the shadows still quivered in place as if they were alive. It was a fearsome power he had unlocked, and he was a fearsome being. But he was also a friend and a protector, and that was something he wouldn't lose sight of.

Natsu shivered.

"Great," the Executioner muttered. "Now he's even _more_ dangerous."

Gray smiled a sharp-toothed smile. "Only if you cross me."

"Another reason to convince the Council not to go after you again," Two remarked.

"Can we get to the cake already?" Yuka grumbled.

"Good plan!" Erza said. She seemed eager to move things along and get them back on track after the unanticipated interruption. "You can never have too much cake. We tried a recipe that didn't seem as sweet, so hopefully you'll like it."

"And if you don't," Lyon whispered conspiratorially in Gray's ear, "there's always ice cream."

Gray laughed despite himself and swept his eyes over the gargantuan blob of not-too-sweet cake and globs of blue icing, and pondered the large quantity of candles sticking out at every angle. "It looks…good."

"We tried to make it better than the one for Lisanna's birthday," Erza said proudly.

"It's still pretty terrible, though," Lucy said with a sigh. "Decorating is so much harder than it looks."

"It's fabulous!"

"It's great," Gray agreed, fighting not to smile.

"We didn't know how many candles we should use," Mira said sheepishly. "Like, when should we start counting from and should we count the seven-year skip and all of that. So we just erred on the side of caution and figured that more was better."

He lost the fight and one corner of his mouth quirked upward. "In that case, you're probably a few hundred short."

"…The cake only has so much surface area, okay? It's already going to be a fire hazard."

"Speaking of which," Natsu interrupted. "Can we get going? I'm dying to light this thing up!"

He grinned and lifted a fiery fist, and everyone scooted another step away from the cake just in case.

"Try not to light the whole guild on fire," Makarov cautioned.

Natsu, of course, ignored this very sensible advice. Pulling in a deep breath, he lit all the candles in one fell swoop with a massive roar…and possibly singed off the eyebrows of some of the unfortunate folks on the other side of the cake.

"Natsu," Lucy groaned. "Why don't you have any self-control?"

"He wouldn't be Natsu if he did," Gray said dryly.

There was a bonfire on top of his cake. With the entire forest of candles lit, the whole thing had turned into one big fireball. He could see the icing starting to melt and slide down the sides of the cake in fat, glistening globs. Mm, appetizing.

"Let's just sing happy birthday before the guild burns down," Gajeel suggested.

The room was quickly filled with the wonderfully out-of-tune roar of a few dozen voices screaming the happy birthday song at the top of their lungs. Gray smiled and winced and ran through all the possibilities of how he might actually be able to blow out all the candles before the song ended.

He could ask Wendy for help, but he had a bad feeling that adding wind to the mix would just blow the flames into the spectators and set the whole building ablaze. And he certainly couldn't blow them out one by one himself.

"Happy biiirthday, dear Graaay. Happyyy birthdaaay to youuu!"

He swept his hands out, and each little flame crystallized into ice. The guild immediately went into party mode, with yells and cheers. Someone threw confetti, and he was glad he wouldn't have to clean up _that_ mess.

He yelped in surprise as Lyon grabbed him in a headlock and tousled his hair, while Lucy hugged him around the waist and Erza punched him gleefully in the arm. Chelia, Asuka, and Jamie ran over to join in the fun as if he was a jungle gym, and Gray coughed out a laugh as he worked on shoving Lyon off of him.

"What did you wish for?" Chelia asked, bouncing on her heels.

He winked. "Can't tell you, can I? You're not supposed to tell anyone your wishes or they won't come true."

She huffed and crossed her arms, but didn't press the point.

"Did you just freeze my fire?" Natsu demanded in outrage. " _Again?_ "

"How else was I supposed to get them all out?"

"You're going to regret that!"

Gray smiled lazily as he disentangled himself from his overexcited friends. "It's a bad idea to cross an Awakened demon."

"I'm going to take you down!" Natsu insisted, scowling and lifting his fists.

"Might want to be careful," Gray warned, meeting the dragon slayer's fiery eyes with cool, flat, dark ones. "I've never lost a war unless I didn't fight it."

"I know." Natsu dropped his fists and grinned, switching gears fast enough to make Gray's head spin. "Good to have you back, ice princess."

Gray's brow furrowed, and he ran his thumb absently over the pendant still tangled in the chain around his hand. Natsu…had a point. Gray was a survivor, a fighter, but he had lost that somewhere along the way. He had given up and his friends had been forced to drag him along, and then he had tentatively stood on his own two feet but leaned on them too heavily so that he collapsed at the first sign of danger.

But he had been slowly regaining his footing, no longer pinning everything on his friends even if he still relied on their help at times. He had pulled himself out of the hole and forced himself to finally stop running away, and now he could stand up and fight his own battles. He was turning himself back into a fighter, and the world had better watch out because he was damn near invincible when he put his mind to it.

He glanced back at the cake, with its melted blobs of frosting and icy halo. He had never much cared for celebrating something like a birthday for himself. His friends might have reason to celebrate his existence, but he'd generally had little. But he had gone through all the work and heartache to pull himself back up, had slowly pulled his pieces back together, had even finally learned how to accept the dark side that so plagued him—and in doing so had rebirthed himself into the person and demon he should have been all along, so maybe today was a fitting birthday after all—and that seemed like something worth celebrating.

"Hey, Asuka. I have something for you."

"For me?" Asuka asked, her already big eyes widening further. "But it's _your_ birthday!"

He smiled. "We'll make an exception, just this once. Here."

Retrieving Binkie from his shadow, he bent down and handed the dog to her. It felt like a loss when she took it from him, a little like he was losing an old friend, but he knew he was doing the right thing.

Asuka's face lit up. "You aren't sad anymore?"

Gray considered that. "I don't think I need him anymore," he said in halfway agreement.

Of course he would be sad. Was a little sad still, even. That was human nature and, above all, his own nature.

He was going to be sad. There would be days when it was hard to get out of bed and it felt like everything was falling apart. There would be days when the guilt and grief hit him like a ton of bricks and his heart broke again. There would be days when he turned back to knives because he needed something to ease the pain. There would be days when he would want to give up, when he would waver on the edge and look into the abyss and wonder why a demon like him was allowed to exist in the world.

He drifted back over to the cake and broke off one of the icy little flames from its wick, rolling it between his fingers and watching it glimmer in the light. He still didn't entirely believe in wishes, although he wasn't quite as against the idea as when he'd been making all those cranes. Wishes seemed weak and passive, hope seemed dangerous and fickle.

But, like Mira had suggested, he had found something bigger than himself to believe in, and, along the way, had found himself. He believed in his friends and their world. He was learning how to trust himself, even the parts he had worked so hard to bury. And he had faith that when the next challenges and struggles came knocking at his door, he would have the strength to stand on his own two feet, face them head on, and fight.

And he would overcome.

He dropped the crystal flame, and it shattered into a glittering mist of icy shards as it hit the ground.

"Who wants cake?" he asked.

After all, he had never lost a war unless he didn't fight it.

* * *

 **Note: Aaand that's a wrap! Gosh, it feels weird to finally finish this off after all this time. But as much as I'll miss demon-Gray, I'm satisfied with how far he's come. I think he's gonna be okay :3**

 **Thanks to everyone who stuck it out till the end :) It'll be back to posting one-shots and things for now. And, of course, I'm posting for Noragami now too. Luckily, I happen to have a dozen or so FT one-shots already waiting to be posted, even though I've switched over to writing for a different fandom for the moment. Hope to see y'all around :3**

 **emmahoshi: 59–Yeah, I'm not a fan of stories that are OC-centric or otherwise focus too much on OCs. Idk, I'm just not interested. It's just that sometimes you need a utilitarian OC to fill a role, and occasionally it gets a bit more development than you were originally intending XD These two were the most fun I've had with OCs, and probably the ones that branched out farthest from the normal "utilitarian" role. Ah, well, I'll miss them lol 60–Yeah, I prefer more gradual, realistic transformations lol Well, good luck keeping up with everything and I hope your trip is everything you dream it will be :3**

 **EndarkenedSanity: Lol glad not to disappoint. I've been building up to this conclusion for...the whole story, really, so it was gratifying to see it finally happen. It just makes me so happy to see my baby finally be whole and happy again XD Hahaha, yeah, this ain't gonna help canon any. Then again, my opinion of canon isn't very high to start with, so I guess I have no room to talk. Aw, yeah, it's been fun. One of the nice things about multichapters is that there's time to chat with even guest reviewers. I do like talking to all the reviewers, it's just sometimes harder without PMs X) Buuut I look forward to still seeing you around lol It's okay, I'm not too creeped out XD You're sweet, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for sticking with it and chatting with me :)**


End file.
